All language subtitles for Schooled s02e14_English

LAINEY: Back in the '90s,
dating-themed TV game shows

hit a peak
like never before.

Shows likeBlind Date,
Studs,

Personals
ruled the airwaves,

at least between
midnight and 2:00 a.m.

But the king of them all
was the monster hit
Singled Out,

and there was
no bigger fan of the show

than our own
Principal Glascott.

All right, everybody.

I've got big
Valentine's Day news.

We are gonna put on our own
version of Singled Out.

That MTV dating show?

Exactly.

With us teachers
as the contestants.

It'll be for charity,
and the students will love it.

Oh, Barry's coming
for Valentine's Day.

I'm pretty sure
he'll want to play

'cause he's
super competitive.

It's often unhealthy.

In a supreme act
of chivalry,

I say my love Julie
must bow out of this.

The idea of dozens of men
vying for her hand
sickens her.

I'm fine with it.

Trying to be so brave,
but it's tearing her
up inside.

It's not.

Love demands that
I remove Julie
from this contest.

For her sanity.

I am good with whatever
you need me to do, John,

and Rick's
fine with it, too.

GLASCOTT: Thank you.

And I thought
that our own Wilma Howell

would serve
as our bachelorette.

You? Selecting from
50 bachelors? Yowza!

No. Pass.

Is there romance in the air
for Wilma?

This is weird
and out of bounds.

It'll be fun. Just do it.

Yeah, no.
Please.

No, no, no.
Do it.

No.
Come on.

Fine.
If it'll end this.

All right. She loves it.
[CHUCKLES] Okay.

And for William Penn's
saucy former Playmate
sidekick, Jenny McCarthy?

Choice is pretty obvious.

Liz Flemming.

Oh, Liz is actually
in Upstate New York
showing her dogs...

Not competitively,
just around.

Oh, okay. Well, I guess
we could use Lainey.

Oh, so,
I'm second choice?

Do you want the job, or...

No, I'll do it.
Great.

So, that only leaves
selecting the host.

We need someone that is
camera-ready, charismatic,

really comfortable
in front of a crowd.

How about
Johnny Atkins?

Yes! My big break!

Hollywood, here I come.

Hey, what a great idea, CB,
to have Johnny do it.

So, I guess we're all set,
then, right? [CHUCKLES]

Oh, Johnny,
I have one question.

Do you have your own
game-show microphone?

Uh, no.

Oh, that's too bad,
because...

I do! [LAUGHS]

♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here

♪ Live your life
and finally be free

♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do

♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪

LAINEY: It was February 12th, 1990-something,

and it had been a week
since I'd found out

CB had more-than-friend
feelings for me,

which had me feeling
a little uneasy.

Why are you
crab-walking

around the cafeteria
like you're Sebastian?

I'm trying to avoid CB,
which I wouldn't have to do

if you hadn't told me
he has a crush on me.

I did? Wow.

What Mr. Granger said

while he was stealing
office supplies is true...

I am no good
at keeping secrets.

See?
I just did it again.

I just don't want to hurt
CB's feelings.

But I guess
since he doesn't
know that I know,

all I have to do
is play it cool,

and everything
will be normal.

Hey, Lainey.

[THUD]
Ooh, Lainey.

You broke my heart.

What?
I didn't even know!

Uh, i-if I did,
I didn't do it
on purpose.

It's okay.
It's just a cookie.

Right.
Obviously. Duh.

[CHUCKLES] That's...
[LAUGHS]

That's funny.
That's a funny cookie.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Um, are you okay?

You're acting weird.
Me? No.

Anyway, thank you
for the nice cookie
friend gift. Mm.

Cool and normal...
Check and check.

You be quiet.
I just wasn't prepared.

But now I can just behave
the same as normal,

and our friendship
won't change.

Since that knowledge

is in the prefrontal cortex
of your brain,

you will not be
able to behave
as if you didn't know.

It's science.
Yeah?

Well, I have my doubts
about this "science"
you speak of.

You can't doubt science.

Oh, I doubt it, all right.
I doubt it all over.

I will prove
your science wrong.

Then the challenge is on!
Science is gonna waste ya!

You got a little scary.

You come for science,
you come for me.

LAINEY: As the challenge
was on between Wilma and me,

Glascott was getting some
pushback of his own.

So, game show host-wise,
I was thinking of going

with a modern
Richard Dawson vibe.

What do you think?

I think no kids
will be paying attention.

Hm.

Uhp, gotta go.

Well, thanks
for playing our game!

[CHUCKLES]

Felicia feeling
any better?

She's doing just great.

What makes you think
she's not?

She missed PE.

Oh, that's weird.
Felicia loves PE.

This is the fifth class
she's missed

for medical reasons.

I didn't know
she was sick.How could you not?

You're the one who signed
all her excuse notes.

This does look
like my handwriting,

but somehow better.

Forging signatures,
often the first step

in a life of crime...

Or light
secretarial work.

I love how she crosses
the T's in "Glascott"
with one line

and then curls it under.

It's bold yet refined.

'Tis.

Hey, do you mind
if I keep it?

I'm gonna
get my rubber stamps
made just like this.

Have at it,

but if your niece misses
one more swim class,

I may have to fail her
for the semester.

Wait.
She's skipping swim class?

I think I know
what's going on.

The recurring "medical" issue
is probably a womanly issue

that she's too embarrassed
to talk about.

It's... It's her, uh...

It's her uteroshmmhmmm.

Her "uteroshmmhmmm"?

What's her uteroshmmhmmm?

Her perioushmmhmmhmmhmm.

I don't know
how to make it
any more clear.

Oh, that!

She needs guidance.

Can't she talk to her mom
about that stuff

or any lady she sees in
the street that's not us?

Come on, Rick.
My sister's working two jobs.

Her plate is full.

We can handle this.
We're evolved.

Well, to be honest with you,
I'm still a little unclear

about some of the nuts
and bolts down there.

Well, it's a good thing
that I'm emotionally equipped

to handle
delicate feminine topics.

In fact, I just talked to
my secretary, Martha,

about menopause

and gently guided her into
the quiet winter of her life.

LAINEY: Glascott was willing
to have an uncomfortable talk
with his niece,

and I was
proving to Wilma

that things between CB and I had never been more pleasant.

Oh, hello, CB.
And how are you today?

I am fine.
I'm fine, as well.

Oh, I brought you
one of my Snapples

from the teachers' lounge
fridge,

and I would be
happy to share,

as I always do
with you.

Thanks, but I'm more
into brewed tea now.

Gently steeped
young leaves

paired with
riveting conversation?

Nothing better.

I got something
to show you.

See? Couldn't
be more normal.[DRAWER OPENS]

Yeah, it's early.

Check out
my new tea ball.

Tea Spectatorsays
it's perfect for
brewing oolong,

which is kind of my jam
these days.

I had been dabbling
in rooibos,

but the subtle
mouth feeling
of oolong...

Now I know why
they call it "ooo" long.

[CHUCKLES]

This is the guy
you want to stay friends with?

Lainey likes
a nice Earl Grey.

Does she occasionally
enjoy chamomile?

Yes, she does.

Let's go grab
a cup of tea later

in the same manner
as we often do.

Oh, I was hoping to see
the movie Babe

before
it leaves theaters.

The pig movie?
That looks adorable!

And since we're such
good friends,
how 'bout I join you?

Oh, sure, yeah,
if you'd like.

In fact, let's grab
a bite after...

Two friends
discussing a film.

Sounds good.

Wilma, can I use
a Bunsen burner
in your classroom?

My electric teapot's
on the fritz.

I don't get the whole
tea thing, but sure.

Oh! Thank you.

See? What'd I tell you?

Lainey, one,
science, zippo.

Despite knowing,
just like I said I would,
I behaved totally normal.

What I saw was you
just totally

normally asked CB
out on a date.

What? No!

We're going, uh, to a movie
and then dinner and...

Oh, my God.
We're going on a date.

Yep, I had made things way
weirder between CB and I.

As for Glascott,

he took a totally normal
approach with Felicia.

I hope you didn't
bring me in here

to look at more clothes
for your Singled Out...

Oh, no.

Coach Mellor told me
that you've been
skipping swim class.

Oh, my God.

It's okay.
I'm here for you.

And so are these.
[CHUCKLES]

I didn't know
which ones to get.
There's so many.

There's max flow
and wings, overnight.

But it's not like
you're gonna be sleeping
in the swimming pool.

That would be crazy.

Seriously,
just stop talking.

I tried to find
"sport cut,"
but apparently,

Playtex has not cracked
that nut yet.

But you know what?

With a little creativity,

you and I could get
a pair of scissors

and sort of create
a new s...

Uncle John, you can't
wear pads in a pool.

Well,
that's good to know.

My period is not
why I don't want
to do swimming.

Then what's the problem?

I hate putting on
the swimsuit, okay?

All the other girls
in my class
are like half my size,

and it just makes
me feel self-conscious
and gross and...

Ugh!

Please, can we just stop
talking about this?

I'm sorry.
I didn't realize
you felt this way.

But that's crazy.

You are perfect
just the way you are.

You're my uncle.
You have to say that.

But I know what I see
when I look in the mirror.

♪♪

I should not have
used the receipt
to throw away my gum.

LAINEY: I had accidentally asked CB out on a friend date,

but the universe kept trying
to make it more romantic.

Again, I'm sorry the movie
Babewas sold out,

but I thought Eyes Wide Shut
was an interesting film.

Yeah, no pigs
in that one.

Some people live
really sexy lives, I guess.Mm.

Good evening.

Welcome to
Bistro De L'Amore.

Oh! Je suisCB.

I'm sorry. Is this not
a TGI Fridays anymore?

It was,
then a Houlihan's
and a Sbarro,

then a laser-tag place,

and now the most
romantic dining experience
in Jenkintown.

Mm. Of course it is.

Seriously? Two people are
supposed to fit in there?

Come on.
Calm down.

We... We can
squeeze in.

I may just stand.

Really?
Yes.

It is actually better
for your digestion.

Your whole deal
just lines right up.

You know,
you've been kind of
acting weird all day,

and I think I know
what it is.

You do?
Yes.

Please sit.

Um, I think you know
that I kind of maybe
had a crush on you.

Oh. Well...

No, but it's okay.

I'm moving on now,
I got my own place,

you and Barry
are great together,

and...it's all good
between us, right?

Yes. It's all good
between us.

Okay, good, 'cause
I really didn't want
to ruin this friendship.

I was dumb to think
that I could act normal
and hide it,

but y-you can't
act normal.

It's gonna affect
your behavior.

Everyone knows that.
Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

Everyone knows that.

It's science.
Yes.

♪♪

So, I talked to my niece.

You get her period
all squared away?

'Cause we're starting
water polo,

and I need gals
with reach.

Turns out
it wasn't about that.

She's at that age
where she's uncomfortable
with her body.

She's really down.

I've never seen her
like this before.

Time to do things my way,

and that's to get her active,
get her endorphins flowing.

Then she'll feel good
about her body again.

I think
this is a good idea,

and I'm gonna join you
to support Felicia,

and to tone up
for my big debut

as the host of
Singled Out!

Yeah,
I'm still not playing.You sure about that?

The winner receives
a year's supply

of feminine hygiene
products.

I'm not playing
even more now.

Circuit training?
Really?

Eighteen stations
of nonstop fun.

I'm afraid so, Felicia.

Coach Mellor's
letting you do this
to earn extra credit

so that you don't
fail PE.

And I'm gonna
do it with you.

Let's rock and roll!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Ab blasters!

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[STRAINING] I should not
have started the day

with that crab cake
omelet! Ugh!

Let's go, let's go!
Crunch it up!

Let's do
some frog squats.

Low.

Kick it out. Bang!
[GRUNTS]

My God.

Frogs must be in
constant pain.

Felicia, you work out
like an athlete
at the top of her game,

and I can say
with authority

that, physically,
you have nothing
to be insecure about.

Look forward to seeing you
at the pool tomorrow.

You guys
just don't get it.

I know I'm fit,
but I still don't
want to be seen

in a bathing suit, okay?

Why? Are people saying
mean things to you?

They don't have to.

I say enough mean things
to myself.

LAINEY: That's when
they realized

sometimes body issues aren't about the body at all.

So, what do we do now?

Maybe something
will come to me
while I'm throwing up.

Wilma, you were right.

I know. About what?

About the brain's
prefrontal cornhole.

If something's in it,
you cannot hide it.

That's cortex,
and also, I told you so.

Don't mess with science.

So, you told CB you know?

No. He thought
I was acting weird

because he was
acting weird

when he was staying
at my place

because liking me was
in his prefrontal cortex.

Anyway, it all came out.

Wow, that must've
been awkward.

No, it was
actually great.

Ooh. Science twist.

Once everything was
out in the open,
we were able to relax

and enjoy
a really nice dinner.Mm-hmm.

We had a couple
bottles of wine,
we laughed a ton.

Mm-hmm.
We must've lost
track of time,

'cause next thing you knew,
it was 1:00 a.m.

and they were
kicking us out.

Man, I haven't had fun
like that in a long time.

Mm-hmm!

Wait. Why was that
"mm-hmm" different?

It wasn't different.
Oh, it was different.

Look, I don't know
what you're implying,

but you can just drop it,
'cause things are good
and back to normal.

Are they, though?
Yes!

CB and I are back
to being friends.

Are you, though?
Of course.

And Barry is clearly
the one for me.Is he, though?

Just say what you're implying
with your vague questions.

All I'm saying is
Barry lives far away

and you hardly ever
see each other.

I'm not questioning
how you feel,

but a long-distance
situation

can make it tough
for a relationship to grow.

Is it possible it might be
holding you back?

From what,
being with CB?Maybe.

Or maybe just from exploring
and experiencing things

that are right here
in the present.

Why are you doing this?
Doing what?

You asked me
to say things.

Yeah, but I meant
different things!

First I got to be in
the dumb game show,
now this.

LAINEY: Determined to make
Felicia feel better,

Glascott came up with
a plan to show Felicia

she wasn't the only one
with insecurities.

Oh, Felicia.
Fancy running
into you here.

In the cafeteria
at lunchtime,

where all students
are required to be?

Someone's been reading
the student handbook.

[LAUGHS]

Anyhoo,
Coop was just telling me

he's insecure
because he can't read.

No, I-I said I was
an early reader.

And the kids,
they would call me

very hurtful,
hurtful names...Mm. Mm.

...bookworm, Poindexter...
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

...Literate Larry.

Point is, it made you feel
so bad, you learned
how to read.

Come on, man.
I ju...

I'm sorry.

Is this a conversation
about feeling bad?

Why, yes, it is, CB.

Do you, by chance,
have anything to add?

Do I ever.

I'd love to talk to someone
about my weird ankles.

They make me feel less than.

GLASCOTT: Ohh.
CB: You know?

People are always saying,
"CB, your ankles
are perfectly fine,"

but that's not
how I see it.Mm-hmm. Mm.

It's the great shame
at the end of my legs.

I know what you're doing,
Uncle J.

We talking body-confidence
issues over here?

Hold on. Not yet.

I'm not doing anything.
[CHUCKLES]

All right, go on.

Are we talking
body-confidence issues
over here?

Wait, you can't tell me
Rick Mellor

has body-confidence issues.

[LAUGHS] Do I ever.
Where do I even start?

Head, shoulders, knees, toes?

You're just doing
the song.

But, Rick, I think that
your head, shoulder,
knees and toes,

knees and toes
are just beautiful.Ugh.

What the hell is going on?

It's just good to know that
we all have insecurities.

Yeah, so you don't
have to feel bad

about wearing
a bathing suit.Oh, my God!

Did you tell
the whole school?

No, just all your
teachers.Just us.

I am already embarrassed
about this,

and now I feel
even more ashamed

because everybody knows
my personal business.

Thanks a lot!

Felicia, wait.

Felicia, please,
let's talk.

No, I'm done,
Uncle John.

Just stop trying
to fix this.

You don't get it,
and you never will.

♪♪

LAINEY: Glascott
finally realized

it wasn't that anybody
could tell her

to feel good about herself,

because everywhere
she looked,

society was telling her
she shouldn't.

It was Valentine's Day,
the day of the big
Singled Out game.

Barry had made his way
down from Detroit,

and I had a plan to
prove Wilma wrong.

Hey, I want to be the girl
contestant for Singled Out.

Done. I'm free!
And you'll be
Jenny McCarthy.

Oh, still not great,
but better than before.

Why the sudden change?

Well, Singled Out
takes a big group of guys

and narrows them down
to reveal who's right for you,

and I'm gonna prove to you
that the last man standing

will be Barry Goldberg.
Mm-hmm.

I'm not doing the "mm-hmm"
thing again. Just say it.

Well, I don't think
you're trying to prove
anything to me.

I think you're trying
to prove it to yourself.

This is gonna be awesome.

It was always my destiny
to be on MTV.

I figured it'd be as a rapper,
but this is a close second.

Again,
this is not on TV.

That's why I love you.
You keep me grounded.

Oh, hey,
there's been a change.

I'm gonna be the bachelorette
for Singled Out.

Oh, sweet!
There's no way I can lose!

I know all the desires
of my Lainey-love's heart.

Damn right you do.

I'm gonna go psych out
the competition,

get inside their heads.

Hey, dummies.

You all look dumb.

[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

♪♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Welcome to the first-ever

William Penn Valentine's Day
edition of Singled Out.

"And now please
welcome the man

"who put the 'prince'
and the 'pal'
in 'principal...'"

Oh, God,
I should've just stayed
the contestant.

...John Glascott.

[APPLAUSE]

Yeah! Thank you!

I'm so happy to be here.

Now let's meet
our lucky lady.

Or should I say
lucky Lainey?

John, come on.
[LAUGHS]

It's our very own
Lainey Lewis!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Okay, Wilma.

Please tell everyone
how the game works.

If I have to.
You do.

Sure.

Principal Glascott
will give Lainey
a series of choices,

and the guys whose answers
don't match up with Lainey's
get the boot,

until there's
only one left.

We all know who
that's gonna be.

GLASCOTT:
All right, Lainey.
First choice.

Skiing on the mountain
or sunning on the beach?

Sunshine all day, John.

All right, guys.
Let's see 'em.

Oh. All you mountain men,
it's time to take a hike.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, come on, Rick.

To me, Nurse Julie
is the answer
to all the questions.

Yeah, says the loser
who's just been booted.

Also, you're a good man
and a friend through
the years.

Okay, that was a mess.

But back to our game.

Lainey,
scary movie or rom-com?

Rom-com all the way.

You guys suck at knowing
personal information

about my girlfriend.

LAINEY: And this
process repeated
again and again.

Italian or Chinese?

LAINEY: Italian.

LAINEY: Sweet.
Sweet, baby.

LAINEY: Massage.

Twelve questions later,
it was down to Barry

and, wouldn't you know it, CB.

Now one question
would decide it all.

Mr. Serious
or big ol' goofball?

Goofball.

Okay.
One more question.

Dogs or cats?
Cats.

Okay. It was
a lot more questions.

Boxers.

Chevrolet.
Vroom!

Chocolate milk.

Well, um,
I'm afraid that's it.

What? That can't be it.
There's still two guys left.

Well, that's all
the cards we have.

For the first time

in the first-ever
William Penn Singled Out,

we have a tie!

Tie? There can't be a tie!

There needs to be
a clear winner.

And there will be!

[BOARD CLACKS]

One, two, three, four,

I declare a thumb war.

Come on, come on.

Yes. Ohh, one, two, three.

Yes! Whoo!

Big Tasty for the win!

Yes!
Whoo!

That was a lot of fun,
Barry.

Thank you so much
for coming into town.

Victory lap!

♪♪

Hey.
Where you going?

Oh, I just need
a little air.

Well, you must be
feeling pretty good.Why?

You proved what
you wanted to prove.

I don't know if I did.
[SIGHS]

What do you mean?
Barry won.Did he, though?

TheSingled Out game
had left me more
confused than ever.

As for Glascott, he finally
understood Felicia's issue.

Mind if I have a seat?

Look, it was...

It was wrong for me
to try and "fix" you.

I'm really sorry
about that.

Well, I guess it was
just you trying to help
in your own stupid way.

The truth is,
you don't need fixing.

You're perfect
just the way you are.

I really mean it.

And I'm not saying that
just because I'm your uncle.

I appreciate it.

It's just, you have
no idea what it's like

to be a teenage girl
and have to deal
with all this stuff.

You're right. I don't.

But I do know what
it's like to be an uncle

who would do anything
to help his niece
when she's hurting.

Would you let me
try one more
stupid thing to help?

[TLC'S UNPRETTYPLAYS]

Go ahead. Open it.

♪ I wish I could tie
you up in my shoes

♪ Make you feel unpretty, too

♪ I was told I was beautiful

♪ But what does that
mean to you?

♪ Look into the mirror,
who's inside there

FELICIA: What's all this?

You had a bunch of
pictures in there

that showed how you wanted
the world to see you.

I'm showing you
how the world
does see you,

as a smart, amazing,
driven young woman

who kicks all kinds of ass.

FELICIA: That was
a really cool day.Are you kidding me?

The first
female football player

in the history
of William Penn?

That was the best day.

You know,
maybe I'm not giving
my body enough credit.

I mean, it has got me some
pretty incredible things.

It really has.

And that's
a beautiful thing.

Thanks, Uncle J.

LAINEY: Growing up
can be hard.

You spend so much time trying to be someone you're not,

you often lose sight
of who you really are.

All right!
Good class, everyone!

But if you're smart enough
to listen to the people
who know you the best,

you'll always
find yourself again.

And even when
you're a grown-up,

you still need those people
who care enough about you

to tell you the truth.

♪ You can't look inside you

♪ Find out who am I to

♪ Be in the position
to make me feel
so damn unpretty

♪ You can buy your hair
if it won't grow ♪

LAINEY: And when life
throws some really tough
questions your way,

sometimes the person
you have to listen to
is yourself.

John, took a lot
of convincing,

but I know you're totally
on board with this.

I am not on board
with this.

Let's rock 'n' roll!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Come on.
Give me three more.
Let's go!

[GROANS]
I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.
Yeah.

Come on. Let's twist.
Use your obliques.

I don't want to
twist anymore.

Stop passing me the ball.

Please keep it.

You're not
listening to me.

This is how friendships
fall apart.

Keep going.
Feel the burn.

What's the point, Rick?

What's the [BLEEP] point?

All right.
Good work, John.

Same time tomorrow?

I'll be here,

because I cannot move.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]