All language subtitles for The Adam Ray Show s01e02 Nikki Glaser.eng

Gorgeous. Just like St. Louis.

Right?

Do you have those moments at home
when you look out the window in St. Louis

and see� What do you see, like a Panera?

I see a park. I'm trying to save this fly.

Wow, that's a great way
to gauge someone's humanity.

- Oh, yeah.
- Like, that small of a thing.

'Cause I killed a spider today.

No! Adam, why?

It looked like
it was gonna kill my family.

It isn't. How big was it?

Pretty big.

- Then it's--
- I'll send you, like�

I'll send you the Ring camera footage
of me�

- Yeah, it's gonna-- Really?
- Don't kill. Don't ever�

I understand they're scary, and I don't
like insects. This doesn't bother me. But�

That I wouldn't� You're a bad person
if you'd take that out.

Or a centipede or something.

I mean, this is just annoying, so I could
see how someone would easily kill that.

But when I get grossed out
by stuff in the shower,

I just� I name him, and then he's my pet,
and then I'm not scared of him anymore.

And it's someone� It's like,
I just name them.

Where do you get your weed from?

No, that's actually adorable.

Insects too. And insects can feel pain.
They just proved it recently.

And so this whole idea of like,
"Oh, we don't have to eat meat.

We can harvest insects
and use their protein."

Like, they feel pain too.

"Well, I was talking about that
in my book."

- Wait, who's that? Hold on.
- RFK.

RF� Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Doesn't he talk about that?

I only want you to do it
'cause I think it would mess up�

- It would give you--
- It's even deeper than that. No.

- That's actually per--
- And it's more, like, phlegm, and�

Hello, Lauren? Yeah.

That's fucking really kind of--

- You're right. I am doing it a little--
- You need more mucus.

- That's it.
- It's more like Krang from Ninja Turtles.

- I don't know that.
- Were you a Ninja Turtles girl?

Yeah. I mean, I had the pizza thrower.

- Let's go.
- Like, because my--

I was best friends
with my, like, you know, cousin,

and he had all that stuff,
and so I wanted to be cool in his eyes.

You talked about� in your special,
streaming now on Hulu.

- Heard of it? I haven't.
- Where's our Hulu cam?

- It's on Netflix, right?
- Good girl.

Did you� Yeah.
Did you also write this song again?

- I did. Yeah.
- Man.

I just� I don't know.

I think that if I would have been steered
in a different direction in high school,

- I would've been a songwriter and singer.
- You did musical theater, right?

I did but I didn't like to dance.

I got told at an early age
I was a horrible dancer.

- So I just refused to audition.
- Which is a wild thing.

At what age were you told?

- Fifth grade. I remember by my mom.
- Sixth?

- Wow, fam? I guess that's better.
- Yeah. They were like, "What the hell?"

- "You can't do that."
- Those aren't moves.

Yeah. And I just was like,
"Okay, I shall never do this again."

And so to be in musical theater,
you had to dance, so I never auditioned.

And so I didn't do it,
but I always liked singing.

And then I had a voice teacher because
I was in a cappella and stuff like that.

I was taking voice lessons on the side,

and my voice teacher took my mom aside
one day and told her,

"Nikki doesn't have it.
This is a waste of your money."

And come to find out that maybe my mom

just didn't want to pay
$50 every week for lessons.

And she made me think I didn't have it.
Put that on Sheila Dugan.

Sheila� I was gonna ask
for a name shout-out.

- You know I remember Sheila Dugan.
- I love a good�

Are you big on full name shout-outs?

Yeah. Oh, my God.

And whenever you try
in a special or something

to pick a different name,

it doesn't work as well
as the name it actually is.

- You need to be connected to it.
- Yes.

And especially the first name.
Sheila's such a good comedy, jokey name.

People are like, "that's the name
she chose to make this bit better."

But it's usually perfect. I�
We can play this game at home.

But the most popular girl in high school
sounds like the most popular girl.

- It sounds like it was written for--
- Here we go.

- Here we go.
- Okay, go.

I got a handful for you,
but the first one that came to my head,

and you're gonna think
this is a fucking fake name. Ready?

- I know.
- Blaise Wadham.

I mean, like�

- Blaise, where are you? Fucking--
- Wait, that's a girl's name?

- Yes.
- Blaise Wadham?

Blaise Wadham.

- Watch those Wadhams.
- Comedy in high school was that like�

- No, I--
- Was Euphoria? No.

No, like, I wasn't doing comedy
in high school.

I was funny with my group of friends,
who are the funniest people to this day.

I know every comedian says this
about their group of high school friends.

But it's not always true.
I believe it when you're saying it.

I lucked out.
They're still my best friends to this day.

- Wow.
- Still the naturally funniest people.

So many times in girls' chat,
I'm like, "Can I use that?"

And they're like,
"I'm a Pilates instructor."

- What am I gonna do with it?
- Are you thinking of running bits?

I'm like, "I'll Venmo you."
They're like, "You don't need to."

But they constantly� Like, I am totally
an amalgamation of my idols.

- And all of my friends.
- I love that.

And, you know, that is why I am who I am.
I think I was�

You know, I'm original, obviously,
in the way I think and everything,

but I think that I was just really good
at absorbing what was funniest

and, like, also desperate to be liked,
and, like, admired,

and, you know, just to be popular,

so I would just kind of want to mimic
anyone who was getting attention.

I've told this story before,
and I'm so sorry for the girl it's about,

but there was a girl in our school
that was really popular,

and she had a slightly lazy eye
that just kind of� I used to do it.

It was just a little bit like�

By the way, that says talent
that should be on the resume.

Wait, I can cross one eye.
But it was just a little bit off,

and I naturally just started
having a lazy eye because I�

Not even intentionally.
Like, I just became what I wanted�

Because she was getting attention,
not for the lazy eye, by the way.

It was everything else, but that was
the thing I decided to hone in on.

"If I have that, I'll be popular."

The lazy eye is what Brad Williams
will start to pick up

if he does start to grow
because he'll be like, "I need a new�"

"I need a new something.
What's my new angle?"

We were talking about that recently.
Shout out to Brad Williams.

- Shout out to Brad Williams.
- Great dude, great comedian, 4' 4".

And we joked about it.
He goes, "If something happens�"

If he did, like, start to grow
later in life, what he would do.

- Do you think about?
- Oh, interesting. Yeah, 'cause he'd have�

Like, he has made his whole life

off of being something
that people recognize right away.

- And he has to almost beat them to it.
- Totally.

And take the attention off of that

onto something else and be so funny.
Yeah, I relate to that.

Had you met a dwarf before you met Brad?
Like, St. Louis�

No, I don't think I had.

And you know, it was�
It's the kind of thing where you think�

I remember working with a comedian,
Josh Blue, who has cerebral palsy.

I remember knowing of him

before working with him
at the Atlanta Georgia Funny Farm,

and out in Alpharetta or something,

and I remember before the weekend
thinking, like,

"I'm never not gonna notice that he's this
because it's very obvious."

And it's like, am I gonna be awkward
around it, or is it gonna distract me?

- Or am I gonna have pity all weekend?
- Yeah.

Because he seems to be struggling
talking and moving.

- And then he's so funny and so, just�
- Disarming.

- You forget. You literally don't see it.
- Yeah.

And then when people around you react,
you're like, "What are you looking at?"

Like, you forget.

And I love that
about physical disabilities

or anything that, if you are funny enough
and charismatic enough,

people literally stop seeing it, and I�

I've told this a million times,
but I went to college and I was anorexic,

and I literally looked insane.

Like, I should not
have been allowed to go.

I had no friends because, you know,
no one� everyone was worried about me.

I looked like a walking corpse.

- It was horrible.
- Cut to a clip.

- We don't have it. I'm sorry.
- Please.

Just cut to Holocaust footage.

- We do have that.
- Literally that.

- We do have tons of that.
- Literally that. Like, it was so bad.

And everywhere I went, I could hear
people whispering and talking,

and I wasn't making any friends.
It was my freshman year, I was alone.

And then that is� That's always
what I say when people go,

"When did you become a comedian?"
I was always funny with friends,

but I was quiet and shy in high school.

But then in college, I had to, like,
amp it up to get friends.

And then I made so many friends
because I was outspoken and funny

and took the focus
off of what I looked like

that my friends, I remember,
came back to me later on and were like,

"It's so crazy because we all saw what
everyone else saw when we first met you,

but we forgot, and people would come to us
and say, 'We're worried about Nikki.'

'The way she looks.'"
They'd be like, "What?"

And they literally,
I made them forget about it.

- That's the power of being funny.
- Wow. Superpower.

And that's�
I mean, what are you covering up for?

Well, yeah, I mean, I would get teased
being a fat kid all the time.

And then would� then once I started
making people laugh, everybody was like,

"Oh, he's the funny kid, not the fat kid."
So it just changed the way they saw me.

Yeah.

- Do you love being an aunt?
- Yes.

Your jokes in your special
were so funny about it 'cause that's�

Once my sister started having kids,
that was like such an awesome�

just bag of material to, like, play.

And I can see from stuff you posted,
that, like, you're all about it.

I'm all about it, but, like, you know,
I'm not there that often.

Totally. And so it's nice.
I used to say it's great being an uncle.

I come in for a few hours, fill them up
on sugar, drop them off at 8 p.m.,

tell them how cool the Goo Goo Dolls were.
And then I'm like, "See you in 6 weeks."

- And then to, like, run it back.
- Yes.

And then it's like, all� And then they go
inside and they're judging the parents

off of 4 hours you had, and they're like,
"Why can't you be like that?"

- I know.
- Like, "We're around you all the time."

- And yeah.
- Yeah, it's great.

And it's� You know, I always thought
that if my sister had kids,

I would suddenly
feel the urge to do it, and I don't.

I see how much work it is.
She has 3 kids under 9 or whatever.

- Jeez.
- And it's� It's mayhem.

You know, it's like, it's full-on.

I just don't know how people
do what I do and have kids.

I know some women do it,
but, like, I literally, I could never.

Do this profession?

- Yeah, dude, and all that it demands.
- Yeah.

And, you know, I've heard, though�
that I remember Louis C.K. saying that he�

you know, he's on the road forever.

Killing on the road,
doing clubs, making good money.

But then he had kids, and he was like,

"I have to earn for them
and take it up a notch."

And it was what propelled him to go,
"I'm gonna make a new hour every year."

And having kids was what pushed him.

So sometimes I'm like, "Should I just
get kids to maybe push me to work harder?"

- No way. You're doing enough.
- 'Cause I'm just like�

Sometimes, though, you get older
and this gets harder and harder.

But I know everyone's like,
"You could bring a kid in this world."

A buddy of mine literally said the other
day, which I think is like valid,

but also kinda crazy,
and an excuse to not do it. He was like,

"I ain't bringing a kid in this world.
Teachers are gonna try to fuck your kid."

And I go, "Well, you know not all
the kids are getting fucked, right?"

All the teachers are trying
to fuck the kids?

Oh, yeah, he's�

That's the least of the worries right now.
I mean, it's definitely a worry.

And I talk about that in my special,

like, there's people out there that wanna
fuck kids. And you gotta watch out.

But it's really easy to figure out
who's doing it.

- Male babysitters, right?
- Yeah.

I know there's lots of good ones,
but I'm sorry.

- We can't trust you.
- No, it's a giant red flag.

Yeah.

We all have a smart stupid friend, though.

And I'm� like� I have Gabe Cohen.
Shout out from Seattle.

He asked one day,
"What is Hitler's last name?"

Which is�

Emily, do you know Hitler's last name?
Let's do this.

- Yes.
- What is it?

- That.
- Okay, that�

- And what is his first name?
- 6 more weeks of work.

His first name�

I know it�

It begins with an A.

- Great.
- Okay. Let's take a stab.

Adam?

Adam Hitler!

His son, who tried
to take over the bakery.

It's Adolf.

I was two letters in.

Okay. Oh! She's giving herself credit!

I thought she was gonna go, "Of course."
But she goes, "I was close."

I'd have got the Wordle on the fifth try.

- Adam, a classic German name.
- A classic German�

Adam Hitler. I mean, great, like
Hootie & the Blowfish cover band name,

but�

Wait.

Okay, so St. Louis.

Yeah, I live in St. Louis.

I feel like you love St. Louis
the way I love Seattle.

- Yes. I know. Yes.
- You have pride in where you're from.

And you like, you know,
you do a lot of hometown stuff.

You're like, you put them on the map
probably more than Jim Edmonds ever has.

- Oh, thanks.
- Truly.

- I don't even--
- I feel like, oh, yeah.

Jim Edmonds never went on The View
or American Idol.

That's true.

I don't know much about Jim Edmonds.

- Cardinals. Okay. Yeah.
- Center fielder. There you go.

Oh, yeah, Jim Edmonds.
I can hear the thing.

- Yeah, RFK did his announcement.
- Clearly. It's the only voice I have.

- Yeah, No, you--
- We've got Jon Hamm.

- We've got Sterling K. Brown. Andy Cohen.
- Jon Hamm!

We've got Cedric the Entertainer.

We've got really good celebrities
in St. Louis, so I'm, like, so�

Yeah. I'm so glad to be
a part of the list, but�

- And Nelly. Nelly's changed everything.
- Nelly's St. Louis?

Nelly, St. Louis is Nelly, like� Nelly is�

I mean, he referenced our local malls
and that, like�

Nelly broke when I was a senior
in high school, and it changed everything.

I mean, it put St. Louis on the map.
Literally, it was crazy.

- Does he still rep it.
- Oh, yeah.

- Go back and do little--
- He just went back and performed recently.

But I'm the only person
who lives there still.

Me and Joe Buck.

Let me just speak up for Alex
on Love Is Blind, the soccer guy.

- Did you watch Love Is Blind? Okay.
- Yes.

- He was always just--
- Yes. We all know, like, yeah.

He was always a little like�

Always, like� I felt bad too,
'cause I'm like, man,

I didn't think he was lying, but I�

- I didn't either.
- But I felt like his face said otherwise.

- Yeah.
- That's a bummer.

Sometimes the face and your brain
don't get on the same page.

And she was like,
"Did you live in Austin?"

He was like,
"I mean, I didn't not not live in Austin."

I was like, "Dude, that's not gonna work."

But it was the type of stuff that wasn't�
They weren't together.

- So who cares?
- Who cares?

- That's what I thought.
- Thank you.

But remember when he was always doing
the soccer analogies?

And people were like, "Enough.
He's obsessed with himself."

Producers love that.

What if this happened?
What if the producer said,

"We're gonna do this through line
where you're a soccer guy,

and we're gonna make everything through
a lens of soccer. People will love it."

They get told, "People are gonna love it."

"This is gonna be your thing.
It's gonna be funny,

but we're gonna make it look cool."

And then it makes him look like an idiot.

But maybe he was coached to do that.

- Totally.
- Like he was in soccer.

But you know, I look at it
from that perspective now of like,

what maybe are producers doing
to manipulate this?

And maybe I can have more empathy
for people who look like the villain,

but on Love on the Spectrum,
no villains, pure heart.

So good. So many great characters too.

I mean, like,
really a good character study

for you as someone who picks up
different nuances of people's behavior.

Because they are just purely human.

There's no pretense. They are not
trying to look cool. They're just�

But they are aware that they're awkward
and maybe that they�

They know that, like, they aren't reading
people's emotions.

Could you imagine what that would be like?
I don't know if you hate me right now.

I can't read your face
to tell if you're having a good time.

So I learned that, okay, if I see his
teeth, it means he's having a good time.

So I'm looking at your teeth.
I'm not sure that's exactly how it works.

But a lot of times,
you see them just smile

because they're having a good time,
but they need to let everyone know.

And they've heard that if you smile,
it lets people know. It's so sweet.

Wait, give me one of your�
Give me Jennifer Aniston

watching an episode
of Love on the Spectrum.

Perfect. Perfect.

Hey, so I have some fan questions.

- Oh.
- You got fans all over the world.

Wow.

Pretty crazy, right?
Globally, to have people�

I mean, do you get messages from people
in, I don't know, South Korea, Denmark,

that are just like� It's wild, right?

- Yeah, I think I do. I mean, I� it's�
- Do you check your stuff? Like�

Yeah, I think I have,
like, a limit on it now.

- Yeah. Too much.
- Because it just is too much.

Do you ever start engaging with them
and then you have just like�

I probably have 200 fans
that can write me whenever they want,

I always write back to them because I feel
like if I let them down, they'll hate me.

1,000%. And we are very similar. Yes.

Like, there's probably more than 200,
to be honest with you.

And I have to put a cap on it.

I just sent a video to a girl. Like,
because she goes, "It's my dad's friend�"

"My dad passed when I was young,
and his friend or maybe cousin is now�"

Like, became her guardian,
and it's his birthday, and he's a big fan.

Can you make a video? I scroll up.
I did a video for her husband a month ago.

So I'm like, "You know what?
Just send me the entire family tree,

and let me just knock them out
in one sitting."

- And it's like�
- But I, like� I don't� I'm like�

- And then I� Even if I'm busy right then--
- People go, "Come on."

"It takes seconds.
It doesn't have to be good."

But you're gonna post it everywhere.
It does have to be kinda good.

I have to be funny.

- You're gonna send this to the group chat.
- Were you ever doing Cameos?

- Still on it.
- I'd work so hard that I had to stop.

Because I was taking hours
to make them so special,

like the way I would want them to be.

And so, yeah, there is a limit,
but it's so nice to have fans.

What is� Have you gotten a DM from a�

- I don't know, like a�
- Famous?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, all the time. You do too?

- Sure, yeah.
- That's amazing.

- I got� John Stamos DMed me today.
- Awesome.

- And just said he watched my special--
- You've never met him?

- I think I've met him in passing before.
- He's the man.

But it's the kind of thing where
I don't ever assume he'd remember.

- Sure.
- I just don't�

Like, I think we met
at Bob Saget's funeral or something.

So it was probably a day
where he wasn't really,

you know, collecting celebrity autographs.
And so�

But he wrote to me and said,
"Bob would be so proud of you."

"I can see Bob all over this,

like your timing and delivery,"
and that just meant so much to me.

I did get a follow from Ryan Reynolds
about 6 months ago,

and then I was like, "Let's go."

- So took 2 days. Of course.
- Did you write him? Okay.

- And 2 days and then seen. Yeah.
- Seen but not responded.

He could've been, like, in hair and makeup

and been like,
"I'll get back to him later."

- How many times? And then�
- Totally.

- He's got a lot of dudes hitting him up.
- Totally.

I was just about to do,
and I tried to make it funny,

and I was like, I listened to it back
after I sent it, I was like,

probably shouldn't have sent it.

No, your voice memos are always funny.

Like, as I usually am, like, a voice memo,

but yours, you sent me one the other day
that was so nice and so funny,

and I saved it because I'm like,
"I am gonna cherish this forever."

- I� yeah. That's so sweet.
- And� You know.

There's sometimes� Not to be morbid,
but someday one of us will die,

and one of us will have to remember
each other.

- And you'll have to play�
- And I will hopefully have a voice memo.

If you go before me,
I'll be like, "Oh my God."

"Look� Listen to�"
I think about that stuff now

because I've lost people
that I didn't save their voice memos.

- Yes.
- And� Yeah.

Do you ever take a picture with
someone and they don't post it?

After shows, you'll do a meet
and greet with 100s of photos.

- Yes. Yes.
- And maybe one person posts it.

And you go, "All these people
are holding onto this for the day I die."

- To post. "Rest in peace."
- 1,000%.

Make sure you let your celebrities know
you love them, when you still have time.

"What's tougher to see for the first time,
a penis or a ball?"

"Elon Hayes, 11 years old, Boise, Idaho."

Oh my God. I feel inappropriate
answering this, but�

I feel like maybe he didn't write it. So�

- Elon is his name? Elon Hayes.
- Elon Hayes, yeah.

Okay. He's gonna be a hot kid.

That sounds like a hot name.
That you made up. I'm hoping.

- I didn't say that kid's hot.
- Yeah.

But I was talking about�
It was a reference to Blaise before.

- Okay. A ball or penis?
- Yeah.

I mean, balls are like the afterthought,
you know, for the first time,

penis is, like, terrifying.

- Daunting.
- I feel like it's�

I just wasn't prepared for it.

There's not enough�
That's why I really felt, like, compelled

when I first started doing comedy to talk
about sex and what happens there,

because I just felt like no amount
of information from my girlfriends

that had encountered penises
would prepare me for what it was.

So I was like, "I'm gonna get in there
and tell you exactly what is going on."

It's informative for fellas to hear,
'cause even in the sex-ed courses,

they're not like�
They just show you on a thing.

They're just like,
"This is a penis. This is a vagina."

- "These are breasts."
- And they're splayed out.

It doesn't even look like how it is.

Guys are trying to finger your asshole
'cause they think it's your vagina.

They can't believe how far up it is.

- Guilty.
- Yes. I mean, it's the same thing.

Why aren't they correcting for this stuff?
Everyone makes the same mistakes.

I didn't know penises went all the way up.
I just thought they were perpendicular.

- Whoa.
- I didn't know they go all the way up.

- So I would think that would've hurt them.
- Sure.

And then balls.

I feel like� I don't even care about�
Who cares if they're long, saggy or gross.

Like, there's� I don't think
it's possible for them to look good.

- So I think it's, like�
- It's funny.

- I don't think we're thinking about that.
- We don't have to suck them.

I mean, you should,
if you know what you're doing. But�

You don't have to.
You just have to kind of�

Gently do that, and that's enough.
And I feel like that's--

If I could tell girls anything,

penis is what you should
prepare yourself for mentally.

And balls, just like, do like
little, like, jingle-jangle.

- It's funny you say that.
- Very gently.

Elon wrote a follow-up.
"If she talks about tickling the balls,

what, if the guy goes,
'He-he,' like the Pillsbury Doughboy,

is that a red flag or a green flag?"

- That means he wants a finger in the ass.
- Great.

That is positive reinforcement.
Keep going.

"Favorite joke from your new special?
Jaden Smith."

- Jaden Smith. So�
- Oh my God.

Hit him up on Facebook Messenger.
Surprised he got back.

I�

- Probably�
- Is that a weird question to ask?

No, I think� No. You're a comedian,
is it weird to ask a comedian?

- No, because I like that question.
- Your special, by the way, was so good.

I watched it. So I was watching a lot
of specials before my special,

just, like, of people I admire,

to like, you know, like I said,
I absorb what I think is good.

Whether that be a lazy eye
or, you know� like�

And you were just so rapid-fire.
That's what I really liked about yours.

Is that you�

I love comedy that doesn't let you sneeze
without missing something.

You have to go back,
and I felt that's what you delivered,

where it was like� I'm tired of specials

that are taking their time
and taking us on a journey.

I would watch a drama if I wanted that.

- 1,000%
- I just want jokes.

Show me how many you can fit in
and as quickly as possible.

And so that's what I really got
from you that I love.

But my favorite joke was probably�
it's always the last one you wrote.

So the night before�
It was probably the day of the special.

There was a line
about getting cum in my eye.

Yes.

Saying I had to go to the doctor
to get it treated

because I had to be on The View next day,

and I can't be on The View with cum
in my eye. Who am I, Joy Behar?

- And that just line made me laugh, 'cause�
- Stood up in the living room.

- So funny.
- So stupid.

Has Kirkwood High had a day for you yet?

Yeah, I mean, I was in� you know,
got in the Hall of Fame at my high school.

- Wow.
- Yeah, it was cool.

I didn't get to go to it, but my parents
went and accepted on my behalf.

- Read a speech for me. Yeah.
- Cool.

Which also, your parents are bona fide,
like, mini-celebs at this point.

The amount of� I remember when
you had him on Not Safe, right?

- Yeah. Yes.
- You interviewed them.

- I hooked them up to a lie detector.
- Oh my God, so funny.

I had my mom talk about anal sex,
and my dad talking about�

Hearing me have sex one time in his house.
Like, it was brutal.

- Does that--
- It was such a funny idea.

My writers room said, "We'll hook them
to a lie detector and ask about sex."

- I'm like, "Let's do it. That's so fun."
- Yeah.

So many times I sign up
for things that just sound good,

and then when you're sitting across
from your dad and you have to be like�

"When I lived at home,
did you ever hear me have sex?"

And have to have him say yes,
and it's� It was just so�

It was one of the worst days of shooting
of my life.

How much does their support
and just, like, comfortability in�

'Cause seeing them, like, I've met them
at The Comedy Store.

- Yeah. They love you so much.
- They're so sweet.

But they just�
I love how much they wanna be�

I was telling you before we started
how much my mom is like that.

- And just wanting, like, that does�
- It's everything.

- Totally.
- If�

When my parents are gone,
I think I can quit.

I literally do this so I can be like,
"Mom, Dad, look what I did."

Like, it's honestly
the only reason that I do it. And�

And they still get pumped for every�

I know they're probably like,
"Get the fuck out of here."

- Everything.
- Yeah.

And it's like, you know, I� they�
That is something that I just, you know�

I don't know what I'm gonna do
when I don't have them to celebrate.

And I don't know
what will compel me to do it.

I'll have to find another reason
to keep going,

because it's still like that,
just, you know,

taking a picture home like,
"Look what I drew,"

and putting it on the refrigerator
and feeling like that's love.

And my mom just, like�

My mom just loves how much people love me.
It's very like, it's not about love.

She doesn't watch me on stage.
She watches other people love me.

- That's awesome.
- And it is�

It's about� because sometimes I'm like,

"But aren't I enough?" And she's like,
"Now you are. These people like you."

And it's kind of that�
But that's the way my mom is.

She, like, grew up, like, you have to�
People need to like you,

and that's why I am the way I am,

is like you're only worth something
if people like you.

- Wow.
- And not about if you like you.

But she does say, "Nikki, you're so cool."

- Yeah.
- "You are the coolest."

She tells me I'm cool a lot,
which is sweet.

Are you even at a point
where you can't say anything

if they're in the room, like a joke on�
No, it's just, that's out the window.

No, it's just, that's�

They know what they're getting into
on shows,

and I always think about�

Can you imagine if you want to go see�

Like if I went to go see Cardi B
and Megan Thee Stallion

and they were like, "We're not doing WAP
tonight because my mom's here."

And as a person who bought a ticket,
you'd be like, "What the fuck?"

- Yeah.
- Like, "I picked the wrong show."

That's� And so I never,
because the audience is being paid�

Like, paying to see� I'm like,

"You guys can leave. You got a free ticket
from me. You can step out,

but I'm doing what I do."

- Because, yeah, I can't hold back.
- Yeah.

You could look at what I do,
where I talk about sex freely on stage,

and people are like,
"I would never do that."

Well, good, you wouldn't,
because I don't care.

And I've talked to my friends
who've done sex work

or who have stripped before,
things that I could never do.

We all have different levels.

But I always get that when people
are like, "What you do is so brave."

And I'm like, but it's not for me.

Because, yes, there's been times
I've been nervous to go on stage.

The Golden Globes
is, like, a big pressure thing,

and I get anxiety about it.

But stand-up, I was never really scared.
And so it's not that brave.

It's just a thing that I can do.

Favorite curse word?

I mean, everyone's like�

Skank-ass ho. I don�t know.
It�s coming to mind.

It�s like very, like, '95, '96.

- Yeah.
- Skank-ass ho-bag.

- Yeah, for a man too. Why not?
- Yes.

What is your least favorite word?

Probably�

Fun.

When someone says something about
what you're wearing is like, "That's fun."

Or like, "That you're doing that,
that's fun."

- Tell me what you really think.
- Just said with that kind of "fun."

Yeah, probably that comes to mind.

- There's others too.
- Before we wrap up. The Globes.

And so nerves, anxiety,
but then, like, you're so seasoned

and excited at this point, right?
Was it just like excited nerves?

But now it's like,
you better live up to it.

And it's at the point where, like,
people might start going, "Enough of her."

Like, it was fun at first, just�

- I don't think so.
- It happens to everyone.

There is a point
where it's oversaturation,

people go, "Okay, move on from this."

- Maybe.
- You've felt that before.

Sure, but I think that, like, you have�
It's such a�

You know, it's not� It's�
That monologue everyone wants so bad.

- Yeah.
- Which is, like, your thing.

And then all your bits are different.

And you're getting a different slew
of actors and people every time.

- So it's like, always�
- It's the best job, but it's so hard.

It's, you know, just writing those jokes.
It's not just any jokes.

Well, it's hard
'cause you made it a thing too.

You didn't just do a week of sets
and then let me just see what happens.

- No.
- You made it--

No, I wanted to walk off that stage,
and if it went badly, be like,

"There was nothing I could've done."

Because if� You know when you do something
and you don't put your all into it,

if it goes wrong, you beat yourself
up forever. I could have tried harder.

- Yes.
- But if you beat�

I just failed at something recently
that I thought was just like a B-.

And I really went for an A+
and I just didn't get it.

But I didn't suffer because I was like,
"I tried my best and my best was a B-."

- Yeah.
- So no regrets.

Yeah. If heaven exists,

what would you like to hear God say
when you arrive at the pearly gates?

Your parents are inside waiting for you.

Nikki Glaser. Nikki Glaser.
The one and only.

- I love you.
- Thanks, Nikki.

- You make this so easy.
- Thank you so much.

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