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1
00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:03,959
Okay, Grover,
this is it.
2
00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:05,997
If the kicker misses,
we stay alive,
3
00:00:06,085 --> 00:00:07,742
and those losers go home.
4
00:00:08,134 --> 00:00:10,966
But... if he misses,
won't he feel sad?
5
00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:13,093
Yeah, he'll be devastated.
6
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:15,726
It's my favorite part
of football.
7
00:00:16,427 --> 00:00:18,242
Okay, here comes
the kick.
8
00:00:21,367 --> 00:00:23,085
Yes! No good!
9
00:00:23,173 --> 00:00:24,228
No good!
10
00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:25,677
Ha! That's so good!
11
00:00:25,765 --> 00:00:27,404
Look at his...
look at his face.
12
00:00:27,492 --> 00:00:28,562
Oh, what happened?
13
00:00:28,658 --> 00:00:29,982
The kicker missed
the field goal.
14
00:00:30,070 --> 00:00:32,125
Aw. He must feel so sad.
15
00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:35,029
Is Tina still at church?
16
00:00:35,117 --> 00:00:36,187
It's getting
kind of late.
17
00:00:36,446 --> 00:00:38,242
Yeah, she's
on the selection committee
18
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,898
to choose a new pastor.
19
00:00:40,063 --> 00:00:41,966
She really likes
this latest candidate.
20
00:00:42,054 --> 00:00:44,439
Ooh, is he the "fire
and brimstone" type,
21
00:00:44,526 --> 00:00:46,441
or more of a hip,
guitar-playing dude
22
00:00:46,528 --> 00:00:48,787
who's down with the G-O-D?
23
00:00:49,779 --> 00:00:51,435
I haven't met him.
24
00:00:51,544 --> 00:00:53,980
But Tina spending Sundays
at church
25
00:00:54,068 --> 00:00:56,617
lets this dude be down
with the NFL.
26
00:00:57,770 --> 00:00:59,292
And if that's
not the Lord's work,
27
00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:00,840
I don't know what is.
28
00:01:03,465 --> 00:01:05,334
Oh.
Hey, guys.
29
00:01:05,422 --> 00:01:07,045
This is Pastor Don.
30
00:01:07,148 --> 00:01:10,023
Pastor Don, this is
my lovely husband, Calvin,
31
00:01:10,119 --> 00:01:12,013
our neighbor Dave
and his son Grover.
32
00:01:12,101 --> 00:01:13,134
- Hi. How are you?
- Hi.
33
00:01:13,221 --> 00:01:14,763
It's nice to
meet you all.
34
00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:16,709
So, uh...
35
00:01:17,091 --> 00:01:19,732
what brings you by, Pastor,
36
00:01:19,953 --> 00:01:22,326
just before
the late game starts?
37
00:01:23,263 --> 00:01:26,451
Well, I invited him to join us
for Sunday dinner.
38
00:01:26,614 --> 00:01:27,693
There.
39
00:01:27,781 --> 00:01:30,169
Whoa, whoa, Tina,
what are you doing?
40
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,912
I didn't invite the pastor
over here to watch football.
41
00:01:33,045 --> 00:01:35,248
I brought him here
to get to know us better.
42
00:01:35,341 --> 00:01:38,159
Well, let me start
by letting you know
43
00:01:38,246 --> 00:01:39,888
how much I love football.
44
00:01:43,089 --> 00:01:44,417
Calvin.
45
00:01:45,637 --> 00:01:46,643
Fine.
46
00:01:47,004 --> 00:01:48,120
Hey.
47
00:01:48,216 --> 00:01:50,380
That's the same face
the kicker made.
48
00:01:51,475 --> 00:01:53,986
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
49
00:01:54,137 --> 00:01:55,903
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
Season 02 Episode 13
50
00:01:56,105 --> 00:01:58,041
Episode Title :
"Welcome to the New Pastor"
51
00:01:58,191 --> 00:01:59,931
So, Pastor Don,
congratulations
52
00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:01,353
on your new job.
53
00:02:01,393 --> 00:02:02,519
Or should I say...
54
00:02:02,607 --> 00:02:04,189
"Job."
55
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:07,672
So, uh,
56
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:11,174
blasphemy's okay,
but I can't watch football?
57
00:02:11,973 --> 00:02:14,419
You know, the truth is,
I-I don't have the job yet.
58
00:02:14,507 --> 00:02:15,806
I'm still on a trial run.
59
00:02:16,065 --> 00:02:18,336
All right, everyone,
dinner is served.
60
00:02:18,424 --> 00:02:21,742
All right. You know,
if we cut down on the chitchat,
61
00:02:21,830 --> 00:02:23,955
we can be done by halftime.
62
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,398
Okay, so, Pastor,
why don't you sit here
63
00:02:27,486 --> 00:02:29,846
at the head of the table?
Right, Calvin?
64
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:33,994
Of course.
65
00:02:34,430 --> 00:02:37,119
Well, here, take my seat.
I left it nice and warm for you.
66
00:02:39,766 --> 00:02:41,723
Okay, so, Pastor Don,
67
00:02:41,819 --> 00:02:43,567
would you do the honor
of saying grace?
68
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,330
- My pleasure.
- Ah.
69
00:02:47,275 --> 00:02:49,697
Father God, we ask
that you bless this meal,
70
00:02:49,892 --> 00:02:51,289
everyone here,
71
00:02:51,377 --> 00:02:52,531
and especially bless
72
00:02:52,619 --> 00:02:53,733
- Sister Tina,
- Mm-hmm.
73
00:02:53,821 --> 00:02:55,336
The one who made it.
74
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,158
Can you throw in something
about my spelling test tomorrow?
75
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,070
- Grover.
- No, it's okay.
76
00:03:06,158 --> 00:03:07,174
I like the boy's spirit.
Hey,
77
00:03:07,261 --> 00:03:09,140
you all should join us
at church on Sunday.
78
00:03:09,346 --> 00:03:10,726
We'd love to!
79
00:03:10,814 --> 00:03:12,128
Ooh, I've always
wanted to wear
80
00:03:12,216 --> 00:03:14,045
one of those big
fancy church hats.
81
00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:16,833
And now I finally have
a big fancy chance.
82
00:03:18,176 --> 00:03:19,967
Ah, look at that,
table neighbor.
83
00:03:20,055 --> 00:03:23,232
The Lord just keeps
bringing us together.
84
00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:25,365
God is good.
85
00:03:26,561 --> 00:03:28,177
Yes, He is.
86
00:03:28,289 --> 00:03:30,935
No matter what Sister Rose said
about Him at Bible study.
87
00:03:32,406 --> 00:03:34,669
Hey, what-what'd she say?
88
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,441
Oh, i-it's a long story.
89
00:03:37,537 --> 00:03:38,904
You had to be there.
90
00:03:39,255 --> 00:03:41,197
But your comeback
was hilarious.
91
00:03:42,865 --> 00:03:44,644
Wha... What was your comeback?
92
00:03:44,732 --> 00:03:45,738
Oh...
93
00:03:47,873 --> 00:03:49,615
Baby, you had to be there
for that, too.
94
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,419
Well, I'm glad I was.
95
00:03:52,794 --> 00:03:54,430
Sister Rose was so embarrassed,
96
00:03:54,518 --> 00:03:56,139
she pretended
she was speaking in tongues.
97
00:03:57,617 --> 00:03:59,480
That... that's funny.
98
00:03:59,927 --> 00:04:01,349
You know
what it reminds me of,
99
00:04:01,437 --> 00:04:04,136
is last week in the supermarket
when the checkout guy said,
100
00:04:04,224 --> 00:04:05,305
"ketchup sauce."
101
00:04:05,392 --> 00:04:06,786
Remember that, Tina?
102
00:04:06,874 --> 00:04:09,005
Uh-huh. That was funny, too.
103
00:04:10,524 --> 00:04:12,575
Man,
I wish I was there.
104
00:04:12,677 --> 00:04:14,317
Ah, "ketchup sauce."
105
00:04:14,405 --> 00:04:16,407
That sounds hysterical.
106
00:04:17,637 --> 00:04:20,122
You know, you all have
such a lovely home.
107
00:04:20,380 --> 00:04:22,310
How would you feel about
hosting Bible study here
108
00:04:22,398 --> 00:04:23,739
this Thursday night?
109
00:04:23,827 --> 00:04:25,116
We'd love to!
110
00:04:25,204 --> 00:04:26,700
We would?
111
00:04:28,223 --> 00:04:30,880
Yeah. I mean,
yeah, we would. Yeah.
112
00:04:35,372 --> 00:04:36,409
Oh-ho-ho!
113
00:04:36,497 --> 00:04:37,513
Ha-ha!
114
00:04:37,601 --> 00:04:38,722
Damn it!
115
00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:40,669
It's like you knew
I was gonna do a fake punt.
116
00:04:40,757 --> 00:04:41,784
I did.
117
00:04:41,872 --> 00:04:45,279
You literally just said,
"Watch this fake punt."
118
00:04:45,747 --> 00:04:48,857
I was talking to my team.
Quit listening to my huddle!
119
00:04:51,312 --> 00:04:52,602
Uh, what was that?
120
00:04:52,689 --> 00:04:53,978
That's my new
upstairs neighbor.
121
00:04:55,317 --> 00:04:57,190
Man, that has got
to be annoying.
122
00:04:57,277 --> 00:04:58,566
Yeah, that's not all.
123
00:04:58,653 --> 00:05:00,191
Yesterday he parked
his pickup truck
124
00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:03,333
so close to my car,
I had to climb out through the trunk.
125
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,371
Oh, man. Wait, do you
have security cameras
126
00:05:05,458 --> 00:05:06,598
- in your garage?
- Oh, you mean
127
00:05:06,685 --> 00:05:07,654
so I could show
the landlord?
128
00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:10,490
No. So I can watch you squeeze
your nerdy ass out of that trunk.
129
00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:15,021
Hey, Calvin.
130
00:05:15,513 --> 00:05:17,011
Oh, hey, Gemma.
131
00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:19,754
It was so nice getting to know
Pastor Don last night.
132
00:05:19,990 --> 00:05:21,589
He's very charming.
133
00:05:21,801 --> 00:05:23,388
Yeah, he's fine.
134
00:05:24,455 --> 00:05:27,808
Uh-oh. That's the same "fine"
Dave's mom gave me
135
00:05:27,896 --> 00:05:30,755
when I asked her how I looked
in my wedding dress.
136
00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:34,044
You know, I just don't like
how chummy he is with Tina.
137
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,709
Did you see him
hold her hand at dinner?
138
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:39,315
Calvin, we were saying grace.
139
00:05:39,642 --> 00:05:41,839
Well, did you see what he did
after dinner?
140
00:05:41,927 --> 00:05:44,843
What kind of pastor
drinks scotch?
141
00:05:45,128 --> 00:05:46,870
You offered it to him.
142
00:05:47,202 --> 00:05:49,878
As a test... which he failed.
143
00:05:51,745 --> 00:05:52,854
I don't know,
144
00:05:52,964 --> 00:05:54,622
this guy's up to no good.
145
00:05:54,878 --> 00:05:56,958
Well, to be honest,
I know how you feel.
146
00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,721
- You do?
- Yeah.
147
00:05:58,832 --> 00:06:01,792
Women are always throwing
themselves at Dave.
148
00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:05,345
Did you date another Dave
before this one?
149
00:06:07,555 --> 00:06:10,847
I'm just saying, if your gut's
telling you something, trust it.
150
00:06:10,934 --> 00:06:12,140
Yeah, you're right.
151
00:06:12,353 --> 00:06:14,641
I need to keep an eye on him.
152
00:06:15,261 --> 00:06:17,352
Hmm. It's not easy,
but it's the price we pay
153
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,317
for falling in love
with hotties.
154
00:06:22,003 --> 00:06:23,276
All right.
155
00:06:23,363 --> 00:06:26,154
Now, if I can trap him
into taking my bishop,
156
00:06:26,425 --> 00:06:28,011
I can take his queen.
157
00:06:28,143 --> 00:06:30,870
Ha! Now you're talking
to yourself.
158
00:06:31,822 --> 00:06:33,253
Actually, I was
talking to you.
159
00:06:33,341 --> 00:06:35,596
Ha. Checkmate.
160
00:06:38,254 --> 00:06:39,393
Yo, seriously,
161
00:06:39,481 --> 00:06:41,104
You haven't taken care
of this cowboy yet?
162
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,188
I sure did.
I confronted the guy
163
00:06:43,276 --> 00:06:44,164
and told him what's what.
164
00:06:44,259 --> 00:06:45,050
Oh, you did?
165
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,057
Yes.
166
00:06:46,145 --> 00:06:49,096
Via a friendly note
I slid under his door.
167
00:06:49,307 --> 00:06:50,344
But I think
168
00:06:50,431 --> 00:06:53,261
the Starbucks gift card sent
quite a message.
169
00:06:53,463 --> 00:06:56,087
Marty, you have backed down
from stuff your whole life.
170
00:06:56,175 --> 00:06:59,018
Remember your first day at USC
when one of your professors
171
00:06:59,106 --> 00:07:01,188
called you Morty, and
you never corrected him?
172
00:07:01,276 --> 00:07:02,518
It wasn't that big a deal.
173
00:07:02,606 --> 00:07:04,964
Your diploma says
Morton Butler!
174
00:07:13,125 --> 00:07:14,792
Okay, Marty, I
could go upstairs
175
00:07:14,888 --> 00:07:16,267
and take care of this
for your sorry ass.
176
00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:19,156
Yes, that'd be great.
177
00:07:19,259 --> 00:07:20,328
Come on, little bro,
178
00:07:20,416 --> 00:07:22,376
you can't keep running
from your problems forever.
179
00:07:22,583 --> 00:07:25,583
Think about it... what
would Yoda tell you to do?
180
00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:28,257
I guess he'd say...
181
00:07:28,344 --> 00:07:30,471
Confront him, you should.
182
00:07:31,898 --> 00:07:33,021
Exactly.
183
00:07:33,109 --> 00:07:34,764
Then why are you
still standing here?
184
00:07:34,852 --> 00:07:36,854
Because stalling, I am.
185
00:07:41,297 --> 00:07:42,914
All right, everyone,
let's dig in and see
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00:07:43,002 --> 00:07:45,167
what the Lord has to say
about helping those in need.
187
00:07:45,374 --> 00:07:47,206
But first,
what I need is another piece
188
00:07:47,294 --> 00:07:49,751
of Sister Tina's
delicious peach cobbler.
189
00:07:49,923 --> 00:07:52,060
Aw. Thank you, Pastor.
190
00:07:52,155 --> 00:07:53,974
Ask and you shall receive.
191
00:07:54,062 --> 00:07:55,599
Oh, thank you.
192
00:07:56,331 --> 00:07:58,820
Hey, everybody.
Sorry I'm late.
193
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,468
Oh, baby,
what are you doing here?
194
00:08:00,556 --> 00:08:02,083
I thought you were playing poker
with the guys.
195
00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:03,918
I changed my mind.
196
00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:06,400
Tonight
I'm betting it all on God.
197
00:08:07,424 --> 00:08:08,718
Well, Brother Calvin,
198
00:08:08,806 --> 00:08:10,429
you came to the right place.
199
00:08:10,765 --> 00:08:12,938
And you're sitting in the wrong one.
Okay, come on.
200
00:08:14,186 --> 00:08:15,354
Oh. Sorry.
201
00:08:16,074 --> 00:08:19,468
Now, to quote Jesus
after he rose from the dead:
202
00:08:19,604 --> 00:08:21,272
"What'd I miss?"
203
00:08:28,568 --> 00:08:31,521
I want to thank you both so
much for hosting tonight.
204
00:08:31,609 --> 00:08:33,701
No. Thank you.
Your words were so inspiring.
205
00:08:33,789 --> 00:08:34,953
Oh, thank you.
206
00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:36,960
Good stuff, now.
All right.
207
00:08:38,663 --> 00:08:40,180
Thank you, Brother Calvin.
208
00:08:40,268 --> 00:08:41,943
Sister Tina,
I'll see you Sunday morning.
209
00:08:42,047 --> 00:08:43,503
Ooh, she'll be there.
210
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:46,632
My wife... 30 years, two kids!
211
00:08:47,211 --> 00:08:48,265
Hmm.
212
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:50,480
We might even have another one!
213
00:08:52,806 --> 00:08:54,409
Calvin, what is wrong with you?
214
00:08:54,497 --> 00:08:57,037
You were acting so weird
during Bible study.
215
00:08:57,301 --> 00:08:59,049
Weird how?
216
00:08:59,182 --> 00:09:02,014
Well, first of all,
you were at Bible study.
217
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,396
All right, you want
to know the truth?
218
00:09:05,492 --> 00:09:07,510
I don't like
this Pastor Don guy.
219
00:09:07,804 --> 00:09:10,190
You know, I think
he got his eyes on you.
220
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,275
Oh,
please, Calvin.
221
00:09:12,363 --> 00:09:13,619
He's just trying
to butter me up
222
00:09:13,707 --> 00:09:15,455
because I'm
on the selection committee.
223
00:09:15,543 --> 00:09:18,092
Nah, Tina. It's
more than that.
224
00:09:18,201 --> 00:09:20,045
This guy's a snake
in our garden,
225
00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:23,280
and he's trying to take a bite
of your apple.
226
00:09:24,249 --> 00:09:26,983
You said that
about our dry cleaner,
227
00:09:27,071 --> 00:09:28,861
the guy at the gas station,
228
00:09:28,949 --> 00:09:30,614
and our dentist.
229
00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:34,638
Well, he never told me
I had a beautiful smile.
230
00:09:36,183 --> 00:09:38,807
You know, Calvin, I don't have
time for this, all right?
231
00:09:38,903 --> 00:09:42,053
And for your information,
our dentist is gay.
232
00:09:42,863 --> 00:09:45,663
His husband thinks you have
a beautiful smile.
233
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,676
You got this, okay?
You are the man,
234
00:09:49,764 --> 00:09:52,340
and you are about to shut
this chump down.
235
00:09:54,656 --> 00:09:56,533
Hello?
236
00:09:59,288 --> 00:10:00,739
Hello.
237
00:10:01,349 --> 00:10:03,153
Oh. Uh...
238
00:10:04,164 --> 00:10:05,507
H-Hi. Hi.
239
00:10:05,595 --> 00:10:07,051
I-I-I'm...
240
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:08,470
I'm-I'm Morton.
I mean Morty.
241
00:10:08,558 --> 00:10:10,848
I-I mean, I am, um,
242
00:10:10,936 --> 00:10:12,893
Marty, your downstairs neighbor.
243
00:10:13,085 --> 00:10:14,458
I'm Keira.
244
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:15,665
Oh.
245
00:10:15,753 --> 00:10:17,501
You're the guy
who left me that gift card.
246
00:10:17,589 --> 00:10:19,087
That was so thoughtful.
247
00:10:19,175 --> 00:10:21,007
Oh, it's no big deal.
You know, I would do it
248
00:10:21,427 --> 00:10:22,633
for anyone who was on top of me.
249
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:23,967
I mean, uh,
250
00:10:24,054 --> 00:10:25,594
I mean, under-underneath you.
I mean...
251
00:10:25,681 --> 00:10:27,596
Ah... welcome
to the building.
252
00:10:29,404 --> 00:10:30,522
Thanks.
253
00:10:30,610 --> 00:10:31,882
Hey, uh, actually,
254
00:10:31,970 --> 00:10:33,634
if it's not too weird,
would you mind
255
00:10:33,722 --> 00:10:34,894
helping me
with something?
256
00:10:34,998 --> 00:10:36,145
What? Are you kidding?
257
00:10:36,233 --> 00:10:37,788
If it's weird,
I'm into it.
258
00:10:37,882 --> 00:10:39,190
I mean, uh,
259
00:10:39,278 --> 00:10:43,028
uh, I would be...
I'd be happy to help.
260
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,656
I've been trying
to move furniture by myself.
261
00:10:45,743 --> 00:10:47,257
Sorry if I was
a little loud.
262
00:10:47,345 --> 00:10:49,100
Oh, not at all. In
fact, it was so quiet,
263
00:10:49,188 --> 00:10:51,201
I thought maybe a
mouse had moved in.
264
00:10:51,289 --> 00:10:53,194
Are you calling me short?
265
00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:56,038
What? No! No, I didn't
even notice your body.
266
00:10:56,152 --> 00:10:57,958
Well, I mean,
I noticed your body.
267
00:10:59,845 --> 00:11:01,171
So, you needed some
help with something?
268
00:11:01,258 --> 00:11:02,395
Yeah.
269
00:11:02,483 --> 00:11:04,582
Can you help me slide
this couch against the wall?
270
00:11:04,670 --> 00:11:05,949
- It's too heavy to lift.
- Oh...
271
00:11:06,036 --> 00:11:08,461
Maybe it's too heavy
for you, but...
272
00:11:08,565 --> 00:11:09,352
Also for me.
273
00:11:13,815 --> 00:11:16,186
Oh! I'm coming,
baby bro, I'm coming!
274
00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:18,167
But I'm coming strapped!
275
00:11:20,611 --> 00:11:23,652
♪ I'm gonna lay down my burden ♪
276
00:11:23,739 --> 00:11:25,821
♪ Down by the riverside... ♪
277
00:11:25,943 --> 00:11:27,057
What are you doing?
278
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,980
I'm prepping for church
with Calvin and Tina.
279
00:11:29,068 --> 00:11:30,975
♪ Down by the riverside... ♪
280
00:11:31,063 --> 00:11:32,380
Why?
281
00:11:32,688 --> 00:11:34,770
Well, because it's
gonna be different
282
00:11:34,858 --> 00:11:36,427
from the church
that we go to,
283
00:11:36,515 --> 00:11:37,971
and I want to be respectful.
284
00:11:38,211 --> 00:11:40,622
Which is why I watched a
bunch of YouTube videos,
285
00:11:40,710 --> 00:11:43,630
Sister Act, and
eight Madea movies.
286
00:11:45,521 --> 00:11:46,779
Whoa!
287
00:11:46,961 --> 00:11:50,412
Are you gonna do backflips
down the aisle like that nun?
288
00:11:52,591 --> 00:11:54,099
Grover, don't be silly.
289
00:11:54,187 --> 00:11:56,950
She's 80. I'm gonna get
way more air than her.
290
00:12:02,060 --> 00:12:03,175
Oh, hey, Calvin.
291
00:12:03,263 --> 00:12:04,810
Hey. Dave, is Gemma here?
292
00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:07,154
I need her to talk some sense
into Tina.
293
00:12:07,281 --> 00:12:09,697
Actually, she's at
a PTA meeting. What's going on?
294
00:12:09,827 --> 00:12:13,535
I'm pretty sure that Pastor Don
is making moves on Tina.
295
00:12:13,622 --> 00:12:14,953
What?
296
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,413
Did something happen?
297
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:17,779
I mean, not exactly,
298
00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:22,169
but he's made excuses to see
her every night this week.
299
00:12:22,256 --> 00:12:24,967
"Let's go visit the elderly."
300
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,771
"Oh, come help me
feed the homeless."
301
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,965
I'm telling you,
he's a bad dude.
302
00:12:34,943 --> 00:12:36,016
Okay.
303
00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:39,937
Uh, or is it possible
what you're actually upset about
304
00:12:40,024 --> 00:12:42,105
is that Pastor Don
is connecting with Tina
305
00:12:42,192 --> 00:12:43,732
in a way that you're not?
306
00:12:44,108 --> 00:12:45,490
That's crazy.
307
00:12:45,578 --> 00:12:49,829
Is it? Look, Tina's church life
is obviously important to her,
308
00:12:49,924 --> 00:12:52,802
and maybe Pastor Don
is just filling a void
309
00:12:52,914 --> 00:12:54,374
that you choose not to.
310
00:12:55,648 --> 00:12:56,979
I don't know.
311
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:58,594
Maybe.
312
00:12:59,254 --> 00:13:00,710
Remember, Calvin.
313
00:13:00,798 --> 00:13:03,161
"Don't judge
or you will be judged."
314
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:05,976
Wow, Dave.
315
00:13:06,064 --> 00:13:07,938
I didn't know
you knew scripture so well.
316
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:11,177
Actually, I-I got that
from Whoopi Goldberg.
317
00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:15,693
I'm so sorry.
318
00:13:15,781 --> 00:13:16,966
Is your foot okay?
319
00:13:17,099 --> 00:13:19,685
Oh, it's fine. Pinky toes are
totally cosmetic.
320
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,794
Get your damn hands
off my brother, you...
321
00:13:26,669 --> 00:13:29,310
...surprisingly tiny lady.
322
00:13:29,801 --> 00:13:31,263
Uh, Keira, this is
323
00:13:31,351 --> 00:13:33,974
my brother, Malcolm.
Malcolm, this is Keira.
324
00:13:34,062 --> 00:13:35,513
Hey. Oh,
325
00:13:35,601 --> 00:13:36,682
so you're the one who's...
326
00:13:36,770 --> 00:13:39,833
Drives the really cool truck
I've been telling you about.
327
00:13:41,004 --> 00:13:42,331
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
328
00:13:42,419 --> 00:13:43,894
What's with the rocket?
329
00:13:43,982 --> 00:13:46,169
Oh. Um, it's a, uh...
330
00:13:46,256 --> 00:13:48,797
a housewarming gift.
331
00:13:48,884 --> 00:13:50,224
Right, Marty?
332
00:13:50,312 --> 00:13:51,560
Uh, yep.
333
00:13:51,648 --> 00:13:54,622
Yep. Uh, signed by Buzz Aldrin
and everything.
334
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,505
Well, thank you.
335
00:13:58,146 --> 00:14:00,880
Hey, you guys
are my first houseguests.
336
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,561
- Let me get some beers to celebrate.
- Okay.
337
00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:07,794
She is cute.
338
00:14:07,882 --> 00:14:09,474
Yeah, I know. Thank you
339
00:14:09,562 --> 00:14:10,544
for making me come up here.
340
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,819
Yeah, you see what happens
when you stand up for yourself?
341
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,669
Yeah, man. In
fact, I'm gonna do it now.
342
00:14:15,757 --> 00:14:17,450
Get the hell out of here.
343
00:14:20,279 --> 00:14:24,810
♪ I need thee ♪
344
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:32,493
♪ Every hour... ♪
345
00:14:33,302 --> 00:14:35,365
All right, buddy. Now,
remember, we're guests here,
346
00:14:35,453 --> 00:14:39,457
so let's be respectful
and just try to blend in.
347
00:14:46,404 --> 00:14:48,580
Oh, my God.
Look at all these hats.
348
00:14:48,668 --> 00:14:51,029
I knew I shouldn't have gotten
the small one.
349
00:14:53,047 --> 00:14:54,711
Okay, I'm warning you, Calvin.
350
00:14:54,799 --> 00:14:57,060
You better not embarrass
me in front of Pastor Don.
351
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,294
Don't worry, I won't.
352
00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:03,287
I think maybe I was...
353
00:15:03,513 --> 00:15:04,748
wrong about him.
354
00:15:05,185 --> 00:15:08,536
Wait, did you just admit
to being wrong?
355
00:15:08,896 --> 00:15:11,997
Okay, God, a deal's a deal.
I'm-a stop cursing.
356
00:15:14,841 --> 00:15:16,545
Hey, uh, I'm-a catch up
with you in a second.
357
00:15:16,632 --> 00:15:19,443
- Okay, baby.
- Brother Calvin, good to see you.
358
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,911
Are the Rams not playing today?
359
00:15:23,396 --> 00:15:26,107
Well, I decided that
this was more important.
360
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,388
Plus, it's a night game.
361
00:15:29,052 --> 00:15:30,160
Listen,
362
00:15:30,248 --> 00:15:32,355
I... I just wanted
to apologize
363
00:15:32,443 --> 00:15:34,497
about my behavior
at Bible study.
364
00:15:34,841 --> 00:15:38,230
The truth is is that
I had this crazy idea
365
00:15:38,318 --> 00:15:41,118
that you was making
moves on my wife.
366
00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:42,349
You did?
367
00:15:42,653 --> 00:15:44,724
Yeah, you know how
us guys can be.
368
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,036
- Yeah.
- Well, you have nothing
369
00:15:46,123 --> 00:15:47,085
to apologize for.
370
00:15:47,086 --> 00:15:48,823
I completely understand.
371
00:15:48,911 --> 00:15:50,127
Thanks, Pastor.
372
00:15:50,214 --> 00:15:53,622
After all, Sister Tina's
a very attractive woman.
373
00:15:57,145 --> 00:15:58,346
Excuse me?
374
00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,177
As scripture says,
375
00:16:00,265 --> 00:16:03,278
"He who finds a good wife
finds a good thing."
376
00:16:03,366 --> 00:16:05,544
Obviously,
Tina's a good wife,
377
00:16:06,427 --> 00:16:08,872
but I'm more interested
in the bad ones.
378
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:18,443
You heard that, right?
379
00:16:24,294 --> 00:16:26,849
♪ Bless ♪
380
00:16:26,937 --> 00:16:29,394
♪ Me now ♪
381
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:34,692
♪ My savior... ♪
382
00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:39,207
Calvin.
383
00:16:39,747 --> 00:16:41,053
What is wrong with you?
384
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:42,721
I'm talking to God.
385
00:16:42,808 --> 00:16:44,300
I got a complaint about one
386
00:16:44,388 --> 00:16:46,216
of his employees.
387
00:16:46,603 --> 00:16:49,519
♪ To ♪
388
00:16:49,646 --> 00:16:53,861
♪ Thee. ♪
389
00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:56,526
Good morning, church.
390
00:16:56,613 --> 00:16:57,843
Morning.
391
00:16:57,931 --> 00:16:59,341
Is it?
392
00:17:00,809 --> 00:17:03,699
Today's message comes
from the Book of Revelations.
393
00:17:03,787 --> 00:17:05,544
You got that right.
394
00:17:06,423 --> 00:17:10,857
Now, everyone in here knows
that God sees everything.
395
00:17:11,128 --> 00:17:13,338
Mm-hmm. Amen.
- I see your ass.
396
00:17:16,389 --> 00:17:19,855
Which is why we must stay
vigilant against temptation.
397
00:17:19,943 --> 00:17:21,051
That's right.
398
00:17:21,138 --> 00:17:24,763
Walk the righteous path
and cast out
399
00:17:24,850 --> 00:17:26,223
those who lead us astray.
400
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,005
No way.
I heard enough.
401
00:17:28,093 --> 00:17:29,974
I need to testify.
402
00:17:30,981 --> 00:17:32,935
Let Him use you, Calvin!
403
00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:39,513
Brother Calvin,
I appreciate your enthusiasm,
404
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:42,267
but we normally don't testify
until the end of the service.
405
00:17:42,355 --> 00:17:44,562
Yeah, well, today is different,
406
00:17:45,021 --> 00:17:48,256
'cause there is a devil
among us.
407
00:17:49,997 --> 00:17:51,146
Thank you,
Brother Calvin.
408
00:17:51,234 --> 00:17:53,525
We'll look into that.
Now, if you open your Bibles to...
409
00:17:53,694 --> 00:17:56,044
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, I'm not done.
410
00:17:56,892 --> 00:17:59,975
We are in the presence
of a false prophet.
411
00:18:00,685 --> 00:18:03,263
A wolf in sheep's clothing.
412
00:18:03,554 --> 00:18:07,638
A man who covets
other men's wives.
413
00:18:07,726 --> 00:18:09,505
And I know that commandment
is important
414
00:18:09,593 --> 00:18:11,720
'cause it made the top ten list.
415
00:18:14,079 --> 00:18:16,153
And that man's name...
416
00:18:20,281 --> 00:18:21,612
...is Pastor Don.
417
00:18:23,396 --> 00:18:25,815
Let your light shine, Calvin!
418
00:18:28,686 --> 00:18:30,630
Did you watch
Sister Act again?
419
00:18:31,083 --> 00:18:35,083
If loving Whoopi is wrong,
I don't want to be right.
420
00:18:35,786 --> 00:18:37,333
Forgive Brother Calvin.
421
00:18:37,421 --> 00:18:39,370
He knows not what he says.
422
00:18:39,458 --> 00:18:41,177
I'm a man of deep faith
423
00:18:41,265 --> 00:18:44,378
who respects the sanctity
of marriage. I would never...
424
00:18:44,466 --> 00:18:45,653
Hold up!
425
00:18:45,848 --> 00:18:48,286
You got other women on the side?
426
00:18:49,669 --> 00:18:53,435
You told me I was the only woman
you were checking for.
427
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,284
Oh, so you just laying hands
on everybody?
428
00:18:58,090 --> 00:18:59,510
Uh...
429
00:19:00,636 --> 00:19:02,653
Unless you ready
to meet the Lord,
430
00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:04,406
I suggest you get out of here
right now.
431
00:19:04,494 --> 00:19:06,403
Because, uh,
this ain't the first fight
432
00:19:06,519 --> 00:19:08,351
Wanda's had at church.
433
00:19:09,458 --> 00:19:10,636
I-I'm-a... I'm-a...
434
00:19:10,747 --> 00:19:12,614
Oh-ho.
435
00:19:12,757 --> 00:19:14,348
Uh-oh!
436
00:19:15,332 --> 00:19:17,379
Only God can save him now.
437
00:19:17,546 --> 00:19:19,270
Amen.
438
00:19:24,313 --> 00:19:25,806
♪ Victory is mine ♪
439
00:19:25,901 --> 00:19:28,234
♪ Victory
is mine ♪
440
00:19:28,354 --> 00:19:32,868
♪ Victory today is mine ♪
441
00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:35,274
- ♪ I told Satan... ♪
- This church is awesome.
442
00:19:35,362 --> 00:19:36,469
I know.
443
00:19:36,557 --> 00:19:38,904
As soon as we get home,
I'm going hat shopping.
444
00:19:38,992 --> 00:19:40,102
And this time,
445
00:19:40,190 --> 00:19:42,070
I'm going big.
446
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,914
Speaking of going big,
give me some room.
447
00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:47,482
It's backflipping time.
448
00:19:47,570 --> 00:19:49,258
Uh... Oh.
449
00:19:49,964 --> 00:19:52,248
Babe, you doing okay?
450
00:19:52,336 --> 00:19:53,505
Are you kidding?
451
00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:55,156
Look at all
of these good people
452
00:19:55,244 --> 00:19:56,842
rejoicing
in the Lord, Calvin.
453
00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:58,336
That is church.
454
00:19:59,580 --> 00:20:00,922
Amen to that.
455
00:20:01,485 --> 00:20:03,360
Hey, you got to
admit, though.
456
00:20:03,448 --> 00:20:06,217
I was the only one that knew
that Pastor Don was a snake.
457
00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:07,631
Baby, you sure were.
458
00:20:08,688 --> 00:20:10,356
Which is why
you're the newest member
459
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:11,894
of our pastor
selection committee.
460
00:20:11,982 --> 00:20:13,559
- Yeah.
- Huh?
461
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:17,195
We meet on, uh, Sundays,
Mondays and Thursdays.
462
00:20:19,402 --> 00:20:21,033
Those are all my
football days.
463
00:20:21,121 --> 00:20:22,707
Take it up with God.
464
00:20:23,676 --> 00:20:25,002
♪ Victory ♪
465
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:26,746
♪ Today is mine ♪
466
00:20:29,212 --> 00:20:31,074
Oh! Oh!
467
00:20:34,473 --> 00:20:37,341
It's okay.
I'm all... I'm all right.
468
00:20:37,762 --> 00:20:39,504
The drums broke my fall.
469
00:20:41,303 --> 00:20:42,781
♪ Victory is mine ♪
470
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:45,637
- ♪ Victory is mine ♪
- ♪ Victory ♪
471
00:20:45,725 --> 00:20:50,262
♪ Victory today is mine. ♪
33090
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