All language subtitles for Modern Family S04E12 Party Crasher (1080p x265 10bit Joy)

We're going to Santa Barbara
to pick up the bassinet.

Or we can save five hours and go
around the corner to Baby Town.

What are you doing all day?
Jay!

- It's fine, Mom.
- No, it's not fine. Today's Manny's birthday.

Aw, geez. I'm sorry, kid.

Don't worry. Reuben's family's
taking me for a birthday lunch.

You see?
Even the Reubens remembered.

We'll be back at 6:00, and we're taking
you to a special birthday dinner, okay?

We are?
Jay!

I'm sorry, kid.

I wasn't sorry.
It was a setup.

We're throwing him a big
surprise birthday party.

And he totally fell for
it, the little jerk.

I mean, that's the whole
point of a surprise party.

You take someone who
you really love...

and you play him like a fool.

That's not the whole point
of all this.

Manny has been feeling
a little bit neglected,

and I wanted to give him
the most special day.

This is the last birthday that it's
only going to be the three of us.

I can't wait to see
the little dope's face.

[ Clicks Tongue ]

And then that smug
Carol Chu was all,

"You can't dig without
an environment impact study."

And then I was like, "Bam!" And I
slapped the study onto Charlie's desk,

and Carol was like,
"But-But-But"-

And then I was like,
"Chew on that!"

- You said that?
- Well, not with my mouth.

With my eyes and my swivel.
[ Snaps Fingers ]

So how was your day at work?

Oh, you know, fine.

Okay. Yeah?

I'm an idiot. I know Cam's been struggling
since he went back to teaching.

The students, the faculty-
none of it's clicking.

The last thing he needed was me going
on about my latest work triumph.

And then it got worse.

Come on, Daddy.
It's time for our wedding.

- What's happening?
- Oh, Lily and I are gettin' married.

Uh, what's happening?

When she proposed,
I thought it was a little weird,

but then I read it's a phase
that some girls go through, so-

Oh, no. Well, I just think
it's the cutest thing ever.

Here, Dad.
I made you this ring.

Oh.
Oh.

Cute, cute, cute, cute,
cute, cute, cute!

Do you have a ring for me?

Well, Lily, it wouldn't be
a wedding without a ring.

Yay! Yay. Loving this!
[ Chuckles ]

Daddy, move. Okay. I guess I'll
just go sit on the groom's side.

Oh, come on, Cam.
It's fun.

Oh, it's fun.
It's-It's super fun!

You finally got married!
Hooray!

- Ow!
- Oh, are you okay, sweetie?

- [ Angrily ] What do you think?
- [ Grunts ]

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey♪ ♪

This is very rare indeed.

Geekus nerdipithicus
in its natural habitat-

alone as usual.
Mine.

Hey, give it back.

Gloria asked me to record
Manny's birthday. Mom!

Alex, give it back
to your bro-

Oh, sorry. I tried to care.

Ugh! But this is everything I
made at the boutique last week.

I'm not gonna have any money left for me.
Should've thought of that...

before you got thrown
out of school.

- You live here, you pay rent.
- You used to be fun.

You used to be-What?
Oh, yeah, at college.

Uh, hang on. Wait.

Gloria says that we are
surprising Manny at 6:00 tonight,

but she wants us there at 4:00, which
means she's expecting us to do the setup.

- I say we leave here around 5:00.
- Great.

[ Doorbell Rings ]

That's Kenny from work.
Oh, I'll get it.

We're going to a street fair, so we'll
just meet you guys at the party.

Oh. You've been spending a lot of
time with this Kenny from work.

- Stop it right now.
- [ Whispers ] Is it gettin' romantic?

N-
Yeah-

- Well-
- Yeah-

Oh!

Mom, this is Kenny.
And Dad you already met.

Uh, yeah. First of all, Kenny,
sick ponytail.

- Uh. Thanks, man.
- Kenny designs jeans for our boutique.

[ Claire ] Uh-huh. That reminds
me, I got something for you.

- What are you, a 32, 34?
- What are you, 36, 38?

What are you, in my mind?
Put 'em on your body.

Will do. Will do.
Phil, honey-Uh-

Kenny is kind of a big deal.

- [ Claire ] Mm-hmm.
- What does that fashion Web site call you again?

[ Scoffs ] A "jeanius."
Spelled like "jeans."

Oh.
Mortifying.

And a "rack star." Oh.
[ Chuckles ]

And what was
the headline again?

Oh, yeah. "He's Denimite."

What an embarrassing week
you've been having. Ooh, yeah.

I'm just trying to stay
fresh creatively, you know?

Made my bones in men's apparel,

and now I'm working
with these local boutiques-

just trying to get
into girls' jeans.

- Phil!
- There's no Phil here.

These jeans just slipped on me so
perfectly, my name must be Pantsarella.

Boom!
Comfortable, right?

- Like a diaper.
- [ Kenny Chuckles ]

Well, we should get going.
Oh, yeah?

Um, but you wanted to say...
something.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry. Yes. Okay.

Uh, listen.

You made it seem like
you had jeans for both of us,

and Claire hasn't
gotten hers yet, so-

I am so sorry.
Don't worry about it.

Here you go.

Enjoy. Kenny, you're amazing.

No, man, you're amazing.
Have fun.

[ Laughs ] I love him.

Phil!
You think he liked me?

Phil! That is a date.
They're going on a date.

What? He's practically my age. Okay.
Uh, yeah. Right, right.

And what middle-aged guy
would be interested...

in a young, attractive,
newly legal woman?

Oh, that's right.
All of them.

That's not true.
I wouldn't.

Really?
Hermione Granger?

What?
Mm-hmm.

I'm just a Harry Potter fan.
Yeah.

Has she blossomed into a
lovely young lady? Yes, but-

Luke, I'm never
telling you anything!

[ Chattering ]

[ Gasps ] Oh, my God, Jay!
Look how beautiful.

Look at this.
But the bookstore is empty.

That's why China's
kicking our ass.

- Thirty-three!
- Ay, no. Fifty-nine.

We're so late, and we still
have to pick up the drinks.

Excuse me. I'm terribly sorry.
Excuse me.

Sir? This is
my cake right here.

How about I just leave
money, I take it?

- If I did that for you, I'd have to do it for everyone.
- Not if you just did it for me.

Thirty-three!
Excuse me.

Excuse me. Hmm. We're in a hurry.
We have a birthday party.

Why didn't you say something? We
don't see many of those around here.

You think you can intimidate me
with that attitude?

- What do I look like to you?
- Thirty-four!

Thank you. But the point
is that my son is waiting-

Gloria, it's not worth it. We don't
need these people. Jay, we need-

Come on.
We'll get a better cake.

Are you crazy?
How are we gonna-

I've got it covered.
Excuse me, miss?

I'm sorry I raised
my voice in there,

especially in front
of the baby.

I know how delicate
they can be.

Oh, you're so nice to say that.

But, you know, they're
sturdier than you think. Yeah.

- In fact, every day I learn these little-
- Yeah, take care now.

[ Laughs ]

Hey, honey.

Daddy, what's in the bag?
[ Door Closes ]

Oh, it's a present for Manny.

And I also got your other
daddy a little something...

'cause he's been
feeling down today.

- How's your eye, sweetie?
- Oh, it's fine. It's just a scratch.

Let's go this way, honey. Oh, Cam, are
you wearing a suit to Manny's birth-

Oh, wow.

[ Cameron ] Okay. Let's get
your hospital band off.

I like it. Okay, that can be
your "something blue" then.

- Cam?
- ♪♪ [Stereo: "Wedding March"]

Daddy, I wanna drive my car. [
Mitchell ] A car? Oh. A car.

Just a second, sweetie.
Okay.

Does anyone know a reason
why these two shouldn't be wed?

- She is my wife.
- Okay, so by the power vested in me...

- by the State of Candy Land-
- And Utah.

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

Daddy, I wanna play
with my car right now.

Okay. Of course.
Yes, sweetie.

But remember, we have to walk down
the receiving line. [ Chuckles ]

Oh. Oh, what a turnout.

[ Mitchell ] There she goes.

You got her a car? I can't help it
that you skimped on your wedding.

Okay, look, I know what's
underneath all this, all right?

Right now, in your life,
you're feeling, you know, very-

No. Please do not turn me marrying
my daughter into something ugly.

Lily is having
the time of her-

- [ Crash, Car Horn Blaring ]
- Ow!

- Cam!
- Oh, please. Do not blame me.

We always knew there was a strong
possibility-[ Horn Stops ]

She'd be a terrible driver.

I know we're running late, Claire.
We'll be there soon.

Just start setting up. What do
you mean, "Surprise, surprise"?

Ay. [ Grunts ] Hang on. I've gotta go.
You take care.

What's the matter? Jay, I can't
find the parking ticket!

Calm down. Everything's gonna be fine.
[ Sighs ]

Good. It's a male attendant.
What does that mean?

How would you get out of this
situation if I wasn't here?

- Mmm!
- Hey, pal, my housekeeper forgot her ticket.

You're going to need to back up, go up to
the third level and find the pay station.

Ay, you can't just let us go?

I know I put it somewhere here,
but I cannot find it now.

Pay station, third level.

Maybe you can let us go now,

and then next time
I do you two times?

The only way you're going to get out
is to go back to the pay station.

Actually, there is another way.

- [ Gloria ] Ah!
- You okay?

Let's drive through something else!
[ Laughs ]

The gala celebration
is only minutes away.

Delectable refreshments,
excited classmates.

And what's this?
The most beautiful sight of all.

Go away!
[ Door Opens ]

He's old. She's young.
It's gross.

Honey, nothing's happening. Young people
seek out older mentors all the time.

When I was 17, I was really close
with my friend Stacy's mom.

Mrs. Robinson was
a former cheerleader,

so she knew just how to
massage my legs after practice.

She had her own homemade Bengay that didn't
burn no matter where she rubbed it on me.

If I had the chance to go over there,
I never missed an opportunity.

I think maybe you did.
[ Door Opens ]

Oh, I forgot the present
in the car.

Oh. All right. I'm gonna go take
a squirt while you grab it.

Oh, my God. Hey! [ Laughs ]

I know!
Just-

It's crazy!
[ Kisses ]

Mmm.
Mmm.

[ Footsteps Receding ]

[ Door Opens ]

I'm gonna fight him.
Phil.

No, Claire, I'm gonna
fight him up real nice.

How about you start with a threat?
[ Growls ]

Oh, hey, Claire. Um, could you help me with this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

You gotta go around
the other side.

I need to keep my eyes on Phil.
Ooh, what's happening?

He's about to drop the hammer
on Haley's new boyfriend.

He's twice her age,
and it's disgusting.

Reminds me of a certain manager at the
Cheesecake Factory that you dated.

Oh, Todd. He had a Camaro...
and power.

Ugh! He was nasty. You just did
it to get a rise out of Dad.

Yeah, well, look how well
that worked out.

It didn't bother Dad at all, and
then I was stuck with a guy...

who smelled like potato skins
and said "supposably."

You have to admit, Dad played
that pretty brilliantly.

After a few weeks, you got bored
with him and then you dumped him.

I did. I dumped him up real nice.
Mm-hmm.

[ Whispers ] Phil.
Claire-Oh, come on.

Phil, you can't
say anything to Kenny.

What?
No.

I know why Haley is doing this.

She's doing it to get back at
you for being so hard on her.

I did the same thing to my dad.
First of all, I'm not your dad.

And do you think I'm just gonna
let this happen? Trust me.

The more it bothers you,
the longer he stays.

The more we ignore it-

Hey. Up top, Dad.

Yeah!
Nailed it.

The sooner Willie Nelson's
on the road again.

I'm so conflicted.

What you're saying makes sense up here,
but it's not what I wanna do here.

And I just feel so damn comfortable
down here. [ Door Opens ]

I forgot to tell you,
I put that in the trunk.

Oh, I know. I had to reach
under your jeans. Uh-

[ Together ] Ah!

[ Laughing ] I can't believe that!
It's so crazy!

It's adorable.
Mmm. Mmm.

[ Haley ] Wanna see outside?
[ Balloon Pops ]

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

- Sweetie, I brought you a cookie.
- Mmm.

I ate at the emergency room.

You worked that in seamlessly. Oh, come on.
It was-It was an accident.

Stop beating yourself up.
Hey, let's go mingle.

No. You know what? Some of my
students are here, and I'm just-

I'm not in the mood.
[ Sighs ] All right.

Cam, we're gonna talk about this.
I know what's going on.

You're obviously going through
something at school.

You're struggling, and I have
just made things worse...

by bragging about what a hero
I've been at work recently.

And it's-it's not
a competition.

You know, my victories
are your victories.

- Your defeats are my defeats.
- [ Girl ] Hey, Mr. Tucker!

[ Note ]

[ Tune: "Aura Lee" ] Bow
across a cello string

Piano keys a-hammerin'

Voices raised in harmony

For our dear old Cameron

We love you! We love you!
You're the best!

Yeah.

Yeah, it's been a nightmare.

And thank you for assuming
I'm terrible at my job.

No! Um-

Hey, everybody.
Sorry we're late.

We got caught doing
a bunch of stuff.

Or not doing a bunch of stuff.

[ Sighs ] Okay. Manny is going to be
here soon, so let's go over the plan.

When we hear him coming,
we turn off the light.

Then when he comes in
and turns it on,

we all scream,
"Surprise!"

You got a pen?
I wanna write this down.

He's coming up the driveway. [
Gasps ] He's here early. Hurry up!

[ Gloria ] Hurry! Hurry!
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Quick. I don't want
the neighbors to see us.

- You sure we're alone?
- Yeah. They're not home till 6:00.

Good. Because I want to
give you your birthday present.

Actually,
I'd like to see your face.

[ Screams ] It's harsh, I know.

I've begged them
to put in a dimmer.

No.
[ Whimpers ]

Surprise.

Manny, we're so sorry.
We didn't mean to-

What? Ruin the greatest moment
of my life?

- Thanks again, Mom!
- ¡Ay!

And the surprised
becomes the surpriser.

This party had everything.

[ Gloria ] Manny?

Manny, please come out.

Unless you're here to cut a food
slot on my door, you can leave now.

[ Sighs ] Nobody's going
to make fun of you.

Kids make fun of you
if you get a haircut.

I just gave them
a full-blown sex scandal.

No. Everybody's so excited
to celebrate with you.

[ Groans ] Ay, no.

The baby was ready,
but I was not.

It was bad enough that Manny
had to share his mother.

I couldn't let him
share a birthday too.

You stay in there! I thought
you wanted me to come out.

I do! I do! Come out.

We stole you a beautiful
birthday-[ Grunts ] cake.

Gloria, tag out.
Let me give it a shot.

[ Straining ] Yes, you fix it.

Look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, kid.
That was rough.

[ Manny ] Go away. But
there's an upside.

The best thing about kissing a girl
is you get to tell your friends.

The problem is,
they never believe you.

But you had witnesses.

[ Chuckles ] We're gonna be talking
about this one for years to come.

You've said it, Kenny.

Manny seems to me like a-
like a real old soul.

Kenny is amazing at
telling the age of a soul.

Aw. Thanks, babe.
Oh.

[ Chuckles ]

Age is nothin' but a state of mind, you know?
[ Claire ] Yeah.

I'm probably more of a 14-year-old
than he is, and-Mm-hmm.

[ Chuckles ] Believe me,
I know 14-year-olds.

[ Haley ] He has a 14-year-old daughter.
Oh, yeah.

Oh, cool! Oh, honey, you don't have to do that.
They have a gardener.

Trust me on this.

I want to, but you're just so
wrong about so many things.

- Just keep practicing.
- Okay.

Hey, Cam, I-I'm so sorry
that I insulted you earlier.

I thought that there was something going
on at work, and obviously I was wrong.

Well, you're wrong again. It is about work.
This is a fun game.

I didn't bring it up before
because I was embarrassed.

But yesterday was the best day
I've had at work yet.

I clicked with the students,
the teachers.

I finally felt like I belonged.
Oh, I get it.

You couldn't possibly get it. I'm in
the middle of my story. I'm sorry.

Every day at 2:30 I call Lily,
and we dunk a cookie together.

And yesterday...
I forgot.

Forgot my own daughter.

And obviously
she resents me for it.

It's why she asked you to
marry her, to get back at me.

Okay. Here I-I need to point out that she's
five and not a character from Dynasty.

And as much as I try to connect with
her, I just keep making it worse.

Maybe you're just
trying too hard.

Everybody, come in! Manny's
coming-[ Grunts ] down.

Somebody pick up that towel
before someone trips.

Daddy! Okay! Daddy's coming!
What's wrong with me?

Okay, everybody.

So, we sing, then presents, then cake.
That's a Colombian tradition.

And we do not speak
of what happened before.

Nobody saw anything.

That's another
Colombian tradition.

Here he is,
the man of the hour!

[ Together ] Happy [ Groans ]

Gloria, you okay?

No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.

Ha-
Aaah! Aaah!

No way! She peed!

Her water broke.
[ Boy Chuckles ]

So far,
14's not my favorite age.

No, it's nothing.
Keep singing. Keep singing.

Ha-¡Ay! Stop it!

We're gonna pop on over to the hospital.
Pizza's on the way.

You think about it,
run a mop over this area.

Ay, Manny!
I'm so sorry, okay?

And the birthday video
becomes a nature film.

Luke! Come on.

[ Shrieking In Distance ] Oh, my gosh!
It's happening!

[ Shrieking Continues ]

Ay, Manny,
I am so sorry about today.

I just wanted you
to have a happy birthday.

And speaking of birth-
[ Grunts ] days-

Don't listen to him. I'm not letting
this baby out before midnight.

This is your day. I'm not gonna let
you share it every year, okay?

Mom, look.

Yeah, I've felt
a little neglected lately.

But I've had you to myself
for 14 years.

That makes me a little sad.

Oh, please. If we had actually
forgotten his birthday,

he'd be out right now
kissing a cute brunette.

Things work out.

You know that I love you
no matter what?

You're trying to hold another person
inside of you to spare my feelings.

Message received.

Mmm.
Ooh, that's a strong grip.

Ah, that's-that's-that's-Ooh!
Ow.

[ Grunts ]

[ Jay Shrieking In Distance ]

Uh, she's gettin' close.

She's at, like,
eight beautiful centimeters.

Hey. I don't think we've met.
I'm Kenny.

Hi. I'm disgusted.

[ Laughing ]

Mitchell, she won't
even look at me.

Well, she can't really look at anyone.
I know.

Oh! Look who's back...
again.

- What happened this time?
- He threw me in the pool.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, no.
No, that's not what happened.

[ Laughing ] It kind of is.

[ Stammers ] Luke, come on.
We don't need to relive it.

[ Camera Beeps ]
[Splash On Camera]

Daddy!
Oh, look at this.

I'm coming! Daddy's coming!
What's wrong with me? Mitchell.

When she fell in the pool,
she screamed for Daddy.

She calls you "Dad."
She calls me "Daddy."

- She got scared, and she called out for me.
- See?

I guess Daddy was
worrying about nothing.

But, you know,
I can be silly sometimes.

[ Chuckles ]
You're always silly.

No, you're silly.
No, you're always silly.

No, you're always silly.
[ Thud ]

My God.
What's wrong with me?

The contractions are coming
a little bit closer.

I think we have to call for a nurse.
No, no, no, Jay!

No, please-I'm sorry. For what?

[ Sighs ] I don't know yet. But I
know that babies make mothers crazy,

and I'm going
to be making mistakes,

and then I'm going to be
blaming you.

Please don't leave me. You're
a little emotional right now.

But it's been so long for me...

and a hundred years for you.

Are we still
going to be good at this?

It's gonna be an adventure, but
that's what you and I do best.

Look at today.

I can't ever remember
having more fun with you.

I'm so lucky.

[ Crying ] Now get out.

- But I thought you wanted me to-
- No, not you.

[ Screeching ] Get out!

[ Murmuring ] [ Giggles ]

[ Haley, Kenny Laugh ]

Hey. We should go.
Oh, right.

Um, hey, guys.
[ Clears Throat ]

So Kenny and I were thinking
about going to this restaurant.

Oh, sure. I don't have a problem with that.
Do you, Phil?

[ Groans ] No. In fact, it
has been such a pleasure...

getting to know Kenny,
it's our treat.

- [ Gasps ] Are you kidding?
- No!

Give 'em
your credit card, Phil.

Also, uh, this restaurant is pretty
far away, so we might be out late.

Well, sweetheart, you are only young once.
[ Chuckles ]

Well, might even make sense
to just stay in a hotel.

Okay.
Put it on the plastic.

[ Elevator Bell Dings ] Great!

[ Kenny Chuckles ]
Okay. See you tomorrow!

[ Claire ] Bye-bye. [
Cell Phone Beeps ]

Ugh. It's my ex-wife-not the good one.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

[ Kenny ] What do you want?

Nice game of chicken, Claire.
She's gone!

She's coming back.
I am almost positive.

Almost?
Mm-hmm!

Why do I listen to you? Why?

You were wrong about
the iPod being a failure.

You were wrong about
tomato being a vegetable.

I don't even want to talk about your favorite
planet-Pluto! [ Elevator Bell Dings ]

And unless she was lying to the good ladies
of The View, it's "De-mi," not "Dem-i"!

[ Elevator Bell Dings ] You were
going to let me go with him?

Isn't that what
you wanted, honey?

[ Sighs ]
What's the matter with you?

You've been acting so weird
ever since I left college.

For the record, you didn't leave college.
You were asked to leave.

Oh, which you guys never let
me forget, especially Dad.

Honey, your father-

Oh, you don't have to tell me
what he thinks, okay?

I'm a huge disappointment to him.
I see it on his face every day.

He acts as if he doesn't even want me around.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

- Give me the ticket for the car.
- Phil-

I'm going after her! This chicken game may
work for your dad, but it doesn't for me.

That's my little girl.
I need her to know...

that no guy on earth
is good enough for her,

let alone some slimy,
middle-aged jeans salesman!

- What's this?
- Just enjoy it.

There's all kinds
of milestones in life,

the kind you expect
to live through-

first kiss,

birthdays,

graduations.

If you're lucky,
a wedding or two.

Or even a new addition
to the family.

Then there's the kind you never dreamed
you'd get to live through again.

[ Chattering ] So adorable.

[ Mitchell ] So sweet.

- [ Phil ] Oh, my goodness.
- Oh.

[ Chattering Continues ]

And that's
the best kind of all.

[ Baby Fusses ]

Why am I spoiling it for you?

You'll see for yourself.

Oh, was it difficult?
Sí.

It was the most painful
20 minutes of my life.

Mmm. Oh, well, look at that.

You're skinny again.
Yeah.

Yeah.

So wait.
He-He's my uncle?

No. He's your
half brother-in-law.

He's our uncle.
Half uncle or full uncle?

What's a "fuluncle"? Okay. So don't
feel like you gotta stick around.

Okay. We'll see you tomorrow then.
Okay, we'll be back tomorrow.

[ Alex ] Bye, Uncle. Congrats.

[ Phil ] He's adorable.

Is he?

I don't like this one bit.

We'll talk.

[ Chuckling ]