All language subtitles for Big Girls Wanted Escaping Pearadise S01E03 The Cost of Curves 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-RAWR[EZTVx.to]

I don't know who needs to hear
this message today,

but here you go.

Sis...

quit waiting to live your life
until you're skinny.

Live your life today.

We don't have tomorrow promised.

Life is short.
Do it.

Kass wanted other women

to feel beautiful
about themselves.

I lost so much of my life

to being so obsessed
about being fat

until I met Kass.

One day, I opened my phone,
and I just was, like,

watching her Instagram story.

I started seeing
all these RIP posts.

We're just gonna have
a moment of silence for Kass.

I called Stefan,

and I said, "What the [bleep]
happened to Kass?"

And I found out that
she died in my city.

Kass is dead because

of the harm that was
put on her body

through death feederism.

Having this rapid weight gain,
she had pretty bad sleep apnea.

People told me she fell out
of bed and stopped breathing.

Kass found freedom
in feederism.

It was financial freedom.

It was freedom from the chains
of fatphobia.

That was false freedom.

She was 29 years old.

She had so many things

that she could have done, and...

This is very difficult.

Stefan doesn't take
accountability for what he does

and how he affects
other people.

It definitely is a matter
of time before it happens again.

Before she passed, I feel like
Pearadise had already

killed a part of her.

She lost a lot of herself
in that house.

Makes me really sad for her.

Stefan was trying
to replace her.

She just gave up on herself.

That's not the Kass I knew.

She didn't deserve
how he treated her.

She felt powerless.

I told him
this was gonna happen.

Had it not been for Stefan,

had it not been for Pearadise,

Kass would be alive today.

Being accused of having
something to do with her

not being around anymore is

the ultimate dagger
in the heart.

She had been a big part
of my life.

Wow!

The whole Pearadise circle,

everybody loved her.

We miss her.

Oh, I'm not a feeder.

Kass is a feeder.

If I was in charge of feeding
anybody here,

they would all stomp.

I would absolutely say
feederism can be dangerous.

The two years that she was
away from Pearadise,

she put on 100 pounds,
which was like a lot.

While she was at the house,
while she was with me,

she was never into feederism.

If somebody is

going out

insinuating that I had anything
to do with Kass's weight gain,

it is purely to make me look
bad because of what happened.

She was engaged
in feederism at the house.

Stefan knew
what Kass was up to.

500.4 pounds.

When you are engaged
in feederism,

you're just trying
to put on weight

and put on this show of how much
bigger can I get.

- Time for another...
- Crumble review.

You might not recognize it,

but that's what a lot
of the Pearadise content is.

Ready?
Go.

Blueberry cheesecake cookie.

It's feederism content.

Oh, my God!

He knows, like, what he's doing,

but I don't think he sees

the nuances behind
what's happening.

It is more than
the feederism, too.

All of that back and forth
and Kass in the middle of it.

Don't.
Don't get emotional now.

No, no, no.

She felt powerless.

The world that Kass was
living in killed Kass.

Kass doesn't care about women.

She cares about herself,
her money, and her fame.

And the one thing that I hate
more than a man

who wants to prey on big women
is a big woman

who is helping that man
prey on women.

No, I never met Kass.

I never wanna force a woman
to relive her trauma.

In my opinion, Kass is--

And if there's any
collateral damage,

that does still fall on me.

There's several truths
to the story.

All I can do is be honest
about what I saw,

experienced, and felt.

I started to see
my own humanity more there.

I didn't come home
and immediately

pour over every photo.

I did it in doses.

It became very clear to me
that I came across something

that was so much more
than a personal project.

So I sent the story
to an editor

at one of the papers
that I work for.

They weren't interested
in running it.

And for some reason,
I just heard the first no

at this and just
stopped digging.

I don't know,
nothing ever felt right.

This project felt
unfinished for me.

Yeah.

I never really closed
the door on it.

If I'm scrolling on TikTok,
and they're live,

I'll click in and I'll watch.

To start the storytime of--

It's still a lot of
the same anger about betrayal,

that was over four years
ago now.

At the end of the day,
they all used to be friends.

And it's like,
how did we get here?

Where does that switch flip?

For a very long time,
I believed the girls were

blowing it out of proportion

with sexual assault allegations.

It's really easy to minimize
someone else's experience

until you go through
something yourself.

One night, I was at Stefan's,
and one of his friends,

she had decided to reach out
to a bunch of men on Tinder

and tell them that there was
a bunch of plus size women

that were all looking
to hook up.

Her response was basically,

"Well, I'm gonna pick
the one that I want,

and then you guys can figure out
what to do with the rest."

And all of them showed up
at the house.

One guy was in the pool,

and he kept reaching over
and, like, trying to grab at me.

And I made it very clear
that I wasn't OK with it.

Later that night,
I was in the hot tub,

and one of the girls
pulled me into her lap.

I was just kind of
in the moment.

I wasn't paying full attention.

And it took me a minute
for my brain to kind of process

what was going on.

And I realized
that girl was gone,

yet I was still being
groped by someone.

The same guy who had been
trying to grope me before,

he was touching me.

I was being fingered.

I didn't say anything.

I literally just got out
of the hot tub.

And the next morning,
I got up and I told Stefan,

and Stefan's response was,
"Oh, wow, I'm sorry."

He didn't know the guys
that were there.

That would be like going
to the strip and just grabbing

four random guys and bringing
them back to the house.

So to this day, I don't know
this person's name.

I couldn't press charges
if I wanted to.

It changed my perspective,
not just

on...

sexual assault.

It was more than just what
happened with Ally and Savy.

With Stefan, there is
no remorse.

There is no, "Oh, damn.
This needs to change."

And that was when
I realized that

I was done.

That house is not safe.

I wanted to go to the girls
and say, "You know what?

"I am so sorry

that I played a part."

I messaged Kimmi.

And the first words
out of my mouth were,

"What do you wanna know?
I'm an open book."

Heather was the big dog.

It's gonna be on
with Heather check.

This is the woman who was
his right-hand man.

When the women are
fighting for him,

they're not our enemy.

Just remember, you tried
to sweep things under the rug.

The problem is, I remember
where you keep all your dirt.

One of the things Heather had

brought to my attention was

he was talking to minors.

In most instances,
he would tell them

they had to wait until they were
18 to join the Discord.

But Stefan definitely
encourages them

to send pictures, to continue
to communicate with him,

to know that he's a safe space.

And in reality, what he's
waiting for is them to turn 18.

He's gonna create
enough of a connection

that they will come.

He will get to have sex
with them

and rinse and repeat
for however long it lasts.

You're a terrible person.

And a horrible friend.

When I left the house,
he called me a traitor.

The solution to people leaving
is to just delete them.

If you were to look
through this, I don't exist.

I'm just some random person
that's talking crap about...

Pearadise.

We were all put
in the same position.

His sweet spot is 22,
I've learned.

He was in his mid-40s
at the time when I met him.

I was 21, 22.

24-year age gap.

When we're that age,

we think we know
what we're doing.

His relationship with the boys

depended on how well
I treated him.

It eventually got to the point
where I decided

there's nothing here for me.

I just packed up my stuff

and I didn't turn back.

That's when a lot of people
were coming to me with stories.

And I found out what was
going on behind my back.

After I found out
I was pregnant,

apparently he wanted to...

have women in the house
go to the doctors

and say that
they were pregnant

to get abortion pills.

The plan was to...

crush them up
and put them in a drink.

The story that I heard

from someone
within the house was,

Stefan was likely trying
to get somebody to slip her

Plan B in her drink

so that she would have
a spontaneous miscarriage

and lose the twins.

I was absolutely astounded.

She decided to go
through with the pregnancy,

so I made a joke.

I said, like, "Oh, this bitch,

"like, she did this
and this and this.

She should not keep those kids."

You know?
You can say things

as a joke in private,

and, of course, somebody
decided to take a joke

and say, like,
"Oh, he was planning to do it."

No, I never did.

Why is all the attention
on me right now?

Currently, my relationship
with the boys is non-existent,

but that's because I need
to protect my own mental health.

I have to live with the fact
that there's two kids

that were conceived
against my consent.

There's nothing you can do
as a man.

I have to live with it.

I'm telling my story
now, because

I have two little boys
that depend on me.

My biggest fear is that
they'll hate me.

One day they'll ask me,

"Mom, why weren't you
better to him?

'Cause then we could've
had a dad."

I'll be honest with them,
and I know so many other women

who were there at the time
will also be there to help

share what kind of man he is.

He's done everything
that he can possibly

do to villainize her.

And in reality,
he's chaos personified.

I can't watch it anymore.

Now there's a whole new
set of people.

I have no idea who they are.

All I know is there's always
somebody that's young.

One of the girls is like 22.

It gives me the ick
in the worst way.

Who wouldn't love Rissa, right?
Rissa is the sweetest.

My name is Krissia Stroupe.

I'm 22,
and I'm from North Carolina.

And I'm currently indefinitely
visiting Pearadise.

You're cooking.

There we go.

I'm making bacon
to go on the sandwiches.

I'm from a small town
in North Carolina.

I'm used to a two-bedroom
trailer with one bathroom.

Stefan's house is gigantic.

It was insane to me.

I love to cook.
I love to cook.

I like to make southern dishes.

Finding Stefan and finding
Pearadise has changed my life.

Yeah, these are my snacks.
You wanna watch me eat 'em?

Nom, nom, nom--

I had just gotten out
of my relationship with my ex.

He was an extreme feeder.

At one point, my ex had
told me that I was

the weakest bitch
he had ever met.

He had wanted me to eat
a whole sheet cake,

a whole, like, you know,
sheet cake for a birthday.

I would stuff myself,
force-feed, run to the bathroom

and throw up.

I still have appetite issues
to this day because of that.

Yeah.

Stefan has been
my biggest supporter,

to be honest with you.

Stefan plays a role
of cameraman for me.

I post, like, belly videos,
just full body pics,

embracing me in my own skin.

I do do Only Fans, so I do
a lot of fetishized content.

I'm not into
hardcore feederism.

I eat my regular food
and I put it up for sale,

and people just happen
to buy it,

so that makes me some money.

Every chance that I get, I give
that man the money he deserves.

He's never asked me for a dime.
It's all out of my own heart.

Stefan confessed
his feelings first.

I definitely feel special.

When we first met,

she had, like, this sweet
innocence about her.

Right now, at this moment,
like, I keep telling them,

like, I am currently single.

And I'm very close
with everybody.

And Rissa is cool with it.

The girls just do
their own thing.

And what I get back,

maybe like a home cooked
meal, you know?

He gets the thrill out
of watching me do what I do.

Like, he's very kinky, very,

um, hands on.

And I mean, I'm
perfectly OK with it.

I'm going on 23K followers.

I get a million views
on my account in a month.

Like, I built that myself,

and it's all
from body positivity.

The body positive movement
gave people permission to feel

sexy and to feel seen.

And then, of course,
you're gonna get people

that are like,
"You're disgusting,

and I can't bear
to look at you."

It really has everything
to do with mainstream media.

Sick of feeling fat,
ugly, and tired?

You know what?
You're not alone.

This is what body fat
is on your daughter.

This is what
67 pounds of fat looks like.

Plus sized bodies have always
been portrayed as something

that needs to be fixed on TV,
and it has serious implications

for how society treats us.

Do it now, OK?

Everyone goes
for 30 [bleep] seconds.

The fact that
"The Biggest Loser" got to exist

is truly diabolical.

We're here today
at Xiomara's High School.

Today is the first day
that is gonna change her life.

When I look in the mirror,
I see disappointment.

I feel disgusting.

Whether it's a choice to be
fat or whether they are

desperately trying
to lose weight,

that kind of narrative is
extremely damaging.

This takes a while.

This is a long process.

Not something that happens
in a day.

Even if you wanted
to change,

it's dehumanizing,

it's exhausting.

Any of those shows,

looking back, you realize
at the end of the day,

it does have real impact.

Xiomara, today we are gonna
help you change your life.

Now, I'm at Pearadise in Vegas.

Xiomara is an influencer

and a friend of Pearadise.

I met her on TikTok.

We invited her to Pearadise.

She's funny.

She's original.

She makes TikToks that
make you laugh.

What should we [bleep] dah?
I don't [bleep] nah.

Ya didn't know yesterdah.
And I don't know todah.

When she was at the house,
she gained followers

from Pearadise, and I gained
followers from her.

I'm about to comment, guys,
so you guys can follow me.

When I wanted to do,
like, a mukbang,

don't come for me.

Oops.

A mukbang is internet slang

for eating on camera.

Walmart hall
at 5:22 AM.

I got jerky.

I mean, Xi is still mukbanging.

As a guy that
absolutely loves fat girls,

I always want them
happy and healthy, too.

There's a red line in the sand.

You don't wanna go across
that line.

Kass was across that line.

I also saw Xi on the other side
of the line.

I was there when Xiomara
came to visit Pearadise.

We made TikToks.
We had family dinners.

- Xi!
- Hi!

And then she got sick.

We had noticed that,
like, the vibe was off.

She was very quiet.

She didn't come out of her room
for multiple days.

And, like, you know,
eventually it got to a point

people in the house
got concerned.

We had checked on her,
and she was kind of incoherent.

She was crying, and she just
was not in good shape at all.

Her skin didn't look good.

I ran out to get
an oxygen meter,

and we clipped it on her finger,
and the reading was

like 60, and it was
immediately 911.

911 Emergency.

We didn't know if she
was gonna make it.

She was freaking out.
She didn't wanna go.

And I had to tell her,

"You're choosing to die."

Xiomara ended up in
the hospital here in Las Vegas,

and we were all heartbroken.

She had contracted
pneumonia and flu.

I'm mad at myself.

I didn't really see how bad
she was until it was that bad.

She disappeared
for a few months.

People within plus-size
communities were like,

"Is she alive?
Is she dead?

Is she alive?
Is she dead?"

She's doing all right,
and hopefully

um, she can get out
sometime soon.

She went into a coma,
and when she came out of it,

she started trying to document
more of her health journey.

I feel like I never really got
to live my life, and it's sad.

She's been in rehab
to regain her mobility.

In the beginning,
she was sharing her journey

day after day after day,
once or twice a day.

Happy 400K!

Wow, tacos .

Let's go, Arizona.

No mames, güey.

But then she started going
live on TikTok and mukbanging,

basically, from DoorDash
in the hospital bed.

Look at the cheese
at the bottom.

Oh, my gosh.

That's what I got.

This is really delicious.

Her pastime was like, going live

talking to people,
eating food or whatever.

But, like, you know,
as a friend, like...

I was worried about her.

Being bedridden for that amount
of time would be killing me.

Guys, my Pearadise friends are
about to be here.

I told her, like, "Xi,

when you're ready for visitors,
let me know."

And we went to see her.
We made a couple of TikToks.

One of them actually went viral
right now, 1.4 million views.

Guys, look who just got here!

All right, we're gonna go
eat food now.

We ate dinner with her.
We hung out.

We spent the whole day with her.

Finally trying a Mici pizza.

This is a Supreme,
a Caesar, Mozz.

They're good.

I've had people quite
literally say, like, you know,

I'm the reason why Xi
is in the hospital.

We brought her that
because she asked for it.

She's an adult.

I think they knew we were fat

and wanted big-ass pieces.

I'm not her parent.
I'm her friend.

There are people claiming that

I send her DoorDash every day
and feed her.

Xi herself responded to that
and said, like,

"What an utter amount
of bullshit."

Her being at this house really

contributed to things
getting so much worse.

So you tell me how I have
to have it.

She's gonna get
on for the TikTok.

Can you guys hear me?

Us humans, we can
eroticize anything.

And that's both good
and that's bad.

And when you pair arousal
or pleasure with something,

that gets hardwired.

So for someone who has had
pleasure associated

with being fed, it is nearly
impossible to turn off.

Content creation is almost
a trifecta of risk.

It's financially beneficial,

your ego gets validation...

Oh, my God.

...and if I have nothing else
to feel good about,

that is where I find my worth.

You crack me up--

To finally feel
wanted and desired

is gonna make it very hard
to back away from something,

even if it's life-threatening
and dangerous.

Say "Bye."

Bye.

- I love you.
- Bye.

I did not think
I'd be going

to the hospital again.

I turn 30 in a couple of hours,
and I'm gonna be having

surgery for the first time
in my life ever.

It's my gallbladder.

There's a lot of risks,

obviously, with a person
my size,

and I am worried.

I just had my first,
surgery, ever.

With everything that I go
through, I just learned to

love myself a little more.

This battle between us
and Pearadise,

it's not this
black-and-white situation.

It's not cut-and-dry.

At the end of the day,

all I cared about was
those girls.

We were in this fight
for your life

for a whole year and a half.

We were being sued
for a million dollars,

and he didn't really wanna
win a million dollars.

He wanted to scare us.

Stefan benefits off of
silencing people.

Early January, I was
in the process of making

a TikTok video
and this little, like,

notification pops up
from our lawyer.

So I click on the email,
and it's the judge saying that

they're throwing out
the defamation lawsuit.

And I literally felt in my knees
and just cry

because it felt like this weight
had been taken off.

I remember just thinking,
"Oh, my God, we made it."

Yesterday, we got word
that the court is siding

in our favor and has
dismissed the case.

Because we won the lawsuit,

I can keep speaking out
about this.

But now I really do feel
trapped because I don't think

this is something that's
ever gonna be done

because he's never going
to be done.

- Ow!
- I missed you.

From the jump,
you were like the rock.

You kept me going.
You kept everybody going.

I would go into battle with you,

no matter where you go.
- Yeah.

- Always and forever.
- Yeah.

I wish more people knew
because I know there are

women going into that house.

Audrey! Audrey! Audrey! Audrey!

I want people to understand
that Pearadise is like

a safe haven for me.
It always has been.

It always will be.

No skinny Pearadise!

He's getting all the good
angles!

I'm not a victim,

and nobody at the house
is a victim.

People should be asking us
why we want to be there.

Living in this world that
doesn't want me to be here,

Pearadise will always be
a part of my life.

It'll always be a part
of who I am.

Looking back
at the girl that I was,

it's just, like,

super unbelievable being
comfortable in my skin.

I'm still alive today
because of it.

I still believe
in the mission of Pearadise.

It's very important for people

to understand that,
like, we need it.

I believe in treating everybody
like I wanna be treated.

For anybody that's ever been
in my presence,

like, you know, if I ever said
anything or did anything,

if you ever felt uneasy
about me, like, I'm sorry.

Like, that was never--
that was never my intention.

I'm a completely
different person totally.

I've grown so much since then.

Eventually, I'm gonna
get to the point where

I can forgive these girls.

And telling my story has to be
the closure,

because otherwise I'm gonna
carry this around me

till the end of my days,
and I don't want to.

- Cut.
- Great.

I'm really curious
to see what comes out.

You know, sometimes people just
don't wanna hear my story.

They just don't wanna hear it.

That's where we are right now.

We're trying to move past it,
but he never does.

What I had to deal with,

I don't have words for it.

He continues to hurt me.

And he has a platform
to do it.

Not only did he take
advantage of me,

he put my naked body
on the internet.

Stefan has security
camera footage of her

undressing in his living room
where she was nude

that he posted to TikTok.

Like, that was vile.
You don't do that.

Because at the end
of the day, everything--

You know, he's grasping at

trying to prove innocence
rather than take accountability

for anything he's done.

It never stops.
It just never stops.

If Pearadise is a safe space
for big girls,

the world has failed
the big girls.

Oh, my God,
you look so pretty!

- Look at you guys!
- Forever.

Oh, my God, stop it!
Hi, Cece!

I want to think that we're
all intelligent people

and that we would have never
expected that we would've

end up in the situations
that we did.

- Not in a million years.
- Oh, no.

Empathy would make the world
a lot safer of a place.

There's a lot that's happened
over the last couple of years.

We've seen a lot, done a lot,

hurt a lot of people,

and I'm sorry.

I cannot begin to put
into words

how [bleep] proud I am of you.

You look at peace.

It's good to see you,

to see you,
if you know what I mean.

- I feel like me again.
- That's good.

- That's awesome.
- That man [bleep] me up.

I know.

You are worth
so much more than that.

You have always been worth
so much more than that.

I think the culture that
we live in

will push fat women so far
that a place like Pearadise,

that is the better option.

Pearadise is the backdrop.

But really,
it's a conversation about

how we're [bleep] treating
each other.

If you have not lived
in a fat body,

I hope that people
will watch this

and do wanna make a change.

You have the power to live
your life fearlessly,

to experience joy and happiness
and love and passion.

And I would hope that one day
we are seen as more

than just our bodies.

♪ The road you're on is unpaved
but the gravel is worth it ♪

♪ It has to be ♪

♪ Time hasn't failed you
just derailed you ♪

♪ Keep breathing
I know you'll see ♪

♪ what I see, what I see ♪

I would tell younger me
that she's gonna be OK.

You deserve better.

You deserve to feel better
about yourself, and you deserve

all the love and all the good
things in the world,

and you deserve friends,

people who see you and who
love you unconditionally.

♪ Sure, it's heavy ♪

♪ Sure, it's hard ♪

♪ Sometimes you've gotta go
back to the start ♪

♪ But you're still in there
despite the fall ♪

♪ Despite it all ♪

We're gonna get through it.

Right?

We're gonna
we're gonna do it.