All language subtitles for Modern Family S04E19 The Future Dunphys (1080p x265 10bit Joy)

Yes, I promise I will call you
as soon as I get the results.

Yes, I am aware that hospitals are a
hotbed of infection. Thank you, Manny.

A couple of weeks ago,
I had a minor heart incident. I am fine.

But just to be safe,
I'm having an angiogram,

which is when they inject a dye
to make sure there's no blockage.

It's-It's no big deal.

We're not worried.
No.

If something were to happen,
which it's not-Not gonna.

I would turn our bedroom
into a shrine to Claire.

Wow.

And this room
into a hall of magic.

Luke, please stop
taking appliances apart.

I'm making something.
You're unmaking something.

'Cause I'm giving my notice today.
Wait. What?

But wouldn't we rather have toast
that's already buttered?

I love that you're asking
these kinds of questions.

If only the springs
were stronger,

the toast would be catapulted
into the pool of butter.

Really strong springs,
like the ones in your mattress?

You're unbelievable.

[ Claire ] What do you
mean, you're quitting?

Your manager just started letting you
open and close the store.

It's boring.

And Jennifer said that I could
get a job at the jewelry store.

Honey, you need to learn to stick with things.
You just got the big keys.

Where's the coffeepot?

You mean
the soon-to-be coffee-bot?

Luke!
I need caffeine today.

You can have juice. How late were
you at that party last night?

Oh, please.
She snuck in at 10:00...

and spent all night reading
under the covers with a flashlight.

Alex, what have I told you
about staying out past your curfew?

I need to do it more often.
Exactly.

You need to learn
to have some fun.

You are going on
that spring break trip with Nicole.

No! No, I can't.
I have to study for the P.S.A.T.'s.

[ All Scream ]

Luke! Phil, talk to your children.

All right.
Everybody listen up.

Haley, you're not quitting.

You're resigning.
It sounds better.

- No. Uh-uh.
- Alex, you have all of spring break...

to lock yourself
in your room and study.

No, no, no, no, no. And, Luke,
coffee-bot is a non-starter.

But I do like the idea of popcorn
kernels in the pancake batter...

so they self-flip.
Stop talking!

Step away from the children.

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey♪ ♪

¿ Quién es el hombre
más herm oso de esta casa?

Ah, perdón. ¿ Quién esel otro hombre
más herm oso de esta casa?

- Manny?
- Huh?

I am telling you how
handsome you are. Oh.

Well, next time, tell me in
English so I don't miss it.

You're forgetting all your Spanish.
You never practice.

Perdóneme, mami.
Soy embarazada.

You just told me that you're pregnant.

Congratulations. You're glowing.

Really?
That's what you're wearing?

Really? That's how
you talk to your meal ticket?

Besides, those snobs
don't care what I wear...

as long as I bring my checkbook.

Today I have an interview
with the Dryden Academy.

It's only the most prestigious
prep school around.

Their school song has 36 verses,
and I know all of 'em.

Settle in.

Oh

And the reason
you're not bringing him?

He says that I make him nervous,
that I care too much.

That's why I'm not even allowed
to bring him to his haircuts anymore.

I never went to private school.

Hell, I never even finished college,
and look at me.

That Danish I just ate cost six bucks.
I didn't even blink.

I've always felt out of place
in public school,

like a lone petunia
in an onion patch.

You felt out of place.

Let me tell you something
about your prep school buddies.

When I was younger, I had a job
checking coats at a country club.

These smug rich kids
used to waltz in there...

and throw their coats at me
like I was nothing.

That was before your high-tech fabrics.
They weighed a ton.

- You see that scar?
- The one you got in the war?

That's what I tell people.

I caught the scalloped edge...

of a Burberry duffel coat toggle.

Still not sure
there isn't a piece in there.

Kids will always wanna quit when
things get hard if you let 'em.

This is a girl
who was kicked out of college.

The least she can do is stick
it out at a little-Hey, Phil.

Sorry. Look, all we can do is give
Haley the time to find out who she is.

Or we could save that time, and
I could tell her who she is.

[ Man ] Let me know
how that works out.

Excuse me?
Oh, sorry.

But my TV doesn't work,
and you're all I've got.

[ Chuckles ] I'm Norman.
Good to meet you, Norman.

What are you in for?
Triple bypass.

Awesome. And it sounded like you were
agreeing with my parenting style,

so please, continue.
[ Sighs ]

I've raised three kids,

and the main thing I learned is you
have to let them be who they are.

Thank you, Norman.

Just because he's behind a curtain
doesn't make him a wizard.

Dad, I made you this necklace.

- It's good for healing.
- There's no scientific evidence to back that up, Dad.

I married a doctor.
I have three degrees.

Girls, where's
your little brother?

He didn't get his arm stuck in a
vending machine again, did he?

[ All Laughing ]

Are you getting this? Yes.
They sound just like our kids,

and they all got together
to visit their dad. Mm-hmm.

Who apparently did
a pretty good job raising them.

Please. He sounds like an old hippie.
A wise, insightful, old hippie.

Mm-hmm.
A Jeff Bridges hippie.

Hey, Dad. [ Norman
] There he is.

Look at that sharp suit.

Oh, my God, Luke gets huge.

You've seen this.
I wore it to Angela's wedding.

Oh, yeah. It's just like the one I
had made for my little Jonathan.

- Okay, Mrs. Dunphy. Time for your prep.
- Okay.

See what happens
when parents get out of the way?

Weddings, babies, sharp suits.

You might wanna wheel her by the burn unit.
She just got scorched.

Wait. You made a suit for Jonathan?
He's a cat.

[ Woman 2 ] He's a hairless stray.
He needs the suit for warmth-

you know, that thing all of your husbands
eventually stop feeling for you.

I did not come here to be insulted.
I came here for Dad.

Dad, I need $500.

How can you need money?
You have four divorce settlements.

Yeah, sorry I'm not
some sad, lonely exorcist.

Archivist.
I'm an archivist.

[ Groans ] This arguing.

I might as well
have just stayed in court.

Please be a lawyer. Please be a lawyer.
[ Norman ] How'd it go?

I got probation
plus time served. Suck it.

[ Woman 2 ] Maybe now you'll stop siphoning
electricity off the grid with a meat hook.

Hey, look at me for a second.

When you die alone in your bed,
Jonathan's going to eat you.

Yep.

[ Doorbell Rings ]

Lily! Time for girls' day!

We've always tried to make sure that Lily
has a feminine influence in her life.

Because I'm sure
it is so difficult...

for her to be around so much
masculine energy all the time.

Yeah. And recently, uh, she's been asking
a lot of questions about the female body.

And-
[ Snaps Fingers ]

Uh, we are not exactly experts,
so we'd-Just sit on 'em.

We decided to call in
the big guns.

Hola.
Hi, Gloria!

Lily is so excited
for girls' day.

But don't keep her
all afternoon.

You know how we miss her. Okay.

When am I going to get
real boobs?

Okay.
So we'll see you whenever.

Absolutely. Just have a really great time.
Vamos, mami. Vamos.

So we'll do a little shopping.

We can have our pretty nails
done and our pretty hair.

Do you think that's fun?
Yeah!

And you know what the best part
of having a girls' day is?

That you can ask me
anything you want.

[ Lily ] Did you know I'm gay?

[ Bell Tolling ]

This is lucky. At 2:00, the school's
award-winning bell players...

will be performing a medley
of Civil War drinking songs.

What do they call that? Unhappy hour?
Hmm. Interesting.

This was an all-boys academy
when it was established in 1901.

Thank God they went away
from that tradition, huh?

Yeah. I bet the place is one
giant orgy now. Jay, please.

- Hey, do you wanna grab a coat?
- Grab your own coat, college boy.

Uh, I meant for you. They want us all
to wear a school blazer for the tour,

get the whole
Dryden experience.

Right. I-I'm sorry, buddy.

Hello, parents, prospective Norsemen.
Welcome.

Our tour will begin
in this direction...

with a view of our renowned
equestrian center.

Ooh!
[ Exhales ]

It took me right back
to 40 years ago-

candy-ass preppies
with too many privileges.

You know what I hated most
about those guys?

They all had
these little noses.

What is that?

To your left, the world-class
Campbell Observatory.

Now, of course, if it's stars
of the Hollywood kind that you like,

our award-winning theater
is just here,

where this June, Ms. Nicole Kidman
will be appearing in Picnic.

[ Chattering ]

[ Jay] Okay, gun to my head?

Maybe I was a tiny bit jealous
of those guys back then,

with their cars
and their fancy hair products-

your Brylcreems and your VO5's.

We'll now take a short break,
where you're free to explore...

the treasures
of our rare book library.

You know what was a rare book
in my school library?

One that didn't have genitals
drawn all over it.

Who am I kidding?

I wanted
what those kids had then,

and 40 years later,
I still wanted it.

Manny, write down what they
said about the library.

They're liable to ask you
about that in the interview.

And get the lead out. We don't
wanna miss the bell players.

[ Jay ] Excuse me.

But she's so young.

Do you really think that she
already-I knew when I was five.

Everybody knew when you were five.
[ Cameron ] Not true.

Not everyone knew until I threw myself
my second fifth birthday party.

Come on. Lily is not gay.
It's probably just a phase.

Oh, my God.
Did I just say that?

Do not tell anyone
I just said that.

I got my sweater.
Can I go now?

Here. Yeah, sweetie.
Have a seat.

Oh. If this was a hay bale
and she was wearing a prairie skirt,

[ Voice Cracks ]
it would be a total flashback.

Stay with us.

So Gloria was telling us about
something that you said.

Something about you being gay?

What about it? Okay, very aggressive.
Just saying.

We're just wondering,
you know, why did you say that?

- Because I'm gay.
- But why do you think you're gay, sweetie?

- We're learning about it in school.
- Oh.

My friend Aldo's parents
are Italian, so he's Italian.

And you and Daddy are gay,
so I'm gay.

[ Together ] Oh!

First of all, adorable.
But that's not how it works.

When Aldo's talking about him being
Italian, he's talking about his heritage.

Yeah, and that's a totally
different thing than being gay.

See, heritage is, uh-Well, it's
something that you're born with.

And-Oh, my God.
What's wrong with me?

And with respect
to your heritage, you're not gay.

You're Vietnamese.

- What's that?
- Well, Vietnam is a beautiful country,

and it's near China.

Uh, it-
it's known for, uh,

its-its farms,
with all of the, uh-

[ Snaps Fingers ]
Um-

Uh, water buffalo.
Water buffalo.

Uh, bikes. Lily,
there are bikes ever here.

Oh! There are so many bikes.
So many bikes.

People are biking around.
Mm-hmm.

And then-And they're wearing hats.
Hats.

They have these beautiful sun hats.
That swoop.

[ Cameron ] Yeah. Can
I go and play now?

Please. Go. Yes.
Yes, gosh. Would ya?

Love for you to.

Is that all you know
about her culture?

No. We're saving some of the things
until she gets older to tell her about-

I wanna say the windmills
and the tulips. Don't.

No wonder she has
so many questions.

She doesn't know who she is.

I guess we kind of dropped the ball.
Yeah.

You know what?
Forget the pretty nails.

We are all going to
a Vietnamese restaurant...

and we are gonna give her
a taste of her culture.

Which one is the best
restaurant around here?

I wanna say Saigon-
There's Little, um-

You know nothing.

I'll look in the Yelp.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Hey, we should go.
Mom's gonna be here soon.

Why don't you stay and say hello?
She'd love to see you.

[ Woman 1 ] Why? So she can
tell me how to live my life?

[ Man ] Yeah, I've got my
probation officer for that.

We'll see her on her birthday.
When's the next important one?

Um-

I know it's none
of my business,

but is it possible that
your mom doesn't want you...

to make certain mistakes
'cause she cares?

Oh, my God. You sound just like her.
Let's roll.

Haley, you are not
quitting your job.

Where is this coming from?

It's coming from the future, your
future, and it ain't pretty.

I don't understand.
In the future, I'm not pretty?

No, you hold up okay.
But this path you're on-

flitting from one thing
to the next-

It ends in a pile of ex-husbands
and nicotine fingers.

[ Phone Rings ]
Can I talk now, Dad?

No!
Hello?

Alex? You don't have to go
on that trip with Nicole.

You can study
as much as you want.

- Just know that I love you.
- Okay.

Listen to me, Haley.
You are dangerously close...

to getting on a path
you can't get off of.

Dad, stop yelling.
Mom, stop crying.

I know I'm not a big nerd.

Here. Mom wants to talk to you.
Dad wants to talk to you.

[ Together ] Hello?

Alex, book down,
run a brush through your hair.

You're going on that trip
with your friend.

What? [ Claire ]
Haley, I love you.

If you don't wanna work in that store, I'll
help you find something you like better.

Is this reverse psychiatry?

No, honey.
Actually, nothing is.

I just want you to be happy.

Mom, you're freaking me out.

Why is everyone screaming?

[ Together ] Here!

This is Luke.

Why are Mom and Dad
acting so crazy?

I don't know, but it's creepy.
Something's going on.

Do you think it has to do
with Mom's heart thing?

Like it's more serious
than they're saying?

We have to go to the hospital.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Okay, everybody, calm down.

Here's what we know.

Mom had to go to the hospital
for a simple procedure.

Then Mom and Dad
start calling us, acting weird.

Open your eyes, people.

They've been kidnapped.

Well, now that the tour's over,
we can probably take these off.

I don't see the rush.

And you gotta be mentally sharp
for your interview.

How you feeling?
Pretty good.

Parents are allowed to sit in,
but if you don't feel like it-

Are you kidding me?
I wouldn't miss it.

[ Whispering ] This is
where it all starts.

Sure seems like you've come
around on this place, Jay.

How could I not?
This place is unbelievable.

I'm already picturing
those jerks at the club...

seeing my son walk in
wearing a Dryden jacket.

Manny Delgado?

I- I guess what
I'm trying to say is...

I like books for reading them.

You care to elaborate?
Indeed.

Did you ever see one
of those slow-motion movies...

where they destroy an old
casino and it just implodes?

That.

So, who are your favorite authors?
That's a long list.

I'd probably have
to start with, uh-

Go ahead.
Hard as you can.

Mmm! So good.
[ Patrons Chattering ]

- I want a cheeseburger.
- But this is a special soup called pho.

You told me
not to say that word.

It is delicious. This is
the food of your people.

[ Woman ] Can I get
you anything else?

Actually, we're just trying to teach
our daughter about your country.

And as I'm saying that,
I'm hoping you're from Vietnam.

I was born there.
So was Lily.

Oh, it's a beautiful country.
Uh, my family still lives there.

I hate Vietnam!

[ Chattering Stops ] Lily,
honey, we don't hate.

[ Singsong ] I hate Vietnam.

Okay, um,
we need just a second.

Lily, that was rude.
[ Chattering Resumes ]

I wanna go home.

No. It's important
that you celebrate...

the culture of your ancestors.

You are Vietnamese.

No, I'm not. I'm gay! I'm gay!
[ Chattering Stops ]

Honey, no, you're not gay.
You are just confused.

Oh, my God. What is wrong with me?
It's like I-

Oh, please.
We have tons of lesbian friends.

Odd that you would reference our friends and not us.
[ Chattering Resumes ]

Also gay.
We should just go.

No, nobody's going anywhere
until she finishes the whole soup!

- No, Gloria, it's fine. We don't wanna push her.
- No, no, no, it's not fine.

That's the problem with this country.
Nobody cares where they come from.

They just want cheeseburgers
and prep school,

and they have forgotten
about Colombia!

Okay, I can't help but feel that maybe
you're bringing something to the table...

that's possibly, uh,
not at all about Lily.

[ Sighs ] I think you're right.

It's just that I feel like
I'm losing my children to America.

They're just going to grow up
and become boring old white people.

Uh, most of our friends
are white, actually.

Okay, can everybody
just calm down...

and go back
to their own conversations?

- Just-Thank you.
- Hey. Hey, what's going on with you?

Manny has forgotten
most of his Spanish,

and Joe-I'm sure he's not
even going to learn it.

I know this is silly,
but I just don't like feeling...

like I'm so different
from the rest of my family.

- Oh, honey.
- It feels so lonely, yes.

Oh, wait just a second. Lily,
is that why you wanna be gay-

to be more like your daddies?

Oh, honey.
No, the three of us are a family...

even though we come
from different places.

You know, you were born in
Vietnam, and I grew up in a city.

And even though he never talks about
it, your daddy grew up on a farm.

[ Mutters ] Yeah.

The point is that we're a family
because we love each other.

Okay.

And you know what? You just
caused a scene in a restaurant,

and you can't get any more
like your daddies than that.

[ Laughs ] Maybe I'll just take Manny
and Joe to Colombia this summer.

I think that's a great idea.

I really think that keeping
in touch with your heritage...

only enriches our culture.

Absolutely. I think we
would all be better off...

if people would go back
to where they came from.

[ Utensils Clatter ]
[ Chattering Stops ]

I-

I'll pull the car around.
Yes.

[ Sighs ]

All I can think about are
the good times I had with Mom.

Who's gonna walk me down the aisle?
Stop spinning out.

There's no point in imagining
some horrible future.

[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

Hey.
Mmm.

Hey, buddy.
Hi.

You made it.
Mm-hmm.

You're in heaven.
That's not funny.

Okay.
Knock, knock.

Don't bother. She's not in the mood for jokes.
Your results are great.

Minimal plaque.
Your heart is strong.

Oh. Thank you.
That's such good news.

Well, keep taking your medication,
you'll outlive all of us.

[ Chuckles ] Thanks.
Honey, you nailed it.

Mmm. You weren't worried,
were you?

No.
Mmm. Me neither.

I wasn't done with that.
Me neither.

Hmm.
[ Exhales ]

God, do you soak your hair
in cigarettes?

[ Elevator Bell Dings ] Do you
wash your clothes in tears?

I have to get home. My
roommate needs these shoes.

Weirdos.

Luke, don't be so mean.
I can't take it today.

I may be your sort of mom now,

and I'm practically
a child myself.

Okay, let's calm down.
Mom could be fine.

Come on. They wouldn't be
freaking out if they were fine.

Right, 'cause Mom and Dad
never freak out over nothing.

They don't.
They're perfect.

Remember the time
when Dad was switching jobs...

and Mom threw away
all of our junk food?

That was completely different.
No, no, actually, it's not.

They don't know how to deal with
their stuff, so they obsess over us.

Maybe that's all this is,
right?

I can't believe
how relieved I am.

Me too.
I'm just texting the kids.

It's like at a certain age,
"It's probably nothing"...

becomes
"It's probably nothing."

Like they add italics at 40.

Well, the good news is-
Mmm.

These situations just bring us
closer and closer together.

Hmm.

By the way, you did a great job
of keeping your cool.

Well, I didn't wanna
scare the kids.

You did a pretty
good job yourself.

Thanks.
[ Laughs ]

I have a secret.
What's that?

We're pretty good
at this parenting thing.

I think we are.

Kiss me.
I'm gonna try.

[ Grunts ]

"Mom okay"? You guys are
the worst parents ever.

It's the same every time.

One of you guys goes
through something stressful,

and instead of dealing with it,
you freak out on us.

"Quit your job,
don't quit your job"?

"Read more, read less"?

Be better at being adults.
Come on, Luke. Let's go.

[ Luke ] You're not my
mom anymore, but okay!

Save the judgy looks
for another 15 years.

What the hell happened
in there?

I don't know. I've never
choked like that before.

You think it's a definite no?

You pointed to a picture of the
dean's son and asked when she's due.

Right.
Sorry I let you down, Jay.

Me? I saw how much
it meant to you.

It's like I was
on the football field.

You were up in the stands,
all proud of me, rooting me on.

I'm not used to that.
I just whiffed.

That's not even the right sport.
Why am I trying to blame you?

Probably 'cause you should be.
Sit down.

I think I put
some stuff on you...

that is about
some guys 40 years ago...

with tiny noses
and perfect hair.

You're losing me.

There's only one thing
I want you to understand.

If today was the first time you've
felt that I was proud of you,

then I should be apologizing,

'cause I'm proud of you
every day.

Thanks, Jay.

Let's go.

Did I really bet him I could fit
his whole cell phone in my mouth?

Forget about that guy. You're
never gonna see him again.

I'm not sure about that.

Wait here.
[ Sighs ]

[ Luke ] Kernels in? Check.

On the right side only?
Check.

You know this is the last
of our batter, right?

Our backs are against the wall.

Last chance at mastering
the self-flipping pancake.

You mean "popcake."
I was thinking "flipjack."

Oh, of course!
It's okay.

[ Sighs ] Okay.
This is the one. I feel it.

If this works,
centuries from now,

someone's gonna dig
one of these things up...

and wonder what the heck it is.

Five, four,

three, two-

Flip!
[ Sizzling ]

Flip, damn you!
It's over.

No, it's not!
It's over!

It's all right.

We left it all out there
on the griddle.

We live to fight another day.

Yeah. I guess.

I can't believe we wasted
all that batter.

I guess you can't make an omelet
without breaking a few eggs.

Am I right?

Or can we?

To the grocery store.

[ Popping, Sizzling ]