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1
00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:38,790
There she is.
2
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,620
Good old Hollywood.
3
00:00:40,670 --> 00:00:42,800
Sold as a land of dreams,
4
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:46,410
this is a deeply backwards town
for the majority.
5
00:00:46,450 --> 00:00:49,800
Fablers and thespians flock
to the twinkling lights,
6
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,890
where they fight
to make believe,
7
00:00:51,940 --> 00:00:54,370
until a select few rise up
8
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:57,330
and metastasize
into the gatekeepers themselves.
9
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:03,560
When some reach new heights,
they withhold a helping hand
10
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:07,610
and instead spit
on the fellow creatives below.
11
00:01:12,310 --> 00:01:14,870
Hey everyone, welcome
toEntertainment Evening.
12
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,350
We have lots to unpack
for you tonight,
13
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,700
including a red carpet
altercation...
14
00:01:19,750 --> 00:01:21,270
But on Christmas Eve,
15
00:01:21,310 --> 00:01:24,270
a sextuplet
of struggling artists
16
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:26,840
will have their fortunes altered
17
00:01:26,890 --> 00:01:29,760
by an unexpected
and mysterious holiday gift.
18
00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:44,690
Dear distinguished guest,
19
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:48,730
you are cordially invited to...
20
00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:51,480
... a remarkable
and exclusive evening
21
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,390
that will forever
change your life.
22
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,920
Enclosed is your golden ticket.
23
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:05,400
And a $1,000 preview
of a fortune to be had.
24
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:10,230
Inscribed on the ticket
is your pseudonym,
25
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,630
call time, and address.
26
00:02:12,670 --> 00:02:14,190
You are Ghost.
27
00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:25,730
Lastly, there are
three rules for the event.
28
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,470
Don't bring cell phones,
29
00:02:27,510 --> 00:02:29,300
don't discuss
your personal lives
30
00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:30,910
and don't be late.
31
00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:32,470
See you tonight.
32
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,610
-I bet some pretty famous people
Uber up here, yeah?
33
00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:37,260
-They don't ride UberPool.
34
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:40,650
Right. Right.
35
00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:44,310
Right.
36
00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:47,490
Hey, what's the craziest thing
you've seen while driving?
37
00:02:47,530 --> 00:02:49,710
Okay, okay, I got one.
38
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,800
I once saw a pigeon fly out
of a woman's bag.
39
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:52,970
Now this is a true story.
40
00:02:53,010 --> 00:02:54,630
So I'm sitting up here
in the front seat.
41
00:02:54,670 --> 00:02:55,840
Now, two women
who don't know each other
42
00:02:55,890 --> 00:02:57,020
are sittin' in the back.
43
00:02:57,060 --> 00:02:58,930
Now, grocery bag lady
falls asleep,
44
00:02:58,980 --> 00:03:00,810
and no sooner does she do that
than bang!
45
00:03:00,850 --> 00:03:02,940
A pigeon flies out,
and this guy is flapping,
46
00:03:02,980 --> 00:03:05,330
and he is going crazy.
47
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:06,810
And the old lady sitting
next to her,
48
00:03:06,850 --> 00:03:08,900
she grabs the pigeon,
49
00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:11,420
snaps the bird's neck
real casual,
50
00:03:11,470 --> 00:03:13,300
and puts it right back
into the grocery bag.
51
00:03:13,340 --> 00:03:15,690
And the craziest part
about this
52
00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:18,480
is grocery lady
never even woke up.
53
00:03:20,390 --> 00:03:21,610
Made me realize
how much we miss
54
00:03:21,650 --> 00:03:24,310
just by closing our eyes.
55
00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:26,960
-Shit...I remember
that monologue
56
00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:29,830
from Leonard Kahn's class.
57
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:30,970
-What are you talking about?
58
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:33,320
-Yeah, went there in 2017.
59
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:34,800
Did the same monologue.
60
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:35,880
You're good.
61
00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:37,970
You gotta slow it down though.
62
00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:44,680
On, um, on which part?
63
00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:49,330
Thank you for the invitation
to...
64
00:03:49,380 --> 00:03:52,680
Thank you. Thank you.
65
00:03:58,690 --> 00:04:01,870
Good day. Thank you so much
for this surprise invitation
66
00:04:01,910 --> 00:04:04,040
to your humble abode.
67
00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:05,000
No one says that.
68
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,400
Hello. Good day.
It's nice to meet you.
69
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,750
It's nice to be
at your sophisticated
70
00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:14,530
and yet humble abode.
71
00:04:14,570 --> 00:04:16,100
You're late
and you sound Mormon.
72
00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:18,360
-Yeah. No, no, no.
73
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,540
Sorry.
My--my driver dropped me off
74
00:04:20,580 --> 00:04:22,630
a little bit down the road.
75
00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:25,540
He doesn't have it.
76
00:04:25,590 --> 00:04:26,760
- No, no.
No, no. I have it.
77
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,630
-The card?
-Yeah, I have it.
78
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,420
Yeah, it says--it says--
it says I'm a Hero.
79
00:04:32,590 --> 00:04:34,640
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
80
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,160
-All right, hold on.
81
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,600
Read the sign.
Wipe your hooves.
82
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,080
Yeah.
83
00:04:41,430 --> 00:04:42,910
It's a little tarpy
in here though.
84
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:46,430
-Yeah, a lot of tarps.
Very American Psycho.
85
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,130
-Whooh. Yeah, I'll say.
86
00:04:48,170 --> 00:04:49,780
-Hey.
-Hello, everyone.
87
00:04:49,830 --> 00:04:52,740
-Here. Drink this,
but drink it slowly.
88
00:04:52,790 --> 00:04:54,570
We don't have a lot
of alcohol here.
89
00:04:56,620 --> 00:05:00,140
Okay, guys, this is Hero.
90
00:05:00,190 --> 00:05:02,100
He's late.
Hero, this is everyone.
91
00:05:02,140 --> 00:05:03,620
They've been waiting.
92
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,100
Go ahead,
introduce yourselves.
93
00:05:05,150 --> 00:05:07,540
-My card says I'm a Ghost,
but I'm not a ghost.
94
00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:09,720
-Yeah, no, I'm the spaceman.
-Great.
95
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,760
-I was a goat, though,
in a past life in Scotland.
96
00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:13,760
No, but I'm here
in front of you right now.
97
00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:17,680
-Hi. Princess.
-Howdy. Cowboy.
98
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,640
-And I'm the Dame.
99
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,820
So, you coordinate
this rendezvous?
100
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:27,130
-No. No, I--I wish.
101
00:05:27,170 --> 00:05:29,910
Well,
this is it then. Us six.
102
00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:32,910
And how do you know that?
103
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,920
-There's six chairs.
104
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,050
- Right.
Okay, right, that--
105
00:05:37,090 --> 00:05:40,570
yeah, math checks out,
everybody.
106
00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:42,750
Um, so does anybody know
each other, or is—
107
00:05:42,790 --> 00:05:43,880
-No.
-Nope.
108
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,670
No one knows anything,
109
00:05:45,710 --> 00:05:47,800
but clearly this is a game show.
110
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,190
So I just want
to put out right now,
111
00:05:49,230 --> 00:05:50,840
when we do split up into teams,
112
00:05:50,890 --> 00:05:52,110
I just want to let you know
that I'm very lucky.
113
00:05:52,150 --> 00:05:54,070
I'm unusually lucky.
114
00:05:54,110 --> 00:05:56,940
Like, every dog I've ever known
has lived more than 15 years.
115
00:05:56,980 --> 00:05:58,810
Fifteen years! Ha!
That's unheard of.
116
00:05:58,850 --> 00:06:00,110
-I doubt it's a game show.
117
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,640
-Maybe this is a cult thing.
118
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,640
-Honestly, I thought it
was another intervention.
119
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,160
So I've already won.
120
00:06:06,210 --> 00:06:08,080
-You know, they might
be single-filin' us
121
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:09,950
through that Great Blue Door.
122
00:06:11,390 --> 00:06:14,870
-A Blue Door is a cow's entrance
to a slaughterhouse.
123
00:06:14,910 --> 00:06:17,000
-See, they don't know
where they are
124
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,740
before they get popped
right between the eyes.
125
00:06:21,530 --> 00:06:23,490
Hang on, what is that?
126
00:06:23,530 --> 00:06:24,620
-What is that?
127
00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:26,100
-Come on.
Hey, hey, hey, guys, come on.
128
00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:28,010
Rule number one
on the invite is no cells.
129
00:06:28,060 --> 00:06:29,840
You brought your
cell phone with you, didn't you?
130
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,280
-No, you saw me leaving
the apartment.
131
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,890
-Then what's ringing?
Is it in your sock?
132
00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:33,800
-Did you bring your phone?
-It's not my fucking phone!
133
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:35,670
-I didn't bring my phone.
134
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,020
-Okay, rule number two is don't
talk about your personal lives.
135
00:06:37,060 --> 00:06:38,810
What--what is happening
right now?
136
00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:41,460
-Well, you--you--you did say
the dog thing.
137
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:42,640
But dog's not the same thing.
138
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:43,590
-Dog is not personal life.
-Quiet!
139
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,030
-All right, well,
he's my brother.
140
00:06:45,070 --> 00:06:46,990
-He's always up my ass.
-telling them--
141
00:06:47,030 --> 00:06:48,080
-They would have figured it out
eventually.
142
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,080
I don't know
what you want from me.
143
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:50,120
-You got to shut your gizzard.
144
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,510
-Jesus Christ.
-Everyone, shut up!
145
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,040
-Listen.
-Shut up!
146
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,170
-God, it's still sealed.
-Is it in there?
147
00:06:57,220 --> 00:06:58,170
Wait.
148
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:08,230
-What does the card say?
149
00:07:08,270 --> 00:07:11,230
-“Saddle up for a wild night.”
150
00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:23,280
-Think someone's supposed
to come in?
151
00:07:23,330 --> 00:07:25,720
-Yeah, right.
152
00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:27,030
Well, you missed your cue.
153
00:07:27,070 --> 00:07:29,900
Saddle up.
154
00:07:29,940 --> 00:07:31,990
Nobody?
Come on, come on.
155
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:33,820
That was an amateur clue.
156
00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:35,210
Any of you guys could have made
a better clue than that clue.
157
00:07:35,250 --> 00:07:37,120
-Maybe there's something
under one of our chairs.
158
00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:39,610
-Maybe it's like a sexual thing
159
00:07:39,650 --> 00:07:41,040
and we're supposed
to partner off?
160
00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:44,610
-My God.
-What?
161
00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:46,920
Fun fact, he actually
took dialect classes
162
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,270
to get rid of his accent,
163
00:07:48,310 --> 00:07:50,050
but he does call
in reservations
164
00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:51,100
as Matthew McConaughey.
165
00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:52,710
God, why?
166
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,750
-Because this town
is chock-full of smug folk,
167
00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:55,930
and it is my way
of keeping pace.
168
00:07:55,970 --> 00:07:57,280
How clever.
169
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,100
I mean, I just assumed
we're all in the industry.
170
00:07:59,150 --> 00:08:01,150
-You're actress?
-Yeah.
171
00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:03,890
But I just dropped my manager,
172
00:08:03,930 --> 00:08:06,760
and I'm actually saving up
for some new headshots, so—
173
00:08:06,810 --> 00:08:08,110
All right.
174
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:09,940
I bet I could guess
everybody's jobs.
175
00:08:09,980 --> 00:08:11,940
So,
overconfident producer?
176
00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:13,290
Wait, wait, guys.
177
00:08:13,330 --> 00:08:15,950
I don't think we should be
talking about our lives.
178
00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:18,990
-Okay. So, producer, actress...
179
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,910
Writer, and...
180
00:08:21,950 --> 00:08:22,690
directing duo.
181
00:08:22,740 --> 00:08:23,780
-Nope.
-Yeah.
182
00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:25,260
Who never agree on anything.
183
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:28,650
-Yeah.
And actor.
184
00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:33,400
-Ha! No.
-Bad actor.
185
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:37,750
-No, listen, you don't know
anything about me.
186
00:08:37,790 --> 00:08:38,800
-Who has thin skin.
187
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:39,840
-Okay, fuck off.
188
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,280
Let's figure out what,
189
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:45,850
saddle up means.
190
00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:48,200
-It doesn't have anything to do
with the chairs.
191
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:49,370
-The welcome mat!
192
00:08:49,410 --> 00:08:51,810
- Jesus!
! The welcome mat!
193
00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:52,720
-We're all idiots.
194
00:08:52,770 --> 00:08:53,720
-You want another one of these?
195
00:08:53,770 --> 00:08:55,680
-Yeah, fill her up.
-All right.
196
00:08:55,730 --> 00:08:56,990
- The welcome mat.
The welcome mat.
197
00:08:57,030 --> 00:09:00,340
It's the welcome mat.
It's, um--okay.
198
00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:04,820
“Wipe your hooves!”
199
00:09:04,860 --> 00:09:07,740
Guys, it says
“Getting warmer.”
200
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,870
Getting warmer.
Getting warmer.
201
00:09:09,910 --> 00:09:12,920
- Getting warmer.
They got a barbecue.
202
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,220
Smokehouse out back.
203
00:09:14,270 --> 00:09:16,140
- Warmer.
The sun. The sun.
204
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,180
The solar eclipse?
205
00:09:18,230 --> 00:09:20,710
-Riddles are my nightmare.
-Fireplace.
206
00:09:20,750 --> 00:09:21,660
I was just going to say that.
207
00:09:21,710 --> 00:09:23,320
-The fireplace. Yes.
208
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,670
That's brilliant.
209
00:09:24,710 --> 00:09:27,670
My— That's it.
That's it. Yes.
210
00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:33,330
Um, there's...
there's nothing.
211
00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:35,030
-Look under the logs.
212
00:09:35,070 --> 00:09:36,200
-What?
-Here. Try this.
213
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,680
-You're going to love it.
-Thank God.
214
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,200
-The thingy under the logs.
215
00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:41,990
-No. There's--there's--
there's nothing in—
216
00:09:43,990 --> 00:09:46,210
Holy shit. It's a safe.
217
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:47,250
-How did you see that?
218
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:48,650
What kind of safe?
219
00:09:52,910 --> 00:09:54,310
Two hours and four minutes.
220
00:09:54,350 --> 00:09:56,390
Guys, it's a safe,
and it's open.
221
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:57,400
Look, look, look, look, look.
222
00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:58,700
Wait, what?
223
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:01,970
Any dinero in there?
224
00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:07,710
What is that note
screenplay thing even say?
225
00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:08,800
-The font's too small.
226
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:10,230
Give me the logline,
what it says.
227
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,110
-It looks like they'll give us
a shit ton of cash
228
00:10:12,150 --> 00:10:13,720
if we steal five
Best Picture Awards
229
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,240
from some producer.
230
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,020
-More specifically,
“Return the five awards
231
00:10:18,070 --> 00:10:19,980
"to this self-locking safe
by midnight tonight,
232
00:10:20,030 --> 00:10:22,030
"and another hidden safe
will be remotely opened
233
00:10:22,070 --> 00:10:23,940
"containing a life-changing
amount of money.
234
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:26,160
One million dollars each.”
235
00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:29,820
-Holy shit.
236
00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:33,910
-Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead
237
00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:36,390
and say this sounds a little
too good to be true.
238
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,970
-Whooh! I am in!
Come on now.
239
00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:47,490
Only awards I ever got
my hands on
240
00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:49,140
was the Omaha Horror Fest
Audience Award,
241
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:50,840
so yes, I am in.
242
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,760
-Well, you can be in,
but I'm out.
243
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,760
Ain't no bullwhip
or no crescent moon
244
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:55,450
that's gonna pull me
into this business.
245
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:56,800
-Come on.
246
00:10:56,850 --> 00:10:58,940
-Hey, we actually agree
on something.
247
00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:01,890
Yeah. I mean,
I'm fucking out.
248
00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:02,770
-I'll take my grand--
-Dame, you're kidding me.
249
00:11:02,810 --> 00:11:04,510
and head to Vegas.
Please.
250
00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:06,120
Hero. Princess.
Come on.
251
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,120
Come on, give me—
252
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,860
-Really?
You guys, five to one?
253
00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,430
We just gonna chicken exit
out of here
254
00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:12,950
and just let me get the six mil
by myself?
255
00:11:12,990 --> 00:11:15,260
-Okay, well, hold on.
256
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,820
Can you read me back the thing?
257
00:11:16,870 --> 00:11:18,300
Start from the top.
258
00:11:18,350 --> 00:11:21,310
-“Exterior mansion,
1400 Kings Road--Night.
259
00:11:21,350 --> 00:11:22,440
We see six struggling
filmmakers--
260
00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:29,050
-That's Jack Woodrow's house.
261
00:11:30,180 --> 00:11:32,140
Jack fucking Woodrow?
262
00:11:32,190 --> 00:11:33,490
Darth Vader of Hollywood.
263
00:11:33,530 --> 00:11:37,230
-Now that is a big bad buck
on our bowstrings,
264
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,930
ladies and gentlemen.
265
00:11:38,980 --> 00:11:40,500
-Hold on. How do you--
how do you know it's his house?
266
00:11:40,540 --> 00:11:42,500
-Yeah, how do you know that?
-I've been there.
267
00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:44,500
How--how have you been
to Jack Woodrow's?
268
00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:46,200
-My real passion
is being a caterer.
269
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,810
I just act to pay the bills.
270
00:11:47,850 --> 00:11:48,850
Get the fuck back.
271
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:49,900
-Are you sure about this?
272
00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,470
-Yeah.
273
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,470
-And everyone knows
Jack Woodrow's awards
274
00:11:53,510 --> 00:11:54,900
mean everything to him.
275
00:11:54,950 --> 00:11:56,170
-Everything.
276
00:11:57,950 --> 00:12:01,820
- I'm sorry, I...
who's Jack Woodrow?
277
00:12:44,690 --> 00:12:49,220
You know,
this is Orson Welles' old house.
278
00:12:49,260 --> 00:12:51,440
- Wow.
It's beautiful.
279
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,960
-The decorations are—
280
00:12:53,010 --> 00:12:54,400
Can't take any credit.
281
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,620
Ex-one bought all of it.
Ex-two rearranged it.
282
00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:01,320
-Did you practice
your acceptance speech?
283
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:04,540
In the bathroom?
284
00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:06,450
The award. Yeah.
285
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:09,280
No, I mean— Is it real?
286
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,850
Hoh-hoh.
287
00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:14,900
Look, you're nervous.
288
00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:19,510
It's okay, I get it.
But stop.
289
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:22,910
Let's just talk.
Emma and Jack.
290
00:13:22,950 --> 00:13:24,650
We're both filmmakers.
291
00:13:24,690 --> 00:13:26,260
-Okay.
292
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:28,610
-You like Citizen Kane?
-Of course.
293
00:13:28,650 --> 00:13:31,440
-You're leaning on the table.
294
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:32,650
-I'm sorry.
295
00:13:35,570 --> 00:13:37,960
-One from the archives room
at the beginning.
296
00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:41,660
I used to own the sled, too.
297
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:44,190
But I gave it to Leo
as a wrap gift.
298
00:13:44,230 --> 00:13:45,580
I'm gonna remake it.
299
00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:48,100
-The sled?
-The movie.
300
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:52,410
-Right. Yeah.
Remake the perfect movie.
301
00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:54,460
-Almost perfect.
302
00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:58,290
No one's in the room
when he says "Rosebud."
303
00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:03,550
Do you meditate?
304
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:04,860
-Sometimes.
305
00:14:06,340 --> 00:14:09,390
-Ikea. Adult Legos.
306
00:14:09,430 --> 00:14:11,260
Break for my brain.
307
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,220
Don't have to do anything
except follow instructions.
308
00:14:14,740 --> 00:14:20,530
But, your script
whisked me away.
309
00:14:20,570 --> 00:14:23,310
-That's— wow.
Thank you.
310
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,100
-How did you get it to Mary?
311
00:14:25,140 --> 00:14:26,450
-I knew she was your
longtime assistant,
312
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,190
and I Twitter stalked her.
313
00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:31,580
Sounds desperate.
314
00:14:31,630 --> 00:14:33,500
-Me and my--my roommate
took shifts.
315
00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:37,630
Tell me about you.
316
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,070
-Well, my script,
Self-Made Woman,
317
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:42,200
is sort of autobiographical.
318
00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:44,200
-So you sculpt like
the main character?
319
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,030
-No. I—
320
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,210
So you're unconfident
in your artistic abilities,
321
00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:50,640
and you haven't yet stood up
322
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,520
to the lover
who broke your heart?
323
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,390
-I meant more of
the East Coast upbringing.
324
00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:00,520
We're finished.
325
00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:02,130
Let's break some stuff.
326
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,180
Safety first.
327
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,670
Take the first whack.
328
00:15:12,710 --> 00:15:16,150
-A...Are you sure?
329
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,720
-I'm sure.
-Okay.
330
00:15:23,550 --> 00:15:25,810
-You can do better than that.
331
00:15:25,850 --> 00:15:29,160
That's all you got?
Come on, let it out.
332
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,300
-There we go.
333
00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:34,560
That's what I'm talking about.
Come on.
334
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,480
Whoa, it feels good!
335
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,520
-You're a natural.
336
00:15:41,260 --> 00:15:43,050
-Let me show you how it's done.
337
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,670
Mary will set up
agency meetings.
338
00:15:55,710 --> 00:15:57,580
They'll negotiate
your end of the deal.
339
00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,500
-This was incredible.
Thank you so much.
340
00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:00,710
-Emma...
341
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,760
speak up when you know
you're right.
342
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,160
This town will carve you up
if you don't defend yourself.
343
00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:10,720
-Okay, I will.
344
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,600
His assistant never called.
345
00:16:18,650 --> 00:16:20,430
I never got in with an agent.
346
00:16:20,470 --> 00:16:22,610
Jack blocked
all of my pitch meetings,
347
00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:24,130
and then two years later,
348
00:16:24,170 --> 00:16:25,740
he won his fifth
Best Picture Award.
349
00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:27,830
-For Self-Made Woman.
350
00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:29,220
-Did you sue him?
351
00:16:29,270 --> 00:16:31,480
-I tried, but he's pretty
freaking powerful
352
00:16:31,530 --> 00:16:33,830
and pretty freaking famous,
353
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,490
which makes me wonder,
how do you not know who he is?
354
00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:39,800
-Okay. Okay, yes.
355
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,100
How the hell would I not know
who this guy is?
356
00:16:42,150 --> 00:16:43,800
Okay, I'm just trying not
357
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,370
to reveal
that much about myself.
358
00:16:45,410 --> 00:16:47,240
I mean, you guys don't know
how much money I have,
359
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,110
how many cars I drive,
who I know.
360
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,550
-Your tag's hanging out.
361
00:16:54,290 --> 00:16:56,550
-Hero, it says everyone
must participate
362
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,210
or the plan will fail.
363
00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:02,430
-Okay. Okay, but can't I ask
some questions?
364
00:17:02,470 --> 00:17:04,430
I mean, can't I try to poke
some holes in this?
365
00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:06,300
Like--like this guy
who's supposed to pay us,
366
00:17:06,350 --> 00:17:08,480
I mean, what's their motivation?
367
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,920
-I mean, it has to be someone
with a well of hatred
368
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,180
for Jack that's as deep
as their pockets.
369
00:17:13,220 --> 00:17:15,530
-Like a bitter
independent financier?
370
00:17:15,570 --> 00:17:17,620
-It's six million in cash.
371
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:20,140
-So a bitter studio exec.
372
00:17:20,190 --> 00:17:21,840
-More like Studio Head.
373
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,800
-Everybody gets
a damn code name.
374
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,840
-Right, right.
And the so-called Studio Head,
375
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,670
they expect us to rob
a Bel Air mansion
376
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,240
with a map of the house,
some directions,
377
00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:35,420
and those ratchety things?
378
00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:36,640
-All right, look.
379
00:17:38,380 --> 00:17:40,420
I don't know any of you.
380
00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:42,770
So I'm gonna be
raw-dogging this heist
381
00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:44,690
with a bunch of strangers.
382
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:49,210
But this “Studio Head”
didn't invite us here
383
00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:53,390
because we're on movie posters
or fucking Fallon.
384
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:57,310
No, we got invited here
because Hollywood fucked us.
385
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,180
So let's fuck it back.
386
00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:03,320
-Hell yeah.
387
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:09,370
- God.
Guys...Guys, it's robbery.
388
00:18:09,410 --> 00:18:12,190
-Yeah.
Here's to being millionaires.
389
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,370
-Midnight is the deadline.
390
00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:14,760
The garage is this way.
Let's roll.
391
00:18:14,810 --> 00:18:16,240
-I'm driving.
-Come on. Let's move.
392
00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:18,460
Let's giddyup.
393
00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:21,250
-Hero. Come on.
394
00:18:21,290 --> 00:18:24,730
This could change your life.
395
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:30,210
-Yeah. Not like this.
396
00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:31,300
-What?
397
00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:36,700
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
398
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,390
Hey, where are you going?
399
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:41,270
We need you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
400
00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:43,880
Come back!
You're supposed to be the hero.
401
00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:47,230
He just runs away!
402
00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:55,670
So he ran away.
403
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,370
-Why the hell
didn't you stop him?
404
00:18:57,410 --> 00:18:58,850
-He's gonna go to the cops.
-No, he won't.
405
00:18:58,890 --> 00:19:00,590
-He needs the money.
-Great.
406
00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:01,940
If you don't think he'll rat,
then get in the fucking van.
407
00:19:01,980 --> 00:19:03,720
-No! No!
408
00:19:03,770 --> 00:19:05,420
-Come on,
we got less than two hours.
409
00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:07,990
-No! No, no.
We are not going.
410
00:19:08,030 --> 00:19:11,300
The Studio Head's plan
states six people,
411
00:19:11,340 --> 00:19:12,950
and I have to be
the distraction outside.
412
00:19:12,990 --> 00:19:14,260
-Well, then we'll have
four people
413
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:15,080
trying to steal five awards.
414
00:19:15,130 --> 00:19:16,130
-No, it's easy.
415
00:19:16,170 --> 00:19:17,430
Someone'll just have
to cut dirt and snatch two.
416
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:18,910
- No, no, we can't.
The house is too big.
417
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,480
But we've got
all this kick-ass heist gear.
418
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,270
-Well, if the place is too big
and we don't have enough people,
419
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:24,700
-then how are we even gonna—
-Stop!
420
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,620
I did UCB for a few months.
421
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:30,530
-What is that?
-Improv school.
422
00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:31,930
I was pretty good.
423
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,620
After I take the first award,
424
00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:35,800
I'll improvise a way
to take the second.
425
00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:39,720
-Well, we're fucked.
426
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,760
Princess?
427
00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:46,940
Fuck. So stupid.
428
00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:48,550
-Saddle up.
429
00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:19,970
Magnetic little doohickeys.
430
00:20:20,020 --> 00:20:21,110
How fun is that?
431
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:45,830
-Mr. Woodrow?
-Boomer?
432
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,650
Mr. Woodrow, you here?
433
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:49,530
-Boomer?!
434
00:20:53,090 --> 00:20:54,360
Mr. Woodrow?
435
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,360
-God damn it!
436
00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:01,580
fucking assistants
does it take
437
00:21:01,620 --> 00:21:03,630
to answer the goddamn door?
438
00:21:03,670 --> 00:21:05,110
Mr. Woodrow?
439
00:21:05,150 --> 00:21:07,890
-This better be fucking good.
440
00:21:07,930 --> 00:21:11,370
This better be fucking great!
441
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,070
Ten frickin' minutes to myself.
442
00:21:16,730 --> 00:21:20,030
-Mr. Woodrow!
Hey, man!
443
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,040
-What the fuck!
-Wow.
444
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,860
Love the robe.
I'm your two o'clock.
445
00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:26,870
Ben Donaldson.
Film producer.
446
00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:28,690
Like you.
447
00:21:28,740 --> 00:21:31,780
-My office assistant,
Boomer, set this up?
448
00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:33,700
-Listen, I had to pinch myself
when I got the call.
449
00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:36,750
Well, he's fired.
450
00:21:36,790 --> 00:21:39,140
-What the hell are you doing
with your upper torso
451
00:21:39,180 --> 00:21:40,920
in my living room
452
00:21:40,970 --> 00:21:43,670
and your ass souring
Helen Hunt's view
453
00:21:43,710 --> 00:21:45,150
from her back porch?
454
00:21:45,190 --> 00:21:47,710
Yeah,
she's your neighbor? Wow.
455
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,890
-Heidi/Dawn!
456
00:21:49,930 --> 00:21:51,410
Si?
457
00:21:52,940 --> 00:21:54,590
-I know, right?
458
00:21:54,630 --> 00:21:57,420
Heidi/Dawn, this is an intruder
459
00:21:57,460 --> 00:21:59,460
and probably registered
sex offender,
460
00:21:59,510 --> 00:22:02,860
and he has a movie he wants
to pitch me, I'm sure.
461
00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:06,080
True. The movie,
not the sex offender part, Dawn.
462
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:10,950
-Intruder, this is Heidi,
or Dawn, my weekend maid.
463
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,610
-It's Monday, I'm Dawn.
464
00:22:12,650 --> 00:22:17,480
-Can you grab the cordless
and dial 9-1?
465
00:22:17,530 --> 00:22:20,090
We're gonna let the intruder
pitch his movie,
466
00:22:20,140 --> 00:22:23,140
and if you get bored,
hit the last 1.
467
00:22:23,180 --> 00:22:24,920
-We'll have him arrested.
-No, no, that's not—
468
00:22:24,970 --> 00:22:27,800
-If I get bored, I'll shoot him.
469
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,060
-Whoa, whoa, wait.
-Go!
470
00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:30,450
No, whoa, no, whoa, no!
471
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:32,060
-No, that's not—
-I'm drifting off.
472
00:22:32,110 --> 00:22:34,540
-Giant flying jellyfish
over Japan!
473
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,460
-Well, that was just a random
assortment of nouns.
474
00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:42,070
-It's the next great
scary genre.
475
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:45,770
We can make six movies minimum.
476
00:22:45,820 --> 00:22:49,820
Vampires, aliens,
zombies, ghosts—
477
00:22:49,860 --> 00:22:52,170
they're all played out,
Mr. Woodrow.
478
00:22:52,210 --> 00:22:54,080
The genre needs
some fresh ideas.
479
00:22:54,130 --> 00:22:56,830
-And this,
this Mad Libs pitch of yours
480
00:22:56,870 --> 00:22:58,570
is the new horror staple?
481
00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:01,220
-Giant flying jellyfish
over Japan are real.
482
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:05,750
-You certainly have
an entertaining
483
00:23:05,790 --> 00:23:06,490
amount of conviction.
484
00:23:06,530 --> 00:23:07,660
-Well, thank you.
485
00:23:07,710 --> 00:23:11,010
Look, Mr. Woodrow,
I'm a huge fan, okay?
486
00:23:11,060 --> 00:23:13,540
I know all of the legends
about you.
487
00:23:13,580 --> 00:23:14,890
The--the Twister rap party.
488
00:23:14,930 --> 00:23:16,190
Yeah, yeah.
489
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,110
That's, that's why Helen
moved next door.
490
00:23:18,150 --> 00:23:20,200
Okay,
the assistant graveyard.
491
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:24,680
-Graveyard's a strong word,
but we added a headstone today.
492
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:28,600
- Boomer.
Um, your Fridge Scripts.
493
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,860
-What's this one?
-The Fridge Script.
494
00:23:30,900 --> 00:23:32,040
It's the next
Best Picture winner
495
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,210
that you're gonna greenlight.
496
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:35,170
Yeah.
You keep it in there on ice,
497
00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:36,870
so to speak,
and then you save it
498
00:23:36,910 --> 00:23:38,170
until you think it's gonna be
a weak awards season,
499
00:23:38,220 --> 00:23:39,390
and then boom.
500
00:23:39,430 --> 00:23:40,830
You whip it out, you make it.
501
00:23:40,870 --> 00:23:42,830
That's how you got both
of your Best Picture awards.
502
00:23:42,870 --> 00:23:47,660
That's a
very creative wives' tale.
503
00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:49,570
Completely false.
504
00:23:57,230 --> 00:23:58,890
No script.
505
00:24:00,930 --> 00:24:04,550
A lot happens
between green-lighting a script
506
00:24:04,590 --> 00:24:06,110
and winning Best Picture.
507
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:07,770
-Yeah, but you make it all
not even matter
508
00:24:07,810 --> 00:24:09,200
because of the way
you campaign.
509
00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:15,770
-Could I campaign an award
out of the jellyfish thing?
510
00:24:18,780 --> 00:24:20,560
-You could make a lot of money.
511
00:24:20,610 --> 00:24:22,260
Yeah.
512
00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:23,910
Get an even bigger house.
513
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,270
-It's great to meet you.
514
00:24:35,790 --> 00:24:40,100
My office will be in touch.
515
00:24:48,810 --> 00:24:51,590
So he stuck
a six-shooter in your face
516
00:24:54,290 --> 00:24:57,600
and annexed the bee
in your bonnet?
517
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,690
Just like Princess.
518
00:25:00,730 --> 00:25:02,340
-He bought it right then
and there.
519
00:25:02,390 --> 00:25:03,780
Fucked on the terms?
520
00:25:03,820 --> 00:25:04,910
Tremendously.
521
00:25:04,950 --> 00:25:07,090
And guys, really, like,
522
00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:09,790
read your contract
before you sign it, okay?
523
00:25:09,830 --> 00:25:12,610
And--and look up
the big words.
524
00:25:15,010 --> 00:25:16,180
All right, let's get
to our spots.
525
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,280
-How many of those stupid movies
are there now?
526
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:43,120
Mr. Clooney,
527
00:25:43,170 --> 00:25:46,080
you got your Jesus holidays
mixed up.
528
00:25:46,130 --> 00:25:48,000
The bunny one comes in April.
529
00:25:49,350 --> 00:25:51,300
-I got eyes
on that skeezy dinosaur.
530
00:25:51,350 --> 00:25:52,830
Action, boys.
531
00:26:03,970 --> 00:26:04,840
-God damn it.
532
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:11,850
-Very funny little prank,
George,
533
00:26:11,890 --> 00:26:15,420
but, bunny's going
to have to freeze tonight,
534
00:26:15,460 --> 00:26:17,330
'cause I'm not fucking throwing
out my back picking it up--
535
00:26:17,370 --> 00:26:20,990
Jesus, fuck!
You're in the rabbit, George?
536
00:26:21,030 --> 00:26:22,120
Wow.
537
00:26:24,380 --> 00:26:26,120
Spaceman in.
538
00:26:26,170 --> 00:26:29,870
-Ghost attempting entry.
539
00:26:29,910 --> 00:26:34,170
-Cowboy in.
Well, I'll be.
540
00:26:36,130 --> 00:26:38,050
-Damn.
541
00:26:38,090 --> 00:26:40,700
-Hello, pretty little lady.
542
00:26:42,090 --> 00:26:43,880
What the...?
543
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,060
-Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
-What the shit is that?
544
00:26:48,270 --> 00:26:50,890
-Is that awards music?
545
00:26:50,930 --> 00:26:52,320
-Shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit!
546
00:26:52,370 --> 00:26:54,020
-Bro, what the fuck did you do?
547
00:26:54,060 --> 00:26:55,800
-Guys, what the fuck
is going on up there?
548
00:26:56,980 --> 00:26:59,290
-Ghost is struggling,
but persevering.
549
00:27:14,780 --> 00:27:18,350
Thank you,
sweet baby Jesus
550
00:27:18,390 --> 00:27:19,780
and Indiana Jones.
551
00:27:21,350 --> 00:27:22,740
-Ghost has entered the building.
552
00:27:22,790 --> 00:27:25,090
Say hello to Daddy.
553
00:27:25,140 --> 00:27:26,140
Ghost clear.
554
00:27:26,180 --> 00:27:27,270
-Spaceman out.
555
00:27:28,530 --> 00:27:30,140
-Cowboy clear.
556
00:27:30,190 --> 00:27:31,320
-Dame's got the first one.
557
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:32,800
Heading to Jack's bedroom
for the second.
558
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,970
Gotta whip up
another minute, Princess.
559
00:27:35,020 --> 00:27:37,850
-Hey, George.
You coming in for a drink?
560
00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:40,200
-I'm not George,
you naughty boy.
561
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:46,070
Mrs. Clooney.
562
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,300
One second, Jack.
563
00:28:22,020 --> 00:28:23,980
Stop!
564
00:28:25,850 --> 00:28:26,940
What the hell are you wearing?
565
00:28:29,250 --> 00:28:32,340
-Just something fun.
566
00:28:32,380 --> 00:28:34,250
-Looks more desperate
than seductive.
567
00:28:36,250 --> 00:28:37,910
What role are you after?
568
00:28:39,430 --> 00:28:43,300
-Ian Somerhalder's girlfriend
in this new episode of--
569
00:28:43,350 --> 00:28:47,180
-A guest star?
A TV fucking guest star?
570
00:28:48,570 --> 00:28:50,220
You only get to take me
on your merry-go-round
571
00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:52,830
so many times before I get sick
of your saddle.
572
00:28:57,450 --> 00:28:59,620
Come on.
573
00:28:59,670 --> 00:29:02,280
We're just having
some fun, right?
574
00:29:03,930 --> 00:29:05,540
-This is a transaction.
575
00:29:07,370 --> 00:29:09,810
-I thought
we actually connected.
576
00:29:10,900 --> 00:29:12,200
-Fuck.
577
00:29:16,340 --> 00:29:20,470
Carry yourself
with a little more confidence.
578
00:29:20,510 --> 00:29:24,300
Open your eyes to the situation
579
00:29:24,340 --> 00:29:28,430
and come to the table
with a little creativity.
580
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,830
What is that?
Is that from Target?
581
00:29:39,620 --> 00:29:44,060
Whooh, such raw intensity.
582
00:29:44,100 --> 00:29:45,970
I feel like I'm in Teen Wolf.
583
00:30:09,390 --> 00:30:13,090
-Don't waste your energy
trying to draw a lawsuit.
584
00:30:13,130 --> 00:30:14,440
And please,
585
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,480
get the fuck out of my house.
586
00:30:20,970 --> 00:30:24,360
-No, no.
587
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,320
I'm serious.
588
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:28,970
You're uninspiring.
589
00:30:29,020 --> 00:30:31,410
You're not talented enough
to even waste a Viagra on.
590
00:30:31,450 --> 00:30:32,630
Get out.
591
00:30:34,460 --> 00:30:35,980
Every second
you're in my house
592
00:30:36,020 --> 00:30:39,640
is a year I make sure
you don't book another role.
593
00:30:42,470 --> 00:30:46,120
One, two,
594
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,600
three, four,
595
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:52,650
five.
596
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,170
Say goodbye to your 20s.
597
00:30:58,660 --> 00:31:00,660
Six...
598
00:31:03,490 --> 00:31:05,660
Don't forget your shit.
599
00:31:05,710 --> 00:31:10,970
Seven, eight, nine...
600
00:31:13,100 --> 00:31:14,280
ten.
601
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,330
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
602
00:31:18,370 --> 00:31:19,550
-Toodle-oo.
603
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,650
Jingle bells,
jingle bells,
604
00:31:39,700 --> 00:31:42,390
jingle all the way.
605
00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:49,490
What fun it is to...
606
00:31:49,530 --> 00:31:51,270
-Go home.
607
00:31:53,750 --> 00:31:56,320
-How old are you?
608
00:31:58,280 --> 00:31:59,410
You okay on time
out there, Princess?
609
00:31:59,460 --> 00:32:00,720
-Negative.
610
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:04,500
-Let's see who's really
in there.
611
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:12,250
Clooney wouldn't waste
his fucking time
612
00:32:12,290 --> 00:32:14,040
on this Mickey Mouse nonsense.
613
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,300
-Wait, Mr. Woodrow!
614
00:32:15,340 --> 00:32:16,690
Not tonight.
615
00:32:16,730 --> 00:32:20,040
-Everyone, get out.
Now!
616
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,090
-I'm out of the barn.
617
00:32:22,430 --> 00:32:24,050
-Ghost fucking crushed it.
618
00:32:24,090 --> 00:32:26,790
Shit.
619
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:29,700
Bathroom window open.
620
00:32:29,750 --> 00:32:30,830
- Dame, what's going on?
621
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:31,920
Jack's fucking inside.
622
00:32:31,970 --> 00:32:33,400
-I'll hightail it
and check in on her.
623
00:32:33,450 --> 00:32:35,800
- Son of a bitch.
I'm stuck!
624
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,410
Come on!
625
00:32:51,590 --> 00:32:52,770
Come on.
626
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:55,690
I'm out!
627
00:32:55,730 --> 00:32:58,080
Timed alarm activated.
628
00:32:58,120 --> 00:32:59,250
-Babe?
629
00:32:59,300 --> 00:33:00,600
Dame,
where the hell are you?
630
00:33:02,300 --> 00:33:03,610
-Babe?
631
00:33:03,650 --> 00:33:05,560
-Something's not right.
I'm heading back in.
632
00:33:05,610 --> 00:33:08,790
Christ.
633
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,270
Come here. Come on.
634
00:33:17,660 --> 00:33:19,580
Bathroom tile can be scrubbed.
635
00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:28,200
We got business, motherfucker?
636
00:33:29,460 --> 00:33:30,370
-Jesus!
637
00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:17,160
Five-gonna do
shit about this?
638
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:19,250
-Barbara was shot at noon.
639
00:34:19,290 --> 00:34:21,420
We can expect a retaliation
by six o'clock, but then—
640
00:34:21,470 --> 00:34:24,510
- Thank you.
We've seen enough.
641
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:26,820
- No, no.
Um, there's—
642
00:34:26,860 --> 00:34:29,210
there's— there's-
there's more to the scene.
643
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,390
Do you have any notes?
644
00:34:32,430 --> 00:34:33,780
I can— I can try it again.
645
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,400
-I can see you're trying
to get a job.
646
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:39,400
-What?
647
00:34:40,660 --> 00:34:42,970
-Thank you for coming here.
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
648
00:34:43,010 --> 00:34:46,360
It's okay.
I'm...I'm gonna do it again.
649
00:34:47,750 --> 00:34:51,110
Come on. Okay.
650
00:34:54,500 --> 00:34:59,640
Um, a retribution by,
six o'clock.
651
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,510
Um, a retaliation
by six o'clock.
652
00:35:02,550 --> 00:35:05,860
We should be expecting one--
we should be expect—
653
00:35:05,900 --> 00:35:07,510
Goddamn it!
Come on.
654
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,390
Come on, man. Why?
655
00:35:10,430 --> 00:35:11,690
Why did you interrupt me?
656
00:35:11,730 --> 00:35:14,480
Why did you do that?
657
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,260
I mean, why can't people
658
00:35:16,300 --> 00:35:18,220
in this town
just have some respect?
659
00:35:18,260 --> 00:35:21,700
Why can't you be good
fucking people?
660
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:27,880
-Who's next?
661
00:35:39,890 --> 00:35:41,290
Success.
662
00:35:42,980 --> 00:35:44,590
Don't worry,
the cameras are off.
663
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,030
He shuts them all down
with an app on his phone
664
00:35:46,070 --> 00:35:48,290
whenever a girl
comes over alone.
665
00:35:48,340 --> 00:35:51,950
So whoever set this up
must have known that then?
666
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:54,780
-Don't look at me.
667
00:35:54,820 --> 00:35:56,260
-You're suspect.
668
00:36:06,750 --> 00:36:09,230
Damn. No Fridge Script.
669
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:11,530
Here, lean her back
670
00:36:11,580 --> 00:36:13,400
so she doesn't throw up
on herself.
671
00:36:13,450 --> 00:36:15,320
Okay, good.
672
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:19,410
-Wait.
Is she one of the cops on SVU?
673
00:36:19,450 --> 00:36:23,680
-What? No.
I don't... Chicago Fire, maybe.
674
00:36:23,720 --> 00:36:26,940
I've never seen it.
675
00:36:26,980 --> 00:36:28,290
Outer Banks .
676
00:36:30,380 --> 00:36:32,860
-You watch Outer Banks?
677
00:36:32,900 --> 00:36:34,640
-It's a really good show.
678
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:40,560
-Clock's ticking.
Is he still out?
679
00:36:40,610 --> 00:36:42,560
-I don't know, but he looks
annoyingly comfortable.
680
00:36:44,610 --> 00:36:46,310
-Just looked around.
681
00:36:46,350 --> 00:36:47,960
She's right.
All the cameras are off.
682
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:49,830
-Yeah, but he saw my face.
683
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:51,920
I saw crow's feet.
684
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,010
-The bird tracks
weren't fresh either.
685
00:36:54,050 --> 00:36:56,750
Means we had a night,
what, maybe ten years ago?
686
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:58,840
-Hey! I will fucking kill you!
687
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:00,760
Tell me your name first.
688
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,930
-Damn.
-Boy.
689
00:37:02,980 --> 00:37:05,240
-I'm gonna need more than
just your initials.
690
00:37:06,370 --> 00:37:07,680
- Riverdale?
691
00:37:07,720 --> 00:37:10,850
-No. We weren't supposed
to bring those.
692
00:37:13,380 --> 00:37:15,340
He had a fucking silent alarm?
693
00:37:15,380 --> 00:37:17,690
-Yeah, rooster's crowing
pretty loud to me.
694
00:37:20,860 --> 00:37:22,690
-Hello, security company.
695
00:37:22,730 --> 00:37:24,610
-They need me to say a password.
696
00:37:24,650 --> 00:37:26,830
-Shit.
-Shit, just leave them.
697
00:37:26,870 --> 00:37:28,570
-No, he's seen my face.
698
00:37:28,610 --> 00:37:30,480
-Well, if we don't answer
that phone call,
699
00:37:30,530 --> 00:37:32,090
sheriffs are on their giddyup
towards us.
700
00:37:32,140 --> 00:37:32,790
-Yeah, and if we answer,
he's not gonna say
701
00:37:32,830 --> 00:37:34,050
the right password.
702
00:37:34,090 --> 00:37:36,360
-We are not leaving.
He's gonna remember me.
703
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:37,710
-Go hide out or something.
704
00:37:37,750 --> 00:37:40,060
-No, I'm not giving up
my fucking career.
705
00:37:40,100 --> 00:37:42,540
-What fucking career?
706
00:37:42,580 --> 00:37:43,630
-Okay. That's it.
707
00:37:43,670 --> 00:37:45,280
Get out of my way.
708
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:47,800
-Whoa. No, no, no, no.
709
00:37:47,850 --> 00:37:49,070
Dame, don't do that.
710
00:37:49,110 --> 00:37:50,980
No, no, no.
Don't do that.
711
00:37:51,020 --> 00:37:53,550
-Ho-ho-ho,
you fucking idiots.
712
00:37:53,590 --> 00:37:54,810
-Just settle down.
713
00:37:54,850 --> 00:37:56,900
Well, new plan.
714
00:37:56,940 --> 00:37:58,640
-What the fuck, man?
-Wait, stop.
715
00:37:58,680 --> 00:37:59,640
-No.
-Think about this.
716
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,380
I'm thinking about it.
717
00:38:01,430 --> 00:38:02,730
-Why'd you bring a gun?
718
00:38:02,770 --> 00:38:04,430
-Why'd I bring--?
719
00:38:04,470 --> 00:38:05,780
Some guy you don't know pays
you to go to a strange house
720
00:38:05,820 --> 00:38:07,040
in LA, wouldn't you pack?
721
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:08,740
-I was and I didn't!
722
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,520
-Well, I did.
Give me that.
723
00:38:17,050 --> 00:38:19,400
-Look at me, Jack.
-Who the fuck are you?
724
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:23,400
Doggy door guy?
725
00:38:23,450 --> 00:38:26,580
-Donaldson.
Ben Donaldson.
726
00:38:27,970 --> 00:38:30,850
-The jellyfish movies
are still going strong.
727
00:38:30,890 --> 00:38:34,760
- I know.
Say the password.
728
00:38:34,810 --> 00:38:35,890
-It's actually “jellyfish.”
729
00:38:37,460 --> 00:38:38,940
Yeah. Yeah? Okay.
730
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:41,600
AIT Security.
731
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,550
Am I speaking
with Mr. Woodrow?
732
00:38:45,030 --> 00:38:46,430
Hold the line, please.
733
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:50,690
Jack, say the password.
Let these people go.
734
00:38:50,740 --> 00:38:53,130
They're good people.
735
00:38:53,170 --> 00:38:54,520
You know what?
Forget about them.
736
00:38:54,570 --> 00:38:56,790
You saw my face.
You know me.
737
00:38:56,830 --> 00:38:58,130
I made you lots
and lots of money,
738
00:38:58,180 --> 00:39:00,220
and you can find me,
and you will.
739
00:39:00,270 --> 00:39:02,920
And I'm gonna take credit
for this whole mess.
740
00:39:02,970 --> 00:39:06,060
My idea. My execution.
741
00:39:06,100 --> 00:39:07,450
I acted alone.
742
00:39:09,890 --> 00:39:11,100
Mr. Woodrow, are you there?
743
00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:13,980
-This is Jack Woodrow.
744
00:39:14,020 --> 00:39:15,720
What's your password, sir?
745
00:39:20,500 --> 00:39:22,110
-Rosebud.
746
00:39:26,210 --> 00:39:27,120
Thank you, Mr. Woodrow,
747
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:28,690
and happy holidays.
748
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,130
-You made the right choice,
Jack.
749
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,130
My office will be in touch.
750
00:39:52,190 --> 00:39:54,060
-Fucking idiots.
751
00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:02,110
-We gotta go.
752
00:40:03,550 --> 00:40:04,590
-All right.
753
00:40:29,830 --> 00:40:30,880
All right, you're living up
754
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:32,180
to the stereotype, Dalt.
755
00:40:35,670 --> 00:40:37,930
Listen, they've got
the softest TP
756
00:40:37,970 --> 00:40:40,580
in any public restroom
north of the 10.
757
00:40:40,630 --> 00:40:42,060
-Which China Donuts is this?
758
00:40:42,110 --> 00:40:45,070
A true gentleman doesn't
shit and tell, Hastings.
759
00:40:45,110 --> 00:40:46,900
-Typical.
You know, you LA cops
760
00:40:46,940 --> 00:40:48,900
are just like the rest
of the people out here.
761
00:40:48,940 --> 00:40:50,200
Always looking out
for yourselves.
762
00:40:50,250 --> 00:40:51,550
Where's the loyalty?
763
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:54,030
-Enjoy your Christmas Eve,
Hastings.
764
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,080
And when that liquid laxative
kicks in,
765
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:59,260
try not to get a rash
with that bush-league TP.
766
00:40:59,300 --> 00:41:01,740
-That's just really
fucking criminal, Dal.
767
00:41:01,780 --> 00:41:03,130
Come on, come on.
Which one is it?
768
00:41:03,170 --> 00:41:04,780
-Yeah, yeah. You're breaking up.
769
00:41:04,830 --> 00:41:06,310
You're breaking up, Hastings.
770
00:41:06,350 --> 00:41:07,700
Sorry, losing you.
771
00:41:07,740 --> 00:41:08,700
Nice try, Dal.
772
00:41:08,740 --> 00:41:10,570
My God, you are smart.
773
00:41:13,790 --> 00:41:16,840
Car 127,
car 127 -- we have a 459A
774
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,750
at Beverly Hills,
address is 1400 Kings Road.
775
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,720
-Great. On it.
776
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:28,240
Just a burglar alarm.
777
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:30,110
Dispatch wants a Girl Scout
to go knock on the door.
778
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,850
You're in the area.
779
00:41:31,900 --> 00:41:34,120
-I'll see if he wants
any Thin Mints.
780
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:36,990
Merry Christmas, 127.
781
00:41:37,030 --> 00:41:38,290
-Merry Christmas, Maureen.
782
00:41:46,350 --> 00:41:48,740
Boy.
783
00:42:09,060 --> 00:42:10,760
- Damn it!
What was that?
784
00:42:10,810 --> 00:42:12,110
What the fuck just happened?
785
00:42:12,150 --> 00:42:15,720
Shit! God.
786
00:42:15,770 --> 00:42:16,720
Where the hell are they...
787
00:42:16,770 --> 00:42:18,550
where the hell
are they going?
788
00:42:20,860 --> 00:42:23,300
Hey, where the hell
are you going?
789
00:42:23,340 --> 00:42:25,650
The van's stuck.
We need to leave.
790
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:28,170
-He's not dead.
791
00:42:28,210 --> 00:42:29,870
-I don't give a fuck.
792
00:42:29,910 --> 00:42:31,870
-Well, we can't just leave him
here like this.
793
00:42:31,910 --> 00:42:33,220
-Hey, come on,
we got to get out.
794
00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:34,920
Come on, go, go, go, go, go!
795
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,660
Tick-tock, motherfuckers.
796
00:42:37,700 --> 00:42:38,830
-It's almost midnight.
797
00:42:41,050 --> 00:42:42,360
Come on, come on!
798
00:42:44,450 --> 00:42:47,020
-Hey! Hey! Hey!
799
00:42:47,060 --> 00:42:48,280
Stop! Freeze!
800
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,190
LAPD!
801
00:42:50,240 --> 00:42:51,850
Ground on the hands!
802
00:42:51,890 --> 00:42:52,890
God.
803
00:42:55,070 --> 00:42:56,680
-Get on the ground, ma'am!
Get on the ground!
804
00:42:56,720 --> 00:42:58,030
-Okay, okay. I am.
-Jesus.
805
00:42:58,070 --> 00:42:59,680
-Ma'am, get on the ground!
806
00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:01,030
Okay.
807
00:43:01,070 --> 00:43:03,210
-I'm barely over 30.
-Ma'am!
808
00:43:03,250 --> 00:43:04,820
-How about you quit it
with the ma'am shit?
809
00:43:04,860 --> 00:43:06,160
I'm going. I'm going!
810
00:43:06,210 --> 00:43:07,380
You got bitch wrists.
811
00:43:07,430 --> 00:43:08,910
I can see them from here.
812
00:43:08,950 --> 00:43:10,210
Dame, shut up!
813
00:43:10,260 --> 00:43:11,780
-What about our rights?
814
00:43:11,820 --> 00:43:14,130
-Okay, ma'am,
we don't need to read you
815
00:43:14,170 --> 00:43:16,830
your Miranda rights
unless you're being questioned.
816
00:43:16,870 --> 00:43:19,050
They just do it every week
on The Rookie.
817
00:43:19,090 --> 00:43:21,400
-I fucking crushed a self-tape
for that show.
818
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,230
-Okay, a little help here,
please.
819
00:43:23,270 --> 00:43:25,230
Thank you.
Okay, here we go.
820
00:43:25,270 --> 00:43:27,100
Easy does it.
821
00:43:27,140 --> 00:43:28,930
Everything's gonna
be just fine.
822
00:43:28,970 --> 00:43:31,710
All right, and you in here.
823
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,840
Okay, head in.
Yep. Okay.
824
00:43:36,190 --> 00:43:37,940
How many people in the back
of the van, ma'am?
825
00:43:37,980 --> 00:43:40,070
-Okay, now you're
questioning me?
826
00:43:40,110 --> 00:43:41,720
I'm gonna need an answer.
827
00:43:41,770 --> 00:43:45,030
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
828
00:43:45,070 --> 00:43:46,940
LAPD! Get out of the van!
829
00:43:49,470 --> 00:43:51,040
Guys.
830
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:52,520
Guys, what the hell was that?
831
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:53,730
Guys!
832
00:43:55,950 --> 00:43:57,480
-Shit.
-Okay.
833
00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:59,040
-Hey, man.
834
00:43:59,090 --> 00:44:01,520
-We cool?
-We're totally cool.
835
00:44:01,570 --> 00:44:02,960
Come out with your hands up.
836
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:04,440
Nice and slow.
837
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,140
-Super slow.
-Nice and slow.
838
00:44:06,180 --> 00:44:07,530
-Let's go. Let's go.
839
00:44:07,570 --> 00:44:08,840
That's not slow—
840
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:10,270
-hey, come back here.
-Come on.
841
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:12,060
-What the shit happened
in there?
842
00:44:12,100 --> 00:44:13,280
Drive safely
and I'll tell you
843
00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:15,100
-You're under arrest!
-Okay, okay.
844
00:44:15,150 --> 00:44:17,280
How the fuck do I drive this
with an airbag?
845
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:18,410
Why are you covered in blood?
846
00:44:18,450 --> 00:44:19,540
-Hey, hey, hey!
847
00:44:19,590 --> 00:44:21,330
-Let's go!
-Okay, okay.
848
00:44:21,370 --> 00:44:22,410
What about the brothers?
849
00:44:22,460 --> 00:44:23,980
Fuck the brothers!
850
00:44:24,030 --> 00:44:25,030
And that's a curb.
851
00:44:25,070 --> 00:44:26,940
-No, no, no, no!
852
00:44:32,030 --> 00:44:34,170
Not again.
853
00:44:37,170 --> 00:44:39,130
Hah!
854
00:44:56,450 --> 00:44:58,150
This is not good.
855
00:44:59,540 --> 00:45:00,800
-You fucking idiots.
856
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,280
Stop the car.
857
00:45:05,330 --> 00:45:07,070
Please stop the car.
858
00:45:07,110 --> 00:45:09,160
-Your makeup's running, hun.
859
00:45:15,470 --> 00:45:18,040
-Yeah, you might--you might
wanna slow down over here.
860
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:19,120
Just a little bit.
861
00:45:19,170 --> 00:45:20,170
-It's fine.
862
00:45:21,950 --> 00:45:23,130
Red light, red light.
863
00:45:23,170 --> 00:45:24,260
Hey, that's a red light.
864
00:45:25,650 --> 00:45:27,350
Unbelievable.
865
00:45:27,390 --> 00:45:29,870
-You got blood
on the fucking dash!
866
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:31,050
-You drove like a moron!
867
00:45:31,090 --> 00:45:32,790
-Just shut up and get the vodka!
868
00:45:32,830 --> 00:45:34,100
-Why, why, why?
-Okay, okay, okay.
869
00:45:34,140 --> 00:45:36,920
-Why, why, why the fuck
did you steal the car?
870
00:45:36,970 --> 00:45:38,400
-We got this.
-No, we don't.
871
00:45:38,450 --> 00:45:42,020
-Okay, you need to get
your shit together, sister!
872
00:45:42,060 --> 00:45:45,240
And you! What the fuck?
873
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:46,590
You need to get
your shit together.
874
00:45:46,630 --> 00:45:48,890
-No, no, you need to get
your shit together.
875
00:45:48,940 --> 00:45:50,330
-My shit is together.
876
00:45:50,370 --> 00:45:52,850
Clean the fucking car.
877
00:45:58,160 --> 00:45:59,560
-Goddamn it.
878
00:46:01,300 --> 00:46:02,470
All right,
let's wrap this up.
879
00:46:02,510 --> 00:46:04,080
We have four minutes
till midnight,
880
00:46:04,130 --> 00:46:05,430
and this safe
automatically locks,
881
00:46:05,470 --> 00:46:07,040
and these have to be in there.
882
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:08,610
We--we just close one door
883
00:46:08,650 --> 00:46:10,260
and blindly assume another's
gonna open?
884
00:46:10,310 --> 00:46:12,090
-But that's
what the instructions say.
885
00:46:12,130 --> 00:46:13,480
-Come on.
-No.
886
00:46:13,530 --> 00:46:15,140
-This is our leverage.
-What?
887
00:46:15,180 --> 00:46:16,220
I am taking these
the fucking safe.
888
00:46:16,270 --> 00:46:18,570
-No, no.
That's how we get paid.
889
00:46:18,620 --> 00:46:20,100
-You still think
we're getting paid?
890
00:46:20,140 --> 00:46:21,450
Please. I'm keeping these.
891
00:46:21,490 --> 00:46:23,010
-What are you gonna do?
Auction them on Deadline?
892
00:46:23,060 --> 00:46:24,150
-Okay, what are you,
893
00:46:24,190 --> 00:46:26,410
like a fresh transplant
or something?
894
00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:28,800
-Hey, I have six years in LA.
895
00:46:30,410 --> 00:46:32,940
-Okay, so you haven't been here
since you were a teenager.
896
00:46:32,980 --> 00:46:36,550
You didn't get knocked up,
you didn't raise a kid here.
897
00:46:36,590 --> 00:46:38,070
-You're a parent?
898
00:46:39,250 --> 00:46:40,340
Wow.
899
00:46:40,380 --> 00:46:41,640
-I'm--that...
-Wow.
900
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:43,340
-was not meant to be an insult.
901
00:46:43,380 --> 00:46:44,430
-Well, it felt like one.
902
00:46:44,470 --> 00:46:46,380
-It wasn't meant to be.
-Okay.
903
00:46:46,430 --> 00:46:48,080
-You know what,
I may have crossed a line.
904
00:46:48,130 --> 00:46:51,220
-That monster, he saw my face.
905
00:46:51,260 --> 00:46:53,090
Everything is gonna get
fucked up for me now.
906
00:46:53,130 --> 00:46:54,440
Everything is gonna change.
907
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:57,310
And we put our only
bargaining chip in the safe,
908
00:46:57,350 --> 00:46:58,480
and then it's out
of our fucking hands.
909
00:46:58,530 --> 00:47:00,050
-We're fucked.
-Okay.
910
00:47:00,090 --> 00:47:01,530
We robbed a house.
911
00:47:01,570 --> 00:47:03,310
We stole a cop car,
thanks to you.
912
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:04,970
-Okay.
913
00:47:05,010 --> 00:47:07,490
-And now we have three minutes
to fucking deliver.
914
00:47:07,540 --> 00:47:09,190
So can you just quit it
915
00:47:09,230 --> 00:47:11,240
with the fucking
broken actress sob story
916
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:13,930
and finish the job?
917
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,200
Please.
918
00:47:18,240 --> 00:47:19,940
-Okay. God.
919
00:47:19,980 --> 00:47:21,250
-Thank you.
920
00:47:24,470 --> 00:47:26,420
What the hell is this?
921
00:47:27,510 --> 00:47:29,950
-Is this a fucking joke?
922
00:47:29,990 --> 00:47:32,300
Where are the awards?
923
00:47:32,340 --> 00:47:35,350
-Ghost.
-That trout fucker!
924
00:47:37,170 --> 00:47:40,000
Where'd you go,
you creepy sack of shit?
925
00:47:42,350 --> 00:47:43,960
-Two minutes
till the safe locks.
926
00:47:45,140 --> 00:47:46,660
Ghost!
927
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:54,670
-Ghost! Shit! Fucker!
928
00:48:08,510 --> 00:48:09,420
-Ghost!
929
00:48:12,210 --> 00:48:13,520
Hey, what's up?
930
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:16,170
- What the shit?
Stop that, please!
931
00:48:16,210 --> 00:48:17,000
What the hell?
What-- What are you guys doing?
932
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:18,170
-The bag!
933
00:48:18,220 --> 00:48:19,650
The bag is filled
with garden gnomes,
934
00:48:19,700 --> 00:48:21,090
you fucking dickhole!
935
00:48:21,130 --> 00:48:22,480
-What the fuck happened
to the awards?
936
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:24,400
-What--awards?
Where did you get the gnomes?
937
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:26,090
-Why are we talking
about gnomes?
938
00:48:26,140 --> 00:48:27,400
I went to the neighbor's house
to use the garden hose.
939
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:28,790
So you were in a yard.
940
00:48:28,830 --> 00:48:31,050
-The bag! There was a bag
that had trophies in it,
941
00:48:31,100 --> 00:48:33,230
and now there are no trophies,
there are gnomes!
942
00:48:33,270 --> 00:48:35,620
-You punched me in my face,
you're rambling on about gnomes.
943
00:48:35,670 --> 00:48:37,670
Imagine if you were me
in this scenario.
944
00:48:41,500 --> 00:48:42,630
-Yes. No, he's right.
945
00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:44,330
He didn't switch them.
He would've ran.
946
00:48:44,370 --> 00:48:45,720
-Thank you!
947
00:48:48,330 --> 00:48:50,600
-Cowboy and Spaceman!
948
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:53,950
-Jack saw the stars align
with your film.
949
00:48:55,430 --> 00:48:57,250
Subdued pageantry.
950
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:01,220
Unwavering vision.
He adored it.
951
00:49:01,260 --> 00:49:03,300
-We're just happy Mr. Woodrow's
taking a leap on this, truly.
952
00:49:03,350 --> 00:49:05,090
-Why, of course.
953
00:49:05,130 --> 00:49:06,610
-Certainly, it's not exactly
in Jack's wheelhouse, you know.
954
00:49:06,660 --> 00:49:08,270
Grounded sci-fi, that is.
955
00:49:08,310 --> 00:49:09,570
-Well, I've been
Jack's assistant
956
00:49:09,610 --> 00:49:11,090
for a long time,
957
00:49:11,140 --> 00:49:13,360
and I can attest
he's immeasurably appreciative
958
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:14,530
that you chose him.
959
00:49:14,580 --> 00:49:16,190
-Well, I gotta say,
960
00:49:16,230 --> 00:49:18,190
we were definitely the hot pony
of the parade.
961
00:49:18,230 --> 00:49:19,410
-Yeah, Sam Hartfeld,
962
00:49:19,450 --> 00:49:20,670
he plumped us
with a 62-ounce porter,
963
00:49:20,710 --> 00:49:21,710
hoping we'd sell with him.
964
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:23,110
Sam is sci-fi royalty.
965
00:49:23,150 --> 00:49:24,240
-Yes.
966
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:28,200
But, we are just truly
967
00:49:28,240 --> 00:49:30,550
so, so very excited
968
00:49:30,590 --> 00:49:32,810
to be working
with Mr. Woodrow, ma'am.
969
00:49:32,860 --> 00:49:34,730
And with yourself.
Come here.
970
00:49:34,770 --> 00:49:36,420
Okay, that's enough.
971
00:49:36,470 --> 00:49:37,600
We're all excited.
972
00:49:44,300 --> 00:49:46,610
-Now, Mary, don't tell Jack,
973
00:49:46,650 --> 00:49:50,220
but we got him some Salt Lake
Bar-B-Q sauce,
974
00:49:50,260 --> 00:49:54,620
and we're gonna give it to him
at the end gala tonight.
975
00:49:54,660 --> 00:49:56,530
-Jack flew back
to LA last night.
976
00:49:59,190 --> 00:50:02,060
S--sorry, Jack wasn't
planning on being here?
977
00:50:04,630 --> 00:50:06,280
-The following statements
about to be said
978
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,630
in this Austin Embassy Suites
on March 13th
979
00:50:08,670 --> 00:50:11,200
are not to ever,
ever be repeated.
980
00:50:11,240 --> 00:50:12,590
-You're kind of—
you're dancing around
981
00:50:12,630 --> 00:50:14,460
the barrel race here, Mary.
982
00:50:14,510 --> 00:50:17,290
-Jack bought your movie
to spite Sam Hartfeld.
983
00:50:17,330 --> 00:50:18,470
-What?
984
00:50:18,510 --> 00:50:21,160
-It will never,
as long as Jack's alive,
985
00:50:21,210 --> 00:50:24,650
be seen by anyone.
986
00:50:24,690 --> 00:50:28,300
What about all that
flannel mouthin'
987
00:50:28,350 --> 00:50:30,700
about eating sushi
at the premiere?
988
00:50:30,740 --> 00:50:32,310
I mean, we talked about that.
989
00:50:32,350 --> 00:50:33,520
-Your film is the movie
990
00:50:33,570 --> 00:50:35,140
Sam could have
ostensibly catapulted
991
00:50:35,180 --> 00:50:37,350
into an awards contender.
992
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:38,490
Jack knew that.
993
00:50:38,530 --> 00:50:40,840
Jack resented that,
so he bought it.
994
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:44,190
But Jack already has his horse
995
00:50:44,230 --> 00:50:46,360
in the Best Picture race
this year.
996
00:50:46,410 --> 00:50:48,410
-Give us the
fucking briefcase, Mary.
997
00:50:48,450 --> 00:50:50,760
-Just take solace in the fact
you're not the first.
998
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,240
Fuck not the first, Mary!
999
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:54,810
-Give us the contract now, Mary.
1000
00:50:54,850 --> 00:50:57,460
- Jesus, bitch!
I'm gonna—
1001
00:50:57,510 --> 00:50:58,590
Fuck! God!
1002
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:00,200
-Sorry.
-Stop it! That hurts!
1003
00:51:00,250 --> 00:51:03,420
-You can't pepper spray people
like that, you fucking psycho!
1004
00:51:03,470 --> 00:51:07,170
you're such
a fucking idiot!
1005
00:51:07,210 --> 00:51:09,170
Goddamn it!
1006
00:51:11,950 --> 00:51:13,870
-We gotta get a lawyer.
-Fuck.
1007
00:51:13,910 --> 00:51:16,650
We worked on this
for five fucking years, man.
1008
00:51:16,700 --> 00:51:18,920
-I'm sorry, partner.
1009
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:20,530
-I can't believe this shit.
1010
00:51:20,570 --> 00:51:22,530
We used everything
Dad left us.
1011
00:51:22,570 --> 00:51:23,880
-I will make this up to you.
1012
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:26,880
Somehow.
1013
00:51:29,450 --> 00:51:30,670
Thirty minutes
until we're millionaires,
1014
00:51:30,710 --> 00:51:32,410
ladies and gentlemen.
1015
00:51:32,450 --> 00:51:36,630
-This is top five of my top five
Christmas Eves ever.
1016
00:51:36,670 --> 00:51:38,980
-Really?
-Yeah.
1017
00:51:39,020 --> 00:51:41,810
-Did you have
a difficult childhood?
1018
00:51:41,850 --> 00:51:42,850
No.
1019
00:51:44,380 --> 00:51:45,470
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Dame, slow down.
1020
00:51:45,510 --> 00:51:46,990
-Slow down!
-Take it easy, Dame.
1021
00:51:47,030 --> 00:51:49,380
Holy shit,
1022
00:51:49,430 --> 00:51:51,520
-Stop backseat driving!
-Dang it!
1023
00:51:54,690 --> 00:51:55,780
Fucking pigs!
1024
00:51:55,820 --> 00:51:56,780
-What the hell was that?
1025
00:51:56,830 --> 00:51:58,440
-What was that?
1026
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:00,220
What the hell?
1027
00:52:00,260 --> 00:52:01,480
Damn it!
1028
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,270
Where the hell are they--?
1029
00:52:05,310 --> 00:52:06,700
-Where the hell are they going?
-Hey, the van's stuck!
1030
00:52:06,750 --> 00:52:08,180
-We need to leave!
-We're stuck?
1031
00:52:08,230 --> 00:52:09,230
-What do you mean we're stuck?
-We got to go!
1032
00:52:09,270 --> 00:52:11,580
Get out! Tick-tock,
motherfuckers!
1033
00:52:11,620 --> 00:52:13,150
Get on the ground, ma'am!
1034
00:52:13,190 --> 00:52:14,190
-I'm barely over thirty!
-It's the fucking cops.
1035
00:52:14,230 --> 00:52:15,800
-Shut the fuck up!
1036
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:17,500
How many people in
the back of the van, ma'am?
1037
00:52:17,540 --> 00:52:19,940
Hell no.
1038
00:52:19,980 --> 00:52:22,160
Not on Christmas Eve,
motherfuckers.
1039
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:23,500
-Put it the fuck away!
1040
00:52:23,550 --> 00:52:25,290
-What are you doing?
-I'm telling you to shut up!
1041
00:52:25,330 --> 00:52:27,550
Whoa, whoa. LAPD!
1042
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:29,510
-No, no, no, no!
-Get out of the van!
1043
00:52:29,550 --> 00:52:30,820
-What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1044
00:52:30,860 --> 00:52:32,860
-Get down, man!
-Stop it!
1045
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:44,310
My bad.
You okay?
1046
00:52:44,350 --> 00:52:46,400
-I'm gonna kill you.
1047
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:47,790
No, listen.
1048
00:52:47,830 --> 00:52:49,920
No. Listen.
1049
00:52:49,970 --> 00:52:50,920
It doesn't have
to be like that.
1050
00:52:50,970 --> 00:52:52,450
Don't--stop.
1051
00:52:56,540 --> 00:52:57,540
-It doesn't have
to be like that.
1052
00:52:57,580 --> 00:52:58,840
-You shot me!
1053
00:52:58,890 --> 00:53:00,540
-It was an accident.
1054
00:53:00,580 --> 00:53:02,460
Complete accident
that your brother did.
1055
00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:03,850
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1056
00:53:03,890 --> 00:53:05,590
You okay? You okay?
1057
00:53:05,630 --> 00:53:07,940
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1058
00:53:09,420 --> 00:53:10,940
- Shit.
There's so much blood.
1059
00:53:10,990 --> 00:53:12,600
-It's fine.
-God.
1060
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:14,640
-But a little plump.
-God.
1061
00:53:14,690 --> 00:53:16,300
Do you think I was shot?
Did I get shot too?
1062
00:53:16,340 --> 00:53:18,780
-No. Ghost took the duffel bag.
1063
00:53:20,780 --> 00:53:21,950
-Can you walk?
-Yeah.
1064
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:23,740
-Let's go.
One, two, three.
1065
00:53:25,130 --> 00:53:26,350
You're under arrest!
1066
00:53:28,660 --> 00:53:29,920
-Other side.
1067
00:53:32,050 --> 00:53:33,660
-What about the money?
-Screw the money.
1068
00:53:33,700 --> 00:53:35,490
We'll never make it back
in time.
1069
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:39,840
Fuck.
1070
00:53:44,980 --> 00:53:47,590
-Shit, the safe!
-Freeze! Freeze!
1071
00:53:47,630 --> 00:53:48,720
-Hey, hey, hey.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1072
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:53,330
-Get on the fucking ground!
Right now!
1073
00:53:53,380 --> 00:53:55,340
-Okay.
1074
00:53:55,380 --> 00:53:57,510
This Christmas sucks.
1075
00:53:57,550 --> 00:53:59,640
-Answer this
next question right,
1076
00:53:59,690 --> 00:54:02,520
and we could
all come out winners.
1077
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:04,130
What did you take
from Jack Woodrow's?
1078
00:54:04,170 --> 00:54:05,740
-We're not talking
until we get a lawyer.
1079
00:54:05,780 --> 00:54:09,040
-We took his awards.
-Hey, shut the fuck up.
1080
00:54:09,090 --> 00:54:10,740
-Best Pictures?
-That's right, buddy.
1081
00:54:10,790 --> 00:54:13,000
All five of them.
It was impressive, right?
1082
00:54:13,050 --> 00:54:14,830
-Tell me more.
-Lawyer!
1083
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:16,530
-Okay, this is off the record.
1084
00:54:16,570 --> 00:54:17,530
Take a drink.
1085
00:54:17,570 --> 00:54:18,710
-Excuse me?
1086
00:54:18,750 --> 00:54:20,840
-A statement is inadmissible
in LA County
1087
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:22,880
if the police officer
has traces of alcohol
1088
00:54:22,930 --> 00:54:24,020
after interrogation.
1089
00:54:24,060 --> 00:54:25,060
-No shit?
1090
00:54:25,100 --> 00:54:26,540
-What are you, a lawyer?
1091
00:54:26,580 --> 00:54:28,020
-A well-researched screenwriter.
1092
00:54:30,110 --> 00:54:33,020
-Two years AA.
Not gonna happen.
1093
00:54:33,070 --> 00:54:34,550
Congratulations.
1094
00:54:34,590 --> 00:54:36,420
-That's amazing.
-Thank you.
1095
00:54:36,460 --> 00:54:38,770
-I hear they give you back rubs
and blowjobs after three.
1096
00:54:38,810 --> 00:54:40,080
Aren't you clever.
1097
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:42,560
-Just give us a fucking lawyer,
asshole.
1098
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:44,380
Come on.
1099
00:54:49,130 --> 00:54:50,350
What? No.
No, no, no.
1100
00:54:50,390 --> 00:54:51,740
-See that?
Now see what you did?
1101
00:54:51,780 --> 00:54:52,910
-What is he doing?
-No, no, no.
1102
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:54,790
Hey, two years, man.
Don't, don't, don't.
1103
00:54:54,830 --> 00:54:57,090
Don't. Goddamn it.
1104
00:54:57,140 --> 00:54:58,700
Dame just drop kicked him
off the wagon.
1105
00:55:00,180 --> 00:55:03,140
Damn, I forgot
how good that was.
1106
00:55:03,190 --> 00:55:05,450
Jack's awards go.
1107
00:55:05,490 --> 00:55:06,880
-Wow, what did he do to you?
1108
00:55:06,930 --> 00:55:09,100
-Jack Woodrow made
my favorite movie,
1109
00:55:09,150 --> 00:55:10,890
Self-Made Woman .
1110
00:55:10,930 --> 00:55:12,630
-Hey.
-Bravo, Princess.
1111
00:55:12,670 --> 00:55:14,720
So where's the award?
1112
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:18,980
Give me the Self-Madeone,
and I will let you go.
1113
00:55:19,030 --> 00:55:20,810
-He's like a bona fide fanboy.
1114
00:55:20,860 --> 00:55:22,640
-Yeah, this girl wrote
that movie.
1115
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:24,550
No, I don't think so.
1116
00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:26,560
Jack Woodrow's sister
with Tourette's did.
1117
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:27,950
-Jack's got a sister?
1118
00:55:27,990 --> 00:55:30,820
She was so brave
doing her acceptance speech.
1119
00:55:30,870 --> 00:55:32,690
-Fuck that cunt
swap bitch licker.
1120
00:55:32,740 --> 00:55:33,820
-Okay then.
1121
00:55:33,870 --> 00:55:34,910
I think she has Tourette's.
1122
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:35,910
-I don't have Tourette's.
1123
00:55:37,090 --> 00:55:40,220
You sly little slut.
1124
00:55:40,270 --> 00:55:41,480
-What?
-Yeah.
1125
00:55:41,530 --> 00:55:43,440
My God,
you're the Studio Head.
1126
00:55:43,490 --> 00:55:44,750
You have the awards.
1127
00:55:44,790 --> 00:55:46,010
-My God.
-What?
1128
00:55:46,050 --> 00:55:47,580
-Yeah. I see it now.
1129
00:55:47,620 --> 00:55:49,360
You hate Jack
even more than I do.
1130
00:55:49,410 --> 00:55:50,540
-You.
-I don't.
1131
00:55:50,580 --> 00:55:52,580
We were supposed to put them
in the safe.
1132
00:55:52,630 --> 00:55:54,110
What's that we're talking
about here?
1133
00:55:54,150 --> 00:55:55,540
-Is he still drinking?
1134
00:55:55,590 --> 00:55:57,810
-Somehow Ghost knew about,
1135
00:55:57,850 --> 00:55:59,630
even though he was halfway
across the room.
1136
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:00,900
Excuse me, I have no clue
1137
00:56:00,940 --> 00:56:02,380
what she's talking about,
Your Honor.
1138
00:56:02,420 --> 00:56:03,770
You know exactly
what I'm talking about.
1139
00:56:03,810 --> 00:56:05,070
-No, I don't.
1140
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:06,380
-Yes, when he was making
your drink over there.
1141
00:56:06,420 --> 00:56:07,510
-Yeah.
1142
00:56:07,550 --> 00:56:08,470
-He told Hero to look
under the logs.
1143
00:56:08,510 --> 00:56:09,860
-Yeah.
1144
00:56:09,900 --> 00:56:11,470
-How could you see it
from all the way over there?
1145
00:56:11,510 --> 00:56:13,690
-Shit. How did you see the safe
from all the way over there?
1146
00:56:13,730 --> 00:56:15,170
-Wait, wait, wait.
Let's stop this, okay?
1147
00:56:15,210 --> 00:56:17,560
How the hell am I the one
that's being stared at
1148
00:56:17,610 --> 00:56:18,610
from the back of your heads
over here?
1149
00:56:18,650 --> 00:56:19,650
-You set us up.
1150
00:56:19,700 --> 00:56:21,660
-I didn't set anybody up,
Princess.
1151
00:56:21,700 --> 00:56:23,180
Dame is the one that wanted
to kill him.
1152
00:56:23,220 --> 00:56:24,830
Dame set this whole thing up.
1153
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:27,530
-Not everybody
has fucking royalties
1154
00:56:27,570 --> 00:56:29,840
from the Jellyfish franchise.
1155
00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:32,230
-I didn't get back end.
1156
00:56:32,270 --> 00:56:33,450
So you did set this up?
1157
00:56:33,490 --> 00:56:35,100
I didn't set anybody up.
1158
00:56:35,150 --> 00:56:37,240
Listen, I did check every nook
and cranny in this motherfucker
1159
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:39,500
to make sure that there
were no CIA bugs,
1160
00:56:39,540 --> 00:56:41,200
and that's how I found out
that the safe
1161
00:56:41,240 --> 00:56:42,720
was under the logs, Princess.
1162
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,810
So I have nothing else to say.
1163
00:56:48,330 --> 00:56:50,210
-Right. Okay, fuck it.
You know, my money, my guess.
1164
00:56:50,250 --> 00:56:52,290
You want to know?
You really want to know?
1165
00:56:52,340 --> 00:56:55,300
Hero is a tremendously
guilty character, okay?
1166
00:56:55,340 --> 00:56:57,170
I mean, really, where's he been
this whole night?
1167
00:56:57,210 --> 00:56:58,690
Case closed, Your Honor.
1168
00:56:58,740 --> 00:57:00,080
-I'm sorry, who's Hero?
1169
00:57:00,130 --> 00:57:01,560
-Well, someone has the awards.
1170
00:57:01,610 --> 00:57:04,050
And who would that someone be?
1171
00:57:04,090 --> 00:57:05,610
Ghost, playing stupid.
1172
00:57:05,660 --> 00:57:07,740
-Or the brothers took them.
1173
00:57:07,790 --> 00:57:10,050
-Okay, I'm so sorry.
Could we just back up?
1174
00:57:10,090 --> 00:57:12,010
Who are the brothers?
1175
00:57:14,580 --> 00:57:15,670
Tracy!
1176
00:57:15,710 --> 00:57:17,100
-Fuck! God!
1177
00:57:17,150 --> 00:57:18,800
Hey, Tracy!
1178
00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:20,100
-The fuck, man?
1179
00:57:20,150 --> 00:57:21,980
-Hey, T.
T, we need your help, man.
1180
00:57:22,020 --> 00:57:23,890
-What the hell?
Hey, my snacks!
1181
00:57:23,930 --> 00:57:25,240
What the hell is going on?
1182
00:57:25,280 --> 00:57:27,070
-Why are you bleeding?
-Fuck. Shit.
1183
00:57:27,110 --> 00:57:29,720
-I took a lead plumb
while clipping a bandit's horns.
1184
00:57:29,770 --> 00:57:30,900
-You know what the fuck
he's talking about?
1185
00:57:30,940 --> 00:57:32,030
-Yeah, no, he got shot
during a heist.
1186
00:57:32,070 --> 00:57:33,730
-A heist?
-Yeah.
1187
00:57:33,770 --> 00:57:35,030
It's a long story.
1188
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:36,730
Hey, do you know how
to remove a bullet?
1189
00:57:36,770 --> 00:57:38,040
-I'm not that kind of doctor.
1190
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:39,600
I'm a podiatrist.
1191
00:57:39,650 --> 00:57:41,260
-Well, everyone we know
in the city's in movies.
1192
00:57:41,300 --> 00:57:42,950
-Okay, so you come
to the Muggle's house.
1193
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,740
-Please, please, T.
Come on, help us out.
1194
00:57:44,780 --> 00:57:46,830
Look at it. Please?
Okay, come on.
1195
00:57:46,870 --> 00:57:48,220
-Okay, first of all,
1196
00:57:48,260 --> 00:57:50,790
how are we supposed
to play pickleball on Friday?
1197
00:57:52,180 --> 00:57:54,270
You know what?
All right, guys, all of this
1198
00:57:54,310 --> 00:57:56,140
is not fucking cool, all right?
1199
00:57:58,060 --> 00:58:00,190
I'm a little stoned right now.
1200
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:05,720
I work on feet, all right?
1201
00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:08,850
I don't know how to remove
a fucking bullet.
1202
00:58:08,890 --> 00:58:10,240
-You want any of this?
-Yeah, please.
1203
00:58:10,290 --> 00:58:11,590
Thank you.
1204
00:58:11,630 --> 00:58:12,850
Shit.
1205
00:58:12,900 --> 00:58:16,640
-Well, let's learn
from the best.
1206
00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:18,120
-I never know what the fuck
he's talking about, man.
1207
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:20,030
- This time I don't know.
I don't--
1208
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:21,950
- ICU Blues,man.
1209
00:58:21,990 --> 00:58:26,130
So good.
1210
00:58:26,170 --> 00:58:28,040
Yeah.
1211
00:58:28,090 --> 00:58:29,780
Give me that.
Give me that shit.
1212
00:58:33,310 --> 00:58:34,790
-We need distal control
of this artery
1213
00:58:34,830 --> 00:58:36,010
or she'll flatline.
1214
00:58:36,050 --> 00:58:37,310
-Holy sakes alive.
1215
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:39,840
That's--that's the fancy lady
from JW's house.
1216
00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:42,320
ICU Blues,
that's the show she's on.
1217
00:58:42,360 --> 00:58:46,150
It's in God's hands now.
1218
00:58:46,190 --> 00:58:48,890
-Rewind, rewind, rewind.
Let me see that again.
1219
00:58:50,890 --> 00:58:52,070
I just didn't want
to have to tell him.
1220
00:58:52,110 --> 00:58:54,850
-Pause it, pause it, pause it.
1221
00:58:54,900 --> 00:58:56,770
All right.
Logan, give me the tweezers.
1222
00:58:56,810 --> 00:58:57,770
-Tweezers?
-Yeah.
1223
00:58:57,810 --> 00:58:58,680
-Tweezers.
1224
00:59:01,380 --> 00:59:04,300
Hey, hey, T,
I gotta ask you a question, pal.
1225
00:59:04,340 --> 00:59:06,430
You think this is gonna put
a hitch in my giddyup?
1226
00:59:06,470 --> 00:59:09,130
-Well, the bus driver
did have a cane
1227
00:59:09,170 --> 00:59:11,780
at the end of the episode,
but it didn't look permanent.
1228
00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:14,130
All right.
1229
00:59:14,180 --> 00:59:15,180
-Tweezers.
-Okay.
1230
00:59:15,220 --> 00:59:16,740
All right, good.
All right.
1231
00:59:16,790 --> 00:59:18,090
Here we go.
1232
00:59:18,140 --> 00:59:20,400
Before you get
after this business now,
1233
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:23,050
I want a pour of that whiskey,
please and thank you.
1234
00:59:26,710 --> 00:59:28,360
-Yeah, that's a good idea.
1235
00:59:30,970 --> 00:59:32,890
I'm going to need
to drink this too.
1236
00:59:38,330 --> 00:59:41,420
All right.
All right.
1237
00:59:41,460 --> 00:59:42,680
On three, baby.
1238
00:59:42,730 --> 00:59:43,900
-Good. On three.
1239
00:59:43,940 --> 00:59:44,860
-Here we go.
-Three.
1240
00:59:50,210 --> 00:59:51,780
-Three...
1241
00:59:58,920 --> 01:00:00,700
two...
1242
01:00:04,830 --> 01:00:05,840
one.
1243
01:00:10,410 --> 01:00:12,800
Shit! God!
1244
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:13,890
- I can feel it.
I can feel it.
1245
01:00:17,110 --> 01:00:18,460
I hate you, T.
1246
01:00:18,500 --> 01:00:20,110
I hate you.
1247
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:27,730
-Look at you.
-Yeah.
1248
01:00:29,550 --> 01:00:30,990
- The head trauma
your wife endured
1249
01:00:31,030 --> 01:00:32,120
still could have happened
1250
01:00:32,170 --> 01:00:33,730
even if you were
in opposite seats
1251
01:00:33,780 --> 01:00:34,950
when the tandem bike crashed.
1252
01:00:36,820 --> 01:00:39,910
Her coma is not your mistake.
1253
01:00:41,440 --> 01:00:42,520
- I can't lose her.
1254
01:00:44,310 --> 01:00:47,700
- It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay.
1255
01:00:49,310 --> 01:00:50,750
-He choked the toilet.
1256
01:00:50,790 --> 01:00:51,970
-Fucking rat!
1257
01:00:52,010 --> 01:00:53,400
-You know what?
1258
01:00:53,450 --> 01:00:56,150
Guys, I still
do not want to know
1259
01:00:56,190 --> 01:00:58,930
where or who you were
screwing with tonight.
1260
01:00:58,980 --> 01:01:01,280
I just got one question.
1261
01:01:01,330 --> 01:01:03,110
Who's gonna give you
a fucking million dollars?
1262
01:01:03,150 --> 01:01:04,500
-Good question.
See, we branded them.
1263
01:01:04,550 --> 01:01:07,200
-They're Studio Head.
-What?
1264
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:09,940
-Yeah, the Studio Head gave us
a grand just to show our faces.
1265
01:01:09,990 --> 01:01:12,290
That's just a grand.
1266
01:01:12,340 --> 01:01:14,300
-Yeah, but a grand each.
1267
01:01:16,300 --> 01:01:19,130
Yeah.
1268
01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:23,960
-You know, we, did rob a house.
1269
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,790
Never took anything
for ourselves.
1270
01:01:26,830 --> 01:01:29,960
-Yeah, but we took the trophies.
1271
01:01:30,010 --> 01:01:32,880
-Yeah, we don't have them.
1272
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:35,320
I mean, we should go back
and nab other goods.
1273
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:37,010
-No! No, we're not going back.
-Yeah.
1274
01:01:37,060 --> 01:01:38,190
-Hell, yeah.
-Yeah
1275
01:01:38,230 --> 01:01:39,670
-What?
-Yeah Yes. Yes, we are.
1276
01:01:39,710 --> 01:01:40,970
Non-negotiable, man.
1277
01:01:41,020 --> 01:01:43,370
This is my chance to make up
South Best to you.
1278
01:01:43,410 --> 01:01:46,110
This is our real shot
at getting our contract back.
1279
01:01:47,890 --> 01:01:49,110
Fuck!
1280
01:01:49,160 --> 01:01:50,330
-We could take that
Fridge Script
1281
01:01:50,370 --> 01:01:51,200
that you ramble on about.
1282
01:01:51,250 --> 01:01:52,120
We could take the art.
1283
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:53,380
-We could take--
-No. Hey, hey.
1284
01:01:53,420 --> 01:01:54,730
There's nothing in the fridge.
I checked, okay?
1285
01:01:54,770 --> 01:01:55,990
-Take the fridge.
-Well, then the art.
1286
01:01:56,030 --> 01:01:57,430
-Take the whole fridge.
-The painting, man.
1287
01:01:57,470 --> 01:01:59,340
Fuck the script, man.
I don't care about the script.
1288
01:01:59,380 --> 01:02:01,820
I want the movie, man.
I want our movie.
1289
01:02:01,860 --> 01:02:02,950
-What has gotten into you?
1290
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:04,820
-A goddamn 38, brother.
1291
01:02:04,870 --> 01:02:06,300
I got shot.
1292
01:02:06,350 --> 01:02:07,520
- She woke up from the coma.
1293
01:02:09,090 --> 01:02:14,310
-You can take my car.
After you unclog my toilet.
1294
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:16,310
Nasty motherfucker.
1295
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:17,580
-Brother, the timing
of your bowels
1296
01:02:17,620 --> 01:02:18,970
is crazier than.
1297
01:02:19,010 --> 01:02:20,360
I'll tell you what,
we got a lot of shut
1298
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:22,360
before JW busts out of them
lovemaking restraints.
1299
01:02:22,410 --> 01:02:24,020
We got all day.
1300
01:02:24,060 --> 01:02:26,020
-To be clear, it is not Jack
who I'm worried about.
1301
01:02:26,060 --> 01:02:27,240
The Studio Head set us six up.
1302
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:28,410
They are calculated.
1303
01:02:28,460 --> 01:02:29,280
They knew everyone's histories.
1304
01:02:29,330 --> 01:02:30,760
They knew where everybody lived.
1305
01:02:30,810 --> 01:02:33,240
They rigged a house with
a scavenger hunt full of clues,
1306
01:02:33,290 --> 01:02:34,380
set us all up to be there,
1307
01:02:34,420 --> 01:02:35,330
and they knew we
were desperate enough
1308
01:02:35,380 --> 01:02:37,120
to hop along for the ride.
1309
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:40,080
No, it is not Jack
who I'm worried about.
1310
01:02:41,560 --> 01:02:43,910
I'm worried about the psycho
who organized this whole night.
1311
01:02:53,090 --> 01:02:55,480
You sly little slut!
1312
01:02:55,530 --> 01:02:57,920
My God,
you're the Studio Head!
1313
01:02:57,960 --> 01:03:01,100
-Emma, speak up
when you know you're right.
1314
01:03:01,140 --> 01:03:03,270
This town will carve you up
if you don't defend yourself.
1315
01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:04,840
-Okay. I will.
1316
01:03:07,150 --> 01:03:11,020
-Let's see
who's really in there.
1317
01:03:13,630 --> 01:03:15,550
Not tonight!
1318
01:03:15,590 --> 01:03:17,200
Fuck!
1319
01:03:25,030 --> 01:03:26,600
Hey!
1320
01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:28,470
What's going on in there?
1321
01:03:28,520 --> 01:03:30,040
I got the script that
we're pulling the trigger on
1322
01:03:30,080 --> 01:03:31,260
in the fall.
1323
01:03:31,300 --> 01:03:34,610
You'd be great
as the love interest.
1324
01:03:34,650 --> 01:03:35,480
How long does it take
1325
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:36,570
to go to the bathroom?
1326
01:03:37,610 --> 01:03:38,920
-Who's the lead?
1327
01:03:38,960 --> 01:03:41,010
-Do your business
and get back out here.
1328
01:03:41,050 --> 01:03:42,140
My life is over.
1329
01:03:45,270 --> 01:03:47,540
-Okay, time's up.
1330
01:03:53,190 --> 01:03:54,280
Hey, hey!
1331
01:03:54,320 --> 01:03:55,980
-Stop it, stop it!
-No, no, no.
1332
01:03:56,020 --> 01:03:58,150
Help me, help me,
help me, help me!
1333
01:03:58,200 --> 01:03:59,110
All right.
1334
01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:00,160
-No. No, no, no.
-Wait.
1335
01:04:00,200 --> 01:04:01,460
-You got to get more leverage.
1336
01:04:01,510 --> 01:04:03,160
-Okay, get back here.
1337
01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:05,120
Hands behind your back, please.
1338
01:04:06,340 --> 01:04:07,690
-Now pull that.
Pull it. Yes!
1339
01:04:10,080 --> 01:04:11,470
So goddamn perfect!
1340
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:13,390
Yes, yes!
1341
01:04:13,430 --> 01:04:16,000
-This is insane behavior!
1342
01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:17,300
-Should we make a run for it?
1343
01:04:18,700 --> 01:04:23,140
There's some front end for you.
1344
01:04:23,180 --> 01:04:26,140
-And breathe.
1345
01:04:28,180 --> 01:04:30,490
Simmer. Down.
1346
01:04:36,190 --> 01:04:37,930
You gotta be kidding me.
1347
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:42,630
Come on, stop. Please!
1348
01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:44,160
-Can you stop it?
-No.
1349
01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:45,550
-Now, I take back my offer.
1350
01:04:45,590 --> 01:04:47,030
Fucked it up.
1351
01:04:47,070 --> 01:04:48,200
-I didn't fuck anything up,
you stupid—
1352
01:04:48,250 --> 01:04:49,730
-That's it!
-dick kicker!
1353
01:04:49,770 --> 01:04:51,900
-Everyone's going
to their own rooms.
1354
01:04:53,690 --> 01:04:54,820
-Okay, that's tight.
1355
01:04:54,860 --> 01:04:56,340
-Hey, what's your fucking play?
1356
01:04:56,390 --> 01:04:58,740
-Listen, lady, I just want
a freaking Best Picture award.
1357
01:04:58,780 --> 01:05:00,000
-Bullshit.
1358
01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:06,180
You set this all up.
1359
01:05:06,220 --> 01:05:09,050
You're working with Hero.
Yeah.
1360
01:05:09,100 --> 01:05:12,270
He was your inside man,
your Gerard Butler.
1361
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:13,490
I see what's happening.
1362
01:05:13,530 --> 01:05:15,540
He came here to make sure
everyone shows up,
1363
01:05:15,580 --> 01:05:18,410
and then he has us do
the fucking messy part.
1364
01:05:18,450 --> 01:05:21,370
And now he's back
at Jack's turning the place
1365
01:05:21,410 --> 01:05:22,760
upside down,
1366
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:25,500
taking way more than
fucking statues.
1367
01:05:27,640 --> 01:05:29,420
-You don't know anything.
1368
01:05:35,430 --> 01:05:36,470
She knows everything.
1369
01:05:36,510 --> 01:05:37,650
-What?
1370
01:05:37,690 --> 01:05:38,600
-She knows we're partners.
1371
01:05:38,650 --> 01:05:40,210
-How?
-I don't know.
1372
01:05:40,260 --> 01:05:41,130
She's a lot smarter
than she looks.
1373
01:05:41,170 --> 01:05:42,560
Except she thinks you're a Hero
1374
01:05:42,610 --> 01:05:44,700
and that Gerard Butler
is in that movie Inside Man.
1375
01:05:44,740 --> 01:05:46,050
-That's Clive Owen.
1376
01:05:46,090 --> 01:05:48,090
-Yes, I know.
1377
01:05:48,130 --> 01:05:50,310
-Dalt,
what exactly does she know?
1378
01:05:50,350 --> 01:05:52,490
Start from the beginning.
1379
01:05:52,530 --> 01:05:53,490
Yeah, Maureen.
1380
01:05:53,530 --> 01:05:54,840
I got another shoplifter.
1381
01:05:54,880 --> 01:05:56,230
Living the dream.
1382
01:05:56,270 --> 01:05:59,360
Yeah, don't sound
too excited, 127.
1383
01:06:01,840 --> 01:06:02,980
Hello, fellow screenwriters.
1384
01:06:03,020 --> 01:06:04,150
-My name is John August.
-Shit.
1385
01:06:04,190 --> 01:06:05,590
My name is Craig Mason.
1386
01:06:05,630 --> 01:06:07,630
This is
episode 44 of Scriptnotes,
1387
01:06:07,680 --> 01:06:09,020
a podcast about screenwriting
1388
01:06:09,070 --> 01:06:11,110
and things that are interesting
to screenwriters.
1389
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:12,720
Screenwriter
masquerading as cop.
1390
01:06:12,770 --> 01:06:13,770
Only in LA.
1391
01:06:13,810 --> 01:06:15,470
-Hey, pays the bills.
1392
01:06:15,510 --> 01:06:17,470
Most people
would just drive Uber.
1393
01:06:17,510 --> 01:06:19,430
This seems rather involved.
1394
01:06:19,470 --> 01:06:21,520
I get the occasional
free coffee.
1395
01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:22,730
Is it for research?
1396
01:06:22,780 --> 01:06:25,080
-I'm a rom-com guy.
1397
01:06:25,130 --> 01:06:27,170
-This is one hell
of a meet-cute.
1398
01:06:29,780 --> 01:06:31,440
-You're a writer too?
1399
01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:36,270
-In the middle of breaking
the biggest movie of my life.
1400
01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:46,580
-Here you go.
Everything good?
1401
01:06:46,630 --> 01:06:48,850
-Exquisite.
-Exquisite?
1402
01:06:50,500 --> 01:06:53,370
Hey, I'm sorry,
this is so stupid
1403
01:06:53,420 --> 01:06:54,640
and honestly kind of rude,
1404
01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:57,810
but, my manager and I
have a bet going
1405
01:06:57,860 --> 01:07:00,640
on how many Tinder meetups
happen here, so—
1406
01:07:00,680 --> 01:07:02,600
-Ding, ding, ding!
Guilty as charged.
1407
01:07:02,640 --> 01:07:04,510
-We met when he pulled me over.
1408
01:07:04,560 --> 01:07:05,860
-Tinder date, yeah.
1409
01:07:05,910 --> 01:07:08,430
-I blew a 0.14.
1410
01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:11,830
But then I talked him
into letting me buy him a drink
1411
01:07:11,870 --> 01:07:15,180
instead of booking me.
1412
01:07:15,220 --> 01:07:17,660
- Really?
He's not even drinking.
1413
01:07:19,660 --> 01:07:20,750
-Win-win.
1414
01:07:20,790 --> 01:07:23,750
Okay.
1415
01:07:25,270 --> 01:07:27,760
Yeah, no, not Tinder.
Way weirder.
1416
01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:32,150
-Now, this night's not going
to end up as a scene
1417
01:07:32,190 --> 01:07:34,410
in one of Jack Woodrow's movies,
is it?
1418
01:07:34,460 --> 01:07:37,770
You're more of a movie buff
than you let on.
1419
01:07:38,900 --> 01:07:40,860
-Cops just troll Reddit a lot.
1420
01:07:40,900 --> 01:07:46,340
-No, this romantic DUI stop
won't end up in a movie,
1421
01:07:46,380 --> 01:07:50,560
but it's not above Jack Woodrow
to steal ideas.
1422
01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:52,040
-Should I go arrest him?
1423
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:57,220
I've got more
stories than you can imagine.
1424
01:07:57,260 --> 01:07:59,530
Huh.
1425
01:07:59,570 --> 01:08:00,660
-Another round.
1426
01:08:00,700 --> 01:08:03,310
-Woo! Woo!
1427
01:08:03,360 --> 01:08:05,880
Fun.
1428
01:08:05,920 --> 01:08:07,190
Isn't it?
1429
01:08:07,230 --> 01:08:09,840
So there's these directing
brothers from Texas,
1430
01:08:09,880 --> 01:08:12,840
a producer
with a jellyfish franchise,
1431
01:08:12,890 --> 01:08:15,890
an actor Jack humiliated
at an audition...
1432
01:08:15,930 --> 01:08:17,810
-We've been working
for months on this.
1433
01:08:17,850 --> 01:08:19,240
This is just
a last-minute rewrite.
1434
01:08:19,290 --> 01:08:20,460
-Is that why you handcuffed me?
1435
01:08:20,500 --> 01:08:22,420
-I'm--I'm trying
to help us out here.
1436
01:08:22,460 --> 01:08:24,380
-Why the hell did you bring up
Self-Made Woman?
1437
01:08:24,420 --> 01:08:25,860
-I'm not a good improviser.
1438
01:08:25,900 --> 01:08:27,510
-You pulled the AA chip
out of nowhere.
1439
01:08:27,550 --> 01:08:28,820
-It's a prop.
1440
01:08:28,860 --> 01:08:30,820
I use it for motivational
speeches at DUI stops.
1441
01:08:30,860 --> 01:08:33,910
-Well, don't.
A guy's been shot,
1442
01:08:33,950 --> 01:08:35,910
Jack is tied
to a Citizen Kanetable,
1443
01:08:35,950 --> 01:08:38,870
and some poor actress
is strung out and unconscious.
1444
01:08:38,910 --> 01:08:40,870
So not all of the rules
were followed.
1445
01:08:40,920 --> 01:08:45,310
-Whoa! Who's strung out?
1446
01:08:45,350 --> 01:08:47,530
-Some actress is blacked out
at Jack's.
1447
01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:55,410
Is she famous?
1448
01:08:55,450 --> 01:08:56,970
-She's not in anything you
would know.
1449
01:08:57,020 --> 01:09:00,280
So on the CW or something?
1450
01:09:00,330 --> 01:09:04,290
-Lower tier than that.
Actually, maybe.
1451
01:09:04,330 --> 01:09:05,640
I haven't watched anything
on there since Buffy.
1452
01:09:05,680 --> 01:09:06,850
Underrated show.
1453
01:09:06,900 --> 01:09:07,900
-No one ever said it was bad.
1454
01:09:09,470 --> 01:09:10,950
-Well...
1455
01:09:13,510 --> 01:09:14,910
for everything
that's gone wrong—
1456
01:09:14,950 --> 01:09:17,470
-There is no bright side
to any of this.
1457
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:19,780
-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hear me out.
1458
01:09:19,820 --> 01:09:22,390
The bright side is that
I tied up Dame and Ghost
1459
01:09:22,440 --> 01:09:24,610
in the other rooms
and they can't see you.
1460
01:09:24,650 --> 01:09:26,480
-No.
-No what?
1461
01:09:26,530 --> 01:09:28,530
-I know what you're getting at.
1462
01:09:28,570 --> 01:09:29,570
-No, you don't.
1463
01:09:29,620 --> 01:09:30,790
Don't shoot down my idea
1464
01:09:30,830 --> 01:09:32,620
before I've even finished
saying my idea.
1465
01:09:32,660 --> 01:09:33,750
You said you'd stop doing that.
1466
01:09:33,790 --> 01:09:34,970
-Don't even pitch it.
1467
01:09:35,010 --> 01:09:37,360
I did my part.
Do yours.
1468
01:09:37,410 --> 01:09:38,630
-You know what?
1469
01:09:38,670 --> 01:09:41,280
This plan has gotten
discombobulated
1470
01:09:41,320 --> 01:09:42,410
eighteen ways to Sunday.
1471
01:09:42,460 --> 01:09:43,800
Don't tell me it hasn't.
1472
01:09:43,850 --> 01:09:46,760
-I did my part.
I made the invites.
1473
01:09:48,070 --> 01:09:50,590
I chaperoned the fuckwits
through the heist.
1474
01:09:50,640 --> 01:09:52,470
I got them to steal the awards.
1475
01:09:52,510 --> 01:09:54,550
I made the switch
with the gnomes.
1476
01:09:54,600 --> 01:09:57,950
I put the awards in the bush
by his front door.
1477
01:10:03,520 --> 01:10:05,960
Now go blackmail him.
1478
01:10:06,000 --> 01:10:08,480
This was the plan all along.
1479
01:10:08,520 --> 01:10:10,050
Go get the awards from the bush,
1480
01:10:10,090 --> 01:10:12,700
walk in all big
and tall with your badge,
1481
01:10:12,750 --> 01:10:15,010
tell him you caught the guys
who robbed him,
1482
01:10:15,050 --> 01:10:16,490
but you're not gonna
give him the awards
1483
01:10:16,530 --> 01:10:18,060
until he greenlights our script.
1484
01:10:18,100 --> 01:10:19,710
It's an easy negotiation,
Dalton.
1485
01:10:19,750 --> 01:10:21,540
He knows he's lost favor
with the LAPD
1486
01:10:21,580 --> 01:10:23,710
ever since they had to sweep
a million MeToo's
1487
01:10:23,760 --> 01:10:25,670
under the rug.
1488
01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:27,670
He'll be scared of you, Dalton.
1489
01:10:27,720 --> 01:10:29,940
-What if Dame and Ghost
try to escape?
1490
01:10:29,980 --> 01:10:31,680
They have to know I'm here.
1491
01:10:31,720 --> 01:10:34,900
-Just do your fucking part,
Dalton.
1492
01:10:34,940 --> 01:10:37,120
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
1493
01:10:37,160 --> 01:10:39,030
Come on.
Come on, you can do this.
1494
01:10:47,040 --> 01:10:49,830
I'm more of an idea guy.
1495
01:10:49,870 --> 01:10:52,530
I'm not really the,
1496
01:10:52,570 --> 01:10:55,440
you know, so.
1497
01:11:19,070 --> 01:11:20,420
Remember what you told me.
1498
01:11:20,470 --> 01:11:22,950
There's no secret to Jack.
1499
01:11:22,990 --> 01:11:24,770
Just wants to be impressed.
1500
01:12:33,760 --> 01:12:34,890
My God.
1501
01:12:42,810 --> 01:12:44,460
No.
1502
01:13:33,600 --> 01:13:34,820
Hey.
1503
01:13:40,820 --> 01:13:42,170
-Merry Christmas, Jack.
1504
01:13:44,960 --> 01:13:47,000
-Baby writer
with a statue script
1505
01:13:47,050 --> 01:13:50,570
is going to kill me.
1506
01:13:50,620 --> 01:13:52,620
-Best Picture-winning
statue script.
1507
01:13:54,100 --> 01:13:57,010
And no.
We're going to work together.
1508
01:13:57,060 --> 01:13:59,760
-Says who?
1509
01:13:59,800 --> 01:14:02,540
-No one, because no one
will take a meeting with me.
1510
01:14:02,580 --> 01:14:04,280
I don't have enough credits.
1511
01:14:04,330 --> 01:14:07,240
No one recognizes my voice.
1512
01:14:07,280 --> 01:14:08,940
Nothing I write
is based on IP.
1513
01:14:08,980 --> 01:14:10,640
-Maybe you're just not
that good.
1514
01:14:11,810 --> 01:14:15,080
-Fuck you!
-Jesus fuck!
1515
01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:24,950
-I wrote a script, Jack.
1516
01:14:25,000 --> 01:14:29,090
Biopic.
It's called Self-Made Man.
1517
01:14:29,130 --> 01:14:30,700
-Love the title.
1518
01:14:32,310 --> 01:14:34,790
-Think Wolf of Wall Street,
1519
01:14:36,140 --> 01:14:39,930
but about Hollywood mogul
Jack Woodrow.
1520
01:14:42,890 --> 01:14:46,240
You stalk my assistant
to get me a script,
1521
01:14:46,280 --> 01:14:48,940
and now you stalk me
to write a script?
1522
01:14:48,980 --> 01:14:51,810
-You're gonna sign
the title page.
1523
01:14:51,850 --> 01:14:53,810
Say it's your Fridge Script
and then make the proper calls
1524
01:14:53,850 --> 01:14:55,250
to greenlight it.
1525
01:14:55,290 --> 01:14:59,290
-The Fridge Script...
the Fridge Script is bullshit.
1526
01:14:59,340 --> 01:15:00,950
It's a marketing ploy
1527
01:15:00,990 --> 01:15:02,950
to give me a leg up
on awards season.
1528
01:15:02,990 --> 01:15:05,650
I tell people it's important
and it becomes important--
1529
01:15:05,690 --> 01:15:07,740
-Then make this
script important.
1530
01:15:07,780 --> 01:15:11,000
-What constitutes
that happy ending?
1531
01:15:12,310 --> 01:15:15,790
-The best biopics
have tragic endings, Jack.
1532
01:15:15,830 --> 01:15:17,140
I think I think me killing you
1533
01:15:17,180 --> 01:15:20,100
and getting caught
on Christmas Eve is perfect.
1534
01:15:20,140 --> 01:15:23,320
-That's not my favorite ending.
1535
01:15:29,850 --> 01:15:32,940
There's no secret to this town.
1536
01:15:32,980 --> 01:15:37,330
Cream rises,
but you turn into foam
1537
01:15:37,370 --> 01:15:39,550
if you can't handle the heat.
1538
01:15:41,860 --> 01:15:46,650
And beautiful,
you have handled it
1539
01:15:46,690 --> 01:15:49,040
with fucking vigor.
1540
01:16:08,930 --> 01:16:11,710
I'll read it when the town
gets back from Christmas break.
1541
01:16:13,110 --> 01:16:14,850
-It's not done.
1542
01:16:16,070 --> 01:16:18,240
I need to rewrite the climax.
1543
01:17:21,780 --> 01:17:25,220
-Rosebud, cocksucker.
1544
01:18:08,260 --> 01:18:11,180
Hey. Need to use the bathroom?
1545
01:18:11,220 --> 01:18:13,050
-Call the center.
I know you're working with Hero.
1546
01:18:14,140 --> 01:18:15,320
-Okay.
1547
01:18:20,490 --> 01:18:21,800
-Hastings?
1548
01:18:21,840 --> 01:18:23,020
What's up, Dal?
1549
01:18:23,060 --> 01:18:25,410
-Could you stop by a house
for me, please?
1550
01:18:25,460 --> 01:18:27,850
1400 Kings Road.
1551
01:18:27,890 --> 01:18:28,850
Tell me where the China Donuts
1552
01:18:28,890 --> 01:18:30,240
with the good TP is.
1553
01:18:32,200 --> 01:18:33,120
Come on, Dal.
1554
01:18:33,160 --> 01:18:34,330
Made it.
1555
01:18:34,380 --> 01:18:36,510
Tell me where it is.
1556
01:18:36,550 --> 01:18:38,160
Last chance,
take it or leave it.
1557
01:18:53,050 --> 01:18:58,010
Fuck my fucking life.
1558
01:19:30,260 --> 01:19:32,130
-Suck my fucking ass, Jack!
1559
01:19:32,170 --> 01:19:34,310
-Suck his ass
while you suck my dick!
1560
01:20:03,640 --> 01:20:04,900
-My name's Gia, by the way.
1561
01:20:04,950 --> 01:20:06,990
-Hey, hey.
1562
01:20:07,040 --> 01:20:09,520
Listen, you don't ever
have to do that.
1563
01:20:11,300 --> 01:20:13,090
I mean, you're more talented
than that.
1564
01:20:16,960 --> 01:20:18,440
-Can I use the bathroom now?
1565
01:20:18,480 --> 01:20:20,090
-Sure, Gia.
1566
01:20:21,270 --> 01:20:23,230
-Thank you.
1567
01:20:28,320 --> 01:20:30,670
-Bingo! Got our contract!
1568
01:20:30,710 --> 01:20:32,410
Jackpot!
1569
01:20:34,580 --> 01:20:38,940
My Lord in heaven,
you shit in his briefcase!
1570
01:20:41,070 --> 01:20:42,070
-Hey, you good?
1571
01:20:42,110 --> 01:20:44,990
- I'm fine!
Fuck off!
1572
01:20:48,160 --> 01:20:49,300
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1573
01:20:49,340 --> 01:20:50,300
Let's look for Hero, brother.
1574
01:20:50,340 --> 01:20:51,300
I can help you find him.
1575
01:20:51,340 --> 01:20:52,340
No thanks.
1576
01:20:52,390 --> 01:20:53,470
-Goddamn it.
1577
01:21:02,530 --> 01:21:06,440
-Whoa!
-Don't move.
1578
01:21:06,490 --> 01:21:08,880
Princess, we're leaving!
1579
01:21:11,530 --> 01:21:14,280
Prince--what did you do to her?
1580
01:21:14,320 --> 01:21:15,360
-Nothing.
1581
01:21:15,410 --> 01:21:16,670
-Open the fucking door.
1582
01:21:30,640 --> 01:21:32,160
-Yeah.
1583
01:21:32,210 --> 01:21:33,510
-Are you okay?
1584
01:21:33,560 --> 01:21:36,080
-Yeah. What are you doing?
1585
01:21:36,120 --> 01:21:37,780
-You know, I'm just taking care
of business.
1586
01:21:37,820 --> 01:21:39,080
Don't worry about it.
1587
01:21:39,130 --> 01:21:40,390
Hey, Dal, Hastings here.
1588
01:21:40,430 --> 01:21:41,520
I'm at the house.
1589
01:21:41,560 --> 01:21:43,570
-Okay, slow.
1590
01:21:43,610 --> 01:21:45,090
Dal.
1591
01:21:46,570 --> 01:21:48,530
-Go ahead.
-My God, Dal.
1592
01:21:48,570 --> 01:21:49,490
You're not going
to believe this.
1593
01:21:49,530 --> 01:21:51,360
The awards aren't here.
1594
01:21:54,400 --> 01:21:56,360
-Really?
-I'm just joshing.
1595
01:21:56,410 --> 01:21:58,710
The trophies are— whatever
you call them— are here.
1596
01:21:58,760 --> 01:22:00,540
Who would want
those things anyhow?
1597
01:22:00,580 --> 01:22:02,670
They look like tacky-ass
paperweights to me.
1598
01:22:02,720 --> 01:22:06,200
-Okay, this is not a time
for jokes, Hastings.
1599
01:22:06,240 --> 01:22:08,110
- Forget the trophies.
Let's wrap it up.
1600
01:22:08,160 --> 01:22:10,070
Place is spotless.
Door was slightly open.
1601
01:22:10,120 --> 01:22:11,070
That could have caused
the alarm,
1602
01:22:11,120 --> 01:22:12,380
but no one's here.
1603
01:22:12,420 --> 01:22:14,210
Wicked quiet.
1604
01:22:15,560 --> 01:22:16,690
I'm calling it a night, Dal.
1605
01:22:16,730 --> 01:22:18,650
Guy's got 20,000 square feet
1606
01:22:18,690 --> 01:22:20,780
and Bel Air Country Club
as his backyard.
1607
01:22:20,820 --> 01:22:23,040
I'm sure his Christmas
will be more than merry.
1608
01:22:23,080 --> 01:22:24,300
-Yeah, yeah.
Gotta go.
1609
01:22:24,350 --> 01:22:25,960
-Hey, wish her
a Merry Christmas.
1610
01:22:28,090 --> 01:22:29,740
Wish it.
1611
01:22:29,790 --> 01:22:31,310
-Merry Christmas, Hastings.
1612
01:22:31,350 --> 01:22:33,570
Aww, you're so sweet.
1613
01:22:33,620 --> 01:22:34,530
-Merry Christmas, Dal.
-That's good.
1614
01:22:34,570 --> 01:22:36,230
That's better.
1615
01:22:36,270 --> 01:22:38,230
Princess, we gotta go.
1616
01:22:38,270 --> 01:22:40,360
-Can I just say something?
-Go fuck yourself.
1617
01:22:40,410 --> 01:22:42,630
-So you guys just made
this all up?
1618
01:22:42,670 --> 01:22:44,060
You don't have the awards
1619
01:22:44,110 --> 01:22:46,060
and none of you
are actual criminals?
1620
01:22:46,110 --> 01:22:47,590
I--I mean, except
for the holding a gun
1621
01:22:47,630 --> 01:22:48,590
in a cop's face part.
1622
01:22:48,630 --> 01:22:50,550
That feels pretty real.
1623
01:22:50,590 --> 01:22:52,110
-Fuck yeah, it does.
1624
01:22:56,770 --> 01:22:58,340
-Let's bounce.
1625
01:22:58,380 --> 01:23:00,120
So who was behind all this?
1626
01:23:00,170 --> 01:23:01,780
-Hey, hey, hey.
-My money, my bet.
1627
01:23:01,820 --> 01:23:03,690
Helen Hunt or the Illuminati.
1628
01:23:03,730 --> 01:23:04,780
What happened with Jack?
1629
01:23:10,610 --> 01:23:11,740
-I improvised.
1630
01:23:18,360 --> 01:23:20,320
-That's for not doing
your fucking job.
1631
01:24:08,840 --> 01:24:12,150
Again, Jack?
1632
01:24:22,290 --> 01:24:25,290
My God, my God, my God,
my God, my God!
1633
01:24:33,870 --> 01:24:35,430
All right everybody,
welcome back.
1634
01:24:35,480 --> 01:24:38,520
We have some shocking
breaking news to report.
1635
01:24:38,570 --> 01:24:42,750
Legendary producer Jack Woodrow
was found dead today
1636
01:24:42,790 --> 01:24:45,360
in his Hollywood Hills mansion
1637
01:24:45,400 --> 01:24:50,710
along with up-and-coming
ICU Blues actress Anna Rossi.
1638
01:24:50,750 --> 01:24:53,670
Both appear to have died
from drug overdoses.
1639
01:24:53,710 --> 01:24:55,410
Since news of his death,
1640
01:24:55,450 --> 01:24:57,980
several sexual harassment
allegations
1641
01:24:58,020 --> 01:25:00,420
came to light
early this morning.
1642
01:25:00,460 --> 01:25:03,940
This could mean redemption for
a number of women in Hollywood
1643
01:25:03,980 --> 01:25:06,680
who have courageously
come forward
1644
01:25:06,730 --> 01:25:08,680
with their truths.
1645
01:25:08,730 --> 01:25:10,380
As the producer
who was best known—
1646
01:25:10,430 --> 01:25:11,470
Holy shit.
1647
01:25:11,510 --> 01:25:13,390
Jack Woodrow OD'd
with some actress.
1648
01:25:13,430 --> 01:25:15,210
-What?
-Who?
1649
01:25:15,260 --> 01:25:17,650
-Jack Woodrow.
-Excuse me.
1650
01:25:17,690 --> 01:25:19,390
Did you say Jack Woodrow died?
1651
01:25:19,430 --> 01:25:21,780
-Yeah, last night.
1652
01:25:21,830 --> 01:25:24,790
-Ben fucking Donaldson.
1653
01:25:24,830 --> 01:25:26,880
Remember the name.
1654
01:25:26,920 --> 01:25:28,570
-Awesome.
1655
01:25:28,620 --> 01:25:29,530
-Yeah, it is.
1656
01:25:31,320 --> 01:25:33,670
-Jack Woodrow's death determined
to be an overdose.
1657
01:25:33,710 --> 01:25:35,230
Thank God.
1658
01:25:36,710 --> 01:25:39,320
-She was on ICU Blues.
1659
01:25:42,500 --> 01:25:44,550
-Did you shred
the Woodrow contract?
1660
01:25:44,590 --> 01:25:46,590
-I wiped my ass with it.
1661
01:25:46,640 --> 01:25:48,590
-Sam Hartfeld will see you now.
1662
01:25:48,640 --> 01:25:51,290
-Hey, let's sell this one
for Dad.
1663
01:26:03,570 --> 01:26:04,520
Hello, gentlemen.
1664
01:26:04,570 --> 01:26:05,610
Great to see you again.
1665
01:26:20,500 --> 01:26:22,580
-It's Jack Woodrow's
coup de grâce.
1666
01:26:24,980 --> 01:26:26,460
-Risk-reward.
1667
01:26:28,070 --> 01:26:30,980
That's what life's
all about, isn't it?
1668
01:26:31,030 --> 01:26:33,510
Are you willing
to make sacrifices
1669
01:26:33,550 --> 01:26:36,470
to chase your dreams, or—
1670
01:26:36,510 --> 01:26:37,950
In the entertainment industry,
1671
01:26:37,990 --> 01:26:41,470
it's populated by dragons
posing as producers.
1672
01:26:41,520 --> 01:26:43,910
Are you willing to keep
your moral footing,
1673
01:26:43,950 --> 01:26:46,000
stay true to who you are,
or—
1674
01:26:47,870 --> 01:26:52,750
in the face of—
just brutal and loyal as fire,
1675
01:26:52,790 --> 01:26:55,660
fucking breathing competition?
1676
01:26:55,700 --> 01:26:59,360
Or are you gonna let
your environment burn you?
1677
01:26:59,400 --> 01:27:04,370
Transform you until
you can spit fire back?
1678
01:27:07,370 --> 01:27:11,330
I guess for me, um,
1679
01:27:14,590 --> 01:27:15,810
I don't think I'll ever have
what it takes
1680
01:27:15,860 --> 01:27:17,030
to become a dragon.
1681
01:27:20,900 --> 01:27:23,910
-Great. That was really great.
1682
01:27:25,560 --> 01:27:28,000
No, truly, it was wonderful.
1683
01:27:28,040 --> 01:27:29,870
You really captured the essence
1684
01:27:29,910 --> 01:27:31,910
of Jack Woodrow's
more humble beginnings.
1685
01:27:35,480 --> 01:27:36,350
- Thanks.
1686
01:27:37,570 --> 01:27:38,620
-He's perfect.
1687
01:27:40,490 --> 01:27:41,580
-Are you serious?
1688
01:27:42,840 --> 01:27:43,930
There's no way
we can cast him.
1689
01:27:45,100 --> 01:27:46,540
-The next group of actors
are here.
1690
01:27:46,580 --> 01:27:47,540
-Got it.
1691
01:27:52,540 --> 01:27:54,630
-He will recognize you.
1692
01:27:54,680 --> 01:27:57,460
-He says he's not a dragon.
But look.
1693
01:27:57,510 --> 01:27:59,070
Look at his eyes.
Right there.
1694
01:27:59,120 --> 01:28:01,810
Look. He doesn't mean it.
1695
01:28:01,860 --> 01:28:04,080
He regretted not taking
the chance on Christmas Eve.
1696
01:28:04,120 --> 01:28:06,510
He hated being
in the waiting room
1697
01:28:06,560 --> 01:28:09,080
with all the other
mishmash clones of himself.
1698
01:28:09,130 --> 01:28:11,040
-You're guessing.
-I'm not.
1699
01:28:12,130 --> 01:28:14,130
We're casting him.
1700
01:28:14,170 --> 01:28:16,090
And if he doesn't take the role
that will launch his career,
1701
01:28:16,130 --> 01:28:19,750
then...then what is he?
1702
01:28:21,010 --> 01:28:24,050
-Talented and morally sound.
1703
01:28:24,100 --> 01:28:28,100
Come on.
1704
01:28:28,140 --> 01:28:30,970
Let's go pretend like
the other guy's got a shot.
1705
01:28:37,940 --> 01:28:39,200
And thus we witness
1706
01:28:39,240 --> 01:28:41,460
how the system
perpetuates itself.
1707
01:28:44,470 --> 01:28:46,210
One cog wrenched out
1708
01:28:46,250 --> 01:28:48,600
as another rises
to take its place.
1709
01:28:50,910 --> 01:28:55,220
The mechanisms of an old system
depend on it,
1710
01:28:55,260 --> 01:28:58,910
and I suppose heroes
depend on it too.
119451
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