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It's Glasgow March and we walk hand in
hand in the park.
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Now it's 3.13 and I'm late and it's time I
make a choice.
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We're both boys, you see.
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If you were to go back and
look, you'd see a hundred
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eyes hurry to objectify
this hand in hand stance.
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It's a flurried dance of reaction.
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Some smile, they're proud and they want me
to know.
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But there's a darker shade of brow that
balances the books.
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The kind of look that challenges.
10
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Like this is some chess
game and I'm in check
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and I'm second guessing
what they might do next.
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Point me out to all the pawns in the
crowd.
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Spawn a following whose glowers linger on
so that our hands are no longer holding.
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But dragging glare after glare,
snowballing stairs, stretching elastic
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social disgrace through
this forbidden space
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and the scales are
well and truly tipped.
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Now it's 3.14, Glasgow March 2018.
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And I have to make a choice.
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Have you ever wondered how to say goodbye?
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You know, to a friend's mum, do you go in
for a kiss on the cheek?
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To a colleague, neighbour, do you hug them
or shrug them off?
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What if that neighbour is your lover?
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What if there's no other way to say
goodbye than the one you know will send
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outcry burning through the matchstick men
and women who love to strike up ideals?
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I'm a walking meal for the mouths of
normality.
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What does that mean exactly?
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We're normal, he says with his frown.
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But under his wife's dress and flesh is an
unborn baby, blessed with one more hour of
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air before she miscarries and they carry
that grief with them to the grave.
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And they're not normal anymore.
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They're changed and aching.
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And that old man, I make him sick but he
writes to Japan at the weekend to get a
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friend to send a used
knickers he can vend from a
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machine there for completely
normal purposes, of course.
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See, normality is a
crowdsourced fantasy but it turns
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every single silent person
in this park into an enemy.
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Teenage boys blunder ahead.
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How much thunder are they carrying in
their heads?
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They should probably be at school drawing
straight lines, sprinting in straight
40
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lines, thinking in straight lines,
and when the bell rings it's no wonder
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they want to straighten out anything that
curves or bends.
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Or her with her rolling chips and the
kids.
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She'd take one salty glance at two guys
kissing, be hissing vinegar or weird.
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I've got nothing against gays, she'd say,
but you have to do it in front of my kids.
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And she runs away.
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They never do stay long enough to look you
in the eyes.
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In a bible basher rehashing lies about
Jesus, like how Poundland rip off many
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cheddars and sell them on as cheese
savories.
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Cause it seems to me like
Jesus saved a lot of time when
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he died for all our crimes
that he would have wasted.
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Teaching small minds that love is no sin.
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See him, he thinks it's faith
but when they're all that
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dim, it tastes like cardboard
and it smells like hate.
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00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:57,460
And I may sound...
and I may sound...
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I'm angry but I'm just scared because in
the midst of this and this and that
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there's one person I'm not looking at.
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Because a face looks
different in the daylight than
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in the night where at
least there's no one staring.
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You're always wearing
worry lines and looking at the
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time because the last
train home is always waiting.
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Because this should be a small choice and
there's all this noise in my head.
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I should be holding a hand and I'm holding
shame instead.
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But I'm letting go.
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No I won't keep weighing it up.
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I'll put my muscles at ease.
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And they're 30% of my mass by the way.
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I'm a homo sapien.
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Elbows, knees, 60%
water flooding, 7% blood,
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rushing and half a
percent beating heart.
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So why is a goodbye kiss no walk in the
park?
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Half a percent doesn't sound like much but
it's enough.
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It's 3.15, Glasgow March 2018 after all.
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You'd think it was just about time for
love.
6562
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