Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,360
A marriage of convenience is definitely
one way to try and bury the crushing
2
00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:08,220
loneliness and relentless anxieties of
modern life. This is going to bring us
3
00:00:08,220 --> 00:00:09,220
such good luck.
4
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,680
Are you sure about that? Yeah, I heard
Jay Shetty talk about it. Jay Shetty's a
5
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,040
wellness guy. Go, go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
6
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:17,000
go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
7
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:17,000
go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
8
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:17,000
go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
9
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,000
go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
10
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,450
I want to settle down.
11
00:00:31,170 --> 00:00:33,350
I want to settle down.
12
00:00:34,110 --> 00:00:37,330
Won't you settle down with me? Is that
her kitchen stuff, probably?
13
00:00:37,650 --> 00:00:40,070
I give it a 60% chance of accuracy.
14
00:00:40,430 --> 00:00:42,470
Sal, this place is so great.
15
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,970
Organized a little bit like a serial
killer, but I'm kind of into it. I also
16
00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:47,330
keep the dead bodies color-coded.
17
00:00:47,530 --> 00:00:48,530
You? Mm-hmm.
18
00:00:48,730 --> 00:00:54,310
Now, this is a haunted mug. Oh. It makes
the coffee taste better. Yum.
19
00:00:55,270 --> 00:00:56,670
Should we talk boundaries?
20
00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:58,190
Uh, yes.
21
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,300
Sock on the door for when we're doing
the deed.
22
00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:02,380
Doing the deed means having sex.
23
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:03,700
I know what the deed means.
24
00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:05,880
That means we can date other people.
25
00:01:06,940 --> 00:01:07,940
Yeah.
26
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:09,680
Right?
27
00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:11,840
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
28
00:01:12,180 --> 00:01:13,180
Obviously.
29
00:01:14,580 --> 00:01:15,640
Oh, Val.
30
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,100
You'd have to get rid of these.
31
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:23,660
Let's focus. I have created a breakdown
of expenses.
32
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:24,699
Oh, wow.
33
00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:26,940
Yeah. That's very you. Yeah.
34
00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:28,730
I do power bill, you do groceries?
35
00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:31,590
Deal. It'll be mostly cereal and grapes.
36
00:01:32,130 --> 00:01:33,150
Honestly, that's kind of dope.
37
00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:38,910
We can also start talking about saving,
so we can buy a house. Right? I think
38
00:01:38,910 --> 00:01:40,910
with our incomes combined, we can afford
one with a pool.
39
00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:45,110
I don't know if that's true.
40
00:01:45,590 --> 00:01:46,590
I'm pretty sure it is.
41
00:01:48,310 --> 00:01:49,310
What is that?
42
00:01:49,390 --> 00:01:50,390
I got it in Thailand.
43
00:01:50,830 --> 00:01:52,690
Or Bali. Or the Avondale market.
44
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:54,170
But I want a house.
45
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:58,200
so big that we can have our own wings
for when we 69 other people. Cool, cool.
46
00:01:58,340 --> 00:02:00,700
I'm not keen because 69ing is so labour
intensive.
47
00:02:01,060 --> 00:02:02,380
I know, right? It's like, how do you
even breathe?
48
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:06,920
When you've been on your own for years,
you forget that the most annoying parts
49
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:10,259
of sharing a space are also what help
you chill out a bit.
50
00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:13,120
This is your room. Do you like it?
51
00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:15,140
This?
52
00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:16,940
I can work with.
53
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19,020
Okay, I gotta go to work. Fuck!
54
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,440
Loving this roomie!
55
00:02:22,380 --> 00:02:25,080
You also get the benefit of other
people's stuff.
56
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,620
Hello, friend.
57
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:31,360
What do we have here?
58
00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:36,840
The quick trim.
59
00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:44,440
God of nations, at thy feet, in the
60
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,620
fun of learning me.
61
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,319
Oh, my God.
62
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:52,320
I'm so sorry.
63
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:57,980
I was just coming in to get my contact
and... Was that a snake?
64
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:00,420
It was meant to be a lightning bolt.
65
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,180
Cool, cool, cool.
66
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,940
I'm just going to go to work with my
glasses on.
67
00:03:06,260 --> 00:03:06,978
Yes, copy.
68
00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:07,980
Got it.
69
00:03:08,340 --> 00:03:09,920
And I'll sanitise these. Uh-huh.
70
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,820
Hey. Uh-huh.
71
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,240
Why is there a watering can by your
toilet?
72
00:03:18,660 --> 00:03:19,660
It's called a Lota.
73
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:20,599
A what-a?
74
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:24,640
It's a bum jug. All brown houses have
one. Oh, my God. I just realized I live
75
00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:25,640
in a brown house.
76
00:03:25,860 --> 00:03:29,920
Being married to Sal makes Harry feel
kind of like that Jonas brother who
77
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,340
married Priyanka Chopra. Hi, hi, hi, hi.
78
00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:39,480
Bro, why is there an AI photo of you and
Harriet Brewer from high school getting
79
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,880
married? What?
80
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:44,260
Yeah, bro. She posted this fake wedding
photo on Instagram.
81
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,980
Just think still for me, Mr. Peterson.
It looks pretty cool, bro. Like, I mean,
82
00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:49,200
the lighting almost looks real.
83
00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:53,290
It's not AI.
84
00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:55,250
We actually got married.
85
00:03:55,890 --> 00:03:56,890
You're fucking with me.
86
00:03:57,510 --> 00:03:58,570
I'm not. What?
87
00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:00,610
When? Last week.
88
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:04,770
I'm sorry. You didn't tell me last week.
I was going to. Your best friend for 20
89
00:04:04,770 --> 00:04:08,050
years. Pretty much your soulmate. You
don't tell me that you married Harriet
90
00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:12,130
Burr from high school. That is fucking
nuts, bro. What? Is she pregnant?
91
00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:14,070
No. Have you been entrapped?
92
00:04:14,270 --> 00:04:17,990
No. You need me to save you? Look at me,
Sal. Are you sure? Batty is a human lie
93
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:20,980
detector. All Sal has to do is avoid eye
contact.
94
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,200
Look at me.
95
00:04:22,820 --> 00:04:25,580
Damn it. It's an arrangement we made a
pact when we were teenagers.
96
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:26,840
What?
97
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:28,480
That's crazy.
98
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:32,200
We got married so we could afford a
house and split bills and not be lonely
99
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,400
and sad. Does she know that you're
secretly in love with her?
100
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:36,900
It's not like that anymore.
101
00:04:37,140 --> 00:04:40,140
No? Nope. No? Because we're adults.
Okay. And we've grown.
102
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,360
And we're different.
103
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,600
Okay. Can we talk about it tonight at
dinner, please? What?
104
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:46,660
Tonight. At dinner. Wait, you...
105
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,940
You haven't told your family where
you're done, huh? Is this what dinner
106
00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:50,940
is? No.
107
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:55,000
Don't. Why are you not scared?
108
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,360
I am.
109
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,500
Put the penis in. You're all done.
110
00:05:00,740 --> 00:05:01,619
You're all done.
111
00:05:01,620 --> 00:05:05,180
And what a, yep, your mouth looks good.
What a lovely mouth.
112
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:06,500
I'm just going to pick this out.
113
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,780
And up you go. Up you go. Real slow.
114
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,019
Real slow.
115
00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,720
He looks fine. He looks fine. He's fine.
116
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,060
Yeah, just go to the counter. No, no,
no. That way. That way.
117
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:19,420
All right, nothing good is going to come
of this. To the right, Mr. Peterson.
118
00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:24,880
Stella and Harry have the friendly
dynamic of a hostage situation.
119
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,920
But now, Harry finally has the upper
hand in negotiations.
120
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:30,320
Harry!
121
00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:33,340
I can't believe you didn't tell me. I
had to find out on Instagram.
122
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:39,260
Uh, yeah, um, it just all, you know,
happened so fast, and... Um, quip, quip,
123
00:05:39,260 --> 00:05:40,820
around the office, everyone chipped in.
124
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,700
Wedding gift. That is so kind.
125
00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:45,620
This is money, right?
126
00:05:45,820 --> 00:05:49,660
It's like $300 in there, and we wanted
to do more, but Dave from IT, he said
127
00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:51,060
his cat needs surgery.
128
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:55,280
Uh-huh. Stella, this is so kind. My
husband and I are going to buy something
129
00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:58,280
really special with it. Thank you. I'm
just so happy for you, and you have to
130
00:05:58,280 --> 00:05:59,280
tell me everything.
131
00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:01,240
Mrs. Malik?
132
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:02,599
Malik, yes.
133
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,720
Malik. Malik. Yeah, Ma-Malik.
134
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:08,520
Malik. Yeah, Mrs. Malik. It's so crazy.
Some people might feel guilty about
135
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:09,820
exploiting a sham marriage.
136
00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:14,550
Harry considers it reparations for every
destination wedding she was ever forced
137
00:06:14,550 --> 00:06:15,670
to go to. Harry, listen.
138
00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:17,870
My office, please.
139
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:21,790
Bye, Miss Faye. Bye.
140
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:27,910
Your last piece on sustainable coffee
farming, it wasn't shared enough on
141
00:06:27,910 --> 00:06:30,390
LinkedIn, so... Since when do you give a
fuck about LinkedIn?
142
00:06:30,610 --> 00:06:31,610
Hey, hey.
143
00:06:32,070 --> 00:06:35,650
I care about all the links and the ands.
144
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,580
Plus your story structure needs work.
145
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,860
There's far too many Oxford comments.
Okay, we literally had a meeting last
146
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,400
week where you said grammar is for
nerds.
147
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,760
I mean, it is.
148
00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:50,480
I can't believe it.
149
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,420
Harry, are you doing all this just to
make me jealous?
150
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,180
Doing what?
151
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,040
Danny, I need to stop. Why?
152
00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:03,900
Why? I meant that.
153
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,820
Because I'm married. I'm married.
154
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:07,730
I got married.
155
00:07:08,390 --> 00:07:10,270
That's a joke, though, right? That's not
real.
156
00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:11,409
No, it's real.
157
00:07:11,410 --> 00:07:12,410
I'm taken.
158
00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:18,190
Officially. Legally. As of, um, last
week, so... Married to who?
159
00:07:18,510 --> 00:07:22,010
To someone who's available and honest
and didn't waste three years of my life.
160
00:07:22,130 --> 00:07:23,130
You can't be serious.
161
00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:27,870
His name's Sal, and he's smart and kind
and other sex is like...
162
00:07:29,210 --> 00:07:32,690
Amazing. And we just love each other the
most. The most two people probably ever
163
00:07:32,690 --> 00:07:36,270
loved each other ever. So I'm really
happy. Harry, are you doing all of this
164
00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:37,970
just to get back at me because of the
baby?
165
00:07:39,490 --> 00:07:41,030
Not everything's about you, Danny. Wow.
166
00:07:41,590 --> 00:07:43,350
That's really hurtful to me.
167
00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:48,410
Sorry, I have to get back to work
because I actually have to leave early
168
00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:52,150
because I'm heading home to plan a
family dinner with my in-laws.
169
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:53,750
Oh,
170
00:07:54,070 --> 00:07:55,270
I'll let you get that.
171
00:07:55,690 --> 00:07:56,690
I want a kiss.
172
00:07:56,830 --> 00:07:59,190
the wife waiting, you know? But thanks
for the pass.
173
00:07:59,610 --> 00:08:00,610
Appreciate it.
174
00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:07,810
Also, when you shack up with a new
spouse, you forget about the fact their
175
00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:11,850
body will also be there, sometimes
checking for lumps. Hey, Harry, why did
176
00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:12,850
you put... Oh!
177
00:08:13,270 --> 00:08:17,450
What is going on? Why are you doing this
on purpose? Why is your tit out?
178
00:08:17,670 --> 00:08:19,290
I thought I felt a lump, okay?
179
00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:20,630
Well, did you?
180
00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:23,030
No. I had Blu-Tack in my bra.
181
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:24,670
That's three to zero.
182
00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:26,760
Three to zero, what does that mean?
183
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:30,420
You've seen snake bush, right boob, and
the time I forgot to close the door when
184
00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:33,440
I was on the toilet. Okay, but why are
you peeing naked, though? Is this some
185
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,700
kind of weird white person thing I need
to know about? I was wearing a jumpsuit.
186
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:39,900
Okay, look, can we please just talk
about Instagram? Is it safe?
187
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,299
Yes, yes, it's safe.
188
00:08:42,539 --> 00:08:43,419
What about it?
189
00:08:43,419 --> 00:08:44,460
Why did you post the wedding photo?
190
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,260
Because we got married.
191
00:08:46,580 --> 00:08:48,320
I wanted people to know so we'd get free
shit.
192
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,500
Yeah, but my mum doesn't even know yet.
193
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,120
Oh, yeah.
194
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:54,940
But that's okay, because you can tell
her tonight.
195
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,940
No, it's not okay. My family needs time
to process.
196
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:05,200
What I was going to do was dazzle them
with delicious food and then eat them
197
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:06,200
into it.
198
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:07,440
Okay, sorry.
199
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:14,220
But in good news, my co-workers gave us
300 bucks as a wedding gift.
200
00:09:14,540 --> 00:09:15,540
How cool is that?
201
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:19,040
Now, also, I do feel like you need to
show me your penis.
202
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:23,560
Please. the literal interpretation of
tit-for-tat. What? No, I'm not doing
203
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,480
that. It's not a big deal. We're both
adults.
204
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:28,680
That wasn't even my best move to just
flash me a dick.
205
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:29,920
Dad, I'm home.
206
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:32,480
I'll be right out, Kit Kat.
207
00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:35,900
Keep your clothes on, okay? Oh, yes,
because I want to meet your daughter
208
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:36,900
naked.
209
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:39,140
Hey, Kit Kat.
210
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,860
I just wanted to introduce you to, um,
Harry.
211
00:09:43,220 --> 00:09:45,240
The high school tax lady?
212
00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:46,720
Yeah. Yeah, hey.
213
00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:48,780
This place looks so gaggy, Dad.
214
00:09:50,150 --> 00:09:51,630
It's a good thing. Oh, great.
215
00:09:51,830 --> 00:09:52,830
Thanks.
216
00:09:53,490 --> 00:09:56,530
It's really nice to meet you, Sheena.
Your dad's told me heaps about you. You
217
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,690
look prettier in real life than the
photos he showed me.
218
00:09:59,150 --> 00:10:02,190
Oh, my God. That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
219
00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:05,790
Sweetie, I just want you to know that
this is not going to change our life in
220
00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:07,930
any crazy way. Dad, it's fine.
221
00:10:08,450 --> 00:10:09,950
You don't have to justify it to me.
222
00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:11,510
I'm happy that you're happy.
223
00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:13,170
She's our roommate, right?
224
00:10:13,390 --> 00:10:15,710
Exactly. Yeah. Can I borrow some of your
clothes?
225
00:10:15,930 --> 00:10:17,490
Oh, my gosh. Any of them. Anytime.
226
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:18,950
Going up.
227
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:21,960
Oh, Mum's here. I have to go.
228
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:23,960
I hope dinner goes well.
229
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,680
Bye, Dad. Love you. Bye. Love you too.
230
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:28,440
Wait.
231
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:29,839
Renee's here?
232
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:30,840
Outside?
233
00:10:31,260 --> 00:10:32,260
We have to.
234
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:33,840
We have to go. Say hi.
235
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,039
Don't. No.
236
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,140
Why? No.
237
00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:38,700
Hey, Salmeister.
238
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,060
Looking good, man.
239
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:41,300
New haircut?
240
00:10:41,460 --> 00:10:45,780
No. Right on, dude. See? See? That's why
I love you, bro. So consistent.
241
00:10:46,220 --> 00:10:47,880
Can you get back in the car, please?
Absolutely, my sweet.
242
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,080
Renee?
243
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,880
Oh, my God. It's been forever.
244
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,340
You look amazing. Like, annoyingly
amazing.
245
00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:55,300
Like, have you aged at all?
246
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:56,520
Good for you, girl.
247
00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:57,780
Thank you.
248
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:02,900
Sorry, do we know each other? Harry.
Harriet Brewer. We went to high school
249
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:05,680
together. I think we were in chemistry
class.
250
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,079
Harry. Yeah.
251
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,080
Harry.
252
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:12,000
Oh, did you set your hair on fire with
the Bunsen burn? That was me. Yeah, that
253
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:17,480
was me. Oh, you've changed a bunch. I
know. I know. Puberty was not kind.
254
00:11:23,490 --> 00:11:24,490
Sorry.
255
00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:30,930
You two... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Harry
and I are... Married. Married. I'm his
256
00:11:30,930 --> 00:11:33,010
wife. My wife. His new wife, again.
257
00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:34,229
Picking wife.
258
00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:36,210
This is a new feeling for Renee.
259
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:38,690
Jealousy. Yeah, it happened.
260
00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:42,210
It happened super fast. We reconnected
online. At the reunion.
261
00:11:42,830 --> 00:11:47,570
First the reunion, then it was online.
Then on an online chat room. It was a
262
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:48,349
whole thing, wasn't it, baby?
263
00:11:48,350 --> 00:11:51,610
But we just kind of knew, I guess, when
you know.
264
00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:53,010
You know.
265
00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:55,590
Reunion. As in our high school reunion?
266
00:11:55,870 --> 00:11:56,870
The very same.
267
00:11:56,930 --> 00:11:58,350
Yeah. The very same. Unbelievable.
268
00:11:58,770 --> 00:12:00,850
It was last week. We got married last
week. It was at a registry.
269
00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:04,230
Small registry thing. It was small and
intimate. It was romantic.
270
00:12:04,770 --> 00:12:05,770
Romantic.
271
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:07,139
It was us.
272
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,140
It was us.
273
00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:11,720
Seriously, we should totally hang out. I
would love to get to know you better,
274
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:15,400
because obviously you're such a big part
of Sal's life, and Sheena is amazing.
275
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,220
But don't worry, I don't want to take
your place or anything.
276
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:20,440
Sure, well, maybe.
277
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:22,240
Oh, great, we should totally get brunch.
278
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:26,460
Both women have a mutual understanding
that this will never happen. Well,
279
00:12:26,460 --> 00:12:27,920
congratulations, I guess.
280
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,520
We should probably talk later.
281
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,040
Yep. You guys do that.
282
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,540
Let's talk. Yeah, I love that.
283
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,360
Sal is pretty certain this marriage has
created a stomach ulcer.
284
00:12:41,820 --> 00:12:44,760
We're really going to need to get our
story straight if we want this to work.
285
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,760
Yeah. Okay, so we reconnected at the
school reunion.
286
00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:50,100
And we just clicked.
287
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:53,000
Yeah, our song should be getting
stronger by a day. Oh, yes, that is so
288
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,300
us. Okay, rapid fire. Favorite food?
289
00:12:55,820 --> 00:12:59,420
Two-minute noodles instant variety, yes.
Biryani, but specifically my mum's.
290
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:00,479
Biggest fear?
291
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,560
Dying alone in a rented property.
292
00:13:02,020 --> 00:13:03,400
Wait, that's too dark. That's too dark.
293
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:05,900
Spiders. Spiders. Spiders is more
normal.
294
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,660
Mine's letting Sheena down and those
weird tiny horses.
295
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,620
Yeah, cool. Okay. Middle name?
296
00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:12,360
Jane. Very exciting. Michael.
297
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:13,619
My dad loves MJ.
298
00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:15,940
Oh, pedophile or NBA GOAT? NBA GOAT.
Phew.
299
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:17,740
Okay, when I meet your mum, do we hug?
300
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:21,140
No, no, no, no, no. Brown families don't
hug. Copy. Okay, Gail's going to
301
00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:23,380
definitely hug you, possibly try and
kiss you on the lip. Oh, keen.
302
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:24,760
Are we making a mistake?
303
00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:26,200
Yeah. Wait, no.
304
00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:27,520
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
305
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:28,940
Was that a trick question?
306
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,800
I don't know, this whole lying to
everyone thing, it feels crazy.
307
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,480
Maybe we should just stop and tell
everyone the truth.
308
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,020
No. No, no, no, this is good, okay?
309
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:42,220
And we're not lying, we're just doing
things our way.
310
00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:44,080
No one needs to know the details.
311
00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:47,720
Besides, we should get all the benefits
of being newlyweds like everyone else,
312
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,100
right? Right.
313
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,540
Yeah, you're right.
314
00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:53,820
I'm sorry, I'm sorry I asked you that in
rapid fire.
315
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,120
You set me up to fail, bro.
316
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,360
It was not cool.
317
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:57,760
Not cool.
318
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:58,799
Unfair, in fact.
319
00:13:58,800 --> 00:13:59,579
So unfair.
320
00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:06,580
Getting married on a whim
321
00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,800
is easy, but meeting the family?
322
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,560
Now that's the hard part.
323
00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:12,980
Hi, hi, hi.
324
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:13,959
It's a poster.
325
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,800
Oh, thank you. Wow, this place is nice.
326
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,200
Sal is killing it.
327
00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:18,540
Thank you. There he goes.
328
00:14:18,860 --> 00:14:21,080
Oh, I need to talk to you before Mum
gets here. Uh-huh.
329
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,940
Your teacher's been found. She assumes
Salvatore. She's been telling everyone
330
00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:25,940
that you're dating an Italian.
331
00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:30,780
Oh, but I'm not the family. Oh, God. Oh,
God. Yeah. Please don't judge my family.
332
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,040
I'm so sorry. Can you put... I'm going
to take it down.
333
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,180
Buongiorno.
334
00:14:38,569 --> 00:14:40,490
Where is the Salvatore?
335
00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:43,170
Hi, I'm Sal.
336
00:14:44,330 --> 00:14:46,330
Really, really nice to meet you, Mrs
Roar.
337
00:14:46,830 --> 00:14:48,570
Oh, my.
338
00:14:49,830 --> 00:14:51,990
You don't look very Italian.
339
00:14:52,230 --> 00:14:54,310
Yeah, yeah, that's probably because my
family's from Pakistan.
340
00:14:55,470 --> 00:14:59,390
Which is kind of like Italy, I guess,
just with less pasta and more government
341
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:00,390
-level corruption.
342
00:15:01,210 --> 00:15:05,170
Yeah, Mum, this is Sal, short for Salman
Malik. Right.
343
00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:07,290
Of course.
344
00:15:08,329 --> 00:15:14,190
pakistani yeah imran khan it's a very
handsome oh my god mom i agree he's a
345
00:15:14,190 --> 00:15:20,610
hottie well i have brought my famous
ravioli family recipe it's from walworth
346
00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:26,390
shut up cam okay i'll take that come on
come on hello salman oh hi dad can you
347
00:15:26,390 --> 00:15:32,030
fix the ipad please the internet's not
working come around please dad now not a
348
00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:34,270
great time you must be sal's mother
349
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,020
I'm Gail.
350
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,020
Zakiya. Nice to meet you.
351
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,200
Zakiya.
352
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:42,020
Isn't this exciting?
353
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,560
I just love international cuisine.
354
00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:50,020
A woke white mother-in-law is
terrifying.
355
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,220
And your husband, is he here?
356
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:54,980
Oh, God, no. He's with some floozy in
Sydney.
357
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:56,820
Absolute prick of a man.
358
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,260
That's lovely.
359
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,960
A petty brown one is...
360
00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:06,200
Congratulations on the big news.
361
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:10,880
What big news? Oh, they're all married.
362
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,100
To Harriet Brewer from high school.
363
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,760
Yeah, isn't that why we're all here?
364
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:23,200
Hi. Mum, uh... But a quiet one is the
most terrifying of all. This is my wife.
365
00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:26,740
Harriet.
366
00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:34,609
Who wants a drink?
367
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:35,610
Yeah, I need a drink.
368
00:16:36,510 --> 00:16:37,510
Go on.
369
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:39,290
Oh,
370
00:16:42,270 --> 00:16:44,090
that looks good.
371
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:47,290
Well, this all looks delicious.
372
00:16:53,310 --> 00:16:56,970
Oh, my. That's very, very spicy.
373
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,470
I think I just need, I think, liquid.
374
00:16:59,690 --> 00:17:00,349
That's fine.
375
00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:01,350
Do you want a yogurt?
376
00:17:01,410 --> 00:17:03,290
Come on. You went light on the chilies.
377
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:04,859
Usually I add more.
378
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,180
Cam, how are you eating that?
379
00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:09,500
Heart's burning.
380
00:17:09,619 --> 00:17:15,359
Have some of that. You guys married
because you knocked her up?
381
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:16,819
Oh, God, yeah.
382
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,839
Are you having a baby?
383
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:24,740
What would a ginger and brown baby even
look like? Is it like redhead with the
384
00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:25,699
tan skin?
385
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,339
That's actually a very good question.
386
00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:28,920
Genetics is fascinating.
387
00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:31,100
My cousin married a Scottish woman.
388
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:32,850
And the children look terrible.
389
00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:34,570
Would the hair be straight or curly?
390
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,450
I reckon red, but straight.
391
00:17:36,730 --> 00:17:38,810
Mm-hmm. Okay, I'm not pregnant.
392
00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:39,749
Not pregnant.
393
00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:42,090
That's enough question time, guys.
Question time is over. Okay?
394
00:17:42,830 --> 00:17:43,629
Let's eat.
395
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,210
It would be nice to be invited to the
wedding.
396
00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:46,410
I know, Mum. I'm sorry.
397
00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:51,670
So you got married after one week of
dating and hid it from your mother?
398
00:17:51,910 --> 00:17:54,190
We got engaged after two meetings.
399
00:17:54,430 --> 00:17:55,430
That's different, Cameron.
400
00:17:55,610 --> 00:17:57,230
It was just like an arranged thing.
401
00:17:57,450 --> 00:17:59,910
I mean... Tim, stop talking.
402
00:18:00,430 --> 00:18:01,430
Have you been kidnapped?
403
00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:05,830
Just blink twice if you need help. Oh,
Jesus, Mum.
404
00:18:06,770 --> 00:18:08,530
What about Sheena? Does she know?
405
00:18:08,830 --> 00:18:09,870
Of course she knows.
406
00:18:10,070 --> 00:18:11,350
She just wants me to be happy.
407
00:18:11,570 --> 00:18:12,970
Yeah, well, what else is she going to
say?
408
00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:15,550
Well, he's going to have a proper
wedding with family.
409
00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:19,870
A registry office is not a wedding
unless he's in it for the visa.
410
00:18:20,290 --> 00:18:22,730
Oh, my God. I was born in New Zealand.
411
00:18:23,130 --> 00:18:26,810
Every girl dreams of a wedding. Well, I
don't, Mom. I never have.
412
00:18:27,030 --> 00:18:32,050
Do you ever think that maybe Harry
tricked Belle with her witchy white lady
413
00:18:32,050 --> 00:18:33,090
voodoo? Why, what?
414
00:18:33,430 --> 00:18:38,430
Wait, wait, wait, wait. This sudden
decision is impulsive behavior.
415
00:18:38,890 --> 00:18:40,550
Better I think you might have a brain
tumor.
416
00:18:40,810 --> 00:18:44,290
Okay. Mom, that's a ridiculous thing to
say. Blames everything.
417
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:47,730
This sudden marriage, the secrecy, the
white woman.
418
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:51,210
I don't have a brain tumor, okay? That's
exactly what somebody with a brain tumor
419
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:52,650
would say. I'm calling my doctor.
420
00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:58,790
Harriet, was this a make-a-wish thing?
Oh, my God, Mom, no.
421
00:18:59,230 --> 00:19:01,590
Turns out marriage isn't a fresh start.
422
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:05,130
It's just your old problems now with
witnesses.
423
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:08,190
Crazy, opinionated witnesses.
424
00:19:08,770 --> 00:19:11,170
Guys, guys, enough, enough, enough.
425
00:19:12,550 --> 00:19:14,630
I know you're all concerned, okay?
426
00:19:15,130 --> 00:19:17,090
But you're just going to have to trust
us.
427
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,440
We're doing things our way, and that's a
good thing.
428
00:19:21,820 --> 00:19:27,080
Look, Sal and I made a pact that if we
weren't married by the time we were 35,
429
00:19:27,260 --> 00:19:31,540
we'd marry each other. So, yeah, this is
an arrangement of sorts. What are you
430
00:19:31,540 --> 00:19:32,339
talking about?
431
00:19:32,340 --> 00:19:36,960
Look, we got married so that maybe one
day we could afford a place, so that
432
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:41,820
Sheena has a woman in the house, so that
we don't have to be so alone all the
433
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:43,200
time. You did this for money.
434
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:47,540
Well, not... Just money, but yeah, it's
expensive living alone.
435
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,560
And I can't afford to buy a house. The
bank won't even look at me.
436
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:55,260
Dating sucks. And everyone I know is
married with kids and houses and jobs.
437
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:59,520
And we just didn't want to keep waiting
for the one.
438
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,160
We care about each other. We make each
other laugh.
439
00:20:02,380 --> 00:20:05,360
We want what's best for each other.
We're partners.
440
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,180
We have each other's back.
441
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,500
Insane. I'm sorry, this is not how
marriage works. No, I agree with
442
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:15,040
Zendaya. Mum, wait.
443
00:20:15,420 --> 00:20:16,460
Did you know this is safe?
444
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:17,840
Huh?
445
00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:21,720
Oh, no, no. Maybe, yeah, yeah, he told
me he read me.
446
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,780
Why didn't you just talk to me about it?
Because you would have tried and talked
447
00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:25,960
me out of it. You and Cam are miserable.
448
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,320
I wouldn't have.
449
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:28,740
We're happy, aren't we, Cam?
450
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,560
Oh, I've got to get some more of that
mango stuff, please. You know what? At
451
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,540
least Vanessa knew who Cam was.
452
00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:39,050
I was expecting an Italian son-in-law.
Is that why you brought pasta to a
453
00:20:39,050 --> 00:20:40,050
Pakistani dinner?
454
00:20:40,170 --> 00:20:45,970
It's ravioli, and it's a family recipe.
Okay, sorry, wait, wait. What happens
455
00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:48,330
when one of you falls in love with
somebody else?
456
00:20:48,630 --> 00:20:49,630
I don't know.
457
00:20:49,950 --> 00:20:55,910
I don't know, but we will talk about it.
But I've been trying for like 20 years,
458
00:20:55,930 --> 00:20:58,610
and so far, no takers.
459
00:20:59,190 --> 00:21:02,250
Mum, we do love each other, just a
little differently.
460
00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:08,390
But I need you to trust me, okay? I am
really happy, honestly.
461
00:21:08,790 --> 00:21:10,950
Yeah, me too, Mum. I'm really happy, I
promise.
462
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:17,490
Now, can we please go back to just
enjoying this dinner together as a
463
00:21:17,490 --> 00:21:19,250
family? Is that okay?
464
00:21:19,490 --> 00:21:20,490
Can we do that?
465
00:21:20,650 --> 00:21:21,650
Okay, great.
466
00:21:21,950 --> 00:21:25,130
Bringing two families together is a
universal shit show.
467
00:21:25,510 --> 00:21:30,490
In-laws have a unique way of making even
the fakest of marriages painfully real.
468
00:21:30,930 --> 00:21:33,050
I'm going to have diarrhea for months.
469
00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:44,570
Hey,
470
00:21:45,530 --> 00:21:47,250
Cameron. You're back.
471
00:21:47,790 --> 00:21:49,130
Sal sits in the shower.
472
00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:50,350
This is for you both.
473
00:21:50,830 --> 00:21:53,510
For the house. Oh, I can't. You can.
474
00:21:54,050 --> 00:21:55,570
This will help with the deposit.
475
00:21:57,410 --> 00:21:58,870
You're our family now.
476
00:22:02,050 --> 00:22:03,050
Thank you.
477
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:07,120
We're going to work on the tag thing.
478
00:22:35,030 --> 00:22:36,430
Okay, forget what I was saying.
479
00:22:36,750 --> 00:22:38,390
Oh, my God. How did that not come off?
480
00:22:38,610 --> 00:22:39,770
How long have you been there?
481
00:22:40,050 --> 00:22:41,050
Like 45 minutes.
482
00:22:41,290 --> 00:22:42,530
You take really long showers.
483
00:22:42,750 --> 00:22:43,890
Okay, well, that feels predatory.
484
00:22:44,110 --> 00:22:45,110
Copy that.
485
00:22:45,410 --> 00:22:50,810
Hey, um, just wanted to say thanks for
standing up for us tonight.
486
00:22:51,010 --> 00:22:51,949
For me.
487
00:22:51,950 --> 00:22:56,410
Um, I know everyone thinks we're crazy,
but I'm really glad we got married.
488
00:22:57,910 --> 00:22:58,910
Living up to my vow.
489
00:22:59,330 --> 00:23:03,910
Good night, YP. Good night.
490
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,160
Oh my God, you did it. I saw it. I did
it. Are we even now?
491
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,360
Yes. Great. Thank you.
492
00:23:13,820 --> 00:23:17,380
And, um, I'm not bad, kind of.
493
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:18,680
I'm not bad.
494
00:23:19,580 --> 00:23:23,840
And then you have to wonder, what is
marriage, if not unconditional support
495
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,560
with a bunch of non-sexy nudity?
496
00:23:36,650 --> 00:23:38,930
Tell you when to no, no, no, no.
497
00:23:39,410 --> 00:23:41,590
Maybe that won't be until tomorrow.
498
00:23:42,090 --> 00:23:45,490
Do you see the boxes I've been trying to
sell?
499
00:23:47,510 --> 00:23:52,630
I'm gonna let you know, know, know,
know. Right before I go, go, go, go.
500
00:23:52,970 --> 00:23:54,110
Maybe I will go.
36923
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof