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1
00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:16,000
They want us to refocus
the show on the Boys,
and less on you and Morning.
2
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,458
They think Stoke
is a breakout star.
3
00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:22,625
MATT: With the hair?
It always comes down
to the fucking hair.
4
00:00:22,625 --> 00:00:24,083
I'm sure it's just swollen.
5
00:00:24,333 --> 00:00:26,000
It'll come down.
6
00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:28,250
It already came down.
7
00:00:28,250 --> 00:00:30,625
It's a cheek implant!
It's supposed to be up!
8
00:00:31,083 --> 00:00:32,291
Is it terrible?
9
00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:37,333
Why don't you, uh, go over
to the set so we can
see it in the light.
10
00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:38,500
Okay.
11
00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:41,750
(CHUCKLING) Yeah,
'cause light's
gonna help.
12
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,458
500 feet, Labia!
500 feet!
13
00:00:44,458 --> 00:00:46,000
BEVERLY: How long has
she been stalking you?
14
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,250
I met her
when she was like, eight.
15
00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:50,041
She was one of those
Make-A-Wish kids.
16
00:00:50,041 --> 00:00:51,041
Oh, my God.
17
00:00:51,041 --> 00:00:52,542
I slept with her once.
(GASPS)
18
00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:53,709
Once!
Oh, God.
19
00:00:53,709 --> 00:00:56,709
She was 18,
and really cute,
20
00:00:56,709 --> 00:00:58,083
once her hair grew back.
21
00:00:58,500 --> 00:00:59,917
I believe
you will burn in hell.
22
00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:01,917
Ah,
what're you going to do?
23
00:01:08,583 --> 00:01:10,208
(WIND WHISTLING)
24
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,333
(WIND HOWLING)
25
00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:18,834
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
26
00:01:43,583 --> 00:01:44,959
(GUNSHOT)
27
00:01:57,208 --> 00:01:58,750
(CLEARS THROAT)
28
00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:02,917
Hi.
Jesus! Fuck!
29
00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:04,959
I was hoping
you wouldn't
come home yet.
30
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,250
The cookies
aren't ready.
31
00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:08,125
How the hell
did you get in here?
32
00:02:08,125 --> 00:02:10,125
The laundry room
window was open.
33
00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:12,959
You know,
you should talk to Rosa,
'cause that's not smart.
34
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,291
Okay, the fact that you know
my housekeeper's name
35
00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:19,291
may be the scariest thing
out of a lot of scary things!
36
00:02:19,291 --> 00:02:21,291
You want milk
with your cookies?
No!
37
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:22,917
Beer?
38
00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:25,625
(SIGHING) Sure.
39
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,834
So is this place
a rental?
40
00:02:32,834 --> 00:02:35,417
'Cause it doesn't
really feel like you.
41
00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:38,083
Yeah, it's a rental.
42
00:02:38,083 --> 00:02:39,125
(WATER RUNNING)
43
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:40,667
It's closer to the studio.
44
00:02:40,667 --> 00:02:42,166
That makes sense.
45
00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:45,375
'Cause the commute
to your beach place
is nuts.
46
00:02:45,375 --> 00:02:48,000
Whenever I drive
out there to sit
in front of your house,
47
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,500
the traffic...
Oh, my God.
48
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:53,000
It's, like,
"This is almost
not worth it."
49
00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:55,709
Where are your clothes?
Why?
50
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:59,875
Why? Because
you're standing here
in my house, naked.
51
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:03,125
I'm not naked.
I like to leave
a little mystery.
52
00:03:03,125 --> 00:03:05,917
Yeah, it's like
Agatha Christie
down there.
53
00:03:05,917 --> 00:03:07,291
I can take them off
if you want.
54
00:03:07,291 --> 00:03:12,458
No! I want you to put
the rest of your
shit on and go. Go!
55
00:03:13,083 --> 00:03:17,000
Why are you being so mean?
I'm making you cookies.
56
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,291
I'm not being mean!
I'm tired and
I want to go to bed.
57
00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:22,166
Alone!
58
00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:24,375
You are being mean.
59
00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:26,792
I have cancer.
60
00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:30,875
You had cancer.
61
00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:35,333
And you survived and you're
healthy and that's awesome.
62
00:03:36,208 --> 00:03:38,583
And it's why I feel okay
saying to you,
63
00:03:38,583 --> 00:03:42,417
"Get the fuck out
of my house, you crazy
looney-tunes freak!"
64
00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:44,000
(OVEN DINGS)
Ooh, my cookies.
65
00:03:45,542 --> 00:03:46,834
(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)
66
00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:49,250
All right,
I'm calling the police.
67
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,208
If you don't want to be
here when they come,
you should go now.
68
00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:52,667
Okay.
69
00:03:54,291 --> 00:03:56,500
I love you so much.
I know.
70
00:03:56,792 --> 00:03:58,375
No one will ever
love you like I do.
71
00:03:58,375 --> 00:03:59,417
Mmm-hmm.
72
00:03:59,417 --> 00:04:02,375
I mean it.
I would die for you.
73
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:05,083
Yeah, but you didn't.
74
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,250
So, how're we
doing here?
75
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:18,000
Almost done.
It just has to set.
76
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,458
And this is really
going to work?
77
00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:23,291
Absolutely.
These men are wizards.
They can do anything.
78
00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,083
It is going
to work, right?
79
00:04:27,625 --> 00:04:29,250
Oh! Got me.
80
00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:32,417
Beverly, this is
my kid brother Rob.
Feel free to hit him.
81
00:04:32,417 --> 00:04:35,208
Oh! So you're not
one of the special
effects' wizards?
82
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,500
Oh, no, no, no!
No, I just drove her in.
83
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:40,166
What do you say we take
a look at this on camera?
84
00:04:41,417 --> 00:04:45,125
(LAUGHING) Whoa.
She is really feeling
those pain pills.
85
00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:46,291
Sorry?
86
00:04:46,291 --> 00:04:47,875
"Kid brother?"
87
00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:52,667
She stopped telling people
I was her
kid brother 20 years ago.
88
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,959
You're not really,
are you?
What?
89
00:04:54,959 --> 00:04:56,125
Younger?
90
00:04:56,125 --> 00:04:57,834
Yeah, I am.
Three years.
91
00:04:57,834 --> 00:05:01,458
Hey, I don't have
a team of doctors
working on me full time.
92
00:05:01,959 --> 00:05:04,792
(SIGHING) On the other
hand, both my cheeks
are in the right place.
93
00:05:04,792 --> 00:05:06,291
(CHUCKLES)
94
00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:12,834
Well, it's insane.
Why does she do it?
She's so beautiful.
95
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,291
Sure... Now.
96
00:05:15,083 --> 00:05:16,709
(BOYS LAUGHING)
97
00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:19,250
You see, you just missed.
Let me go again.
Let's go again.
98
00:05:22,792 --> 00:05:24,458
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
99
00:05:27,542 --> 00:05:29,583
Yo.
MAN: Hold for Merc Lapidus.
100
00:05:29,583 --> 00:05:31,417
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
101
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:34,500
MERC: Matty!
Mercky!
102
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,500
(LAUGHING) So, listen,
you know that
Man of the Year thing
103
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:38,667
you're gonna be
giving me?
104
00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:40,417
Do you know what
you're gonna say yet?
105
00:05:40,417 --> 00:05:43,041
No. Not yet. I still got
a couple weeks, right?
106
00:05:43,041 --> 00:05:44,625
Yeah, yeah.
107
00:05:44,625 --> 00:05:48,500
By the way, if you're doing
any jokes, maybe don't
mention the bald thing?
108
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:52,667
I'm thinking of getting
these microplugs, I'd rather
not shine a light up there,
109
00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:54,083
if you know what I mean.
110
00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:57,959
What're you talking about?
You don't need microplugs.
You look great.
111
00:05:57,959 --> 00:06:01,333
Ah, you're sweet.
Listen, there was
one other thing.
112
00:06:02,542 --> 00:06:03,875
Sure.
113
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:06,000
We've started talking about
what we wanna promote for
sweeps.
114
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:11,000
And we really want to make
a push for Pucks!
So we need something big.
115
00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:15,542
Maybe you can get that kid
to grow his hair a little
longer. I'd watch that.
116
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:19,583
(LAUGHING) Funny.
Here's what I'm thinking.
117
00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:25,291
Any chance you could get
one of the other Friends
to do a guest spot?
118
00:06:25,291 --> 00:06:27,500
Yeah. Here's what's
a little weird.
119
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,917
A couple weeks ago,
you were cutting my
part down to nothing,
120
00:06:29,917 --> 00:06:32,750
and now you're calling,
asking me for favors...
121
00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:35,625
Hey! Hey! Hey!
It's all for the
good of the show.
122
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:39,500
Totally get that.
But right now, I'm also
thinking about the good of me.
123
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:43,083
Okay, how about this?
You get me one
of the Friends,
124
00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:47,125
and I give you my word,
all of our Pucks!
promotion
will be about you.
125
00:06:47,125 --> 00:06:48,709
And not about the hair.
126
00:06:49,291 --> 00:06:50,583
No hair.
127
00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:52,667
I said no hair.
128
00:06:54,417 --> 00:06:56,166
All right. Let me
make a few calls.
129
00:06:56,166 --> 00:07:02,125
(LAUGHS) Great. And hey,
listen we gotta do lunch again
soon. I miss you, you bastard.
130
00:07:02,125 --> 00:07:04,542
Absolutely. Any time.
I'd love it.
131
00:07:06,083 --> 00:07:08,041
Asshole.
Douche bag.
132
00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:14,166
SEAN: All right.
Here's our lovely
Morning Randolph before,
133
00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:15,875
looking a tad blue-ish.
134
00:07:15,875 --> 00:07:18,458
And here,
$40,000 later,
135
00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:20,875
is how she's going
to look on TV.
136
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,625
(PEOPLE EXCLAIM IN AWE)
137
00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:27,917
Seriously, you guys,
thank you.
You saved my life.
138
00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:31,417
Well, it's all in a day's
work, if you've got
a very strange job.
139
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:32,417
All right.
Catastrophe averted.
140
00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:34,917
Why don't we all
get back to work.
141
00:07:37,917 --> 00:07:39,625
Isn't that amazing?
142
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:40,583
Yeah.
143
00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:43,458
Rather blasé.
144
00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:46,291
Uh... I was in
Lost in Space.
145
00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:49,375
We weren't actually
"lost in space."
146
00:07:49,375 --> 00:07:50,458
Ah!
147
00:07:51,834 --> 00:07:52,875
I didn't see it.
148
00:07:52,875 --> 00:07:54,083
Really?
Hmm.
149
00:07:54,083 --> 00:07:56,000
I've seen
all your movies.
150
00:07:57,792 --> 00:08:00,083
Hey, can I talk
to you for a sec?
151
00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:01,458
Sure. What's up?
152
00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:03,583
My brother thought
you were great.
153
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,125
And he doesn't
like anyone.
154
00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:06,625
A man after
my own heart.
155
00:08:06,625 --> 00:08:09,792
Anyway, he wanted to know
if you're available,
so I said I'd suss it out.
156
00:08:09,792 --> 00:08:11,667
So this is me sussing.
157
00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:15,083
(SIGHING) Ooh!
Good... Goodness.
158
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:19,959
Why don't we
suss over here.
159
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,834
Oh. Gotcha.
160
00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:27,000
I think your
brother's very nice,
161
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:32,542
but I'm not doing
anything till I'm certain
what's happening with
162
00:08:34,458 --> 00:08:35,917
me and Sean.
163
00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:40,875
Oh, wow.
Okay, sure.
Absolutely.
164
00:08:41,917 --> 00:08:43,291
No problem.
165
00:08:45,709 --> 00:08:46,625
Aw.
166
00:08:49,250 --> 00:08:51,500
BEVERLY: I'm getting
pity looks from Morning!
167
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:52,792
Pity looks!
168
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,208
My life has hit
a new low.
169
00:08:55,208 --> 00:08:56,417
Aw.
170
00:08:56,417 --> 00:08:57,500
I don't need them
from you, too!
171
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,792
I'm sorry! I just...
172
00:08:59,792 --> 00:09:02,000
Look, I think it's great
you're waiting for Sean.
173
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,250
But I gotta say,
at a certain point,
174
00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:08,166
don't you think it's, maybe,
time to think about...
175
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,041
(SIGHS)
176
00:09:10,041 --> 00:09:11,625
Moving on?
Mmm.
177
00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:14,125
Are we going to
have the "moving on"
conversation again?
178
00:09:14,125 --> 00:09:17,542
Which, by the way,
coming from you,
is so steeped in irony...
179
00:09:17,542 --> 00:09:21,125
Hey! No need to get mean.
Let's keep it hikey here.
180
00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:22,417
Sorry.
181
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:26,458
So how is the brother?
Is he cute?
182
00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:29,333
Oh, I'd say
way past cute.
183
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:31,250
Like hot?
184
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,125
Not that I noticed,
but oh, my God!
185
00:09:33,125 --> 00:09:37,542
Oh! Oh! Then maybe
one date. One date!
186
00:09:37,542 --> 00:09:41,125
A cup of coffee with a guy
is hardly moving on.
187
00:09:41,125 --> 00:09:43,417
No! Nope, nope, nope.
(SIGHING)
188
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:48,041
Meanwhile, has Sean
been doing any moving on?
(CHUCKLES)
189
00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:50,208
Tell me!
190
00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:58,083
I found out he had
a little thing
with Morning.
191
00:09:58,083 --> 00:10:00,625
Shut the front door!
(GASPS)
192
00:10:00,625 --> 00:10:03,333
Apparently,
it was just one time.
193
00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:08,250
That is crazy. And now
she's trying to fix you
up with her brother?
194
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:14,625
How wild would it be if Sean
ended up with Morning and you
ended up with the brother?
195
00:10:14,625 --> 00:10:17,959
Oh! I am so going
to make that a show!
196
00:10:17,959 --> 00:10:19,417
Oh, come on!
(SCOFFS)
197
00:10:19,417 --> 00:10:24,250
A husband and wife
get divorced and hook up
with a brother and sister?
198
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:27,750
If somebody pitched me that,
I'd buy it in the room.
199
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,917
Ooh! Unless you and Sean
want to write it.
200
00:10:32,917 --> 00:10:33,834
I mean it!
201
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:39,583
I will guarantee you
six on the air, right
here on this trail!
202
00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:46,917
Lisa Kudrow! Hey!
It's Matt LeBlanc.
203
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,458
Hello?
204
00:10:51,458 --> 00:10:54,625
Oh, you didn't say anything,
so... How are you?
205
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:59,000
Well, "fine" is good.
Better than not fine.
206
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:04,000
So, uh, listen,
you know I've got this
little TV show, right?
207
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,000
Well, I do.
208
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,000
Now, I know you're
really, really busy,
209
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,500
but any chance you might
want to do a guest thing?
210
00:11:15,792 --> 00:11:17,625
Apologize? For what?
211
00:11:20,709 --> 00:11:22,125
I said that?
212
00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:24,125
Was I drunk?
213
00:11:24,875 --> 00:11:27,792
No, I'm not saying that
makes it okay, but...
214
00:11:30,333 --> 00:11:33,250
Well, if I said that...
215
00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:36,291
Okay, okay, no,
I believe you, I said it.
216
00:11:37,959 --> 00:11:40,625
Well, I am incredibly sorry.
217
00:11:43,291 --> 00:11:49,875
Lisa. Lisa. Lisa.
I don't know what more
I can say. I apologize.
218
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:54,750
But, seriously, a person
can't make an innocent
comment one time?
219
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:59,917
Jesus, when did
I say that?
220
00:11:59,917 --> 00:12:06,542
David. David. David.
I don't know what joke
you're talking about.
221
00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:08,834
Tell me what
I said to you.
222
00:12:11,583 --> 00:12:13,333
How is that
anti-Semitic?
223
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,166
Oh! No, I can see that.
224
00:12:19,041 --> 00:12:22,333
You got to admit though,
it's still kind of funny.
225
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:26,458
Mr. Perry!
How the hell are you?
226
00:12:26,959 --> 00:12:30,041
So, listen, you know I have
this little show, right?
227
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:31,750
I was wondering...
228
00:12:32,542 --> 00:12:34,875
Who said you're not
the first one I called?
229
00:12:35,583 --> 00:12:37,083
Schwimmer's an asshole!
230
00:12:37,792 --> 00:12:39,709
I never said
you were an asshole.
231
00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:41,959
No, I did not!
232
00:12:42,417 --> 00:12:43,875
I did not.
233
00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,750
I don't know,
he was probably high.
234
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:53,208
If I said you were high,
I was obviously kidding.
It was a joke.
235
00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:58,875
So you and Schwimmer
still talk a lot.
236
00:13:02,417 --> 00:13:04,917
Um... Carol from
the network called.
237
00:13:05,208 --> 00:13:06,291
Which one's Carol?
238
00:13:06,291 --> 00:13:09,709
(SIGHS) The one you always
say, "which one's Carol?"
239
00:13:09,709 --> 00:13:12,250
She's right under Merc.
Also literally.
240
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,667
Oh, right.
241
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:16,875
She was asking where
you are on the Friends
guest-star thing.
242
00:13:16,875 --> 00:13:19,792
(SIGHS) Jesus.
I'm working on it.
243
00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:23,917
All right, well, she just
needs to know so they can
get started on promotion.
244
00:13:23,917 --> 00:13:27,625
Right, well, tell Carol
she'll be the first to hear.
245
00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:30,291
Till then she can just
back the fuck off.
246
00:13:30,625 --> 00:13:31,959
I may paraphrase.
247
00:13:31,959 --> 00:13:33,083
Mmm. Mmm.
248
00:13:42,625 --> 00:13:44,083
Is it diminishing at all?
249
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:47,625
Do you need
more teeth?
250
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,959
(CLEARS THROAT) Fuck!
251
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:58,667
Anyway, I need a favor.
252
00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:01,834
I have to present this
stupid award thing to Merc.
253
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:03,500
Right. We just
got the invitation.
254
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:04,667
We don't have
to go to that, do we?
255
00:14:04,667 --> 00:14:06,834
Probably.
It's a good cause.
256
00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:08,500
Which is?
Some opera bullshit.
257
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:09,875
Ah.
258
00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:13,166
Anyway, I was wondering
if you guys could write me
a little something to say.
259
00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,792
Just some crap about
Merc for when I present it.
260
00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:18,208
Uh, I suppose.
It's not really
what we do.
261
00:14:18,208 --> 00:14:22,083
Are you kidding me?
You guys'll knock it
out in two seconds.
262
00:14:22,083 --> 00:14:25,333
It just needs to be funny.
Throw in some bald jokes.
263
00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:27,667
Whatever you come up
with, it'll be great.
You guys are amazing.
264
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,250
When do you need it?
265
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:32,834
Sooner the better. You know,
in case I don't like it,
you can take another pass.
266
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:40,375
Hey, so I hear we're
getting one of the
Friends on the show?
267
00:14:41,250 --> 00:14:42,291
Yup.
268
00:14:42,291 --> 00:14:43,166
Awesome.
269
00:14:43,792 --> 00:14:45,166
Very cool, man.
270
00:14:45,166 --> 00:14:48,208
I can't believe we're
gonna be working with
one of the Friends!
271
00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:53,083
Hi, it's Matt LeBlanc
for Jennifer.
272
00:14:55,208 --> 00:14:56,500
Oh, okay.
273
00:14:57,542 --> 00:15:00,792
Yeah, I just tried her cell
and it doesn't seem to be
in service anymore.
274
00:15:00,792 --> 00:15:02,542
Can you give me
the new number?
275
00:15:02,875 --> 00:15:05,083
I'm sure she'd
be fine with it.
276
00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:10,041
She gave me the old one,
why wouldn't she want me to...
277
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:12,166
Is Alison there?
278
00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:16,041
Oh, when did she leave?
279
00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:19,709
Have we met?
280
00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:22,417
Well, hello.
281
00:15:23,458 --> 00:15:25,125
Yeah, I can hold.
282
00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:29,375
Oh, shall we get
some dinner in?
283
00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:31,250
Nah. We can blow
through this.
284
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:32,333
Okay.
285
00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:34,667
So, they introduce Matt,
he comes up on stage...
286
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:35,875
Applause, applause,
applause...
287
00:15:35,875 --> 00:15:36,834
Right.
288
00:15:36,834 --> 00:15:38,417
Then how about
something like,
289
00:15:38,417 --> 00:15:44,792
"When I was first asked
to present this award
to our Man of the Year,
290
00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:46,542
"I thought..."
291
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:52,750
What?
You thought what?
292
00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:54,875
That's all I've got.
Ah.
293
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:58,333
He should
probably start off
with something funny.
294
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,083
Definitely.
Mmm-hmm.
295
00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:11,709
What are you thinking?
296
00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:12,917
Pizza or Thai?
Thai.
297
00:16:12,917 --> 00:16:14,000
Hmm.
298
00:16:14,834 --> 00:16:16,625
Matt comes out...
Applause, applause,
applause...
299
00:16:16,625 --> 00:16:19,166
You know, you don't have
to say "applause, applause,
applause" each time.
300
00:16:19,166 --> 00:16:20,583
Okay.
Clap, clap, clap.
301
00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:24,667
Maybe Matt goes, "What can
I say about my good friend
Merc Lapidus?"
302
00:16:24,667 --> 00:16:25,834
What can he say?
303
00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:27,458
I don't know,
he's not our
good friend.
304
00:16:27,458 --> 00:16:28,291
(SCOFFING) No.
305
00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:29,750
(SIGHS)
306
00:16:30,625 --> 00:16:33,125
All right, what do
we know about him?
307
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,875
Well, he's lied
to us repeatedly.
Yeah.
308
00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,792
He destroyed
our TV show.
Absolutely.
309
00:16:38,792 --> 00:16:40,583
He's cheating on his wife.
Yeah.
310
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,959
Ooh, he's only
got one testicle.
311
00:16:48,834 --> 00:16:49,875
Does he?
312
00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:51,125
Carol told me.
313
00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:56,500
MATT: Look, Courteney,
I understand.
314
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,667
If you can't do it,
you can't do it.
Don't worry about it.
315
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:03,208
But while I got you,
can you give me
Jen's number?
316
00:17:06,709 --> 00:17:09,041
Why wouldn't she
want to talk to me?
317
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:12,959
It was funny!
People laughed.
318
00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:18,000
I so did not pee
on her Emmy.
319
00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:21,458
Because I would
never do that.
320
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,000
Yeah, I pulled it out,
but I never peed.
321
00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:28,041
Never.
322
00:17:28,709 --> 00:17:30,000
Never.
323
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:38,000
Well, if I dribbled,
I'm sorry. But, come on,
it was 10 years ago.
324
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,333
You really won't
give me her number?
325
00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:43,083
Seriously?
326
00:17:44,917 --> 00:17:46,583
You really won't?
327
00:17:48,375 --> 00:17:50,667
(SCOFFS) Fuck you.
328
00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:53,166
No, I did not
just say "fuck you."
329
00:17:57,959 --> 00:17:59,917
SEAN: All right,
how's this?
330
00:17:59,917 --> 00:18:02,166
"Being a network president
requires many things.
331
00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:04,291
"You need passion.
You need perception.
332
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:06,083
"But apparently,
you don't need hair."
333
00:18:06,083 --> 00:18:07,250
(LAUGHING)
334
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,083
That's good. I like it.
Let's do it.
335
00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:10,875
Are you saying that just
so we can get out of here?
336
00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:12,625
I want to go home!
337
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,917
You think I don't?
338
00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:15,667
We don't know how
to write this shit.
It's not what we do.
339
00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:16,750
I know that!
340
00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:18,125
Don't yell at me!
341
00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:19,542
Why did we agree
to do this?
342
00:18:19,542 --> 00:18:20,917
Why do we agree
to do anything?
343
00:18:20,917 --> 00:18:24,291
I hate us! I hate Matt!
I hate Merc!
344
00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:27,291
(SIGHS) Why are we doing
this without alcohol?
345
00:18:28,125 --> 00:18:29,917
What makes you think
he has a bottle here?
346
00:18:29,917 --> 00:18:32,208
Oh, believe me,
Jerry drinks.
347
00:18:32,959 --> 00:18:34,333
You know this
for a fact?
348
00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:35,750
Sometimes he's drunk
in the room.
349
00:18:36,375 --> 00:18:38,417
One of our writers
is drunk in
our writers' room?
350
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,333
You've never noticed?
No.
351
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:41,667
And you're okay
with this?
352
00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:43,125
It's the only
time he's funny.
353
00:18:43,792 --> 00:18:46,166
(GASPS)
Bloody bastard!
354
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:47,208
What?
355
00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:48,834
He stole my pen.
No.
356
00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:50,375
This is my pen.
Are you sure?
357
00:18:50,375 --> 00:18:54,291
Yeah, I'm sure.
I've been looking for it.
This really pisses me off.
358
00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:56,208
But you're okay with him
being an alcoholic?
359
00:18:56,208 --> 00:18:57,125
We need the jokes.
360
00:18:58,709 --> 00:19:00,500
It's nice. Is it new?
361
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:01,625
Uh...
362
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:04,291
"Y.C.O.M.T."
363
00:19:06,792 --> 00:19:08,667
Oh, it says that?
Hmm.
364
00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:13,166
Ha! Guess it's not mine.
Sorry, Jerry!
365
00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:18,166
Hello!
There we go.
366
00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:19,291
This is expensive.
367
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:21,083
You're thinking
we shouldn't take it?
368
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:24,750
I'm thinking, if I'd known
he had this, I would have
been in here a long time ago.
369
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:41,750
(CLEARS THROAT)
370
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:43,792
How's your mother?
Wow.
371
00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:45,667
That wasn't
random at all.
372
00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:49,959
I was just remembering, when
we were trying to write that
song for their anniversary,
373
00:19:49,959 --> 00:19:51,041
and how hard it was.
374
00:19:51,041 --> 00:19:52,417
Oh, God, right.
375
00:19:52,417 --> 00:19:54,458
And how we sang it
at the party,
376
00:19:54,458 --> 00:19:57,959
and she kept looking at me
with those "fuck you" eyes.
377
00:19:57,959 --> 00:20:01,000
Oh! She hated me.
No.
378
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,375
Well...
379
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:07,333
She always blamed me
for splitting up you
and Emmeline.
380
00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:11,000
BOTH: (IN SING-SONG)
Emmeline!
381
00:20:11,583 --> 00:20:12,709
You did split us up.
382
00:20:12,709 --> 00:20:13,667
What?
383
00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:16,166
For which I am
eternally grateful.
384
00:20:21,375 --> 00:20:23,709
She must be loving
what's happened to us now.
385
00:20:23,709 --> 00:20:27,750
(CLICKS TONGUE)
She probably would...
386
00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:29,417
If I'd told her.
387
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:30,792
What?
388
00:20:30,792 --> 00:20:33,333
As far as she knows,
we're still together.
389
00:20:34,375 --> 00:20:35,333
You did not!
390
00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:37,709
I wasn't about to give her
the satisfaction.
391
00:20:37,709 --> 00:20:38,792
(LAUGHS)
392
00:20:39,375 --> 00:20:40,959
Doesn't she wonder
where I am?
393
00:20:40,959 --> 00:20:45,166
No, of course she doesn't.
That would mean
I'd have to exist.
394
00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:52,291
BOTH: (IN SING-SONG)
Emmeline!
395
00:20:58,125 --> 00:20:59,458
So...
396
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,792
You and Morning...
Always a fun topic.
397
00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:07,125
Was it everything
you'd hoped it'd be?
398
00:21:07,125 --> 00:21:08,917
I'm not going
near that question.
399
00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:11,000
Oh, come on.
400
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:16,959
I'm imagining it was
like driving some amazing
German-built sports car.
401
00:21:16,959 --> 00:21:19,625
You're very aware of all
the engineers and mechanics
402
00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:23,333
who've devoted themselves
to creating
this one perfect machine.
403
00:21:23,333 --> 00:21:26,625
Hmm. That and a vagina,
and you've pretty much
got it.
404
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:35,208
So was it
just that once?
405
00:21:35,208 --> 00:21:37,125
Yeah... No!
406
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,583
No?
Twice.
407
00:21:39,458 --> 00:21:40,709
Twice.
408
00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:44,125
And which time would
you say was better?
409
00:21:45,458 --> 00:21:46,458
Why?
410
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,792
I'd like to think
it was going downhill.
411
00:21:48,792 --> 00:21:50,500
Definitely downhill.
412
00:21:51,667 --> 00:21:52,709
Good.
413
00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:55,291
In fact,
the second time...
414
00:21:56,625 --> 00:21:58,125
No.
415
00:21:58,125 --> 00:22:00,625
Go on!
The second time...
No...
416
00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:08,166
The second time
was right after her
whole cheek debacle.
417
00:22:08,166 --> 00:22:10,458
No! Oh!
418
00:22:10,458 --> 00:22:14,792
She was convinced she was
going to be fired.
I assured her she wasn't.
419
00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:19,000
She was grateful.
420
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,250
This is horrible.
421
00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:22,542
I resisted.
So strong.
422
00:22:22,542 --> 00:22:25,208
She was persistent.
(SCOFFS)
What could you do?
423
00:22:25,208 --> 00:22:27,542
Eventually, she...
424
00:22:31,041 --> 00:22:32,458
Thanked you?
Yeah.
425
00:22:33,333 --> 00:22:35,458
Orally?
Might have been.
426
00:22:36,667 --> 00:22:39,375
What a romantic story!
427
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,667
So how about you?
428
00:23:02,041 --> 00:23:03,583
How about me what?
429
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:07,166
Have you been "driving"
anything lately?
430
00:23:07,583 --> 00:23:08,875
No!
431
00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:10,500
Really? No one?
432
00:23:12,542 --> 00:23:14,166
No.
All this time?
433
00:23:15,542 --> 00:23:19,250
I've been saving myself
for you, don't you know.
434
00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:31,917
If you don't
kiss me soon...
435
00:23:32,875 --> 00:23:34,250
I'm thinking about it.
436
00:23:34,250 --> 00:23:35,333
Do it.
437
00:23:35,333 --> 00:23:36,375
Bossy.
438
00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:39,625
You like it bossy.
I do.
439
00:24:01,583 --> 00:24:03,709
I've missed you,
you fucker.
440
00:24:06,083 --> 00:24:07,709
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
441
00:24:13,166 --> 00:24:15,625
I don't know whether to savor
every moment or just
bash right through...
442
00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:16,959
I say bash!
443
00:24:40,333 --> 00:24:41,667
(MOANS)
444
00:24:46,959 --> 00:24:48,625
(BOTH GASPING)
445
00:25:03,291 --> 00:25:05,041
What?
What's the matter?
446
00:25:08,125 --> 00:25:10,667
I keep seeing
you with him.
447
00:25:10,667 --> 00:25:11,625
No.
448
00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:17,667
I thought I could...
I thought I could...
449
00:25:17,667 --> 00:25:21,375
But I can't stop
picturing you...
450
00:25:22,875 --> 00:25:26,667
The two of you, in his bed.
Him, with all of his enormity.
451
00:25:26,667 --> 00:25:29,333
It's not that big.
I've seen it!
452
00:25:29,333 --> 00:25:32,792
Unless it's one of
those very special penises
that gets much, much smaller
453
00:25:32,792 --> 00:25:34,667
when it gets erect.
454
00:25:34,667 --> 00:25:38,417
Oh, my God, who cares?
It doesn't matter.
455
00:25:38,417 --> 00:25:41,166
Well, it clearly
matters to me.
456
00:25:46,875 --> 00:25:48,166
I'm sorry.
457
00:25:49,709 --> 00:25:53,583
I love you,
you know that.
But I can't...
458
00:25:57,291 --> 00:25:59,041
I can't do
this anymore.
459
00:26:25,208 --> 00:26:27,917
CAROL: Great, you guys.
Thanks again for coming in.
460
00:26:27,917 --> 00:26:28,959
(CHUCKLES)
461
00:26:28,959 --> 00:26:30,250
(DOOR SHUTS)
462
00:26:30,250 --> 00:26:31,583
Yeah...
I don't think so.
463
00:26:31,583 --> 00:26:34,250
What? I think
it could be fun.
Come on.
464
00:26:34,250 --> 00:26:35,917
A show about
three little ghosts?
465
00:26:35,917 --> 00:26:38,166
It's a show about
dead children.
466
00:26:38,166 --> 00:26:39,875
Well, I wouldn't put
that in the promos.
467
00:26:39,875 --> 00:26:43,500
Ooh! Speaking of promos,
where are we with Pucks!
and the Friends
thing?
468
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:45,083
They're shooting it today.
Today?
469
00:26:45,083 --> 00:26:47,959
Keep me in the loop,
why don't you?
Which one did we get?
470
00:26:47,959 --> 00:26:49,542
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:
On a bell.
471
00:26:49,542 --> 00:26:51,083
MAN:
Speeding...
(BELL RINGING)
472
00:26:51,083 --> 00:26:52,208
Action!
473
00:26:56,083 --> 00:26:58,750
You actually think
your team can beat us?
474
00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:01,458
Your guys suck so
much you should be
called the Hoovers!
475
00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:02,583
Yeah!
476
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,959
Seriously, Lyman?
Is that the best
you've got?
477
00:27:09,333 --> 00:27:11,083
Yeah. It is. Yea
478
00:27:14,125 --> 00:27:15,166
DIRECTOR: Cut!
479
00:27:17,125 --> 00:27:18,792
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:
Moving on!
480
00:27:20,667 --> 00:27:22,500
Hey, man, thanks
for doing this.
481
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:23,625
Hey, thanks
for having me.
482
00:27:23,625 --> 00:27:25,291
Really great
to see you again.
483
00:27:25,291 --> 00:27:26,625
Yeah.
You, too, man.
484
00:27:26,625 --> 00:27:28,250
You know, you're like,
the only one I don't
keep in touch with.
485
00:27:28,250 --> 00:27:29,834
Seriously?
Yeah.
486
00:27:29,834 --> 00:27:32,875
I still see Schwimmer.
Courteney and I text
all the time.
487
00:27:32,875 --> 00:27:34,417
Thanks.
Really?
488
00:27:34,959 --> 00:27:36,208
Jen, too?
489
00:27:36,208 --> 00:27:39,166
Yeah. I housesit
for her when
she's in New York.
490
00:27:39,166 --> 00:27:42,583
Huh! Hey, you don't happen
to have her cell number,
do you?
491
00:27:43,333 --> 00:27:44,458
Um...
492
00:27:45,709 --> 00:27:48,667
You know, I gotta say,
I feel a little uncomfortable
giving it to you...
493
00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:49,834
Fuck you!
36166
