Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:12,125 --> 00:00:14,917
We writers
do love our pens.
I had it engraved.
2
00:00:14,917 --> 00:00:17,542
"Y. C. O. M. T."
3
00:00:17,542 --> 00:00:19,041
You Came On My Tits.
4
00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:20,458
(CHUCKLES)
5
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:22,667
That is true.
6
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,041
Merc and I
went ring shopping.
7
00:00:25,041 --> 00:00:27,333
Oh, my God!
For his wife.
8
00:00:27,834 --> 00:00:29,000
I hope this is okay.
9
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,375
I was just on the lot
dropping something off
at Merc's.
10
00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:32,959
(JAMIE MOANING)
11
00:00:34,792 --> 00:00:36,583
Some woman friend-ed me
on Facebook.
12
00:00:36,583 --> 00:00:38,583
She says she knows you
and needs to
get back in touch.
13
00:00:38,583 --> 00:00:40,083
Oh, shit,
is it Labia?
14
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:41,458
Is that really
how it's pronounced?
15
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,792
It's not Lahbia
or Labeea?
16
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,542
Nope. Labia.
As in...
17
00:00:44,875 --> 00:00:47,000
Labia, she's my stalker.
18
00:00:53,542 --> 00:00:55,166
(WIND WHISTLING)
19
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,500
(WIND HOWLING)
20
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:03,542
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
21
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:29,542
(GUNSHOT)
22
00:01:38,583 --> 00:01:40,500
You're not serious?
Yeah.
23
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,375
You believe in Bigfoot?
Yep.
24
00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:44,166
Bigfoot!
25
00:01:44,166 --> 00:01:45,750
I'm telling you, there's
too much evidence
26
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:47,041
for it just to
be a hoax!
27
00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:49,959
Oh, dear God.
Are we including
yeti in this?
28
00:01:49,959 --> 00:01:51,500
No, yeti are bullshit.
29
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:53,125
Of course.
30
00:01:53,125 --> 00:01:56,083
There was this really
interesting documentary about
it on the Sci Fi Channel.
31
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,917
Always a good source for
factual information.
32
00:01:57,917 --> 00:01:59,166
The Sci Fi Channel's good.
33
00:01:59,166 --> 00:02:00,792
You do know
what the "fi"
stands for?
34
00:02:02,458 --> 00:02:06,709
Anyway,
they had actual footage that
could not be disputed.
35
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,458
Seriously.
They had experts
36
00:02:08,458 --> 00:02:11,250
who examined the film
and they all said,
without question...
37
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:14,291
Hello?
38
00:02:15,625 --> 00:02:16,959
Don't turn around...
39
00:02:17,709 --> 00:02:19,083
I said don't
turn around!
40
00:02:19,542 --> 00:02:21,041
Why is it
the minute you say
"Don't turn around,"
41
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:21,875
the first thing
people do...
42
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,250
Okay, okay,
I'm not turning.
43
00:02:25,291 --> 00:02:26,125
Is it Bigfoot?
44
00:02:27,834 --> 00:02:29,291
There's a girl over there,
45
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,291
who keeps looking at me.
46
00:02:34,625 --> 00:02:36,792
Relax. Is she hot?
47
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:41,083
Pretty hot, yeah.
48
00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:44,333
Looks familiar.
Maybe she's an actress.
49
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,792
I swear to God...
50
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,041
All right,
she's not looking.
Quick, turn around.
51
00:02:50,041 --> 00:02:51,458
But be very nonchalant.
52
00:02:53,959 --> 00:02:55,000
(GROANS)
53
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,250
What the hell
are you doing here?
54
00:02:57,250 --> 00:02:59,917
I said be nonchalant!
That's totally chalant!
55
00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:03,417
Hi.
500 feet, Labia!
500 feet!
56
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:04,667
Yeah, I don't carry
a tape measure.
57
00:03:04,667 --> 00:03:07,125
Maybe you should!
Oh right,
she's your...
58
00:03:07,125 --> 00:03:08,709
From Facebook.
You're his... Yes.
59
00:03:09,166 --> 00:03:10,750
How did you
even know
I was here?
60
00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:12,542
Have you been
following me again?
No.
61
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:14,291
He posted it on his page.
62
00:03:15,709 --> 00:03:17,166
I may have
updated my status.
63
00:03:17,583 --> 00:03:19,417
You said you were
gonna un-friend her.
64
00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:21,583
I don't know how.
It's so easy.
65
00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:24,166
You just click on Account and
then you click Edit Friends...
66
00:03:24,166 --> 00:03:27,709
No. No, no, no, you're
not going to become
his IT person.
67
00:03:27,709 --> 00:03:29,166
Now just go.
But I'm still...
68
00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:31,208
Take it with you!
Eat it for dinner!
I don't give a shit.
69
00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:33,041
Just go!
Or I'm gonna call the cops
70
00:03:33,041 --> 00:03:34,041
and you know I'll do it.
71
00:03:34,041 --> 00:03:35,709
Okay, I'm going.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
72
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,250
(CHUCKLES)
73
00:03:40,291 --> 00:03:41,500
What?
No. It's just
74
00:03:42,709 --> 00:03:44,667
we haven't been this close
since we were in court.
75
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:46,500
Go.
76
00:03:49,083 --> 00:03:52,375
I'll, um, I'll just post
how to un-friend me
on your wall.
77
00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:53,667
Thank you.
78
00:04:01,792 --> 00:04:03,208
CAROL: It's our
fifth anniversary,
79
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:06,333
and there's
no acknowledgment.
None. Nothing.
80
00:04:07,375 --> 00:04:09,041
When you say
anniversary,
81
00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:11,375
what's it the anniversary
of exactly? I mean,
82
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:16,041
how'd you figure it?
I go from the night
it actually started.
83
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,583
I was at the
People's Choice Awards.
84
00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:22,041
Faith Hill
had just won, like,
85
00:04:22,041 --> 00:04:24,583
favorite hair or something
equally important,
86
00:04:24,583 --> 00:04:27,041
and I just had
to get out of there.
87
00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:29,083
So I snuck outside,
88
00:04:29,083 --> 00:04:31,750
luckily, I happened to have
a joint in my bag.
89
00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:35,000
Put there by the
marijuana elves?
How great would that be?
90
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,250
Anyway,
91
00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:40,417
I light up, and just then,
who walks out.
92
00:04:41,709 --> 00:04:43,166
Merc.
Right.
93
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:46,417
And I'm like, oh shit,
it's my boss.
94
00:04:46,917 --> 00:04:48,750
But he's totally cool,
95
00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:51,917
and he goes,
"Can I get a hit
off that doobie?"
96
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:56,417
And I'm like, "Um, yeah,
you can have a hit
off that doobie!"
97
00:04:56,959 --> 00:04:58,959
It's like
Bogart and Bacall.
98
00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:02,917
Anyway, we get
pretty baked.
99
00:05:04,291 --> 00:05:06,959
Then after the show,
we're both waiting
for our cars
100
00:05:06,959 --> 00:05:10,667
and his limo
doesn't show up.
So he turns to me and goes,
101
00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:12,166
"Can I come in yours?"
102
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:17,125
And I just
look him straight
in the eye.
103
00:05:17,458 --> 00:05:20,333
I still can't believe
I said it and I go,
104
00:05:21,208 --> 00:05:23,291
"Oh, you can
come in mine."
105
00:05:23,291 --> 00:05:25,709
(BOTH GASP)
What?
106
00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:28,333
Not exactly
"You complete me," but...
107
00:05:30,291 --> 00:05:33,417
(GROANS)
It was the best night ever.
108
00:05:35,542 --> 00:05:37,250
But it's been
five years and
109
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:39,000
where the hell
are we? I mean,
110
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,458
I know that he loves me.
But so what?
111
00:05:42,625 --> 00:05:46,417
I always come second,
it's always on his terms.
112
00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:48,959
And yes, I know,
I know he's married
113
00:05:48,959 --> 00:05:51,333
and she's blind,
and blah, blah, blah,
114
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,291
but so what. You know?
115
00:05:54,458 --> 00:05:56,333
When is it
gonna be my turn?
116
00:05:57,166 --> 00:06:00,709
I just feel like
I'm the only one
making sacrifices here.
117
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:03,458
(PANTING)
118
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:05,625
It's fine. It's all good.
119
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,834
It's just a...
120
00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:09,834
It's a little steep.
121
00:06:11,291 --> 00:06:12,875
I come from flat.
122
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:17,750
It doesn't matter.
Nothing's going to change.
123
00:06:21,417 --> 00:06:24,375
Have you talked to him
about any of this?
124
00:06:24,375 --> 00:06:26,208
He's not so much
with the talking.
125
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:29,667
And I'm not
so much with the
confrontation. So...
126
00:06:31,208 --> 00:06:33,834
Does he even know
it's your anniversary?
127
00:06:34,750 --> 00:06:36,083
Probably not.
128
00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:39,375
God, I'm so pathetic.
129
00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:41,667
(SIGHS)
130
00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:43,875
Disagree with me!
131
00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:45,667
No, uh...
I'm just saying,
132
00:06:46,041 --> 00:06:50,125
you're in this relationship,
too, you're allowed to
ask for what you want.
133
00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:53,583
You probably won't get it,
but you're allowed to ask.
134
00:06:53,917 --> 00:06:55,333
Maybe.
135
00:06:58,041 --> 00:07:00,041
You want to keep going?
136
00:07:00,583 --> 00:07:01,542
No.
137
00:07:11,583 --> 00:07:13,792
Morning. How was
everyone's weekend?
138
00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:16,792
Fairly uneventful,
except...
139
00:07:16,792 --> 00:07:19,125
Oh, that's right,
I met the infamous Labia!
140
00:07:19,125 --> 00:07:20,125
(GASPS)
141
00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:23,250
You did not! Tell me.
142
00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:26,250
Seems perfectly normal.
Sweet, pretty, young.
143
00:07:26,709 --> 00:07:28,333
Tech-savvy.
Oh yeah,
144
00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:30,125
she's the
girl next door.
145
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,375
If you live on
Crazy Street!
146
00:07:33,417 --> 00:07:35,750
How long has she been
stalking you?
147
00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:38,667
Probably,
hmm... 15 years.
148
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,166
Fifteen years?
Yeah.
149
00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:41,959
I met her
when she was like, eight.
150
00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:44,291
She was one of those
Make-A-Wish kids.
151
00:07:44,291 --> 00:07:45,959
Oh, my God.
What?
152
00:07:48,166 --> 00:07:49,917
Friends
was
her favorite show.
153
00:07:49,917 --> 00:07:51,291
And her one last wish
154
00:07:51,583 --> 00:07:55,625
was she wanted Joey
to take her to Disneyland. So,
155
00:07:56,166 --> 00:07:57,417
I took her to Disneyland.
156
00:07:57,417 --> 00:08:00,291
She was a great kid,
very sweet. But then...
157
00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,875
She didn't die.
No!
158
00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:04,917
I know.
159
00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:06,083
Well, look,
don't get me wrong,
160
00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:07,458
it's a great organization,
161
00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:09,458
but they really should
check this stuff out.
162
00:08:09,458 --> 00:08:11,583
I mean, come on,
Make-A-Wish,
do your homework.
163
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:13,667
So then?
164
00:08:16,125 --> 00:08:19,166
So then she just kept
living and living.
165
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:21,500
But she was still totally
into me.
166
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:24,250
Cards and e-mails
and calling all the time.
167
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,125
I was nice about it
at first,
168
00:08:26,709 --> 00:08:29,625
but she started showing up
places I was going to be.
169
00:08:29,625 --> 00:08:30,667
I had to get
a restraining order.
170
00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:33,166
Fifteen years!
171
00:08:33,166 --> 00:08:35,250
You never
encouraged her at all?
Never.
172
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,291
Like I said,
I was nice...
173
00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:39,500
How nice?
174
00:08:43,875 --> 00:08:45,333
I slept with her once.
(GASPS)
175
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:46,667
Once!
Oh, God.
176
00:08:46,667 --> 00:08:49,333
In retrospect,
probably a bad idea.
177
00:08:49,333 --> 00:08:51,959
But she was 18,
and really cute,
178
00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:54,000
once her hair grew back.
179
00:08:56,291 --> 00:08:57,750
I believe
you will burn in hell.
180
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,291
Ah,
what're you going to do?
181
00:09:11,709 --> 00:09:14,709
I need to talk to you
about something.
Oh, okay.
182
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,583
Do you know
what this weekend is?
183
00:09:17,583 --> 00:09:19,333
Oh, fuck,
it's your birthday.
184
00:09:20,375 --> 00:09:22,166
My birthday is in January.
...anuary.
185
00:09:23,041 --> 00:09:24,417
Never mind.
No, Wait! Wait, wait,
wait, wait.
186
00:09:24,417 --> 00:09:25,709
Come here. I'm sorry.
187
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,750
Talk to me.
What's this weekend?
188
00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:30,000
Our fifth anniversary.
189
00:09:31,667 --> 00:09:33,542
People's Choice Awards.
Yeah.
190
00:09:34,417 --> 00:09:36,750
Five years. Five years.
191
00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:41,625
And I try to be good.
And I try to make it
easy for you.
192
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:45,417
But I just, I just,
I reach a point
where I feel invisible.
193
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:49,083
Seriously, sometimes
it's hard to remember
why I'm even in this thing.
194
00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:50,917
(SHUSHING) Okay.
Listen to me.
195
00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:53,917
What?
What if I can get away
this weekend?
196
00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:56,250
What about Jamie?
197
00:09:57,208 --> 00:09:58,625
I don't know.
Let me see what I can do.
198
00:09:59,458 --> 00:10:02,417
Seriously?
Hey, it's our anniversary.
199
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,875
(CHUCKLES) And definitely
not your birthday.
200
00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:08,583
You're really
gonna try?
201
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:10,375
I really am.
202
00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:12,417
(SIGHS)
203
00:10:13,291 --> 00:10:14,250
Thank you.
204
00:10:14,709 --> 00:10:17,208
Just knowing that
is enough.
Really?
205
00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:20,041
No. It's not enough.
206
00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:22,125
Make it happen.
207
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:28,417
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
208
00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:35,834
So in about 85 yards
it dog-legs to the right.
209
00:10:36,709 --> 00:10:37,959
Any traps?
210
00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:40,083
Both sides.
So you want to send it
right down the middle.
211
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:45,083
Nice.
212
00:10:45,417 --> 00:10:46,750
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Sorry. One sec.
213
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:51,959
Hello?
Hey, babe.
214
00:10:52,375 --> 00:10:53,834
Bad news.
What?
215
00:10:54,959 --> 00:10:56,792
I got to go to New York
this weekend.
216
00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:58,834
No! Why?
217
00:10:59,166 --> 00:11:00,458
The big guns
want to see me.
218
00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:02,291
It can't be good.
219
00:11:02,625 --> 00:11:04,500
But we've got tickets
for the Ahmanson.
220
00:11:04,792 --> 00:11:06,625
And Sunday's
the Lupus Walk.
221
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:08,834
Aw, shit!
222
00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:11,333
I can't say no
to these guys.
223
00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:14,750
No, I know.
I just wish they'd give you
a little notice.
224
00:11:15,166 --> 00:11:17,417
When do you have to go?
Friday afternoon.
225
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,125
So you're gonna miss
the ballet, too.
226
00:11:20,542 --> 00:11:21,834
No!
227
00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:23,959
Of all the weekends.
228
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:25,709
It's not your fault.
229
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:29,959
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
230
00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:34,250
Yo!
231
00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:37,500
Merc has to go to
New York this weekend.
232
00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:41,333
How do you feel about
48 hours of dirty stuff?
233
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,166
You know I love
the dirty stuff.
I do.
234
00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:47,375
Wait, I got the boys
this weekend.
235
00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:48,375
No.
236
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:50,875
Let me call Diane
and see if she can switch.
237
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:52,750
Oh, God,
wouldn't it be great?
238
00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:56,834
Two whole days,
no sneaking around,
no checking our watches.
239
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,083
We could go away!
240
00:11:58,458 --> 00:12:00,291
Out of town dirty stuff.
241
00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:01,542
Yeah.
242
00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:04,417
There's a foursome coming,
we should let them
play through.
243
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:06,625
Where are you?
Playing golf.
244
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:07,875
(CHUCKLES)
No, seriously.
245
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:09,458
Seriously.
246
00:12:09,458 --> 00:12:11,250
You play golf?
Yeah.
247
00:12:11,542 --> 00:12:12,709
How do you know
where the hole is?
248
00:12:13,375 --> 00:12:16,083
Hey, I never
ask you that question.
249
00:12:16,959 --> 00:12:19,375
And the
dirty stuff begins.
250
00:12:19,875 --> 00:12:20,834
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
251
00:12:21,083 --> 00:12:23,583
Beverly Hills Travel.
WOMAN: Hold for Merc Lapidus.
252
00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:26,792
MERC: Bethany!
Hi, sweetie. I was
thinking about you.
253
00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:29,375
I love that talking dog show,
it's hysterical.
254
00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:30,375
It's not ours.
Oh.
255
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,000
Stop watching it.
Already did. What's up?
256
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,959
I need something
on short notice.
257
00:12:34,959 --> 00:12:36,083
Uh, how short?
258
00:12:36,083 --> 00:12:37,917
This weekend.
I want Cabo.
259
00:12:37,917 --> 00:12:41,291
I want big, I want view,
I want right on the beach.
260
00:12:41,291 --> 00:12:43,250
Blow me away.
I don't care what it costs.
261
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:46,250
Okay, let me see
what I can do.
Flying out on Friday?
262
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,166
Right.
It's my birthday
on Friday you know.
263
00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:50,792
Ah, happy birthday.
264
00:12:52,041 --> 00:12:53,625
Rona!
265
00:12:53,625 --> 00:12:56,625
It's Bethany's birthday
on Friday. Send her
a fucking something!
266
00:12:59,625 --> 00:13:01,458
WENDY: The Stage
just called.
267
00:13:01,917 --> 00:13:03,458
What did the Stage say?
268
00:13:03,458 --> 00:13:06,417
They said that Morning
called in sick, and she's
going to be out all week.
269
00:13:07,208 --> 00:13:09,875
How does she know
in advance she's going
to be sick all week?
270
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,917
You don't suppose this
is because her part's
been cut down.
271
00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:15,709
Like what, a silent protest
kind of thing?
272
00:13:15,959 --> 00:13:17,750
It's not impossible.
273
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,625
Could you get her
on the phone for us?
Who?
274
00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:26,125
Who we were just
talking about.
275
00:13:26,417 --> 00:13:28,083
Which part?
What?
276
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,291
I wasn't really listening.
277
00:13:30,291 --> 00:13:31,458
Did you want me
to listen?
278
00:13:31,834 --> 00:13:33,000
That might be helpful.
279
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:35,750
Okay.
280
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:42,917
She still doesn't know
who to call, does she?
No.
281
00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:52,792
What do you say to a
weekend in Cabo?
282
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,125
Are you kidding?
283
00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:58,792
Oh, my God!
284
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:02,041
How did you do it?
285
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:03,834
You said make it happen,
I made it happen.
286
00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:07,750
Oh, I gotta start
saying more shit.
Happy anniversary.
287
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:08,834
Aw.
288
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:12,000
We're going to Cabo.
289
00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,458
Cabo, Cabo.
290
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:22,458
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
291
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:25,166
MATT: Hey, there.
What?
292
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:28,792
Do you think there's
any way you could take
the boys this weekend?
293
00:14:28,792 --> 00:14:29,792
No.
294
00:14:30,041 --> 00:14:31,375
It's just that...
No.
295
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:32,959
Look, I...
No.
296
00:14:33,375 --> 00:14:35,250
You're always saying you
want to spend more time
with the boys.
297
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,875
Maybe start with the time
you're supposed
to be with the boys.
298
00:14:38,125 --> 00:14:39,333
Move, moron!
299
00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:41,709
I wouldn't ask
if it wasn't important.
300
00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:43,375
(CHUCKLES)
301
00:14:43,709 --> 00:14:45,834
Who is she?
There's no she.
302
00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:48,208
Bullshit.
Are they in the car
with you?
303
00:14:48,208 --> 00:14:51,125
They're watching
"SpongeBob Fuck Face."
They can't hear.
304
00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:52,041
So what's so important?
305
00:14:54,166 --> 00:14:55,709
You know Morning Randolph?
306
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:57,542
No.
307
00:14:58,041 --> 00:14:59,208
She's on my show.
308
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:00,834
I don't watch your show.
Seriously?
309
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:02,709
It's opposite
that talking dog.
310
00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:05,041
If they change your time slot,
I'll watch your show.
311
00:15:06,083 --> 00:15:07,166
Wow.
312
00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:09,709
So what about
this Morning person?
313
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:12,917
(STUTTERS) She's really sick.
314
00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:15,125
With what?
315
00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:17,792
They don't know. But we're all
trying to rally around her
this weekend.
316
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:19,375
And they can't
rally without you?
317
00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:22,125
I'm the star. I don't want
to look like a dick.
318
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:23,792
Since when?
(HONKING)
319
00:15:24,583 --> 00:15:27,083
It's still yellow,
asshole! Go!
320
00:15:29,083 --> 00:15:32,208
I'm going to a spa with my
sister this weekend.
321
00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:33,792
It's too late
to get our money back.
322
00:15:33,792 --> 00:15:35,083
I'll pay for your spa.
323
00:15:35,375 --> 00:15:37,291
Come on please,
just help me out here.
324
00:15:38,041 --> 00:15:39,500
(CLICKS TONGUE)
325
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:40,583
(SIGHS)
326
00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,208
(PHONE RINGING)
327
00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:49,417
Hello.
I did it.
328
00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:51,250
Good for you.
329
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,875
Who is this?
Stop it, you know
three people.
330
00:15:53,875 --> 00:15:55,625
Oh, you should have
seen me.
331
00:15:55,917 --> 00:15:57,458
Oh, you would've
been so proud.
332
00:15:57,458 --> 00:16:01,500
I was strong,
I was assertive, I was all,
333
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,041
"Make it happen."
334
00:16:03,041 --> 00:16:04,250
(LAUGHS)
335
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:06,000
Seriously, to his face.
336
00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:09,667
I actually said,
"Make it happen."
And you know what?
337
00:16:10,667 --> 00:16:12,959
He made it happen.
Really?
338
00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:15,834
It works!
Uh-huh, uh-huh,
we're going to Cabo.
339
00:16:16,125 --> 00:16:18,125
I'm not even sure
where Cabo is.
340
00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:22,166
But I don't fucking care,
'cause... (IN MOBSTER VOICE)
I made it happen, see!
341
00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:24,583
Don't do voices.
Okay.
342
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:29,041
Oh, uh, by the way, we may
have a problem with
Morning Randolph.
343
00:16:29,041 --> 00:16:30,375
Oh Jesus, what?
344
00:16:30,709 --> 00:16:34,792
She's supposedly out sick.
But we think it might be about
her part being cut down.
345
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:35,959
Uh-oh.
346
00:16:35,959 --> 00:16:36,959
Yeah, she's not
answering her phone.
347
00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:39,667
Sean's going over
to her house to
check it out.
348
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:42,750
Well, if it's a problem,
just solve it.
349
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,041
Do it. Make it happen!
350
00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:47,458
Not with me.
Okay.
351
00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,625
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
352
00:17:00,917 --> 00:17:02,500
MORNING: Yes.
Hi, it's Sean.
353
00:17:02,959 --> 00:17:04,375
Oh, uh...
(COUGHS)
354
00:17:04,917 --> 00:17:06,125
(IN HOARSE VOICE)
What are you doing here?
355
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,417
Why didn't you call?
356
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:09,709
We tried. You're not
answering your phone.
357
00:17:09,709 --> 00:17:12,000
Bev and I were worried
about you. We wanted to see
how you were feeling.
358
00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:13,959
May I come in?
359
00:17:13,959 --> 00:17:16,375
I may be contagious.
I'll take my chances.
360
00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:19,125
Please open the door.
Okay.
361
00:17:27,208 --> 00:17:28,500
(COUGHING)
362
00:17:30,709 --> 00:17:32,083
Hey, you!
363
00:17:33,208 --> 00:17:34,083
Why are you acting weird?
364
00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:36,625
Not weird.
365
00:17:36,625 --> 00:17:37,917
All right, look me in the eye
and tell me that.
366
00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:41,000
Everything's fine.
367
00:17:41,375 --> 00:17:42,792
Okay, it's not
getting less weird.
368
00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:44,166
(SIGHS)
369
00:17:46,917 --> 00:17:48,458
(NORMAL VOICE)
All right,
370
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:51,000
promise you won't
freak out.
371
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:52,083
I promise.
372
00:17:55,709 --> 00:17:56,709
(GASPING)
373
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,834
(NERVOUS LAUGHTER)
374
00:18:02,125 --> 00:18:03,333
Beverly Hills Travel.
375
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,750
Bethany,
hi, it's Jamie Lapidus.
376
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:06,917
Oh, hi, sweetie.
What's up?
377
00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:10,583
Look, I totally understand
if it's too late, but,
378
00:18:10,583 --> 00:18:14,208
this weekend, any chance of
something fabulous in Napa?
379
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:16,750
Napa? So not Cabo?
380
00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:19,875
Cabo? No. I'm sick of Cabo.
I'm thinking Napa.
381
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,583
Okay. Let me see
what I can do.
382
00:18:23,041 --> 00:18:24,792
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
383
00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:30,291
Hello.
JAMIE: How do you feel
about Napa?
384
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:31,750
Love Napa.
385
00:18:32,792 --> 00:18:35,500
Oh, good. I never get to go.
Merc hates it.
386
00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:36,959
How do you hate Napa?
387
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:40,083
He says, "Wine is bullshit."
Classy.
388
00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:43,458
So, where are you now?
In the car.
389
00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:45,375
Please tell me
you're not driving.
390
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:46,750
(CHUCKLES)
391
00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:50,583
I'm sure it's just swollen.
392
00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:52,625
It'll come down.
393
00:18:52,959 --> 00:18:54,959
It already came down.
394
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:57,166
It's a cheek implant!
It's supposed to be up!
395
00:18:58,917 --> 00:19:02,333
Well, can't they fix it?
There's too much trauma
to the tissue.
396
00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:04,375
They can't go back in
for at least two months.
397
00:19:04,709 --> 00:19:06,834
Two fucking
months like this!
398
00:19:06,834 --> 00:19:08,208
Why did you even do it?
399
00:19:08,792 --> 00:19:11,208
I thought
it would help.
Help what?
400
00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:13,583
I don't know,
after last week
401
00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:14,583
and everything
with the show.
402
00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:17,583
Because we're giving
more to the boys?
403
00:19:17,583 --> 00:19:19,375
And less to the
"old" people.
404
00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:20,750
Now I'm totally fucked.
405
00:19:21,041 --> 00:19:23,792
No. No, you're not.
Bullshit.
406
00:19:24,041 --> 00:19:26,542
How can you shoot this?
We will make it work.
407
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,208
Come on,
it's Hollywood!
408
00:19:31,417 --> 00:19:32,792
Really?
Really.
409
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:35,709
We'll find a way.
410
00:19:35,709 --> 00:19:36,792
I promise.
411
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:38,709
(SIGHS)
412
00:19:41,208 --> 00:19:42,291
Thank you.
413
00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:45,208
You are so a sweetie.
Ah.
414
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,667
See, I'm totally gross.
415
00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:51,834
No, no, I was afraid to...
Doesn't it hurt?
416
00:19:52,375 --> 00:19:55,125
Are you kidding?
I can't even
feel my face.
417
00:19:55,542 --> 00:19:57,709
I'm on so many pain killers
you could hit me
with a hammer.
418
00:19:58,041 --> 00:19:59,208
Here, poke it.
419
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:02,458
I don't want to
poke it.
Go on, poke it.
420
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:05,458
It's fine. Poke it!
421
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,834
Did you poke it?
I did.
422
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:13,583
See what I mean?
You don't have to worry.
423
00:20:13,583 --> 00:20:14,709
Oh, good.
424
00:20:26,041 --> 00:20:27,333
All right.
425
00:20:31,875 --> 00:20:32,917
Mmm.
426
00:20:33,542 --> 00:20:35,417
All right. All right.
427
00:20:37,083 --> 00:20:39,333
That's great,
thank you. Okay.
428
00:20:40,709 --> 00:20:43,083
Oh, ah, oh,
that's not necessary.
429
00:20:43,083 --> 00:20:44,875
No, I want to.
430
00:20:45,583 --> 00:20:46,500
Okay.
431
00:21:08,709 --> 00:21:10,083
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:
She's coming out
of make-up now.
432
00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:16,792
I thought you said
it wasn't so bad.
It's definitely better.
433
00:21:17,083 --> 00:21:19,875
BEVERLY: She looks like
a Picasso! And not
in a good way.
434
00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:23,959
We can't shoot that.
I promised her
we'd try.
435
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:27,417
MATT: Holy crap!
436
00:21:28,083 --> 00:21:29,417
Thank you.
437
00:21:29,709 --> 00:21:31,417
What is she,
storing nuts
for the winter?
438
00:21:31,417 --> 00:21:34,417
Seriously. We can't.
Then you tell her.
439
00:21:36,542 --> 00:21:37,583
Is it terrible?
440
00:21:45,709 --> 00:21:46,583
No.
441
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,083
It... It's not that bad.
442
00:21:51,083 --> 00:21:53,625
I'm sure we can
make it work.
443
00:21:54,083 --> 00:21:55,875
Really?
Absolutely.
444
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,500
Why don't you, uh, go over
to the set so we can
see it in the light.
445
00:22:01,208 --> 00:22:02,417
Okay.
446
00:22:05,417 --> 00:22:08,417
(CHUCKLING) Yeah,
'cause light's
gonna help.
447
00:22:10,792 --> 00:22:12,625
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
448
00:22:12,625 --> 00:22:13,792
Beverly Hills Travel.
449
00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:15,333
Uh, Bethany.
450
00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:17,667
Thank you for
my lovely bath oil.
451
00:22:17,667 --> 00:22:19,875
I cannot wait
to go home and soak.
452
00:22:19,875 --> 00:22:21,959
Yeah, whatever.
I'm a little confused here.
453
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:25,500
I'm looking at the stuff
you sent over.
It says Napa.
454
00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:27,166
Right.
What are you
talking about "right"?
455
00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:28,667
Not Napa. Cabo.
456
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,709
But, we changed it.
457
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:32,542
What are you
talking about?
458
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,083
Well.
459
00:22:34,375 --> 00:22:36,792
Jamie said
she was sick of Cabo.
She wanted Napa.
460
00:22:36,792 --> 00:22:37,834
Wait.
461
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:39,792
You... You told Jamie?
462
00:22:41,166 --> 00:22:42,709
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
463
00:22:43,417 --> 00:22:44,333
I'm sorry, I...
464
00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:48,458
Fuck! Fuck you, Bethany!
Fuck you and your
big fucking mouth!
465
00:22:48,458 --> 00:22:52,000
Um, I don't appreciate
being spoken to like that.
466
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,542
Well, then you're
really gonna hate this.
467
00:22:53,792 --> 00:22:58,542
Fuck you! You ruined my
life, you stupid,
cock-sucking, fucking fuck!
468
00:22:59,250 --> 00:23:00,500
(DIAL TONE)
469
00:23:01,834 --> 00:23:03,166
(SIGHS)
470
00:23:05,208 --> 00:23:06,792
MATT: We gotta talk
about last night.
471
00:23:07,125 --> 00:23:08,917
Last night?
Our little moment.
472
00:23:08,917 --> 00:23:10,208
What moment?
473
00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:11,500
Cheek.
Cut!
474
00:23:11,500 --> 00:23:13,667
There was a moment.
No moments.
475
00:23:14,041 --> 00:23:15,333
Cheek.
Cut!
476
00:23:15,959 --> 00:23:17,250
Sorry.
477
00:23:17,250 --> 00:23:18,917
I don't even know
what moment you think
was a moment.
478
00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:20,500
Cheek.
Cut.
479
00:23:20,875 --> 00:23:22,166
(SIGHS)
480
00:23:23,625 --> 00:23:24,625
Cheek.
Cut.
481
00:23:24,625 --> 00:23:26,000
Cheek. Cheek.
Cut.
482
00:23:26,291 --> 00:23:27,333
Cut.
483
00:23:28,041 --> 00:23:29,041
Cut.
484
00:23:29,291 --> 00:23:30,375
(GROANING)
485
00:23:31,041 --> 00:23:33,542
You totally gave me a look!
I did not!
486
00:23:33,875 --> 00:23:35,333
No moment, no look!
487
00:23:35,625 --> 00:23:37,875
Why don't we just
cover her with a sheet?
488
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:39,583
You know
what it means?
489
00:23:39,834 --> 00:23:42,458
It means there was a look and
it means there was a moment.
490
00:23:42,709 --> 00:23:43,542
Fine.
491
00:23:44,083 --> 00:23:45,750
Fine, whatever.
492
00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:49,458
It's like
Phantom of the Opera
with hair.
493
00:23:50,417 --> 00:23:51,709
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
MATT: Come in.
494
00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:54,542
Hi.
495
00:23:55,208 --> 00:23:56,125
Thank you.
496
00:23:56,542 --> 00:23:59,125
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, thanks a lot, Robin.
497
00:24:02,208 --> 00:24:05,750
Oh, my God.
We're really doing this.
I know. Pretty great.
498
00:24:06,917 --> 00:24:08,291
You ready?
Uh-huh.
499
00:24:08,750 --> 00:24:10,041
Oh, yes, you are.
500
00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:12,583
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
501
00:24:13,083 --> 00:24:15,250
Oh, don't answer it,
let's just go. Don't answer,
don't answer it.
502
00:24:15,250 --> 00:24:16,750
Hello.
Or you can
answer it.
503
00:24:16,750 --> 00:24:19,792
So I guess Bethany
spoiled my
little surprise.
504
00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:22,667
What?
Oh, listen to you,
"What?"
505
00:24:22,959 --> 00:24:24,834
You know I'm taking
you to Napa.
506
00:24:24,834 --> 00:24:28,333
You're what?
She told me you didn't
want Cabo, that's fine.
507
00:24:28,750 --> 00:24:30,583
What happened
to New York?
508
00:24:30,959 --> 00:24:33,250
Oh, like you ever
believed that.
509
00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:35,959
You're taking me
to Napa?
510
00:24:35,959 --> 00:24:36,792
(INAUDIBLE)
511
00:24:37,041 --> 00:24:38,458
Yeah, Napa.
512
00:24:38,959 --> 00:24:40,625
That's how much
I love you.
513
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,333
Oh, God. Yay.
514
00:24:44,709 --> 00:24:45,750
Yay.
515
00:24:48,542 --> 00:24:50,166
Seriously, what the fuck?
I don't know.
516
00:24:50,458 --> 00:24:52,667
Let me find out
what the fuck.
517
00:24:53,458 --> 00:24:54,750
Beverly Hills Travel.
518
00:24:54,750 --> 00:24:56,041
Bethany, hi,
it's Jamie.
519
00:24:56,291 --> 00:25:00,792
Oh, I'm so sorry! He never
told me it was going
to be a surprise.
520
00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:03,083
Don't worry,
it's all fine.
Tell your husband that.
521
00:25:03,792 --> 00:25:06,041
He called me
a cock-sucking
fucking fuck.
522
00:25:06,291 --> 00:25:09,333
Well, he really
hates Napa.
523
00:25:10,041 --> 00:25:11,000
You think?
524
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,667
So, when did he
first call you?
525
00:25:13,500 --> 00:25:16,333
Uh, Monday. I can't remember.
He was talking about Cabo,
526
00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:19,709
and how he wanted to go,
it had to be short notice. And
it didn't matter what it cost.
527
00:25:19,709 --> 00:25:21,542
It's what I thought.
The reservation
wasn't for me.
528
00:25:22,667 --> 00:25:24,500
It's okay, honey,
it wasn't your fault.
529
00:25:26,166 --> 00:25:27,667
Happy birthday,
by the way.
530
00:25:27,667 --> 00:25:28,625
(BETHANY SOBBING)
531
00:25:30,792 --> 00:25:32,000
Shit.
532
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,417
I can't believe it.
533
00:25:33,667 --> 00:25:35,041
I hate your fucking husband.
534
00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:37,667
I know he's your
fucking husband,
but I hate him.
535
00:25:37,667 --> 00:25:38,542
(LAUGHING)
536
00:25:38,875 --> 00:25:39,959
Thank you.
537
00:25:40,333 --> 00:25:42,125
I'm sorry.
No.
538
00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:47,041
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
539
00:25:50,125 --> 00:25:51,417
Thanks, Peter.
Sure.
540
00:25:55,041 --> 00:25:57,333
Ah, I have two more
calls to make,
541
00:25:57,333 --> 00:25:59,709
and then
I'm ready to... No.
542
00:26:00,417 --> 00:26:02,667
No. No.
543
00:26:03,208 --> 00:26:04,375
Yeah.
What?
544
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,375
She found out
about the trip.
545
00:26:06,625 --> 00:26:10,542
I had to make her think
it was for her. Now we're
going to fucking Napa.
546
00:26:11,959 --> 00:26:13,000
Wow!
547
00:26:13,875 --> 00:26:14,834
Perfect.
548
00:26:14,834 --> 00:26:17,834
So, you're celebrating our
fifth anniversary
549
00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:21,709
by taking
your wife to Napa.
550
00:26:22,041 --> 00:26:24,375
Does it help to know
I'm gonna hate
every minute of it?
551
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,208
No. It doesn't help.
552
00:26:27,208 --> 00:26:28,083
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
553
00:26:30,166 --> 00:26:31,542
I can't do this anymore.
554
00:26:31,917 --> 00:26:34,583
Baby...
No. I can't.
555
00:26:35,333 --> 00:26:36,709
No more.
556
00:26:38,125 --> 00:26:39,208
I'm done.
557
00:26:44,291 --> 00:26:46,333
So that's really it?
Seriously?
558
00:26:46,333 --> 00:26:50,208
Yep, I said it
and I meant it.
I deserve better.
559
00:26:50,208 --> 00:26:51,417
Good for you.
560
00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:56,041
It took me five years
to get here, but that's it.
No more. Over and out.
561
00:26:58,291 --> 00:27:00,125
Really?
Probably not.
39456
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof