Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,560
# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
2
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,960
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
3
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,760
# Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
4
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,440
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times
5
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,240
# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
6
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,040
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages
7
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:23,160
# Gory stories, we do that
And your host, a talking rat
8
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,240
# The past is no longer a mystery
9
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:31,480
# Welcome to...Horrible Histories. #
10
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:34,120
Horrible Histories presents:
11
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:41,040
Have you ever dreamt of being
a prince or princess,
12
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:45,160
living in a fancy castle,
wearing cool crowns,
13
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,120
and drinking
only the finest bin juices?
14
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,480
(SLURPS) Hmm, nice!
15
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,920
Of course, that only happens
by magic in fairy stories.
16
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:57,800
Normally, a lot of work
goes into being a royal.
17
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:02,520
Guys, what an incredible show
we've got for you today!
18
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,560
I'm famous French hairdresser
Sieur Larsenneur.
19
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,400
And I'm portrait artist
Joseph Ducreux,
20
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:10,920
and we are here to collect
an Austrian princess.
21
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,840
Say hi to the viewers.
(STAMMERS) H-Hello.
22
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:17,200
This princess knows she's heading
to France to marry Prince Louis,
23
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:18,840
who is going to be king one day.
24
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,400
What she doesn't know
25
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:24,560
is how much the French public
will hate her if she looks Austrian.
26
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:25,600
What?!
27
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,440
They literally won't let her
into the country looking like this.
28
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:29,800
They'll rip her to shreds!
29
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,840
Which, quite frankly,
would be an improvement.
30
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:36,000
So we're here to make this Austrian
wench look really French.
31
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,280
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC)
32
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:51,040
Now, I'm thinking we'll call you
"Marie Antoinette."
33
00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:54,120
But that is not my name.
My name is Maria Antonia.
34
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,680
Not any more! We're changing it
to Marie Antoinette.
35
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,000
It sounds more French.
36
00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,640
Future Queen of France,
let's dance!
37
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,360
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC)
38
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,640
What is going on with this hair?
39
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,320
You've got it scraped back so far,
40
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,200
it's pulling out the roots
in clumps.
41
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,680
Well, it's very fashionable
in Austria.
42
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,120
Huh! That explains everything.
43
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,120
At the moment, honey,
this forehead gives me a sore head.
44
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,920
Oh, MG, you are SO right!
45
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,960
That's why, when I was sent
to Austria to paint you,
46
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,080
I painted what I WANTED to see,
47
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,040
not what I DID see.
48
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:32,160
She is so fresh, so fly,
so French.
49
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,640
It doesn't look anything like me.
50
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,280
BOTH: Exactly!
51
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,120
So good.
Thank you.
52
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,560
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC)
53
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,000
Wow. It's magnificent.
I know.
54
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:49,200
Now, sweetie, we want this makeover
to get you smiling again,
55
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:53,000
but only after we've fixed
your disgusting Austrian fangs.
56
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:57,040
Look at those jagged little teeth
pointing out all over the place.
57
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,440
It's like, "Guys, pick a direction!"
58
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,960
So we're going to give you a very
beautiful and very straight smile
59
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,160
and all it will take
is some light dentistry
60
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,760
using these
state-of-the-art metal tools.
61
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,160
Ah! Won't that hurt?
You won't feel a thing...
62
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:13,360
Oh.
63
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,880
..because you'll feel everything!
We don't have pain relief.
64
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:20,760
Open wide! Let's make your dentures
all Frenchers.
65
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,720
(WHIMPERS)
(MIMICS HER WHIMPERING)
66
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,120
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC)
67
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:30,640
When we met Maria Antonia
she was a real "No, no, no-nia."
68
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:34,160
But Marie Antoinette is tres chic.
She's glamorous.
69
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:38,400
She can barely move her mouth
after agonising dental surgery,
70
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,560
but she is fit for France.
71
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,960
Ah, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui!
72
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,120
(CHEERING)
73
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,480
So, what do you think of your
transformation? Are you happy?
74
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:47,720
(MUFFLED WHIMPERING)
75
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,480
Oh, she's speechless.
76
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:55,240
And now, you're finally ready to
enter France and marry a prince.
77
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,240
Yas, queen!
78
00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:00,520
This is the happi... Argh!
..happiest day of my life. Oh!
79
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:01,880
Let's dance!
80
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:03,840
Woo!
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC)
81
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:06,960
(MUSIC DISTORTS)
82
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,480
Yeah, we probably should have
worked on her dancing, too.
83
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,400
Definitely.
84
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,160
Please, just stop.
You're embarrassing everyone.
85
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,360
Some can spend their whole lives
searching for true love
86
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:20,440
and never find it.
87
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,520
But for Prince Arthur,
Tudor heir to the throne of England,
88
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,760
his true love was arranged
by his father's lawyers
89
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,440
as part of a peace treaty
when he was two years old.
90
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:31,920
And they say romance is dead!
91
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,840
But while Arthur
has known the name of his true love
92
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,720
since he was a toddler,
93
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,480
this will be their very first date.
94
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:40,520
Enjoy.
95
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,040
(EXHALES)
96
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:43,400
I really hope we get on.
97
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,160
We're getting married
at the end of next week.
98
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,720
Prince Arthur's first date,
and soon-to-be wife,
99
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:51,240
is Spanish Princess
Catherine of Aragon.
100
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:53,200
So great to finally meet you.
101
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:56,880
I'm Prince Arthur. My father is
King Henry VII...
102
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,520
..er, which means I will be
103
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,880
the first official King Arthur
of Britain, eventually.
104
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,680
Hi.
105
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:19,600
So it turns out
she can't speak any English at all,
106
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:23,720
which is, you know, a shame,
'cause English is my best language.
107
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,480
Gracias.
108
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,520
Chorizo, Barcelona.
109
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,200
Nachos. Si?
110
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,240
You like food? "Food"?
111
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,800
"Oh, yum-yum-yum-yum-yum-yum!"
Chicken?
112
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,560
(MAKES CHICKEN NOISES)
113
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,520
Creo que es un idiota.
114
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:42,960
Si, el es un idiota.
115
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,400
(LAUGHS)
116
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,120
I think idiot means something
completely different in Spanish!
117
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,840
Actually, it's the same thing.
Right.
118
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,360
This is an absolute disaster.
119
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,680
I mean, I probably should have
seen this coming, right?
120
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,360
'Cause we just used to
write to each other in Latin, so...
121
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,720
Wait.
122
00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,160
Game on!
123
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,080
Te amo.
Te amo.
124
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:05,600
The international
language of love, Latin.
125
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,400
What can I get you?
126
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:08,760
(SPEAKS LATIN)
127
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,080
I...I'm so sorry,
I do not speak Latin.
128
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,240
Idiota!
(LAUGHS)
129
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,600
Do you think
you'll see each other again?
130
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,200
Er, yeah. I mean,
we're getting married in ten days.
131
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,880
Heads! Sorry, bro.
Great touch, though
132
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,600
That's just my little brother,
Prince Henry.
133
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,480
Ah. Henry, er...Ocho.
134
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,640
Henry VIII?!
135
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:28,880
(CACKLES)
136
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,920
No! Fat chance of that.
137
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,960
He can only be called that
if he became king,
138
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,560
and that's not going to happen
unless I die, so no.
139
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,080
Once we get married, you'll never
have to worry about him ever again.
140
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,400
Bullseye!
Right, come here!
141
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,080
Gives me all the feels, actually.
142
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:01,520
Bonjour. I am Mary Queen of Scots
and, as you can imagine,
143
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,360
being Queen of Scotland
made me quite a catch
144
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,760
in the 16th-century dating world.
145
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,720
I'm also well fit!
(BAGPIPES)
146
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,600
Ssss! Ouch. Ha-ha!
147
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,760
My hand in marriage
was so sought-after
148
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,480
that I was engaged to be married
when I was just six months old.
149
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,720
Henry VIII wanted me
to marry his son, Prince Edward.
150
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:25,520
But, tell me, what did he send
to help seal the marriage?
151
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,240
I like presents. Who doesn't?
(BAGPIPES)
152
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,480
Did he send...
153
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:32,680
Aw!
154
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,200
Ooh!
155
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:37,960
Oh.
156
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,320
The answer is...
157
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,280
..C! He sent an army.
158
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,280
He started a war
to make sure I married his son.
159
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:48,320
It's called the Rough Wooing,
and it lasted for eight years,
160
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,960
so I married the King of France
instead.
161
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,080
Do one, Edward!
162
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,400
You see?
163
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,680
You probably think that princes
and princesses have an easy life,
164
00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,240
but that's not always been the case,
165
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,600
Mm, mm, mm.
166
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,920
Back in history, they were often
married off to other royals
167
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,200
just to make their own family
more powerful.
168
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,560
And if THAT sounds bad,
169
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,600
wait until you see
what giving birth could be like!
170
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:16,200
It's poor old Marie Antoinette again.
Hmm.
171
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:22,280
Oh, where is my husband?
I cannot see the King, Your Majesty.
172
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:23,960
Unless he is at the back?
173
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,240
(GROANS)
174
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,560
Why are they watching?
I'm trying to give birth here.
175
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:32,360
Right this way.
Room at the front, Your Majesty.
176
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:33,720
I love a royal birth!
177
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,680
Don't get me wrong, an execution
is fun but it's over so quickly.
178
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,640
Darling, do we really have to have
all of these people here watching?
179
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:43,120
My love, we are here to celebrate
the birth of a prince...
180
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:44,240
..or princess.
181
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,440
(WHIMPERS)
We need an audience!
182
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,400
We need witnesses to
prove the Queen actually gave birth
183
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,080
and they didn't use
somebody else's baby.
184
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:54,200
Plus, if it is a girl, it stops them
swapping it out for a boy
185
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,240
so the King then has an heir.
186
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,440
Bonjour!
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
187
00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,280
The doctor has arrived!
It is a bit quiet in here.
188
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,960
I thought we were having
a royal birth. More people!
189
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,000
What?!
190
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,160
I was only here
to sweep the chimney.
191
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,720
Urgh! Get your grubby stick
away from me!
192
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,760
Ignore them, my darling.
Just imagine they are not there.
193
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:17,280
What if I didn't have to imagine
and they actually weren't there?
194
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,520
(ALL GASP)
She doesn't mean it.
195
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,080
I do.
It is coming.
196
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,880
(CHEERING)
197
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,200
How do you feel?
A little bit woozy, actually.
198
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,120
He was talking to... Ah!
199
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,280
Can somebody
open the window, please?
200
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,320
The Princess de Lamballe
clearly needs some air!
201
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:33,720
OK. Everyone ready?
202
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:34,760
Oui.
203
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,440
(MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
204
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,480
Don't panic.
I will stick a spike into her foot
205
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,320
to release the blood pressure
in her body.
206
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,200
Will that work?
It will certainly wake her up.
207
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,920
(SCREAMS)
She's back!
208
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,680
(CHEERING)
209
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,400
Come on, Your Majesty, push!
210
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,640
(GROANS)
Push!
211
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,800
(CONTINUES GROANING)
Push! Push! Push!
212
00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,040
(BABY CRIES)
213
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,600
It's a girl.
214
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:03,120
(HALF-HEARTED CHEERS)
215
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,160
Er, that's OK.
It's good, that's good!
216
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,200
Er...OK, so, er...I need some time
to meet my daughter, so...
217
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,600
Everyone, out!
218
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,480
The King needs some private time
with his new daughter.
219
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,600
This is a very, very personal
moment.
220
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,520
That is a "personal moment?!"
221
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,440
I've just had a baby in public!
222
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,080
Unbelievable.
223
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,240
My first wife, Catherine of Aragon,
224
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,400
gave me a daughter, Princess Mary,
225
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,040
which was great and everything,
226
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:32,200
but I wanted a son
and heir to my throne - a prince!
227
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,760
Erm, I did actually
then have a son but, erm...
228
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,160
..not with the Queen,
229
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,720
so he couldn't be an official prince.
230
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,480
Awkward!
231
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:44,000
But now my second wife Anne
is pregnant
232
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:47,280
and I'm certain it's going to be
prince time, baby!
233
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,360
Although I wouldn't lose my head
if it's a girl.
234
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,960
Someone might, though.
235
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,360
Anne Boleyn, my new wife, is pregnant
and everybody's thrilled!
236
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,080
You lie about my mum
to get a divorce,
237
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,920
you ban me from visiting her,
238
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,120
and you say
I'm not a princess any more,
239
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:06,760
and you expect me to be happy
about your wife being pregnant?
240
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,560
Too right, Mary!
Can I get a "whoop-whoop"?
241
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,480
Yeah, she's pretty upset.
242
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,240
I should probably go see
if she's OK...
243
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:18,000
..or, I can organise a special joust
for the birth of my son.
244
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,160
It's bound to be a boy
this time.
245
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:22,360
Right?
246
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:23,480
Wrong!
247
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:28,240
King Henry is delighted to announce
the birth of the Prince...ess.
248
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,480
The whole point
of divorcing the last one
249
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:31,880
was so that
I could get a son,
250
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,360
and now look what's happened!
251
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,000
A beautiful, healthy baby girl.
252
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,760
Oh, not now! Guys, read the room.
253
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,000
Can I just double check that...
254
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,080
She's definitely a girl!
OK, fine.
255
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,000
(BABY CRIES)
256
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,480
Urgh!
257
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:52,520
Father.
Hello.
258
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:53,800
Father's fake wife...
259
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,760
Queen Anne, actually.
260
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,320
For now. Let's see what happens
next time you don't have a son.
261
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,920
Speaking of the King's sons.
Henry Fitzroy in the house!
262
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:08,440
You don't count.
263
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,720
Ugh! Just 'cause the King wasn't
married to my mum! Typical.
264
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:12,880
Sorry, guys.
265
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,480
I can't believe you gave him
better rooms than me at Christmas.
266
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,920
It's going to be one of those days.
Right. Can we try and smile, yeah?
267
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,680
Wonderful news, Mary. We want you
to live with Princess Elizabeth.
268
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,160
(ELIZABETH CRIES)
It will be convenient
269
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,720
because you will be
working for her...
270
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,280
as a servant.
271
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,000
That's no position for a princess.
272
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,120
But you're not a princess
any more, are you?
273
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,880
Your daddy took your title away,
didn't you, darling?
274
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,120
Hmm? I certainly feel a bit peckish,
actually.
275
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,560
No. Stay where you are.
276
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,720
Dad! You can't let that woman
talk...
277
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,200
Er, the Queen!
278
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,760
..my mother, Catherine of Aragon,
is the Queen.
279
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,600
Not any more, she isn't.
(GRUNTS)
280
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,000
I'm just going to go grab
a couple of pork chops.
281
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,400
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh! Uh.
282
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,160
I eat when I'm nervous.
283
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,120
And when I'm not nervous.
284
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:02,560
I'm a hungry boy!
285
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,920
They've taken away my household.
286
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,880
Anne Boleyn
has destroyed my life.
287
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,960
I'm not calling her "Queen"
288
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,360
and I'm not calling
her daughter "Princess"
289
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,520
and I'm not agreeing
with her about anything, ever!
290
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,640
Hey, guys. Just came
to say hello to the baby.
291
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,160
(BOTH) What's he doing here?
292
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,040
Weird. Suddenly,
all I can think about is pork chops.
293
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:25,280
A chop off the old block.
294
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,520
(BOTH) Oh, I hate him.
Oh, jinx!
295
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,640
No, you can't keep calling yourself
"princess."
296
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,120
This is my final word.
297
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,440
Please, Daddy!
298
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,160
Oh, go on, then.
You can carry on.
299
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,560
What?!
What can I say.
300
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,480
I'm a big softie.
301
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,840
I'm a princess.
302
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,200
Have we had lunch already?
303
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:48,200
Better have another one,
just to be on the safe side. Yeah?
304
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,520
Lunch. Let's wrap it up.
305
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,480
Hi, I'm the Prince of Wales,
306
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,120
and when my old man,
King George III, dies,
307
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,320
I'm going to be made King George IV.
308
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,240
Let's hope that's not too far away.
309
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,600
I'm King George III, his father,
310
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,240
and I'm still alive.
311
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,320
What's the best thing
about being a prince?
312
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,280
Well, all that pampering.
Spoilt rotten. I blame your mother.
313
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,880
She thought he was so perfect that
she put him on display to the public
314
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,320
when he was just a week old.
315
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:19,320
And people came from all over
just to see His Royal Cuteness.
316
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,120
I mean, you just looked like
any other baby.
317
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:22,680
Yeah, well, Mummy didn't think so.
318
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,320
She had a life-size waxwork model
made of me,
319
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,880
kept it in this little
glass display jar.
320
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,880
Actually kind of creepy
now that I think about it but, er...
321
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,320
Dad?
322
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:38,640
Am I going to be King George IV?
323
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,680
(SNORES) No!
324
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,600
Kingly sleep. What's wrong with you?
325
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,160
Many princes and princesses
lived a life of luxury.
326
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,640
But others had
much more difficult lives.
327
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,840
Some suffered
like you wouldn't believe.
328
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,960
One 18th-century African prince
was taken from his home,
329
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,800
sold into slavery
and forced to travel to America,
330
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:08,360
where he did back-breaking work on
a cotton plantation in Mississippi.
331
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,480
His life did eventually improve
a little,
332
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,760
but it took time - a long time.
333
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,240
A long, long, long time.
334
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,320
Ladies and gentlemen,
335
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:22,640
I am Prince Abdul Rahman
Ibrahima Sori.
336
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,080
Thank you all for coming tonight
337
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:29,320
to hear the tale
of my escape from captivity.
338
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:30,360
Oh, forget it!
339
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,080
I can't believe me eye.
340
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,880
Could it really be?
341
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,440
Prince Abdul!
342
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,520
Oh, he tell you
he was a prince, too?
343
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,640
Yeah, ignore him. He's just a slave.
344
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:43,520
Prince Abdul, it's me -
Dr John Coates Cox.
345
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,840
Oh! Your father, King Ibrahima,
saved me life
346
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,440
when I was in West Africa.
347
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,880
Dr Cox! Ha-ha!
348
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,560
Oh, I was taken
from my family's kingdom,
349
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,360
and I have been enslaved here
for 19 years.
350
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,560
I'm so sorry, Abdul.
351
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,720
Hey! In your face,
grumpy villager lady!
352
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,680
I'm a prince!
It's true, he is a prince.
353
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,680
Well, that's nice.
354
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,400
The authorities here won't care.
355
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:07,960
He's still enslaved.
356
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,080
Over my dead body.
357
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:14,560
Your Royal Highness,
you will be free within a year.
358
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,440
21 years later,
359
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,320
I was still a slave,
360
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:22,360
and my potential rescuer, Dr Cox,
was dead.
361
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,280
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
But, while my hopes were fading,
362
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,200
others were still fighting my cause.
363
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:32,120
Thank you for continuing
Dr Cox's work, Mr Marshall,
364
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:33,480
but I'm still here.
365
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,640
So, I wrote to your father,
the Sultan of Morocco,
366
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,840
and now he's written to
the President of America.
367
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,840
The Sultan of Morocco
is not my father.
368
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,960
Are you sure?
I'm pretty sure, yeah.
369
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,880
Anyway,
the Sultan was so moved
370
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,320
that he wrote directly
to President Adams,
371
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,000
who has now approved
your journey home.
372
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,320
To Morocco?
373
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,920
Uh-huh.
Which is not my home.
374
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,000
I'll admit, there's some details
that need ironing out
375
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:58,840
but, Prince Abdul, don't you see?
376
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,200
You can leave this place.
You're free.
377
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:02,760
(STRING MUSIC PLAYS)
378
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,760
This is really happening.
379
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:05,960
Where's my wife?
380
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,160
Darling, get the children.
We are all free!
381
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,040
Ooh...
(MUSIC GRINDS TO A HALT)
382
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,280
You did get the freedom
for my wife and children, right?
383
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:17,160
Er, this is awkward.
384
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,120
My eight children.
385
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,160
Hmm.
I'm a free man now.
386
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,040
I will do it myself.
387
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:26,920
And that is why I am here today,
telling my story
388
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:30,680
and raising money to buy freedom
for the rest of my family.
389
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,440
And I will not rest
until I am done.
390
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,760
Can't your dad,
the Sultan of Morocco, help?
391
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,680
Not my dad!
392
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,680
Please, pay attention.
393
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,000
Huh! This tour is very long.
394
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,000
Prince Abdul did eventually
make it back to Africa,
395
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,680
but he sadly died
before reaching his home again.
396
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,160
Some princes and princesses
397
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,960
choose to live their lives
differently to most royals,
398
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,080
and march to the beat
of their own drum,
399
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,800
like my fellow suffragette
Princess Sophia Duleep Singh.
400
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,120
Have you not heard of her? Wow!
401
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,640
She's a huge celeb
here in Edwardian England.
402
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,640
She uses her fame
to raise awareness for our cause -
403
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,120
votes for women, votes for women!
404
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:14,160
(CHANTING) Votes for women!
Votes for women! Votes for women!
405
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,800
D'ah!
Votes for women!
406
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:19,000
Ah.
Votes for women! Votes for women!
407
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,960
Hi, cuz, don't see you
at Hampton Court much.
408
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,800
I thought Buckingham Palace
was your vibe.
409
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,040
Er, I'm not your cuz,
Princess Sophia.
410
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,640
I am your king.
Whatever.
411
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:31,040
Make it quick. I've got
rights to fight for and bikes to fix.
412
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,040
OK, look, I know you're not a member
of the British royal family,
413
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,280
but you are a princess,
414
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,920
and we royals are expected to behave
in certain ways.
415
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,160
Give us a hand oiling this chain.
Certainly not!
416
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,360
The daughter of a maharajah
should ride in a coach,
417
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:44,600
not on a...a bike.
418
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,640
I'm the newspaper's face
of female cycling.
419
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,000
And how can you
campaign for equality
420
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,320
riding in a royal carriage?
421
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:51,640
Look, Princess Sophia,
422
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,360
your behaviour
is embarrassing the family.
423
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,280
Any more
and I shall have to ask you
424
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,800
to stop living
in Hampton Court Palace.
425
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:03,160
You can't. Your grandmother,
Queen Victoria, was my godmother.
426
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,960
And she gave me these rooms
to live in before she died.
427
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,120
They're mine.
428
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,360
Cycling,
selling suffragette newspapers,
429
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,320
protesting
with a troublemaking rabble.
430
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,040
I'm just trying to do my bit.
431
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:18,800
Oh! You could do your bit
by paying some taxes.
432
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:23,200
I won't pay tax until women have
fair representation in government.
433
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,240
Votes for women!
Votes for women!
434
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,680
Right.
Votes for women!
435
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,960
Fine! Do what you want,
forget you're a royal.
436
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,440
Please, try and make sure
to keep your room tidy.
437
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,000
Tidy my room?
438
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,680
No way!
We have maids for that.
439
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,640
I am a princess, after all.
440
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:46,040
Votes for women! Votes for women!
Votes for women!
441
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,440
Alfhild, your mother and I
can't always be with you...
442
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,520
..making sure
you don't meet any boys.
443
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:01,560
(GROANS)
444
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,560
That's why we're putting
a couple of deadly snakes
445
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,200
in your room...
Ah!
446
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:06,920
..to keep them away.
(YELPS)
447
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,400
Sleep well.
What?
448
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:12,160
Don't touch them.
Oh, snakes, get off!
449
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,720
I'll never get a boyfriend now.
450
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,280
# I'm Princess Alfhild
You're going to get killed
451
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,720
# By the viper that guards me
452
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,160
# What where you tread
Or you'll end up dead
453
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,120
# With a capital D... #
454
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,280
Go away!
455
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:31,320
# Yes, I'm surrounded by snakes
And those are some serious stakes
456
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:36,000
# For a terminally curious prince
or three. #
457
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:40,040
VOICEOVER: Like a princess
from an old-school fairy tale,
458
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,720
Alfhild wants to find her prince.
459
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:47,280
Prince Alf, you got past the snakes
and rescued me.
460
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,800
Let's get married.
It'll be...
461
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,480
# A whole new life
462
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:58,560
# Golden slippers and silver frocks
463
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,400
# I'll be your wife
464
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:06,360
# No snakes hiding in my socks. #
465
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,840
What? You are getting married?
466
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,200
All you know about him
is that he can avoid snakes.
467
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,000
Ah!
Fine, you win.
468
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,040
What?
I won't marry him.
469
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,240
What?!
Yes!
470
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,760
I'll dress up as a man
and become a pirate!
471
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:18,800
Happy now?
472
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,080
Oh!
Er...
473
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,720
Wait, what just happened?
474
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,400
VOICEOVER: Alfhild,
the true story
475
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,040
of the princess whose parents
filled her bedroom with snakes
476
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,520
and who ran off to become a pirate.
477
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,560
# Piracy
That's for me
478
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,760
# Plundering boats at sea
479
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,200
# I think we can all agree... #
PIRATES: Yeah!
480
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,120
# There'll never be
a queen like me. #
481
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,720
Alfhild, a princess tale
like you've never seen before.
482
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,760
Erm, I'm still a bit confused
by the whole pirate thing.
483
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,880
Oh, and does anyone have
any anti-venom for my bottom?
484
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,320
Oh!
485
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,360
# Loo Man, Loo Man
The living toilet poo man
486
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,320
# From the Middle Ages
With a bucket so that you can
487
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,200
# Have a poo in a private place
488
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,160
# Sitting on my bucket
With a cape to hide your face
489
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,240
# And bum
And when you're done
490
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:08,120
# I will charge
Depending if you did a two or one
491
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,000
# Loo man! #
492
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:14,240
Please welcome today's historical
figure who really needs the loo -
493
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,600
Bonnie Prince Charlie!
(FARTS)
494
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,080
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
495
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,160
Greetings, friend.
Ah!
496
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,960
Are you Bonnie Prince Charlie,
the 18th-century prince
497
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,800
who laid clam to the thrones
of England, Scotland and Ireland?
498
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,200
Yeah! Who are you?
499
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,840
Sorry, I just really need the loo.
500
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:33,960
(FARTS)
501
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,360
I...am Loo Man!
502
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:37,760
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
503
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,480
You have travelled through time
from the 18th century
504
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,680
to use my first-rate
toilet facility!
505
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:45,240
Oh!
506
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:48,000
It's...Plop Quiz!
507
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,520
(RECORDED FART)
What?
508
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,400
Answer questions one and two
and I'll let you do a...
509
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:53,440
AUDIENCE: Poo!
510
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,160
I really, really need the toilet,
so can we...?
511
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,560
Say no more.
Question number one.
512
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,440
What is your proudest moment?
513
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,600
Well, my grandfather, James II...
(FARTS)
514
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:06,040
..was robbed of his English throne
during the Glorious Revolution,
515
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,880
just for being a bit Catholic.
(FARTS)
516
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,680
Er, so my proudest moment would be
when I and my Jacobite troops
517
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,760
crushed the British in battle...
(FARTS)
518
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,000
bringing me closer to
taking my throne back
519
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,000
from the usurper George II.
(FARTS)
520
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,720
Throne, as in the toilet?
521
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,640
No, the throne as in the throne!
522
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:27,200
I am the rightful King of Britain
and I really need a poo!
523
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,160
(FARTS)
Alright.
524
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,160
Question number two.
(GROANS)
525
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,480
Number two. (LAUGHS)
It gets me every time.
526
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,280
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
(FARTS)
527
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,200
What was your most embarrassing
moment?
528
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,760
Er, our rebellion ran out of luck
around the time of
529
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,200
the Battle of Culloden...
(FARTS)
530
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,400
and the English
captured 3,500 of my men
531
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:45,960
and executed 120.
532
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,520
And?
(FARTS)
533
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,920
I had to escape in a boat
while disguised as an Irish maid.
534
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,680
Now, can I please go to the toilet?
I'm nearly touching tartan!
535
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,360
You may pass...
(FARTS)
536
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:55,800
..liquids and/or solids.
537
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,360
That honks, man!
538
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:58,640
Come on.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
539
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,240
Join me next time, when I'll be
stopping another historical celeb
540
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,000
from doing a poo,
to ask the questions...
541
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,080
(FARTS EXPLOSIVELY)
..just for...
542
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:09,560
Want to say it with me,
Bonnie Prince Charlie?
543
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,680
BOTH: Just for you.
544
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,560
Hi, I'm Prince Edward,
eldest son of Edward III.
545
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,720
Earl of Chester, Prince of Wales,
Duke of Cornwall,
546
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:27,640
and absolute lad!
547
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,600
People also called me
the Black Prince
548
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,920
on account of my sleek black armour,
and because I'm hard as nails.
549
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,880
What's the best thing
about being a prince?
550
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:37,360
Easy.
551
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:38,680
The weapons.
552
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,360
Like this bad boy.
553
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,080
Mwah, mwah, mwah!
554
00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:45,040
This beauty's retired now,
555
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,240
but I've given it a place of honour
in the Royal Hall.
556
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,880
Every day, it gets fed
a ration of its own food.
557
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,840
Got to keep
your strength up, haven't we?
558
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,080
Huh? What's that?
559
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:57,440
He likes chops!
560
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,440
Such a great sense of humour.
561
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:04,360
So that was some of history's
most pitiful princes and princesses.
562
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:08,000
And many of them
never even got to be King or Queen,
563
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:09,720
especially the girls.
564
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,880
Until 2013, it was the oldest boy
who took the throne,
565
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:17,440
even if he had older sisters.
Imagine!
566
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,480
The most important thing
you've got to do
567
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:23,080
if you want to be in charge
is to stay alive,
568
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:25,480
and that wasn't so easy
in the old days.
569
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,080
Just ask the Black Prince Edward,
Prince Arthur Tudor,
570
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,400
and Frederick, Prince of Wales.
571
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:41,600
# When I was a young prince,
my father took me into the palace
572
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,680
# To say I'd rule the land
573
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:50,720
# He said, "Son,
when you grow up you'll be king
574
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,640
# "The great king of the Tudor
575
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,640
# "Your life's already planned" #
576
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,160
(RETCHES)
577
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:04,320
# But I dropped dead at fifteen
They gave my crown and queen
578
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:08,920
# To my brother
who later divorced her
579
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,400
# And they left me, a side note
580
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:20,800
# A phantom in the sad parade
Of great kings that never were
581
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,280
(ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC)
582
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,160
# Poor Edward died of dysentery
583
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,880
# We call him The Black Prince
584
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,000
# No throne for him
That stylish warrior
585
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,440
# When Frederick got awful sick
586
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,080
# His dad, George, was relieved
587
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:45,960
# 'Cause as an heir
Fred was below-par
588
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,000
# He can't rule on
589
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,720
# We can't rule on
590
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:54,360
# So let's hear it for the roll call
591
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,840
# Of kings you never knew at all
592
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,760
# We can't rule on
593
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:04,600
# But don't forget
the kings you never had
594
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,680
# 'Cause we all died
before our dad
595
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,360
# Disappointing Fred
Drew his last breath
596
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,520
# Ed looked cool
But pooed himself to death
597
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,640
(FARTS)
# Ah, ah, ah #
598
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,160
# And there's also me
599
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,760
# And don't forget Alphonso! #
600
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,560
Alphonso?
601
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,320
Yeah, Alphonso.
602
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:27,600
Dad was Edward I.
603
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,200
I was going to be King of England
but I died in 1284.
604
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,920
(TUTS)
Come on.
605
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,640
# We could've ruled
But we were gone so
606
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,400
# We could've had a King Alphonso
607
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,160
# There's no King Fred
to be anointing
608
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,760
# Because he'd dead
Dead disappointing
609
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,440
# The never-kings
The sad procession
610
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:48,280
# It really stinks
We've no succession
611
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,080
# We died too young
That much is clear
612
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:57,640
# Stomach ache
or diarrhoea. #
613
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:02,640
Er, could we all stop going on about
how I pooed myself to death?
614
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,600
There's nothing wrong
with pooing yourself to death.
615
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,000
People did it all the time.
616
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,240
Shut up, Alphonso.
617
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:08,680
(DRUM BOOMS)
618
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:09,720
Captions by Red Bee Media
619
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,520
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation47154
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof