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1
00:00:01,631 --> 00:00:01,848
.
2
00:00:05,374 --> 00:00:07,332
- My girl Oprah
coming through with
3
00:00:07,376 --> 00:00:09,508
yet another dope rec.
4
00:00:09,552 --> 00:00:12,511
- I know they say don't judge a
book by its cover, but
5
00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:14,861
this book jacket got me feeling
some kind of way.
6
00:00:14,905 --> 00:00:16,863
- I got so flushed reading
the "about the author" that
7
00:00:16,907 --> 00:00:19,214
when Keith came home, I threw
the book in my naughty drawer.
8
00:00:19,257 --> 00:00:20,867
Both: Ooh.
- Get it, Michelle.
9
00:00:22,304 --> 00:00:24,045
- Well, my naughty drawer's
just really actually
10
00:00:24,088 --> 00:00:25,524
Keith's normal
underwear drawer.
11
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,439
Nothing gets
my pizza oven fired up
12
00:00:27,483 --> 00:00:29,354
quite like my hubby's undies.
13
00:00:29,398 --> 00:00:33,184
- Ooh, I respect that
you know what works for you.
14
00:00:33,228 --> 00:00:34,446
- Yeah.
- Yes.
15
00:00:34,490 --> 00:00:35,534
- Jack, you're always
reading in here.
16
00:00:35,578 --> 00:00:36,970
Want to join our book club?
17
00:00:37,014 --> 00:00:38,407
- Oh, you should.
18
00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:40,713
We're reading
"The Question Is the Answer"
19
00:00:40,757 --> 00:00:44,152
by this hot buttered crumpet
named Miles Leonard.
20
00:00:44,195 --> 00:00:45,327
both: Ooh.
21
00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:46,763
- I think you would
like it, Jack.
22
00:00:46,806 --> 00:00:48,417
It's philosophy, but
there's, like, a point to it.
23
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:50,332
- And how, pray tell,
did you come by
24
00:00:50,375 --> 00:00:51,898
this fine piece of literature?
25
00:00:51,942 --> 00:00:53,596
- It was Oprah's book club pick
this month.
26
00:00:53,639 --> 00:00:55,511
She says the best place
to read it is, quote...
27
00:00:55,554 --> 00:00:57,904
"on a beach that you own."
28
00:00:57,948 --> 00:00:59,341
- Okay.
29
00:00:59,384 --> 00:01:01,299
- And you just
follow along blindly, huh?
30
00:01:01,343 --> 00:01:02,692
Is that it?
31
00:01:02,735 --> 00:01:04,346
Well, listen to me,
and listen well, okay?
32
00:01:04,389 --> 00:01:07,610
Philosophy is not
a popularity contest, okay?
33
00:01:07,653 --> 00:01:10,091
It is a precise and rigorous
expression
34
00:01:10,134 --> 00:01:11,527
of universal truths.
35
00:01:11,570 --> 00:01:13,094
Yeah?
It's not about
36
00:01:13,137 --> 00:01:14,617
who's "getting good buzz"
and who's on TV
37
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:16,836
on the stupid Oprah sho--
you know what?
38
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,316
You've ruined my empanada!
39
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,797
- Damn, could've just said no.
40
00:01:22,277 --> 00:01:23,321
Oh, you're in a bad mood.
Cool beans.
41
00:01:23,365 --> 00:01:24,627
I'll tell you later.
42
00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:25,889
- What are you gonna
tell him later, Ralph?
43
00:01:25,932 --> 00:01:27,238
Is it a private medical thing?
44
00:01:27,282 --> 00:01:28,979
- No, he does not let me
45
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,154
share that stuff with him.
46
00:01:30,198 --> 00:01:31,938
But, ladies,
47
00:01:31,982 --> 00:01:36,204
I am a finalist for Innovative
Principal of the Year.
48
00:01:36,247 --> 00:01:37,596
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, I'm so proud!
49
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:39,685
- A little bit awesome.
50
00:01:39,729 --> 00:01:42,384
Just a little bit of good news
during a rough year,
51
00:01:42,427 --> 00:01:44,995
you know, with my
marriage collapsing and...
52
00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:46,649
- Uh, boo.
No, please.
53
00:01:46,692 --> 00:01:48,433
Durbs, don't bum us out
while we're trying to dance.
54
00:01:48,477 --> 00:01:51,306
- Okay, you guys, well,
while I have you on pause,
55
00:01:51,349 --> 00:01:53,569
this superintendent
and her crew
56
00:01:53,612 --> 00:01:56,180
are coming tomorrow to observe
the school and me.
57
00:01:56,224 --> 00:01:58,487
So if each of you
could put together
58
00:01:58,530 --> 00:02:00,445
an out-of-the-box presentation,
59
00:02:00,489 --> 00:02:02,621
something big,
something memorable,
60
00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:04,145
something tied into
your subject...
61
00:02:04,188 --> 00:02:06,408
- Mm-hmm.
- Would really appreciate it.
62
00:02:06,451 --> 00:02:08,149
- Ohh,
I know what I'ma do.
63
00:02:08,192 --> 00:02:10,281
- Girl, I'm not telling.
64
00:02:10,325 --> 00:02:12,153
You gotta get your own thing.
65
00:02:12,196 --> 00:02:13,502
- Ooh, we got you, Durb.
66
00:02:13,545 --> 00:02:15,156
We got you.
- Oh, I love it. I love it.
67
00:02:15,199 --> 00:02:17,680
And if I win, I'm gonna
take you all to Bennigan's.
68
00:02:17,723 --> 00:02:20,726
- Hit it out the park!
69
00:02:20,770 --> 00:02:23,076
- ♪ Next time
I'll listen to my heart ♪
70
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,123
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
71
00:02:26,167 --> 00:02:33,348
♪
72
00:02:40,529 --> 00:02:43,401
- We definitely
shouldn't open it. Right?
73
00:02:45,925 --> 00:02:48,189
I'm going for it.
74
00:03:05,902 --> 00:03:07,773
Fetal pigs!
75
00:03:09,079 --> 00:03:11,908
- Oh, my God.
76
00:03:11,951 --> 00:03:13,562
- This is so great.
77
00:03:13,605 --> 00:03:16,217
I've been waiting my whole life
to dissect a fetal pig.
78
00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:17,566
- Mr. Griffin must be
79
00:03:17,609 --> 00:03:19,655
rewarding us for being
good little angels.
80
00:03:19,698 --> 00:03:21,526
Everything's starting
to go my way.
81
00:03:21,570 --> 00:03:22,832
- Think these pigs
went to Hell?
82
00:03:22,875 --> 00:03:24,268
- Looks like
there's only eight.
83
00:03:24,312 --> 00:03:25,400
Eight piggy presents.
84
00:03:25,443 --> 00:03:26,488
We're gonna have to pair up.
85
00:03:26,531 --> 00:03:28,054
- Oh.
- Oh, okay.
86
00:03:28,098 --> 00:03:30,231
- Hey, Dan.
You want to team up?
87
00:03:30,274 --> 00:03:32,233
My dad owns a butcher shop, so
88
00:03:32,276 --> 00:03:34,539
I know my way around
the inside of a pig.
89
00:03:34,583 --> 00:03:37,063
- Uh, yeah, I'm down.
90
00:03:38,239 --> 00:03:39,196
- Where does Oprah even got off
91
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:40,458
endorsing Miles' book?
92
00:03:40,502 --> 00:03:43,244
It's insane.
Unbelievable.
93
00:03:43,287 --> 00:03:44,810
It's got Stedman
written all over it.
94
00:03:44,854 --> 00:03:45,811
That's who it was.
95
00:03:45,855 --> 00:03:46,943
Get out--
96
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,729
- Oh, I set up a Google Alert
so we can stay on top of Miles.
97
00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:53,558
Printed that out for you, boss.
- Oh.
98
00:03:53,602 --> 00:03:55,865
Well, thank you, Heather.
Nice.
99
00:03:55,908 --> 00:03:58,781
What is that god
Is that meth?
100
00:03:58,824 --> 00:04:00,913
I swear, the wind
blows the wrong way in Ohio
101
00:04:00,957 --> 00:04:02,306
you get that meth whiff.
102
00:04:02,350 --> 00:04:03,742
- The fetal pigs are here.
103
00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:05,266
We've already paired up and
104
00:04:05,309 --> 00:04:06,571
we'll dissect them
really quietly.
105
00:04:06,615 --> 00:04:07,920
You wouldn't even
have to do anything.
106
00:04:07,964 --> 00:04:09,226
- Absolutely not.
107
00:04:09,270 --> 00:04:10,532
You guys are not
doing a lab in my class.
108
00:04:10,575 --> 00:04:12,838
- But we've been
good little angels.
109
00:04:12,882 --> 00:04:14,971
- No, you know what
we've got here?
110
00:04:15,014 --> 00:04:16,102
A Miles mission.
111
00:04:17,756 --> 00:04:19,845
- Please let us dissect them,
Mr. Griffin.
112
00:04:19,889 --> 00:04:23,545
- Yeah, boss, you know how much
I love sticking it to Miles,
113
00:04:23,588 --> 00:04:25,808
but this kind of means a lot.
114
00:04:25,851 --> 00:04:27,679
- This is literally
all I've got.
115
00:04:27,723 --> 00:04:29,420
- I'm sorry.
What I'm gonna do is
116
00:04:29,464 --> 00:04:31,379
take these little piglets, and
I'm gonna send them to Miles.
117
00:04:31,422 --> 00:04:34,207
Totally freak him out. It's
a truly perfect Miles mission.
118
00:04:35,426 --> 00:04:37,428
Feels like it's missing
a twist.
119
00:04:37,472 --> 00:04:39,735
- Uh, Marcus, shut up.
It's--it's a solid plan.
120
00:04:39,778 --> 00:04:41,258
- Yeah, I don't know,
Mr. Griffin,
121
00:04:41,302 --> 00:04:42,781
I feel like maybe
this needs a twist.
122
00:04:44,740 --> 00:04:47,046
Twist.
Yeah, good point, Dan.
123
00:04:47,090 --> 00:04:49,919
- I said it, twist...
- This could use a twist.
124
00:04:49,962 --> 00:04:51,442
All right, let me go
think about this.
125
00:04:51,486 --> 00:04:54,358
Twist, yeah.
Have a good night, dudes.
126
00:04:57,405 --> 00:04:58,449
♪
127
00:05:01,452 --> 00:05:02,366
♪
128
00:05:06,414 --> 00:05:07,632
- Go for Chops.
129
00:05:07,676 --> 00:05:09,155
- Chops, it's Jack.
130
00:05:09,199 --> 00:05:10,766
Our task rabbit's all set.
131
00:05:10,809 --> 00:05:12,550
The box of pigs
should arrive today,
132
00:05:12,594 --> 00:05:14,030
along with the T-shirt cannon,
133
00:05:14,073 --> 00:05:15,988
which really brings
the whole plan to life.
134
00:05:16,032 --> 00:05:18,556
I need you to fire in
the direction of Miles Leonard,
135
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,079
whose address I've included.
136
00:05:20,123 --> 00:05:21,429
Really terrify him.
137
00:05:21,472 --> 00:05:24,257
- Can I just say
this is, like, straight-up
138
00:05:24,301 --> 00:05:26,347
the sickest task
I've ever had to rabbit.
139
00:05:26,390 --> 00:05:29,524
So, like, you're giving me
life right now, you feel me?
140
00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:31,482
- Yeah, just get it done.
141
00:05:31,526 --> 00:05:33,354
A quick word?
142
00:05:33,397 --> 00:05:35,965
- Yeah.
- ...fire that.
143
00:05:36,008 --> 00:05:37,488
And then we'll just,
like, ghost on that.
144
00:05:37,532 --> 00:05:39,969
Hello?
Hello?
145
00:05:40,012 --> 00:05:42,754
- Well, I--I'm not really sure.
146
00:05:42,798 --> 00:05:45,104
Overnight, I got this
anonymous note
147
00:05:45,148 --> 00:05:50,501
saying that you had cancelled
the fetal pig dissection.
148
00:05:50,545 --> 00:05:53,374
- Who sent you this
absurd accusation?
149
00:05:53,417 --> 00:05:55,288
- Regardless of who sent it,
is it true?
150
00:05:55,332 --> 00:05:56,681
No.
151
00:05:56,725 --> 00:05:59,205
Why--why--why would I
cancel the dissection, man?
152
00:05:59,249 --> 00:06:01,512
- I don't know, but
it would be really bad timing
153
00:06:01,556 --> 00:06:03,035
because the superintendent's
coming.
154
00:06:03,079 --> 00:06:04,907
Why?
155
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:06,343
- It's--I--
156
00:06:06,387 --> 00:06:09,433
well, I'm up for Innovative
Principal of the Year.
157
00:06:09,477 --> 00:06:10,956
You didn't know that?
158
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,916
- Listen, I planned
to end her tour
159
00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:17,223
with a live fetal pig
dissection
160
00:06:17,267 --> 00:06:19,312
by a former Harvard professor.
161
00:06:19,356 --> 00:06:20,705
- Wait, so she's
coming to my class?
162
00:06:20,749 --> 00:06:22,446
Tomorrow?
To observe?
163
00:06:22,490 --> 00:06:24,709
- Yeah.
Oh, I can't wait.
164
00:06:24,753 --> 00:06:26,885
I still can't
for the life of me
165
00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:28,713
figure out
what this note means.
166
00:06:28,757 --> 00:06:30,715
- Well, I'll tell you
what it means.
167
00:06:30,759 --> 00:06:33,631
You got pranked, my friend.
168
00:06:33,675 --> 00:06:35,241
But I'm gonna find out
who the culprit is.
169
00:06:35,285 --> 00:06:36,634
Believe me, yeah.
170
00:06:36,678 --> 00:06:39,376
Look at me, Ralph.
171
00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:43,554
I'm gonna kill
whoever pranked you.
172
00:06:43,598 --> 00:06:45,338
- We're not supposed to
kill the students.
173
00:06:45,382 --> 00:06:47,297
- Shh.
174
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,647
Hey, it's Jack.
Call me back.
175
00:06:49,691 --> 00:06:51,257
I need you to return
the dead pigs.
176
00:06:51,301 --> 00:06:54,435
I repeat, do not blast
the dead baby pigs
177
00:06:54,478 --> 00:06:56,349
at my British nemesis.
178
00:06:56,393 --> 00:06:57,612
What?
179
00:06:59,701 --> 00:07:01,529
We have a rat.
180
00:07:01,572 --> 00:07:08,013
♪
181
00:07:10,494 --> 00:07:10,712
.
182
00:07:15,847 --> 00:07:17,240
Oh, and you'll see
what I mean, too.
183
00:07:17,283 --> 00:07:19,329
- Uh-huh.
Yes.
184
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:24,247
Oh--oh, well, I am so sorry
to hear about your catastrophe.
185
00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:27,729
Yes, Principal Durbin will be
there on Wednesday to help.
186
00:07:27,772 --> 00:07:31,559
Yes, and he--he will bring
clean water to your village.
187
00:07:31,602 --> 00:07:33,082
Uh-huh.
For sure.
188
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:34,953
All right,
Thursday at the latest.
189
00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:36,085
Take care.
Bye.
190
00:07:36,128 --> 00:07:38,914
Superintendent Bullard!
191
00:07:38,957 --> 00:07:40,742
You look smooth.
192
00:07:40,785 --> 00:07:42,570
- Ellen.
Always a pleasure.
193
00:07:42,613 --> 00:07:46,922
- We're so dal-gone excited
for you to be here and...
194
00:07:46,965 --> 00:07:48,358
I gotta say...
195
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,360
You find me a better guy
196
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,449
than Principal Durbin
and I will find you
197
00:07:52,493 --> 00:07:56,279
a guy who is on, like,
Seal Team Six or something,
198
00:07:56,322 --> 00:07:59,935
because that is the guy!
199
00:07:59,978 --> 00:08:03,112
Hey, oh,
they took your doo-hickies off.
200
00:08:04,505 --> 00:08:06,942
Yeah, uh,
I'm fully ambulatory now.
201
00:08:06,985 --> 00:08:09,118
- Oh, congrats.
- Good Christ, Helen.
202
00:08:09,161 --> 00:08:11,250
Superintendent Bullard,
203
00:08:11,294 --> 00:08:13,905
I--I am so excited
to show you around.
204
00:08:13,949 --> 00:08:15,298
- We're excited to see
205
00:08:15,341 --> 00:08:16,734
the innovative school
you've created.
206
00:08:16,778 --> 00:08:20,521
- Oh, well, our teachers
think outside the box,
207
00:08:20,564 --> 00:08:22,740
so brace yourself.
208
00:08:22,784 --> 00:08:24,394
Mm.
209
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,831
Sorry.
210
00:08:26,875 --> 00:08:29,094
- Oh, you think
you got me, huh?
211
00:08:30,139 --> 00:08:31,270
One of you rats me out,
212
00:08:31,314 --> 00:08:32,576
you're all sitting there
thinking,
213
00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:35,666
"I got him. I won."
214
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:37,625
Well, know this.
215
00:08:37,668 --> 00:08:40,062
I won't be made
to look like a fool
216
00:08:40,105 --> 00:08:41,716
in front of anyone.
217
00:08:41,759 --> 00:08:43,456
Certainly not some
218
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:46,503
Midwest superintendent
with a degree from a
219
00:08:46,547 --> 00:08:49,637
religious liberal arts college.
220
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:52,335
♪
221
00:08:52,378 --> 00:08:55,512
Now, one of you is gonna
come forward and confess,
222
00:08:55,556 --> 00:08:58,602
or you're all missing
your next class.
223
00:08:58,646 --> 00:09:04,434
♪
224
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:06,610
Now, one of you sinned.
225
00:09:06,654 --> 00:09:09,221
Ya sinned real bad.
226
00:09:12,268 --> 00:09:13,574
Anything you want to admit,
Vic?
227
00:09:13,617 --> 00:09:15,880
- I got a boner
when we learned CPR.
228
00:09:15,924 --> 00:09:18,448
- Oh.
Gross.
229
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:19,841
How'd your partner
feel about that?
230
00:09:19,884 --> 00:09:22,539
- Well, I think she, like--
- Never mind, I--
231
00:09:22,583 --> 00:09:23,758
Don't tell me.
I don't want to know.
232
00:09:23,801 --> 00:09:25,194
♪
233
00:09:25,237 --> 00:09:27,631
I've got all the time
in the world, guys.
234
00:09:27,675 --> 00:09:30,721
♪
235
00:09:30,765 --> 00:09:33,115
Looks like I'm gonna
have to turn up the heat.
236
00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:36,118
♪
237
00:09:37,728 --> 00:09:39,774
This is Stef Duncan,
238
00:09:39,817 --> 00:09:42,211
a phenomenal history teacher
239
00:09:42,254 --> 00:09:45,083
who endeavors to prove
that if we're not careful,
240
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:48,173
the past can become the future.
241
00:09:48,217 --> 00:09:49,871
- Thank you, Principal Durbin.
242
00:09:49,914 --> 00:09:54,049
All right, now the year
is A.D. 79.
243
00:09:54,092 --> 00:09:55,703
I now present...
244
00:09:55,746 --> 00:09:57,487
Mount Vesuvius.
245
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,358
Oh, Vesuvius.
246
00:09:59,402 --> 00:10:01,230
I'm sure everything's
gonna be okay.
247
00:10:01,273 --> 00:10:02,710
Or will it?
248
00:10:02,753 --> 00:10:06,539
♪
249
00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:11,240
- Oh, no.
What is this, lava?
250
00:10:11,283 --> 00:10:13,242
"Ow, mama, my toga's burning."
251
00:10:13,285 --> 00:10:15,070
"Oh, my God, I'm dying."
252
00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:16,332
"Too much lava."
253
00:10:16,375 --> 00:10:18,247
What about the horses?
254
00:10:18,290 --> 00:10:20,684
"Oh, no, my sandals."
255
00:10:24,079 --> 00:10:27,778
I'll ask you nicely
256
00:10:27,822 --> 00:10:31,042
one more time.
257
00:10:31,086 --> 00:10:32,827
Are you the rat?
258
00:10:32,870 --> 00:10:36,700
- Oh, God, please, stop.
259
00:10:36,744 --> 00:10:38,789
♪
260
00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:42,140
- Admit it was you
or your bio textbook gets it.
261
00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:43,272
♪
262
00:10:43,315 --> 00:10:45,578
Huh?
Fine.
263
00:10:45,622 --> 00:10:47,450
Guess we'll never know
the definition of...
264
00:10:47,493 --> 00:10:49,626
"heterozygous advantage."
265
00:10:49,670 --> 00:10:50,453
Redacted.
266
00:10:50,496 --> 00:10:51,454
- I don't know anything!
267
00:10:51,497 --> 00:10:53,021
- You know everything!
268
00:10:53,064 --> 00:11:00,245
♪
269
00:11:02,508 --> 00:11:05,947
- That was the most devastating
moment of my entire life.
270
00:11:07,165 --> 00:11:10,255
Girl, you need to
read Anne Frank.
271
00:11:13,302 --> 00:11:15,478
- When you think of art,
272
00:11:15,521 --> 00:11:17,872
think of
the three important M's:
273
00:11:17,915 --> 00:11:21,745
Manet, Monet, and Mar-ray.
274
00:11:21,789 --> 00:11:22,833
And who's Mar
275
00:11:22,877 --> 00:11:25,140
Why, it's art teacher
extraordinaire
276
00:11:25,183 --> 00:11:26,402
Mary Wagner.
277
00:11:26,445 --> 00:11:28,447
Art is a feast
278
00:11:28,491 --> 00:11:30,972
that you cook
in your mind oven
279
00:11:31,015 --> 00:11:34,932
and serve on your heart plate.
280
00:11:35,977 --> 00:11:37,326
I like art.
281
00:11:37,369 --> 00:11:38,893
Take it away, Mary.
282
00:11:38,936 --> 00:11:41,112
- Thank you, Principal Durbin.
283
00:11:41,156 --> 00:11:43,158
Art is beautiful.
284
00:11:43,201 --> 00:11:44,681
Art is intense.
285
00:11:44,725 --> 00:11:47,336
It's provocative.
It's subversive.
286
00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:51,340
And sometimes it can be...
287
00:11:51,383 --> 00:11:54,169
explosive.
288
00:11:55,953 --> 00:11:57,781
Okay.
289
00:11:57,825 --> 00:12:01,089
♪
290
00:12:02,568 --> 00:12:04,005
- I added sparkles.
291
00:12:04,048 --> 00:12:05,833
Ya welcome.
292
00:12:05,876 --> 00:12:09,575
♪
293
00:12:13,318 --> 00:12:18,715
♪
294
00:12:18,759 --> 00:12:21,022
- Louder.
295
00:12:21,065 --> 00:12:22,284
Jazzier.
296
00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:23,764
♪
297
00:12:23,807 --> 00:12:25,548
You can stop this
at any moment.
298
00:12:25,591 --> 00:12:29,291
You know, people say
they like jazz, but they don't.
299
00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:30,509
They don't.
300
00:12:30,553 --> 00:12:33,382
Less discernible melody!
301
00:12:33,425 --> 00:12:35,558
Yeah.
You guys like that?
302
00:12:35,601 --> 00:12:37,821
Can't pick out
any of the notes.
303
00:12:37,865 --> 00:12:40,693
That's great, man.
That sucks.
304
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:43,218
.
305
00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:45,698
- Unlike other schools,
where they
306
00:12:45,742 --> 00:12:47,265
dress up like broccoli
and rap about diet,
307
00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:50,747
we here at Whitlock
treat health like a real class.
308
00:12:50,791 --> 00:12:52,662
Take it away, Mrs. Jones.
309
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,707
- Don't tell me what to do.
310
00:12:54,751 --> 00:12:56,622
You're not my dad!
311
00:12:56,666 --> 00:12:58,233
I have a crush
on the track captain
312
00:12:58,276 --> 00:12:59,887
and I'm addicted to
e-cigarettes!
313
00:13:02,759 --> 00:13:04,717
That's what it's like
to be a teenager.
314
00:13:04,761 --> 00:13:06,850
So many emotions bottled up,
315
00:13:06,894 --> 00:13:09,722
and you have to express
them all in a healthy way,
316
00:13:09,766 --> 00:13:11,768
even the negative ones.
317
00:13:11,812 --> 00:13:13,988
- Oh, thank you, Mrs. Jones.
318
00:13:14,031 --> 00:13:15,685
- Or what can happen is...
319
00:13:18,427 --> 00:13:19,384
- Oh, my God.
320
00:13:19,428 --> 00:13:23,040
- A volcano!
321
00:13:23,084 --> 00:13:24,607
Ooh.
322
00:13:24,650 --> 00:13:27,566
Whoa!
323
00:13:39,665 --> 00:13:42,625
♪
324
00:13:42,668 --> 00:13:44,061
- Unless the rat comes forward,
325
00:13:44,105 --> 00:13:45,758
I will pick a phone at random
326
00:13:45,802 --> 00:13:47,848
and start reading
your search history out loud.
327
00:13:47,891 --> 00:13:49,588
- Just to get ahead of it,
328
00:13:49,632 --> 00:13:52,722
"ISIS" is also the name of a
junior women's bowling league.
329
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:55,290
♪
330
00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:56,726
- Hey, that's mine, dude.
331
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:58,032
And I'm not giving you
my passcode.
332
00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:01,513
That's too bad.
333
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,821
Who is the rat?
334
00:14:04,865 --> 00:14:06,910
♪
335
00:14:09,478 --> 00:14:11,480
Yello?
- Jack attack.
336
00:14:11,523 --> 00:14:14,309
Got your message.
Bad news though, papi.
337
00:14:14,352 --> 00:14:16,093
The pigs are already gone.
338
00:14:17,703 --> 00:14:19,531
Was he freaked?
- Uh, no dude.
339
00:14:19,575 --> 00:14:22,273
So it turns out the cannon
is kind of specifically
340
00:14:22,317 --> 00:14:24,797
calibrated for
one type of ammunition.
341
00:14:24,841 --> 00:14:27,104
And that ammunition
is T-shirts
342
00:14:27,148 --> 00:14:29,672
and is not pigs.
343
00:14:29,715 --> 00:14:31,369
So I tried to fire
pigs out of it.
344
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:34,633
They kind of just 'sploded
on the inside of it.
345
00:14:34,677 --> 00:14:36,984
- Okay, so you're telling me
that the mission failed
346
00:14:37,027 --> 00:14:38,855
and the pigs are destroyed?
347
00:14:38,899 --> 00:14:40,204
- I mean, I don't
like to think of it...
348
00:14:40,248 --> 00:14:41,771
- Did you say
the pigs are destroyed?
349
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,164
We can't do the lab?
350
00:14:43,207 --> 00:14:44,774
- Heather, relax.
351
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:45,949
- It was me.
352
00:14:45,993 --> 00:14:48,560
I'm the rat!
353
00:14:48,604 --> 00:14:52,869
Why didn't you say that an hour
ago before he threw my phone?
354
00:15:01,878 --> 00:15:03,532
- I mean--
Dave, this does nothing for me.
355
00:15:03,575 --> 00:15:04,881
Do you understand that?
356
00:15:04,925 --> 00:15:06,535
You went with
your first thought.
357
00:15:06,578 --> 00:15:08,319
- But I'm the geology teacher.
358
00:15:08,363 --> 00:15:11,018
I'm the only one
it makes sense for.
359
00:15:11,061 --> 00:15:13,585
- You boned me, Dave.
Go take a lap.
360
00:15:13,629 --> 00:15:15,674
Yeah.
Go.
361
00:15:15,718 --> 00:15:16,893
- Eh.
362
00:15:16,937 --> 00:15:19,200
- Don't "eh" me.
363
00:15:19,243 --> 00:15:20,027
- Kfft.
364
00:15:20,070 --> 00:15:22,333
- And don't "kfft" either.
365
00:15:24,074 --> 00:15:24,945
- Ralph.
366
00:15:24,988 --> 00:15:26,163
We just wanted to say
367
00:15:26,207 --> 00:15:28,296
we're really sorry
we let you down.
368
00:15:28,339 --> 00:15:30,211
- Why did you all
do the same thing?
369
00:15:30,254 --> 00:15:31,908
- Well, we didn't plan to,
but we all
370
00:15:31,952 --> 00:15:33,083
learned how to make
volcanoes at the same
371
00:15:33,127 --> 00:15:34,824
teachers' conference
last summer.
372
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,391
all: Ohio Teach-tastic!
373
00:15:36,434 --> 00:15:39,089
- Yes, and it all was a hit
for the teachers there,
374
00:15:39,133 --> 00:15:41,396
so we figured
that it would help you win.
375
00:15:41,439 --> 00:15:43,224
But I really need
376
00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:45,052
Jack to nail
this dissection tomorrow.
377
00:15:45,095 --> 00:15:47,619
I mean, he and Coach
and basically my last hope.
378
00:15:47,663 --> 00:15:50,709
- Make way for the
volleyball-cano!
379
00:15:50,753 --> 00:15:51,928
Ralph.
380
00:15:55,453 --> 00:15:58,979
- I can't believe
Heather was the rat.
381
00:15:59,936 --> 00:16:02,765
Stay here, guys.
I'ma go take care of this.
382
00:16:04,071 --> 00:16:05,420
- If Mr. Griffin can't
get the pigs back,
383
00:16:05,463 --> 00:16:06,943
how are we gonna
perform the dissection
384
00:16:06,987 --> 00:16:08,597
in front of
the superintendent tomorrow?
385
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,033
- We won't.
386
00:16:11,208 --> 00:16:12,557
He'll make a
fool out of himself.
387
00:16:12,601 --> 00:16:15,473
And then we'll get
a new teacher by Monday.
388
00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:17,258
Heather's a genius.
389
00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:23,960
♪
390
00:16:24,004 --> 00:16:25,875
- What in the hell
are you doing?
391
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,616
You know, I'm the one
who should be mad.
392
00:16:27,659 --> 00:16:28,834
You betrayed me.
393
00:16:28,878 --> 00:16:30,662
- You ruined everything!
394
00:16:30,706 --> 00:16:31,663
- The hell
are you talking about?
395
00:16:31,707 --> 00:16:32,969
You wrote the note.
396
00:16:33,013 --> 00:16:34,101
And by the way,
this is Michelle's car.
397
00:16:34,144 --> 00:16:35,624
Mine's across the lot.
398
00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:37,060
- God, you don't get it!
399
00:16:37,104 --> 00:16:39,367
You ruined my shot with Dan.
400
00:16:41,108 --> 00:16:43,936
- Before you cancelled the lab,
me and Dan were partnered up.
401
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:45,373
We were gonna
spend the whole week
402
00:16:45,416 --> 00:16:47,157
carving up pigs and
falling for each other.
403
00:16:47,201 --> 00:16:48,985
- Hold on a second.
So you betrayed me
404
00:16:49,029 --> 00:16:50,900
for some stupid
high school crush?
405
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,815
- This was my chance
to show him something
406
00:16:52,858 --> 00:16:54,730
that I'm really good at.
407
00:16:54,773 --> 00:16:56,297
And now you screwed it all up.
408
00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:57,907
- Yeah, well now
we're both screwed,
409
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,430
'cause I gotta go find
something else to dissect
410
00:16:59,474 --> 00:17:02,868
or, thanks to you, I'm gonna
look like a fool tomorrow.
411
00:17:02,912 --> 00:17:06,089
You know, I might have
hurt you on accident,
412
00:17:06,133 --> 00:17:07,569
but you hurt me on purpose.
413
00:17:10,615 --> 00:17:14,271
♪
414
00:17:15,881 --> 00:17:16,230
.
415
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,670
- All right, everyone shut up.
416
00:17:21,713 --> 00:17:23,454
Uh, apologies in advance
417
00:17:23,498 --> 00:17:26,631
for the brutal condition
of this squirrel.
418
00:17:26,675 --> 00:17:28,285
Didn't really have--
419
00:17:29,199 --> 00:17:31,114
All right,
what's the story here?
420
00:17:32,202 --> 00:17:34,944
This thing's beautiful.
Organs all intact.
421
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,816
Professionally butchered.
422
00:17:37,860 --> 00:17:39,122
Ah.
423
00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:41,907
- I stole it
from my dad's shop, boss.
424
00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:44,519
- Knock knock, Jack.
425
00:17:44,562 --> 00:17:45,911
Here to bring the
superintendent's tour
426
00:17:45,955 --> 00:17:47,174
to a close.
427
00:17:47,217 --> 00:17:49,176
We've all got high hopes
for this one.
428
00:17:49,219 --> 00:17:50,655
- Of course.
Welcome, everyone.
429
00:17:50,699 --> 00:17:53,267
- Oh, please tell me
this isn't a pig volcano.
430
00:17:53,310 --> 00:17:55,530
- Pig volcano.
431
00:17:55,573 --> 00:17:58,010
- I'm so sorry.
I'm hearing "pig volcano."
432
00:17:58,054 --> 00:18:01,318
- I was told this would be
a fetal pig dissection.
433
00:18:01,362 --> 00:18:02,841
This is a full-grown hog.
434
00:18:02,885 --> 00:18:05,322
- Uh, yes.
Well, um,
435
00:18:05,366 --> 00:18:07,455
piglets' organs
are much too small
436
00:18:07,498 --> 00:18:10,153
to be properly observed
by the untrained eye.
437
00:18:10,197 --> 00:18:12,677
But Principal Durbin
gives us a lot of freedom,
438
00:18:12,721 --> 00:18:14,549
which Aristotle defines as
439
00:18:14,592 --> 00:18:17,856
"obedience to
self-formulated rules."
440
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,206
Now, that...
441
00:18:19,249 --> 00:18:20,685
That's innovation.
442
00:18:20,729 --> 00:18:22,165
Very innovative, yeah.
443
00:18:22,209 --> 00:18:23,949
So, shall we begin?
444
00:18:23,993 --> 00:18:25,516
All right.
445
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,258
Welcome to A.P. Bio.
Let's begin the dissection.
446
00:18:28,302 --> 00:18:32,001
Heather, if you'd care
to assist the demonstration?
447
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:35,004
- Sure thing, Mr. Griffin.
- Mm-hmm.
448
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,701
- All right.
Now, keep in mind
449
00:18:36,745 --> 00:18:39,139
this can be an
emotionally difficult process,
450
00:18:39,182 --> 00:18:40,879
especially if you are
working with a pig
451
00:18:40,923 --> 00:18:42,185
that you yourself raised.
452
00:18:42,229 --> 00:18:43,795
First thing you're gonna do
453
00:18:43,839 --> 00:18:44,883
is hack off the snout.
454
00:18:44,927 --> 00:18:46,058
It goes directly in the trash.
455
00:18:46,102 --> 00:18:47,364
The customers do not want that,
456
00:18:47,408 --> 00:18:48,539
unless they're French.
457
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:54,154
- I'm sorry.
Uh, did you say "customers"?
458
00:18:54,197 --> 00:18:55,372
- Yeppers.
459
00:18:55,416 --> 00:18:56,721
Next we're gonna
hack off the hooves.
460
00:18:56,765 --> 00:18:58,723
Those also go
directly in the trash.
461
00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:06,209
♪
462
00:19:06,253 --> 00:19:07,558
- Mr. Griffin.
463
00:19:07,602 --> 00:19:09,212
Maybe you could
explain the dissection
464
00:19:09,256 --> 00:19:13,738
using more standard scientific
biological terms?
465
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,569
- You're right, Sarika.
Of course.
466
00:19:18,613 --> 00:19:20,528
Thank you.
467
00:19:20,571 --> 00:19:22,007
Uh.
468
00:19:23,139 --> 00:19:26,273
Behold...the adrenal glands.
469
00:19:26,316 --> 00:19:28,231
The part of the endocrine
system responsible
470
00:19:28,275 --> 00:19:30,059
for producing various hormones:
471
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:32,104
uh, cortisol, adrenaline,
et cetera.
472
00:19:32,148 --> 00:19:35,673
Now here we find them on
the cephalic end of the kidneys
473
00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,893
instead of on top,
which is what
474
00:19:37,936 --> 00:19:40,417
we would observe in humans.
475
00:19:40,461 --> 00:19:42,854
I never said
I didn't know biology.
476
00:19:42,898 --> 00:19:45,770
I'm just never
gonna teach it to you.
477
00:19:47,032 --> 00:19:48,991
Now, we use pigs because
478
00:19:49,034 --> 00:19:51,776
they have the same thoracic
and abdominal organs...
479
00:19:51,820 --> 00:19:57,129
♪
480
00:19:57,173 --> 00:19:58,653
There we go.
481
00:19:58,696 --> 00:20:01,743
- I, uh, strongly recommend
a Memphis rub on those cuts.
482
00:20:01,786 --> 00:20:05,007
- Mr. Griffin,
this was very informative
483
00:20:05,050 --> 00:20:07,096
and certainly innovative.
484
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,184
- Ah.
485
00:20:08,228 --> 00:20:10,012
Whitlock is lucky to have you.
486
00:20:10,055 --> 00:20:12,319
- Ah, thank you very much.
487
00:20:13,842 --> 00:20:17,019
- Thank you Jack
for bringing it home.
488
00:20:17,062 --> 00:20:18,063
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, my God.
489
00:20:18,107 --> 00:20:19,369
- No sweat, Ralph.
490
00:20:19,413 --> 00:20:20,849
- Thanks to you,
I am in serious running
491
00:20:20,892 --> 00:20:24,418
for the Innovative
Principal of the Year!
492
00:20:24,461 --> 00:20:26,637
Could I, uh, get a loin?
493
00:20:33,209 --> 00:20:34,689
- Hey, yo, H-Bomb,
494
00:20:34,732 --> 00:20:35,951
check this crap out.
495
00:20:35,994 --> 00:20:39,084
Hey, yo, Dan Decker, hold up.
496
00:20:39,128 --> 00:20:40,825
- Um, Heather could probably
use a little bit of help
497
00:20:40,869 --> 00:20:43,263
cleaning this whole mess up.
Cool, bud?
498
00:20:43,306 --> 00:20:44,525
- Let me guess, if I don't...
499
00:20:44,568 --> 00:20:46,004
I get an F?
- You get an F, yeah.
500
00:20:46,048 --> 00:20:48,529
Let's go.
All right.
501
00:20:56,754 --> 00:20:59,366
- Yo, that was pretty dope
the way you sliced that pig up.
502
00:20:59,409 --> 00:21:02,325
- Yeah, yeah.
Guess I'm kind of a boss.
503
00:21:03,631 --> 00:21:06,938
- ♪ No matter what you are
504
00:21:06,982 --> 00:21:11,247
♪ I always be with you
505
00:21:11,291 --> 00:21:12,248
♪ 'Cause no matter what...
506
00:21:13,510 --> 00:21:15,338
I really suck at this.
- Yeah.
507
00:21:15,382 --> 00:21:19,647
- ♪ Ooh, girl, with you
33183
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