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1
00:00:06,382 --> 00:00:09,802
Ugh. You again.
2
00:00:09,886 --> 00:00:11,304
(groans)
3
00:00:11,387 --> 00:00:14,640
Auntie, I feel
all twisted up inside.
4
00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:18,102
Oh, honey, it's just
your monthly room repaint.
5
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,855
-What?
-It's tomato time, baby.
6
00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:25,318
Time to hop on your cotton
pogo stick and go, go, go.
7
00:00:25,401 --> 00:00:28,154
(chuckles)
You're entertaining the butcher,
8
00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,782
and he's a natural redhead.
9
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:33,534
You're shaking
the devil's margarita.
10
00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:34,994
(laughs)
11
00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:37,330
Auntie, you don't
make any sense.
12
00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:39,749
It's just your period, baby.
13
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:41,667
But why does it hurt so bad?
14
00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:43,252
Get used to it, doll.
15
00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:46,047
Welcome to womanhood.
16
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:49,383
Population: shut up about it.
17
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,804
(school bell ringing)
18
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,180
(groans)
19
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,808
Ms. Peahen, please,
can I go to the nurse?
20
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,142
Quit faking it, Tuca.
21
00:00:58,226 --> 00:01:00,520
I know you didn't study
for that test.
22
00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,355
I was going to cheat, I swear.
23
00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:04,148
(exhales)
24
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:07,693
Huh.
25
00:01:07,777 --> 00:01:10,238
(whistles)
26
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:13,199
Ugh. My period is so annoying.
27
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:15,076
My cramps are killing me.
28
00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:18,496
Don't you hate how the pain
is so bad, you barf... (shouts)
29
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,456
then you black out,
30
00:01:20,540 --> 00:01:22,124
then you jolt back
into consciousness
31
00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:23,960
only to curse out the gods
that made you?
32
00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,711
But no god would makesuch a beast.
33
00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:28,256
Your bodyis an evolutionary joke,
34
00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,508
and you were born to suffer.
35
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,051
(panting)
36
00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,929
-Tampon?
-Ooh, that's way too small.
37
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,139
Do you have a beach towel
and a shop vac?
38
00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:38,266
(ducks quacking)
39
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:40,560
Hello, everyone. My name is...
40
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:43,145
(groans)
Tuca.
41
00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:45,982
(vomits)
42
00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:48,901
(vomiting continues)
43
00:01:48,985 --> 00:01:51,779
-Good tour.
-Pretty good tour.
44
00:01:51,863 --> 00:01:53,739
♪ Tuca and Bertie and Tuca andBertie and Bertie and Tuca ♪
45
00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:55,408
♪ And Tuca and Bertie,Tuca and Bertie ♪
46
00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:57,118
♪ Tu-Tu-Tuca ♪
47
00:01:58,369 --> 00:01:59,787
-♪ Tuca ♪
-♪ And Bertie. ♪
48
00:01:59,871 --> 00:02:02,123
(vocalizing)
49
00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:09,714
So, how come you've never
pooped while I'm over here?
50
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,257
I want to watch you go.
51
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:12,633
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tuca, what?
52
00:02:12,717 --> 00:02:16,429
Ew. You know I don't
really do that, right?
53
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,014
-What?
-Well, I try not to.
54
00:02:18,097 --> 00:02:21,517
That's why I photosynthesize
most of my nutrients.
55
00:02:21,601 --> 00:02:25,313
You know, I did think
your booty looked pristine.
56
00:02:25,396 --> 00:02:27,106
That's just a knot.
57
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:29,233
It's knot a bootyhole?
58
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:30,776
You plants are
freaky-squeaky clean.
59
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:33,112
FIGGY: You're actually
the first non-plant person
60
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,280
I've ever dated.
61
00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:35,990
Your body is so interesting.
62
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:40,494
So much goes in and comes out,
and very little of it is oxygen.
63
00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:43,331
Yep, I'm just a big
wet sack of bird meat.
64
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:47,501
Anyways, let's talk more
about things going in and out.
65
00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:49,211
Hey, I was thinking,
66
00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:51,672
maybe we could take
a trip sometime.
67
00:02:51,756 --> 00:02:53,591
Have you ever been
to Horseville?
68
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:54,717
Horseville?
69
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,595
(horses neighing)
70
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,305
Welcome to Horseville.
71
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:04,018
Choose a horse, and you can
ride it for your entire visit.
72
00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:07,229
Ha-har!
73
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:09,732
(gasps)
I've always wanted to go there.
74
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,276
-Great. Want to go this weekend?
-Hmm, let me see.
75
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,780
Hold on just
un momento, por favor.
76
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:19,700
Oops.
77
00:03:21,494 --> 00:03:23,663
I can't. Uh, I have to, um...
78
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,331
r-repaint my apartment.
79
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,333
(echoes):
Well, we can go another time.
80
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:30,670
I was just trying to be fun
and impulsive, like you.
81
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:33,714
(strains):
Hormones shifting.
82
00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:36,175
-Do you need help painting?
-(grunts)
83
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,177
No, I'm fine.
84
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,846
I need to go. I'll text you!
85
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:42,848
(howling)
86
00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:45,977
FIGGY:
Okay, love you. (howling)
87
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,145
(laughs)
88
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:50,356
(sighs)
She's fun.
89
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,525
(barking)
90
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,530
(groans)
91
00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:00,616
♪ ♪
92
00:04:02,535 --> 00:04:04,036
(whimpers)
93
00:04:05,955 --> 00:04:07,373
(sighs)
94
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:10,334
Being sick is so boring.
95
00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:12,837
(grunting)
96
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:15,798
(knocking on door)
97
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:18,384
BERTIE:
Tuca, it's me.
98
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,511
I can't move, Bertie.
99
00:04:22,138 --> 00:04:23,347
Are you okay?
100
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:24,390
Do you still want to go
to the salon
101
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,766
with the scary stylist?
102
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:27,435
You know, from the way
he looks at me,
103
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,562
I can tell he wants to give me
a ruthless makeover.
104
00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:30,938
Ooh, am I tempted?
105
00:04:31,022 --> 00:04:32,648
Am I intrigued by how
he would transform me?
106
00:04:32,732 --> 00:04:34,567
-Yes.
-Bertie.
107
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,611
I'm stuck here in the dirt.
I can't move.
108
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:40,406
-Are you having
your monthly thingy?
-Yes.
109
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:42,491
Do you want me to do the thing
where I put my hands
110
00:04:42,575 --> 00:04:45,327
on your body and make
sympathetic noises?
111
00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:46,704
Yes.
112
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:51,584
Ah, ooh, I'm healing you.
113
00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:53,627
It's not working, Bertie.
114
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:57,006
You should leave.
I'm just sucking you down.
115
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:02,678
Bertie, quickly,
escape while you still can.
116
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,181
Um, I'm fine.
117
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:07,308
(groans)
118
00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:09,727
Tuca, you need to see a doctor.
119
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,103
I hate doctors.
120
00:05:11,187 --> 00:05:13,355
They just want to collect
my urine and sell it.
121
00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,066
Piss is currency
to them, Bertie.
122
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:17,234
Okay, but, uh,
is this chronic thing
123
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:20,029
holding you back from
doing stuff you want to do?
124
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:21,739
Figgy wants to take me
to Horseville.
125
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,157
I really want to go.
126
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,827
I can picture it,
and it's so beautiful, Bertie.
127
00:05:26,911 --> 00:05:28,996
♪ ♪
128
00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:34,960
Damn, that's messed up.
129
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:38,839
Horseville. Ouch!
130
00:05:38,923 --> 00:05:41,133
Well, that's a great reason
to get fixed.
131
00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:43,385
You have health insurance
from your work, right?
132
00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:45,805
Yeah, it covers everything
at this place.
133
00:05:45,888 --> 00:05:47,139
Great.
134
00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:49,558
Bertie, no. I don't want to go.
135
00:05:49,642 --> 00:05:51,519
If you let me make
an appointment,
136
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:54,188
I'll let you play
with this glue.
137
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:57,108
I have to stop myself
from putting it in my mouth.
138
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:58,317
Don't do that.
139
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,694
-Maybe just one bite.
-No, Tuca.
140
00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:04,156
I have health insurance now.
I can eat the glue.
141
00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,911
Bertie, I don't need
a doctor anymore.
142
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:11,747
This website says if I give
myself a celery juice enema,
143
00:06:11,831 --> 00:06:14,125
-I'll be cured.
-Tuca, you have to stop
144
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,585
letting the Internet tell you
what to put up your butt.
145
00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:19,004
-Never.
-Tuca Toucan? Right this way.
146
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:20,714
We just need to get
a urine sample.
147
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:24,176
I knew it! Y'all want to collect
my liquid gold right away.
148
00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:27,388
-Cha-ching.
-(laughs) That's ridiculous.
149
00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:29,181
We only need it
to assess your health.
150
00:06:29,265 --> 00:06:32,226
Very well, but I just know
this lemonade's gonna end up
151
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:36,272
on the yellow market
for $58 an ounce.
152
00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:39,942
(phone chimes, vibrates)
153
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,695
No, that's Tuca's phone.
154
00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,655
Mind your own business.
155
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,115
(straining)
156
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:50,953
FIGGY:Hey, Tooks, I saw somethingthat reminded me of you.
157
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,372
Should I buy this for you,or is it too corny?
158
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:54,748
(gasps)
159
00:06:54,832 --> 00:06:56,500
Bertie, we've been friends
for over a decade.
160
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:59,712
So now it's time to show you
my most prized possessions.
161
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:01,755
Okay.
162
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,090
-Whoa!
-Yeah!
163
00:07:03,174 --> 00:07:04,717
(shouting, screaming)
164
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,558
I don't know what to say.
165
00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:15,895
I've got a drummer,
a guy on bass and a flautist.
166
00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:19,315
If you look closely, his flute
is just a smaller hot dog.
167
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:22,818
Someday my collection
will be complete.
168
00:07:22,902 --> 00:07:25,070
Okay. How do we get out of here?
169
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:29,909
I love it. Get it for me.
170
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:32,620
This is Tuca.
171
00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,914
Can you show me what
your pain level has been like
172
00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:36,498
on this scale?
173
00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,125
Are the hats part of it?
174
00:07:38,209 --> 00:07:40,169
Because I kind of
feel like this one,
175
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,463
but he's wearing a hat
that says "I'm baby,"
176
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,173
and I don't think I'm baby.
177
00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:45,633
So then don't point to that one.
178
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,927
Okay, well, if we're
going off general vibe,
179
00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:50,679
-I guess this one.
-Okay, so not that much pain.
180
00:07:50,763 --> 00:07:52,598
No, a lot of pain.
181
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:55,059
You pointed to a face
with not that much pain.
182
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,269
There's nothing else
I can do for you.
183
00:07:57,353 --> 00:07:58,604
Cute beret, though.
184
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,272
But I feel allergic
to my own hormones.
185
00:08:00,356 --> 00:08:01,899
I only have one week a month
186
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,943
where I don't feel like
chopping off my lower body.
187
00:08:04,026 --> 00:08:06,987
-Does that sound normal to you?
-Hmm.
188
00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:09,657
-Mm-mm-mm.
-Look,
189
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,367
can you just give me
a referral to a gyno?
190
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:13,953
Sure, just fill out
these ten pages of paperwork.
191
00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:16,205
This is the same paperwork
I already filled out.
192
00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,706
Can you just talk to each other?
193
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:19,667
Ever since our queen died,
this whole hive
194
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,126
has suffered colony collapse.
195
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,503
We don't communicate at all
196
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:24,046
because now everyone
thinks they're the queen.
197
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:27,216
Which is crazy because
obviously, I'm the queen.
198
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:29,301
-What?
-Fill out these forms
in triplicate.
199
00:08:29,385 --> 00:08:30,970
(groans)
200
00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,639
It's a long and treacherous way
home, green beads,
201
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:36,392
-but if you just follow
this twisty road...
-(phone chiming)
202
00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,477
...you'll get there safely.
203
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,437
Uhp! Stay the course, red beads.
204
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,147
There is no free will.
205
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:46,110
Thy destiny is but a single path
of loopedy-loops.
206
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,486
(chiming)
207
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:48,821
(moans)
208
00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,406
FIGGY:I've been thinking about
209
00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:51,991
your ideas for Bertie'sbirthday present.
210
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:53,450
Whoa.
211
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:56,036
-FIGGY: The piñatafull of spiders.
-(shouts)
212
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,539
-A loaded gun.
-Oh, no.
213
00:08:58,622 --> 00:09:01,166
-A limited-edition collection...
-Ooh.
214
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,085
-...of loaded guns.
-(groans)
215
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,337
Based on what you'vetold me about Bertie--
216
00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:07,840
see footnotes for citationsof her fear
217
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:11,176
of spiders and firearms--I wonder if she wouldn't like
218
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:15,014
something more along the linesof a really nice rolling pin.
219
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:17,224
Or perhaps a picnic?
220
00:09:17,308 --> 00:09:19,476
(sighs) Uh, I agree.
221
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,438
Those are great ideas
for Bertie's birthday.
222
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,274
Sincerely, Tuca.
223
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:28,777
(sighs) Okay, that's it.
No more texting.
224
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,909
Should Bertie get
really into hats this year?
225
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:39,621
How old is too old
to be into boy bands?
226
00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:41,832
How should Bertie resolve
her mommy issues?
227
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,918
Ooh, a-and also,
her daddy issues?
228
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,339
What's a six-letter word
for "boundaries"?
229
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:53,344
Should Bertie get
spicy chips or plain?
230
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:55,929
FIGGY:Tooks, remember that timeyou ate the entire bag
231
00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:59,058
of Scorchin' Hot Gravel Nuggetsand they made you feel bad,
232
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,934
but then you said, "Worth it"?
233
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,561
Life is short.
234
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:05,606
Tell Bertie to get the spicychips if she wants them.
235
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:08,233
Damn, so heckin' wise.
236
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:11,487
I agree. Says me, Tuca.
237
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,491
-(phone chimes)
-FIGGY: Glad I could help.
238
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:17,451
I am Figgy.
239
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,745
-(buzzing)
-(wheels creaking)
240
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:25,292
Okay, how many babies
do you want?
241
00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:27,920
Between 12 and 18, but
that's not why I'm here today.
242
00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:30,047
Well, this pain
is in your pelvis,
243
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,424
so it might affect
your fertility.
244
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:35,094
No, ma'am. You're gonna fix
whatever's happening in there,
245
00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:37,179
and then I'm going to have
all my babies
246
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:40,516
without any complications the
moment I'm ready. ¿Comprende?
247
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:44,019
Okay, then. I guess
we'll cross that scary bridge
248
00:10:44,103 --> 00:10:46,105
when we come to it.
(laughs)
249
00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,607
I also get these stabbing pains
in my bootyhole.
250
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:52,444
Nope, no way. I'm a gyno,
so I only look at the one hole.
251
00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:55,280
-Come on, it's right there.
-Out of my jurisdiction.
252
00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:58,242
-It's, like, one inch away.
-Nope, I'm the sheriff
253
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,953
of Pussytown, and that's
across the county line.
254
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:02,204
Pew, pew.
255
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,622
(groans)
256
00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,626
(belches, moans)
257
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,461
-Worth it.
-(phone chimes)
258
00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:11,046
FIGGY:Hey, Tooks,
259
00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:12,548
I know you're busyrepainting your apartment,
260
00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:13,799
but I'm in your neighborhood.
261
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:15,843
Want me to bring you some pizza?
262
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,095
Aw. Tuca would love pizza.
263
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,806
Especially if she's been
painting all day.
264
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:23,225
Yes, bring me pizza.
265
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,644
Heart emoji, Tuca.
266
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,020
-Hey, Bertie.
-(shouts)
267
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,439
I just got a few more
specialists to see,
268
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:30,482
-then we can get out of here.
-Okay.
269
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:32,276
Tuca's not painting
her apartment.
270
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,944
Tuca's at the doctor.
271
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,779
Oh, Bertie stupid.
272
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:38,323
-FIGGY: Be there in five.
-Eep!
273
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,950
(phone ringing)
274
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,995
Hello, my sweet,
sweetie, sweet...
275
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,705
Speckle! I don'thave time to explain.
276
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:46,331
I need you to go upstairsto Tuca's apartment
277
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,375
and pretend to be her.
278
00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:50,169
I have no questions.
279
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,132
Yoo-hoo! Hi!
280
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,633
That's it, keep waving.
281
00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:58,343
Now, when he rings the intercom,
282
00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:01,430
tell him to leave the pizzain the lobby.
283
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:04,475
-(buzzer sounds)
-SPECKLE: Hello, big boy.
284
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,310
Get up here and give me
285
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,061
a big kiss.
286
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:10,522
No! Why would you do that?
287
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:12,983
I feel like that's
what Tuca would have said.
288
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,277
(buzzer sounds)
289
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,658
SPECKLE:
Come on in.
290
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,160
FIGGY:
Hey, Tooks.
291
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,621
Whoa, what's all this?
292
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:28,040
Uh, I'm painting.
293
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,125
I-I'm covered in paint.
294
00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:31,835
-Ugh...
-(Bertie whimpers)
295
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,213
No problem, I can just leave
the pizza here at the door,
296
00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:36,924
but I would love to see
your place when you're done.
297
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,885
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, sounds good,
298
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,887
Barky Boy.
299
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,889
Hey, that thing I said earlier
about you being
300
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:46,225
the first non-plant I've dated.
301
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:49,186
I feel like that came out
sounding wrong.
302
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,605
I just really like you.
303
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,565
-All of you.
-Aw.
304
00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:54,775
Aw.
305
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,360
FIGGY:
Anyways, I can see you're busy.
306
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:59,571
-I'll be on my way.
-Uh, I'm not busy at all.
307
00:12:59,655 --> 00:13:02,157
Tell me more of the things
you like about me.
308
00:13:02,241 --> 00:13:05,410
Ask me personal questions
about myself
309
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:08,372
-that only I would know.
-No!
310
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,044
(groaning)
311
00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:24,972
I've had it! Enough!
312
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:29,059
I've seen a urologist,
a neurologist, a cloacologist.
313
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,562
All of you are experts
on all these individual parts,
314
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,856
but my body is a galaxy,
not just one planet.
315
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,942
Whatever is wrong with me
is affecting
316
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,111
my entire body and mind.
317
00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:42,281
Isn't there someone here
who can look at my whole being
318
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,449
and connect all the parts?
319
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,868
(melodic buzzing)
320
00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:49,913
♪ We can't find the sourceof your distress ♪
321
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,833
♪ What's your deal?It's anybody's guess ♪
322
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,711
♪ Though all your problemsare physical and cyclical ♪
323
00:13:55,794 --> 00:14:00,257
♪ Have you considered thatyour brain could be atypical? ♪
324
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,218
♪ It's hormones, it's anxiety ♪
325
00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:06,221
♪ Your pelvis is a mystery ♪
326
00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:11,518
♪ You could trylosing ten pounds ♪
327
00:14:11,602 --> 00:14:13,186
What? I don't need
to lose weight.
328
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,689
That's not my issue.
329
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:19,693
♪ That's what we say to everypatient and it never hurts ♪
330
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,945
I think it does hurt.
it's very harmful.
331
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:23,655
♪ Lost nine pounds? ♪
332
00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:24,990
♪ Try one more ♪
333
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,491
♪ Lost 11 pounds? ♪
334
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:27,993
♪ That's extra good ♪
335
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,662
♪ Lose six pounds,gain five more ♪
336
00:14:30,746 --> 00:14:34,166
♪ Everybody's gotto have an equal score ♪
337
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,501
♪ And the thingyou most need to know ♪
338
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:40,380
♪ Aside from all the testsand diagnoses and vaccines ♪
339
00:14:40,464 --> 00:14:42,299
Yes? What is it?
340
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:45,719
♪ Is this very important bitof info ♪
341
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:49,765
♪ Listen up, I'll tell you now ♪
342
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:55,145
♪ Are you ready? ♪
343
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,938
♪ I'm the queen ♪
344
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,732
-♪ I'm the queen ♪
-♪ I'm the queen ♪
345
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,108
♪ I'm the queen, I'm the queen ♪
346
00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:04,863
♪ Queen, queen, queen, queen. ♪
347
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,657
(all buzzing)
348
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:09,451
Shut up.
This is a huge waste of time.
349
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:12,037
All of you have
terrible bedside manners,
350
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,497
you've been very unhelpful,
351
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,457
and you all are
extremely talented vocalists.
352
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,792
And none of you
should be doctors.
353
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,043
You all should have followed
354
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,545
your performing arts dreams
instead.
355
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:24,049
Now, behold. I am your queen.
356
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,301
(bees gasping, buzzing)
357
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,349
Whew, Figgy's just left.
358
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:33,684
We had a good chat.
359
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,811
He seems kind of awesome.
360
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:38,230
Love him. (sighs)
361
00:15:38,313 --> 00:15:40,190
I can't wait for him to meet me.
362
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,401
The real me.
363
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:44,111
BERTIE:So...
364
00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:46,363
are you gonna take offthat costume now?
365
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,990
Bertie, it took me a long time
to get into character,
366
00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:51,618
and it's gonna take me
a long time to get out.
367
00:15:51,702 --> 00:15:53,745
So I'm gonna go hit the clubs.
368
00:15:53,829 --> 00:15:56,248
(dance music playing)
369
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:57,499
(phone beeps)
370
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,292
TUCA:
You all must obey my wishes!
371
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:00,502
Tuca?
372
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:03,088
As your queen, I command you all
373
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,631
to stop wasting my time
374
00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:06,925
and just tell me
what's wrong with me!
375
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,885
Or else
I'll have you all beheaded.
376
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,595
Get it? Bee-headed?
377
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,264
-Oh! Aah!
-Tuca.
378
00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:15,100
We've got to get you
to a real hospital.
379
00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:16,685
You heard her, take your queen
380
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,855
to a... (groaning)
real hospital.
381
00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:21,606
♪ ♪
382
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:23,817
(Tuca moaning)
383
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,154
(Bertie screaming)
384
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,200
(insects trilling)
385
00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:34,870
Okay, this is just
a quick cat scan.
386
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,705
Please don't sting me.
387
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,874
(all buzzing)
388
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,335
(cat yowling)
389
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,173
♪ ♪
390
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,528
You.
391
00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:10,489
How could you do that to Tuca?
392
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:11,990
Oh, right.
393
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,658
You're Tuca's friend.
394
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:15,160
Georgette?
395
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:18,038
-Bertie.
-Really? You look
like a Georgette to me.
396
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,915
-I think I know my own name.
-Huh.
397
00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:21,333
Then who's Georgette?
398
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:23,168
Forget about Georgette!
399
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,003
Tuca was upset
about you for months,
400
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:28,006
and you just disappeared.
I mean, who does that?
401
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:30,801
She was too much for me.
I had to take care of myself.
402
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,385
You know,
Tuca would never say this,
403
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,430
because she has too much grace,
but... get bent.
404
00:17:35,514 --> 00:17:39,518
In the butthole, vagina
and cloaca.
405
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:41,353
I only have a cloaca.
406
00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:43,396
Why would I need
three holes down there?
407
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,857
Ooh, my name is Kara.
408
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:47,692
I'm so fancy.
409
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:51,196
I do all my pee-pee
poo-poos out of one hole.
410
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:52,989
I've lost the thread
on which one of us
411
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,325
is the weird one in this world.
412
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,536
So those are the results.
413
00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:59,663
If you have
any follow-up questions,
414
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,456
you can call this number.
415
00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:03,750
Okay. Thank you.
416
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,336
(groans)
417
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:09,297
(sighs)
418
00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:11,341
Hey, Auntie.
419
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,844
Tuca, you're visiting
early today.
420
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:17,139
Actually, I was here getting
some tests, trying to figure out
421
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:19,266
why I feel so bad each month.
422
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:22,227
For the first time, I thought
maybe I could find an answer
423
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,437
and feel just
a little bit better, you know?
424
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:25,897
I'll try anything.
425
00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:27,691
I'll butt-chug celery juice
at every meal.
426
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,817
I don't care.
427
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,987
I just want to know what to do.
428
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:37,117
I have the same affliction,
darling.
429
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,493
(chuckles)
430
00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:40,161
Maybe that's
why I'm such a bitch.
431
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,746
(chuckles)
432
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:45,917
I never got any explanation
other than my "mean uterus"
433
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:48,253
and my "showoff-y ovaries."
434
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,005
(inhales)
435
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,507
Good for you trying
to take care of yourself.
436
00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:56,845
I gave up on finding an answer
long, long ago.
437
00:18:56,928 --> 00:19:00,223
But have you thought
about losing ten pounds?
438
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:03,018
(both laugh)
439
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,520
Hurry, hurry.
440
00:19:05,604 --> 00:19:07,772
Catch up to your family,
blue beads.
441
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:10,942
Stragglers die of exposure
in the cold of night.
442
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,278
Hey, how'd it go?
443
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:15,906
All the tests came back
normal or inconclusive.
444
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,366
Aw, we could try a naturopath.
445
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,577
An integrative holistic healer?
446
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,746
Nah, Bertie, I quit.
447
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,081
This flare-up will end soon,
and I'll feel fine
448
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:28,043
for a few days or weeks
until it comes back.
449
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:29,961
Right now,
I just want to go home.
450
00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:32,923
Let's get out of here
before we run into you-know-who.
451
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:35,592
Okay. Hmm, are you gonna
see Figgy tonight?
452
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,010
I don't know.
453
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,930
I'm feeling more
"I'm baby" hat than sombrero,
454
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,598
if you know what I mean.
455
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:45,352
I don't, but, Tuca,
he seems like a great guy.
456
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,854
You should tell him
what's going on with you.
457
00:19:47,938 --> 00:19:50,148
I bet he'll be
really cool with it.
458
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,817
Also, here's your phone back.
459
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:54,194
Don't look at your text history.
460
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:55,987
Oh, I never look
at my text history.
461
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:59,449
There's such a thing
as too much Tuca, even for Tuca.
462
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,826
(knocking)
463
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,286
Ta-da.
464
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,455
♪ ♪
465
00:20:06,665 --> 00:20:08,416
It's perfect.
466
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:09,918
How did you know?
467
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,419
You told me.
468
00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:13,129
Wow, the paint looks great.
469
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,465
It dried really fast, huh?
470
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,842
Says me, Figgy.
471
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:21,304
Yeah, I guess maybe it did,
says I, Tuca.
472
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:24,015
Listen, I have something
to tell you.
473
00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:26,393
I have this cyclical,
chronic thing that flares up.
474
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:29,521
It hurts a lot
and makes me really depressed.
475
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:31,982
It's like the smallest,
most boring roller coaster,
476
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,693
and I might be stuck on it
for the rest of my life.
477
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:37,237
But I want to be honest
with you.
478
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,031
I like all of you.
479
00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:42,993
Every part of you put together,
no matter whether those parts
480
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:45,161
are feeling good or bad.
481
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:48,707
Plus, we all have
our weird body stuff.
482
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:51,793
I can even use the toilet
in front of you,
483
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:53,545
if you really want.
484
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:56,089
I must warn you, it'll be
extremely painful for me.
485
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:57,716
Lots of splinters.
486
00:20:57,799 --> 00:21:00,552
-(Tuca laughs)
-Also, I haven't really
487
00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:04,222
talked to you about this before,
but since we are being frank,
488
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,016
I drink a lot.
489
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,143
I know you drink.
It's not a big deal.
490
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:10,937
Yeah, but it's a lot,
more than you'd think.
491
00:21:11,021 --> 00:21:13,314
Really?
Because I can think a ton.
492
00:21:13,398 --> 00:21:15,900
Okay, so maybe it is
what you'd think.
493
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:18,236
I feel too sick to go
to Horseville this weekend,
494
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:20,030
but can we go another time?
495
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:21,740
I really want to go.
496
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,825
♪ ♪
497
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:28,872
Ew! Why would you think
this is what Horseville is?
498
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:32,375
Have you ever been
to another city before?
499
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:35,253
Mmm. Horseville.
500
00:21:35,336 --> 00:21:37,630
Of course.
Horseville isn't going anywhere.
501
00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:39,382
It'll always be there.
502
00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:42,469
Like the Great Barrier Reef
and the glaciers and the moon.
503
00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:45,305
(Tuca groans)
504
00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:47,307
Why don't you get in bed?
505
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:50,769
Can I make you a tea?
506
00:21:50,852 --> 00:21:52,729
Put on a show
you'd like to watch?
507
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,522
That would be really nice.
508
00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:56,900
I like caring
for other people, you know?
509
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:58,818
It makes me feel good.
510
00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:01,613
So don't worry
about being too much for me.
511
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:04,616
(sighs)
512
00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:19,631
♪ ♪
513
00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:43,613
♪ ♪
514
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:54,249
Pee-pee!
515
00:22:54,332 --> 00:23:02,340
(dogs barking)
35566
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