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1
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:12,080
- HI, GLAD YOU'RE BACK.
LET ME CATCH YOU UP.
2
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,581
ELKA WON A SPOT ON CITY COUNCIL.
3
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:16,484
- YOU WON!
- I WON!
4
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:19,120
- VICTORIA SHARED AN
ACADEMY AWARD WITH HELEN MIRREN.
5
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:21,021
- AND THE OSCAR GOES TO
HELEN MIRREN.
6
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,326
- AND VICTORIA CHASE.
- WHAT?
7
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,428
- IT'S A TIE!
both:
8
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:30,198
- AND JOY WAS PROPOSED TO BY
THREE GUYS ON THE SAME NIGHT--
9
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,999
SIMON, MITCH, AND BOB.
10
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,167
BUT BEFORE SHE COULD ANSWER,
11
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,336
SHE WAS KNOCKED OUT BY SIMON,
MITCH, AND BOB.
12
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:38,806
OH, SHE'S NOT GONNA LIKE
THAT PICTURE.
13
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:39,873
BETTER START THE SHOW.
14
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,876
- WHICH DO YOU THINK
IS THE BIGGEST NEWS--
15
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,479
WHO JOY HAS CHOSEN TO MARRY
16
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:49,750
OR THE LATEST DEVELOPMENT
IN MY SUPER-EXCITING CAREER?
17
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,954
- PROBABLY JOY'S THING.
18
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,789
- BUT YOU HAVEN'T HEARD
MY THING YET.
19
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:59,193
- I HAVEN'T HEARD
JOY'S THING EITHER.
20
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:01,762
- ALL RIGHT,
I'M GONNA TELL YOU ANYWAY.
21
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,465
I AM FLYING TO NEW YORK
THIS AFTERNOON
22
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,967
TO STAR IN A MOVIE
WITH BRAD PITT.
23
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,137
- BRAD PITT!
24
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:11,905
I MIGHT ACTUALLY SEE
ONE OF YOUR MOVIES.
25
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:16,377
- I WAS ABOUT TO ACCEPT
THE LEAD IN AN HBO DRAMA
26
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:19,713
WHEN MY DARLING CO-OSCAR-WINNING
HELEN MIRREN CALLED.
27
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,516
OH, SHE HAD TO PASS
ON THE BRAD PITT MOVIE,
28
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,652
SO SHE RECOMMENDED ME.
29
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,254
OH.
30
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:29,923
IT'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL THE WAY
WE A-LISTERS GIVE FREELY.
31
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,233
- I'M BACK!
OH.
32
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,801
OH, IT'S SO GOOD
TO BE HOME.
33
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,803
- OH, AND IT'S SO GOOD
TO HAVE YOU HOME.
34
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:44,071
BUT WHERE'S MELANIE?
35
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,339
I THOUGHT SHE WAS DRIVING YOU
FROM THE HOSPITAL.
36
00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:46,740
- YES, SHE WAS,
37
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,342
BUT THE DOCTOR SAID I SHOULD
AVOID STRESSFUL SITUATIONS.
38
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:50,544
- DID SHE SAY WHO SHE WAS
GONNA MARRY YET?!
39
00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,213
SIMON, MITCH, OR BOB?
SIMON, MITCH, OR BOB?
40
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,583
- SO I TOOK A CAB.
41
00:01:57,084 --> 00:02:00,288
PLUS, I WANTED TO TELL ALL
OF YOU MY DECISION TOGETHER.
42
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:02,223
- SO WHO'S THE LUCKY GUY?
43
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,025
- WELL, I WAS UP ALL NIGHT
PICTURING MYSELF
44
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,561
MARRIED TO EACH ONE OF THEM,
AND ONLY ONE OF THEM FELT RIGHT.
45
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:08,629
- MITCH?
- NO.
46
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,697
- BOB?
- NO.
47
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:12,032
- SIMON!
I KNEW IT!
48
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,702
- YES, IT'S SIMON.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN SIMON.
49
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,104
HE WAS MY FIRST LOVE, AND WHEN
HE CAME BACK INTO MY LIFE,
50
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:18,772
IT JUST FELT LIKE DESTINY.
51
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,208
- OH, THAT IS WONDERFUL,
SWEETIE.
52
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:21,442
HAVE YOU TOLD HIM YET?
53
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,545
- NO, I HAVE TO BREAK THE NEWS
TO BOB AND MITCH FIRST.
54
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,680
I OWE THEM THAT.
- HOW ARE YOU GONNA TELL MITCH?
55
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,682
- OH, I HAVE IT
ALL PLANNED OUT
56
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,384
SO WE PART AS FRIENDS.
57
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,920
I GO OVER IN MY BLACK DRESS
THAT MAKES ME LOOK SORRY
58
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:35,356
BUT IN A HOT WAY.
59
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,658
I REFERENCE
HIS BEST QUALITIES:
60
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:40,461
HE'S HANDSOME, KIND,
61
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,863
HANDSOME.
62
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:46,734
WE KISS FAREWELL AND HE ASKS--
NO, INSISTS
63
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,369
THAT WE REMAIN GOOD FRIENDS.
64
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:54,141
IT'S MITCH.
65
00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:56,810
HELLO.
66
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,379
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WE'LL NEVER BE FRIENDS?
67
00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:00,648
HOW DID YOU--
68
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,683
HE BUGGED THE LIVING ROOM.
69
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:08,722
WELL, YOU'RE A DETECTIVE,
I SUPPOSE THAT'S NORMAL.
70
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,694
- CAMERAS, TOO?
71
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,039
- * BA-BA, BA-BA
72
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,909
* BA-BA, BA-BA
73
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:29,943
* HEY!
74
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:34,315
- OKAY, I THINK I FOUND
THE LAST ONE.
75
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,384
- HMM, YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.
76
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,185
I HAD NO IDEA
THOSE CAMERAS WERE THERE,
77
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,888
BUT NOW THAT THEY'RE GONE,
I KIND OF MISS THEM.
78
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,860
- I'M GOING TO NEW YORK
WITH YOU.
79
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,696
- WHAT?
80
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,532
- THE HEAT'S ON.
I'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF TOWN.
81
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,702
- LAST NIGHT
AT THE COUNCIL MEETING,
82
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,069
ELKA ANNOUNCED
THAT SHE HAS A PLAN
83
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:58,171
TO BRING A THOUSAND JOBS
TO CLEVELAND.
84
00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:01,309
SHE HAS NO PLAN.
- WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
85
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:03,477
- THE MAYOR WAS BEING
ALL BRAGGY.
86
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:06,780
YOU KNOW HOW I GET.
87
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:10,518
- FINE. FINE, BUT I AM NOT
INTRODUCING YOU TO BRAD PITT.
88
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:12,753
- WE'LL SEE.
89
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,991
- OH, HEY.
DID YOU BREAK THE NEWS TO BOB?
90
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,393
- NOT YET.
91
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,362
I TRIED TO CALL, BUT I HAVEN'T
BEEN ABLE TO REACH HIM.
92
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,130
I HATE TO LET HIM DOWN.
HE'S SO SWEET.
93
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:24,865
- HE REALLY IS,
94
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,767
BUT RIGHT NOW, YOU AND SIMON
SHOULD BE TOGETHER.
95
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,336
- I HAVE TO TELL BOB FIRST.
96
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,970
- WELL, LET ME TELL HIM.
97
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,005
WE'RE FRIENDS.
I WILL LET HIM DOWN GENTLY.
98
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,507
- REALLY?
- YES.
99
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:36,143
SO GO AND PLAN YOUR PERFECT
SCOTTISH WEDDING.
100
00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:37,478
- OH, MELANIE, THANK YOU.
101
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:41,181
- GO,
BE WITH THE MAN YOU LOVE.
102
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,784
- OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M GETTING MARRIED.
103
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,819
OH, I CAN PICTURE IT NOW:
104
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:49,122
A SCOTTISH CASTLE,
THE GROOMSMEN IN KILTS,
105
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:50,824
AND AT THE END OF THE NIGHT,
106
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,794
MY DARLING SIMON HEROICALLY
PUMPING THE BAGPIPES.
107
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:59,500
- DON'T CALL YOURSELF NAMES,
JOY.
108
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,241
- I KNOW THIS IS HARD FOR YOU,
BOB.
109
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:09,777
I'M SO SORRY.
110
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:13,381
- WELL, I KNEW PROPOSING
WAS A LONG SHOT.
111
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:14,382
I MEAN, I TALK A GOOD GAME,
112
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,984
BUT I KNOW
JOY'S OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
113
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,787
I JUST THOUGHT THIS TIME
I'D FOUND THE ONE.
114
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,022
- OH.
I'VE BEEN THERE.
115
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,124
I-I'VE GOTTEN CLOSE
A FEW TIMES.
116
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:27,795
IT DIDN'T WORK OUT,
AND IT--IT HURTS.
117
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,864
BUT YOU ARE A SMART, FUNNY,
WONDERFUL MAN.
118
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,733
YOU'RE RIGHT.
119
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,067
I AM HANDSOME.
120
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,736
- YES.
121
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:36,937
AND HANDSOME.
122
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,239
AND THERE ARE
SO MANY WOMEN OUT THERE
123
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:42,410
WHO COULD EASILY
FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.
124
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,420
OH, GOD.
125
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,855
I HOPE THERE ARE NO MORE
HIDDEN CAMERAS IN THIS HOUSE.
126
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,235
- JOY.
127
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,671
HAVE YOU MADE YOUR DECISION?
128
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,773
- YES, SIMON.
129
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,274
I WILL MARRY YOU.
130
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,244
- JOY, MM,
YOU'VE MADE ME SO HAPPY.
131
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,448
- HELLO.
- OH!
132
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,084
WHO'S SHE?
- OH, HER.
133
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,719
UM, THIS IS--
134
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,721
UH,
135
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:30,624
WE ARE SO GONNA LAUGH ABOUT THIS
AT OUR 50th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
136
00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:33,326
THIS IS MY WIFE.
137
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,135
- YOUR WIFE?
- THIS IS YESENIA.
138
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,704
- HELLO.
139
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,906
- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
140
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,307
HOW COULD YOU PROPOSE TO ME
141
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,276
AND NOT TELL ME
YOU WERE ALREADY MARRIED?
142
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:50,343
- WELL, I THOUGHT
YOU WOULD SAY NO.
143
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,012
- I WOULD HAVE SAID NO.
- EXACTLY.
144
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:54,682
YESENIA AND I ARE ONLY MARRIED
IN THE LEGAL SENSE.
145
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:57,585
WE'RE NOT MARRIED IN A SPIRITUAL
SENSE OR A SEXUAL SENSE
146
00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:01,288
OR A PRETENDING-TO-LISTEN-
TO-LONG-BORING-STORIES SENSE.
147
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:03,256
- SIMON, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
148
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,493
- LOOK, I WAS FILMING
THE CIVIL WAR IN HER COUNTRY.
149
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,528
YESENIA WAS ALONE
AND ABANDONED.
150
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,563
THE REBELS WERE
TAKING OVER THE CITY.
151
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,065
THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET HER OUT
OF THE COUNTRY WAS TO MARRY HER.
152
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,501
- HE WAS SO KIND.
153
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,302
HE TOOK ME, EVEN THOUGH
IN MY COUNTRY
154
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,805
I'M PAST THE AGE OF MARRIAGE
AND NO MAN WOULD WANT ME.
155
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,072
- HOW OLD ARE YOU?
156
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,941
- 23.
157
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,713
- YESENIA,
COULD WE HAVE A MOMENT?
158
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,883
LOOK, JOY,
NOTHING HAS TO CHANGE.
159
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,520
WE CAN STILL GET MARRIED,
EVENTUALLY,
160
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,022
AS SOON AS YESENIA
CAN STAY HERE LEGALLY.
161
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,957
UNTIL THEN,
JUST FOR IMMIGRATION,
162
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,292
YOU HAVE TO PRETEND
TO BE OUR MAID.
163
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,529
- YOUR MAID?!
- IT'S JUST A TITLE.
164
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:44,598
WE'LL ALL PITCH IN TOGETHER.
165
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,934
SO WE'RE GOOD?
- NO!
166
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,102
WHAT REALLY INFURIATES ME
167
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,104
IS YOU DOING SOMETHING
SO UTTERLY STUPID
168
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,373
AND HUMANITARIAN
169
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,543
THAT I CAN'T GET MAD
WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A JERK.
170
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:58,011
- THEN LET'S JUST
MOVE PAST THE ANGER
171
00:07:58,045 --> 00:07:59,647
AND GO STRAIGHT
TO THE MAKEUP SEX.
172
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,783
- MAKEUP SEX?
SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
173
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,318
SHOULD WE ASK YOUR SEXY,
YOUNG WIFE TO JOIN US?
174
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,789
- I FEEL LIKE THAT'S
A TRICK QUESTION.
175
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:11,258
IT'S A JOKE!
176
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,830
- OKAY, VICTORIA,
YOU ARE THE QUEEN
177
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,465
WAITING FOR
THE REPUBLIC'S AMBASSADOR,
178
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:20,167
PLAYED BY BRAD PITT,
179
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,302
WHO HAS JUST LANDED
ON YOUR PLANET.
180
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,706
- UH, ABOUT MY COSTUME--
181
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,475
- NO, NO, THAT'S JUST
THE MOTION CAPTURE SUIT.
182
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:30,611
YOUR CHARACTER WILL BE
DIGITALLY RENDERED IN POST.
183
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:31,945
ALL RIGHT?
LET'S GET STARTED.
184
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:34,014
- BUT BRAD ISN'T HERE YET.
185
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,849
- OH, NO, MR. PITT'S NOT COMING
TO NEW YORK.
186
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:38,451
SEE, THE BEAUTY
OF THESE SPECIAL EFFECTS IS,
187
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:40,053
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE
IN THE SAME COUNTRY.
188
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:42,623
- BUT I CAN'T FILM A LOVE SCENE
WITHOUT MY LOVER.
189
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,625
- VERN.
190
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,462
- HE'S BRAD PITT?
191
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,999
- NO, NO.
192
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,634
THAT'S BRAD PITT.
193
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,202
- A TENNIS BALL?
194
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,237
- WE'LL CGI BRAD IN LATER.
195
00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:00,107
THIS TENNIS BALL REPRESENTS
THE FUTURE OF YOUR RACE.
196
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,942
NOW, MAKE LOVE TO IT.
197
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,615
- I FEEL SORRY
FOR THE TENNIS BALL.
198
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,283
- YOU WANT A CUPCAKE?
THEY'RE FROM FILM NEW YORK.
199
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:11,384
- WHAT'S THAT?
200
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:12,953
- THAT'S
THE CITY FILM COMMISSION.
201
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,955
THE CITY GETS
A COUPLE THOUSAND JOBS.
202
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,357
WE GET TAX BREAKS.
IT'S A WIN-WIN.
203
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:21,128
- OH, A POLITICIAN
THAT BRINGS IN THAT MANY JOBS
204
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:25,398
COULD SURE SHUT UP
A BRAGGY MAYOR.
205
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:26,900
- WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?
206
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:29,903
- ELKA OSTROVSKY.
207
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,072
FILM CLEVELAND.
208
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,876
- ALL RIGHT, AND ACTION!
209
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,778
- OH, I LOVE YOU.
210
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,880
KISS ME.
211
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,387
VERN!
212
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,356
- CUT!
213
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,691
VICTORIA, WHAT'S WRONG?
214
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,425
- WHAT'S WRONG?
215
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,228
I'M KISSING A TENNIS BALL.
216
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,697
- MAYBE IT'LL HELP YOU
GET INTO IT
217
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,531
IF I CAN SHOW YOU THE MODEL
OF YOUR CHARACTER.
218
00:09:58,565 --> 00:09:59,867
- OH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
219
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,936
I WAS PICTURING
A SEXY ZOE SALDANA TYPE,
220
00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,738
YOU KNOW, LIKE FROM AVATAR.
221
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:05,773
- THIS IS YOU.
222
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,941
PRETTY COOL, HUH?
223
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,277
WE EVEN GAVE IT SOME
OF YOUR FACIAL FEATURES
224
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:13,246
SO PEOPLE WILL FOREVER ASSOCIATE
YOU WITH THE CHARACTER.
225
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,449
- MIRREN!
226
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:23,390
- IS THAT A DIARY?
227
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,893
- DIARIES ARE FOR GIRLS,
MELANIE.
228
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,027
THIS IS A JOURNAL.
229
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:29,596
A SEX JOURNAL.
230
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,699
I'VE KEPT TRACK
OF EVERY CONQUEST
231
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:35,068
SINCE I WAS
A WIDE-EYED 24-YEAR-OLD.
232
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:37,037
- YOU'RE ON PAGE THREE?
233
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,241
- IT'S NOT NECESSARILY
MY FIRST JOURNAL.
234
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,610
- IT SAYS "VOLUME ONE"
RIGHT THERE ON THE COVER.
235
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,380
OH, WELL.
236
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:48,749
I GET TWO THUMBS UP, HUH?
237
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:52,419
- OH, THOSE ARE NOT THUMBS.
238
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,828
- WHAT DOES "BPSE" MEAN?
239
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,629
- BEST PITY SEX EVER.
240
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,833
- OH, BOB, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
CALL IT PITY SEX.
241
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:08,401
- HOW ELSE
COULD I DESCRIBE IT?
242
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,871
I FELT SORRY FOR YOU.
243
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,339
- WAIT.
244
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:15,242
YOU THINK YOU HAD PITY SEX
WITH ME?
245
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,144
NO, NO, NO.
I HAD PITY SEX WITH YOU,
246
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,847
BECAUSE I FELT SORRY FOR YOU
BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER HAVE JOY.
247
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,648
- AND I PLAN TO CHANGE THAT.
248
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:24,151
NOW MORE THAN EVER, I REALIZE
THAT JOY IS THE ONE FOR ME.
249
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,054
SEX WITH YOU CONFIRMED THAT.
250
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,159
- WELL, MY AGENT CONFIRMED IT.
251
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,161
MIRREN TRICKED ME
INTO TAKING THAT MOVIE
252
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:37,030
SO SHE COULD STEAL MY PART
IN THAT HBO SERIES.
253
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:40,033
- MY ADVICE, VICTORIA,
IS TO LET IT GO.
254
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,202
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
255
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:45,072
NO, I SHOULD QUIT THE MOVIE,
DESTROY MIRREN,
256
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,207
AND TAKE BACK
WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE.
257
00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,944
I NEED SOMETHING UNDERHANDED
AND DEVIOUS.
258
00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:54,281
OH, WWLD.
259
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,449
WHAT WOULD LUCCI DO?
260
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,851
I SHOULD CALL HER.
261
00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:00,187
- YOU'RE GONNA CALL
YOUR OLDEST ENEMY?
262
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,790
- FIRST OF ALL,
MY OLDEST ENEMY IS TIME.
263
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,960
AND SECOND,
YOU KNOW THE SAYING,
264
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:08,796
KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE
265
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,864
AND YOUR ENEMY OF YOUR FRIEND
266
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:13,666
AS CLOSE AS THE FRIEND
OF YOUR ENEMY EVEN CLOSER.
267
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,804
- THIS'LL CHEER YOU UP.
268
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:19,840
EVERYONE IN TOWN LOVES
MY FILM CLEVELAND PLAN.
269
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,641
- WHY WOULD THAT CHEER ME UP?
270
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,276
- BECAUSE YOU'RE
THE SPOKESPERSON.
271
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,145
- I DIDN'T AGREE TO THAT.
272
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,380
- BUT IT'S A WIN-WIN.
273
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,349
I BRING FILM JOBS TO CLEVELAND
274
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,284
AND STICK IT TO THE MAYOR.
275
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,221
- AND WHAT DO I GET?
276
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,891
- I SAID IT WAS WIN-WIN,
NOT WIN-WIN-WIN.
277
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,498
- SIMON'S ALREADY MARRIED.
278
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,034
- MARRIED?
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
279
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,602
- THE WHOLE TIME
HE WAS PROPOSING TO ME,
280
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,738
HE WAS ALREADY MARRIED
TO ANOTHER WOMAN. I HATE HIM!
281
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:54,875
- THAT BASTARD.
- SON OF A BITCH.
282
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,709
- I CAN'T HATE HIM.
283
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,578
THE WOMAN IS FROM
A WAR-RAVAGED COUNTRY,
284
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,447
AND HE MARRIED HER
TO SAVE HER LIFE.
285
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,149
- OH, HE SAVED HER LIFE.
- OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.
286
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,051
- IT'S NOT SWEET!
287
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,954
HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME FIRST,
BUT HE JUST THINKS OF HIMSELF.
288
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:09,022
- OH, WHO DOES THAT?
- SO SELF-CENTERED.
289
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,958
- NOT TOTALLY SELF-CENTERED.
290
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:12,492
I JUST TOLD YOU,
HE SAVED A LIFE.
291
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,194
- OKAY, I'M CONFUSED.
292
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,064
WHICH OPINION SHOULD WE ECHO
AND PRETEND IS OUR OWN?
293
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:21,768
- THIS MORNING I WAS GETTING
MARRIED TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.
294
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:25,405
AND NOW, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS
MARRIED TO A HOT 23-YEAR-OLD,
295
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,440
AND HE EXPECTS ME
TO WAIT FOR HIM.
296
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,876
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
297
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:30,143
- JOY.
298
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,045
- SIMON.
- I LOVE YOU.
299
00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:34,281
- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT.
- I WANT TO MARRY YOU.
300
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,615
- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT
EITHER.
301
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,984
- I'M GETTING A DIVORCE.
302
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,551
- I'M LISTENING.
303
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,426
- I'LL START DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS
RIGHT AWAY.
304
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,661
IT'LL BE JUST THE TWO OF US,
JUST YOU AND ME.
305
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,130
- REALLY?
- YES, REALLY.
306
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,598
- TO THE BEDROOM,
FUTURE WIFE!
307
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:54,667
- OH, MY GOD!
THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.
308
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,269
- YES, IT'S REALLY HAPPENING.
309
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:57,304
TO THE BEDROOM!
310
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,606
- OH, NO, WAIT.
WHAT ABOUT YESENIA?
311
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:02,242
- OH. OH, SHE'LL BE OKAY.
312
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,744
I PROMISE.
WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT SOMEHOW.
313
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,980
TO THE BEDROOM!
- YES! NO, WAIT.
314
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:09,082
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "SOMEHOW"?
315
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,551
- LOOK, JOY, AFTER YEARS
AND YEARS APART,
316
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,653
WE'RE FINALLY GETTING
OUR HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
317
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,956
CAN WE JUST ENJOY THE MOMENT?
- YES.
318
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:20,093
- HELLO.
319
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:23,330
- YESENIA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
320
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,632
- UH, MAYBE PUT ME DOWN NOW.
321
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,069
- I'M SO SORRY TO INTERRUPT,
BUT I'VE JUST HEARD
322
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,537
THAT MY FATHER'S BEEN ARRESTED.
323
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,539
I HAVE TO GO BACK HOME.
324
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,707
IN MY COUNTRY, I CAN'T TRAVEL
WITHOUT MY HUSBAND.
325
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:39,412
- OF COURSE YOUR HUSBAND
WILL GO WITH YOU.
326
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:40,948
- OH, THANK YOU.
327
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,983
- WOULD YOU EXCUSE US?
328
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:46,753
- JOY.
329
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,288
- IF YOU DON'T GO BACK
TO HELP HER,
330
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:51,058
YOU'LL HATE YOURSELF,
AND I'LL HATE MYSELF.
331
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,060
- LOOK, I'LL--I'LL GO
AND I'LL COME BACK TO YOU
332
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,095
AS SOON AS I CAN,
AND THEN WE CAN BE TOGETHER.
333
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,030
- OH, SIMON.
334
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,568
- I'VE SAID THAT BEFORE,
HAVEN'T I?
335
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,371
- YES, YOU HAVE.
336
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,439
MANY TIMES.
337
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,508
IT'S YOUR PATTERN.
338
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:10,610
YOU'RE IMPULSIVE
AND UNPREDICTABLE.
339
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:13,080
- AND YOU LOVE THAT ABOUT ME.
340
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,048
- I DO.
341
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,417
BUT I DON'T LOVE IT ABOUT US.
342
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,719
IT'S ALWAYS VERY EXCITING,
343
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,356
BUT IT'S NOT A RELATIONSHIP.
344
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,193
- SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
345
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,661
- I'M SAYING
I CAN'T MARRY YOU.
346
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:33,066
YOU'RE GREAT
AT THE GRAND GESTURE.
347
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,435
BUT RELATIONSHIPS
ARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS
348
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,337
AFTER THE GRAND GESTURE.
349
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,672
IT'S THE LITTLE EVERYDAY MOMENTS
IN BETWEEN
350
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,641
THAT MAKE UP A LIFE,
351
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:44,377
AND THAT'S NOT YOU.
352
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,115
- I CAN CHANGE.
353
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,652
I'VE SAID THAT BEFORE, TOO,
HAVEN'T I?
354
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:55,022
- YES.
355
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:01,861
- SO THIS IS IT?
356
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:04,331
- WE HAVE A SON AND A GRANDSON
TOGETHER.
357
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,401
WE'LL ALWAYS BE
IN EACH OTHER'S LIVES, AND...
358
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,904
I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
359
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:14,041
- I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
360
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,744
GOOD-BYE, JOY.
361
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,681
- GOOD-BYE, SIMON.
362
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,351
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- I THINK I AM.
363
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,487
OR AT LEAST I WILL BE.
364
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,322
HE'LL ALWAYS BE MY FIRST LOVE,
365
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,191
BUT I KNOW I MADE
THE RIGHT DECISION.
366
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:05,758
- OF COURSE YOU DID, SWEETIE.
367
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,495
- YOU KNOW, IF SOMETHING LIKE
THIS HAD HAPPENED IN MY 20s,
368
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,830
I'D BE DEPRESSED
AND IN BED FOR A MONTH.
369
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,099
BUT NOW--
- IN YOUR 30s.
370
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:16,103
- YES. SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS,
371
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,704
I KNOW I'LL BE OKAY.
372
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:21,308
IN SOME WAYS,
I THINK YOU GUYS
373
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:25,112
ARE THE LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP
I WAS DESTINED FOR.
374
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,614
- I WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE.
375
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,754
- GOOD, YOU'RE ALL HERE.
376
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,889
JOY, I HAVE TWO THINGS
TO TELL YOU,
377
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,625
AND IT'S BEST
THAT THERE ARE WITNESSES.
378
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:41,128
FIRST, A CONFESSION.
379
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:43,696
WHEN MELANIE TOLD ME THE NEWS,
SHE WAS SO SAD
380
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,833
THAT I MADE LOVE TO HER
OUT OF PITY.
381
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,270
- I PITIED YOU!
382
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:52,505
- SAYS THE SINGLE,
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
383
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,241
TO THE SUCCESSFUL BACHELOR.
384
00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,045
- WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?
385
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,713
- BECAUSE I NEVER WANT THERE
TO BE ANYTHING
386
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:03,983
BUT ABSOLUTE HONESTY BETWEEN US,
JOY.
387
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,852
AND SECONDLY,
NOW THAT I'M DONE
388
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,887
COMFORTING MELANIE...
389
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:11,258
I'LL BE DEVOTING MYSELF
SOLELY TO YOU
390
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:14,026
BECAUSE SOME DAY
SIMON WILL SLIP UP,
391
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,895
AND ON THAT DAY,
392
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,197
I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU.
393
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,865
- SHE JUST DUMPED SIMON.
394
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:20,633
- THEN AS FIRST RUNNER-UP,
395
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,835
I GUESS I'LL BE ASSUMING
HIS DUTIES.
396
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:27,340
- NO, YOU DON'T GET TO
AUTOMATICALLY MARRY JOY
397
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:29,008
JUST BECAUSE
SHE DIDN'T CHOOSE SIMON.
398
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:31,511
- YOU KNOW, I FIND IT SAD
THAT MOST AMERICANS
399
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,980
DON'T EVEN KNOW
THEIR OWN LAWS.
400
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,451
- YOU'RE VERY SWEET, BOB,
401
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,520
BUT I'M NOT REALLY LOOKING
FOR ANY HUSBAND RIGHT NOW.
402
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,356
- I GET IT.
AND THAT'S SMART.
403
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,192
THROW YOURSELF
INTO YOUR WORK.
404
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,560
- AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN
TO YOU?
405
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:50,297
- OH, I'LL SEE YOU AT WORK.
406
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,832
I BOUGHT BACK THE DETECTIVE
AGENCY FROM MITCH.
407
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:55,101
HE REALLY HATES YOU.
408
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:59,105
- YOU TWO WORKING TOGETHER,
WON'T THAT BE AWKWARD?
409
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:00,807
- AT FIRST.
410
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,009
BUT THEN IT'LL TURN
TO MILD DISCOMFORT,
411
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,478
THEN TO AMUSED TOLERANCE,
412
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,615
AND NATURALLY, TO LOVE.
413
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,985
AND, MELANIE, I KNOW
YOU'RE HURTING RIGHT NOW--
414
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,222
- OKAY, YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW.
- THAT'S RIGHT, MELANIE,
415
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,424
YOU BE STRONG.
YOU HIDE YOUR PAIN, MELANIE.
416
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,600
- OH, MY GOD.
- WHAT?
417
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:30,069
- HELEN MIRREN WAS IN
A FREAK ACCIDENT IN LONDON.
418
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:33,506
SOMEONE PUSHED HER
INTO THE THAMES.
419
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,908
- THE INCIDENT WAS CAPTURED
ON CAMERA
420
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:38,077
BY CCTV.
421
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,612
- OH, DEAR.
422
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:44,551
- DOCTORS SAY
MIRREN IS UNHARMED
423
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,986
BUT, SHAKEN BY THE INCIDENT,
HAS OPTED OUT
424
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,289
OF HER FORTHCOMING HBO SERIES.
425
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,891
- SOMEONE PUSHED HER
INTO THE RIVER!
426
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,560
WHO WOULD DO SOMETHING
LIKE THAT?
427
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:56,829
- I HAVE A MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT
TO MAKE!
428
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,032
- DOES IT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO
WITH THE FACT
429
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:01,501
THAT YOU'RE CARRYING
A HARRODS BAG
430
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,069
AND HELEN MIRREN
JUST FELL INTO THE THAMES?
431
00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:05,071
- IT DOES.
432
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:06,806
I GOT MY HBO PART BACK.
433
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,508
I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU
ABOUT THE PLAN,
434
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,109
BUT LUCCI WANTED
TO KEEP IT A SECRET.
435
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,312
OH, LOOK,
436
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:15,047
THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT IT ON TV.
OH, TURN IT UP.
437
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:17,049
- MIRREN WAS PULLED
FROM THE THAMES
438
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:19,352
BY AMERICAN ACTRESS
SUSAN LUCCI.
439
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:24,023
- WHAT? WHAT? THAT--THAT WASN'T
PART OF THE PLAN.
440
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,593
- A GRATEFUL MIRREN
HAS PROMISED TO CAST LUCCI
441
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,027
IN HER NEXT FILM
442
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,030
DIRECTED BY MARTIN SCORSESE.
443
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,366
COULD AN OSCAR FOR LUCCI
BE THE REWARD
444
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,268
FOR HER HEROIC ACT?
445
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:37,604
- MIRREN!
446
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:39,406
LUCCI!
447
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,974
MIRUCCI!
448
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:53,185
- * BA-BA, BA-BA
449
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:55,154
* BA-BA, BA-BA
450
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,895
* BA-BA, BA-BA
451
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,931
* BA-BA, BA-BA
452
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:15,174
* HEY!
32172
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