subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Life Of The Party 2018 1080p.eng

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic Download

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch Download

English Download

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French Download

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German Download

Greek Download

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi Download

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian Download

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish Download

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday 2 00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:22,999 ♪ IMAGINE DRAGONS: On Top Of The World 3 00:00:23,031 --> 00:00:26,024 ♪ You can have it all but not till you move it 4 00:00:27,014 --> 00:00:29,986 ♪ Now take it in but don't look down 5 00:00:30,070 --> 00:00:31,999 ♪ Cos I'm on top of the world, hey 6 00:00:32,092 --> 00:00:34,074 ♪ I'm on top of the world, hey 7 00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:36,972 ♪ Waiting on this for a while now 8 00:00:37,129 --> 00:00:39,037 ♪ Paying my dues to the dirt 9 00:00:39,183 --> 00:00:42,009 ♪ I've been waiting to smile, hey 10 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,990 ♪ Been holding it in for a while, hey 11 00:00:44,156 --> 00:00:46,169 ♪ Take it with me if I can 12 00:00:46,993 --> 00:00:48,150 ♪ Been dreaming of this since a child 13 00:00:50,069 --> 00:00:52,164 ♪ And I know it's hard when you're falling down 14 00:00:52,196 --> 00:00:55,001 ♪ And it's a long way up when you hit the ground 15 00:00:55,032 --> 00:00:58,140 ♪ Get up now, get up, get up now 16 00:00:58,213 --> 00:01:01,018 ♪ I'm on top of the world 17 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,157 Hey! Hi, there! 18 00:01:05,158 --> 00:01:08,129 Oh, boy, look at this. 19 00:01:11,018 --> 00:01:13,103 Ah. (sighs) 20 00:01:14,125 --> 00:01:16,054 Pretty as ever. Ha! 21 00:01:16,085 --> 00:01:18,056 Oh, exciting! 22 00:01:19,224 --> 00:01:21,122 Ohh... 23 00:01:22,029 --> 00:01:24,083 Did you pack your bowling ball collection in here? 24 00:01:24,114 --> 00:01:26,147 Oh, my God! He's in a good mood. (chuckles) 25 00:01:27,148 --> 00:01:30,120 Who do I love, huh? Who do I love? You know I love you. 26 00:01:30,151 --> 00:01:32,122 Yeah, I love you, too, Mom. 27 00:01:33,029 --> 00:01:34,082 (he grunts) 28 00:01:34,198 --> 00:01:37,180 Senior year, huh? I mean, this is the one. 29 00:01:37,211 --> 00:01:39,245 They're all important but, boy, this is the one 30 00:01:40,027 --> 00:01:43,124 that really takes you to the finish line. What do I always tell you? 31 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:46,168 - I got this. - You got this. 32 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,161 Tell you what I won't miss - paying 28 grand a year. 33 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,224 - Oh. - Dad! 34 00:01:50,256 --> 00:01:52,081 Don't listen to him. 35 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,176 He just likes to squeeze the coin purse. 36 00:01:54,208 --> 00:01:56,043 (she sighs) 37 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,221 I just love it here. 38 00:01:57,252 --> 00:02:00,047 I love being back at our alma mater, right, honey? 39 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,268 Well, technically, it's my alma mater. You didn't graduate. 40 00:02:03,050 --> 00:02:05,094 He loves it. 41 00:02:06,136 --> 00:02:08,233 (sighs) Oh, boy, here come the waterworks. 42 00:02:08,264 --> 00:02:10,110 - Mom! - You know what? 43 00:02:10,141 --> 00:02:14,114 I think I just need some cheese or something. I'm a little snackish. 44 00:02:14,145 --> 00:02:16,283 - (chuckles) - OK, traffic. We got traffic. 45 00:02:17,065 --> 00:02:18,253 - Aww. - OK. OK. 46 00:02:18,285 --> 00:02:20,172 All right. We're gonna release, OK? 47 00:02:20,203 --> 00:02:21,246 (both laugh) 48 00:02:22,257 --> 00:02:24,249 You're a remarkable young lady. 49 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:28,076 And my love for you is very, very fierce. 50 00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:31,235 What? I'm only 22 minutes away! 51 00:02:31,266 --> 00:02:33,310 That's 22 minutes too far for me. 52 00:02:34,092 --> 00:02:37,106 Have so much fun in Italy, guys. It's gonna be amazing. 53 00:02:37,137 --> 00:02:38,273 Arrivederci! That's Italian. 54 00:02:38,305 --> 00:02:40,088 - Have fun. - Thanks. 55 00:02:40,119 --> 00:02:42,237 Save your receipts. Just kidding, but save 'em. 56 00:02:42,268 --> 00:02:44,102 OK. 57 00:02:44,134 --> 00:02:46,104 - Hatchback. - Oh. 58 00:02:46,137 --> 00:02:48,274 Yup. Oh, boy. 59 00:02:50,286 --> 00:02:52,111 - Ciao, honey! - (horn toots) 60 00:02:52,143 --> 00:02:53,196 Ciao! 61 00:02:53,310 --> 00:02:56,136 We're both fluent. I'm coming, Dan. 62 00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,242 Beep beep yourself, mister. 63 00:02:58,274 --> 00:03:01,350 Somebody trying to get me in the car all to himself, huh? 64 00:03:02,257 --> 00:03:05,208 Oh, boy. Four weeks in Italy. Mm? 65 00:03:05,239 --> 00:03:07,220 Are you ready? I'm ready. 66 00:03:07,251 --> 00:03:09,253 I've always enjoyed our staycations 67 00:03:09,285 --> 00:03:13,195 but I think I'm ready for a little gondola ride with my fella. 68 00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:15,259 Oh, wait, wait, wait! 69 00:03:15,291 --> 00:03:17,209 I wanna see our girl go in. 70 00:03:17,241 --> 00:03:20,171 Oh-ho, look at that! 71 00:03:20,202 --> 00:03:21,371 (chuckles) Oh-ho-ho! 72 00:03:23,258 --> 00:03:25,166 I want a divorce. 73 00:03:26,376 --> 00:03:28,378 - What? - I want a divorce. 74 00:03:30,286 --> 00:03:32,329 God, it feels good to say that out loud. 75 00:03:32,361 --> 00:03:35,322 I wanna be completely transparent with you, Deanna. 76 00:03:35,353 --> 00:03:38,190 I am in love with someone else. 77 00:03:39,326 --> 00:03:41,213 Who are you in love with? 78 00:03:41,245 --> 00:03:42,371 Marcie. 79 00:03:43,299 --> 00:03:45,186 Marcie Strong. 80 00:03:46,218 --> 00:03:47,386 The realtor? 81 00:03:48,314 --> 00:03:50,285 The one on the bus benches? 82 00:03:50,316 --> 00:03:53,173 She's also on a series of small billboards downtown 83 00:03:53,205 --> 00:03:55,406 and she has a pretty respectable social media following. 84 00:03:56,187 --> 00:03:57,262 Oh, my God! 85 00:03:57,293 --> 00:03:59,295 - Don't... Please... - Don't touch me! 86 00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:02,194 - Stay in the car, please. - I'm gonna be sick! 87 00:04:02,225 --> 00:04:05,374 Look, I know this seems mean but I'm doing it to facilitate a clean break. 88 00:04:05,405 --> 00:04:09,253 Like ripping a Band-Aid off quickly. This is better for you. 89 00:04:11,203 --> 00:04:14,258 Don't you dare tell me that this is better for me. 90 00:04:14,393 --> 00:04:17,344 Also in the interests of complete transparency, 91 00:04:17,375 --> 00:04:19,263 I'm gonna sell the house. 92 00:04:19,294 --> 00:04:21,296 You can't do that. That's not how it works. 93 00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:24,299 Marcie already started the paperwork and it's all in my name. 94 00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:26,218 (sniffles) 95 00:04:28,314 --> 00:04:31,432 Stop it! This is a lease. We still have ten months' payments. 96 00:04:32,213 --> 00:04:34,341 - Stop it, please! - I don't care if it's a lease. 97 00:04:35,415 --> 00:04:38,210 Please, get back in the car. 98 00:04:40,274 --> 00:04:41,432 Oh, that's gonna cost. 99 00:04:42,287 --> 00:04:44,247 We'll talk about this later. 100 00:04:44,278 --> 00:04:45,457 Just go, Dan. 101 00:04:46,239 --> 00:04:48,262 Now I gotta use Waze. 102 00:04:52,234 --> 00:04:53,340 (sobs) 103 00:04:56,468 --> 00:04:58,470 (exhales and sobs) 104 00:05:03,297 --> 00:05:05,436 23 years of marriage, just down the tubes. 105 00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:07,480 I mean, can you believe that? 106 00:05:08,261 --> 00:05:11,275 No. I'm just... I'm so disappointed in Dan. 107 00:05:11,306 --> 00:05:14,455 And what's Maddie gonna do? I mean, you've gotta cancel the trip to Italy. 108 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:18,459 You know, I honest to God... I didn't see it coming. 109 00:05:18,491 --> 00:05:21,400 You always hear that but I didn't see it coming. 110 00:05:21,431 --> 00:05:23,412 Let me tell you this, Dan doesn't deserve you. 111 00:05:23,443 --> 00:05:25,456 You're such a great lady, Deanna. 112 00:05:25,487 --> 00:05:28,480 Thank you. That's very nice of you. 113 00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:32,484 This is it. My parents' house is just up here on the right. 114 00:05:35,476 --> 00:05:37,426 Thanks, Dale. And, uh... 115 00:05:37,457 --> 00:05:39,481 From the bottom of my heart... 116 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:41,515 I'm gonna give you a great Uber review. 117 00:05:42,296 --> 00:05:43,496 Well, I hope your day gets better, Deanna. 118 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,456 (tearfully): I'm sure it will. 119 00:05:51,472 --> 00:05:53,474 (Deanna sobs) 120 00:05:55,341 --> 00:05:57,499 Can I make you a sandwich? 121 00:05:57,531 --> 00:06:01,326 No, thanks, Mom. I'm just... I'm not hungry. 122 00:06:01,357 --> 00:06:04,454 What about a tuna salad sandwich or egg salad? 123 00:06:04,485 --> 00:06:07,447 - You like egg salad. - I do like egg salad. 124 00:06:07,478 --> 00:06:13,349 But, I promise you, I'll let you know, but I'm really not hungry right now. 125 00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:16,436 Well, at least... at least Marcie is attractive. 126 00:06:16,467 --> 00:06:18,459 - Mike! - Dad! Oh, my God! 127 00:06:18,490 --> 00:06:22,379 What did I say? I mean, it'd be even worse if she was homely. 128 00:06:22,411 --> 00:06:24,527 - No! No, it would not! - Yeah, OK, well, you know what? 129 00:06:24,559 --> 00:06:26,508 That Dan, no good. 130 00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:30,377 I knew that the first time he tried to make you drop out of college. 131 00:06:30,408 --> 00:06:35,392 What kind of man makes his pregnant wife drop out of college with one year to go? 132 00:06:35,424 --> 00:06:37,415 Mike, lower your voice. 133 00:06:37,447 --> 00:06:39,365 You're upsetting Razzles. 134 00:06:39,396 --> 00:06:40,554 I'm sorry, Razzy. 135 00:06:41,336 --> 00:06:43,390 DEANNA: He didn't make me drop out of school. 136 00:06:43,421 --> 00:06:46,372 Dan and I decided that together. We were having a baby! 137 00:06:46,403 --> 00:06:48,395 We needed to save money. 138 00:06:48,426 --> 00:06:51,388 We could only afford one of us to finish school 139 00:06:51,419 --> 00:06:53,536 and he thought it was more important that he went. 140 00:06:53,568 --> 00:06:55,382 - OK. - OK? 141 00:06:55,413 --> 00:06:57,561 I was always supposed to go back. It just never happened. 142 00:06:57,593 --> 00:07:00,377 You were just so close to graduating. 143 00:07:00,408 --> 00:07:02,483 I think it just kind of sticks in his craw. 144 00:07:02,514 --> 00:07:05,580 - Yeah, it just sticks in my craw a bit. - Yeah. 145 00:07:06,362 --> 00:07:08,385 I've got an idea, honey. 146 00:07:08,604 --> 00:07:11,419 What about a ham sandwich? 147 00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:14,380 Sandy, she doesn't want a ham sandwich. 148 00:07:14,412 --> 00:07:15,548 But she likes ham, Mike. 149 00:07:15,579 --> 00:07:18,603 Of course she likes ham. Everybody likes ham! 150 00:07:19,385 --> 00:07:21,617 But the point is that she's too upset to eat! 151 00:07:22,399 --> 00:07:25,402 You know what's upsetting me? It's that my marriage has collapsed 152 00:07:25,433 --> 00:07:28,384 and you two keep screaming about ham! 153 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:31,419 - I'm not screaming about ham. - You are screaming about ham! 154 00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:33,609 - Yeah, stop it! - You think I'm screaming about ham? 155 00:07:34,391 --> 00:07:35,632 Right now, your voice is going up with "ham"! 156 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,551 Fine! I'm screaming about ham! I can't help it! 157 00:07:38,582 --> 00:07:41,481 I'm up on the roof there! I'm blowing through the roof! 158 00:07:41,513 --> 00:07:45,475 I feel like... like I'm gonna blow like a hot water heater! 159 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,425 I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go right now. 160 00:07:47,456 --> 00:07:50,459 I'm making everyone a sandwich. 161 00:07:51,648 --> 00:07:54,484 Mom, am I the only one that didn't see it coming? 162 00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:56,621 Oh, yeah. I'm gonna shoot Dan. 163 00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:58,425 - Mike. - Yeah! 164 00:07:58,457 --> 00:08:00,604 Put the gun down. You are not shooting Dan. 165 00:08:00,637 --> 00:08:02,534 Dad, stop waving that gun around. 166 00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,620 - I know exactly what I'm gonna do. - (gunshot) 167 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,571 - (barks) - Oh, my gosh! You almost hit Razzles! 168 00:08:07,602 --> 00:08:09,594 Michael, you put a hole in the stairs! 169 00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:11,585 Oh, shit! 170 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,577 You know what? Dan's fault! 171 00:08:13,608 --> 00:08:15,641 This was Dan's fault. 172 00:08:20,646 --> 00:08:22,492 (spits) 173 00:08:23,618 --> 00:08:25,620 ♪ EVIE SANDS: You've Got Me Up Tight 174 00:08:26,611 --> 00:08:28,592 ♪ You've got me up tight 175 00:08:28,623 --> 00:08:30,479 ♪ Yeah 176 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,492 ♪ I blow my mind now over you 177 00:08:32,523 --> 00:08:34,525 ♪ Up tight 178 00:08:34,650 --> 00:08:37,570 ♪ Mm, you've got me up tight 179 00:08:38,697 --> 00:08:40,688 ♪ The way you do that thing you do 180 00:08:41,469 --> 00:08:43,472 ♪ Up tight, yeah 181 00:08:44,463 --> 00:08:47,674 ♪ Well, I'm certain of what I said 182 00:08:47,706 --> 00:08:49,687 ♪ You've got me out of my head 183 00:08:50,469 --> 00:08:52,471 ♪ Up tight 184 00:08:54,525 --> 00:08:56,506 ♪ Up tight 185 00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:58,477 Ow! Shit! 186 00:08:58,508 --> 00:08:59,707 ♪ Up tight 187 00:09:02,606 --> 00:09:03,628 ♪ Up tight 188 00:09:07,517 --> 00:09:08,674 ♪ Up tight 189 00:09:08,706 --> 00:09:10,562 (explosion) 190 00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:13,691 ♪ Well, I'm certain of what I said... 191 00:09:14,692 --> 00:09:16,579 (grunts) 192 00:09:19,582 --> 00:09:21,563 Whoa! Whoa! 193 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,597 (laughs) 194 00:09:24,535 --> 00:09:26,600 You can't call this racquetball. 195 00:09:26,631 --> 00:09:28,550 That's a disgrace to the game. 196 00:09:28,685 --> 00:09:31,553 You know what? I know I fought you on it 197 00:09:31,584 --> 00:09:33,721 but thank you for getting me out of the house. 198 00:09:33,753 --> 00:09:35,755 Come on. What do you think best friends are for? 199 00:09:36,537 --> 00:09:37,715 Hey! Hey! 200 00:09:37,746 --> 00:09:40,582 Excuse me, there's no alcohol on the courts. 201 00:09:40,624 --> 00:09:42,616 Oh, suck it, Eugene! 202 00:09:42,647 --> 00:09:43,731 Go easy on the kid, huh? 203 00:09:43,763 --> 00:09:45,733 You know what? How many of those have you had? 204 00:09:45,766 --> 00:09:48,674 - I had three on the way over here. - Yeah. 205 00:09:48,706 --> 00:09:50,656 I made Frank drive me. 206 00:09:51,626 --> 00:09:54,629 - You've had four here. You've had seven? - I've had seven. 207 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,714 What are we supposed to do, wait around here all day? 208 00:09:56,745 --> 00:10:00,635 OK, let's just show them how it's done, OK? 209 00:10:01,771 --> 00:10:02,772 Ohh! 210 00:10:03,554 --> 00:10:05,588 - Oh, my God! - I'm sorry. 211 00:10:05,619 --> 00:10:07,569 - Right in the lady business. - (men laugh) 212 00:10:07,652 --> 00:10:09,560 It's not funny! 213 00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:11,562 - Shut up! - It's not funny. 214 00:10:11,594 --> 00:10:15,556 - Oh, my! Oh, that's like a pain. - I'm really sorry. 215 00:10:15,587 --> 00:10:20,623 I think I was thinking about Dan's face or maybe... his crotchal area. 216 00:10:20,655 --> 00:10:22,615 - No, but you're good. - I kind of let loose. 217 00:10:22,646 --> 00:10:23,805 You got good aim. Wow! 218 00:10:24,586 --> 00:10:26,651 What am I doing? I am drinking alcohol 219 00:10:26,683 --> 00:10:28,737 on a racquetball court and yelling at old men. 220 00:10:28,768 --> 00:10:30,582 I mean, what am I gonna do? 221 00:10:30,614 --> 00:10:33,762 Go get a studio apartment or start taking spin classes? 222 00:10:33,794 --> 00:10:36,630 Oh, God! I don't wanna start a blog. 223 00:10:36,661 --> 00:10:39,612 - I don't know how to do that. - Please don't do that. 224 00:10:42,688 --> 00:10:44,815 I should have just fought more. 225 00:10:45,597 --> 00:10:47,724 - You know? - Don't do that to yourself. 226 00:10:47,756 --> 00:10:49,716 You did great. 227 00:10:49,747 --> 00:10:51,666 What about Maddie? 228 00:10:52,761 --> 00:10:54,794 - She's so great. - She's so great. 229 00:10:54,825 --> 00:10:57,776 I don't regret that at all, I mean... 230 00:10:57,808 --> 00:10:59,810 That's the best, I mean, being her mom. 231 00:10:59,842 --> 00:11:01,833 I even liked being a wife. 232 00:11:02,614 --> 00:11:04,628 I just wanted to also have a career. 233 00:11:04,659 --> 00:11:07,631 I didn't see why I couldn't have all of those things. 234 00:11:07,787 --> 00:11:11,739 Hey, yo! We don't have time for your heartfelt conversations! 235 00:11:12,636 --> 00:11:13,835 They're so ornery. 236 00:11:14,617 --> 00:11:16,765 OK, let's razzle-dazzle, and show... 237 00:11:16,796 --> 00:11:19,862 - Oh, God, we have to move again? - ..show the Muppet judges, right? 238 00:11:20,644 --> 00:11:22,698 My sciatica's kicking. 239 00:11:22,729 --> 00:11:24,742 Oh, God! Wow! 240 00:11:24,773 --> 00:11:26,869 The pain, it's blinding! 241 00:11:27,651 --> 00:11:29,872 I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry I did that. I didn't mean to hit you. 242 00:11:30,654 --> 00:11:33,751 You don't need to apologise to me. Just apologise to my vagina. 243 00:11:33,782 --> 00:11:35,711 (Deanna laughs wheezily) 244 00:11:35,742 --> 00:11:37,776 - I'm so sorry. - (laughs) 245 00:11:37,808 --> 00:11:39,663 Stacey accepts your apology. 246 00:11:39,695 --> 00:11:41,749 - Who's Stacey? - She's my vagina. 247 00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:44,752 You know what? I shouldn't say anything. Mine is LeVonne. 248 00:11:44,783 --> 00:11:47,766 - What? - I thought it sounded French. 249 00:11:52,896 --> 00:11:54,835 Oh, my God. 250 00:11:56,743 --> 00:11:57,848 (laughs) Oh-ho! 251 00:12:04,751 --> 00:12:06,774 That was not good hair. 252 00:12:07,702 --> 00:12:09,914 Too short. Too short, Deanna. 253 00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:36,774 - A-boo! - (gasps) 254 00:12:36,805 --> 00:12:38,797 - Oh, God! - Mom! 255 00:12:38,828 --> 00:12:41,821 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to actually scare you. 256 00:12:41,852 --> 00:12:43,770 - Hi! - Surprise! 257 00:12:43,802 --> 00:12:45,752 What are you doing here? 258 00:12:45,783 --> 00:12:48,954 Well, I was just bringing you some mini toiletries 259 00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:52,749 and I got you some more of that shampoo that I know you like so much. 260 00:12:52,780 --> 00:12:55,752 Mom, I've only been here a week. I don't need more shampoo. 261 00:12:55,783 --> 00:12:58,932 Oh, I always think everyone can use shampoo 262 00:12:58,964 --> 00:13:02,811 and floss and frozen vegetable medleys. 263 00:13:02,843 --> 00:13:04,845 Always a good thing to have around. 264 00:13:04,876 --> 00:13:08,807 That's why I stopped by and also to tell you that 265 00:13:08,838 --> 00:13:10,934 your father and I are getting a divorce. 266 00:13:10,965 --> 00:13:13,770 But if you want me to take the shampoo back... 267 00:13:13,801 --> 00:13:14,927 Wait, what? 268 00:13:15,981 --> 00:13:17,899 Yeah, honey. 269 00:13:19,922 --> 00:13:22,748 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just blurt that out. 270 00:13:22,779 --> 00:13:23,854 I'm sorry. 271 00:13:23,885 --> 00:13:25,782 - Oh, my God! - Come here. 272 00:13:26,993 --> 00:13:29,798 I didn't mean to do it like that. 273 00:13:29,829 --> 00:13:32,988 You know that this has nothing to do with how much we love you. 274 00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:37,795 Because we love you. We love you so much. So much, OK? 275 00:13:38,796 --> 00:13:39,901 Oh, my God. 276 00:13:40,923 --> 00:13:42,008 What happened? 277 00:13:42,790 --> 00:13:44,854 I guess in a nutshell, I would have to say 278 00:13:44,886 --> 00:13:48,827 that he is currently having an intimate sexual relationship 279 00:13:48,858 --> 00:13:50,016 with somebody named Marcie. 280 00:13:50,798 --> 00:13:51,986 I'm so sorry, Mom. 281 00:13:52,018 --> 00:13:54,864 No, I'm... I'm sorry. 282 00:13:54,896 --> 00:13:55,969 I mean, this was not my plan. 283 00:13:56,002 --> 00:14:01,904 I did not mean to come over here and just dump bad news on you. 284 00:14:01,935 --> 00:14:03,885 I wish I was... 285 00:14:03,916 --> 00:14:05,866 I wish I knew how to do this better. 286 00:14:05,897 --> 00:14:07,034 Dad is such an ass! 287 00:14:07,816 --> 00:14:09,818 Yeah. But I'll tell you this. 288 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:13,040 I'm not even really a full week in but I'm feeling... 289 00:14:14,833 --> 00:14:15,918 ..peppier about it. 290 00:14:15,949 --> 00:14:17,044 Top of the week was... Whoo! 291 00:14:17,826 --> 00:14:20,933 ..really, really spiralling down there but I feel like 292 00:14:20,964 --> 00:14:23,946 there's some big wheels in motion here. 293 00:14:23,978 --> 00:14:27,867 Exciting, big, semi-truck-size wheels. 294 00:14:27,898 --> 00:14:29,859 - (laughs) - Yes, big wheels! 295 00:14:29,890 --> 00:14:32,028 Come on, seize the day! Go for the gold! 296 00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:34,990 Yeah, at least medal, right? 297 00:14:35,021 --> 00:14:38,921 That's why I'm gonna go back to college and get my archaeology degree. 298 00:14:38,952 --> 00:14:40,985 Right here, my alma mater. 299 00:14:41,016 --> 00:14:43,050 I'm gonna finish what I started! 300 00:14:43,832 --> 00:14:44,927 - No. - Yes! 301 00:14:44,958 --> 00:14:47,940 Mom, you really gotta take a moment and think about this. 302 00:14:48,910 --> 00:14:51,913 Hm. I love it. (laughs) 303 00:14:51,944 --> 00:14:54,905 Oh... OK. Oh, boy. 304 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,887 OK. OK. 305 00:14:56,918 --> 00:14:58,013 Oh, boy. 306 00:14:58,044 --> 00:15:00,891 I overwhelmed my gal. 307 00:15:00,922 --> 00:15:02,955 Mom came in and overwhelmed her. 308 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,029 Yes, I did. 309 00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:07,096 No, this is... this is good news. 310 00:15:07,877 --> 00:15:09,900 Yeah, good news. Mm-hm. 311 00:15:09,931 --> 00:15:11,068 Good news. 312 00:15:11,976 --> 00:15:14,979 I'll tell you what. I would hate to have to clean all these spindles. 313 00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:17,106 - I think you could do it. - I know I could. 314 00:15:18,034 --> 00:15:19,869 You doing OK? 315 00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:21,892 - Yeah, I'll be OK. - OK. I know. 316 00:15:21,923 --> 00:15:23,967 Yeah, you're a tough cookie. 317 00:15:24,936 --> 00:15:26,021 Ohh! 318 00:15:26,052 --> 00:15:28,023 Hey! Hello! 319 00:15:28,054 --> 00:15:30,056 Look who's here. The gang's all here. 320 00:15:30,087 --> 00:15:32,882 - Hi! - Hi, Mrs Miles! 321 00:15:32,913 --> 00:15:35,885 Look at this. Oh, it's a study group. Study buddies already. 322 00:15:35,916 --> 00:15:38,012 - You should be down here studying. - Please stop, Mom. 323 00:15:38,127 --> 00:15:41,067 Look at you. Boy, a sight for sore eyes, huh? 324 00:15:41,098 --> 00:15:44,967 Hello to my fellow Tigers, fellow students, 325 00:15:44,998 --> 00:15:48,898 because somebody's mom just enrolled in college! 326 00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:50,995 I'm referring to myself. 327 00:15:51,026 --> 00:15:52,955 Wait, you're going to school here now? 328 00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:55,113 She's thinking about it. It's not for sure yet. 329 00:15:55,145 --> 00:15:58,116 It's pretty for sure. I don't think I'm gonna change my mind. 330 00:15:58,148 --> 00:16:02,120 And, you know, it made me start wondering when I was signing up today. 331 00:16:02,152 --> 00:16:07,021 I thought, "Wasn't Amanda talking about switching to the archaeology department?" 332 00:16:07,052 --> 00:16:09,982 - Was that you? - No, I'm art history. 333 00:16:10,014 --> 00:16:11,161 No. How about you? 334 00:16:11,943 --> 00:16:12,985 No, it's not me. 335 00:16:13,017 --> 00:16:16,927 No. I'm so sorry, we haven't met. I haven't had the pleasure. 336 00:16:16,958 --> 00:16:18,991 - I'm Helen. Hi! - Did I get lucky? 337 00:16:19,023 --> 00:16:22,954 Are you possibly an archaeology major? There's usually two of us in a room. 338 00:16:22,985 --> 00:16:24,164 I'm undeclared. 339 00:16:24,946 --> 00:16:26,156 (whispers): There's still time. 340 00:16:26,938 --> 00:16:28,074 There's still time. Check into it. 341 00:16:28,106 --> 00:16:30,984 Now, I couldn't help noticing 342 00:16:31,015 --> 00:16:33,173 that you're a little whisper older than the other girls. 343 00:16:33,955 --> 00:16:36,103 Are you a TA or maybe a grad student? 344 00:16:36,134 --> 00:16:39,148 No, I'm a sophomore. But I started college a little bit later 345 00:16:39,179 --> 00:16:41,108 because I was in a coma for eight years. 346 00:16:41,139 --> 00:16:43,027 Oh, my gosh! 347 00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:46,989 If I may, I'm just wondering, how did it... how did that happen? 348 00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:48,167 Yes, I was skydiving. 349 00:16:48,199 --> 00:16:50,003 (exhales) Boy! 350 00:16:50,034 --> 00:16:52,171 One minute you're falling out of a plane, then the lights go out. 351 00:16:52,204 --> 00:16:54,987 Next thing I know, I wake up. I think it's the next day 352 00:16:55,018 --> 00:16:57,209 but I've grown four inches and suddenly I have C cups. 353 00:16:57,990 --> 00:16:59,106 It was eight years gone. 354 00:16:59,138 --> 00:17:02,130 I also have C cups. But I didn't have to go into a coma for them. 355 00:17:02,161 --> 00:17:05,039 Mom! I think that's your cue. 356 00:17:05,071 --> 00:17:07,114 I think, maybe, you've gotta hit the road. 357 00:17:07,146 --> 00:17:09,158 - Yes, I'm sorry. - Yeah. 358 00:17:09,189 --> 00:17:13,214 Yes. Put a fork in me. I'm done. So sorry. 359 00:17:13,996 --> 00:17:16,061 I'm gonna toddle off, on that note. 360 00:17:16,092 --> 00:17:17,145 So nice meeting you. 361 00:17:17,176 --> 00:17:21,055 So nice to meet you, Helen. Girls, what a delight to see you again. 362 00:17:21,087 --> 00:17:23,162 OK, all right. 363 00:17:23,193 --> 00:17:27,093 Well, I'll see you around campus or on the quad. 364 00:17:27,124 --> 00:17:29,105 - Nobody says that, Mom. - Nobody says that? 365 00:17:29,136 --> 00:17:31,223 I'll bring it back. See you in the quad, Tigers. 366 00:17:32,004 --> 00:17:33,100 Bye, Mrs Miles! 367 00:17:33,131 --> 00:17:35,123 AMANDA: And welcome. - (door closes) 368 00:17:36,769 --> 00:17:38,906 ♪ ST PAUL AND THE BROKEN BONES: Sugar Dyed 369 00:17:40,962 --> 00:17:43,755 So, here's your class schedule. 370 00:17:43,786 --> 00:17:45,862 Wow! I am pumped! 371 00:17:45,894 --> 00:17:47,969 - Thank you so much! - You're so welcome. 372 00:17:49,752 --> 00:17:51,837 - All right, take care. - Bye now. 373 00:17:51,868 --> 00:17:54,788 I already got senioritis. Kidding! 374 00:17:55,768 --> 00:17:56,811 Yes! 375 00:17:56,967 --> 00:17:58,969 ♪ Ain't nobody, ain't nobody 376 00:18:00,888 --> 00:18:02,963 ♪ Gonna steal my brand-new groove 377 00:18:03,745 --> 00:18:05,789 Ooh! Yes! 378 00:18:07,895 --> 00:18:09,991 ♪ I'm about to lose my cool 379 00:18:11,909 --> 00:18:13,911 ♪ I need you, babe 380 00:18:16,905 --> 00:18:19,929 Oh, did you see these in there? They're tiny footballs! 381 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,942 - Aren't they so cute? - No idea what I'm gonna do with them. 382 00:18:22,973 --> 00:18:26,884 I guess I'll find tiny football players. (chuckles) 383 00:18:29,907 --> 00:18:32,806 Let me just get my grip. 384 00:18:33,828 --> 00:18:34,985 You're a sight for sore eyes. 385 00:18:35,017 --> 00:18:37,863 If you could just maybe grab that... 386 00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,877 I guess chivalry's dead. 387 00:18:40,908 --> 00:18:43,817 Wearing sweatpants in broad daylight. 388 00:18:43,848 --> 00:18:45,788 There's another one. 389 00:18:45,819 --> 00:18:47,998 Future Dans of America. 390 00:18:52,805 --> 00:18:53,912 Hello? 391 00:18:54,849 --> 00:18:56,809 Hi! Oh... 392 00:19:03,025 --> 00:19:05,006 - Don't turn on the lights. - Ohh! 393 00:19:05,037 --> 00:19:07,842 Oh! (chuckles) 394 00:19:07,873 --> 00:19:09,823 Hi, there. 395 00:19:10,053 --> 00:19:15,026 I'm Deanna and you must be Lenore or is it Leonor? 396 00:19:18,978 --> 00:19:21,919 OK, well, I'm sure we'll get into that. 397 00:19:22,941 --> 00:19:24,880 So we're roomies, huh? 398 00:19:25,026 --> 00:19:27,018 Fun to be roomies. 399 00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:28,926 Bunkmates. 400 00:19:30,886 --> 00:19:33,014 It's dark in here. Were you asleep? 401 00:19:33,045 --> 00:19:35,902 I don't sleep. I'm scared of the dark. 402 00:19:35,934 --> 00:19:37,988 (chuckles) Oh, boy. 403 00:19:38,019 --> 00:19:42,044 I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm scared of crowds, books, flying, 404 00:19:42,075 --> 00:19:44,964 people, ants, ketchup. 405 00:19:44,995 --> 00:19:46,934 Oh, ketchup's a tough one for me. 406 00:19:46,966 --> 00:19:52,023 I mean, I like a moutarde but I'm kind of a ketchup gal. 407 00:19:52,054 --> 00:19:54,045 I like to dunk my taters. 408 00:19:54,077 --> 00:19:56,047 OK. I like that. 409 00:19:56,923 --> 00:20:00,051 OK, well, we are gonna get along just great. 410 00:20:00,083 --> 00:20:01,949 Ohh! 411 00:20:01,981 --> 00:20:03,962 Look at that spring back. 412 00:20:03,993 --> 00:20:07,904 I'll tell you what, I did not expect that kind of resilience. 413 00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:10,083 (Deanna laughs) 414 00:20:12,054 --> 00:20:14,025 (alarm bleeps) 415 00:20:14,056 --> 00:20:15,067 (alarm stops) 416 00:20:15,099 --> 00:20:17,977 Oh! First day at school! 417 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:19,092 LEONOR: Shut up! - Sorry. 418 00:20:19,124 --> 00:20:21,011 (whispers): First day at school. 419 00:20:21,939 --> 00:20:24,973 Hey, guys. Go Tigers, right? 420 00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,027 Oh, man. 421 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,092 Oh! I want it. Yes! 422 00:20:29,123 --> 00:20:32,095 I'd love a brainstorming session, I've got one. 423 00:20:32,126 --> 00:20:34,086 Hit it high! There we go. 424 00:20:34,952 --> 00:20:36,036 Hey, Mondays, huh? 425 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,934 (laughs) 426 00:20:37,965 --> 00:20:40,073 Oh, this is amazing! 427 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,920 (low dialogue) 428 00:20:49,978 --> 00:20:51,980 (Deanna exhales) 429 00:20:55,056 --> 00:20:58,018 OK. Let's do this. 430 00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:00,061 Good seats. Good pick. 431 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:03,033 I'm gonna go a little further up because of my progressives. 432 00:21:03,064 --> 00:21:05,953 You want a study buddy? I'll give you my landline. 433 00:21:05,984 --> 00:21:08,038 Maybe we could kind of... Oh! Oh! 434 00:21:08,069 --> 00:21:09,164 - Hi! - Hi! 435 00:21:09,998 --> 00:21:13,001 I hate to do this. God, there's always that one, right? 436 00:21:13,033 --> 00:21:15,035 It's, like, "I gotta sit in the centre-centre." 437 00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:17,986 Ooh, look at you. Real big feet. 438 00:21:18,018 --> 00:21:19,029 Ohh! 439 00:21:19,061 --> 00:21:21,188 Sorry, let me give you that back. You got it. 440 00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:23,044 - Hi! - Hi. 441 00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:25,077 Hi, there. Oh, God, I'm sorry. 442 00:21:25,108 --> 00:21:27,048 Sorry. I apologise. 443 00:21:27,079 --> 00:21:30,051 (laughs) You got hit by school spirit. 444 00:21:30,082 --> 00:21:33,137 Wow! Look at you, all decked out. 445 00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:36,088 You know what? I am excited to be in this class. 446 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:39,133 Now, I have to say, I'm surprised to see you in here. 447 00:21:39,164 --> 00:21:43,053 Well, after I met you, I watched Indiana Jones. 448 00:21:43,085 --> 00:21:44,993 (exhales) The best. 449 00:21:45,024 --> 00:21:48,017 - Then, scuttlebutt on the street is... - What is that? 450 00:21:48,048 --> 00:21:51,020 Everything's already been dug up, so this is a really easy class. 451 00:21:51,051 --> 00:21:52,167 No, I gotta agree to disagree. 452 00:21:52,199 --> 00:21:55,170 But good news, this means we're both Jurassic junkies. 453 00:21:55,202 --> 00:21:57,183 (both chuckle) 454 00:21:57,214 --> 00:21:59,164 Oh, look at this place. Oh. 455 00:21:59,195 --> 00:22:01,072 Oh, boy. 456 00:22:03,001 --> 00:22:06,025 Excuse me, I think your bag's got a case of the dropsies. 457 00:22:06,056 --> 00:22:08,142 It went through the chute there. 458 00:22:08,173 --> 00:22:12,135 (grunts) Farther in than I thought. You know what? 459 00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:13,168 That tip. 460 00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:15,232 The little tip of that cracked right off. 461 00:22:16,014 --> 00:22:19,080 But, luckily for you, I got a whole haul of mechanical pencils 462 00:22:19,111 --> 00:22:21,144 so the lead keeps replenishing as you twist. 463 00:22:21,176 --> 00:22:23,241 You want in on this, huh? 464 00:22:24,022 --> 00:22:26,066 - No, thank you. - No? 465 00:22:26,171 --> 00:22:28,142 - But I love your sweater. - (sniggers) 466 00:22:28,173 --> 00:22:30,071 Ohh! 467 00:22:30,102 --> 00:22:33,053 Thank you so much. Yeah, I thought it really popped. 468 00:22:33,084 --> 00:22:34,263 Yeah, I was kidding. 469 00:22:35,045 --> 00:22:36,181 It's a horrible sweater. 470 00:22:36,212 --> 00:22:39,184 It's a horrible, super-sad mom sweater. 471 00:22:43,147 --> 00:22:45,055 OK. 472 00:22:45,086 --> 00:22:46,202 I see we're still doing that. 473 00:22:46,233 --> 00:22:50,091 Girls being mean to other girls for no apparent reason. 474 00:22:50,122 --> 00:22:55,096 There is a reason. You're not a girl, you're 1,000 years old. 475 00:22:55,127 --> 00:22:57,286 You're ancient. A relic. 476 00:22:58,172 --> 00:23:00,195 She's pleased with herself over that one. 477 00:23:00,227 --> 00:23:05,086 Well, guess what? If I'm a relic, then I guess I'm in the right class. 478 00:23:05,117 --> 00:23:07,099 (chuckles) Whoo! 479 00:23:07,130 --> 00:23:08,245 Swoosh. 480 00:23:08,277 --> 00:23:10,237 It's an archaeology jam. 481 00:23:10,268 --> 00:23:14,210 Who made jam out of that mess of berries? Me. 482 00:23:14,241 --> 00:23:16,160 LECTURER: Good afternoon, everyone. 483 00:23:16,191 --> 00:23:20,132 Welcome to Archaeology 301. 484 00:23:21,154 --> 00:23:22,187 Oh, my God. 485 00:23:22,218 --> 00:23:24,282 I think that's Wayne Truzack. 486 00:23:24,314 --> 00:23:27,254 He was a classmate of mine 20 years ago. 487 00:23:27,285 --> 00:23:32,238 First of all, I wanna tell you that your satisfaction in this class is guaranteed 488 00:23:32,269 --> 00:23:35,179 or you'll get double your mummy back. 489 00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:37,191 (Deanna chuckles) 490 00:23:37,223 --> 00:23:39,225 (she laughs hysterically) 491 00:23:40,268 --> 00:23:42,166 "Mummy back." 492 00:23:42,197 --> 00:23:44,272 - Oh! - I don't get why that's funny. 493 00:23:44,303 --> 00:23:47,265 It is funny but it's also punny. 494 00:23:48,234 --> 00:23:51,112 Hey, freaks, shut up! 495 00:23:58,119 --> 00:23:59,245 (Deanna gasps softly) 496 00:24:00,173 --> 00:24:01,299 No! No! No! 497 00:24:05,345 --> 00:24:07,347 (Deanna chuckles nervously) 498 00:24:08,234 --> 00:24:10,131 No. No. No. 499 00:24:19,162 --> 00:24:21,164 I brought snacks! 500 00:24:24,157 --> 00:24:27,139 I don't know. I'm loving my classes. 501 00:24:27,170 --> 00:24:29,339 They're amazing. I feel like I'm learning. 502 00:24:29,370 --> 00:24:32,196 I think I felt for so long like my brain was in a freezer 503 00:24:32,227 --> 00:24:34,250 and now I've really come room temp. 504 00:24:34,281 --> 00:24:35,366 It's just great! 505 00:24:36,148 --> 00:24:38,358 - Can I say something? - You could say whatever you want, Debbie. 506 00:24:38,390 --> 00:24:41,351 - You don't have to ask. - Thanks, Amanda. 507 00:24:41,382 --> 00:24:44,302 I think it's really great you had something bad happen to you 508 00:24:44,333 --> 00:24:46,399 and that you're making lemons out of lemonade. 509 00:24:47,305 --> 00:24:51,216 I think you did kind of flip-flop that saying. 510 00:24:51,247 --> 00:24:53,228 It's supposed to be "lemonade out of lemons". 511 00:24:53,260 --> 00:24:56,356 You take something sour and you turn it into something sweet. 512 00:24:56,388 --> 00:24:59,287 Pretty sure it's "make lemons out of lemonade". 513 00:24:59,318 --> 00:25:02,196 It's kind of the idea that something bad happened to you, 514 00:25:02,227 --> 00:25:06,210 like your husband leaving you and squashing you to make lemonade. 515 00:25:06,241 --> 00:25:09,349 Then pulling yourself back together again and now you're a whole lemon. 516 00:25:09,380 --> 00:25:13,280 Huh! That was a very visual story. 517 00:25:13,311 --> 00:25:15,355 Very painful visual 518 00:25:15,386 --> 00:25:20,297 but then the whole lemon really does bring it back around to the flip side. 519 00:25:20,328 --> 00:25:21,403 So thank you for that. 520 00:25:21,435 --> 00:25:25,260 I appreciate the sentiment and I appreciate these cheeks. 521 00:25:25,293 --> 00:25:28,244 Oh, my God! I can't let go! (laughs) 522 00:25:28,275 --> 00:25:30,266 Deanna, you wanna stick around and hang out? 523 00:25:30,298 --> 00:25:33,415 I would love to hang. My first college hang. 524 00:25:33,447 --> 00:25:37,211 I am free as a bird. I'm down to clown. 525 00:25:37,242 --> 00:25:39,265 Deanna's such a mouthful. 526 00:25:39,296 --> 00:25:40,422 What if I called you Dee Dee? 527 00:25:41,277 --> 00:25:43,238 I have always wanted a nickname. 528 00:25:43,269 --> 00:25:45,313 What about Dee Rock or Dee Train? 529 00:25:45,344 --> 00:25:46,387 Or Glenn? 530 00:25:46,418 --> 00:25:48,295 Why would we call her Glenn? 531 00:25:48,326 --> 00:25:52,341 Just cos I love Glenn Close and I was thinking about her. 532 00:25:52,372 --> 00:25:54,447 - I love Glenn Close. - You do? 533 00:25:55,229 --> 00:25:56,365 Fatal Attraction, best movie ever. 534 00:25:56,397 --> 00:25:58,452 - That the one where she boiled a rabbit? - It is. 535 00:25:59,233 --> 00:26:02,267 I think I showed that to Maddie a little too early on 536 00:26:02,299 --> 00:26:04,395 because she urinated in her underpants. 537 00:26:04,426 --> 00:26:05,427 Mom! 538 00:26:05,459 --> 00:26:09,484 And would not eat anything out of a stew pot for a good six to eight months. 539 00:26:10,266 --> 00:26:14,311 Or she would just keep re-urinating in her underpants. 540 00:26:14,343 --> 00:26:15,365 Mom, stop! 541 00:26:15,396 --> 00:26:18,263 Let's watch it. Let's rent it. Movie night. 542 00:26:18,295 --> 00:26:21,277 Yeah, you know... I love a good movie night. 543 00:26:21,308 --> 00:26:25,281 But I think... my mom does not want to hang out here. 544 00:26:25,312 --> 00:26:29,264 She's just stopping by. She's not gonna hang out with her daughter's friends. 545 00:26:29,295 --> 00:26:31,507 That would be so weird. That would be weird. 546 00:26:33,278 --> 00:26:36,397 Maddie's right. I can't hang out right now. 547 00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:40,349 I've gotta get home and get in some good hang time with my new roomie. 548 00:26:40,380 --> 00:26:43,414 - What's her name? - You know what? It's Leonor or Lenore. 549 00:26:43,446 --> 00:26:44,457 I'm not really sure. 550 00:26:44,488 --> 00:26:47,502 We're just kind of getting used to each other, I'm sure. 551 00:26:48,284 --> 00:26:50,463 She kind of mutters around the room, talking to herself. 552 00:26:50,494 --> 00:26:54,373 I just kind of get a Voldemort vibe from her. 553 00:26:54,405 --> 00:26:58,294 But I will take a rain check on the movie, if that... Or not. 554 00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:00,379 - Rain check. - OK. Rain check. 555 00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:01,432 Aw! 556 00:27:01,464 --> 00:27:04,425 I'll make the popcorn. I got a sweet and savoury one. 557 00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:05,488 - Great! - Bye. 558 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,324 - Bye, Mom. - Bye, Dee Rock. 559 00:27:07,355 --> 00:27:08,471 - She's amazing. - Yeah. 560 00:27:08,503 --> 00:27:12,392 That was very nice of her to bring food for you guys. 561 00:27:12,424 --> 00:27:14,405 I love your mom. 562 00:27:14,436 --> 00:27:17,501 Last thing. You're not gonna... Thunder dunder clouds up ahead. 563 00:27:17,533 --> 00:27:20,484 And I just said rain check. It's like I conjured it. 564 00:27:20,515 --> 00:27:24,404 - Oh, great. - OK. Bye-bye. Last hug. 565 00:27:24,436 --> 00:27:25,457 - OK. - I love you. 566 00:27:25,489 --> 00:27:27,376 Look at her dancing me out! 567 00:27:27,407 --> 00:27:29,347 We're like Fred and... OK. 568 00:27:35,457 --> 00:27:37,417 You're a bookworm, huh? 569 00:27:39,357 --> 00:27:41,515 Oh, my God. How long have you been there? 570 00:27:41,546 --> 00:27:43,413 Six minutes. 571 00:27:43,581 --> 00:27:45,467 (chuckles nervously) 572 00:27:47,532 --> 00:27:49,566 You're a quiet one. (chuckles nervously) 573 00:27:50,347 --> 00:27:51,484 You get good grades, huh? 574 00:27:51,516 --> 00:27:53,403 Uh...well... 575 00:27:53,434 --> 00:27:57,376 I try. I really enjoy the subject matter and... 576 00:27:57,407 --> 00:28:00,420 I don't know, I just find archaeology a constant wonder. 577 00:28:00,452 --> 00:28:03,455 You like to dig up stuff? I like to bury stuff. 578 00:28:03,486 --> 00:28:05,363 OK. 579 00:28:05,394 --> 00:28:07,594 Look at us! Kind of yin and yang... 580 00:28:08,376 --> 00:28:10,608 having our first conversation, huh? 581 00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:12,464 Fun. 582 00:28:12,495 --> 00:28:16,551 Listen, while we're gabbing, I was just kind of wondering... 583 00:28:16,582 --> 00:28:19,439 It's been a few weeks. 584 00:28:19,471 --> 00:28:21,588 I'm thinking, "I wonder if she's ever gonna go... 585 00:28:21,620 --> 00:28:24,392 outside the room?" 586 00:28:24,424 --> 00:28:27,521 Maybe for a class or a... you know, a coven meeting. 587 00:28:28,470 --> 00:28:29,513 I'm kidding. 588 00:28:29,544 --> 00:28:31,546 I've gone on the other side of that door. 589 00:28:31,577 --> 00:28:32,589 Oh, yeah... 590 00:28:32,620 --> 00:28:35,571 I find you behind that door all the time 591 00:28:35,602 --> 00:28:38,397 but that's inside my closet. 592 00:28:38,428 --> 00:28:40,451 So, I was just wondering... 593 00:28:40,482 --> 00:28:45,519 are you ever gonna go out of maybe that door... into the, let's say, hallway? 594 00:28:45,644 --> 00:28:48,407 I'll probably stick to that door. 595 00:28:48,438 --> 00:28:50,419 - You wanna stick to my closet? - Yeah. 596 00:28:50,451 --> 00:28:51,566 OK. 597 00:28:52,588 --> 00:28:54,590 - I like you. - Ohh! 598 00:28:54,622 --> 00:28:56,530 (Deanna clears her throat) 599 00:28:57,437 --> 00:28:58,564 And we're friends. 600 00:28:58,595 --> 00:29:00,440 I certainly hope so. 601 00:29:00,472 --> 00:29:01,629 I'm might go back to my room. 602 00:29:03,548 --> 00:29:04,601 OK. 603 00:29:11,608 --> 00:29:14,486 Mm! Wow! That smells great. What is that? 604 00:29:14,517 --> 00:29:16,644 Yes, it's Fiori Antichi Della Novella. 605 00:29:16,676 --> 00:29:18,667 Remember? We got it a Firenze. 606 00:29:19,449 --> 00:29:20,669 Mi piace. 607 00:29:21,451 --> 00:29:22,619 - It turns me on. - Yeah. 608 00:29:23,662 --> 00:29:27,489 (inhales deeply) Mm! 609 00:29:28,448 --> 00:29:29,626 CHRISTINE: What is that smell? 610 00:29:30,533 --> 00:29:33,515 It's probably garlic and Dial. 611 00:29:33,547 --> 00:29:35,486 And a little mayo. 612 00:29:35,518 --> 00:29:37,500 I had an Italian sandwich. 613 00:29:37,531 --> 00:29:38,688 They're lovers. 614 00:29:39,470 --> 00:29:40,628 No, they're not. They're jealous. 615 00:29:40,659 --> 00:29:42,692 No, we're best... best friends. 616 00:29:43,474 --> 00:29:45,612 - Yes. - I can't believe you brought her. 617 00:29:45,643 --> 00:29:47,676 I can't believe you brought Christine. 618 00:29:47,708 --> 00:29:50,596 I can't believe you shacked up with a bitch! 619 00:29:50,627 --> 00:29:51,680 MARCIE: Hey! Hey! 620 00:29:51,712 --> 00:29:54,715 - That is not gonna be useful today. - This bitch... 621 00:29:55,497 --> 00:29:57,561 has a lot of reason to be here. 622 00:29:57,593 --> 00:30:00,564 I am an excellent negotiator. I am a realtor. 623 00:30:00,596 --> 00:30:03,578 Yes. Not only do you destroy homes, you also sell them. 624 00:30:03,609 --> 00:30:05,695 - Isn't that come full circle? - Oh, good burn! 625 00:30:05,727 --> 00:30:07,519 DAN: OK. 626 00:30:07,550 --> 00:30:08,698 Hello, all. As you know, 627 00:30:08,730 --> 00:30:12,713 this mediation is here to help facilitate the terms of your divorce. 628 00:30:13,495 --> 00:30:14,663 So, just so you know, 629 00:30:14,694 --> 00:30:16,613 this is not a court of law, all right? 630 00:30:16,644 --> 00:30:20,658 You will all be civilised and you will please address all speech to me. 631 00:30:20,689 --> 00:30:21,743 - To you. - To you. 632 00:30:22,525 --> 00:30:23,609 - No crosstalk. - No. 633 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,676 Even if we wanna talk to one another, we can't. If I wanted to say, "Dina..." 634 00:30:27,707 --> 00:30:30,512 - You'd look at me. - I'd look at you, I'd say, "Dina... 635 00:30:30,543 --> 00:30:33,619 I am going to have... a beautiful life with your husband... 636 00:30:33,650 --> 00:30:34,672 Dina." 637 00:30:34,703 --> 00:30:38,614 - If I were to say, "Marky..." - Marcie. 638 00:30:38,645 --> 00:30:41,533 "..you're gonna be very disappointed in bed 639 00:30:41,565 --> 00:30:43,672 cos Dan's downstairs is not gonna do the trick." 640 00:30:43,703 --> 00:30:45,632 (Christine laughs) 641 00:30:45,663 --> 00:30:48,666 I don't know why you're laughing. Frank's not great downstairs, either. 642 00:30:48,698 --> 00:30:50,689 MEDIATOR: To me. - We play tennis together. 643 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,640 - Frank is no big deal down there. - He's right. Frank is not. 644 00:30:53,671 --> 00:30:54,766 I have a question, Dan. 645 00:30:55,548 --> 00:30:58,708 Why is it that you're playing tennis with Frank pantsless? 646 00:30:58,739 --> 00:31:01,679 - This is not helping our process. - Thank you. 647 00:31:01,711 --> 00:31:05,663 - OK. Can we proceed? - She's not signing anything, Your Honour. 648 00:31:05,694 --> 00:31:06,716 If I may. 649 00:31:06,747 --> 00:31:09,656 I'm not a judge. Remember, I said this isn't a court of law. 650 00:31:10,615 --> 00:31:14,567 My name is Christine Davenport, good friend to Deanna. 651 00:31:14,599 --> 00:31:15,745 And I am here as a support. 652 00:31:15,777 --> 00:31:22,670 And also I have been studying lots of documents on legalzoom.com. 653 00:31:22,701 --> 00:31:25,621 Thank you. Thank you for that. I just want to get this over with. 654 00:31:25,652 --> 00:31:26,674 MARCIE: Terrifying! 655 00:31:26,705 --> 00:31:32,649 I want it on the record that the accused are currently in the process 656 00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:37,706 of selling my client's home... and not splitting the proceeds. 657 00:31:37,737 --> 00:31:42,826 Because the house was 100 per cent in Daniel's name. So... 658 00:31:43,608 --> 00:31:46,600 That was our house, Dan. You know that was our house. 659 00:31:46,632 --> 00:31:49,791 I understand, but we're gonna settle this, and that's why we're here, OK? 660 00:31:49,822 --> 00:31:51,668 - Daniel... - Don't interject. 661 00:31:51,699 --> 00:31:53,765 - Don't be a weenie. - I'm not being a weenie. 662 00:31:53,796 --> 00:31:55,641 - OK... - I'm not being a weenie. 663 00:31:55,672 --> 00:31:57,842 Well, that's debatable. This is not... 664 00:31:58,624 --> 00:31:59,750 This is not helping our process. 665 00:31:59,781 --> 00:32:03,702 There is no probable clause to implicate this witness. 666 00:32:03,733 --> 00:32:05,641 I move to dismiss. 667 00:32:05,672 --> 00:32:09,697 I just want to say for the record, I just needed an upgrade in my life, Deanna. 668 00:32:09,729 --> 00:32:11,856 - You son of a... MEDIATOR: OK. To me, please. 669 00:32:12,638 --> 00:32:14,650 I'm sorry. You son of a bitch. 670 00:32:14,681 --> 00:32:17,643 - No, you're the son of a bitch. - You're the son of a bitch! 671 00:32:17,674 --> 00:32:19,739 - You're the son of a bitch. - I object! 672 00:32:19,770 --> 00:32:21,866 I object! I'm not even a judge. OK? 673 00:32:22,648 --> 00:32:23,795 I'm just gonna take... 674 00:32:23,826 --> 00:32:26,683 I'm just gonna take a break. Gotta strategise. 675 00:32:26,714 --> 00:32:27,788 MARCIE: Are you coming back? 676 00:32:27,819 --> 00:32:31,636 I refuse to disclose information about my client. 677 00:32:33,764 --> 00:32:34,880 Case adjourned. 678 00:32:35,860 --> 00:32:37,726 Deanna! 679 00:32:37,758 --> 00:32:39,801 We know what room she's in. We don't need to yell. 680 00:32:39,832 --> 00:32:42,669 - I like to yell! - Let her yell. 681 00:32:42,700 --> 00:32:44,733 Guys, why are we going to see my mom right now? 682 00:32:44,765 --> 00:32:46,892 Because we haven't seen her all week and we miss her. 683 00:32:52,773 --> 00:32:53,899 Hey, Mom. What's up? 684 00:32:54,681 --> 00:32:57,673 Hey, what are you guys doing in here? 685 00:32:57,705 --> 00:32:59,665 - What's wrong? - (sighs) 686 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,803 We filed our paperwork today, 687 00:33:02,835 --> 00:33:06,755 so your dad and I are officially getting divorced. 688 00:33:07,820 --> 00:33:09,718 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. 689 00:33:09,749 --> 00:33:12,804 I'm sorry. I don't even like talking to you about this stuff. 690 00:33:12,835 --> 00:33:14,743 No, don't worry at all. 691 00:33:14,775 --> 00:33:17,767 I just know he's gonna fight me on, like, every little thing. 692 00:33:17,799 --> 00:33:19,853 So it's just... it's a little frustrating is all. 693 00:33:19,884 --> 00:33:22,876 - That looks really good. - Yeah, it used to be in a can. 694 00:33:22,908 --> 00:33:24,774 Can I say something? 695 00:33:24,806 --> 00:33:25,932 - Just say it, Debbie. - Just say it. 696 00:33:26,714 --> 00:33:27,809 Yes, honey. 697 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:30,832 We need to get you jackhammer blasted. 698 00:33:31,719 --> 00:33:34,847 I just am not really in the mood to kind of, you know, hang out. 699 00:33:34,878 --> 00:33:37,871 - And I don't want to impose, so... - Come on! 700 00:33:38,882 --> 00:33:40,728 You're not imposing, Mom. 701 00:33:40,759 --> 00:33:42,792 - I am imposing. - No, you're not. 702 00:33:42,825 --> 00:33:43,951 You're not imposing. 703 00:33:44,732 --> 00:33:47,715 You just got some really rough news and to be honest, 704 00:33:47,746 --> 00:33:48,893 we both got really rough news. 705 00:33:48,924 --> 00:33:52,835 But, you're in college now. You gotta learn how to party through it. 706 00:33:52,866 --> 00:33:55,848 All right, girl. I'm gonna go to a party with my mom. 707 00:33:55,879 --> 00:33:57,892 Let's do it. I'm gonna be that girl! 708 00:33:57,923 --> 00:34:00,790 Come on. I wanna... ♪ Party with my mama 709 00:34:00,822 --> 00:34:02,876 ♪ We all wanna party with your mama 710 00:34:02,907 --> 00:34:06,817 ♪ Party with your mama Party with your mama 711 00:34:06,974 --> 00:34:10,873 - All right. I'm down to clown! - Dee Rock's down to clown! 712 00:34:10,905 --> 00:34:12,938 I am also down to clown. I'm always down to clown. 713 00:34:12,969 --> 00:34:14,972 It's just something that I do all the time. 714 00:34:15,753 --> 00:34:16,964 - I like your vibe. - Why? 715 00:34:19,049 --> 00:34:21,030 (chatter and laughter) 716 00:34:21,061 --> 00:34:24,200 - Oh, it's pretty lively! - Yeah, it's a party, Mom. 717 00:34:24,231 --> 00:34:26,233 Well, it's also a school night. 718 00:34:27,015 --> 00:34:29,142 Dee, I think those guys just checked you out. 719 00:34:29,174 --> 00:34:31,030 - No, they weren't! - Yes, they were. 720 00:34:31,061 --> 00:34:34,220 They're probably just looking at my smock. It tends to catch the light. 721 00:34:34,252 --> 00:34:37,036 Oh, they're so young. 722 00:34:37,161 --> 00:34:39,100 I think I'm too old to be here. 723 00:34:39,132 --> 00:34:41,071 No, come on! It'll be so fun. 724 00:34:41,102 --> 00:34:43,262 Let's rock out with our lady dongs out. 725 00:34:44,043 --> 00:34:45,253 That's not a thing. 726 00:34:46,034 --> 00:34:47,130 (music pounding) 727 00:34:47,161 --> 00:34:49,028 Shots! Shots! Shots! 728 00:34:49,059 --> 00:34:52,062 - What do we want? - Full velocity! 729 00:34:52,093 --> 00:34:54,064 ♪ BLIND SCUBA DIVERS: Workin' On My Tan B*tch 730 00:34:54,095 --> 00:34:58,120 Oh, it's so loud in here! I can barely hear myself think. 731 00:35:00,101 --> 00:35:01,144 Hey! 732 00:35:01,175 --> 00:35:04,105 There's your boyfriend. Doesn't he look sharp? 733 00:35:04,137 --> 00:35:06,107 - Yeah, let's go get a drink. - Oh, stairs! 734 00:35:06,139 --> 00:35:07,181 Yep. 735 00:35:07,213 --> 00:35:10,174 I just wish you would have let me bring a covered dish. 736 00:35:10,205 --> 00:35:14,053 - That would have been so weird. - No, it's weird to not bring something. 737 00:35:14,084 --> 00:35:15,295 - Hell, no. - Hell, no. 738 00:35:16,076 --> 00:35:19,079 Maddie, you're not bringing old people to this party. 739 00:35:19,110 --> 00:35:21,290 Absolutely not. No moms allowed. 740 00:35:22,071 --> 00:35:25,169 I will break your face. No-one will recognise you. 741 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,172 - You'll die in a ditch. - OK, OK, OK. 742 00:35:28,203 --> 00:35:30,132 OK, my mom needs a drink. 743 00:35:30,164 --> 00:35:33,250 So back up before I back you up! 744 00:35:34,189 --> 00:35:35,262 Hop out! 745 00:35:36,305 --> 00:35:39,256 I'm so proud of you for owning your power. 746 00:35:39,287 --> 00:35:41,164 Don't escalate it. 747 00:35:41,196 --> 00:35:43,156 But, wow! Impressive. 748 00:35:43,187 --> 00:35:45,252 God, I don't know what's sadder, 749 00:35:45,283 --> 00:35:49,172 the mom perm...or the mom boobs. 750 00:35:49,297 --> 00:35:53,155 Mom perm! I gotta tell... Time-out, guys. 751 00:35:53,187 --> 00:35:55,336 God-given curls. All I'm doing is a little... 752 00:35:56,117 --> 00:35:58,339 maybe a foam mousse, a little spray, hot roller 753 00:35:59,121 --> 00:36:01,164 and I set it, and I forget it. 754 00:36:01,196 --> 00:36:05,168 And secondly, these allowed this one to suckle at these teats 755 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,326 - for 28 wonderful... - We're not... 756 00:36:07,108 --> 00:36:10,111 - We're not... - ..wonderful tender months. 757 00:36:10,142 --> 00:36:13,301 - I wear them around my waist proudly. - This isn't the time. 758 00:36:14,313 --> 00:36:16,169 I just feel like... 759 00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,360 I don't know if it's more pathetic to party with your mom... 760 00:36:20,142 --> 00:36:22,206 or to party with your daughter. 761 00:36:23,207 --> 00:36:26,148 (scoffs) Come on. Let's do something cool. 762 00:36:26,179 --> 00:36:28,317 Real cool. Bye, nerds. 763 00:36:34,251 --> 00:36:37,243 OK, this was a lot of fun. 764 00:36:37,274 --> 00:36:41,299 Um, but I want you to enjoy yourselves tonight, so I'm just gonna go. 765 00:36:41,330 --> 00:36:42,363 No, no, no. 766 00:36:43,145 --> 00:36:45,345 - We're gonna have a good time. - I should not be here. 767 00:36:45,376 --> 00:36:48,244 This is not a party for me. 768 00:36:48,275 --> 00:36:50,194 If you go, evil wins! 769 00:36:50,225 --> 00:36:54,208 OK, you know what? I have an idea. Let's go to the bathroom. 770 00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:56,273 - Oh, I don't have to tinkle. - I think you do. 771 00:36:56,304 --> 00:37:00,245 I think I'd know if I had to tinkle. Except that one time. 772 00:37:00,277 --> 00:37:03,165 All right. Let's go. 773 00:37:03,196 --> 00:37:05,188 Please tell me you're not doing the cocaine. 774 00:37:05,219 --> 00:37:06,356 Oh, my God! No! Come on. 775 00:37:07,337 --> 00:37:11,257 No, I already told you. I do not have to go to the bathroom. 776 00:37:11,289 --> 00:37:15,178 Mom, you're a college girl now and we gotta make some changes. 777 00:37:15,418 --> 00:37:17,253 What does that mean? 778 00:37:17,284 --> 00:37:19,213 - Let's start with these glasses. - No! 779 00:37:19,244 --> 00:37:21,267 - You gotta start wearing contact lenses. - No! 780 00:37:21,299 --> 00:37:23,207 This is horrible! 781 00:37:23,238 --> 00:37:26,241 Then this, this is just... Let's get this off. 782 00:37:26,272 --> 00:37:29,244 - Come on, Mom. - Oh, my God! What has gotten into you? 783 00:37:29,275 --> 00:37:32,424 Don't fight it, Mom! It's like a Band-Aid. You gotta rip it off quickly. 784 00:37:33,206 --> 00:37:35,427 - All I have on is my undershirt. - Yeah! 785 00:37:36,314 --> 00:37:38,347 I'm gonna unbutton. 786 00:37:38,378 --> 00:37:40,349 Not one, not two... 787 00:37:40,381 --> 00:37:42,236 but three. 788 00:37:42,267 --> 00:37:44,281 Not three buttons, no! 789 00:37:44,312 --> 00:37:45,438 Look at your breasts! 790 00:37:46,220 --> 00:37:48,327 - Mom! - What? I don't know what's happening. 791 00:37:48,358 --> 00:37:51,225 - Those are gorgeous! - They're all right. 792 00:37:51,257 --> 00:37:54,353 Maybe how about we just do something about that hair just a little bit? 793 00:37:54,385 --> 00:37:57,388 No! Oh, God, it's full of hair. 794 00:37:57,419 --> 00:38:00,224 Come on, it'll be fine. Let me have it. 795 00:38:00,255 --> 00:38:02,278 No! Oh, God, don't! No! 796 00:38:02,309 --> 00:38:05,375 Hey, what's up? You're that girl in the coma, right? 797 00:38:05,406 --> 00:38:07,231 Not any more. 798 00:38:07,262 --> 00:38:10,255 - Yeah, I follow you on Twitter. - I don't date fans. 799 00:38:11,370 --> 00:38:12,403 OK. 800 00:38:13,478 --> 00:38:15,301 So beautiful. 801 00:38:16,261 --> 00:38:17,367 Oh, God. Now I've got a bare... 802 00:38:17,398 --> 00:38:19,421 You know what I can't wear is a bare lip. 803 00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,362 (mutters) What is that? 804 00:38:22,393 --> 00:38:24,270 It's mauve. 805 00:38:25,469 --> 00:38:28,274 - You know I love mauve. - (chuckles) 806 00:38:31,381 --> 00:38:34,467 No, I'm not a fan, I just... I got a lot of respect for comas. 807 00:38:35,375 --> 00:38:37,408 I like sleeping pretty long, too, I guess. 808 00:38:39,462 --> 00:38:41,349 Whoa! 809 00:38:41,381 --> 00:38:43,351 Oh, God! Are you in a coma again? 810 00:38:43,383 --> 00:38:45,385 Oh, God, I gotta get help. 811 00:38:48,388 --> 00:38:49,483 Can I look? Can I look now? 812 00:38:49,515 --> 00:38:51,433 Yes! I think you're done. 813 00:38:56,449 --> 00:38:58,419 Hey! Wow! 814 00:38:59,441 --> 00:39:02,309 My God! "What are you, 20?" 815 00:39:02,444 --> 00:39:05,291 - OK. I wouldn't go that far. - I'm 21. 816 00:39:05,322 --> 00:39:06,375 OK. 817 00:39:06,407 --> 00:39:08,450 You know, I used to wear my hair like this. 818 00:39:08,481 --> 00:39:10,431 Eons ago... 819 00:39:10,463 --> 00:39:13,341 when you were in here. (laughs) 820 00:39:13,372 --> 00:39:15,322 You look so beautiful, Mom. 821 00:39:15,488 --> 00:39:17,334 Wow! 822 00:39:17,365 --> 00:39:19,461 You know what? OK. 823 00:39:19,492 --> 00:39:21,422 I think you're ready, college girl. 824 00:39:22,423 --> 00:39:25,394 - Are you sure? - Yeah, let's go. But let's leave this. 825 00:39:25,426 --> 00:39:28,335 Let's never touch... or talk about that brush again. 826 00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:29,451 OK. 827 00:39:29,535 --> 00:39:31,464 - Thank you. - Of course. I love you. 828 00:39:31,495 --> 00:39:33,445 I love you, too. 829 00:39:33,476 --> 00:39:34,498 Boom. 830 00:39:37,345 --> 00:39:38,471 - Hey. - Hey! 831 00:39:40,473 --> 00:39:42,350 Get a room! 832 00:39:42,381 --> 00:39:45,447 Just kidding, don't. L-O-L. Hashtag. 833 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,481 - Hey, Ms Miles. - Hi, how are you? 834 00:39:48,512 --> 00:39:50,420 Good. You guys both look amazing! 835 00:39:50,452 --> 00:39:52,422 - Thank you. - Charmer. 836 00:39:52,454 --> 00:39:54,476 I heard you're back at school now, which is awesome. 837 00:39:54,508 --> 00:39:56,478 - It is. - You get to party with all of us. 838 00:39:56,510 --> 00:39:57,563 Uh, well... 839 00:39:58,345 --> 00:40:01,473 How about a drink or something? Let me introduce you to my friend Jack. 840 00:40:01,504 --> 00:40:02,579 Hi, I'm Jack. 841 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:04,560 Deanna. Hi. 842 00:40:05,540 --> 00:40:07,386 Wow, that's... 843 00:40:07,417 --> 00:40:10,379 You have wonderfully intricate hair. 844 00:40:11,442 --> 00:40:13,382 - Thank you. - Yeah. 845 00:40:13,538 --> 00:40:15,530 Well, can I get you something to drink? 846 00:40:15,561 --> 00:40:20,545 Oh... OK. I would love a Chardonnay, maybe something oaky. 847 00:40:21,515 --> 00:40:23,371 Um... 848 00:40:24,372 --> 00:40:25,540 Did you pick up the Chardonnay? 849 00:40:25,571 --> 00:40:30,388 - We have some boxed wine. - We have some boxed wine. 850 00:40:30,420 --> 00:40:31,566 - In a box? - I don't know. 851 00:40:31,598 --> 00:40:33,506 I'm sure it tastes real cardboardy. 852 00:40:33,537 --> 00:40:35,624 I'm sure it tastes very cardboardy! 853 00:40:36,405 --> 00:40:39,628 Really, it comes in a plastic bladder, so it's not touching the cardboard. 854 00:40:40,409 --> 00:40:42,631 I told him we should not get anything that comes in a bladder. 855 00:40:43,413 --> 00:40:46,426 - I'm the only one who likes wine. - Oh, I love wine! 856 00:40:46,457 --> 00:40:48,574 But I don't like drinking it out of bladders. 857 00:40:49,450 --> 00:40:50,586 - I don't blame you. - (laughs) 858 00:40:51,515 --> 00:40:53,485 She'll just have a shot and a beer, please. 859 00:40:53,517 --> 00:40:54,538 - Perfect. - There we go. 860 00:40:54,570 --> 00:40:58,615 Why not? I'm here to get the full college experience. 861 00:40:58,647 --> 00:41:01,650 So...what is the spirit du jour? 862 00:41:02,432 --> 00:41:04,590 This is 100 per cent agave tequila. 863 00:41:04,621 --> 00:41:08,490 Agave! I use that when I bake muffins. 864 00:41:08,521 --> 00:41:09,553 - OK. - She loves to bake. 865 00:41:09,585 --> 00:41:11,503 - I do. - All right, let's do it. 866 00:41:12,546 --> 00:41:15,665 - What do we want? - Full velocity! 867 00:41:16,446 --> 00:41:18,553 And equal work for equal pay. 868 00:41:21,525 --> 00:41:23,464 Oh, God. (coughs and splutters) 869 00:41:23,495 --> 00:41:25,633 - Oh, God. - That is aggressive. 870 00:41:26,634 --> 00:41:28,553 That's just burning. 871 00:41:28,584 --> 00:41:30,659 It's burning all the way down. 872 00:41:31,441 --> 00:41:33,526 Just follow my lead and we'll do this again, OK? 873 00:41:33,558 --> 00:41:36,540 - We'll try it again. - (Maddie chuckles) 874 00:41:37,562 --> 00:41:39,584 All right. What do we want? 875 00:41:39,616 --> 00:41:41,691 Full velocity! 876 00:41:42,473 --> 00:41:46,697 Oh, and cleaner oceans. Our coral reefs are dying, guys. 877 00:41:47,613 --> 00:41:50,522 No, er...Ms Miles... 878 00:41:53,693 --> 00:41:59,564 Look, Ms Miles, coral reefs and equal work for equal pay, all great things. 879 00:41:59,595 --> 00:42:00,711 But at our parties... 880 00:42:01,493 --> 00:42:05,705 when somebody says "What do we want?" we just say "Full velocity." 881 00:42:06,487 --> 00:42:07,676 You don't need to say anything else. 882 00:42:07,707 --> 00:42:09,574 It's more of a party tradition. 883 00:42:09,605 --> 00:42:13,505 OK. So, it's just a flat answer of full... 884 00:42:13,724 --> 00:42:16,487 - Velocity. - Velocity. 885 00:42:16,518 --> 00:42:18,593 - OK. - You ready? 886 00:42:18,624 --> 00:42:20,491 Well... 887 00:42:20,522 --> 00:42:21,679 Third time's the charm, right? 888 00:42:21,711 --> 00:42:25,579 - What do we want? - Full velocity! 889 00:42:25,611 --> 00:42:30,512 And full maternity leave for non-gender-specific working parents. 890 00:42:32,566 --> 00:42:34,537 And full velocity! 891 00:42:34,568 --> 00:42:36,570 (whooping and cheering) 892 00:42:37,707 --> 00:42:39,709 ♪ FERGIE: M.I.L.F. $ 893 00:42:46,758 --> 00:42:48,614 Where's my mom? 894 00:42:48,645 --> 00:42:51,554 Oh, she's over there busting it out. 895 00:42:54,557 --> 00:42:55,610 Hi, honey! 896 00:42:55,642 --> 00:42:57,612 Hi! 897 00:42:58,707 --> 00:43:01,649 Ohh! I feel that in my C-section scar! 898 00:43:02,586 --> 00:43:03,734 - Are you OK? - Ooh, yeah! 899 00:43:03,765 --> 00:43:05,767 ♪ Let me see you MILF shake 900 00:43:06,747 --> 00:43:08,749 ♪ Let me see you MILF shake 901 00:43:10,616 --> 00:43:12,597 ♪ ED SHEERAN: Thinking Out Loud 902 00:43:12,628 --> 00:43:15,663 ♪ Your soul could never grow old 903 00:43:15,694 --> 00:43:17,696 ♪ It's evergreen 904 00:43:18,770 --> 00:43:22,565 It's not over. It's full velocity! Let's go! Come on, guys! 905 00:43:22,597 --> 00:43:25,558 ♪ Baby, your smile's 906 00:43:25,589 --> 00:43:29,656 ♪ Forever in my mind and memory... 907 00:43:35,736 --> 00:43:38,581 (whispers): Oh... Oh, my God! 908 00:43:38,676 --> 00:43:39,781 Oh, my God! Mom! 909 00:43:41,700 --> 00:43:43,733 OK, OK, OK. You don't have to make a big deal. 910 00:43:43,764 --> 00:43:46,747 Don't jump to conclusions. You don't know what's happening here. 911 00:43:46,778 --> 00:43:50,782 Really? It looks like my mother is doing the walk of shame out of a frat house. 912 00:43:52,607 --> 00:43:55,766 OK, I guess technically that's... what's happening. Let's just go. 913 00:43:55,797 --> 00:43:57,778 Let's get out of here. Oh, my God! 914 00:43:58,759 --> 00:44:00,802 I don't think you've gotta rub it in. Oh! 915 00:44:00,834 --> 00:44:03,618 Fella, close your robe. 916 00:44:03,649 --> 00:44:05,641 Can we please just get out of here? 917 00:44:05,672 --> 00:44:06,840 Aren't they gonna serve breakfast? 918 00:44:07,622 --> 00:44:09,844 No, they're not gonna serve breakfast. This isn't the Hilton. 919 00:44:10,625 --> 00:44:13,659 I knew that. But I thought maybe they'll have a bagel spread or something. 920 00:44:13,690 --> 00:44:14,755 MADDIE: My God! 921 00:44:15,619 --> 00:44:18,800 Oh, my God! My foot keeps charley horsing. 922 00:44:18,832 --> 00:44:21,710 I'm telling you, I can't even get my boots back on. 923 00:44:21,741 --> 00:44:24,827 I guess that's what I get for getting my toes curled last night. 924 00:44:24,859 --> 00:44:26,829 And I mean cu-urled. 925 00:44:26,861 --> 00:44:28,727 Mom, please stop! 926 00:44:28,758 --> 00:44:32,867 I think it was mutually enjoyable... for both parties. 927 00:44:33,649 --> 00:44:34,858 I mean, I had fun. 928 00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:38,737 He enjoyed himself. He kept yelling, "Please, more!" 929 00:44:38,768 --> 00:44:41,876 I thought he was doing a scene from Oliver! "Please, more." 930 00:44:42,658 --> 00:44:44,743 I heard that through the wall 931 00:44:44,774 --> 00:44:46,809 and I thought he was saying, "Cheese store." 932 00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:48,726 And I was very confused. 933 00:44:48,759 --> 00:44:51,751 One time we were playing kind of a cheesemonger 934 00:44:51,782 --> 00:44:53,722 and I was a poor peasant girl but... 935 00:44:53,753 --> 00:44:54,890 That's disgusting, Mom. 936 00:44:55,672 --> 00:44:57,715 - No! It was fun. - Mom! 937 00:44:57,747 --> 00:44:58,758 And I love cheese. 938 00:44:58,789 --> 00:45:00,708 I love you so much. 939 00:45:00,739 --> 00:45:03,826 Have I asked you once about any of this? No. You just keep blabbing. 940 00:45:03,857 --> 00:45:07,684 I'm asking you to please be quiet and stop talking. 941 00:45:07,715 --> 00:45:10,801 OK. I think we should keep communication lines open. 942 00:45:11,667 --> 00:45:13,752 You know what? I'm older, I'm wiser. I... 943 00:45:13,909 --> 00:45:16,755 This, essentially a Google. 944 00:45:17,725 --> 00:45:20,759 Right down here, where you came from. 945 00:45:20,791 --> 00:45:22,751 I'm like the Google of vaginas. 946 00:45:22,782 --> 00:45:24,837 (in robotic voice): "Ask me anything, please." 947 00:45:24,868 --> 00:45:26,682 Turn off your vagoogle. 948 00:45:26,714 --> 00:45:28,706 - It can't be turned off. - OK, I don't like it. 949 00:45:28,737 --> 00:45:31,928 You're scaring me... and you're scaring everyone around you. 950 00:45:32,710 --> 00:45:35,848 I think... I think my vagoogle scared Jack last night. 951 00:45:35,879 --> 00:45:37,913 - Oh, my God! - But in a good way. 952 00:45:38,695 --> 00:45:40,874 Like when you intentionally go through a haunted house. 953 00:45:40,905 --> 00:45:42,782 Eww! 954 00:45:42,814 --> 00:45:43,898 Not saying... 955 00:45:44,826 --> 00:45:45,942 You know what I mean. 956 00:45:46,724 --> 00:45:48,872 Please, I just don't wanna talk about your vagoogle. 957 00:45:55,932 --> 00:46:00,759 All right. I've got a little pop quiz for you here. 958 00:46:00,791 --> 00:46:03,950 But don't worry, I promise to grade it pharaoh and squaraoh. 959 00:46:04,732 --> 00:46:06,734 (Deanna chuckles) 960 00:46:08,809 --> 00:46:13,939 Hey, I've got to tell you, your work so far is impeccable. 961 00:46:13,971 --> 00:46:15,973 This department is lucky to have you back. 962 00:46:16,755 --> 00:46:20,821 Oh, my gosh. Wayne, thank you so much. You know, it's still my passion. 963 00:46:20,853 --> 00:46:23,793 I guess once a dighead, always a dighead, huh? 964 00:46:23,824 --> 00:46:26,775 - Yes, you certainly are. - Guess that makes me a dighead, too. 965 00:46:26,806 --> 00:46:29,768 OK, my advice to you is to crack a book, all right? 966 00:46:29,799 --> 00:46:32,917 You are failing this class in spectacular fashion. 967 00:46:35,869 --> 00:46:37,964 And I would love to see you on a dig one day. 968 00:46:37,996 --> 00:46:41,770 That makes two of us wanting to see me on a dig. 969 00:46:41,802 --> 00:46:43,960 That's... Thank you. It's a lovely sediment. 970 00:46:43,991 --> 00:46:45,931 (both chuckle) 971 00:46:45,962 --> 00:46:48,829 No. I did not. I did it, though. 972 00:46:48,861 --> 00:46:49,987 (laughs) 973 00:46:50,769 --> 00:46:52,865 You're gonna make me become Stone-unhinged. 974 00:46:52,896 --> 00:46:55,930 (both laugh) 975 00:46:56,858 --> 00:46:58,881 No, you get out! 976 00:46:58,912 --> 00:47:01,957 Anyway, I can't wait to see your mid-term presentation. 977 00:47:01,988 --> 00:47:03,938 I'm pretty excited for you to read it. 978 00:47:03,969 --> 00:47:06,806 No, no. It's an oral presentation. 979 00:47:06,837 --> 00:47:08,808 It's a... What is it? 980 00:47:08,839 --> 00:47:11,999 Instead of with your hands, you present your work with your mouth and tongue. 981 00:47:13,824 --> 00:47:15,857 OK. You're gonna be great. 982 00:47:15,889 --> 00:47:17,828 Just keep up the good work. OK. 983 00:47:21,863 --> 00:47:22,927 What's the matter? 984 00:47:22,958 --> 00:47:26,931 I'm just not fond of speaking in public. 985 00:47:27,828 --> 00:47:32,854 OK, let's get started on those quizzes. You have 15 minutes, so do not dally. 986 00:47:39,881 --> 00:47:40,966 Dee Dee. 987 00:47:40,997 --> 00:47:43,917 - Hey, Jack. - Hey! I um... 988 00:47:43,948 --> 00:47:48,828 I saw Maddie and she said that you were gonna be in here studying. 989 00:47:48,860 --> 00:47:50,038 So, I got you a coffee. 990 00:47:50,070 --> 00:47:52,906 Thank you, Jack. That's so nice of you. 991 00:47:52,937 --> 00:47:54,897 I couldn't find any Chardonnay, so... 992 00:47:54,929 --> 00:47:57,035 (laughs) It's probably for the best. 993 00:47:58,046 --> 00:48:01,070 Hey, have you, uh... been getting my texts? 994 00:48:02,009 --> 00:48:03,875 Oh, um... 995 00:48:03,906 --> 00:48:05,043 You know what? I usually... 996 00:48:05,074 --> 00:48:08,025 I turn off my little chimey alert. 997 00:48:08,056 --> 00:48:11,956 Yeah. You gotta be quiet in the library, right? (chuckles) 998 00:48:11,987 --> 00:48:13,061 Oh. 999 00:48:13,989 --> 00:48:15,877 Wow, that's... 1000 00:48:15,991 --> 00:48:17,941 That's a lot of texts, Jack. 1001 00:48:17,973 --> 00:48:20,934 - Now that I'm here... - Yeah. 1002 00:48:20,965 --> 00:48:22,905 Yeah, I can just tell you. 1003 00:48:23,959 --> 00:48:25,898 I um... 1004 00:48:25,929 --> 00:48:28,025 I kind of can't stop thinking about you. 1005 00:48:29,933 --> 00:48:31,059 Jack, that is so sweet. 1006 00:48:31,967 --> 00:48:34,031 You wanna know what I can't stop thinking about? 1007 00:48:34,062 --> 00:48:37,034 Us. Me and you, we leave this school. 1008 00:48:37,065 --> 00:48:40,048 We can go backpacking across Europe. 1009 00:48:40,079 --> 00:48:42,008 Me and you - Eat Pray Love style. 1010 00:48:42,039 --> 00:48:46,116 I-I can... I can bartend, we'll make it work... 1011 00:48:46,898 --> 00:48:47,951 Jack. 1012 00:48:48,900 --> 00:48:51,893 Years ago, somebody asking me to do that with them 1013 00:48:51,924 --> 00:48:54,010 would have been an absolute dream. 1014 00:48:54,041 --> 00:48:57,128 But I can't travel with a backpack any more. 1015 00:48:58,129 --> 00:49:00,913 I need luggage with wheels. 1016 00:49:00,945 --> 00:49:02,008 I mean, I... 1017 00:49:02,039 --> 00:49:04,125 Even my carry-on has wheels, Jack. 1018 00:49:05,094 --> 00:49:08,045 My hips can't really sustain a backpack. 1019 00:49:08,077 --> 00:49:11,090 They're never the same after a childbirth, you know, but... 1020 00:49:11,945 --> 00:49:14,938 But it's such a wonderful offer 1021 00:49:14,969 --> 00:49:16,981 and you're such a terrific guy but... 1022 00:49:18,035 --> 00:49:20,068 I think what we had the other night 1023 00:49:20,099 --> 00:49:24,134 was really kind of a one-time special thing. 1024 00:49:33,113 --> 00:49:35,063 Uh-oh! (laughs) 1025 00:49:36,054 --> 00:49:37,044 (Deanna laughs) 1026 00:49:37,075 --> 00:49:39,995 JACK: That was amazing! DEANNA: That was so nice. 1027 00:49:41,027 --> 00:49:42,164 Oh, my God! 1028 00:49:44,009 --> 00:49:45,167 Oh, my God! 1029 00:49:45,949 --> 00:49:47,075 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God. 1030 00:49:47,106 --> 00:49:49,108 You are my sexual Dumbledore. 1031 00:49:49,139 --> 00:49:51,141 - I mean... - What does that mean? 1032 00:49:51,173 --> 00:49:54,030 Dumbledore, he's from Harry Potter. 1033 00:49:54,061 --> 00:49:57,075 You know, Harry Potter's, like, mentor... 1034 00:49:57,106 --> 00:49:59,191 he's got the beard, and he's got the hat. 1035 00:49:59,973 --> 00:50:02,997 - Dumbledore. - I'm gonna stop you right there. 1036 00:50:05,103 --> 00:50:07,064 Um...this is just... 1037 00:50:07,095 --> 00:50:09,088 This will ride you through life. 1038 00:50:09,119 --> 00:50:13,154 I don't think ever there's a woman that's gonna want you to say 1039 00:50:13,185 --> 00:50:15,146 that during a sexual encounter 1040 00:50:15,177 --> 00:50:19,984 you're thinking of her as an old, grey, grizzled wizard. 1041 00:50:20,015 --> 00:50:21,141 Aww! 1042 00:50:21,172 --> 00:50:23,060 - Yeah. - Aww! Um... 1043 00:50:23,091 --> 00:50:26,125 - OK. I'm sorry. - So good up until... 1044 00:50:26,157 --> 00:50:29,180 until you called me an old, grey, male wizard. 1045 00:50:29,212 --> 00:50:31,047 Wizard talk's gone. 1046 00:50:31,078 --> 00:50:33,007 - Well... - All right. 1047 00:50:33,237 --> 00:50:35,207 OK, well, um... 1048 00:50:36,177 --> 00:50:38,242 - I'd better... - See you later? 1049 00:50:39,024 --> 00:50:41,235 No, no, no. That was the last... 1050 00:50:42,016 --> 00:50:44,029 That was the last time... 1051 00:50:44,060 --> 00:50:46,115 - You said that earlier. - I know. 1052 00:50:46,146 --> 00:50:51,151 I know, but your wrist got involved and I got distracted, so... 1053 00:50:52,163 --> 00:50:54,029 Last time. OK. 1054 00:50:55,103 --> 00:50:57,178 OK, that's it. And we're done. 1055 00:50:57,209 --> 00:50:59,211 It's a clean... clean break. 1056 00:51:00,233 --> 00:51:02,246 You know what? Just a finale. 1057 00:51:06,177 --> 00:51:08,085 OK. I'll text you. 1058 00:51:10,212 --> 00:51:12,204 OK, I'll miss that. I'll miss that. 1059 00:51:12,235 --> 00:51:15,155 OK. You go that way. I'll go this way. 1060 00:51:16,145 --> 00:51:17,262 Damn it, man. 1061 00:51:20,181 --> 00:51:22,057 Oh, my God! 1062 00:51:22,090 --> 00:51:23,101 Ohh! 1063 00:51:23,132 --> 00:51:24,175 Come on, come on, come on. 1064 00:51:24,206 --> 00:51:25,270 - (phone rings) - Hello? 1065 00:51:26,052 --> 00:51:27,147 What are you doing? 1066 00:51:27,178 --> 00:51:30,139 I think my forks have oxidised. 1067 00:51:30,171 --> 00:51:32,131 I'm just... I'm trying to get it off. 1068 00:51:32,162 --> 00:51:34,237 - What are you doing? - I just had sex in the library. 1069 00:51:34,268 --> 00:51:37,105 - What? - I just had sex in the library. 1070 00:51:37,136 --> 00:51:38,220 You had what? 1071 00:51:39,075 --> 00:51:41,067 I... I just had sex in the library. 1072 00:51:41,098 --> 00:51:44,091 You had sex in a library? 1073 00:51:44,122 --> 00:51:45,258 - Frank! - No, don't tell Frank. 1074 00:51:45,290 --> 00:51:48,282 - Deanna just had sex in a public place. - What? Where? 1075 00:51:48,314 --> 00:51:51,223 - In the stacks! - In her slacks? 1076 00:51:51,254 --> 00:51:53,320 - No. Shut up, Frank. - (text alert on Deanna's phone) 1077 00:51:54,101 --> 00:51:55,311 Hang on for one second. 1078 00:51:59,138 --> 00:52:01,275 You know what? I have to go. I'll call you later. 1079 00:52:03,309 --> 00:52:05,248 Can you believe this, Frank? 1080 00:52:05,279 --> 00:52:07,188 Good for Deanna. 1081 00:52:08,147 --> 00:52:09,273 Oh, Frank? 1082 00:52:09,304 --> 00:52:11,160 Hm? 1083 00:52:13,215 --> 00:52:15,321 Why don't we ever have sex in public? 1084 00:52:16,218 --> 00:52:18,324 Because, honey, last time you blew your knee out 1085 00:52:19,106 --> 00:52:21,275 and I had to carry you out of Six Flags. 1086 00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:24,153 Oh... 1087 00:52:25,133 --> 00:52:27,166 But I do like those fuzzy socks. 1088 00:52:27,197 --> 00:52:29,210 Oh, Frank. (chuckles) 1089 00:52:31,201 --> 00:52:33,308 Thanks for coming, Mom. Debbie's really freaking out. 1090 00:52:33,339 --> 00:52:36,280 It sounded serious. I'm gonna make my lasagne. 1091 00:52:38,344 --> 00:52:39,450 OK... 1092 00:52:40,367 --> 00:52:42,234 Hey, Debbie. 1093 00:52:42,265 --> 00:52:45,247 Do you think you're ready to maybe start talking about it now? 1094 00:52:45,278 --> 00:52:47,343 She went to a job fair and now she's all freaked out. 1095 00:52:48,240 --> 00:52:51,243 I thought fairs were supposed to be fun. This one wasn't fun at all. 1096 00:52:51,274 --> 00:52:53,464 I don't even know what I really wanna do with my life. 1097 00:52:54,246 --> 00:52:56,446 - Why did I study kinesiology? - That's uh... 1098 00:52:57,228 --> 00:52:59,460 I mean, that's basically like physical therapy, right? 1099 00:53:00,241 --> 00:53:01,400 Kind of, but not as useful. 1100 00:53:01,431 --> 00:53:03,475 It's the theoretical study of human movement. 1101 00:53:04,392 --> 00:53:06,321 OK. Wow. 1102 00:53:06,353 --> 00:53:10,304 I can see that does feel slightly limited 1103 00:53:10,336 --> 00:53:13,370 in employment opportunities. 1104 00:53:14,267 --> 00:53:18,354 I took out $45,000 in student loans and what am I ready for? Nothing. 1105 00:53:18,385 --> 00:53:22,275 OK, come on. You can't make such a big deal out of everything. 1106 00:53:22,306 --> 00:53:24,391 Ladies, you gotta have a little faith in yourselves. 1107 00:53:24,423 --> 00:53:29,376 I spent 20 years just giving it all away. I worried about what other people thought. 1108 00:53:29,407 --> 00:53:32,358 I worried about what they thought I should be doing. Never what I thought. 1109 00:53:32,389 --> 00:53:35,277 Look at me now. I'm living in a dorm with a roommate 1110 00:53:35,309 --> 00:53:37,279 that I'm pretty sure watches me while I sleep. 1111 00:53:37,311 --> 00:53:39,480 I got the clothes on my back. I got nothing. 1112 00:53:39,512 --> 00:53:42,348 The last 20 years of my life have been a real shit show. 1113 00:53:42,379 --> 00:53:43,453 Thank you. 1114 00:53:44,350 --> 00:53:46,310 Not meaning you... I mean... 1115 00:53:46,341 --> 00:53:48,354 You know... You know what I mean. I just... 1116 00:53:48,385 --> 00:53:49,469 Give me those fingers. 1117 00:53:49,501 --> 00:53:53,296 Every single little thing about you is a dream. 1118 00:53:53,328 --> 00:53:54,454 I wouldn't change any of that. 1119 00:53:54,485 --> 00:53:57,425 The rest, I would like to rewind that clock 1120 00:53:57,457 --> 00:54:01,492 and 20 years ago start speaking up for myself, so that's my point. 1121 00:54:01,523 --> 00:54:04,339 You gals are terrific. You're not quitters. 1122 00:54:04,370 --> 00:54:06,424 I'm afraid I'm never gonna be in a real relationship. 1123 00:54:06,455 --> 00:54:08,343 Amanda! Come on! 1124 00:54:08,374 --> 00:54:10,480 - Come on! - I'm so sorry. 1125 00:54:10,511 --> 00:54:14,548 Honey, if you can't use what the good Lord made you and make that work, 1126 00:54:15,329 --> 00:54:17,446 then what the hell hope do any of us have? 1127 00:54:17,478 --> 00:54:20,481 - None. - You're all amazing. I mean, look at you. 1128 00:54:20,512 --> 00:54:24,328 You're all lovely here and you're smart and you're wonderful 1129 00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:26,560 and you're weird, in the best, best way. 1130 00:54:27,342 --> 00:54:28,509 I just... I mean, if you look... 1131 00:54:28,541 --> 00:54:30,522 My God! Look at Carol's legs. 1132 00:54:30,553 --> 00:54:32,378 Legs for days. 1133 00:54:32,409 --> 00:54:33,483 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 1134 00:54:33,514 --> 00:54:35,496 Just enjoy 'em, for God's sakes. 1135 00:54:35,527 --> 00:54:39,333 Just... We all have to realise everybody's great, right? 1136 00:54:39,364 --> 00:54:40,563 And this is good. OK? 1137 00:54:41,345 --> 00:54:43,452 And this is good, and this is good, and these are good. 1138 00:54:43,483 --> 00:54:46,392 - And this is... My God! - Mom, do not touch Amanda's butt! 1139 00:54:46,423 --> 00:54:47,561 You know what it makes me think of? 1140 00:54:48,457 --> 00:54:50,501 It's like a three-day-old loaf of bread. 1141 00:54:50,532 --> 00:54:53,463 It's firmer, but it's kept its original shape. 1142 00:54:53,494 --> 00:54:56,549 Now, I... I think I've just been looser structurally. 1143 00:54:56,580 --> 00:55:00,365 Oh, you know, I could explain to you the differences in your bodies. 1144 00:55:00,397 --> 00:55:01,564 But only as it pertains to movement. 1145 00:55:01,596 --> 00:55:05,381 Look what's happening right now. Look what's happening right... 1146 00:55:05,412 --> 00:55:06,559 - You're using your degree. - (text alert) 1147 00:55:06,590 --> 00:55:09,426 - You're doing it! - I am. 1148 00:55:09,458 --> 00:55:12,534 You guys, there's a party tonight at Deltas and it's '80s themed. 1149 00:55:12,565 --> 00:55:15,495 So, ladies, time to crush a party. 1150 00:55:15,526 --> 00:55:17,591 Oh, I brought my dress-up trunk. 1151 00:55:18,373 --> 00:55:20,479 ♪ CYNDI LAUPER: Girls Just Want To Have Fun 1152 00:55:26,465 --> 00:55:29,395 ♪ I come home in the morning light 1153 00:55:29,427 --> 00:55:33,576 ♪ My mother says when you gonna live your life right? 1154 00:55:34,411 --> 00:55:37,435 ♪ Oh, mother dear... - I told you we should have done Dynasty. 1155 00:55:37,466 --> 00:55:39,582 Why do they all look so good? 1156 00:55:39,614 --> 00:55:42,440 - Welcome to the '80s! - Thank you. 1157 00:55:42,471 --> 00:55:44,431 Hey! Theta Gammas! 1158 00:55:44,462 --> 00:55:47,590 Hi, there! Oh, well, I'm not officially a member. 1159 00:55:47,622 --> 00:55:49,624 I'm a little too young to join a sorority. 1160 00:55:50,406 --> 00:55:51,584 (laughs) 1161 00:55:51,615 --> 00:55:53,544 - No! - (chuckles) 1162 00:55:54,420 --> 00:55:55,619 - Don't drink that. - Oh. 1163 00:55:55,651 --> 00:55:58,644 This is a 2017 Italian Chardonnay. 1164 00:55:59,425 --> 00:56:01,512 - Jack... - Yeah, it's truly one of a kind. 1165 00:56:01,543 --> 00:56:03,482 Very oaky, very buttery. 1166 00:56:03,514 --> 00:56:05,599 Because it was a hot and dry fall this year in Italy. 1167 00:56:05,630 --> 00:56:08,612 So, the grapes are very, very succulent. 1168 00:56:08,644 --> 00:56:12,544 Well, far be from me to turn down a succulent grape. 1169 00:56:12,575 --> 00:56:15,484 You're being really weird with the grape descriptions. 1170 00:56:15,515 --> 00:56:17,611 It's lovely. It really is. 1171 00:56:17,642 --> 00:56:19,446 Hey, Grandma. 1172 00:56:20,447 --> 00:56:23,534 Hey, Jack, could you help me track down a drink? 1173 00:56:24,618 --> 00:56:27,454 OK, Jennifer, there's a keg out back. 1174 00:56:27,486 --> 00:56:29,477 There's also boxed wine. 1175 00:56:29,633 --> 00:56:32,605 You know what? I think we're gonna go take a little spin around, 1176 00:56:32,636 --> 00:56:34,576 try to figure out who shot JR. 1177 00:56:35,609 --> 00:56:36,683 Someone was shot? 1178 00:56:37,464 --> 00:56:40,458 No. No! God, no, it's from Dallas. 1179 00:56:40,489 --> 00:56:41,636 It's a television programme. 1180 00:56:41,667 --> 00:56:44,462 OK, I'll explain it. 1181 00:56:45,598 --> 00:56:49,498 Hey, if there's anything else I can get for you... 1182 00:56:49,529 --> 00:56:51,511 Seriously, anything. More wine... 1183 00:56:51,542 --> 00:56:54,576 Anything, honestly, just, just... just let me know. 1184 00:56:54,607 --> 00:56:55,660 OK, thanks, Jack. 1185 00:56:57,527 --> 00:56:59,633 I love what's left of your top. 1186 00:57:00,561 --> 00:57:01,677 Ha! 1187 00:57:03,668 --> 00:57:05,535 So, what's your deal, man? 1188 00:57:05,566 --> 00:57:07,558 I don't know. 1189 00:57:07,683 --> 00:57:10,603 She makes me so nervous. Can you tell? 1190 00:57:11,551 --> 00:57:12,658 Yeah. 1191 00:57:16,526 --> 00:57:18,737 ♪ BILLY OCEAN: Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car 1192 00:57:20,666 --> 00:57:21,740 ♪ Get into my... 1193 00:57:22,522 --> 00:57:24,545 (scratching) 1194 00:57:25,619 --> 00:57:26,724 I know this one. 1195 00:57:27,506 --> 00:57:28,674 - No, Mom. - I know this one. 1196 00:57:28,705 --> 00:57:30,696 - Uh-oh. - Get it! 1197 00:57:30,728 --> 00:57:33,606 ♪ THE SUGARHILL GANG: Apache 1198 00:57:40,759 --> 00:57:42,688 - Your mom can dance? - I guess so. 1199 00:57:43,595 --> 00:57:47,526 ♪ Tonto, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it 1200 00:57:51,604 --> 00:57:55,587 ♪ Kemosabe, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it 1201 00:57:55,618 --> 00:57:56,734 Whoo! 1202 00:58:00,582 --> 00:58:03,741 ♪ Custer, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it 1203 00:58:08,673 --> 00:58:11,624 ♪ Apache, jump on it, jump on it 1204 00:58:11,655 --> 00:58:13,657 (cheering) 1205 00:58:14,679 --> 00:58:15,795 ♪ A-hunga-hunga-hunga-hunga 1206 00:58:16,577 --> 00:58:17,651 It's a car! 1207 00:58:17,682 --> 00:58:20,602 Yeah, I can see that. Yes, Mom! 1208 00:58:20,633 --> 00:58:21,718 What a woman! 1209 00:58:21,749 --> 00:58:24,680 - You're doing so well! - I'm so hot. 1210 00:58:24,711 --> 00:58:26,619 You know so many moves! 1211 00:58:26,786 --> 00:58:28,777 Get back in there. Go get her! 1212 00:58:29,643 --> 00:58:30,779 ♪ Jump on it 1213 00:58:32,625 --> 00:58:33,761 - Oh! - Boo! 1214 00:58:33,793 --> 00:58:35,586 I got hair hit. 1215 00:58:35,659 --> 00:58:37,630 ♪ Jump on it, jump on it 1216 00:58:40,821 --> 00:58:43,594 (cheering) 1217 00:58:44,804 --> 00:58:46,681 - I'm good! - (cheering) 1218 00:58:51,717 --> 00:58:52,822 I'm so happy you're here. 1219 00:58:53,604 --> 00:58:54,741 I am too, honey! 1220 00:58:56,785 --> 00:58:58,599 OK. 1221 00:59:02,666 --> 00:59:05,669 Hi! You need some friends and some vitamin D. 1222 00:59:05,701 --> 00:59:07,807 OK, pal. Sunscreen's on my desk. 1223 00:59:09,663 --> 00:59:11,790 Thank you, best friend. 1224 00:59:12,801 --> 00:59:13,844 Come on, girls! 1225 00:59:14,731 --> 00:59:16,639 This is our moment! 1226 00:59:18,662 --> 00:59:19,798 Oh! 1227 00:59:19,829 --> 00:59:21,675 - Hi, Deanna! - Hi, guys! 1228 00:59:21,706 --> 00:59:23,771 Rebecca, I'll see you in lab. 1229 00:59:23,802 --> 00:59:25,689 - There she is. - Hey! 1230 00:59:25,856 --> 00:59:27,796 Whoo! 1231 00:59:27,827 --> 00:59:29,693 No legs! 1232 00:59:37,765 --> 00:59:39,757 (cheering) 1233 00:59:39,788 --> 00:59:41,644 Yes! 1234 00:59:44,709 --> 00:59:45,835 Hey, Dee! 1235 00:59:46,857 --> 00:59:48,734 Have a good day. 1236 00:59:49,652 --> 00:59:51,675 Bye, Jack. (giggles) 1237 00:59:59,787 --> 01:00:01,664 Ssh. Be careful. 1238 01:00:01,695 --> 01:00:02,811 I can't see out of my holes! 1239 01:00:02,842 --> 01:00:04,802 Guys, why did I have to do this? 1240 01:00:04,834 --> 01:00:06,846 Just hold her up, so we can get her head in there. 1241 01:00:06,878 --> 01:00:08,912 (shrieks) 1242 01:00:09,693 --> 01:00:11,883 - Oh, my God! - Aw, kidnapping? 1243 01:00:11,915 --> 01:00:13,844 - No! Leonor! - Come on. 1244 01:00:13,875 --> 01:00:14,918 No! 1245 01:00:17,806 --> 01:00:18,859 Hello? 1246 01:00:19,777 --> 01:00:21,800 Is there... Oh. 1247 01:00:23,708 --> 01:00:26,700 (distorted voice): Deanna Miles, welcome to your trial by fire. 1248 01:00:26,857 --> 01:00:30,694 What is that device that's making your voice so strange? 1249 01:00:30,725 --> 01:00:31,830 It's a voice modulator! 1250 01:00:31,862 --> 01:00:33,759 Everybody, take off your masks. 1251 01:00:35,918 --> 01:00:38,764 Oh, my face got so hot under there. 1252 01:00:38,796 --> 01:00:41,747 Oh, God, Debbie, what's wrong with your face? 1253 01:00:41,778 --> 01:00:42,936 Oh, I'm allergic to latex. 1254 01:00:43,717 --> 01:00:44,938 Then why would you put the mask on? 1255 01:00:45,719 --> 01:00:47,889 - I just wanted to be a team player. - Oh... 1256 01:00:48,775 --> 01:00:53,718 Deanna Miles, are you ready to become an honorary member of Theta Mu Gamma? 1257 01:00:54,948 --> 01:00:57,868 Really? Is that what this is about? 1258 01:00:57,899 --> 01:00:59,849 Wow, ladies! I mean, as long as it's... 1259 01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:01,809 Is that OK with Maddie? 1260 01:01:01,841 --> 01:01:03,801 (whispers): It was my idea, Mom. 1261 01:01:05,772 --> 01:01:07,857 Maddie Miles, please untie your mother. 1262 01:01:08,733 --> 01:01:10,797 Am I supposed to act scared or anything or can I... 1263 01:01:10,829 --> 01:01:11,861 - No. - OK. 1264 01:01:11,892 --> 01:01:12,935 - Just be yourself. - OK. 1265 01:01:12,966 --> 01:01:14,801 Thank you, honey. 1266 01:01:15,907 --> 01:01:18,868 Linda, please bring forth the candle. 1267 01:01:18,900 --> 01:01:20,745 Where's Linda? 1268 01:01:20,776 --> 01:01:21,841 Oh. 1269 01:01:21,872 --> 01:01:24,812 - Welcome. - Thank you, Linda. 1270 01:01:24,844 --> 01:01:28,921 Now you will be presented with the sacred paddle. 1271 01:01:28,952 --> 01:01:31,809 Welcome, Dee Rock. 1272 01:01:32,810 --> 01:01:33,967 Carol, oh, my...your brushwork 1273 01:01:33,999 --> 01:01:36,804 is absolutely lovely. 1274 01:01:36,835 --> 01:01:38,910 They're actually just stickers, but... 1275 01:01:38,941 --> 01:01:42,903 Maddie, please spank your mother with the ceremonial paddle. 1276 01:01:43,779 --> 01:01:45,990 No, I'm not... I'm not paddling my mother. 1277 01:01:46,772 --> 01:01:47,856 Oh, come on, Maddie. 1278 01:01:47,888 --> 01:01:48,920 Maddie, team player! 1279 01:01:48,951 --> 01:01:52,934 You know what? I have to ask. Has everybody else been paddled? 1280 01:01:52,965 --> 01:01:55,791 Because I don't wanna be the stick in the mud. 1281 01:01:55,823 --> 01:01:58,889 Should I crouch? I'm assuming I should take a crouched position. 1282 01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:00,005 I crouched. 1283 01:02:00,787 --> 01:02:02,966 I want the full Greek experience because I've always wondered... 1284 01:02:02,997 --> 01:02:04,989 (yells): Ow! Ow! 1285 01:02:05,020 --> 01:02:07,804 (groans) 1286 01:02:07,836 --> 01:02:08,951 God, that hit bone! 1287 01:02:08,982 --> 01:02:10,025 - Mom. - Maddie! 1288 01:02:10,807 --> 01:02:12,027 - I'm sorry. - (groans) 1289 01:02:12,809 --> 01:02:13,883 - Mom. - (groans) 1290 01:02:13,915 --> 01:02:15,041 Is someone still hitting me? 1291 01:02:15,823 --> 01:02:18,805 - I'm not touching you! - Ohh, I feel it! (groans) 1292 01:02:18,836 --> 01:02:21,923 They're like phantom pains except they're real! 1293 01:02:21,954 --> 01:02:22,996 (yells) 1294 01:02:23,028 --> 01:02:24,905 Get off of me! 1295 01:02:25,947 --> 01:02:27,814 Oh, God. 1296 01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:29,951 I thought I was gonna vomit. 1297 01:02:30,953 --> 01:02:31,975 No. 1298 01:02:32,006 --> 01:02:33,915 I'm sorry... 1299 01:02:33,946 --> 01:02:36,855 if I may have raised my voice. 1300 01:02:36,886 --> 01:02:39,024 - Are you OK, Dee Rock? - It's like when you stub a toe. 1301 01:02:39,055 --> 01:02:41,902 You just... You skyrocket 1302 01:02:41,933 --> 01:02:46,020 and then 30 seconds later, you didn't lose the toe, 1303 01:02:46,052 --> 01:02:48,846 which you swore 30 seconds earlier... 1304 01:02:48,878 --> 01:02:49,983 "I'm gonna lose the toe." 1305 01:02:50,014 --> 01:02:53,069 Right? We've all been at that bedpost. (chuckles) 1306 01:02:53,851 --> 01:02:55,895 - Are you ready to continue? - I'd love to. 1307 01:02:55,926 --> 01:02:56,948 All right. 1308 01:02:56,979 --> 01:03:01,015 By the power vested in me by this great state and educational facility, 1309 01:03:01,046 --> 01:03:04,967 I declare you a member of Theta Mu Gamma. 1310 01:03:04,998 --> 01:03:07,022 (cheering) 1311 01:03:09,076 --> 01:03:10,921 Oh, my gosh! 1312 01:03:10,953 --> 01:03:15,092 I just wanna say, I mean, pound sign, hashtag gratitude. 1313 01:03:15,874 --> 01:03:16,907 Right here. 1314 01:03:16,938 --> 01:03:19,002 - (chuckles) - And there's cake upstairs! 1315 01:03:19,034 --> 01:03:20,984 (cheering) 1316 01:03:21,015 --> 01:03:22,068 Cake! 1317 01:03:24,112 --> 01:03:25,978 She's allergic. She... 1318 01:03:26,009 --> 01:03:27,104 Honey, you're allergic. 1319 01:03:27,886 --> 01:03:28,992 Not tonight! 1320 01:03:34,038 --> 01:03:35,112 All right. 1321 01:03:35,894 --> 01:03:37,886 Exciting day. Hello to you, class. 1322 01:03:37,917 --> 01:03:41,098 I am very much looking forward to discovering the treasure 1323 01:03:41,130 --> 01:03:43,017 of your mid-term presentations. 1324 01:03:44,133 --> 01:03:46,906 - You're not gonna laugh at that? - It's funny. 1325 01:03:46,938 --> 01:03:49,075 I'm just... I'm too nervous about this presentation. 1326 01:03:49,106 --> 01:03:50,973 - I can't. - OK, tell you what. 1327 01:03:51,004 --> 01:03:53,997 Why don't we start off with... No offence to the rest of you! 1328 01:03:54,028 --> 01:03:55,947 ..my favourite student? 1329 01:03:55,978 --> 01:03:57,041 Oh, God. I gotta get some air. 1330 01:03:57,073 --> 01:04:00,086 Oh, don't worry about it. It's me. I'm clearly his favourite. 1331 01:04:00,117 --> 01:04:01,150 Excuse me. Sorry. 1332 01:04:01,932 --> 01:04:04,997 Deanna Miles, would you get us started, please? 1333 01:04:06,968 --> 01:04:08,084 Oh, God! 1334 01:04:09,929 --> 01:04:11,045 I'm um... 1335 01:04:13,985 --> 01:04:15,133 - You wanna... - No. 1336 01:04:17,125 --> 01:04:20,159 - I know you're gonna knock our socks off. - Thank you. 1337 01:04:20,940 --> 01:04:23,100 Deanna Miles is gonna start us off, everybody. Lights. 1338 01:04:24,101 --> 01:04:25,957 Ohh! 1339 01:04:25,988 --> 01:04:27,948 Oh, I didn't expect that. 1340 01:04:29,043 --> 01:04:30,148 Hello. 1341 01:04:32,057 --> 01:04:33,141 Oh, God. 1342 01:04:33,172 --> 01:04:35,018 Sorry. 1343 01:04:42,171 --> 01:04:44,986 I didn't... Is it a crank? 1344 01:04:45,017 --> 01:04:46,091 It's a crank. 1345 01:04:46,123 --> 01:04:48,125 I'm sorry, I just need to... 1346 01:04:50,012 --> 01:04:51,128 We are gonna... 1347 01:04:52,182 --> 01:04:55,038 I'm here to... Oh, God! 1348 01:04:55,070 --> 01:04:56,113 I'm sorry. 1349 01:04:57,103 --> 01:04:58,156 I'm so sorry. 1350 01:04:58,188 --> 01:05:03,193 Is it part of the core curriculum that I must use the podium? 1351 01:05:03,975 --> 01:05:05,111 Of course not. No, not at all. 1352 01:05:05,143 --> 01:05:10,127 OK. I'm going to opt to not use that. 1353 01:05:10,158 --> 01:05:12,181 (clears her throat nervously) 1354 01:05:14,058 --> 01:05:15,997 She's totally pitting out. 1355 01:05:16,029 --> 01:05:17,186 She's gonna be fine. 1356 01:05:21,138 --> 01:05:22,212 (echoes): I'm here... 1357 01:05:22,994 --> 01:05:24,130 Too loud, too loud. 1358 01:05:24,162 --> 01:05:26,153 I'm here to discuss... 1359 01:05:26,184 --> 01:05:31,012 not an exciting find but rather an exciting truth. 1360 01:05:32,160 --> 01:05:35,101 The tomb of Attila the Hun, 1361 01:05:35,226 --> 01:05:40,137 thought to be in Budapest, Hungary, in 2014, 1362 01:05:40,168 --> 01:05:42,066 but was in fact a hoax. 1363 01:05:42,097 --> 01:05:43,255 - But how do we know? - (crack) 1364 01:05:45,236 --> 01:05:47,092 (pained): How do we know? 1365 01:05:47,123 --> 01:05:49,031 Ms Miles, are you OK? 1366 01:05:49,063 --> 01:05:51,158 Oh, yes. I'm fine. Just... 1367 01:05:51,190 --> 01:05:55,256 You know what? If I could just maybe get into a couple of those tissues... 1368 01:05:56,038 --> 01:05:57,227 Oh, of course. 1369 01:06:01,127 --> 01:06:02,180 - I'm sorry. - No. 1370 01:06:02,211 --> 01:06:08,145 You may wanna check with your HVAC guy because something's going on in here. 1371 01:06:09,073 --> 01:06:10,283 (Deanna panting) 1372 01:06:11,065 --> 01:06:12,139 - Thank you. - You've got... 1373 01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:17,237 Thank you. That's better. 1374 01:06:19,062 --> 01:06:20,115 (whispers): Tissue. 1375 01:06:21,169 --> 01:06:23,077 Oh, my God. 1376 01:06:26,059 --> 01:06:27,185 Oh, my God. 1377 01:06:30,094 --> 01:06:31,220 (clears her throat) 1378 01:06:32,190 --> 01:06:34,098 Historically... 1379 01:06:34,129 --> 01:06:36,299 Historically, the Huns have... (her voice breaks) 1380 01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:39,103 (she coughs) 1381 01:06:39,176 --> 01:06:44,255 Could I just have a small... small sip of water from someone? 1382 01:06:45,246 --> 01:06:47,112 Can I... Do you mind if I just... 1383 01:06:47,143 --> 01:06:49,229 Thank you so much. Thank you. 1384 01:06:51,293 --> 01:06:53,212 (whispers): Don't be a dick now. 1385 01:06:59,208 --> 01:07:00,240 (groans) 1386 01:07:01,262 --> 01:07:04,265 That is surprisingly challenging my body. 1387 01:07:04,296 --> 01:07:06,340 - Wayne! - Deanna. 1388 01:07:07,122 --> 01:07:08,206 (Deanna groans) 1389 01:07:08,237 --> 01:07:10,156 Oh, girl. 1390 01:07:12,116 --> 01:07:14,212 I think it's OK now. 1391 01:07:16,236 --> 01:07:18,143 So sorry for that. 1392 01:07:19,301 --> 01:07:23,337 Rümschtein discovered a tomb, 1393 01:07:24,119 --> 01:07:28,238 allegedly that had many human... (strained): skeletons, 1394 01:07:28,269 --> 01:07:32,252 and many various different kinds of horse skeletons, 1395 01:07:33,253 --> 01:07:35,182 ie, carcasses, 1396 01:07:36,277 --> 01:07:39,321 to enable them to come into the next dimension. 1397 01:07:40,322 --> 01:07:42,283 Are there any questions...? 1398 01:07:42,314 --> 01:07:44,295 (she groans, students gasp) 1399 01:07:44,326 --> 01:07:46,349 - Deanna? - No. OK... 1400 01:07:47,309 --> 01:07:49,144 Ms Miles! Ms Miles! 1401 01:07:49,175 --> 01:07:50,218 Dee Rock! 1402 01:07:51,282 --> 01:07:53,200 How did I do? 1403 01:07:53,232 --> 01:07:55,338 Girl, you sweat through your pants. 1404 01:07:55,370 --> 01:07:58,394 Oh, no. I love these pants. 1405 01:07:59,176 --> 01:08:01,178 (she groans) 1406 01:08:04,306 --> 01:08:07,319 It was the first time I've taken a look at his entire portfolio. 1407 01:08:07,350 --> 01:08:14,170 And I looked at him and I said, "Tom, your 401(k) is 401 not OK." 1408 01:08:14,201 --> 01:08:15,233 (laughs) 1409 01:08:15,265 --> 01:08:16,307 Interesting. 1410 01:08:16,339 --> 01:08:18,247 Sounds like a really exciting business. 1411 01:08:18,278 --> 01:08:20,197 I'm glad to see you. 1412 01:08:20,228 --> 01:08:22,209 - Yeah, me, too. - I'm glad you called me. 1413 01:08:22,240 --> 01:08:24,253 You're being quiet tonight. What is it? 1414 01:08:24,284 --> 01:08:27,340 No, I'm enjoying the wine, and the neat banter. 1415 01:08:27,371 --> 01:08:30,333 Oh, my God. We're too old and boring for you now. 1416 01:08:30,364 --> 01:08:33,252 - Don't say that. That's not true. - I knew it. Don't dump me. 1417 01:08:33,284 --> 01:08:34,431 - I'm not gonna dump you. - I mean it. 1418 01:08:35,213 --> 01:08:38,226 - I will leave Frank. In a heartbeat. - (mouths) 1419 01:08:38,257 --> 01:08:41,260 I don't give two rats' asses about Amy and Bill. 1420 01:08:41,427 --> 01:08:44,243 - Excuse me? - Your jokes make me wanna kill myself. 1421 01:08:44,274 --> 01:08:45,358 They're not very good. 1422 01:08:45,389 --> 01:08:46,443 No, they're the worst. 1423 01:08:47,225 --> 01:08:48,361 That's... That's fair. 1424 01:08:49,216 --> 01:08:52,240 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. 1425 01:08:52,271 --> 01:08:54,273 - Those pricks are here. - Who? 1426 01:08:54,305 --> 01:08:56,255 - They can't see me. - Where are you going? 1427 01:08:56,286 --> 01:08:59,247 - What are you doing? - Maybe they're going the other... 1428 01:08:59,436 --> 01:09:02,334 I can't believe... I did not know they were gonna be here. 1429 01:09:03,282 --> 01:09:05,390 - Well... - Here it is. Found my contact. 1430 01:09:05,421 --> 01:09:07,402 - Hey, gang. What's the good word? - Hi! 1431 01:09:08,351 --> 01:09:09,456 Oh... 1432 01:09:10,238 --> 01:09:12,282 What a surprise! I didn't know you were here. 1433 01:09:12,313 --> 01:09:13,460 - You guys know Marcie, right? - Yeah. 1434 01:09:14,242 --> 01:09:16,244 - I don't think I introduced you. - Hi. Hello. 1435 01:09:16,276 --> 01:09:17,443 Pleasure. It's great. 1436 01:09:17,475 --> 01:09:22,240 - What is... What is on your lobe, Dan? - Oh. 1437 01:09:22,407 --> 01:09:24,471 It's an earring. It works for Harrison Ford. 1438 01:09:25,253 --> 01:09:26,275 Sure does. 1439 01:09:26,306 --> 01:09:28,475 Harrison Ford blew up the Death Star and freed a galaxy. 1440 01:09:29,257 --> 01:09:30,300 What have you done, Dan? 1441 01:09:30,331 --> 01:09:33,449 Six-minute abs. He completed the 30-day challenge of six-minute abs. 1442 01:09:33,480 --> 01:09:35,399 My goal is to have a washboard. 1443 01:09:35,430 --> 01:09:38,486 Now, Deanna, what are you up to? You still pretending to go to college? 1444 01:09:39,267 --> 01:09:41,406 Because you know, Dan can't foot that bill forever. 1445 01:09:41,437 --> 01:09:45,274 What was the word we learned in Italy for "pathetic"? 1446 01:09:45,306 --> 01:09:48,267 - I don't remember any more. - I do. It was Deanna. 1447 01:09:48,298 --> 01:09:50,488 Pathetico in Italian. Pathetic, pathetico. 1448 01:09:51,270 --> 01:09:57,297 Bill, you look like Orson Welles had a stroke and stayed that way. 1449 01:09:57,328 --> 01:09:59,330 Not the first time I've heard it. 1450 01:09:59,361 --> 01:10:02,458 God, I hate him so much. I hate him so much. 1451 01:10:02,489 --> 01:10:04,387 He's hateable. 1452 01:10:04,418 --> 01:10:07,317 Deanna, I wanted to speak to you privately for a second. 1453 01:10:07,348 --> 01:10:12,291 No. I don't have any time for you and I will never have any time for you again. 1454 01:10:12,322 --> 01:10:16,379 Fine. I was going to say, Marcie and I have some big news. 1455 01:10:16,504 --> 01:10:18,381 We're getting married next week. 1456 01:10:18,413 --> 01:10:20,404 Small ceremony but super classy. 1457 01:10:20,435 --> 01:10:21,468 Mazel tov! 1458 01:10:21,499 --> 01:10:23,490 Shut up, Bill! 1459 01:10:23,522 --> 01:10:25,440 What the hell is wrong with you? 1460 01:10:25,472 --> 01:10:29,371 They said they were getting married. We should... Mazel tov! 1461 01:10:29,403 --> 01:10:31,457 Read the room, Bill. 1462 01:10:31,488 --> 01:10:33,375 Thank you. That was very kind. 1463 01:10:33,407 --> 01:10:34,554 I'm not Jewish, but thank you. 1464 01:10:35,336 --> 01:10:36,441 This is a bona fide shit show. 1465 01:10:36,472 --> 01:10:38,391 Oh, jeez. 1466 01:10:38,422 --> 01:10:40,403 I was hoping for a "congratulations". 1467 01:10:40,435 --> 01:10:42,364 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 1468 01:10:42,395 --> 01:10:45,325 - Can I get you any starters, appetisers? - Jack! 1469 01:10:46,368 --> 01:10:47,421 - What...? - Deanna. 1470 01:10:47,452 --> 01:10:51,436 Wow, you look...stunning. 1471 01:10:51,467 --> 01:10:53,438 Oh, I don't know. (laughs) 1472 01:10:53,469 --> 01:10:56,514 - Oh, um...this is my mom. - What? 1473 01:10:56,545 --> 01:10:58,558 Mom, this is who I was telling you about. The girl. 1474 01:10:59,340 --> 01:11:00,362 - No. - What? 1475 01:11:00,393 --> 01:11:02,499 - No! - What am I hearing? 1476 01:11:02,530 --> 01:11:03,563 What's happening? 1477 01:11:04,345 --> 01:11:08,453 Jack, you told me you were seeing a college girl named Dee Dee. 1478 01:11:08,484 --> 01:11:12,415 Yeah, she came to the frat house and we met at a party. 1479 01:11:13,375 --> 01:11:15,491 - That's not what you meant. - (Christine laughs) 1480 01:11:15,523 --> 01:11:16,576 Oh, gosh! 1481 01:11:17,358 --> 01:11:19,495 She had sex with your son! 1482 01:11:19,527 --> 01:11:22,363 She had sex with your son and she called me right after. 1483 01:11:22,394 --> 01:11:23,594 Because we are friends! 1484 01:11:24,375 --> 01:11:26,441 Oh, my goodness! 1485 01:11:26,472 --> 01:11:30,601 Everybody, she slept with her son in a library! (cackles) 1486 01:11:33,417 --> 01:11:35,533 This is the greatest thing I've ever been a part of. 1487 01:11:35,564 --> 01:11:36,576 - I get it. - Cheers. 1488 01:11:36,607 --> 01:11:39,496 It's just a cruel joke. It's cruel, and you're right. 1489 01:11:39,527 --> 01:11:42,540 You know what? I might deserve it. I've been rough on you, but come on, 1490 01:11:42,571 --> 01:11:46,534 seriously, did you have intercourse with my son? 1491 01:11:47,524 --> 01:11:49,422 - Did you? - (laughs) 1492 01:11:51,601 --> 01:11:57,399 In terms of your question of like, did anything happen between us? 1493 01:11:57,430 --> 01:11:59,432 Have we slept together? 1494 01:11:59,463 --> 01:12:01,623 Yeah. Yeah, we have. 1495 01:12:02,404 --> 01:12:04,532 And I rocked...his world. 1496 01:12:04,563 --> 01:12:06,482 - Oh, my God! - Come on. 1497 01:12:06,513 --> 01:12:09,422 Well, best night of my life. 1498 01:12:09,558 --> 01:12:11,435 I'll drink to that. 1499 01:12:12,592 --> 01:12:14,500 All right. Bye, Jack. 1500 01:12:15,512 --> 01:12:20,444 Whoa! That's my girl! That's my lady! 1501 01:12:21,518 --> 01:12:22,665 Nice to finally meet you, Jack. 1502 01:12:23,447 --> 01:12:25,428 I love you! 1503 01:12:25,459 --> 01:12:28,618 I love you! You're my hero! Whoa! 1504 01:12:28,650 --> 01:12:31,517 I need... I'm gonna check on Dee Dee. 1505 01:12:36,376 --> 01:12:37,535 - Dee Rock! - Dee! 1506 01:12:38,316 --> 01:12:39,495 Dee, where are you? Oh, there she is! 1507 01:12:39,526 --> 01:12:41,518 - Hi! How are you? - I heard you had sex in here! 1508 01:12:41,549 --> 01:12:44,385 - So good to see you. - Oh, my God, you guys. Ssh. 1509 01:12:44,417 --> 01:12:47,399 - What are you doing here? - We're here to get you out of here. 1510 01:12:47,430 --> 01:12:48,525 No. Why? 1511 01:12:48,556 --> 01:12:51,392 Your ding-dong ex-husband's getting married tonight. 1512 01:12:51,424 --> 01:12:53,530 You were here for our girl when she was freaking out. 1513 01:12:53,561 --> 01:12:55,438 You've been there for all of us. 1514 01:12:55,469 --> 01:12:57,367 Let us be there for you. 1515 01:12:57,398 --> 01:13:00,454 My friend Lance who I was in a coma with is having a gathering this evening. 1516 01:13:00,485 --> 01:13:02,518 His place is kind of a dump, but it'll be fun! 1517 01:13:02,549 --> 01:13:05,406 No. You know what? I'm pretty much partied out. 1518 01:13:05,438 --> 01:13:07,388 I just wanna stay in for the night 1519 01:13:07,419 --> 01:13:08,482 - and hit the books. - Please! 1520 01:13:08,514 --> 01:13:10,589 I'm sorry, Dee. I'm sorry. I'm not taking this. 1521 01:13:11,371 --> 01:13:12,571 You should not be alone tonight, so... 1522 01:13:13,352 --> 01:13:15,354 - No! - I'm afraid you don't have an option. 1523 01:13:15,385 --> 01:13:17,586 Yeah, this is not like those other parties. It's jazz night! 1524 01:13:18,483 --> 01:13:20,391 OK. You know what? 1525 01:13:20,422 --> 01:13:22,383 You're right. If I stay here any longer, 1526 01:13:22,414 --> 01:13:24,468 I'm just gonna keep thinking about that wedding. 1527 01:13:24,499 --> 01:13:27,429 Yeah, she's probably getting her dress on. 1528 01:13:27,461 --> 01:13:29,421 Hair and make-up, going over her vows. 1529 01:13:29,452 --> 01:13:31,517 OK, you know what? Let's just go. 1530 01:13:31,548 --> 01:13:33,540 - Yeah! - (whooping) 1531 01:13:33,571 --> 01:13:35,448 No! No! 1532 01:13:35,583 --> 01:13:36,595 Oh... 1533 01:13:37,377 --> 01:13:41,610 You know, Lance, I have to say, you know, you have a lovely, lovely home here. 1534 01:13:42,392 --> 01:13:43,529 Are you sure tonight is a party? 1535 01:13:43,560 --> 01:13:45,614 Sorry. Lance, what's going on? Where is everybody? 1536 01:13:46,396 --> 01:13:47,564 - You promised me a jazz party. - I know. 1537 01:13:47,595 --> 01:13:50,610 You got people doing role-playing games. And Tuesday night is jazz. 1538 01:13:51,391 --> 01:13:53,519 - Thursday night is role-playing. - I know. It's my bad. 1539 01:13:53,550 --> 01:13:56,449 I tried to combine them and I'm regretting that choice now 1540 01:13:56,480 --> 01:13:58,472 because I feel like I'm losing the jazz crowd 1541 01:13:58,503 --> 01:14:00,463 and I've also lost the role-playing crowd. 1542 01:14:00,495 --> 01:14:02,445 Uh. Taking a ding on both sides. 1543 01:14:02,476 --> 01:14:03,633 Yeah, it's like a double loss, really. 1544 01:14:04,415 --> 01:14:06,490 You know what? I'm having a wonderful time 1545 01:14:06,522 --> 01:14:11,631 and I have to say, uh-oh, I cannot stay out of this unbelievable choc... 1546 01:14:12,413 --> 01:14:14,519 You are quite a gifted chocolatier. I mean... 1547 01:14:14,550 --> 01:14:17,491 - They're really good. - I don't usually like chocolate. 1548 01:14:17,522 --> 01:14:20,525 I just started eating because I was nervous but it's really good. 1549 01:14:20,556 --> 01:14:22,506 It is a weed bark. So, maybe... 1550 01:14:22,538 --> 01:14:24,603 I would probably hold off from having any more. 1551 01:14:25,625 --> 01:14:27,428 - Just cos... - What is it? 1552 01:14:27,459 --> 01:14:31,485 I have a medicinal marijuana card for early-onset glaucoma. 1553 01:14:32,434 --> 01:14:33,591 - No. - Yeah. 1554 01:14:33,622 --> 01:14:35,656 - No, it's not. - Oh, no, it most certainly is. 1555 01:14:36,438 --> 01:14:39,566 Lance, damn it! Why'd you put out chocolate weed bark? You gotta label that. 1556 01:14:39,597 --> 01:14:41,464 I am so sorry. It is... 1557 01:14:41,495 --> 01:14:44,540 I've had 14. I've eaten a lot of bark. 1558 01:14:44,571 --> 01:14:46,542 - I've eaten a lot of bark too. - So much bark. 1559 01:14:46,573 --> 01:14:48,450 So much bark. 1560 01:14:48,481 --> 01:14:50,608 I just wanted to hear some Miles Davis, you know. 1561 01:14:50,639 --> 01:14:52,485 I'm sorry. 1562 01:14:52,683 --> 01:14:56,625 Is that it? Because I'm starting to feel a little fungly. 1563 01:14:56,656 --> 01:14:58,595 Yeah, it's pretty powerful stuff. 1564 01:14:58,627 --> 01:15:01,641 Fungly. Fun-Fungle. Fungl-y. 1565 01:15:01,672 --> 01:15:04,476 You have such pretty eyes. 1566 01:15:06,521 --> 01:15:08,533 - Thank you. - (chuckles) 1567 01:15:10,535 --> 01:15:12,527 My tongue is so big. 1568 01:15:12,558 --> 01:15:14,581 (laughing) 1569 01:15:17,501 --> 01:15:20,566 ♪ The final countdown! 1570 01:15:20,598 --> 01:15:22,683 That was recognisable. 1571 01:15:22,714 --> 01:15:24,727 Really good jam. I'm just gonna... 1572 01:15:25,509 --> 01:15:26,604 - Can I get in here? - Please. 1573 01:15:26,635 --> 01:15:27,688 Oh, it's so comfy. 1574 01:15:27,719 --> 01:15:29,669 OK, wait. I... 1575 01:15:29,700 --> 01:15:31,629 was thinking about something... 1576 01:15:31,661 --> 01:15:34,601 and if I do marry Jack... 1577 01:15:34,632 --> 01:15:36,582 No! Just listen. Wait, wait. 1578 01:15:36,614 --> 01:15:39,638 That would make Marcie my stepmom... 1579 01:15:39,670 --> 01:15:43,549 and that would make Dan my new stepdad. 1580 01:15:43,580 --> 01:15:48,564 And then I would have to say things like, "Nuh-uh, Dan. You're not my real dad. 1581 01:15:48,595 --> 01:15:49,700 You can't tell me what to do. 1582 01:15:49,732 --> 01:15:51,702 Give me the car!" 1583 01:15:51,734 --> 01:15:53,579 (laughs) 1584 01:15:53,611 --> 01:15:55,706 Or, wait a minute... Or... 1585 01:15:55,738 --> 01:15:57,656 I could flip it. 1586 01:15:58,584 --> 01:15:59,763 And I could make peace with Dan. 1587 01:16:00,545 --> 01:16:03,714 What a great teaching lesson, right, that would be for Maddie 1588 01:16:03,746 --> 01:16:07,635 to see forgiveness and truly being the better person. 1589 01:16:07,666 --> 01:16:09,648 - That's better. - You're so smart. 1590 01:16:09,679 --> 01:16:11,629 You gotta go to that wedding. 1591 01:16:12,683 --> 01:16:13,736 Are we doing it? 1592 01:16:13,767 --> 01:16:15,780 Oh, my God. We're doing it! 1593 01:16:18,730 --> 01:16:24,674 Dan, when I first saw you, I thought the kerb appeal wasn't great, 1594 01:16:25,685 --> 01:16:27,687 the layout was a bit dated 1595 01:16:27,719 --> 01:16:30,690 and the kitchen a little small for my liking. 1596 01:16:30,722 --> 01:16:32,682 - (clamouring) - Dee Rock, good for you. 1597 01:16:32,713 --> 01:16:34,590 You're being the better person. 1598 01:16:34,621 --> 01:16:35,737 Thank you. That's the whole plan. 1599 01:16:35,768 --> 01:16:37,760 I'm gonna see Dan, I'm gonna shake his hand, 1600 01:16:37,791 --> 01:16:40,805 I'm gonna extend an olive branch to him and... 1601 01:16:41,587 --> 01:16:45,601 What? He... He's taking her name! 1602 01:16:45,632 --> 01:16:46,675 Who does... 1603 01:16:46,706 --> 01:16:48,782 Men don't do that. 1604 01:16:48,814 --> 01:16:52,672 I tried to do that and he told me it was silly. 1605 01:16:52,703 --> 01:16:53,756 (shudders) 1606 01:16:54,788 --> 01:16:57,614 That is a very alarming picture. 1607 01:16:57,645 --> 01:16:59,741 Hey! I mean, is... 1608 01:16:59,772 --> 01:17:01,608 Is that a shot at me? 1609 01:17:01,639 --> 01:17:02,713 - Uh...yeah. - I think so. 1610 01:17:02,744 --> 01:17:05,612 - Hm. - (giggling) 1611 01:17:12,681 --> 01:17:14,777 You know what? Dan just lost his olive branch. 1612 01:17:15,705 --> 01:17:17,770 ♪ DOMINIQUE YOUNG UNIQUE: Throw It Down 1613 01:17:19,845 --> 01:17:22,650 ♪ Like the way I work it Then I bend it over show 'em shots 1614 01:17:22,681 --> 01:17:24,620 ♪ All these hoes around here sitting on they ass shots 1615 01:17:24,652 --> 01:17:27,812 ♪ He think he finna hit it like the way he rocks his fitted when he's round 1616 01:17:27,843 --> 01:17:29,720 ♪ Don't make me throw it down 1617 01:17:32,681 --> 01:17:33,807 ♪ Don't make me throw it down 1618 01:17:36,685 --> 01:17:37,718 ♪ Throw it down 1619 01:17:37,749 --> 01:17:40,783 ♪ D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D... 1620 01:17:40,814 --> 01:17:41,826 ♪ Down 1621 01:17:41,857 --> 01:17:45,642 ♪ D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D... 1622 01:17:45,674 --> 01:17:46,810 ♪ D-Down 1623 01:17:54,860 --> 01:17:57,874 ♪ D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D... 1624 01:17:58,655 --> 01:17:59,677 ♪ Down 1625 01:17:59,708 --> 01:18:02,723 ♪ D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D... 1626 01:18:02,754 --> 01:18:04,777 ♪ Down 1627 01:18:07,832 --> 01:18:08,896 ♪ D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D... 1628 01:18:09,678 --> 01:18:10,793 One second. 1629 01:18:10,825 --> 01:18:12,733 (door shuts) 1630 01:18:13,744 --> 01:18:15,798 Deanna, what the hell is wrong with you? 1631 01:18:15,830 --> 01:18:17,696 Oh, my God! 1632 01:18:17,832 --> 01:18:18,885 Oh, my God! 1633 01:18:19,834 --> 01:18:22,691 Hey, Dan. 1634 01:18:23,879 --> 01:18:26,757 Marcie... You're... 1635 01:18:26,789 --> 01:18:28,822 a big Beetlejuice fan, huh? 1636 01:18:28,853 --> 01:18:30,699 Mom! 1637 01:18:30,824 --> 01:18:33,764 Hey, honey. That's uh... 1638 01:18:34,850 --> 01:18:38,843 I think we may have just gotten slightly... 1639 01:18:38,874 --> 01:18:42,878 You know, I think... I think if we all kind of work together... 1640 01:18:42,910 --> 01:18:45,788 we can have this shipshape and... 1641 01:18:45,819 --> 01:18:48,739 you won't even know, or it will be better. 1642 01:18:48,770 --> 01:18:50,897 - Mom, why did you do this? - Um... 1643 01:18:50,928 --> 01:18:54,849 You know, it's a great um...question. 1644 01:18:54,880 --> 01:18:57,716 I mean, I actually came here... 1645 01:18:57,748 --> 01:19:00,730 fully with the intention of offering an olive branch. 1646 01:19:00,761 --> 01:19:04,744 Then I don't know if it was the crazy wedding propaganda in the hallway 1647 01:19:04,775 --> 01:19:07,957 or, you know, was it the bark high that I'm on? 1648 01:19:08,738 --> 01:19:12,951 Shut up. You are, as of this moment, completely financially cut off. 1649 01:19:13,732 --> 01:19:16,788 - What? - Not one more penny for you. 1650 01:19:16,903 --> 01:19:18,863 - Dad. - Ssh. 1651 01:19:19,812 --> 01:19:20,928 Would it help if I just... 1652 01:19:20,959 --> 01:19:22,847 You know, you... 1653 01:19:22,878 --> 01:19:24,765 You did a good job. 1654 01:19:24,796 --> 01:19:25,922 - It looks good. - It did. 1655 01:19:25,954 --> 01:19:27,966 - It did look good. - It was pretty. 1656 01:19:28,748 --> 01:19:30,907 - I think you all should leave. - OK. 1657 01:19:30,938 --> 01:19:32,752 (mouths) 1658 01:19:33,816 --> 01:19:35,839 (decorations crunching underfoot) 1659 01:19:36,777 --> 01:19:37,976 The other way. 1660 01:19:43,952 --> 01:19:45,880 Get out! 1661 01:19:46,808 --> 01:19:47,914 Thank you. 1662 01:19:48,874 --> 01:19:50,823 The cake was really good. 1663 01:19:50,855 --> 01:19:52,867 Oh, you got a blender. 1664 01:20:03,795 --> 01:20:06,996 Hey! Look! I got your favourite. 1665 01:20:08,831 --> 01:20:10,833 You haven't been returning any of my calls. 1666 01:20:10,864 --> 01:20:13,023 Yeah, I've been pretty busy destroying hotel banquet rooms 1667 01:20:13,805 --> 01:20:15,973 - and crashing weddings. - OK. I get you're upset. 1668 01:20:16,005 --> 01:20:18,018 No, Mom. I don't think you do. 1669 01:20:18,935 --> 01:20:22,012 Is this why you went back to college? So you could act like some dumb frat guy? 1670 01:20:22,793 --> 01:20:24,879 Cos I actually thought you wanted to learn something. 1671 01:20:24,911 --> 01:20:27,986 But you've just been getting stoned and sleeping with guys half your age. 1672 01:20:28,018 --> 01:20:30,989 OK, Jack is not half my...age. 1673 01:20:31,021 --> 01:20:34,003 Oh, my God, I think he's less than half my age. 1674 01:20:34,034 --> 01:20:37,048 OK, I hear you and you're right. 1675 01:20:37,830 --> 01:20:39,853 Which is why I'm leaving school. 1676 01:20:39,884 --> 01:20:41,813 What? 1677 01:20:41,886 --> 01:20:43,940 I'm gonna drop out of school, honey. 1678 01:20:44,868 --> 01:20:47,913 You know, it wasn't that easy for me getting used to you being here. 1679 01:20:47,944 --> 01:20:50,050 And now I actually did and you're just giving up? 1680 01:20:50,832 --> 01:20:52,886 You said the one thing you regret most in your life 1681 01:20:52,918 --> 01:20:55,995 is not finishing school and now you're gonna do it again? 1682 01:20:56,026 --> 01:20:57,945 You know what I regret? 1683 01:20:57,976 --> 01:21:00,968 I regret that when you look back on your senior year of college, 1684 01:21:01,000 --> 01:21:04,879 all you're gonna think about is your mom's crazy mid-life crisis. 1685 01:21:04,910 --> 01:21:05,994 That's what I regret. 1686 01:21:06,025 --> 01:21:10,009 The worst part is I don't think I was being a very good mom to you lately. 1687 01:21:10,040 --> 01:21:13,001 And I'm so... I'm so sorry about that. 1688 01:21:13,032 --> 01:21:14,086 No, it's OK. 1689 01:21:14,868 --> 01:21:16,088 It's not OK, actually. 1690 01:21:16,870 --> 01:21:19,862 Not one bit. Not with me, shouldn't be with you. 1691 01:21:20,019 --> 01:21:22,041 And I'm... I'm gonna do better. 1692 01:21:22,073 --> 01:21:24,096 - I love you, Mom. - I love you, too. 1693 01:21:25,024 --> 01:21:26,880 You're so great. 1694 01:21:26,911 --> 01:21:28,903 - What are we gonna do? - Well... 1695 01:21:29,048 --> 01:21:30,925 You can start by drinking that. 1696 01:21:30,957 --> 01:21:34,065 Let's go round up the girls and... tell them all about it. 1697 01:21:35,973 --> 01:21:38,100 I don't get it. Why are you leaving school? 1698 01:21:38,882 --> 01:21:42,918 Well, I'm in a bit of a tricky position, financially. 1699 01:21:42,949 --> 01:21:47,109 So, for right now I can't cover my tuition and it's over. 1700 01:21:47,891 --> 01:21:48,986 It's never over! 1701 01:21:49,017 --> 01:21:51,009 Was it over when I fell into a coma? 1702 01:21:51,040 --> 01:21:53,011 Well, for eight years, it was. 1703 01:21:53,042 --> 01:21:54,961 That's an awesome point, Amanda. 1704 01:21:54,992 --> 01:21:56,963 But now I'm back and I'm kicking ass. 1705 01:21:56,994 --> 01:21:58,099 Just like Dee Rock here. 1706 01:21:58,131 --> 01:22:01,916 She's gonna kick ass and graduate and get a job 1707 01:22:01,947 --> 01:22:03,991 and become the next Indiana Jones. 1708 01:22:04,950 --> 01:22:06,119 - Come here. - Please don't go. 1709 01:22:07,943 --> 01:22:10,133 You guys, we can't let this happen to my mom a second time. 1710 01:22:10,914 --> 01:22:12,959 She deserves to graduate. We gotta help her. 1711 01:22:12,990 --> 01:22:16,921 OK, in order to finish, Dee Rock needs in the neighbourhood of... 1712 01:22:16,953 --> 01:22:18,141 No, it's almost $12,000. 1713 01:22:18,923 --> 01:22:20,998 - Oh, my God! - I don't have that kind of money. 1714 01:22:21,030 --> 01:22:25,002 You know what? This isn't your problem to solve, ladies. You can let this go! 1715 01:22:25,034 --> 01:22:28,016 - Can I say something? OTHERS: Yes, Debbie, just say it. 1716 01:22:28,047 --> 01:22:29,079 Say it. 1717 01:22:29,110 --> 01:22:32,124 OK, we throw a party to raise money to keep Glenn in school. 1718 01:22:32,155 --> 01:22:35,023 Deb, we can't raise that much money from a party. 1719 01:22:35,054 --> 01:22:37,014 We don't throw just any party. 1720 01:22:37,046 --> 01:22:40,038 We throw the best party this school has ever seen. 1721 01:22:40,069 --> 01:22:42,166 If we charge $40 a head... 1722 01:22:43,010 --> 01:22:45,044 - 1,000 students... - OK. 1723 01:22:45,075 --> 01:22:49,152 ..that is $4,000. 1724 01:22:50,018 --> 01:22:53,094 - No, it's not. - No. That's $40,000. 1725 01:22:53,125 --> 01:22:55,044 What? Done! 1726 01:22:55,075 --> 01:22:59,997 A bunch of kids are not gonna pay $40 to keep some divorcée in college. 1727 01:23:00,028 --> 01:23:01,196 No, but they might pay 20. 1728 01:23:01,978 --> 01:23:03,177 Which is $200,000. 1729 01:23:03,959 --> 01:23:06,034 No, $20,000. 1730 01:23:06,065 --> 01:23:07,129 - Helen, come on. - No, honey. 1731 01:23:07,160 --> 01:23:10,111 But that's way more money than we need to keep Mom in school. 1732 01:23:10,142 --> 01:23:11,977 What do you say, Mom? 1733 01:23:12,009 --> 01:23:13,155 - Come on, Glenn. - Please. 1734 01:23:15,199 --> 01:23:18,056 I say you ladies are pretty remarkable. 1735 01:23:18,088 --> 01:23:19,204 I mean, to be this age 1736 01:23:19,985 --> 01:23:22,999 and to have your whole world turned upside down 1737 01:23:23,031 --> 01:23:25,200 and to come out with friends like you on the other side 1738 01:23:25,982 --> 01:23:28,130 is quite a thing, really. 1739 01:23:28,161 --> 01:23:30,163 And I'm proud to be your sister. 1740 01:23:30,194 --> 01:23:33,156 And I'm so proud to be your mom and I'm proud of you. 1741 01:23:33,187 --> 01:23:35,116 I'm proud of you. 1742 01:23:36,107 --> 01:23:40,204 And I'm so worried about the math skills in this room. 1743 01:23:41,101 --> 01:23:42,206 I don't mean to single you out 1744 01:23:42,238 --> 01:23:46,117 but, Helen, I'm staring right down the barrel at you. 1745 01:23:47,211 --> 01:23:52,175 And I'm starting to think that maybe this party plan just might work! 1746 01:23:53,092 --> 01:23:54,145 Come on, Mom. 1747 01:23:54,178 --> 01:23:56,022 No! I don't know! 1748 01:23:56,054 --> 01:23:57,212 All right, I'm down to clown! 1749 01:23:57,243 --> 01:23:59,245 (whooping and cheering) 1750 01:24:00,163 --> 01:24:03,166 This is going to be epic! 1751 01:24:08,181 --> 01:24:10,256 OK. No one wants to show up first to a party. 1752 01:24:11,038 --> 01:24:13,207 I'm sure lots of people are gonna come. 1753 01:24:13,238 --> 01:24:16,189 Guess everyone's at the Christina Aguilera concert. 1754 01:24:16,220 --> 01:24:19,057 - What? That's tonight? - Yeah. 1755 01:24:19,088 --> 01:24:21,069 Oh, my God. We don't stand a chance. 1756 01:24:21,184 --> 01:24:23,092 All right, ladies, 1757 01:24:23,123 --> 01:24:25,073 we gotta do something drastic. 1758 01:24:25,250 --> 01:24:28,107 Because this is not working. 1759 01:24:28,265 --> 01:24:31,205 You know, I don't wanna be a negative Nelly 1760 01:24:31,236 --> 01:24:33,259 but that is a tough pic, guys. 1761 01:24:33,291 --> 01:24:35,282 You look happy and scared. 1762 01:24:36,064 --> 01:24:37,295 I do, don't I? 1763 01:24:38,077 --> 01:24:39,192 - All right. - I like it. 1764 01:24:39,224 --> 01:24:41,080 Screw this. Give me your phone. 1765 01:24:41,111 --> 01:24:42,279 Why? What do you want? 1766 01:24:43,061 --> 01:24:45,271 I'm gonna tweet out a juicier carrot. 1767 01:24:49,077 --> 01:24:50,297 - Maddie! - You're crazy. 1768 01:24:51,079 --> 01:24:52,226 What is it? What did you do? 1769 01:24:52,257 --> 01:24:55,146 I just tweeted to Helen's three million followers 1770 01:24:55,177 --> 01:24:59,087 that Christina Aguilera is gonna come to the party after her concert tonight. 1771 01:24:59,119 --> 01:25:02,122 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 1772 01:25:02,153 --> 01:25:03,311 I love Christina Aguilera! 1773 01:25:04,092 --> 01:25:06,136 She's the only person I ever had a poster of. 1774 01:25:06,272 --> 01:25:08,254 She's not actually coming, Debbie. 1775 01:25:08,285 --> 01:25:10,162 But nobody needs to know that. 1776 01:25:10,193 --> 01:25:12,247 How do you have three million followers? 1777 01:25:13,186 --> 01:25:15,209 Coma Girl. I'm a medical mystery. 1778 01:25:15,240 --> 01:25:18,243 Now, Maddie, I don't know. There's a real... 1779 01:25:18,274 --> 01:25:21,256 fibbing element to that that I don't like. 1780 01:25:23,310 --> 01:25:25,177 Do you think it'll work? 1781 01:25:26,147 --> 01:25:27,231 I believed it. 1782 01:25:28,128 --> 01:25:30,317 - (party music) - (cheering) 1783 01:25:33,341 --> 01:25:35,291 I think it's definitely working. 1784 01:25:35,322 --> 01:25:37,199 Hell yeah, it is. 1785 01:25:38,190 --> 01:25:40,161 Hey, here you go. Have fun! 1786 01:25:40,192 --> 01:25:43,132 Thanks for posting about Christina. I couldn't get tickets. 1787 01:25:43,164 --> 01:25:44,364 - Coma Girl rules. - Thank you! 1788 01:25:45,145 --> 01:25:46,157 All right. 1789 01:25:46,188 --> 01:25:48,326 - Thank you. - It's amazing. 1790 01:25:48,357 --> 01:25:50,234 I'm tired of doing this. 1791 01:25:50,265 --> 01:25:51,329 No, Helen, we can't all... 1792 01:25:51,360 --> 01:25:53,237 Hey! When's Christina getting here? 1793 01:25:53,268 --> 01:25:54,321 - Guys... - Yeah. 1794 01:25:54,353 --> 01:25:57,283 Christina's coming. She's the voice of our generation. 1795 01:25:57,314 --> 01:25:59,212 - True. - We can wait for her. 1796 01:25:59,243 --> 01:26:00,348 ♪ ..confession 1797 01:26:00,380 --> 01:26:03,153 ♪ I'm gonna teach you boys a lesson 1798 01:26:03,362 --> 01:26:05,249 - Cheers. - Cheers. 1799 01:26:06,344 --> 01:26:07,366 Mm. 1800 01:26:08,148 --> 01:26:09,295 - Oh, it's good! - It's not bad! 1801 01:26:09,326 --> 01:26:11,338 - Yeah. (chuckles) - Yeah. 1802 01:26:11,370 --> 01:26:13,382 Do you wanna meet in the garage in 20 minutes? 1803 01:26:14,164 --> 01:26:16,208 - Yes, I do. - Yes, you would. 1804 01:26:16,324 --> 01:26:18,210 No, no, no! 1805 01:26:19,169 --> 01:26:20,380 God, make better choices. 1806 01:26:21,161 --> 01:26:23,299 Um...hey, come on back. 1807 01:26:23,331 --> 01:26:25,364 That popped right out of my mouth 1808 01:26:25,395 --> 01:26:28,409 when actually I meant to say we're not gonna do that. 1809 01:26:29,264 --> 01:26:31,339 The... That's... You don't like the wine? 1810 01:26:33,184 --> 01:26:35,416 No, the wine is great and... 1811 01:26:36,385 --> 01:26:38,252 and you're great and... 1812 01:26:39,201 --> 01:26:42,225 I just think when you meet the right person, 1813 01:26:42,256 --> 01:26:43,371 which is not me, 1814 01:26:44,258 --> 01:26:46,427 she's gonna be really, really lucky 1815 01:26:47,209 --> 01:26:50,201 but I think that we're... 1816 01:26:50,233 --> 01:26:53,225 Yeah, we should just really be good friends. 1817 01:26:53,256 --> 01:26:55,332 I don't think I can get on board with this, Dee. 1818 01:26:55,364 --> 01:26:57,428 Well, I think it's for the best. 1819 01:26:58,346 --> 01:26:59,399 - OK. - OK? 1820 01:26:59,430 --> 01:27:01,359 Yeah, if you say so. 1821 01:27:01,390 --> 01:27:03,434 Hey, Mom, look who's here! 1822 01:27:04,216 --> 01:27:06,343 - Hi! - Hi, what are you doing here? 1823 01:27:06,375 --> 01:27:09,388 Well, I started following Coma Girl on Twitter 1824 01:27:09,419 --> 01:27:11,338 and I came to see... 1825 01:27:12,287 --> 01:27:13,434 Xtina! 1826 01:27:14,216 --> 01:27:15,363 (laughs) Oh, yeah! 1827 01:27:15,394 --> 01:27:18,376 Oh, hi, Jack. I'm Christine. 1828 01:27:18,407 --> 01:27:20,264 We met at the restaurant. 1829 01:27:20,295 --> 01:27:24,226 - Yeah, hi. I remember you...both. - My man. 1830 01:27:25,447 --> 01:27:27,470 God, I just... I wanna go back to college so bad. 1831 01:27:28,251 --> 01:27:29,419 Just go back to Frank. Go back to Frank. 1832 01:27:29,451 --> 01:27:32,277 Hey, hey! We're here. 1833 01:27:32,464 --> 01:27:35,353 Oh, my God! What are they doing here? 1834 01:27:35,384 --> 01:27:37,355 I don't wanna be at a party with my mom and dad. 1835 01:27:37,386 --> 01:27:39,429 Yeah, that must be so weird for you, Mom. 1836 01:27:40,389 --> 01:27:43,350 - Mom. - Sweetheart! 1837 01:27:43,381 --> 01:27:45,342 Hi. Hey, Dad. 1838 01:27:45,373 --> 01:27:47,302 We heard you were having a party. 1839 01:27:47,333 --> 01:27:48,470 So I made a taco salad. 1840 01:27:49,252 --> 01:27:51,410 Yeah, I told her a bunch of kids don't want a taco salad. 1841 01:27:51,441 --> 01:27:54,455 - I would love to have some taco salad. - Please, yeah! I love taco salad. 1842 01:27:54,486 --> 01:27:57,302 - See, I told you! - OK. All right. 1843 01:27:57,333 --> 01:27:58,344 Your parents? 1844 01:27:58,376 --> 01:28:01,358 Yeah. This is my mom and dad, Mike and Sandy. 1845 01:28:01,389 --> 01:28:02,453 - Yeah. - Hello. 1846 01:28:03,402 --> 01:28:05,310 Wow! OK. Um... 1847 01:28:05,341 --> 01:28:08,324 Wow! A lovely, lovely couple. 1848 01:28:08,355 --> 01:28:10,357 It's... It's such a pleasure to meet you. 1849 01:28:10,389 --> 01:28:14,351 You've raised...wow! What an incredible woman! 1850 01:28:14,445 --> 01:28:16,322 Sorry, I'm Jack Strong. 1851 01:28:16,353 --> 01:28:19,366 We've been seeing each other for a little bit now. 1852 01:28:19,398 --> 01:28:22,390 Well, I guess we're kind of on a break. Pretty recent. 1853 01:28:22,421 --> 01:28:24,475 But I want you both to know 1854 01:28:24,507 --> 01:28:28,521 that I'm gonna take the best care of your daughter that I can. 1855 01:28:29,303 --> 01:28:31,420 - She means the world to me. - OK. 1856 01:28:31,451 --> 01:28:34,392 I uh... I gotta... I have a gun, son. 1857 01:28:34,423 --> 01:28:35,486 - OK, OK. - No. 1858 01:28:35,518 --> 01:28:37,332 We're just gonna walk off. 1859 01:28:37,363 --> 01:28:39,334 - Are you kidding me? - All right. No. 1860 01:28:39,365 --> 01:28:42,349 Taco salad train. Choo-choo! 1861 01:28:46,384 --> 01:28:48,448 Hey, where's Christina Aguilera? 1862 01:28:48,480 --> 01:28:50,419 This is false advertising! 1863 01:28:50,450 --> 01:28:52,327 Guys, she's coming, OK? 1864 01:28:52,359 --> 01:28:53,464 She's gonna be here soon. 1865 01:28:53,495 --> 01:28:56,529 Hey, uh...I saw your tweet. 1866 01:28:56,561 --> 01:28:58,490 Where's Xtina? 1867 01:28:58,521 --> 01:29:00,450 She's not gonna show up, is she? 1868 01:29:00,481 --> 01:29:02,379 You guys suck! 1869 01:29:02,410 --> 01:29:04,412 If Christina doesn't show soon... 1870 01:29:06,373 --> 01:29:08,468 ..I'm gonna put your ass in another coma. 1871 01:29:08,500 --> 01:29:10,418 Count of three, bitch. 1872 01:29:10,450 --> 01:29:12,379 One, two... 1873 01:29:13,390 --> 01:29:15,423 - (groans) - (shocked gasps from crowd) 1874 01:29:15,528 --> 01:29:17,468 (shocked gasps from crowd) 1875 01:29:19,345 --> 01:29:20,513 (squeals) 1876 01:29:20,544 --> 01:29:23,370 Look, honey, we love you. 1877 01:29:23,401 --> 01:29:25,393 We want you to graduate. 1878 01:29:25,424 --> 01:29:27,374 This is for you. 1879 01:29:28,385 --> 01:29:29,563 What is... 1880 01:29:30,460 --> 01:29:32,441 - No. - Yep. 1881 01:29:32,473 --> 01:29:34,433 I love you so much, but I'm not gonna let you 1882 01:29:34,464 --> 01:29:36,404 take apart your 401(k) for this. 1883 01:29:36,435 --> 01:29:37,478 I got this. 1884 01:29:37,509 --> 01:29:39,407 Honey, come on... 1885 01:29:41,440 --> 01:29:43,463 Hey! Hey! 1886 01:29:44,547 --> 01:29:46,559 - Eat gluten! - I ain't allowed to have gluten! 1887 01:29:46,591 --> 01:29:48,384 Oh, my God! 1888 01:29:48,416 --> 01:29:49,510 Frank, do something! 1889 01:29:49,543 --> 01:29:52,378 - What am I gonna do? - I don't know! Do something. 1890 01:29:52,409 --> 01:29:53,432 Come on, girls! 1891 01:29:53,463 --> 01:29:55,403 Ladies! Hey! Let's break it up! 1892 01:29:55,434 --> 01:29:56,623 (shocked gasps) 1893 01:29:58,395 --> 01:29:59,480 You! 1894 01:30:02,629 --> 01:30:06,403 (groans) Her skull is so strong. 1895 01:30:06,435 --> 01:30:08,478 Sweetheart, you were so brave. 1896 01:30:08,510 --> 01:30:11,533 That's my brave man. Come on, let's go make love in the bathroom. 1897 01:30:11,565 --> 01:30:15,402 OK. I can't see, so...just lead me. 1898 01:30:15,433 --> 01:30:16,497 There we go. 1899 01:30:17,414 --> 01:30:19,521 No! Stop fighting, girls! 1900 01:30:19,552 --> 01:30:21,543 - Say night-night. - No! No! 1901 01:30:21,575 --> 01:30:23,597 (yells) No! 1902 01:30:27,424 --> 01:30:28,551 Oh, boy! 1903 01:30:28,583 --> 01:30:30,605 - Oh, my God, Mom! - Dee Dee! 1904 01:30:30,637 --> 01:30:33,421 - She got me in the biscuits! - Oh, my God! 1905 01:30:33,452 --> 01:30:34,609 I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! 1906 01:30:34,641 --> 01:30:37,498 You punched Dee Rock? I'm gonna squish you like a grape! 1907 01:30:37,529 --> 01:30:41,439 Guys, stop it! Stop it! Stop it! God! 1908 01:30:41,471 --> 01:30:44,442 Ladies, we have enough stuff to worry about as women. 1909 01:30:44,474 --> 01:30:47,477 - You shouldn't be fighting each other. - I'm sorry, Dee Rock. 1910 01:30:47,508 --> 01:30:49,552 I'm sorry I punched you in the mom boob. 1911 01:30:49,583 --> 01:30:51,574 - Tell each other sorry. - I'm sorry, Dee Rock. 1912 01:30:51,606 --> 01:30:52,680 Thank you. 1913 01:30:53,587 --> 01:30:55,578 Would you care for a Kahlúa and cranberry? 1914 01:30:56,465 --> 01:30:57,549 Ew. That... 1915 01:30:57,580 --> 01:30:59,667 I would do it. I would do it. Yeah. 1916 01:31:00,542 --> 01:31:01,564 - OK. - OK. 1917 01:31:01,596 --> 01:31:02,691 I want one. 1918 01:31:03,567 --> 01:31:05,453 Mom, are you OK? 1919 01:31:05,485 --> 01:31:06,674 She popped me right in the bosom. 1920 01:31:07,456 --> 01:31:09,458 I really got T-boned. 1921 01:31:09,489 --> 01:31:10,678 - Oh, Mom. - You know, what... 1922 01:31:11,460 --> 01:31:12,638 What am I doing here? 1923 01:31:13,556 --> 01:31:16,548 I'm lying to these kids. I'm taking their money. I... 1924 01:31:17,508 --> 01:31:18,602 I got this. 1925 01:31:18,634 --> 01:31:20,636 Hey, everybody, you know what? 1926 01:31:20,667 --> 01:31:21,699 Party's over. 1927 01:31:22,481 --> 01:31:24,598 Head on back to the door. We're gonna give you a refund. 1928 01:31:24,629 --> 01:31:26,610 Christina Aguilera is in no way... 1929 01:31:26,642 --> 01:31:28,654 - Can I see you for a second? - (they gasp) 1930 01:31:28,685 --> 01:31:30,594 God bless! 1931 01:31:31,667 --> 01:31:33,723 Leonor or Lenore... 1932 01:31:34,504 --> 01:31:35,662 you gotta stop doing that. 1933 01:31:35,693 --> 01:31:37,695 Can I see you for a second? 1934 01:31:37,727 --> 01:31:39,635 Now is not really a good time. 1935 01:31:39,666 --> 01:31:40,730 Outside! Now! 1936 01:31:41,512 --> 01:31:43,587 (whispers): Don't make eye contact. 1937 01:31:43,701 --> 01:31:46,715 Look at me. Look me in my eyes. 1938 01:31:47,497 --> 01:31:48,685 - Look me in my eyes now. - Debbie. 1939 01:31:48,717 --> 01:31:50,510 I'm scared. 1940 01:31:50,542 --> 01:31:52,575 Look. Look, look. 1941 01:31:52,606 --> 01:31:53,670 Come outside. 1942 01:31:53,701 --> 01:31:55,703 - Let's go! - If I'm going, you're going. 1943 01:31:56,506 --> 01:31:57,747 - I don't wanna go. - We're stronger as a group. 1944 01:31:59,062 --> 01:32:00,970 Leonor. 1945 01:32:03,045 --> 01:32:05,923 Leonor, what is going on? 1946 01:32:08,999 --> 01:32:10,928 Hey, guys. I'm Christina. 1947 01:32:11,032 --> 01:32:12,961 (shocked moans) 1948 01:32:12,992 --> 01:32:14,035 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 1949 01:32:14,066 --> 01:32:16,944 - I love you. I love you so much! - I love you, too. 1950 01:32:16,976 --> 01:32:18,091 How is this happening? 1951 01:32:18,873 --> 01:32:22,064 I knew she wasn't playing at your party cos Christina's my cousin. 1952 01:32:23,034 --> 01:32:24,952 We're more like sisters. 1953 01:32:24,984 --> 01:32:27,038 She always says that, but we're just cousins. 1954 01:32:27,069 --> 01:32:28,112 Isn't she so funny? 1955 01:32:29,040 --> 01:32:33,075 That's what I'm always saying to you. I'm always saying you're so funny. 1956 01:32:33,107 --> 01:32:36,100 I just can't kind of figure out why you're doing this. 1957 01:32:36,881 --> 01:32:38,978 Because you're a good lady. 1958 01:32:39,009 --> 01:32:41,897 I mean, you're a sad, older lady 1959 01:32:41,929 --> 01:32:44,973 but you're still a good lady that needs help. 1960 01:32:45,005 --> 01:32:46,120 CHRISTINA: Us ladies gotta stick together. 1961 01:32:46,902 --> 01:32:49,061 She filled me in about, you know, you being here. 1962 01:32:49,092 --> 01:32:52,950 - I support your cause. I wanna do this. - Thank you. God, you're cool! 1963 01:32:52,981 --> 01:32:54,086 Where are we doing this thing? 1964 01:32:54,118 --> 01:32:56,130 Backyard. We just put up some twinkle lights. 1965 01:32:56,912 --> 01:32:58,090 Love twinkle lights but I've got my own lights. 1966 01:32:58,122 --> 01:33:00,072 Boys, bring 'em out. Let's go! 1967 01:33:00,103 --> 01:33:03,971 Donald, Craig, Jerry, let's go. 1968 01:33:06,098 --> 01:33:11,041 Ladies and gentlemen, my cousin, Christina Aguilera. 1969 01:33:11,073 --> 01:33:12,939 Get it, girl! 1970 01:33:12,970 --> 01:33:14,994 (cheering) 1971 01:33:18,164 --> 01:33:20,051 ♪ After all you put me through 1972 01:33:20,958 --> 01:33:22,981 ♪ You'd think I'd despise you 1973 01:33:23,012 --> 01:33:25,098 ♪ But in the end, I wanna thank you 1974 01:33:25,129 --> 01:33:27,079 ♪ Because you've made me that much stronger 1975 01:33:27,110 --> 01:33:29,175 ♪ Well, I thought I knew you 1976 01:33:29,957 --> 01:33:32,053 ♪ Thinkin' that you were true 1977 01:33:32,084 --> 01:33:34,127 ♪ Guess I, I couldn't trust - (shrieks) 1978 01:33:34,159 --> 01:33:36,036 ♪ I called your bluff - Oh, my God! 1979 01:33:36,067 --> 01:33:37,151 ♪ Because I've had enough 1980 01:33:37,183 --> 01:33:40,019 ♪ You were there by my side 1981 01:33:40,050 --> 01:33:42,146 ♪ Always down for the ride 1982 01:33:42,177 --> 01:33:45,150 ♪ But your joyride just came down in flames 1983 01:33:45,181 --> 01:33:47,131 ♪ Because your greed sold me out in shame 1984 01:33:47,162 --> 01:33:51,010 ♪ Mm-hm, after all of the stealing and cheating 1985 01:33:51,041 --> 01:33:54,117 ♪ You probably think that I hold resentment for you 1986 01:33:54,148 --> 01:33:58,173 ♪ But uh-uh, oh no, you're wrong 1987 01:33:58,205 --> 01:34:01,020 ♪ Because if it wasn't for all that you tried to do 1988 01:34:01,051 --> 01:34:02,104 ♪ I wouldn't know 1989 01:34:02,136 --> 01:34:05,066 ♪ Just how capable I am to pull through 1990 01:34:05,983 --> 01:34:08,069 Yeah! We got it! You got the money! 1991 01:34:08,100 --> 01:34:11,040 ♪ Because it makes me that much stronger 1992 01:34:11,072 --> 01:34:13,178 ♪ Makes me work a little bit harder 1993 01:34:13,209 --> 01:34:16,066 ♪ It makes me that much wiser 1994 01:34:16,098 --> 01:34:18,986 ♪ So thanks for making me a fighter 1995 01:34:19,017 --> 01:34:21,019 This is the best night of my life! 1996 01:34:21,166 --> 01:34:23,168 ♪ Made my skin a little bit thicker 1997 01:34:23,199 --> 01:34:26,088 ♪ Makes me that ♪ Much smarter 1998 01:34:26,119 --> 01:34:29,122 ♪ So thanks for making me a fighter 1999 01:34:29,153 --> 01:34:31,082 (cheering) 2000 01:34:43,188 --> 01:34:44,210 Just a minute. 2001 01:34:44,241 --> 01:34:46,222 It seems... I got it now. 2002 01:34:46,254 --> 01:34:48,047 - Got it? - Yeah. 2003 01:34:49,069 --> 01:34:51,113 May I just have a minute? 2004 01:34:51,144 --> 01:34:55,169 I just... I wanted to thank you for giving me a second chance. 2005 01:34:55,200 --> 01:34:56,265 It means a lot to me. 2006 01:34:57,046 --> 01:35:00,101 Of course. It's only because it's a requirement to pass the course. 2007 01:35:00,133 --> 01:35:02,083 That and the fact you're my favourite student. 2008 01:35:02,114 --> 01:35:04,241 - Well... - Break a leg. 2009 01:35:04,273 --> 01:35:06,160 - Well... - Let's hope not. 2010 01:35:06,191 --> 01:35:07,234 Yeah, sorry. 2011 01:35:07,265 --> 01:35:10,154 Um...Deanna Miles, everybody. 2012 01:35:11,040 --> 01:35:12,083 Thank you. 2013 01:35:14,189 --> 01:35:17,129 Also, this is here if you need it. 2014 01:35:17,161 --> 01:35:18,245 Thank you. 2015 01:35:18,276 --> 01:35:20,278 (she clears throat) 2016 01:35:23,073 --> 01:35:24,178 Hello. 2017 01:35:30,121 --> 01:35:35,074 March 25th, 2014, historian Albert... 2018 01:35:35,252 --> 01:35:42,072 Albrecht Rümschtein announced that the burial tomb of Attila the Hun 2019 01:35:42,103 --> 01:35:44,282 had been discovered in Budapest, Hungary. 2020 01:35:45,137 --> 01:35:46,295 Now, the... 2021 01:35:49,131 --> 01:35:51,310 - (whispers): Sorry about your eye. - Yeah, it's fine. 2022 01:35:52,092 --> 01:35:53,104 Hi! 2023 01:35:53,135 --> 01:35:55,106 - It's for her. - That's my mom. 2024 01:35:55,262 --> 01:35:58,150 It's important for her. It's emotional support. 2025 01:35:58,182 --> 01:35:59,256 I'll give you five bucks. 2026 01:35:59,287 --> 01:36:01,247 OK, thanks. OK. 2027 01:36:02,238 --> 01:36:04,177 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 2028 01:36:06,231 --> 01:36:08,192 I'm so sorry for the interruption. 2029 01:36:08,223 --> 01:36:10,341 - These are my sorority sisters. - Oh. 2030 01:36:11,122 --> 01:36:12,343 Hey. It's me, Helen. 2031 01:36:13,125 --> 01:36:14,157 I know. 2032 01:36:14,188 --> 01:36:15,335 (whispers): He knows that. 2033 01:36:17,191 --> 01:36:19,110 (whispers): You got this, Mom. 2034 01:36:21,206 --> 01:36:23,229 (clears her throat) 2035 01:36:24,292 --> 01:36:28,296 A group of archaeologists using carbon dating 2036 01:36:28,327 --> 01:36:32,175 proved that the grave was in fact a hoax. 2037 01:36:32,206 --> 01:36:35,334 There were so many scientists involved that it was... 2038 01:36:38,212 --> 01:36:40,350 ..it was standing tomb only. 2039 01:36:41,132 --> 01:36:43,259 - Whoo! - (girls laugh) 2040 01:36:45,157 --> 01:36:48,149 Thank you. I wasn't sure about that one. 2041 01:36:48,369 --> 01:36:51,383 - Now I hope that you're all Hungary... - (laughter) 2042 01:36:52,165 --> 01:36:53,301 ..for some facts 2043 01:36:53,332 --> 01:36:58,150 because I'm about to give you the thrilla about Attila. 2044 01:36:58,181 --> 01:37:00,267 - (laughter) - Guys, that's my mom. She's killing it! 2045 01:37:00,298 --> 01:37:02,248 - (cheering) - Go, Dee! 2046 01:37:06,231 --> 01:37:07,378 (whoops) 2047 01:37:10,349 --> 01:37:12,372 OK, guys, thanks. 2048 01:37:13,332 --> 01:37:16,241 Number one, there was no Professor Rümschtein. 2049 01:37:16,272 --> 01:37:17,410 Complete, complete hoax. 2050 01:37:18,191 --> 01:37:20,172 This person didn't exist, PR fact. 2051 01:37:20,203 --> 01:37:22,269 I know. I was shocked when I found out, too. 2052 01:37:23,311 --> 01:37:25,418 These young men and women comport themselves 2053 01:37:26,200 --> 01:37:28,233 with astounding grace and wisdom. 2054 01:37:28,264 --> 01:37:30,391 Every one of them brings tremendous pride 2055 01:37:30,423 --> 01:37:33,186 to this hallowed institution. 2056 01:37:33,217 --> 01:37:34,343 And on a personal note, 2057 01:37:34,374 --> 01:37:38,316 I will say that the future of this world is in pretty good hands. 2058 01:37:38,347 --> 01:37:42,216 You may now move your tassels to the left. 2059 01:37:42,247 --> 01:37:48,263 Congratulations to Decatur University's graduating class of 2018. 2060 01:37:48,295 --> 01:37:50,265 (cheering) 2061 01:37:50,297 --> 01:37:51,412 Whoo! 2062 01:37:53,447 --> 01:37:55,449 - Hey, Christine! - Hey! 2063 01:37:56,230 --> 01:37:58,273 - Congratulations! - Proud of you! 2064 01:37:58,306 --> 01:37:59,338 - Thank you. - I love you. 2065 01:37:59,369 --> 01:38:00,412 I love you, too. 2066 01:38:00,443 --> 01:38:02,435 Come on. Let's go make love in the science lab. 2067 01:38:03,217 --> 01:38:04,405 OK. Be right back. 2068 01:38:04,437 --> 01:38:05,448 OK. 2069 01:38:06,230 --> 01:38:07,461 Hey, Mom! Hi. 2070 01:38:08,243 --> 01:38:10,380 - I'm so proud! - Congrats, baby. 2071 01:38:10,411 --> 01:38:12,413 - Thank you for coming. - Look at our girl. 2072 01:38:12,445 --> 01:38:14,384 Sweetheart! 2073 01:38:14,415 --> 01:38:16,345 - Congrats. - Thank you, honey. 2074 01:38:16,376 --> 01:38:17,439 - I'm ready. - You look great! 2075 01:38:17,471 --> 01:38:19,306 I'm so proud of you guys. 2076 01:38:19,337 --> 01:38:22,455 You two have made an old man very happy. 2077 01:38:23,237 --> 01:38:26,365 My daughter, my granddaughter, both got a degree today. 2078 01:38:26,396 --> 01:38:28,294 Screw you, Dan! 2079 01:38:28,325 --> 01:38:29,368 - Dad! - Grandpa! 2080 01:38:29,399 --> 01:38:31,266 - What? - Hey. 2081 01:38:31,297 --> 01:38:33,435 I'm starving. Can we please go to Mike and Sandy's house? 2082 01:38:33,467 --> 01:38:36,428 You know what? We'll catch up with you in a minute. 2083 01:38:36,459 --> 01:38:39,452 But I just want... just a moment here with my girl. 2084 01:38:39,483 --> 01:38:41,423 - OK, babe. - Sure, honey. 2085 01:38:42,497 --> 01:38:44,467 - Bye. - You get out. 2086 01:38:44,499 --> 01:38:46,313 (laughs) 2087 01:38:50,380 --> 01:38:53,351 Look at us! Couple of college grads, huh! 2088 01:38:53,383 --> 01:38:55,468 Mom, you did it. You got your degree. 2089 01:38:55,499 --> 01:38:57,459 I'm so proud of you. 2090 01:38:58,440 --> 01:39:00,275 I'm proud of me, too. 2091 01:39:00,306 --> 01:39:02,277 But I'm really proud of you. 2092 01:39:02,308 --> 01:39:04,383 I hope you soak it all in. This is your big day. 2093 01:39:04,414 --> 01:39:07,313 I will. Wait, you didn't throw your hat! 2094 01:39:07,344 --> 01:39:09,483 I think there were so many people 2095 01:39:09,514 --> 01:39:12,496 and I just want to keep it as a memento for my alma mater. 2096 01:39:12,528 --> 01:39:14,446 You can keep it, but you gotta throw it. 2097 01:39:14,477 --> 01:39:18,325 - You don't wanna jinx it. - OK. I don't wanna jinx myself. 2098 01:39:18,356 --> 01:39:19,524 - Yeah, already. - All right, here goes! 2099 01:39:20,306 --> 01:39:21,349 Whoo! 2100 01:39:21,474 --> 01:39:24,342 (cries out in pain) 2101 01:39:24,467 --> 01:39:26,354 - Oh, my God. - Who did that? 2102 01:39:26,385 --> 01:39:28,491 Marcie, the earring. It's gone. 2103 01:39:28,523 --> 01:39:30,368 That's a half-carat. 2104 01:39:30,400 --> 01:39:32,412 - Don't move. - You're such a fool. 2105 01:39:32,443 --> 01:39:33,507 - We should go. - OK. 2106 01:39:33,538 --> 01:39:35,457 Excuse me! 2107 01:39:38,408 --> 01:39:40,431 ♪ MEGHAN TRAINOR: Woman Up 2108 01:39:41,411 --> 01:39:43,350 ♪ Put your favourite heels on 2109 01:39:43,487 --> 01:39:45,426 ♪ Cos they make you feel strong 2110 01:39:45,509 --> 01:39:47,407 ♪ When you're lookin' good 2111 01:39:47,439 --> 01:39:49,482 ♪ You know you're gonna have a good time 2112 01:39:50,410 --> 01:39:52,339 ♪ Don't forget mascara 2113 01:39:52,464 --> 01:39:54,477 ♪ And to keep your head up 2114 01:39:55,332 --> 01:39:56,375 ♪ Like Madonna would 2115 01:39:56,406 --> 01:39:58,418 ♪ Rub her lipstick redder than wine 2116 01:39:58,450 --> 01:39:59,576 ♪ So let's go 2117 01:40:00,358 --> 01:40:02,370 ♪ Roll your bumper and whine slow 2118 01:40:02,401 --> 01:40:04,383 ♪ Show the world you can shine, glow 2119 01:40:04,414 --> 01:40:05,457 ♪ Cos you got the light now 2120 01:40:05,488 --> 01:40:06,530 ♪ You got the light now 2121 01:40:06,562 --> 01:40:07,584 ♪ Ow! 2122 01:40:08,366 --> 01:40:09,565 ♪ All my girls raise your hand 2123 01:40:10,347 --> 01:40:12,422 ♪ If you don't need a man 2124 01:40:12,453 --> 01:40:14,476 ♪ Cos you're more than good enough 2125 01:40:15,362 --> 01:40:16,583 ♪ You gotta woman up, woman up 2126 01:40:17,364 --> 01:40:19,398 ♪ Don't matter what you've been through 2127 01:40:19,429 --> 01:40:21,567 ♪ Just make them remember you 2128 01:40:21,599 --> 01:40:24,393 ♪ This one for all my girls 2129 01:40:24,424 --> 01:40:26,447 ♪ My girls who woman up, woman up 2130 01:40:27,500 --> 01:40:28,585 ♪ Woman up, woman up 2131 01:40:29,492 --> 01:40:31,504 ♪ Woman up, woman up 2132 01:40:31,609 --> 01:40:34,382 ♪ Woman up, woman up 2133 01:40:35,435 --> 01:40:37,479 ♪ Don't matter what you've been through 2134 01:40:37,510 --> 01:40:40,388 ♪ Just make them remember you 2135 01:40:40,420 --> 01:40:42,453 ♪ This one for all my girls 2136 01:40:42,484 --> 01:40:44,465 ♪ My girls who woman up, woman up 2137 01:40:44,497 --> 01:40:46,519 ♪ All my girls, raise your hand 2138 01:40:46,551 --> 01:40:49,408 ♪ If you don't need a man 2139 01:40:49,439 --> 01:40:51,524 ♪ Cos you're more than good enough 2140 01:40:51,556 --> 01:40:53,569 ♪ You gotta woman up, woman up 2141 01:40:53,600 --> 01:40:55,550 ♪ Don't matter what you've been through 2142 01:40:55,581 --> 01:40:58,480 ♪ Just make them remember you 2143 01:40:58,512 --> 01:41:00,555 ♪ This one for all my girls 2144 01:41:00,586 --> 01:41:02,609 ♪ For girls who woman up, woman up 2145 01:44:24,828 --> 01:44:26,830 subtitles by Deluxe 2145 01:44:27,305 --> 01:44:33,365 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/6duyy Help other users to choose the best subtitles 160654