All language subtitles for Alone S01E11 - Triumph

♪ ♪

Being here gave me

the opportunity
to reflect upon my life,

and what I found was incredible.

For me, there's something
bigger going on here.

There's a point
where you just got to go.

I have a lot of anxiety
not knowing if my mom is okay.

She was diagnosed
with brain cancer,

and I know in my heart
I need to go see her.

So I guess I'm
gonna just keep driving on.

I'm not real big into quitting.

Absolutely no part of
me is tapping out. That's a fact.

They'll either
come and get me one day

and say, "Okay, you're done.
You can stop now."

Or they'll
medevac me out of here.

I'm a tough Nebraska dude.

I'm not quitting.
I'm staying here no matter what.

This is gonna be a bitch.

We have to film it,
and we're totally alone.

Nobody knows what it's like here

except for the ten guys out here
doing it.

Time to get shelter.

There's nobody here but me.

It's just so
hard doing this alone.

I'm scared to death right now.

I feel like I'm starving.

Pretty sure I just saw a cougar.

Oh,.

The last man
standing wins $500,000.

I don't want to go home.
I want to win.

This is the
chance in a lifetime,

but it's not worth dying over.

♪ ♪

This is the worst wind.

I'm just trying
to get things picked up, but...

holy crap.

I'm used to high winds,
but this is nuts.

This is crazy nuts.

Holy cow.

No, this is too bad.

Okay, uh...

Time to get shelter.

Time to get to shelter. Okay.

What the--this is not
me being dramatic at all.

This is not--

I am not making this up.

The wind is literally
blowing me over.

Holy freaking cow.

♪ ♪

It just keeps getting
worse and worse.

These winds are coming
off of the Pacific

and just ripping at my shelter.

And I live in tornado country,

so I know what it's like
to be around high winds,

but this is insane.
This is a whole new caliber.

It's just getting worse.

It's just--

At this point, I've lost
all passion for being out here.

I have no enthusiasm
for any of this anymore.

This place has just
beaten the crap out of me.

I'm starving.

Mentally I've just been zonked
just from being solo.

Seven weeks.

I've been out here seven weeks.

This is the toughest thing
I've ever had to do in my life.

It's just insane.

This place has just
driven me into the ground

like I never thought it could,

and things aren't gonna
get any better from here.

It's only gonna
get colder and more miserable.

And meanwhile, I've got
this beautiful wife with a baby

in her belly ready to,
you know...

She's partway
into her third trimester now.

I've been out here for so long,

you know?

It's like...

You just forget--

man, you forget everything.

Ugh.

♪ ♪

The weather
has just been terrible.

It's been high winds--
hurricane force at times,

65-mile-an-hour gusts,

and it just reaffirms the power

that weather and the tide has
on your life and your decisions.

I haven't eaten much in days.

This morning,
I felt like I would have a shot

at getting some real food,

but no luck there.

We've got a pretty
heavy rainstorm happening,

so no food again today,
which is kind of a bummer.

I'm just not into getting wet

and not into getting cold
if I don't have to,

and there's really nothing--

nothing going on.

I stuck my pot out the door
to catch some rainwater.

I'm getting a little low
on water.

I haven't done a fire in--

there hasn't been a use to.
No purpose.

I haven't taped anything today,
'cause there's nothing to do.

There's nothing to tape other
than me just sitting here.

That's--that's it.

I just sit here.

My shelter is not even big
enough to sit up in,

about half of it,

and the other half,
you can sit up in.

None of it you can stand up in,

and it's just long enough
for me to lay down in,

so it's--it's about as confined
as you can get, you know?

And being in here day
after day after day,

the isolation
has just been terrible,

but...

We'll see how it shakes out.

♪ ♪

This storm is the worst.

This wind hasn't stopped
just pounding.

I didn't get any sleep
last night, it seemed.

I just--

The wind and the rain,

it was so loud,

just shaking the tarp
like crazy.

I threw my raingear
over my sleeping bag

just in case
any rain was dripping in,

so that helped
a little bit, I think,

so at least I'm pretty dry.

Man, I just--

I can't function mentally
in this state.

Like, I can't--

I can't think of what to do.

I'm not sharp when I'm,

like, you know,

this sleep-deprived
and when I'm this hungry.

It's just a pounding,
raging mess out there.

I hate it.

I'm just not quitting.

I'm not giving up.

I'm staying here no matter what.

I will be here.

♪ ♪

So...

No chow today,

again.

It is still raining.

It's been raining pretty hard.

My feet actually got very,
very cold, and...

So that's my main issue
right now.

We'll see how that goes.

The woods are kind of merciless.

They just do what they do,

and you either adapt to that
or they'll take you.

I guess I've kind of peaked
out in a way.

I've dipped my feet here.

I didn't think about, honestly,

about how long I could go
doing this thing.

I didn't know when I landed if
I was gonna be here three days.

♪ ♪

We got dropped
out of helicopters and boats

and float planes and--

a pelican case full
of camera gear, and they said,

"Best of luck to you."

So, this is home.

We are here. This is crazy.

I'm a complete lunatic.

It seems
like just yesterday, you know?

Just getting here.
Getting started.

There, it's on.

I'm getting pretty dried out

to the point I stopped filming
with the other camera,

and this one's frustrating.

These cameras, that's a whole
facet of this that I just--

I didn't realize how hard
it would be to do all this

and try to film it.

"Go to British Columbia,"
they said.

"It'll be fun.

Oh, it's beautiful there.
Abundant resources."

♪ ♪

This is day four,

and I have this little stick.

I've been...

Marking in little notches...

'Cause as we start getting
into more days, I'll lose track,

I'm sure.

You either learn
to survive or you--you don't survive.

There is no other "dog
ate my homework, whoops,

forgot to pay the light bill."

You either figure out a way

or you're toast.

♪ ♪

14 days.

Cha-ching.

You either do it or you don't.

And then you move from survival
to thrive-al.

It's dry!

Dry wood!

Dry!

This is impossible.

I cannot work in this light.

These conditions
are not conducive for my--

my artistic juices.

And so now it's just a--

it's time, really,

is what you're looking at.

♪ ♪

I noticed this morning
when I put my pants on,

I have--I've lost
a significant amount of weight.

I could probably put two fists

in there from my stomach
to the waistband.

♪ ♪

Man, it's cold out here.

I could cut diamonds
with my nipples.

♪ ♪

Missing home, thinking about
my babies, thinking about Mama.

I want to kiss them,
kiss their little forehead,

kiss their little faces.

What day is it?

The weather.

The weather and the tide can--

can make or break you
out here for sure.

You know, we're here
at the worst time of year, man.

We're here in the dead middle
of winter.

Yeah, part of me's like,

"Well, I'm ready to go here."

I tell you, about day 40,

psychological aspects

started kicking in on this
more than they have been.

By then,
you've done everything enough,

and you're into that loop
that everything slows way,

way down,

crawling,
and that last gasping breath

as you're spending
that last bit of energy.

It's the same old deal...

Like playing a repeat button.

It's just like, your life,

my life, anybody's life,
you get into a routine.

You have a schedule.

Mine involves limpets
and seaweed

and boiling water every day.

You know,
you just wonder,

"Well, how long
do I want to do this?

"What is enough for me?

"What is my
finish line out here?

"What am I looking for?

"Have I found it?

Have I done
what I came out here to do?"

My goal was to come out here
and not die,

so...

I did that.

I just feel totally
separated from time,

just like it's
an ever-present moment.

No past.

No future.

Just now.

When you come
and you stand alone...

It's all very real.

And I still, honestly, don't
know how long I have in me here.

I'm not trying to prove anything
to anybody.

I'm not trying to do this
to say,

"Hey, look, I'm the baddest man

in the world,"

because I'm not.

I'm just a guy.

There's really nothing
special about me.

I'm just your regular guy.

Yeah,

I could just go home.

Yeah,

sic]

♪ ♪

I'm dehydrated.

I haven't had food.

I haven't slept in three nights.

I'm just not feeling good.

Ugh.

I came out here
to have an epic adventure,

and it's turned out
to be pretty crazy.

Now, keep in mind,
it doesn't necessarily mean fun

all the time

or painless,

so I guess this does
fit the bill.

It just goes to show what can
happen if you don't know

the environment you're going
into before you are in it.

I've been in it for a long time.

Landing on the island was, like,
the coolest thing ever,

'cause you're in this plane,

and then I shook
the pilot's hand,

and then he's gone.

Whoo-hoo!

And you're just alone out there.

Yeah!

I feel like a mosquito
in a nudist colony.

So much work to do.

Instantly,
it's just the coolest, most fun feeling,

like, "Let's go get them."

Bam! Just found a rope.

And then in a few
short minutes, it turns to,

"Oh, man, this is--

"this is pretty wild.

I don't know about this."

It's just crazy.

Golly.

Day five.

Michael Jackson glove.

This is all a marathon.
It's not a sprint.

It's not in any way,
shape, or form.

You don't need to rush.

Timber.

There was a lot
to get accomplished.

Bam.

Dead something.

I was kind
of running around like a chicken

with my head cut off.

Oh, yeah. Oh.

Bam!

Salmon.

I think this is good for me.

This is a good opportunity
for me to really kind of go

into myself and find...

Find some kind of happiness
out here while I'm alone

or see if that's possible.

All night long, baby.

Day 23.

♪ ♪

I miss being around people
on a daily basis.

I miss my wife.

Yeah, it's good.

Eat your bull kelp, kids.

Bam.

I didn't know how hard it would
be just not having enough food.

I've never, ever
been so hungry in my life.

Whammo.

Mousey feast.

It's so weird how I'm
changing mentally out here.

I think
I'm getting wiser out here,

but there's absolutely no way

to describe
how you feel out here.

It's the strangest,
strangest feeling.

At this point,
you're anything but normal.

I look terrible. Holy crap.

What the heck?

Wow.

Not good mentally.

I am not good
in the head right now.

Just how crazy this whole thing
has been and how difficult it is

and the fact that I'm just so
isolated out here and that I--

I just want to speak to my wife,

and I'm just getting the crap
beat out of me out here.

♪ ♪

Okay, I'm--

Okay, I'm--

I'm gonna go to bed now.

All my energy's just gone.

I'm getting
some weird seasickness thing

from this tarp
just banging against my head

and just flapping
all over the place.

The noise, everything about it,

the rain coming in.

I'm just trying to...

Ugh, man.

I'm totally just depleted.

I don't--
I don't have any energy.

This is by far the worst set
of weather I've gotten.

It just sucks,
every last bit of it.

I'm totally worthless
here in this tent.

Oh, I don't know if I can
make it another day out here.

Not in this.

I'm starving,

but I can't go--

I just hate the thought
of tapping out.

♪ ♪

Hey, guy.

Hey, there.

I totally got my
chops handed to me by this place,

but it's over.

There's absolutely no way
to describe the feeling

after you've been in the woods
solo for seven weeks.

It's just the most
bizarre thing.

It's not like real life at all.

I always just try
to tough things out,

but it's just been
a slow, brutal decline

of just losing passion for this,

wanting to be out,

wanting to be home taking care
of my pregnant wife.

She deserves to have me home
at this point.

I mean, she's going through one
of the craziest times

in her life
with her first pregnancy.

She deserves to have someone

there to hold on to when times
get really, really tough.

She deserves it.

I can't wait
to see my wife again--

see how much larger she's
gotten since I saw her last.

It's gonna be
the best part of all.

Better than showering.

Better than food.

Just talking to my wife.

It's gonna be awesome.

Being out here is just a kick
in the butt

into adulthood, I think.

It's totally grown
me up tremendously,

and I think it's gonna
make me a better guy

and a better husband
and soon-to-be father.

♪ ♪

So,
it's the morning of the 56th day.

I was just walking around,
and I found another slug.

It's like all of a sudden
they're back.

Here they are.

Yeah, there he is.

I thought they'd flown south
for the winter

because I quit seeing them.

This is no average slug.

That is a slug among slugs.

That is the big daddy.

Hello.

We're gonna--
oh, here's another one! Look.

Oh, my--just look at--
oh, man.

This one is even bigger.

Whoa. This is awesome.

This is awesome.

I have hit the honey hole.

I wonder how many--
there's another one!

Oh, could it be? Is it?

Oh, it is. Hi there, fella.

My prayers have been heard
and answered.

I will find them.
I'll find more too.

I know they're out there.

I know you're out there.

I can sense your presence.

♪ ♪

The best part

of this journey here

is further knowing yourself.

The woods are spiritual,

and they always
have been for me,

and I love it.

You know, there's no rites of
passage in our modern culture,

and almost all people
of the world

had these rites of passage,

and they were a method

by which people
could go out into the world

when they're making their
transition from a young person

into an adult,

do some task
or spend some time alone,

and the whole goal was to come
back ready to be an adult,

and part of what happened

is self-examination--
a chance to know yourself.

This will boil you
down to your essence.

And I'll tell you something.

After several days
of just living off seaweed,

that was good
to have a real meal.

Yesterday was probably
the hungriest I've ever been.

♪ ♪

This is it.

Choppers are coming out now.

♪ ♪

I'll tell you, at this point

I'm thinking I don't know
how long I want to do this.

How long I can do this.

I could just go home.

You know, me talking to myself,

I'm asking myself,
"What are your goals?

"What is this
that you're trying to do?

What are you trying
to prove here?"

I just miss life.

I miss all of it.

100 over 80,
so, lovely blood pressure.

It's the lowest
it's ever been.

Yeah.

Probably the
seafood diet I'm on.

And I've
pretty much just lived it day by day.

I came out here, and I got
into the rhythm of things

and just did what I do
in the woods, in any woods,

in any situation.

I just follow the same type
of methodology

that I've always followed.

Can I keep doing this thing?

Yeah, I think I
could keep doing it.

Before I came here,
my wife asked me--

talking about my biggest fear--

and asked me what it was,

and I said, "Failure."

You know.

And my wife said,

"Well,
what does that mean to you?"

And I never had thought
about it that way.

I never quantified what
a failure here would look like,

but it wasn't
about beating another person.

It was about just coming here
and pouring out what I had,

and once I have done that,
then it--

for me, that's my own victory.

So, Alan...

We need to tell you something.

♪ ♪

Before I came here,
my wife asked me my biggest fear

and asked me what it was,
and I said, "Failure."

You know.

And my wife said,

"Well,
what does that mean to you?"

And I never had thought
about it that way.

I never quantified what
a failure here would look like,

but it wasn't
about beating another person.

It was about just coming here
and pouring out what I had,

and I once I have done that,

then it--for me,
that's my own victory.

So, Alan,
we need to tell you something.

You've outlasted everybody.

Are you me?

For real?

This is it?

Oh!

So soon?

Gosh, I was working
on a spring garden.

I was thinking, "If
I'm still here in the spring,

this is gonna be--
this is gonna be difficult."

Wow.

Man.

What do you think?

I don't know
what to think, man.

That's just something else.

Already?

Huh.

All right,
let's burn this place down.

You got--you got a lighter
in your pocket?

♪ ♪

Holy crap.

-What are you doing here?
-Hey.

-Hey, baby.
-What are you doing?

Hey.

Wow.

-Are you ready to go home?
-Yeah.

-Are you?
-Yeah.

-Are you sure?
-Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that was pretty--

just doesn't compare to home.

-No.
-It is nice, though.

Yeah? Nice trails.

-You want to go see my house?
-I'd love to see it. Show me.

Don't trip.
This is really slick.

-You go first.
-No, you go first.

That way if you slide,
I'll catch you.

-So this is it?
-That's it.

This is my calendar stick.

That's how I kept track of time.

-Each day?
-Yup.

First thing every morning
I'd get up, take my kukri,

and I just lived to put
a new notch in it.

Each one represents overcoming
something every day,

and I know that
was October 22nd.

You know, I kept track.

How many notches
do you have?

56.

Today's 56?

I put that
one on this morning.

I do want to show you...

You can open it up.

This isn't like last time?

You--is there a pregnancy test
in here?

-Not this time.
-You remember when--

You remember
when we were in Maine?

This is better
than a pregnancy test.

I went to sit down
for breakfast, and on the plate

was a pregnancy test
with the little positive thing.

You'll receive
this one better.

Oh.
Well, I was happy last time.

I know.

Yeah.

Well, we can pay the house off.

Is that what you want to do
with it?

No. I've thought about that.

What do you really
want to do with it?

First thing I want to do
is let Dad quit his job.

He's taken care
of me all his life,

and Mom, so I want to take
care of them, you know,

make it where they can enjoy
what they got left,

and me,
I don't need too much.

Maybe see about getting
Caleb's eye fixed too.

My oldest son, he's been blind,
since he was born,

in one of his eyes,
so maybe we can fix it.

And then whatever's left
we'll throw at the house.

-Sounds good.
-Yeah.

-Yup.
-Yeah.

You want this spoon?

Sure, let's take it.

♪ ♪

Make sure
your belts are on and--

everybody's on?
You're good.

-You're good? Okay.
-Okay.

-Good to go.
-There we go.

Here we go.

♪ ♪

Here wec]o.

♪ ♪

Hey, guys.

Mama! Mama!

Hi, how are you?

Every single one
of us hold a present.

-How about that?
-A real present.

-Can we open it?
-Give me a hug.

Can we open it?

This feels strange.
It's the first time I've driven.

It just--that awareness
that it's been a while,

you know?

Between flying there
and all the transportation's

been handled by other folks,
it's the first time

I've operated any type
of machine since I started.

I think I'll come
away from this looking at everything

in a totally different light.

Family and friends...

Can I open it?

Food and how we consume it,

and even little things,
you know,

that we take for granted
in our daily lives

like being able to turn a knob

and clean water comes out.

I've had a lot of time,
just on a spiritual level,

to analyze, you know,

myself, my life, where I'm at.

You know, one of my main
priorities is being a father,

and that's what I want to be,

and I want to be a good one.

Daddy? Seriously?

-Peek-a-boo.
-Daddy.

-Daddy, look at your beard.
-Daddy, look, presents.

-How you been?
-Daddy.

-Hello, bearded.
-Hello, bearded.

Daddy, gave us
a present to keep forever.

How you doing, baby?

Baby!

I heard you hit your head.

What happened--

I've been in the woods.

Thank you..

They're beautiful.
Brenda, did you know--

Oh,
the things we take for granted in life.

We'll talk about that.
Run over to daddy.

What do you think?

It's the little bitty stuff.

We're gonna need somebody
to hold the bag just like that.

I will.

There. You hold it like that.

Can I put this pinecone in?

We are survival machines.

My good friend Dave Connell
said that to me.

I like him.

He said that we are
survival machines,

and I never thought about it,

but when you look
at human creatures,

we are survival machines.

Look at what the human spirit
can do.

I mean,
you hear about these people

that overcome just
insurmountable odds

and go
through traumatic injuries,

and they just persevere,
and they just gut through it.

You know, we're amazing.

You know,
we're amazing creations.

You see the holes in it?
Do you know what--

what happened to it?

-What?
-A bug came in and ate it.

Not a bug, a slug.

They're kind of like a bug.

Dad!

While I was gone, I ate a bunch
of them on the island.

I thought they
tasted really good.

Daddy, what are those?

Sure,
there's those periods of adaptation.

You kind of hit a wall,

but then once you tune in
to the new surroundings

and things just start clicking,

you just kind of--you adapt.

We're amazing.

People are just amazing.
We just don't realize it.

If you go bear hunting, you
might even want to sharpen that.

It's all in there.

You just have
to get the right stimuli

to bring it out of you
to tap into it.

Yeah, there's nothing
like some time in the woods

to really put life
in perspective for you,

I'll tell you.

You got to get quiet,
but I'll tell you, you know,

time in the woods also
makes you appreciate society.

Let me see that bag.

You're not meant to be

isolated or alone
for a long period of time.

It's just not in our DNA.

It's not how we're wired.

Look, we got
some more over here.

There's
really no place like home.

There's no substitute for that.

All the things that we
make so much drama about

don't mean a hill of beans,

'cause we're all just passing
through for a short time,

and the stuff
that we have all this anxiety

and drama about
and argue over

means nothing.

In the end
it only comes down to love.

That's really the only legacy
you've got, I think,

that last.

The love you show your children,

the love you show your friends--
that carries on.

That ripples
throughout eternity.

The rest of it's just rubbish.