All language subtitles for Horrible Histories S10E01 ~ Daft Dads

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,640 # Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians 2 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:07,080 # Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights 3 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:09,720 # Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians 4 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,520 # Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times 5 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:15,280 # Romans rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless 6 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,120 # Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages 7 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,720 # Gory stories, we do that 8 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,280 # And your host, a talking rat 9 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,160 # The past is no longer a mystery 10 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,560 # Welcome to... 11 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:31,960 # Horrible Histories. # 12 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,520 Horrible Histories presents... 13 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,280 Since the dawn of time... 14 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,360 MAMMOTH TRUMPETS Argh! 15 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:44,320 ..fathers have helped look after their young, 16 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,640 passing down vital survival skills 17 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,280 such as making fire... 18 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,440 Ugh. Ah! Oh! 19 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,520 Hee-hee! Ha! Heh! 20 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,680 BEAR ROARS Oh! 21 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,080 Ah! 22 00:00:58,080 --> 00:00:59,680 ..and running away. 23 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,520 He will teach them how to make tools, 24 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,560 the shaping of flints... 25 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,400 Oh! 26 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,760 ..and also... 27 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,120 BEAR ROARS Argh! 28 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,400 ..running away. 29 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,440 And he will pass on vital knowledge 30 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,920 for choosing what is safe to eat 31 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,960 and what is not... 32 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,120 HE CHEWS LOUDLY 33 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,480 MAMMOTH TRUMPETS 34 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:26,800 Whoa! Argh! 35 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,360 ..and running away. 36 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,280 There's a lot of running away. 37 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,120 And with every dad 38 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:37,360 comes that greatest of inventions - 39 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:38,760 the dad joke... 40 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,200 Rah! Argh! 41 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,440 BOTH SOB 42 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,080 ..which often misfires, upsetting everyone. Shh! 43 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:49,400 But despite his mistakes, the father will do his best 44 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:54,280 to teach his children the skills they need to succeed in life... 45 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,720 BOTH LAUGH, BEAR ROARS 46 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,360 Huh? Argh! 47 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:58,760 ALL SCREAM 48 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,120 ..like running away. 49 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,920 MAMMOTH TRUMPETS, ALL SCREAM 50 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,320 Oh! So much running away. 51 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,560 MAMMOTH TRUMPETS, BEAR ROARS 52 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,320 ALL SCREAM 53 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:21,200 Welcome to a celebration of dads throughout history. 54 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,440 And who better to help out than my dad? 55 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,560 Hello, son. All right, Dad. 56 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:30,320 Now, most fathers love all their children equally. 57 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:33,080 I do, and I've got 50. 58 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,240 Er, no. Er...60. 59 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,880 No, no, 50. Hang on. 60 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:41,320 There's Rattus, Ratistotle, Ratigail, Ratilda... 61 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,120 HE STAMMERS Don't name them all! 62 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:47,240 Anyway, not every dad in history was as loving as mine. 63 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,840 King Henry VIII wasn't very kind to his daughters. 64 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,760 Not only did he take the title of princess away 65 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,360 from his daughter Mary, 66 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:59,480 but he might not even have known how many kids he actually had. 67 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:00,840 HE GASPS 68 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,840 Yeah, first few days with the new wife 69 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,600 and things seem to be going well. 70 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,920 Jane...something. 71 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,680 This is my third and final wife. 72 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:16,160 Henry VIII and his three wives, people will say. 73 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:17,840 Oh-ho-ho! Big hug! 74 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,240 You know what would be, like, really, really amazing? Yeah? 75 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,800 Getting the whole family together, 76 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,240 like a big kind of get-to-know-you party. 77 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,840 Really? Will there be food? Yeah, sure. 78 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:30,720 Then brilliant idea, yeah. Invite everyone. OK! 79 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,880 Hey! I'm here! 80 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,320 Jane, quick, get in. 81 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,360 Argh! 82 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,800 Stepmother, dear? Yeah? 83 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,200 Why don't you let me send out all the invites to the party? 84 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,200 Oh, Mary! That is so sweet of you. Do you know what? 85 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,160 I was actually a tiny little bit concerned 86 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,520 that you might be a bit angry, 87 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,800 what with Henry saying that you weren't a princess any more. Ha! 88 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,160 Er... Oh, no! As if! 89 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,320 That's all ancient history. LAUGHING: Yeah! 90 00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,760 Phew! SHE LAUGHS 91 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,360 Hands in for family! 92 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,840 One, two, three. Happy family! Happy family! 93 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,720 Well, this is nice, isn't it? 94 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,000 Family's all here, food's all here. 95 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,280 Bonzer! Let's eat. 96 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,880 Actually, Dad...not everyone is here. 97 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,240 Really? 98 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,720 Jane's here. Hello! 99 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,320 You're here, Elizabeth is here. 100 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,480 I'm assuming my exes aren't turning up because I... 101 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,480 Sorry, I know that's insensitive. 102 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,600 No offence, girls. They were your mums. 103 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,840 But we're not all your children, are we? 104 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,840 Henry FitzRoy in the house! 105 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,920 Hey, Dad! I got the invite! 106 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:43,200 Well, I did say I'd invite everyone, didn't I? 107 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,840 Yeah, so...Henry is my son. 108 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:49,000 I wasn't married to his mum, so he technically can't be king, 109 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,400 although he is awesome. 110 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,960 So, if we don't have a son, 111 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,960 then I'd want him to be king over the girls. 112 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,800 Again, no offence, girls. Let's eat. 113 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,120 But still, not everyone. Really? 114 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,520 We're just getting started. 115 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,240 Hi, Dad. 116 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:07,000 Hi...Thomas... 117 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,360 ...Stukley. Stukers! 118 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,400 So, I knew Thomas Stukley's mum...quite well. 119 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,040 Well, very well, actually. 120 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,000 I...I mean, it's pure speculation, obviously. 121 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,600 I mean, no-one can be sure. Shall we eat? 122 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,200 Don't get too comfortable, Daddy. 123 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:22,680 I've just started. 124 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,840 It's Catherine and Henry Carey. 125 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,160 Look, Elizabeth, it's your cousins, 126 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,520 or potentially half-siblings. 127 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,920 Two of them! Ha! 128 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,160 HE GROANS 129 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,160 This is going to be a really long evening for me. 130 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,720 Everybody knows I went on a couple of dates with Anne Boleyn's sister Mary. 131 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,080 It's not a secret. 132 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,080 Also, sorry, how do they have beards? 133 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,920 They're 11-year-old children and one of them's a girl! 134 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,560 The glue-on beards were my idea. 135 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,120 Nice touch, don't you think? 136 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,840 Well, this is nice. 137 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,280 Shall we eat? 138 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:55,560 Mm-mm. 139 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,960 Oh, look. It's Audrey Malte and John Perrot. 140 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,640 JANE: How many children do you have? HENRY CLEARS THROAT 141 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,480 Look, Jane, I'm a complicated guy. 142 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,640 I may have had a few... COUGHING: Lots. 143 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,920 ..lots of kids who can't technically be royals 144 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,840 because I wasn't married to their mums 145 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,440 and I may have disinherited Mary from her right to the throne 146 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,720 and I'm going to do the same to Elizabeth, probably. 147 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:22,160 But does that all really make me a...bad dad? 148 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,200 Yeah. Yeah, it does. 149 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,360 Shall we eat? 150 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,400 So nice to meet you all. Hm. 151 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,680 Hi, I'm Ramses II, 152 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:39,200 ancient Egyptian pharaoh and terrible dad. Mm! 153 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,240 I've got about 100 kids at home. 154 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,920 Ha! Honestly, you'd expect there to be problems now and again, 155 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,880 but what you don't expect is for the River Nile itself 156 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:48,960 to get upset. 157 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,440 Honestly, yesterday, it was in floods! 158 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,240 DRUM HIT Ha-ha-ha! Aw, Dad! 159 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,000 Cos, you know, like, cos the floods, not the tears, 160 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,080 but like...cos it's a river. You know, floods? 161 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,040 CHILD LAUGHS Yeah, you get it! 162 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,000 Yeah! Thank you! That's what I'm saying. 163 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,080 Finally get it now. 164 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,000 See, I knew you two were my favourites. 165 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,200 CHILD GUFFAWS 166 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,040 # Yeah! # HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS 167 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:15,680 Ramses II really did have over 100 kids. 168 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:16,960 Oh, never mind that. 169 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,040 Play that music again! 170 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,440 # Yeah! # HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS 171 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,280 Oh, yeah! What a banger. 172 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,600 Wha... What are you doing? 173 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,800 Dad dancing! We all do it. 174 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,400 Ugh! HE SIGHS 175 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,320 Sometimes dads just aren't cool. 176 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,120 I don't know what you mean. 177 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,640 HE FARTS LOUDLY 178 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,680 Whoops. That one sneaked out with all the effort. 179 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,640 Ugh! Honestly. 180 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,760 Dads have been embarrassing us like this for centuries. 181 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,440 Even in the Viking times, 182 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,720 some of their sagas said that kids of Viking warriors 183 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,320 thought going raiding with Dad was uncool. 184 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:58,720 Hi, son. 185 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,400 Me and some of the other guys were going on a quick raid 186 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,200 and, yeah, wondered if you wanted to join for a bit of fresh air, 187 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,720 hang out with your... Obviously not. You're so boring! 188 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,160 Calm yourself. He's a sensitive boy. 189 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:13,560 HE INHALES 190 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,440 So... Ahem. ..how's it hanging? 191 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:17,800 "How is it hanging?" 192 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,480 Literally no-one says that any more, Dad. 193 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:20,520 HE SIGHS 194 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,760 What're you playing, a little bit of naffle-taffle? 195 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,480 That's not naffle-taffle, OK? That's so eighth-century. 196 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,280 I'm playing chess! Choss! Yeah, cool. 197 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,920 What does this guy...? I'm sorry. Dad! Come on! 198 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,760 Sorry! It's hard to keep up with all this choss technology. 199 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,880 They keep releasing a new one. It's a board! 200 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,480 What do you say? 201 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,320 Little bit of outside time with your old dad? 202 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,800 Couple of guys, 203 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:47,320 stalking the land, sailing the ships, crossing the wild oceans 204 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,680 and unleashing fury on unsuspecting English villagers 205 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,920 and burning them to the ground! 206 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,680 No. It's really not my thing. 207 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,400 OK. That's right, yeah. 208 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,120 MOCKING: Kids today, they're not so keen on pillaging. 209 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,720 You know, it could be fun to, I don't know... 210 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,840 ..prove yourself as a man or whatever. 211 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,480 What does that even mean, a man? 212 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,120 Talking about a Viking man, 213 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,520 a mighty warrior who stands over his fallen enemies, 214 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:16,600 proving himself to be fierce and brave enough to reach Valhalla! 215 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,960 Dad...I'm 12. 216 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,280 Yeah, well, I had a beard when I was nine. 217 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,120 No, you didn't. No, I didn't. 218 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:26,560 But I made a toy one out of wool and I put it on my face, 219 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:30,760 and though it was scratchy, it made me look very, very distinguished. 220 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,440 You are so uncool, Dad. 221 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,920 Fine. You don't have to come on the raid with me. 222 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,040 I, er, respect your choices. Thank you. 223 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,680 Even though it's going to be awesome tearing through the land. Nope. 224 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,480 Burning down the monasteries. No. 225 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,360 Listening to all the little monks scream and run around. No, Dad! 226 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,560 No? Fine. OK. You stay here. Great. Thanks. Finally. 227 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,280 I'll be gone for about six months, 228 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:54,200 and I hope that no-one attacks the village whilst we're gone. 229 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,800 Bye! 230 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,880 Attacks? What do you mean by that? 231 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,800 Dad? Dad? 232 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,920 Er, room for one more? 233 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,480 Dad, you're not embarrassing! 234 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,720 In the past, dads often didn't spend much time with their children, 235 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:12,480 but that all started changing around my era in the 18th century, 236 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,760 when parents started to think hanging out with us 237 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,080 might be a good thing. 238 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,040 Take my dad. He offered to play hide and seek. 239 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,120 I haven't been able to find him for four hours. 240 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,960 Ah-ha! Meow! CAT PURRS 241 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,640 Oh. He's gone out, hasn't he? Meow. 242 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,080 Unbelievable. 243 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,280 Er, would you fetch our guests a cup of tea, please? 244 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,320 Thank you. 245 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,640 Thank you for asking me to do your new portrait. 246 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,600 I'm looking forward to using some of the latest fashions 247 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,120 in portrait painting to bring out the warmth of your relationship. 248 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,440 Yes, well, I was thinking something like this. 249 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,280 Er...that's exactly the same as last year. 250 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,080 Oh. 251 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,000 How about this? 252 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,400 Yep. Still the same. 253 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,880 It's not the same at all. 254 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:04,640 Last year, my vibe was all, you know, master and son of the house, 255 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:08,600 whereas this year, I'm giving it "owner and heir to my land" vibes. 256 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,920 Oh. Father, maybe we should try something... 257 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,280 Silence, child! If I wanted your help coming up with something 258 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,840 that showed the warmth of our relationship, I would ask for it. 259 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,320 You know, it is the 1800s, 260 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,560 and the role of the father is changing. 261 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:23,880 Modern fathers, they show affection and tenderness to their children. 262 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,720 Good heavens. Why? 263 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:29,120 Well... OK, let's... Er... There you are. 264 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,160 There. Father and son. 265 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,320 Right. Get him off. Oh, excellent! 266 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,360 Well, I hope you have everything you need. 267 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,520 Er, you'll need to stay in that position for at least a few hours. 268 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,600 Look, I'm not being funny. 269 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,040 Erm...is there any way we could use the dog? 270 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,320 I don't think that's possible 271 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,560 if we want to bring out your fatherly warmth. 272 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,320 Is that something we want to bring out? 273 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,040 It is meant to be a father and son portrait. 274 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,520 Er, how about a hug? 275 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,640 Fine, if you think it'll help. 276 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,360 Oh, I meant with your son. 277 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,960 Oh. Um...no, thank you. 278 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,400 Look, I'm happy to look like a loving father, 279 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,400 I just don't want to actually be one. 280 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:08,440 It's all...modern nonsense. So, can you help me or not? 281 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:09,680 Uh... 282 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,760 Hmm. I think I may have an idea. 283 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,720 Yes, this is working well. 284 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,040 Excellent. And you can just paint in the boy's head afterwards? Mm-hm. 285 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,600 Oh, there may be something to this new, loving relationship after all. 286 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,320 And down it goes. 287 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,280 Oh, come on, Charles. We mustn't be late for our friends, 288 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,720 especially after we cancelled dinner last time. 289 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,200 Must we go, Catherine? 290 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,560 What on earth do you want to do instead? 291 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,080 You're not writing another novel? No, it's not that. 292 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,080 You don't want to stay home and play with the children's toys again? 293 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,520 I have no idea what you're talking about. Come off it, Charles. 294 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,640 You bought that model toy theatre for little Charlie, 295 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,040 and then you and your friend Mr Stanfield practically built 296 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,960 the whole thing yourself while little Charlie watched! 297 00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:00,080 Yes, but then we all had a wonderful time playing with it afterwards! 298 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,280 Oh, come on, Catherine. Let's stay home. 299 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,880 We can hang out with the children. 300 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,960 Can't say you don't love being a dad. 301 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,720 Flaster Floby. Mild Glo'ster. 302 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,400 Lucifer Box. 303 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,880 Must you give our children such strange nicknames? 304 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,520 Ah, children! Who's up for some fun? 305 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,400 # It might seem silly what I'm 'bout to say 306 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,360 # I know I'm a grown-up but I want to play 307 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:32,280 # I would rather see them than some old man's face 308 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,520 # I don't care if we don't go there 309 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,480 # Catherine, let's just stay. 310 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,000 # Cos I'm their daddy Clap along 311 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,680 # Play charades 312 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,880 # I bought a doll's house for you 313 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:49,240 # Cos I'm your daddy It's a model theatre 314 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,680 # Will you let me play with it, too? 315 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,440 # Yes, I'm your daddy 316 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:57,920 # I will use a funny voice whenever I talk to you 317 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,520 # Cos I'm your daddy 318 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:03,720 # And you'll know from my tone which one of you I'm talking to 319 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,600 # Daddy, Daddy, Daddy... # 320 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,080 Come on, Catherine. 321 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,800 I've won you round. 322 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,640 # Yes, he's your daddy 323 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:15,880 # People might invite me out but I'd rather stay home with you 324 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,360 # Yes, he's your daddy 325 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:21,880 # Let's all play a parlour game and sing a song or two 326 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,560 # He's your daddy 327 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:27,680 # Clap along, sing some songs with your daddy and mummy, too 328 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,200 # Yes, he's your daddy 329 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,320 # We don't need to leave the house 330 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,040 # I just want to stay home with you. # 331 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,720 LOUD SNORING Aw! 332 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,440 Shall I wake them up to play a game? No. 333 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,480 Charles Dickens really did love playing with his kids 334 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:42,880 when they were little. 335 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:46,360 And I loved playing with you when you were little, too. 336 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,520 You did? Oh, yeah. 337 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,800 I used to tickle him until he wee'd himself. 338 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,440 Dad, don't embarrass me. 339 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,880 Sorry, Rattus. I won't do it again. 340 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,640 He'd also fart if you tickled him long enough. 341 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,280 HE LAUGHS 342 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,640 So embarrassing! 343 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,400 But at least we were having fun, I suppose. 344 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,320 Some dads in history were just plain scary. 345 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,840 Especially if you were dating their daughter. 346 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,880 Tickle, tickle, tickle. 347 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,400 HE FARTS Stop it! 348 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,640 You'll ruin Mr Dickens' toy theatre. 349 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,640 HE FARTS AND LAUGHS 350 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,800 Svetlana is the one that the talented Russian film-maker 351 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,000 Aleksei Kapler wants to marry. 352 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:28,520 But before he can even think about popping the question, Aleksei 353 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,120 needs to meet her father. 354 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:32,680 Hi, Daddy. 355 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,800 Your dad is Joseph Stalin? 356 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,400 It's the shock comedy of the year. 357 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,280 Meet The Stalins. 358 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,520 Come in. Let's get to know each other so I can decide 359 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,840 whether to have you killed or not. 360 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,080 STALIN LAUGHS 361 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:49,280 Don't worry. I've already decided. 362 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,120 And that decision was? 363 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,640 Let's have a drink. 364 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,720 Aleksei... 365 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:59,080 ..I want to have a little father, son-to-be chitchat with you. 366 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,800 I'm going to ask you a few simple questions. 367 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,240 It's just you and me. 368 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,840 And all of them, obviously. 369 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,240 Can Aleksei win over Dad-to-be? 370 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,880 You know, when I first heard that you were dating my daughter, 371 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,080 I was kind of angry. How angry? 372 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,160 Well, I blamed it on my son, Vasily. 373 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:19,720 So I had him fired and locked in the guardhouse for nine days. 374 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:23,320 Ten days. You want to go down salt mine, Vasily?! 375 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,400 No. Yeah, I thought so. 376 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,680 Why did you call me an old fart? 377 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:32,520 I would never call you an old fart. 378 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:36,000 ALEKSEI: So, Svetlana, when do I meet the old fart? 379 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,240 Oh! 380 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,360 I did not know my phone was being bugged. 381 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,960 Chill out, man! 382 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,120 Take a chill pill. Huh? 383 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,120 I want you to relax, Aleksei. 384 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,920 It's almost like the fact that I am brutal leader with the blood 385 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:53,480 of millions of people on my hands is stressing you out or something. 386 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,640 You did great. Honestly. I thought you'd be dead by now. 387 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:01,920 It's tough to be a dad, but it's tougher to be Aleksei Kapler. 388 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,280 Wait, what did you say? 389 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,640 Good news. I'm sending you on holiday. 390 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,080 Oh, wow. Great. 391 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,560 HE LAUGHS 392 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,320 Isn't this a forced labour camp? 393 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,200 I don't think Svetlana will enjoy it. 394 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,240 She is not going. 395 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,240 Aleksei Kapler... 396 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,040 ..Svetlana Stalin... 397 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:24,040 Daddy, did you send my boyfriend to the labour camp? 398 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,960 ..and Joseph Stalin... 399 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,360 Whoops! What am I like?! 400 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,680 ..star in... HE LAUGHS 401 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,880 ..Meet The Stalins. 402 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,320 Five years is a very long holiday. 403 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,800 Er, I'm still in here. 404 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,760 Hello? Hello? 405 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,360 Hi, guys. I'm William the Conqueror, 406 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:46,600 King of England, Duke of Normandy, 407 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,560 and terrible dad 408 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,840 to my son, Rob here. 409 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,440 So terrible, in fact, 410 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,640 I make fun of him all the time. 411 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,440 You know, people say to me, 412 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,160 "What's Rob short for?!" 413 00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,720 And I say, 414 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,840 "Because he's got stumpy, little legs." 415 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:04,800 HE LAUGHS 416 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,640 We call him Robert Curthose. 417 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,080 It means "short trousers". 418 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,200 I'm going to rebel and start a civil war. 419 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,440 Ah, brilliant! 420 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:21,720 Wait, what? 421 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,840 Some dads take their children with them into the family business. 422 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:31,920 And depending on what your dad does, that could be a good or a bad thing. 423 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,680 I followed my dad into pig farming, 424 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,200 which means cleaning up after this lot. 425 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,760 What?! All of you at the same time? 426 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,280 Seriously?! 427 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,000 Oh! When King Edward I was dying, he wanted his son, 428 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,360 Prince Edward, to take over the royal business. 429 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,120 But the prince wasn't keen. 430 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,320 I don't know why. I'd swap with him. 431 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,160 Right, time to clean up. 432 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:56,160 Oh, I'm going to need a bigger bucket. 433 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,960 HE WHEEZES 434 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,360 Prince Edward, His Majesty King Edward has battled hard in his fight 435 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,120 against dysentery... 436 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,280 HE FARTS 437 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,840 ..but he does not have long left. FART 438 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,880 He wishes to speak with you. 439 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,560 Yes, Father? What is it? 440 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,720 Son, my time is close at hand. 441 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,120 I want you to promise me one thing. Of course, Father. Anything. 442 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:26,360 I want you to continue my war in Scotland. 443 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,720 Are you sure? We're not doing very well in the war. 444 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:33,160 This is my one dying wish. Yeah. OK. Of course. Sorry. 445 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:35,520 HE SIGHS 446 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,960 I really hate the Scottish, son. 447 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,240 I know you do. 448 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,040 HE FARTS 449 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,240 Father? Father! 450 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,720 SQUEAKY FART RELEASES 451 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,000 EDWARD SOBS 452 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,280 He's gone. 453 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,320 There's one other thing. Oh! 454 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:54,600 Yes, Father, what is it? 455 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,200 When I die, I want you to take my body. Of course. 456 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,120 And I want you to boil it so that all the flesh falls off. 457 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:04,080 Boil it? Then I want you to bury the flesh in the ground. OK. Right. 458 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,280 But preserve the bones separately. 459 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,600 Keep them out. Sorry, Father. 460 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,400 Where do you want me to keep your bones? Just somewhere convenient. 461 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,760 Like a chest, maybe. Right. 462 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,400 I feel like I'm going to regret asking this, but why do you want me 463 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,280 to keep your bones somewhere convenient? 464 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,920 So that when the Scottish rebel again, which they will, 465 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,040 you can go up to Scotland with my bones 466 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,640 and ride with them into war. 467 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,480 OK, yep. I do regret asking that, actually. 468 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,600 As long as you have my bones with you, son, 469 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,960 you can never be defeated by the Scots! 470 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,640 HE FARTS 471 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,920 SQUEAKY FART RELEASES 472 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,200 I can feel the light fading. 473 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,160 I'm passing. 474 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,880 HE FARTS Ah! 475 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:52,520 Tell my people I died as I lived. 476 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,800 LOUD RUMBLING, FARTING 477 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,840 What, hating Scottish people and farting? 478 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,640 PARP 479 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,800 Father? Father! 480 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,640 He's gone. 481 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,600 DRAWN-OUT FART 482 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,400 Oh! How is he still farting when he's dead?! 483 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,480 Sorry. That one was actually me. 484 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,960 Hi, I'm Genghis Khan, Mongolian warlord and terrible dad. 485 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,240 When my daughter's husband was killed in a rebellion 486 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,680 in Nishapur, I let her reduce the city to little more than 487 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:42,000 rubble and a pile of heads. Many leaders can't do that. 488 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,640 But Genghis CAN. 489 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,240 Because my name is Genghis Khan. 490 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,080 Well, Genghis "carn". 491 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,480 But I think it still works. I do spoil her a bit. 492 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,760 Probably can't let her destroy a whole city again. 493 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:59,320 Maybe I Genghis can. 494 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,520 "Carn". It definitely works. 495 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,240 Hey, it's your boy, Ferdinand. 496 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,400 Wassup! It's Bring Your Child To Work Day. 497 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,880 And since my dad is Christopher Columbus, guess who's going with him 498 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,200 on his fourth voyage to the New World? 499 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,840 Say hi, Dad. Yeah, hi. 500 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,520 I'm kind of in the middle of something. 501 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,400 Whatever. So let me fill you in. 502 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,080 Voyage number one, Dad discovered the New World. 503 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,560 Voyage number two, Dad took our religion to the Americas. 504 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,880 Voyage number three... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 505 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,280 We don't need to talk about number three, do we? 506 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,440 Is that the one where you got arrested and deported 507 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,880 from your own colony in Hispaniola? Yeah, it is that one. Awkward! 508 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,960 So this is voyage number four, which we're calling Columbus and Son. 509 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,760 I'm not calling it that. 510 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:45,440 He will...in time. 511 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,320 Voyage, baby! Let's go! 512 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:55,440 It is day 50-something, so I guess Bring Your Child To Work Day 513 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,560 will last until Dad can get me home again. 514 00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,800 But we've arrived at Hispaniola. 515 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,160 Dad's old stomping ground. 516 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,360 The only problem is... they won't let us in. 517 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,000 Guys, please! 518 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,200 It's me, Columbus! 519 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,280 And his son! 520 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,520 Is this because you got arrested on your third voyage? 521 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,040 I-I-I thought we weren't mentioning that. 522 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,360 Whatever. We'll just head back out to sea. 523 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:18,400 There's nothing that Columbus and Son can't handle. 524 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,000 THUNDER RUMBLES 525 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,560 Oh, a storm! 526 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:27,240 Looks like Dad's LIGHTNING up. 527 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:31,400 So it's Bring Your Child To Work Day 60-something, and the storm 528 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,040 is really bad. 529 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,360 But it's OK because Dad is bossing it! 530 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,680 Does anyone actually know how to steer a ship? 531 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,800 Because if you do, DM me, please. 532 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,960 HE LAUGHS 533 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,240 So it's day 320-something. 534 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,080 We've managed to find sanctuary up a river in Panama. 535 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,280 When we arrived, this local tribe tried to stop us 536 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,640 coming up the river. But Dad captured their leader. Ha! 537 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,200 We've got him tied to the mast. 538 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,720 Brilliant. Columbus and Son strike again. 539 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:01,920 Oh. 540 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,640 Dad! The chief escaped! 541 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,760 OK. OK. Stay calm. 542 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,160 For him to pose any threat, he'd have to come back here 543 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:11,760 with his entire village. 544 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,560 Oh, look who's back. And he's brought his entire village. 545 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,480 Got to go. See you. Peace! 546 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,200 The good news is, we were able to escape 547 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,160 from those angry tribespeople. 548 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,560 The bad news was we got caught in a storm and we got shipwrecked. 549 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,880 So I guess we just wait here until someone finds us. 550 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,120 Please stop talking. 551 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:32,320 Columbus and Son. 552 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:36,480 Like and follow. DM us if you've got any idea where we are. 553 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,960 HE COUGHS 554 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,320 Well, that's it for our historic celebration of dads. 555 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,280 We've met some of history's daftest and greatest dads. 556 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,000 And some of history's not so great ones, too. 557 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,280 That's true. 558 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:54,200 So let's end by giving a massive thanks to all the great dads out 559 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:58,280 there, and a slightly less massive thanks to the ones like Henry VIII, 560 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,120 William the Conqueror, and Ramses II. 561 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:04,400 I'd like to hear what they've got to say for themselves. 562 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:05,760 Then you're in luck. 563 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,720 Here they are to play us out. 564 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,360 Thanks for helping me, Dad. You rock. 565 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,080 Shall I do my dance again? 566 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,560 Please don't. I'll do it anyway. 567 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,680 HE HUMS 568 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,000 # One, two, three, four 569 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,520 # We want a crown that says "World's Greatest Dad" 570 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,760 # Quite rightly, it's something we've never had 571 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,160 # If you ask our children they'll certainly agree 572 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,120 # There's some great dads out there Just not us three 573 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:31,840 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 574 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,160 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 575 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,600 # Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad 576 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:38,840 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 577 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,280 # I was a father 578 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:43,720 # Who wanted a son 579 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,040 # When I had two daughters 580 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,400 # I dispatched their mums 581 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,920 # Then got a boy with wife number three 582 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,520 # Edward's my man 583 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,280 # Forget Liz and Mary 584 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,760 # Cos being a dad ain't easy 585 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,120 # Feels like you can't do enough 586 00:26:03,120 --> 00:26:05,960 # I desert my daughters and send them away 587 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,640 # Maybe I was a little bit tough 588 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,760 # Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad 589 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,360 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 590 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:14,640 # Robert, my eldest 591 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,200 # I used to call names 592 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,880 # Fat legs and short pants Ha-ha! 593 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:22,200 # Such fun and games 594 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,880 # Then we fell out Dad, dad, dad, dad 595 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,000 # Had a big barney Dad, dad, dad, dad 596 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,360 # I thought we were close Dad, dad, dad, dad 597 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:31,720 # But he deserted my army Dad, dad, dad, dad 598 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,320 # No, being a dad ain't easy 599 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,880 # Sometimes you just can't agree 600 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,760 # You end up at war on opposite sides 601 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,360 # Or maybe that was just me 602 00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:43,960 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 603 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,240 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 604 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:50,520 # I'm just a typical family guy 605 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:55,520 # Around 100 children by eight different wives. 606 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,200 # It's hard being a dad Dad, dad, dad, dad 607 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,640 # With eight wives in the mix Dad, dad, dad, dad 608 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,200 # I thought I did well Dad, dad, dad, dad. 609 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,680 # And I only had six Dad, dad, dad, dad 610 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,200 # No, being a dad ain't easy 611 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,560 # There's no tougher job on the earth 612 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,360 # It's really much harder than being a mum 613 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,600 # If you don't count giving birth 614 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:19,560 # I really love Edward, but I suppose I ought to 615 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,560 # Have paid more attention to my eldest daughter 616 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,640 # Me and Robert at war - such a great shame 617 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,120 # I had enough trouble just remembering their names 618 00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:29,360 # Being a dad ain't easy 619 00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,880 # I wish we could turn back the clock 620 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,960 # We may not be the greatest examples 621 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,520 # Because you generally find that dads rock 622 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,800 # Dad, dad, dad, dad Dads rock 623 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,400 # Dad, dad, dad, dad Dads rock 624 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,560 # Dad, dad, dad, dad Dads rock! 625 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,000 # Dad, dad, dad, dad 626 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,760 # Dads rock. # 627 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:48,960 Rock!46750

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.