All language subtitles for Modern Family S03E22 Disneyland (1080p x265 10bit Joy)

Please, please, please.
Okay, what is this?

We're making sure I'm tall enough
to ride all the rides at Disneyland ...

without having
to spike up my hair.

Buddy,
we are good to go.

- Sweet!
- I have been waiting for this day ...

ever since the doctor pointed to the ultrasound
of your mom's womb and said,

"Either that's a fifth limb"-

Okay, no. Gross.

All right. I want everybody
to eat a lot at home ...

because
The Happiest Place on Earth ...

is also home to the most
expensive churro on earth.

Come on. This is gonna be awesome.
Who doesn't love a day at Disneyland?

Can't you and Mom
go without me?

You're the kid.
I think we need you to get in.

Well, it couldn't come
on a worse day.

The technology sector
is tanking.

We're doing a stock market project
in school, and today's the last day.

We all get a thousand
fake dollars to invest,

and as of
market close yesterday,

I'm in the lead.

I may not be the tallest
or the most athletic,

but someday
I will be the richest.

Which is good,
because the ladies love that.

And I've grown accustomed
to a certain lifestyle.

Do you really want girls
who only want you for your money?

I'd like
to have that option.

Manny, put the stock away
and put your ears on.

Mom, I don't think
you have to wear one of these.

Be a kid! Put them on!

Really? Those shoes? What?

Do you know how much walking
you have to do at Disneyland?

Why do you think they have
so many fat people on scooters?

I like wearing the high heels.
I'm fine.

This is just like that jacket you refuse
to bring when I say, "Take a jacket."

"Don't tell me what to do! I'm fine!"

Huh? And you're not fine.
You're cold and shivering,

and I look like the jerk
who won't give his wife a jacket.

So I do.
And then I'm cold and shivering,

and I brought a jacket.

Are you done with
your boring jacket story?

Because we're going
to hit traffic.

I'll tell you one thing.
I'm not gonna give you my shoes.

Ah! That must be Ethan.

Who's Ethan?
Didn't I tell you?

My friend Bethenny's nephew
is coming with us today.

He moved to town
to go to college.

He's very nice, very smart-
big hockey player.

I know what you're doing.
Really? She was so subtle.

Haley has a thing for bad boys,
which was so me.

Clearly.

So, if she's going to be
leaving the nest soon,

we'd prefer it was not
on the back of a motorcycle.

My college roommate had
a motorcycle. Mmm.

Man, I had some good times
on the back of that thing.

Can't believe you did this.
I'm not gonna babysit Bethenny's nephew.

Alex can have him. Okay, I
don't need your rejects.

Hi, Ethan!
Hi.

I'm so glad you could make it.
Thanks for inviting me.

Sure.
Hi. I'm Al-

My 14-year-old sister.
Ethan, was it?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

# Hey, hey #

# Hey, hey #

# Hey, hey #

# Hey, hey #

# Hey ##

And that's my grandpa
and his wife, Gloria,

and her son, Manny.

Wow. You guys have
a big family.

Big family.

She likes him!
Yeah, who wouldn't?

Where'd you find him,
a Tommy Hilfiger catalog?

He got a 2200 on his S.A.T.'s.

And those eyes.

Okay. Did you get him
for Haley or for you?

Mitchell.

You know, I haven't been here
since Dad brought us when we were kids.

Oh, yeah. Remember?

You cried in
the Abraham Lincoln thing.

Hey, he was a great president,
and it was the first robot I ever saw.

When Claire and Mitchell were young, their mom
and I were gonna take them to Disneyland.

But that morning, Dede and I got in
this huge fight over something or other-

surprise, surprise-

and I ended up
taking them on my own.

Claire's biggest fear
was running into the evil queen.

My biggest fear
was that I married her.

Okay, people over 46 inches,
first stop- Indiana Jones!

- Have fun on the teacups, Lily.
- Okay, let's do this.

Oh, okay, wait.
Just a second here, everybody.

All right.

Is that a leash?
No, it's a child safety tether.

This way, sweetie.

It- it's a leash.
Don't- Don't judge us.

Go on.

We have a runner. Lily is
going through a phase-

At least- Oh, we hope it's a phase.
She bolts every chance she gets.

Lily.

Lily!

Lily!

So we had no choice but to put her
on a child safety tether.

It's a leash.

And we did have a choice.

Lily, sweetie, don't pull.

Lily, heel! Dad.

If I'd have known you guys were gonna
do this, I'd have brought Stella.

It was Cam's idea. So much
for the united front.

I'll have you know,
despite all yourjokes, Lily enjoys it.

Okay, sweetie.
You're not helping.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
You guys- Is that Dylan?

What? Aw, geez.

Dylan? Oh. Hey!

Uh, what are you-
I didn't even know you were in town.

Either did I ...
know you were in town.

This town. Anaheim.

I thought you were
still in Wyoming.

I was, uh,
but, um-

Oh, shoot. You know, I, uh,
gotta meet up with some friends,

and I'm ...
really late.

It was nice to see you, Haley,
and everybody.

Hi.

- And dude I don't know.
- I'm Ethan. it's nice to meet you.

And polite dude
I don't know.

Did Haley used to date
that guy or something?

Yep. You date her,
that's the club you're joining.

Of course he would
still look amazing.

Does he? I hadn't noticed.

Did you know
that Ethan plays the trumpet?

No great surprise
with those lips of his, huh?

Coo-coo-ca-choo,
Mrs. Robinson.

Okay, buddy,
moment of truth.

Yes! Whoo!
Yes!

This is gonna be so awesome!
Yeah!

In 45 minutes,
this is gonna be so awesome!

Yeah!

Look, Reuben, I have
some underperformers I have to unload,

and I don't have access
to a computer.

Log in as "Money Delgado."
Manny!

By all means, Reuben,
go get a Popsicle while the Nikkei closes.

I want to be a pauper.
Come on.

Mom,
my stocks just took a dive.

Your phone is about
to take a dive.

Come on!
Where do we want to go next?

Oh! Ethan and I want to try
the Haunted Mansion.

There is no
"you and Ethan."

Let's go to the Jungle Cruise.
It's right there.

Why? Tired of walking
in those heels?

No. You tired of being
with a hot wife?

Well, well, well. What do you know? Another
caring parent with a child safety tether.

See? We're not
the only people who use them.

Hi! Aren't they adorable?
Oh, and look at your cutie!

Oh, well, yes.
She just wanted to say hi.

Oh. Sorry.
They're a little feisty today.

- Oh! No problem. She's friendly.
- Oh. Rex, gentle.

- Oh. His name's Rex, huh?
- Yeah.

Okay. Lily. No, sweetie-
Lily, um-

Sorry. He just gets excited.
Oh, yeah, no- Oh, no problem.

Lily, stop moving, sweetie.
Stop moving.

Okay, you got this. Okay. Okay, good girl!
Good girl! Sorry.

You know what the fight
with Dede was about?

I taped a football game
over an episode of Dallas.

Who bails on a family trip to Disneyland
over something like that?

Ironically, Dallas
was playing in the game.

And I remember
pointing that out to her,

and then I remember
a videocassette flying at my head.

You do not' play the cello. I do.
Even geekier- I'm good.

Okay, answer me this-
I will answer you this.

Why do people
carry cellos around?

You know, people aren't expected
to lug a piano around.

What's the cutoff?
I know, right?

Like, go where the cello is.

Oh, look at this. I think I've inadvertently
set up my 14-year-old with a college boy.

The boy was your doing?
Yes.

Yes, and he was perfect,
and Haley was into him,

until, of course,
we ran into Dylan.

I mean, come on, Dad.
What are the odds of that happening?

It's a small world.
Yes, it is.

See what I did there? It's a ride.
I did. Got it. I got it.

It's just so frustrating because
I know I can't run Haley's life for her,

but if she would let me,
I would be so good at it.

Right, 'cause parents
always know what's best for their kids.

You remember that nice girl at the office
I tried to fix Mitch up with?

No offense, Dad,
but I think ...

I probably have a better sense
of what my kids need than you did.

I think it's cute you think that.
Oh.

Mom!
It was so awesome!

The jeep was jerking around, and- and there
was a lot of sharp turns and big drops.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
It just kept going.

Wow. You okay? Great.
Why wouldn't I be?

Because you're kind of leaning on me.
isn't that what a marriage is?

Oh, Alex,
stop touching him.

You look like hell.

Feel a little dizzy.

I think that ride
did something to me.

Fluid in your inner ear
is thickening.

That's what happens when you get old.
It is?

Yeah,
you can't take the motion.

I gotta pop a Dramamine
to get in my swivel chair.

That is not it.
I'm king of the roller coasters.

I think I just put too big of a whipped
cream smile on my pancake this morning.

You guys wanna go on Matterhorn? Luke, I think
me and your dad are gonna sit this one out,

maybe get one of them
big pickles.

No! You're gonna have to eat
that pickle on your own, Jay.

I still got
a few good years left.

Luke, wait up!
I'll race you there!

I'm good. I'm good.

Okay, everybody's looking at us.

I haven't been judged by this many people
since I forgot my canvas bags at Whole Foods.

Yeah. Well, maybe they're staring
because we have what they want.

Wh- Oh, a pet daughter.
Is that-

You know, I don't care
what people think.

If I thought it would
keep my daughter safe,

I would have a kangaroo pouch
sewn into my midriff.

That's gonna work out
really well for you as a single parent.

Okay, we just got a glare
from Mr. Socks-With-Sandals.

All right. That's it.

Lily, I'm gonna take off this leash.
I think it's a mistake.

But I don't want you to run away,
'cause that would be very, very unsafe.

And if we lost you, you'd be very scared,
and we'd be very sad, okay?

Okay.
All right.

See, Cam? You treat her
like a human being, and she acts like one.

Chip 'n' Dale!

Oh, great.
Now she's chasing squirrels. Lily!

Honey, come on!
Lily! Lily!

- Hey, how was Splash Mountain?
- It was great. Maybe we go again.

No, thanks.
There was no reception in there.

You know how many bars I had?
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah.

Reuben, talk to me!

Must be nice to
get out of those shoes for a minute.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Nothing. I'm just
making conversation.

Hey. Check it out.

I bought one of those souvenir photos
with you and Manny on the ride.

Boy, it looks like
you're having a good time.

Wait a minute.
What's that in your hand?

Are those shoes?

I'm not even sure
that that is us, Jay.

Why are you
walking around in pain?

Just admit the shoes
were a bad idea.

I am not in pain.

I just didn't want my favorite
walking shoes to get wet there.

Okay. My bad.

Well, we've gotta meet everybody in
Tomorrowland, so we'd better get movin',

'cause it's all the way
on the other side of the park.

I'm fine.

You just try
to keep up with us.

I can't take this.

Dad, throw your hands up! it's fun!

Oh, yeah, it is fun!

Hey! Yeah!

Whoo!
Hey.

Whoa! Whoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Reuben, if you heard about that stock
at a birthday party, it's already too late.

Gloria!

Gloria,
sit down for a second.

I'm fine, Jay.
Please?

Look, you may not be in pain.
Okay.

But I'm in pain
just thinking you're in pain.

So humor me for one minute.
What are those?

There wasn't a big selection
at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique.

Are you crazy?

I cannot walk around in public
with these ... things.

They're so yellow
and so ugly.

And- And they're so softy
and so comfortable.

Jay, what is this?

Thank you for
going shopping for me.

Thank you for worrying
about my feet.

Thank you for giving me
your jacket when I'm cold.

Such a good man, Jay.
Thank you.

Mmm.

Wow.

I didn't expect you
to be so-

so nice.

Why are you so surprised?

Now, please, don't go
all Latin on me when I say this.

Is it possible you get angry,
from time to time,

because you're
always wearing ...

uncomfortable shoes?

Maybe.

Can you get me
a couple of more?

Maybe they have purple?
Whatever you want, honey.

All I'm saying is, it seemed like you were
pretty into Ethan until Dylan showed up.

Don't get me wrong.
Ethan's nice, but he's no Dylan.

Maybe that's a good thing?

Why? Because Dylan's
a free spirit?

He's too edgy for you?
He plays by his own rules?

Oh, my God.
What?

I beg of you to turn around and experience
with me the greatest moment of my life.

# Daisy, Daisy
You're the one I adore #

Your rebel boyfriends
a Dapper Dan.

Maybe that's not him.
# I want to be with you more #

Oh! 3 It won't be a stylish- #

Dylan! Uh- Uh, sorry.
Sorry.

Certainly seems like him.

Oh, my God. He looked like those
old pictures of Dad from high school.

Mm-hmm.

I'm really into street art
at the moment.

There's a really great exhibit downtown.
I'll take you.

Oh, on what, your Razor scooter?
Mom wants you. Uh- Uh-

Ethan, I've been looking all over for you!

I remember I was on
Pirates of the Caribbean,

and this whole fight with Dede
was really eating at me.

And there was this angry animatronic
wench with a rolling pin ...

chasing some poor
pirate around.

They were on a track,
running in circles,

so he could never
get away from her.

And I remember thinking,

"I can't save you, buddy,

but I'm getting
off this ride."

A-And we-
A-And we were going around a corner,

and I was screaming,
and I swallowed a bug!

Oh, being tall is everything
that I dreamed it would be.

What should we do next?
Sit down.

Where we gonna sit down? The ground.
Here. This is good. Right here.

Oh!
Are you okay, Dad?

No, I'm not okay.

I hate to say this,
but these rides are killing me.

But you're the king of
roller coasters. I know!

Something happens
when you get older.

Guess you can't take it.

One of my favorite things in the world
is doing stupid fun stuff with you,

like pogo-stick basketball or trying
to get a swing to go all the way around.

Next time, we should sit
on a fire extinguisher.

Yes, or a bottle of Coke
and some Mentos. Ah.

Honestly, though,
the way I'm feeling right now,

I don't know if there's
gonna be a next time.

Dad, we can always
find cool stuff to do.

Even if you're old
and in a wheelchair,

I'll take you to the mall and push you
as fast as you wanna go.

Really? You'd do that?

Heck, yeah.
And we'll pop some wheelies too.

That sounds fun. And I'll take you to
the top of a huge hill and just let go.

Okay, we'll nail down the specifics later,
but that- that's really nice.

So, do you still
wanna talk or-

No, go. Ride Space Mountain.

Hey. Hey, uh, at the end,
when they take a picture,

do something hilarious
for both of us.

You're gonna die.

When you see it, not
'cause you're old. Yup.

Whoo!

Lily! Lily, stop!

Dad! Dad, grab her!

Hey! I got ya, you little monkey!
Thank you.

Hey, Cam, I got her.
We're in Fantasyland. Where are you?

Okay, it's Toontown,
not "Toonton."

You've been watching
too much PBS.

Thank you.
All right, honey. Come here.

I don't like this thing.
Yeah?

Well, I don't like running like a crazy person
through Downton- Downtown Disney.

I don't know what to do.
The leash is not the answer.

- You want my help?
- Yes, please!

'Cause I can fix this for you
in about two minutes.

Come on, baby girl.
Come with me. We'll be right back.

Okay. Where we going?
Oh, this way?

Ugh!

Manny, you don't sound very happy
for a kid that is flying an elephant.

I lost to Durkas.
It's not fair.

He wanted to buy IBM
because he thought it was funny to say.

Well, I'm glad that you lost.
Fake money has changed you.

Where is the Manny that used to stop
to smell the roses?

He took a bath on
a solar start-up in San Jose.

You have been so busy burying
your face in your phone ...

that you barely said hello
to your family,

you gave Winnie-the-Pooh
the cold shoulder ...

and you haven't even noticed
that pretty girl in the blue elephant ...

that has been smiling at you.

Not my type.
But still, nice to be noticed.

You see what happens when you're not
burying your head in business?

You're right.
I'll try to be more present.

What the heck's on your feet?
They're slippers.

They're like pillows.

Attagirl.

You're welcome.

Look. Your dad
got her baby high heels,

which we said we were never
gonna let her wear.

- I love 'em.
- You look gorgeous, sweetie.

Oh, my God.
You thought people judged us before?

Wait till they meet Little Miss Anaheim.
Who cares? Look at her.

She can barely move.

Thank you, Dad.

You know what? She's got
pretty good garns for a 3-year-old.

Cheese!

Got it. Thanks, Little John.
Thank you.

Aw.
Oh! They have corn dogs.

We gotta get one before we go back.
They are legendary.

I'll be right back.
Okay.

Haley!
It's me, Dylan.

I'm in the bear suit.
I borrowed it to talk to you.

Why are you
dancing like that?

This is what
Little John does.

Maybe. I don't know what movie
this dude is from.

I'm not even supposed
to be talking to you.

Well,
I'm not talking to you.

No, you can talk.

I know. But I'm mad.

You came back to town
and didn't even call me.

I was embarrassed.

I lost my job at the dude ranch,
and I wanted to get my act together first.

What, the
four-dweebs-on-a-bike act?

Okay, the Dapper Dans are
a Main Street tradition since 1959.

Hey. What's going on?

Nothing.

I still love her,
Ethan.

Okay, how do you know my name?
it's Dylan.

Look, I don't wanna
harsh your day,

but I've never stopped loving Haley,
and I never will!

I-Is this
some sort of joke?

- Do I look like I'm joking?
- Dylan, let's not do this now.

It has to be now.
I've got a parade at 3:00.

Hey, seriously, dude,
back off.

Okay. That was my face.

And you're the one
who needs to back off.

Oh!
Oh. Ho! You-

Okay. This thing's kinda heavy.
I can't get up.

Ethan? Ethan, what is going on?
What are you doing?

Uh, hi, Mrs. Dunphy.
Help me up.

Oh. No.

If I could get up, I would-

Come on, Lily, sweetie.
Keep up, honey. Come on.

Phil, you don't look like
you're doing very well.

Maybe because I officially became an old
man back there at Thunder Mountain.

Oh. Oh, my goodness. You are burning up.
You might have the flu.

A bunch of guys at work had the flu, and we all
drink orange juice out of the same carton.

We should get cups.
Hmm.

Luke, did you hear that?
I have the flu!

Glad we didn't
share that pickle.

Hey, everybody.

Oh, hey- Hey, guys.
Where's Ethan?

Oh, he's staying.
He ran into some friends.

But Dylan got fired, so-
Don't freak out.

We have to give him
a ride home.

And we're back together.
Yay.

Hey, no one goes home
till we hit the Lincoln thing.

Yawn. Don't even
try to fight it.

Yeah, he made us go
when we were kids.

Come on, people. It's a robotic president.
What's not to love?

The robotic president?

So my plan was,
drive Claire and Mitchell home,

put them to bed,
pour myself a big tumbler of scotch ...

and tell Dede it was over.

But on the way out,
we made one last stop.

If destruction be our lot,

we ourselves must be
its author and finisher.

As a nation of free men,

we must live
through all times-

I don't know what happened. Maybe it's what
robot Lincoln said about a man's duty ...

or keeping
the Union together.

Maybe I just chickened out.

But I realized
that staying with my kids ...

was more impo?ant
than leaving my wife.

Now that's not
the right decision for everyone,

but it' was
the right decision for me.

And in that faith,

let us, to the end,

dare to do our duty ...

as we understand it.

So I stuck it out
until they were grown.

Jay, you want
to join me in the Jacuzzi?

And the universe
rewarded me.

Oh, yeah.
Here we go.

Hey, Dad,
roller coaster fist bump.

Whoa!
Whoo!

Whoo!
Whoo!

Oh. Oh!

Oh.
What was that?

Whoo!

This is gonna be so awesome!
Whoo! Hey!

Close your eyes.
It makes it more fun.

Oh, yeah. That is more fun.

Ooh. Oh!

English - US - PSDH