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1
00:00:05,447 --> 00:00:07,834
Joy. Joy.
2
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,510
More joy.
3
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,828
All the joy.
4
00:00:12,829 --> 00:00:14,609
Okay, Dave, we're supposed
to be throwing out
5
00:00:14,610 --> 00:00:16,329
whatever doesn't spark joy.
6
00:00:16,330 --> 00:00:18,667
Do you really need your old BlackBerry?
7
00:00:18,668 --> 00:00:20,569
Oh, my God. Yes!
8
00:00:20,570 --> 00:00:22,630
This is the first thing I texted you on.
9
00:00:23,570 --> 00:00:24,924
It reminds me of you.
10
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,749
Oh, that's so sweet.
11
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:29,219
But shouldn't I remind you of me?
12
00:00:29,220 --> 00:00:31,889
- Honestly, you remind me of the phone.
- Oh.
13
00:00:32,710 --> 00:00:34,129
All right, fine.
14
00:00:34,130 --> 00:00:36,515
Keep it, but everything else must go.
15
00:00:36,516 --> 00:00:39,109
It's just so hard to get rid
of this stuff, you know?
16
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:43,859
I mean, look at these tiny Jordans.
17
00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:45,653
These were Asher's first shoes.
18
00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:46,729
Yeah, I know.
19
00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:50,366
But he never wore them because
newborns can't walk or dunk.
20
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:51,617
He will one day.
21
00:00:52,570 --> 00:00:54,619
Ooh!
22
00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:57,289
- I got fouled.
- Mm.
23
00:00:57,290 --> 00:01:00,554
I am serious, we are
finally out of the fog
24
00:01:00,555 --> 00:01:02,039
of having tiny kids.
25
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:06,109
No more strollers, no more Baby
Bjorns, no more pacifiers.
26
00:01:06,110 --> 00:01:08,175
We are getting our life and home back.
27
00:01:08,176 --> 00:01:11,889
I mean, every closet in this
house is totally empty!
28
00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:13,514
Is it weird that makes me horny?
29
00:01:15,010 --> 00:01:17,889
I support however we get there.
30
00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:20,769
Dude, there is so much free
stuff by your driveway.
31
00:01:20,770 --> 00:01:21,779
You gotta check it out.
32
00:01:21,780 --> 00:01:23,429
I just got this dope doggie bjorn
33
00:01:23,430 --> 00:01:26,110
and a sack full of dog pacifiers.
34
00:01:27,470 --> 00:01:29,529
Joanna, that's our stuff.
We're getting rid of it.
35
00:01:29,530 --> 00:01:31,823
Did he have this much crap growing up?
36
00:01:31,824 --> 00:01:33,609
No, he had way more.
37
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:35,609
Our parents gave him
everything he ever wanted.
38
00:01:35,610 --> 00:01:39,829
Dave had the biggest Beanie
Baby collection in Connecticut.
39
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:41,626
I was on the news.
40
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,989
Look, he's just always
been the favorite,
41
00:01:44,990 --> 00:01:46,379
and I've made peace with it.
42
00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:48,090
That is so not true.
43
00:01:48,091 --> 00:01:51,134
Hi, number one son.
44
00:01:51,135 --> 00:01:52,359
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
45
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,450
Hi, ladies.
46
00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:54,610
I'm sorry that we're late,
47
00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:57,266
but we stopped by an estate
sale in your driveway.
48
00:01:58,351 --> 00:02:01,499
I got tons of deep V-necks.
49
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:03,396
I'll make it work.
50
00:02:03,397 --> 00:02:04,949
Okay, everyone please stop
51
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:06,889
bringing our trash back in our house.
52
00:02:06,890 --> 00:02:09,609
Yeah. It is extremely important to me
53
00:02:09,610 --> 00:02:12,359
that all of the closets stay empty.
54
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,029
We brought you your
favorite bottle of wine.
55
00:02:16,030 --> 00:02:17,030
- Aw.
- Oh, no.
56
00:02:17,031 --> 00:02:20,039
Who died? Is it a cousin
I know or I don't know?
57
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,029
Don't know. Was your cousin Avi.
58
00:02:23,030 --> 00:02:24,709
But that's not the news.
59
00:02:24,710 --> 00:02:26,462
We're dead broke.
60
00:02:27,420 --> 00:02:31,210
Oh, she's exaggerating, but
yes, we are drowning in debt.
61
00:02:31,220 --> 00:02:32,699
What?
62
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:34,052
How is that possible?
63
00:02:34,053 --> 00:02:35,789
I mean, I had Kris Kross
64
00:02:35,790 --> 00:02:38,089
and David Cross at my Bar Mitzvah.
65
00:02:38,090 --> 00:02:40,809
Wait, didn't you just
get back from Cabo?
66
00:02:40,810 --> 00:02:41,819
Yeah, we did.
67
00:02:41,820 --> 00:02:43,929
The Adilmans let us use their time share
68
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,730
in exchange for us teaching
them how to use the tweeter.
69
00:02:46,732 --> 00:02:49,442
Can we just focus on what's important?
70
00:02:49,443 --> 00:02:52,487
How are you out of money?
71
00:02:52,488 --> 00:02:54,659
Ah, well, uh, we didn't
have health insurance,
72
00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:56,729
and your mom's knee
surgery a few months back
73
00:02:56,730 --> 00:02:58,118
was not cheap.
74
00:02:58,119 --> 00:03:00,869
My "As Seen on TV"
business has been down
75
00:03:00,870 --> 00:03:02,429
ever since I lost the slanket account.
76
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:05,459
And sadly, edible coasters
don't sell themselves.
77
00:03:06,878 --> 00:03:09,689
Mm, so you decided the
place to save money
78
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,089
was cutting health care in your 60s?
79
00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:13,301
60.
80
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:19,973
Look, I know it sounds crazy,
but insurance is very expensive,
81
00:03:19,974 --> 00:03:22,019
and we take excellent care of ourselves.
82
00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:24,019
Daddy just stopped eating red meat.
83
00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:26,479
I'm mostly eating coasters now.
84
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:30,019
And I spin twice a
week with Susan Pyser,
85
00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:33,529
but I guess it was too much
because I tore my ACL.
86
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:34,649
I overspun.
87
00:03:34,650 --> 00:03:36,030
- You overspun.
- I overspun.
88
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,729
- She overspun.
- Who knew?
89
00:03:37,730 --> 00:03:39,040
Me! Hi!
90
00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:40,810
I told you, like, all the time!
91
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:43,199
Is this how ghosts feel?
92
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,290
This is, uh... This is a lot.
93
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:46,609
I know. So stressful.
94
00:03:46,610 --> 00:03:48,043
That's why we went to Cabo.
95
00:03:48,044 --> 00:03:49,789
What a time.
96
00:03:53,490 --> 00:03:56,176
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
97
00:03:56,177 --> 00:03:58,669
I can't believe all this
time you've had no money.
98
00:03:58,670 --> 00:04:00,309
Yeah, you should have
just told us the truth.
99
00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:02,269
Ah. Remember how you lied to us
100
00:04:02,270 --> 00:04:04,143
about being gay for so long?
101
00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:07,429
You mean when I was in the closet?
102
00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:08,469
Yes.
103
00:04:08,470 --> 00:04:10,357
Now, why didn't you just tell us?
104
00:04:10,358 --> 00:04:14,859
Because I was uncomfortable
and scared and confused.
105
00:04:14,860 --> 00:04:16,349
Exactly. Like us.
106
00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:20,326
And so now we're coming out as broke.
107
00:04:21,290 --> 00:04:24,455
We're here, we're broke, get used to it.
108
00:04:25,957 --> 00:04:29,209
This is not the same situation!
109
00:04:29,210 --> 00:04:30,529
E-Everything's gonna be fine.
110
00:04:30,530 --> 00:04:32,849
We're gonna downsize and sell
the house before we lose it.
111
00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,269
Yeah, we're hoping Davey'll
renovate our house
112
00:04:35,270 --> 00:04:37,189
as beautifully as he did yours
113
00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:38,989
and then we can sell it for double.
114
00:04:38,990 --> 00:04:40,789
You're insanely talented.
115
00:04:40,790 --> 00:04:43,329
Everyone's talking about it.
116
00:04:43,330 --> 00:04:45,269
But why spend the time and the money?
117
00:04:45,270 --> 00:04:46,529
I mean, sell the house.
118
00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:48,145
Cash out. It's already paid off.
119
00:04:48,146 --> 00:04:49,355
Was paid off.
120
00:04:50,510 --> 00:04:53,109
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
121
00:04:53,110 --> 00:04:54,709
A few years ago, we pulled out equity
122
00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:55,950
to pay for that trip to Africa.
123
00:04:57,363 --> 00:05:00,109
- Beautiful continent.
- Mm.
124
00:05:00,110 --> 00:05:01,679
It's where it all began.
125
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,662
Humanity and our financial woes.
126
00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:08,619
Yeah, shopping wasn't
what I expected it to be.
127
00:05:08,620 --> 00:05:10,789
We bought a few things...
128
00:05:10,790 --> 00:05:14,796
I mean, some jewelry...
just a few choice pieces.
129
00:05:14,797 --> 00:05:17,780
I got a spear. It might be haunted.
130
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,449
Okay, well, you're gonna
131
00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:23,349
have to upgrade the
house to make a profit.
132
00:05:23,350 --> 00:05:25,549
So I will talk to my crew
about renovating it quickly.
133
00:05:25,550 --> 00:05:27,089
Oh, that's amazing.
134
00:05:27,090 --> 00:05:28,909
And while you're doing the reno,
135
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:30,813
we'll stay at an Air-BLT.
136
00:05:31,856 --> 00:05:33,815
It's an Airbnb.
137
00:05:33,816 --> 00:05:35,358
Oh, what'd I say?
138
00:05:35,359 --> 00:05:38,589
The wrong thing. You always
say the wrong thing.
139
00:05:38,590 --> 00:05:41,510
No, you're not staying at an Airbnb.
140
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,670
You guys can stay here
as long as you need.
141
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:48,649
Obviously they cannot stay
here as long as they need.
142
00:05:48,650 --> 00:05:51,629
Obviously, but, um, you just said
the opposite of that to them.
143
00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:54,049
Yeah, because one of us
has to offer to be nice
144
00:05:54,050 --> 00:05:56,509
so one of them can say
"No, no, that's okay,"
145
00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:58,269
and then one of us can
say "Are you sure?"
146
00:05:58,270 --> 00:05:59,710
And then they can say "Of course."
147
00:05:59,717 --> 00:06:01,635
But they didn't say
"No, no, that's okay."
148
00:06:01,636 --> 00:06:02,949
I can't believe it.
149
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:05,012
Who doesn't say "No, no, that's okay"?
150
00:06:05,013 --> 00:06:06,629
- My parents.
- That is not okay.
151
00:06:06,630 --> 00:06:08,849
I know it's not okay.
152
00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:11,728
Look, having them in our
space, it's not a dream.
153
00:06:11,729 --> 00:06:13,279
Actually, I think this is literally
154
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:14,769
what your mom dreams of.
155
00:06:14,770 --> 00:06:16,449
Well, think of it this way.
156
00:06:16,450 --> 00:06:19,528
Maybe having them live here will
give us some of our life back.
157
00:06:19,529 --> 00:06:22,210
You know, they are built-in babysitters.
158
00:06:22,220 --> 00:06:25,033
Yeah, the last time they
babysat was not ideal.
159
00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:27,199
Some children like coffee.
160
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,829
And that was six months ago.
161
00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:30,830
Yeah, Hazel's eye is still
doing that weird thing.
162
00:06:30,831 --> 00:06:32,569
But she's more focused than ever.
163
00:06:32,570 --> 00:06:35,129
And those free babysitters
are making it possible
164
00:06:35,130 --> 00:06:38,079
for you and I to go see Drake
at the Garden Friday night.
165
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,590
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
166
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,009
Ah, it'd be so nice to see a
concert that's not on ice.
167
00:06:43,010 --> 00:06:44,260
I'm in.
168
00:06:45,870 --> 00:06:49,390
So, uh, now that we're all alone,
169
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,184
what do you say we...
170
00:06:51,185 --> 00:06:53,687
- With my parents in the house?
- Mm-mm.
171
00:06:56,315 --> 00:07:00,527
- You wanna watch "Handmaid's Tale"?
- Ooh, baby.
172
00:07:00,528 --> 00:07:01,739
- Oh!
- Ah!
173
00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:03,269
Right off the bat they hit you with it!
174
00:07:03,270 --> 00:07:04,809
I know this show gives us nightmares,
175
00:07:04,810 --> 00:07:07,859
but I just can't wait to
see what happens next.
176
00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:09,369
Knock knock!
177
00:07:09,370 --> 00:07:12,249
Oy, she jumps off the
bridge in this episode.
178
00:07:12,250 --> 00:07:14,749
Well, no need to watch this now or ever.
179
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:17,669
Hey, which backpack
has the real soda in it?
180
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:19,964
Dad, that is my emergency disaster kit.
181
00:07:19,965 --> 00:07:23,929
Oh, boy, I was wondering
why the Clif Bars
182
00:07:23,930 --> 00:07:26,469
were stored with the flashlights.
183
00:07:26,470 --> 00:07:28,847
- Can I help you guys with something?
- Oh, yeah.
184
00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:31,569
We figured out a way
to pay down our bills,
185
00:07:31,570 --> 00:07:33,649
and we don't even have
to sell the house, either.
186
00:07:33,650 --> 00:07:35,709
We're gonna start a Facebook fundraiser.
187
00:07:35,710 --> 00:07:37,979
Like everyone else on the Internets.
188
00:07:37,980 --> 00:07:39,959
Not everyone. Just the
people with actual issues.
189
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:40,969
Yeah, I love you guys,
190
00:07:40,970 --> 00:07:43,654
but you're just two
irresponsible baby boomers.
191
00:07:43,655 --> 00:07:46,449
Ouch. But this is gonna work.
192
00:07:46,450 --> 00:07:48,069
We saw this one girl from Miami
193
00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:49,409
who raised $80,000
194
00:07:49,410 --> 00:07:50,589
just because she was colorblind
195
00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:52,610
and needed special glasses to see blue.
196
00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:54,439
We donated $500.
197
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:58,159
Dad, you gotta keep your money!
198
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,269
Now, please, we'd like to get
back to our tragic horror show
199
00:08:01,270 --> 00:08:02,839
that puts us in a weird
place before bed.
200
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,159
Sure, sure.
201
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,551
Just don't get too
attached to that couple.
202
00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:08,669
In two episodes, they drown.
203
00:08:08,670 --> 00:08:10,350
- Debbie!
- Mom!
204
00:08:13,790 --> 00:08:16,649
This is so weird. I haven't
been in your parents' basement
205
00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:18,521
since high school.
206
00:08:18,522 --> 00:08:21,274
And it still smells like Beanie Babies.
207
00:08:21,275 --> 00:08:23,485
How cool was it that I was on the news?
208
00:08:23,486 --> 00:08:26,446
It was a great day for both of us.
209
00:08:26,447 --> 00:08:29,407
I can't believe my parents
are in this situation.
210
00:08:29,408 --> 00:08:32,229
Seriously. Deb and Stew
were always so loaded.
211
00:08:32,230 --> 00:08:35,412
After college, they gave me 10
grand for my independent film.
212
00:08:35,413 --> 00:08:37,583
- I never saw that.
- I never made it.
213
00:08:38,270 --> 00:08:41,080
Don't do any reno'ing without me.
214
00:08:41,086 --> 00:08:44,419
- Hi, doll.
- Hey, Deb-Deb!
215
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:46,350
Wow! Look at the two of you.
216
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,409
You're like handsomer Property Brothers
217
00:08:48,410 --> 00:08:50,090
from a different Property Mother.
218
00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:52,449
Let's just go upstairs and I'll show you
219
00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:53,515
my plans for the bathroom.
220
00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:54,974
Ooh, I got it! I got it!
221
00:08:54,975 --> 00:08:59,270
How married are you to
facing-forward toilets?
222
00:08:59,271 --> 00:09:00,939
Very married.
223
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,233
Yeah.
224
00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:06,519
- Mom?
- Hm?
225
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:07,779
You okay?
226
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,189
I-I think I've been so concerned
227
00:09:10,190 --> 00:09:12,690
about selling the house I
really didn't stop to think
228
00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:16,329
what it would feel like
to actually leave it.
229
00:09:16,330 --> 00:09:19,409
I know, but it's the only way
230
00:09:19,410 --> 00:09:21,751
- we're gonna get you out of this mess.
- Mm.
231
00:09:21,752 --> 00:09:23,836
Oh, God, look at this.
232
00:09:23,837 --> 00:09:26,569
Remember how obsessed
you were with these?
233
00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:27,679
Oh!
234
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,093
Yeah.
235
00:09:30,427 --> 00:09:32,428
You convinced me I was
gonna win a gold medal.
236
00:09:32,429 --> 00:09:34,669
Ah, you made uncoordinated look fun.
237
00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:36,299
Everyone was talking about it.
238
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:38,709
No, they weren't.
239
00:09:38,710 --> 00:09:40,889
I was just a dumb kid with frosted tips
240
00:09:40,890 --> 00:09:43,299
who got his heart broken
by a girl named Kate
241
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,029
who spelled her name with the letter K
242
00:09:45,030 --> 00:09:46,400
and the number eight.
243
00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:47,599
Mm.
244
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,349
That was the saddest you'd
been since you found out
245
00:09:50,350 --> 00:09:53,270
Santa was not for our people.
246
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,830
And that wound is ripped
open every December.
247
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:01,599
But you cheered me up, remember,
248
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,790
when you threw that surprise
slumber party down here for me?
249
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,420
Yeah, that was fun.
250
00:10:05,421 --> 00:10:07,809
Till you got drunk on Daddy's Zimas.
251
00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:08,920
Oh, yeah.
252
00:10:08,924 --> 00:10:10,091
I got shlammered.
253
00:10:10,092 --> 00:10:11,302
Ohh.
254
00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:16,049
I mean, I spent my whole
childhood in this room.
255
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:19,640
Well, maybe the Facebook
fundraiser could work.
256
00:10:19,650 --> 00:10:20,999
I mean, why don't we try it?
257
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,369
If it doesn't, we can always
go back to this plan.
258
00:10:24,370 --> 00:10:26,025
What do you say?
259
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:32,569
I say sure. Why don't we give it a shot.
260
00:10:35,030 --> 00:10:38,369
Hey, why do you have a vase
full of dirt on your mantle?
261
00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:42,329
That is my Great Aunt Rita's ashes.
262
00:10:42,330 --> 00:10:44,659
Okay, shot in the dark.
263
00:10:44,660 --> 00:10:46,109
Is there a slight chance
264
00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:48,463
she wanted them scattered
on your carpet?
265
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,729
Hi, everybody on the Internets.
266
00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:56,739
I'm Debbie.
267
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,669
And I'm Stew, and we're so honored
268
00:10:58,670 --> 00:11:01,109
to be a part of the
fundraising community.
269
00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:04,169
Very excited for that Miami
girl who can see blue now!
270
00:11:04,170 --> 00:11:06,379
- You're welcome!
- It's the best color.
271
00:11:06,380 --> 00:11:09,390
But we're here to talk to you
about our medical bills.
272
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,699
See, Deb hurt her knee
and needed surgery.
273
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:13,969
Show 'em how it bends funny.
274
00:11:13,970 --> 00:11:15,929
- Ow!
- Do you believe that?
275
00:11:15,930 --> 00:11:18,069
And we run the risk of losing our house
276
00:11:18,070 --> 00:11:21,129
unless you, our online
family, help us out.
277
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:23,929
Fortunately, we're living
with our son right now.
278
00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:25,160
He's a good egg.
279
00:11:25,161 --> 00:11:27,469
The best egg. A dinosaur egg.
280
00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:29,349
- Everyone's talking about it.
- They are, they are.
281
00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:33,309
Personally, I think it's because
I breastfed him for two years.
282
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:35,389
Sidebar... breastfeeding?
283
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:37,139
- Better than sex.
- All right, Deb. Hey, honey...
284
00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:38,310
- What?
- ... said it before,
285
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,579
it's very upsetting
information and hurtful.
286
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:42,809
Sweetie, you're my hunka-hunka.
287
00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:44,279
- Mwah.
- Mwah!
288
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,749
- I think this is going very well.
- Oh, me too.
289
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:49,730
We're gonna make that colorblind
girl look like a total amateur.
290
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,396
Are you guys really going
to see Drake tonight?
291
00:12:01,397 --> 00:12:03,897
Yeah. And Mom and Dad
are actually helping.
292
00:12:03,898 --> 00:12:06,067
Don't tell me they're babysitting.
293
00:12:06,068 --> 00:12:10,772
Why... Just, like, w-w-why
wouldn't I tell you that?
294
00:12:11,692 --> 00:12:14,658
Because they were bad
at babysitting us, Dave.
295
00:12:14,659 --> 00:12:15,791
Oh, come on.
296
00:12:15,792 --> 00:12:17,701
- They were great!
- Were they?
297
00:12:17,702 --> 00:12:21,287
I have two therapists, four
girlfriends, and nine dogs.
298
00:12:21,288 --> 00:12:23,631
Yeah, but that's you.
You're clearly slightly difficult.
299
00:12:23,632 --> 00:12:27,504
I was always a very easy child
and very well taken care of.
300
00:12:27,505 --> 00:12:28,771
You had 10 pairs of Rollerblades
301
00:12:28,772 --> 00:12:30,501
- and how many helmets?
- It was a different time.
302
00:12:30,502 --> 00:12:31,759
Before head injuries?
303
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,881
Maybe they played it fast and
loose with the supervision,
304
00:12:34,882 --> 00:12:36,431
but they're grandparents now.
305
00:12:36,432 --> 00:12:37,806
They're gonna be fine.
306
00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:39,171
- Whoa!
- Yeah!
307
00:12:39,172 --> 00:12:40,181
Whoo!
308
00:12:40,182 --> 00:12:41,991
Okay, Asher, Asher. Your turn.
309
00:12:41,992 --> 00:12:43,291
Oh! Fun!
310
00:12:43,292 --> 00:12:44,855
What is up, family?
311
00:12:44,856 --> 00:12:46,648
- Oh! God!
- Asher!
312
00:12:46,649 --> 00:12:49,651
Oh, sweet, sweet boy. I love you.
313
00:12:49,652 --> 00:12:50,862
There's no candy in me.
314
00:12:52,488 --> 00:12:54,489
Why are we hosting a quinceañera?
315
00:12:54,490 --> 00:12:56,641
I said your dad could buy
the kids some candy.
316
00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:58,368
He came home with two piñatas.
317
00:12:58,369 --> 00:13:00,495
Couple dozen Tootsie
Rolls never hurt anyone.
318
00:13:00,496 --> 00:13:01,931
Yes, they did. They hurt me, Dad.
319
00:13:01,932 --> 00:13:03,541
I only have four real teeth.
320
00:13:03,542 --> 00:13:05,585
- My gums bleed when I sing.
- Aw.
321
00:13:05,586 --> 00:13:07,121
Ta-da!
322
00:13:07,122 --> 00:13:08,161
Oh, my God!
323
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,088
I let her do her own makeup.
324
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:11,923
Doesn't she look beautiful?
325
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:15,719
She looks like someone left
a rainbow in a hot car.
326
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,321
I'm a princess!
327
00:13:17,322 --> 00:13:19,611
Mm-hmm. Remember,
you can also be a doctor
328
00:13:19,612 --> 00:13:22,031
or an astronaut or...
329
00:13:22,032 --> 00:13:23,131
eh, forget it.
330
00:13:23,132 --> 00:13:25,021
It's been a day.
331
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:29,858
I'm guessing that went horribly?
332
00:13:29,859 --> 00:13:31,771
Yeah. Pretty much.
333
00:13:31,772 --> 00:13:33,445
On top of the chaos out there,
334
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,041
Hazel freaked out because
she lost her Elsa heel.
335
00:13:36,042 --> 00:13:37,781
Why does Elsa even have a heel?
336
00:13:37,782 --> 00:13:39,752
Girlfriend lives on ice!
337
00:13:39,762 --> 00:13:41,537
That's a bad example for girls.
338
00:13:45,541 --> 00:13:47,084
Do you want a glass?
339
00:13:47,085 --> 00:13:48,691
No. Because they're all over the house
340
00:13:48,692 --> 00:13:50,742
covered in your mom's lipstick.
341
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:53,961
You know, maybe we shouldn't go tonight.
342
00:13:53,962 --> 00:13:55,718
We really don't have to
if you don't want to.
343
00:13:55,719 --> 00:13:56,761
Are you kidding?
344
00:13:56,762 --> 00:13:58,421
Your parents are insane
345
00:13:58,422 --> 00:13:59,611
and the house looks like
346
00:13:59,612 --> 00:14:01,933
someone burglarized the
set of "Double Dare."
347
00:14:02,802 --> 00:14:04,512
We are going to that concert.
348
00:14:05,162 --> 00:14:06,261
Okay. Great.
349
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,471
Great! You get me another
bottle of sauvy-b
350
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:10,092
and I'll go put on my good bra.
351
00:14:11,652 --> 00:14:13,951
Good bra, huh?
352
00:14:13,952 --> 00:14:16,251
So you're saying there's a chance!
353
00:14:19,822 --> 00:14:20,991
Pardon me, bitches.
354
00:14:20,992 --> 00:14:23,571
I need this more than you. I'm a mom.
355
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:24,711
I'm a dad.
356
00:14:24,712 --> 00:14:26,540
Young, cool dad.
357
00:14:26,541 --> 00:14:29,261
- Whoo!
- This is so awesome.
358
00:14:29,262 --> 00:14:30,861
But I guess it's not cool to wear
359
00:14:30,862 --> 00:14:32,581
the band's merch to the concert?
360
00:14:32,582 --> 00:14:34,581
Hey, should we get molly?
361
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,051
- Yeah? No.
- Yeah?
362
00:14:36,052 --> 00:14:38,384
No? I mean, we just threw
out all our pacifiers.
363
00:14:38,385 --> 00:14:40,811
Sorry, I'm just... I'm
so happy to be here.
364
00:14:40,812 --> 00:14:43,014
It feels so good to be alone!
365
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:45,371
- Hi!
- Oh, no!
366
00:14:45,372 --> 00:14:46,932
What the [BLEEP] is happening?
367
00:14:46,936 --> 00:14:49,651
We wanted to surprise you as a thank you
368
00:14:49,652 --> 00:14:51,681
for letting us stay with you!
369
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:52,991
Surprise!
370
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,601
It's us!
371
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:56,811
- Who's with the kids?
- Ravi.
372
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,271
- Ravi?
- Ravi?
373
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,407
I really like him. He got me this vape.
374
00:15:00,408 --> 00:15:02,761
Ravi doesn't even
acknowledge we have kids!
375
00:15:02,762 --> 00:15:04,578
He calls them our tiny roommates!
376
00:15:04,579 --> 00:15:05,851
I cannot believe this!
377
00:15:05,852 --> 00:15:07,311
H... Wait... But...
378
00:15:07,312 --> 00:15:09,681
See what you did?
379
00:15:09,682 --> 00:15:12,301
We just wanted one night away
from our tiny roommates...
380
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:13,571
our kids.
381
00:15:13,572 --> 00:15:16,181
Now I have to fix this!
382
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:18,271
And I already told all the
other dads at drop-off
383
00:15:18,272 --> 00:15:19,451
I was going to the Drake show
384
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,011
and now I'm gonna have to lie about it!
385
00:15:26,851 --> 00:15:27,975
Where are the kids?
386
00:15:27,976 --> 00:15:30,938
Oh, hey. They're unconscious...
I-I-I mean, asleep.
387
00:15:32,352 --> 00:15:33,711
They went down easy.
388
00:15:33,712 --> 00:15:35,791
You know, I gave 'em some
milk, read 'em a book.
389
00:15:35,792 --> 00:15:37,491
I let Asher do a magic trick.
390
00:15:37,492 --> 00:15:40,482
I, legit, have no idea where
that penny came from!
391
00:15:41,752 --> 00:15:43,491
Wow. Thank you so much.
392
00:15:43,492 --> 00:15:45,321
I'm genuinely surprised.
393
00:15:45,322 --> 00:15:47,955
Also, I had sex in your shower.
394
00:15:50,052 --> 00:15:51,834
You have a beautiful home.
395
00:15:52,972 --> 00:15:55,311
Anyway, just Venmo me
for the babysitting.
396
00:15:55,312 --> 00:15:56,339
Oh.
397
00:15:58,172 --> 00:16:01,291
I cannot believe you
showed up at the concert.
398
00:16:01,292 --> 00:16:03,161
I mean, how did you
even get those tickets?
399
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:05,222
- StubHub.
- We splurged.
400
00:16:05,223 --> 00:16:06,474
- You splurged?
- We splurged.
401
00:16:06,475 --> 00:16:07,642
Don't splurge!
402
00:16:08,643 --> 00:16:10,501
Dad, put down the phone. Huh?
403
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:12,729
Three, two, one!
404
00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:13,814
No more screen time, Dad!
405
00:16:13,815 --> 00:16:15,931
Our fundraiser's blowing up!
406
00:16:15,932 --> 00:16:17,526
I thought you decided not to do that?
407
00:16:17,527 --> 00:16:19,903
Well, we did, but David
said we should go for it.
408
00:16:19,904 --> 00:16:21,821
You said, "Go for it"?
409
00:16:21,822 --> 00:16:23,324
- No, I mean...
- Yup.
410
00:16:24,182 --> 00:16:26,321
It started making money
as soon as we posted it.
411
00:16:26,322 --> 00:16:28,181
It's up to seven grand.
412
00:16:28,182 --> 00:16:30,731
- Like, real American money?
- Seven grand?
413
00:16:30,732 --> 00:16:33,822
- Yep, it really pulls on your heartstrings.
- Mm.
414
00:16:37,755 --> 00:16:40,171
This is on the Internet!
415
00:16:40,172 --> 00:16:42,676
Mom, Dad, what did you do?
416
00:16:42,677 --> 00:16:47,542
Boy, uh, I did not notice breasts
when we started filming,
417
00:16:47,552 --> 00:16:49,971
but, uh, clearly there
are breasts there.
418
00:16:49,972 --> 00:16:51,171
- Dad!
- Look, there's one. There's two.
419
00:16:51,172 --> 00:16:53,491
Dad, stop zooming in
on my wife's breasts!
420
00:16:53,492 --> 00:16:54,971
Now, pi-pinch 'em to make 'em smaller.
421
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,858
No, wait, don't do that! Ew! God!
422
00:16:57,652 --> 00:17:00,051
Guys, I can put up with a lot,
423
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:01,731
but putting my wife's
boobs on the Internet
424
00:17:01,732 --> 00:17:03,401
is something I will never be okay with.
425
00:17:03,402 --> 00:17:04,781
Can you let me speak for myself?
426
00:17:04,782 --> 00:17:07,811
God! I thought I was
getting my life back,
427
00:17:07,812 --> 00:17:09,620
and instead you just ruined it!
428
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:12,121
Ah.
429
00:17:12,122 --> 00:17:15,208
Sorry, ugh, it was an accident.
430
00:17:15,209 --> 00:17:17,252
David, what can we do?
431
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:18,561
I don't know.
432
00:17:18,562 --> 00:17:20,972
I can't figure that out for you.
433
00:17:20,982 --> 00:17:23,634
I already have two kids.
I can't take care of two more.
434
00:17:25,832 --> 00:17:27,631
Well, we never wanted to be a burden
435
00:17:27,632 --> 00:17:29,386
- to you and your family.
- No.
436
00:17:29,387 --> 00:17:31,058
I think you guys should go.
437
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:35,232
It's okay. We'll figure
this out on our own.
438
00:17:36,908 --> 00:17:40,267
But before I go,
439
00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:44,822
did I tell you how long
I was in labor with you?
440
00:17:46,192 --> 00:17:48,784
I know, Mom, 72 hours.
441
00:17:48,792 --> 00:17:51,662
73.
442
00:17:53,292 --> 00:17:55,652
- 'Cause of the head, I know.
- Because of that big head.
443
00:18:06,569 --> 00:18:08,491
I didn't know you had a tattoo.
444
00:18:09,209 --> 00:18:11,448
That's my C-section scar.
445
00:18:11,449 --> 00:18:14,218
Whatever it is, people dig it.
446
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:16,041
Check out all these comments...
447
00:18:16,042 --> 00:18:17,418
"Hey, sexy!"
448
00:18:17,419 --> 00:18:19,779
"I wanna drink your bath water."
449
00:18:19,789 --> 00:18:21,670
"I work for Saudi Prince.
450
00:18:21,671 --> 00:18:23,478
How much?" Okay, that
one seems dangerous,
451
00:18:23,479 --> 00:18:25,549
but hey, a compliment's a compliment.
452
00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:27,438
This is such a violation.
453
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:30,418
My naked body for everyone
to see and comment on
454
00:18:30,419 --> 00:18:32,268
and, "Hot knockers!"
455
00:18:32,269 --> 00:18:33,888
Wow. I'll take it.
456
00:18:33,889 --> 00:18:36,468
So, how long is this video?
457
00:18:36,469 --> 00:18:39,064
No idea. We stopped before it ended.
458
00:18:39,679 --> 00:18:42,859
We have two beautiful grandchildren
459
00:18:42,869 --> 00:18:44,878
and amazing kids.
460
00:18:44,879 --> 00:18:46,648
And even our daughter Joanna,
461
00:18:46,649 --> 00:18:49,648
who's sometimes we have
a trying relationship with,
462
00:18:49,649 --> 00:18:51,778
but mainly because she's still single
463
00:18:51,779 --> 00:18:53,619
and hasn't given us grandchildren,
464
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:57,238
is a wonderful person with
an incredible business.
465
00:18:57,239 --> 00:18:59,898
Oh, uh, please check out pupcuts.net
466
00:18:59,899 --> 00:19:01,544
for all your dog-grooming needs.
467
00:19:01,545 --> 00:19:05,938
And as much as I love
braggin' about our beauties,
468
00:19:05,939 --> 00:19:07,758
nothing is better than bragging
469
00:19:07,759 --> 00:19:09,801
- about our daughter-in-law, Rebecca.
- Aw.
470
00:19:09,802 --> 00:19:12,508
She's the best. We love
her like a daughter.
471
00:19:12,509 --> 00:19:13,723
Pupcuts.net.
472
00:19:15,679 --> 00:19:17,418
Well, now I feel like an ass.
473
00:19:17,419 --> 00:19:19,138
- Me too.
- Yeah.
474
00:19:19,139 --> 00:19:21,688
You guys have been really hard on them.
475
00:19:21,689 --> 00:19:25,067
I do think I have an idea
though of something we can do.
476
00:19:25,068 --> 00:19:27,818
Great. But before you do
anything, take down the video.
477
00:19:27,819 --> 00:19:30,439
The Saudi Prince just sent me an offer.
478
00:19:30,448 --> 00:19:33,535
Like, would it get us out
of this situation, or...
479
00:19:35,199 --> 00:19:36,909
I'll take the video down.
480
00:19:39,699 --> 00:19:41,908
So, we watched more of the video.
481
00:19:41,909 --> 00:19:43,918
We love everything you
said about our family,
482
00:19:43,919 --> 00:19:46,738
and I can't imagine how hard
this is for you right now.
483
00:19:46,739 --> 00:19:48,818
Oh, thanks for saying that, Rebecca,
484
00:19:48,819 --> 00:19:51,698
but posting that video
with your ass hanging out
485
00:19:51,699 --> 00:19:53,718
was definitely crossing a line.
486
00:19:53,719 --> 00:19:55,682
It was my boobs, but doesn't matter.
487
00:19:55,683 --> 00:19:58,718
Ah, if you keep watching,
it's your ass too.
488
00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:01,388
Anyway, we're very sorry,
489
00:20:01,389 --> 00:20:03,853
and we can appreciate why
you would've been mad.
490
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,179
Oh, thank you, Debbie.
491
00:20:05,189 --> 00:20:08,378
But it was weirdly a
nice self-esteem boost.
492
00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:10,154
A prince wants to buy her.
493
00:20:10,155 --> 00:20:12,738
The point is, we think
you should live with us
494
00:20:12,739 --> 00:20:14,366
while Dave renovates your place.
495
00:20:14,367 --> 00:20:16,201
Ah... d... You want us back?
496
00:20:16,202 --> 00:20:17,244
Yeah, we really do.
497
00:20:17,245 --> 00:20:19,908
Oy, I love you guys.
498
00:20:19,909 --> 00:20:22,479
- I got the best kids ever!
- Oh.
499
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,376
Seriously, anything you need just ask.
500
00:20:24,377 --> 00:20:27,171
Except our airline miles.
We really want to go to Japan.
501
00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:28,464
Oh, we're actually going in the fall.
502
00:20:28,465 --> 00:20:29,966
Dad, stop spending your money!
503
00:20:35,759 --> 00:20:38,053
Now that we're staying with you guys
504
00:20:38,054 --> 00:20:40,538
you can take advantage
of my home cooking.
505
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,459
Eat some real food for a change.
506
00:20:43,299 --> 00:20:46,518
Thanks, Debbie, but all
we eat is real food.
507
00:20:46,519 --> 00:20:48,618
Really? Because all I found
508
00:20:48,619 --> 00:20:51,038
is dried fruit and dark chocolate.
509
00:20:51,039 --> 00:20:55,198
Which, for the record... not chocolate.
510
00:20:55,199 --> 00:20:57,908
Okay, Dad, well, why don't
you tell me what you want me
511
00:20:57,909 --> 00:20:59,218
to get you from the store,
512
00:20:59,219 --> 00:21:00,330
and I'll pick it up tomorrow.
513
00:21:00,331 --> 00:21:02,018
Perfect.
514
00:21:02,019 --> 00:21:03,374
White's not chocolate, either.
515
00:21:04,239 --> 00:21:07,538
Okay, bon appétit!
516
00:21:07,539 --> 00:21:11,458
My famous eggplant parmesan!
517
00:21:11,459 --> 00:21:12,659
- Oh.
- Thanks, Debbie,
518
00:21:12,669 --> 00:21:14,801
but I'm allergic to eggplant.
519
00:21:14,802 --> 00:21:16,838
I never heard of such a thing.
520
00:21:16,839 --> 00:21:18,959
Really? I told you like a dozen times.
521
00:21:18,969 --> 00:21:21,208
I'm allergic to all nightshades.
522
00:21:21,209 --> 00:21:24,888
Poor thing can't afford
a pair of sunglasses?
523
00:21:24,889 --> 00:21:28,019
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
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