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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,220 --> 00:00:02,607 Joy. Joy. 2 00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:05,460 More joy. 3 00:00:05,470 --> 00:00:07,778 All the joy. 4 00:00:07,779 --> 00:00:09,559 Okay, Dave, we're supposed to be throwing out 5 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:11,279 whatever doesn't spark joy. 6 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,617 Do you really need your old BlackBerry? 7 00:00:13,618 --> 00:00:15,519 Oh, my God. Yes! 8 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:17,580 This is the first thing I texted you on. 9 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:19,874 It reminds me of you. 10 00:00:19,875 --> 00:00:21,699 Oh, that's so sweet. 11 00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:24,169 But shouldn't I remind you of me? 12 00:00:24,170 --> 00:00:26,839 - Honestly, you remind me of the phone. - Oh. 13 00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,079 All right, fine. 14 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,465 Keep it, but everything else must go. 15 00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:34,059 It's just so hard to get rid of this stuff, you know? 16 00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:38,809 I mean, look at these tiny Jordans. 17 00:00:38,810 --> 00:00:40,603 These were Asher's first shoes. 18 00:00:40,604 --> 00:00:41,679 Yeah, I know. 19 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:45,316 But he never wore them because newborns can't walk or dunk. 20 00:00:45,317 --> 00:00:46,567 He will one day. 21 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,569 Ooh! 22 00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:52,239 - I got fouled. - Mm. 23 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,504 I am serious, we are finally out of the fog 24 00:00:55,505 --> 00:00:56,989 of having tiny kids. 25 00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:01,059 No more strollers, no more Baby Bjorns, no more pacifiers. 26 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:03,125 We are getting our life and home back. 27 00:01:03,126 --> 00:01:06,839 I mean, every closet in this house is totally empty! 28 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,464 Is it weird that makes me horny? 29 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,839 I support however we get there. 30 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,719 Dude, there is so much free stuff by your driveway. 31 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:16,729 You gotta check it out. 32 00:01:16,730 --> 00:01:18,379 I just got this dope doggie bjorn 33 00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:21,060 and a sack full of dog pacifiers. 34 00:01:22,420 --> 00:01:24,479 Joanna, that's our stuff. We're getting rid of it. 35 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,773 Did he have this much crap growing up? 36 00:01:26,774 --> 00:01:28,559 No, he had way more. 37 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,559 Our parents gave him everything he ever wanted. 38 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:34,779 Dave had the biggest Beanie Baby collection in Connecticut. 39 00:01:34,780 --> 00:01:36,576 I was on the news. 40 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,939 Look, he's just always been the favorite, 41 00:01:39,940 --> 00:01:41,329 and I've made peace with it. 42 00:01:41,330 --> 00:01:43,040 That is so not true. 43 00:01:43,041 --> 00:01:46,084 Hi, number one son. 44 00:01:46,085 --> 00:01:47,309 Mwah, mwah, mwah. 45 00:01:47,310 --> 00:01:48,400 Hi, ladies. 46 00:01:48,410 --> 00:01:49,560 I'm sorry that we're late, 47 00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:52,216 but we stopped by an estate sale in your driveway. 48 00:01:53,301 --> 00:01:56,449 I got tons of deep V-necks. 49 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,346 I'll make it work. 50 00:01:58,347 --> 00:01:59,899 Okay, everyone please stop 51 00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,839 bringing our trash back in our house. 52 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,559 Yeah. It is extremely important to me 53 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,309 that all of the closets stay empty. 54 00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:10,979 We brought you your favorite bottle of wine. 55 00:02:10,980 --> 00:02:11,980 - Aw. - Oh, no. 56 00:02:11,981 --> 00:02:14,989 Who died? Is it a cousin I know or I don't know? 57 00:02:14,990 --> 00:02:17,979 Don't know. Was your cousin Avi. 58 00:02:17,980 --> 00:02:19,659 But that's not the news. 59 00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:21,412 We're dead broke. 60 00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:26,160 Oh, she's exaggerating, but yes, we are drowning in debt. 61 00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:27,649 What? 62 00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:29,002 How is that possible? 63 00:02:29,003 --> 00:02:30,739 I mean, I had Kris Kross 64 00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:33,039 and David Cross at my Bar Mitzvah. 65 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,759 Wait, didn't you just get back from Cabo? 66 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:36,769 Yeah, we did. 67 00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:38,879 The Adilmans let us use their time share 68 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,680 in exchange for us teaching them how to use the tweeter. 69 00:02:41,682 --> 00:02:44,392 Can we just focus on what's important? 70 00:02:44,393 --> 00:02:47,437 How are you out of money? 71 00:02:47,438 --> 00:02:49,609 Ah, well, uh, we didn't have health insurance, 72 00:02:49,610 --> 00:02:51,679 and your mom's knee surgery a few months back 73 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,068 was not cheap. 74 00:02:53,069 --> 00:02:55,819 My "As Seen on TV" business has been down 75 00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:57,379 ever since I lost the slanket account. 76 00:02:57,380 --> 00:03:00,409 And sadly, edible coasters don't sell themselves. 77 00:03:01,828 --> 00:03:04,639 Mm, so you decided the place to save money 78 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,039 was cutting health care in your 60s? 79 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,251 60. 80 00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:14,923 Look, I know it sounds crazy, but insurance is very expensive, 81 00:03:14,924 --> 00:03:16,969 and we take excellent care of ourselves. 82 00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:18,969 Daddy just stopped eating red meat. 83 00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:21,429 I'm mostly eating coasters now. 84 00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:24,969 And I spin twice a week with Susan Pyser, 85 00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:28,479 but I guess it was too much because I tore my ACL. 86 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:29,599 I overspun. 87 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,980 - You overspun. - I overspun. 88 00:03:30,990 --> 00:03:32,679 - She overspun. - Who knew? 89 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:33,990 Me! Hi! 90 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,760 I told you, like, all the time! 91 00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:38,149 Is this how ghosts feel? 92 00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:40,240 This is, uh... This is a lot. 93 00:03:40,241 --> 00:03:41,559 I know. So stressful. 94 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,993 That's why we went to Cabo. 95 00:03:42,994 --> 00:03:44,739 What a time. 96 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,126 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 97 00:03:51,127 --> 00:03:53,619 I can't believe all this time you've had no money. 98 00:03:53,620 --> 00:03:55,259 Yeah, you should have just told us the truth. 99 00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:57,219 Ah. Remember how you lied to us 100 00:03:57,220 --> 00:03:59,093 about being gay for so long? 101 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,379 You mean when I was in the closet? 102 00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:03,419 Yes. 103 00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,307 Now, why didn't you just tell us? 104 00:04:05,308 --> 00:04:09,809 Because I was uncomfortable and scared and confused. 105 00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:11,299 Exactly. Like us. 106 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:15,276 And so now we're coming out as broke. 107 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,405 We're here, we're broke, get used to it. 108 00:04:20,907 --> 00:04:24,159 This is not the same situation! 109 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:25,479 E-Everything's gonna be fine. 110 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,799 We're gonna downsize and sell the house before we lose it. 111 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,219 Yeah, we're hoping Davey'll renovate our house 112 00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:32,139 as beautifully as he did yours 113 00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:33,939 and then we can sell it for double. 114 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,739 You're insanely talented. 115 00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:38,279 Everyone's talking about it. 116 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,219 But why spend the time and the money? 117 00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:41,479 I mean, sell the house. 118 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,095 Cash out. It's already paid off. 119 00:04:43,096 --> 00:04:44,305 Was paid off. 120 00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:48,059 - Oh, no. - Oh, yes. 121 00:04:48,060 --> 00:04:49,659 A few years ago, we pulled out equity 122 00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:50,900 to pay for that trip to Africa. 123 00:04:52,313 --> 00:04:55,059 - Beautiful continent. - Mm. 124 00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:56,629 It's where it all began. 125 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,612 Humanity and our financial woes. 126 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,569 Yeah, shopping wasn't what I expected it to be. 127 00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,739 We bought a few things... 128 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:09,746 I mean, some jewelry... just a few choice pieces. 129 00:05:09,747 --> 00:05:12,730 I got a spear. It might be haunted. 130 00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:16,399 Okay, well, you're gonna 131 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,299 have to upgrade the house to make a profit. 132 00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:20,499 So I will talk to my crew about renovating it quickly. 133 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,039 Oh, that's amazing. 134 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,859 And while you're doing the reno, 135 00:05:23,860 --> 00:05:25,763 we'll stay at an Air-BLT. 136 00:05:26,806 --> 00:05:28,765 It's an Airbnb. 137 00:05:28,766 --> 00:05:30,308 Oh, what'd I say? 138 00:05:30,309 --> 00:05:33,539 The wrong thing. You always say the wrong thing. 139 00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:36,460 No, you're not staying at an Airbnb. 140 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:39,620 You guys can stay here as long as you need. 141 00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:43,599 Obviously they cannot stay here as long as they need. 142 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,579 Obviously, but, um, you just said the opposite of that to them. 143 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,999 Yeah, because one of us has to offer to be nice 144 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,459 so one of them can say "No, no, that's okay," 145 00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:53,219 and then one of us can say "Are you sure?" 146 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,660 And then they can say "Of course." 147 00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:56,585 But they didn't say "No, no, that's okay." 148 00:05:56,586 --> 00:05:57,899 I can't believe it. 149 00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,962 Who doesn't say "No, no, that's okay"? 150 00:05:59,963 --> 00:06:01,579 - My parents. - That is not okay. 151 00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:03,799 I know it's not okay. 152 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,678 Look, having them in our space, it's not a dream. 153 00:06:06,679 --> 00:06:08,229 Actually, I think this is literally 154 00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:09,719 what your mom dreams of. 155 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,399 Well, think of it this way. 156 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,478 Maybe having them live here will give us some of our life back. 157 00:06:14,479 --> 00:06:17,160 You know, they are built-in babysitters. 158 00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:19,983 Yeah, the last time they babysat was not ideal. 159 00:06:19,984 --> 00:06:22,149 Some children like coffee. 160 00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:23,779 And that was six months ago. 161 00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,780 Yeah, Hazel's eye is still doing that weird thing. 162 00:06:25,781 --> 00:06:27,519 But she's more focused than ever. 163 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,079 And those free babysitters are making it possible 164 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,029 for you and I to go see Drake at the Garden Friday night. 165 00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:34,540 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 166 00:06:34,550 --> 00:06:37,959 Ah, it'd be so nice to see a concert that's not on ice. 167 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,210 I'm in. 168 00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:44,340 So, uh, now that we're all alone, 169 00:06:44,350 --> 00:06:46,134 what do you say we... 170 00:06:46,135 --> 00:06:48,637 - With my parents in the house? - Mm-mm. 171 00:06:51,265 --> 00:06:55,477 - You wanna watch "Handmaid's Tale"? - Ooh, baby. 172 00:06:55,478 --> 00:06:56,689 - Oh! - Ah! 173 00:06:56,690 --> 00:06:58,219 Right off the bat they hit you with it! 174 00:06:58,220 --> 00:06:59,759 I know this show gives us nightmares, 175 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,809 but I just can't wait to see what happens next. 176 00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:04,319 Knock knock! 177 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,199 Oy, she jumps off the bridge in this episode. 178 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,699 Well, no need to watch this now or ever. 179 00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:12,619 Hey, which backpack has the real soda in it? 180 00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:14,914 Dad, that is my emergency disaster kit. 181 00:07:14,915 --> 00:07:18,879 Oh, boy, I was wondering why the Clif Bars 182 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,419 were stored with the flashlights. 183 00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:23,797 - Can I help you guys with something? - Oh, yeah. 184 00:07:23,798 --> 00:07:26,519 We figured out a way to pay down our bills, 185 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,599 and we don't even have to sell the house, either. 186 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,659 We're gonna start a Facebook fundraiser. 187 00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:32,929 Like everyone else on the Internets. 188 00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,909 Not everyone. Just the people with actual issues. 189 00:07:34,910 --> 00:07:35,919 Yeah, I love you guys, 190 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,604 but you're just two irresponsible baby boomers. 191 00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:41,399 Ouch. But this is gonna work. 192 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,019 We saw this one girl from Miami 193 00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:44,359 who raised $80,000 194 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,539 just because she was colorblind 195 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,560 and needed special glasses to see blue. 196 00:07:47,570 --> 00:07:49,389 We donated $500. 197 00:07:49,390 --> 00:07:53,109 Dad, you gotta keep your money! 198 00:07:53,110 --> 00:07:56,219 Now, please, we'd like to get back to our tragic horror show 199 00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:57,789 that puts us in a weird place before bed. 200 00:07:57,790 --> 00:07:59,109 Sure, sure. 201 00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:01,501 Just don't get too attached to that couple. 202 00:08:01,502 --> 00:08:03,619 In two episodes, they drown. 203 00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:05,300 - Debbie! - Mom! 204 00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:11,599 This is so weird. I haven't been in your parents' basement 205 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,471 since high school. 206 00:08:13,472 --> 00:08:16,224 And it still smells like Beanie Babies. 207 00:08:16,225 --> 00:08:18,435 How cool was it that I was on the news? 208 00:08:18,436 --> 00:08:21,396 It was a great day for both of us. 209 00:08:21,397 --> 00:08:24,357 I can't believe my parents are in this situation. 210 00:08:24,358 --> 00:08:27,179 Seriously. Deb and Stew were always so loaded. 211 00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:30,362 After college, they gave me 10 grand for my independent film. 212 00:08:30,363 --> 00:08:32,533 - I never saw that. - I never made it. 213 00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:36,030 Don't do any reno'ing without me. 214 00:08:36,036 --> 00:08:39,369 - Hi, doll. - Hey, Deb-Deb! 215 00:08:39,370 --> 00:08:41,300 Wow! Look at the two of you. 216 00:08:41,310 --> 00:08:43,359 You're like handsomer Property Brothers 217 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,040 from a different Property Mother. 218 00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:47,399 Let's just go upstairs and I'll show you 219 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,465 my plans for the bathroom. 220 00:08:48,466 --> 00:08:49,924 Ooh, I got it! I got it! 221 00:08:49,925 --> 00:08:54,220 How married are you to facing-forward toilets? 222 00:08:54,221 --> 00:08:55,889 Very married. 223 00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:57,183 Yeah. 224 00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:01,469 - Mom? - Hm? 225 00:09:01,470 --> 00:09:02,729 You okay? 226 00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:05,139 I-I think I've been so concerned 227 00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:07,640 about selling the house I really didn't stop to think 228 00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:11,279 what it would feel like to actually leave it. 229 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,359 I know, but it's the only way 230 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,701 - we're gonna get you out of this mess. - Mm. 231 00:09:16,702 --> 00:09:18,786 Oh, God, look at this. 232 00:09:18,787 --> 00:09:21,519 Remember how obsessed you were with these? 233 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:22,629 Oh! 234 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,043 Yeah. 235 00:09:25,377 --> 00:09:27,378 You convinced me I was gonna win a gold medal. 236 00:09:27,379 --> 00:09:29,619 Ah, you made uncoordinated look fun. 237 00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:31,249 Everyone was talking about it. 238 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,659 No, they weren't. 239 00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,839 I was just a dumb kid with frosted tips 240 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,249 who got his heart broken by a girl named Kate 241 00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:39,979 who spelled her name with the letter K 242 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,350 and the number eight. 243 00:09:41,352 --> 00:09:42,549 Mm. 244 00:09:42,550 --> 00:09:45,299 That was the saddest you'd been since you found out 245 00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:48,220 Santa was not for our people. 246 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,780 And that wound is ripped open every December. 247 00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:56,549 But you cheered me up, remember, 248 00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:58,740 when you threw that surprise slumber party down here for me? 249 00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,370 Yeah, that was fun. 250 00:10:00,371 --> 00:10:02,759 Till you got drunk on Daddy's Zimas. 251 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:03,870 Oh, yeah. 252 00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:05,041 I got shlammered. 253 00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:06,252 Ohh. 254 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,999 I mean, I spent my whole childhood in this room. 255 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,590 Well, maybe the Facebook fundraiser could work. 256 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:15,949 I mean, why don't we try it? 257 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:19,319 If it doesn't, we can always go back to this plan. 258 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:20,975 What do you say? 259 00:10:23,477 --> 00:10:27,519 I say sure. Why don't we give it a shot. 260 00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:33,319 Hey, why do you have a vase full of dirt on your mantle? 261 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,279 That is my Great Aunt Rita's ashes. 262 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,609 Okay, shot in the dark. 263 00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:41,059 Is there a slight chance 264 00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:43,413 she wanted them scattered on your carpet? 265 00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:50,679 Hi, everybody on the Internets. 266 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:51,689 I'm Debbie. 267 00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,619 And I'm Stew, and we're so honored 268 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:56,059 to be a part of the fundraising community. 269 00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:59,119 Very excited for that Miami girl who can see blue now! 270 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,329 - You're welcome! - It's the best color. 271 00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:04,340 But we're here to talk to you about our medical bills. 272 00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:06,649 See, Deb hurt her knee and needed surgery. 273 00:11:06,650 --> 00:11:08,919 Show 'em how it bends funny. 274 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,879 - Ow! - Do you believe that? 275 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,019 And we run the risk of losing our house 276 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:16,079 unless you, our online family, help us out. 277 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,879 Fortunately, we're living with our son right now. 278 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,110 He's a good egg. 279 00:11:20,111 --> 00:11:22,419 The best egg. A dinosaur egg. 280 00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,299 - Everyone's talking about it. - They are, they are. 281 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:28,259 Personally, I think it's because I breastfed him for two years. 282 00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:30,339 Sidebar... breastfeeding? 283 00:11:30,340 --> 00:11:32,089 - Better than sex. - All right, Deb. Hey, honey... 284 00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:33,260 - What? - ... said it before, 285 00:11:33,270 --> 00:11:35,529 it's very upsetting information and hurtful. 286 00:11:35,530 --> 00:11:37,759 Sweetie, you're my hunka-hunka. 287 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,229 - Mwah. - Mwah! 288 00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:41,699 - I think this is going very well. - Oh, me too. 289 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,680 We're gonna make that colorblind girl look like a total amateur. 290 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,484 Are you guys really going to see Drake tonight? 291 00:11:53,485 --> 00:11:55,985 Yeah. And Mom and Dad are actually helping. 292 00:11:55,986 --> 00:11:58,155 Don't tell me they're babysitting. 293 00:11:58,156 --> 00:12:02,860 Why... Just, like, w-w-why wouldn't I tell you that? 294 00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:06,746 Because they were bad at babysitting us, Dave. 295 00:12:06,747 --> 00:12:07,879 Oh, come on. 296 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:09,789 - They were great! - Were they? 297 00:12:09,790 --> 00:12:13,375 I have two therapists, four girlfriends, and nine dogs. 298 00:12:13,376 --> 00:12:15,719 Yeah, but that's you. You're clearly slightly difficult. 299 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:19,592 I was always a very easy child and very well taken care of. 300 00:12:19,593 --> 00:12:20,859 You had 10 pairs of Rollerblades 301 00:12:20,860 --> 00:12:22,589 - and how many helmets? - It was a different time. 302 00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:23,847 Before head injuries? 303 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,969 Maybe they played it fast and loose with the supervision, 304 00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:28,519 but they're grandparents now. 305 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:29,894 They're gonna be fine. 306 00:12:29,895 --> 00:12:31,259 - Whoa! - Yeah! 307 00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:32,269 Whoo! 308 00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,079 Okay, Asher, Asher. Your turn. 309 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,379 Oh! Fun! 310 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,943 What is up, family? 311 00:12:36,944 --> 00:12:38,736 - Oh! God! - Asher! 312 00:12:38,737 --> 00:12:41,739 Oh, sweet, sweet boy. I love you. 313 00:12:41,740 --> 00:12:42,950 There's no candy in me. 314 00:12:44,576 --> 00:12:46,577 Why are we hosting a quinceañera? 315 00:12:46,578 --> 00:12:48,729 I said your dad could buy the kids some candy. 316 00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:50,456 He came home with two piñatas. 317 00:12:50,457 --> 00:12:52,583 Couple dozen Tootsie Rolls never hurt anyone. 318 00:12:52,584 --> 00:12:54,019 Yes, they did. They hurt me, Dad. 319 00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:55,629 I only have four real teeth. 320 00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:57,673 - My gums bleed when I sing. - Aw. 321 00:12:57,674 --> 00:12:59,209 Ta-da! 322 00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:00,249 Oh, my God! 323 00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,176 I let her do her own makeup. 324 00:13:02,177 --> 00:13:04,011 Doesn't she look beautiful? 325 00:13:04,012 --> 00:13:07,807 She looks like someone left a rainbow in a hot car. 326 00:13:07,808 --> 00:13:09,409 I'm a princess! 327 00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:11,699 Mm-hmm. Remember, you can also be a doctor 328 00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:14,119 or an astronaut or... 329 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,219 eh, forget it. 330 00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:17,109 It's been a day. 331 00:13:20,112 --> 00:13:21,946 I'm guessing that went horribly? 332 00:13:21,947 --> 00:13:23,859 Yeah. Pretty much. 333 00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:25,533 On top of the chaos out there, 334 00:13:25,534 --> 00:13:28,129 Hazel freaked out because she lost her Elsa heel. 335 00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:29,869 Why does Elsa even have a heel? 336 00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,840 Girlfriend lives on ice! 337 00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:33,625 That's a bad example for girls. 338 00:13:37,629 --> 00:13:39,172 Do you want a glass? 339 00:13:39,173 --> 00:13:40,779 No. Because they're all over the house 340 00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:42,830 covered in your mom's lipstick. 341 00:13:44,386 --> 00:13:46,049 You know, maybe we shouldn't go tonight. 342 00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:47,806 We really don't have to if you don't want to. 343 00:13:47,807 --> 00:13:48,849 Are you kidding? 344 00:13:48,850 --> 00:13:50,509 Your parents are insane 345 00:13:50,510 --> 00:13:51,699 and the house looks like 346 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,021 someone burglarized the set of "Double Dare." 347 00:13:54,890 --> 00:13:56,600 We are going to that concert. 348 00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:58,349 Okay. Great. 349 00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:00,559 Great! You get me another bottle of sauvy-b 350 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,180 and I'll go put on my good bra. 351 00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:06,039 Good bra, huh? 352 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,339 So you're saying there's a chance! 353 00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:13,079 Pardon me, bitches. 354 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,659 I need this more than you. I'm a mom. 355 00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:16,799 I'm a dad. 356 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,628 Young, cool dad. 357 00:14:18,629 --> 00:14:21,349 - Whoo! - This is so awesome. 358 00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:22,949 But I guess it's not cool to wear 359 00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:24,669 the band's merch to the concert? 360 00:14:24,670 --> 00:14:26,669 Hey, should we get molly? 361 00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:28,139 - Yeah? No. - Yeah? 362 00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:30,472 No? I mean, we just threw out all our pacifiers. 363 00:14:30,473 --> 00:14:32,899 Sorry, I'm just... I'm so happy to be here. 364 00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:35,102 It feels so good to be alone! 365 00:14:35,103 --> 00:14:37,459 - Hi! - Oh, no! 366 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,020 What the [BLEEP] is happening? 367 00:14:39,024 --> 00:14:41,739 We wanted to surprise you as a thank you 368 00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:43,769 for letting us stay with you! 369 00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:45,079 Surprise! 370 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,689 It's us! 371 00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:48,899 - Who's with the kids? - Ravi. 372 00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:50,359 - Ravi? - Ravi? 373 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,495 I really like him. He got me this vape. 374 00:14:52,496 --> 00:14:54,849 Ravi doesn't even acknowledge we have kids! 375 00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,666 He calls them our tiny roommates! 376 00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:57,939 I cannot believe this! 377 00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,399 H... Wait... But... 378 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,769 See what you did? 379 00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:04,389 We just wanted one night away from our tiny roommates... 380 00:15:04,390 --> 00:15:05,659 our kids. 381 00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:08,269 Now I have to fix this! 382 00:15:08,270 --> 00:15:10,359 And I already told all the other dads at drop-off 383 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:11,539 I was going to the Drake show 384 00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:13,100 and now I'm gonna have to lie about it! 385 00:15:18,939 --> 00:15:20,063 Where are the kids? 386 00:15:20,064 --> 00:15:23,026 Oh, hey. They're unconscious... I-I-I mean, asleep. 387 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,799 They went down easy. 388 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,879 You know, I gave 'em some milk, read 'em a book. 389 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,579 I let Asher do a magic trick. 390 00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:32,570 I, legit, have no idea where that penny came from! 391 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,579 Wow. Thank you so much. 392 00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:37,409 I'm genuinely surprised. 393 00:15:37,410 --> 00:15:40,043 Also, I had sex in your shower. 394 00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,922 You have a beautiful home. 395 00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:47,399 Anyway, just Venmo me for the babysitting. 396 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,427 Oh. 397 00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:53,379 I cannot believe you showed up at the concert. 398 00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:55,249 I mean, how did you even get those tickets? 399 00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:57,310 - StubHub. - We splurged. 400 00:15:57,311 --> 00:15:58,562 - You splurged? - We splurged. 401 00:15:58,563 --> 00:15:59,730 Don't splurge! 402 00:16:00,731 --> 00:16:02,589 Dad, put down the phone. Huh? 403 00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:04,817 Three, two, one! 404 00:16:04,818 --> 00:16:05,902 No more screen time, Dad! 405 00:16:05,903 --> 00:16:08,019 Our fundraiser's blowing up! 406 00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:09,614 I thought you decided not to do that? 407 00:16:09,615 --> 00:16:11,991 Well, we did, but David said we should go for it. 408 00:16:11,992 --> 00:16:13,909 You said, "Go for it"? 409 00:16:13,910 --> 00:16:15,412 - No, I mean... - Yup. 410 00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:18,409 It started making money as soon as we posted it. 411 00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:20,269 It's up to seven grand. 412 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,819 - Like, real American money? - Seven grand? 413 00:16:22,820 --> 00:16:25,910 - Yep, it really pulls on your heartstrings. - Mm. 414 00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:32,259 This is on the Internet! 415 00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:34,764 Mom, Dad, what did you do? 416 00:16:34,765 --> 00:16:39,630 Boy, uh, I did not notice breasts when we started filming, 417 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,059 but, uh, clearly there are breasts there. 418 00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:43,259 - Dad! - Look, there's one. There's two. 419 00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:45,579 Dad, stop zooming in on my wife's breasts! 420 00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:47,059 Now, pi-pinch 'em to make 'em smaller. 421 00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:48,946 No, wait, don't do that! Ew! God! 422 00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:52,139 Guys, I can put up with a lot, 423 00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:53,819 but putting my wife's boobs on the Internet 424 00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:55,489 is something I will never be okay with. 425 00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:56,869 Can you let me speak for myself? 426 00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:59,899 God! I thought I was getting my life back, 427 00:16:59,900 --> 00:17:01,708 and instead you just ruined it! 428 00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:04,209 Ah. 429 00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:07,296 Sorry, ugh, it was an accident. 430 00:17:07,297 --> 00:17:09,340 David, what can we do? 431 00:17:09,341 --> 00:17:10,649 I don't know. 432 00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:13,060 I can't figure that out for you. 433 00:17:13,070 --> 00:17:15,722 I already have two kids. I can't take care of two more. 434 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,719 Well, we never wanted to be a burden 435 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,474 - to you and your family. - No. 436 00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:23,146 I think you guys should go. 437 00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:27,320 It's okay. We'll figure this out on our own. 438 00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:32,379 But before I go, 439 00:17:32,380 --> 00:17:36,910 did I tell you how long I was in labor with you? 440 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,872 I know, Mom, 72 hours. 441 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,750 73. 442 00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:47,740 - 'Cause of the head, I know. - Because of that big head. 443 00:17:55,550 --> 00:17:57,472 I didn't know you had a tattoo. 444 00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:00,429 That's my C-section scar. 445 00:18:00,430 --> 00:18:03,199 Whatever it is, people dig it. 446 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,022 Check out all these comments... 447 00:18:05,023 --> 00:18:06,399 "Hey, sexy!" 448 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,760 "I wanna drink your bath water." 449 00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:10,651 "I work for Saudi Prince. 450 00:18:10,652 --> 00:18:12,459 How much?" Okay, that one seems dangerous, 451 00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,530 but hey, a compliment's a compliment. 452 00:18:14,531 --> 00:18:16,419 This is such a violation. 453 00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:19,399 My naked body for everyone to see and comment on 454 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,249 and, "Hot knockers!" 455 00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:22,869 Wow. I'll take it. 456 00:18:22,870 --> 00:18:25,449 So, how long is this video? 457 00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:28,045 No idea. We stopped before it ended. 458 00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:31,840 We have two beautiful grandchildren 459 00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:33,859 and amazing kids. 460 00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:35,629 And even our daughter Joanna, 461 00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:38,629 who's sometimes we have a trying relationship with, 462 00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:40,759 but mainly because she's still single 463 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,600 and hasn't given us grandchildren, 464 00:18:42,601 --> 00:18:46,219 is a wonderful person with an incredible business. 465 00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,879 Oh, uh, please check out pupcuts.net 466 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,525 for all your dog-grooming needs. 467 00:18:50,526 --> 00:18:54,919 And as much as I love braggin' about our beauties, 468 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,739 nothing is better than bragging 469 00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:58,782 - about our daughter-in-law, Rebecca. - Aw. 470 00:18:58,783 --> 00:19:01,489 She's the best. We love her like a daughter. 471 00:19:01,490 --> 00:19:02,704 Pupcuts.net. 472 00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:06,399 Well, now I feel like an ass. 473 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,119 - Me too. - Yeah. 474 00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:10,669 You guys have been really hard on them. 475 00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:14,048 I do think I have an idea though of something we can do. 476 00:19:14,049 --> 00:19:16,799 Great. But before you do anything, take down the video. 477 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,420 The Saudi Prince just sent me an offer. 478 00:19:19,429 --> 00:19:22,516 Like, would it get us out of this situation, or... 479 00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,890 I'll take the video down. 480 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,889 So, we watched more of the video. 481 00:19:30,890 --> 00:19:32,899 We love everything you said about our family, 482 00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:35,719 and I can't imagine how hard this is for you right now. 483 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,799 Oh, thanks for saying that, Rebecca, 484 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,679 but posting that video with your ass hanging out 485 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,699 was definitely crossing a line. 486 00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,663 It was my boobs, but doesn't matter. 487 00:19:44,664 --> 00:19:47,699 Ah, if you keep watching, it's your ass too. 488 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:50,369 Anyway, we're very sorry, 489 00:19:50,370 --> 00:19:52,834 and we can appreciate why you would've been mad. 490 00:19:52,835 --> 00:19:54,160 Oh, thank you, Debbie. 491 00:19:54,170 --> 00:19:57,359 But it was weirdly a nice self-esteem boost. 492 00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,135 A prince wants to buy her. 493 00:19:59,136 --> 00:20:01,719 The point is, we think you should live with us 494 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,347 while Dave renovates your place. 495 00:20:03,348 --> 00:20:05,182 Ah... d... You want us back? 496 00:20:05,183 --> 00:20:06,225 Yeah, we really do. 497 00:20:06,226 --> 00:20:08,889 Oy, I love you guys. 498 00:20:08,890 --> 00:20:11,460 - I got the best kids ever! - Oh. 499 00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:13,357 Seriously, anything you need just ask. 500 00:20:13,358 --> 00:20:16,152 Except our airline miles. We really want to go to Japan. 501 00:20:16,153 --> 00:20:17,445 Oh, we're actually going in the fall. 502 00:20:17,446 --> 00:20:18,947 Dad, stop spending your money! 503 00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:27,034 Now that we're staying with you guys 504 00:20:27,035 --> 00:20:29,519 you can take advantage of my home cooking. 505 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,440 Eat some real food for a change. 506 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,499 Thanks, Debbie, but all we eat is real food. 507 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,599 Really? Because all I found 508 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,019 is dried fruit and dark chocolate. 509 00:20:40,020 --> 00:20:44,179 Which, for the record... not chocolate. 510 00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:46,889 Okay, Dad, well, why don't you tell me what you want me 511 00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:48,199 to get you from the store, 512 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,311 and I'll pick it up tomorrow. 513 00:20:49,312 --> 00:20:50,999 Perfect. 514 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,355 White's not chocolate, either. 515 00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:56,519 Okay, bon appétit! 516 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,439 My famous eggplant parmesan! 517 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,640 - Oh. - Thanks, Debbie, 518 00:21:01,650 --> 00:21:03,782 but I'm allergic to eggplant. 519 00:21:03,783 --> 00:21:05,819 I never heard of such a thing. 520 00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:07,940 Really? I told you like a dozen times. 521 00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:10,189 I'm allergic to all nightshades. 522 00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:13,869 Poor thing can't afford a pair of sunglasses? 523 00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:17,000 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 38398