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1
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:08,642
(Melanie)
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
2
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,178
in front
of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,482
Bob sent a gift from Canada.
4
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:18,852
Oh, my life is so good
right now.
5
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:22,090
Actually, all of our lives are
just about perfect right now.
6
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:23,357
You're happy with Dane.
7
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,659
Your HBO series
is about to premiere.
8
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:26,660
Stop.
9
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,562
Don't tempt the evil eye.
10
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,064
What are you talking about?
11
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:34,902
In Poland, my mother said,
"Everything is perfect."
12
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:39,039
The next morning,
the Nazis invaded.
13
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:41,209
Oh, God.
14
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,711
And I got the worst pimple.
15
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:44,712
It was right here.
16
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,782
(Joy)
Literally ruin your day.
17
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:51,119
Oh, I do love getting gifts.
18
00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:53,621
Bob is such a doll.
19
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:56,457
Oh, my God.
20
00:00:56,457 --> 00:01:00,994
Bob is a doll.
21
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:03,164
He had a doll made
to look like himself?
22
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,599
That is the most disturbing
thing I have ever seen,
23
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,636
and I have been in a windstorm
with Donald Trump.
24
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,510
There's a note.
25
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:17,945
"My little detective,
26
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,948
never has a heart been
as full as mine."
27
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:22,316
Oh, that's sweet.
28
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,517
Mm.
29
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:29,257
It really is a unique,
thoughtful...
30
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:32,393
Ultimately creepy gift.
31
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:35,163
Oh, Little Bob hit his head.
32
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:38,499
Don't give it a name.
33
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,835
Oh, that's him now.
34
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,404
(Bob)
Hey, Joy.
Did you get my gift?
35
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:44,672
I did.
36
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:47,408
Have you undressed him yet?
37
00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:50,544
Not yet. Can't wait.
38
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,180
What's wrong with your head?
39
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,982
Oh, I--I banged it real bad.
40
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,817
Just like Little Bob.
41
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:00,754
Actually,
can you hang on a second?
42
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,923
I'm just gonna run
and get some ice.
43
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,726
Wow, that is really weird.
44
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,795
What if everything that happens
to Little Bob
45
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:12,200
happens to slightly larger Bob?
46
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,202
Maybe it's a voodoo doll.
47
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:18,206
There is no such thing
as voodoo.
48
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:20,374
If I twist the doll arm,
it's not like, you know--
49
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,610
(Bob) Ow!
50
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:25,012
Bob, what happened?
What's the matter?
51
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,748
Oh, I don't know.
I just tweaked my shoulder.
52
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:30,351
I'll call you back, okay?
53
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,222
Don't say it.
54
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:36,357
Well, you got to admit,
that's kind of weird.
55
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:39,693
(both)
Voodoo.
56
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:41,862
Oh.
Oh, that's got to be Dane.
57
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,431
Listen, guys, just so you know,
58
00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:47,335
he got laid off this morning,
so he might be a little fragile.
59
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:48,436
Hey, babe.
60
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:51,239
Hi, honey.
61
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:52,473
Something wrong?
62
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,775
Well, not with me,
but you lost your job.
63
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,644
I'm fine.
64
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:59,647
Hit a bucket of balls,
listened to some Foo Fighters.
65
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:02,916
I'm over it.
66
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,686
Wouldn't say no
to a cold beer though.
67
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,921
Hello, ladies.
68
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,357
Little Bob.
69
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,695
I'm so sorry you got fired.
70
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,097
Do you want to talk about
how you're feeling?
71
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,299
Not really.
72
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,767
Do you want to talk about
73
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:22,270
why you don't want to
talk about your feelings?
74
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:23,571
Not really.
75
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:24,705
Why?
76
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,741
'Cause I'm a guy.
77
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,577
Well, don't you think the world
would be better
78
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,779
if guys talked about
their feelings?
79
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:34,915
Not really.
80
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:38,486
Well, I'm here for you.
Mwah.
81
00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:40,788
Did you start smoking again?
82
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,590
Maybe I'm a little stressed.
83
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:43,824
Well, I think I can help.
84
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,092
Joy stopped smoking a while ago.
85
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,727
She has some nicotine patches
upstairs.
86
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:47,728
I'll get them for you.
87
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,330
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
88
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,631
I'll go with you.
89
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,065
- We can have sex.
90
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,767
Aren't you too upset
to have sex?
91
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,870
You say the cutest things.
92
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:00,741
Ari!
93
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,411
Victoria.
94
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:05,212
What are you doing here?
95
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:07,815
You know why I'm a great agent?
96
00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:11,218
'Cause I'm the biggest bastard
in Hollywood.
97
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:13,321
Luckily, I'm your bastard.
98
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,591
(Victoria)
Wait a minute.
99
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,727
If you flew all the way
from LA,
100
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:22,563
then you must have some big news
about my HBO show.
101
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,865
I do. Huge news.
102
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,500
So what is it?
103
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,603
They're cutting you
out of the show.
104
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,780
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
105
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,083
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
106
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,184
* Hey!
107
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,419
Why did they cut me
from the show?
108
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:46,954
Did they think my acting
was bad?
109
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:50,624
You're gonna laugh at this,
but they had no specific reason.
110
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,963
Why would that make me laugh?
111
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:59,400
Well, the guy who told me
had a funny accent.
112
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,504
This is a disaster.
113
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,406
If they won't say
why I was fired,
114
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:08,576
then people will start making up
all sorts of crazy rumors--
115
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:09,843
that I'm a diva,
116
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,979
that I'm untalented,
my career is over.
117
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:15,616
They won't say those things.
118
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:19,286
But don't check today's Variety.
119
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:20,554
I need something right away
120
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,456
to show people
that I can still get work.
121
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,792
Now, are there any options
out there for me?
122
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:26,727
Are there any options?
123
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,095
There are two:
124
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:32,032
A low-budget picture
shot in Romania
125
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:37,004
or a play at a theater
right here in Cleveland.
126
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,906
I'll take the movie.
127
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,208
There is no movie.
128
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,476
What?
129
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:45,045
I just wanted you to think
you had some options.
130
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,581
I thought surely
you'd take the play.
131
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,983
But local theater
is what movie stars do
132
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,251
when they can't get any work.
133
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:54,655
Which is why you're perfect
for this.
134
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:03,564
Victoria, I know you think that
local theater is beneath you,
135
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,232
but you'll be great
in the play.
136
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,834
Will I?
137
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,737
The thing is, because HBO
isn't saying why they cut me,
138
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,439
I don't know what to fix.
139
00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:14,675
Did I not delve deeply enough
into my character's backstory?
140
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,445
Did I not make
interesting enough choices?
141
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:20,448
I have lost all faith
in my acting instincts.
142
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:24,952
Oh, you sweet thing,
everything you do is adorable.
143
00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:26,587
Oh, thank you, Elka.
144
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,756
I was talking to the dog.
145
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:33,961
Oh, look at him.
146
00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:37,498
He's snuggling him from behind.
147
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,199
That's not snuggling.
148
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,134
(both)
Oh, no.
149
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,770
- That is not right.
- No.
150
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:45,005
It's a voodoo doll.
151
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:49,242
That's probably happening
to Bob right now.
152
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:54,081
It is not a voodoo doll.
153
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:57,951
It's just a really creepy doll
that my boyfriend gave me,
154
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,588
so I can't get rid of it.
155
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:03,657
I'd like to, but I can't.
156
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,325
I'll do it.
157
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:06,927
I know a kid's charity that
would probably like to take it.
158
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,295
Mm. Anyway, I owe you one.
159
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,363
I gave Dane a bunch
of your nicotine patches.
160
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:13,100
Wait, those aren't
nicotine patches.
161
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,368
I got those
from a friend in Sweden.
162
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:18,506
They're a skin treatment that's
unapproved here in the States.
163
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,709
Unapproved?
W-what's in them?
164
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:24,144
Really high doses of estrogen.
165
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:27,848
Estrogen?
166
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:32,185
Oh, my God, did I just turn
my boyfriend into a woman?
167
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,989
Hi, Dane.
Ooh, white wine.
168
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,057
Is that for me?
169
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:40,928
No, I just felt like
something crisp.
170
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,766
Besides, I was feeling
a bit bloated.
171
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,434
Yeah. Uh...
172
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,336
Look, Dane, there's something
I need to tell you
173
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,337
about those patches
you're wearing.
174
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,540
The patches, right.
175
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,107
At first,
I still wanted to smoke,
176
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:57,611
so I used, like,
five of them.
177
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,747
- Five?
- Yeah.
178
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:00,814
And it's weird.
179
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,149
I stopped smoking,
180
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:06,053
but I feel like I've had
an emotional awakening.
181
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,221
Last night, I caught an episode
of Oprah's Master Class
182
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,222
with Susan Sarandon.
183
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,591
Oh, still gorgeous.
184
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:13,160
Right?
185
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,797
And she said things happen
for a reason.
186
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:19,667
And I thought,
"Things do happen for a reason."
187
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:25,205
Maybe that reason was for you
and I to grow closer.
188
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:28,576
Anyway, you wanted to tell me
something about those patches?
189
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:32,179
Just that if you've ran out,
I could get you some more.
190
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:37,050
Let's welcome the brilliant
191
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,587
Oscar and Emmy Award-winning
actress,
192
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:40,754
Victoria Chase...
193
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,393
Soon to be starring
in an upcoming HBO series.
194
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,496
Okay, forget that last part.
195
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,100
So let's get started,
shall we?
196
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,101
Great.
197
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,368
I was up all night
198
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,770
working on
my character's backstory.
199
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,105
I think you're gonna like it.
200
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,106
Terrific.
201
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:01,809
Okay, places, everybody.
202
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,944
"We open in
a small roadside diner
203
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,880
in Carson City, Nevada."
204
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,616
'Ey there, 'andsome.
205
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,618
Warm up that coffee for ya?
206
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:13,253
Victoria, I'm gonna stop you.
207
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,287
Interesting choice.
208
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,756
Oh, it was, wasn't it?
209
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:18,491
You know, I--I get the sense
that my character
210
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,694
feels like she's superior
to everyone around her,
211
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,996
and so I thought,
"Why not make her British?"
212
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,032
Well, here's one reason
I can think of.
213
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,335
The play is about how
she's lived in
214
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:31,471
the same small Nevada town
her whole life.
215
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,173
So maybe we could try it
without the accent?
216
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,341
Of course. Of course.
Bad choice.
217
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:36,644
Let me just give you
another one.
218
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:41,649
Hey, handsome.
Warm up that coffee for ya?
219
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,252
* Hey there, handsome
220
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,155
* Warm up your coffee
for ya? *
221
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,323
Take five, everybody.
222
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,227
Well, it was a little rocky
at first,
223
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:57,264
but I finally found
the perfect backstory and accent
224
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,832
for my character.
225
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,101
You didn't do that thing you
call a British accent, did you?
226
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,636
Hey.
227
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,237
Me British accent 'appens to be
228
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:07,174
quite good indeed.
229
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:12,512
I'd love to hear it one day.
230
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,614
Well, I did it.
231
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,884
By drugging my boyfriend
with estrogen,
232
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:20,120
I have created the perfect man.
233
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,455
He's empathetic, he wants to
talk about his feelings,
234
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,024
and he even noticed
my new bag.
235
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,025
What?
236
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,094
No, sometimes they notice shoes,
237
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:28,528
but never the bag.
238
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,933
Elka, what's wrong?
239
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,669
Oh, George Clooney is upset.
240
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:39,239
His Little Bob doll is missing.
241
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,608
I told you I was gonna give it
to a kids charity.
242
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:45,578
And I told you
you were messing with voodoo.
243
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:48,115
Well, technically,
if the voodoo was working,
244
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,117
then Real Bob
would be missing too.
245
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,085
Bob's not missing.
246
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:55,055
Although he never did
call me back.
247
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:59,026
Oh, no, five texts
from Bob's brother.
248
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,260
Bob's gone missing.
249
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:06,266
He went maple tree tapping
in the woods
250
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,868
and hasn't come back.
251
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:12,740
They found his little bucket,
but no Bob.
252
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:13,741
Oh, God.
253
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:15,208
What if the voodoo is real?
254
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,576
I've got to get
that doll back.
255
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,012
Melanie, what kids charity
did you give it to?
256
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,348
I--I kind of threw it
in the trash.
257
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,516
What? How could you?
258
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,485
You said you were gonna give it
to a kids charity.
259
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,020
I lied.
260
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,090
Who wants a doll that looks like
a lumpy middle-aged man?
261
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,161
They still haven't found Bob.
262
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:36,196
We have got to find that doll.
263
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,831
But they picked up the trash
today.
264
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:38,866
It could be anywhere.
265
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,567
I'll find it.
266
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,069
I'm the mayor.
267
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:45,205
I'm the boss of every
garbage truck in Cleveland.
268
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,940
Wow, that's right.
269
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,375
You spend so much time
270
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,143
hanging around here with us,
drinking,
271
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:53,380
I forget you're the mayor
of a major metropolitan city.
272
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:57,384
I don't put in a full day.
273
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,853
That's what makes me relatable.
274
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,455
Let's make some calls.
275
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,430
Ari. Is something wrong?
276
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:14,667
No, I just wanted to ask you
how the play was going.
277
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,970
Oh, great.
278
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:20,240
No, I think they really like
the choices I'm making.
279
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,844
That's one way of looking at it.
280
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:28,281
They other way is, they hate
all the choices you're making.
281
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:32,820
That's actually the way
to look at it.
282
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:35,956
This HBO thing
really threw me.
283
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,425
My instincts are gone.
284
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,927
I don't think
I can do this play.
285
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:41,694
Just tell them I'm sick
or something.
286
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:43,496
All right, I'll tell them.
287
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:44,998
That's my job.
288
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:47,935
I got to get out of
this business.
289
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:51,338
Hello, young handsome fellow.
290
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,841
Got representation?
291
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:56,844
I'm back in the business.
292
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:59,512
Hey, you do look
very handsome.
293
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,048
No, I don't.
294
00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:02,950
I put on, like, five pounds
in two days.
295
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,651
Nothing fits.
Nothing looks good.
296
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:11,624
I'm such a cow.
297
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,526
Victoria?
298
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:14,862
What's wrong?
299
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:17,297
Nothing.
300
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,899
It doesn't sound like nothing.
301
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,935
Oh, I--I just quit my play.
302
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,105
- Tell me everything.
- Well, I--
303
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,074
But I made reservations
at Dante's.
304
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:29,943
Reservations can be changed,
sweetheart.
305
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:31,278
Victoria's upset.
306
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:32,745
Oh, no. No, no.
307
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,614
I don't want to spoil
your evening.
308
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:35,648
I--
309
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,919
Victoria,
we both just lost jobs,
310
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:42,289
but that doesn't define
who we are.
311
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:43,690
Here's what you do.
312
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:47,360
You draw yourself a bath,
pour yourself a glass of wine,
313
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:51,231
and make a list of everything
you love about yourself.
314
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:54,935
I did it earlier today,
and it really works.
315
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,738
Thank you, Dane.
316
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,273
Aw, Dane.
317
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:03,944
Honey, you are so sweet.
318
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,378
Listen, I got an idea.
319
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:08,248
How 'bout we skip dinner
and, you know, fool around?
320
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,917
What?
321
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,284
How could you even
think about sex
322
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:15,155
when Victoria is so upset?
323
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:17,958
Okay. Okay, fine.
324
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,259
Then we'll just--
we'll cuddle.
325
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,761
We'll just see what happens.
326
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:25,598
Nothing will happen.
327
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:26,633
Okay, that's it.
328
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,001
Dane, I have something
to tell you.
329
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,369
Those nicotine patches?
330
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,938
They're not really nicotine.
331
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:33,240
They're estrogen.
332
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,842
What? How could you?
333
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:36,944
Oh, honey, don't be upset.
334
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:39,579
Don't tell me how to feel.
335
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,281
Please don't be angry.
336
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:45,452
I'm not angry, I'm just--
337
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:47,287
I'm just hurt.
338
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,022
Well, can I call you?
339
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:51,191
Don't call me.
340
00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,692
Don't text me.
341
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:55,028
It's over.
342
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:58,598
And don't watch me
while I'm walking out the door.
343
00:14:58,598 --> 00:14:59,532
My ass is huge.
344
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:14,081
Thanks again for helping me
search for the Bob doll.
345
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,983
They've sent the Mounties out
looking for Bob,
346
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,217
but so far, nothing.
347
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,019
Joy, I'm so sorry.
348
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,720
Don't worry. We'll find it.
349
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,423
By the science of voodoo,
when we find Little Bob,
350
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,758
Big Bob will show up.
351
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,461
Are you sure this is
the quadrant our trash is in?
352
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,297
Oh, it's ours.
353
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:33,266
Look at all the wine bottles.
354
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,869
Hey.
355
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,571
My gold lamé shorts.
356
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:39,906
How did these get in here?
357
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,175
Yes, how?
358
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:49,216
Hey, Elka, this looks just like
the bowl I made for you
359
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:50,750
from that ceramics class I took.
360
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,285
Does it?
361
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,822
There are two of those beauties?
362
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:01,328
Oh. Oh, look at this.
363
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,396
A coffee pot.
364
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,033
It's just like the one
I used in the play.
365
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,535
Oh, God, I really made
a mess of that.
366
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,670
I quit, and then I lied
about quitting,
367
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,406
and now I'm that person.
368
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,408
Victoria, you lie all the time.
369
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,809
And usually
it makes me feel good,
370
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:20,047
but not this time.
371
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,182
And the director was so nice.
372
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,616
He deserves to know the truth.
373
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,652
I don't want to be
an awful person.
374
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,620
Well, I am an awful person.
375
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,589
Why am I trying to turn Dane
into a woman?
376
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,158
I don't need another girlfriend.
377
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,060
I have you guys
to notice my new bag
378
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:35,162
or ask me how I'm feeling.
379
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:38,731
I need to get laid.
380
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,101
(Joy)
Oh, my God, look.
381
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,536
It's Little Bob.
382
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:46,173
George Clooney
found Little Bob.
383
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:48,541
Good boy.
384
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,210
Thank you, George Clooney.
385
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,379
Oh, come on. Come on.
386
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,081
Oh, please make voodoo work.
387
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:56,083
Please make voodoo work.
388
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,517
Nothing.
389
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,452
Why did I think
this would work?
390
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,321
What if Bob's hurt?
391
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,889
What if he's stuck
between two rocks
392
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,159
and has to eat
his own arm off?
393
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,261
It's only been a few hours.
394
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,431
He gets really hungry.
395
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:12,432
Wait.
396
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,734
I have no bars.
397
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,336
What if they're trying
to reach me?
398
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,638
What can I do to get
a better signal?
399
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:21,541
Well, once I was up
for a television pilot.
400
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:25,612
It was a female MacGyver
called Lady MacGyver.
401
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,013
It was down to Markie Post
and me.
402
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:28,381
Get to the point.
403
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,517
Markie got it.
404
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:32,585
No, you idiot, the signal.
405
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:36,356
Oh, first we have to attach
the phone to a rod
406
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:39,025
and then find
a metallic conductor,
407
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,793
preferably something
with gold filaments.
408
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,795
My shorts.
409
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:52,572
I got a message.
410
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,274
Bob's okay.
411
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:57,910
He was found by rescue dogs.
Yay.
412
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,946
Oh, Bob.
413
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,381
Wait a minute.
414
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:04,184
There's something pinned
to his heart.
415
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,153
It's a necklace.
416
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:08,188
So that's what the note meant.
417
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:11,224
"Never has a heart been
as full as mine."
418
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,725
It is beautiful.
419
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,161
I know.
420
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,829
Not that I care
about such things.
421
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:20,400
The important thing is,
Bob is safe.
422
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,901
Diamonds!
423
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:27,174
So that's why I quit.
424
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:28,675
It wasn't because I was sick.
425
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:31,344
It--it was because
I was scared.
426
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,546
I can't believe
you were scared.
427
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:36,916
I was scared to work with you,
the great Victoria Chase.
428
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,086
Don't be fooled
by all my awards.
429
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,521
I'm not even talking
about that.
430
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:45,325
Why not?
I won a damn Oscar.
431
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:49,196
A long time ago, we were
in acting class together.
432
00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,332
Oh, right. You--
433
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,901
Yeah, don't even pretend
to remember me.
434
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,069
I sat in the back,
and I never said anything,
435
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:58,405
but I watched you.
436
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,540
Victoria, you were fearless.
437
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,909
I was, wasn't I?
438
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,245
But I was young and stupid
with nothing to lose.
439
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,579
What do you have
to lose now?
440
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,916
Everything.
I am an Oscar winner.
441
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:11,818
Well, you can't lose that.
442
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,220
If a meteor fell on us
right now,
443
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,754
the headline would read,
444
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:17,924
"Oscar Winner Victoria Chase
Killed in Fiery Explosion."
445
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:21,761
Oh, I do like
the sound of that.
446
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,663
It wouldn't say,
"Victoria Chase,
447
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,399
Who Got Cut
from Some Dopey HBO Show."
448
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,801
No, you're right.
That show was dopey.
449
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:31,471
I mean, why am I letting that
get me down?
450
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:35,242
I want to be that actress that
you remember from back then.
451
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:37,844
Yeah, stupid and fearless.
452
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,046
Okay, you just give me
another chance,
453
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:44,451
and I think I could be
that stupid again.
454
00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:46,786
I know you can.
455
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:56,028
Dane. Hi.
What are you doing here?
456
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,565
I came here
because you're here.
457
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:01,401
But you broke up with me
three days ago.
458
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:05,004
Why was that again?
459
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,706
Because I drugged you
with female hormones
460
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:10,076
and then lied about it.
461
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:12,679
Stuff happens.
462
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,681
Don't worry.
It's out of my system now.
463
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:18,318
Well, great. Great.
464
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:19,786
Listen, I--I know I did wrong,
465
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,388
and we really should
talk about it,
466
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:24,891
because if you can't have trust
in a relationship and--
467
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,726
- Oh, my God.
- What?
468
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,160
You weren't even listening
to me.
469
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,762
You were staring at my chest.
470
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:30,697
You're back!
471
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,441
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
472
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,743
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
473
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,983
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
474
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:53,686
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
475
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,663
* Hey!
32851
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