All language subtitles for Strange Bedfellows (1965)

NARRATOR:Once upon a time,
seven years ago, to be exact,

a young American named
Carter Harrison came
to England.

He had been appointed
assistant British
sales manager

of Inter-Allied Petroleum
Products.

It was on his first day
in London, on his very
first stroll,

that he met Antonia Vincente.

It was a casual meeting.
She was a painter.

She was profusely apologetic,
but what was needed was
turpentine.

And she knew precisely
where to find some.

So she gave the brush to her
bearded friend, Harry Jones,

and they started out for her
studio flat.

Though she came from
Italian parentage,

Toni was basically Bohemian,
British Bohemian.

Her work was Impressionist,
and so was she,

very impressionist.

No doubt about it,
Toni was a creature
of first impressions,

a woman of very
definite tastes.

She knew what she liked
when she saw what she liked.

And she knew what she wanted

when she saw what she wanted.

Fortunately, what she liked
and wanted was exactly what
he liked and wanted,

because 24 hours later
they were married.

And so the days and weeks went
by until their lovely
hibernation was over,

and it was time to come out
into the spring of life
and face reality.

And one of the realities
Carter had to face was

that Toni was not
only a painter,

she was also a joiner
with very definite beliefs,

all of which were the exact
opposite of his.

It seemed a joke at first,
but suddenly it stopped
being funny.

They agreed on nothing,
politics, polygamy,
peanut butter,

Pushkin, You name it!

They fought their own
Battle of Britain,
a battle of words.

And when words failed,
she resorted to pure
Italian logic.

When logic failed,
paint pots flew.

Since her aim was
better than her English,

Carter did the only thing
a gentleman could do.

He grabbed his pants
and ran for his life.

Thus, as their marriage
and crockery broke over
his head, Carter left.

He left Toni,
he left the love nest,
he left London.

And for seven peaceful
and productive years,

they didn't meet or speak
or shriek or even write.

Carter had now become an
important executive with
Inter-Allied,

one of their top negotiators,

a job which took him
to the far corners
of the earth.

(SPEAKING IN ARABIC)

(SPEAKING IN ARABIC)

In other words, the sheik
agrees that all oil deposits
in this area

shall be developed solely by
Inter-Allied Petroleum
Products of America?

That is correct.
Good.

Will you please convey
to His Highness that these
fried grapes are delicious?

Oh. They are not
fried grapes.

They're not?
No. They are...

Delicious.

So, his job done, Carter took
the first plane to London,

where he had an urgent
meeting with two very
expensive lawyers,

because, after seven years of
total and blissful separation,

Toni had finally requested
a divorce.

In big business, success
and divorce do not always mix.

So the company sent
Dick Bramwell,

sharpest public relations man
in the business, to London.

Bramwell had to move fast,
because he knew that
in exactly 25 minutes

Carter would be attending
a meeting which could
very well bring an abrupt end

to a very promising career.

What do you mean, no divorce?
Whose brilliant idea is that?

Oh, just a brilliant chap
by the name of J.L. Stevens.

The old man?
That's right.

Fancies himself
a king maker.

You're being measured
for a crown.
Why?

Oh, come on Carter.
You've got to be joshing.

J.L.'s had his tongue
hanging out for those
leases for years,

and you've just handed them
to him on a great big
spotlighted platter.

Look at this, front pages
right down the line.

Yeah, yeah.
Look at 'em! It's promotion
time, friend

and you're in for
something large.

How large?
I don't know but it's gonna
take top brass approval.

Which shirt shall I wear?
Oh come on. You're not even
listening!

This is the biggest thing
that's ever happened to you.

Don't you realize Big Daddy's
gonna spring this at
the annual board meeting

next week in Boston?

Yeah?
Yeah.

That's why there's such
a hurry for me to get over
here and clean up your image.

What's wrong with my image?

You make it sound like
I've been named
leper of the year.

Well you know
the mentality
of that board.

They're hipped
on the idea of a
corporate image,

solid American gentry,
family respectability.

For their top executives there
are not ten commandments,
only one.

Thou shalt be married,
happily and respectably
married.

Whether you like it or not.
That's right.

I've done just fine these past
seven years happily and
respectably separated!

Yeah.
And I've loved every
minute of it.

Yeah, well that's all gonna
change. From now on, you're
gonna have a new look.

No more gay, married bachelor.

It's got to be
Carter Harrison,
family man.

You are out of your skull.

Carter, when that board meets
in Boston,

you can be Yankee Doodle
riding your town
on a solid gold pony.

(YANKEE DOODLE PLAYING)
Income in six figures,
a private plane,

your own yacht,
a house in Palm Beach.

It's yours. All you need
to do is show up in Boston
week after next

with one reasonably
respectable wife.
Forget it.

Forget what?
What you just said.

Yankee Doodle, solid
gold pony, the whole bit.
Just plain forget it.

You don't know
what kind of a nut
I was married to.

No, no I don't.
What kind of a nut was she?

She was a half-Italian
fruitcake, that's what
she was.

Oh, that doesn't
sound too bad.
What was the other half?

Gorgeous.

What did you go around
marrying gorgeous fruitcakes
for in the first place?

I don't know. It was
a cold night. She had
an electric blanket.

It was seven years ago.
What took so long getting
around to a divorce?

Well, there was no
particular rush.

Look Carter, politics makes
strange bedfellows.

Why not big business?

Make a deal.
For one month,
you stay married.

No chance.
For one month?

No deal. Not with Toni.
Let me tell you something.

She was a crackpot,
a bohemian, a hothead.

You know the kind. She used to
take a bath in her blue jeans

to make sure
they'd be tight enough.

Hmph.

She wouldn't consider
this sort of deal,
and I wouldn't ask her.

Maybe she's changed.

Yeah, she's changed.
From terrible to impossible.

Look, call J.L. Tell him
if they want me
the way I am, that's fine.

If not, forget it.
He'll turn you down.

That's life.
That's it, then?

That's it.

You know for a fellow
who's only going to

discuss a divorce
with a half-Italian fruitcake

in overtight blue jeans,

you're looking
and smelling
awfully pretty.

Evening's young.

Who knows? I might get
lucky later.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Yeah.

Excuse me, is this...

Jim.
Carter. Good to see you.

Sorry to rush you over
like this,

but I don't know anything
about British divorce laws.

I got news for you,
neither do I.

Mr. Bagshott
will see you now.

(SIGHS)

Buck up. It's no worse
than a head-on collision.

(LAUGHS)

BAGSHOTT:
Good evening, gentlemen.
Please come in.

Mr. Slade.

Bagshott.
How do you do?

This is my client,
Mrs. Harrison.

How do you do?
Of course, you two, um...

Yes, (CLEARS THROAT)
naturally.

Mrs. Harrison, would you?
Gentlemen?

Before we commence,
perhaps I should
acquaint you with certain

notable points of British
divorce law.

While either party may
request a divorce, they're not
permitted personally

to arrange the terms
or evidence.

BAGSHOTT: But my client
has requested representation.

Even so, I must emphasize

that if it's intended
to discuss a British divorce,

not only is this meeting
not taking place,
but I am not here.

With regard to jurisdiction,
the fundamental rule,

with certain exceptions,

is that the English courts
will only entertain
a divorce petition

if the husband is domiciled
here at the time the petition
is filed.

(BAGSHOTT EXPLAIN ING
INDISTINCTLY)

BAGSHOTT: Mrs. Harrison?

Mrs. Harrison?

BAGSHOTT:
Carter, is that
agreeable to you?

An American divorce,
probably in Reno.

Oh, yes. Certainly.

SLADE: Carter?

Fine.

Mr. Slade, perhaps
you and I might talk alone
for a moment.

Fine.

Um, you'll hear from me later,
my dear. In the meantime
you'd best make arrangements

to leave for Reno
immediately.

Good-bye.
Good-bye.

(CAR HONKS)

Taxi!
Taxi! Taxi!

Oh!

Get in.

Where to, guv?

Where do you live?

32 Chelsea Court Lane.

(ENGINE REVVING)

No, thank you.

You look fine, Toni.
You sound surprised.

It's been a long time.
Yes.

What are you doing
with yourself these days?

The usual.
Painting when I can.

Mostly doing fashions for
the Daily Echo.

Actually, I've been very
successful.
Good.

Would you care
for a drink somewhere?

Oh. Well, no. I really...

You know, legally,
we probably shouldn't
be together like this.

Oh, what could happen
in a London taxi?

You should know.

Uh, who's the lucky guy?

Harry Jones.
Harry? Our Harry Jones?

The bearded wonder?
(LAUGHS) I don't believe it.

I should have
married him years ago
but for meeting you.

I know. But, seven years?

What's he been doing
all this time?
Checking your references?

He was abroad.
Still a crime reporter?

No. Assistant editor now.

Actually, he's my boss.

That's handy.

Do you love him?

Yes, I do.

Good.

That's the way it should be.

With love.

Oh. Better keep him.
I'll walk back.

Do me good.

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Um, uh, I , uh...

Uh, (STUTTERS) what is it?
A studio house?

Mmm-hmm. Uh, you see,
it's actually a studio.

I mean, as well as a house.

Oh, that's probably
why they call it
a studio house.

Probably.
Yeah.

Uh, Toni...
Yes?

Um. I suppose an artist
used to live here.

Yes. He was quite famous.
He died.

Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.

He was 98.
Oh. Well.

Well, I really must go.
Yes, you should. It's cold.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Carter.

Yes?

Would you like
a cup of coffee?

Please.

Uh, wait here.

I'll turn on the light.

Make yourself at...

Uh, home.

Would you like to take your...

Coat off?

Do you want a cigarette?

A light?

This is where I live.

It was once a stable.

It's where, uh, they kept

horses.

No more empty years.
No, darling.

No divorce?
No divorce.

We must have been
out of our minds.
What did we fight about?

Everything.
Everything and nothing.

Never again, huh?

Never, darling.

What about him?

Oh! Harry.
Yeah. Harry.

Well, I don't know.

It's terrible.
I... I hate hurting him.

You couldn't
really have been
in love with him.

Not the way it is with us.

But Harry's sweet.
Sweet! Ha!

He's nice to have around.
He's big and strong
and shaggy.

So is a sheep dog,
but you wouldn't marry one.

But, darling, it's time
I had children.

And Harry would make
a wonderful father.

If we weren't such idiots,
we'd have had children
years ago.

We weren't ready.

We are now.

Aren't we?
Real ready.

And he'll be beautiful.
So will she.

It's going to be a big change
for you, dear.

From now on
it'll be "Carter Harrison,
family man."

(YANKEE DOODLE PLAYING)

It's going to mean
diapers and measles
and nursery schools.

And nannies.

Does it scare you, darling?

No, no! It's perfect.
(CHUCKLES)

Uh, look, dear. I'm due at
the office in 20 minutes.

Be an angel and run my bath,
will you please?

Certainly, Daddy.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

(GROANS)

Yeah?
Dick. This is Carter.

(WHISPERS) Listen.
Everything is gonna be
just fine.

Hey, wait. Where are you?
What time is it?

It's 9:00, and I'm in heaven.

Hope you haven't reversed
the charges.

You haven't called J.L. yet,
have you?
No, not yet.

Good. Now listen.
I'm back with Toni.

Aw, you're beautiful!

The old man's gonna be
delighted about this.

(INDISTINCT MURMUR)

(LAUGHING)

(INDISTINCT MURMUR)

(EXCLAIMS)

Just a minute.

What are you doing?

Uh... When a fella's
ordering three dozen
roses for his best girl,

he wants to keep it a secret.

Your robe, milord.

Come here, you.

Oh, darling. Your bath.
Huh.

Better send three dozen roses
to the house.

Right. Right. Good.
(INDISTINCT MURMUR)

I'll meet you in the office
in an hour. Bye.

Come here, you!

Your tea, sir.

You're insatiable!

Mrs. Carmody,
this is my husband.

How do you do, sir?
Hello.

Sir, I'll be off
to getting the breakfast.
One egg or two?

He takes four,
and the bacon crisp.

Very good, ma'am.

Oh! And, Mrs. Carmody,
would you call Mavis Masters
for me?

Tell her I can't
report today, because
it's a very special day,

and I don't want to take
a chance of getting arrested.

Very good, ma'am.

(DOOR CLOSES)

She's a treasure.

You looked so funny!
(LAUGHING)

Come here, you!
You really are
a great big bear.

I must say,
she didn't seem
very surprised.

Does she usually walk in
and find strange
men in your bed?

Every morning.

She validates
their parking tickets.
I see.

Well, anyway, I think
I like your Mrs...

Did you say "arrested"?

Yes, you big,
fuzzy bear.
Arrested.

For what?
Picketing.

Picketing what?
The embassy.

What embassy?
Your embassy.

The American embassy?
Mmm-hmm.

You're picketing
the American embassy?
What for?

For ISFAE.
ISFAE?

International Society
for Freedom of
Artistic Expression.

You know.

(SIGHS)
No, I don't know.

Oh, it's growing
like mad, darling.
Embraces all the arts.

We are planning a massive
protest against the banning
of Petracini's statue.

Who?
Petracini!

Petracini! Oh, certainly
you've heard of Petracini!

No, but it sounds fattening.

Petracini happens
to be the world's leading
Expressionist sculptor.

He does wonderful things
with a blowtorch.

To whom?

He's a great
Italian artist!

And his work has been
banned from America
by petty, provincial minds.

Which petty,
provincial minds?

The ones at your National
Gallery in Washington.

If my National Gallery
has banned your
Mr. Petracini's statue,

he must have been pointing
that blowtorch in some
mighty peculiar directions!

Why was it banned?
They say it's indecent.

That's good enough for me.

It's a simple statue
of a woman and a horse.

Doing what?
(SIGHS) What's
the difference?

Whoever heard of putting
fig leaves on horses?

Especially an Impressionist
horse! You wouldn't know
where it goes.

Let me get this straight.

You're picketing
the American embassy
in London

in order to keep fig leaves

off of lewd Italian horses
in Washington, D.C.?

It's not the fig leaves.
It's the principle!

Ah, yes. The principle!

Yes, the principle!

We artists should be
able to paint, write,
sculpt anything we like!

Freedom of expression!
Freedom of expression.
Yeah, yeah.

Tell me, dear.

Are we still involved
with some of our trusty
old friends

such as "Higher Pay
for Women Policemen"?

We are.
"Abolition of Cruel
Blood Sports"?

Certainly.
"Rest Home for Gypsies"?

Of course.
"Fertility Control
in Backward Nations"?

I'm the co-chairman! And take
that look off your face.
Ha.

What look?
That smug, disapproving,
superior look.

The same ghastly face.
Now, Toni...

Don't you "Now, Toni" me!
I know what you're thinking!

I haven't said a word.

You don't have to.
You're wearing that face.

I'm sorry. It's the only
face I have!

And I thought you'd changed!

But, no, you've got the same
ostrich mentality you had
seven years ago

when you were swanking around
London with an open car
and a closed mind!

And you're still the same
half-baked birdbrain you were
seven years ago!

Watch it!
Joining every crackpot cause

that comes along.
Wave the banners!
Yell the slogans.

If you saw six people
waiting in line for a bus,
you'd join them

because you thought they were
picketing something!

Oh! Get out!

Thanks. I was just leaving.

Don't let me stop you.
Ah!

You know-nothing, see-nothing,
do-nothing knucklehead!

You sneak back into
my life like a wolf
in snake's clothing!

Crawl back into my bedroom!
Take advantage of my weakness!

Oh! I could kill you!

With what? A slogan?
Oh! Get out!

Grazie.

Boor! Go away!

You upset me!
Out of this room!
Ugly boor!

Aw, you sound
just like your father!
Don't you insult my father!

I didn't insult him.
I said you sounded like him!

That's an insult!
Remember, you said
that, not me.

You're not even fit to talk
about my father!

Your father was a nut!

Don't you dare!

My father was an artist!

An Italian artist!
An Italian patriot!

You may not realize it,

but there are other people
in this world beside Italians!

But who needs them?

My father was a martyr
to humanity.

Some martyr. He got drunk
and fell off a wall.

While making
a wonderful speech.

In fluent Italian
to a bunch of Cockney
garbage collectors!

About as good a group
as you'll find for the rubbish
you're interested in!

You are the most barbaric,

bothersome, boring,
bourgeois, b...

Boor?
Boor I ever met!

Morning.
Keep your big nose
out of this!

Ah, the same charm, the same
sophisticated wit.
Oh, butt out.

And getting sharper
all the time.
Get out of my house.

When I'm good
and ready!
Get out now!

If you want my advice
old boy...

I'll thank you to keep your
food-stained beard out of my
affairs, and my eggs!

Which I might add
were slightly overdone.
Oh!

I hate to fight and run
like this,

but I leave happy in the
thought that fertility control
in backward nations

is in such fertile
and backward hands!

Oh! Get out!

May I borrow your umbrella?

Yes!

Thank you!

You know I had a growing
conviction that his mother
was one of those.

Save one for me.

Oh, Harry. I'm so ashamed.

Oh, now,
no confessions, please!

It was all arranged,
I was leaving for Reno.

Then he brought
me home and...

Oh, Harry.
He stayed all night.
I know.

You don't mind?

Of course I mind!
I don't pretend to like it!

But if it's finally got him
out of your system...

Oh, it has.
It has.

But what do I do now?

Blow your nose, pack
your bags and leave
for Reno today.

Today?
Today!

All right.

Here.

WOMAN: Oh my,
she's done it again.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

No, no. I don't anticipate
any problems.

Yes...
You can forget
what I told you!

What?
It's all off!

She's the same half-brained
lunatic she was
seven years ago.

Just a moment, please.
What did you say?

I said it's all off!
She's still a fruitcake.

I wouldn't live with her
if they made me the next
president of the company!

Would you care to tell that
to the current president of...

I certainly would!

Please do.
Hello! Who's this?

Oh. Hello, J.L.

Yes, thank you, sir.

Yes, quite rested.
Thank you.

Yes, Bramwell did
mention something.

He didn't say which position
you had in mind.

What's that?

President of the International
Branch? Me?

Oh, well

I'm honored.

Well, I only hope I can, sir.

Thank you, J.L.,
thank you very much.

Good-bye.
Well! That's telling him.

President of
the International Branch.

I like the way
you turned it down.

Tenth biggest corporation
in America.
What about your wife?

200,000 bucks a year.
Your wife.

A 1000 a month expenses,
private plane...
Your wife.

My what?
Your wife.

That fruitcake you wouldn't
live with if they offered you
the presidency.

Oh, yeah. Her.
Yeah, her.

Don't worry about it.

Think I'm gonna let that kook
stand in my way?

Dick, how much family image
do I really need?

Plenty. When J.L.
springs this on the board
in Boston

you better show up with
Mrs. Respectability herself.

I may have to dope her.
Good!

How much time
before Boston?
Ten days.

What!
Yeah, can you do it?

Stand by for communiques.

Oh, soldier. You better put
your pants on before the
general changes his mind.

Not that you don't have
pretty legs but...
Yeah, yeah.

You know, the corporate image?

How much is that?
Four and nine.

Four and nine what?
Four and nine.
Four bob and nine pence.

Now don't worry about
a thing, darling.

I'll get someone else to cover
the Jean Louis show.

I'll call you in New York.
Good-bye, darling.

Put those in a cab, would you?
Yes, sir.

Four bob.
Excuse me, sir.
Comin' through, please.

Not them.
The little ones there.
Oh. Oh.

Alright, well, give me
one of those paper ones.
Do I have any change coming?

Oh, you've been here before,
haven't you?
Once or twice.

Bon voyage. And don't
lose your nerve.

Those are tanners,
those are bobs.
I'd like you to have a bob.

Oh, so sorry.
Not at all. Toni!

Oh, drive on!
Wait!

Listen I'm sorry for all those
things I said this morning.
Really I am.

I could bite my tongue off.
Do that!

Toni, I...
Drive on!

Please, I... I love you!

Follow that cab!

Taxi! Air terminal. Fast.

They're gettin' away
from us, governor. I don't
think I can catch 'em.

There must be some way
I can reach her.

What about your radio?
Could I talk to her directly?

No, that all goes
through central
control, mate.

Could I send her
a message then?

No, it's too dodgy, guv.

Besides, it's not allowed
except in a matter
of life and death.

I mean, this is a taxi
service you know, not a
bleedin' public telephone.

And they're very strict.
That's why the regulations
say that

that can only be used
in a matter of life and death.

Hey, Charley. I got a matter
of life and death.

Gent has an urgent message
for lady in R-B-4.

Okay, R-B-5. Control to R-B-4.

Stand by for important message
for your passenger.

Roger, Control. There's
an important message coming
through for you, miss.

For me?

Tell her that every word
I told her last night
was true.

That I am a completely
changed man.
Hold on.

Gent says he's a completely
changed man.

There's a gent sayin'
he's completely changed.

It's a gent sayin' he's
undergone some
kind of change, madam.

Ha!

And I wasn't lying
this morning
about having a child.

Now that I find I can have
a child, I intend to
have a child.

And I don't want to hear
that Harry Jones would
make a good father!

All right. Hold it.
Hold it.

Hey, Charley. I got
a right one here.
Claims he can have a baby.

Ay, ay! I've read about
them in the Sunday papers.

Yeah, but you don't know
the half of it!

Seems there's a bloke called
Harry Jones who wants
to be the father.

Well the best of luck
to old Harry, then.
He'll need it.

Control to R-B-4.

The gent claims he's gonna
have a baby, and Harry Jones
is the father.

Tell him to drop dead.
Sounds like he might,
poor fellow.

R-B-4 to Control.
Lady says
she's not interested.

She may not be,
but I'm fascinated.

Control to R-B-5.

Right. Lady's not
interested, guv.

Tell her she must try to
understand my behavior.

I've been under
a terrible nervous strain.

First that tricky operation
in the Middle East...

Hold it. Hold it.

Get this. Seems our gent's
had a nasty operation
in the Middle East.

What?
The Middle East!

That explains it then,
don't it?

All those fantastic hours
in that Arab tent.

Hold it.

Seems as though he spent
some fantastic hours
in an Arab tent.

Who you got there?
Lawrence of Arabia?

Then flying straight to
her arms last night.

And then this morning,
that thing with
the three of us.

Hold it. Hold it!

I don't think this bloke
spent much time watchin'
the changing of the guard.

After those fantastic
experiences in the
Arab tent,

he flew back to take up
with her last night,

and then this morning,
some other bird
comes into the picture.

Energetic little bleeder,
ain't he?

Granted, we don't
agree on everything.

But if all nations
can practice coexistence,
so can we.

Let's face it I'm not
in love with the premier
of the Soviet Union,

but I do want
to live with him.

Hold it. Now you're not
in love with him, but you do
want to live with him.

Right.
Right. Charley.

If I told you who he's after
now, you'd never believe it.

Excuse me, madam.
Now it seems the gentleman
wants to set up house

with the Russian
prime minister.

They'll make
a perfect couple.

Here.
Oh, thanks, guv!

Get out!
What's goin' on here?

Shut up and drive!
I'm her husband.
Get out.

Stand by, boys.
Hubby's turned up!
His? Or hers?

I was wrong this morning.
I behaved unforgivably.

Oh, what does
it matter?

I've come to my senses
you can do what you want,

join what you want.
Live and let live.

All I know is I love you,
and I have to be with you.

It's no good, Carter.
It won't work.
It can. It must!

Let me stay with you
on any terms you say.

If it doesn't work,
I'll bow out and you'll
never see me again.

All I ask is for
a fair trial.

We both have to learn that

there's more to a relationship
than just the physical.

We can't keep muddying up
the issue with chemistry.

We must try to
forget our primeval...

Animal appetites.

Follow that cab
and don't lose it!

Shall I help you
with the bags?
I'll be fine.

Just hurry back.

(SINGING)
♪ Yankee Doodle went to town
riding on a pony ♪

Dick? Carter.

First communique.
Unconditional surrender.

Ah. You're still beautiful.
Worked again, huh?

Boston in ten days?
Well, after tonight,
no problem.

I'd like to ask you what
it is you've got,

but I don't want you to waste
your strength talking.

Good-bye.
Good-bye.

Send a wire to J.L. Stevens.
"Harrison reunited with wife.

"Confirms she is perfectly
in line with corporate image

"of solid respectability."

Did you ever get that
feeling you've been
to a place before?

I have this cleared for you.

I hope it will be enough.
Plenty. What about you?

I moved everything
to my room.
Oh. Fine.

Your room?
Yes.

I... I'm sleeping
in the little
guest room.

Why?
Carter, dear,

I've been thinking.

Everything you said
in the cab is true.

We... We must find out
if we can live together.

And we can't keep muddying up
the issue with chemistry

and, uh, our primeval
animal appetites.

Uh. Oh, I know it will be
difficult for us both, but

it's only for a month or two.

A month or two?

Oh, it really is
a good idea, you know.

Yeah. Marvelous.
Whose is it? I mean...

Of course, it's a fine idea.
I was gonna suggest it myself.

Now, why don't you take this
champagne and put it on ice,

and then later we'll
have a nice, quiet cozy
little supper?

Oh, darling, I am sorry.
I... I'm afraid I have
to go out.

Our first night?
You know what you said.

"Live and let live."

Unfortunately, there's been
an emergency meeting
called about the statue.

Signor Petracini's coming,
and I've got to interpret.

I won't be late.
Under the circumstances,
take your time.

Sorry to rush you together
like this,

but we've just received
information that Friday
at 3:00,

there's to be an
important conference
at the Institute of Arts,

Professions and Sciences,

the purpose of which
is to discuss improving
the American image abroad.

Top American figures,
and I mean top,

from every walk of
international life
will be attending.

Top American figures
from every walk of life
will be attending.

Eh.
Eh.

Now what better time
could we choose to present
our letter of protest

against the banning
of Signor Petracini's statue?

It is the right time to send
a letter of protest against
the banning of your statue.

Listen!

How dare they ban
my statue,
judging it immoral?

How dare the Americans
ban his statue on grounds
of moral turpitude!

(CROWD MURMURING)

As a man, I am not interested
in physical beauty,

but only in the beauty
of the spirit.

As a man, he's not interested
in the pleasures of the flesh,

but only the beauty
of the spirit.

My works of art come from
the soul, not from the flesh.

TONI : And he is right!

We artists should be
able to paint, write,
sculpt anything we like!

BOTH :
Freedom of expression!
Yes, I'm sorry to interrupt.

But I've just been told
there is a thick fog

and that buses and trains
are unlikely to be
running much longer.

So I suggest we adjourn
the meeting until tomorrow.

There's fog,
we have to finish here.

If it's really a pea souper
and anyone can't get home,

they are welcome to come
and spend the night with me.

- What?
- If you can not

get home because of the fog,
you can spend
the night with me.

Me? With you?
Yes. Yes.

Oh, my lady.

Come on. Come in.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Shh!

Oh, baby.

Do you mind?

What are you doin' here?
There's a thick fog.

I had to spend
the night somewhere.

There are ten million
people in London.
Why choose me?

I didn't. Toni did.
She assured me you'd
welcome me with open arms.

Yeah.
Didn't realize
she meant it literally.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Look if you find it
intolerable, dear boy,
try downstairs!

Why should I freeze?
I'm not complaining.

Well, I'm not...
So here we are, then.

Do you snore?
I hope so!

Oh! You better take
an aspirin.

I don't have an aspirin.

They're at the back
of the third drawer down.

I nursed her through
a bad cold.
Mmm.

Very bad cold.

Sweetheart.

It's me.

He snores.

Let me stay here.
I promise to be good.

(SCREAMING)

I'm terribly sorry!
Out!

Oh!

Psst.Signor.

Where is the lady?
Hmm?

Uh, where is sleeping
Signora Harrison?

Signora Harrison?
Si, Signora Harrison.

Ah!Signora Harrison.

Right there.
Ah.

(SLAPS)

(THUDS)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)
My mistake!
But what's the problem?

WOMAN : Ooh!
Sorry.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Yes?
Carter?

Yes?
Dick.

Just checking progress.
Can you talk?

Mmm-mmm.
Where are you? In bed?

Mmm-hmm.
Alone?

Mmm-mmm.

Uh, with your wife?
Mmm-mmm.

Not with your wife?
Mmm-mmm.

Does your wife know?
Mmm-hmm.

And she doesn't mind?
Mmm-mmm.

You realize, of course,
we can't have this sort
of thing in Boston.

Mmm-hmm.

You call me when you can.

My lawyer.
Mmm-hmm.

Where to now, Carter?

Where to what?

I'm sure your recent,
splendid exploits

in the field of oil will
not go unrewarded.

Your masters must have some
smashing job in store for you.

Nothing special, I imagine.

Don't you feel just a wee bit
concerned about Toni?

Why?
Oh, Toni, the marcher.
Toni, the fanatic.

Toni who paints
rude slogans on walls!

My dear boy,
we live in a free world.

Toni can do what she wants,
she can think what she wants.

Picket! Wave banners!
Chain herself to railings!

Her life is her own.

She can ride naked through
the streets of London
as Lady Godiva,

and it wouldn't bother me.

Well, Carter, you certainly
have changed.

But you haven't! Look,
why don't we cut out all this
subterfuge? I know your angle.

I wish I knew yours.

What you're doing with this
new found phony liberalism!

There's nothing
phony about it...
Oh, no?

No.
Care to put it to a test?

Such as?

If you were to attend our
committee meeting today,

I very much doubt that
you could sit there
and listen to the things

being said about America
without blowing your top!

Would you like to
put your money where
I imagine your mouth is?

You'll come?
I'd be delighted.

Good ol' sport!

(THUDS)

Uh... You'll...

You'll find some...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Ciao! That's my husband.

Oh!

I suggest you take
a cold bath.

Terribly sorry. I...

(GIGGLES)

Hello! Haven't seen you
before, have we?

No, I just joined.
American, aren't we?

Yes.
Good show!

(BANGING ON TABLE)

Ladies and gentlemen.

Last night we were
discussing our protest
against the shabby treatment

meted out to Petracini's
Woman on a Horse.

This morning, a dear
and imaginative
friend of mine,

an extremely broad-minded
American, gave me a very
provocative idea.

Nine hundred years ago,
another woman
and another horse

made history
in a dramatic protest.

Her name was Lady Godiva,
and she rode naked through
the streets of Coventry.

Now, my friend proposes that
Lady Godiva should ride again,
through Soho Square

and up the steps of
the American Institute

to deliver our letter
of protest against
this outrageous attack

on the freedom
of artistic expression.

Bravo!

Absolutely wizard, what?

Swell.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'm sure we shall not lack
for a volunteer.

For example, our old friend
Mavis Masters here,

a well-known artist who
combines good judgment
with sturdy attractiveness.

Well, actually I haven't
ridden in years.

Oh, what a pity.
But I'm sure there are others

who will not shirk this
opportunity to further
our cause.

Toni! She'd be fab!

(ALL APPLAUDING)

Bravo! Bravo!

Cheers!

So, if Toni would consent
to ride?
Nude?

You wouldn't
really be starkers, darling.

Just flesh-colored costume
with masses of tresses

glued all over
the important places.

TONI : Sounds painful.
MAN: Do it, Toni. Please.

Well, if it's the wish of
the committee, very well.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

He just got into a radio cab.
R-H-7-1-4.

Now find out where it's going
and call me back immediately.

Carter, come in, come in.
Have I got news for you!

You've got news for me?
I've got news for you.

Wait till you hear
who's coming to London!

What do you think
she's up to now?

Number one himself,
J.L. in person!
She's going to ride a horse...

He's making the opening
speech in the conference
this weekend.

In the flesh, nude.
Stark, staring nude.
And where do you think
he's gonna make that speech?

BOTH : 3:00 Friday at
the American Institute.

What'd you say?

I said 3:00 Friday
at the American Institute.

No, that's what I said.
I said J.L. was arriving...

What?
Yes.

He's going to make the opening
speech 3:00 Friday at the
American Institute. See.

Oh! That's not all
he'll be doing.

He just might be taking
a little peekie-weekie
at my wife.

I hope he will!
Riding a horse? Bare?

(GULPS)

Bareback?
Bare everything.

You're kidding?

That's how you ride if you're
Lady Godiva and delivering
a letter of protest.

And you know when
and where you deliver it?

BOTH : 3:00 Friday
at the American Institute.

Boy! You really did
marry a nut!

A nut? I married
a whole plantation.

Yeah, we gotta get her
out of town.
Oh? That's all?

How 'bout a vacation?
She'd never leave.

Not with this Godiva thing.
She'd suspect
something immediately.

And that's precisely what that
bearded vulture's waiting for!

She wears a beard?
No! She doesn't wear a beard!

I have other enemies
in this thing.

She wouldn't leave,
not without something
very strong.

Got a cigarette?
Over there.

Something irresistible.
Something bigger even than...

See this, Dick?
Yeah.

Don't we have
oil installation
in Gadonga?

We did. They set fire to them
last Thursday. Why?

Suppose I were
sent to Gadonga.

Look. If you want to commit
suicide, use my razor.

It's electric, but you can
hang yourself on the cord.

I'm serious!
Why do you want to
go to Gadonga?

I don't! But suppose Toni
thought I was going to
an almost certain death?

I don't get it.
You will.

Gadonga?
Yeah.

Gadonga.

With a brief stopover
in sunny Nassau.

You'll like this.

Special recipe of Sheik
Moulay Yusef Allh.

I just can't get over you,
cooking and, well,
being domestic.

I feel I'm just beginning
to know you.

I feel I'm just beginning to
know me too.

Just beginning to know
what I really want
out of life.

It's all right here
in this room.

Tranquility, peace...

And you.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Isn't that the telephone?

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello. What?

Yes, yes. He is.
Hold on a minute.

It's long distance
from America.
Mr. J.L. Stevens.

Isn't he the...
J.L.?

That must be
some kind of a joke.

He never calls
anyone personally.

Hello. Who is this?

Oh, yes, J.L. Yes.

Well, now, Mr. Harrison.
I have important news for you.

It's rhubarb, rhubarb,
rhubarb, rhubarb.

You want me to go where? When?

Well I realize that, sir,
but I'm long overdue
for a vacation.

I feel as though
I'm entitled to decline.

Rub-a-dubba, rub-a-dubba,
rub-bub-bub.

Washington!

In whose office?

Rub-a-dub, rub-a-dubba,
hub-dub-dub.

The Secretary of State!

He wants to talk to me?

Yes, sir.

I'll hold on.

Yes. Hello, Mr. Secretary.

Rub-a-dubba, rub-a-dubba,
rub-a-dubba.

The president feels...
Me, sir?

Well, of course,
I can't say no.

Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb,
rhubarb, ru-- Oh,
what a rhubarb!

Naturally, I-I accept.

Yes, sir. Thank you.
And thank you
for your confidence.

Good-bye.

What is it, Carter?

It's nothing.

Just forget about it.

What has the Secretary
of State to do with you?

And the President?
I don't understand.

It's best you don't.

Where are they
sending you, Carter?
What does it matter?

The dreadful thing is
I must leave you

just when we've found
each other again.

It's Gadonga, isn't it?

Why do you say that?

I'm not a complete fool!
They're sending you on
some dangerous mission.

This is strictly
classified information!
No one must know.

Damn it! When will this
world grow up?

Oh, I'm sorry. I...
I won't let go again.

When, Carter?
When do you go?

Let's get one thing straight.

While I'm still here,
we never heard of Gadonga.

We don't mention it.
It doesn't exist.

All right?

Right.

Dinner's ready.

That's not bad.

You haven't touched a thing.

Carter, when are you going?

Now, we promised
not to spoil our
last night together.

Tomorrow!

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't intend to tell you.

The two men before you were
slaughtered in cold blood.

I know. Poor devils.

But don't worry,
third time's a charm.

And besides, I'll be safe
and sound in a nice, big,
new, air-conditioned hotel.

The Gadonga Hilton.

(DOORBELL BUZZES)

Isn't that the doorbell?

Mrs. Harrison?
Yes.

Murchison. Security Division.
U.S. Embassy.

Come in.
Oh, thank you.

I... I have two pieces
of equipment here
for your husband.

Oh, right over here.
Oh, thank you.

Oh, your husband's
bulletproof vest.
Bulletproof?

CARTER: I'll take that.

Oh, Mr. Harrison. Murchison.
Security. U.S. Embassy.

Your bulletproof vest.
Is this quite
necessary to discuss?

The vest? Oh, very. Very.

For example, it's not only
bulletproof, it's also

completely operational
against poison darts.

So long as they're not blown
under a range of 20 feet.

Oh, Carter!
Anything else,
Mr. Murchison?

Oh, my word, yes.
Survival kit.
Keep that very handy.

Thank you. Is that all,
Mr. Murchison?

I shouldn't be impatient,
Mr. Harrison.

After all if your two
unfortunate predecessors

had paid more attention
to their equipment...

Very well. What else?
Automatic pistol.
Moeggler-Cartwright.

Kill a man at 20 paces!
Snake at ten.

A snake?
Yes.

Oh, and speaking of shots.
You'll receive your
inoculations en route.

Malaria, diphtheria,
blackwater fever,
leprosy and plague.

Oh, and, uh, finally,
your L.R.P.

What?
A last resort pill.

Last resort pill?
Yes, they're marvelous.

Absolutely reliable.
Quicker than cyanide and only
a teensy bit more painful.

Do I take it with water?

Oh, no! Never touch the water
out there. Deadly, deadly.

Well, uh, I guess
that's about all,
Mr. Harrison,

Except to say it's been
an honor meeting a man
like you,

and I do hope and pray
we meet again.
I really do.

It's been an honor
meeting you too, ma'am.

Pleasure.
Yes.

I'm happy to tell you that
the weather's fine and
balmy in Nassau.

Nassau?
Yes, thank you, Mister...

Murchison. Security
Division, U.S. Embassy.
Yes.

I'll see Mr. Murchison
to the door, dear.

Oh, here!

Nice work, Sir Laurence.

Oh, I really had it tonight,
didn't I?
Just a teensy bit overboard.

You got the plane tickets?
Right here.

First class. 11:00
tomorrow for Nassau.

Sure she'll go with you?

I'm sorry, dear. I would have
given anything to have spared
you that.

What was that
about Nassau?

Oh, nothing.
Now, darling.

All right. I may as well
tell you.

There's to be a week-long
briefing session in Nassau
starting tomorrow.

Secretary of State thought
that under the circumstances

we might want to
spend these last...

I mean, these days
together, but...

Well, I nearly begged you
to come along, but then
I thought,

wouldn't it be better to make
the break now, cleanly?

Call it selfish
if you like, but

isn't it wiser to keep
ourselves at arm's length?

I mean,

if we got any closer,
it would be unbearable.

Wouldn't it?

Oh, you're a wonderful
person, Carter.

All right. Have it your way.

(WHISTLING YANKEE DOODLE)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Mr. Bramwell?
Yes.

Good evening. May I come in?
Thank you very much indeed.

Bramwell I'm going to be
utterly frank with you.

Should you pick up
the phone and call
Brigadier Fanshaw

at MI-5 to check up on me,

he will unhesitatingly deny
that he or anyone else
in Military Intelligence

has ever heard of me.
Oh?

Sit down.

Uh, would you...
Not on duty, thank you.

Now, officially, this visit
has never taken place.
Clear?

Yes. Are you sure it's me
you want? I'm not
in the government.

And I'm not here,
so we start level, right?

Yes.

Thank you, no.

Carter Harrison.
Oh, come now.

British Intelligence
isn't quite asleep,
you know.

What's an important
American business executive
doing mixing

with our lunatic fringe?

The Anti-American
Brigade, hmm?

Is he? I wouldn't,
I don't know.

Oh, I think you do,
Mr. Bramwell and I could
hazard a guess myself.

You could?
Yes.

Since Harrison obviously
has nothing in common
with these people,

I might draw the conclusion
that the C.I.A. has slipped
him in.

As some sort of a spy.
Oh, no, no, I assure you sir,

Carter Harrison's not a spy.
What's he up to, then?

I have no idea. I'm not his...
I mean after all, it is
a free country!

Isn't it?

You know more than
you're saying, Bramwell.

Even if I did, I don't talk to
every Tom, Dick and Harry who
barges into my room,

waving a dirty little card
I can't even read.

Very well if that's your
attitude, I think this is
a matter for MI-12.

Fine! No, wait.

I assure you. There's no
question of security involved.

And if it will put your
mind at rest,

Carter and his wife
are leaving tomorrow morning
for a vacation at Nassau.

Tomorrow? Nassau?
With his wife?
Yes.

But isn't his wife riding as
Lady Godiva?

Oh, no, no, no!
That's all off.
Really? Are you sure?

Oh, positive.
Oh?

Would you?
No. Never on duty.
Thank you so much, no.

I see. Well, thank you
and good night, Bramwell.

Thank you, uh, Mister...

I don't believe I caught
your name.

Yes, that's quite possible.
Good night.

Good night.

No, no! Please! Please don't!

Help! No,
please don't.

No!

Have mercy, please!

Please don't do that! Oh!

Oh, no! Oh, no.
Please don't.

Darling!
Help! No!

What is it? Carter!

Oh!

Oh, Toni.

It must have been
a nightmare.

There were people chasing me.

With spears.

Blowpipes.

I was alone.
Oh.

In the swamp. Crocodiles.

Tsetse flies.

It's all right.

But I was alone!

Yes, darling,
I know. Lie back.

Poor baby. You're not
alone anymore.

But I will be!

No, darling. Never again.

I know Gadonga
isn't possible,

but anywhere else
you go, anytime,

I'll go with you.

Anywhere?
Anywhere.

Even... Nassau?

Even Nassau.

But...

What about Godiva?

They'll have to find
a substitute.

Oh, thank you

for just being you.

Well, uh,

I suppose...

Yes.

Better go back to your room.

I guess.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Oh, Harry. I was just
trying to call you.

Is the master at home?
Still asleep.

He had a disturbed night.

Well, before we disturb
him again, as disturb him
we must,

I have sad tidings.

It seems Mr. Godiva has
persuaded Lady Godiva not to
ride this afternoon.

How did you know?
I have my sources.

I happen to know precisely
where he's going.

You know!
Yes.

Though I don't know
exactly why.

I can't imagine how you found
out about the Gadonga mission.

But, Harry,
it's absolutely confidential.

Gadonga?
Oh, yes. And it isn't
even about oil.

It's the State Department
and the U.N.

He's going as a special
negotiator to...
Gadonga!

Oh, my poor Toni.
He's going to Nassau.

Yes, I know.
You know?

He has to go there first
for a few days' briefing.

Ah, and he begged you
to come along.

On the contrary,
he begged me not to.

But you, of course, insisted,
and, graciously, he gave in.

No, Harry. And I resent
your insinuations!

TONI : This has nothing to do
with Lady Godiva.

HARRY: But it does most
conveniently cancel
your ride does it not?

TONI :
You can get someone else.

HARRY: I thought you had
more sense than to fall
for a thing like this!

I warn you, Harry...
I warn you that
you require my sanction

to take time off
from the paper.

And if I went without it?
I'd fire you!

Then fire away!
Because I am going
with Carter.

And nothing in this world
is going to stop me!

(WHISTLING YANKEE DOODLE)

Lovely day, sir.
Yes.

I phoned through to the house,
and Mr. and Mrs. Harrison
have left for the airport.

Good.
Oh, and the airline
just telephoned.

J.L.'s plane is due
in an hour ahead of time.

Good.
It ought to be landing
in 45 minutes.

Perfect. I'll run out
and meet him.

Have the car... 45 minutes?
Yes, sir.

They'll both be at the airport
at the same time!
They'll meet!

Who will?
Never mind. Call the car.
Get my coat.

What coat, sir?
Any coat!

You haven't got a coat, sir.
Well forget the coat
and get the car.

You haven't got a car
either sir.

Well do something!
Call somebody.

Are you sure
I don't have a coat?
No, sir.

Then forget the coat.
I'll call a cab!

Good morning.
Hi. Oh, hi.

Oh, not now.
Gotta call a cab.
Sorry.

Why is Carter Harrison
going to Gadonga?

Gadonga?
Yes. Why is Harrison
going to Gadonga?

Well, I...
Oh, you don't
deny it then?

Yes, I do! It's a lie.
Is it?

Yes.
Good! I'm delighted
to hear that.

You see, British and American
views on Gadonga haven't
always coincided.

My chief was worried
the C.I.A. might be using him
as some undercover agent.

C.I.A.? No, no.
Mmm-hmm.

I'm terribly sorry. I've got
a plane to meet, but there is
no truth in it.

Splendid. I know our Prime
Minister's calling your
President tonight.

Fine. And when he brings
the Gadonga matter up...

No, he can't!

He mustn't--
I can't stop him
from phoning,

but he mustn't
bring up that matter.
If there's no truth
in the story, what harm...

I swear, I swear he's
not going anywhere
near Gadonga.

I'll need proof of that.

I don't know how you folks
found this out, but it's all
kind of a joke.

You see Carter Harrison
is in line for a top job
with this corporation

if he can clean up
his family image.

That's all there is to it.

His fa... Yes, of course.
Now I understand.

Fascinating old boy.
You tell me more!

FEMALE ANNOUNCER:
Announcing the arrival
of Pan American Airways'

Clipper flight one
from New York at gate one.

Announcing the arrival
of Pan American
Airways Clipper

from New York
at gate one.

Lufthansa Airlines,
flight 564 for Nassau,

will be boarding in 10 minutes
at gate three.

Lufthansa Airlines,
flight 564 for Nassau,

will be boarding
in ten minutes
at gate three.

Carter!
Hmm?

Oh, Carter!

Darling.
Oh, now, now,
now. Don't cry.

Everything's gonna
be all right.

And I promise you, you have
nothing at all to worry about.

Okay?

(SOBBING)

Absolutely nothing-

I'm sure I speak for...
There he is! Carter!

Over here!

It's... It's J.L.

J.L. Stevens?
Yeah.

What's he doing here?
I don't know.

I'm sure I speak for all
my friends here,

who represent every aspect
of American industry,

when I say, we consider
each American
businessman abroad

to be an individual
ambassador of goodwill.

He probably has some
special instructions from
the Secretary of State.

I'll see him alone
for a moment.

You better stay here
and fix your face before
you come over, huh?

Thank you.
Excuse us, gentlemen.
We'll see you in the car.

Well, well, well, Carter.
How are you, J.L.?
Nice to see you.

Surprised seeing you.
Rather expected Bramwell.
You know Ethel.

Yes, Mrs. Stevens.
Hello, Carter.

Is that the young lady
we're so hoping to meet?

Yes, um...

Unfortunately, we're just
leaving, uh, the country.

Uh, it's... It's my wife's
father. He's...
He's desperately ill.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Yes, they only
give him a week.

And, uh, well... Well,
it's... It's a sort of a...

Well, he has
a kind of a condition.

And it's sort of a double...
Well, it might even be a
triple...

Oh, dear.
Yes.

ANNOUNCER:
B.E.A. flight 30 for Paris
now boarding at gate five.

B.E.A. flight 30 to Paris...

Oh, there he is!
Bramwell!

Hello.
Hello, J.L. How are you?

Mrs. Stevens.
Richard.

Nice to see you both.

Carter, I see
you're here.
Yes.

And, uh, everyone else.

Uh, Toni will be here
in a minute.

I was just telling J.L. about
poor Father.

Poor Father?
Yes.

Oh, poor Father.
Shocking, isn't it?

Oh, shocking.
So, J.L. understands

why Toni and I have to leave
London now.

To, uh, bury poor Father.
We hope not.

Latest bulletin has him
hanging on by a thread.

Oh, good, good.
I hadn't heard.

Remarkable constitution
the man has.

That's where Carter
gets it from.

It's not his father,
you idiot.
It's hers!

I know, but they were
very close.

Oh, Toni. Uh, I'd like you to
meet the Stevenses.

How do you do?
How do you do?

How do you do?

Oh, hello, Mr. Murchi...

Hello. How are you?
Nice seeing you again.

I'm sorry. I'm afraid
I've been behaving
rather foolishly, and...

We quite understand.
No one has a better right,

but I'm sure
he'll pull through.

You must be brave, my dear.

He's the brave one.

I think they called
our plane, dear.

It'll all turn out
for the best.
You think so?

With blackwater fever,
poison darts and plague!

Oh, dear! He has had
a time of it. Hasn't he?

Has had?
Um, now, dear,

we promised we weren't gonna
mention it again, didn't we?

Now we really must go...
ANNOUNCER:
Will Mrs. Carter Harrison

go to the nearest
phone, please.

Mrs. Carter Harrison, please.

It can only be Mrs. Carmody.
You'd better hurry.

Excuse me.

She's a lovely person,
Carter.
Thank you, sir.

Bring her to Boston,
and I guarantee her
you'll have no problems.

Good luck, boy.
Good-bye, sir.
Mrs. Stevens.

Carter.
Good-bye.

Did she say "poison darts"?

An explorer, J.L.
One of those crazy Italians.
Climb anything.

Oh?
Yes.

President of
the International Branch?

It seems his firm
has a corporate image
for its top executives.

They've got to be respectable,
happily married men.
Get the picture?

Go on.

An Italian explorer, eh?
Yes.

Good, sturdy stock.
Didn't you think so,
Mrs. Stevens?

Lovely girl.
Yes.

Mr. Harrison?
Yes.

Oh, I have a message
for you, sir.
Yes?

I hope I got it straight.

"Good luck, Mr. Executive.
Sorry I can't make Nassau,

"but have pressing engagement
elsewhere. Signed,
Lady Godiva."

Godiva!

"P.S. Suggest you take last
resort pill now

"with or without water."

Where'd she go?
She left the building, sir.

Follow that cab
ahead. Quickly!
Right.

Oh! It's you! Look,
I need another favor.
Do you remember me?

Remember you?
Yeah.

How could I forget those
fantastic hours in that
Arab tent?

Will you try to get a message
to the lady in that cab?

Hold it.

Charley, stand by, will ya?
Message?

Tell her I love her.
Really love her. I don't
care what she does.

I don't even care if she's
gonna strip off her clothes,
get up on a horse

and ride naked through
Soho Square, I don't care!

Hey, Charley. Tell the boys
to get their cameras out,
will you?

We're in for a very big day!

Naked? Where?

Soho Square.

Seems there's a gent
encouragin' you to strip off
in Soho Square, ma'am.

Forget it! Just lose that cab
and take me directly to
Ryman's Costumes.

I don't know why I was worried
about Carter's wife.
She's a charming girl.

Yes, J.L. She'll be a credit
to the firm.

Now, Harry. I want the
newspapers to know who I am.

Mrs. Carter Harrison.
The wife of...

Don't worry you'll be covered
by the press of the world.

If you don't sit still,
that's all you will
be covered by.

Harry do buzz off.
Mavis, more tresses please.

Yes, Mavis, hurry.
Oh, all right.

But it's rotten of you
to come back.

I poured my heart and soul
into this.

Had a bit of a job squeezing
them in didn't you sweetie?

Oh, charming!

I even borrowed a beautiful
black horse blanket from
a friend in the guards

so I'd be sure to stand out
from the horse.

A fact he'd no doubt
appreciate.
Oh, wrap up!

Uh-oh! Trouble.

Enter, Mr. Godiva.
Call the police!

Don't worry, we're prepared.
Mavis, hurry up, please!

Come on!

Excuse me.

I want to see my wife.
You can see her in Soho Square
in exactly 30 minutes.

Are you gonna move
or do I have to shove
that bush down your throat?

I wouldn't try.

Better move along, sir.
We don't want any
trouble now, do we?

Thanks, lads.
Most convincing.
Anytime.

How much for the flowers?
Two bob a bunch, sir.

Oh, bobs again! Here.
Keep the change.

Thanks, guv.

Oh, excuse me.
Good day, sir.
Can I help you?

Yes, I'm sorry to barge
in on you this way, but I'm
very anxious to see my wife.

Your wife?
Yes, she just came in.

We've had quite a few
in today, sir.
Well, this was only

Oh, that would be
the dark-haired lady.

Yes, that's the one.
May I see her, please?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but the
management does not allow
visitors to see clients

before they're
properly dressed.

I just want to give her these
flowers. Look, I treated her
abominably...

We mustn't blame
ourselves, sir.

But I do. It was
all my fault.

And before I had a chance
to explain, she left a note
and was gone, just like that.

Oh, that's life, sir,
isn't it? Here one moment,
gone the next.

Look, I must see her
before she leaves.

But she's not leaving until
Monday, sir.

Are you crazy?
They're putting her
on a horse

and parading her through
Soho Square in exactly 20 minutes.

Good gracious!
She'll never be ready by then!

A horse?

Yes, a horse.

Oh, is this some sort of, uh,
religious thing?

Excuse me. Floral tributes
for number six.

Number six? Oh!
These would be for your
late lady.

Late?
Late.

Um, I... I'm terribly
sorry. I...

I made a dreadful mistake.
I didn't...

Sorry.

Horse?

I love a parade, but this
is ridiculous!

HARRY: Come on. Get in.

You take the truck route.
Rendezvous north side
of Soho Square.

Toni! Wait!

Toni!

Wait!

Here! What the ruddy...

Oh!

(CARS HONKING)

What d'ya think...

Let go!

Toni!

(ALL CLAMORING)

This way!

(CARS HONKING)

Oh, may we be of assistance?

Yes, she's hurt.
Needs a doctor.

There's a first-aid center
just around the corner.

Thank you.
Wait!

It's much quicker straight
through our place.

Thank you.
Just out through
the back door

and right through the alley
and...

Do tell them we sent you.
They've been very kind to us.

Oh, you found your dear lady.
I'm so glad.

It was a car accident.
Oh, a pity. So young!

Such a lot of hair!

Binky, Mavis! Quickly.
You two look up there.

Have a good look!
They're around here somewhere.

Um, I wonder if I could,
you know, use your...

Of course sir! That's what
we're here for.

Just pop her down there,
and I'll nip upstairs
and get my tape measure.

Operator. Connect me, please,
with a hospital.

Did a lady just
run out of here?

Oh, no, sir. Once they're in,
they're inclined to stay.

Thank you.
Thank you, sir.

This is an emergency!
It's my wife! What's that?

No, no, no!
I don't need obstetrics.

I need an... Operator!

Operator!

Yes, yes. Hello.
Yes, obstetrics.

Yes, I don't need you.

My wife doesn't
need you either.

Now, listen. Listen carefully.
I need an ambulance.

There's been an automobile
accident, and my wife
is unconscious

and she's lying in
a mortuary...

She's gone!
WOMAN:
Our sympathy, sir.

My wife! Where is she?

Oh, sir! You haven't
mislaid her again!

(CARS HONKING)
(CHANTING)

MAN: Who's gonna pay for
all of this? What's the idea?

We'll never get through.
Then get the horse.
I'll ride it from here!

Mavis, Binky. You help Toni
get the horse out.
I'll clear a path.

Excuse me. Come on.
Stand back!
Clear a path, please.

Come on everybody.
May I get through, please?

This is Soho, J.L.
Quaint place.
Full of quiet charm.

Excuse me.

Hurry up, Binky!
For heaven's sake!
Do put a sock in it, Mavis!

(BANGING)

Only a minor accident, J.L.
The good old bobbies will
clear it in a minute.

Oh, Toni!

He's gorgeous! Come on.
Come on. Up you go.
Up you go!

Give her a hand.
One, two, three.

Upsy-daisy!

Everybody, would you back up,
please? Thank you.

Would you mind backing up,
please? We've got to clear
a passage! It's very urgent!

Hi, there!
Oh!

Who's that?
Friend of mine.

British Secret Service.
Top level stuff.

This could be the royal family
coming through.

You get around, Bramwell.
I like that.
Thank you.

Back up, please. Get your
cameras ready, men. This may
be something exciting.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Queen or no Queen,
we're going to be late!

Then we'd better walk.

It's only two blocks.
Right.

We're going to walk.
Pass it on.

Excuse us, please.

We better get back, J.L.

They're turning ugly.
Just saw a man with a bomb!

Nonsense! Come on.
No! Really, I mean it!

They're turning ugly!

Look at that girl.

What a figure!
Disgusting.
Shameless.

Better get outta here.

Don't like the looks of that
horse. A trampler if I ever
saw one.

Splendid!

(GASPING)

Don't you ever
think of anything else?

Sorry! Toni!

Toni!
Oh! It's him!

It's him. Let's go!

Don't I know that girl?

No, no, she's a blonde.
I mean, you wouldn't
know her.

Phony blonde charging around
on a mad horse.

Toni! Get outta here!

Toni, please!

Come along now, gentlemen.
Break it up.

The penalty for striking
an officer of the law...

Toni, listen! Toni,
I want to talk...

That's Carter and his wife!
It is?

You rat! Get out of here!
Take your hands...

Oh!

What in the world
is she doing here? I thought
her father was dying?

She's gone berserk
with sorrow.

Take your hands off me!
Toni! I want to talk to you!

(POLICEMEN BLOWING WHISTLE)

Oh! Let go! Let go!

How dare you!
Toni, please!

(GASPS)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

"In addition to the accused,
whom I now know to be

"Harrison, Harrison, Jones,
Masters and Waring, et al.

"As I approached the accused
and reasoned with them,

"asking them to cease
and desist forthwith,

"whereupon Harrison aimed
a blow at Jones and hit me
on the nose.

"Jones aimed a blow
at Harrison and hit me
on the nose.

"Miss Masters aimed a kick
at Harrison, missed him and
caught me right in the..."

(ALL LAUGHING)

Perhaps I ought to
write this down, Your Worship.

My sympathies, Constable.
Proceed.

"Whereupon Mrs. Harrison
aimed a blow at Harrison,
knocking off my helmet.

"As I bent down
to retrieve it,

"I was put in an extremely
unfortunate position
as regards the horse,

"which then proceeded to..."

(ALL LAUGHING)

I do think I ought to
write this one down,
Your Worship.

I think we can dispense
with that one altogether.

JUDGE:
Will the defendants rise?

In the case of the defendants
Jones, Waring, Miss Masters
and Mrs. Harrison,

five pounds each.

Mr. Harrison,
kindly remain behind.

The rest of you,
please see the bailiff.

(GAVEL BANGING)

Don't worry, J.L.
He'll come out of this
smelling like a rose.

He better!

I understand a lawyer has been
retained to speak for you.

Uh, Mr. Martindale.
Are you ready?

Your Worship. I would
ask you to consider that
a conviction would be a blot

not only on Mr. Harrison's
unblemished reputation,

but also upon the name
of the great company
which employs him.

MARTINDALE: Mr. Harrison
had no connection with
the foolish demonstration

planned for Soho Square.

He was on his way, peacefully,
to attend an important
conference,

when he was suddenly
shocked to his very roots
at the sight of his own wife,

indecently clad, on her way to
take part in a demonstration

designed solely to embarrass
the great country

of which he is
an honorable citizen!

Can you, Your Worship,
could anyone condemn a man

for rushing forward in
a desperate but dare I say
noble attempt

to stop this woman from
committing an act

of vulgar folly?

But I trust, I believe
you will find Mr. Harrison
not guilty.

And this is the truth,
Mr. Harrison?

No, sir. Not a word of it!

(CROWD MURMURING)

(GAVEL BANGING)

I beg your pardon?

None of it is true.
Mr. Harrison,

if you feel there's something
you ought to tell the court.

I appreciate the efforts
of my company

to whitewash my name,
but they needn't
have bothered.

My resignation is already
in the mail.

(CROWD MURMURING)

Your Worship. My wife
and I have a great many
differences of opinion.

As a matter of fact,
we disagree on most things.

For example, she believes
passionately in the purposes
of this committee.

I do not.

But my actions yesterday
were in no way an attempt
to try and stop her.

I was merely trying
to reach her

to tell her how ashamed
I was of my behavior
toward her

and that I loved her
very much

and that being her husband
is the only job I care
anything about.

After what happened yesterday,

you might find this
hard to believe.

She does.

But it's the truth.

Thank you, Mr. Harrison.
I hope you get her back.

If that's what you want.

JUDGE: Case dismissed.
Thank you.

You know, that's the lowest
trick of all. Sincerity.

Go on! I'll pay your
bloody fine.

I'd think twice about
accepting that
resignation, J.L.

You're losing
a great vice president.

And a lousy
public relations officer.
Yes. (CHUCKLES)

Well, Julius.
You've just fired
your two best men.

I certainly did! A man
without principle is a man
without integrity,

guts or moral fiber.

You certainly stood
by your principles!
You bet I did!

When are you going to
hire them back?
This afternoon.

Do let's get out of this
dreadful law court!

I'm a criminal, darling!
Binky, dear, cheer up!

Oh!

Well, I've blown it.
But, anyway, I appreciate
your cooperation.

Even getting
yourself arrested!

Your security boys
really do a thorough job.

Well, that's what
we're here for.
By the way, I never
did get your name.

Bond. James Bond.

No relation.

Carter!

Carter, wait!

Home, darling?
Uh, no.

The press
will be there.

There'll be reporters
and pictures.

Let's find some
little hideaway
all to ourselves, huh?

Lovely, but, I must
get out of this

and collect
Mavis's horse blanket.

I left it at Ryman's.

Driver!
Yes, sir?

Take us to... Soho.

We want to get rid of
the lady's clothes,
pick up a blanket

and then find some
little place

where we won't be bothered
by photographers, huh?

Right. Hey, Charley, do me
a favor and phone the missus,
will you?

Tell her I'll be
a bit late tonight.

The passionate Persian
is back in town.