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00:00:07,433 --> 00:00:08,600
Hot in Cleveland
is recorded
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00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,300
in front of a live
studio audience.
3
00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:12,467
(man)
Please take your seats.
We've closed the doors
4
00:00:12,467 --> 00:00:13,867
and begun preparations
for our flight to Paris.
5
00:00:13,867 --> 00:00:16,700
Thank God.
I made it.
6
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,167
Ohh...
7
00:00:21,167 --> 00:00:23,933
Actually, that was mine.
8
00:00:23,933 --> 00:00:26,367
But you look like you needed it
more than I did.
9
00:00:26,367 --> 00:00:28,767
I'm so, so sorry.
10
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:32,833
I promise I won't touch
any of your cashews.
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00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,967
'Cept this one, 'cause
I haven't eaten all day.
12
00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:36,033
Help yourself.
13
00:00:36,033 --> 00:00:38,267
- I'm Tom.
- Oh, Melanie.
14
00:00:38,267 --> 00:00:40,300
Boy, have I had
a crazy day.
15
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:41,533
What happened?
16
00:00:41,533 --> 00:00:43,100
It's a long story.
17
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:44,967
Well, it's a long flight,
nine hours.
18
00:00:44,967 --> 00:00:46,700
Not that you'd talk
for that long.
19
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:49,733
You don't know me
very well.
20
00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:50,967
Go for it.
21
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,500
Okay, well, first I have
to set things up.
22
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,567
Six years ago,
my friends and I
23
00:00:55,567 --> 00:00:56,967
were on a plane
just like this
24
00:00:56,967 --> 00:00:58,300
flying to Paris.
25
00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,300
But that plane crash-landed.
26
00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:02,567
Oh, but, you know,
get that out of your mind.
27
00:01:02,567 --> 00:01:03,800
It would ruin the flight
28
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,333
if the whole time
you're thinking,
29
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:08,333
"What if this girl's a jinx
and this plane crashes?"
30
00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:11,733
I wasn't thinking that.
Until now.
31
00:01:12,933 --> 00:01:15,567
Anyway, we landed safely
in Cleveland,
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00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:18,433
and then we ended up
living there.
33
00:01:18,433 --> 00:01:20,467
And tomorrow, my dear,
sweet friend Joy
34
00:01:20,467 --> 00:01:23,067
is gonna have her dream
wedding in Paris.
35
00:01:23,067 --> 00:01:26,400
We knew everything
was gonna change, so...
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00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,633
yesterday we decided to just
put that out of our minds
37
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:33,067
and just have the most fun
bachelorette party.
38
00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:36,533
No, no, no!
39
00:01:36,533 --> 00:01:39,167
The rule of the evening
is no tears.
40
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,633
Whenever we feel sad,
let's just remember
41
00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:43,767
my fabulous wedding
in Paris
42
00:01:43,767 --> 00:01:46,933
that people are flying to
from all over the world...
43
00:01:46,933 --> 00:01:48,733
and Canada.
44
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,167
(all)
To Paris!
45
00:01:51,167 --> 00:01:53,067
Ah...I'm gonna pull
another card
46
00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:55,600
from the bachelorette party
question deck.
47
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:56,867
Okay, everyone.
48
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:59,633
"What was the best sex
you ever had?"
49
00:01:59,633 --> 00:02:00,967
It's Bob.
50
00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:02,567
Honestly,
he's made me forget
51
00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:04,333
every other man
I've ever slept with.
52
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:09,067
That must have emptied out
the old brain pan.
53
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:15,300
What about you, Elka?
54
00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:18,067
- Sinatra, right?
- Nope, nope.
55
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:20,767
The best orgasm
I ever had
56
00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:23,200
was when Joy said
she was leaving.
57
00:02:25,267 --> 00:02:26,667
Melanie.
58
00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:28,733
I-I don't wanna...say.
59
00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:30,833
Oh, come on, tell us.
60
00:02:30,833 --> 00:02:32,667
Honestly?
Bob.
61
00:02:32,667 --> 00:02:34,600
I mean, I know we only
slept together once,
62
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,367
but he was amazing.
I'm sorry.
63
00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:37,933
Oh, no...
64
00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:39,567
You don't have to be.
65
00:02:39,567 --> 00:02:42,200
I know neither one of you
has feelings for the other.
66
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,067
Just like you know that
if either one of you did,
67
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:47,633
I would have to cripple you
in some disfiguring way.
68
00:02:47,633 --> 00:02:50,667
Ah, this game is fun!
69
00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:53,567
For me, the best
was the one who got away.
70
00:02:53,567 --> 00:02:54,867
Johnny Revere.
71
00:02:54,867 --> 00:02:56,400
You know,
I read in the tabloids
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00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,900
that he's sleeping with
a different 20-year-old groupie
73
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,667
every night.
I bet he is miserable.
74
00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:04,633
Oh, I'll take that bet.
75
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,967
Oh, I'm gonna miss this.
76
00:03:07,967 --> 00:03:10,833
Who can believe
we moved here six years ago
77
00:03:10,833 --> 00:03:13,233
just because men in a bar
thought we were hot?
78
00:03:13,233 --> 00:03:15,067
The whole city
thought we were hot.
79
00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:17,833
And we had a lot more dates here
than we would have had in L.A.
80
00:03:17,833 --> 00:03:20,167
Although they haven't
all been great.
81
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,500
Remember Pooh Bear?
82
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:24,967
He walked around in only
a T-shirt and nothing else?
83
00:03:24,967 --> 00:03:27,067
Oh, and what about the guy
with the foot fetish
84
00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,600
who made little outfits
for my toes?
85
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,600
Ugh...
86
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,267
I've been with
an 18-year-old,
87
00:03:32,267 --> 00:03:35,067
a man who dressed up
like My Little Pony,
88
00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:36,967
and I almost married
a homeless lunatic
89
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,500
just to get a green card.
90
00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:40,067
Excuse me.
91
00:03:40,067 --> 00:03:42,933
Man boobs, webbed hands,
human tail,
92
00:03:42,933 --> 00:03:46,767
forehead nose, conjoined twins--
I win.
93
00:03:48,433 --> 00:03:50,767
All right, it's time for me
to pull out
94
00:03:50,767 --> 00:03:52,067
the name of the person
95
00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:53,567
who will give the toast
at my wedding,
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00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,600
the one who will say lovely,
wonderful things about me
97
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,700
on the happiest day
of my life.
98
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,567
Melanie!
99
00:04:05,567 --> 00:04:08,267
Yes, it's Melanie!
100
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,900
I mean, it was an honor,
but public speaking--
101
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,700
oh, it makes me
crazy nervous.
102
00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:19,067
The last time I did it,
I got these sweat stains
103
00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:22,533
that went from my armpits
all the way down to my waist.
104
00:04:22,533 --> 00:04:26,200
Oh, not to mention
the under-boob sweat crescents?
105
00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:30,600
Why am I telling you this?
106
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,067
Don't worry about it.
107
00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:33,700
I'll put it in the same
place as your suggestion
108
00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:36,167
of dying in a hideous
plane crash.
109
00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:37,767
Good, good.
110
00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:40,833
Anyway, so the night went on,
and we played some more games
111
00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:43,833
and then Victoria...boy.
112
00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:46,100
She dropped a really big
bombshell on us.
113
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:48,367
All right, Victoria.
Your turn.
114
00:04:48,367 --> 00:04:51,533
"What is one thing
you've never told anyone?"
115
00:04:51,533 --> 00:04:53,700
Okay.
116
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:56,667
I have a major
announcement to make.
117
00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:58,233
Uh...
118
00:04:58,233 --> 00:05:02,133
after Joy's wedding,
I'm moving back to L.A.
119
00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:05,167
What do you mean,
you're moving?
120
00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:07,767
Well, my agent, my manager,
my whole team all said
121
00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:10,900
that if I'm serious about
reinvigorating my career,
122
00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:12,767
I need to be in L.A.
123
00:05:12,767 --> 00:05:15,067
- But why?
- Well, think about it.
124
00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:18,067
If I'm in L.A.
and a Scarlett Johansson
125
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,067
or a Natalie Portman
drop out of a project,
126
00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:22,400
then who do you think
they're gonna call?
127
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,767
You?
128
00:05:26,767 --> 00:05:29,700
Exactly.
129
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:33,400
Wow. Our house really is
splitting up.
130
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,767
We're not even gonna be
in the same city.
131
00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:37,533
This wonderful time of us
living together
132
00:05:37,533 --> 00:05:39,767
is coming to an end.
133
00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:42,400
Do you think Bob
is having this much fun
134
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,067
at his bachelor party?
135
00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:49,833
He's with a couple of friends.
136
00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:51,733
I'm not exactly sure
what he's doing.
137
00:05:51,733 --> 00:05:54,767
Arrr...
138
00:05:54,767 --> 00:05:56,567
Almost done.
You doing okay?
139
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,933
Yeah. Although it might
help if you told me again
140
00:05:58,933 --> 00:06:02,067
that I'm a brave
little soldier.
141
00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:04,433
You are a brave
little soldier.
142
00:06:04,433 --> 00:06:06,900
I like to think so.
143
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,067
So you're getting
married tomorrow.
144
00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:12,067
Yeah, yeah, to the woman
of my dreams.
145
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,833
I'm a lucky man.
146
00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:15,333
You are.
She's beautiful.
147
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,833
Oh, I know.
148
00:06:16,833 --> 00:06:19,933
And, if you don't mind me
saying, pretty stacked.
149
00:06:19,933 --> 00:06:21,900
Oh, I kn--what?
150
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,933
You're giving me a tattoo
of the woman on my right, right?
151
00:06:25,933 --> 00:06:27,367
I thought you said
the woman on my right.
152
00:06:27,367 --> 00:06:30,833
Wait--I need to see
this tattoo right now.
153
00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:34,967
Aah!
154
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:40,100
I'm not worried.
Bob won't do anything stupid.
155
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,933
You know,
he really is an amazing man.
156
00:06:43,933 --> 00:06:45,800
You are very lucky, Joy.
157
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,233
Take a shower, Melanie.
158
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,533
Well, this has been fun,
159
00:06:52,533 --> 00:06:54,067
but we should really get
some sleep.
160
00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:57,300
We're leaving for Paris
early tomorrow morning.
161
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,467
- Oh, my God!
- What?
162
00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:06,967
I can't get married.
I'm having a baby!
163
00:07:09,467 --> 00:07:11,700
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
164
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:14,933
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
165
00:07:14,933 --> 00:07:15,933
- * Hey!
- Wait.
166
00:07:15,933 --> 00:07:17,100
She's pregnant?
167
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,433
You think the fetus
texted her
168
00:07:18,433 --> 00:07:20,367
that it's coming out
the next day?
169
00:07:20,367 --> 00:07:23,167
That would be
the polite thing to do.
170
00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:25,233
They wanted to adopt,
and Joy found out
171
00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:27,267
there was a baby
available in Las Vegas.
172
00:07:27,267 --> 00:07:29,433
So naturally,
she was pretty frantic
173
00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:31,767
as we were getting ready
to go to the airport.
174
00:07:31,767 --> 00:07:34,567
Come on, everyone!
Move, move, let's go.
175
00:07:34,567 --> 00:07:37,067
Here. Just relax.
It's gonna be okay.
176
00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:39,767
Seriously, Victoria?
It's 8:00 in the morning.
177
00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:41,533
We have to get to Las Vegas,
pick up my baby,
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00:07:41,533 --> 00:07:43,600
then turn around,
fly to Paris for my wedding--
179
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,067
all in one day!
180
00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:46,333
What, are you saying
you don't want the drink?
181
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,267
I'm saying
I need a bigger drink!
182
00:07:51,533 --> 00:07:54,567
(Mamie Sue)
What do you mean you're not
flying with me to Paris?
183
00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:56,067
Why not?
184
00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:57,867
We...have to...
185
00:07:57,867 --> 00:08:00,233
go somewhere with Joy first.
186
00:08:00,233 --> 00:08:03,433
- Where are you going?
- I'd rather not say.
187
00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:05,567
It's Vegas, isn't it?
188
00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:06,933
I'm going too.
189
00:08:06,933 --> 00:08:10,100
But Mamie Sue,
you have a gambling problem.
190
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,233
It's only a problem
if you lose.
191
00:08:12,233 --> 00:08:14,367
I'll see you at the airport.
192
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:18,867
Joy.
193
00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:20,700
You ready to
go get our baby?
194
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,700
Yes, I am!
195
00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,133
Ah--ha ha!
196
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,733
What's the matter?
197
00:08:24,733 --> 00:08:26,633
Uh...nothing!
198
00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:30,300
Did you do something
last night
199
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:33,933
you need to get
off your chest?
200
00:08:33,933 --> 00:08:35,867
Yes...
but now's not the time.
201
00:08:35,867 --> 00:08:37,333
We need to leave.
202
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,900
You're right.
We can't miss that plane.
203
00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:40,367
Let's go, everyone!
204
00:08:47,967 --> 00:08:49,300
Dad!
205
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:50,567
Bob Bob.
206
00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:52,100
What are you doing here?
207
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:53,367
Well, I thought
you should know
208
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,967
before you get married
that, uh...
209
00:08:55,967 --> 00:08:59,833
your mother and I have
gotten divorced.
210
00:08:59,833 --> 00:09:01,567
(Bob)
Divorced?
211
00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:03,900
Why would you wait
till now to tell me?
212
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:05,967
Well, I was afraid
that you'd lose
213
00:09:05,967 --> 00:09:08,167
your Canadian reserve
214
00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:11,233
and act like
a wild animal.
215
00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:15,267
And I can see I was right.
216
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,133
Wait a minute--I thought
Bob's dad was deaf.
217
00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:21,633
Oh, he and Bob's mom
had that implant surgery
218
00:09:21,633 --> 00:09:23,067
to restore their hearing.
219
00:09:23,067 --> 00:09:25,867
Dad, why would you get divorced
after 50 years together?
220
00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:28,300
Well, uh,
once we could hear,
221
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:30,667
your mother and I
couldn't stand
222
00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:33,567
the sound
of each other's voices.
223
00:09:34,733 --> 00:09:37,567
And now your mother
says that, uh,
224
00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:40,433
that--that I...
that I have a--an--an
225
00:09:40,433 --> 00:09:44,233
an annoying st-st--uh,
stammer.
226
00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:49,133
Can you believe that?
227
00:09:49,133 --> 00:09:50,833
Well, it's good
to see you, Dad,
228
00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:53,267
but can we wrap this up?
We're in kind of a hurry.
229
00:09:53,267 --> 00:09:55,167
Well, I'm ready to start
dating again,
230
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:58,500
and I thought you could...
give me some tips.
231
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,000
Oh...
232
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,667
That's actually
quite flattering.
233
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,767
Well, uh, you know,
you're kind of a...
234
00:10:04,767 --> 00:10:08,767
a doughy man.
235
00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:11,033
And you have Joy
236
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:12,433
who--who is...
237
00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:15,967
clearly out of your league.
238
00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:20,167
Somewhat less flattering.
239
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:23,767
What I'm looking for
is loose women
240
00:10:23,767 --> 00:10:26,767
and--and no consequences.
241
00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:29,167
I'm sorry, Mr. Moore,
but we have to
242
00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:31,167
leave right now
for Las Vegas.
243
00:10:31,167 --> 00:10:34,300
That could work.
244
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:39,533
(man)
Folks, we apologize
245
00:10:39,533 --> 00:10:40,933
for the long delay,
but we're still waiting
246
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:42,667
- for a gate to open up.
- Our baby is out there,
247
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:43,767
and we can't
get to her!
248
00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:45,300
I can't take this
anymore!
249
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:48,467
They have to give us
a gate soon...it's so hot.
250
00:10:48,467 --> 00:10:50,433
Why don't you
unbutton your shirt?
251
00:10:50,433 --> 00:10:53,267
'Cause it's bad luck for the
bride to see the groom's chest
252
00:10:53,267 --> 00:10:55,267
before the wedding.
253
00:10:55,267 --> 00:10:58,500
- What?
- It's a Canadian thing.
254
00:11:00,433 --> 00:11:01,600
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!
255
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,133
What are you doing?
256
00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:05,833
That's the sound of a slot
machine hitting it big.
257
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,367
I'm visualizing winning.
258
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:10,367
- Ding, ding, ding--
- Could you visualize quieter?
259
00:11:10,367 --> 00:11:13,600
Nope. Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding...
260
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,867
Ah, this is a disaster.
261
00:11:15,867 --> 00:11:18,400
My phone is out of juice
and...
262
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,567
and now I have to
resort to reading.
263
00:11:21,933 --> 00:11:24,733
Oh, my God!
Look at this.
264
00:11:24,733 --> 00:11:28,300
Johnny Revere is doing
a show of all his hits in Vegas.
265
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,433
You gonna go
try and see him?
266
00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:31,867
Oh, I can't.
267
00:11:31,867 --> 00:11:34,433
Some big network executive's
in Vegas right now.
268
00:11:34,433 --> 00:11:36,733
My agent says
I have to meet him.
269
00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:38,733
And plus, I'm doing
my own thing
270
00:11:38,733 --> 00:11:41,100
and Johnny's doing his.
271
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,600
Uh...Johnny's your--
your boyfriend?
272
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,633
No, no. The last time
we saw each other,
273
00:11:45,633 --> 00:11:47,800
we decided it couldn't be.
274
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,167
Oh.
275
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,867
So you're...
276
00:11:51,867 --> 00:11:54,667
you're not--
you're not seeing anybody?
277
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,067
Are you coming on to me?
278
00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:02,067
Oh, no.
279
00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:07,600
Should, uh, should--
should I?
280
00:12:11,567 --> 00:12:13,333
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
where are you going?
281
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,967
To get our baby.
We're busting out of here.
282
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,200
We're popping the exit door.
283
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,067
No, but that's for
emergencies only!
284
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:20,700
(Joy)
What do you think this is?
285
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,767
I'm sorry about
opening the door.
286
00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:31,967
It's just, you know,
I was feeling a little hot,
287
00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:34,200
so, uh...
no harm, right?
288
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,367
You are a brave
and wonderful person
289
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:41,967
for taking the rap for Joy.
290
00:12:41,967 --> 00:12:45,167
And I am 100% there for you.
291
00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:46,467
Well, gotta go.
292
00:12:46,467 --> 00:12:48,733
Wait--wait!
Why?
293
00:12:48,733 --> 00:12:51,467
Well, I have my meeting
with the network guy.
294
00:12:51,467 --> 00:12:53,067
But you said
you'd be there for me.
295
00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:55,200
No, exactly.
I'll be there for you.
296
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,967
Just not here for you.
297
00:13:00,633 --> 00:13:02,400
You know what?
You guys can go too.
298
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,267
I'll use this time
to work on my toast for Joy.
299
00:13:05,267 --> 00:13:08,667
Because a lot of people have
written great things in jail.
300
00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:10,133
Like Dr. King.
301
00:13:10,133 --> 00:13:13,633
He wrote Letter from
a Birmingham City Jail.
302
00:13:13,633 --> 00:13:15,767
And--and--oh!
Martha Stewart!
303
00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:19,133
She wrote a recipe
for zesty lemon bars!
304
00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:23,067
Enough chitchat.
I need to hit the slots.
305
00:13:24,867 --> 00:13:27,233
And I wanna hit the strip
and, you know,
306
00:13:27,233 --> 00:13:29,100
meet some dolls.
307
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:33,133
But, uh, first I wanna
get in my, uh,
308
00:13:33,133 --> 00:13:35,300
party mode.
309
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,667
I'll go with you.
310
00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:42,600
If people see you
with a hot woman,
311
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,533
they'll think
you're rich.
312
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,867
I-I am rich.
313
00:13:47,867 --> 00:13:51,067
And now you're handsome.
314
00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:55,333
Elka, you've been
in jail before,
315
00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:57,100
Any advice?
316
00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:01,467
Find the scariest
bull bitch in the cell,
317
00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:05,200
and call her sweetheart.
318
00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:10,533
Look at that!
319
00:14:10,533 --> 00:14:13,900
A Tony King slot 4,000.
320
00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:18,067
If you jimmy it like so...
321
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:20,967
and then give it a good whack...
322
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,800
And that's how you beat
the house
323
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,667
with nobody the wiser!
324
00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:41,233
There's a guard behind me,
isn't there?
325
00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:55,933
Hi, sweetheart.
326
00:15:04,233 --> 00:15:06,200
Ah, this traffic
is terrible.
327
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,167
I know.
But in a few hours,
328
00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:09,567
we'll be on a plane
to Paris
329
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:12,067
with our sweet
little baby girl.
330
00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:13,533
We'll be singing her
lullabies
331
00:15:13,533 --> 00:15:16,700
and cooing her softly
to sleep.
332
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:20,233
Learn to drive, ass!
We're in a hurry!
333
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:24,833
I'm so happy.
334
00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:38,067
So...how are you
liking Vegas?
335
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,233
Oh, it--it's wild.
336
00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:41,433
Up until today,
I thought--
337
00:15:41,433 --> 00:15:44,700
I thought Winnipeg was--
was Sin City.
338
00:15:46,733 --> 00:15:50,567
Wild? The only place
we've been is the wax museum.
339
00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:53,500
You know that statue
of Don Rickles--
340
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:56,433
it--it was almost
lifelike.
341
00:15:56,433 --> 00:15:59,067
That was Don Rickles.
342
00:15:59,067 --> 00:16:01,567
Oh.
343
00:16:01,567 --> 00:16:04,133
If you're here
to pick up women,
344
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:07,167
how come you've spent
the whole day with me?
345
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:09,267
So far I haven't...
346
00:16:09,267 --> 00:16:12,200
met any women
who meet my standards.
347
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:15,233
You have standards?
348
00:16:15,233 --> 00:16:16,633
In the deaf community,
349
00:16:16,633 --> 00:16:21,933
I was known as a smooth-signing
ladies' man.
350
00:16:21,933 --> 00:16:23,500
Then prove it.
351
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,700
Pick somebody up.
352
00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:28,800
O-okay, who?
353
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,900
How about our dealer?
She's cute.
354
00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:35,500
H-hi.
355
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:38,367
Could--could I
ask you something?
356
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:44,833
You got arrested
for sexual harassment?
357
00:16:44,833 --> 00:16:47,500
Well, I-I was
nervous speaking,
358
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,967
so I-I asked her
if she minded,
359
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:54,167
you know, if I--
if I signed.
360
00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:56,367
No. You said,
361
00:16:56,367 --> 00:17:00,867
"Do you mind if I let my fingers
do the talking?"
362
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:10,433
And she--she did.
363
00:17:10,433 --> 00:17:13,067
How come you're here?
364
00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:15,267
I was defending him.
365
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,167
And...words...
366
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:20,667
were exchanged.
367
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:22,267
They can't arrest you
for that.
368
00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:25,133
Let me finish.
369
00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:28,200
Words...were exchanged...
370
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,433
for punches.
371
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:36,733
That--that bald lesbian
at the craps table...
372
00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:41,200
she--she was
really impressed.
373
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:45,300
That was also Don Rickles.
374
00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:52,500
Victoria, the network
is excited
375
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,500
to be in business
with you.
376
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:55,900
Oh, I'm so glad.
377
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:57,533
And my agent tells me
you're a big fan.
378
00:17:57,533 --> 00:18:00,333
Huge fan.
An Oscar, an Emmy.
379
00:18:00,333 --> 00:18:02,767
And I love that
Lifetime Original Movie
380
00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:04,633
about the hairdresser
turned preacher.
381
00:18:04,633 --> 00:18:07,667
Mm. Lather, Rinse, Repent.
382
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,633
So what kind of project
are we talking about?
383
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,933
It's very exciting.
384
00:18:13,933 --> 00:18:16,233
We're partnering
with a Japanese company,
385
00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:18,600
Ozawa Industrial Brothers.
386
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,733
They want you to star
in a show
387
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:24,500
featuring a product they make
called Mrs. Ladypants.
388
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,133
I've never heard of it.
389
00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:29,967
- It's an adult diaper.
- It's an absorbent pant.
390
00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:34,533
Oh, excuse me.
391
00:18:34,533 --> 00:18:36,833
I have to get tickets
for my mom to see Johnny Revere,
392
00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:38,067
whoever that is.
393
00:18:38,067 --> 00:18:40,333
I'll be back in a few.
394
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,767
Oh, Johnny.
395
00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:47,433
Babe, come out
and see the fountain.
396
00:18:47,433 --> 00:18:50,467
Look, there's dolphins
in it.
397
00:18:51,433 --> 00:18:53,067
Amazing, right?
398
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:55,733
I'm gonna go down
and take a selfie!
399
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:02,500
It's a freakin' fountain!
400
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:07,900
Johnny?
401
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:09,433
Victoria?
402
00:19:12,633 --> 00:19:14,433
Wow! Look at that.
403
00:19:14,433 --> 00:19:16,533
Johnny Revere
is playing in concert!
404
00:19:16,533 --> 00:19:17,833
You know, if we could
go see that,
405
00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:21,300
that would make
this day perfect.
406
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:23,233
Not that going to
pick up our baby
407
00:19:23,233 --> 00:19:26,567
and getting married
isn't perfect enough.
408
00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:29,967
Ugh! This is taking
too long.
409
00:19:29,967 --> 00:19:31,267
Here's 50 bucks.
410
00:19:31,267 --> 00:19:32,900
There are no red lights.
411
00:19:34,433 --> 00:19:35,833
Except for that one!
412
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:48,967
Oh, my God.
413
00:19:48,967 --> 00:19:50,433
Bob? Are you okay?
414
00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:51,467
Ah...
415
00:19:51,467 --> 00:19:54,067
Let me loosen
your shirt and tie.
416
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,533
No...
417
00:19:55,533 --> 00:19:58,800
You're going to be okay.
You're going to be okay.
418
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,367
You are not
gonna be okay.
419
00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:09,767
How upset was Joy?
420
00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:11,633
Was Bob okay?
Did they get the baby?
421
00:20:11,633 --> 00:20:13,633
And what about Victoria
and Johnny--what about them?
422
00:20:13,633 --> 00:20:15,700
And how'd you and Elka
and the others get out of jail?
423
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,200
And I bet you're worried
424
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,367
about how my toast was coming
along too, right?
425
00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:22,767
So worried I didn't
want to bring it up.
426
00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:24,600
You're sweet.
427
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,733
Anyway, the good news
is that, yes, Bob was okay.
428
00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:29,800
What were you thinking?
429
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,033
Melanie's face
is tattooed on your chest.
430
00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:33,367
I told you
it was a mistake.
431
00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:34,833
You know,
we're all entitled
432
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,233
to a youthful indiscretion
or two.
433
00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:38,133
You only got it
last night.
434
00:20:38,133 --> 00:20:41,100
I was younger then!
435
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:42,233
So every time
we make love,
436
00:20:42,233 --> 00:20:43,967
I'm gonna be looking
at Melanie.
437
00:20:43,967 --> 00:20:45,967
There are other positions,
Joy.
438
00:20:45,967 --> 00:20:47,900
You know, in Canada,
we have one called
439
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:51,100
Reverse Lady Mountie.
440
00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:53,167
- It involves--
- There will be no positions
441
00:20:53,167 --> 00:20:55,200
till that thing's
gone.
442
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,333
Fine. I'll get it
lasered off.
443
00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,267
Or I could add a couple
of other dudes
444
00:20:59,267 --> 00:21:01,900
and pass it off
as Three Dog Night.
445
00:21:03,667 --> 00:21:05,267
How's the car?
Can we go?
446
00:21:05,267 --> 00:21:06,633
It's just a little
banged up.
447
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:07,900
Looks like it'll run fine.
448
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:11,167
- Oh, crap!
449
00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:13,667
Relax. Just tell him
it's a minor fender bender.
450
00:21:13,667 --> 00:21:16,133
You don't get it--
I'm undocumented.
451
00:21:16,133 --> 00:21:19,067
Good luck with the baby.
452
00:21:19,067 --> 00:21:22,067
Damn it! We're never
gonna get there!
453
00:21:22,067 --> 00:21:23,767
No baby, no plane,
no wedding.
454
00:21:23,767 --> 00:21:25,267
Everything's going wrong,
455
00:21:25,267 --> 00:21:27,967
just like it always does
when I'm about to be happy.
456
00:21:29,567 --> 00:21:32,067
Bob, where are you going?
457
00:21:32,067 --> 00:21:34,433
Don't worry, Joy.
458
00:21:34,433 --> 00:21:37,300
I'll explain everything
to the police.
459
00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:38,967
You can't drive.
This isn't your cab!
460
00:21:38,967 --> 00:21:40,900
I am a desperate,
tattooed immigrant
461
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,233
who just pissed off a woman.
462
00:21:42,233 --> 00:21:45,367
I think I can pass
as a cabbie.
463
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:50,767
Hey, you know what?
Since you guys are here,
464
00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:51,933
maybe you can give me
some feedback
465
00:21:51,933 --> 00:21:53,600
on my wedding toast
for Joy.
466
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,133
You know, 'cause everyone tells
me to write from the heart,
467
00:21:56,133 --> 00:21:58,067
so that's what I did.
468
00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:00,833
"Joy, don't leave me.
469
00:22:00,833 --> 00:22:03,900
"I know this might be
the happiest day of your life,
470
00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:06,133
"but it's the saddest day
of mine.
471
00:22:06,133 --> 00:22:07,900
"But you obviously
don't care about that,
472
00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:12,200
or me, so let's just
raise a glass to Joy and Bob."
473
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:17,367
Melanie,
you're making jail sad.
474
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,700
Please, you have
got to let me out
475
00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:24,233
so I can get on that plane
476
00:22:24,233 --> 00:22:26,500
and give this toast tomorrow
at my friend's wedding!
477
00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:29,233
I think I'm doing her
a favor.
478
00:22:30,967 --> 00:22:33,200
I'm going crazy.
479
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,967
Just behind these bars
is a wonderful world of sin,
480
00:22:35,967 --> 00:22:39,067
and I can't even
get a glimpse of it.
481
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,833
I feel the same way.
482
00:22:42,833 --> 00:22:44,833
Are you a gambler
too, Bob?
483
00:22:44,833 --> 00:22:46,833
Uh, no, no, uh...
484
00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:49,300
ladies' man.
485
00:22:54,167 --> 00:22:55,500
Why are you in
the women's jail?
486
00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:59,100
They...said I wasn't
a threat.
487
00:23:03,933 --> 00:23:06,067
Mayor Elka Ostrovsky,
Bob Moore?
488
00:23:06,067 --> 00:23:07,567
You're free to go.
489
00:23:07,567 --> 00:23:08,933
Casino dropped the charges
against the two of you.
490
00:23:08,933 --> 00:23:10,733
Wait, wait, wait--
so they can just go?
491
00:23:10,733 --> 00:23:12,133
How did that happen?
492
00:23:12,133 --> 00:23:14,133
I have no idea!
493
00:23:14,133 --> 00:23:16,433
You agreed to testify
against her.
494
00:23:19,167 --> 00:23:22,067
Maybe that's why.
495
00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:26,700
Come on, Bob,
drive faster!
496
00:23:26,700 --> 00:23:29,067
You know, contrary
to popular belief,
497
00:23:29,067 --> 00:23:32,133
going faster will not
lower your fare.
498
00:23:32,133 --> 00:23:33,567
You've got
the meter running?
499
00:23:33,567 --> 00:23:36,300
That's what a real cabbie
would do.
500
00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:37,667
Go through
that red light!
501
00:23:37,667 --> 00:23:40,600
Have you learned
nothing, Joy?
502
00:23:41,767 --> 00:23:43,167
(woman)
I'm sorry.
503
00:23:43,167 --> 00:23:44,600
This is an emergency.
504
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,433
Take me to the hospital.
I'm in labor.
505
00:23:46,433 --> 00:23:48,433
Oh, I'm sorry,
we'd love to, but we can't.
506
00:23:48,433 --> 00:23:49,900
We're going to adopt
a baby.
507
00:23:49,900 --> 00:23:51,933
I'm going to have a baby.
508
00:23:51,933 --> 00:23:55,167
Uh-oh! I don't think I'm gonna
make it to the hospital!
509
00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:56,300
- You will.
- I won't!
510
00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:57,633
- You will!
- I won't!
511
00:23:57,633 --> 00:23:58,700
You will!
512
00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:01,167
She didn't.
513
00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:02,900
Bob delivered the baby
in the cab.
514
00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:05,567
So did Bob and Joy
make it to the adoption agency?
515
00:24:05,567 --> 00:24:06,800
Slow down!
516
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,067
I need to catch up
on Victoria and Johnny.
517
00:24:09,067 --> 00:24:11,433
Wow! Victoria,
you look amazing.
518
00:24:11,433 --> 00:24:13,467
- Yeah, you too.
- So...
519
00:24:13,467 --> 00:24:14,767
What are you doing
here in Vegas?
520
00:24:14,767 --> 00:24:17,400
Oh, the usual
career song and dance.
521
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,767
I talked myself into being
excited about it,
522
00:24:19,767 --> 00:24:22,067
but now...I don't know.
523
00:24:22,067 --> 00:24:23,300
Yeah. I know
what you mean.
524
00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:25,833
Oh, please!
Your life seems great.
525
00:24:25,833 --> 00:24:27,300
You got a Vegas show
526
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:29,500
and that pretty young thing.
527
00:24:29,500 --> 00:24:31,367
I do hope she's getting
college credit
528
00:24:31,367 --> 00:24:33,333
for this relationship.
529
00:24:34,967 --> 00:24:37,633
Well, it's, uh,
not really a relationship.
530
00:24:37,633 --> 00:24:40,367
I mean, more like
just marking time.
531
00:24:40,367 --> 00:24:43,067
Oh, but I bet
she thinks it's special.
532
00:24:43,067 --> 00:24:45,633
After all,
I was that girl once.
533
00:24:45,633 --> 00:24:46,933
With you.
534
00:24:46,933 --> 00:24:49,433
I mean, that's how
we met, remember?
535
00:24:49,433 --> 00:24:51,367
- Mm-hmm.
- It's really funny,
536
00:24:51,367 --> 00:24:54,100
but when I see you,
I feel like that same girl
537
00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:56,600
who climbed onto
Johnny Revere's balcony
538
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,067
and...spent the night
with him.
539
00:24:59,067 --> 00:25:00,967
And when I look at you,
540
00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:03,833
I'm still the same guy
that's glad you did.
541
00:25:06,667 --> 00:25:08,267
What the hell
are you doing?
542
00:25:08,267 --> 00:25:09,600
Climbing onto your balcony.
543
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,900
Are you crazy?
We're ten floors up!
544
00:25:11,900 --> 00:25:14,067
There's a connecting door.
545
00:25:14,067 --> 00:25:16,767
That's for old people.
546
00:25:16,767 --> 00:25:18,667
Reach over and help me.
547
00:25:22,667 --> 00:25:25,100
- Now what do we do?
- Oh, I can't hang on!
548
00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:27,400
- Aah!
- Whoa!
549
00:25:42,367 --> 00:25:43,633
Those dolphins
really scattered
550
00:25:43,633 --> 00:25:46,367
when we hit the water.
551
00:25:46,367 --> 00:25:49,467
At least we got through it
without being recognized.
552
00:25:49,467 --> 00:25:52,667
Mrs. Ladypants!
553
00:25:52,667 --> 00:25:55,433
Uh...I'm the commercial
spokesperson
554
00:25:55,433 --> 00:25:58,533
for a certain product
in Japan.
555
00:25:58,533 --> 00:26:00,867
Happy Penis Pow Pow!
556
00:26:04,067 --> 00:26:05,867
So am I.
557
00:26:07,633 --> 00:26:10,567
I'm worried...
no woman will ever want me,
558
00:26:10,567 --> 00:26:12,300
you know, now that...
559
00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:14,800
I've been in prison.
560
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,367
Oh, don't worry!
561
00:26:16,367 --> 00:26:19,567
Women love bad boys.
562
00:26:19,567 --> 00:26:21,900
Look, Elka, I know
you think of me
563
00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:25,200
as a suave, sophisticated
564
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,400
chick magnet...
565
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,567
Sure.
566
00:26:31,267 --> 00:26:33,333
But it's--it's a pose.
567
00:26:33,333 --> 00:26:36,500
I-I have no game.
568
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:38,933
I'll bet you do.
569
00:26:38,933 --> 00:26:43,367
Give me your best line.
570
00:26:43,367 --> 00:26:45,567
Damn, girl...
571
00:26:45,567 --> 00:26:47,867
if you were a vegetable,
572
00:26:47,867 --> 00:26:51,200
you'd be a legplant.
573
00:26:55,700 --> 00:26:57,400
We made it!
We're here.
574
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,067
We're ready
to adopt our baby.
575
00:26:59,067 --> 00:27:00,867
Joy Scroggs
and Bob Moore.
576
00:27:00,867 --> 00:27:03,067
We're gonna be
amazing parents.
577
00:27:03,067 --> 00:27:04,967
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm sorry we're late.
578
00:27:04,967 --> 00:27:06,933
We stopped to help
a pregnant woman in labor.
579
00:27:06,933 --> 00:27:08,433
We delivered the baby
580
00:27:08,433 --> 00:27:11,500
and didn't steal it
like we wanted to.
581
00:27:11,500 --> 00:27:14,767
Can't hurt to put that
in our file--extra credit.
582
00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:16,133
You know, actually,
I did notice
583
00:27:16,133 --> 00:27:17,967
there is one document
missing from your file.
584
00:27:17,967 --> 00:27:19,700
There's no marriage
certificate.
585
00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:22,567
Oh, don't worry about that.
We're getting married tomorrow.
586
00:27:22,567 --> 00:27:24,667
Oh. I do need to have
that certificate
587
00:27:24,667 --> 00:27:26,567
before we can
bring you your baby.
588
00:27:26,567 --> 00:27:30,167
What kind of adoption agency
demands a marriage certificate?
589
00:27:30,167 --> 00:27:33,400
A very old-fashioned
Catholic one.
590
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,067
I can't believe this!
591
00:27:35,067 --> 00:27:36,900
We had to break out of
an airplane
592
00:27:36,900 --> 00:27:38,967
and steal a cab
and deliver a baby,
593
00:27:38,967 --> 00:27:40,467
and now none of that
even matters
594
00:27:40,467 --> 00:27:41,800
because we're not married!
595
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:42,900
It's fine.
We'll get married.
596
00:27:42,900 --> 00:27:44,233
Oh, come on, Bob!
597
00:27:44,233 --> 00:27:45,733
Where are we gonna
get married
598
00:27:45,733 --> 00:27:48,233
on a moment's notice
in Vegas?
599
00:27:48,233 --> 00:27:49,667
Oh, yeah!
600
00:27:49,667 --> 00:27:52,300
- We'll be back.
- Don't give away our baby.
601
00:27:54,067 --> 00:27:56,167
- Wow, this is nice.
- Mmm.
602
00:27:56,167 --> 00:27:57,800
You know,
when I was a little girl,
603
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,533
I used to stare up at
the stars and dream.
604
00:28:00,533 --> 00:28:02,400
What'd you dream about?
605
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,667
Being a famous actress
and...
606
00:28:05,667 --> 00:28:08,367
being happy.
607
00:28:08,367 --> 00:28:10,100
And I just keep thinking
608
00:28:10,100 --> 00:28:11,800
how am I ever gonna
get the second one
609
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,500
if I keep on
chasing the first?
610
00:28:14,500 --> 00:28:17,767
Even now, I'm trying
to charm my way into a role
611
00:28:17,767 --> 00:28:20,133
on some show in L.A.
612
00:28:20,133 --> 00:28:23,633
It's just always
the same old, same old.
613
00:28:23,633 --> 00:28:25,067
It is, isn't it?
614
00:28:25,067 --> 00:28:26,967
I mean, every night
I go onstage
615
00:28:26,967 --> 00:28:28,400
with the same red blazer,
616
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,100
the same Ray-Bans
I've worn for 30 years.
617
00:28:32,100 --> 00:28:35,100
And the hotel
wants three more years.
618
00:28:35,100 --> 00:28:37,800
Why are we still
on this hamster wheel?
619
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:41,067
What are we looking for?
620
00:28:42,567 --> 00:28:47,067
Maybe what we're looking for
is right in front of us.
621
00:28:47,067 --> 00:28:49,833
Do you remember when we
almost ran away together,
622
00:28:49,833 --> 00:28:51,767
but we didn't because
we both decided
623
00:28:51,767 --> 00:28:53,833
to put our careers first?
624
00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:56,233
I think about it
all the time.
625
00:28:56,233 --> 00:28:59,233
Well, I don't want to make
that mistake again.
626
00:28:59,233 --> 00:29:03,300
So how about...we just
get off that damn hamster wheel?
627
00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:06,833
And...get onto
each other?
628
00:29:07,867 --> 00:29:09,767
Oh, Johnny.
629
00:29:09,767 --> 00:29:11,467
You always did save
your romantic lines
630
00:29:11,467 --> 00:29:13,100
for your songs.
631
00:29:15,767 --> 00:29:17,733
Okay, girls, your pimp
just posted bail.
632
00:29:17,733 --> 00:29:19,267
You're free to leave.
633
00:29:24,500 --> 00:29:29,467
Excuse me--we are also
ladies of the evening.
634
00:29:29,467 --> 00:29:31,100
I don't think so.
635
00:29:31,100 --> 00:29:32,633
You know what,
Mamie Sue, it's okay.
636
00:29:32,633 --> 00:29:35,067
This'll just give me
more time to work on my toast.
637
00:29:35,067 --> 00:29:39,300
No, not the toast again.
Get out, you two whores!
638
00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:49,233
Oh, I could lie here
with you forever.
639
00:29:50,767 --> 00:29:53,100
Me too.
640
00:29:58,833 --> 00:30:01,733
But we can't!
We have to get to a wedding!
641
00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:04,367
Okay, old friend,
642
00:30:04,367 --> 00:30:07,600
I believe we have
some unfinished business.
643
00:30:08,833 --> 00:30:10,067
Not now, Mamie Sue!
644
00:30:10,067 --> 00:30:12,433
We have to get
to a wedding!
645
00:30:17,667 --> 00:30:19,667
We have to get married
right away!
646
00:30:19,667 --> 00:30:23,733
Sounds like you two have
a hunka hunka burnin' love.
647
00:30:23,733 --> 00:30:26,167
Oh, bloody hell.
648
00:30:26,167 --> 00:30:28,433
Listen, Elvis, we need
to get married
649
00:30:28,433 --> 00:30:30,100
so we can get a baby.
650
00:30:30,100 --> 00:30:32,633
Old-fashioned values.
I like it.
651
00:30:32,633 --> 00:30:35,300
But we got a promise ring
convention in town.
652
00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:37,167
They're in love...
653
00:30:37,167 --> 00:30:39,300
We're all booked up.
654
00:30:39,300 --> 00:30:40,533
I'm going in.
655
00:30:40,533 --> 00:30:43,133
Those two young virgins
will have to wait!
656
00:30:49,100 --> 00:30:50,133
Dad?
657
00:30:50,133 --> 00:30:52,733
Elka?
You're getting married?
658
00:30:52,733 --> 00:30:55,900
Well, there's my
something old.
659
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,067
I can't believe
you're getting married.
660
00:31:05,067 --> 00:31:07,167
Wow! Johnny Revere!
661
00:31:07,167 --> 00:31:09,233
Huge fan!
662
00:31:09,233 --> 00:31:10,867
You know,
I lost my virginity
663
00:31:10,867 --> 00:31:13,967
to I Love Makin' Love.
664
00:31:13,967 --> 00:31:16,767
That song came out
ten years ago.
665
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,267
So...good year
for both of us.
666
00:31:24,567 --> 00:31:26,967
- Focus, Bob!
- Yes.
667
00:31:26,967 --> 00:31:28,433
How did this happen?
668
00:31:28,433 --> 00:31:30,633
Well,
it's quite a story.
669
00:31:30,633 --> 00:31:33,267
Um...we were, um...
670
00:31:33,267 --> 00:31:37,200
we--we were at the--
at the baccarat table,
671
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,633
at the...
672
00:31:38,633 --> 00:31:41,900
the casino, you know,
where--where the theme is--
673
00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:45,467
Oh, someone's got to
speed this up!
674
00:31:47,767 --> 00:31:50,833
Elka volunteered to help him
find the perfect woman.
675
00:31:50,833 --> 00:31:52,633
Turns out it was me.
676
00:31:53,867 --> 00:31:56,767
Yeah, I realized
what I was looking for was...
677
00:31:56,767 --> 00:31:58,700
was right in front of me.
678
00:32:00,367 --> 00:32:02,567
Oh, we know
the feeling.
679
00:32:02,567 --> 00:32:05,267
Great. Everyone's in love
except for Melanie.
680
00:32:06,900 --> 00:32:08,633
Was that really necessary?
681
00:32:08,633 --> 00:32:10,533
Look, we need to get
married first,
682
00:32:10,533 --> 00:32:11,967
because we need a baby.
683
00:32:11,967 --> 00:32:14,800
And we need to get
married fast because we're...
684
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,400
in our 80s.
685
00:32:19,267 --> 00:32:21,367
80s?
686
00:32:21,367 --> 00:32:23,500
He doesn't know.
687
00:32:24,767 --> 00:32:27,167
So who's getting
married first?
688
00:32:27,167 --> 00:32:28,767
You could make it
a double wedding.
689
00:32:28,767 --> 00:32:31,367
That'll give us more time
for gambling.
690
00:32:33,100 --> 00:32:35,433
Okay, fine!
691
00:32:36,700 --> 00:32:38,600
This is so exciting!
692
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,833
I wonder what fake
celebrity they'll get
693
00:32:40,833 --> 00:32:41,800
to marry you.
694
00:32:46,100 --> 00:32:48,933
Who here loves makin' love?
695
00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:52,300
Oh! It's you!
696
00:32:52,300 --> 00:32:54,067
Which one of you
is Bob Moore?
697
00:32:54,067 --> 00:32:55,867
- I am.
- I am.
698
00:32:55,867 --> 00:32:59,833
I-I'm Bob
and he's--he's Bob Bob.
699
00:33:01,533 --> 00:33:04,200
You know, I don't wanna be
Bob Bob anymore.
700
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,333
Sounds like somebody
you can boss around.
701
00:33:06,333 --> 00:33:08,733
- Would you quit wasting time?
- Yes, dear.
702
00:33:10,967 --> 00:33:14,167
Hey, why don't you and I
get married too?
703
00:33:14,167 --> 00:33:16,733
Oh! Oh, Johnny!
704
00:33:16,733 --> 00:33:18,433
Yes!
705
00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:23,400
But not now.
We're stars.
706
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:24,700
I mean, we can't have
a wedding
707
00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:26,100
where the biggest
celebrity guest
708
00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:27,767
is a 93-year-old mayor.
709
00:33:27,767 --> 00:33:31,900
9--93?
710
00:33:31,900 --> 00:33:33,967
Damn it, Victoria!
711
00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:42,833
I now pronounce you
man and wife
712
00:33:42,833 --> 00:33:44,567
and man and wife.
713
00:33:44,567 --> 00:33:46,433
- Yay!
714
00:33:46,433 --> 00:33:49,067
- Congratulations!
- Congratulations!
715
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:53,633
Bob, we've got to go.
716
00:33:53,633 --> 00:33:56,533
Yes, you do.
Go pick up my granddaughter.
717
00:33:56,533 --> 00:33:59,300
- Granddaughter?
- Oh, my God!
718
00:33:59,300 --> 00:34:01,900
Elka's your mother-in-law!
719
00:34:04,833 --> 00:34:07,567
Call me Mom!
720
00:34:16,300 --> 00:34:17,700
I can't believe
we're married.
721
00:34:17,700 --> 00:34:19,233
You can't believe it?
What about me?
722
00:34:19,233 --> 00:34:21,733
First time I saw you,
I imagined this moment
723
00:34:21,733 --> 00:34:24,167
and I thought, "No way."
724
00:34:24,167 --> 00:34:25,667
Now that it's actually
happening,
725
00:34:25,667 --> 00:34:27,833
you know what I'm thinking?
726
00:34:27,833 --> 00:34:30,200
- "No way."
- Oh, Bob.
727
00:34:32,067 --> 00:34:35,967
(woman)
Mr. and Mrs. Moore?
728
00:34:35,967 --> 00:34:39,233
Mrs. Moore.
That's me!
729
00:34:39,233 --> 00:34:43,167
I'm not Scroggs anymore.
I'm Scroggs-free!
730
00:34:43,167 --> 00:34:45,167
Would you like to meet
your daughter?
731
00:34:46,633 --> 00:34:48,367
Oh, God!
732
00:34:48,367 --> 00:34:51,233
Oh, God!
733
00:34:54,333 --> 00:34:56,467
Oh, my gosh.
734
00:34:56,467 --> 00:34:58,300
Congratulations, you two.
735
00:34:58,300 --> 00:35:00,367
Oh, thank you.
736
00:35:02,233 --> 00:35:05,400
Would you look at her?
737
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,433
All the babies
in the world,
738
00:35:07,433 --> 00:35:09,533
and we got the best one.
739
00:35:09,533 --> 00:35:11,567
I think so too.
740
00:35:11,567 --> 00:35:13,700
- Our little girl!
- I know.
741
00:35:14,933 --> 00:35:17,700
I am gonna take care
of you and love you
742
00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:20,067
and protect you forever.
743
00:35:20,067 --> 00:35:23,167
And I'm gonna teach you
to wait for the right man
744
00:35:23,167 --> 00:35:26,300
even if it takes
a really long time.
745
00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:28,700
Happy?
746
00:35:28,700 --> 00:35:30,233
So happy.
747
00:35:30,233 --> 00:35:33,500
All the stupid mistakes
I've made in my life,
748
00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:35,100
all the regrets.....
749
00:35:35,100 --> 00:35:37,267
I wouldn't change
any of them.
750
00:35:37,267 --> 00:35:39,433
'Cause they got me
to this moment.
751
00:35:39,433 --> 00:35:41,700
You're right.
752
00:35:41,700 --> 00:35:44,400
Little things like...
getting a tattoo
753
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:45,833
of another woman
on your chest
754
00:35:45,833 --> 00:35:48,433
just seem so unimportant
right now.
755
00:35:48,433 --> 00:35:51,200
Nice try.
756
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,300
Well, maybe on our honeymoon
I'll get a tan
757
00:35:53,300 --> 00:35:56,767
and we can tell people
it's Bob Marley.
758
00:35:56,767 --> 00:35:59,200
Oh, my God!
Our honeymoon, Paris!
759
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,467
- Ah!
- We've got a plane to catch.
760
00:36:09,633 --> 00:36:10,867
Do you have a name yet?
761
00:36:10,867 --> 00:36:12,467
Yes. Elizabeth.
762
00:36:12,467 --> 00:36:14,700
But I think we're gonna
call her Betty.
763
00:36:15,933 --> 00:36:18,267
Never met a Betty
I didn't like.
764
00:36:18,267 --> 00:36:21,400
And they're always
so pretty.
765
00:36:22,900 --> 00:36:25,067
Seems so unreal to me...
766
00:36:25,067 --> 00:36:28,400
flying to Paris again
with all of you.
767
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,933
Only this time with a baby
and a wonderful man.
768
00:36:31,933 --> 00:36:33,700
The last time we were
on this plane,
769
00:36:33,700 --> 00:36:35,400
we were all so unhappy.
770
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,167
Oh, we felt invisible
and unwanted.
771
00:36:38,167 --> 00:36:40,833
We thought our best years
were behind us.
772
00:36:40,833 --> 00:36:44,900
And then we crash-landed
in Cleveland, of all places!
773
00:36:44,900 --> 00:36:46,433
And met Elka...
774
00:36:46,433 --> 00:36:49,767
and had all kinds of
adventures and romances
775
00:36:49,767 --> 00:36:52,533
and career changes
and...
776
00:36:52,533 --> 00:36:55,767
we became the people
we are today.
777
00:36:57,067 --> 00:37:00,233
And now our lives
are gonna change again.
778
00:37:01,967 --> 00:37:04,600
I just want you all to know
that...
779
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,567
I have never learned more
780
00:37:07,567 --> 00:37:10,467
or laughed harder
781
00:37:10,467 --> 00:37:12,100
or had as much damn fun
782
00:37:12,100 --> 00:37:14,600
as I've had
in the last six years!
783
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:16,267
I mean,
784
00:37:16,267 --> 00:37:17,800
we doubled
each other's joys,
785
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,867
and we halved
each other's sorrows.
786
00:37:20,867 --> 00:37:23,333
So, yeah, things
are gonna change, but...
787
00:37:23,333 --> 00:37:28,900
I know one thing
that will never change.
788
00:37:28,900 --> 00:37:31,567
You're my friends.
789
00:37:31,567 --> 00:37:35,067
You're my family.
790
00:37:35,067 --> 00:37:37,800
You really are
the loves of my life.
791
00:37:39,233 --> 00:37:42,300
I love you.
792
00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:44,167
Oh, Melanie.
793
00:37:44,167 --> 00:37:45,067
To us.
794
00:37:45,067 --> 00:37:47,067
(all)
To us!
795
00:37:49,133 --> 00:37:51,067
Oh, and now I gotta get busy
796
00:37:51,067 --> 00:37:53,133
working on my stupid toast.
797
00:37:53,133 --> 00:37:56,133
I think that was
your stupid toast.
798
00:37:56,133 --> 00:37:57,667
You're right,
you're right!
799
00:37:57,667 --> 00:37:59,133
Okay, just forget
you ever heard it,
800
00:37:59,133 --> 00:38:00,667
'cause I'm gonna
go write it down.
801
00:38:02,067 --> 00:38:03,267
(captain)
This is Captain Reid speaking.
802
00:38:03,267 --> 00:38:04,733
All passengers
and flight attendants
803
00:38:04,733 --> 00:38:07,300
please take your seats
and fasten your seatbelts.
804
00:38:07,300 --> 00:38:09,500
Hey, I think
I got my toast.
805
00:38:09,500 --> 00:38:10,767
I had no doubt.
806
00:38:10,767 --> 00:38:13,100
So how does your story
end?
807
00:38:14,100 --> 00:38:16,567
Um...I don't know.
808
00:38:16,567 --> 00:38:20,300
I have a feeling something
big is about to happen.
809
00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:24,633
Okay, don't worry.
810
00:38:24,633 --> 00:38:26,067
The plane's not gonna
crash.
811
00:38:26,067 --> 00:38:27,533
I mean, lightning
does not strike twice.
812
00:38:30,533 --> 00:38:32,133
Oh!
813
00:38:32,133 --> 00:38:34,067
I'm scared.
814
00:38:34,067 --> 00:38:36,167
It's gonna be okay.
Take my hand.
815
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,433
* Ooh, you make me live
816
00:38:47,433 --> 00:38:51,300
* Whatever this world
can give to me *
817
00:38:51,300 --> 00:38:55,600
* It's you, you're all I see *
818
00:38:55,600 --> 00:39:00,067
* Ooh, you make me live,
now, honey *
819
00:39:00,067 --> 00:39:02,367
* Ooh, you make me live
820
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:07,267
* Oh, you're the best friend *
821
00:39:07,267 --> 00:39:09,633
* That I ever had
822
00:39:09,633 --> 00:39:13,233
* I've been with you
such a long time *
823
00:39:13,233 --> 00:39:15,300
* You're my sunshine *
824
00:39:15,300 --> 00:39:17,367
* And I want you to know
825
00:39:17,367 --> 00:39:19,700
* That my feelings are true
826
00:39:19,700 --> 00:39:22,700
* I really love you
827
00:39:22,700 --> 00:39:24,333
- * Ooh
- * Oh
828
00:39:24,333 --> 00:39:26,633
* You're my best friend *
829
00:39:29,100 --> 00:39:31,433
* Ooh, you make me live
830
00:39:31,433 --> 00:39:35,200
* Ooh, I've been
wandering round *
831
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:38,433
* But I still come back
to you *
832
00:39:38,433 --> 00:39:40,333
God, that was fun.
833
00:39:40,333 --> 00:39:42,500
It truly was.
834
00:39:42,500 --> 00:39:44,567
I loved it.
835
00:39:44,567 --> 00:39:46,667
Same time next week?
836
00:39:46,667 --> 00:39:48,300
- You bet.
- Why not?
837
00:39:48,300 --> 00:39:50,567
- Let's do it.
- Wednesdays are our nights.
838
00:39:50,567 --> 00:39:52,633
(Melanie)
Yeah. I like Wednesdays.
839
00:40:07,567 --> 00:40:09,767
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
840
00:40:09,767 --> 00:40:12,200
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
841
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,433
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
842
00:40:19,433 --> 00:40:21,833
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
843
00:40:29,700 --> 00:40:31,067
* Hey!
59062
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