All language subtitles for Modern Family - 04x01 - Bringing Up Baby.DIMENSION.English.orig.Addic7ed.com

Good morning!

There's the birthday boy!

65 candles on one cake.

This is a big day for you...

and for the astronauts
who can see it from space.

Happy birthday to you.

Thank you. And just so everyone knows,
I want a quiet day.

No surprises.

No surprises.

Last night, I found out
that I am pregnant,

so Jay's gonna get
one big surprise.

Okay, two if you count

the barbecue apron
with the bikini body on it.

I don't blame you, Jay.

You'd had enough excitement
in one lifetime--

The dawn of flight,
printed books, agriculture.

All right, what's with all the jokes?

It's insult comedy.

I've been watching old
Dean Martin roasts online.

Like this guy knows
from the Internet.

The other morning,

I saw him looking for the crank
on the front of his car.

- Okay, you're done.
- I make fun, and we laugh.

But in all seriousness,

if you see a light today,
don't walk towards it.

I'm sorry I was asleep
when you got home.

Cam and Mitch
must be disappointed.

They were really geared up
to get that kid.

But there's a silver lining.

You might be right.
Babies are a lot of work.

No, that's not what I mean.

- I'm-- - Ah, you know, and these two
aren't getting any younger.

The last thing they need
is to start over.

Would that be so bad?

Hey, Jay.

- Hey!
- Hi.

What are you doing?

- What the heck is that?
- What?

Get him!

Jay has been very explicit

about what he wants
to do for his 65th birthday,

but Phil Dunphy
reads between the lines.

What the hell is going on?!
What are you doing?!

Making your birthday dreams
comes true.

It's your special day, buddy.

Should we put him in the trunk?

Why would we put him in the trunk?

You said there were no bad ideas.

Get this stupid thing off me!

I thought you said the hood
would calm him down.

It works with my falcon.

Don't worry, Gloria.
We'll have him back in time for dinner.

Which for him is
at 4:00 in the afternoon.

'Cause he's old! I love it!

Synced by YYeTs, corrections by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

This is really good coffee.

It really is.

- Ahh.
- Is it a medium roast or...

Uh, dark.

Oh. I was gonna say dark.
I don't know why I said medium.

Well, you would've been right.

Is it whole milk or...

- 2%.
- 2%.

Okay. This is ridiculous.

We need to talk about
the elephant in the room.

The giant stuffed elephant

was a gift from
our good friend Pepper.

Gay guys having kids is--
it's relatively new,

so our community
has not yet learned

how to modulate baby gifts.

When Steven and Stefan
had little Rocco,

our friend Longinus sent over

the whole cast of "Yo gabba gabba".

Now Rocco cries whenever
he sees bright colors.

I'm not allowed over there.

I guess we should
donate it somewhere,

along with the 800-pound gorilla.

I mean, you know, now that
we're not getting a baby.

A decision, by the way,

which seems even better
in the light of day.

Mm. No, I totally agree.

- So we're good?
- No, we're great.

- We couldn't have handled this any better.
- No.

Where's my new baby brother?

Okay. Uh, slight oversight.

Can I see him?
Can we name him Larry?

Okay, sweetie.
Here, have a seat with us.

Um, listen.

There's something
we need to tell you.

Is it about Larry?

Well, uh, yes.
Uh, sort of.

Um, it--it turns out that...
We're not getting a baby.

Yeah, and I know this--
this makes you very sad,

but I promise you
we're still a family--

Can I have a kitten?

A kitten?

If I can't have a brother,

then I want a kitten named Larry.

Okay, w-what's this about?
Is Larry on a show?

He's not, which is what's weird.

- Ooh! How was prom?
- So fun.

Michael and I danced all night...

And then we stayed after
and helped clean up,

which was awesome

because I got to meet
next year's trig teacher.

That is not the prom I remember.

I have such a bad headache!

That's the prom I remember.

Were you drinking?

Mom, do we really
have to do this?

You ask if I was drinking,
I say "No,"

and we both know
that that's not true.

I mean, aren't we past
this point in our relationship?

No, young lady, we are not.

Then I wasn't drinking.

Me neither, Mrs. D.

Dear God. Tell me he
did not spend the night here.

Mom, do we really
have to do this?

Mom, I have a big decision to make

about poetry camp this summer.

Is this about
the walking sticks again?

Pack them all and decide
when you're there.

I can either focus
on sonnets or free verse.

I've always fancied
myself a sonneteer,

But I'm thinking
the free verse girls

will be freer with everything,

If you catch my meaning.

Hmm? Ay. I'm sorry, Manny.

I'm sure you will make
the right decision.

Are you okay?
You seem distracted.

Manny, sit down.
I have to tell you something.

What?

I am pregnant.

You're what?

I'm going to have a baby.

Wow.

What?

You're not happy?

Yeah. Sure.

It's just a lot to take in.

And I'll be honest, this isn't coming
at a great time for me,

with everything
I've got going on.

This is not your responsibility.

Neither is our
wooden salad bowl,

but I'm the only one who oils it.

Without me, that thing would
soak up dressing like a sponge.

Manny, I can take care of a baby.

I took care of you.

Please. I was an anomaly.
I self-potty trained.

I just did not get the appeal

of intentionally
soiling one's pants.

That said,

I will admit to missing
the kisses on my tummy.

How did Jay take it?

I haven't been able
to tell him yet.

He might not be too thrilled.

Do you think? I was starting
to wonder the same thing.

He doesn't deal well with change.

I know.

He still checks the front step
for the evening paper.

Don't worry, mom.
I'm sure he'll adapt.

Although, he still does
call the remote the "Clicker."

Ay, yeah.

I'm bored, daddy.
Make the car dance.

All right.
But just for a second, all right?

Do it again.

No. Once was enough.

If I can't have a brother,
then I want the car to dance.

Wow, you are really comfortable
playing that card.

Hey!

They wouldn't take 'em.

They were afraid
they might have bedbugs.

Are you serious?
They rejected our donation?

I was so offended,

I almost didn't buy
this fiestaware creamer.

2 bucks.

Didn't know what they had.

Ah! Score.

So what are we gonna do now?

Get a kitten and
then name it Larry.

Lily, honey, this is hardly
the day to get a kitten, okay?

Would you just tell her?

I don't know.

I kinda want one now.

You know, we have
been through a lot,

and maybe the presence
of a cuddly little friend

will help us ease the pain.

Okay, so what you're saying is,

You have a child-shaped
hole in your heart,

And your plan is
to cram a cat into there?

He has a name.

I can't wait till your eyes
adjust to the light,

and we see the look on your face.

I hate you guys.

Hey, Phil, you ever think
about growing a beard?

I mean, you got the face for it.

- You think?
- Yeah.

That's funny. I always thought so,
but my wife doesn't.

Oh, what does she know?

Come on, you got a great nose,
those deep-set eyes.

I mean, you would look good.

Thanks, Shorty.

It's, uh, sort of a Jon Hamm
in between projects.

Okay, put me back in the trunk.

Relax, you're almost there.

Nope, I'm done now!

- Hey, Jay, no!
- No! No! No! Hey!

Jay! Jay!

- Jay!
- Son of a bitch!

Somebody help me!

I would, but-- but
these pants are cashmere!

I got you, Jay!

You gotta calm him down!

- Punch him in the head!
- Don't punch him in the head!

Don't make me punch you!
I will punch you to save you!

I think I'm being waterboarded.

You're making me do this!

Get this thing off me!

Happy birthday.

We're taking you fishing.

For whatever it's worth,

Dylan was very
responsible last night.

He's a good guy to have
around the house.

Mm. Where we going with this?

Well, since I can't move in
with him anymore,

he can't afford his apartment.

So I was wondering
if it would be okay

if he could stay with us
for a couple weeks?

Sure. Oh, you know what?

Why don't you guys take our room?

She's being facetious.

Sarcastic.

Dylan no stay.

What?!

Oh, come on!
He helps out a lot.

He is very handy.

Really? The guy who
locked himself in his car?

You are in no position to be
asking for favors, young lady.

Here. Drink this.
It's for your hangover.

Ugh. It smells gross.

Well, then you better
drink it fast.

Ew! I'm gonna throw up!
Ugh! Ugh!

That's a hangover cure?

No.

Well, this is probably shot.

Once again, I'd like to apologize
for punching you in the head.

It really was the only way
to save you

since you were bound and...
hooded,

which leads me
to my second apology.

Gentlemen, come on.
As my uncle used to say,

let's not let a botched kidnapping
ruin our whole afternoon.

He's right.
The whole point of this

is for you to enjoy the lake
with your three best friends.

Stan coming?

Burn!

So... 65, huh?

You're heading into
the best years of your life.

That's right.

You put in the work.
You climbed the mountain.

Now it's time to reap the rewards.

I guess you're right.

Sounds pretty good to me.

You know, the more I look at you,

the angrier I get that
you don't got a beard.

I had a soul patch once.

A soul patch?
That's like a beard's crap.

I golfed six times last week.

Found 42 balls-- a new record.

I don't think my falcon
could have found that many,

And he can spot
a mouse at 600 yards.

Whats that have to do with beards?

I thought we were talking
about Jay turning 65

and how good that's gonna be.

That's right.
It's gonna be great, Jay.

I'm telling ya.
I got a vegetable garden.

Two years ago, it was a patch
of dirt in my backyard.

Now I got tomatoes,
I got five kinds of beans,

I got squash.

And between you and me,

I'm even thinking about
pickling my own cucumbers.

Why would that be
between you and me?

Because there's a
finite number of pickles.

But don't worry.
All you guys are on the list.

Well, I'd like to make a toast.

To Jay, who's not
particularly buoyant.

And again,
I'm very sorry about that.

But he's the best father-in-law
a guy could ask for.

- All right. - And we're--we're all
really lucky to know him. Cheers.

- Here, here.
- Salud.

Thanks, guys.
You know what?

It is kinda nice
being out here with all of ya.

Hey, let's do some fishing.

I'm starting to feel better
now that I'm finally getting dry.

Let's do this!

- Let's go!
- All right!

Sure.

You know,

I had a little peppermints
schnapps at my prom,

but I hid it from my parents

and I kicked my boyfriend out
before they woke up.

It's called respect.

I'm pregnant.

You're gonna get fat.

You--oh!
I mean...

That's great. It's great!
You're pregnant!

It's great! Congratulations!

It was a surprise.

Yeah, I'll bet.
What did my dad say?

I haven't told him yet.

I worry that he's going to think
it's not such great news.

Ohh, no.
Don't be silly.

He's gonna be thrilled.

I knew he wasn't gonna be thrilled.

And if history was any indication,

he wasn't gonna be able to hide it.

It's a French Canadian
delicacy called poutine.

Mm. Well, it looks like vomit,

so I'm not pou-ting it in my mouth.

We're here!

What'd you do to your hair?

I thought I'd try
something different.

What, looking old?

I had to get to dad

before he said something
insensitive to Gloria.

But she is gonna get
really fat, though.

Dad, call me back.

I have something
very important to tell you

so when you get home
you don't say something stupid

like you usually do.

Oh, happy birthday.

Yeah. I've gotta say,

you're handling this baby thing
better than I would've expected.

What do you mean?

You're used to being
the only kid in the house.

Now there's gonna be a new kid.
Jay's kid.

So?

Well, the old Manny
would've been worried

That Jay would love
the new kid more.

I think you're underestimating
how adorable I am.

You're right.
You're way cuter than a baby.

I'm gonna go check on dinner.

Sometimes I just like to toss
a grenade and run away.

All right, take a whiff.

Make sure you like it,

'cause that's what
our couch is gonna smell like.

Okay, hi.
Yes, we're gonna take this one.

Oh, I'm gonna need you
to slow down a bit.

There's a process
we need to go through

to see if you're a suitable
cat guardian.

Oh, really?
Because I thought the process was,

I say, "We'll take this one."

And then you say, "Thank God
because we have too many cats."

No. We need to ensure these cats
are going to good homes.

That's why we need you
to fill out this form,

And then there'll be a site visit.

Okay, um, we've just been
through a very frustrating year

trying to adopt a baby, so...

You'll forgive us
if we're not really in the mood

to jump through
too many hoops for a cat.

Oh. Why wouldn't they
give you a baby?

- It's complicated.
- So are cats.

Are they? 'cause that one
over there has been licking

itself ever since we got here.

Okay, you know what?
I'm--I can't do this.

What about Larry?

I'm sorry, Lily.
Not today.

Mitchell stormed off,
but I couldn't.

I had to give her
a piece of my mind.

And how'd that go?

I may have strayed
off topic just a bit.

No, sir!

No, she will always be
Norma Jeane Baker to me.

What is your point, exactly?

That like the
thrice-married starlet,

this cat is being deprived
a stable home.

I'm sorry if you're upset.

You're the one who
should be upset, ma'am.

We are animals lovers.

That cat would've been
on the receiving end of affection

24 hours a day.

Satisfying its every need
would've been our top priority.

Okay, in light of that tableau,

I would like to take back
the phrase "receiving end."

Mom, I've decided I'm not
going to poetry camp.

What? Why not?

'Cause by the time I come back,

Jay will have turned
my room into a nursery.

No, he won't.

I'm not his real kid.

I'll be as insignificant
as a whisper in a windstorm.

Oh, listen to you.
You have a gift.

You have to go
to the poetry camp.

I don't think I can risk it.

Manny, please. I have too much
to worry about right now.

- Okay?
- You?

I dug a pretty big hole for myself

with those insult jokes
this morning.

Why didn't I learn from Rickles?

You gotta end with some ticker.

Okay, I give up.

I can't find a position
that's not sexual.

- Just calm down.
- I can't calm down.

You know, maybe we're not
as okay as we keep saying we are.

- I know.
- Maybe we should go away.

You know, go someplace to heal.

Where?

Well, someplace with
a vibrant theater scene...

Top-notch restaurants...

The jewel of Missouri's white river.

We're not going to Branson.

Okay, fine.
Where would you go?

I don't know.
Maybe Europe?

London?

Just somewhere far away.

- I'm just sad, Cam.
- I am, too.

You know, I had
our mornings all planned out.

The baby and I would
walk Lily to kindergarten

and then cut back home
through the park

and feed those ducks
that you're not supposed to feed

but everybody does.

I bought a picture frame
for my desk,

and it's just sitting there,

waiting for his face.

Come here.

I already feel better.

Me, too.

See what the power
of a hug can do?

Just saved us a long
plane ride with a toddler.

- And a cat that we didn't want.
- Oh, we're still getting that.

All right, how does this look?

Perfectly innocent.
They're not even touching.

Great. Okay. Let's go.

All right.

You ready, honey?

Go. Go.

Hey, Mrs. Dunphy?

I heard about what Haley asked you,
and just so you know,

I never wanted
to put you in that position.

- I'll be fine.
- That's good to know.

My cousin Dylan said
I could stay at his house.

Well, not really at his house.

More like behind it...
In the garage.

Okay.

Well, actually,
there are no walls,

So it's more of a porte cochere.

Fancy.

Anyway, I'll be sleeping in it.

It's got a bathroom.

More of a half-bath.

It's a coffee can.

- Ohh.
- Anyway, I'll be fine

once I find a nice tent
to protect me from the coyotes.

Well, be sure to hang
your food up high.

We're back!

Birthday boy's here!

Hey, Jay, you're all wrinkled.

Yeah, yeah, I'm old. I get it.

No, I mean your clothes.

Yeah, when I was your age,
I was wearing animal skins.

Bam! You got me.

I think, bam!
You got yourself.

I'm just expressing concern.

Let me guess--
about my bone density.

You know,
you're a real smart-ass.

At this rate, I'll be living
in the basement.

Lucky.

Dad? Dad, okay, quick.
Just come here one second.

I gotta tell you something.

Somebody is about to tell you
some very important news.

And for the first time
in your life,

I need you to react nicely.

- I always react nicely.
- You never do.

And this person in question
is very vulnerable right now.

So could you please just
be loving and supportive?

- Happy birthday, dad!
- Oh, thank you.

That's a boy.

Sorry we're late,
but it's for a good reason.

We're thinking about
getting a cat.

Well, isn't that wonderful?

I'm thrilled for you both.
This is a heck of a decision.

You have my full support.

Okay.

I think it'll be a perfect
addition to the family.

I know I'll love the heck out
of the little bugger.

I'm just hoping that little one
over there doesn't get jealous.

Oh, this little one
will be just fine

now that he knows
where he stands--

In the shadow of your new baby!

What's he talking about?

He's talking about I am pregnant.

- Oh, come on!
- Pregnant?!

You gotta be kidding me!

Oh, gross. I didn't know
grandpa could still do it.

Don't be disrespectful, Luke.

Anyone could do it with Gloria.

And if you're too set in your
old ways to be happy about it,

I can raise it on my own.

I have done it before,
and I can do it now!

I come from a very long line
of strong Latin women

whose husbands
are nowhere to be found!

- Are you done?
- Yes!

- Can I say something?
- Go on!

That's the greatest news
I've ever heard.

It is?

I spent the day hearing what
my future had in store for me,

and I didn't like one bit of it.

It felt like my life was ending.

And now you're telling me
that I get to have a new start...

with the woman of my dreams.

I think I'm gonna cry.

I'm way ahead of you.

Can you believe this?

I know. They wouldn't
even let us get a cat.

It's gonna be great!

I'm gonna get so fat.

Mostly great.

Oh, gross.
They're at it again.

If you don't like it, don't look.

She looks great, doesn't she?

Yeah.

Not really gaining weight
the way I would've expected.

I finally understand why people
say pregnant women glow.

Phil, I have had three children.

Hey, dad, Gloria,
open our present.

Ooh! I hope it's something fancy.

It's for the baby. I love it!

We got it in a shop
at Heathrow, duty free.

Not for long.

Isn't it absolutely brilliant?

Okay, we were in London two weeks.
Lose the accent, Madonna.

Why is your face all scratched up?

Stupid Larry.

This feels so weird.

It suits you.

Don't even joke about it.

That's it. He is moving out
of the house tomorrow.

Really?

Oh, and that beard is going.

Fine, but it's gonna kill Shorty.

Okay, everybody,
let's gather together.

Manny's gonna read us
a little something

that he prepare
in his poetry camp.

Thank you, mom.

This is for my new
baby brother or sister.

"Welcome, little one.

Open your eyes and take your place.

This is where you're meant to be,

Nestled in the bosom
of your mother."

Lucky baby.

- What?
- Love you, baby.

"This is where you're meant to be,

in the arms of your father.

His long, long journey
has readied him for this day,

though his skin may be loose,

his hair but a wisp,

and his eyes milky with age,"

All right, we're done here.

Get a drink.

Don't feel bad about
making move out, Mrs. D.

I knew this day
would come eventually,

and I'm totally covered.

Great. So we'll see you around.

I got a place with
an old friend of mine.

Well, not so much
of a place as a storage pod.

And not so much of a...
friend as a raccoon.

Good to know you'll have company.

I call him bubbles because
his mouth is all foamy.

Dylan, I'm on to your little game.

I know non of this is true.

You just try to guilt me
into I letting you stay.

You're right, I'm sorry.

I'll just live in my car.

Think I can borrow a coat hanger

in case I get lock in there again.

- God.
- What's going on?

No, no no.
All of it.

Sure you don't wanna dance
with the devil before I get rid of it.

Go.

Fine.

Synced by YYeTs, corrections by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com