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1
00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:14,250
Decision's made.
Merc's out.
2
00:00:14,542 --> 00:00:15,792
When are you
going to tell him?
3
00:00:15,792 --> 00:00:19,333
I thought I'd wait
till after his
Man of the Year thing.
4
00:00:19,834 --> 00:00:21,166
That's nice.
Also that way,
5
00:00:21,166 --> 00:00:23,041
we can empty out his office
while he's there.
6
00:00:23,041 --> 00:00:24,709
Do you know who
you're going to go with?
7
00:00:24,709 --> 00:00:26,375
We've got
a very short list.
8
00:00:26,375 --> 00:00:27,500
Right.
9
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:28,750
And your name's
at the top of it.
10
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:30,917
Uh, I'm about to
leave for my date.
11
00:00:30,917 --> 00:00:33,917
Okay.
If you don't
want me to go,
12
00:00:33,917 --> 00:00:35,291
I won't go.
13
00:00:35,875 --> 00:00:37,125
Go.
14
00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:41,291
LABIA: LeBlanc residence.
15
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,375
Is Matt there?
16
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,917
Oh, hi, Diane.
It's Labia.
17
00:00:45,542 --> 00:00:47,166
MATT: No!
18
00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:51,166
Fuck!
19
00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:02,291
(WIND WHISTLING)
20
00:01:02,709 --> 00:01:04,083
(WIND HOWLING)
21
00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:07,417
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
22
00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:33,125
(GUNSHOT)
23
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,750
How can I take this job?
24
00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:44,333
How?
I can't do that to him.
25
00:01:44,709 --> 00:01:47,250
It sounds like
they're doing it to him
whether you do it or not.
26
00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:49,709
No, I know, but...
I, I, I...
27
00:01:49,709 --> 00:01:51,000
This is your dream!
28
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,125
It's what you've been
working for
your entire career.
29
00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:56,208
I know, but...
30
00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:58,834
He would
never understand.
31
00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:01,792
I don't think
our relationship
could survive it.
32
00:02:02,125 --> 00:02:03,959
So?
So!
33
00:02:03,959 --> 00:02:06,291
A couple weeks ago
you were prepared
to end it
34
00:02:06,291 --> 00:02:09,250
and there wasn't
even a dream job
on the table.
35
00:02:11,542 --> 00:02:13,917
He's never going to
leave her, is he?
(SIGHS)
36
00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:18,125
No.
37
00:02:18,458 --> 00:02:19,792
(SIGHS)
38
00:02:19,792 --> 00:02:24,417
Because she's a fucking saint,
a fucking blind saint.
39
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,583
Hmm.
What?
40
00:02:28,166 --> 00:02:29,625
What?
41
00:02:29,625 --> 00:02:31,291
That "Hmm."
42
00:02:32,959 --> 00:02:35,542
What "Hmm"?
Uh, no, no.
43
00:02:35,959 --> 00:02:37,625
I said that
she's a fucking saint,
44
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,792
and you went "Hmm",
45
00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:43,333
like maybe she's not
such a fucking saint.
46
00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:49,625
Oh, no, it was just
an "Hmm."
47
00:02:49,625 --> 00:02:54,166
Like, "Hmm, go on."
So... Hmm.
48
00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:55,500
Go on.
49
00:02:55,959 --> 00:02:57,792
What aren't you
telling me?
Nothing.
50
00:02:58,333 --> 00:02:59,458
Tell me.
51
00:02:59,959 --> 00:03:02,959
You... Well...
You've never moved
this fast in your life.
52
00:03:02,959 --> 00:03:04,333
So, you need
to tell me.
53
00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:08,000
Look, I know nothing!
It was just an... Hmm.
54
00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:10,125
You like poison ivy?
55
00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:11,500
There's plenty of it
up there.
56
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,166
Oh, oh, oh!
57
00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:22,166
CAROL:
That's a cliff.
(LAUGHS)
58
00:03:22,166 --> 00:03:23,709
Oh! Uh...
59
00:03:23,709 --> 00:03:26,917
Come on, ya.
Come on, come on!
60
00:03:26,917 --> 00:03:29,375
Oh, what are you
gonna do? Huh?
61
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,834
I got ya.
(PANTING)
62
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,875
She's fine!
Keep moving.
63
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:37,875
Tell me.
64
00:03:37,875 --> 00:03:40,166
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
65
00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:45,667
She's having an affair
with Matt.
66
00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:46,875
Who?
67
00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:50,000
Saint Jamie.
68
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,875
Is having an affair?
69
00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:56,333
With Matt LeBlanc.
70
00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:58,875
(CHUCKLES)
71
00:03:58,875 --> 00:04:01,500
No. No!
72
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,083
Oh, my God. No!
73
00:04:04,083 --> 00:04:07,250
You knew this
and you didn't tell me?
74
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:10,542
What about all the shit
with our show
you don't tell me?
75
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,542
That's work!
This is my life!
76
00:04:13,542 --> 00:04:17,875
I know!
But if I told you,
you'd tell Merc!
77
00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:20,250
I have to tell Merc!
You can't tell Merc!
78
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:21,583
If you tell Merc,
79
00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:27,750
this whole thing will blow up
and Matt will kill me.
80
00:04:29,041 --> 00:04:31,000
(WHISPERING)
You must keep this
to yourself.
81
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,375
Yeah, I can't do that.
82
00:04:36,291 --> 00:04:39,375
If you tell Merc,
I swear I'll...
83
00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:42,917
I will tell him
84
00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:45,125
that you've been having
secret meetings with that...
85
00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:47,125
That Salad person,
86
00:04:47,125 --> 00:04:50,917
and that you knew
he was getting fired
before he did
87
00:04:50,917 --> 00:04:52,333
and you didn't tell him.
88
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,417
Ha!
89
00:04:58,792 --> 00:04:59,917
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)
90
00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:02,625
Fine.
91
00:05:02,875 --> 00:05:04,083
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
92
00:05:05,208 --> 00:05:06,500
Understood.
93
00:05:07,792 --> 00:05:08,959
(SIGHS)
94
00:05:10,458 --> 00:05:12,792
Jamie Lapidus
and Matt LeBlanc.
95
00:05:12,792 --> 00:05:14,792
Un-fucking-believable.
96
00:05:15,542 --> 00:05:18,458
For all I know,
it's already over.
97
00:05:18,458 --> 00:05:22,250
Last I heard he was
having a thing
with his stalker.
98
00:05:22,542 --> 00:05:23,792
Jesus!
99
00:05:23,792 --> 00:05:26,792
A stalker
and his boss's blind wife.
100
00:05:26,792 --> 00:05:28,792
That guy'll
stick it anywhere.
101
00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:30,333
No offense.
102
00:05:35,208 --> 00:05:36,834
(PHONE RINGING)
103
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:41,875
Yo.
104
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,625
Matt? Stanford Shamiro.
105
00:05:43,625 --> 00:05:44,917
Hey. What's up?
106
00:05:45,375 --> 00:05:47,667
I just got a call
from Diane's lawyer.
107
00:05:48,166 --> 00:05:49,750
What'd that prick want?
108
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,959
Please tell me
you weren't entertaining
your stalker
109
00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:53,667
at your house
last night.
110
00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:56,542
Okay, I was not
entertaining her.
111
00:05:57,208 --> 00:05:58,750
Technically, yeah,
she was here.
112
00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:01,041
But I was throwing her out
when Diane called.
113
00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:02,792
So she broke in again?
114
00:06:02,792 --> 00:06:05,250
Uh, technically, no.
115
00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:08,750
So, why don't you tell me
what did happen. Technically.
116
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:12,166
All right, the other night,
I was pretty hammered,
117
00:06:12,166 --> 00:06:13,375
and I called her up...
118
00:06:13,375 --> 00:06:15,000
Diane?
No.
119
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:18,125
You called up your stalker.
Right.
120
00:06:18,709 --> 00:06:21,208
The one we got
the restraining order for.
121
00:06:21,792 --> 00:06:22,959
Yeah.
122
00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:25,000
Did you have sexual
relations with her?
123
00:06:25,667 --> 00:06:27,959
Hmm...
Does anal...
124
00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:29,375
Yeah, it counts.
125
00:06:29,375 --> 00:06:31,291
Then technically, yes.
126
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,291
You should know
Diane's gonna try and have
127
00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:35,333
your visitation rights
terminated.
128
00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:38,125
Meaning, what,
I'd never get to
see my kids?
129
00:06:38,125 --> 00:06:39,542
If the judge agrees.
130
00:06:39,542 --> 00:06:40,667
That's bullshit!
131
00:06:40,917 --> 00:06:42,458
We gotta fight this.
132
00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:44,875
Uh, can I take off
my lawyer hat for a minute?
133
00:06:44,875 --> 00:06:46,208
Yeah...
134
00:06:46,208 --> 00:06:48,208
I'm talking to you now
as a friend...
135
00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:51,709
You're going to need
a much better lawyer.
136
00:06:51,709 --> 00:06:53,875
'Cause the one you've got...
137
00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:56,625
I don't know how the fuck
he's going to get you
out of this.
138
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,041
(SIGHS)
139
00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:06,041
Wow!
140
00:07:06,041 --> 00:07:09,792
Seriously, wow!
Yeah?
141
00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:13,250
I'm telling you.
You look fucking... Wow.
142
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:16,000
(LAUGHS)
What are you doing
with an old shitbird like me?
143
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,500
Are you kidding?
144
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:20,291
You're my Man of the Year.
(CHUCKLES)
145
00:07:21,792 --> 00:07:23,208
It's your big night.
146
00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:26,125
What's the matter?
What?
147
00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:28,709
You look...
I'm fine.
All good.
148
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:29,959
All right.
149
00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:32,250
Is this ever
going to change?
150
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:34,250
What?
This. Us.
151
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:37,291
I mean... Here we are.
Again.
152
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:40,458
It's your big night,
and I can't be
there with you.
153
00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:42,667
You'll be there.
Not with you.
154
00:07:42,917 --> 00:07:44,667
You're going to come down
off that stage,
155
00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:47,333
and I can't kiss you,
I can't...
156
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:48,625
(EXCLAIMS)
157
00:07:48,625 --> 00:07:51,041
Am I always going to be
this invisible person?
158
00:07:51,041 --> 00:07:52,959
Well, you think
I like it this way?
159
00:07:53,291 --> 00:07:55,625
You think I don't want
to be with you all the time?
Come on!
160
00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:57,792
What do you want
me to do?
The woman's blind.
161
00:07:57,792 --> 00:07:59,417
She's fucking
Matt LeBlanc!
162
00:08:00,125 --> 00:08:01,583
Who's fucking
Matt LeBlanc?
163
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:06,166
Your blind wife
is having an affair
with Matt LeBlanc.
164
00:08:06,625 --> 00:08:07,750
(LAUGHS)
165
00:08:09,917 --> 00:08:13,083
Bullshit.
I swear to God,
it's true.
166
00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:19,166
Are you kidding me?
It's been going on
for months.
167
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:20,750
Jesus Christ.
168
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,000
Yup.
169
00:08:22,834 --> 00:08:25,125
(GASPING)
I can't breathe.
170
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:27,417
Seriously,
I cannot breathe.
171
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:28,709
You can breathe.
172
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,291
I can't breathe well!
173
00:08:31,875 --> 00:08:33,667
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
174
00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:42,500
Wow. Look at you
all dressy dressed.
175
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,542
I got this
for my sister's funeral.
176
00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:47,375
Pretty.
177
00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:50,250
No, if anything it looks
more like the other cheek
than it did before.
178
00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:51,667
And you really
can't tell?
179
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,125
You really can't.
It's amazing.
180
00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:55,417
Just promise
you're done messing
with your face.
181
00:08:55,417 --> 00:08:58,208
I swear, I'm done
messing with my face.
182
00:09:00,208 --> 00:09:01,542
What?
183
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,625
(SIGHS)
Oh, Christ,
kill me now!
184
00:09:04,625 --> 00:09:08,375
Sean!
Andrew! Where aren't you?
185
00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:10,208
This is my friend,
Morning Randolph.
186
00:09:10,208 --> 00:09:11,250
Hello.
We've met.
187
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,709
So, what brings you here?
188
00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:16,709
I actually just signed
a deal with Merc,
189
00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:18,959
so I thought
I'd better come
and kiss the ring.
190
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,917
You're doing
television now?
I know.
191
00:09:21,917 --> 00:09:23,917
I came up with this
great idea for a show.
192
00:09:23,917 --> 00:09:25,959
It's about this
British couple
193
00:09:25,959 --> 00:09:27,709
who bring their hit
comedy to the States
194
00:09:27,709 --> 00:09:29,542
and how they end up
getting divorced,
195
00:09:29,542 --> 00:09:32,041
but still have to
work together.
196
00:09:32,041 --> 00:09:33,250
You're...
197
00:09:33,542 --> 00:09:35,625
You're fucking
kidding me, right?
I know!
198
00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:37,750
It took me, like,
five seconds
to come up with it.
199
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:42,667
Oh, look,
there's Bev and Rob.
200
00:09:45,458 --> 00:09:47,333
Oh, God,
201
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:51,083
it's so hard
seeing her with someone
who's not you.
202
00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:55,250
Just saying
Bev and Rob
feels so wrong.
203
00:09:55,583 --> 00:09:58,083
Bev and Rob.
Bev and Rob.
204
00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:00,917
Excuse me.
Hmm.
205
00:10:01,583 --> 00:10:03,375
Bev!
Rob!
206
00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:09,250
I've been that
cocksucker's friend
for 20 years.
207
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:10,750
Twenty years.
I know.
208
00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:12,000
He's on my network.
209
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,959
I know.
And when she went blind,
I could have walked out.
210
00:10:14,959 --> 00:10:17,125
But I fucking
stuck by her.
211
00:10:17,125 --> 00:10:18,959
She does not
deserve you.
212
00:10:20,375 --> 00:10:21,709
I guess I'm the blind one.
213
00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:24,208
Oh, and by the way?
214
00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:26,959
I think sometimes
she can actually
see a tiny bit.
215
00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:28,583
No!
I'm telling you.
216
00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:30,417
Like vague
shapes and shadows.
217
00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:32,500
And she calls
herself blind.
218
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:33,792
What a bitch.
219
00:10:33,792 --> 00:10:35,166
How could she
do this to me?
220
00:10:35,625 --> 00:10:38,458
I'm probably not
the best person to ask.
221
00:10:38,458 --> 00:10:41,000
If you were mine,
believe me...
222
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,667
Well, guess what.
I am yours.
223
00:10:44,625 --> 00:10:46,792
What?
What are you saying?
224
00:10:46,792 --> 00:10:49,375
Oh, yeah.
I am so going to
dump her ass.
225
00:10:49,375 --> 00:10:50,917
What do you
think of that?
226
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:54,041
I think yeah!
Do it! Dump it!
227
00:10:54,041 --> 00:10:57,458
(CHUCKLES)
Dump it, dump it,
dump it.
228
00:11:01,041 --> 00:11:02,458
(SCOFFS)
Here we go.
229
00:11:03,583 --> 00:11:05,625
Okay,
creepiest smile ever.
230
00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:07,125
Is it too
Wallace and Gromit?
231
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,917
I don't know who
that is, but yeah.
232
00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:11,667
Oh, God, that's his
Wallace and Gromit
smile.
233
00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:13,834
Oh, yeah.
No, that's not
a good thing.
234
00:11:13,834 --> 00:11:16,625
SEAN: Hey, how are you?
Nice to see you.
235
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,125
(CLEARS THROAT)
236
00:11:31,333 --> 00:11:32,709
Champagne?
ALL: Oh, yes.
237
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,291
You can do this.
238
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,667
Just knowing
they're both here...
239
00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:45,750
I know.
240
00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:48,709
But you're going to smile
like nothing's wrong
241
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,500
because you are
the Man of the Year.
242
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:54,375
And these people
are paying $10,000 a table
243
00:11:54,375 --> 00:11:55,750
just to see that smile.
244
00:11:56,375 --> 00:11:58,208
Not the ones in the back.
245
00:11:58,792 --> 00:12:00,291
Do we know yet
who bought
the cheap ones?
246
00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:01,750
I'm getting you a list.
247
00:12:03,375 --> 00:12:05,667
Mister Salad!
248
00:12:06,417 --> 00:12:08,083
So...
249
00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:11,667
You finally decided to
grace us with your presence.
250
00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:14,208
You know me,
I like to make
an entrance.
251
00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:16,458
Congratulations, sir.
Well deserved.
252
00:12:16,458 --> 00:12:17,709
Thank you, my friend.
253
00:12:17,709 --> 00:12:21,041
Can you believe this guy
flew 3,000 miles
just for me?
254
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,375
He's the best.
255
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:25,083
So, any big plans
while you're out here?
256
00:12:25,083 --> 00:12:27,458
Nope. This weekend's
all about you.
257
00:12:27,959 --> 00:12:30,250
MERC: (LAUGHS)
You're gonna make me cry.
258
00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:41,542
Who's that?
259
00:12:41,959 --> 00:12:45,208
Morning's brother, Rob.
He's her date.
260
00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:48,750
What do you mean,
her date?
261
00:12:48,750 --> 00:12:51,709
Well, they're
kind of a thing.
262
00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:58,709
You shitting me?
I shit you not.
263
00:13:02,709 --> 00:13:04,917
And this is okay by you?
Why not?
264
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:08,917
I told her we had
to move on,
and she believed me.
265
00:13:09,667 --> 00:13:10,917
Why would you do that?
266
00:13:10,917 --> 00:13:13,625
Well, you had a little
something to do with it.
267
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:16,250
Aw, Christ,
you're still on that?
268
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,792
You fucked my wife.
269
00:13:18,792 --> 00:13:20,333
Five months ago.
270
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:23,166
Right. I can't believe
I'm still dwelling on it.
271
00:13:23,166 --> 00:13:24,959
I feel like
such an asshole.
272
00:13:24,959 --> 00:13:26,750
You are an asshole.
273
00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:30,333
You love her.
Get over yourself.
274
00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:31,959
It's not that simple.
Oh...
275
00:13:38,375 --> 00:13:39,750
Yeah, it is.
276
00:13:44,959 --> 00:13:47,083
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
277
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,834
Hey.
278
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,709
I thought
I could smell Joey.
279
00:13:57,667 --> 00:13:58,875
Too much?
280
00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:01,792
No. I like a man
who can wear Cinnabon.
281
00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:05,500
So...
282
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:08,709
Sean and I were
just talking
about assholes.
283
00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:11,792
Oh, so that's what
guys talk about
when we're not around.
284
00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,333
(CHUCKLES)
285
00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:16,333
I was telling him
to stop being one.
286
00:14:17,125 --> 00:14:19,333
And I realized
the last time
you and I were together,
287
00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:21,792
I kind of was one.
288
00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:24,625
No argument from me.
289
00:14:25,542 --> 00:14:27,959
And then I never
called you,
290
00:14:27,959 --> 00:14:29,667
which makes me
an even bigger one.
291
00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:32,291
Again, we're on
the same page.
292
00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:34,208
Anyway...
293
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,000
I'm sorry.
294
00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:39,166
Thank you.
295
00:14:40,542 --> 00:14:41,709
I don't want to
mess this up.
296
00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:43,208
Then don't.
297
00:14:43,208 --> 00:14:44,917
Okay.
298
00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:50,917
I may need you
to keep reminding me.
299
00:14:50,917 --> 00:14:52,500
I'll stay on top of it.
300
00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:55,667
Sounds good to me.
301
00:14:55,667 --> 00:14:57,166
(APPLAUSE)
302
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,917
(MUSIC STARTS AGAIN)
303
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:10,083
So?
304
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,458
Really? Here? Now?
305
00:15:12,458 --> 00:15:14,333
I gotta move on this.
306
00:15:14,333 --> 00:15:15,709
(SIGHS)
307
00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:21,458
Elliot, I cannot
tell you how much
I appreciate this offer.
308
00:15:21,458 --> 00:15:26,291
I really do.
And I'll probably end up
kicking myself, but...
309
00:15:26,291 --> 00:15:27,875
Eh, eh, eh.
310
00:15:27,875 --> 00:15:30,583
If it's the money,
we're prepared to...
311
00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:32,583
Oh, God, no,
it's not the money.
312
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,083
You're prepared to what?
313
00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:36,917
No, no, don't tell me.
314
00:15:36,917 --> 00:15:38,959
It's not the money.
315
00:15:39,417 --> 00:15:40,458
It's Merc.
316
00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:42,458
I can't do it to him.
317
00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:45,542
Look, loyalty's one thing.
But unless you're
fucking him...
318
00:15:45,542 --> 00:15:46,917
I'm fucking him.
319
00:15:48,041 --> 00:15:49,125
Aha.
320
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,709
No. (LAUGHS)
321
00:15:52,917 --> 00:15:54,917
I'm more than
fucking him.
322
00:15:55,417 --> 00:15:59,667
I'm not sure what that means,
but it sounds like
he's a lucky man.
323
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,959
I mean,
we're serious.
324
00:16:02,625 --> 00:16:03,959
Oh.
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
325
00:16:03,959 --> 00:16:08,166
Well, for what it's worth,
I'm a big believer
in second marriages.
326
00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:10,500
This would be
his fourth.
327
00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:12,625
Mazel tov.
328
00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:15,000
(OPERA SINGER SINGING)
329
00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:48,333
(WHISPERING)
Are you going to
eat your olives?
330
00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:49,792
No.
331
00:16:53,166 --> 00:16:54,125
(INAUDIBLE)
332
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,500
(CROWD APPLAUDS)
333
00:17:45,083 --> 00:17:46,792
MATT: But more than
anything else,
334
00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:49,667
Merc Lapidus
has a big heart.
335
00:17:49,667 --> 00:17:52,542
Those hugs of his?
They don't come
from here,
336
00:17:52,959 --> 00:17:54,250
they come from here.
337
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,667
Ladies and gentlemen,
please help me welcome
338
00:17:57,667 --> 00:18:02,083
our Man of the Year,
and my boss,
Merc Lapidus.
339
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:04,166
(CROWD CHEERING)
340
00:18:11,125 --> 00:18:12,250
Matt LeBlanc!
341
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:14,208
Let's hear it
for a real friend.
342
00:18:19,709 --> 00:18:25,750
Wagner once said,
"Joy is not in things,
it is in us."
343
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:29,333
Clearly Wagner
never owned his own jet.
344
00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:31,041
(CROWD LAUGHING)
345
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:36,041
Seriously, I think
everyone here tonight
knows what he meant.
346
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:41,458
All the trappings
of success mean nothing.
347
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,291
It's about finding the joy
in what we do.
348
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:48,250
And I love
what I do.
349
00:18:49,291 --> 00:18:51,166
They call it
the industry.
350
00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:52,542
But looking
around here tonight,
351
00:18:52,542 --> 00:18:56,166
it's clear that
we're more than
just an industry,
352
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,625
we're a family.
353
00:18:59,625 --> 00:19:01,166
Six years ago,
354
00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:05,333
when I found out
that I had cancer,
355
00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:11,583
the outpouring of support
was overwhelming.
356
00:19:12,625 --> 00:19:15,291
And then later,
when our network
became number one
357
00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:19,291
after being last
for so many, many years,
358
00:19:20,208 --> 00:19:22,792
I felt that same response.
359
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:28,291
In good times and
in bad, you have
been there for me.
360
00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:31,208
I'd like to thank
all of you
361
00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:34,709
for the love
and friendship
362
00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:40,542
and, yes, the joy
that you've given me all
these years.
363
00:19:40,542 --> 00:19:43,417
I may be your
Man of the Year,
but right now
364
00:19:43,417 --> 00:19:46,667
I feel like
the luckiest man
in the world.
365
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,208
Thank you.
366
00:19:55,291 --> 00:19:57,291
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
367
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,375
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
368
00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:08,917
Oh! Your speech
was fantastic.
369
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,792
Yeah?
Oh, my God.
370
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:13,709
Funny and moving
and so smart.
371
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:16,750
You are
one class act.
372
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:18,709
I gotta piss
like a racehorse.
373
00:20:18,959 --> 00:20:20,208
Okay.
374
00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:21,417
(SIGHS)
375
00:20:34,041 --> 00:20:35,250
Awesome speech.
376
00:20:35,875 --> 00:20:37,667
(URINATING)
377
00:20:47,208 --> 00:20:49,041
You put that
in my wife?
378
00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:51,125
Okay, you don't
want to do this here.
379
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,959
Don't tell me
what I want!
Watch it!
380
00:20:53,291 --> 00:20:56,709
Oh, sorry!
Jesus Christ!
Are you crazy?
381
00:20:58,166 --> 00:21:00,041
MERC: Hey, LeBlanc,
you smell like piss!
382
00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:02,000
Wait, what?
Fucking lunatic!
383
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,166
Oh, God...
384
00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:04,750
Aw, don't run away!
385
00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:06,250
I got more.
386
00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:08,208
Found another one!
387
00:21:08,208 --> 00:21:10,291
How many does she need
before we can go home?
388
00:21:10,792 --> 00:21:13,250
Could be a while.
She's a bit of
a gift bag whore.
389
00:21:13,250 --> 00:21:15,792
Seven!
It's almost an illness.
390
00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:17,875
You'll get used to it.
391
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:21,291
Get him the hell
away from me!
C'mon, let's just go.
392
00:21:21,291 --> 00:21:23,917
You don't get to
screw my wife
and then walk away!
393
00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:26,083
Oh, yeah?
How about you?
394
00:21:26,083 --> 00:21:28,208
How 'bout the fact
that you've been screwing...
395
00:21:29,750 --> 00:21:30,959
What is her name?
396
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:33,709
Carol.
Carol!
397
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,667
How 'bout the fact
that you've been
screwing Carol?
398
00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:36,875
You son of a bitch!
399
00:21:36,875 --> 00:21:38,333
No!
(CROWD GASPS)
400
00:21:39,125 --> 00:21:40,417
(GROANS)
401
00:21:45,375 --> 00:21:48,333
You fucking cocksucker!
Fuck you!
402
00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:50,125
You are so
fucking fired!
403
00:21:50,125 --> 00:21:52,125
(MOCKING) Oh, no!
Fired from Pucks!?
404
00:21:52,125 --> 00:21:53,583
Keep laughing.
For the rest of your life
405
00:21:53,583 --> 00:21:56,125
you're just gonna be
the fat guy
who used to be Joey!
406
00:21:56,125 --> 00:21:57,583
And you'll just be
a fat guy!
407
00:21:58,709 --> 00:22:00,583
All right! Enough!
408
00:22:02,583 --> 00:22:05,083
This is what you get
for screwing other
peoples wives.
409
00:22:05,083 --> 00:22:07,792
I hope you're happy.
Oh, I'm very happy.
410
00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:09,291
Jamie, are you happy?
411
00:22:10,291 --> 00:22:11,500
Yes.
412
00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:13,458
You...
Oh!
413
00:22:13,959 --> 00:22:15,834
That's my wife!
414
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,917
Not the face!
415
00:22:18,917 --> 00:22:20,125
What's happening?
416
00:22:21,583 --> 00:22:23,291
Ah!
417
00:22:27,667 --> 00:22:28,792
(GROANS)
418
00:22:29,417 --> 00:22:31,458
Seriously,
what is happening?
419
00:22:34,166 --> 00:22:36,458
Get the hell off me!
420
00:22:37,709 --> 00:22:38,667
Aha!
421
00:22:38,667 --> 00:22:40,041
Look out!
He's got a bag.
422
00:22:42,041 --> 00:22:44,166
What are you going to do?
Hit us with
a spa certificate?
423
00:22:44,166 --> 00:22:46,166
I saw a candle in here
that could do some damage!
424
00:22:46,166 --> 00:22:48,000
(GASPS)
I didn't get a candle...
425
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,583
(GRUNTS)
426
00:22:49,583 --> 00:22:50,834
(CROWD GASPS)
427
00:22:50,834 --> 00:22:52,458
(GROANS)
428
00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:57,041
What the fuck?
Let go of my fucking...
429
00:22:57,041 --> 00:22:58,709
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
430
00:22:59,542 --> 00:23:00,709
What? What?
431
00:23:00,709 --> 00:23:02,709
My shoulder...
Dislocated...
432
00:23:02,709 --> 00:23:04,542
Oh, Jesus.
Does it hurt?
433
00:23:04,542 --> 00:23:05,709
Oh, fuck.
434
00:23:05,959 --> 00:23:07,875
How 'bout now?
(MATT GROANS)
435
00:23:07,875 --> 00:23:10,250
Hey! Are you insane?
436
00:23:18,375 --> 00:23:21,542
Forget firing him!
That whole show's dead!
437
00:23:21,542 --> 00:23:25,542
I want that pucking Fucks...
Fucking Pucks!
438
00:23:25,542 --> 00:23:28,000
Shit! It's dead!
It's off the air!
439
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,750
All right, stop.
Breathe.
440
00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:31,208
I need you to breathe.
I mean it!
441
00:23:31,208 --> 00:23:34,291
First thing Monday
I don't care if I have to run
cartoons in that slot!
442
00:23:34,291 --> 00:23:36,583
I want him
off my network!
443
00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:39,458
Oh, God...
What?
444
00:23:40,417 --> 00:23:42,333
There's something
you need to know.
445
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:43,542
What? What? What?
446
00:23:45,583 --> 00:23:46,750
Uh...
447
00:23:49,291 --> 00:23:51,291
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
448
00:23:52,375 --> 00:23:54,041
Elliot's going to
call you.
449
00:23:54,917 --> 00:23:56,709
The board decided...
450
00:23:57,917 --> 00:23:59,834
You're out.
451
00:23:59,834 --> 00:24:01,542
Out? Out of what?
452
00:24:02,625 --> 00:24:03,917
Your job.
453
00:24:04,917 --> 00:24:07,542
After the whole
talking dog thing
454
00:24:07,542 --> 00:24:09,375
and the way
our season's
been going...
455
00:24:09,375 --> 00:24:11,583
What?
How do you know this?
456
00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:13,417
All of a sudden,
you know all this crap!
457
00:24:13,417 --> 00:24:15,333
I'm getting canned!
My wife's fucking around!
458
00:24:15,333 --> 00:24:16,917
What are you,
some kind of witch?
459
00:24:16,917 --> 00:24:18,417
You need to calm down.
460
00:24:18,417 --> 00:24:20,166
I'm calm!
Tell me!
461
00:24:21,041 --> 00:24:22,583
I heard it from Elliot.
462
00:24:24,667 --> 00:24:25,917
He told you?
463
00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:28,917
He told you
before he told me?
464
00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:32,041
Why? Why?
Why? Why? Why?
465
00:24:32,041 --> 00:24:33,583
He...
466
00:24:35,208 --> 00:24:36,667
He offered me your job.
467
00:24:43,625 --> 00:24:45,083
(WHIMPERING)
468
00:24:50,959 --> 00:24:52,583
Let's not do this here.
469
00:24:55,208 --> 00:24:56,458
Yeah, okay.
470
00:24:56,458 --> 00:24:58,208
(SCREAMING)
471
00:24:58,208 --> 00:24:59,458
Where are the bloody
paramedics?
472
00:24:59,458 --> 00:25:02,125
You don't need paramedics.
It's happened before.
473
00:25:02,125 --> 00:25:03,375
Just pop it back in.
474
00:25:03,375 --> 00:25:05,041
What do you mean pop it?
I can't pop it.
475
00:25:05,041 --> 00:25:06,834
You got to!
I can't pop it myself!
476
00:25:06,834 --> 00:25:08,917
I'm not going to pop it!
You need a doctor
to pop it!
477
00:25:08,917 --> 00:25:11,500
No, you don't!
Just grab my arm,
478
00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:13,125
pull it out of the socket,
then pop it back in!
479
00:25:13,125 --> 00:25:14,333
No!
All you got...
480
00:25:14,333 --> 00:25:16,709
Oh, Jesus! Pop it!
I'm beggin' you!
481
00:25:18,709 --> 00:25:20,333
(BOTH SCREAMING)
482
00:25:20,333 --> 00:25:21,959
Just do it, hurry.
I can't!
483
00:25:21,959 --> 00:25:24,083
Just pop it!
Pop it!
484
00:25:24,083 --> 00:25:25,375
ALL: Pop it! Pop it!
485
00:25:25,375 --> 00:25:27,417
Everyone stop saying
pop it!
486
00:25:27,417 --> 00:25:29,166
Do you want me to do it?
Oh, like you could do it!
487
00:25:29,166 --> 00:25:31,041
I could do it!
All right, then do it!
488
00:25:32,041 --> 00:25:33,083
No!
(SCREAMS)
489
00:25:33,333 --> 00:25:34,792
I can't do it!
I'll do it.
490
00:25:35,083 --> 00:25:36,667
No! Not her!
491
00:25:37,083 --> 00:25:38,625
I'll do it.
No!
492
00:25:39,917 --> 00:25:41,542
I can do it.
493
00:25:43,750 --> 00:25:45,500
(GROANING)
494
00:25:47,041 --> 00:25:49,166
(BOTH SCREAMING)
495
00:25:50,667 --> 00:25:51,667
(CRACK)
496
00:25:53,875 --> 00:25:55,375
(SIGHS)
497
00:25:57,917 --> 00:25:59,834
You think you're
gonna be all right?
Just...
498
00:26:02,959 --> 00:26:04,709
Listen to me.
499
00:26:04,709 --> 00:26:08,667
I turned him down.
I didn't take it.
500
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,166
Why?
501
00:26:11,709 --> 00:26:12,917
Why?
502
00:26:12,917 --> 00:26:18,250
Because I would never
do that to you.
I love you.
503
00:26:19,208 --> 00:26:20,458
They're going to
regret this.
504
00:26:20,458 --> 00:26:22,417
You're going to
come back
stronger than ever.
505
00:26:22,417 --> 00:26:24,542
I don't know...
I know.
506
00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:27,583
I'm not saying
it'll be easy.
507
00:26:27,583 --> 00:26:29,458
But we're going to
get through this.
508
00:26:29,458 --> 00:26:30,875
Together.
(SIGHS)
509
00:26:31,750 --> 00:26:33,542
You'll move in with me.
510
00:26:33,917 --> 00:26:36,250
How nice will that be,
to finally...
511
00:26:36,250 --> 00:26:37,875
What?
What are you
talking about?
512
00:26:37,875 --> 00:26:40,041
I can't leave her now.
513
00:26:40,041 --> 00:26:41,458
What?
514
00:26:41,458 --> 00:26:44,083
I've got no fucking job!
You want me to give her
half my money?
515
00:26:47,250 --> 00:26:48,709
(TIRES SCREECH)
516
00:26:50,917 --> 00:26:51,959
Get out.
517
00:26:52,667 --> 00:26:53,792
What?
518
00:26:54,041 --> 00:26:55,709
Get out of my car.
519
00:26:57,417 --> 00:27:00,083
You serious?
No. It's raining.
520
00:27:00,083 --> 00:27:01,875
(SCREAMING) Get out!
521
00:27:06,917 --> 00:27:08,917
Are you fucking crazy?
522
00:27:08,917 --> 00:27:11,583
I don't even know
where the hell I am!
523
00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:13,834
It's downtown.
524
00:27:15,041 --> 00:27:16,750
(SCREAMING)
525
00:27:19,125 --> 00:27:20,792
So, opera...
526
00:27:20,792 --> 00:27:22,750
Apparently it gets
kind of rough.
(CHUCKLES)
527
00:27:25,333 --> 00:27:26,917
You were very
brave tonight.
528
00:27:26,917 --> 00:27:28,458
Please.
529
00:27:28,458 --> 00:27:31,250
Merc Lapidus threw me
around like a sock puppet.
530
00:27:31,709 --> 00:27:34,041
And yet you kept
coming back
for more.
531
00:27:34,041 --> 00:27:35,291
Like an idiot.
532
00:27:35,291 --> 00:27:37,750
I found it heroic.
Hmm.
533
00:27:39,166 --> 00:27:42,000
And then with
the arm popping.
534
00:27:43,125 --> 00:27:47,000
If writing doesn't pan out,
you can always reconsider
being a doctor.
535
00:27:47,709 --> 00:27:49,834
I could specialize
in terrified medicine.
(CHUCKLES)
536
00:27:51,083 --> 00:27:52,709
You'd be brilliant.
537
00:27:54,875 --> 00:27:56,166
Your poor face.
538
00:27:57,625 --> 00:27:59,166
It's seen worse.
539
00:28:00,375 --> 00:28:02,000
When he hit you...
540
00:28:03,875 --> 00:28:05,458
It was like...
541
00:28:06,875 --> 00:28:08,041
I just went...
542
00:28:08,041 --> 00:28:11,792
(SHUSHING)
I'm fine now.
I'm fine. I didn't even...
543
00:28:16,166 --> 00:28:17,250
(WHINING)
544
00:28:17,250 --> 00:28:18,834
Oh, God. I'm sorry.
545
00:28:20,834 --> 00:28:22,000
Please.
546
00:28:22,417 --> 00:28:24,375
Do not be sorry for that.
547
00:28:34,208 --> 00:28:36,166
Should we just leave?
548
00:28:36,166 --> 00:28:38,166
Oh, I'd say so.
549
00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:48,834
I think they're ready
to go here.
550
00:28:49,917 --> 00:28:52,834
You guys coming,
or are you gonna
just make out all night?
551
00:28:54,625 --> 00:28:55,834
We're coming.
552
00:29:01,709 --> 00:29:03,166
Oh, wait.
553
00:29:08,166 --> 00:29:09,417
Seven.
554
00:29:09,417 --> 00:29:10,834
(CHUCKLES)
555
00:29:15,834 --> 00:29:18,458
ANDY: Listen to this.
Daily Variety.
556
00:29:18,458 --> 00:29:21,208
Network prexy
Merc Lapidus
has chosen
557
00:29:21,208 --> 00:29:24,917
to step down
from the post,
effective immediately.
558
00:29:24,917 --> 00:29:26,875
Chairman Elliot Salad said,
559
00:29:26,875 --> 00:29:29,417
"It is with great regret
that we must accept
560
00:29:29,417 --> 00:29:31,583
"the resignation
of Merc Lapidus.
561
00:29:31,583 --> 00:29:33,750
"It's difficult to imagine
this network without him."
562
00:29:33,750 --> 00:29:36,291
Lapidus stated,
"I've chosen to go now
563
00:29:36,291 --> 00:29:39,083
"having accomplished
everything I set out
to do.
564
00:29:39,083 --> 00:29:41,750
"And I look forward
to spending more time
565
00:29:41,750 --> 00:29:43,542
"with my
wonderful family."
566
00:29:43,542 --> 00:29:44,917
MYRA: Hmm...
38489
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