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1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,569
Good morning, Store 1217.
2
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,837
We have a very exciting surprise today.
3
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,873
Zephra has sent us a little
break room upgrade
4
00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:10,320
just to say "Welcome to the Z-Fam."
5
00:00:10,321 --> 00:00:11,620
They asked me to say it that way,
6
00:00:11,622 --> 00:00:13,022
and I'm happy to.
7
00:00:13,024 --> 00:00:14,429
Okay, let me guess.
8
00:00:14,430 --> 00:00:16,357
Ah... It's a pipe organ.
9
00:00:16,357 --> 00:00:18,491
Oh, my gosh, I can call
Judy from the church
10
00:00:18,493 --> 00:00:19,897
and she'll give us lessons,
11
00:00:19,898 --> 00:00:20,993
though you have to practice
12
00:00:20,995 --> 00:00:22,962
'cause otherwise
you're just wasting her time.
13
00:00:22,964 --> 00:00:24,296
Don't need Judy. Not a pipe organ.
14
00:00:24,298 --> 00:00:25,831
Oh, I like this game.
15
00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:27,066
Is it bigger than a dog?
16
00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:28,467
It's clearly bigger than a dog.
17
00:00:28,469 --> 00:00:30,017
You don't know what dog I'm thinking of.
18
00:00:30,237 --> 00:00:32,304
I actually know what it is
'cause I helped set it up.
19
00:00:32,306 --> 00:00:35,141
Well, we're all about to
know what it is, so...
20
00:00:35,143 --> 00:00:36,709
I knew from before.
I knew, like, two hours ago.
21
00:00:36,711 --> 00:00:38,878
Okay, I'm gonna need
more data before I guess.
22
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,209
Otherwise, you're just giving me
a free chance to be wrong.
23
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,674
Nobody's asking anybody to guess.
24
00:00:42,687 --> 00:00:44,320
Okay, Mateo, on three. Ready?
25
00:00:44,322 --> 00:00:46,222
- One...
- It's a cereal bar!
26
00:00:47,191 --> 00:00:48,958
Mateo, I just said...
27
00:00:49,713 --> 00:00:50,913
It's a cereal bar!
28
00:00:51,129 --> 00:00:52,595
That's way better than a dog.
29
00:00:52,597 --> 00:00:55,698
But the dog that I was
thinking of is massive.
30
00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:56,732
Free cereal?
31
00:00:56,734 --> 00:00:59,802
Boy, you can really tell we work
for a tech company now, huh?
32
00:00:59,804 --> 00:01:01,170
It's very disruptive.
33
00:01:01,385 --> 00:01:03,018
Come on, peeps. Dig in.
34
00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:04,373
Wait, wait.
35
00:01:04,375 --> 00:01:06,108
What if I already
filled up on breakfast?
36
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,057
Just don't eat?
37
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:09,111
Ah, man!
38
00:01:09,181 --> 00:01:10,714
Or, like, eat anyway.
39
00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:13,141
Yes! Thanks, Amy. I owe you one.
40
00:01:14,795 --> 00:01:17,597
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:19,471 --> 00:01:20,470
Huh, look at that.
42
00:01:20,629 --> 00:01:22,862
People are literally
whistling while they work.
43
00:01:22,864 --> 00:01:24,827
That cereal really changed
the mood of this place.
44
00:01:24,828 --> 00:01:27,467
I don't know. For me,
it just pales in comparison
45
00:01:27,469 --> 00:01:30,670
to the health benefits
and pay raises they gave us.
46
00:01:30,672 --> 00:01:32,172
What do you... oh, I get it.
47
00:01:32,174 --> 00:01:33,737
You're being annoying.
It's a small thing,
48
00:01:33,738 --> 00:01:35,192
but it makes peoples' day better.
49
00:01:35,258 --> 00:01:38,278
They're just distracting us
with shiny objects.
50
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:39,646
Look, Jonah, I get it.
51
00:01:39,648 --> 00:01:41,715
Cloud 9 has trained us
to be very suspicious
52
00:01:41,717 --> 00:01:45,151
of anything corporate does,
but is there a small chance
53
00:01:45,153 --> 00:01:47,487
that this could possibly just be a gift
54
00:01:47,489 --> 00:01:49,184
to welcome us to the Z-Fam?
55
00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:52,027
Be careful. Pretty soon, you're
gonna be saying that unironically.
56
00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:53,261
Saying what?
57
00:01:53,263 --> 00:01:54,328
Z-Fam?
58
00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:55,530
- Z-Fam.
- Stop it.
59
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,280
- Z-Fam.
- People are gonna hear you.
60
00:01:58,234 --> 00:02:00,268
Ooh, wow. No annual fee?
61
00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:01,731
Limited time offer?
62
00:02:01,733 --> 00:02:02,752
Yup, very limited.
63
00:02:02,753 --> 00:02:04,647
That's why the guy in the
picture has a flip phone.
64
00:02:04,923 --> 00:02:06,756
Hey, Garrett, listen.
65
00:02:06,905 --> 00:02:08,071
The next guest in line,
66
00:02:08,073 --> 00:02:09,806
the one with the Z-System, steps up,
67
00:02:09,808 --> 00:02:11,308
I need you to act casual.
68
00:02:11,309 --> 00:02:12,542
He's a scam artist.
69
00:02:12,544 --> 00:02:15,512
He's been returning
bogus items for months.
70
00:02:15,514 --> 00:02:16,646
Wow.
71
00:02:16,648 --> 00:02:18,481
Is this, like, a sting operation?
72
00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:19,516
Can I help?
73
00:02:19,518 --> 00:02:21,579
You can say thank you and move
along like a normal person.
74
00:02:21,580 --> 00:02:22,966
Yeah, okay, got it, got it.
75
00:02:23,655 --> 00:02:25,187
Thank you.
76
00:02:27,259 --> 00:02:28,758
Hey.
77
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:30,160
I'd like to return that, please.
78
00:02:30,162 --> 00:02:31,394
Oh, sure, no problem.
79
00:02:31,396 --> 00:02:33,730
I do need you to sign a form,
as it is a high-ticket item,
80
00:02:33,732 --> 00:02:35,999
so follow me and I'll get you
your refund ASAP.
81
00:02:39,271 --> 00:02:41,004
I'm just shopping.
82
00:02:43,979 --> 00:02:46,031
Do you guys think
this is real Lucky Charms
83
00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:47,214
or the knockoff brand?
84
00:02:47,216 --> 00:02:48,081
Real.
85
00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:49,816
The fake stuff turns your milk green.
86
00:02:49,818 --> 00:02:51,851
This milk is true blue, baby.
87
00:02:52,388 --> 00:02:53,387
Classy move, Zephra.
88
00:02:53,389 --> 00:02:54,488
Okay, guys, come on.
89
00:02:54,490 --> 00:02:56,857
We're talking about a billion
dollar corporation here.
90
00:02:56,859 --> 00:02:58,492
I mean, how about giving us stuff
91
00:02:58,494 --> 00:03:00,651
that actually has an
impact on our lives?
92
00:03:00,652 --> 00:03:01,862
Jonah has a point.
93
00:03:01,864 --> 00:03:03,730
I saw some pictures
of Zephra's headquarters.
94
00:03:03,732 --> 00:03:05,932
It's so big, they have self-driving cars
95
00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:07,034
to get around the campus.
96
00:03:07,036 --> 00:03:08,402
We should all have those.
97
00:03:08,404 --> 00:03:10,070
We wouldn't have to take
the bus to work.
98
00:03:10,072 --> 00:03:11,038
Well, I don't know
99
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,106
that they're gonna give
every employee a car,
100
00:03:13,108 --> 00:03:14,775
but what about a living wage?
101
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,176
Hey!
102
00:03:16,178 --> 00:03:18,245
How are things over here?
103
00:03:18,247 --> 00:03:20,628
Everyone happy with their cereal?
104
00:03:20,728 --> 00:03:23,517
Yeah, everyone feeling "Grr-eat?"
105
00:03:23,519 --> 00:03:25,171
Oh, my gosh.
106
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:28,263
Speaking of cereal, you sound
just like Tony the Tiger.
107
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:29,415
- Right?
- Yeah.
108
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,450
- You do!
- Just like him.
109
00:03:30,452 --> 00:03:31,551
- Amazing.
- Impressions.
110
00:03:31,553 --> 00:03:33,606
Yeah, no, I know.
That's what I was trying to...
111
00:03:35,724 --> 00:03:38,324
Oh, you really flipped
this little closet.
112
00:03:38,326 --> 00:03:39,525
Thank you.
113
00:03:39,527 --> 00:03:41,594
Probably gonna have to take
that plant outside for sun
114
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:42,795
every once in a while though.
115
00:03:42,797 --> 00:03:44,764
Oh, right. Sun.
116
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:45,832
Mm-hmm.
117
00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:47,033
This is already too much work.
118
00:03:47,035 --> 00:03:48,601
Mm-hmm.
119
00:03:48,973 --> 00:03:50,773
But it is better than
being on the floor.
120
00:03:50,775 --> 00:03:52,575
Plus I'm already tapped in
121
00:03:52,577 --> 00:03:54,510
to the assistant gossip network.
122
00:03:54,512 --> 00:03:55,917
Like, I heard...
123
00:03:57,482 --> 00:03:59,782
Never mind. I shouldn't say anything.
124
00:03:59,884 --> 00:04:01,517
Well, you want me to
shut this door for you?
125
00:04:01,519 --> 00:04:02,666
Okay, fine!
126
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,544
You know how Carol got suspended for...
127
00:04:04,651 --> 00:04:06,155
attempted cat-slaughter?
128
00:04:06,157 --> 00:04:07,073
Mm-hmm.
129
00:04:07,074 --> 00:04:08,390
Terri from HR told me
130
00:04:08,392 --> 00:04:10,726
that she got suspended with pay.
131
00:04:10,956 --> 00:04:11,959
What?
132
00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:13,562
I guess it's Zephra policy?
133
00:04:13,564 --> 00:04:15,231
Like, they're so afraid
of a lawsuit,
134
00:04:15,233 --> 00:04:17,466
if they even hear the words
"mental distress,"
135
00:04:17,468 --> 00:04:19,769
they just give you paid leave,
no questions asked.
136
00:04:19,771 --> 00:04:22,037
- Seriously.
- Yeah.
137
00:04:22,039 --> 00:04:25,561
Also, she said that the manager
at Hilldale has a micropenis.
138
00:04:26,043 --> 00:04:28,760
So it's been a pretty busy morning.
139
00:04:29,799 --> 00:04:31,347
Please have a seat.
140
00:04:31,734 --> 00:04:33,500
I'll get right to
processing your return.
141
00:04:33,502 --> 00:04:35,302
All I need from you
142
00:04:35,304 --> 00:04:37,104
is a confession.
143
00:04:37,106 --> 00:04:39,473
I know you've been scamming
the store for months.
144
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:42,095
What do you got?
145
00:04:43,145 --> 00:04:44,878
Oh. Well, this is a handsome guy.
146
00:04:46,415 --> 00:04:48,021
But I have no idea
what you're talking about.
147
00:04:48,651 --> 00:04:50,284
Then you won't mind if I open this.
148
00:04:50,286 --> 00:04:51,513
It's your space.
149
00:04:52,054 --> 00:04:53,320
You do you.
150
00:05:01,292 --> 00:05:02,396
Whoa.
151
00:05:02,398 --> 00:05:03,664
Rocks.
152
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,500
It's a good thing I'm returning that.
153
00:05:05,502 --> 00:05:07,302
You guys should file a
complaint with the company.
154
00:05:07,332 --> 00:05:08,364
Okay.
155
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:09,740
- Listen...
- Benny.
156
00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:11,608
Listen, Benny, it's obvious
157
00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:12,777
you've been doing this for a while.
158
00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:14,878
You've got even weight
distribution with the rocks,
159
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,481
noise dampening padding,
industrial shrink wrap.
160
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,082
You're impressed.
161
00:05:19,084 --> 00:05:20,183
Hardly.
162
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,420
Well, it's a shame I'm innocent,
163
00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:26,241
because I would love to
impress a woman like you.
164
00:05:27,893 --> 00:05:29,960
You're just flirting with me
to get out of trouble.
165
00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,763
No, I'm flirting with you
to get into trouble.
166
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,233
Oh.
167
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:39,269
I feel like I'm in a full sweat.
168
00:05:39,271 --> 00:05:41,838
I ate some ghost peppers earlier.
169
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,707
Just on toast.
170
00:05:43,709 --> 00:05:46,100
Like to cleanse the system,
171
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:49,312
so I should probably just put
my butt over a bowl, and...
172
00:05:50,941 --> 00:05:52,041
Hey.
173
00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:53,942
So the cereal bar is running low.
174
00:05:53,943 --> 00:05:55,710
Someone should really be refilling that.
175
00:05:55,712 --> 00:05:59,647
Yeah. I kind of thought that
that someone would be you.
176
00:05:59,649 --> 00:06:03,361
Right, or maybe, like, Justine or Sayid.
177
00:06:04,053 --> 00:06:06,754
Anyway, Zephra also asked me
to set up a video conference
178
00:06:06,756 --> 00:06:07,888
in the break room this afternoon.
179
00:06:07,890 --> 00:06:09,223
A video conference? Why?
180
00:06:09,225 --> 00:06:12,226
The CEO is doing a bunch of
surprise FaceTimes to Cloud 9s.
181
00:06:12,228 --> 00:06:13,327
Just a five-minute meet-and-greet.
182
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:14,829
Oh. Okay.
183
00:06:14,831 --> 00:06:17,719
Like, cool. That's exciting.
184
00:06:18,301 --> 00:06:20,589
Do you think maybe they
sent us the cereal bar today
185
00:06:20,635 --> 00:06:22,722
just so we'd be in a
good mood for the call?
186
00:06:23,506 --> 00:06:25,706
Come on. No!
187
00:06:25,708 --> 00:06:27,775
Why is everybody being
so cynical about this?
188
00:06:27,777 --> 00:06:30,010
Not everything is always half empty.
189
00:06:30,012 --> 00:06:32,909
Except the cereal bar is.
190
00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:34,066
We should really get on that.
191
00:06:34,273 --> 00:06:35,943
- That's right.
- Let me know what you decide.
192
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:39,206
No, I decided. It's you.
193
00:06:41,389 --> 00:06:43,718
You have to admit,
it is pretty convenient timing.
194
00:06:43,811 --> 00:06:45,577
Can you just help me
figure out how to play this?
195
00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:48,195
Kira Moon isn't some stodgy Cloud 9 CEO.
196
00:06:48,295 --> 00:06:50,582
She's young and edgy and fun,
197
00:06:50,659 --> 00:06:52,284
and I think she's progressive.
198
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:55,020
Look at her profile pic.
It's just a purple square.
199
00:06:55,022 --> 00:06:56,154
That's gotta mean something.
200
00:06:56,156 --> 00:06:58,824
You know, maybe this could
actually be an opportunity.
201
00:06:58,826 --> 00:07:00,413
No. No, Jonah.
202
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:01,685
No. I know what you're thinking.
203
00:07:01,686 --> 00:07:02,828
Oh, come on, I'm just saying,
204
00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:06,465
how often do employees
get to talk to the CEO?
205
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,600
You know, we could bring up
some of our issues.
206
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,335
And have her first impression of us
207
00:07:10,337 --> 00:07:13,182
be Veruca Salt barking out orders?
208
00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:16,044
"But Daddy,
I want health insurance now!"
209
00:07:16,046 --> 00:07:18,480
That is pretty adorable.
I don't know how they'd say no.
210
00:07:18,482 --> 00:07:20,882
Look, we're not giving up on the issues.
211
00:07:20,884 --> 00:07:23,184
It's just... it's just a
friendly welcome call.
212
00:07:23,186 --> 00:07:24,219
It's not the right time.
213
00:07:24,221 --> 00:07:26,175
Okay. All right, fine. Yeah, I get it.
214
00:07:26,176 --> 00:07:28,682
We will wait for the right time.
215
00:07:28,683 --> 00:07:31,426
Okay, great.
So we're all just gonna smile
216
00:07:31,428 --> 00:07:33,496
and make a good first impression.
217
00:07:33,497 --> 00:07:36,097
Amy, I need to report an employee theft.
218
00:07:36,099 --> 00:07:37,565
Hey, it's our cereal.
219
00:07:37,567 --> 00:07:39,100
Who cares if I eat it here or at home?
220
00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:41,669
- You can't fill up a backpack!
- Fine, take some.
221
00:07:41,671 --> 00:07:44,072
I don't need your used cereal.
222
00:07:44,074 --> 00:07:46,374
Maybe we should just
walk everyone through it.
223
00:07:46,376 --> 00:07:47,609
You know, not that they're children...
224
00:07:47,611 --> 00:07:49,244
No, they're children.
225
00:07:51,114 --> 00:07:53,848
Hey, favor to ask.
What can you do to ugly me up?
226
00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:57,552
Like, pockmarks, unibrow,
fewer eyes, more?
227
00:07:57,554 --> 00:07:59,187
Well, why do you wanna look bad?
228
00:07:59,189 --> 00:08:01,389
I have a scammer in custody
and I need him to confess,
229
00:08:01,391 --> 00:08:04,592
but he's into me, and it's just
gonna make everything go wrong.
230
00:08:04,594 --> 00:08:06,427
I mean, my personality's a homerun,
231
00:08:06,429 --> 00:08:07,657
so that's not exactly helping.
232
00:08:07,658 --> 00:08:10,157
Well, if he's already seen you,
it might be kind of weird
233
00:08:10,158 --> 00:08:11,976
to go back in there
with more face parts.
234
00:08:12,262 --> 00:08:13,343
- That's a really good point.
- Yeah.
235
00:08:13,371 --> 00:08:14,510
We have to do something.
236
00:08:14,550 --> 00:08:17,300
It's starting to get
very steamy in there.
237
00:08:18,068 --> 00:08:19,970
Oh, my God. You like him!
238
00:08:19,971 --> 00:08:22,038
No, no, no.
239
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,372
- Is he hot?
- Yes!
240
00:08:23,374 --> 00:08:25,174
He's exceptionally hot.
241
00:08:25,176 --> 00:08:27,784
But no, I don't like criminals, okay?
242
00:08:28,980 --> 00:08:32,315
But try telling that to my
heart and my Hot Pocket.
243
00:08:32,317 --> 00:08:33,349
Later today,
244
00:08:33,351 --> 00:08:37,520
Kira Moon from Zephra
will be "surprising" us
245
00:08:37,522 --> 00:08:38,613
with a video chat.
246
00:08:38,774 --> 00:08:40,122
We get to talk to the CEO?
247
00:08:40,194 --> 00:08:42,527
We should clarify which
Hemsworth she's dating.
248
00:08:42,528 --> 00:08:44,624
I heard it's not the
one you think it is.
249
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:47,380
We should ask if the cereal
was meant to be taken home.
250
00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:49,015
I'm just curious.
251
00:08:49,218 --> 00:08:51,251
No, we should ask her for stuff we need,
252
00:08:51,253 --> 00:08:53,276
like self-driving cars, right, Jonah?
253
00:08:54,302 --> 00:08:55,401
That was all her...
254
00:08:55,591 --> 00:08:59,477
it's just a friendly call,
Sandra, not an opportunity.
255
00:08:59,554 --> 00:09:03,430
Exactly. But you know, Kira might
ask you all some questions,
256
00:09:03,432 --> 00:09:05,832
so I thought it would be good
for us to practice, you know?
257
00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:08,534
Like, Glenn, pretend I'm Kira.
258
00:09:09,772 --> 00:09:11,340
But she's just a normal person.
259
00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:14,060
Just think of it like
you're talking to me.
260
00:09:14,143 --> 00:09:17,249
"Me" as in you,
or "me" as in her?
261
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,311
"Me" as in me, Amy.
262
00:09:19,313 --> 00:09:22,349
But you just said that I
should pretend that you're her.
263
00:09:22,351 --> 00:09:25,434
Right, and I'm saying
talk to her like she's me.
264
00:09:25,519 --> 00:09:27,503
Okay, I should, or she should?
265
00:09:28,450 --> 00:09:30,089
Oh, you know what, I forgot to mention
266
00:09:30,118 --> 00:09:31,862
that not everybody has
to be on this call.
267
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,846
Oh, thank God.
268
00:09:48,150 --> 00:09:50,457
Oh, Garrett, you're so stupid.
269
00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:53,177
Oh, man.
270
00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:54,871
That's embarrassing.
271
00:09:55,217 --> 00:09:56,750
I'm sorry you had to see that, Glenn.
272
00:09:56,752 --> 00:09:59,419
Oh, no. Come on, this is nothing.
273
00:09:59,421 --> 00:10:04,024
I once drove a pallet of
Mentos into a stack of colas.
274
00:10:04,026 --> 00:10:05,896
I thought it was the Rapture.
275
00:10:06,862 --> 00:10:08,111
Is everything okay?
276
00:10:08,136 --> 00:10:09,578
Yeah, no, I...
277
00:10:10,065 --> 00:10:12,127
things are just really hard right now.
278
00:10:12,734 --> 00:10:15,480
I'm feeling a lot of mental distress.
279
00:10:16,205 --> 00:10:17,871
Oh, really? I'm...
280
00:10:18,407 --> 00:10:19,765
well, I'm so sorry.
281
00:10:19,855 --> 00:10:20,954
What's going on?
282
00:10:20,970 --> 00:10:22,769
Just so much.
283
00:10:23,011 --> 00:10:24,744
Unfortunately, as my supervisor,
284
00:10:24,746 --> 00:10:26,282
you're not allowed to ask.
285
00:10:27,255 --> 00:10:29,594
Well, is there anything I can do?
286
00:10:30,492 --> 00:10:32,825
I mean, I guess you could grab
287
00:10:32,834 --> 00:10:35,068
the Zephra corporate guidelines
and look up what it says
288
00:10:35,103 --> 00:10:36,803
under "Employee Mental Distress"?
289
00:10:36,959 --> 00:10:38,378
Yeah, okay. All right, look.
290
00:10:38,746 --> 00:10:41,377
You stay right here.
I'm gonna be right back.
291
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:43,689
Thank you.
292
00:10:43,791 --> 00:10:45,603
Page 43. Just a guess.
293
00:10:46,247 --> 00:10:47,350
Thank you for your patience.
294
00:10:47,402 --> 00:10:49,357
This is Cheyenne, our head of security.
295
00:10:49,811 --> 00:10:50,811
Totally.
296
00:10:51,039 --> 00:10:52,845
So let's keep things professional.
297
00:10:53,128 --> 00:10:55,595
So look, we have altered merchandise,
298
00:10:55,744 --> 00:10:57,312
a documented history of returns.
299
00:10:57,332 --> 00:10:59,341
It'll be easier on
yourself if you confess.
300
00:10:59,421 --> 00:11:00,854
So you think that's my best move?
301
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,115
A lot of people would say
it's your only move.
302
00:11:02,117 --> 00:11:04,317
Since when do you and I care
about what people say?
303
00:11:04,319 --> 00:11:05,892
Ooh, so do you guys know each other?
304
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,600
I'm not one of the herd, Dina,
305
00:11:08,076 --> 00:11:09,075
and neither are you.
306
00:11:09,177 --> 00:11:11,088
Herds are for turds.
307
00:11:11,727 --> 00:11:13,627
Herds are absolutely for turds.
308
00:11:13,829 --> 00:11:14,841
I'm stealing that.
309
00:11:14,843 --> 00:11:16,643
Ah, then you admit you're a thief.
310
00:11:16,765 --> 00:11:18,998
- Oh, you're good.
- You have no idea.
311
00:11:19,134 --> 00:11:21,501
So, like, how's this going?
312
00:11:21,503 --> 00:11:23,770
She's gonna let me walk
so I can take her to dinner.
313
00:11:23,772 --> 00:11:24,905
Like hell I am.
314
00:11:27,009 --> 00:11:28,475
Cheyenne, what are you doing? Come on.
315
00:11:28,477 --> 00:11:30,343
Um...
316
00:11:30,345 --> 00:11:32,694
Ozark Highlands, how are we doing?
317
00:11:32,707 --> 00:11:35,326
Oh, my God! Everybody, look!
318
00:11:35,344 --> 00:11:38,478
It's... it's Kira Moon, Zephra's CEO.
319
00:11:38,787 --> 00:11:39,920
- What?
- Hey!
320
00:11:39,922 --> 00:11:42,387
A household name we all know!
321
00:11:42,644 --> 00:11:46,134
Just popping in to say hello
to my new Cloud 9 stores.
322
00:11:46,167 --> 00:11:47,217
Amy, right?
323
00:11:47,235 --> 00:11:49,035
Yes. Yes, hi, I'm Amy.
324
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,153
Sorry, you just said that.
Sorry, thank you.
325
00:11:51,154 --> 00:11:54,100
I gotta say, it's fitting
that it's Valentine's Day
326
00:11:54,102 --> 00:11:56,727
'cause I love what's
happening in your store.
327
00:11:56,728 --> 00:11:59,087
Your holiday numbers were outstanding,
328
00:11:59,088 --> 00:12:01,084
and your rollout of the Z-tablets
329
00:12:01,085 --> 00:12:02,623
led the region.
330
00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,543
Whatever you're doing, bottle that
331
00:12:04,545 --> 00:12:06,512
because I want it in my raw water.
332
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:07,743
Ha!
333
00:12:07,744 --> 00:12:08,929
I'm gonna be honest with you.
334
00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:11,870
Retail's new to me,
so you all are the experts.
335
00:12:12,194 --> 00:12:13,743
Tell me what you think we could do
336
00:12:13,744 --> 00:12:15,455
to make your lives better.
337
00:12:17,586 --> 00:12:18,818
Uh...
338
00:12:18,893 --> 00:12:20,927
well, actually, for a long time now,
339
00:12:21,063 --> 00:12:24,731
we've been trying to get
Cloud 9 to address...
340
00:12:24,733 --> 00:12:26,435
Address our breakfast needs,
341
00:12:26,436 --> 00:12:29,727
which, by the way, you killed it today
342
00:12:29,728 --> 00:12:30,804
with the cereal bar.
343
00:12:30,806 --> 00:12:32,476
And also getting to work in the morning
344
00:12:32,477 --> 00:12:33,482
can be tough for us, so...
345
00:12:33,483 --> 00:12:37,792
Which is why it's so great
that we get to arrive
346
00:12:37,793 --> 00:12:39,987
and be greeted by the cereal bar!
347
00:12:39,988 --> 00:12:41,648
Anyway, that's it.
348
00:12:41,650 --> 00:12:43,662
That's all we wanted to say.
349
00:12:44,386 --> 00:12:45,718
Okay, then.
350
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,651
You know, well, I'm getting the signal
351
00:12:47,655 --> 00:12:50,635
I gotta hop on another call,
but we'll do this again soon.
352
00:12:53,668 --> 00:12:54,810
Wow.
353
00:12:55,690 --> 00:12:57,490
Hey, guys, I don't know if Kira noticed,
354
00:12:57,566 --> 00:12:59,530
but my fly was open
for that whole thing.
355
00:12:59,601 --> 00:13:02,941
Like, down and open.
Like, basically framing it.
356
00:13:06,255 --> 00:13:07,856
Okay, and if you could just
get me that number
357
00:13:07,858 --> 00:13:09,090
by the end of the day,
that'd be great.
358
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,091
Thank you.
359
00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:12,223
Hey, a customer asked
if the Zephra tablet
360
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:13,659
is compatible with AirPlay.
361
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,773
Zephra is compatible with everything.
362
00:13:15,774 --> 00:13:19,130
We do not question Zephra.
All hail Zephra.
363
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,632
- Is that a yes?
- Don't mind Jonah.
364
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,195
He's just upset that the tablet
365
00:13:23,196 --> 00:13:24,761
won't do everything he wants it to.
366
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:27,250
And it never will if I'm
not allowed to ask it to.
367
00:13:27,813 --> 00:13:29,961
Would you guys just, like,
get together already?
368
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:32,309
- God.
- We are together.
369
00:13:32,398 --> 00:13:34,599
Look, all I'm saying is...
370
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,684
Oh, crap.
371
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,786
I totally forgot I set this up.
372
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:42,853
I mean, I know we said
373
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,458
we weren't gonna do anything
for Valentine's Day...
374
00:13:44,459 --> 00:13:46,354
Oh, okay, so you're allowed
to break an agreement,
375
00:13:46,355 --> 00:13:49,238
but if I do it... wait, is that
the guy from our first date?
376
00:13:49,275 --> 00:13:50,736
Yes, you said you loved him.
377
00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:53,826
- That was very thoughtful.
- I know.
378
00:13:54,073 --> 00:13:55,876
- Is that gnocchi?
- Yes, your favorite.
379
00:13:55,929 --> 00:13:57,442
- I love gnocchi.
- I know.
380
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:01,439
You can't tell your problems
to Glenn the floor supervisor,
381
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:02,840
so he clocked out.
382
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,407
Now Glenn the friend is here,
383
00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:05,809
and you can tell him everything.
384
00:14:05,838 --> 00:14:07,604
Well, you know, if you must know,
385
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:10,647
everything is just making me wanna cry.
386
00:14:11,158 --> 00:14:14,926
It's... every time I see kids.
387
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:18,497
- Mm-hmm.
- Or adults purchasing items.
388
00:14:18,545 --> 00:14:19,778
Mm.
389
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,559
Just everything here at work.
390
00:14:21,621 --> 00:14:23,571
Well, sounds like you
got a lot going on,
391
00:14:23,749 --> 00:14:25,749
but don't worry, I have a solution.
392
00:14:25,912 --> 00:14:27,528
Is it signing the mental distress forms?
393
00:14:27,529 --> 00:14:29,755
No, it is not. It's better.
394
00:14:29,909 --> 00:14:31,591
Great. Better's great.
395
00:14:41,401 --> 00:14:43,296
What information don't you have?
396
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,042
Okay. Yes.
397
00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:49,160
At first, I was trying to
seduce you into letting me off,
398
00:14:49,616 --> 00:14:51,618
but there's some real chemistry here.
399
00:14:52,178 --> 00:14:53,544
You're willing to let all that go?
400
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:54,862
You're a thief,
401
00:14:54,863 --> 00:14:56,529
and I'm not about to
compromise my morals
402
00:14:56,531 --> 00:15:00,133
for some completely earth-crushing,
403
00:15:00,135 --> 00:15:02,034
soul-shattering sex.
404
00:15:02,036 --> 00:15:03,857
This is about more than just sex.
405
00:15:04,472 --> 00:15:05,638
But yes,
406
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,741
it would probably feel like
a thunderstorm in our pants.
407
00:15:08,743 --> 00:15:10,796
- Dear God.
- Come on.
408
00:15:11,446 --> 00:15:13,692
Your whole job is preventing risk.
409
00:15:14,449 --> 00:15:15,882
What if you took one?
410
00:15:18,086 --> 00:15:19,185
Okay.
411
00:15:19,228 --> 00:15:20,253
Okay, I'll come clean.
412
00:15:20,255 --> 00:15:22,622
I know that you did it,
and I don't even care.
413
00:15:22,624 --> 00:15:24,056
I knew that you knew.
414
00:15:24,058 --> 00:15:25,758
But that's part of our tango.
415
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,460
So how about dinner?
416
00:15:27,462 --> 00:15:28,617
Dinner it is.
417
00:15:29,164 --> 00:15:30,296
And breakfast.
418
00:15:30,298 --> 00:15:31,664
Mm.
419
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,300
The storm shelter is just a great place
420
00:15:34,302 --> 00:15:35,668
to get things off your chest.
421
00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:36,969
Whenever I have troubles,
422
00:15:36,971 --> 00:15:39,305
I come down here and I shout 'em out.
423
00:15:39,307 --> 00:15:40,506
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
424
00:15:40,508 --> 00:15:41,841
Here, watch me.
425
00:15:41,843 --> 00:15:43,609
Why did I have a baby
426
00:15:43,611 --> 00:15:45,556
so late in life?
427
00:15:46,447 --> 00:15:47,945
You know, stuff like that.
428
00:15:48,249 --> 00:15:49,348
You know, I think
429
00:15:49,350 --> 00:15:50,616
I understand what you're saying,
430
00:15:50,618 --> 00:15:52,914
but maybe I could use
some more examples.
431
00:15:53,354 --> 00:15:54,504
Okay, um...
432
00:15:55,523 --> 00:15:57,204
Diabetes stinks!
433
00:15:57,759 --> 00:16:00,042
I think I voted wrong!
434
00:16:01,563 --> 00:16:04,254
I think Ellen DeGeneres dances too much!
435
00:16:04,288 --> 00:16:05,880
It's unprofessional!
436
00:16:06,501 --> 00:16:08,167
Still not getting it.
437
00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:10,692
Oh, hey, is Amy looking for me?
438
00:16:10,694 --> 00:16:13,461
No, she's getting cash
to tip an accordion player.
439
00:16:13,541 --> 00:16:14,774
Thank God.
440
00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:16,275
I just came to get some fresh air.
441
00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:18,706
Everybody thinks I'm their cereal boy.
442
00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:21,377
Earl just shook an empty bowl
at me and snapped his fingers.
443
00:16:22,458 --> 00:16:24,494
Hey, Jonah. I'm doing it.
444
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,648
I'm going to the Chesterfield store
445
00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:28,077
to get in on their CEO call
446
00:16:28,078 --> 00:16:30,191
and get us our self-driving cars.
447
00:16:30,192 --> 00:16:32,554
Again, not our... oh, no!
448
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:34,365
Sandra, no! I don't think you should...
449
00:16:36,199 --> 00:16:38,825
Amy is not gonna be happy about this.
450
00:16:40,063 --> 00:16:41,367
I better go tell her.
451
00:16:42,265 --> 00:16:44,224
This job just keeps giving and giving!
452
00:16:47,856 --> 00:16:50,714
Your rollout of the
Z-tablets led the region.
453
00:16:50,715 --> 00:16:53,159
Whatever you're doing, bottle it up,
454
00:16:53,417 --> 00:16:55,244
'cause I want it in my raw water.
455
00:16:55,329 --> 00:16:56,539
Sandra. Sandra.
456
00:16:56,541 --> 00:16:57,768
- Sandra.
- Sandra, come here.
457
00:16:57,769 --> 00:16:59,001
Come on, come on.
458
00:16:59,002 --> 00:17:00,025
We have to go.
459
00:17:01,205 --> 00:17:03,826
I know this year has
been a tough one for...
460
00:17:03,827 --> 00:17:06,856
- Sandra.
- Retail is new to me.
461
00:17:06,857 --> 00:17:08,523
Sandra, come on. Let's go.
We gotta go. We gotta go.
462
00:17:08,524 --> 00:17:11,126
- No, stop. I'm gonna be heard.
- No, you don't have to be heard.
463
00:17:11,127 --> 00:17:12,944
- We gotta leave right now.
- I want a car.
464
00:17:12,945 --> 00:17:15,730
I understand you want a
car, but she's...
465
00:17:15,731 --> 00:17:17,086
Okay, Jonah, that's enough.
Come on, let's go.
466
00:17:17,112 --> 00:17:18,827
Hey, is everything okay back there?
467
00:17:19,859 --> 00:17:22,627
Um, yes. It's all good.
468
00:17:22,629 --> 00:17:24,963
Hey! Just coming by to say hey.
469
00:17:24,965 --> 00:17:26,497
Hey, Kira. Hey, everybody.
470
00:17:26,499 --> 00:17:28,633
You don't... you don't
work at this store?
471
00:17:28,635 --> 00:17:31,035
No. No, no, it's Amy Sosa?
472
00:17:31,037 --> 00:17:32,670
From the Ozark Highlands branch?
473
00:17:32,672 --> 00:17:34,038
We just had our chat?
474
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,807
Right, the cereal fan.
475
00:17:35,809 --> 00:17:38,476
You remember.
That's... that's good.
476
00:17:38,478 --> 00:17:40,812
Well, it was nice catching up.
Sandra, let's go.
477
00:17:40,814 --> 00:17:42,547
No, I have something to say.
478
00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:45,516
I'm Sandra Kaluiokalani,
479
00:17:45,518 --> 00:17:47,552
and we demand self-driving cars.
480
00:17:47,554 --> 00:17:50,822
I know Zephra has them,
so you need to give them to us
481
00:17:50,824 --> 00:17:52,190
so I can stop taking the bus,
482
00:17:52,192 --> 00:17:55,336
where people watch their
phones at full volume
483
00:17:55,337 --> 00:17:58,496
and make me hold their babies
while they change its diapers.
484
00:17:58,498 --> 00:17:59,819
Right, Jonah?
485
00:18:00,227 --> 00:18:01,693
I'm not on board with...
486
00:18:01,735 --> 00:18:03,601
I didn't even know the diaper part.
487
00:18:03,703 --> 00:18:04,870
Oh, I am so sorry.
488
00:18:04,871 --> 00:18:07,405
I am... I'm getting the signal,
so we're out of time,
489
00:18:07,407 --> 00:18:09,221
but it was so great meeting you all,
490
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:12,610
and Amy, my next call's
at the Taipei store,
491
00:18:12,612 --> 00:18:14,178
so see you there?
492
00:18:15,615 --> 00:18:16,771
Real nice.
493
00:18:16,772 --> 00:18:18,616
We were gonna do
our store chant for her.
494
00:18:18,618 --> 00:18:20,518
We're really sorry.
495
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,719
What's your chant?
496
00:18:21,721 --> 00:18:24,288
Go, Chesterfield!
497
00:18:25,925 --> 00:18:27,508
- Yeah.
- It's a good chant.
498
00:18:28,535 --> 00:18:30,869
Okay, so shouting didn't do the trick,
499
00:18:31,064 --> 00:18:35,099
but how about I take you
on a fishing trip, huh?
500
00:18:35,101 --> 00:18:37,935
Just you and me and a gentle breeze.
501
00:18:37,937 --> 00:18:40,016
- It'll be relaxing.
- I would not like that.
502
00:18:40,017 --> 00:18:41,838
Oh, yes, you would.
503
00:18:43,076 --> 00:18:44,698
What are you doing...
no, no, don't do that!
504
00:18:44,699 --> 00:18:46,978
I'm picking you up
at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow,
505
00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:49,113
come rain or shine,
506
00:18:49,115 --> 00:18:51,249
and unfortunately,
it is supposed to rain.
507
00:18:51,251 --> 00:18:52,884
Okay, no. That's not happening.
508
00:18:52,886 --> 00:18:53,923
Look, Glenn,
509
00:18:55,162 --> 00:18:56,595
there are no problems.
510
00:18:56,697 --> 00:18:57,706
I made it all up.
511
00:18:57,791 --> 00:18:59,646
I was just trying to get
some paid time off.
512
00:18:59,647 --> 00:19:02,660
You lied about mental distress?
513
00:19:04,464 --> 00:19:06,397
Yeah, I guess when you say it like that,
514
00:19:06,399 --> 00:19:08,958
it sounds really bad,
but I just needed a break.
515
00:19:09,284 --> 00:19:10,435
Man, I'm tired.
516
00:19:10,437 --> 00:19:12,032
I just wanted a day
off where I could just
517
00:19:12,034 --> 00:19:14,238
sit at home alone
playing video games
518
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,093
and not shower and eat pizza.
519
00:19:16,609 --> 00:19:18,309
That's how you spend your days off?
520
00:19:18,311 --> 00:19:20,774
Sitting in your apartment, alone?
521
00:19:22,530 --> 00:19:24,015
Well, I mean, I'm not really alone.
522
00:19:24,017 --> 00:19:25,750
I'm playing with the people online.
523
00:19:25,752 --> 00:19:26,812
Of course.
524
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,606
That's basically like having friends.
525
00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:29,687
It is!
526
00:19:29,689 --> 00:19:32,772
Hey, I'm just glad that you
don't have any problems.
527
00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:35,186
I don't have any.
528
00:19:36,662 --> 00:19:38,128
And I'm not thinking about my life.
529
00:19:38,164 --> 00:19:40,195
I'm just being quiet
'cause you walked away.
530
00:19:44,871 --> 00:19:46,187
The cereal's gone.
531
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:48,973
It was supposed to last a month,
and those monsters ate it in a day.
532
00:19:48,975 --> 00:19:50,383
Oh, my God. You did it.
533
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,456
- You got us cars.
- I did?
534
00:19:52,645 --> 00:19:54,312
Zephra just sent a mass email
535
00:19:54,314 --> 00:19:56,848
saying that Cloud 9
employees now get 50% off
536
00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:58,783
all Lyfts nationwide.
537
00:19:59,185 --> 00:20:00,485
Holy crap.
538
00:20:00,487 --> 00:20:01,618
Huh.
539
00:20:01,942 --> 00:20:06,279
Okay, well, I guess
I am pleasantly surprised
540
00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:10,027
that Kira seems to have listened.
541
00:20:10,029 --> 00:20:12,381
Yeah, she did, didn't she?
542
00:20:12,382 --> 00:20:13,798
Maybe they're different.
543
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,734
Oh, my God. Is that a dirty diaper?
544
00:20:16,736 --> 00:20:19,035
Ugh, God, our customers are animals.
545
00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:21,332
Oh.
546
00:20:21,852 --> 00:20:24,719
"Happy Valentine's Day, Grandpa."
547
00:20:24,721 --> 00:20:25,920
Yeah, well, I had to raid
548
00:20:25,922 --> 00:20:27,355
what was left of the seasonal aisle.
549
00:20:27,357 --> 00:20:29,626
- Aww.
- If you're gonna break our agreement...
550
00:20:29,627 --> 00:20:31,292
It's only fair.
551
00:20:31,294 --> 00:20:33,928
And a half-eaten box of chocolates.
552
00:20:33,930 --> 00:20:36,231
Did a coconut check for you.
Took care of 'em.
553
00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:37,419
Thank you.
554
00:20:37,968 --> 00:20:40,586
Oh, I can still taste the...
555
00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,871
Yeah, I ate, like,
a whole coconut's worth.
556
00:20:42,873 --> 00:20:45,240
And there was, like,
a little bit of gnocchi in there.
557
00:20:45,242 --> 00:20:47,142
Oh, yeah, you don't like
that gnoc-onut vibe?
558
00:20:47,144 --> 00:20:49,074
Don't say that.
Don't say gnoc-onut.
559
00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:52,380
Hey, thanks for taking a chance on me.
560
00:20:52,382 --> 00:20:54,590
It's Valentine's Day.
I had to follow my heart.
561
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:58,119
Nah...
562
00:20:58,722 --> 00:21:00,218
are you kidding me?
563
00:21:00,924 --> 00:21:02,924
Look, I'm sorry, Benny,
but I had no choice.
564
00:21:02,926 --> 00:21:04,926
This doesn't mean anything
has to change between us.
565
00:21:04,928 --> 00:21:06,461
Yeah, it kind of does.
566
00:21:06,463 --> 00:21:07,801
I'll wait for you!
567
00:21:08,331 --> 00:21:11,166
Not sexually,
or if I've met someone else.
568
00:21:11,168 --> 00:21:12,567
Up yours!
569
00:21:12,569 --> 00:21:14,569
I wish.
40909
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