All language subtitles for A Nice Little Bank That Should Be Robbed 1958

Yeah.

Hello.

Hey.

Lou

down.

Up.

>> [music]

>> Hey.

Max, the refrigerator's on the blink

again.

>> Margie working overtime.

>> An hour or so. It hums again when you

open it.

>> Different hum than last time.

[clears throat] Must be in the

condenser.

Hope it's only an hour.

We have to be at the bowling alleys at 7

sharp.

>> What's more important, bowling or making

time and a half pay? Money isn't

everything.

>> With you, it isn't even something.

>> Every penny of Margie's overtime goes in

her cash. Truso, doesn't it?

>> The day we get married, Margie stops

working.

>> That's nice. If you want to eat, she'll

have to go back the next day.

>> I've got a business, haven't I?

>> What? Betting horses.

>> I'm tapering off.

>> You're not. Your money is.

After you finish the ice box, you better

look at the sink. That hot water

faucet's dripping.

>> Man, I like gelatin.

>> It's good for the connecting tissue.

>> Believe me, Max. Someday Margie's going

to look in the mirror and start asking

herself some questions.

>> Margie's not like that.

She knows we're only waiting until I can

give her all the nice things she

deserves.

>> Marry her now. You can owe her the rest.

>> You think Margie's getting unhappy?

>> Not yet. But you better stop thinking,

Max, and stop being friends with

everybody. Especially loafers like Gus

and that other who takes bets.

What's his name?

>> Rocky. He's okay. Gus, too.

>> With you? Everybody's okay.

>> Mind giving me another vitamin, Mom?

Thanks.

>> You saw her, Marchie?

>> No, it's it's just when I'm reminded

that we've been engaged almost

permanently. You know, it'll be 5 years

on Wednesday.

>> Sure. I know. It's sort of an

anniversary.

We'll get married in a month. As soon as

Gus Harris gets his trainer's license,

I've got

>> I know. I know. You'll get at least one

sure winner a week on his horses, and

we'll make a fortune. And we'll have our

own house and a yacht, and I'll have a

fur coat and my old job.

>> Don't talk like that. Gus will pass the

exam this time.

Max, why should our future depend on

Gus? Besides, he'll never pass. This

time, last time, no time.

>> He'll pass this time for sure. I'm

tutoring him.

>> Hi, Max.

>> Hi, Jerry.

>> Okay, here's the next one.

What is the trainer's responsibility in

the stable area?

>> A trainer is responsible for the care of

all horses in his charge and the actions

of all those he employs in and around

the premises.

>> Right.

>> What does it mean, Gus?

>> Means if one of my horses gets lit up,

you know, hopped up, stimulated, I have

to take the ride.

>> Oh,

you'd never stimulate a horse, would

you?

>> Who me?

>> All the tests they've got nowadays.

Number 27. What is the basic pre-race

requirement for a trainer?

>> A horse must be in the receiving barn an

hour before the race.

>> Perfect. You're essentially pass in my

book. You're a trainer right now.

>> Fine. Fine. All I need now is a couple

of horses to run up and down your

office. You're not the racing

commission. When they start staring at

me, I forget everything I remember.

>> Don't talk like that, Gus. You got to

think positive. Margie's whole future

depends on it. When you get in the

examination room, don't look at the

racing people. Just close your eyes.

Max, do you think the racing commission

will give a trainer's license to a guy

with closed eyes?

WHY DON'T THEY FLY THOSE CRATES AT NIGHT

INSTEAD OF ANNOYING people who are

working?

>> Rocky,

give me two bucks to win. Lady Apple,

fourth Jamaica.

>> You got to bet. Anybody else before I

phone in? Come on. You still got time

for the fourth race at Jamaica and Arro

Gansson. Hatrat looks very good.

>> Okay, two bucks on Hatra. across the

border. Narrozette.

>> Smart bet.

>> Narro set. Narro.

>> Oh,

>> come on. Anymore? Nobody. Come on. You

got to hunt your bet a bunch.

>> Hey, Rocky. Give me five

>> crumb mooch.

>> No credit. We let you use the premises

to take these bets. And never wants the

offer to kick in with a percentage of

your commissions.

>> WHAT IS THIS WE BUSINESS? WHO CUT YOU

IN? YOU'RE THE FLYWEIGHT FREELOADING

champ of all time. Max has been

supporting you. When are you going to

get off his back? I pity you, Rocky. You

don't know what real friendship is.

>> Oh, I know what your idea of friendship

is. Taking everything a guy's got

without insulting him.

>> Someday Max is going to find out just

what KIND OF A PHONY YOU ARE.

>> OH, MAX KNOWS I'm his friend. Don't I

give him all my flat tire business?

>> Sure. From your fleet of cabs.

>> Now, wait a minute. I got a hacky's

license. THAT CAB IS LEGIT BUSINESS.

>> YOU CAN START THAT MOTOR AND IT GET TO

THE RACETRACK WITHOUT A DRIVER.

>> LISTEN. QUIT IT. QUIT IT.

>> It's all fixed, Rocky. Three patches.

You owe me a deuce.

>> Do Wait a minute. We'll bet it off.

>> Well, I promise to take Margie to the

movies.

>> Don't worry, Max. After this horse wins,

you can sit in the loes.

>> Max,

how long are you going to be a psy for

that guy? Why don't you put him out with

the empty bottles next Thursday?

>> Are you looking for A LOVE HAROLD?

>> DON'T CLONE ME, HAL.

>> Come on. Come on. Who do you like, Gus?

We haven't caught a winner in 29

straight races, but I think the tide's

about to turn.

>> Directory.

>> The tide just went out.

>> Can he win, Gus? He'll open up in front

and win by five lengths. He's got speed

blood lines on his mother's side. Two to

win on directory.

>> Well, that's 30 in a row.

>> You know, I should book this bet myself.

Speed bloodlines on his mother's side.

>> When I get my trainer's license, I'm

going to fight to keep creeps LIKE YOU

OUT OF THE SPORT OF KINGS. HAROLD,

>> DON'T CALL ME HAROLD. [screaming] I'LL

CALL YOU ANYTHING I WANT TO CALL YOU.

>> COME ON. HEY, you mustn't get upset

before the exam. Now, let's get our

minds back to it. This is the part on

anatom

>> anatomy. And the first question is,

describe the bone structure of the

forleg.

>> Yeah, I've got absolute confidence in

you this time. Describe the bone

structure of the forle.

>> The bone structure of the forleg is

>> Well, Mr. Harris,

>> uh, would you repeat the question,

please?

>> Mr. Harris, will you please describe the

bone structure of the forleg?

>> The femur.

[clears throat]

>> Yes, Mr. Harris.

>> The femur.

the femur.

>> Mr. Harris, you'll receive your official

notification through the mail.

You

>> just kept staring at me

like my second grade teacher. I flunked

there, too, you know. But the racing

board hasn't sent you an official

notification.

>> Don't you take my word?

>> I'll tell Margie. We've had four blood

tests in 5 years.

>> That's right. That's right. Just think

of your own petty little problems.

That's right.

>> I'm sorry, Gus, but I can't stand seeing

Margie look sad. It's like being

stabbed.

>> Someday. Someday I'm going to get me a

lot of money and I'm going to get a few

horses. Then I'll show them all. That

Rocky, that second grade teacher, all of

them.

>> You want that pretty bad, don't you,

Gus?

>> H boy, do I.

>> Hey, Max, listen. Let's shoot the works,

huh? Let's grab OURSELVES A BIG WAD OF

DOUGH. I'LL PICK US A LONG SHOT AND

WE'LL BET THE WHOLE THING. HUH?

>> Sounds great, Jess. But how do we get

the money?

>> Oh, ain't that always a way a guy comes

up with a big idea and there's always a

guy around TO SAY, "HOW? HOW? HOW?

How much can you raise on this place?

>> Not a scent. The banks don't give third

mortgages.

>> Banks? I hate them. I tried to get a

loan once. They asked me where I worked.

>> Hey, here's a guy that knew how to

handle a bank. 7,000 bucks worth.

I'm going to need energy when Margie

asked me how you made out.

>> Hey, Max, don't you ever need any water

to swallow?

>> My swallow tube is bigger than average.

>> Uh, you don't ever have to use any water

to swallow. You could swallow anything

without water. Could you Could you

swallow uh paper?

>> Paper? Why should I swallow paper?

>> Well, could you? Sure, if I wanted to,

but I don't want to. There's no food

value in paper.

>> Not even if you could own 50% of a a

very important racing stable. Huh?

>> Gus, you sound like me when I promised

Margie blowing dream bubbles, she calls

it.

>> All you'd have to do is swallow a little

wand of paper and you could own 50% of a

big STABLE AND TO BOOT MARRY Margie and

have eight kids if you wanted to.

>> By swallowing a little bit of paper?

>> Sure. Could you Could you swallow a

piece of paper say about this big? If it

was all rotted up, you know?

I think so. But why?

>> That's wonderful. You could swallow the

evidence.

>> What evidence?

>> You bet a boy twice. Twice in two

months. The other day, a guy hits me

with three wounds. Everything happens in

threes. Better again. He's going to

sixth place right there. And there he

gets it.

>> Max, I'm going to let you in on

something big. An idea like this only

comes along once in a lifetime. We are

going to rob a bank.

>> You're crazy. It'll solve all your

problems. LISTEN TO ME.

>> I'M NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU. I'M NOT

INTERESTED.

>> All right. You want to go ahead and be a

marriage welter all your life? I tell

you, I've got everything figured out.

>> All you have to do is walk. SEE, YOU

WALK IN WITH A LITTLE PIECE OF PAPER,

HANDS,

AND SAY, "GIVE ME THE MONEY." THAT WAY,

HE GOT A BAG OVER THE SIDE. YOU PUT THE

MONEY INTO THE BAG. YOU TAKE A piece of

paper, you show IT TO THE TELLER, AND

THEN YOU SWALLOW IT. IT'S AS SAFE as

>> It's as safe as walking into a church.

>> I don't care if it's safe or not. All I

have to do is to have Margie find out

and I'm

>> Don't marry Margie.

>> Or better yet, go ahead and marry and

let love suffocate under a big pile of

bills. Or better yet, let her keep

working and let a beautiful thing turn

into an ugly hag just because you didn't

want to take a chance.

>> Gus, I know you're thinking of Margie's

happiness.

>> I can't rob a bank. What did a bank ever

do for you? Think of it as being just a

a big loan.

>> But supposing I can't pay it back.

>> That's the beauty of it. Nobody knows

you made it.

>> Gosh, you make it sound right. But

there's a little hole in there

somewhere. I can't do it.

>> All right. All right. Don't ever come

the me off again. Listen, I try and make

a

you have to go ahead.

I happen to KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO IT IF

YOU WANT TO. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST

PUT YOUR MIND TO IT. IF YOU CAN SWALLOW

THOSE, YOU GET A SMALL TELEPHONE BUCKET

WITH EVERYBODY IN I KNOW YOU. YOU GOT A

BIG to

Wish I brought my vitamins. I need

energy.

>> Gus failed the exam, didn't he?

Didn't he?

>> He knew all the answers.

>> But he failed.

>> The racing board has not sent him the

official notification

>> as yet. Boy, I wish I had a vitamin.

>> I brought one from the house.

>> Oh, thanks, honey.

You saved my life.

>> How long do they wait?

>> Who?

>> The racing board.

>> I don't know. I I think it's about 3

weeks.

Maybe less.

>> All right, Max. I'll wait three weeks.

[music]

Show it to him once and then swallow it

as fast as you can.

>> Okay.

>> I should have told Rocky.

>> Let's send him an announcement. The

cashier starts to make any noise.

Remember, you're here on legitimate

business.

>> Where you going?

>> Just like we planned. I'm going to be at

the door packing you up.

Good morning, sir.

>> Good morning.

Can I get one of your change sacks?

>> Uh, large or small?

>> Better make it large.

>> There's a $2 deposit on the large sack.

>> Okay,

here is a list of the change I need.

Please hurry up. My friend at the door

is nervous.

>> Oh, yes, sir. Right away.

>> This is all my currency. Do you want the

silver, too?

>> No. Thank you very much.

>> Remember, don't yell or anything till I

get outside. Otherwise, my friend will

have to blow up the bank with you

inside.

>> I I won't I promise.

>> DON'T TOUCH THAT BAG. WATCH OUT. WATCH

OUT. STAND STILL. EVERYBODY STAND STILL.

>> Oh no.

>> Get up, Sydney. This minute. Have you

gone insane?

>> Hold up. HOLD UP. WE'VE BEEN HELD UP.

THE ONE AT THE DOOR HAD THE NITRO

EXPLOSIVE.

That's what the note said. Give me the

note.

>> Yes, sir.

I can't. He ate it.

>> This is station WKBX.

It's 5 seconds before 12:00 noon and

time for on the hour news headlines.

Paper eating bandits hoax merkantile

bank out of $30,000.

>> Swallow robbery demand note and escape

without a trace.

>> Legislator without a trace.

>> It's strange hearing somebody talk about

you on the radio.

>> How come he says 30,000?

>> That's approximate.

>> I don't think he said approximate.

>> He said 30,000.

>> Well, go ahead and count it. Go on,

count it. It's right here. There's

28,650.

>> Do you think I'd steal?

I guess 30,000 sounds better.

>> I'll get you a beer.

>> Thanks.

>> After we get on our feet, that's all

we're going to pay back. 28,650.

They'll have to take our word for it.

>> The insurance company will pay the bank

back long before that.

>> Okay, then we'll send them the money.

Any

>> who pays back an insurance company?

>> I do.

>> Alone's alone.

>> Max, you're an interesting case.

>> Have you got any cheese or chocolate

cookies around?

>> I got to fix it for somebody to be

around and feed them while we're away.

service county alone.

>> Thousands more in the surrounding area.

>> Now, what do I tell Margie?

>> Nothing.

>> Absolutely nothing.

>> Nobody can tell Margie nothing.

>> If you want to be happy, you start. You

start right now.

>> Now, back to the headlines and the

stories behind them. The $30,000 hold up

at the Merkantile Bank occurred at

30,000

>> while several customers

>> Who are you going to believe? Hear me.

were carrying on their normal operation,

but he keeps on saying 30,000.

>> Number 112, tattooed man. A

four-year-old son of Spotted Jack out of

Michigan Queen. She by that good

stallion, Michigan blue boy.

Tattooed man was a winner last year and

also the year before.

>> All right. Get 5,000 for you. Hey, get

5,000. Want to get 5,000 5,000 along

there? 5,000. $4,000 in 4,000

>> $1,000,000.

Man wants to rent.

>> Well, I suppose we all have to start

somewhere. Would you start the code for

$4,000, sir? Start along 4,000 4,000

3,000 man. Thank you. Every voice is an

improvement. Yes, sir. What do you get?

4,000 3,000 3,000 4,000.

>> Let me make the bid.

>> I'm the trainer. I'll do the bidding

just once. Please let me once. That's

all. Let me concentrate. PLEASE.

>> 3100.

>> AND I have 3100. BARGAIN NIGHT. NOW,

let's give 4,000.

>> If we're 50/50 partners, ought to have a

right to make a bid.

>> 3200.

>> 32.

>> I have 32 from your man. Now we're out

the back there, sir. We'll get 4,000.

>> One little bid wouldn't kill you, would

it?

>> 3,300.

>> I'm bit 33. Now he'll make it an even

4,000. Do I hear 4,000? 4,000.

>> 4,000.

>> 4,000. Thank you. 4300.

>> What are you doing? I'm your partner.

>> That's okay. You can have the next bid.

>> But you're upping my bid.

>> What's the difference?

>> Somebody will bid more.

>> 4200. You say 424,000 going once at

$4,000.

Going twice at 4,000.

>> Somebody a bid more.

>> I sold it to that man back there at

$4,000. Thank you very much, sir.

Hey, Pop.

>> Where's Max?

>> Oh, you Rocky?

>> Yeah.

>> Max left word. It's okay for you to

operate.

>> Where'd he go?

>> I didn't ask them.

>> Them? You mean Max and Margie?

>> Margie? Is that the little guy's name?

Gus,

they must have told you where they were

going.

>> No, they just had to come in twice a day

to feed the animals.

>> How long they going to be gone?

>> Must be uh 3 weeks. That's how long they

paid me.

>> Paid you

>> in advance.

There's one thing I insist upon. The

rules. Follow them to the letter. When I

was training horses on the East Coast,

they used to call me follow the rules,

Harris. For instance, a trainer is

responsible for the care of all horses

in his charge and for the actions of all

those he employs in and around the

premises.

>> Look, Mr. Harris, see, we get started. I

got three more horses to work before

breakfast.

>> Three more horses?

I thought for 150 a month you were

exclusive. For a yard and a half a

month, nobody's exclusive.

>> Yeah, you can say that again.

>> Uh, all right, Max, bring out the big

horse.

>> Don't touch that horse, mister.

And who are you?

>> I'm Grayson, union delegate. You got to

hire somebody to walk your horse.

>> Oh, no, we don't. My partner walks the

horse.

>> I'm the partner.

>> You belong to union?

>> Oh, sure. Auto mechanics local 16. They

got no jurisdiction over hot walkers. I

got a application blank. Membership fees

$100 in advance.

>> Wait just a minute. One small minute,

please. We happen to know our rights.

He's an owner and an owner doesn't have

to be unionized.

>> You keep talking like that, mister. And

we'll throw pickets all around you.

>> You'll throw pickets around who?

>> Around you. You and yours.

>> I can't ride through a picket land, Mr.

Harris.

>> You can say that again.

>> Back. Sign it. Be $100. Huh?

>> I also represent the grooms. Another

hundred in advance.

>> What is this? A stickup or something?

Back east WHEN I'VE

>> YOU WANT PICKETS?

>> Sign it, Max. $200.

[clears throat]

>> Is it all right for me to bring out the

cold or do I have to sign an

application?

>> We got no jurisdiction over trainers.

Grayson,

>> you ever heard of this Gusmax outfit?

>> No.

>> He says he was big in the east.

>> Back in the east, he's big in the west.

>> You can say that again.

>> I hear the horse is spooky.

>> Sweet. Susie, look at him. He's going in

there like a oneman suicide squad.

>> Stand still now. Get over there. Go on.

Think we ought to tell him?

>> We got no JURISDICTION OVER TRAINERS.

>> [screaming]

>> YOU HEARD GUS?

>> OH, I I TOLD YOU NOT TO BID on that

horse. He's a killer.

>> No, Gus. No. He's just not used to you,

that's all. That's a trouble, isn't it,

boy? You'll like Gus when you get to

know him, won't you?

>> Excellent. Don't Don't go in there.

HE'LL HE'LL KICK YOUR BRAINS OUT.

>> AH, YOU wouldn't do a thing like that,

would you, boy? No. No. You're like Max

Fine. Huh?

>> The wrong guy's training. You can say

anything.

>> I'll get him dressed if somebody will

bring out the salon stuff.

>> Get him dressed.

>> Go on, Benji. Help the man get the

horsey dressed.

>> Get your papers. Get your papers.

Get your papers. Get your papers.

Papers. Get your papers here.

Mister, get your papers.

Get your papers.

>> Owner trainer.

>> Half owner.

>> Right hand, sir.

>> Programs and pencils. PROGRAMS AND

PENCILS. GET your programs and pencils.

>> Go play.

>> Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Ah,

>> here we are. Gus Max Farm. Isn't that

something?

>> Yeah. And look at that trainer. Gus

Harris.

>> Who else could it be? Tattooed man.

Owners Gus Mack Farms. Trainer Gus

Harris. It's got to be them. Rocky

>> owning horses with what? You don't buy a

horse on time like refrigerators.

>> Maybe they made a thick bundle. Ready?

>> What chop ever made money betting on the

horses?

>> Get your bets in a silly post tax.

>> Well, I got to go along on a sentimental

hunch. Five to win on Tattoo Man. I'll

take two across the board.

>> You're on. Me, too. Two across. Same

bet.

>> Ah, so the old lady won't get a birthday

present. Make it six. If

>> you gentlemen will excuse me, I got to

phone in these donations.

>> Cussing Max, maybe someday I'll own a

horse. got five kids.

>> Ah, it's not the same.

Mr. Harris, right here. I'm the trainer.

>> I'm watches hit.

>> I bet $50 for you on this horse.

>> Good. My wife can use it. Hey,

>> when I was on the East Coast, I used to

make a good bet for all the riders who

rode for me, especially when I had a

good thing going.

>> Nice habit, Gus.

>> Now, look, if there's speed in the race,

take him back about second or third, lay

there, and lay off the pace. You know

what I mean? But if there's no,

>> let him go right to the front if he

wants to. This cold has got good blood

lines.

>> Okay.

>> Mount your riders.

>> Well, come on, son.

Watch. Watch his hand. Watch his hand.

Watch. Watch his hand.

>> Gus forgot to introduce me. I'm half

owner Max Ruters.

>> Watch his head.

>> Oh yeah. Did you say you were one of the

owners?

>> Yeah, 50/50.

>> Can't you fellas afford a groom?

>> Oh, sure. It's only because I get along

with animals. Cats, dogs, horses. I like

people, too. Get along with all of them.

>> I'll take them, fella.

>> Oh, that's okay. I'm fine.

>> I'm happy you're fine. But this horse

got to run a race today. You'll get him

back later.

>> See you in the winter circle. 50/50.

>> I'll be waiting.

>> Number six, four tickets to win.

>> Number six, four tickets to win.

Okay.

Number six, five tickets to win. Number

six, five tickets to win.

>> Number six to win six times.

>> Number six. Six times to win.

It is now post time.

>> Spot selection. The turf service with

the time- tested information now brings

you the result of the fourth race at

Highland Park.

>> Come on, Max.

>> Come on, tattoo.

>> Run the business. Come on.

>> Gregory was the winner. Live Oak was

second and Vitality ran third.

>> Nothing.

>> What else? Guys, don't stop being jerks

just because they're 3,000 mi away.

>> First of all, you blow $4,000 and buy

this beetle. And then you blow,500 and

bets.

>> You bet the 1,500, Gus. You should have

started easy. Four or $5, maybe.

>> That's what I get for trying to make a

big man out of a guy with a petty soul.

Max, this badge mean anything to you?

>> I'm very proud of it.

>> Well, then don't quibble about a few

bucks.

>> I'm sorry. Takes a lot of courage to bet

that kind of money. I guess I just

didn't appreciate it.

>> I guess you didn't. Just remember, Max,

that when you wear this, you're

important, and that's what counts, being

important. I'll see you back at the

motel.

Cheer up, boy. You tried. Can't win them

all.

Now don't take those things, Gus at the

heart. You look good losing. honest.

>> Want one?

>> Don't say how many a horse should take.

All

right.

You got a big swallow tube, too.

Hey there, big. Hey there, old fella.

Remember me? Rocky? Your old pal Rocky?

miserable hound.

>> I got something for you, baby. I got

something for you.

>> How about that? Eh, how about that?

And a boy. And a boy. I didn't forget

you, killer.

And your friend

had a baby and a boy.

Just the way you made him. Just the way

you like it, bake. Medium rare. Add a

boy. Add a baby.

Don't eat it too fast, Big. It's a buck

85 a pound, you jerk.

I'm just tidying up, big old fella. In

case a burger dropped in, we wouldn't

want him to think that Max wasn't neat,

would we?

Hey, huh, Big, have some dessert, boy.

That a boy.

Big, where did Uncle Max get the money

to buy a horse?

You can tell me I'm your friend.

Did a rich relative kick the bucket?

He didn't get that money returning empty

bottles.

Did he rob a bank? Did he print up some

fret?

Funny.

137. I I don't believe it. It can't be.

>> Maybe it's the vitamins.

>> Yeah. What vitamins?

>> Mine. We're on the same schedule. Four a

day before meals.

>> You trying to get me ruled off the turf?

Don't you know if you drug a horse that

I'm responsible?

>> Drug him. If he's drugged, so am I. It's

just pure A, C, and D vitamins for

building bone and muscle.

>> Are you sure?

>> Do I look drugged? No,

you've always had that look.

>> Well, how'd he go, Mr. Harris?

>> Great. He ran the mile at 130.

>> 44 and four. Max thinks that's fast.

>> It is for nanny goats.

>> What's the idea? Why not tell Fitz?

>> What would you do without me? Come on.

>> Do you know what a mile and 37 means?

Max, I'm going to make you a rich man.

>> That's what I've been telling Margie for

years. Gus, I owe you a lot.

>> Forget it. Someday you could do me a

favor. Come on.

>> I've got him spotted perfectly. There

isn't another horse in the race can do

better than 139. I figure we got 10

links to best of it.

>> As soon as we collect, we'll pay back

the bank and I'll send for margin.

>> Oh, he could he could be 10 to one,

maybe 15 to one.

>> This picture looks prettier every day. I

just hope nobody finds out about the

good workout. It'll murder the prize.

>> We can visit my aunt in Buffalo. Or

maybe Hawaiia would be more romantic.

How far is it, Gus?

>> A mile and an eight. How far is what?

>> Hawaiia from here. I'm taking Margie

there on our honeymoon.

>> Why don't you take her to the fair haven

meet where there's 40 days of racing and

eight races a day.

>> Gus, just wait till you have a girl all

your own. It it it gives you a nice warm

feeling inside. Well, if I could find a

girl that'll do a mile at 137 flat, then

maybe I'd settle down.

>> See who it is, would you?

>> Rocky,

>> look who's here.

>> Uhoh. When a mooch like this spends a

buck to come across the country,

SOMETHING SMELLS BAD. HOW did you know

we were here?

>> Well, I've been watching the career of

the Gus Max Farms. You got a clean

record. No winners.

Not for long, Rocky. You wait until

>> Until what, Max?

>> Rocky, look, if you uh you could use

maybe 10 or 20, I could let you have it.

OR OR YOUR FAIR BACK HOME. PULLMAN.

>> Not me. I just want what's coming to me.

>> I won't have any appetite for the next

few days. HERE, TAKE 50 BUCKS.

>> 10,000 bucks. Onethird of the Merkantal

Bank stickup.

That's real crummy, Rocky. Snooping

around my place.

>> Breaking and entering. You could go to

jail for that.

>> That's fine. We'll all be together

again, the three of us.

>> Hold them, WILL YOU, MAX? I'M GOING TO

MAKE

>> I LEFT A LETTER IN MY SAFETY DEPOSIT

VAULT. It's addressed to the DA. And if

anything happens to me,

>> all the time I'm trying to plan for our

future, I I tried to tell you about this

kind.

>> You should have asked Sims for the key.

>> But we did leave without even saying

goodbye to Rocky.

>> Now, how do you think I felt about this?

When things were rough, we shared

everything. The first big thing you do,

like robbing a bank, you don't even

invite me.

>> We should have asked you, Rocky, but it

was a very small bank.

>> Max,

you were always talking about

friendship. And the first time you get a

big cake, do I get a slice?

>> Do I? Do I?

>> If we buy you a cake, will you leave?

>> A $30,000 cake and not even a slice for

Rocket.

>> It was only 28650.

All right, steal a little. I just want

to feel like I belong. I want my cut.

Look,

>> we don't have it. You understand? We

just don't have the money. We bought a

couple of horses with it. Our living

expenses.

>> Don't tell me your sad story.

>> Oh, that's on the level, Rocky. All we

got left is the horse and $4,000.

And we need the cash to bet on Tattooed

Man. He worked the mile in 137.

>> You ain't GOING TO BET MY SH nagged it.

137. He's been taking my vitamins. The

new ones. Triple action. Nothing in the

race ever runs faster than 139. Let me

see that for.

>> You have just baked the cake.

>> How does this coat like to go?

>> Fast. He worked the distance yesterday

morning and 137 flat.

>> Good. He's a morning glory. No speed

afternoon.

>> No, sir. Not this guy. He lives clean.

This race means a lot to him.

>> How much did he bet on himself?

>> 17

18

19 20 Number 10. 20 times to win.

>> Thank you.

>> Number 10, right?

>> Number 10 to win. Yes, sir.

Did

>> you get it all down?

>> Yeah. Yeah. Except $10 for dinner.

>> What are you doing? You're overweight

already.

>> All right, give me all the tickets.

Let's keep them together.

>> What do you think? You're playing with

kids or something? You take the tickets,

I got to watch you instead of the race.

>> What kind of a crack is it?

>> It's now post time.

>> Come on.

Excuse

me.

>> We're down the works.

>> Including my dinner.

>> It's 14 to1.

>> 14 to1. That's uh that's $18,666

each profit.

>> The flag is up. We're off.

Perfect start. Racing to the number 10

position. That's your man.

Go on with the LET HIM GO.

>> Racing into the clubhouse turn now.

That's your man by a half. The Spaniard

is second by Alexa is third. Blue is

fourth. Archway is fifth. Let him go.

Let him go. Let him run. Let him run.

>> In the backstretch, tattooed man under

restraint, still in front by a half a

length. Fullerton in second by a length

and a half. The Spaniard is third by a

half. And Hoopskow is fourth.

>> Open up with him. Open up with him

>> in the stretch turn now. That's Tatu Van

still in front by a half. Hoopscow is

right up there beside him. Second by

three and a half. Mark is third and

Ferton is fourth.

>> Open up on him more. More open up. Now

as the horses race in the stretch cast

man extending his lead it's pass by five

from Margie and Hawai,000

[screaming]

clans won a trainer. WHAT A CHAMPION

TRAINER.

>> WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED THAT I haven't

figured all all out? Hey, come on. Let's

get down to the winner circle. Flight

me, gentlemen.

>> Your attention, please. These stewards

are inquiring into the running of the

race.

>> Oh,

>> inquire.

Oh, no.

>> You didn't follow nobody. It's a

mistake, ain't it?

>> I don't know if somebody found out about

Max. Who knows about the vitamins?

>> Just the three of us and tattooed man.

>> Attention, please. The claim of fowl has

been lodged against the winner. The

protest is that number 10 tattooed man

crowded the field crossing to the rail

position. Please hold all tickets while

the stewards are viewing the motion

pictures of the race.

>> Your attention please. After viewing the

motion pictures, the stewards have

disqualified number 10, Tattooed Man,

and placed him last. The official finish

is number five, Huska, [cheering] the

winner, number three, Archway, second,

number nine, Ferton third, and number

four, the Spaniard fourth. The results

of the fourth race are now official.

19

20 21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

He wants his vitamins.

>> I hope he chokes on him.

>> Any horse that cost me 17 grand has no

right to be healthy.

>> Why blame him?

>> You didn't ask to be born a horse, did

you?

>> I had the world right in the palm OF MY

HAND. RIGHT THERE. I had it. And then

this this

>> Gus, you're just sore because I don't

want to swallow any more paper.

>> Max, nature gives you a large swallow

tube. It's a shame to waste it.

I never turned you down on a favor

before, did I?

>> I can't go on robbing banks. One isn't

too bad if you're going to pay them

back. But I don't want it to become a

hack.

>> All right. Don't do it for us. Do it for

yourself. Who needs the scratch to get

married anyway? You.

>> Now, there's a boy that's always

thinking.

>> Margie will understand.

>> Margie will understand. Sure. Margie,

you'll marry somebody else and you can

become a nice close friend to the

family. When you come over to visit the

kids, you can bring toys to him.

They'll call your uncle

and you'll die inside cuz it could have

been daddy.

I don't want him to catch a shell.

Marshes don't have much resistance.

Something's happened since he met that

horse. We're losing him.

>> Rocky,

we've been awfully selfish. Just

worrying about ourselves, not worrying

about how tattooed man feels. There he

was, five links in front, the crowd

cheering him on.

Then by some cruel stroke of fate,

instead of being somebody, he's nobody.

He only had a chance to run again.

>> Yeah,

75 bucks a week for feed and 30 for us.

>> Oh, we don't count. Slabs like us don't

count. Amongst the four of us, he's the

only one that could make it.

>> Yeah, he's proven that he could make it

big.

When you get close and miss, that's

doubly sad.

>> If he had another chance to run, he

could stand in the winner circle of the

Fair Haven 50 Grander.

>> You know, everybody should have a chance

to stand in the winner circle once in a

lifetime.

>> Now, you'll never know how it feels.

>> If I walk into a bank and swallow paper

again, they'll know it's just a lot of

words and a bag full of oranges. This

time we won't make any mistakes. A

professional job. We've had experience

now.

>> Yeah, we'll get a nice little bank from

the phone book out of the classified

section.

>> But this is the last time.

>> It's just like borrowing dough to put a

new roof on a house.

>> Maybe from what we can get from this

bank, we can pay back the Merkante Bank.

I don't like to owe too many banks.

>> You're right. It ruins your credit.

>> You're going to get your chance, boy.

The fair haven 50 grand and this time no

fouls. Do it for Rocky, Gus, and Margie.

If she's like always. Two more minutes.

Running a special on mixed pickles. 12

oz jar for 29.

>> Put that down.

She's here.

Get rid of the groceries.

>> Hi.

>> Hi.

Now there's a dame you can count on.

Same routine every day.

>> Yeah. She opens up at 8:15, locks up at

5:20, home for dinner at 6:17. Very

dependable.

>> Sure. But don't blame me if you get a

heartburn. Here.

>> Now, we'll park the old girl's car right

where she does.

>> And I parked my cab right alongside of

her.

>> Sure. With your name all over it. What a

mastermind.

Oh, we need something plain for this

job. Something black or gray.

>> Margie has a plain looking job.

>> Let's keep Margie out of this.

>> Are we robbing the bank or shooting for

the good citizenship award?

>> Tell her it needs a tuneup or something.

>> Matter of fact, it does.

It's quarter to 5.

>> I'll finish.

It runs fine.

>> Well, let's get ready then.

>> How nervous can a guy get? YOU KNOW,

THAT'S THE SECOND BOTTLE OF BEER YOU

KNOCKED OVER TODAY.

>> Don't steam me up. This is no time to

get me steamed up.

>> Excuse me.

>> Get the suitcase.

No guns. No guns. You want to scare that

old lady to death?

>> Oh, Max, we got to worry her a little,

don't we? Here, boys. Here's your

glasses.

>> No glasses.

>> Why no glasses?

>> Look, they must still be looking for two

guys wearing dark glasses. And I don't

want to be one of them.

Can't we just put our hands in our

pockets like this?

>> Max, we got to have guns to show her

that we're sincere. Come on.

>> You heard me.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Okay.

Quit fooling with the gun.

>> It's sticking me in the stomach.

>> Watch it. Here she is.

Reach.

>> Please let me go. Let me

>> Don't be worried, man. We'll explain

everything.

She don't stop wiggling. Belt her.

>> He's just kidding, man. We wouldn't belt

you. It's perfectly safe.

All we want is money down at your bank.

>> You're bank robbers.

>> Oh, no, not really. It's a little hard

to explain.

>> You look like such a nice boy.

>> Why don't you belt it for luck and don't

lean on me? Move over a little this way.

Ma'am,

>> please don't be angry. But I can't get

that money.

>> We've been watching you from the

supermarket.

We know you've got the key to the bank,

>> but not to the vault. The vault is open

in the morning by someone else.

>> Who?

>> Mr. Schroeder. Melbourne Schroeder from

the main office.

>> That's no. Excuse me, please.

>> No problem. As soon as it's dark, we'll

go down the bank and wait inside for Mr.

Schroeder.

We can't go in now. It's lit up like

Time Square.

>> We can drive around till everything's

closed up.

>> Elsie bangs that piano [music] till 4:00

a.m.

>> It's a nice night for a drive.

Have you ever seen the lights of the

city from Sutter's Rock?

>> Dazzling.

>> Listen, why don't you go tell the rest

of our gang to stand by till we get

back?

>> Right. I'll tell him.

And that's the Conway building.

Four more hours to close them.

I have a suggestion.

Why don't we drive over to Mr.

Schroeder's house and have him open the

vault as soon as the tavern closes?

>> But he can't open it.

>> Belta,

>> it's the truth. No one can open the

vault until the safety timer goes off.

>> Oh dear. I think I'm going to faint.

>> Lady, you do that. I'll stop the car.

I'll belt you right between the eyes.

Rocky, don't talk like that.

>> You feeling okay, ma'am?

>> I'm going to faint. Put your head down

and take deep breaths.

>> Take her to another station.

>> Oh no.

>> Let her faint. She's been yucking in

this here for 3 and 1/2 hours.

>> Never mind that. Just do what I said.

>> We got to draw a dizzy day.

>> Go on. Step on it. Be there in a few

minutes, ma'am.

This way, ma'am.

Wash your face. You'll feel better.

WHAT IS THIS? A SOCIAL DATE OR

SOMETHING? Why don't WE GET ANOTHER GIRL

TO GO DANCING?

>> NOT SO LOUD.

>> WELL, who ever heard her run a ROBBERY

LIKE THIS? BUST into a lady's room.

>> Rocky, she's a woman. We've got to keep

her morale up till morning.

>> I MUST HAVE BEEN NUTS TO TIE UP WITH TWO

SCREW BALLS LIKE YOU.

I'm quitting. FIRST THING YOU KNOW, HE'D

BE TAKING HER TO AN ALL NIGHT MOVIE OR

SOMETHING.

>> ROCKY,

ROCKY,

ROCKY,

Just relax, ma'am. Everything's going to

be fine. You look much better.

Everything's okay. Excuse me a minute. I

have to talk to the head of the gang.

I uh I thought it would be safer to park

it with the overnighters.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Where's uh where's Rocky?

>> He called us screw balls, you and me.

And then he walked out.

>> Walked out? Why?

>> Because I did a gentlemanly thing for

Mrs. Havens. Oh,

>> come on. Let's take her inside and wait.

>> Wait a minute, Max. Don't you ever pull

a heist without me. Look, I got to pull

her car out of here and bring it back at

8:15, just like she does. Now, when the

vault man goes in, I've got to bring

Margie's car around here and park it.

Get ready for the getaway. You got it.

>> Gus, you got a real brain for this kind

of thing. I'll give you her car keys as

soon as I open the bank.

This way, ma'am.

It's not an automatic shift.

Time to raise the blinds.

Okay.

You're doing great, Mrs. Haven. Don't

get nervous. Now, take off your things.

>> I mean, just what you take off before

Mr. Schroeder gets here.

>> What kind of work are you usually doing

when he gets here?

>> Dusting.

>> That's fine. Go on and dust.

>> [bell]

[music]

>> Good morning, Mrs. Havens.

>> [crying]

>> What's [clears throat] wrong? Aren't you

feeling well?

>> Just a little upset.

>> You must be Mr. Schroeder. Please see

that the door is locked.

>> Here. Here's my wallet. There are a few

dollars in there. Take it.

>> We don't rob people. Check the door.

Now move to the vault.

Open it up.

>> No, I won't do it.

>> Mr. Schroeder. Oh, please, Mr.

Schroeder. The rest of the gang is

outside.

>> Thank you, Mrs. Havens.

bring out those trays.

Oh, wait a minute.

Dump the money in here.

Open up the main compartment.

>> Oh, I can't. Not Not until the safety

timer goes off. And that won't be for 3

minutes.

We'll wait.

>> I'll get you some water. That's the way

to stop hiccups.

>> No.

>> Would it help if I scared you?

>> Why don't you take this money and leave?

I only mean it in your best interest.

The bank employees will be coming in any

minute and then the customers will be

lining up.

Mr. Schroer, don't get nervous.

Everything will work out fine. Well,

sometimes the police come around, too.

>> Time's nearly up. Better get in there.

No use snotting. They won't let us in

for a while yet.

Open it up.

Bring it out.

>> Inside,

>> Mr. Shooter. Hang in there.

>> Take a look.

>> It's a policeman.

>> It's Lee. How about it? I told you.

>> Can you cash our paychecks?

>> Tell him he has to wait like everybody

else in a few. In a few minutes,

officer, you'll have to wait a few

minutes.

[crying]

I'm sorry, ma'am, but you'll have you'll

have to go in go in there.

>> And please don't come out no matter

what.

BRING OUT THE BASKET.

pack it down and and put these on top.

>> You carry the basket.

>> Why Why can't I wait in the laboratory

with Mrs. Havens?

>> Because

this is no time to ask questions, Mr.

Schroeder.

When we go out, smile and tell that

officer the bank is going to open up in

a couple of minutes. Then we go straight

to the car I've got waiting. You, me,

and this gun.

Let's go.

I remember there's no need to be

nervous.

>> Good morning. Um, how about catching our

paycheck

>> in a few minutes?

>> Uh, is it uh all right if I wait inside?

>> Yes, sir. That will be fine. Go right

in.

>> Right. Right.

We'll take your car.

>> Mine? No. No, not mine. You've

>> been nothing but trouble, Mr. Schroeder.

I'll give you two seconds. Just two

seconds.

I'll smile.

Open the door.

Thank you sir.

Slide through.

Hold up. They held us up. Mr. Schroeder,

he's kidnapped. They snatched Mr.

Schroeder.

>> [crying]

>> Mr. Schroeder, I'm going to drop you at

the next corner. When I stop the car,

jump out.

>> But the gang will be watching you.

They're behind us, so don't start

yelling.

>> I I won't I won't.

Police hold up. ROBBERY,

HOLD UP. POLICE. ROBBERY.

About 5'11,

170 lb, wearing a gray fedora and a dark

brown suit. Has a small chin dimple.

Repeat. About 5'11,

170 lb.

Heat. Heat.

Is this all you've got?

>> No, just the smallest.

>> Then report back to me.

>> Yes, sir. How many times have you seen

them in the market?

>> About three or four. The tall one always

bought mixed pickles.

>> Well, that's the one that used to always

say hello to Jimmy.

>> Officer. Officer, I have some

information.

>> Pass that lady through.

>> Did you get a good look at it? Madam,

>> just before the robbery, I mean, when

the policeman drove up, I saw someone

pull out in an awful hurry.

>> Do you recall what the car looked like?

>> Oh, yes. A Ford gray twodoor. Um 50 or

51. Uh, the license letters were the

same as my husband's initials. Martin

Gamard. You know the architects, Gamard

and Peterson.

>> MG.

>> Um, yes. There was a six or something.

>> Charlie, hold for more.

>> Have motor vehicles. Check out all 50

and 51 Ford two-door. Charlton County

license. MG. And the first number is

probably a six.

>> MG 6.

Hey, Max.

Hey, Max.

Well,

>> Max, I I heard it on the radio. 210

grand.

>> What happened to you?

>> Well, when the patrol car pulled up, I

had to cut out,

>> leaving me behind.

>> Look, I figured why should they nab us

both if they don't nab me? I could have

I could have gotten you a good lawyer.

You could beat the rap. You could plead

insanity.

Where's the dough?

It's beautiful. Beautiful. 210 grand.

That means 105 grand a piece, partner.

>> Well, how about Rocky?

>> Nothing. The rat ran out on us.

>> First thing we got to do is pay back the

Merkantal Bank. 28,650

plus 145 interest retroactive to date. I

got it all figured out.

>> Well, don't be in a rush. With this kind

of dough, they'll trust us.

>> Then when tattooed man wins the 50

grander,

what'd you do with Margie's car?

>> I parked it in the lot near her office.

Oh, I I spent $4 for gas, but you can

forget it.

>> Max. Max, you did it. YOU DID IT. 70

GRAND A PIECE.

>> THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS just had an

emergency meeting and you are out.

>> What is this weasel saying?

>> Well, Rocky, you walked out on me last

night.

>> Oh, now wait a minute. Nobody puts the

squeeze on Rocky. I know my legal

rights.

>> Rocky helped with the planning. I think

he's entitled to something.

>> Entitled to something? All right, you

can pay his dentist bill after I knock

his teeth out.

>> Ah, you little fool.

>> Here's 10,000. That seems fair. Rocky,

>> don't forget to put it on your income

tax, you chiser. You

>> okay? Okay, but you guys are going to

hear from my lawyer. I'm going to sue

you for 60,000 bucks.

>> The Tarleton Bank robbery ranks as one

of the largest halls in recent times.

police believing it to be the

wellplanned work of a highly organized

mob. According to Mrs. Havens and Mr.

Schroeder

Subject proceeding east on Rosemont.

>> Roger. We're in contact.

Subject turned onto the Parkway.

>> Roger. We have her.

>> This is Lieutenant Green to main office.

Give me a car at every exit along the

Parkway.

Here

she comes.

Subject has stopped at 810 Marston

Street.

She is now leaving the car.

All cars, this is Lieutenant Green. It

is now 604. Subject has made contact

with gang. We will move in at exactly

607. Proceed quietly and take assigned

positions.

Got everybody up against the wall. Arms

up high.

Where's the rest of the gang?

>> They're not the gang. This is my fiance,

Miss Solitaire. And that's my future

mother-in-law, Mrs. Solitaire.

>> Max,

>> it all started with my big swallow tube.

Some of the money is missing, but I can

get the rest of it.

Honey, can you let me have 20 cents? I

spent it for bus fair

[music]

in the stretch. It's Tattooed Man by a

half a length. Silver Queen is second

and Ral about moving up fast. And here's

the finish. Tattooed Man. [screaming]

>> Tattooed Man wins the 50 grander

standing in the winner circle. What a

day for him.

>> Maybe we ought to send him a telegram

congratulating him. Huh? Did you see the

way he laid off the pace till the three

quarters, then he come on, gave him the

works, huh? It's just the way I'd run

him.

>> Oh, yeah. Great trainer in his day.

>> The results are now official. Tattooed

Man is the winner of the fair haven.

What a Cinderella story. Acquired early

this year by a bank in a forced sale

from the Gus Max farm, Tattooed Man went

from claiming races to today's 50

grander.

congratulations, Max.

>> Thanks.

>> Well, I'm glad I didn't book that race.

>> We' have still owned that horse if you

hadn't run out on us.

>> What do you mean me run out? You're the

guy that ran out. Yellow belly.

>> Yellow? Who you calling yellow belly?

Harold,

>> DON'T CALL ME HAROLD.

>> I'LL CALL YOU ANYTHING.

>> QUIT IT, FELLAS. After all, nobody's

going to run out on nobody for a long

time.

[laughter]

>> [music]