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1
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,166
JUST GOT OFF WITH NBC.
GUESS WHAT.
2
00:00:14,166 --> 00:00:15,458
You don't have
to audition.
3
00:00:15,458 --> 00:00:16,375
NO SHIT?
4
00:00:16,375 --> 00:00:17,750
YOU JUST HAVE
TO GO IN AND MEET.
5
00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:18,875
AND I DON'T HAVE TO READ?
6
00:00:18,875 --> 00:00:21,041
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ.
All right.
7
00:00:21,041 --> 00:00:23,333
I'M THINKING IT'S TIME
TO STOP TAKING THE MEDS.
8
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:26,500
IT WOULD BE A HUGE MISTAKE
TO STOP NOW.
9
00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:27,959
I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
10
00:00:30,792 --> 00:00:31,709
AAH!
11
00:00:31,709 --> 00:00:33,709
THIS SCRIPT ISN'T GOING TO YOU.
12
00:00:33,709 --> 00:00:35,709
IT ISN'T GOING TO FOX.
13
00:00:35,709 --> 00:00:38,583
THE ONLY PLACE IT'S GOING
IS IN OUR SUITCASE HOME.
14
00:00:38,583 --> 00:00:39,709
OKAY.
15
00:00:39,709 --> 00:00:42,542
YOU DON'T PURSUE IT
BEHIND OUR BACKS.
16
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,250
IT'S OVER.
17
00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:45,750
OH, MY GOD.
18
00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:47,375
THIS ONE FOUND A WINNER.
19
00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:48,375
I READ IT LAST NIGHT.
20
00:00:48,375 --> 00:00:49,709
I DON'T WANT
TO EVEN SHOOT A PILOT.
21
00:00:49,709 --> 00:00:51,792
I WANT TO GO
STRAIGHT TO SERIES.
22
00:00:51,792 --> 00:00:53,083
HOW SOON CAN THEY START?
23
00:00:55,375 --> 00:00:58,083
[ TYPEWRITER CLICKING,
BELL CHIMES ]
24
00:01:01,291 --> 00:01:03,166
[ WIND WHISTLING ]
25
00:01:08,750 --> 00:01:11,250
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
26
00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,041
[ GUNSHOT ]
27
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:49,542
Carol: HEY, KIDS.
28
00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:50,750
HELLO.
29
00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:52,083
THIS IS A NICE SURPRISE.
30
00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:55,583
SO, THIS IS
WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS.
31
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:56,875
HAPPENED.
32
00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:58,709
[ LAUGHS ] RIGHT.
33
00:01:58,709 --> 00:02:00,583
APPARENTLY, NOBODY
WANTED TO SEE OUR TRICKS.
34
00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:01,750
[ LAUGHS ]
35
00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:05,625
ANYWAY,
WHILE I'VE GOT YOU --
36
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,125
AND DON'T BITE
MY HEAD OFF...
37
00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:09,625
THIS BETTER NOT BE GOING
WHERE I THINK IT'S GOING.
38
00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:11,583
I JUST WANT TO HAVE
A CONVERSATION.
39
00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:12,583
RIGHT.
40
00:02:12,583 --> 00:02:14,458
AND WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE CONVERSATION
41
00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:17,750
WHERE WE AGREED WE WOULD NEVER,
EVER HAVE THIS CONVERSATION?
42
00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:21,417
THAT WAS BEFORE CASTOR
SAW YOUR SCRIPT.
43
00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:24,542
OH.
HE "SAW" IT!
44
00:02:24,542 --> 00:02:27,000
[ High-pitched voice ] I SWEAR!
I DIDN'T SHOW IT TO HIM!
45
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,041
THAT'S THE OCTAVE
YOU USUALLY LIE IN.
46
00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:30,125
[ Normal voice ] HONEST.
47
00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:32,208
HE WAS SNOOPING
AROUND MY DESK.
48
00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:35,291
HE SAW IT AND READ IT,
AND -- HELLO! --
49
00:02:35,291 --> 00:02:36,625
HE LOVED IT.
50
00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:37,625
REALLY?
51
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,250
LOVED IT.
52
00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:41,125
OF ALL THE THINGS
I'VE SHOWN HIM,
53
00:02:41,125 --> 00:02:43,166
IT'S THE ONLY ONE
HE WANTS TO DO.
54
00:02:43,166 --> 00:02:44,667
SO YOU DID SHOW IT TO HIM.
OH, SO WHAT?
55
00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:46,458
[ SIGHS ]
56
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:48,083
I HAD TO!
57
00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:50,041
MY JOB IS ON THE LINE!
58
00:02:50,041 --> 00:02:51,583
HE HATES EVERYTHING.
59
00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:52,917
YOUR THING?
60
00:02:52,917 --> 00:02:54,667
HE DOESN'T EVEN WANT
TO SHOOT A PILOT.
61
00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:56,667
HE WANTS TO GO
STRAIGHT TO SERIES.
62
00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:58,709
I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.
I DON'T.
63
00:02:58,709 --> 00:03:00,500
THAT JUST MEANS
WE GET TO SKIP LIMBO
64
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:02,166
AND GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.
65
00:03:02,166 --> 00:03:03,375
OKAY.
HOW ABOUT THIS?
66
00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:06,000
WHAT IF WE JUST BUY
THE SHOW FROM YOU?
67
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,959
WE'LL HIRE SOMEONE ELSE
TO RUN IT.
68
00:03:07,959 --> 00:03:09,667
YOU WON'T EVEN
HAVE TO BE HERE.
69
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,125
NO. NO, NO.
IT'S OUR SHOW.
70
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:12,959
IF ANYONE'S GONNA RUN IT,
IT'LL BE US.
71
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,834
WELL, YOU KNOW
I'D LOVE THAT.
72
00:03:14,834 --> 00:03:16,000
FORGET IT!
73
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,250
WE'RE GOING HOME.
74
00:03:18,250 --> 00:03:20,000
TO DO WHAT?
75
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,000
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
WHEN YOU GET THERE?
76
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,625
TRY TO GET ANOTHER SHOW ON?
77
00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:27,166
AND EVEN IF YOU DO,
YOU'LL MAKE, WHAT, SIX EPISODES
78
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,291
OF SOMETHING
NO ONE WILL EVER SEE?
79
00:03:29,291 --> 00:03:30,500
WELL, ENGLAND.
80
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:31,709
EXACTLY.
81
00:03:31,709 --> 00:03:33,083
SO, ARE JUST SUPPOSED
82
00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:35,166
TO IGNORE THE DISASTER
OF THE LAST 10 MONTHS?
83
00:03:35,166 --> 00:03:38,375
WE FINALLY GOT OUT
OF THIS ONE.
84
00:03:38,375 --> 00:03:40,917
I AM NOT GOING BACK
INTO THE BURNING BUILDING.
85
00:03:40,917 --> 00:03:42,542
I DON'T CARE.
86
00:03:42,542 --> 00:03:46,166
LET THE FUCKING CAT DIE.
87
00:03:55,709 --> 00:03:56,625
WHERE ARE YOU?
88
00:03:56,625 --> 00:03:59,333
I DON'T KNOW.
89
00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:05,500
MAYBE IT COULD BE DIFFERENT
WITH A DIFFERENT SHOW.
90
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:09,500
MM.
91
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:12,500
I THINK IT'S LIKE TOSSING
THOSE RINGS AT THE FUN FAIR.
92
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:15,583
EACH TIME, YOU'RE SO SURE
YOU'LL GET IT.
93
00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:16,959
RIGHT.
94
00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:18,417
BUT, BELIEVE ME,
95
00:04:18,417 --> 00:04:23,083
YOU'RE NOT GONNA WALK AWAY
WITH A STUFFED GIRAFFE HERE.
96
00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:25,417
YOU JUST HAVE TO WALK AWAY.
97
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,208
I WANT A GIRAFFE.
98
00:04:29,208 --> 00:04:31,250
[ CHUCKLES ]
99
00:04:32,625 --> 00:04:33,792
I KNOW YOU DO.
100
00:04:33,792 --> 00:04:37,875
AND IN THIS TOWN,
IF YOU CAN WIN A GIRAFFE...
101
00:04:37,875 --> 00:04:44,375
RIGHT,
BUT [SIGHS] THIS TOWN --
102
00:04:44,375 --> 00:04:46,166
IT'S NO GOOD FOR US.
103
00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:47,917
IT NEARLY DID US IN.
104
00:04:47,917 --> 00:04:50,083
THAT IS TRUE.
105
00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:55,291
WE'VE WORKED SO HARD
TO GET BACK TO A GOOD PLACE.
106
00:04:57,041 --> 00:04:59,083
AND IT'S A VERY GOOD PLACE.
107
00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:09,750
WE DO SO MUCH BETTER
AT HOME.
108
00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:13,583
I AGREE.
109
00:05:13,583 --> 00:05:16,458
[ CHUCKLES ]
110
00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,500
THANK YOU.
111
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,750
MMM.
112
00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:27,834
IS THAT A GIRAFFE?
113
00:05:27,834 --> 00:05:30,333
IT JUST MAY BE.
114
00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:33,000
[ CHUCKLES ]
115
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:38,750
I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO GET YOU.
116
00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:40,417
OH, SHOOT.
MY PHONE WAS OFF.
117
00:05:40,417 --> 00:05:41,500
WHY?
118
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,458
I WAS GETTING WAXED.
119
00:05:43,458 --> 00:05:46,542
IF IT RINGS, IT STARTLES HER,
AND THEN -- BLGGGH!
120
00:05:46,542 --> 00:05:47,458
WHAT'S GOING ON?
121
00:05:47,458 --> 00:05:48,834
CASTOR CALLED
A BIG MEETING.
122
00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:49,875
FOR WHEN?
20 MINUTES AGO.
123
00:05:49,875 --> 00:05:51,000
WHAT?!
124
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,000
IT WAS TOTALLY
LAST MINUTE.
125
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,166
EVERYONE'S ALREADY IN THERE,
EVEN ELLIOT.
126
00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:54,000
ELLIOT'S HERE?!
MM-HMM.
127
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,917
JESUS CHRIST!
128
00:05:56,917 --> 00:05:58,166
BUT IT'S NOT JUST US.
129
00:05:58,166 --> 00:06:02,208
ALL NETWORK TV IS --
130
00:06:02,208 --> 00:06:05,041
[ CHUCKLES ] So Sorry.
131
00:06:05,041 --> 00:06:06,834
I didn't know.
132
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,458
Keep going.
133
00:06:10,166 --> 00:06:12,291
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]
134
00:06:20,792 --> 00:06:20,834
[ BOOK THUDS ]
135
00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:26,542
WHERE WAS I?
136
00:06:26,542 --> 00:06:27,792
UH,
"ALL NETWORK TV IS..."
137
00:06:27,792 --> 00:06:28,792
RIGHT.
138
00:06:28,792 --> 00:06:30,875
...DYING.
139
00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:34,917
NETWORK TV IS DYING.
140
00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:38,834
EVERY YEAR,
OUR RATINGS GET LOWER.
141
00:06:38,834 --> 00:06:40,208
CABLE IS KILLING US.
142
00:06:40,208 --> 00:06:42,709
THE INTERNET IS KILLING US.
143
00:06:42,709 --> 00:06:46,000
WE'RE CANCELING SHOWS
AT AN UNPRECEDENTED RATE.
144
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,208
AND WHAT DO WE DO?
145
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,166
WE SIT AROUND
WITH OUR HEADS UP OUR ASSES
146
00:06:50,166 --> 00:06:51,291
SAYING,
"I DON'T SMELL ANYTHING.
147
00:06:51,291 --> 00:06:52,709
DO YOU?"
148
00:06:52,709 --> 00:06:56,250
WE PUT OUT A PRODUCT
THAT'S PREDICTABLE AND STALE,
149
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,291
AND WE WONDER
WHY NO ONE'S WATCHING.
150
00:06:59,291 --> 00:07:00,917
SO NOW THAT YOU'VE DEPRESSED
THE SHIT OUT OF US,
151
00:07:00,917 --> 00:07:02,083
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
152
00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:05,083
OKAY. WE NEED TO LOOK
AT THE BIG PICTURE.
153
00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:08,625
WE NEED TO MAKE BOLD MOVES,
CHANGE THE PARADIGM.
154
00:07:09,542 --> 00:07:11,333
WHAT'S THE HOTTEST THING
RIGHT NOW?
155
00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:12,959
KARDASHIANS.
ZOMBIES!
156
00:07:12,959 --> 00:07:14,291
CLOSE.
157
00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,834
WHY ARE WE SO OBSESSED
WITH ZOMBIES?
158
00:07:16,834 --> 00:07:18,417
THEY'RE SCARY.
159
00:07:18,417 --> 00:07:20,166
RIGHT! WHY?
160
00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:21,583
'CAUSE THEY'RE ZOMBIES?
161
00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:23,458
THEY'RE SCARY
'CAUSE THEY'RE UNPREDICTABLE!
162
00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:24,500
YES!
163
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:25,583
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN
THEY'RE GOING TO ATTACK.
164
00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:26,500
THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
165
00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:28,041
YOU WANT TO DO
A ZOMBIE SHOW?
166
00:07:28,041 --> 00:07:29,458
YOU KNOW,
THERE ARE ACTUALLY
167
00:07:29,458 --> 00:07:31,959
A COUPLE OF REALLY STRONG
ZOMBIE SCRIPTS.
168
00:07:31,959 --> 00:07:35,583
NO! CHRIST!
I'M NOT SAYING WE DO ZOMBIES.
169
00:07:35,583 --> 00:07:39,834
I'M SAYING WE BECOME ZOMBIES.
170
00:07:41,208 --> 00:07:42,625
ALL RIGHTY. [ CHUCKLES ]
171
00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:45,291
WE NEED TO BE UNEXPECTED,
STARTLING, DANGEROUS!
172
00:07:45,291 --> 00:07:47,583
AND HOW DO YOU PROPOSE
WE DO THAT?
173
00:07:47,583 --> 00:07:48,500
ALL RIGHT.
174
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:53,417
START BY THROWING AWAY
THE "WHEN."
175
00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:56,458
"WHEN'S THE SHOW ON?"
DOESN'T MATTER.
176
00:07:56,458 --> 00:07:58,458
WE'RE LIVING IN A WORLD
WHERE YOUR TV
177
00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:00,458
IS BECOMING YOUR COMPUTER
IS BECOMING YOUR iPAD
178
00:08:00,458 --> 00:08:01,583
IS BECOMING YOUR PHONE.
179
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:04,542
WHEN THE SHOW'S ON
IS IRRELEVANT.
180
00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:07,041
YOU DON'T GO,
"WHEN'S THAT YouTube VIDEO ON?"
181
00:08:07,041 --> 00:08:09,125
IT'S JUST ON.
182
00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:11,875
SO, FORGET THE WHEN.
183
00:08:11,875 --> 00:08:18,417
FORGET "NIGHTS" AND "TIME SLOTS"
AND "LEAD-INS."
184
00:08:18,417 --> 00:08:21,250
SO, HOW ARE PEOPLE
SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHEN --
185
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,500
FORGET THE WHEN!
186
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,667
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]
WHAT -- WHAT WHEN?
187
00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:30,083
WHAT I MEAN IS,
HOW WILL THEY KNOW WHAT'S ON?
188
00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:32,083
THEY WON'T.
189
00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:34,208
THAT'S THE BEAUTY!
190
00:08:34,208 --> 00:08:38,250
WE'VE GOT TO ESCAPE
THE TYRANNY OF THE SCHEDULE.
191
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,458
GET RID OF ALL OF IT!
192
00:08:43,542 --> 00:08:45,125
[ GRUNTING ]
193
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,125
JESUS.
194
00:08:49,125 --> 00:08:50,583
DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.
195
00:08:50,583 --> 00:08:54,458
FROM NOW ON,
WE PROGRAM ANYTHING AT ANY TIME.
196
00:08:54,458 --> 00:08:57,000
COMEDY, DRAMA, REALITY --
MIX IT THE FUCK UP.
197
00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,250
MAYBE ONE NIGHT,
FOUR HOURS ALL ABOUT BEES!
198
00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:01,667
BEES?
BEES!
199
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:02,834
THE NEXT DAY,
PEOPLE WILL BE ALL,
200
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,458
"DID YOU SEE THAT FUCKING THING
ABOUT THE BEES?"
201
00:09:04,458 --> 00:09:06,208
THE SHEER BALLS OF IT!
202
00:09:06,208 --> 00:09:07,375
UH, HELP ME OUT HERE.
203
00:09:07,375 --> 00:09:09,041
WHAT ARE THE BEES DOING?
204
00:09:09,041 --> 00:09:10,834
ARE THEY FUNNY BEES?
205
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:12,667
ARE THEY KILLER BEES?
206
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:14,583
DO THEY HAVE A TALENT?
207
00:09:14,583 --> 00:09:15,792
I DON'T KNOW. WHO GIVES A SHIT?
THEY'RE BEES.
208
00:09:15,792 --> 00:09:16,834
THEY'LL DO WHATEVER BEES DO.
209
00:09:16,834 --> 00:09:17,709
THE POINT IS,
210
00:09:17,709 --> 00:09:19,250
PEOPLE ARE GONNA TUNE IN
TO FIND OUT
211
00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:20,208
WHAT THE HELL WE'RE DOING NEXT.
212
00:09:20,208 --> 00:09:22,291
IT'S TOTAL WATER COOLER.
213
00:09:22,291 --> 00:09:24,875
OH! AND EVERYTHING'S LIVE.
214
00:09:24,875 --> 00:09:25,959
THE BEES ARE LIVE?
215
00:09:25,959 --> 00:09:27,917
MAYBE!
HOW FUCKING GREAT WOULD THAT BE?
216
00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:28,875
[ WHIMPERS ]
217
00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:30,917
PEOPLE,
WE GOT TO THROW AWAY THE RULES.
218
00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:33,208
LIKE, WHO SAYS
ONE SHOW HAS TO END
219
00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:34,792
BEFORE ANOTHER ONE CAN START?
220
00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:36,542
HOW DO YOU -- WAIT.
WHAT NOW?
221
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:37,458
OKAY, SAY YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE
OF SOME COOKING SHOW.
222
00:09:37,458 --> 00:09:38,834
THIS WOMAN'S COOKING
AND COOKING,
223
00:09:38,834 --> 00:09:39,750
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
224
00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:41,625
THE BAD GUY
FROM ONE OF OUR DRAMAS
225
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:44,291
RUNS IN WITH A FUCKING GUN
AND HOLDS HER FUCKING HOSTAGE!
226
00:09:44,291 --> 00:09:46,750
MEANWHILE, SHE HAS NO IDEA
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!
227
00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:48,750
THE ACTUAL WOMAN FROM
THE COOKING SHOW DOESN'T KNOW?
228
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,583
RIGHT! SHE'S LIKE, "AAH!
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!"
229
00:09:50,583 --> 00:09:52,208
AND PEOPLE ARE TWEETING
AND TWITTERING --
230
00:09:52,208 --> 00:09:54,125
"YOU GOT TO WATCH THIS!
TURN IT ON! TURN IT ON!"
231
00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:55,917
THEN, ONE OF THE COPS
FROM THE DRAMA
232
00:09:55,917 --> 00:09:58,041
RUNS IN AND SHOOTS HIM --
I MEAN, ACTUALLY SHOOTS HIM.
233
00:09:58,041 --> 00:09:59,750
WE'RE SHOOTING
ONE OF OUR ACTORS?
234
00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:00,834
SO WE'LL HAVE TO PAY HIM MORE.
235
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,375
YOU KNOW THERE ARE ACTORS
WHO WILL DO IT.
236
00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:04,583
SO WE SHOOT HIM,
THEN THE POLICE RUN IN --
237
00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:06,583
THE REAL POLICE --
AND IT'S NEWS.
238
00:10:06,583 --> 00:10:08,583
THEN WE CUT TO OUR NEWS GUY.
239
00:10:08,583 --> 00:10:10,500
THAT'S WHEN
OUR NEWS SHOW STARTS.
240
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:14,041
WE MAKE THE NEWS,
THEN WE REPORT THE NEWS,
241
00:10:14,041 --> 00:10:15,834
AND NO ONE'S GONNA
REPORT IT BEFORE US
242
00:10:15,834 --> 00:10:18,333
BECAUSE WE'RE THE ONLY ONES
WHO KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
243
00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:21,083
IT'S TV FOR A NEW CENTURY.
244
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:24,709
AND THAT'S WHY THEY'RE GONNA
WATCH US AND NOT THE OTHER GUYS.
245
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,458
HOW ABOUT THAT, MY ZOMBIES?!
246
00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:30,917
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
247
00:10:45,083 --> 00:10:46,333
SO HE WAS CRAZY.
248
00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:47,959
YEAH.
249
00:10:51,458 --> 00:10:53,834
HEY, MATT.
250
00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:55,125
BERTA NISSICK.
251
00:10:55,125 --> 00:10:56,458
HI.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
252
00:10:56,458 --> 00:10:58,375
ACTUALLY,
WE'VE MET BEFORE.
253
00:10:58,375 --> 00:11:00,417
I WAS THE JUNIOR JUNIOR
CASTING PERSON
254
00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:01,750
ON "MARRIED WITH CHILDREN."
255
00:11:01,750 --> 00:11:02,875
OH, WOW.
256
00:11:02,875 --> 00:11:04,375
OH, YOU PROBABLY
DON'T REMEMBER,
257
00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:06,125
BUT YOU HIT ON ME
AT THE WRAP PARTY.
258
00:11:06,125 --> 00:11:07,125
[ CHUCKLES ]
259
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,250
OKAY.
260
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,375
SO, THIS SHOULD BE FUN.
261
00:11:10,375 --> 00:11:11,542
I'M GONNA READ WITH YOU.
262
00:11:11,542 --> 00:11:13,166
SO IF THERE'S ANYTHING
263
00:11:13,166 --> 00:11:14,875
YOU WANT ME TO DO
OR DON'T WANT ME TO DO...
264
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,125
WAIT. WHAT?
WHAT?
265
00:11:16,125 --> 00:11:18,542
UH [CHUCKLES]
I'M NOT READING.
266
00:11:18,542 --> 00:11:19,500
WHAT?
267
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,667
NO, MY AGENT
SPOKE TO SOMEONE,
268
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:24,750
AND IT WAS ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTOOD
THAT IT'S JUST A MEETING.
269
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,083
AH.
270
00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:27,125
UM...
271
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:30,500
WELL, THAT'S NOT
THE INFORMATION WE GOT.
272
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:31,625
[ CHUCKLES ]
273
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:33,000
ANDREW AND THE EXECS
ARE IN THERE,
274
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,000
WAITING FOR YOU TO READ.
275
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,375
WELL,
THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.
276
00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:38,250
OKAY.
277
00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,834
UM, JUST GIVE ME A SEC.
278
00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:41,375
[ CLICKS TONGUE ]
YEAH, WHATEVER.
279
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:42,792
YEAH,
I'M CALLING MY AGENT.
280
00:11:42,792 --> 00:11:44,208
GOOD.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
281
00:11:44,208 --> 00:11:45,166
OKAY.
GOOD.
282
00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:46,333
[ Chuckling ] YEAH.
283
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,375
HEY, IT'S MATT LeBLANC.
IS HE THERE?
284
00:11:52,375 --> 00:11:54,208
CAN YOU REACH HIM?
285
00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:56,625
NO, NO. I NEED HIM NOW.
286
00:11:56,625 --> 00:11:57,750
'CAUSE I'M AT FUCKING NBC,
287
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,583
ABOUT TO GO
INTO A FUCKING MEETING,
288
00:11:59,583 --> 00:12:01,208
AND THEY THINK
I'M FUCKING READING,
289
00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:02,333
WHICH I AM FUCKING NOT!
290
00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:04,417
LISTEN, AS SOON
AS YOU HEAR FROM HIM,
291
00:12:04,417 --> 00:12:06,333
YOU HAVE HIM CALL ME ON MY CELL.
292
00:12:08,375 --> 00:12:13,125
MONSIEUR LeBLANC,
WHAT A CLUSTERFUCK.
293
00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:15,500
WE WERE TOLD
YOU WERE GOING TO READ.
294
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,333
NO. THE WHOLE DEAL WAS
I'M NOT GONNA READ.
295
00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:20,417
BUT THEN WE HEARD
THAT YOU WERE.
296
00:12:20,417 --> 00:12:21,583
NO.
[ SCOFFS ]
297
00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:23,458
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
I DON'T KNOW.
298
00:12:23,458 --> 00:12:26,000
IT'S MORTIFYING.
I AM MORTIFIED.
299
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,000
I AGREE.
300
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,375
[ SIGHS ]
301
00:12:28,375 --> 00:12:29,625
SO, WHAT DO WE DO?
302
00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:31,917
I DON'T KNOW.
THEY'RE WAITING.
303
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,458
YOU KNOW,
IF IT WERE JUST UP TO ME,
304
00:12:33,458 --> 00:12:35,625
I WOULD GIVE YOU THE PART
IN A HEARTBEAT,
305
00:12:35,625 --> 00:12:37,250
BUT IT'S
THE FUCKING SUITS.
306
00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:38,959
IT'S BECOMING
A PISSING MATCH.
307
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,542
OKAY, LOOK, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
I LOVE THIS THING.
308
00:12:41,542 --> 00:12:43,917
BUT, NO,
I'M NOT READING.
309
00:12:45,917 --> 00:12:47,417
IN ALL FAIRNESS --
310
00:12:47,417 --> 00:12:49,375
AND I PROBABLY
SHOULDN'T TELL YOU THIS --
311
00:12:49,375 --> 00:12:52,417
THERE IS ANOTHER ACTOR
THEY'RE VERY KEEN ON.
312
00:12:52,417 --> 00:12:53,417
WHO?
313
00:12:53,417 --> 00:12:54,917
I CAN'T SAY.
314
00:12:54,917 --> 00:12:55,917
CAN I?
NO.
315
00:12:55,917 --> 00:12:56,959
NO?
NO.
316
00:12:56,959 --> 00:12:59,417
HE CAME IN YESTERDAY,
317
00:12:59,417 --> 00:13:02,083
AND HE WAS FINE IN A TOTALLY
BORING WAY YOU'D EXPECT
318
00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:04,041
IF YOU KNEW
WHO I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
319
00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:05,917
[ IMITATES SNORING ]
[ LAUGHS ]
320
00:13:05,917 --> 00:13:07,417
BUT IF YOU DON'T
READ TODAY,
321
00:13:07,417 --> 00:13:09,166
THEY'RE GONNA GIVE THE PART
TO HIM.
322
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:11,375
PLUS, HE'S A LOT CHEAPER
THAN YOU.
323
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:12,542
A lot.
324
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,917
PLEASE.
325
00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:15,625
I BESEECH YOU.
326
00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:18,917
[ SIGHS ]
327
00:13:23,542 --> 00:13:25,125
NO.
328
00:13:25,125 --> 00:13:26,250
NO.
329
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:27,625
I'M NOT GONNA EAT
THEIR SHIT.
330
00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:29,000
OH, COME ON!
331
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,125
WE ALL HAVE TO EAT SHIT
NOW AND THEN.
332
00:13:31,125 --> 00:13:33,583
YOU JUST HAVE TO EAT IT
UNTIL THE SHOW'S A BIG HIT --
333
00:13:33,583 --> 00:13:34,792
THEN THEY'LL
HAVE TO EAT YOURS.
334
00:13:34,792 --> 00:13:37,333
IT'S CALLED
"SHOW BUSINESS."
335
00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,917
NO. I'M SORRY.
336
00:13:39,917 --> 00:13:42,166
GOOD LUCK
WITH THE PROJECT.
337
00:13:46,417 --> 00:13:48,709
SO YOU JUST WALKED OUT?
338
00:13:48,709 --> 00:13:49,792
HEY, AT A CERTAIN POINT,
339
00:13:49,792 --> 00:13:51,875
SOMEONE HAS TO SAY NO
TO THESE ASSHOLES.
340
00:13:51,875 --> 00:13:55,250
IT'S A VERY STRANGE DAY
WHEN YOU'RE MY HERO.
AWW.
341
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,208
SO, DO WE KNOW WHO THE OTHER
GUY IS WHO'S GETTING THE PART?
342
00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:58,250
NAH.
343
00:13:58,250 --> 00:13:59,500
THEY WERE JUST USING THAT
TO GET ME TO READ.
344
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,375
THERE PROBABLY
ISN'T EVEN ANOTHER GUY.
345
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:02,583
REALLY?
346
00:14:02,583 --> 00:14:03,834
HERE'S WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
347
00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:05,750
RIGHT NOW,
THEY'RE TELLING EACH OTHER
348
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:07,583
THEY DIDN'T WANT ME
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
349
00:14:07,583 --> 00:14:11,917
THEN THEY'LL OFFER IT TO SOME
BIG MOVIE GUY LIKE NICOLAS CAGE,
350
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,834
WHO YOU KNOW
ISN'T GONNA DO TV,
351
00:14:14,834 --> 00:14:16,125
BUT HE'LL JERK THEM AROUND
FOR A WHILE,
352
00:14:16,125 --> 00:14:19,083
THEN COME BACK AND SAY
[GASPS] HE WON'T DO TV.
353
00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:20,542
THEN THEY'LL GO TO, LIKE,
354
00:14:20,542 --> 00:14:23,667
SOME BIG BROADWAY STAR
WHO NOBODY'S FUCKING HEARD OF,
355
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,458
AND HE WON'T WANT
TO LEAVE NEW YORK,
356
00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:27,208
WHICH ONLY MAKES THEM
WANT HIM MORE.
357
00:14:27,208 --> 00:14:29,250
SO THEY'LL OFFER
TO SHOOT IT IN NEW YORK,
358
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:31,208
BUT THEN THE BROADWAY GUY
WILL DECIDE
359
00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:32,375
HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO TV.
360
00:14:32,375 --> 00:14:34,750
THEN THEY'LL JUST GIVE IT
TO DYLAN McDERMOTT.
361
00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:37,208
AND THAT'S WHY
I WANT TO GO HOME.
362
00:14:37,208 --> 00:14:39,417
RIGHT. BUT IN THE MEANTIME,
YOU'RE HERE.
363
00:14:39,417 --> 00:14:43,542
SO...TO THE THREE OF US
IN WHAT WAS, ON THE WHOLE,
364
00:14:43,542 --> 00:14:45,208
A FAIRLY SHITTY
EXPERIENCE...
[ LAUGHS ]
365
00:14:45,208 --> 00:14:46,458
[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]
SORRY.
366
00:14:46,458 --> 00:14:48,083
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
367
00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:49,583
YOU WERE UP
TO "SHITTY EXPERIENCE."
368
00:14:49,583 --> 00:14:50,542
HELLO?
369
00:14:50,542 --> 00:14:53,208
SEAN, HI. IT'S EILEEN.
370
00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:57,959
DID CAROL RANCE OFFER YOU
A SERIES PICK-UP, NO PILOT?
371
00:14:57,959 --> 00:14:58,875
YES.
372
00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:00,709
You've got to tell me
these things.
373
00:15:00,709 --> 00:15:02,208
KIM SALLY HEARD ABOUT IT.
374
00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:05,542
SHE'S WILLING TO MATCH IT
AND KICK IN A BIG PENALTY.
375
00:15:05,542 --> 00:15:06,875
WHAT?
376
00:15:06,875 --> 00:15:07,792
IT'S EILEEN.
377
00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:09,041
FOX IS WILLING TO OFFER US
378
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,875
A SERIES PICK-UP
WITH A BIG PENALTY.
379
00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:13,041
THE PENALTY BEING
WE WOULD HAVE TO DO IT.
380
00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:14,792
EILEEN, I'M SORRY.
381
00:15:14,792 --> 00:15:17,125
WE SAID NO TO CAROL,
AND IT'S NO TO KIM.
382
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,375
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
383
00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:22,125
[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]
[ SIGHS ] UNBELIEVABLE.
384
00:15:23,834 --> 00:15:25,500
HELLO.
385
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:26,500
HI, SWEETIE.
386
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,417
HI. I'M OUT TO DINNER.
CAN I CALL YOU BACK?
387
00:15:28,417 --> 00:15:29,959
NO.
NO?
388
00:15:29,959 --> 00:15:32,041
ELLIOT SALAD
READ YOUR SCRIPT.
389
00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,250
HE REALLY LIKED IT.
390
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:37,333
HE SAID IT WAS THE ONE
SANE THING CASTOR SAID.
391
00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:40,583
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE EVEN
HAVING THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN.
392
00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:42,000
IT'S ELLIOT SALAD!
393
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,917
How do I say no
to Elliot Salad?
394
00:15:44,917 --> 00:15:48,250
I DON'T CARE.
WITH CROUTONS, BUT SAY IT.
395
00:15:48,250 --> 00:15:49,250
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
396
00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:50,417
WHAT'S...
397
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,542
ELLIOT SALAD
READ THE SCRIPT,
398
00:15:51,542 --> 00:15:53,417
AND NOW HE WANTS TO DO IT.
399
00:15:53,417 --> 00:15:54,458
SHE SAID --
I heard.
400
00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:55,709
PUT BEV ON.
401
00:15:55,709 --> 00:15:57,166
SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
SWITCH.
402
00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:58,208
[ SIGHS ]
SERIOUSLY?
403
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,250
BEV, HI.
404
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:04,333
WE HAVEN'T REALLY GOTTEN TO KNOW
EACH OTHER THAT WELL...
405
00:16:04,333 --> 00:16:05,333
OR AT ALL.
406
00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:06,625
Okay, sure.
407
00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:09,625
BUT CAN I JUST SAY,
AS YOUR AGENT --
408
00:16:09,625 --> 00:16:12,000
OUR AGENT?
SHE'S OUR AGENT?
KIND OF.
409
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,834
WHAT ABOUT STANLEY?
HE'S OKAY WITH IT.
410
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:15,458
IT'S LIKE WAKING UP
FROM A COMA.
411
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:16,959
Bev, listen to me.
412
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:19,875
YOU'VE GOT TWO NETWORKS
COMPETING FOR YOU.
413
00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:21,125
IT'S A BIG DEAL.
414
00:16:21,125 --> 00:16:22,125
NOT TO ME.
415
00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:23,500
PUT HER BACK ON.
SWITCH.
416
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,041
JESUS CHRIST.
417
00:16:25,041 --> 00:16:26,417
JUST PUT ME ON SPEAKER.
418
00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:28,375
YOU'RE ON SPEAKER.
All right.
419
00:16:28,375 --> 00:16:30,875
WHAT WILL IT TAKE
TO GET YOU TO STAY HERE?
420
00:16:30,875 --> 00:16:33,583
Name it.
I will make it happen.
421
00:16:33,583 --> 00:16:34,625
YOU WANT SOMEONE
422
00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:37,625
TO BRING YOU TEA AND CRUMPETS
EVERY AFTERNOON?
423
00:16:37,625 --> 00:16:39,375
I WILL DO IT PERSONALLY.
424
00:16:39,375 --> 00:16:41,041
YOU -- YOU NEED MORE RAIN?
425
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:42,750
WE GOT MACHINES FOR THAT.
426
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,667
What do you want?
427
00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:45,750
JUDI DENCH?
428
00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:48,583
THERE ARE WAYS TO GET HER HERE.
429
00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:49,709
WHAT'S SHE OFFERING YOU?
430
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,500
JUDI DENCH, APPARENTLY.
431
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:52,667
FOR WHICH PART?
432
00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:54,667
I THINK IN GENERAL.
433
00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:56,458
ALL RIGHT.
PUT ME ON SPEAKER, TOO.
434
00:16:56,458 --> 00:16:58,417
[ SIGHS ]
435
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:01,500
Carol, hi.
It's Eileen.
436
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:02,792
CAROL: Hi, sweetie.
437
00:17:02,792 --> 00:17:05,583
Kim is prepared to match
whatever you're offering,
438
00:17:05,583 --> 00:17:06,667
and you know Kim.
439
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:08,000
Yeah, I know Kim.
440
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,500
She was my assistant
for four years.
441
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,291
I don't care
what Kim wants.
442
00:17:12,291 --> 00:17:15,834
Elliot wants this to happen,
so it is going to happen.
443
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:18,208
NO, IT'S NOT
GOING TO HAPPEN.
444
00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:19,417
THEN HANG UP.
445
00:17:19,417 --> 00:17:21,125
JUST HANG UP.
HANG THE FUCK UP.
446
00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:22,333
WE'RE HANGING UP.
447
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:23,625
Don't hang up.
Don't hang up!
Don't hang up.
448
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:24,625
BYE.
Don't hang up!
449
00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:25,875
NOW TURN THEM OFF.
450
00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:27,458
ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING PHONES.
451
00:17:27,458 --> 00:17:29,667
STARTING NOW,
IT'S A NO-PHONE DINNER, YES?
452
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:30,709
AGREED.
DONE.
453
00:17:30,709 --> 00:17:33,667
[ CELLPHONE RINGTONE PLAYS ]
HANG ON A SEC.
454
00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:34,834
WHAT'S UP?
455
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:37,041
YOU SITTING DOWN?
YEAH.
456
00:17:37,041 --> 00:17:38,333
THEY BLINKED AGAIN.
457
00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:40,000
WHO BLINKED?
NBC.
458
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:40,959
MEANING?
459
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,542
YOU GOT THE SHOW.
460
00:17:42,542 --> 00:17:45,166
[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]
461
00:17:48,041 --> 00:17:51,375
GOT TO SAY, I AM NOT
GOING TO MISS THIS PLACE.
462
00:17:51,375 --> 00:17:52,375
OH, I KNOW.
463
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,959
OF ALL THE ROOMS
WE'VE EVER BEEN IN,
464
00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:57,083
THIS MAY BE
MY LEAST FAVORITE.
465
00:17:57,083 --> 00:17:59,583
AND WE'VE BEEN
IN ANNE FRANK'S HOUSE.
466
00:17:59,583 --> 00:18:00,542
[ LAUGHS ]
467
00:18:00,542 --> 00:18:04,166
[ TYPEWRITER CLICKING,
BELL CHIMES ]
468
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,917
Merc: [ LAUGHS ]
469
00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:07,792
[ Cockney accent ]
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
470
00:18:07,792 --> 00:18:08,625
IT'S FISH AND CHIPS.
471
00:18:08,625 --> 00:18:10,709
BLOODY HELL.
FUCK ME.
472
00:18:10,709 --> 00:18:12,291
COME HERE, YOU.
473
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:13,458
REALLY? STILL?
474
00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:14,709
COME HERE.
475
00:18:14,709 --> 00:18:16,250
[ LAUGHS ]
476
00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:18,125
[ Normal voice ] AH!
477
00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:20,083
AH, YOU KNOW,
THIS IS SO WEIRD.
478
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,959
I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT YOU TWO.
WHY?
479
00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:24,542
WE GOT TO MAKE
SOME MORE TV TOGETHER.
480
00:18:24,542 --> 00:18:26,500
[ Laughing ]
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
481
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,208
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS --
482
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,125
YOU NEED SOMEONE LIKE ME
TO RUN INTERFERENCE,
483
00:18:30,125 --> 00:18:31,917
KEEP THE IDIOTS
OUT OF YOUR HAIR.
484
00:18:31,917 --> 00:18:34,375
THIS MAY BE
MY FAVORITE MOMENT SO FAR.
485
00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:36,583
I'M TELLING YOU --
SOMEONE'S GOT TO PROTECT YOU
486
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,291
FROM THOSE ASSHOLES
AT THE NETWORK.
487
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:39,792
WHERE WERE YOU
WHEN WE MET YOU?
488
00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:41,917
[ LAUGHS ]
489
00:18:41,917 --> 00:18:43,083
UNFORTUNATELY,
490
00:18:43,083 --> 00:18:45,125
WE'RE HEADING BACK TO LONDON
TOMORROW.
491
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,625
WELL,
WHAT ABOUT "PUCKS"?
492
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:47,667
OVER.
493
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:50,458
NO! I LOVED THAT SHOW.
494
00:18:50,458 --> 00:18:51,959
DID YOU?
495
00:18:51,959 --> 00:18:55,333
WELL, AT LEAST THAT COCKSUCKER
LeBLANC'S OUT OF A JOB.
496
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:56,834
THAT'S ONE GOOD THING.
497
00:18:56,834 --> 00:18:58,208
ACTUALLY,
SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU,
498
00:18:58,208 --> 00:18:59,959
BUT HE'S STARRING
IN A BIG NBC PILOT.
499
00:18:59,959 --> 00:19:01,667
REALLY?
500
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:02,792
MM, SOME DRAMA.
501
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:03,917
SUPPOSED TO BE
THEIR HOT NEW THING.
502
00:19:03,917 --> 00:19:05,667
OH.
503
00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:08,750
GOOD FOR HIM.
504
00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:16,125
ALL RIGHT, KITCHEN'S DONE.
WHAT NEXT?
505
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,291
ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH
WITH AMERICAN PLUG?
506
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,959
CHUCK IT.
CONSIDER IT CHUCKED.
507
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,709
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
OH, GOD.
508
00:19:21,709 --> 00:19:23,166
THE CAR'S HERE ALREADY?
509
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,333
HI.
510
00:19:29,333 --> 00:19:30,792
I CAME TO SAY GOODBYE.
511
00:19:30,792 --> 00:19:32,667
AND...
512
00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:34,333
AND NOTHING.
513
00:19:34,333 --> 00:19:38,000
I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU A HUG
BEFORE YOU GO.
514
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,166
I'M SAD.
515
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,667
I KNOW.
516
00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:47,417
I'M GONNA MISS YOU
SO MUCH.
517
00:19:47,417 --> 00:19:49,500
I'M GONNA MISS YOU, TOO.
518
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:50,834
I REALLY AM.
519
00:19:50,834 --> 00:19:52,417
SUSAN SARANDON
READ YOUR SCRIPT.
520
00:19:52,417 --> 00:19:53,834
WHAT?
WHAT?
521
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:56,667
OH, GOD. I WASN'T GONNA SAY IT.
IT JUST POPPED OUT.
522
00:19:56,667 --> 00:19:58,208
LET GO OF ME.
523
00:19:58,208 --> 00:19:59,417
DON'T BE MAD.
524
00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:02,667
SHE READ IT
AND REALLY WANTS TO DO IT.
525
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:05,709
SUSAN SARANDON.
I LOVE SUSAN SARANDON.
526
00:20:05,709 --> 00:20:07,083
AND SHE LOVES THE PART.
527
00:20:07,083 --> 00:20:09,000
SHE'S NEVER DONE A SERIES.
528
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,875
SHE SAID THIS IS WHAT
SHE'S BEEN WAITING FOR.
529
00:20:11,875 --> 00:20:14,542
COME ON.
SUSAN SARANDON.
530
00:20:14,542 --> 00:20:16,291
OH, PLEASE!
531
00:20:16,291 --> 00:20:18,583
YOU KNOW BY THE TIME
THEY'RE DONE WITH US,
532
00:20:18,583 --> 00:20:20,542
IT'S NOT GOING TO BE
SUSAN SARANDON.
533
00:20:20,542 --> 00:20:22,750
SHE'S JUST SAYING
SUSAN SARANDON TODAY.
534
00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:24,750
OOH, LOOK -- A CARROT.
535
00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:27,917
BUT ONCE WE'RE IN,
IT'S, "OH, SORRY.
536
00:20:27,917 --> 00:20:31,625
"SUSAN CAN'T DO IT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHO WE CAN GET?
537
00:20:31,625 --> 00:20:33,542
"SOMEONE SHITTY
538
00:20:33,542 --> 00:20:34,792
WHO'S TOTALLY WRONG
FOR THE PART."
539
00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:38,542
YOU WATCH --
IT'LL END UP BEING...
540
00:20:38,542 --> 00:20:39,709
THIS CUP.
541
00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:42,291
SHE'LL RING US UP ONE DAY.
[ Nasally ] "HOLD FOR CAROL."
542
00:20:42,291 --> 00:20:44,375
AND SHE'LL BE ALL...
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
543
00:20:44,375 --> 00:20:47,041
[ As Carol ]
"YOU GUYS, GUESS WHAT --
544
00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:50,000
"THE CUP WANTS TO DO YOUR SHOW.
THIS IS HUGE.
545
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,500
THE CUP
TURNS DOWN EVERYTHING!"
546
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,917
[ Normal voice ]
AND WE'LL BE, "UH, THE CUP?"
547
00:20:54,917 --> 00:20:57,000
AND SHE'LL SAY,
[As Carol] "SERIOUSLY?
548
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,583
"YOU DON'T KNOW THE CUP?
549
00:20:58,583 --> 00:21:02,250
FROM 'WHERE'S MY SAUCER?'
AND 'ME AND THE SPOON.'"
550
00:21:02,250 --> 00:21:05,417
[ Normal voice ]
YEAH, AND SUDDENLY,
WE'LL BE DOING A SHOW
551
00:21:05,417 --> 00:21:07,000
STARRING A FUCKING CUP,
552
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,250
WHO YOU JUST KNOW
553
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:11,250
IS GONNA WANT TO MAKE
LOTS OF VERY CUPPY CHANGES
554
00:21:11,250 --> 00:21:14,542
BECAUSE IT NEEDS
TO MAKE IT ITS OWN.
555
00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:16,417
[ SIGHS ]
556
00:21:18,125 --> 00:21:19,375
DID SUSAN SAY
WHAT SHE LIKED ABOUT IT?
557
00:21:19,375 --> 00:21:20,792
OH!
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
558
00:21:20,792 --> 00:21:22,542
[ CUP THUMPS ]
559
00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:25,458
HEY.
CAME TO SAY GOODBYE.
560
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:26,542
AND THAT'S ALL?
561
00:21:26,542 --> 00:21:28,083
UH, YEAH.
562
00:21:30,166 --> 00:21:31,625
YOU SEE?
563
00:21:31,625 --> 00:21:32,667
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
564
00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:34,417
THIS IS WHAT SAYING GOODBYE
LOOKS LIKE.
565
00:21:34,417 --> 00:21:36,750
IT'S JUST SAYING GOODBYE --
566
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:39,333
NO HIDDEN AGENDAS,
NO LAST-DITCH EFFORTS.
567
00:21:39,333 --> 00:21:41,417
SUSAN SARANDON
WANTS TO DO OUR SHOW!
568
00:21:41,417 --> 00:21:42,333
"PUCKS"?
569
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:43,333
NO, THAT OTHER SCRIPT.
570
00:21:43,333 --> 00:21:44,709
OOH.
I WORKED WITH HER.
571
00:21:44,709 --> 00:21:45,917
SHE'S AMAZING.
572
00:21:45,917 --> 00:21:46,959
IF YOU COULD GET
SUSAN SARANDON...
573
00:21:46,959 --> 00:21:49,250
WE'VE GOT HER.
574
00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:51,709
PROBABLY GOOD
YOU'RE GOING HOME.
575
00:21:51,709 --> 00:21:52,917
[ SIGHS ]
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
576
00:21:52,917 --> 00:21:55,125
[ CUP THUDS ]
SHIT. THAT'S THE CAR.
577
00:21:55,125 --> 00:21:57,083
WHAT ARE WE FORGETTING?
578
00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:58,250
OH, GOOD.
579
00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:00,417
I'M SO GLAD I CAUGHT YOU
BEFORE YOU LEFT.
580
00:22:00,417 --> 00:22:02,709
Eileen: HI, GUYS.
581
00:22:02,709 --> 00:22:04,125
I'VE GOT BIG NEWS.
582
00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:06,166
CBS WANTS IN.
583
00:22:06,166 --> 00:22:08,125
THAT'S THREE NETWORKS.
584
00:22:08,125 --> 00:22:10,458
WELL,
ONLY ONE IS GETTING IT.
585
00:22:10,458 --> 00:22:13,166
CBS IS GUARANTEEING THEM
A KILLER TIME SLOT.
586
00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,875
YOU DON'T HAVE
A KILLER TIME SLOT.
587
00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:16,959
THAT'S WORTH A LOT.
588
00:22:16,959 --> 00:22:19,208
I GOT THEM
SUSAN SARANDON.
589
00:22:19,208 --> 00:22:20,375
[ LAUGHS ]
590
00:22:20,375 --> 00:22:22,083
SUSAN SARANDON'S
NOT DOING TELEVISION.
591
00:22:22,083 --> 00:22:23,125
THANK YOU.
MNH-MNH.
592
00:22:23,125 --> 00:22:25,000
SHE'S GOT THREE MOVIES
LINED UP.
593
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,000
WHAT ABOUT GOLDIE HAWN?
594
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,250
OOH!
SHE'S GREAT.
595
00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:31,333
SHE'S A CLIENT.
596
00:22:31,333 --> 00:22:33,125
STOP CASTING.
597
00:22:33,125 --> 00:22:34,375
[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]
MM.
598
00:22:34,375 --> 00:22:35,500
[ SIGHS ]
599
00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:36,959
KIM SALLY FROM FOX.
600
00:22:36,959 --> 00:22:38,208
HI, HONEY.
601
00:22:38,208 --> 00:22:40,500
I'M ACTUALLY
WITH THEM NOW.
602
00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:41,583
NOT WITH ME.
603
00:22:41,583 --> 00:22:44,041
I'VE ALSO GOT
CAROL RANCE HERE.
604
00:22:44,041 --> 00:22:45,166
KIM WANTS
TO COME OVER, TOO.
605
00:22:45,166 --> 00:22:46,375
Beverly: NO!
606
00:22:46,375 --> 00:22:47,500
THIS IS FUN.
607
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:48,583
DON'T WORRY.
608
00:22:48,583 --> 00:22:49,834
I'LL CALL BACK
IF ANYTHING CHANGES.
609
00:22:49,834 --> 00:22:52,000
NOTHING
IS GOING TO CHANGE.
610
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,709
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
611
00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:05,166
AREN'T YOU GOING
TO GET THAT?
612
00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:07,750
WE NEVER USE THAT PHONE.
IT CAME WITH THE HOUSE.
613
00:23:07,750 --> 00:23:09,917
IT'S NEVER RUNG
THE WHOLE TIME WE'VE BEEN HERE.
614
00:23:09,917 --> 00:23:11,417
WE DON'T EVEN KNOW
THE NUMBER.
615
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,667
I'M SORRY.
I CAN NOT NOT ANSWER A PHONE.
616
00:23:19,709 --> 00:23:21,291
[ BEEPS ]
HELLO.
617
00:23:21,291 --> 00:23:23,000
MAN: Hi.
I'm calling from CBS.
618
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,083
I have Les Moonves
for Sean and Beverly.
619
00:23:25,083 --> 00:23:29,500
UH, SEAN AND BEVERLY
ARE RIGHT HERE.
620
00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:31,542
You're on with Les.
621
00:23:31,542 --> 00:23:34,000
HI. IS THIS SEAN AND BEVERLY?
622
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,583
UH, IT'S LES MOON--
623
00:23:35,583 --> 00:23:37,166
[ ALL GASP ]
624
00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:38,291
WE HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH.
625
00:23:38,291 --> 00:23:39,500
ARE YOU CRAZY?
626
00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:40,917
I'LL CALL HIM BACK
AND SAY WE WERE DISCONNECTED.
627
00:23:40,917 --> 00:23:42,875
YOU HUNG UP ON LES MOONVES?
I'M CALLING SUSAN SARANDON.
628
00:23:42,875 --> 00:23:43,959
TELL HER I SAID HELLO.
629
00:23:43,959 --> 00:23:46,250
HOW CAN WE LEAVE?
EVERYBODY WANTS US.
630
00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:48,417
WHICH IS WHY
WE SHOULD LEAVE.
631
00:23:48,417 --> 00:23:49,875
IT'S THE PERFECT TIME.
Eileen: THERE WAS A PROBLEM
WITH THE PHONE.
632
00:23:49,875 --> 00:23:51,917
I DON'T KNOW -- MAYBE
THE ELECTRICITY WENT OUT.
WHAT?
633
00:23:51,917 --> 00:23:55,542
WE HAVE SPENT A YEAR
FEELING ABSOLUTELY POWERLESS.
634
00:23:55,542 --> 00:23:57,500
AS SOON AS WE SAY YES
TO ONE OF THOSE FUCKERS,
635
00:23:57,500 --> 00:23:58,625
WE'RE RIGHT BACK THERE,
636
00:23:58,625 --> 00:24:02,250
BUT IF WE GO NOW, WITH ALL
OF THEM FIGHTING OVER US,
637
00:24:02,250 --> 00:24:06,417
THAT'S AS GOOD AS IT GETS
IN THIS TOWN.
638
00:24:06,417 --> 00:24:08,917
THIS IS THE GIRAFFE.
639
00:24:08,917 --> 00:24:11,500
UH-HUH.
640
00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:15,959
HEY, YOUR CAR'S HERE.
WHAT SHOULD I TELL HIM?
641
00:24:15,959 --> 00:24:18,875
...CALL HERE. RIGHT.
642
00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:20,583
WE'RE LEAVING.
643
00:24:21,875 --> 00:24:22,959
OH!
644
00:24:22,959 --> 00:24:24,625
REALLY?
645
00:24:24,625 --> 00:24:27,208
SHOULD WE, UH...
646
00:24:27,208 --> 00:24:28,625
GET LES MOONVES BACK
ON THE PHONE BECAUSE IT WAS...
647
00:24:28,625 --> 00:24:29,667
NO, YOU'RE NOT --
I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
648
00:24:29,667 --> 00:24:30,959
...IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I WANT TO TALK TO SUSAN.
649
00:24:30,959 --> 00:24:32,250
FUCK 'EM.
650
00:24:32,250 --> 00:24:33,709
[ LAUGHS ]
651
00:24:33,709 --> 00:24:36,250
GET OUT OF HERE.
652
00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:55,500
MR. SALAD!
653
00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:57,291
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE IN TOWN.
654
00:24:57,291 --> 00:24:59,125
[ CHUCKLES ]
655
00:24:59,125 --> 00:25:02,000
SO I'M STILL GETTING HUGS?
656
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:02,917
WHY NOT?
657
00:25:02,917 --> 00:25:04,917
AS I RECALL,
LAST TIME WE SPOKE,
658
00:25:04,917 --> 00:25:07,000
YOU TOLD ME
I COULD GO FUCK MYSELF
659
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,417
WITH CASTOR SOTTO'S DICK.
660
00:25:08,417 --> 00:25:10,208
AH, YOU FIRED ME.
I WAS A LITTLE HURT.
661
00:25:10,208 --> 00:25:11,917
WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE.
662
00:25:11,917 --> 00:25:13,125
ANYWAY, UH, BE WELL.
663
00:25:13,125 --> 00:25:14,291
OH!
664
00:25:14,291 --> 00:25:15,458
I HEARD ABOUT MATT LeBLANC
665
00:25:15,458 --> 00:25:17,500
GETTING THAT BIG PILOT
OVER AT NBC.
666
00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:18,917
WHAT?
667
00:25:18,917 --> 00:25:20,041
WHAT?
YOU DIDN'T KNOW?
668
00:25:20,041 --> 00:25:22,125
SUPPOSEDLY, THEY'RE BUILDING
A WHOLE NIGHT AROUND IT.
669
00:25:22,125 --> 00:25:23,667
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I GOT TO SAY --
670
00:25:23,667 --> 00:25:25,208
I WAS KIND OF SURPRISED
YOU'D LET THAT HAPPEN.
671
00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:28,041
I MEAN, NOT MY BUSINESS ANYMORE,
BUT HOW'S THAT LOOK?
672
00:25:28,041 --> 00:25:29,583
HE BOMBS WITH YOU GUYS,
673
00:25:29,583 --> 00:25:32,125
THEN GETS A BIG HIT
ACROSS THE STREET?
674
00:25:32,125 --> 00:25:34,333
PEOPLE GET FIRED FOR THAT.
675
00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:36,500
AND IT'S NBC?
676
00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:37,792
MM-HMM.
677
00:25:37,792 --> 00:25:39,083
JESUS.
678
00:25:39,083 --> 00:25:40,542
AH! SORRY I EVEN
MENTIONED IT.
679
00:25:47,875 --> 00:25:49,625
ELLIOT, HI.
680
00:25:49,625 --> 00:25:52,041
HAVE WE OFFICIALLY CANCELED
"PUCKS"?
681
00:25:52,041 --> 00:25:53,709
UH, NO.
682
00:25:53,709 --> 00:25:55,125
YOU SURE?
683
00:25:55,125 --> 00:25:57,125
THE PAPERWORK'S STILL HERE
ON MY DESK.
684
00:25:57,125 --> 00:26:00,250
PICK IT UP FOR SIX MORE.
685
00:26:00,250 --> 00:26:01,792
WAIT.
686
00:26:01,792 --> 00:26:04,875
YOU WANT
TO PICK UP "PUCKS"?
687
00:26:04,875 --> 00:26:06,083
TODAY.
688
00:26:06,083 --> 00:26:09,083
BUT...YOU HATE "PUCKS."
689
00:26:09,083 --> 00:26:11,333
I HATE NBC MORE.
690
00:26:15,208 --> 00:26:17,125
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
691
00:26:17,125 --> 00:26:19,709
MONSIEUR LeBLANC!
692
00:26:19,709 --> 00:26:21,208
HEY!
693
00:26:21,208 --> 00:26:22,667
[ BOTH CHUCKLING ]
694
00:26:22,667 --> 00:26:26,000
HOW EXCITING.
OUR LITTLE ADVENTURE BEGINS.
695
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,083
I KNOW.
696
00:26:27,083 --> 00:26:28,208
VERY COOL.
697
00:26:28,208 --> 00:26:30,834
YOU ARE GOING TO BE
SO WONDERFUL IN THIS.
698
00:26:30,834 --> 00:26:33,083
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
I CAN ALREADY SMELL YOUR EMMY.
699
00:26:33,083 --> 00:26:35,542
[ SNIFFING ]
NO, THAT WAS ME.
700
00:26:35,542 --> 00:26:36,917
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
701
00:26:36,917 --> 00:26:39,208
[ CELLPHONE RINGTONE PLAYS ]
702
00:26:39,208 --> 00:26:42,417
UGH.
HANG ON A SECOND -- AGENT.
703
00:26:42,417 --> 00:26:45,208
HEY, UH,
CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.
704
00:26:45,208 --> 00:26:47,542
YEAH, I'M ALREADY HERE.
705
00:26:52,250 --> 00:26:54,750
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
706
00:26:54,750 --> 00:26:57,583
THEY CAN'T DO THAT.
WE WERE CANCELED.
707
00:26:57,583 --> 00:27:00,250
WHAT DOES "NOT OFFICIALLY" MEAN?
708
00:27:00,250 --> 00:27:03,750
THAT'S BULLSHIT.
709
00:27:03,750 --> 00:27:07,333
OKAY, SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
ABOUT THIS?
710
00:27:07,333 --> 00:27:12,083
I DON'T CARE. I'M DOING IT.
THEY CAN'T STOP ME.
711
00:27:12,083 --> 00:27:13,500
OH.
712
00:27:21,291 --> 00:27:23,333
Beverly:
HOW WONDERFUL IS THIS?
713
00:27:23,333 --> 00:27:25,333
IT'S WET!
714
00:27:25,333 --> 00:27:26,834
REMEMBER WET?
715
00:27:26,834 --> 00:27:30,583
MM, AND SLIPPERY, TOO.
716
00:27:30,583 --> 00:27:34,458
I'VE MISSED
EVERY PRECARIOUS INCH OF IT.
717
00:27:34,458 --> 00:27:35,709
HARD TO BELIEVE THAT,
YESTERDAY,
718
00:27:35,709 --> 00:27:37,458
WE WERE SITTING IN TRAFFIC
ON THE 405.
719
00:27:37,458 --> 00:27:38,792
MM.
720
00:27:38,792 --> 00:27:42,250
OH, IT'S LIKE WAKING UP
FROM SOME FEVER DREAM.
721
00:27:42,250 --> 00:27:45,417
WE'RE AWAKE, AND WE'RE HERE.
722
00:27:45,417 --> 00:27:47,834
AND I LOVE YOU.
723
00:27:47,834 --> 00:27:50,125
LOVE YOU, TOO.
724
00:27:50,125 --> 00:27:51,667
[ CHUCKLES ]
725
00:27:55,875 --> 00:27:59,458
MM. [ CHUCKLES ]
[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]
726
00:28:01,333 --> 00:28:03,500
IT'S AN L.A. NUMBER.
727
00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:05,583
DON'T ANSWER IT.
728
00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:10,333
OH, DEAR GOD,
DON'T ANSWER IT.
729
00:28:10,333 --> 00:28:12,166
[ RINGING CONTINUES ]
49025
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