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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,083 --> 00:00:13,917 I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TELL YOU. 2 00:00:13,917 --> 00:00:16,500 I LOVED YOUR SCRIPT. YOU DID NOT. 3 00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:19,041 SO, WHERE ARE YOU WITH CASTING? IN HELL, THANKS TO YOU. 4 00:00:19,041 --> 00:00:22,750 NOW I CAN ONLY HEAR YOUR VOICE IN MY HEAD. 5 00:00:22,750 --> 00:00:23,917 WELL, KEEP HEARING IT, 6 00:00:23,917 --> 00:00:25,333 'CAUSE THEY'RE TRYING "PUCKS" ON A NEW NIGHT, 7 00:00:25,333 --> 00:00:27,000 AND IF IT DOESN'T WORK... 8 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,333 WE LOST TO SOMETHING CALLED "STORAGE WARS: TEXAS"? 9 00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:31,834 THIS IS NOT GOOD, PEOPLE. 10 00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:34,834 WE ALSO LOST TO "SWAMP PEOPLE." 11 00:00:34,834 --> 00:00:36,917 OH, SHIT. I MISSED "SWAMP PEOPLE." 12 00:00:36,917 --> 00:00:38,375 ALL RIGHT, BUT THIS IS JUST THE FIRST WEEK. 13 00:00:38,375 --> 00:00:40,291 THEY'VE GOT TO GIVE THE AUDIENCE A CHANCE TO FIND US. 14 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,166 THEY'VE GOT TO, RIGHT? 15 00:00:51,542 --> 00:00:54,208 [ TYPEWRITER CLICKING, BELL CHIMES ] 16 00:00:56,333 --> 00:00:58,166 [ WIND WHISTLING ] 17 00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:06,375 [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ] 18 00:01:31,083 --> 00:01:33,208 [ GUNSHOT ] 19 00:01:40,125 --> 00:01:41,875 [ TELEPHONE RINGING ] 20 00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:47,333 WENDY! 21 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,083 YEAH? 22 00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:52,542 NEVER MIND. 23 00:01:52,542 --> 00:01:53,458 HELLO? 24 00:01:53,458 --> 00:01:54,500 PETER: Hold for Carol. 25 00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:55,250 HERE WE GO. 26 00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,083 CAROL: Hey, there. WHAT'S UP? 27 00:01:58,083 --> 00:01:59,792 [ BEEP ] Wendy: SEAN AND BEVERLY'S OFFICE. 28 00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:01,417 WE'VE GOT IT! WE'VE GOT IT! 29 00:02:01,417 --> 00:02:03,125 SORRY ABOUT THAT. 30 00:02:03,125 --> 00:02:06,166 SO, I'M SURE YOU GUYS SAW THE RATINGS -- 31 00:02:06,166 --> 00:02:08,875 OBVIOUSLY, NOT EVERYTHING WE WERE HOPING FOR. 32 00:02:08,875 --> 00:02:10,125 RIGHT, BUT YOU DID SAY 33 00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:12,083 EXPECTATIONS WERE LOWER ON SATURDAYS. 34 00:02:12,083 --> 00:02:14,375 BUT HIGHER THAN THIS. [ CHUCKLES ] 35 00:02:14,375 --> 00:02:15,792 NOW, DON'T FREAK OUT. 36 00:02:15,792 --> 00:02:16,959 THAT'S NOT CHILLING. 37 00:02:16,959 --> 00:02:19,500 CAROL: We're going to pull "Pucks" from the schedule. 38 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,542 WHAT? For now. 39 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:22,959 AFTER ONE VIEWING? I know. 40 00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:24,542 IT'S TOTALLY OUR FAULT. 41 00:02:24,542 --> 00:02:26,792 WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE MOVED YOU TO SATURDAY. 42 00:02:26,792 --> 00:02:29,375 NO ONE WATCHES ANYTHING ON SATURDAY. 43 00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:32,000 AND YET, THEY SEEM TO BE WATCHING ALL THE OTHER SHOWS. 44 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,125 ANDY: But no comedies. 45 00:02:34,125 --> 00:02:36,542 I GUESS PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO LAUGH ON SATURDAY. 46 00:02:36,542 --> 00:02:37,792 WHAT ABOUT "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"? 47 00:02:37,792 --> 00:02:39,250 IT'S NOT ALWAYS FUNNY. 48 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:44,083 LOOK, COULD WE KEEP YOU ON SATURDAYS? ABSOLUTELY. 49 00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:47,291 BUT THESE EPISODES ARE TOO GOOD. 50 00:02:47,291 --> 00:02:50,792 WE WANT TO SAVE THEM FOR A TIME WHEN PEOPLE WILL SEE THEM. 51 00:02:50,792 --> 00:02:52,375 AND WHEN WOULD THAT BE? 52 00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:56,041 UM, MAYBE IN THE SUMMER. THERE'S A LOT LESS COMPETITION. 53 00:02:56,041 --> 00:02:57,917 THE SUMMER? ANDY: The summer's great. 54 00:02:57,917 --> 00:03:00,041 SUMMER'S LIKE THE NEW FALL. 55 00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:03,083 THERE'S TONS OF REALLY TERRIFIC SHOWS NOW IN THE SUMMER. 56 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,458 SO THERE WILL BE COMPETITION. 57 00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:07,458 HEY, THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH OVER 500 CHANNELS -- 58 00:03:07,458 --> 00:03:09,667 THERE'S ALWAYS SOME OTHER SHIT ON. 59 00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,625 BUT AS OF NOW, OUR SHIT IS OFF. 60 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,000 RIGHT. 61 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,041 SO, IN ESSENCE, WE'RE CANCELED? 62 00:03:15,041 --> 00:03:16,959 [ Laughing ] DON'T EVEN GO THERE. 63 00:03:16,959 --> 00:03:19,625 YOU'VE STILL GOT THOSE LAST THREE SHOWS TO SHOOT. 64 00:03:19,625 --> 00:03:22,709 RIGHT. SO, THEY ARE OUR LAST THREE SHOWS? 65 00:03:22,709 --> 00:03:24,667 [ LAUGHS ] 66 00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:25,875 WOW. 67 00:03:25,875 --> 00:03:27,208 I FEEL LIKE I'M 68 00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,583 ON THE SECOND HALF OF "LAW & ORDER" HERE. 69 00:03:29,583 --> 00:03:30,750 "CHONG! CHONG!" 70 00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:33,000 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 71 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,500 THAT'S THE "LAW & ORDER" SOUND. 72 00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:36,291 MM. 73 00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:37,583 Sean: CAROL SAYS IT'S NOT CANCELED. 74 00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:38,959 IT'S BULLSHIT. THANK YOU. 75 00:03:38,959 --> 00:03:40,667 I'M NOT CRAZY. YOU HEARD HER. 76 00:03:40,667 --> 00:03:43,125 DID SHE OR DID SHE NOT SAY THEY'D BRING US BACK? 77 00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:44,834 OH, NO, I'M SURE THEY WILL. 78 00:03:44,834 --> 00:03:46,291 BY THE WAY, DID I TELL YOU? 79 00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:48,125 MY UNICORN HAS BEEN SHITTING RAINBOWS. 80 00:03:48,125 --> 00:03:49,500 THEN WHY WOULD CAROL SAY IT? 81 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:50,625 BECAUSE SHE'S A LIAR. 82 00:03:50,625 --> 00:03:53,208 YES, THE WOMAN IS MY FRIEND, BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP HER 83 00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:55,208 FROM BEING FULL OF SHIT ON A MASSIVE LEVEL. 84 00:03:55,208 --> 00:03:57,041 SHE'S THE MICHAEL JORDAN OF LIARS. 85 00:03:57,041 --> 00:03:58,792 [ CHUCKLES ] HEY, LOOK AT YOU 86 00:03:58,792 --> 00:04:00,959 WITH THE DATED AMERICAN SPORTS REFERENCES. 87 00:04:00,959 --> 00:04:03,917 IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. 88 00:04:03,917 --> 00:04:05,166 IF IT'S REALLY OVER, 89 00:04:05,166 --> 00:04:06,750 WHY WOULD THEY SPEND THE MONEY TO SHOOT THE LAST THREE? 90 00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:09,917 HEY, WE SHOT LIKE EIGHT EPISODES OF "JOEY" THEY BURNED OFF. 91 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,500 THEY HATE PULLING THE TRIGGER -- I'M TELLING YOU. 92 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:13,917 EVEN THOUGH NO ONE'S WILLING TO PUT A TAG ON THE TOE, 93 00:04:13,917 --> 00:04:16,291 THIS THING IS DEAD. 94 00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:20,083 IS HE THERE? 95 00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:21,750 MATT LeBLANC. 96 00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,166 HEY, BUDDY. WHAT'S UP? 97 00:04:23,166 --> 00:04:25,709 GUESS WHAT -- THEY'RE PULLING "PUCKS" FROM THE SCHEDULE. 98 00:04:25,709 --> 00:04:27,166 YEAH, I HEARD. 99 00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,250 SO, PROBLEM SOLVED -- 100 00:04:29,250 --> 00:04:32,333 Now I can do the NBC thing. 101 00:04:32,333 --> 00:04:34,041 WHAT? 102 00:04:35,291 --> 00:04:37,333 THEY CAST IT YESTERDAY. 103 00:04:37,333 --> 00:04:39,875 ARE YOU SHITTING ME? YESTERDAY? 104 00:04:39,875 --> 00:04:41,959 [ SIGHS ] WHO GOT IT? 105 00:04:41,959 --> 00:04:44,041 [ MUMBLING ] 106 00:04:48,166 --> 00:04:51,709 HEY, YOU GUYS EVER HEARD OF SOME BRITISH ACTOR ANTHONY POWNER SMITH? 107 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:54,041 OH, SURE. HE'S AMAZING. 108 00:04:54,041 --> 00:04:56,333 I SAW HIM DO HENRY V IN THE WEST END. 109 00:04:56,333 --> 00:04:57,667 HE PLAYED ALL THE PARTS. 110 00:04:57,667 --> 00:04:59,125 NO SETS, NO PROPS -- 111 00:04:59,125 --> 00:05:02,875 JUST HIM, A BUCKET, AND A BIRDCAGE -- GENIUS. 112 00:05:02,875 --> 00:05:04,500 WHAT ABOUT HIM? 113 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:07,750 THAT ASSHOLE TOOK MY PART IN ANDREW LESLEY'S PILOT. 114 00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:11,458 BLOODY HELL. THANK YOU. 115 00:05:11,458 --> 00:05:14,709 ANDREW LESLEY GETS TO WORK WITH ANTHONY POWNER SMITH. 116 00:05:14,709 --> 00:05:16,417 IS THAT MY POINT? I DON'T THINK THAT WAS MY POINT. 117 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:20,250 I AM SO SICK OF THESE BRITISH FUCKS 118 00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:22,792 COMING OVER HERE AND STEALING OUR PARTS. 119 00:05:22,792 --> 00:05:25,667 HOW IS THAT EVEN LEGAL, HUH? 120 00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:28,041 IT SHOULD BE LIKE, "OKAY, YOU ACT IN YOUR COUNTRY, 121 00:05:28,041 --> 00:05:29,041 AND WE'LL ACT IN OURS." 122 00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:31,000 BUT, NO, THEY SNEAK IN HERE 123 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,291 WITH THEIR PERFECT AMERICAN ACCENTS 124 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:36,208 LIKE SOME FUCKING MAGIC TRICK, YOU KNOW? 125 00:05:36,208 --> 00:05:38,000 AND NO ONE EVEN KNOWS TILL IT'S TOO LATE. 126 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,000 THEN, SUDDENLY, YOU SEE THEM ON A TALK SHOW, 127 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,125 AND IT'S LIKE, "HOLY SHIT. THAT GUY'S ENGLISH?!" 128 00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:44,333 THEY'RE ON OUR TV SHOWS. THEY'RE IN OUR MOVIES. 129 00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:45,959 THERE -- THERE -- THERE SHOULD BE 130 00:05:45,959 --> 00:05:47,333 CONGRESSIONAL HEARINGS OR SOMETHING. 131 00:05:47,333 --> 00:05:49,208 FUCKING BRITISH PEOPLE! STAY THE FUCK HOME! 132 00:05:49,208 --> 00:05:50,542 NO OFFENSE! 133 00:05:59,375 --> 00:05:59,417 I DON'T REMEMBER EVER WANTING A PART THIS BAD. 134 00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:06,083 I'M SORRY. IT SUCKS. 135 00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:08,291 I COULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD. 136 00:06:08,291 --> 00:06:10,291 WELL, I KNOW IT DOESN'T HELP, 137 00:06:10,291 --> 00:06:12,875 BUT THERE WILL BE OTHER PARTS. 138 00:06:12,875 --> 00:06:14,250 NOT LIKE THIS. 139 00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:17,041 YOU KNOW THE SHIT THAT'S OUT THERE? 140 00:06:17,041 --> 00:06:20,375 CBS IS OFFERING ME A SHOW CALLED "FUCKED AT FORTY." 141 00:06:20,375 --> 00:06:21,834 THEY CAN SAY "FUCKED"? 142 00:06:21,834 --> 00:06:24,709 WELL, IT'S GOT HASH SYMBOLS AND ASTERISKS AND STUFF, 143 00:06:24,709 --> 00:06:26,000 ALTHOUGH, IF I TAKE IT, 144 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,375 THEY'LL PROBABLY CHANGE THE TITLE TO "MATT," 145 00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:30,000 'CAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS "MATT" 146 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,750 ACTUALLY MEANS "FUCKED AT FORTY." 147 00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:34,667 [ SIGHS ] 148 00:06:34,667 --> 00:06:37,542 YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO THIS CONFERENCE TOMORROW. 149 00:06:37,542 --> 00:06:38,542 I COULD CANCEL. 150 00:06:38,542 --> 00:06:39,542 NO, NO, NO, NO. 151 00:06:39,542 --> 00:06:42,417 I'LL STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT, NO MATTER WHAT. 152 00:06:42,417 --> 00:06:44,917 WHY SHOULD YOUR REFUGEES HAVE TO SUFFER? 153 00:06:46,834 --> 00:06:47,834 [ SMOOCHES ] 154 00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:59,375 OH, CHRIST. 155 00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,375 WHAT? 156 00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:03,417 THIS ABC PILOT WON'T SEE ME 157 00:07:03,417 --> 00:07:06,041 'CAUSE I WAS ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT. 158 00:07:06,041 --> 00:07:07,542 FUCKING "PUCKS." 159 00:07:07,542 --> 00:07:09,250 DUDE, CHILL. 160 00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:10,875 WHAT? YOU'RE NOT FREAKING OUT? 161 00:07:10,875 --> 00:07:12,625 NO. I'LL GET SOMETHING. 162 00:07:12,625 --> 00:07:15,083 I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN READING FOR A BUNCH OF STUFF. 163 00:07:15,083 --> 00:07:17,333 SERIOUSLY? THEY'RE LETTING YOU COME IN? 164 00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:18,125 YEAH. 165 00:07:24,208 --> 00:07:26,417 ANYTHING I'D BE GOOD FOR, OR JUST BLACK STUFF? 166 00:07:26,417 --> 00:07:27,417 WHAT? 167 00:07:27,417 --> 00:07:30,458 IS THAT RACIST? H-HOW IS THAT RACIST? 168 00:07:30,458 --> 00:07:33,583 [ TYPEWRITER CLICKING, BELL CHIMES ] 169 00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:34,959 DOES THIS GEORGE CLOONEY JOKE WORK? 170 00:07:34,959 --> 00:07:39,166 IF ITS ULTIMATE GOAL IS TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH, THEN, NO. 171 00:07:39,166 --> 00:07:40,792 GOT ANYTHING BETTER? NOPE. 172 00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:44,542 SHALL WE TRY? NOPE. 173 00:07:44,542 --> 00:07:46,333 I SEE. 174 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,959 I'M SORRY. 175 00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:50,291 NO ONE'S EVER GONNA SEE THESE SHOWS. WHO CARES? 176 00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:54,291 I CARE, YOUR PARTNER -- ME. 177 00:07:54,291 --> 00:07:55,917 IF THERE'S EVEN A GHOST OF A CHANCE 178 00:07:55,917 --> 00:07:57,333 THAT ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY GETS ON, 179 00:07:57,333 --> 00:07:59,291 THEN I WANT TO MAKE SURE IT'S NOT A STINKING TURD. 180 00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:02,333 DARLING, IF NO ONE IS THERE TO SMELL IT... 181 00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:03,750 AND YOUR PLAN IS TO, WHAT, 182 00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:07,166 JUST...KNIT YOUR WAY THROUGH IT? 183 00:08:07,166 --> 00:08:09,375 LONG AFTER THIS SHOW IS FORGOTTEN, 184 00:08:09,375 --> 00:08:11,291 THERE WILL STILL BE THIS SCARF. 185 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:14,583 IF YOU GUYS GOT A SEC, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY LITTLE SISTER. 186 00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:15,834 OH, HELLO. HEY. 187 00:08:15,834 --> 00:08:16,959 SHE'S VISITING FROM NEW YORK. 188 00:08:16,959 --> 00:08:18,333 DAWN, THESE ARE MY BOSSES, SEAN AND BEVERLY. 189 00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:20,792 SEAN AND BEVERLY, DAWN. HI. 190 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,208 MORNING AND DAWN -- 191 00:08:22,208 --> 00:08:24,917 CLEARLY, YOUR PARENTS HAD A WHOLE RANGE OF IDEA. 192 00:08:24,917 --> 00:08:26,041 [ LAUGHTER ] 193 00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:27,834 I'M GUESSING YOU'RE AN ACTRESS, TOO. 194 00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:29,458 NO, THANK GOD. OH, GOD, NO. 195 00:08:29,458 --> 00:08:31,500 SHE'S A DESIGNER. GRAPHIC DESIGN. 196 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:32,875 THAT'S STILL A DESIGNER. 197 00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:35,166 OH, I ALMOST WENT INTO GRAPHIC DESIGN. 198 00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:37,917 I LOVED TO DRAW. HAD MY MARKERS. 199 00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:41,000 I DID ALL THE POSTERS FOR THE PLAYS. 200 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,375 YEAH, YEAH. WE DO EVERYTHING ON COMPUTERS. 201 00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:44,667 IT'S ALL DIGITAL NOW. 202 00:08:44,667 --> 00:08:46,417 [ LAUGHS ] YEAH, RIGHT. 203 00:08:46,417 --> 00:08:48,041 I ALMOST FORGOT -- I'M OLD. 204 00:08:48,041 --> 00:08:49,875 [ LAUGHTER ] 205 00:08:49,875 --> 00:08:51,166 DO YOU KNIT? 206 00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:52,291 [ LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ] 207 00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:59,083 HEY. WHO'S THAT? 208 00:08:59,083 --> 00:09:01,417 UH, MORNING'S LITTLE SISTER, DAWN. 209 00:09:01,417 --> 00:09:02,542 WOW. 210 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,875 BOY, THERE'S A "CRACK OF DAWN" JOKE THERE SOMEWHERE. 211 00:09:06,875 --> 00:09:09,166 WELL, IF ANYONE CAN FIND IT... 212 00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:11,667 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 213 00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:14,250 FOUND IT. 214 00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:16,333 [ CHUCKLES ] 215 00:09:21,917 --> 00:09:24,417 UH, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. 216 00:09:24,417 --> 00:09:26,375 THEN YOU WANT SEAN. THANK YOU. 217 00:09:26,375 --> 00:09:27,792 WE DON'T HAVE STOKE. 218 00:09:27,792 --> 00:09:29,667 WELL, THEN, SOMEONE SHOULD GET HIM. 219 00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:32,375 NO, I-I MEAN, WE DON'T HAVE STOKE, PERIOD. 220 00:09:32,375 --> 00:09:34,500 HE LEFT. 221 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:37,208 WHAT, THE BUILDING? THE PLANET? 222 00:09:37,208 --> 00:09:38,208 THE SHOW. 223 00:09:38,208 --> 00:09:40,375 WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? HE QUIT? 224 00:09:40,375 --> 00:09:41,875 WE JUST GOT A CALL FROM HIS MANAGER. 225 00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:43,709 HE'S -- HE'S GOT RESHOOTS ON THAT MICHAEL BAY THING, 226 00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:45,417 AND SINCE WE'RE PRETTY MUCH CANCELED -- 227 00:09:45,417 --> 00:09:47,583 WE'RE NOT CANCELED. MNH. 228 00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:49,959 RIGHT. WELL, HE SAYS WE ARE. 229 00:09:49,959 --> 00:09:52,250 THAT'S INSANE. WE'RE ABOUT TO SHOOT A SCENE WITH HIM. 230 00:09:53,083 --> 00:09:54,625 GET ME THE MANAGER. 231 00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:58,583 IS HE THERE? 232 00:09:58,583 --> 00:10:02,208 I'VE GOT SEAN LINCOLN FROM "PUCKS." 233 00:10:02,208 --> 00:10:04,083 YEAH. HANG ON. 234 00:10:04,083 --> 00:10:06,458 YEAH. HELLO. 235 00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:09,417 UH, NOT SO GOOD, ACTUALLY. WE JUST HEARD ABOUT STOKE. 236 00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:11,750 UM, WHAT THE FUCK? 237 00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:16,166 [ Laughing ] NO, THAT IS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE. 238 00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:19,583 HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE, SHOOTING A SCENE RIGHT NOW. 239 00:10:19,583 --> 00:10:21,875 OH, PLEASE, IT'S A MICHAEL BAY MOVIE. 240 00:10:21,875 --> 00:10:24,458 HIS PART COULD BE PLAYED BY A CAN OPENER. 241 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:28,417 OH, BELIEVE ME -- WE WILL SUE YOU. 242 00:10:28,417 --> 00:10:29,875 OH, YES, WE WILL. 243 00:10:29,875 --> 00:10:31,792 MNH. YES, WE WILL. 244 00:10:31,792 --> 00:10:33,291 YES, WE WILL. 245 00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:35,667 [ CELLPHONE BEEPS ] 246 00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:37,917 WHERE ARE -- WHERE ARE THE OTHER BOYS? 247 00:10:37,917 --> 00:10:38,792 GUYS? 248 00:10:38,792 --> 00:10:40,083 DO YOU BELIEVE THIS? 249 00:10:40,083 --> 00:10:41,583 YES, I DO. 250 00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:46,917 DID -- DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT STOKE HAD LEFT THE SHOW? 251 00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:50,291 UH...KIND OF. 252 00:10:50,291 --> 00:10:51,583 WE THOUGHT YOU KNEW. 253 00:10:51,583 --> 00:10:54,458 UH, NO. SO, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO? 254 00:10:54,458 --> 00:10:56,917 WE COULD JUST SPLIT UP HIS LINES. 255 00:10:56,917 --> 00:11:00,625 WHAT? YOU KNOW, JUST DIVIDE HIS STUFF BETWEEN US. 256 00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:04,583 NO! IT -- IT WOULDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. 257 00:11:04,583 --> 00:11:07,041 DO YOU THINK WE JUST WRITE LINES 258 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:10,250 THAT ANYONE CAN SAY, THAT IT'S THAT RANDOM? 259 00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:12,834 NO, HIS LINES ARE IN HIS VOICE, 260 00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:15,041 AND YOUR LINES ARE -- IT -- IT -- 261 00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,667 THERE'S AN INTERNAL LOGIC TO -- WE CAN'T! 262 00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:21,667 IT'S -- IT JUST -- IT -- 263 00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:22,792 [ SIGHS ] 264 00:11:23,875 --> 00:11:26,208 [ SCOFFS ] 265 00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:30,000 YOU KNOW WHAT? 266 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,000 DO IT. 267 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,166 REALLY? 268 00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:34,250 YEAH, SPLIT 'EM UP. IT'LL BE FINE. 269 00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:36,291 WOW. 270 00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:37,750 SO, UH, W-WHO SHOULD SAY WHAT? 271 00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:39,500 DOESN'T MATTER. YOUR CALL. 272 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:42,166 HOLY SHIT. CAN WE ADD SOME STUFF? 273 00:11:42,166 --> 00:11:43,458 ABSOLUTELY. ADD AWAY. 274 00:11:43,458 --> 00:11:45,959 YEAH! 275 00:11:52,041 --> 00:11:53,875 WOOL? 276 00:11:55,834 --> 00:11:58,041 [ FOOTSTEPS ] 277 00:11:58,041 --> 00:12:00,750 UH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO STEER CLEAR OF THE BROWNIES. 278 00:12:00,750 --> 00:12:03,542 THEY'VE BEEN HERE SINCE THE FIRST TABLE READ. 279 00:12:03,542 --> 00:12:04,834 YIKES. 280 00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:06,458 PROBABLY GROWING OTHER BROWNIES BY NOW. 281 00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:08,875 [ BOTH LAUGH ] YEAH. GOOD TO KNOW. 282 00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:12,417 OH, ALSO, THE CREW -- NOT SO MUCH WITH THE HYGIENE. 283 00:12:12,417 --> 00:12:14,166 I'D STICK TO ANYTHING WRAPPED. 284 00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:15,542 OKAY. 285 00:12:15,542 --> 00:12:16,709 [ CHUCKLES ] 286 00:12:16,709 --> 00:12:18,542 I'M MORNING'S SISTER DAWN, BY THE WAY. 287 00:12:18,542 --> 00:12:20,709 HEY. I'M MATT. 288 00:12:20,709 --> 00:12:23,583 NO KIDDING. LIKE SOMEONE WOULDN'T KNOW THAT. 289 00:12:23,583 --> 00:12:25,333 [ LAUGHS ] 290 00:12:28,125 --> 00:12:29,667 WHAT? 291 00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,917 I'M SORRY. 292 00:12:33,917 --> 00:12:36,417 GOD, IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE NEVER MET ANYONE FAMOUS. 293 00:12:36,417 --> 00:12:38,291 IT'S JUST -- IT'S JOEY. [ CHUCKLES ] 294 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,250 [ CHUCKLES ] RIGHT. 295 00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:42,333 WHEN I WAS A KID, I WAS TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH YOU. 296 00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:43,208 REALLY? 297 00:12:43,208 --> 00:12:44,583 JUST BETWEEN US, 298 00:12:44,583 --> 00:12:47,917 THE ONLY REASON WHY I CAME TODAY WAS TO MEET YOU. 299 00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:51,709 DON'T TELL CERTAIN OTHER PEOPLE I SAID THAT. 300 00:12:53,709 --> 00:12:56,166 AH, NOT TO WORRY. 301 00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:57,625 MEETING YOU IS KIND OF LIKE 302 00:12:57,625 --> 00:12:59,709 AN EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO MYSELF. 303 00:12:59,709 --> 00:13:02,166 AH, WELL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 304 00:13:02,166 --> 00:13:03,375 WHEN IS IT? THURSDAY. 305 00:13:03,375 --> 00:13:04,917 OH. HOW OLD ARE YOU GONNA BE? 306 00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:07,083 19. 307 00:13:08,417 --> 00:13:10,250 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 308 00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:11,250 SAY IT. 309 00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:12,458 NAH, COME ON. 310 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:15,375 YES, SAY IT. COME ON, PLEASE. 311 00:13:15,375 --> 00:13:17,291 SERIOUSLY? YES. 312 00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:18,834 SAY IT RIGHT WHEN I'M COMING. 313 00:13:18,834 --> 00:13:20,333 [ SCOFFS ] NO. 314 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,291 YES! COME ON! 315 00:13:22,291 --> 00:13:23,458 NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 316 00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:26,125 SAY IT. COME ON, I'M REALLY CLOSE. 317 00:13:26,125 --> 00:13:27,667 FORGET IT. SAY IT! 318 00:13:27,667 --> 00:13:28,709 SAY IT NOW! 319 00:13:28,709 --> 00:13:30,250 NOW! 320 00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:31,250 NOW! 321 00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:33,291 HOW YOU DOIN'? 322 00:13:33,291 --> 00:13:35,250 [ SCREAMING ] 323 00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:42,792 [ SCREAM ECHOES ] 324 00:13:42,792 --> 00:13:48,208 SEE? ISN'T THIS BETTER -- NOT GIVING A SHIT? 325 00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:49,625 MIGHT TAKE SOME GETTING USED TO. 326 00:13:49,625 --> 00:13:52,667 THAT'S WHAT THE WINE IS FOR. 327 00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:56,166 YOU KNOW, WE'RE GONNA BE FINE. 328 00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:57,625 I KNOW. 329 00:13:57,625 --> 00:14:00,041 WE'LL GO HOME. WE'LL COME UP WITH NEW SHOWS. 330 00:14:00,041 --> 00:14:01,834 YOU COULD MAKE THE POSTERS. [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] 331 00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:03,125 EXACTLY. 332 00:14:03,125 --> 00:14:06,000 OH, I JUST WISH IT HADN'T BEEN SUCH A FUCKING DISASTER. 333 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,709 IT WASN'T A -- 334 00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:09,667 YEAH. 335 00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:11,166 YEAH, RIGHT. YEAH, NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. 336 00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:12,208 [ SIGHS ] 337 00:14:12,208 --> 00:14:15,959 I MEAN, GOING HOME NOW, SEEING EVERYONE, 338 00:14:15,959 --> 00:14:17,750 ESPECIALLY AFTER THE WAY WE LEFT -- 339 00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:20,875 "OFF TO HOLLYWOOD! SEE YOU, SUCKERS!" 340 00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:22,208 KIND OF REGRETTING THAT MASS E-MAIL? 341 00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:23,458 LITTLE BIT. MM. 342 00:14:23,458 --> 00:14:25,333 YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE TO GO STRAIGHT HOME. 343 00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:26,291 WE DO NOT. 344 00:14:26,291 --> 00:14:27,333 WE COULD TRAVEL AROUND A BIT. 345 00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:29,417 ABSOLUTELY. "THE TRAVELING FAILURES." 346 00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:31,875 WELL, WE DON'T NEED A BANNER. 347 00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:34,000 HMM. 348 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,625 Dawn: GOD, THIS IS SO WEIRD. 349 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:40,667 I REMEMBER WATCHING YOU WHEN I WAS LIKE 7... 350 00:14:40,667 --> 00:14:43,750 AND NOW I'M LAYING HERE WITH YOUR DICK IN MY HAND. 351 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:46,583 YEAH, LIFE'S FUNNY. 352 00:14:46,583 --> 00:14:48,458 BY THE WAY, A LITTLE GRIPPY. 353 00:14:48,458 --> 00:14:51,041 BETTER? YEAH. 354 00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:53,542 ACTUALLY, I SHOULD BE GETTING BACK TO THE STAGE. 355 00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:54,875 OH, SHIT. ME TOO. 356 00:14:54,875 --> 00:14:57,041 MY MOTHER'S PROBABLY FREAKING OUT. 357 00:14:57,041 --> 00:14:58,542 YOUR MOTHER? WHAT -- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOUR MOTHER? 358 00:14:58,542 --> 00:15:01,417 [ CHUCKLES ] DID I SAY "MOTHER"? 359 00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:04,542 WEIRD. I MEANT, UM, SISTER. 360 00:15:04,542 --> 00:15:07,375 WELL, I'M TOTALLY CONFUSED. YEAH, JUST FORGET IT. 361 00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:08,542 IT'S SO STUPID. 362 00:15:08,542 --> 00:15:10,542 WHAT? 363 00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:11,834 OKAY, BUT YOU HAVE TO SWEAR 364 00:15:11,834 --> 00:15:13,709 THAT YOU WON'T TELL ANYBODY EVER. 365 00:15:13,709 --> 00:15:15,500 ALL RIGHT. I WON'T TELL ANYBODY. 366 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:18,875 SWEAR. FINE. I SWEAR. WHAT? 367 00:15:18,875 --> 00:15:20,709 SHE JUST TELLS PEOPLE SHE'S MY SISTER. 368 00:15:20,709 --> 00:15:22,583 WHO? MY NUTJOB MOTHER. 369 00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:24,083 SHE'S AFRAID PEOPLE WILL FIGURE OUT 370 00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:25,417 SHE'S LIKE A KAJILLION YEARS OLD. 371 00:15:25,417 --> 00:15:26,500 IT'S REALLY LAME. 372 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:29,583 W-W-WAIT A MINUTE. MORNING'S NOT YOUR SISTER? 373 00:15:29,583 --> 00:15:31,583 YEAH. 374 00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:33,375 SHE'S YOUR MOTHER? 375 00:15:33,375 --> 00:15:35,709 UH-HUH. 376 00:15:35,709 --> 00:15:38,291 DEFINITELY LET GO OF MY DICK. 377 00:15:43,917 --> 00:15:46,417 WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET BACK TO WORK. 378 00:15:46,417 --> 00:15:49,041 OHH, DO WE HAVE TO? THIS IS SO NICE. 379 00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:50,542 OH, COME ON, NOW. 380 00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:52,792 THOSE DECK CHAIRS AREN'T GONNA REARRANGE THEMSELVES. 381 00:15:52,792 --> 00:15:53,875 [ LAUGHS ] 382 00:15:53,875 --> 00:15:56,250 I AM SO, SO SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. 383 00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:59,250 YOU'RE SEAN AND BEVERLY LINCOLN, RIGHT? 384 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,667 MAYBE. 385 00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:03,291 EILEEN JAFFEE. I'M AN AGENT AT WME. 386 00:16:03,291 --> 00:16:06,417 AND I COULD NOT LEAVE WITHOUT TELLING YOU 387 00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:08,959 I'M SUCH A HUGE FAN OF YOUR WORK. 388 00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:11,625 IN THAT CASE, WE ARE DEFINITELY SEAN AND BEVERLY LINCOLN. 389 00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:14,875 OH, MY GOD! I JUST LOVE YOUR WRITING. 390 00:16:14,875 --> 00:16:17,625 REALLY? DON'T SOUND SO SURPRISED. 391 00:16:17,625 --> 00:16:21,458 WELL, WE'RE NOT USED TO GETTING A LOT OF PRAISE FOR "PUCKS." 392 00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:23,667 OH. NO, NOT "PUCKS." 393 00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:24,417 AH. 394 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,625 "LYMAN'S BOYS." 395 00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,208 REALLY? HOW NICE. THANK YOU. 396 00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:29,959 I RAN OUR LONDON OFFICE FOR 18 MONTHS, 397 00:16:29,959 --> 00:16:32,250 AND IT WAS THE ONLY THING I WATCHED. 398 00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:35,166 SATURDAY NIGHTS, I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE PLANS. 399 00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:37,834 [ CHUCKLES ] OF COURSE, I WAS ALSO JUST DIVORCED 400 00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:38,792 AND HAD NO LIFE, 401 00:16:38,792 --> 00:16:43,417 BUT, STILL, I LOVED, LOVED, 402 00:16:43,417 --> 00:16:44,834 LOVED YOUR SHOW. 403 00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:46,709 OH, I THINK I LOVE, LOVE YOU. 404 00:16:46,709 --> 00:16:48,000 [ ALL CHUCKLE ] 405 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,250 IT'S SO AWFUL WHAT THEY MADE YOU TO DO IT HERE. 406 00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:53,125 THAT CAN'T HAVE BEEN FUN. 407 00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:55,667 IT'S A WONDER WE CAN SIT AT ALL. 408 00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:57,166 [ CHUCKLES ] 409 00:16:57,166 --> 00:17:00,250 YOU ALSO HAD A SCRIPT THAT WAS GOING AROUND BACK THEN. 410 00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:03,542 IT'S ALL ANYONE TALKED ABOUT. REALLY? WHICH ONE? 411 00:17:03,542 --> 00:17:05,792 UH, I WANT TO SAY "THE OPPOSITE OF US." 412 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,333 YOU REMEMBER THE TITLE? 413 00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:09,709 ARE YOU KIDDING? I CAN STILL QUOTE LINES FROM IT. 414 00:17:09,709 --> 00:17:11,333 PLEASE DO. PLEASE DON'T. 415 00:17:11,333 --> 00:17:13,500 [ LAUGHS ] 416 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,041 WHATEVER HAPPENED WITH THAT? 417 00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:17,959 MM. NOTHING. 418 00:17:17,959 --> 00:17:19,041 SERIOUSLY? 419 00:17:19,041 --> 00:17:22,083 OH, WE HAVE IDIOTS ON OUR SIDE OF THE POND, TOO. 420 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:25,041 GOD. I'D LOVE TO READ IT AGAIN. 421 00:17:25,041 --> 00:17:26,792 YOU DON'T HAVE A COPY, DO YOU? 422 00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:29,709 UH, UH... THAT'S VERY SWEET, 423 00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:31,125 BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, 424 00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:32,750 WE'RE NOT LOOKING TO DO ANOTHER SHOW HERE. 425 00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:34,709 OH, GOD. NO, NO, NO. 426 00:17:34,709 --> 00:17:37,208 JUST FOR ME, PURELY SELFISH. 427 00:17:37,208 --> 00:17:38,875 I COULD E-MAIL IT TO YOU. 428 00:17:38,875 --> 00:17:42,125 I WOULD LOVE THAT. WHAT A TREAT! 429 00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:45,583 SO, BOTTLE OF WINE AT LUNCH -- WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING? 430 00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:46,834 [ SIGHS ] 431 00:17:46,834 --> 00:17:48,583 WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY, 432 00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:52,041 BUT, UM, THEY PULLED OUR SHOW FROM THE SCHEDULE. 433 00:17:52,041 --> 00:17:54,709 YEAH. I HEARD LAST WEEK. 434 00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:56,458 REALLY? THEY JUST TOLD US. 435 00:17:56,458 --> 00:17:57,750 I HEARD THAT, TOO. 436 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,625 HEY, NINA, HAVE YOU SEEN MY LITTLE SISTER? 437 00:18:05,625 --> 00:18:06,959 SORRY, NO. 438 00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:10,709 DO YOU KNOW WHO WAS TRUMAN'S VICE PRESIDENT -- 439 00:18:10,709 --> 00:18:11,667 SEVEN LETTERS? 440 00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:14,709 JESUS. HOW FUCKING OLD DO YOU THINK I AM? 441 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,583 BARKLEY. 442 00:18:17,583 --> 00:18:18,875 THANK YOU. 443 00:18:18,875 --> 00:18:20,250 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] 444 00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:21,458 HOLY SHIT. 445 00:18:24,125 --> 00:18:26,959 YEAH, THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU WANT. 446 00:18:26,959 --> 00:18:30,709 SO, YOU TWO MET. THAT'S NOT TERRIFYING AT ALL. 447 00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:33,000 IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, SIS. 448 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:33,917 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 449 00:18:33,917 --> 00:18:35,291 NOWHERE. NOWHERE? 450 00:18:35,291 --> 00:18:36,083 HOW WAS THAT? 451 00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:39,250 RELAX. WE JUST WENT FOR A RIDE. 452 00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:40,417 OH. WHERE? 453 00:18:40,417 --> 00:18:42,333 I DON'T KNOW. AROUND. 454 00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:44,250 YOU WENT FOR A RIDE AROUND. 455 00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:45,583 MM-HMM. 456 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,125 DID YOU HAPPEN TO TAKE BULLSHIT STREET 457 00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,125 OR ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME AVENUE?! 458 00:18:49,125 --> 00:18:51,959 RIGHT. WE NEED TO TALK. 459 00:18:51,959 --> 00:18:54,792 OKAY. SEE YOU GUYS LATER. 460 00:18:54,792 --> 00:18:55,959 NO, YOU. 461 00:18:55,959 --> 00:18:56,583 OH. 462 00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:58,125 YOU -- GO INSIDE. 463 00:19:00,083 --> 00:19:02,166 DID YOU JUST ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME? 464 00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:07,625 AT LEAST I CAN ROLL MY EYES. 465 00:19:07,625 --> 00:19:08,959 ALL RIGHT, LOOK -- 466 00:19:08,959 --> 00:19:10,709 DID YOU FUCK MY SISTER? NO. 467 00:19:10,709 --> 00:19:12,000 YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR. 468 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:17,208 I SWEAR, I DID NOT FUCK YOUR SISTER. 469 00:19:17,208 --> 00:19:19,500 OH, MY GOD. 470 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:20,667 WHAT? 471 00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:21,750 SHE TOLD YOU? 472 00:19:21,750 --> 00:19:23,000 KIND OF. 473 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,417 AND YOU STILL FUCKED HER? 474 00:19:24,417 --> 00:19:27,041 NO, NO, NO. I FUCKED HER WHEN I THOUGHT SHE WAS YOUR SISTER. 475 00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,291 STILL NOT OKAY! 476 00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:30,458 BUT BETTER THAN YOUR DAUGHTER, YOU GOT TO ADMIT. 477 00:19:30,458 --> 00:19:33,458 LOOK, IT WAS A ONE-TIME THING. IT MEANT NOTHING. 478 00:19:33,458 --> 00:19:36,208 WHAT MOTHER DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR THAT? 479 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:38,625 HEY, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S 16. 480 00:19:38,625 --> 00:19:39,667 RIGHT? 481 00:19:39,667 --> 00:19:42,083 SO, OKAY, SHE'S AN ADULT. 482 00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:44,208 SHE'S ABLE TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS. 483 00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:46,000 SHE IS STILL MY KID. 484 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,500 I GET THAT. 485 00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,041 LOOK, THE MINUTE I FOUND OUT, THAT WAS IT -- DONE, OVER. 486 00:19:49,041 --> 00:19:50,959 I PROMISE. I'M NOT GONNA SEE HER AGAIN. 487 00:19:50,959 --> 00:19:52,208 I'M NOT EVEN GONNA CALL HER. 488 00:19:52,208 --> 00:19:54,333 SO, BASICALLY, YOU'RE GONNA TREAT HER LIKE SHIT. 489 00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:56,041 LOOK, TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, HUH? 490 00:19:56,041 --> 00:19:58,125 WANT ME TO FUCK HER AGAIN? I'LL FUCK HER AGAIN. 491 00:19:58,125 --> 00:19:59,875 TOTALLY YOUR CALL, MOM. 492 00:19:59,875 --> 00:20:01,959 HELLO. 493 00:20:01,959 --> 00:20:03,709 HEY. HI. 494 00:20:03,709 --> 00:20:05,500 WHAT'S GOING ON? 495 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:06,458 NOTHING. 496 00:20:06,458 --> 00:20:08,583 NOTHING TO YOU, ASSHOLE. 497 00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:11,417 SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS. SHE'S NOT EVEN IN THE BUSINESS. 498 00:20:11,417 --> 00:20:14,542 [ SIGHS ] 499 00:20:14,542 --> 00:20:16,834 [ CHUCKLES ] 500 00:20:16,834 --> 00:20:18,417 I, UH -- I KIND OF HAD 501 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:21,542 A LITTLE LUNCH THING WITH HER DAUGHTER. 502 00:20:21,542 --> 00:20:23,542 WHAT? WAIT. YOU SAID "DAUGHTER." YOU MEAN "SISTER." 503 00:20:23,542 --> 00:20:25,542 NOPE, DAUGHTER. 504 00:20:25,542 --> 00:20:27,458 NOT SISTER? DAUGHTER. 505 00:20:27,458 --> 00:20:29,625 "SISTER, DAUGHTER. SISTER, DAUGHTER. 506 00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:32,667 SHE'S MY SISTER AND --" I'M BEGGING YOU. 507 00:20:32,667 --> 00:20:35,208 SO THAT GIRL SHE SAID WAS HER SISTER -- ISN'T. 508 00:20:35,208 --> 00:20:38,041 AND THAT'S WHO YOU -- YEAH. 509 00:20:38,041 --> 00:20:39,500 JESUS! YOU SLEPT WITH MORNING'S DAUGHTER? 510 00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:42,208 HEY, HEY, DON'T LOOK AT ME. SHE SLEPT WITH HER BROTHER. 511 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:43,500 THIS IS TRUE. EXCUSE ME. 512 00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:46,667 AS I RECALL, YOU HAD THE WOMAN HERSELF. ALSO TRUE. 513 00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:49,667 MAN, WE ARE JUST PLOWING THROUGH THAT FAMILY. 514 00:20:49,667 --> 00:20:50,542 [ CHUCKLES ] 515 00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:55,917 WHAT? 516 00:20:55,917 --> 00:20:59,083 [ TELEPHONE RINGING ] 517 00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:01,083 [ KEYBOARD CLACKING ] 518 00:21:10,583 --> 00:21:12,291 WENDY? 519 00:21:14,709 --> 00:21:15,917 YOU THERE? 520 00:21:17,583 --> 00:21:18,834 NO? 521 00:21:18,834 --> 00:21:20,709 [ RINGING CONTINUES ] 522 00:21:20,709 --> 00:21:24,500 WENDY? 523 00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:29,208 WENDY... YOU INCOMPETENT CUNT? 524 00:21:29,208 --> 00:21:30,750 Wendy: SEAN AND BEVERLY'S OFFICE. 525 00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,083 OH, JESUS. 526 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:34,542 EILEEN JAFFEE ON ONE. 527 00:21:34,542 --> 00:21:37,917 THANK YOU SO MUCH. WELL DONE. 528 00:21:37,917 --> 00:21:39,083 HELLO? 529 00:21:39,083 --> 00:21:41,333 SEAN, IT'S EILEEN. 530 00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:42,458 OH, DID YOU GET THE SCRIPT? 531 00:21:42,458 --> 00:21:45,291 OH, MY GOD. IT'S EVEN BETTER THAN I REMEMBERED. 532 00:21:45,291 --> 00:21:47,125 Oh, thank you. 533 00:21:47,125 --> 00:21:49,083 BEV'S DOWN ON STAGE, BUT I'LL DEFINITELY TELL HER. 534 00:21:49,083 --> 00:21:49,959 Please do. 535 00:21:49,959 --> 00:21:53,125 ALSO, DON'T BE MAD AT ME. 536 00:21:53,125 --> 00:21:54,500 ALL RIGHT. 537 00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:57,250 I WAS JUST AT A MEETING WITH KIM SALLY OVER AT FOX. 538 00:21:57,250 --> 00:21:58,250 HAVE YOU MET KIM? 539 00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:00,041 NO. You'd love her. 540 00:22:00,041 --> 00:22:01,417 ANYWAY, SHE WAS BITCHING 541 00:22:01,417 --> 00:22:03,333 ABOUT ALL THE CRAP SHE'S BEEN READING, 542 00:22:03,333 --> 00:22:05,458 AND SHE ASKED IF I'VE READ ANYTHING I LIKED. 543 00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:09,208 SO, I TOLD HER THE ONLY THING I LIKED SHE CAN'T HAVE. 544 00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:12,792 WELL, OF COURSE, NOW SHE HAS TO SEE IT. 545 00:22:12,792 --> 00:22:14,625 DO YOU MIND IF I SHOW IT TO HER? 546 00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:15,583 Um... 547 00:22:15,583 --> 00:22:18,875 WELL... 548 00:22:18,875 --> 00:22:20,625 AS WE TOLD YOU, 549 00:22:20,625 --> 00:22:25,375 WE'RE NOT INTERESTED IN PURSUING ANYTHING NEW. 550 00:22:25,375 --> 00:22:26,834 Absolutely. 551 00:22:26,834 --> 00:22:27,834 I HEAR YOU. 552 00:22:27,834 --> 00:22:29,375 I'LL MAKE IT VERY CLEAR, 553 00:22:29,375 --> 00:22:32,041 EVEN IF SHE LOVES IT, SHE CAN'T HAVE IT. 554 00:22:32,041 --> 00:22:35,959 UM, ALL RIGHT. I CAN'T SEE THE HARM. 555 00:22:35,959 --> 00:22:38,000 DO YOU NEED TO CLEAR IT WITH BEVERLY FIRST? 556 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,000 NO, NO. 557 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,500 UM, NOT IF WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE 558 00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:44,000 THAT NOTHING CAN HAPPEN. 559 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,709 YOU HAVE MY WORD. 560 00:22:45,709 --> 00:22:46,709 GREAT. 561 00:22:46,709 --> 00:22:48,375 Wonderful. I'll let you know what she says. 562 00:22:48,375 --> 00:22:49,959 OKAY. 563 00:22:55,667 --> 00:22:57,500 [ SIGHS ] 564 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,291 HELLO. HEY. 565 00:23:03,291 --> 00:23:04,959 YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SEAN, HAVE YOU? 566 00:23:04,959 --> 00:23:06,208 NOPE. 567 00:23:06,208 --> 00:23:08,709 AH. PROBABLY BACK AT THE OFFICE. 568 00:23:08,709 --> 00:23:12,500 YOUR SISTER SEEMS LOVELY, BY THE WAY. 569 00:23:13,667 --> 00:23:15,291 WHAT? 570 00:23:15,291 --> 00:23:17,041 THAT ASSHOLE TOLD YOU, DIDN'T HE? 571 00:23:17,041 --> 00:23:19,500 WHAT ASSHOLE? I... 572 00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:20,709 YES, HE TOLD US. 573 00:23:20,709 --> 00:23:22,291 I KNEW IT. 574 00:23:22,291 --> 00:23:25,709 SO SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER. THAT'S WONDERFUL. 575 00:23:25,709 --> 00:23:28,208 YEAH, ON DAYS LIKE TODAY, IT'S FUCKING JOYOUS. 576 00:23:28,208 --> 00:23:30,417 WANT ONE? OH, NO, I JUST -- 577 00:23:30,417 --> 00:23:32,375 YOUR SHOW JUST GOT CANCELED. THANK YOU. 578 00:23:39,083 --> 00:23:43,291 SO, UM, MAY I ASK... 579 00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:46,875 WHEN DID SHE BECOME YOUR "SISTER"? 580 00:23:46,875 --> 00:23:47,959 OH, RIGHT OUT OF THE COOCH. 581 00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:49,583 BELIEVE ME -- THAT IS NOT SOMETHING 582 00:23:49,583 --> 00:23:50,583 YOU CAN SWITCH UP LATER. 583 00:23:50,583 --> 00:23:51,583 I WOULD THINK NOT. 584 00:23:51,583 --> 00:23:53,542 CAREERWISE, IT JUST MADE SENSE. 585 00:23:53,542 --> 00:23:54,625 I WAS STILL KELLY. 586 00:23:56,166 --> 00:23:57,458 KELLY? 587 00:23:57,458 --> 00:23:58,667 KELLY. 588 00:23:58,667 --> 00:23:59,583 KELLY? 589 00:23:59,583 --> 00:24:00,875 KELLY. KELLY. 590 00:24:00,875 --> 00:24:02,875 ON "KELLY GIRL." 591 00:24:02,875 --> 00:24:03,917 ALL RIGHT. 592 00:24:03,917 --> 00:24:06,667 AND NO ONE WANTED TO THINK OF KELLY AS A MOM. 593 00:24:06,667 --> 00:24:07,792 NO. 594 00:24:07,792 --> 00:24:09,250 I HAD THE BABY OVER A HIATUS. 595 00:24:09,250 --> 00:24:11,250 I JUST TOLD EVERYONE THAT I WENT OFF 596 00:24:11,250 --> 00:24:12,834 TO GET MY TITS DONE AGAIN. 597 00:24:12,834 --> 00:24:13,959 THEY TOTALLY BOUGHT IT. 598 00:24:13,959 --> 00:24:16,834 WELL, CLEARLY, YOU'D ALREADY LAID THE GROUNDWORK. 599 00:24:16,834 --> 00:24:18,041 EXACTLY. 600 00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:20,834 AND WHEN I CAME BACK -- HELLO -- I HAD A LITTLE SISTER. 601 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:22,917 PLUS, OBVIOUSLY, MY BOOBS WERE GINORMOUS. 602 00:24:22,917 --> 00:24:26,125 RIGHT. 603 00:24:26,125 --> 00:24:28,792 AND, UH, THE FATHER? 604 00:24:28,792 --> 00:24:31,959 MNH. HE WAS A ONE-TIME THING -- THIS ACTOR. 605 00:24:31,959 --> 00:24:33,291 YOU WOULDN'T KNOW HIM. 606 00:24:33,291 --> 00:24:36,125 HE WAS LIKE A POOR MAN'S BILL BIXBY. 607 00:24:36,125 --> 00:24:38,625 WHO? BILL BIXBY. 608 00:24:39,875 --> 00:24:41,125 BILL BIXBY. 609 00:24:41,125 --> 00:24:42,291 BILL -- 610 00:24:42,291 --> 00:24:44,291 LET'S NOT DO THIS AGAIN. ALL RIGHT. 611 00:24:44,291 --> 00:24:48,333 SO, UH, YOU BROUGHT HER UP ON YOUR OWN? 612 00:24:48,333 --> 00:24:50,750 OH, YEAH, I DID ALL THE MOM SHIT -- 613 00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:52,458 MADE THE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES 614 00:24:52,458 --> 00:24:54,375 AND NEVER MISSED A SOCCER PRACTICE. 615 00:24:54,375 --> 00:24:55,291 REALLY? 616 00:24:55,291 --> 00:24:56,834 AND I WORRIED MY ASS OFF. 617 00:24:56,834 --> 00:24:58,458 THAT'S ALL YOU DO IS WORRY. 618 00:24:58,458 --> 00:25:00,792 YOU WORRY THEY'LL GET SICK. YOU WORRY THEY'LL GET HURT. 619 00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:02,500 YOU WORRY WHEN THEY LEARN TO DRIVE. 620 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:05,125 I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE. UGH. 621 00:25:05,125 --> 00:25:08,000 YOU KNOW THE ONE THING I NEVER WORRIED ABOUT -- 622 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,208 HER FUCKING MATT LeBLANC! 623 00:25:10,208 --> 00:25:13,208 REALLY? I WOULD THINK THAT'S SOMETHING ALL MOTHERS SHOULD WORRY ABOUT. 624 00:25:13,208 --> 00:25:14,125 [ SIGHS ] 625 00:25:20,667 --> 00:25:22,542 Jamie: HELLO? 626 00:25:22,542 --> 00:25:24,458 MATT? 627 00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:28,000 HONEY? 628 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,333 IN HERE. 629 00:25:31,333 --> 00:25:34,125 HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK? 630 00:25:34,125 --> 00:25:36,875 I THOUGHT THE CONFERENCE THING WAS THROUGH THE WEEKEND. 631 00:25:36,875 --> 00:25:37,792 IT IS. 632 00:25:37,792 --> 00:25:39,333 YOU JUST SEEMED SO SAD LAST NIGHT. 633 00:25:39,333 --> 00:25:41,208 I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE ON YOUR OWN. 634 00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:43,000 OH. [ CHUCKLES ] 635 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,041 MMM. MMM. 636 00:25:45,041 --> 00:25:46,875 WELL, I'M BETTER NOW. 637 00:25:46,875 --> 00:25:48,917 [ CHUCKLES ] 638 00:25:48,917 --> 00:25:50,542 OOH. 639 00:25:50,542 --> 00:25:52,667 [ CHUCKLES ] 640 00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:10,000 WHAT? WHAT'S -- WHAT'S THE MATTER? 641 00:26:13,834 --> 00:26:16,083 UH, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS NOW. 642 00:26:16,083 --> 00:26:17,250 YOU HUNGRY? 643 00:26:17,250 --> 00:26:19,041 I-I GOT A TON OF CHINESE IN THE FRIDGE, 644 00:26:19,041 --> 00:26:20,792 OR WE COULD GO OUT, OR -- DON'T. 645 00:26:20,792 --> 00:26:23,041 DON'T WHAT? WHAT AM I DOING? 646 00:26:23,041 --> 00:26:24,583 I KNOW WHAT CHEATING SMELLS LIKE. 647 00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:28,125 WHAT? CHEATING? WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU -- WHAT? 648 00:26:28,125 --> 00:26:29,083 THAT'S CRAZY. 649 00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:32,083 LOOK, I KNOW YOU GOT YOUR SPECIAL SKILLS 650 00:26:32,083 --> 00:26:34,625 WITH YOUR SUPERHUMAN X-MEN NOSE, 651 00:26:34,625 --> 00:26:37,625 BUT YOU'RE SO WRONG, WAY OFF BASE, WAY -- 652 00:26:37,625 --> 00:26:40,291 PLEASE, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THIS GAME. 653 00:26:40,291 --> 00:26:41,917 WELL, T-THIS IS NUTS. 654 00:26:41,917 --> 00:26:44,500 YOU COME IN HERE ALL FEE-FI-FO-FUMMING. 655 00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:46,041 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE SMELLING, 656 00:26:46,041 --> 00:26:46,959 BUT IT'S -- IT'S -- 657 00:26:46,959 --> 00:26:48,500 YOU KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING 658 00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:50,291 THERE WERE ONLY TWO THINGS I ASKED -- 659 00:26:50,291 --> 00:26:52,625 BE NICE AND DON'T CHEAT. 660 00:26:52,625 --> 00:26:55,291 I WAS NICE! 661 00:26:55,291 --> 00:26:56,375 I'M GOING. 662 00:26:56,375 --> 00:26:58,000 OKAY, OKAY. I FUCKED UP. 663 00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,792 YOU KNOW HOW DEPRESSED I WAS. 664 00:26:59,792 --> 00:27:02,583 SO YOU EAT A CHEESECAKE. YOU DON'T DRIVE US OFF A CLIFF! 665 00:27:02,583 --> 00:27:05,333 I KNOW. I'M SORRY. IT WAS STUPID. 666 00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:06,750 OKAY, THIS -- THIS GIRL -- 667 00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:09,125 I SWEAR, SHE MEANT NOTHING -- NOTHING. 668 00:27:09,125 --> 00:27:10,291 I MET HER TODAY. 669 00:27:10,291 --> 00:27:11,542 IT'S AMAZING. 670 00:27:11,542 --> 00:27:13,291 HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT YOU'RE MAKING THINGS WORSE? 671 00:27:13,291 --> 00:27:14,875 [ SIGHS ] 672 00:27:14,875 --> 00:27:16,291 HANG ON. DON'T DO THIS. 673 00:27:16,291 --> 00:27:17,792 STOP. COME ON. 674 00:27:17,792 --> 00:27:18,959 NO. NO MORE. 675 00:27:18,959 --> 00:27:21,125 HEY. NO, STAY. 676 00:27:21,125 --> 00:27:23,542 I'M DONE. 677 00:27:23,542 --> 00:27:24,792 WHAT? 678 00:27:37,375 --> 00:27:38,583 [ SNIFFS ] 679 00:27:38,583 --> 00:27:40,291 OH, YEAH. 680 00:27:42,458 --> 00:27:45,083 [ TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING ] 681 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,041 [ CARRIAGE RETURNS, BELL DINGS ] 46312

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