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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 3 00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,571 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 4 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,912 FRANK: This is Willowbrook, 5 00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:39,206 the littlest town with the biggest heart 6 00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:41,292 right here in the center of Kansas. 7 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,419 You know, I know everybody in this town, 8 00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:45,087 and I know all their stories. 9 00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:47,423 But no story is crazier 10 00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:52,052 than the story of Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass. 11 00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:53,554 [UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES] 12 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,280 Hey, Ollie. 13 00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:54,698 FRANK: And that's Gail right there. 14 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:57,201 She's a shining light around these parts. [CHUCKLES] 15 00:01:57,827 --> 00:02:00,162 You know, I don't like playing favorites with people in the town 16 00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:01,622 but fuck it, I don't give a shit. 17 00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:02,706 Gail's my favorite. 18 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:03,958 And in just a couple of weeks, 19 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,752 we're all gonna be gathering to go to her wedding to Tom, 20 00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:08,170 her high school sweetheart. 21 00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:10,005 -Hi, Frank. -Morning! 22 00:02:10,923 --> 00:02:13,717 -And as for me, well, my name is Frank. -MAN: Hey, Frank! 23 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,679 If you haven't figured it out from context, what I do for a living, 24 00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,931 maybe this big bag of mail will help clue you in. 25 00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:20,891 Still stumped? 26 00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:23,435 Well, let me give you another little hint. 27 00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:24,770 I'm a mailman. 28 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,023 Think you got it now? But enough about me. 29 00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:29,859 This story's really about Gail. 30 00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:32,278 There's a tornado brewing on the horizon, 31 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,655 and it all starts with an innocent conversation 32 00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,323 at the hair salon where she works 33 00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:38,033 -with her best friend, Otto. -GAIL: Hi. 34 00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,994 -Good morning! -Hello! Hi, honey! 35 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,079 [SHOUTING] Hi, Ronald! Sorry I'm late! 36 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,998 [CHUCKLES] Gail, sweetie, we're just talking about 37 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,292 the celebrity free pass. Who's yours? 38 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,501 -Celebrity free pass? -Yeah. 39 00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:48,627 -What's that? -Oh, you know, 40 00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:51,672 it's like, uh, each member of a couple gets one celebrity that, 41 00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,757 given the chance, they could have sex with. 42 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:54,675 Ah! 43 00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,218 Right? And the other one gives them a free pass to do so. 44 00:02:56,302 --> 00:02:57,761 Mine is Liam Neeson. 45 00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,014 -Oh. -Because I suspect in the bedroom, 46 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,182 [IN IRISH ACCENT] he has a particular set of skills. 47 00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:04,602 [LAUGHING] Oh, you're bad! 48 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,313 Tom is obviously my celebrity pass. 49 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:10,316 After all, he was the starting quarterback on the Wildcats. 50 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:13,527 Okay, but if you had to pick someone who was not your boyfriend? 51 00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:15,905 -He's my fiancé, Otto. -Oh. 52 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:19,074 I finally got him to buy the cow after giving him all my milk for free. 53 00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:21,285 -Take that, Mom! -Honey, don't I know it? 54 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,370 I mean, I am gonna be standing right by your side, 55 00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:27,041 absolutely sobbing like I'm watching Schindler's List for the 12th time. 56 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,667 I thought you only watched it 11 times. 57 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:29,919 I watched it again last night. 58 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:32,129 Anyway, I gotta get myself a fancy suit for the big day 59 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,214 -when I'm in LA this weekend. -[GASPS] 60 00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,132 -That's right! -Mm-hmm. 61 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,843 You're going to the West Coast Hairstyling Expo. [GROANS] 62 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:39,011 I'm really jealous of you. 63 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,263 Oh, well, get ready to be mucho jealous. 64 00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:44,224 "Mucho jealous"? [CHUCKLES] Look at you. 65 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,644 -Sprinkling a little Spanish in there? -Mm. 66 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,896 Who knew that you were bilingual? 67 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,481 Uh, honey, I'm bi-everything. 68 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,565 Biweekly? 69 00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:53,025 -Okay, you got me. -Got you. 70 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:56,278 Anyway, my point is, guess who's gonna be at the expo? 71 00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:58,197 -Who? -Hairstyling guru... 72 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,615 Wait for it. 73 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,076 -Remy Fontaine. -[GASPS] 74 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,619 Remy Fontaine is gonna be there? 75 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,245 -That's right! [LAUGHING] -Remy Fontaine! 76 00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,623 King of the whip curl Remy Fontaine? 77 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,416 His Royal Highness himself. 78 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:12,628 -I'm even more jealous. [GROANS] -Mm-hmm. [CHUCKLES] 79 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:15,422 I've never been to California. I've never even been out of the state. 80 00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,716 -[HAIR DRYER WHIRS] -Honey, why don't you come with me? 81 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,051 Quick three-day trip. 82 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:21,804 We'll hobnob with all the Hollywood stars 83 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,430 -at the Universal CityWalk. -[CHUCKLES] 84 00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,432 Ugh. I can't, there's so much going on here. 85 00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:28,268 I'm forcing Tom to drive me into the city to go to a book signing later 86 00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,688 and the wedding's in two weeks, so... [GROANS] 87 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,147 Los Angeles sounds amazing. 88 00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:33,649 [SHOUTING] Doesn't it, Ronald? 89 00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,359 TOM: Los Angeles? Ugh. 90 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,903 -Too many people there. -GAIL: Yeah, that's what Ronald said. 91 00:04:37,987 --> 00:04:39,613 TOM: And as for the free pass thing, 92 00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:41,740 the only celebrity I've ever had a crush on 93 00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:43,826 is a certain Wildcats head cheerleader. 94 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:44,910 Oh, that's sweet. 95 00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:48,247 You've always been the bagel under and on top of my cream cheese. 96 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,582 Aw. But if you did have to pick a celebrity... 97 00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:52,459 Tilda Swinton. She'd be my pass. 98 00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:53,502 Oh. 99 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:54,962 -What about you? -I don't know. 100 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,630 Honestly, I never thought about it. 101 00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:58,173 Well, what about Jon Hamm? 102 00:04:58,257 --> 00:04:59,299 Didn't you think about him 103 00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:01,385 when you used to use the handheld shower head? 104 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,220 When I was like 16... 105 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,430 through 19. 106 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:07,016 Now I really regret telling you that. 107 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:08,350 We're never getting stoned again. 108 00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:10,477 Oof. Fine by me. It's too expensive. 109 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,104 Anyway, that's perfect. 110 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:13,772 Jon Hamm's your celebrity pass. 111 00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,607 Okay. Can we move on now? 112 00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:18,110 -Anything for my bagel. -Thank you, my cream cheese! 113 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,155 "Chop one medium-sized onion. 114 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,281 "Fine. 115 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,949 "Chop one stalk of celery. 116 00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:27,244 "Fine. Chop two cloves of garlic. 117 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,079 "Add one pound of ground beef..." 118 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:30,706 -She's incredible. -[JENNIFER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY] 119 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:33,751 No, you're not wrong. Color me impressed. 120 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,253 "Salt and pepper to taste. 121 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:40,424 "Enjoy with one to two glasses of tap water." 122 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:42,968 -Wow. -[CROWD CLAPPING] 123 00:05:43,052 --> 00:05:46,055 -Aw, thank you. -Whoo-hoo! 124 00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:47,389 WOMAN: Yeah. Just... 125 00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:48,974 -Thank you so much. -WOMAN 2: Hi. 126 00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:51,643 Thank you so much for coming. 127 00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:52,936 Appreciate it so much. 128 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,397 Oh, hi. I'm Gail. I'm such a big fan of yours. 129 00:05:55,481 --> 00:05:57,649 And not just of the cookbook. I've seen your acting on TV, 130 00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:58,776 -and the movies... -Thank you. 131 00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,986 -...even before The Morning Show. -That's so sweet. 132 00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:03,739 Sorry, where are my manners? This is my fiancé, Tom. 133 00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,199 I've never seen any of your stuff. 134 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,742 We're getting married on the 27th. 135 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,536 Oh, you're so cute. I'm gonna do something special for you. 136 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:11,789 -You are? [CHUCKLES] -Yes. Yes, I am. 137 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,123 [PEN SCRATCHING] 138 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,584 Oh, I won't cheat. [CHUCKLES] 139 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,128 Mm-hmm. 140 00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:19,797 Yep. 141 00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:21,507 [WHISPERING] She smells so good. 142 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:22,591 Okay. 143 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,179 -[SIGHS] Enjoy that. -Thank you so much. 144 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,472 You're so welcome. 145 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:30,766 Oh, my gosh! 146 00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,769 She's even nicer in person than she is in the cookbook. 147 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,980 I have to admit, I never felt one way or the other about her. 148 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,899 But you were right. She's fantastic. 149 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,776 -She's got a new fan. -Yeah? 150 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,320 Oh, you gonna change your celebrity pass to Jennifer Aniston? 151 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,321 -You know what? -[LAUGHING] 152 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,864 Yeah, sure. Why not? 153 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:47,282 Okay, Jennifer Aniston, it is. 154 00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:49,993 But that means if you meet Tilda Swinton somewhere, 155 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,329 you have to keep your hands to yourself. 156 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,456 Got it. If Tilda Swinton knocks on the door 157 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,959 and wants to hop in the sack, I'm gonna tell her, "Not today, Tilda." 158 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,252 BOTH: Not today! 159 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,421 -Do you remember where we parked the car? -Yeah, it's that way. 160 00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,298 -Your fiancé remembers everything. -[LAUGHS] 161 00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:05,050 -Ah! Except my keys. -Oh. 162 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,511 Which are in my jacket, which I left inside. 163 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,762 -Okay. -I'm sorry. 164 00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:10,514 -That's fine! Okay. -Give me two minutes. 165 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,394 Okay. Scrambled eggs, butter toast, pancakes. 166 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,229 Just add water. That sounds so good. 167 00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:18,730 Instant oatmeal with honey. 168 00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:21,400 Bagel with cream cheese. "Bagel with cream cheese." 169 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:22,484 Where is he? 170 00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:24,403 GAIL: Sir! Sir? 171 00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:25,904 Hi. Excuse me, sir. 172 00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:28,240 My fiancé came back here over an hour ago. 173 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,910 Tom? Hello? 174 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,370 -Try here. -Thank you so much. 175 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,205 -[TOM MOANING] -GAIL: Hello? 176 00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:36,331 JENNIFER: Oh, yeah. Yeah, right there. 177 00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:38,458 TOM: So, what do you think? We start with season one, or... 178 00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,544 JENNIFER: Yeah, sure. I'll have my assistant get you the DVDs. [MOANS] 179 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:41,670 -Tom? -[GASPS] 180 00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:45,299 Gail! I was just about to text you. 181 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,635 I thought you were looking for your coat. But you're... 182 00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,262 You're... 183 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,931 Gail, this was my one free pass. Remember earlier? 184 00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:54,349 GAIL: You took it literally? 185 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,352 Hold on. I'm getting a little worried here. 186 00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:58,937 Just a second. Uh, you know, um... 187 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,064 Tom said that you were okay with this. 188 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,775 I mean, otherwise, I would have never done it, you know? 189 00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:05,444 I mean, I respect your commitment way too much. 190 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,404 Tom, you said she was okay with this. 191 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,906 Yes, we talked about this before. 192 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,449 So, what's happening? I don't understand. 193 00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,534 Gail, please tell Jennifer Aniston about the free pass. 194 00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,203 -Please call me Jen. -This is not happening. 195 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,663 I just came in to get my jacket and I couldn't find it. 196 00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,415 Yeah. And then I saw him really distraught, 197 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,083 so I thought, "Okay, let me help him." 198 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,877 And then I thought, "This is a really special guy." 199 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,378 -Aw. -And, well, you would know. 200 00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:24,880 -I mean, you're marrying him. -[EXHALES] 201 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,090 And then he told me about the celebrity pass, 202 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,842 and I thought, "Well, what the hell?" 203 00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:30,677 We're right here. Why not? 204 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:32,846 Be a great story for you guys to tell at your wedding. 205 00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:34,514 -[CHUCKLES] -Fun half hour for me. 206 00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:37,684 But you know what? I'm a very instinctual person, 207 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:41,521 and I'm kind of really getting the idea that you're super not into this. 208 00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:47,527 OTTO: I am so glad you changed your mind. 209 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,489 I thought it was like a silly little exercise. 210 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:54,326 Not literal license to have sex with Rachel from Friends. 211 00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:55,702 Forget about him, Gail. 212 00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,871 We're gonna have so much fun in LA this weekend. 213 00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:58,956 -GAIL: Yeah. -[MACHINE BEEPS] 214 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,375 -TSA AGENT: What's in here? -Those are all just hairbrushes. 215 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:04,002 I'm a... [CHUCKLES] I'm a hairstylist. 216 00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:05,462 [DEVICE BEEPING RAPIDLY] 217 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,964 OTTO: Don't worry. I'm... I'm cool. 218 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,882 I have a steel plate in my head, 219 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:12,678 and I have the paperwork from my doctor right here. 220 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,763 Yeah, I had an accident with a piñata. 221 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:17,140 You think I look bad? You should see the piñata. 222 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,018 All right, Universal CityWalk. Bubba Gump Shrimp. Whoo! 223 00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:21,186 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 224 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,537 -Welcome to Los Angeles. -[PLANE ENGINE WHIRRING] 225 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,665 WOMAN: [OVER PA] For your safety, please be aware of mudslides... 226 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,166 Hi. My name is Gail. 227 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,835 WOMAN: [OVER PA] ...and earthquakes. 228 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,920 Uh, listen, there's no flowery way to say this. 229 00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:49,881 I have to take a mondo shit, so I'll be back in a sec. 230 00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:51,550 -Mm. [CHUCKLES] -[CELL PHONE DINGS] 231 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,218 [INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA] 232 00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,850 SERGIO: Come on, there's no chance that's him. 233 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,184 -Oh, my God. -It is him. 234 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,144 [EXHALES] 235 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,312 MARCO: Oh, my God. 236 00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,188 Mr. Henry Winkler. We are huge fans. 237 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,190 -Thank you so much. -Oh, my... Otto! 238 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,650 Mr. Winkler, hey, look, look, look. 239 00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:10,986 -I have a tattoo of your face! -HENRY: Looks just like me. 240 00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:13,447 Yeah, I got this when I was stupid drunk in Key West. 241 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:14,406 SERGIO: No regrets, Mr. Winkler. 242 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,449 -No regrets. -[GASPS] Otto! 243 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,367 -MARCO: Can we get a photo? -It would be my pleasure. 244 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,702 -Really? -Come on, come on. 245 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,245 SERGIO: Yeah? HENRY: Let's do it quickly. 246 00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:21,330 I got a plane to catch. 247 00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,873 Do you want me to take the picture? 248 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,916 MARCO: Oh, yeah. HENRY: Just step over here. 249 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,960 Lighting is everything. Here we go. 250 00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:29,129 Happy Days. Night Shift. Arrested Development. 251 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,131 -Barry. -Hey, those are my credits. 252 00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,591 SERGIO: Henry frickin' Winkler! 253 00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:33,842 -I have a plane. -[LAUGHS] 254 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,052 -Thank you, thank you. -Okay. 255 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,178 -Thank you, young lady. -Thank you so much. 256 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,346 -GAIL: I'm a big fan. -Thank you. 257 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,514 -Hey! -Hey! 258 00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:41,475 -Yeah, I used to say that. -[SERGIO AND MARCO LAUGH] 259 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,643 Thank you. Take care, guys. 260 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,520 Wow! And they say never meet your heroes. 261 00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,023 -What a mensch. -Oh! Unbelievable. 262 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,400 Hey, what are you... Don't put the case down. 263 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:52,235 We lose this, we're dead men. 264 00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,528 Well, sometimes we make exceptions 265 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:54,863 -to even the most important rules... -[GAIL LAUGHS] 266 00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,531 ...when celebrities are involved. 267 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,826 Sorry. I spaced for a second. Can you repeat that, please? 268 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:02,245 I said, sometimes we make exceptions 269 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:05,248 to even the most important rules when celebrities are involved. 270 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:06,917 OTTO: [SIGHS] Hey. 271 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,002 GAIL: I just saw my first Hollywood celebrity. 272 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:10,962 No way. Who? Give me a hint. 273 00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,339 -Jewish. -Henry Winkler. 274 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:13,715 -Yes! -Yes! [WHOOPS] 275 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,550 -Oh, my God! Wow! -[LAUGHING] 276 00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:18,762 Okay. We are definitely in Hollywood now, huh? Wow. 277 00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:22,182 MAN: [OVER PA] Welcome to LAX... 278 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:23,809 [OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 279 00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:26,019 Get in. 280 00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,940 [SERGIO CLEARS THROAT] 281 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,567 [IN ITALIAN] Has the briefcase left your person at any time? 282 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:36,113 [IN ENGLISH] Um... Pardon me. 283 00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:37,948 We don't speak Italian. 284 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,826 Okay, so I ask again. 285 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:44,329 Has the briefcase left your person at any time? 286 00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:47,749 Sorry, you said, "I ask again," but to be fair, 287 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,085 this is the first time we're hearing the question 288 00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,503 in a language we understand. 289 00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:53,171 And, no, I assure you, 290 00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:56,341 I've had the case by my side the entire trip. 291 00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:57,801 SERGIO: Mm. 292 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,970 You know, as a teenager, 293 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,472 I dreamed of only two things. 294 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:06,810 The first was to rid myself of what was, at that time, 295 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,396 a truly horrible case of acne. 296 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,564 BOTH: Oh. 297 00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:16,611 The second dream was to dismantle the corrupt global financial system, 298 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:22,200 leaving in its place a storm of chaos and anarchy. 299 00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:24,327 I mean, go big or go home, right? 300 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,663 Dream number one was realized 301 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,082 by the time I was 19. 302 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,669 -See? See? Look. -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 303 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:33,753 -SERGIO: Beautiful. -All clear. 304 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,881 -Like a porcelain doll. -Like a freshly peeled egg. 305 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,632 LUDOVICA: But dream number two... 306 00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:40,719 Well, technically, it might be dream number three 307 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:44,264 because there was a short time when dream number two 308 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:48,101 was to sing an aria from La Bohème at La Scala. 309 00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:49,269 -Wow. -Oh, holy shmoly. 310 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:51,188 But that was a lot of, you know... 311 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:54,483 When push came to shove, I wanted a social life. 312 00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,443 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Mm. Yeah. 313 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:57,944 So dream... 314 00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:02,782 Let's call it dream number three had remained just that, a dream. 315 00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,534 The one about dismantling the financial system. 316 00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:06,369 -That's the one. -[SUITCASE LOCK CLICKS] 317 00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:09,831 A lifetime of sacrifice, 318 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,249 pain and sorrow 319 00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:15,128 has led me to what's inside this case. 320 00:13:15,921 --> 00:13:19,090 My dream, number three. 321 00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,717 -What a journey. -Amazing. 322 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:21,843 [SUITCASE UNLOCKS] 323 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,355 -That's you. -You want me to... 324 00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,731 Yep. 325 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,566 LUDOVICA: Are you quite sure 326 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,362 you never let go of my case? 327 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:41,988 Quite sure. 328 00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,658 I would bet my life on it. 329 00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:49,120 -[MARCO GROANS] -Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 330 00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,081 Oh, my Lord! 331 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,832 Sergio, can you explain this? 332 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,418 [PANTING] Thinking... Thinking more carefully... 333 00:13:55,502 --> 00:14:00,674 Yes, there was a moment at the airport where he put down the case. 334 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,050 I was very mad. 335 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:05,470 But, yes, he put it down. I was very mad at you. Uh... 336 00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:08,682 -"Gail Daughtry, hairdresser." -SERGIO: God. 337 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,977 [IN ITALIAN] Find this little bug 338 00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,478 and bring my briefcase back to me! 339 00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:14,896 [IN ENGLISH] Again, I... 340 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,106 You know what? 341 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,984 I think... I think I get the sentiment. 342 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,944 You want... You want me to find the... 343 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,154 You want me to find the girl and then get... 344 00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:24,698 -Then get the case back? -Now! 345 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:25,991 Yes! Yes! Yes! 346 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,451 -[INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA] -[LUDOVICA SHOUTING IN ITALIAN] 347 00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,207 GAIL: We're not in Kansas anymore. 348 00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,001 -OTTO: Yeah. Right? -[GAIL SIGHS] 349 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,877 DRIVER: Welcome to the City of Angels, folks... 350 00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:40,088 -Whoo! -...where the streets are paved with gold. 351 00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:42,132 Oh, thank you. My name is Gail. 352 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,258 -This is... -No, no. 353 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,676 Names are not necessary. 354 00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,636 All I need is a destination. 355 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,973 Yeah. The Sunset Grandeur Hotel. 356 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,475 -3225... -3225 Hollywood Boulevard. I know it well. 357 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,561 -OTTO: Hmm. -[HORN HONKING] 358 00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,313 DRIVER: Now, I'll give you a little piece of advice 359 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,856 I give everyone when they arrive. 360 00:14:57,939 --> 00:14:59,899 A lot of people come into town thinking overnight 361 00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,776 they're gonna be the next Elizabeth Perkins. 362 00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,361 -[OTTO CHUCKLES] -But let me tell you something. 363 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:06,781 Liz Perkins did not become Tom Hanks' love interest in Big 364 00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,491 -right off the bat. -OTTO: Hmm. 365 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,244 And you can't do what Liz Perkins does. 366 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,829 You gotta be you! 367 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:13,997 There's only one Liz Perkins, 368 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,334 and her name happens to be Elizabeth Perkins. 369 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,419 You know what? I'm very tired. 370 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:22,172 Do you mind if I pull over, take a quick power nap? 371 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,341 Can you not make it? 372 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,759 You know what? I can power through. 373 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,761 I'll power... I can do it. I can power through. 374 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,471 Everyone is such a character 375 00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:30,555 -in this town, huh? -Yeah. 376 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:34,351 NICCOLO: Did you deliver the case? SERGIO: There was a problem. 377 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:37,020 The boss was not happy, so she, uh... 378 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,190 She killed Marco right in front of my face. 379 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:43,026 NICCOLO: Oh. God. I'm so sorry, Sergio. 380 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:46,279 I need to find this Gail Daughtry, 381 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,031 or Ludovica's gonna kill me, too. 382 00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:51,326 Yeah, we'll find this "Gail." 383 00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,455 And as much as we mourn the loss of Marco... 384 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,832 we'll celebrate the life he led, huh? 385 00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,167 SERGIO: Yeah, his life was cut short 386 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,795 but he was lucky to be one of the very few 387 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,713 to count Mr. Henry Winkler as one of his good friends. 388 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,298 -Huh? -Oh! 389 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:07,092 I buried the lede. 390 00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,219 We met Henry friggin' Winkler at LAX! 391 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,512 -No shit? -Yeah. 392 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,222 -Vinnie Barbarino. -One and the same. 393 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,473 [BEEPING] 394 00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,892 Here we go. Gail Daughtry. 395 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,602 Arrived at LAX this morning. 396 00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:18,978 -Leaving Sunday. -[KEYBOARD CLACKING] 397 00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:21,231 No hotel reservations. [GRUNTS] 398 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:24,067 -We have to find that case. -Let me tell you something. 399 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,277 We are gonna find the case, 400 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:31,032 and Gail Daughtry is gonna get a bullet in the back of the brain. 401 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:33,118 [BOTH LAUGHING] 402 00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,331 [BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING] 403 00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:41,167 DRIVER: Here we are. 404 00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:43,503 -Right by the Hollywood Walk of Fame. -[BRAKES SCREECH] 405 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:44,671 Now keep your eyes peeled, 406 00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:47,382 -because Liz Perkins could be anywhere. -Oh. 407 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,760 This place is incredible. 408 00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,095 It really is. 409 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,054 [BOTH GASP] 410 00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,222 There's Remy Fontaine! 411 00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:56,266 Okay, you do know he created the whip curl, right? 412 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,434 Yes. What? Of course. 413 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,811 I'm as much of a Fontaine junkie as you are. 414 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:00,895 OTTO: I'm just making sure. 415 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,064 Okay, we have you for two nights. 416 00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:04,899 I can put you in a room on the top floor. 417 00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:07,569 Hey, hey, hey. Top floor. Fancy. 418 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,112 Just tell me that you have an elevator? 419 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,447 Honey, this is Hollywood. 420 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,032 Almost every hotel has an elevator. 421 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:14,451 -Unbelievable. -Wow. 422 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,286 Now, your room won't be ready for an hour. 423 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,537 We can hold your bags, 424 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:21,249 and you can take a walk down the one and only Hollywood Boulevard. 425 00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:22,917 -[OTTO LAUGHING] -Oh, my goodness. 426 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,211 I can't wait. Where do we even start? 427 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:28,423 Oh! I'll show you my list of must-see destinations. 428 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:31,342 -GAIL: Okay. -Here is a killer burger joint. 429 00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,470 -GAIL: Mm! -And the best coffee shop 430 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,221 this side of the Mason-Dixon Line... 431 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,514 right here. 432 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:40,643 Now, if you wanna do some shopping, cosmetics, stuff for around the house, 433 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:44,606 head here and ask them to show you all their different gums. 434 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,901 -GAIL: Ah. -[GASPS] Or if... getting your dick sucked 435 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:51,237 is more your speed, head here, 436 00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:53,573 go around back behind the dumpster. 437 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,367 Ask for Glenn Stein. He's the best. 438 00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:58,953 Okay! Well, what the heck are we waiting for? 439 00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:00,038 -Yeah! -[LAUGHING] 440 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,668 [OTTO SIGHS] 441 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,088 -OTTO: Mm. -Mm! 442 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:10,840 [BOTH MOAN] 443 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,258 GAIL: Can you show us your gums? 444 00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,511 -[GASPS] -OTTO: Wow. 445 00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:16,805 -GAIL: Good luck. -Okay. 446 00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:22,644 Ah! 447 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:23,812 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 448 00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,897 It's Tom. Should I pick up? 449 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,357 -Ew. Don't. -I'll just say... 450 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,942 No, take your space. There's really nothing to say. 451 00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:30,151 GAIL: Hey, what do you want? 452 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,821 Hey, we need to tell the caterers by Monday if we're canceling. 453 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,073 Otherwise, we lose our entire deposit. 454 00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:36,574 It's a lot of money, Gail. 455 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:39,202 Well, maybe you should ask your good friend Jennifer Aniston. 456 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,329 She could afford to cover the cost, I would think. 457 00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:43,248 Yeah. Maybe she can cater it with her pussy, Tom. 458 00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:44,833 -You could just eat that. -Yeah, eat that! 459 00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,125 -Okay? Goodbye. -No, don't... 460 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,335 -[LINE DISCONNECTS] -I hung up on him. 461 00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:48,795 Okay. That's my Gail. 462 00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:51,089 -Gal. Girl. Good for you, doll. -[LAUGHING] 463 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,423 -Yeah, good for me. -[LAUGHS] 464 00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:54,968 GAIL: Oh. This could be fun. 465 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,428 -Do you wanna get a psychic reading? -Mm... 466 00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,888 -Why? -I mean, I'm all for fun, 467 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:01,099 -but it looks a little nasty, doesn't it? -[SCOFFS] 468 00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:03,810 Coming from a guy who just got a blow job, 469 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,937 behind a dumpster in a puddle of I don't know what. 470 00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,731 For the record, Glenn said that the puddle was actually filtered water. 471 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,066 -Okay. -But you know, 472 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,610 this psychic stuff, it's all BS, right? 473 00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:14,612 Yeah, if BS stands for "Best Psychic." Come on. 474 00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,072 -That would actually be "BP." -[DOOR CHIME DINGS] 475 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,366 GAIL: Okay, Mr. Harvard Law School. 476 00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:19,951 OTTO: Hey, I wasn't gonna play that card. 477 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,786 [FIRE SIZZLING] 478 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:22,704 [LAPTOP CHIMES] 479 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:23,621 [KNIFE THUDS] 480 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:28,209 -Bingo-bango. There she is. -Yeah, now we just gotta study this photo 481 00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:29,961 for clues as to where it was taken. 482 00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:32,005 Okay, all right, it's outside. 483 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,756 NICCOLO: Yeah, it looks like Asia. 484 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,258 -SERGIO: Maybe Japan? -Like the Far East. 485 00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,176 Colorful. Spider-Man's there. 486 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,678 -Is that Superman? -Yeah. 487 00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,891 Okay, let's be real. This is gonna take a while. 488 00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,642 I better put on a pot of coffee. 489 00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:45,727 Hi, I'm Gail... 490 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,770 -It's $20 in advance. -Okay. 491 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:48,771 [BAG UNZIPS] 492 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,900 Uh, all I have is a ten and two fives. Is that okay? 493 00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:54,402 Yeah. That's a perfectly legitimate way to make $20. 494 00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:56,404 -Okay. -Hmm. 495 00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:01,993 Now, I am looking at you... 496 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:02,911 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] 497 00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,287 ...and I am listening to your spirit. 498 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:08,249 And I am sensing that something is on your mind. 499 00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:09,334 Am I correct? 500 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,251 [MUSIC STOPS] 501 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,920 Oh, my God. How did you know that? 502 00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:15,298 It is my business to know. Hence the ten and two fives. 503 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,008 -[GASPS] -But I'd really appreciate it if we could 504 00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:18,343 put the money part of it aside. 505 00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:20,678 Okay, well, I've been trying to forget about this, 506 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:23,264 but you obviously keyed into something. 507 00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:24,682 I'm engaged to be married, 508 00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:27,060 and I really, really love my fiancé, Tom. 509 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:30,313 But... something happened, and I don't know what to do. 510 00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,106 Let me connect with this. 511 00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:35,485 Hmm. 512 00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:39,155 I am sensing you really do love this Tom. 513 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,532 Mm. And he loves you. 514 00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,326 -How'd she figure that out? -Shh. 515 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,410 -Otto! -Sorry. 516 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:47,497 But... you each had an agreement, yes? 517 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,792 To be able to have sex with a certain celebrity, 518 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,460 given the opportunity. 519 00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:53,878 Yes, exactly! 520 00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:58,341 And Tom went too far with Jennifer Aniston in the back of a bookstore. 521 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,301 Yes. Wow. So what do I do? 522 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:01,844 You need to even the score. 523 00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,388 Level the playing field. 524 00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:06,474 If you are going to continue your relationship with Tom, 525 00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:10,186 you must have sex with your celebrity crush. 526 00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,105 Oh. [CHUCKLING] 527 00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:14,565 Well, that's not gonna happen. 528 00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:16,526 You don't think Jon Hamm would find you attractive? 529 00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:17,568 -I don't... -[LAUGHING] 530 00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:20,196 Damn! I mean, 20 bucks is a bargain, right? 531 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,614 GAIL: No, I don't... I don't... I don't know. 532 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:24,033 It's just that sounds like a pretty strange way to... 533 00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,494 No. Even if I wanted to, how would I find him? 534 00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:29,872 You're in Hollywood. Jon Hamm lives in Hollywood. 535 00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,124 This sounds crazy. 536 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:34,544 Well, sometimes the craziest problems require the craziest solutions. 537 00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:37,714 And sometimes, sister, the craziest solutions... 538 00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,049 are the most sane. 539 00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:44,178 So, if I wanna repair my relationship with Tom... 540 00:21:44,262 --> 00:21:47,598 You must have sex with Jon Hamm. 541 00:21:47,682 --> 00:21:50,435 [ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING] 542 00:21:50,935 --> 00:21:53,938 I don't know, Otto. Do you really think that we should do this? 543 00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:55,023 Why not? 544 00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:56,941 Remember, Tom gave you a free pass, too. 545 00:21:57,025 --> 00:21:58,026 That's true. 546 00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:00,236 But what about the hair convention? 547 00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:01,779 Oh, honestly, I'm fine. I'm fine. 548 00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:04,741 As long as we get back in time for Remy Fontaine's Blow out Blow out. 549 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,075 I mean, conventions come and go. 550 00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:07,785 How many times do you get to fuck Jon Hamm? 551 00:22:07,869 --> 00:22:09,454 -[BUDDY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] -That's a good point. 552 00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:10,997 But where would we even start? 553 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,459 Twenty dollars, you will get a map with the home addresses 554 00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:17,754 -of all the biggest stars in HollyWeird. -OTTO: Yeah. 555 00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,882 The only town in America where if you want a cup of coffee, 556 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:24,802 you've got to make an appointment at the Creative Artists Agency. 557 00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:27,722 -Hi. Excuse me, sir. I'm Gail. -Hi, Gail. 558 00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:29,766 We would like a map with Jon Hamm's home address. 559 00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:32,852 Are you kidding me, lady? I got stars up the wazoo. 560 00:22:32,935 --> 00:22:34,812 -Perfect. -I got Johnny Carson. 561 00:22:34,896 --> 00:22:37,315 I got Ed McMahon. I got Doc Severinsen. 562 00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:39,025 -You name it. -Okay, how about Jon Hamm? 563 00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:40,318 Ooh. 564 00:22:40,401 --> 00:22:42,445 No. No, I don't have Jon Hamm. 565 00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,989 In any other town, I'd say check the phone book. 566 00:22:45,073 --> 00:22:47,950 But in this town, I'd say get yourself an appointment 567 00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:49,994 at the Creative Artists Agency. 568 00:22:50,078 --> 00:22:50,953 OTTO: Hmm. 569 00:22:52,747 --> 00:22:55,625 CHORUS: [SINGING] C-A-A 570 00:22:57,752 --> 00:22:59,170 Hello, I'm Gail. 571 00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:00,296 -Hi. -Hi. 572 00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:02,590 We're here to see Jon Hamm. Is he here? 573 00:23:02,673 --> 00:23:03,883 -Oh. Well, no. -[PA SYSTEM CHIMES] 574 00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:06,886 -[TELEPHONE RINGING] -But Jon Hamm's agent is Mr. Leo Martin. 575 00:23:06,969 --> 00:23:08,346 He's actually a good bud of mine. 576 00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:09,430 No, he's not. 577 00:23:10,139 --> 00:23:11,808 You recharged his car once, dipshit. 578 00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:13,810 Ignore him. I can take a message for Leo Martin. 579 00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:15,770 -Who are you guys with? -I'm with my friend Otto. 580 00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:17,647 -Aw. And I'm with my friend Gail. -[CHUCKLES] 581 00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,232 -[KEYBOARD CLACKING] -Okay, great. 582 00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:21,734 I should be able to get this to Leo's desk by Monday. 583 00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:24,904 Oh. No, no, no. That's... That's way too late. 584 00:23:24,987 --> 00:23:27,240 -We'll be gone by then. -Sorry. 585 00:23:28,157 --> 00:23:29,826 That's... Thank you. Appreciate it. 586 00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,077 [GAIL SOBBING] 587 00:23:31,619 --> 00:23:32,912 OTTO: Hey, we tried. 588 00:23:32,995 --> 00:23:34,497 -But we were so close. -I know. 589 00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:36,791 GAIL: What are we supposed to do? OTTO: I don't wanna see you cry. 590 00:23:36,874 --> 00:23:38,376 Hey, guys. 591 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,463 As an agent-in-training, I'm really good at assessing situations. 592 00:23:42,547 --> 00:23:45,716 And I can tell that you guys really need to see Jon Hamm before Monday. 593 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,718 -Yes. -Yes. Yes, we have to. 594 00:23:47,802 --> 00:23:49,220 We're only here for the weekend. 595 00:23:49,303 --> 00:23:51,514 I had a celebrity free pass thing with my fiancé, 596 00:23:51,597 --> 00:23:52,598 but he took it literally. 597 00:23:52,682 --> 00:23:54,350 So now I need to have sex with Jon Hamm 598 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,227 to even out the score and save my relationship. 599 00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:58,771 Gotcha. He did the deed. Now you gotta do the do. 600 00:23:58,855 --> 00:23:59,939 -Yes. -Exactly. 601 00:24:00,022 --> 00:24:01,357 GAIL: Can you please help us? 602 00:24:01,732 --> 00:24:03,568 [SNAPS FINGERS] I'll tell you what. You guys, come with me. 603 00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:05,528 SERGIO: Excuse me. 604 00:24:05,611 --> 00:24:07,613 -Let me ask you something. -Can I ask you something? 605 00:24:07,697 --> 00:24:09,448 -Have you seen this person? -WOMAN: Not today. 606 00:24:09,532 --> 00:24:11,242 Have you seen these two people? Have you seen this person? 607 00:24:11,325 --> 00:24:12,910 -Either of these two? -No, I haven't. 608 00:24:12,994 --> 00:24:14,996 -Sorry. No, I didn't see them. -Charles Boyle. 609 00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:16,873 I get that a lot. Haven't seen them? 610 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,457 -Either one? -Nope. I'm positive. 611 00:24:18,541 --> 00:24:20,293 -BUDDY: Oh, yeah, I've seen those two. -You have? 612 00:24:20,376 --> 00:24:21,377 -Yeah. -Where are they? 613 00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:22,879 Hell if I know. 614 00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:24,463 I got a lot of people coming through here all day long. 615 00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:27,091 I can't keep a record of where everybody's heading next, you know? 616 00:24:27,175 --> 00:24:29,760 It's all I can do to keep track of how many maps I got in my pile here. 617 00:24:29,844 --> 00:24:32,638 [CHUCKLES] I mean, how... how many is it? Two? Four? Ten? 618 00:24:32,722 --> 00:24:36,642 I mean, it could even be nine. But that's Hollywood for you. 619 00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:39,896 That's what the, uh, studio bean counters 620 00:24:39,979 --> 00:24:43,024 over at Paramount Pictures call "creative accounting." 621 00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:45,276 Well, this is a waste of time. Why don't we get some coffee? 622 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,612 Coffee? You wanna get coffee in this town, 623 00:24:47,695 --> 00:24:50,531 you're gonna need an appointment at the Creative Artists Agency. 624 00:24:50,615 --> 00:24:52,408 -SERGIO: Okay. -Which, now that I think of it, 625 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,952 is exactly where I told your friends to go. 626 00:24:55,036 --> 00:24:57,079 CHORUS: [SINGING] C-A-A 627 00:24:57,496 --> 00:25:00,833 Feast your eyes. Welcome to the backrooms of the entertainment industry, friends, 628 00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:02,084 where the real decisions are made, 629 00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:04,128 where entire careers are hatched and destroyed 630 00:25:04,212 --> 00:25:06,339 with a control-shift-delete from this room. 631 00:25:06,422 --> 00:25:07,673 -Wow. -Hey, check this out. 632 00:25:07,757 --> 00:25:09,800 CALEB: Robert from Shark Tank. There's blood in the water. 633 00:25:09,884 --> 00:25:11,636 How the hell are you? When are we gonna play golf, huh? 634 00:25:11,719 --> 00:25:13,804 -Uh, please don't speak to me. -You got it, Bobby Business. 635 00:25:13,888 --> 00:25:14,931 Hey, check this out. 636 00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:17,308 My mommy made them up for me. I think they're pretty cool. 637 00:25:17,892 --> 00:25:19,644 -Gotta dream big in a place like this. -I like that. 638 00:25:19,727 --> 00:25:22,021 And someday, maybe it's not gonna be CAA anymore. 639 00:25:22,104 --> 00:25:25,942 It's gonna be CA and CA: Creative Artists and Caleb Agency. 640 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:27,777 I love that! [CHUCKLES] But I'm just checking. 641 00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:29,403 It's okay for us to be back here? 642 00:25:29,487 --> 00:25:32,448 Technically, no, but in this business, it's all about exuding confidence. 643 00:25:32,531 --> 00:25:33,783 You just fake it till you make it. Watch this. 644 00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:35,952 Hey, Megan. Whazzup? What are you working on here? 645 00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,161 -You got a lot of deals? -No. Stop. 646 00:25:37,245 --> 00:25:38,704 -Don't touch anything on my desk. -Big old deals? 647 00:25:38,788 --> 00:25:40,414 Look, we need the 411 648 00:25:40,498 --> 00:25:42,250 -on one Mr. Jonathan Daniel Hamm. -[DOOR OPENS] 649 00:25:42,333 --> 00:25:45,711 Oh! Leo Martin! There's my guy. 650 00:25:45,795 --> 00:25:48,464 Fellas, this is Mr. Leo Martin, agent to the stars. 651 00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:51,342 You want guaranteed backend points, you talk to this guy. 652 00:25:51,425 --> 00:25:53,344 Hi. Caleb. I charged your car on the 29th. 653 00:25:54,428 --> 00:25:55,429 Nothing? No? 654 00:25:55,513 --> 00:25:57,598 Well, this beautiful bag of bones is Gail, 655 00:25:57,682 --> 00:25:59,308 and this knucklehead is Otto. 656 00:25:59,392 --> 00:26:04,063 Now, Gail over here needs to do the nasty with Mr. Jon Hamm ASAP. 657 00:26:04,146 --> 00:26:06,816 Believe me, it is all on the up and up, Mr. Martin, sir. 658 00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:10,403 Yeah, don't worry. We're not like crazy-stalker fans or anything like that. 659 00:26:10,486 --> 00:26:12,822 [ALL LAUGHING] 660 00:26:13,698 --> 00:26:15,324 So, what do you say? 661 00:26:15,408 --> 00:26:18,244 I am so, so sorry that we got you fired. 662 00:26:18,327 --> 00:26:19,704 [SIGHS] I am literally so stupid. 663 00:26:19,787 --> 00:26:22,456 I'm literally so stupid for thinking that I could be an agent. 664 00:26:22,540 --> 00:26:24,250 I just don't have the mentality for it! 665 00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:27,211 And what am I gonna tell my mommy? [SOBBING] 666 00:26:27,712 --> 00:26:29,088 -Um... -Ask him. 667 00:26:29,171 --> 00:26:30,715 -[SNIFFLING, SOBBING] -Caleb, is there any way 668 00:26:30,798 --> 00:26:32,967 that you could just drop us off at the hotel? 669 00:26:33,050 --> 00:26:35,511 -[GROANS] Yeah. -Thank you. 670 00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:36,679 -Thanks. -CALEB: I could do that. 671 00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:41,559 Or I could give you a lift straight to Mr. Jon Hamm's house 672 00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:45,855 because I swiped the address from Megan's desk. 673 00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:48,274 Caleb, you beautiful son of a bitch. 674 00:26:48,357 --> 00:26:50,109 -GAIL: What? -Yeah! 675 00:26:50,192 --> 00:26:51,736 Are you kidding me? 676 00:26:51,819 --> 00:26:52,778 [ALL LAUGHING] 677 00:26:52,862 --> 00:26:54,071 You tired? 678 00:26:54,155 --> 00:26:55,614 Yeah. I'm always tired. 679 00:26:55,698 --> 00:26:56,907 Always tired, yeah. 680 00:26:57,825 --> 00:27:00,703 This is it, Creative Artists Agency. 681 00:27:01,329 --> 00:27:02,997 I thought it would be a little, uh... 682 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:04,081 -[GAIL WHOOPING] -...fancier or something. 683 00:27:04,165 --> 00:27:05,291 It's the parking garage. 684 00:27:05,374 --> 00:27:06,584 GAIL: Yay! NICCOLO: Wait a minute. 685 00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,878 -That's her. That's her! -[ENGINE ACCELERATING] 686 00:27:08,961 --> 00:27:10,629 SERGIO: That's her? Hey! Hey! 687 00:27:12,381 --> 00:27:13,924 -Wait... -I'm not gonna run after a car. 688 00:27:14,008 --> 00:27:16,719 What the... You nuts? There's a stop sign up there. 689 00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:18,512 -Then you run after the car. -Fine! 690 00:27:19,305 --> 00:27:20,931 Okay. No. Screw it. I'm not gonna run after the car. 691 00:27:21,015 --> 00:27:22,224 No, you're not gonna run after the car. 692 00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:23,684 -We're parked this way. -Okay. 693 00:27:23,768 --> 00:27:25,561 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 694 00:27:30,024 --> 00:27:32,276 -OTTO: Oh, wow! Okay. -[CALEB CHUCKLES] 695 00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:36,030 -[CALEB CHUCKLES] -We should be quiet. 696 00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:41,410 Well, what are you waiting for, Gail? Buzz him. 697 00:27:41,494 --> 00:27:43,162 Buzz him? I hardly know him. 698 00:27:46,791 --> 00:27:49,460 [ALL LAUGHING] 699 00:27:49,543 --> 00:27:51,212 "Buzz him. I hardly know him." 700 00:27:51,295 --> 00:27:52,296 -[LAUGHING] -We're too funny. 701 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,840 Hilarious jokes aside, 702 00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:59,220 do you think celebrities normally let in strangers with sex requests? 703 00:27:59,303 --> 00:28:00,346 Mm. 704 00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:01,514 That's a good point. 705 00:28:01,597 --> 00:28:03,891 I think we need to get you on the other side of that gate 706 00:28:03,974 --> 00:28:05,726 so that Hamm Dog can see you face-to-face. 707 00:28:05,810 --> 00:28:07,937 Mm-hmm. Then he'll have to fuck you. 708 00:28:09,688 --> 00:28:11,190 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] 709 00:28:14,610 --> 00:28:15,694 I have an idea. 710 00:28:16,737 --> 00:28:17,947 Take your clothes off. 711 00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:20,658 -I got your butt! -[GROANS] 712 00:28:20,741 --> 00:28:22,410 GAIL: Oh, shoot. OTTO: Whoa! 713 00:28:22,493 --> 00:28:23,494 -GAIL: Nice and slow. -[GROANS] 714 00:28:23,577 --> 00:28:24,703 -CALEB: I got a foothold. -Okay. 715 00:28:24,787 --> 00:28:26,372 OTTO: Just climb over and we'll slowly 716 00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:27,456 -lower you down. -GAIL: We got you. 717 00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:28,541 OTTO: Wait, wait, wait! 718 00:28:28,624 --> 00:28:30,000 [GROANING] 719 00:28:31,419 --> 00:28:32,461 -[CALEB GROANING WEAKLY] -OTTO: Whoops. 720 00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:35,047 -You good? -Ow! 721 00:28:35,131 --> 00:28:37,425 -But yes, I am good. -GAIL: Okay! 722 00:28:38,717 --> 00:28:41,011 See? Nothing a little clothes rope won't fix. 723 00:28:41,095 --> 00:28:42,346 Turns out it was unlocked. 724 00:28:42,430 --> 00:28:44,515 OTTO: Look at this place. Wow. 725 00:28:44,598 --> 00:28:46,142 CALEB: Jon Hamm's done well for himself. 726 00:28:46,225 --> 00:28:49,311 -Wait. How do I look? -Oh, fabulous. 727 00:28:49,395 --> 00:28:51,564 And that is my professional opinion. 728 00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:53,149 [CALEB CHUCKLES] 729 00:28:53,232 --> 00:28:54,733 -WEIRD AL: Excuse me! -[GOLF CART WHIRRING] 730 00:28:57,027 --> 00:28:58,112 [BRAKES SCREECH] 731 00:29:01,157 --> 00:29:03,284 -WEIRD AL: Excuse me. Who are you? -You're "Weird Al" Yankovic. 732 00:29:03,367 --> 00:29:05,369 -[CALEB GASPS] -Maybe. 733 00:29:05,453 --> 00:29:06,912 Uh, you live with Jon Hamm? 734 00:29:06,996 --> 00:29:09,957 No. I bought this house from him, like, a year ago. 735 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,168 -You guys know Jon? -Not exactly. 736 00:29:12,251 --> 00:29:14,295 Well, how exactly did you get in here? 737 00:29:14,378 --> 00:29:16,005 We made a clothes rope. 738 00:29:16,088 --> 00:29:18,549 -[LAUGHING] Of course! -Out of our clothes. 739 00:29:18,632 --> 00:29:19,800 [GAIL LAUGHING] 740 00:29:19,884 --> 00:29:21,218 Told you guys it was a good idea. 741 00:29:22,344 --> 00:29:23,471 You know... [SIGHS] 742 00:29:24,013 --> 00:29:25,264 funny thing about Hollywood. 743 00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:27,892 -What's he doing? -What is he gonna... 744 00:29:28,934 --> 00:29:30,352 People think it's a parody. 745 00:29:30,436 --> 00:29:32,771 Like we're all just playing pretend. 746 00:29:33,355 --> 00:29:36,275 Except when it comes to defending our property. 747 00:29:36,358 --> 00:29:37,860 What are we gonna do? 748 00:29:41,447 --> 00:29:42,531 Well, well, well. 749 00:29:43,115 --> 00:29:45,493 Gail and her friends are in a real pickle now. 750 00:29:45,576 --> 00:29:46,952 How are they gonna get out of this one? 751 00:29:47,495 --> 00:29:49,955 [MUFFLED] They need a clever solution, and they need it fast. 752 00:29:50,664 --> 00:29:52,875 Well, sometimes the best idea 753 00:29:52,958 --> 00:29:55,711 is the same idea you had a few minutes ago. 754 00:29:56,754 --> 00:29:58,047 I have an idea. 755 00:29:58,130 --> 00:30:00,341 -Quick, take off your clothes. -Okay! 756 00:30:00,424 --> 00:30:01,592 WEIRD AL: You people think 757 00:30:01,675 --> 00:30:04,512 just because you bought a ticket to one of my concerts, 758 00:30:04,595 --> 00:30:07,515 you have the right to invade my sanctuary? 759 00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:10,893 Now! Suck it! 760 00:30:10,976 --> 00:30:13,020 CALEB: My pants! OTTO: Sweater! 761 00:30:13,103 --> 00:30:14,438 GAIL: Shirt! CALEB: More pants! 762 00:30:15,314 --> 00:30:16,524 [GRUNTING] 763 00:30:16,607 --> 00:30:17,858 Run! 764 00:30:19,944 --> 00:30:21,278 [GROANS] 765 00:30:21,362 --> 00:30:22,947 [SCREAMING] 766 00:30:24,031 --> 00:30:26,575 WEIRD AL: I'm coming for you! 767 00:30:26,659 --> 00:30:28,160 [SCREAMING] 768 00:30:29,787 --> 00:30:31,747 [CALEB PANTING] 769 00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:33,207 [GAIL PANTING] 770 00:30:33,290 --> 00:30:35,084 [ALL PANTING] 771 00:30:35,167 --> 00:30:36,252 GAIL: You okay? 772 00:30:36,335 --> 00:30:38,003 -VINCENT: Hey! -[ALL SCREAM] 773 00:30:38,087 --> 00:30:40,214 This is my goddamn tree! Find your own goddamn tree! 774 00:30:40,297 --> 00:30:41,507 Who are you? 775 00:30:41,590 --> 00:30:43,300 Who am I? Eat me out. That's who I am. 776 00:30:43,384 --> 00:30:44,802 I've been camped out here for two days 777 00:30:44,885 --> 00:30:46,845 trying to get a picture of "Weird Al" Yankovic, 778 00:30:46,929 --> 00:30:47,972 and you guys are blowing my cover! 779 00:30:48,055 --> 00:30:49,890 So sorry. We really didn't mean... 780 00:30:49,974 --> 00:30:51,600 Aha! There you are! 781 00:30:51,684 --> 00:30:52,810 -[GUN COCKING] -Run! Run! 782 00:30:52,893 --> 00:30:53,811 -WEIRD AL: Eat it! -Run! Run! 783 00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:55,312 -[GUNSHOTS] -Eat it! 784 00:30:55,396 --> 00:30:57,231 WEIRD AL: Get yourself an egg and beat it! 785 00:30:57,314 --> 00:30:59,108 -[GUNFIRE] -[ALL PANTING] 786 00:31:03,696 --> 00:31:05,531 -Goddamn it! -Hey! Hey! 787 00:31:05,614 --> 00:31:07,825 Sorry! We did not mean to horn in on your project. 788 00:31:07,908 --> 00:31:09,201 Really, really sorry. 789 00:31:09,285 --> 00:31:12,121 Oh, no, no, no. I'm... I'm... I'm sorry, I... 790 00:31:13,330 --> 00:31:16,166 I didn't mean to be so hostile. I... I... I'm not mad at you. 791 00:31:16,250 --> 00:31:17,626 -GAIL: Huh? -I'm mad at me. 792 00:31:17,710 --> 00:31:19,420 -I'm mad at this guy right here. -GAIL: Oh. 793 00:31:19,503 --> 00:31:22,089 Well, you know what? We played a part in creating that situation, 794 00:31:22,172 --> 00:31:24,216 -and for that we apologize, right, guys? -GAIL: We do. We were all 795 00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:26,385 -very, very stressed out back there. -Yeah. 796 00:31:26,468 --> 00:31:29,138 Please don't patronize me. I know what people think of paparazzi. 797 00:31:29,221 --> 00:31:30,556 You know, that they're these heartless, 798 00:31:30,639 --> 00:31:33,851 bottom-feeding scumbags who don't take a shower. And, um... 799 00:31:33,934 --> 00:31:35,185 that's why I try so hard 800 00:31:35,269 --> 00:31:36,854 -to be a nice guy, you know? -[DOG BARKS DISTANTLY] 801 00:31:36,937 --> 00:31:39,231 And then I just blow my gasket one time, 802 00:31:39,315 --> 00:31:41,984 and all that hard work is shot to shit. 803 00:31:42,067 --> 00:31:43,360 Goddamn it! 804 00:31:43,444 --> 00:31:45,321 -[CALEB SQUIRMS] -Please don't beat yourself up. 805 00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:46,989 -Ah. Oh. -[ENGINE REVVING] 806 00:31:47,072 --> 00:31:49,283 My car! No! 807 00:31:49,366 --> 00:31:50,784 I'm so stupid! 808 00:31:51,660 --> 00:31:53,704 This is just great. This is just great. 809 00:31:53,787 --> 00:31:55,539 It's like, you know, "Oh. Oh, hi, Mommy. 810 00:31:55,623 --> 00:31:57,791 "I'm just calling to let you know that my car got towed, 811 00:31:57,875 --> 00:31:58,917 "and I got fired today. 812 00:31:59,001 --> 00:32:00,169 "How was your day? Was it good? 813 00:32:00,252 --> 00:32:01,545 "Did you go to the hip-hop class? Was it fun? 814 00:32:01,629 --> 00:32:03,213 "Or did you feel too old and leave halfway through?" 815 00:32:03,297 --> 00:32:04,298 Come here. 816 00:32:04,882 --> 00:32:05,966 Come here. It's okay. 817 00:32:06,717 --> 00:32:08,469 But hey, look on the bright side. 818 00:32:08,552 --> 00:32:10,179 We got to meet "Weird Al" Yankovic. 819 00:32:10,262 --> 00:32:12,973 -Yeah! That's pretty cool, huh? -Right? [CHUCKLING] 820 00:32:13,057 --> 00:32:14,475 And who was that other man? 821 00:32:14,558 --> 00:32:16,143 I... I think that was Penn Jillette. 822 00:32:16,226 --> 00:32:17,936 VINCENT: No shit. OTTO: Not sure why, but yeah. 823 00:32:18,020 --> 00:32:20,689 -GAIL: See? -But hey, Gail, I mean, with no car, 824 00:32:20,773 --> 00:32:22,358 how are we supposed to find Jon Hamm? 825 00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:23,567 Wait. 826 00:32:24,026 --> 00:32:25,152 Did you say Jon Hamm? 827 00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:27,446 Yes. I need to find him and sleep with him by Sunday. 828 00:32:27,529 --> 00:32:29,281 -Why? -Hamm... 829 00:32:30,532 --> 00:32:31,825 is my Holy Grail. 830 00:32:33,619 --> 00:32:37,039 VINCENT: 2007, I was a wet-behind-the-ears beat photographer 831 00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:38,457 at People magazine. 832 00:32:38,540 --> 00:32:40,000 -I was the new kid on the block. -[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 833 00:32:40,084 --> 00:32:42,461 -But I was good. Real good. -[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 834 00:32:42,544 --> 00:32:43,629 Any celeb you name, 835 00:32:43,712 --> 00:32:46,715 I tracked them down and I got the perfect candid shot. 836 00:32:46,799 --> 00:32:49,385 -EDITOR: What do you got for me? -I got Banks beaching in Baja. 837 00:32:49,468 --> 00:32:50,469 EDITOR: Banks in Baja? 838 00:32:50,552 --> 00:32:52,137 VINCENT: I got Paris pounding a pastrami. 839 00:32:52,221 --> 00:32:53,472 Spears spelunking in Spain. 840 00:32:53,555 --> 00:32:55,724 Lohan lounging in Lisbon. Cruise caroling at Christmas. 841 00:32:55,808 --> 00:32:57,351 Tara tanning topless in Tulum. Beyoncé basking in Barbados. 842 00:32:57,434 --> 00:32:58,560 Mary-Kate meditating in Marrakesh. 843 00:32:58,644 --> 00:33:00,688 I got Schreiber walking his dog. 844 00:33:00,771 --> 00:33:02,064 Yes! [CHUCKLING] 845 00:33:02,147 --> 00:33:04,525 VINCENT: I was on fire. I never once failed. 846 00:33:04,608 --> 00:33:05,943 Around the office they called me 847 00:33:06,026 --> 00:33:09,363 "Mr. Always Gets His Shot, Even When It's a Hard Shot to Get." 848 00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:12,116 It was a mouthful, but it was an accurate description. 849 00:33:12,533 --> 00:33:13,534 Take a look at this. 850 00:33:13,617 --> 00:33:16,453 And then one day, my editor gave me a no-brainer assignment. 851 00:33:16,537 --> 00:33:19,915 Get a candid shot of the star of the new hot show Mad Men. 852 00:33:19,998 --> 00:33:23,127 An actor I hadn't heard of by the name of Jon Hamm. 853 00:33:23,210 --> 00:33:26,922 Little did I know he would become my white whale. 854 00:33:27,673 --> 00:33:29,216 -He eluded me. -SECURITY GUARD: Hey, hey. No paparazzi. 855 00:33:29,299 --> 00:33:30,175 -Move. -Hey, come on! 856 00:33:30,259 --> 00:33:31,510 VINCENT: Time after time... 857 00:33:31,593 --> 00:33:32,594 Fuck! 858 00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:34,263 ...day after day, 859 00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:35,681 -night after night. -[GRUNTS] 860 00:33:36,849 --> 00:33:39,852 The deadline had come, and I had no clue what I was gonna do. 861 00:33:39,935 --> 00:33:41,061 But then... 862 00:33:41,145 --> 00:33:43,063 -Hmm? -[CELL PHONE RINGING] 863 00:33:43,147 --> 00:33:44,273 Talk to me. 864 00:33:44,356 --> 00:33:45,357 He's there right now? 865 00:33:45,858 --> 00:33:47,109 ...a hot tip. 866 00:33:47,192 --> 00:33:50,487 And this time, I wasn't gonna let him get away. 867 00:33:52,322 --> 00:33:53,615 And there he was, 868 00:33:53,699 --> 00:33:55,868 my white male whale. 869 00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:57,327 I got you, you son of a bitch! 870 00:33:57,411 --> 00:33:59,788 This was my moment to lock in my identity 871 00:33:59,872 --> 00:34:03,625 as Mr. Always Gets His Shot, Even Though it's... It was a Hard... 872 00:34:03,709 --> 00:34:04,752 Or something like that. 873 00:34:04,835 --> 00:34:06,044 -I hit the button. -[BUTTON CLICKS] 874 00:34:06,128 --> 00:34:07,963 But then... nothing. 875 00:34:09,548 --> 00:34:10,758 No film! 876 00:34:10,841 --> 00:34:12,009 [BREATH TREMBLING] 877 00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:16,221 And he was gone. 878 00:34:17,723 --> 00:34:20,642 Things spiraled after that. Drugs, alcohol, gambling. 879 00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:23,228 Lost my job. Started living out of my car. 880 00:34:23,979 --> 00:34:25,439 Sold my hair for wigs. 881 00:34:25,522 --> 00:34:27,357 [CHUCKLES] It wasn't long after that I started... 882 00:34:28,317 --> 00:34:29,902 selling my wigs for hair. 883 00:34:30,986 --> 00:34:33,614 But the truth is, I lost more than my job that day. 884 00:34:33,697 --> 00:34:35,616 I lost something in here. 885 00:34:35,699 --> 00:34:37,951 Yeah, I still freelance for a few bucks these days, 886 00:34:38,035 --> 00:34:39,328 but it's been a long time 887 00:34:39,411 --> 00:34:42,539 since the days of Mr. Always Gets His Shot Even When He... 888 00:34:42,623 --> 00:34:44,416 [STAMMERING] 889 00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:45,501 Uh, fuck. What was it again? 890 00:34:45,584 --> 00:34:47,294 Even When It Was a Hard Shot to Get. 891 00:34:47,377 --> 00:34:49,755 Yeah. Something like that. 892 00:34:50,923 --> 00:34:51,965 But now, these days... 893 00:34:52,841 --> 00:34:54,092 I always carry a spare roll 894 00:34:54,176 --> 00:34:55,803 -of film with me. [CHUCKLES] -GAIL: Mm. 895 00:34:55,886 --> 00:34:57,179 But everything's digital now. 896 00:34:57,262 --> 00:34:58,806 It's a reminder, Jacko! 897 00:35:00,098 --> 00:35:01,850 To never leave what's important behind. 898 00:35:01,934 --> 00:35:03,101 -GAIL: Mm-hmm. -Ah. 899 00:35:04,019 --> 00:35:05,562 Anyway, that's my long story short. 900 00:35:05,646 --> 00:35:06,855 [GASPING] 901 00:35:06,939 --> 00:35:10,317 -Wasn't that short of a story. -I thought it was a great story, uh... 902 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,027 -Vincent. -Nice to meet you, Vincent. 903 00:35:12,110 --> 00:35:13,612 My name is Gail. This is Otto and Caleb. 904 00:35:13,695 --> 00:35:15,239 [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 905 00:35:15,322 --> 00:35:16,865 GAIL: [IN ENGLISH] Hey, this might sound crazy, 906 00:35:16,949 --> 00:35:19,409 but we could really, really use your know-how 907 00:35:19,493 --> 00:35:22,079 in terms of tracking down celebrities. Would you... 908 00:35:23,163 --> 00:35:25,415 wanna come with us to find Jon Hamm? 909 00:35:25,499 --> 00:35:28,460 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 910 00:35:28,544 --> 00:35:29,962 Well, well, well. 911 00:35:31,213 --> 00:35:34,049 The white whale "weturns." 912 00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:36,718 -What? -[SNAPS FINGERS] "Wet's woll." 913 00:35:36,802 --> 00:35:39,596 -[ALL LAUGHING] -OTTO: Hey. Yes! 914 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:40,848 -Let's go. -GAIL: This is exciting. 915 00:35:40,931 --> 00:35:42,432 VINCENT: Hey, we're skipping. Look at us. We're skipping. 916 00:35:42,516 --> 00:35:45,060 [OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 917 00:35:48,689 --> 00:35:50,399 [PIANO PLAYING] 918 00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:51,775 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 919 00:35:52,693 --> 00:35:54,695 -My case? -Oh, um... 920 00:35:54,778 --> 00:35:55,737 -Not much luck. -Yet. 921 00:35:55,821 --> 00:35:59,324 But we have some very good leads. 922 00:35:59,408 --> 00:36:00,742 [PIANO CONTINUES PLAYING] 923 00:36:00,826 --> 00:36:04,329 So, you came here to tell me that you don't have my case? 924 00:36:04,413 --> 00:36:06,415 Uh, yeah... Yes, that we did. 925 00:36:06,498 --> 00:36:09,251 And also that we're a little bit hungry, 926 00:36:09,334 --> 00:36:11,753 so we thought when in Rome... 927 00:36:11,837 --> 00:36:13,672 -themed restaurant. -LUDOVICA: Oh. 928 00:36:14,923 --> 00:36:15,924 Sit. 929 00:36:16,925 --> 00:36:19,011 I'm good. I had a snack earlier. 930 00:36:23,390 --> 00:36:24,641 Sergio. 931 00:36:25,183 --> 00:36:28,896 -Sergio, Sergio, Sergio. -[CHUCKLING] Thank you. 932 00:36:28,979 --> 00:36:30,022 SERGIO: That's silly. 933 00:36:30,105 --> 00:36:31,565 Oh! Look at this. 934 00:36:31,648 --> 00:36:32,733 -Thank you. -LUDOVICA: You're hungry. 935 00:36:32,816 --> 00:36:34,568 So maybe you just need to eat! 936 00:36:34,651 --> 00:36:35,819 [MUFFLED SCREAMING] 937 00:36:37,487 --> 00:36:39,197 [PIANO TEMPO INCREASES] 938 00:36:40,657 --> 00:36:42,367 [SERGIO STRAINING, SCREAMING] 939 00:36:43,285 --> 00:36:44,494 LUDOVICA: Come on, everybody. 940 00:36:44,578 --> 00:36:45,913 [MUFFLED SCREAMING CONTINUES] 941 00:36:50,918 --> 00:36:52,836 [PIANO PLAYING OFF-KEY] 942 00:36:54,463 --> 00:36:55,923 [MUFFLED SCREAMING, CHOKING] 943 00:36:59,134 --> 00:37:01,428 No, I love Baja. Don't you remember? 944 00:37:01,511 --> 00:37:04,723 People magazine had those photos of me in 2007. 945 00:37:04,806 --> 00:37:08,435 [INHALES SHARPLY] I'm not really feeling Italian all of a sudden. 946 00:37:08,518 --> 00:37:10,228 Let's go to that Thai place near you. 947 00:37:10,979 --> 00:37:12,230 Okay. 948 00:37:12,314 --> 00:37:13,899 [GASPING] 949 00:37:14,316 --> 00:37:15,317 [SERGIO EXHALES SHARPLY] 950 00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:17,444 Anyone else is hungry? 951 00:37:17,527 --> 00:37:19,154 -No! -We gotta go get the case. 952 00:37:19,237 --> 00:37:20,739 -We'll get the case. -Bravi. 953 00:37:20,822 --> 00:37:23,575 Bravi, little monkeys, bravi. 954 00:37:23,659 --> 00:37:25,827 -Find that fucking case! -[OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 955 00:37:25,911 --> 00:37:27,704 [WHEELS RATTLING] 956 00:37:30,874 --> 00:37:32,042 [KNOCKING AT DOOR] 957 00:37:32,125 --> 00:37:33,210 CALEB: Our luggage. Come in! 958 00:37:33,794 --> 00:37:37,965 Bobby Snaps. Hey, man, it's Vincent. [LAUGHING] 959 00:37:38,048 --> 00:37:39,299 I'm gonna cut to the CliffsNotes. 960 00:37:39,383 --> 00:37:41,635 I'm in the market for a Mr. Jonathan Hamm. 961 00:37:41,718 --> 00:37:42,803 Uh, excuse me, sir, 962 00:37:42,886 --> 00:37:44,471 we were actually supposed to have two beds. 963 00:37:44,554 --> 00:37:46,098 I can bring a rollaway, if that would work. 964 00:37:46,181 --> 00:37:48,392 Thank you! [LAUGHS] Wait. 965 00:37:48,976 --> 00:37:50,686 Let me give you a tip. 966 00:37:50,769 --> 00:37:52,729 I don't wanna be on the wrong side of history. 967 00:37:52,813 --> 00:37:55,065 [GASPS] Oh, no. I used all my cash earlier. 968 00:37:55,148 --> 00:37:56,149 Can I use my credit card? 969 00:37:56,233 --> 00:37:57,859 You can use a credit card for anything these days. 970 00:37:58,860 --> 00:38:00,070 Only in LA. 971 00:38:01,113 --> 00:38:02,280 -Otto? -OTTO: Yeah? 972 00:38:02,364 --> 00:38:04,783 How much should I tip him? Like 75 cents? 973 00:38:04,866 --> 00:38:06,660 -These guys live on their tips. -Okay. 974 00:38:07,995 --> 00:38:09,037 [CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY] 975 00:38:11,915 --> 00:38:13,375 -Thanks. -GAIL: Anytime. 976 00:38:14,501 --> 00:38:16,294 [SIGHS] Anything? 977 00:38:16,378 --> 00:38:17,504 NICCOLO: Nothing. 978 00:38:17,587 --> 00:38:19,172 [EXHALES] She's a goddamn ghost. 979 00:38:19,256 --> 00:38:20,173 [BEEPING] 980 00:38:20,716 --> 00:38:21,800 Oh, wait. 981 00:38:21,883 --> 00:38:24,052 -[SERGIO GASPS] -Sometimes even a ghost 982 00:38:24,136 --> 00:38:25,345 has to come up for air. 983 00:38:25,429 --> 00:38:28,223 Bingo-bango! We got you, Gail Daughtry! 984 00:38:28,306 --> 00:38:29,349 Got you! 985 00:38:29,433 --> 00:38:31,685 [BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY] 986 00:38:39,151 --> 00:38:40,861 Got you! We got you! 987 00:38:40,944 --> 00:38:42,362 VINCENT: Are you sure he's there? You sure? 988 00:38:42,446 --> 00:38:43,905 -All right, he's there right now? -What? 989 00:38:43,989 --> 00:38:45,282 Okay. Thanks, man! 990 00:38:45,365 --> 00:38:47,534 Thank you, man! [SCREAMS] 991 00:38:48,118 --> 00:38:51,830 Uh, who's ready to meet a Mr. Jonathan Daniel Hamm? [LAUGHING] 992 00:38:51,913 --> 00:38:53,123 No way! No way! 993 00:38:53,206 --> 00:38:56,418 I'm ready to do a lot more than meet him! 994 00:38:56,501 --> 00:38:57,961 [WHOOPING] 995 00:38:58,503 --> 00:39:00,172 Oh! Ew! 996 00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:02,132 -Wait, wait, do you get it? -Yeah. 997 00:39:02,215 --> 00:39:04,051 Okay, I gotta get dressed. I gotta do my hair. 998 00:39:04,134 --> 00:39:05,135 Right. Okay. 999 00:39:05,677 --> 00:39:06,928 Hey, what are we doing here? 1000 00:39:07,012 --> 00:39:09,014 We have to hit the road now. We don't wanna miss him. 1001 00:39:09,097 --> 00:39:10,182 Okay, bring your hair stuff with you. 1002 00:39:10,265 --> 00:39:12,184 -We'll get you all dolled up on the way. -Okay. 1003 00:39:12,809 --> 00:39:14,061 Yep. I think this is it. 1004 00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:17,397 -Yeah. Over here. -[GAIL GASPS] 1005 00:39:17,481 --> 00:39:18,565 GAIL: Oh, I forgot to do my hair! 1006 00:39:18,648 --> 00:39:20,192 Oh, don't worry about it. You look great. 1007 00:39:20,275 --> 00:39:21,902 That's my professional opinion. 1008 00:39:21,985 --> 00:39:24,071 Oh, Otto, what would I do without you? 1009 00:39:24,154 --> 00:39:26,031 -My guess is you'd be dead. -[CHUCKLES] 1010 00:39:28,742 --> 00:39:29,743 GAIL: Huh. 1011 00:39:29,826 --> 00:39:30,827 MAN: Fuck you! 1012 00:39:30,911 --> 00:39:34,331 This is not where I thought a big-time movie star would live. 1013 00:39:34,414 --> 00:39:36,708 I think he should fire his business manager. 1014 00:39:36,792 --> 00:39:39,419 -[INDISTINCT SHOUTING] -[SIREN WAILING] 1015 00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:43,799 Wait, that's Jon Hamm? 1016 00:39:43,882 --> 00:39:45,550 No, that's John Slattery. 1017 00:39:45,634 --> 00:39:47,844 He co-starred with Jon Hamm on Mad Men, remember? 1018 00:39:47,928 --> 00:39:50,263 Right! He played Roger Sterling. Cool! 1019 00:39:50,347 --> 00:39:52,182 But I thought we were going to Jon Hamm's house. 1020 00:39:53,767 --> 00:39:58,522 Hey, this guy is a hell of a lot closer to Jon Hamm than any of us are, okay? 1021 00:39:58,605 --> 00:39:59,856 I don't see anybody here 1022 00:39:59,940 --> 00:40:02,609 with Hamm's number on their phone computers, do you? 1023 00:40:02,692 --> 00:40:04,236 -No one's saying that... -Who says "phone computer"? 1024 00:40:04,319 --> 00:40:07,072 Otto, are you good friends with Jon Hamm? No, you're not. 1025 00:40:07,155 --> 00:40:09,658 Caleb, are you Jon Hamm's personal fuck buddy? 1026 00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:11,618 -What? No. -No, I don't think so, okay? 1027 00:40:11,701 --> 00:40:12,828 This is a lead! 1028 00:40:12,911 --> 00:40:15,122 What I do every day is to find celebrities, 1029 00:40:15,205 --> 00:40:16,790 and this is how I do it! 1030 00:40:16,873 --> 00:40:18,792 Okay, fine. You're right. We're sorry. Just calm down. 1031 00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:21,253 If it's a dead end, it's a dead end, okay? 1032 00:40:21,336 --> 00:40:23,964 Sure, John Slattery hasn't had an acting job in over a decade, 1033 00:40:24,047 --> 00:40:26,258 but he worked with Jon Hamm for years, okay? 1034 00:40:26,341 --> 00:40:28,051 So what are we gonna do? Not try? 1035 00:40:28,135 --> 00:40:29,845 I'm just saying, like, maybe we could take it down a notch. 1036 00:40:29,928 --> 00:40:31,471 How about you take it down a notch? 1037 00:40:31,555 --> 00:40:32,931 -Vincent. Vincent, look at me! Look at me! -How about you stop? 1038 00:40:33,014 --> 00:40:34,599 -You think... -We're all on the same team! 1039 00:40:34,683 --> 00:40:36,101 Now, I need you to keep it together. 1040 00:40:36,184 --> 00:40:37,602 Okay. I'm sorry, it's just that 1041 00:40:37,686 --> 00:40:39,146 these two do-do-do's are pushing my buttons. 1042 00:40:39,229 --> 00:40:40,856 -What did you just call me? -It's okay. 1043 00:40:41,606 --> 00:40:45,235 [VOICE SHAKING] I'm sorry. I've just been through so much. 1044 00:40:45,318 --> 00:40:46,653 GAIL: I totally get it. 1045 00:40:46,736 --> 00:40:48,780 But we gotta keep our eyes on the prize. 1046 00:40:48,864 --> 00:40:51,658 Which is slippin' Hamm's D into Gail's V. 1047 00:40:51,741 --> 00:40:52,868 Right. 1048 00:40:52,951 --> 00:40:54,870 -[SLATTERY GRUNTING] -[PUNCHING BAG THUDDING] 1049 00:40:54,953 --> 00:40:57,414 -Uh, hello? Hi. -[SCREAMS] 1050 00:40:57,873 --> 00:40:58,874 -Stop! -Whoa. 1051 00:40:58,957 --> 00:41:01,501 I have the legal right to defend myself against trespassers. 1052 00:41:01,585 --> 00:41:03,378 No, no, no, we're not trespassers. We just want... 1053 00:41:03,461 --> 00:41:05,380 California Penal Code section 602 would disagree. 1054 00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:08,258 Entry onto the property of another without permission is trespassing. 1055 00:41:08,341 --> 00:41:10,635 I therefore have the legal right to kick your ass 1056 00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:11,887 and take names never. 1057 00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:13,972 -[YELLING INDISTINCTLY] -[YELLING] 1058 00:41:14,055 --> 00:41:14,973 -[GROANS] -CALEB: Oh! 1059 00:41:15,056 --> 00:41:17,267 [FARTING] Ow, ow, ow. 1060 00:41:17,350 --> 00:41:18,852 -GAIL: Oops. -Just take it. Take everything. 1061 00:41:18,935 --> 00:41:21,605 The key to the safe is in the pantry in a fake soup can. 1062 00:41:21,688 --> 00:41:22,689 [FARTING] Ow! 1063 00:41:22,772 --> 00:41:25,233 I... I think it's the beef barley. [CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY] 1064 00:41:25,317 --> 00:41:27,027 [SOBBING] Please, just please don't hurt me. 1065 00:41:27,110 --> 00:41:28,570 No, no, we're... we're not here to hurt you. 1066 00:41:28,653 --> 00:41:30,488 What are you talking about? You just did! 1067 00:41:30,572 --> 00:41:32,574 What'd you do that for? I wasn't doing anything to you. 1068 00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:34,201 I was just trying to scare you. 1069 00:41:34,284 --> 00:41:36,953 I'm so sorry. It was just self-defense. 1070 00:41:37,037 --> 00:41:39,664 Well, what are you doing sneaking up on me when I'm in a meeting? 1071 00:41:39,748 --> 00:41:40,749 With who? 1072 00:41:40,832 --> 00:41:43,585 A commitment to one's self is as important a meeting as any. 1073 00:41:43,668 --> 00:41:44,711 GAIL: Okay, the truth is, 1074 00:41:44,794 --> 00:41:46,880 we're here because my fiancé's celebrity free pass 1075 00:41:46,963 --> 00:41:48,423 was Jennifer Aniston, and he did it. 1076 00:41:48,506 --> 00:41:51,218 So now I need to find my celebrity pass, Jon Hamm. 1077 00:41:51,301 --> 00:41:52,802 [GROANS] 1078 00:41:52,886 --> 00:41:55,055 -Should have guessed. -Can you help us find him? 1079 00:41:55,138 --> 00:41:56,806 Yeah, I could. But I won't. 1080 00:41:56,890 --> 00:41:59,184 Okay. I understand. 1081 00:41:59,267 --> 00:42:02,062 [CHUCKLING] You're not the first person to come to me with this kind of a request. 1082 00:42:02,145 --> 00:42:04,439 Everybody wants a dicking from J.D.H. 1083 00:42:04,522 --> 00:42:06,900 Back in the day, we used to split up the spoils. 1084 00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:09,653 Sure. Golden Globes after-party, 2007? 1085 00:42:09,736 --> 00:42:11,655 -Forget it. [CHUCKLING] -Uh-huh. 1086 00:42:11,738 --> 00:42:13,949 These days... [SNIFFLES] 1087 00:42:15,784 --> 00:42:17,285 Tell you what I will do. 1088 00:42:17,369 --> 00:42:19,371 Have your friends walk around the block and I'll doink you. 1089 00:42:19,454 --> 00:42:21,081 That's got to still be worth something, right? 1090 00:42:21,164 --> 00:42:24,125 For God's sake, I was in the seventh greatest show of all time, 1091 00:42:24,209 --> 00:42:25,961 according to Rolling Stone magazine. 1092 00:42:26,044 --> 00:42:29,172 And it would have been number one if it weren't for Seinfeld, Fleabag, 1093 00:42:29,256 --> 00:42:31,758 Breaking Bad, The Wire, The Simpsons, and The Sopranos. 1094 00:42:31,841 --> 00:42:34,177 But I don't see Homer Simpson standing here ready to whip it out, 1095 00:42:34,261 --> 00:42:35,762 so, uh, what do you say? 1096 00:42:35,845 --> 00:42:37,097 You wanna finalize this freak-fest? 1097 00:42:37,180 --> 00:42:38,723 That's a very sweet offer, Mr. Slattery. 1098 00:42:38,807 --> 00:42:40,267 You're goddamn right it is. 1099 00:42:40,350 --> 00:42:42,519 -But it's not what I'm looking for. -Okay. 1100 00:42:43,395 --> 00:42:44,854 If your friends wanna stay and watch, that's fine, 1101 00:42:44,938 --> 00:42:45,939 but they have to hide in the closet, 1102 00:42:46,022 --> 00:42:47,440 and they can't make a lot of noise. It throws me off. 1103 00:42:47,524 --> 00:42:49,067 Uh, this is a dead end. Let's get out of here. 1104 00:42:49,150 --> 00:42:50,944 -Thank you. -Okay, I'm sorry to bother you. 1105 00:42:51,027 --> 00:42:52,362 Yeah, fine. I wasn't into you either. 1106 00:42:52,445 --> 00:42:53,738 I'll tell you something, sweet cheeks, 1107 00:42:53,822 --> 00:42:57,200 I like my women like I like my men, chunky as fuck. 1108 00:42:57,701 --> 00:42:59,911 -CALEB: What? -I said good day! 1109 00:43:00,996 --> 00:43:01,871 [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 1110 00:43:01,955 --> 00:43:04,416 [GRUNTS] Knock your face right off. See? There it is on the floor. 1111 00:43:04,499 --> 00:43:06,293 What are you gonna do now? You got your face on the floor. 1112 00:43:06,376 --> 00:43:07,711 CALEB: Wait, guys. 1113 00:43:08,878 --> 00:43:10,380 Let me take a swing at this one. 1114 00:43:11,131 --> 00:43:12,382 [BLOWS THUDDING] 1115 00:43:13,049 --> 00:43:14,175 [SLATTERY GRUNTING] 1116 00:43:15,010 --> 00:43:16,052 [SNIFFS] 1117 00:43:17,512 --> 00:43:18,847 Mr. Slattery. 1118 00:43:18,930 --> 00:43:21,474 California Penal Code section 602. Go away. 1119 00:43:21,558 --> 00:43:22,767 Orville and Wilbur. 1120 00:43:22,851 --> 00:43:24,269 -What? -The Wright brothers. 1121 00:43:24,352 --> 00:43:25,603 They invented the airplane. 1122 00:43:25,687 --> 00:43:26,980 Yeah. No duh. What about it? 1123 00:43:27,063 --> 00:43:28,857 What about it? They were brothers, John. 1124 00:43:29,482 --> 00:43:32,277 They were partners. They were equals. 1125 00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,405 They made something great together, and it was a massive hit. 1126 00:43:35,488 --> 00:43:36,823 The airplane was a blockbuster. 1127 00:43:37,991 --> 00:43:39,242 But what happened to the brothers? 1128 00:43:39,993 --> 00:43:42,287 Orville, well, he's a hero, isn't he? 1129 00:43:42,370 --> 00:43:43,705 He's in the history books. 1130 00:43:44,539 --> 00:43:46,249 But as for Wilbur... [SCOFFS] 1131 00:43:47,375 --> 00:43:49,586 he just couldn't handle the heat, could he? 1132 00:43:49,669 --> 00:43:50,920 He didn't have the courage. 1133 00:43:51,755 --> 00:43:53,006 So, what did he do? 1134 00:43:54,257 --> 00:43:56,426 He resigned himself to being a footnote, 1135 00:43:56,509 --> 00:43:57,969 a trivia question, 1136 00:43:58,053 --> 00:44:00,764 wasting away the final precious years of his life 1137 00:44:00,847 --> 00:44:01,931 punching a bag in a garage. 1138 00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:04,267 You see the connection that I'm making, John? 1139 00:44:04,351 --> 00:44:05,769 -I'm Orville? -You're Wilbur. 1140 00:44:05,852 --> 00:44:08,646 Okay, then yes, I see the connection clearly. 1141 00:44:09,898 --> 00:44:10,982 John... 1142 00:44:12,150 --> 00:44:13,985 watching you give that there bag a "what for," 1143 00:44:14,069 --> 00:44:16,821 I can see that the fire still burns in your belly. 1144 00:44:17,989 --> 00:44:19,699 So, I just have one question for you. 1145 00:44:19,783 --> 00:44:22,243 Are you gonna spend the rest of your life 1146 00:44:22,327 --> 00:44:24,662 believing that you're the wrong Wright brother? 1147 00:44:26,998 --> 00:44:28,875 Or are you gonna start to believe 1148 00:44:29,709 --> 00:44:31,920 that deep down inside, 1149 00:44:32,962 --> 00:44:35,715 there can be two right Wright brothers? 1150 00:44:36,091 --> 00:44:37,258 [CALEB CHUCKLES SOFTLY] 1151 00:44:38,301 --> 00:44:39,803 Am I right, brother? 1152 00:44:39,886 --> 00:44:41,304 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 1153 00:44:44,682 --> 00:44:45,725 [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 1154 00:45:00,740 --> 00:45:03,076 VINCENT: So, long story short, I keep the roll of film as a reminder. 1155 00:45:03,159 --> 00:45:04,494 SLATTERY: Wasn't that short a story. 1156 00:45:04,577 --> 00:45:06,121 Now, how do we find Hamm? 1157 00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:08,331 First thing we should do is call his agent at CAA. 1158 00:45:08,415 --> 00:45:10,875 Uh, we tried that. Yeah, that ship has sailed. 1159 00:45:10,959 --> 00:45:12,544 Oh! Uh, I... I know he's got a house in Bel-Air. 1160 00:45:12,627 --> 00:45:13,628 Sold it a year ago. 1161 00:45:13,711 --> 00:45:14,921 I thought you were still friends. 1162 00:45:15,004 --> 00:45:16,339 Yeah, we're still friends. 1163 00:45:16,423 --> 00:45:17,715 We're just both busy. 1164 00:45:17,799 --> 00:45:19,801 So, we text mostly nowadays. Wait, let me see. 1165 00:45:22,512 --> 00:45:24,722 [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING] 1166 00:45:32,856 --> 00:45:34,441 [QUIRKY MUSIC CONTINUES] 1167 00:45:41,948 --> 00:45:43,825 -[CHUCKLES] -What is it? 1168 00:45:43,908 --> 00:45:45,201 It doesn't... You won't get it. 1169 00:46:13,938 --> 00:46:15,773 Okay, you know, go up here to Sunset. 1170 00:46:16,274 --> 00:46:18,985 OTTO: Are you sure he still lives here? How long ago was that text? 1171 00:46:19,068 --> 00:46:20,653 -Six months ago. -[SCOFFING] Okay. 1172 00:46:20,737 --> 00:46:21,821 Super helpful. 1173 00:46:22,572 --> 00:46:25,325 Hey, perhaps, Otto, you can come up with a better idea 1174 00:46:25,408 --> 00:46:27,035 before you choke the life out of this one, 1175 00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:29,287 like your dick on a lonely Saturday night! 1176 00:46:29,370 --> 00:46:30,955 -GAIL: Hey, hey! -You wanna go? Let's go! 1177 00:46:31,039 --> 00:46:32,790 -I'm not afraid of you! -Come on! Come on, come on! 1178 00:46:32,874 --> 00:46:34,542 Hey, look. Look, look, look. 1179 00:46:34,626 --> 00:46:36,836 There it is. The Chateau Marmont. 1180 00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:39,923 Wow. It's more beautiful than I even imagined 1181 00:46:40,006 --> 00:46:42,675 when I first heard about this place 30 minutes ago. 1182 00:46:42,759 --> 00:46:43,760 Come on! 1183 00:46:46,679 --> 00:46:48,014 Hello, I'm Gail. 1184 00:46:48,097 --> 00:46:49,807 -RECEPTIONIST: Hi. -Is Jon Hamm here? 1185 00:46:49,891 --> 00:46:51,601 We don't give out that kind of information. 1186 00:46:51,684 --> 00:46:54,562 Okay, I think it's time to drop the neutron bomb. 1187 00:46:54,646 --> 00:46:56,022 -Here we go. Hello. -Hello. 1188 00:46:56,105 --> 00:46:58,107 -I'm John Slattery. -I know who you are. 1189 00:46:58,191 --> 00:47:00,360 -Oh, well, okay. -[ALL CHUCKLING] 1190 00:47:00,443 --> 00:47:01,694 Now we're cooking. 1191 00:47:01,778 --> 00:47:03,196 So, give us the 411. 1192 00:47:03,279 --> 00:47:05,406 What's the deal with my boy Jonny Hammer Sticks? 1193 00:47:05,490 --> 00:47:07,158 Can't help you. Hotel policy. 1194 00:47:08,117 --> 00:47:09,702 Wow. She's tough. I'm out of moves. 1195 00:47:09,786 --> 00:47:11,079 -CALEB: Yeah, she's good. -It's all right. 1196 00:47:11,162 --> 00:47:13,081 You did literally everything that you could. 1197 00:47:13,164 --> 00:47:15,208 Front desk. How may I help you? 1198 00:47:15,291 --> 00:47:17,752 One order of pineapple coconut pancakes to Room 203. 1199 00:47:17,835 --> 00:47:19,212 -Right away, sir. -Stop. 1200 00:47:20,296 --> 00:47:21,297 Hammer time. 1201 00:47:22,006 --> 00:47:24,092 GAIL: Well, that's 203, okay. 1202 00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:25,009 Do you wanna knock? 1203 00:47:25,093 --> 00:47:26,302 SLATTERY: No, you knock. GAIL: Okay. 1204 00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:31,224 -Can I help you? -Hi. We're here to see Jon Hamm. 1205 00:47:31,808 --> 00:47:32,934 Do you have an appointment? 1206 00:47:33,017 --> 00:47:36,271 -No, but I'm, uh, John... -Slattery! Yeah, I know. 1207 00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:38,064 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 1208 00:47:39,232 --> 00:47:40,900 -Hey. What's up, man? -SLATTERY: Hey, hi. 1209 00:47:40,984 --> 00:47:42,777 Respect to the work, bro. I really appreciate it. 1210 00:47:42,860 --> 00:47:44,487 -Oh, thank you, man. Thank you. -Nice to meet you. Yeah. 1211 00:47:44,571 --> 00:47:45,697 All right, y'all have a good day. 1212 00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:47,115 -GAIL: Wait, no. No, no, no, come back. -Wait. Wait. 1213 00:47:47,198 --> 00:47:48,157 SLATTERY: Wait. Ow! 1214 00:47:48,241 --> 00:47:50,493 -Ow! Ow! Ow! -GAIL: Oh! Ow! 1215 00:47:51,077 --> 00:47:52,996 -Move. Move out the way. -Ow! Ow! 1216 00:47:53,079 --> 00:47:54,872 -Ow! Ow! -[GAIL CONTINUES EXCLAIMING] 1217 00:47:54,956 --> 00:47:56,249 Slat-man! 1218 00:47:56,332 --> 00:47:58,334 -Ow! Ow! Ow! -Move. 1219 00:47:58,418 --> 00:47:59,419 -VINCENT: Stop! Stop it! -Ow! Ow! 1220 00:47:59,502 --> 00:48:00,503 [GAIL EXCLAIMING] 1221 00:48:00,587 --> 00:48:01,713 -What are you doing? -Ow! 1222 00:48:02,130 --> 00:48:03,381 -Stop doing that! No! -Ow! Ow! 1223 00:48:03,464 --> 00:48:04,674 Stop it! 1224 00:48:04,757 --> 00:48:07,385 -SLATTERY: Ow! Ow! -[ALL CLAMORING] 1225 00:48:08,553 --> 00:48:10,805 -Please stop. Just stop. -[CONTINUES YELLING] 1226 00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:13,349 Ow! Ow! Hey, Jon Hamm! 1227 00:48:14,058 --> 00:48:15,310 -[GRUNTS] -[ALL EXCLAIM] 1228 00:48:15,393 --> 00:48:17,937 What the heck? Why did you have to hit him like that, mister? 1229 00:48:18,021 --> 00:48:19,606 I'm gonna do a hell of a lot worse than that 1230 00:48:19,689 --> 00:48:21,274 if you don't march y'all asses out of here. 1231 00:48:21,357 --> 00:48:23,401 Worse than hitting him in the face? What are you gonna do to him? 1232 00:48:23,484 --> 00:48:25,486 I'm gonna make him very sick. 1233 00:48:26,487 --> 00:48:28,281 -What? How? -Enough questions. 1234 00:48:28,364 --> 00:48:31,993 Unless you want me to make you all very, very sick. 1235 00:48:32,076 --> 00:48:34,621 Just hear us out, okay? I can explain very quickly. 1236 00:48:34,704 --> 00:48:36,623 The bullet points are celebrity free pass. 1237 00:48:36,706 --> 00:48:38,374 My fiancé's was Aniston. Mine is Hamm. 1238 00:48:38,458 --> 00:48:40,627 He did it. I didn't, and I need to. 1239 00:48:42,879 --> 00:48:45,965 I understand completely. And I sympathize with your situation. 1240 00:48:46,049 --> 00:48:47,967 So, I'm not gonna make you all sick. 1241 00:48:49,010 --> 00:48:50,428 But I can't let you in. 1242 00:48:51,304 --> 00:48:52,639 Now get out of here before I change my mind 1243 00:48:52,722 --> 00:48:54,307 and make you all real sick. 1244 00:48:54,390 --> 00:48:55,433 [SNIFFLES] 1245 00:48:55,516 --> 00:48:57,935 Well, nobody wants to get sick, right, fellas? 1246 00:48:58,019 --> 00:49:00,313 -No, I definitely don't wanna get sick. -I just got over something. 1247 00:49:00,396 --> 00:49:02,607 -Okay. Let's get out of here. -SLATTERY: Jesus. 1248 00:49:06,527 --> 00:49:09,113 GAIL: I don't know, maybe this whole idea, 1249 00:49:09,197 --> 00:49:11,407 me thinking that having sex with Jon Hamm 1250 00:49:11,491 --> 00:49:14,661 would solve my relationship, is just ridiculous. It's stupid. 1251 00:49:14,744 --> 00:49:18,206 Just an utterly pointless premise. It's like, why? 1252 00:49:18,289 --> 00:49:19,457 No, Gail, no. 1253 00:49:19,540 --> 00:49:21,084 We're too far into this thing to give up now. 1254 00:49:21,167 --> 00:49:23,127 Yeah, Gail. John Slattery is right. 1255 00:49:23,211 --> 00:49:26,381 If we work together as a team, we can accomplish literally anything. 1256 00:49:26,464 --> 00:49:29,550 Don't worry, Gail, somehow we'll get you in there. 1257 00:49:29,634 --> 00:49:30,718 He's right. 1258 00:49:30,802 --> 00:49:32,887 And then we're gonna get him in there. 1259 00:49:33,221 --> 00:49:36,557 Aw! Guys. I know we all just met today, 1260 00:49:36,641 --> 00:49:39,477 but it really feels like we've known each other for over a week. 1261 00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:41,229 [OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS] 1262 00:49:41,312 --> 00:49:42,313 -Hey. -Oh! 1263 00:49:42,397 --> 00:49:44,107 I wanted to catch you before you left. 1264 00:49:44,190 --> 00:49:47,777 When I said I sympathized with you, I didn't tell you the exact truth. 1265 00:49:47,860 --> 00:49:51,072 The truth is, I more than sympathize with you. 1266 00:49:51,155 --> 00:49:52,448 I empathize with you. 1267 00:49:52,532 --> 00:49:53,991 Which is very different. Look it up. 1268 00:49:54,075 --> 00:49:55,451 Okay. 1269 00:49:55,535 --> 00:49:56,953 TERRENCE: On your phone. Look it up. GAIL: Uh... 1270 00:50:02,583 --> 00:50:03,751 Oh! 1271 00:50:03,835 --> 00:50:05,420 -So you're saying that... -That's right. 1272 00:50:05,503 --> 00:50:06,796 [SOFT ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING] 1273 00:50:06,879 --> 00:50:08,214 Her name was Rebecca. 1274 00:50:08,881 --> 00:50:10,299 We were in Mexico. 1275 00:50:10,925 --> 00:50:13,803 Rebecca loved bullfights. I hated them, but I loved her. 1276 00:50:15,221 --> 00:50:17,265 Then, chaos. 1277 00:50:17,348 --> 00:50:20,268 Bull jumps the fence, heads right for Rebecca. 1278 00:50:20,351 --> 00:50:22,186 I pull her away, but she's wearing red. 1279 00:50:22,270 --> 00:50:24,105 It's over in seconds. I slip on something. 1280 00:50:24,188 --> 00:50:25,314 It's Rebecca's liver. 1281 00:50:25,398 --> 00:50:26,899 -[GAIL GASPS] -Jesus Christ! 1282 00:50:26,983 --> 00:50:29,652 Yeah. So, yeah, I empathize with what you're going through. 1283 00:50:31,487 --> 00:50:34,741 That's actually quite different from Gail's situation. 1284 00:50:34,824 --> 00:50:37,702 Okay, maybe it is that I sympathize more than empathize. 1285 00:50:37,785 --> 00:50:41,289 Bottom line, whether it's a free celebrity pass taken too far 1286 00:50:41,372 --> 00:50:43,666 or an out-of-control bull disemboweling my Rebecca, 1287 00:50:43,750 --> 00:50:47,128 I know what it's like when someone comes between you and the one you love. 1288 00:50:47,211 --> 00:50:48,838 So, I went ahead 1289 00:50:48,921 --> 00:50:50,673 -and I talked to Mr. Hamm on your behalf. -GAIL: What? 1290 00:50:50,757 --> 00:50:52,800 You did? What did he say? 1291 00:50:52,884 --> 00:50:54,927 He's on the lookout for his next film project. 1292 00:50:55,011 --> 00:50:58,181 He said if you guys could bring him a great movie idea for him to star in, 1293 00:50:58,264 --> 00:51:01,601 one that electrifies audiences but also speaks to Jon personally, 1294 00:51:01,684 --> 00:51:05,146 then he promises he'll help you with whatever you need. 1295 00:51:05,897 --> 00:51:07,356 Whatever we need? 1296 00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:10,485 Wait, so we have to pitch him a film idea? 1297 00:51:10,568 --> 00:51:13,654 No, more than just an idea. He needs a fully fleshed-out story. 1298 00:51:13,738 --> 00:51:15,907 And of course, I come on board as a producer. 1299 00:51:15,990 --> 00:51:18,034 I gotta get enough money to help Rebecca with a proper burial. 1300 00:51:18,117 --> 00:51:19,994 -Wait, she's not buried yet? -TERRENCE: Not yet. 1301 00:51:20,077 --> 00:51:22,079 -Where is she now? -Listen, stay in your lane. 1302 00:51:22,663 --> 00:51:24,707 Guys, I think we could come up with something 1303 00:51:24,791 --> 00:51:26,959 really great if we put our heads together. 1304 00:51:27,043 --> 00:51:30,296 I don't know how we're gonna come up with a whole movie idea before we go home. 1305 00:51:30,379 --> 00:51:32,006 I didn't say it was gonna be easy. 1306 00:51:34,759 --> 00:51:36,052 Any ideas? 1307 00:51:36,135 --> 00:51:38,679 -No. I'm still thinking about the liver. -Yeah. 1308 00:51:38,763 --> 00:51:42,683 How about something about, um, like a dog or something? 1309 00:51:42,767 --> 00:51:44,811 No, that's already been done. Marley & Me? 1310 00:51:44,894 --> 00:51:46,437 Oh, yeah. Right. 1311 00:51:47,230 --> 00:51:49,232 Damn it. God, it is such a good idea. 1312 00:51:49,315 --> 00:51:51,984 If it wasn't for fucking Marley & Me! 1313 00:51:52,068 --> 00:51:53,528 Okay, okay. How about, uh... 1314 00:51:54,862 --> 00:51:57,156 Ugh, I can't get Otto's dog idea out of my head. 1315 00:51:57,240 --> 00:51:58,741 -I know. -I know we can't 'cause of Marley & Me, 1316 00:51:58,825 --> 00:52:00,868 -but it was, like, the exact perfect idea. -It was. 1317 00:52:00,952 --> 00:52:03,329 Also, I can't think of anything original because I'm starving. 1318 00:52:03,412 --> 00:52:05,373 I have a protein bar in my case in the back seat. 1319 00:52:05,456 --> 00:52:07,208 -Do you want it? -Yes, please. I'm dying. 1320 00:52:07,291 --> 00:52:08,543 VINCENT: Yeah. I'll take a protein bar. 1321 00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:09,752 GAIL: Want one too? SLATTERY: I want two. 1322 00:52:09,836 --> 00:52:10,878 Oh! 1323 00:52:11,295 --> 00:52:12,505 What about a cat? 1324 00:52:12,588 --> 00:52:14,340 -Is the cat's name Marley? -GAIL: Yes, of course. 1325 00:52:14,423 --> 00:52:15,925 -Then technically, it's still Marley & Me. -GAIL: How? 1326 00:52:16,008 --> 00:52:17,426 Is it supposed to be locked? 1327 00:52:17,510 --> 00:52:18,803 No, it's probably just jammed. 1328 00:52:18,886 --> 00:52:20,429 Okay. Hi-ya! 1329 00:52:20,513 --> 00:52:22,139 -OTTO: Garfield. -Still got it. 1330 00:52:22,223 --> 00:52:23,683 GAIL: Ugh, I hate Mondays! 1331 00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:25,810 OTTO: This is tough. SLATTERY: Uh... 1332 00:52:25,893 --> 00:52:27,728 I don't see any protein bars in here. 1333 00:52:27,812 --> 00:52:29,647 -What? -Just a bunch of papers. 1334 00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:34,777 -[GASPS] This isn't my case. -VINCENT: What? 1335 00:52:34,861 --> 00:52:36,612 SLATTERY: "Top secret." What the heck is this? 1336 00:52:37,488 --> 00:52:39,615 -United States Patent Office. -What the hell is that? 1337 00:52:39,699 --> 00:52:40,867 OTTO: Whoa! 1338 00:52:42,118 --> 00:52:43,119 GAIL: I don't know. I feel weird about this. 1339 00:52:43,202 --> 00:52:44,996 Are you sure that we should be looking at this stuff? 1340 00:52:45,079 --> 00:52:46,247 It's somebody else's property. It feels weird. 1341 00:52:46,330 --> 00:52:50,126 Guys, I have read a lot of screenplays over my many months at CAA. 1342 00:52:51,002 --> 00:52:52,378 This beats them all. 1343 00:52:52,461 --> 00:52:56,799 It's got violence and intrigue and espionage and double identities. 1344 00:52:56,883 --> 00:52:58,467 I mean, the fate of the whole damn world's at stake. 1345 00:52:58,551 --> 00:53:00,428 -So, what are you saying? -I'm saying, 1346 00:53:00,511 --> 00:53:03,347 you plop Jon Hamm into this story, it writes itself. 1347 00:53:03,431 --> 00:53:04,891 This is our movie pitch. 1348 00:53:04,974 --> 00:53:05,975 Wait, wait, wait. You're saying we're gonna 1349 00:53:06,058 --> 00:53:07,935 turn these files into a movie pitch? 1350 00:53:08,019 --> 00:53:11,105 Caleb's right. These are real-life details that you just couldn't make up. 1351 00:53:11,188 --> 00:53:14,525 I mean, all we have to do is just shape them just a tiny bit. 1352 00:53:14,609 --> 00:53:16,152 Hey, Vincent, you sound like a professional screenwriter. 1353 00:53:16,235 --> 00:53:17,069 [LAUGHS] Doesn't he? 1354 00:53:17,153 --> 00:53:18,321 -You do. -He does. 1355 00:53:18,404 --> 00:53:19,739 Well, funny you say that, you know, 1356 00:53:19,822 --> 00:53:22,825 because I originally came to Hollywood to become a screenwriter. 1357 00:53:22,909 --> 00:53:25,286 -What? -Yeah. But then I had five mouths to feed, 1358 00:53:25,369 --> 00:53:27,455 so I had to give that up tout suite. 1359 00:53:27,538 --> 00:53:29,498 -Wait, you have five kids? -VINCENT: Yeah. 1360 00:53:29,582 --> 00:53:31,000 They're all starting college this year. 1361 00:53:31,083 --> 00:53:34,545 Wait, Vincent, you should be the one to write our Jon Hamm vehicle. 1362 00:53:35,171 --> 00:53:36,172 You should. 1363 00:53:36,255 --> 00:53:37,965 And Caleb, if you sell it to him 1364 00:53:38,049 --> 00:53:41,177 with the same chutzpah that you are showing us right now, 1365 00:53:41,260 --> 00:53:44,096 I know that he is going to love it. 1366 00:53:44,180 --> 00:53:46,390 I mean, yeah, and... and John Slattery, 1367 00:53:46,474 --> 00:53:48,434 I feel like you'd be perfect to play one of the parts. 1368 00:53:48,517 --> 00:53:50,102 -Oh, my gosh. Yes. -Really? 1369 00:53:50,186 --> 00:53:51,228 -Can you do an Italian accent? -Yes! 1370 00:53:51,312 --> 00:53:52,313 Well, no, but... 1371 00:53:53,230 --> 00:53:56,525 [IN BAD ENGLISH ACCENT] I've got an English accent that's not too bad. 1372 00:53:56,609 --> 00:53:58,235 Care for a spot of tea? 1373 00:53:58,319 --> 00:54:00,780 No, thanks. I've got a tummy ache, haven't I? 1374 00:54:00,863 --> 00:54:02,323 [ALL LAUGHING, EXCLAIMING] 1375 00:54:02,406 --> 00:54:03,783 [IN BAD ENGLISH ACCENT] Me Japanese accent's 1376 00:54:03,866 --> 00:54:05,618 not too bad either, don't you know? 1377 00:54:08,913 --> 00:54:11,207 Okay, well, I say we go pitch Jon Hamm right now, huh? 1378 00:54:11,290 --> 00:54:14,627 Hold on a second. We still need to tighten and mold and put a spit shine 1379 00:54:14,710 --> 00:54:17,088 on this pitch before it is ready for prime time. 1380 00:54:17,171 --> 00:54:18,255 [VOICES OVERLAPPING] 1381 00:54:18,339 --> 00:54:19,465 SLATTERY: You guys gonna eat the rest of this? 1382 00:54:19,548 --> 00:54:21,133 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 1383 00:54:22,718 --> 00:54:25,680 [CONVERSATIONS OVERLAPPING] 1384 00:54:25,763 --> 00:54:27,348 -Are you kidding me? [LAUGHS] -SLATTERY: Right? 1385 00:54:27,431 --> 00:54:29,433 -Oh, my God. -SLATTERY: Whoa. 1386 00:54:29,517 --> 00:54:30,935 -What happened? -What the heck? 1387 00:54:31,018 --> 00:54:31,936 SLATTERY: You guys didn't leave it like this? 1388 00:54:32,019 --> 00:54:32,937 -GAIL: No. -[OTTO GASPS] 1389 00:54:33,020 --> 00:54:34,897 -Hello, Gail... -Daughtry. 1390 00:54:34,981 --> 00:54:36,399 -[ALL EXCLAIMING] -Oh, my God. 1391 00:54:36,482 --> 00:54:39,986 Do you have any idea how much turmoil you've caused in our life? 1392 00:54:40,069 --> 00:54:41,237 NICCOLO: They have no idea. 1393 00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:44,323 [SIGHS] Okay. Give us the case and we'll be out of your hair. 1394 00:54:44,407 --> 00:54:46,909 Okay. Be cool. Give him the case. 1395 00:54:46,993 --> 00:54:48,536 GAIL: [WHISPERS] Wait, then we have no movie pitch. 1396 00:54:48,619 --> 00:54:50,621 Wait, hold on. Slattery... 1397 00:54:50,705 --> 00:54:52,581 I'm gonna distract them, and you attack them. 1398 00:54:52,665 --> 00:54:55,167 No, no, no. I've never actually fought a real person. 1399 00:54:55,251 --> 00:54:56,877 -I will throw up. -Hey! 1400 00:54:56,961 --> 00:54:59,296 I'm gonna start to shoot soon. And you don't want that. 1401 00:54:59,922 --> 00:55:02,133 -[RETCHES] Sorry. -[GAIL GASPS] 1402 00:55:02,216 --> 00:55:04,260 Okay. You got one roller bed coming right... 1403 00:55:04,343 --> 00:55:06,178 -Oh, my God. -SERGIO: Who's this guy? 1404 00:55:06,262 --> 00:55:07,805 -[YELLS] -Hey, smile. 1405 00:55:07,888 --> 00:55:09,890 -[SHUTTER CLICKING RAPIDLY] -[ALL YELLING] 1406 00:55:09,974 --> 00:55:11,976 [YELLS, GRUNTS] 1407 00:55:13,644 --> 00:55:16,272 -[ALL EXCLAIM] -Run. Run! 1408 00:55:16,355 --> 00:55:18,399 [ALL CLAMORING] 1409 00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:20,818 SERGIO: I can't see! 1410 00:55:20,901 --> 00:55:22,236 SERGIO: Come on! NICCOLO: All right! 1411 00:55:22,319 --> 00:55:23,487 [YELLS, GRUNTS] 1412 00:55:23,571 --> 00:55:24,572 Run! 1413 00:55:25,865 --> 00:55:26,866 Down the stairs! 1414 00:55:27,700 --> 00:55:29,326 [ALL PANTING] 1415 00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:31,287 [BOTH PANTING] 1416 00:55:33,164 --> 00:55:34,165 SERGIO: Give me that case. 1417 00:55:34,248 --> 00:55:35,166 [CROWD YELLING] 1418 00:55:35,249 --> 00:55:37,168 EMCEE: Welcome to the Blow out Blow out. 1419 00:55:37,251 --> 00:55:41,338 Here is your whip curl king, Remy Fontaine! 1420 00:55:41,422 --> 00:55:42,423 Do you miss me? 1421 00:55:42,506 --> 00:55:43,799 [CROWD CHEERING] 1422 00:55:43,883 --> 00:55:45,509 EMCEE: Make some noise for Remy! 1423 00:55:47,303 --> 00:55:48,971 Who wants a whip curl? You? You? 1424 00:55:50,347 --> 00:55:51,807 I see 'em! I think I see 'em. 1425 00:55:51,891 --> 00:55:53,601 -[ALL YELLING] -[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING] 1426 00:55:58,647 --> 00:56:02,109 EMCEE: Grip it, flip it and whip it. 1427 00:56:03,277 --> 00:56:04,820 REMY: You just got fingered. 1428 00:56:05,738 --> 00:56:07,323 Remy! 1429 00:56:07,907 --> 00:56:11,786 I took a little bit of ketamine. So this is a bit frightening. 1430 00:56:12,286 --> 00:56:14,163 I love you, I love you, give me a kiss. 1431 00:56:15,456 --> 00:56:17,166 GAIL: [GASPS] It's Remy. OTTO: Not right now, honey. 1432 00:56:17,249 --> 00:56:19,251 Oh! There. The exit. Let's go. 1433 00:56:19,335 --> 00:56:20,753 -Okay. -Go, go, go, go! 1434 00:56:20,836 --> 00:56:21,837 OTTO: Wait, hold on. 1435 00:56:22,671 --> 00:56:24,173 -GAIL: Otto, what are you doing? -Trust me. 1436 00:56:24,256 --> 00:56:25,674 EMCEE: Remy loves you. 1437 00:56:25,758 --> 00:56:28,803 Be sure to show your love for Remy at the merchandise table. 1438 00:56:28,886 --> 00:56:30,805 Did everyone sign up for the meet and greet? 1439 00:56:30,888 --> 00:56:32,973 I don't know what the fuck this is. Go that way. 1440 00:56:33,057 --> 00:56:34,683 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 1441 00:56:34,767 --> 00:56:37,686 EMCEE: Whip it good. Whip it real good. 1442 00:56:37,770 --> 00:56:40,898 VINCENT: No, no, no. Gail. Otto! SLATTERY: Otto. Gail. 1443 00:56:40,981 --> 00:56:43,150 -EMCEE: It's whip curl madness. -Vincent! 1444 00:56:43,234 --> 00:56:44,235 Caleb! 1445 00:56:44,318 --> 00:56:45,444 -Gail! -Otto! 1446 00:56:45,528 --> 00:56:46,862 John Slattery! 1447 00:56:46,946 --> 00:56:49,365 -EMCEE: I want to whip my curls in it. -Gail, we gotta go. 1448 00:56:50,741 --> 00:56:53,786 EMCEE: Give it up for Remy... Oh, my God. He's got a gun. 1449 00:56:53,869 --> 00:56:55,412 [CROWD SCREAMING] 1450 00:56:55,496 --> 00:56:57,665 -Found you. -Go, go. Go, go, go. 1451 00:57:02,128 --> 00:57:04,004 [PANTING] Uh... Okay. 1452 00:57:05,214 --> 00:57:06,298 -NICCOLO: Enough! -[BOTH SCREAM] 1453 00:57:07,299 --> 00:57:08,676 Stop running. 1454 00:57:09,176 --> 00:57:11,428 -I'm tired. Hand it over. -OTTO: Wait, wait, wait. 1455 00:57:11,512 --> 00:57:13,556 Okay, don't shoot. We can work this out. 1456 00:57:13,639 --> 00:57:15,850 No, no, no. There's nothing to work out. 1457 00:57:16,809 --> 00:57:19,270 -Goodbye, Gail Daughtry. -No, no, no. 1458 00:57:19,353 --> 00:57:20,521 [GUNSHOT] 1459 00:57:23,065 --> 00:57:24,316 -[GAIL SCREAMING] -[BULLET CLINKS] 1460 00:57:27,820 --> 00:57:29,071 -[BODY THUDS] -[BOTH YELL] 1461 00:57:29,155 --> 00:57:30,990 -Oh, my God. Oh, my God. -[PANTING] 1462 00:57:31,824 --> 00:57:32,908 -Are you okay? -Yeah, yeah. 1463 00:57:32,992 --> 00:57:36,412 [STAMMERS] The metal plate in my head saved my life. 1464 00:57:36,996 --> 00:57:38,831 -Who are these people? -SERGIO: Get back here. 1465 00:57:41,083 --> 00:57:42,251 Oh! 1466 00:57:42,334 --> 00:57:43,460 Niccolo. 1467 00:57:43,919 --> 00:57:47,965 [GASPS] Niccolo. Oh, no. Niccolo. 1468 00:57:48,048 --> 00:57:49,675 It was an accident, I swear. 1469 00:57:49,758 --> 00:57:50,759 I don't know how it happened. 1470 00:57:50,843 --> 00:57:53,179 -I'm so, so, so sorry. -You. 1471 00:57:53,929 --> 00:57:56,515 You know what? I can cause accidents, too. 1472 00:57:57,308 --> 00:57:59,393 Get ready to burn in... [SCREAMS] 1473 00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:00,561 -[SIZZLING] -Oh! 1474 00:58:00,644 --> 00:58:02,938 You mess with my show, you're gonna get burned. 1475 00:58:03,022 --> 00:58:04,732 -[CONTINUES SCREAMING] -Literally. 1476 00:58:06,483 --> 00:58:07,568 -[BODY THUDS] -[BLOWS] 1477 00:58:07,651 --> 00:58:08,694 [CAT SCREECHES] 1478 00:58:08,777 --> 00:58:11,030 [GASPS] That's the Fontaine 3XL, isn't it? 1479 00:58:11,113 --> 00:58:12,865 Yes. They are. [CHUCKLES] 1480 00:58:12,948 --> 00:58:15,868 You know, they say that dog is a man's best friend? Yeah? 1481 00:58:15,951 --> 00:58:17,036 -GAIL: Yeah. -I say this too, 1482 00:58:17,119 --> 00:58:20,331 but this curling iron is also a very good friend of... 1483 00:58:20,414 --> 00:58:22,166 -[BOTH EXCLAIM] -REMY: Oh! 1484 00:58:22,249 --> 00:58:24,168 -Oh! -[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING] 1485 00:58:25,377 --> 00:58:27,004 -[GAIL SHRIEKS] -MAN: Give me that. 1486 00:58:27,087 --> 00:58:29,256 [GAIL AND OTTO GRUNTING] 1487 00:58:29,965 --> 00:58:31,884 -Go, go, go! Let's go! -[TIRES SCREECH] 1488 00:58:33,385 --> 00:58:34,845 Hey, sorry, we got held up a little bit... 1489 00:58:34,929 --> 00:58:35,971 Whoa. Oh. 1490 00:58:37,556 --> 00:58:39,892 This is a classic case of two guys on the ground. 1491 00:58:41,435 --> 00:58:43,979 [WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING] 1492 00:58:45,397 --> 00:58:46,815 [VULTURE SCREECHES] 1493 00:58:46,899 --> 00:58:48,108 [WIND BLOWING] 1494 00:58:49,985 --> 00:58:51,362 [BOTH GASPING] 1495 00:58:52,905 --> 00:58:55,366 Where are we? Who are you? What do you want from us? 1496 00:58:55,449 --> 00:58:57,618 -Wait. No, no, no. Please, come back. -No, no, no, come back. Come back! 1497 00:58:57,701 --> 00:58:59,411 -Come back! -[SHUSHES] 1498 00:59:00,329 --> 00:59:02,831 -What, are they gonna kill us? -I don't know. I don't want to die. 1499 00:59:02,915 --> 00:59:04,208 Me neither. 1500 00:59:05,209 --> 00:59:06,835 Wait. Otto. 1501 00:59:06,919 --> 00:59:07,920 Yeah? 1502 00:59:08,420 --> 00:59:09,505 I just remembered... 1503 00:59:10,256 --> 00:59:12,883 -I can pop my ankle out. -Huh? 1504 00:59:12,967 --> 00:59:14,885 -Okay, do it. Do it. -Okay. 1505 00:59:14,969 --> 00:59:17,137 -[STRAINING] -[CRACKS] 1506 00:59:17,221 --> 00:59:19,056 -Did you do it? -Yeah. 1507 00:59:20,891 --> 00:59:23,519 But it didn't achieve anything, so I'm gonna pop it back in, okay? 1508 00:59:23,602 --> 00:59:25,312 -Okay. Yeah. Pop it back in. Do it. -It hurts. 1509 00:59:25,396 --> 00:59:26,563 [STRAINING] Ow. 1510 00:59:26,647 --> 00:59:27,731 [BOTH SIGH] 1511 00:59:27,815 --> 00:59:29,316 Oh, Gail. 1512 00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,694 I'm so sorry I talked you into coming to Los Angeles with me. 1513 00:59:31,777 --> 00:59:33,362 Otto, don't do that. 1514 00:59:33,445 --> 00:59:38,075 You've been my most consistent, my most loving, loyal friend 1515 00:59:38,158 --> 00:59:40,494 ever since my parents' double suicide. 1516 00:59:41,453 --> 00:59:43,205 And as I've said to you before, you know, 1517 00:59:43,289 --> 00:59:46,625 I could never presume to understand what it is you've gone through. 1518 00:59:46,709 --> 00:59:49,336 I mean, to find your mother and father in your bed like that. 1519 00:59:50,087 --> 00:59:52,298 -And on your birthday, no less. -Yeah. 1520 00:59:52,381 --> 00:59:56,260 But all I can do is be your friend. 1521 00:59:57,344 --> 00:59:58,345 No matter what. 1522 00:59:59,138 --> 01:00:00,139 Until the end. 1523 01:00:01,140 --> 01:00:02,266 -[GRUNTS] -[OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 1524 01:00:02,933 --> 01:00:04,685 Gail Daughtry. 1525 01:00:04,768 --> 01:00:06,603 Hairdresser. 1526 01:00:06,687 --> 01:00:07,938 Finally, we meet. 1527 01:00:08,439 --> 01:00:13,068 Flawless face to flawless face. 1528 01:00:14,278 --> 01:00:15,279 Who are you? 1529 01:00:15,988 --> 01:00:17,531 Where are we? 1530 01:00:17,614 --> 01:00:22,870 Perhaps you recognize this saloon from the movie Blood on the Wagon. 1531 01:00:22,953 --> 01:00:26,540 I'm sorry, I don't. I'm more into, like, black-and-white Holocaust shit. 1532 01:00:26,623 --> 01:00:27,875 Abandoned years ago. 1533 01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:30,294 A ghost town movie set. 1534 01:00:30,377 --> 01:00:34,506 The irony of building the New World financial order 1535 01:00:34,590 --> 01:00:38,886 from the ruins of fake American mythology... 1536 01:00:38,969 --> 01:00:40,721 makes me so hard. 1537 01:00:41,347 --> 01:00:45,601 At first, I thought you were a hired operative. But no. 1538 01:00:45,684 --> 01:00:46,518 Mm-mmm. 1539 01:00:46,602 --> 01:00:50,689 You are just a girl from Kansas that showed up in my city 1540 01:00:50,773 --> 01:00:52,691 trying to do I don't know what. 1541 01:00:52,775 --> 01:00:54,151 Have sex with Jon Hamm. 1542 01:00:54,234 --> 01:00:55,986 Oh, like a celebrity pass thing? 1543 01:00:56,070 --> 01:00:57,780 -GAIL: Exactly. -Good luck with that. 1544 01:00:57,863 --> 01:00:59,865 -Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. -[OTTO LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] 1545 01:01:00,699 --> 01:01:01,617 -Kill her. -Mm-hmm. 1546 01:01:01,700 --> 01:01:02,534 Wait, what? 1547 01:01:02,618 --> 01:01:04,078 What did she just say? 1548 01:01:04,828 --> 01:01:08,165 -And her little friend, too. -No, no, no, no, no, please. 1549 01:01:08,248 --> 01:01:09,958 SERGIO: Let's do this. GAIL: Please, not Otto! 1550 01:01:12,252 --> 01:01:13,712 [STRAINING] 1551 01:01:13,796 --> 01:01:14,963 [CHOKING] 1552 01:01:16,757 --> 01:01:18,217 Stop! 1553 01:01:19,176 --> 01:01:21,345 Who the fuck is Remy Fontaine? 1554 01:01:23,430 --> 01:01:25,349 [COUGHS] 1555 01:01:25,432 --> 01:01:28,769 He's king of the whip curl. [WHEEZES] 1556 01:01:28,852 --> 01:01:30,062 And then I said to him, 1557 01:01:30,145 --> 01:01:32,856 "Uh, if you mess with my show, you're gonna get burned. 1558 01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:36,443 "Uh, literally." It just... It just seemed like something to say. 1559 01:01:37,444 --> 01:01:38,404 A catchphrase. 1560 01:01:38,487 --> 01:01:39,947 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 1561 01:01:40,030 --> 01:01:41,115 Hello? 1562 01:01:41,198 --> 01:01:44,243 Your friends tell me you have something that is mine. 1563 01:01:44,326 --> 01:01:45,953 Who is this? What friends? 1564 01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:49,289 Is this like camp friends? Is this Lieberman? 1565 01:01:49,373 --> 01:01:51,166 Caleb, do whatever she says. She's gonna kill us. 1566 01:01:51,250 --> 01:01:53,419 Lieberman, I swear to God, if this is one of your bits 1567 01:01:53,502 --> 01:01:55,963 it's not even that funny because I actually have some friends 1568 01:01:56,046 --> 01:01:59,091 -who are in legitimate danger right now. -Caleb, it's Gail! 1569 01:01:59,174 --> 01:02:02,928 Bring my reports to 25933 1570 01:02:03,011 --> 01:02:08,976 Sand Canyon Way, Santa Clarita, California, 91387. 1571 01:02:09,601 --> 01:02:11,645 And bring them within the hour. 1572 01:02:11,728 --> 01:02:14,648 -If not, your friends will die! -[WHIMPERS] 1573 01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:19,903 Well, either Lieberman's upped his game dramatically, 1574 01:02:19,987 --> 01:02:22,656 or Gail and Otto are in really significant danger. 1575 01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:25,033 -We have to go to that address. -Hey, wait. 1576 01:02:25,117 --> 01:02:26,118 Who are we kidding? 1577 01:02:26,201 --> 01:02:28,454 They're not gonna let us just stroll in there, 1578 01:02:28,537 --> 01:02:30,789 save our friends, and then stroll right back out. 1579 01:02:30,873 --> 01:02:33,333 Come on, let's face it. They're... 1580 01:02:33,792 --> 01:02:35,085 They're dead already. 1581 01:02:37,045 --> 01:02:38,547 SLATTERY: Vincent. VINCENT: Hey, hey, hey. 1582 01:02:39,673 --> 01:02:40,674 Why is this here? 1583 01:02:41,091 --> 01:02:43,385 [SCOFFS] It's just a roll of film, man. 1584 01:02:43,469 --> 01:02:46,013 -Why is this in here? -It's just a roll of film. 1585 01:02:46,096 --> 01:02:47,806 -Why is this in here? -It's a roll of film! 1586 01:02:47,890 --> 01:02:49,558 -Why is it in here? -It is a roll of film! 1587 01:02:49,641 --> 01:02:51,435 -Vincent! -Okay, it's there to remind me 1588 01:02:51,518 --> 01:02:54,021 to never leave what's important behind! 1589 01:02:57,024 --> 01:02:58,025 [BREATHES SHAKILY] 1590 01:02:58,108 --> 01:03:00,319 -Let's go save our friends. -Wet's woll. 1591 01:03:01,028 --> 01:03:02,362 Hey, can I go? 1592 01:03:02,446 --> 01:03:04,865 'Cause if I don't finish my show, I'm out $600. 1593 01:03:04,948 --> 01:03:06,575 -MALE OFFICER: Sir, you need to calm down. -No, no... 1594 01:03:06,783 --> 01:03:08,869 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 1595 01:03:14,458 --> 01:03:15,709 SLATTERY: I know this place. 1596 01:03:15,792 --> 01:03:17,503 We shot an episode of Love Boat here. 1597 01:03:17,586 --> 01:03:18,754 VINCENT: Really? CALEB: Here? 1598 01:03:18,837 --> 01:03:20,422 SLATTERY: It was a bottle episode. 1599 01:03:20,506 --> 01:03:21,632 CALEB: Wait, how old are you? 1600 01:03:21,715 --> 01:03:22,716 [MUFFLED YELLING] 1601 01:03:22,799 --> 01:03:23,842 CALEB: You guys hear that? VINCENT: What the heck? 1602 01:03:23,926 --> 01:03:26,845 -Otto! -CALEB: Gail! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1603 01:03:26,929 --> 01:03:27,971 Thank God you're okay. 1604 01:03:28,055 --> 01:03:29,723 -[GAIL GASPS] -VINCENT: I got it. 1605 01:03:30,307 --> 01:03:31,517 Thank you. 1606 01:03:32,184 --> 01:03:33,268 OTTO: Oh, thank God. 1607 01:03:33,352 --> 01:03:35,145 -Hi. Are you okay? -Yeah, yeah. 1608 01:03:36,230 --> 01:03:37,773 [ALL CLAMORING] 1609 01:03:37,856 --> 01:03:39,733 -MAN: Hey. -Hi. 1610 01:03:46,573 --> 01:03:48,116 My reports, please. 1611 01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,201 -The reports are... -[VOICES OVERLAPPING] 1612 01:03:49,284 --> 01:03:54,248 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold your horses, Slattery. Everybody hold your horses. 1613 01:03:54,331 --> 01:03:55,999 We got the reports. They're close by. 1614 01:03:56,083 --> 01:03:59,169 But first, we're gonna need some assurance that we're getting out of here alive. 1615 01:03:59,253 --> 01:04:01,505 What? You don't trust me? 1616 01:04:01,588 --> 01:04:03,298 Lady, I trust in three things only. 1617 01:04:03,382 --> 01:04:05,342 My mommy, death, and taxes. 1618 01:04:05,425 --> 01:04:07,177 And last I checked, I'm still alive. 1619 01:04:07,261 --> 01:04:09,263 I use TurboTax, and nobody here's breastfeeding me. 1620 01:04:09,346 --> 01:04:13,141 So, yeah, we got a couple of requests on our end. 1621 01:04:13,225 --> 01:04:15,435 You are in no position to bargain. 1622 01:04:15,519 --> 01:04:16,937 CALEB: We see things a little bit differently, 1623 01:04:17,020 --> 01:04:19,231 because it seems to us that without those documents, 1624 01:04:19,314 --> 01:04:20,816 you don't have what you want. 1625 01:04:20,899 --> 01:04:24,653 And it seems to me that the only people who know where the documents are is us. 1626 01:04:24,736 --> 01:04:28,657 So it seems like right now you need us alive. 1627 01:04:30,867 --> 01:04:31,868 What do you want? 1628 01:04:31,952 --> 01:04:34,663 You tell your goon boys to drop their guns and leave us alone. 1629 01:04:34,746 --> 01:04:38,000 We walk out of here unscathed. You get your documents. It's a win-win. 1630 01:04:41,712 --> 01:04:42,713 Okay. 1631 01:04:44,047 --> 01:04:46,883 Everybody, put your guns in the trash and take a break. 1632 01:04:48,552 --> 01:04:49,803 Happy now? 1633 01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:55,934 Well, I feel like they did everything that we asked for. 1634 01:04:56,018 --> 01:04:58,061 OTTO: They put the guns in the trash... VINCENT: They gave something, 1635 01:04:58,145 --> 01:04:59,271 -we need to give something. -You guys wanna take a vote? 1636 01:04:59,354 --> 01:05:00,355 SLATTERY: Yeah. We all in? 1637 01:05:00,439 --> 01:05:01,648 -Vincent? -Okay. 1638 01:05:01,732 --> 01:05:02,816 SLATTERY: Give her the reports. VINCENT: Yeah. 1639 01:05:04,943 --> 01:05:07,613 -[UNZIPS] -Here we go. 1640 01:05:09,239 --> 01:05:10,407 Right there. One more. 1641 01:05:12,326 --> 01:05:14,620 These are... Yeah, right there. There you are. 1642 01:05:14,703 --> 01:05:16,246 -And we have one more. One more. -GAIL: Do you need help? 1643 01:05:16,330 --> 01:05:17,914 -Gail, give me a hand? -Yeah, sure. 1644 01:05:18,874 --> 01:05:21,835 -GAIL: Okay. -Right there. And one more. 1645 01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:24,421 [STRAINING] One more. Come on. 1646 01:05:24,504 --> 01:05:26,965 There it is. And one more, one more. 1647 01:05:34,473 --> 01:05:36,391 Well, that's that. 1648 01:05:36,475 --> 01:05:38,727 -So much for our movie pitch. -At least we're alive. 1649 01:05:38,810 --> 01:05:40,604 Hey, Caleb, you are quite a negotiator. 1650 01:05:40,687 --> 01:05:41,897 -Yeah. -Wow. 1651 01:05:41,980 --> 01:05:43,774 -It's all here. -[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS] 1652 01:05:43,857 --> 01:05:44,983 Hey. [SNAPS FINGERS] 1653 01:05:45,067 --> 01:05:47,444 -Kill them. -GAIL: Wait, what? 1654 01:05:47,527 --> 01:05:49,196 Wait, wait, wait... No, no, no, no, no. 1655 01:05:49,279 --> 01:05:50,614 -Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. -[GAIL GROANS] 1656 01:05:50,697 --> 01:05:52,407 We should have anticipated that they'd come back 1657 01:05:52,491 --> 01:05:53,492 and get their guns again. 1658 01:05:53,575 --> 01:05:55,702 Yeah. Don't blame yourself. I missed it, too. 1659 01:05:55,786 --> 01:05:57,996 These guys are professional killers, right? 1660 01:05:58,080 --> 01:05:59,373 -We both missed it. -SLATTERY: We all missed it. 1661 01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:01,166 -CALEB: Yeah. -I'm kicking myself now. 1662 01:06:01,249 --> 01:06:02,584 VINCENT: It was right in my face. 1663 01:06:02,668 --> 01:06:04,378 [WHISPERS] Hey, Slattery, now would be a good time to pull off 1664 01:06:04,461 --> 01:06:05,462 some of those moves. 1665 01:06:05,545 --> 01:06:06,880 I told you, I can't... I can't do it. 1666 01:06:06,963 --> 01:06:08,465 Real violence makes me throw up. 1667 01:06:08,548 --> 01:06:13,387 John, no flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris. 1668 01:06:13,470 --> 01:06:15,889 -What? -Orville Wright said that. 1669 01:06:16,723 --> 01:06:18,350 Now, do you understand what I'm saying? 1670 01:06:18,934 --> 01:06:20,352 Yeah. 1671 01:06:20,435 --> 01:06:21,728 Yeah, I understand. 1672 01:06:22,813 --> 01:06:24,106 Stand back, everybody. 1673 01:06:24,189 --> 01:06:25,649 -I got this. -GAIL: Okay. 1674 01:06:25,732 --> 01:06:27,693 SLATTERY: Fellas, fellas. [LAUGHS] 1675 01:06:27,776 --> 01:06:29,778 Nobody wants to get hurt, right? 1676 01:06:29,861 --> 01:06:31,488 So why don't we just handle it like this? 1677 01:06:31,571 --> 01:06:33,323 -[GRUNTS] -[GAIL GASPS] 1678 01:06:34,032 --> 01:06:35,367 -[GUN FIRES] -[ALL EXCLAIM] 1679 01:06:35,450 --> 01:06:36,702 -Whoa! -[GRUNTS] 1680 01:06:36,785 --> 01:06:38,245 [UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING] 1681 01:06:38,328 --> 01:06:39,705 -Hi-yah! -[GRUNTS] 1682 01:06:40,747 --> 01:06:41,748 [SLATTERY LAUGHS] 1683 01:06:41,832 --> 01:06:43,792 -Hey, hey, hey. -[LAUGHS] Not bad, right? 1684 01:06:45,585 --> 01:06:47,713 Hey, boys. Come on! 1685 01:06:48,255 --> 01:06:49,464 [GRUNTING] 1686 01:06:50,132 --> 01:06:51,216 Take that. 1687 01:06:52,175 --> 01:06:54,094 -Too slow. -[GRUNTS] 1688 01:06:54,177 --> 01:06:55,762 -Good job. -SLATTERY: Nope. 1689 01:06:55,846 --> 01:06:57,723 [GRUNTING] 1690 01:06:59,141 --> 01:07:01,560 -What the fuck? -[YELLS] 1691 01:07:02,144 --> 01:07:03,311 Consider that a divorce. 1692 01:07:03,395 --> 01:07:05,689 -Hey, you're mine! -SLATTERY: You want some, too, baldy? 1693 01:07:06,314 --> 01:07:07,691 -Take that. -[YELLS] 1694 01:07:07,774 --> 01:07:09,484 This is fun. I can do this all day. 1695 01:07:10,777 --> 01:07:11,987 Got your eye, motherfucker. 1696 01:07:12,070 --> 01:07:12,988 -[SQUELCHES] -[SCREAMING] 1697 01:07:13,071 --> 01:07:13,947 ALL: Ooh! 1698 01:07:14,531 --> 01:07:15,949 Going up, motherfucker. 1699 01:07:16,032 --> 01:07:17,117 I got you, asshole! 1700 01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:18,785 -[GRUNTS] -[SCREAMS] 1701 01:07:19,870 --> 01:07:21,079 [ALL EXCLAIM] 1702 01:07:21,163 --> 01:07:22,956 Down goes Frazier. 1703 01:07:23,039 --> 01:07:24,291 Slattery, you old son of a bitch. 1704 01:07:24,374 --> 01:07:26,460 -[RETCHES] -[ALL GROAN] 1705 01:07:26,543 --> 01:07:27,377 Oh! 1706 01:07:27,461 --> 01:07:29,171 -Still got it. -[ALL GASP] 1707 01:07:30,046 --> 01:07:32,257 This is for Nico and Marco 1708 01:07:32,340 --> 01:07:34,009 and all the unnecessary agita you caused me 1709 01:07:34,092 --> 01:07:35,510 over the last 11 and a half hours. 1710 01:07:35,594 --> 01:07:36,970 -No, no, no, no. -You kill my friends, 1711 01:07:37,053 --> 01:07:39,139 I kill your friends. Bye-bye. 1712 01:07:39,222 --> 01:07:41,141 GAIL: No, no, no, no. Please, please. 1713 01:07:41,224 --> 01:07:42,142 Huh? 1714 01:07:42,225 --> 01:07:43,685 [BOTH GRUNTING] 1715 01:07:46,062 --> 01:07:47,981 -[YELLS] -Stings. 1716 01:07:49,149 --> 01:07:51,193 -[NOTE PLAYS] -[CLINKS] 1717 01:07:55,197 --> 01:07:56,865 -Whoops. -Let's face it. 1718 01:07:56,948 --> 01:07:58,950 You can pack quite a punch. "Let's face it." 1719 01:07:59,034 --> 01:08:00,494 [ALL CHUCKLING] 1720 01:08:00,577 --> 01:08:01,411 -[VOICES OVERLAPPING] -OTTO: Wow. 1721 01:08:01,495 --> 01:08:02,662 VINCENT: Where did you learn that, man? 1722 01:08:02,746 --> 01:08:05,415 SLATTERY: I'm self-taught. Totally self-taught. 1723 01:08:05,999 --> 01:08:08,668 -I have a practice head in my garage. -GAIL: Did you see that? He saved my life. 1724 01:08:08,752 --> 01:08:10,462 -I gotta tell you... -OTTO: Unreal. 1725 01:08:10,545 --> 01:08:11,797 Oh, shit. 1726 01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:13,507 [OMINOUS WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING] 1727 01:08:17,552 --> 01:08:18,428 SLATTERY: Ding-ding. 1728 01:08:19,262 --> 01:08:21,014 Round two, motherfuckers. 1729 01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:22,557 I'll take 'em one by one. 1730 01:08:24,518 --> 01:08:25,560 [GUNS FIRING] 1731 01:08:30,482 --> 01:08:32,192 -[EXHALES] -[CROWS CAWING] 1732 01:08:32,275 --> 01:08:34,611 Wow, I thought that was gonna take much more time and energy. 1733 01:08:34,694 --> 01:08:36,530 Yeah, you know, we just picked up those dead guys' guns. 1734 01:08:36,613 --> 01:08:38,156 -We just went for it. -Improvised a little. 1735 01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:39,241 VINCENT: The guns make it easier. 1736 01:08:39,324 --> 01:08:40,534 I've never shot a gun before in my life. 1737 01:08:40,617 --> 01:08:42,327 -GAIL: Thank you. -I would have never guessed. 1738 01:08:43,620 --> 01:08:45,372 -Damn it. -Get her! 1739 01:08:50,710 --> 01:08:53,129 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 1740 01:08:53,213 --> 01:08:54,589 -Tom? I have to call you back. -TOM: Gail. 1741 01:08:54,673 --> 01:08:55,882 I was able to extend the deposit. 1742 01:08:55,966 --> 01:08:58,134 We'll talk about this later. I'm literally in the middle of a thing. 1743 01:08:58,218 --> 01:08:59,219 I have to call you back. 1744 01:08:59,302 --> 01:09:00,846 Are you on a treadmill right now? 1745 01:09:00,929 --> 01:09:02,973 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 1746 01:09:08,770 --> 01:09:09,938 GAIL: Get back here! 1747 01:09:10,689 --> 01:09:11,898 -[GRUNTS] -[YELLS] 1748 01:09:15,485 --> 01:09:19,990 Hey, give us one good reason why we shouldn't kill you... right now. 1749 01:09:20,073 --> 01:09:22,659 -I have very powerful friends. -Uh-huh. 1750 01:09:22,742 --> 01:09:24,244 -We can make a deal. -GAIL: Like what? 1751 01:09:24,327 --> 01:09:25,787 Let me explain. 1752 01:09:26,663 --> 01:09:28,039 -What do you guys think? -ALL: Yeah, yeah. 1753 01:09:28,123 --> 01:09:29,332 -Yeah, give her a shot. -You sure? 1754 01:09:29,416 --> 01:09:30,709 -OTTO: Yeah. -Yeah, let her explain. Let her explain. 1755 01:09:32,377 --> 01:09:35,130 -We're listening. -Okay. What if... 1756 01:09:35,213 --> 01:09:36,548 -[GRUNTS] -GAIL: Caleb! 1757 01:09:36,631 --> 01:09:38,925 We just said that we would listen to what she has to say. 1758 01:09:39,009 --> 01:09:41,219 I'm sorry. It's the adrenaline. I just had to do it. 1759 01:09:41,303 --> 01:09:43,597 Okay. Continue, uh... 1760 01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:46,099 -Ludovica. -That is so pretty. 1761 01:09:46,182 --> 01:09:47,475 -Thank you. [GRUNTS] -GAIL: I've never heard that... 1762 01:09:47,559 --> 01:09:48,518 Vincent. What did I just say? 1763 01:09:48,602 --> 01:09:50,896 I know, but you saw what they tried to do to us back there. 1764 01:09:50,979 --> 01:09:53,440 -She tried to kill us all. -We said that we would at least listen 1765 01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:55,150 -to what she has to propose... -[GRUNTS] 1766 01:09:55,233 --> 01:09:57,986 -Guys, what is going on? -Why don't they listen to you? 1767 01:09:58,069 --> 01:09:59,446 Ludovica, just let me... 1768 01:09:59,529 --> 01:10:02,032 You're already on thin ice, so just shut up for a second, okay? 1769 01:10:02,115 --> 01:10:03,825 -Otto, don't hit her. -Yeah? Sorry. Yeah. 1770 01:10:03,909 --> 01:10:04,910 -Slattery. -What? 1771 01:10:04,993 --> 01:10:06,661 Do you need to get one in before we can listen to what she has to say? 1772 01:10:06,745 --> 01:10:08,413 No. I'm good. I got all mine out back there. 1773 01:10:08,496 --> 01:10:09,956 Okay. Everybody chill? 1774 01:10:10,040 --> 01:10:11,875 -Yeah. -Yeah, I'm super chill. Super chill. 1775 01:10:11,958 --> 01:10:13,293 -Ludovica. -Yes? 1776 01:10:13,376 --> 01:10:16,463 -The floor is yours. -Really? Now? 1777 01:10:17,255 --> 01:10:21,092 -Okay? So, if you let me go... -[GRUNTS] Oh! 1778 01:10:21,176 --> 01:10:23,553 Guys, what in the actual fuck? 1779 01:10:24,262 --> 01:10:26,806 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 1780 01:10:26,890 --> 01:10:30,393 -[YELLS] -[GUN CLICKING] 1781 01:10:31,061 --> 01:10:32,228 You're all out. 1782 01:10:34,314 --> 01:10:35,982 Wait. Wait. 1783 01:10:36,066 --> 01:10:37,025 [GRUNTS] 1784 01:10:37,108 --> 01:10:38,610 [YELLS] 1785 01:10:38,693 --> 01:10:41,613 -[GRUNTING] -[ALL EXCLAIMING] 1786 01:10:44,032 --> 01:10:46,326 Huh? You like that? [GRUNTING] 1787 01:10:47,786 --> 01:10:49,412 [SCREAMS, GRUNTS] 1788 01:10:49,496 --> 01:10:52,707 -[ALL CLAMORING] -[GRUNTING] 1789 01:10:53,208 --> 01:10:56,419 -[RETCHES] -[SCREAMING] 1790 01:10:56,503 --> 01:11:00,173 All right, all right. All right, you did it. You're good. 1791 01:11:00,256 --> 01:11:02,300 [PANTING] 1792 01:11:03,969 --> 01:11:05,887 -Oh, my God. -OTTO: Gail. 1793 01:11:06,846 --> 01:11:08,139 She said, "Wait." Why did you... 1794 01:11:08,223 --> 01:11:10,100 I got swept up in it, too. What can I say? 1795 01:11:10,183 --> 01:11:13,103 I'm human. I'm not perfect. 1796 01:11:13,186 --> 01:11:15,605 Of course. Of course. No, we're not judging. 1797 01:11:15,689 --> 01:11:16,898 Jeez. 1798 01:11:18,733 --> 01:11:20,443 Let's finish what we started, huh? 1799 01:11:21,069 --> 01:11:23,446 [UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING] 1800 01:11:23,530 --> 01:11:25,031 -You guys ready? -GAIL: Yes! 1801 01:11:25,115 --> 01:11:26,324 VINCENT: You got all the paperwork? 1802 01:11:26,408 --> 01:11:28,410 Wow, that instant stain remover pen really works. 1803 01:11:28,493 --> 01:11:29,494 -GAIL: Doesn't it? -Yeah. 1804 01:11:31,579 --> 01:11:33,873 You're back. I like you guys, 1805 01:11:33,957 --> 01:11:35,625 but if you keep coming here with nothing to offer, 1806 01:11:35,709 --> 01:11:37,585 I'm professionally obligated to make you sick. 1807 01:11:37,669 --> 01:11:39,045 We have a movie pitch for Jon Hamm. 1808 01:11:39,587 --> 01:11:41,589 What's it about? Lay it down in two minutes or less. 1809 01:11:41,673 --> 01:11:43,675 Well, Terrence, I could give you the old verbal pitch. 1810 01:11:43,758 --> 01:11:45,552 That'd be easy. But I'm gonna do you one better 1811 01:11:45,635 --> 01:11:48,555 because sometimes, a giant stack of loose paperwork 1812 01:11:48,638 --> 01:11:50,306 is worth a thousand pitches. 1813 01:11:52,225 --> 01:11:54,310 -Is this blood on here? -Yeah. 1814 01:11:55,145 --> 01:11:56,354 Do you want to explain where it came from? 1815 01:11:56,438 --> 01:11:57,439 No. 1816 01:11:58,064 --> 01:11:59,065 Okay. 1817 01:12:06,364 --> 01:12:07,490 Wow. 1818 01:12:08,241 --> 01:12:11,244 This is the kind of part Jon Hamm would destroy. 1819 01:12:11,327 --> 01:12:13,580 ALL: [EXCLAIMING] Yes! 1820 01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:16,666 I think it's finally time for you to meet Mr. Hamm. 1821 01:12:16,750 --> 01:12:18,126 [ALL CHEERING] 1822 01:12:18,209 --> 01:12:20,295 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 1823 01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:36,311 Hey. I'm Jon. What's up? 1824 01:12:36,394 --> 01:12:39,230 Wow. It is such an honor to meet you. 1825 01:12:39,314 --> 01:12:41,399 My name is Gail, and these are my friends. 1826 01:12:42,400 --> 01:12:46,362 -Otto, Caleb, Vincent and... -Slat-man! I owe you a text. 1827 01:12:46,446 --> 01:12:48,031 Dude, no worries at all. 1828 01:12:48,114 --> 01:12:49,240 It's all good. 1829 01:12:49,324 --> 01:12:51,785 So, my friend Terrence tells me you guys have a movie to pitch me? 1830 01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:54,037 Yes, we do, and it is a home run. 1831 01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:56,039 Well, it better be, 'cause if it is, 1832 01:12:56,122 --> 01:12:58,124 I will literally do anything for you. 1833 01:12:58,208 --> 01:13:00,085 -I'm gonna hold you to that. -JON: Okay, and, Slattery, 1834 01:13:00,168 --> 01:13:02,128 -you're gonna be co-starring in this? -What? 1835 01:13:02,212 --> 01:13:04,380 Don Draper, Roger Sterling, back together again? 1836 01:13:04,464 --> 01:13:05,882 -Yeah! -[ALL LAUGHING] 1837 01:13:05,965 --> 01:13:07,759 I'm gonna have to check my schedule, but yeah. 1838 01:13:07,842 --> 01:13:10,136 Oh, and, Vince here is an excellent writer. 1839 01:13:10,220 --> 01:13:11,513 He's gonna do the screenplay. 1840 01:13:11,596 --> 01:13:14,724 -Oh, the all-important scribe. Yes, sir. -[IMITATES TYPEWRITER] 1841 01:13:14,808 --> 01:13:17,936 -[ALL LAUGHING] -And I assume you are the negotiator? 1842 01:13:18,019 --> 01:13:21,147 Oh, yeah. Well, I worked at CAA but I'm between agencies at the moment. 1843 01:13:21,231 --> 01:13:24,234 Well, not for long, if this thing does what I think it's gonna do, am I right? 1844 01:13:24,317 --> 01:13:26,820 Yeah, he's right about that. 1845 01:13:27,320 --> 01:13:28,404 Now, what about my hair? 1846 01:13:28,488 --> 01:13:30,573 Who's gonna take care of that? Any ideas there? 1847 01:13:30,657 --> 01:13:33,409 Um, you're looking at it. Three years combined experience. 1848 01:13:34,035 --> 01:13:35,745 Perfect. I am psyched. 1849 01:13:36,329 --> 01:13:37,872 Let's hear this pitch. 1850 01:13:37,956 --> 01:13:40,625 Well, listen, Jonny, I'd give the old verbal pitch. 1851 01:13:40,708 --> 01:13:42,252 That'd be easy. But I'm gonna do you one better 1852 01:13:42,335 --> 01:13:45,004 because sometimes, a binder full of loose paperwork 1853 01:13:45,088 --> 01:13:47,924 -is worth a thousand pitches. -Okay, but I don't want to read it. 1854 01:13:48,550 --> 01:13:50,635 -You... -Just tell me the story. 1855 01:13:50,718 --> 01:13:52,137 Tell you... He wants to hear the story. 1856 01:13:52,220 --> 01:13:53,596 -You want me to go? -CALEB: Oh, yes, yes, yes. 1857 01:13:53,680 --> 01:13:56,224 What do I say? Guys? Guys... It's a story about espionage. 1858 01:13:56,808 --> 01:13:58,768 Of double identities. 1859 01:13:58,852 --> 01:14:01,396 -A secret global network... -Okay, let me stop you right there 1860 01:14:01,479 --> 01:14:04,607 'cause I think I get the world of this. But where's the heart? 1861 01:14:05,108 --> 01:14:07,360 -The heart? -The heart, the heart. 1862 01:14:07,443 --> 01:14:08,903 That's where your character comes in. 1863 01:14:09,487 --> 01:14:11,948 He's a guy who's been put to the test... 1864 01:14:12,031 --> 01:14:14,534 -Yeah. -Okay? Until he finally realizes 1865 01:14:14,617 --> 01:14:16,536 what it's all about. The people you love. 1866 01:14:16,619 --> 01:14:19,455 Okay, I like that, but I don't want it to be too dumbed down. 1867 01:14:19,539 --> 01:14:21,749 Don't you worry about that. It is the opposite of dumb. 1868 01:14:21,833 --> 01:14:23,376 It blows the lid off the entire genre, 1869 01:14:23,459 --> 01:14:25,378 and it's all centered around a loose pile of paperwork 1870 01:14:25,461 --> 01:14:27,505 that can't fall into the wrong hands or else... 1871 01:14:27,589 --> 01:14:28,631 Get this, Jon. 1872 01:14:28,715 --> 01:14:30,967 -Major clusterfuck. -Clusterfuck. That's smart. 1873 01:14:31,050 --> 01:14:33,219 Okay, so it's smart and it has heart. 1874 01:14:33,303 --> 01:14:34,804 -CALEB: Yes. -But does it have cojones? 1875 01:14:34,888 --> 01:14:36,681 SLATTERY: Oh, buddy, big ones. 1876 01:14:36,764 --> 01:14:42,145 Try this on for size. One man, two fists, killing maybe 20, maybe 30 henchmen. 1877 01:14:42,228 --> 01:14:44,022 I don't know, it felt like the same eight guys 1878 01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:45,273 recycled over and over again. 1879 01:14:45,356 --> 01:14:47,734 But real life. Raw. Uncensored. 1880 01:14:47,817 --> 01:14:50,445 -Physical. Visceral. -I'm getting goosebumps. 1881 01:14:50,528 --> 01:14:51,571 [ALL LAUGHING] 1882 01:14:51,654 --> 01:14:54,240 -This is crazy. This has got balls! -GAIL: Yes! 1883 01:14:56,034 --> 01:14:57,035 JON: Yeah. 1884 01:14:57,827 --> 01:14:58,828 Pass. 1885 01:15:00,580 --> 01:15:01,789 -What? -What? 1886 01:15:01,873 --> 01:15:04,125 Yeah. Respectfully, I'm gonna pass on this. 1887 01:15:04,209 --> 01:15:07,879 But thank you guys for coming by. What fun. I gotta jump on a Zoom, so... 1888 01:15:07,962 --> 01:15:09,547 Wait, wait, wait. That's it? 1889 01:15:09,631 --> 01:15:11,549 What don't you like? Because we're not married to anything. 1890 01:15:11,633 --> 01:15:14,135 -Yeah, we can change anything. -Literally everything. 1891 01:15:14,219 --> 01:15:16,596 No. Yeah, no, no, I'm just not feeling it at all. 1892 01:15:16,679 --> 01:15:18,723 So, Terrence is gonna show you out. Thanks again. 1893 01:15:19,682 --> 01:15:20,934 -Fun. -Buddy... 1894 01:15:21,017 --> 01:15:24,020 Oh, hey. Y'all heard him. Everybody out. Everybody out. Let's get out. 1895 01:15:24,103 --> 01:15:27,315 You lost. It happens sometimes. That's... That's the way it is. 1896 01:15:27,398 --> 01:15:28,691 Where's the girl? 1897 01:15:30,902 --> 01:15:32,070 What? 1898 01:15:32,987 --> 01:15:34,072 This isn't a Zoom. 1899 01:15:34,489 --> 01:15:36,866 Oh, shame on you, Jon Hamm. 1900 01:15:36,950 --> 01:15:40,161 We came all this way. We risked our lives to find you. 1901 01:15:40,245 --> 01:15:41,246 And for what? 1902 01:15:41,329 --> 01:15:44,874 You making promises to each of us that you had no intention of keeping. 1903 01:15:45,792 --> 01:15:47,752 You're not the person that I thought you were. 1904 01:15:47,835 --> 01:15:49,170 [SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING] 1905 01:15:50,380 --> 01:15:51,631 You're absolutely right. 1906 01:15:54,550 --> 01:15:55,635 The honest truth is... 1907 01:15:56,344 --> 01:15:57,720 I'm just scared. 1908 01:15:59,347 --> 01:16:02,850 -Sorry, Mr. Hamm. She snuck by me... -Terrence, it's okay. Please, please. 1909 01:16:02,934 --> 01:16:04,060 Don't make her sick. 1910 01:16:04,644 --> 01:16:08,106 -He's gonna make you sick, Gail. -Guys, guys, look. 1911 01:16:08,690 --> 01:16:10,733 I made it seem like I could set up your project 1912 01:16:10,817 --> 01:16:13,611 because that's what I thought you wanted to hear. 1913 01:16:13,695 --> 01:16:16,239 But the truth is, you can't do anything for any of us. 1914 01:16:16,823 --> 01:16:18,866 [SCOFFS] You're just an actor. 1915 01:16:19,826 --> 01:16:21,202 You don't know any more about how to set up 1916 01:16:21,286 --> 01:16:23,705 the nuts and bolts of a movie than any of us do. 1917 01:16:25,331 --> 01:16:27,417 -Isn't that right? -Honestly, yes. 1918 01:16:28,293 --> 01:16:30,670 I'm a grown man, but inside I'm still just a... 1919 01:16:31,379 --> 01:16:32,380 little kid. 1920 01:16:32,463 --> 01:16:36,217 That same awkward wanderer who finally found his place 1921 01:16:36,301 --> 01:16:39,220 when he got cast as Winnie-the-Pooh in first grade. 1922 01:16:39,304 --> 01:16:40,179 Oh. 1923 01:16:40,263 --> 01:16:42,974 My teacher said I was one of the best Poohs of the year. 1924 01:16:43,057 --> 01:16:44,475 I bet you were a great Pooh. 1925 01:16:44,559 --> 01:16:46,769 -That's when I got bit by the acting bug. -Huh. 1926 01:16:46,853 --> 01:16:47,854 JON: And I never got cured. 1927 01:16:47,937 --> 01:16:49,647 In high school, I did a wonderful production of Godspell. 1928 01:16:49,731 --> 01:16:51,858 Let's get to the part about Mad Men. 1929 01:16:53,693 --> 01:16:56,571 Well, Mad Men was a juggernaut beyond my wildest dreams. 1930 01:16:56,654 --> 01:17:00,950 Of all the jobs I did in 2007, it was arguably the most high profile. 1931 01:17:01,034 --> 01:17:03,328 Those were the days. Wall-to-wall trim. 1932 01:17:03,411 --> 01:17:05,788 But then I looked around. People started seeing me differently. 1933 01:17:05,872 --> 01:17:07,999 They started seeing "Jon Hamm," 1934 01:17:08,082 --> 01:17:10,793 the larger-than-life guy with the great jaw 1935 01:17:10,877 --> 01:17:12,920 and the perfect hairline. You know? 1936 01:17:13,421 --> 01:17:15,298 So I guess I just started reflecting back to the public 1937 01:17:15,381 --> 01:17:16,924 what I thought they wanted to see. 1938 01:17:17,008 --> 01:17:20,219 The Jon Hamm they see on the billboards, it's not me. 1939 01:17:20,845 --> 01:17:22,597 I'm just the guy behind the curtain, 1940 01:17:23,598 --> 01:17:24,849 pulling the levers. 1941 01:17:24,932 --> 01:17:27,310 I guess we all came a long way for nothing. 1942 01:17:28,936 --> 01:17:30,772 -Sorry to waste your time. -[SLATTERY SIGHS] 1943 01:17:32,607 --> 01:17:33,983 -GAIL: Let's go. -Wait, wait. 1944 01:17:35,151 --> 01:17:37,362 I may not be able to help you set up this project, 1945 01:17:37,445 --> 01:17:39,739 but I can do something for you guys. 1946 01:17:41,324 --> 01:17:44,494 Caleb, what if I was to call CAA 1947 01:17:44,577 --> 01:17:48,206 and strongly suggest that they give you your job back? 1948 01:17:48,289 --> 01:17:50,124 -That'd be amazing... -Yes. 1949 01:17:50,208 --> 01:17:53,461 And, Slattery, I got roped into doing my lawyer's kid's student film, 1950 01:17:53,544 --> 01:17:56,089 but I bet I could convince them to give you the job instead. 1951 01:17:56,172 --> 01:17:57,215 SLATTERY: Wow. Thanks, man. 1952 01:17:57,298 --> 01:17:59,967 They say that student films are the gateway to bigger stuff sometimes. 1953 01:18:00,051 --> 01:18:01,177 -Vincent? -Yes? 1954 01:18:01,260 --> 01:18:02,762 You wanted to be a screenwriter? 1955 01:18:03,471 --> 01:18:04,472 Well... 1956 01:18:05,723 --> 01:18:07,725 I'm more of a photographer these days. 1957 01:18:08,684 --> 01:18:10,103 Would you mind if I get a shot of you? 1958 01:18:10,186 --> 01:18:11,312 -I'd be honored. -Yeah! 1959 01:18:11,396 --> 01:18:12,647 JON: Something candid? Like this? 1960 01:18:15,358 --> 01:18:18,027 -[SHUTTER CLICKS] -Perfect. [LAUGHS] 1961 01:18:21,114 --> 01:18:22,115 Just perfect. 1962 01:18:23,282 --> 01:18:24,951 [SIGHS] 1963 01:18:25,118 --> 01:18:27,245 Oh, and, Otto, I have something for you. 1964 01:18:27,328 --> 01:18:30,248 My swag bag from the Movie and Television awards. 1965 01:18:30,331 --> 01:18:32,375 It's got a whole bunch of stuff I will never use, 1966 01:18:32,458 --> 01:18:35,586 including some VIP passes to Magic Mountain. 1967 01:18:35,670 --> 01:18:36,546 [EXCLAIMS] 1968 01:18:36,629 --> 01:18:38,381 Oh, Magic Mountain. I want to go. [LAUGHS] 1969 01:18:38,464 --> 01:18:40,550 -Thank you. -It's the least I could do. 1970 01:18:40,633 --> 01:18:43,344 -You guys... -Thank you for everything, Jon. I mean... 1971 01:18:43,428 --> 01:18:45,304 Wait, wait. What about Gail? 1972 01:18:46,180 --> 01:18:48,850 She's kind of the whole reason we came here in the first place. 1973 01:18:48,933 --> 01:18:51,519 That's right. What about Gail? 1974 01:18:51,602 --> 01:18:53,396 Yeah. Jon. Do Gail next. 1975 01:18:53,938 --> 01:18:55,231 -[CLICKS TONGUE] Guys. -JON: Oh. 1976 01:18:55,898 --> 01:18:58,484 Gail, what's your dream? 1977 01:18:58,568 --> 01:19:01,696 You wanted to be a hairdresser for the movies, am I right? 1978 01:19:02,447 --> 01:19:03,573 Uh... 1979 01:19:06,534 --> 01:19:08,161 No. [CHUCKLES] 1980 01:19:08,828 --> 01:19:10,163 I actually, um... 1981 01:19:11,873 --> 01:19:13,583 have a different kind of request. 1982 01:19:15,710 --> 01:19:18,171 [ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING] 1983 01:19:33,561 --> 01:19:36,439 [SIGHS, MOANS] 1984 01:19:40,193 --> 01:19:42,236 Hey, we'll let... We'll let you two take it from here. 1985 01:19:42,320 --> 01:19:43,404 SLATTERY: Come on. Let's go. VINCENT: Yeah. 1986 01:19:46,073 --> 01:19:48,075 [SINGER VOCALIZING] 1987 01:19:54,874 --> 01:19:55,958 [GAIL MOANS] 1988 01:20:05,927 --> 01:20:07,929 [MOANS, GRUNTS] 1989 01:20:09,764 --> 01:20:11,682 [CONTINUES MOANING] 1990 01:20:16,312 --> 01:20:17,563 CALEB: There you go, Mommy. 1991 01:20:17,647 --> 01:20:18,689 I'm back in the game. 1992 01:20:19,190 --> 01:20:20,191 Junior assistant. 1993 01:20:21,651 --> 01:20:22,527 [SIGHS] 1994 01:20:22,610 --> 01:20:25,029 CREWMEMBER 1: Roll sound. CREWMEMBER 2: Rolling sound. Speed. 1995 01:20:25,112 --> 01:20:26,447 Boardroom scene. Take seven. 1996 01:20:26,531 --> 01:20:28,074 CREWMEMBER 2: Marker. DIRECTOR: Action. 1997 01:20:28,157 --> 01:20:31,619 How many times do I have to tell you guys what's going on around here? 1998 01:20:31,702 --> 01:20:33,246 Yeah. What are you doing? You can't smile... 1999 01:20:33,329 --> 01:20:36,040 Nobody seems to know... Nobody's on the same page. 2000 01:20:40,836 --> 01:20:42,171 Sorry this is 15 years late. 2001 01:20:42,255 --> 01:20:43,214 EDITOR: Wait, what? 2002 01:20:43,297 --> 01:20:45,383 Oh. And by the way... 2003 01:20:47,260 --> 01:20:48,261 I quit. 2004 01:20:48,344 --> 01:20:50,388 I'm sorry, who are you? What is this? 2005 01:20:50,471 --> 01:20:52,557 Debbie, who the fuck did you just let in my office? 2006 01:20:53,182 --> 01:20:56,227 Wait a minute. Ha! That son of a bitch. 2007 01:20:56,310 --> 01:20:58,062 He got his white whale. 2008 01:20:58,145 --> 01:21:00,273 I'll be damned. 2009 01:21:00,356 --> 01:21:02,191 Vincent, you old son of a bitch. 2010 01:21:02,275 --> 01:21:04,443 DEBBIE: He's gone. Do you want me to go get him? 2011 01:21:04,527 --> 01:21:07,154 Oh, no. That's okay. I can text him. Just remind me. Put it on the list. 2012 01:21:07,238 --> 01:21:08,698 DEBBIE: And this would be regarding... 2013 01:21:08,781 --> 01:21:12,451 Just put "son of a bitch." I'll know what it means. [CHUCKLES] 2014 01:21:12,535 --> 01:21:14,704 [SIGHS] 2015 01:21:15,621 --> 01:21:16,664 I'll know what it means. 2016 01:21:16,747 --> 01:21:19,083 -[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES] -[BOTH SCREAMING] 2017 01:21:20,501 --> 01:21:22,503 [ALL SCREAMING] 2018 01:21:22,587 --> 01:21:24,630 [YELPS, SCREAMS SHRILLY] 2019 01:21:26,424 --> 01:21:27,633 [MOANS] 2020 01:21:30,678 --> 01:21:32,138 [SIGHING] 2021 01:21:32,805 --> 01:21:33,931 [GAIL EXHALES DEEPLY] 2022 01:21:34,056 --> 01:21:35,141 GAIL: I feel like... 2023 01:21:36,392 --> 01:21:38,436 "I'm floating above the clouds." 2024 01:21:40,730 --> 01:21:43,899 "Chains of yesterday dissolve like morning mist." 2025 01:21:45,401 --> 01:21:47,862 "As I rise on newfound wings, 2026 01:21:48,487 --> 01:21:50,364 "Towards endless blue..." 2027 01:21:51,365 --> 01:21:53,951 -"In cloudscapes pure and bright." -"In cloudscapes pure and bright." 2028 01:21:54,035 --> 01:21:55,369 -"I am made new." -"I am made new." 2029 01:21:55,453 --> 01:21:56,537 What? 2030 01:21:57,246 --> 01:21:58,998 I've never met anyone that knows that poem. 2031 01:21:59,081 --> 01:22:01,250 Who doesn't love J.M. Stansel? 2032 01:22:01,334 --> 01:22:03,336 Are you kidding me? I'm a Stansel junkie. 2033 01:22:04,545 --> 01:22:05,755 [CHUCKLES] 2034 01:22:05,838 --> 01:22:08,215 I know this sounds crazy, but I could imagine you and me 2035 01:22:08,299 --> 01:22:11,010 -rising on wings toward endless blue. -Mm. 2036 01:22:11,093 --> 01:22:12,678 Wouldn't that be something? 2037 01:22:13,512 --> 01:22:15,264 Some other lifetime, maybe. 2038 01:22:15,973 --> 01:22:16,974 Sure. 2039 01:22:17,725 --> 01:22:19,018 Some other lifetime. 2040 01:22:20,686 --> 01:22:23,272 [BOTH SIGH] 2041 01:22:23,356 --> 01:22:25,399 Jon Hamm. 2042 01:22:26,651 --> 01:22:27,735 Who knew? 2043 01:22:28,694 --> 01:22:30,363 It's too bad you're getting married. 2044 01:22:30,446 --> 01:22:34,158 Because I would love to take you to this magical spot I know in St. Blarts. 2045 01:22:35,451 --> 01:22:38,120 Soomer in St. Blarts sounds incredible. 2046 01:22:39,455 --> 01:22:41,040 I'm so flattered. 2047 01:22:41,123 --> 01:22:44,585 But, yes, I am getting married 2048 01:22:44,669 --> 01:22:47,546 and so I can't go to St. Blarts with you. 2049 01:22:48,381 --> 01:22:49,382 But... 2050 01:22:50,299 --> 01:22:53,386 sincerely, it was so great to fuck you. 2051 01:22:53,469 --> 01:22:55,721 And thanks for everything. 2052 01:22:58,224 --> 01:22:59,725 -Be well. -You too. 2053 01:23:03,771 --> 01:23:05,481 [SIGHS] 2054 01:23:07,775 --> 01:23:08,901 What a day. 2055 01:23:09,819 --> 01:23:12,738 GAIL: LAX, please. CAB DRIVER: You got it. 2056 01:23:12,822 --> 01:23:14,240 Probably good you're getting out of the city. 2057 01:23:14,323 --> 01:23:16,367 I'm sure you heard about the mess that happened 2058 01:23:16,450 --> 01:23:18,828 at the abandoned movie lot the other night. 2059 01:23:18,911 --> 01:23:19,954 [HORN BLARING] 2060 01:23:20,037 --> 01:23:21,539 -Go ahead. Go around me. -Uh... 2061 01:23:22,498 --> 01:23:23,666 No, no. I'm... I haven't heard. 2062 01:23:23,749 --> 01:23:25,459 -What happened? -You haven't heard? Oh... 2063 01:23:25,543 --> 01:23:28,170 They found dozens of dead bodies out there. 2064 01:23:28,254 --> 01:23:30,798 It's just impossible to process. 2065 01:23:30,881 --> 01:23:33,843 I mean, nothing like that has ever happened before. 2066 01:23:33,926 --> 01:23:36,345 Hey, sorry, I think I recognize you. 2067 01:23:36,429 --> 01:23:38,848 Are you Elizabeth Perkins, by any chance? 2068 01:23:38,931 --> 01:23:40,141 -Yes. -[GASPS] 2069 01:23:40,224 --> 01:23:41,559 -Hey, there. -[BOTH EXCLAIMING] 2070 01:23:44,854 --> 01:23:46,230 WOMAN: Get over here, Solly. 2071 01:23:46,313 --> 01:23:48,524 The ceremony's gonna start in a few minutes. 2072 01:23:48,607 --> 01:23:50,609 -Do you know what works with bridesmaids? -What? 2073 01:23:50,693 --> 01:23:53,654 -A little Slattery flattery. -[CALEB LAUGHS] 2074 01:23:53,738 --> 01:23:56,282 How about some... How about some Caleb... 2075 01:24:00,369 --> 01:24:01,370 Okay. 2076 01:24:01,454 --> 01:24:03,622 So, when I tell you you may kiss the bride, 2077 01:24:03,706 --> 01:24:05,166 that's your cue to, uh... 2078 01:24:05,249 --> 01:24:07,334 Well, I'm gonna keep this PG. 2079 01:24:07,418 --> 01:24:08,919 I'm not sure I understand. 2080 01:24:09,962 --> 01:24:12,381 Mm. Nobody rocks a whip curl like my girl. 2081 01:24:12,465 --> 01:24:13,382 [CHUCKLES] 2082 01:24:14,592 --> 01:24:17,344 Hey, you're still feeling okay about all this, right? 2083 01:24:17,428 --> 01:24:20,347 No. Yeah. Yes, no. No, I am feeling good. 2084 01:24:20,431 --> 01:24:21,515 -You sure? -Yeah. 2085 01:24:21,599 --> 01:24:23,601 I mean, Tom is far from perfect. 2086 01:24:24,852 --> 01:24:26,479 Like, he works too much. 2087 01:24:26,562 --> 01:24:28,439 He drinks a little bit more than I'd like him to. 2088 01:24:28,522 --> 01:24:30,566 -[CHUCKLES] -He snores so loud. [CHUCKLES] 2089 01:24:30,649 --> 01:24:33,652 He'll never say things like, "Thank you" or "I'm sorry." 2090 01:24:33,736 --> 01:24:36,155 And when I had that full hysterectomy, 2091 01:24:36,238 --> 01:24:39,366 and I really, really needed him to be there for me, 2092 01:24:40,534 --> 01:24:41,869 -he essentially checked out. -Yeah. 2093 01:24:41,952 --> 01:24:44,497 I think it's just about picking your poison. 2094 01:24:44,580 --> 01:24:47,500 And I guess Tom is my poison. 2095 01:24:48,209 --> 01:24:50,002 Make sure you say all that in your vows. 2096 01:24:50,085 --> 01:24:51,086 [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING] 2097 01:24:51,170 --> 01:24:55,841 And now, time for the $64,000 question. [CHUCKLES] 2098 01:24:57,676 --> 01:25:01,472 Gail Elizabeth Daughtry, do you take Tom Soursap McNoodleman 2099 01:25:01,555 --> 01:25:04,558 to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, 2100 01:25:04,642 --> 01:25:05,935 for better or for worse, 2101 01:25:06,018 --> 01:25:09,271 in sickness and in health, till death do you part? 2102 01:25:16,904 --> 01:25:17,988 I... 2103 01:25:19,073 --> 01:25:20,115 Gail? 2104 01:25:20,908 --> 01:25:23,244 [GUESTS MURMURING] 2105 01:25:27,206 --> 01:25:29,208 No, I... I'm... 2106 01:25:29,291 --> 01:25:31,710 Wow. I'm sorry. I don't want to marry you. 2107 01:25:31,794 --> 01:25:33,963 Oh! Thank God. 2108 01:25:35,214 --> 01:25:38,592 Tom, you have been my whole world. 2109 01:25:39,593 --> 01:25:44,473 But there's a whole universe out there waiting for me to explore. 2110 01:25:44,557 --> 01:25:48,853 There's celebrities, there's fancy hotels and unexpected friendships. 2111 01:25:49,353 --> 01:25:50,354 -Hello. -Hi. 2112 01:25:53,607 --> 01:25:54,984 I don't want to hurt you. 2113 01:25:56,318 --> 01:25:58,904 But I guess I have to, Tom. 2114 01:25:59,947 --> 01:26:01,699 Is this because of the Aniston thing? 2115 01:26:02,283 --> 01:26:05,160 Does it change anything if I told you I only half finished? 2116 01:26:06,453 --> 01:26:08,956 -[LAUGHS] -JON: Gail! 2117 01:26:09,039 --> 01:26:11,333 [GUESTS GASPING, MURMURING] 2118 01:26:12,668 --> 01:26:15,504 -JON: Gail! -[HOT AIR BALLOON HISSING] 2119 01:26:16,338 --> 01:26:17,339 Gail! 2120 01:26:19,174 --> 01:26:20,050 [GASPS] 2121 01:26:20,134 --> 01:26:21,677 -Gail! -Jon. 2122 01:26:21,760 --> 01:26:23,470 Ooh! [LAUGHS] 2123 01:26:24,722 --> 01:26:25,723 Jon. 2124 01:26:28,392 --> 01:26:29,768 What are you doing here? 2125 01:26:29,852 --> 01:26:32,897 Gail, you are the only woman I have ever met 2126 01:26:32,980 --> 01:26:36,108 who has made me feel good about being the real me. 2127 01:26:36,692 --> 01:26:39,820 And so I flew 1,400 miles in this balloon to tell you 2128 01:26:40,487 --> 01:26:42,364 I want to be with you. Forever. 2129 01:26:42,448 --> 01:26:44,533 Wow. Jon Hamm... 2130 01:26:45,659 --> 01:26:48,162 I never dreamed that I would see you again. 2131 01:26:48,245 --> 01:26:51,123 But as you can see, I'm just getting out of something. 2132 01:26:51,206 --> 01:26:52,374 SLATTERY: Hey, Jon. 2133 01:26:52,458 --> 01:26:55,836 I'm definitely down to hang. Maybe we can keep it casual? 2134 01:26:55,920 --> 01:26:58,297 Oh, totally. Why don't we just keep it loose and freaky? 2135 01:26:58,380 --> 01:26:59,715 Loose and freaky sounds great. 2136 01:27:00,299 --> 01:27:01,300 Get in here. 2137 01:27:04,929 --> 01:27:06,847 [HOT AIR BALLOON HISSING] 2138 01:27:06,931 --> 01:27:08,057 [GUESTS CHEERING] 2139 01:27:08,140 --> 01:27:09,934 Go, Gail, go. 2140 01:27:10,017 --> 01:27:12,311 [GUESTS APPLAUDING] 2141 01:27:12,394 --> 01:27:13,395 Yes. 2142 01:27:17,983 --> 01:27:20,027 What the fuck is happening? 2143 01:27:20,110 --> 01:27:22,196 [UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING] 2144 01:27:35,209 --> 01:27:39,088 And if you're wondering what happened to Gail and Mr. Hamm... 2145 01:27:39,171 --> 01:27:40,214 I don't know. 2146 01:27:40,297 --> 01:27:43,592 He just picked her up on that balloon, and it's happening right now as we speak. 2147 01:27:44,343 --> 01:27:46,178 I mean, I'm not a fortune teller. 2148 01:27:47,054 --> 01:27:49,598 And if I'm being honest, when did it become my job 2149 01:27:49,682 --> 01:27:52,685 to spoon-feed you every little nuanced point in this story? 2150 01:27:52,768 --> 01:27:54,645 I mean, you're 35 years old, right? 2151 01:27:54,728 --> 01:27:56,730 You can figure out some stuff on your own. 2152 01:27:57,815 --> 01:28:00,025 I mean, to tell you the truth, I got a lot of problems of my own. 2153 01:28:00,109 --> 01:28:01,110 You know, not that you care, 2154 01:28:01,193 --> 01:28:03,320 because for you, it's all just, "Whatever happened to Gail?" 2155 01:28:03,404 --> 01:28:04,947 You know, "Gail, Gail, Gail." 2156 01:28:05,030 --> 01:28:06,073 Because not for nothing, 2157 01:28:06,156 --> 01:28:08,492 I've really been going through a lot of shit, you know? 2158 01:28:08,575 --> 01:28:11,412 Do you have any idea what it's like to have a blood clot in your leg? 2159 01:28:11,996 --> 01:28:14,331 It's a fucking nightmare, that's what it is. 2160 01:28:14,415 --> 01:28:16,750 And then my daughter, I don't want to even get into that shit. 2161 01:28:16,834 --> 01:28:20,004 She hasn't returned my phone calls in eight months. Eight months! 2162 01:28:20,087 --> 01:28:23,298 And then on top of that, there's this whole mishegoss with my roof. 2163 01:28:23,382 --> 01:28:26,510 The roofer, he said $600. Not a fucking penny more. 2164 01:28:26,593 --> 01:28:28,220 And he gave me a bill for double that. 2165 01:28:28,303 --> 01:28:30,764 This guy's a fucking criminal. He should be in jail. 2166 01:28:30,848 --> 01:28:34,518 Do not ever, ever hire Scott Lindhome to do anything in your house. 2167 01:28:34,601 --> 01:28:36,270 [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 2168 01:32:00,015 --> 01:32:02,184 TERRENCE: Gonna make you all sick. 2169 01:32:04,228 --> 01:32:07,606 I'mma make you all very sick. 2170 01:32:10,108 --> 01:32:13,320 Now get outta here before I change my mind and make you all real sick. 2171 01:32:15,530 --> 01:32:16,531 Enough questions. 2172 01:32:16,615 --> 01:32:20,285 Unless you want me to make you all very, very sick. 2173 01:32:21,245 --> 01:32:22,788 GAIL: Nobody wants to get sick, right, fellas? 2174 01:32:22,871 --> 01:32:23,914 SLATTERY: No, I definitely don't wanna get sick. 2175 01:32:23,997 --> 01:32:25,123 VINCENT: I just got over something. 2176 01:32:26,333 --> 01:32:28,627 Hey, I'm Scott Lindhome, Scott Lindhome Roofing. 2177 01:32:28,710 --> 01:32:32,130 Look, let me tell you, there are two sides to every story. 2178 01:32:32,214 --> 01:32:34,841 What our friendly neighborhood "mailman" forgets to mention 2179 01:32:34,925 --> 01:32:38,053 is the raccoon infestation living under his shingles. 2180 01:32:38,136 --> 01:32:39,888 God! What? Am I supposed to pay for that? 2181 01:32:39,972 --> 01:32:41,181 Are you out of your mind? 2182 01:32:41,265 --> 01:32:44,559 It's $600 for basic shingle replacement. 2183 01:32:44,643 --> 01:32:47,688 Look. See? "Surprises not included." 2184 01:32:47,771 --> 01:32:51,858 And by the way, $600 barely pays for the fucking nails. 2185 01:32:51,942 --> 01:32:54,653 You don't believe me? You head on down to Home Depot and check for yourself. 2186 01:32:54,736 --> 01:32:56,196 And don't tell me you don't got enough time. 2187 01:32:56,280 --> 01:32:58,782 'Cause I know for a fact you have not had a job since April. 2188 01:32:58,865 --> 01:33:00,784 Maybe I did charge him double, but you know what? 2189 01:33:00,867 --> 01:33:04,413 His fucking roof is gonna be watertight for the next 20 years, okay? 2190 01:33:04,913 --> 01:33:05,914 End of story. 2191 01:33:09,001 --> 01:33:11,378 Jeez. What the shit? 2192 01:33:11,461 --> 01:33:14,881 [PHONE RINGING, BEEPS] 2193 01:33:14,965 --> 01:33:17,217 Hey, Scott, it's Gail Daughtry. [CHUCKLES] 2194 01:33:17,301 --> 01:33:19,511 I probably haven't seen you since my mom and dad's funeral. 2195 01:33:19,594 --> 01:33:20,679 Anyway, crazy story. 2196 01:33:20,762 --> 01:33:22,472 I'm actually up in a hot-air balloon right now, 2197 01:33:22,556 --> 01:33:24,099 and I can see the roof of my house. 2198 01:33:24,182 --> 01:33:26,143 It is looking like it might need some maintenance. 2199 01:33:26,226 --> 01:33:28,061 What do you think? Anyway, no rush. 2200 01:33:28,145 --> 01:33:29,688 Just call me when you can. 2201 01:33:29,771 --> 01:33:31,940 This is Gail Daughtry... and the Celebrity Sex Pass. 158697

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