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1
00:21:50,709 --> 00:21:52,677
Greetings, worthless viewers.
2
00:21:52,844 --> 00:21:55,677
It is with unbridled excitement
that I come to you...
3
00:21:55,847 --> 00:21:58,543
...to announce
my thrilling television debut.
4
00:21:58,717 --> 00:22:02,653
They call me Deadpan,
and I am blessed with the unique ability...
5
00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:06,518
...to transform my features
into any shape.
6
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,252
For instance...
7
00:22:12,764 --> 00:22:14,857
Or how about?
8
00:22:17,702 --> 00:22:19,897
Or perhaps...
9
00:22:25,544 --> 00:22:28,069
And I do mean any shape.
10
00:22:28,246 --> 00:22:31,181
Today,
I plan to take over all of Washington...
11
00:22:31,349 --> 00:22:34,876
...with the help
of my cleverest disguise ever...
12
00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:37,419
...that of Freakazoid.
13
00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:43,093
No one will ever know it's actually me.
14
00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:46,497
Hi, Deadpan.
15
00:22:46,665 --> 00:22:47,757
Hello, I...
16
00:22:50,435 --> 00:22:52,062
Rats.
17
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,808
Never mind.
18
00:24:27,999 --> 00:24:29,489
You wanted to see me?
19
00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:31,158
Ah, warden.
20
00:24:31,336 --> 00:24:34,237
How kind of you to come. Please.
21
00:24:34,406 --> 00:24:37,569
I understand there's a problem
with your computer.
22
00:24:37,742 --> 00:24:42,372
Oh, a trivial matter, really.
I'm embarrassed to even mention it.
23
00:24:42,547 --> 00:24:43,571
But I will.
24
00:24:43,748 --> 00:24:46,740
The computer itself is wonderful.
25
00:24:46,918 --> 00:24:49,887
It even has the Pinnacle microchip
as I requested.
26
00:24:50,055 --> 00:24:53,024
Perfect for playing
my computer games like...
27
00:24:53,191 --> 00:24:57,924
..."Chubby Fudge's Cooking Lab,"
and "Attack of the Grillery"...
28
00:24:58,096 --> 00:25:01,156
...and my favorite, "Amazing Castle. "
29
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:04,166
But to my surprise...
30
00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:07,601
...I find that
I cannot log onto the Internet...
31
00:25:07,772 --> 00:25:12,368
...because I don't have a phone line!
32
00:25:12,544 --> 00:25:15,536
L... I know. I'm trying.
33
00:25:15,714 --> 00:25:17,443
It's gonna take a few more weeks.
34
00:25:17,616 --> 00:25:21,450
I don't want to wait a few more weeks.
35
00:25:21,620 --> 00:25:25,386
I must have access to the Internet now.
36
00:25:25,557 --> 00:25:26,888
Today.
37
00:25:27,058 --> 00:25:29,959
It's just that prisoners
aren't supposed to have phones.
38
00:25:30,128 --> 00:25:34,622
If I don't have a phone line lickety-split...
39
00:25:34,799 --> 00:25:37,199
...I shall squeeze you.
40
00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:40,270
And I shall keep on squeezing you...
41
00:25:40,438 --> 00:25:44,067
...until all your man juices run dry.
42
00:25:44,242 --> 00:25:45,766
Ew.
43
00:25:51,750 --> 00:25:54,048
Ah.
44
00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:55,811
At last.
45
00:26:07,799 --> 00:26:09,926
I'm gonna get Freakazoid
46
00:26:10,101 --> 00:26:13,502
Stupid little crazy boy, Freakazoid
47
00:26:13,672 --> 00:26:17,039
Let the game begin.
48
00:26:21,846 --> 00:26:24,337
Oh, baby.
49
00:26:39,197 --> 00:26:42,030
- That blue knight guy is pretty good.
- He sure is...
50
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,168
...milord.
- What?
51
00:26:44,336 --> 00:26:46,304
Oh, "milord. "
52
00:26:46,471 --> 00:26:48,302
Right. Ha.
53
00:26:48,473 --> 00:26:49,963
Funny.
54
00:26:50,141 --> 00:26:52,871
You know, I like jousting so much
I wish I could marry it.
55
00:27:01,486 --> 00:27:03,317
Ha. Funny.
56
00:27:11,930 --> 00:27:13,898
Sorry I didn't help you out sooner, kid.
57
00:27:14,065 --> 00:27:16,329
I thought you were doing
one of your little skits.
58
00:27:16,501 --> 00:27:18,366
Oh, I don't know what it is, Cosgrove.
59
00:27:18,536 --> 00:27:22,336
It's like all of a sudden, there was
this disruption in my energy field.
60
00:27:22,507 --> 00:27:25,271
You mean
like that Force thingy in Star Wars?
61
00:27:25,443 --> 00:27:26,842
Yeah, that's it.
62
00:27:27,011 --> 00:27:31,243
I like that movie.
Carrie Fisher is a real cutie pie.
63
00:27:33,251 --> 00:27:37,881
Don't worry, kid.
I'll get you to the hospital as fast as I can.
64
00:27:43,695 --> 00:27:46,892
- Unh!
- Norma, it's Cosgrove.
65
00:27:47,065 --> 00:27:48,589
Give me a double Chubby Boy.
66
00:27:48,767 --> 00:27:50,064
And who's on the fryer tonight?
67
00:27:52,137 --> 00:27:54,105
Yeah. He's good.
68
00:27:54,272 --> 00:27:56,934
Okay. Give me some fries too.
69
00:27:58,343 --> 00:27:59,537
And make it snappy.
70
00:27:59,711 --> 00:28:01,872
I gotta get Freakazoid to the hospital.
71
00:28:07,552 --> 00:28:08,712
Aw, shoot.
72
00:28:10,622 --> 00:28:12,214
I forgot an Orange Bang.
73
00:28:23,134 --> 00:28:25,864
Well, there's nothing fuzzy
on your tongue.
74
00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:27,800
Frankly, you seem to be fine...
75
00:28:27,972 --> 00:28:31,567
...but this weakness you're experiencing
puzzles me immensely.
76
00:28:31,743 --> 00:28:33,301
Why don't you put leeches on him?
77
00:28:33,478 --> 00:28:35,412
Oh, no, no, no. I don't think that's wise.
78
00:28:35,580 --> 00:28:38,242
Okay, but if you change your mind,
I got a few in the car.
79
00:28:38,416 --> 00:28:41,442
I would, however,
like to keep you overnight for observation.
80
00:28:41,619 --> 00:28:44,179
What? Overnight?
Here? Oh, no, no, no.
81
00:28:44,355 --> 00:28:45,822
I hate hospitals. They're icky.
82
00:28:45,990 --> 00:28:47,514
They keep blood in refrigerators.
83
00:28:47,692 --> 00:28:51,059
Not that you kids shouldn't go
to the hospital if you ever need to.
84
00:28:51,229 --> 00:28:52,321
That's right, kids.
85
00:28:52,797 --> 00:28:56,494
Hospitals are places that make you well
when you're feeling kind of urpy...
86
00:28:56,668 --> 00:28:59,637
...or have a foreign substance
stuck up your nose.
87
00:28:59,804 --> 00:29:02,671
They'll fix you up
and ship you out as good as new.
88
00:29:02,841 --> 00:29:05,435
Plus, the food's mighty fine.
89
00:29:05,610 --> 00:29:09,410
This segment brought to you
by the National Federation of Hospitals.
90
00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:11,674
Now back to our show.
91
00:29:11,850 --> 00:29:13,818
Thank you very much, doctor,
but I'm not staying.
92
00:29:13,985 --> 00:29:16,613
I'm fine. Come on, Cosgrove.
93
00:29:17,689 --> 00:29:19,816
I meant to do that.
94
00:29:30,034 --> 00:29:32,002
Freakazoid.
95
00:29:32,670 --> 00:29:34,433
Freakazoid.
96
00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:38,474
Remember me, my old dear friend?
97
00:29:38,643 --> 00:29:42,545
Well, I remember you,
and I'm waiting for you.
98
00:29:42,714 --> 00:29:47,845
All you have to do is come and get me,
if you dare.
99
00:29:51,556 --> 00:29:54,150
Laugh with me, laugh with me.
100
00:30:02,166 --> 00:30:04,634
Shh. Quiet, lad.
101
00:30:10,041 --> 00:30:11,941
Roddy, where have you been?
102
00:30:12,110 --> 00:30:14,840
I've been surfing the Net, lad.
Oh, it's quite a place.
103
00:30:15,013 --> 00:30:16,037
You're gonna like it.
104
00:30:16,214 --> 00:30:17,613
I'm gonna like it?
105
00:30:17,782 --> 00:30:20,080
Aye, you're going in tonight.
106
00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:23,709
Guitierrez managed to get in.
Now, come, we've not much time.
107
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,588
I meant to do that.
108
00:30:41,205 --> 00:30:43,070
Ever since Guitierrez entered the Net...
109
00:30:43,241 --> 00:30:46,733
...he's been busy setting up
some sort of deranged trap for you.
110
00:30:46,911 --> 00:30:49,812
When I tried to see what it was,
he found me and kicked me out.
111
00:30:49,981 --> 00:30:51,107
He's amazingly powerful.
112
00:30:51,282 --> 00:30:53,375
If it's a trap,
why do you want me to go in?
113
00:30:53,551 --> 00:30:54,882
You don't have a choice, lad.
114
00:30:55,053 --> 00:30:58,614
The reason you're so weak is that
Guitierrez sabotaged the energy field...
115
00:30:58,790 --> 00:31:00,621
...that powers you here on the outside.
116
00:31:00,792 --> 00:31:02,919
If you didn't go in, another hour or so...
117
00:31:03,094 --> 00:31:06,495
...you'd be no better than a dried-up
piece of fleshy haggis.
118
00:31:06,664 --> 00:31:09,895
Oh, he's figured it all out.
He's baiting you, lad.
119
00:31:10,068 --> 00:31:13,060
He's made sure you've got no choice
but to go in after him.
120
00:31:13,237 --> 00:31:15,000
He means to destroy you.
121
00:31:15,173 --> 00:31:17,835
Boy, you got a lot of lines in this show.
122
00:31:18,009 --> 00:31:19,408
Aye, that's what I told them.
123
00:31:19,577 --> 00:31:23,013
But no,
all the cruddy exposition goes to me.
124
00:31:23,181 --> 00:31:26,344
I've got to talk and talk,
and fiddle with the computer...
125
00:31:26,517 --> 00:31:28,508
...and talk some more,
and fiddle and talk.
126
00:31:28,686 --> 00:31:30,950
I feel like Obi-wan Cruddy Kenobi.
127
00:31:31,122 --> 00:31:32,783
Roddy, settle.
128
00:31:32,957 --> 00:31:34,424
All right. We're ready.
129
00:31:34,626 --> 00:31:35,786
Aren't you coming?
130
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,326
Nay, Guitierrez has locked me out.
131
00:31:38,496 --> 00:31:40,521
He wants you alone.
132
00:31:40,698 --> 00:31:43,258
There, that's the last
of the cruddy exposition...
133
00:31:43,434 --> 00:31:45,026
...thank you very much.
134
00:31:49,340 --> 00:31:51,137
Be careful, lad. Now, off you go.
135
00:31:51,309 --> 00:31:52,333
Press delete.
136
00:32:03,721 --> 00:32:05,484
Whoa!
137
00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:57,039
Could you tell me where the bathroom is?
138
00:32:57,208 --> 00:32:58,334
I don't know.
139
00:32:58,509 --> 00:32:59,635
Shoot.
140
00:33:08,252 --> 00:33:12,245
Freakazoid, at last you have arrived.
141
00:33:12,423 --> 00:33:15,620
I'm sorry about the dramatics
with your power supply...
142
00:33:15,793 --> 00:33:19,320
...but I wanted to make sure
you would come.
143
00:33:19,497 --> 00:33:21,829
Hey, you've been doing sit-ups.
144
00:33:21,999 --> 00:33:26,493
I took the liberty of improving
upon the flaw that created us both.
145
00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:31,938
I am now more powerful
than you can possibly imagine.
146
00:33:32,110 --> 00:33:33,771
Yes, but can you dance?
147
00:33:40,384 --> 00:33:42,045
Yes.
148
00:33:42,754 --> 00:33:44,244
Wow.
149
00:33:44,422 --> 00:33:46,117
Now, come.
150
00:33:46,290 --> 00:33:49,088
I want to show you what I have planned.
151
00:33:49,260 --> 00:33:51,091
Put on that bracelet.
152
00:33:51,262 --> 00:33:52,593
No, it's ugly.
153
00:33:59,637 --> 00:34:01,662
Ooh, stop the pain.
154
00:34:01,839 --> 00:34:05,434
Oh, stop that bad acting
and put on the bracelet.
155
00:34:12,784 --> 00:34:18,051
The bracelet you are now wearing
is a highly sophisticated delete mechanism.
156
00:34:18,222 --> 00:34:22,852
When activated, it will delete you.
157
00:34:23,728 --> 00:34:26,026
You now have approximately...
158
00:34:26,197 --> 00:34:29,689
...um, 59 minutes to live.
159
00:34:29,867 --> 00:34:31,300
You weenie.
160
00:34:32,136 --> 00:34:33,364
A weenie?
161
00:34:33,538 --> 00:34:36,098
You are the weenie.
162
00:34:36,274 --> 00:34:40,074
And now I will have my revenge.
163
00:34:40,244 --> 00:34:41,802
It is because of you...
164
00:34:41,979 --> 00:34:46,507
...that I spent six long months
locked away in a prison cell.
165
00:34:46,684 --> 00:34:50,711
Six months caged
like an animal in a cage.
166
00:34:50,888 --> 00:34:52,378
Hey, settle.
167
00:34:54,058 --> 00:34:58,324
I should inform you that there is a key
that unlocks the bracelet.
168
00:34:58,496 --> 00:35:00,123
Where?
169
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:07,300
Are you familiar with the computer game
"Amazing Castle?"
170
00:35:07,471 --> 00:35:08,495
Yeah.
171
00:35:08,673 --> 00:35:11,369
Well, we are now in that game.
172
00:35:11,542 --> 00:35:17,003
And here in cyberspace,
it is all quite real, I assure you.
173
00:35:17,181 --> 00:35:19,843
You will find the key somewhere
in that castle.
174
00:35:20,017 --> 00:35:22,850
To get there,
you will have to answer riddles...
175
00:35:23,020 --> 00:35:26,353
...solve clues
and collect objects that might help you.
176
00:35:26,524 --> 00:35:27,957
I suggest you begin.
177
00:35:28,125 --> 00:35:30,184
You have, uh...
178
00:35:30,361 --> 00:35:32,261
...fifty-seven minutes.
179
00:35:39,871 --> 00:35:43,932
I will enjoy watching you perish,
Freakazoid.
180
00:35:46,711 --> 00:35:48,770
Laugh with me, laugh with me.
181
00:35:56,687 --> 00:35:58,279
He's such a weenie.
182
00:35:58,456 --> 00:36:00,617
I am not a weenie.
183
00:36:00,791 --> 00:36:03,919
You are the weenie.
184
00:36:10,268 --> 00:36:11,496
Where is the darn handle?
185
00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:17,501
I am the doorkeeper with horrible skin
186
00:36:17,675 --> 00:36:20,508
Answer my riddle, and then you come in
187
00:36:20,678 --> 00:36:21,838
Oh, I hate these.
188
00:36:22,013 --> 00:36:23,037
All right, what?
189
00:36:23,214 --> 00:36:28,208
I buzz about at a citrus event
Where hours of fun can cheaply be spent
190
00:36:28,386 --> 00:36:29,478
Who am I?
191
00:36:29,654 --> 00:36:31,451
Hmm.
192
00:36:32,189 --> 00:36:33,713
A bee at the Orange County Fair.
193
00:36:33,891 --> 00:36:35,324
Enter.
194
00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:46,700
Have some chalk. Ahh.
195
00:36:49,941 --> 00:36:51,340
Oh, no.
196
00:36:51,542 --> 00:36:54,739
Which way? Um, that one.
197
00:37:05,756 --> 00:37:08,589
A bowl, I got a bowl. Good for me.
198
00:37:13,998 --> 00:37:16,091
You had better hurry, Freakazoid.
199
00:37:16,267 --> 00:37:18,326
Time's slipping away.
200
00:37:26,210 --> 00:37:28,303
I went in here and I came out here.
201
00:37:28,479 --> 00:37:30,538
Which means...
202
00:37:40,725 --> 00:37:44,286
Freakazoid ran about the strange
and creepy castle...
203
00:37:44,462 --> 00:37:47,590
...collecting all sorts
of bizarre and unusual objects.
204
00:37:47,765 --> 00:37:51,599
Each new object
led him closer to his ultimate goal...
205
00:37:51,769 --> 00:37:54,636
...the key that would free him
from the deviously deadly...
206
00:37:54,805 --> 00:37:57,000
...deleting device adhered to his wrist.
207
00:37:57,675 --> 00:38:02,510
But there was one last object to be located
and very little time left.
208
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,307
Oh, nut bunnies.
209
00:38:04,482 --> 00:38:06,609
Uh, uh... Ah.
210
00:38:06,784 --> 00:38:08,308
There.
211
00:38:09,286 --> 00:38:10,913
Thanks.
212
00:38:15,226 --> 00:38:16,284
Whoa!
213
00:38:55,566 --> 00:38:58,899
Twenty seconds, Freakazoid.
214
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:03,864
Fifteen.
215
00:39:09,380 --> 00:39:10,870
Ten.
216
00:39:15,352 --> 00:39:17,582
Five, four...
217
00:39:17,755 --> 00:39:19,916
- Ha!
... three, two...
218
00:39:20,091 --> 00:39:21,285
...one.
219
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:31,859
Good for me.
220
00:39:37,575 --> 00:39:40,544
Yes, good for you, Freakazoid.
221
00:39:40,711 --> 00:39:42,804
I must say I am surprised.
222
00:39:42,980 --> 00:39:44,106
Well done.
223
00:39:44,281 --> 00:39:45,441
Can I go now?
224
00:39:45,616 --> 00:39:47,641
Oh, no, my friend.
225
00:39:47,818 --> 00:39:49,217
We have had our fun.
226
00:39:49,386 --> 00:39:52,787
But now it is time
for you to be eliminated.
227
00:39:52,957 --> 00:39:54,652
- But you said...
- I said...
228
00:39:54,825 --> 00:39:58,056
...that if you found the key,
you would not be deleted.
229
00:39:58,229 --> 00:40:00,322
I made no other promises.
230
00:40:00,498 --> 00:40:01,658
You ween...
231
00:40:01,832 --> 00:40:03,595
Don't say the weenie word.
232
00:40:03,767 --> 00:40:05,496
No, no, no.
233
00:40:11,442 --> 00:40:14,343
Fall down. Fall down.
234
00:40:17,581 --> 00:40:19,515
Are you ticklish? Little tick-tick-ticky?
235
00:40:19,683 --> 00:40:22,015
Little ticky-sweet-sweet-sweet?
Little tick-tick-ticky?
236
00:40:22,186 --> 00:40:25,087
Little tick-tick...
You're not liking any of this, are you?
237
00:40:25,256 --> 00:40:27,554
- Grr...
- Aah!
238
00:40:32,930 --> 00:40:34,830
Goodbye, Freakazoid.
239
00:40:40,204 --> 00:40:42,604
Whoa! Aah!
240
00:40:57,855 --> 00:41:00,119
Freakazoid, help me.
241
00:41:00,991 --> 00:41:03,255
Would you let your father fall?
242
00:41:03,427 --> 00:41:05,952
My father? You're my father?
243
00:41:07,264 --> 00:41:09,698
Oh, yes, I am your father.
244
00:41:11,602 --> 00:41:13,536
Well, who...? Who was my mother?
245
00:41:13,704 --> 00:41:15,296
Uh, uh...
246
00:41:15,472 --> 00:41:16,700
Faye Dunaway.
247
00:41:16,874 --> 00:41:17,966
No, she's not.
248
00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:19,404
Uh...
249
00:41:19,577 --> 00:41:21,977
- Kaye Ballard?
- Kaye? No.
250
00:41:22,146 --> 00:41:24,273
Would you believe Sandy Duncan?
251
00:41:31,755 --> 00:41:34,053
Scream with me.
252
00:41:35,559 --> 00:41:37,823
I tried looking for Guitierrez
but he was gone.
253
00:41:37,995 --> 00:41:41,362
So I fixed my power supply and made sure
Roddy wasn't locked out anymore.
254
00:41:41,532 --> 00:41:43,329
Good job, lad.
255
00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:46,997
Pretty interesting story, Freakazoid.
256
00:41:47,171 --> 00:41:49,867
- But there's something I don't get.
- What's that, Cosgrove?
257
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:52,907
In that movie Congo,
how do you tell the difference...
258
00:41:53,077 --> 00:41:56,843
...between the real monkey
and the guy in a monkey suit?
259
00:42:00,684 --> 00:42:01,946
That's a real monkey.
260
00:42:02,119 --> 00:42:03,518
No, that's some guy in a suit.
261
00:42:03,687 --> 00:42:06,019
Okay, but now that's a real monkey.
262
00:42:06,190 --> 00:42:07,953
No, that's another guy in a suit.
263
00:42:08,125 --> 00:42:10,855
Okay. I see what you're saying now.
264
00:42:11,028 --> 00:42:12,962
There, that's a guy in a suit.
265
00:42:13,130 --> 00:42:14,961
No, that's a real monkey.
266
00:42:15,132 --> 00:42:17,794
How can you tell?
It's obvious, Cosgrove.
267
00:42:17,968 --> 00:42:20,129
There, now that's a real monkey.
268
00:42:20,304 --> 00:42:21,896
That's a guy in a suit!
269
00:42:22,072 --> 00:42:24,666
We're gonna have to see this again.
270
00:42:53,370 --> 00:42:56,203
I hope the Humanitas Committee
is watching.
19482
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