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1
00:00:01,374 --> 00:00:02,457
Oh god!
2
00:00:02,458 --> 00:00:03,790
Stop! Stop!
3
00:00:03,791 --> 00:00:05,250
Hey, stop!
4
00:00:05,583 --> 00:00:07,082
Stop! My purse is in there!
5
00:00:07,083 --> 00:00:08,957
I'm gonna call the cops!
6
00:00:08,958 --> 00:00:10,333
Stop!
7
00:00:11,708 --> 00:00:14,248
Marco, it's five hours,
door-to-door, tops.
8
00:00:14,249 --> 00:00:15,248
It's not even nine.
9
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:17,707
I know, but
Manuela's kind of rigid
10
00:00:17,708 --> 00:00:18,790
about Christmas Eve dinner.
11
00:00:18,791 --> 00:00:20,666
All I have to do is put
Mom and Dad in the car.
12
00:00:20,826 --> 00:00:22,534
What did they say about
you and Bill getting divorced?
13
00:00:22,625 --> 00:00:24,874
Nothing, because I got
here after they went to bed.
14
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:27,457
Lisa, you have to tell
them before you get here.
15
00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:28,873
I'm not dealing with a huge blow-up
16
00:00:28,874 --> 00:00:29,873
in the middle of Christmas Eve dinner.
17
00:00:29,874 --> 00:00:31,540
Listen, you stop telling me what to do.
18
00:00:31,541 --> 00:00:34,957
I'm 50 years old, which is way
older than you are you little...
19
00:00:34,958 --> 00:00:36,500
All right!
20
00:00:36,708 --> 00:00:38,666
Relax. Jesus.
21
00:00:39,833 --> 00:00:40,915
Don't let Dad drive.
22
00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,750
I got this. All right?
23
00:00:43,083 --> 00:00:44,625
I will call you from the road.
24
00:00:45,069 --> 00:00:45,945
Just so you know, they're
25
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,144
gonna wanna stop, so-Bye!
26
00:00:47,145 --> 00:00:48,625
you’ll wanna get
going because they are sl-
27
00:01:00,166 --> 00:01:03,998
I can do it...
28
00:01:03,999 --> 00:01:07,083
I can do it. Can’t you see...?
29
00:01:07,375 --> 00:01:08,750
Mom?
30
00:01:08,958 --> 00:01:11,583
Lisa! (panting) - Are you okay?
31
00:01:12,250 --> 00:01:15,457
No. You almost gave me a heart attack.
32
00:01:15,458 --> 00:01:16,957
Oh, I'm so sorry.
33
00:01:16,958 --> 00:01:19,582
How are you, honey?
34
00:01:19,583 --> 00:01:22,207
You look tired. Did you get any sleep?
35
00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,998
I did. I - I - I got my run in.
36
00:01:24,999 --> 00:01:26,623
Oh. - I'm ready to hit the road.
37
00:01:26,624 --> 00:01:27,957
Good. - [Aldo] Is that Lisa?
38
00:01:27,958 --> 00:01:31,207
Of course it's Lisa.
Who else would it be?
39
00:01:31,208 --> 00:01:34,665
He talks like people come
here. No one comes here.
40
00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:36,748
Dad, let me help you with that.
41
00:01:36,749 --> 00:01:39,665
No, no, no, no, no,
no. I am an expert at this.
42
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,707
If that slips, you're
gonna fall down the stairs.
43
00:01:41,708 --> 00:01:44,290
Oh, good, then maybe
he'll learn he can't do that.
44
00:01:44,291 --> 00:01:45,123
Do you hear her?
45
00:01:45,124 --> 00:01:46,998
She wants me to fall
down the goddamn stairs.
46
00:01:46,999 --> 00:01:49,208
I want you to do things right.
47
00:01:51,874 --> 00:01:53,623
There, I did it.
48
00:01:53,624 --> 00:01:55,457
Well, at least you're packed.
49
00:01:55,458 --> 00:01:59,957
Hey, I'm going to start
walking too. Five miles a day.
50
00:01:59,958 --> 00:02:02,707
When? You barely walk
five steps from the TV.
51
00:02:02,708 --> 00:02:04,082
After Christmas, eh?
52
00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:06,415
When we come back, I'm
going to walk. You'll see.
53
00:02:06,416 --> 00:02:09,332
- [Lisa] Mm.
- Don't hold your breath.
54
00:02:09,333 --> 00:02:12,082
Come, give Dad a hug.
55
00:02:12,083 --> 00:02:14,207
I'll make coffee.
56
00:02:14,208 --> 00:02:15,873
Oh.
57
00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:20,916
Actually, I'm off coffee
since last month. Wine too.
58
00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:23,707
You must be a joy to be around.
59
00:02:23,708 --> 00:02:26,623
I think it's great. Good for you.
60
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:32,041
Okay. Um, I'm gonna go take a shower.
61
00:02:43,791 --> 00:02:46,415
Why are you FaceTiming me, Bill?
62
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,290
What? - Look at your phone.
63
00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:49,415
Oh shit, okay, yeah,
64
00:02:49,416 --> 00:02:50,540
I'll call you right back. - No, no, no.
65
00:02:50,541 --> 00:02:51,873
No, no, just hit...
66
00:02:51,874 --> 00:02:52,750
Oh shit.
67
00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:58,290
What's up?
68
00:02:58,291 --> 00:03:00,832
The first edition signed
copy of "The Da Vinci Code,"
69
00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:02,498
is that yours or mine? - What?
70
00:03:02,499 --> 00:03:03,540
I'm going through some stuff-
71
00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:05,125
I thought you
were taking your stuff.
72
00:03:05,126 --> 00:03:06,457
Right, I am,
which is why I'm asking-
73
00:03:06,458 --> 00:03:08,457
Do you really think that I remember
74
00:03:08,458 --> 00:03:11,416
who "The Da Vinci Code"
belongs to after 20 years?
75
00:03:11,833 --> 00:03:13,457
I'm just making sure
I don't take anything-
76
00:03:13,458 --> 00:03:14,373
Just keep it.
77
00:03:14,374 --> 00:03:16,498
Just put it on a bookshelf
in your new place.
78
00:03:16,499 --> 00:03:18,623
I don't know, rip it
up, burn it, I don't care.
79
00:03:18,624 --> 00:03:21,123
Lisa... Seriously, Bill. Jesus.
80
00:03:21,124 --> 00:03:22,666
It's just a book.
81
00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:26,040
Have you told your
parents... I'll be right there!
82
00:03:26,041 --> 00:03:28,623
I gotta go. - [Bill] Lisa...
83
00:03:28,624 --> 00:03:31,665
Li-
84
00:03:36,624 --> 00:03:37,790
What? - [Tano] Wow.
85
00:03:37,791 --> 00:03:39,207
Sounds like you're having fun.
86
00:03:39,208 --> 00:03:41,998
Oh, sorry. Tano, I thought you were Bill.
87
00:03:41,999 --> 00:03:44,541
I'm glad I'm not. You okay?
88
00:03:44,666 --> 00:03:46,290
Yeah, I'm fine.
89
00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:47,290
Mom and Dad, okay?
90
00:03:47,291 --> 00:03:49,624
Yeah, they're great. I
just wanna get on the road.
91
00:03:49,625 --> 00:03:50,332
Good luck with that.
92
00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:51,498
When I was home a month ago,
93
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:52,873
it took me an hour to get 'em in the car
94
00:03:52,874 --> 00:03:53,790
just to go to dinner.
95
00:03:53,791 --> 00:03:56,665
They're slowing down, especially Mom.
96
00:03:56,666 --> 00:03:58,415
Have you told 'em about Bill yet?
97
00:03:58,416 --> 00:04:00,082
Nope. - Good. Don't.
98
00:04:00,083 --> 00:04:01,873
What do you mean? I have to.
99
00:04:01,874 --> 00:04:02,998
Why? Have they asked about him?
100
00:04:02,999 --> 00:04:04,832
No, they never ask about him.
101
00:04:04,833 --> 00:04:06,041
Well, I wouldn't tell 'em.
102
00:04:06,291 --> 00:04:07,832
'Cause you never tell 'em anything.
103
00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:09,540
And it's worked out
pretty well for me so far.
104
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,165
Has it, T? You're 55.
105
00:04:11,166 --> 00:04:11,998
You still haven't told 'em.
106
00:04:11,999 --> 00:04:13,498
Nisha's coming back for Christmas.
107
00:04:13,499 --> 00:04:15,248
Okay, I gotta go! I'll see you tonight!
108
00:04:15,249 --> 00:04:16,707
Love you!
109
00:04:16,708 --> 00:04:18,916
You didn't tell them I'm coming?
110
00:04:20,833 --> 00:04:22,791
I want it to be a surprise.
111
00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:25,790
Well, we could really surprise them
112
00:04:25,791 --> 00:04:28,083
and stop off in Las Vegas and get married.
113
00:04:29,583 --> 00:04:31,083
Yeah. Right.
114
00:04:34,416 --> 00:04:37,207
Okay, let's have some
breakfast, then we'll hit the road.
115
00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:39,665
We don't eat now. It's too early.
116
00:04:39,666 --> 00:04:42,748
Early? It's 9:30!
117
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,998
I eat breakfast on the
road. That's how I do it.
118
00:04:44,999 --> 00:04:49,873
I am at an age when
my back goes out more than I do.
119
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,957
You know you're getting old
120
00:04:52,958 --> 00:04:55,832
when the candles cost
more than the cake.
121
00:04:55,833 --> 00:04:57,332
What are you reading, Mom?
122
00:04:57,333 --> 00:05:01,957
My friend Jan sends me
such funny jokes on my email.
123
00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:03,665
Why are you taking the yolks out?
124
00:05:03,666 --> 00:05:04,916
Egg white scramble.
125
00:05:05,958 --> 00:05:08,707
Tons of protein. Zero fat.
126
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,082
Good, good. Keep it up.
127
00:05:10,083 --> 00:05:11,498
You look great.
128
00:05:11,499 --> 00:05:15,457
There he goes. I told you,
don't comment on her weight!
129
00:05:15,458 --> 00:05:16,832
What? I did not... Why?
130
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:19,123
Because you said it damaged you.
131
00:05:19,124 --> 00:05:21,123
Yeah, when I was little.
132
00:05:21,124 --> 00:05:23,083
You were too goddamn sensitive.
133
00:05:24,416 --> 00:05:27,332
You told me to go on
a diet in fourth grade.
134
00:05:27,333 --> 00:05:28,290
You were fat!
135
00:05:28,291 --> 00:05:30,248
I was 10.
136
00:05:30,249 --> 00:05:31,582
And I wasn't fat.
137
00:05:31,583 --> 00:05:33,665
Of course you weren't.
138
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:38,165
And now look, she's too skinny,
wasting perfectly good food.
139
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,165
There. Happy?
140
00:05:45,166 --> 00:05:48,748
Oh, I don't know why you
always need to be so dramatic.
141
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,582
It's a mystery.
142
00:05:52,291 --> 00:05:57,040
Oh, look! We have a
Christmas card from Dino.
143
00:05:57,041 --> 00:05:59,665
From Dino? Hey, bring it here!
144
00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:01,248
Yes, sir.
145
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:03,290
That hurts?
146
00:06:03,291 --> 00:06:05,457
Everything hurts. Everything.
147
00:06:05,458 --> 00:06:07,290
All the time.
148
00:06:07,291 --> 00:06:08,582
You should see a doctor.
149
00:06:08,583 --> 00:06:12,332
I told her. She doesn't
listen, the stubborn German.
150
00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:13,957
Be quiet.
151
00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:17,082
We see too many doctors.
That's all we do, is see doctors.
152
00:06:17,083 --> 00:06:18,332
That's why I don't feel well.
153
00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:20,832
Too many doctors. - Oh, oh, oh beautiful.
154
00:06:20,833 --> 00:06:22,582
Beauty. What a beautiful family.
155
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,582
Kids are so big. - Oh god,
156
00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:26,040
Dino's handsome, huh?
157
00:06:26,041 --> 00:06:27,998
Hey, and tall. Look how tall he is.
158
00:06:27,999 --> 00:06:31,623
Dad, he's 45. He's
been that tall for 30 years.
159
00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:33,207
Don't be such a battleaxe.
160
00:06:33,208 --> 00:06:34,457
Aldo. - Battleax.
161
00:06:34,458 --> 00:06:36,040
Let's call him.
162
00:06:36,041 --> 00:06:38,165
Why? What for?
163
00:06:38,166 --> 00:06:40,290
I want to thank him for the
card. Where are you going?
164
00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:41,165
Outside.
165
00:06:41,166 --> 00:06:42,665
Say a hello to your brother, no?
166
00:06:42,666 --> 00:06:44,958
Mm, no thanks. I'm good.
167
00:06:47,250 --> 00:06:48,998
You know they don't talk.
168
00:06:48,999 --> 00:06:50,748
Why? Why. Why don't they talk?
169
00:06:50,749 --> 00:06:52,540
How would I know?
170
00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:53,915
I think it's terrible.
171
00:06:53,916 --> 00:06:56,123
It is what it is, Aldo.
172
00:06:58,249 --> 00:07:01,248
Aldino! (laughs) It's Dad.
173
00:07:01,249 --> 00:07:02,873
Hey, great Christmas card.
174
00:07:02,874 --> 00:07:05,415
Beautiful, beautiful. Call me!
175
00:07:08,208 --> 00:07:09,083
He's not there.
176
00:07:51,568 --> 00:07:53,770
Okay, guys, we really
177
00:07:53,771 --> 00:07:55,623
have to get on the road.
178
00:07:55,624 --> 00:07:58,123
Relax. I'm waiting for a fax.
179
00:07:58,124 --> 00:07:59,332
Well, have 'em email it.
180
00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:01,748
I can get it on my phone.
- Don't tell me what to do!
181
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:02,915
You're a shit stirrer!
182
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,498
Aldo. - I make the rules!
183
00:08:04,499 --> 00:08:06,623
I live my life my way!
184
00:08:06,624 --> 00:08:08,500
No. No.
185
00:08:09,333 --> 00:08:11,957
I will load the car. - I load the car.
186
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:16,498
Okay, how about I bring
the bags out to the car,
187
00:08:16,499 --> 00:08:18,957
and then when you're
ready, we can load it together?
188
00:08:18,958 --> 00:08:20,207
Let me help you.
189
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,457
That's not happening,
lady who can't lift her iPad.
190
00:08:26,958 --> 00:08:32,000
Aldo, she flew all the way
from New York just to drive us.
191
00:08:32,208 --> 00:08:34,040
We don't need her to drive us, huh?
192
00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:35,082
I know what she's doing.
193
00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:36,540
What is she doing?
194
00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:38,040
Taking over. Huh?
195
00:08:38,041 --> 00:08:41,248
Trying to make us old! She
be home with her husband.
196
00:08:41,249 --> 00:08:43,832
Since when do
you give a damn about Bill?
197
00:08:49,958 --> 00:08:51,873
It's not going to fit.
198
00:08:51,874 --> 00:08:53,498
Of course it will fit.
199
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:54,915
Where?
200
00:08:54,916 --> 00:08:56,957
Why would you buy something so huge?
201
00:08:56,958 --> 00:08:58,500
You're ridiculous.
202
00:09:00,416 --> 00:09:03,373
Hey, Dad.
Betsy's on the phone.
203
00:09:03,374 --> 00:09:05,165
Betsy? What the hell does she want?
204
00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:07,000
She says she needs to talk to you?
205
00:09:12,208 --> 00:09:13,041
What?
206
00:09:19,958 --> 00:09:22,041
Why is Dad's secretary
calling on a Saturday?
207
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:23,915
I told you to watch your brothers
208
00:09:23,916 --> 00:09:25,623
until it's time to get in the car.
209
00:09:25,624 --> 00:09:27,915
When is it going to be
time? It's taking forever.
210
00:09:27,916 --> 00:09:29,332
It's not fair.
211
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:32,248
Well, I have news for
you, Lisa. Life's not fair.
212
00:09:32,249 --> 00:09:35,625
Now, get going or I'm going
to cancel the whole damn trip!
213
00:09:41,041 --> 00:09:42,082
I hate this family.
214
00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:43,583
What else is new?
215
00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:46,498
Here, Mom, let me help you.
216
00:09:46,499 --> 00:09:48,832
Oh. Thank you, Tano.
217
00:09:48,833 --> 00:09:49,665
What do you want, you just want
218
00:09:49,666 --> 00:09:51,748
this big one on the bottom?
219
00:09:51,749 --> 00:09:54,998
I guess. It's too big!
220
00:09:54,999 --> 00:09:56,623
I don't
know how it's gonna fit.
221
00:09:56,624 --> 00:09:58,082
Your father's crazy. - Come back here!
222
00:09:58,083 --> 00:09:59,208
No!
223
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:03,540
Because I'm
going on vacation with my family.
224
00:10:03,541 --> 00:10:07,583
I don't care how you
feel. No, you listen to me.
225
00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:20,790
Hey, Marco. - How's the drive?
226
00:10:20,791 --> 00:10:23,582
We're not on it yet.
Dad's waiting for a fax.
227
00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:26,748
Who faxes anymore? Tell
him to have 'em email me.
228
00:10:26,749 --> 00:10:27,582
I told him.
229
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:29,665
Tell him if he doesn't leave
now, he's gonna hit traffic.
230
00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:30,707
I told him!
231
00:10:30,708 --> 00:10:32,582
Tell him lobster ravioli's
on the table at seven.
232
00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:33,998
If he's not here, he's shit outta luck.
233
00:10:33,999 --> 00:10:36,957
Oh! I think we may have a winner.
234
00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:41,373
But just so you know, this
show should never go on tour.
235
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:46,957
They are old, they are
crabby, they overpack, and-
236
00:10:46,958 --> 00:10:48,290
Lisa?
237
00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:49,415
They... [Marco] Lisa.
238
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:50,832
God, Mom can't even move.
239
00:10:50,833 --> 00:10:52,625
Dad is a... [Marco] Lisa!
240
00:10:53,333 --> 00:10:55,707
You know what? They
should just stay in Vegas.
241
00:10:55,708 --> 00:10:58,248
And have people come see
them, like Cirque du Soleil.
242
00:10:58,249 --> 00:10:59,957
Relax. They have their room here.
243
00:10:59,958 --> 00:11:01,207
The kids love them visiting.
244
00:11:01,208 --> 00:11:06,165
People need to stop telling
me to relax. I can't relax.
245
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,165
I'm with Mom and Dad.
246
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,290
For one day!
247
00:11:08,291 --> 00:11:09,498
They're here for an entire week,
248
00:11:09,499 --> 00:11:11,998
just like every Christmas
for the last 18 years,
249
00:11:11,999 --> 00:11:14,332
and they're fine, okay?
250
00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:17,208
It is fine! It will be fine!
251
00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:22,083
Yeah.
252
00:11:24,708 --> 00:11:30,915
Totally fine.
253
00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:37,998
I thought you were going for a run?
254
00:11:37,999 --> 00:11:39,873
Changed my mind. Going to work.
255
00:11:39,874 --> 00:11:40,957
On Christmas Eve?
256
00:11:40,958 --> 00:11:42,915
Billions of people around the world
257
00:11:42,916 --> 00:11:44,373
work on Christmas Eve, Manu.
258
00:11:44,374 --> 00:11:47,248
Because they have to.
The restaurant's closed.
259
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,248
What happened?
260
00:11:49,249 --> 00:11:50,457
Nothing fucking happened-
261
00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:52,665
Don't say that word in
front of the Christmas tree.
262
00:11:52,666 --> 00:11:54,373
Why not? It's a goddamn tree.
263
00:11:54,374 --> 00:11:55,957
It can't hear me.
264
00:11:55,958 --> 00:11:58,707
Oh my gosh, Dad, can you swear any more?
265
00:11:58,708 --> 00:12:00,957
Dad's having a Christmas meltdown.
266
00:12:00,958 --> 00:12:02,291
You think this is funny?
267
00:12:03,541 --> 00:12:05,040
Kind of.
268
00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:08,708
Gia, take your brother,
buy your gifts. Go.
269
00:12:12,375 --> 00:12:18,166
And you, whatever made you
how you are right now, fix it.
270
00:12:18,416 --> 00:12:20,208
I don't want anger at the table tonight.
271
00:12:21,791 --> 00:12:22,875
It's Christmas Eve.
272
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:27,333
Did you hear me?
273
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:30,958
Yes.
274
00:12:35,166 --> 00:12:39,332
Heya, Dad. Mom's an 8
out of 10 on the mad scale.
275
00:12:39,333 --> 00:12:40,832
Think you're right, buddy.
276
00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:42,416
Let's go call Grandpa. Come on.
277
00:12:56,291 --> 00:12:57,790
Lisa!
278
00:12:57,791 --> 00:13:00,873
Come on, we gotta go!
Marco's making ravioli.
279
00:13:00,874 --> 00:13:02,123
Oh, what's with all the coats?
280
00:13:02,124 --> 00:13:03,082
Open the backdoor.
281
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,207
- Okay, calm down.
- Come on, open the damn door.
282
00:13:05,208 --> 00:13:07,373
All right.
283
00:13:07,374 --> 00:13:09,165
My hat. Take my hat.
284
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:10,707
Eh... there. There.
285
00:13:10,708 --> 00:13:12,290
Did you get your fax?
286
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,207
Nah, they will email it.
287
00:13:14,208 --> 00:13:17,248
Oh, what a great idea.
288
00:13:17,249 --> 00:13:18,248
Go help your mother, huh?
289
00:13:18,249 --> 00:13:20,248
She takes 10 hours to get in the car.
290
00:13:20,249 --> 00:13:22,582
Because she can't
move, Dad. She's in pain.
291
00:13:22,583 --> 00:13:24,208
God, have some empathy.
292
00:13:24,666 --> 00:13:25,625
Some what?
293
00:13:27,791 --> 00:13:28,832
Oh, let me help you with this.
294
00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:30,957
It's heavy. - No, no, no. I will do it.
295
00:13:30,958 --> 00:13:32,375
Okay, do it.
296
00:13:40,541 --> 00:13:42,665
Goddammit! Lisa!
297
00:13:42,666 --> 00:13:43,832
Lisa!
298
00:13:46,041 --> 00:13:47,000
Mom!
299
00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:52,207
A miracle has happened!
300
00:13:52,208 --> 00:13:55,040
Dad's ready, the car's packed!
301
00:13:55,041 --> 00:13:56,708
Mom, you upstairs?
302
00:13:59,125 --> 00:14:01,540
Mom. Mom!
303
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:02,998
Mom!
304
00:14:02,999 --> 00:14:06,540
- Ow, you're hurting me.
- Oh, Jesus, I thought...
305
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:07,625
What are you doing?
306
00:14:08,458 --> 00:14:10,708
What? I came up to read, I-
307
00:14:12,125 --> 00:14:15,125
I hate all of that shouting on the TV.
308
00:14:15,916 --> 00:14:18,457
I must have fallen asleep.
309
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:19,458
Okay.
310
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:24,832
Well, we're going.
311
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:26,290
Ready for a road trip?
312
00:14:26,291 --> 00:14:27,541
Alright.
313
00:14:28,666 --> 00:14:29,998
Do you need help?
314
00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:32,082
No, I'm fine.
315
00:14:32,083 --> 00:14:33,957
Get your butt out of the bed.
316
00:14:33,958 --> 00:14:36,041
Oh, I will. I will.
317
00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:57,415
You! - [Young Dino] You!
318
00:14:57,416 --> 00:14:58,415
You! - You!
319
00:14:58,416 --> 00:14:59,248
You! - YOU!
320
00:14:59,249 --> 00:15:01,875
Ahhh, stop it right now. Get in the car.
321
00:15:02,083 --> 00:15:03,373
Him first.
322
00:15:03,374 --> 00:15:04,665
Not the middle!
323
00:15:04,666 --> 00:15:05,874
Not the middle! - Lisa.
324
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:07,415
Mom, I'm older.
325
00:15:07,416 --> 00:15:09,873
Exactly. So act like it for God's sake.
326
00:15:09,874 --> 00:15:11,791
I hate being in the middle!
327
00:15:12,708 --> 00:15:14,040
Come on. In.
328
00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:14,916
Hurry up.
329
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:18,500
Okay.
330
00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:21,291
Here we go.
331
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,625
Lisa!
332
00:15:28,375 --> 00:15:29,708
Lisa!
333
00:15:29,833 --> 00:15:32,207
What the hell is wrong with
you? You don't hear me calling?
334
00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:33,748
Oh my god! No, I didn't!
335
00:15:33,749 --> 00:15:35,374
Hard to believe!
336
00:15:35,375 --> 00:15:36,873
Mom's coming. She fell asleep.
337
00:15:36,874 --> 00:15:37,957
Did you pack the car up?
338
00:15:37,958 --> 00:15:40,498
No, no. I need help lifting the suitcase!
339
00:15:40,499 --> 00:15:42,832
So it's a good thing I'm
here, right? To help you?
340
00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:44,498
I could have gotten someone.
341
00:15:44,499 --> 00:15:46,748
But you didn't have to because I am here,
342
00:15:46,749 --> 00:15:50,165
and that makes you so
happy and grateful, right, Dad?
343
00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:54,248
You can say it. "I'm
so happy Lisa is here."
344
00:15:54,249 --> 00:15:56,873
Go, go. - "To help me."
345
00:15:56,874 --> 00:15:58,207
Okay. - Go on.
346
00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:01,000
Come on.
347
00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:20,208
God, I can't live like this.
348
00:16:29,958 --> 00:16:31,541
Just let me die.
349
00:16:32,791 --> 00:16:33,708
Please.
350
00:16:35,416 --> 00:16:37,665
Please let me die.
351
00:16:41,374 --> 00:16:43,750
Stop acting so spoiled.
352
00:16:43,875 --> 00:16:46,833
You have arms and legs that work...
353
00:16:48,083 --> 00:16:49,291
Do you know how many don’t?
354
00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:52,916
Grandma!
355
00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:55,583
Grandma.
356
00:16:58,916 --> 00:16:59,916
Let’s go.
357
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:01,958
Your family is waiting.
358
00:17:19,083 --> 00:17:20,791
We did it!
359
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,582
Great. - [Ella] Oh god.
360
00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:26,290
If you two are getting along,
the world must be ending.
361
00:17:26,291 --> 00:17:28,915
Nothing's ending, Mom. It's all good.
362
00:17:28,916 --> 00:17:30,248
Here we go, madame.
363
00:17:33,499 --> 00:17:34,375
Wha-no.
364
00:17:36,166 --> 00:17:38,708
God forbid, he would
lift a finger to help me.
365
00:17:38,916 --> 00:17:41,915
Well, you don't need him. I'm right here.
366
00:17:41,916 --> 00:17:43,748
What, so you're on his side now?
367
00:17:43,749 --> 00:17:45,665
No, Mama, I'm not on anyone's side.
368
00:17:45,666 --> 00:17:47,000
Hey, you, no. Uh-uh.
369
00:17:47,125 --> 00:17:48,498
I drive. - What?
370
00:17:48,499 --> 00:17:51,791
I came here to drive you
to L.A. That means I drive.
371
00:17:52,416 --> 00:17:53,498
Great, great, great.
372
00:17:53,499 --> 00:17:55,832
I will ride in the back like a gentleman.
373
00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:59,540
Good to know he can still
do something like a gentleman.
374
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,873
Five hours.
375
00:18:06,833 --> 00:18:07,666
Fuck.
376
00:18:08,541 --> 00:18:12,040
Oh. We're outta gas.
377
00:18:12,041 --> 00:18:13,207
Oh, for God's sake.
378
00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:15,332
I thought you were going
to fill it up yesterday?
379
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:17,208
So we stop. Big deal.
380
00:18:18,208 --> 00:18:19,082
Not here.
381
00:18:19,083 --> 00:18:20,915
Closer to the highway.
- What's the difference?
382
00:18:20,916 --> 00:18:22,207
I like the one near the highway.
383
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:24,040
You should have taken it there yesterday.
384
00:18:24,041 --> 00:18:26,957
It's alright, Mom. Just
tell me where to turn.
385
00:18:26,958 --> 00:18:28,957
- Get to the left.
- Not yet. It's up farther.
386
00:18:28,958 --> 00:18:30,123
But it's on the left,
387
00:18:30,124 --> 00:18:32,291
and she needs to be in the left lane.
388
00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:36,332
Dino. It's Dad.
389
00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:39,707
I left you a message. We're
on our way to Los Angeles.
390
00:18:39,708 --> 00:18:41,082
Call me.
391
00:18:41,083 --> 00:18:44,373
So. You guys are going
to Dino's on Christmas Day?
392
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:45,957
Who knows? - Of course we'll go.
393
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,040
We always go.
394
00:18:47,041 --> 00:18:49,623
- Well they haven't invited us.
- Invite, my ass.
395
00:18:49,624 --> 00:18:52,040
I'm his father. Don't make problems. -Stop!
396
00:18:52,041 --> 00:18:55,125
I'm not making problems.
397
00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:58,082
- Oh, it's Bill.
- Oh, don't answer it, Mom.
398
00:18:58,083 --> 00:18:59,416
I'll call him back.
399
00:18:59,708 --> 00:19:01,748
Uh... Hello? - [Lisa] Shit.
400
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:03,790
Bill? Hi!
401
00:19:03,791 --> 00:19:06,248
Hey, are we still doing
that call with the lawyers-
402
00:19:06,249 --> 00:19:09,207
Uh - honey, you’re-I'm in
the car with Mom and Dad.
403
00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:11,166
You're on speakerphone.
404
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:13,290
Hi, Bill. Hi, Bill!
405
00:19:13,291 --> 00:19:15,415
Mom's saying hi.
406
00:19:15,416 --> 00:19:18,250
Bill, can you hear me? Say hi!
407
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,165
Hi. - [Aldo] Here, here!
408
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:21,748
It's here. - I see it, Dad.
409
00:19:21,749 --> 00:19:22,625
You turn here!
410
00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:24,415
Can I wait for the cars to pass
411
00:19:24,416 --> 00:19:25,958
or do you want me to
plow right through them?
412
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,290
Go, go, go!
413
00:19:34,749 --> 00:19:35,873
Oh, sorry, Mom.
414
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:36,915
It's okay.
415
00:19:37,999 --> 00:19:39,208
I pump the gas.
416
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:41,125
Fine! Pump the gas.
417
00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:44,333
Fucking narcissist.
418
00:19:45,791 --> 00:19:47,582
Sorry about that. - [Bill] Are you kidding?
419
00:19:47,583 --> 00:19:49,457
Putting me on speaker with your mom?
420
00:19:49,458 --> 00:19:51,041
She answered my phone.
421
00:19:52,666 --> 00:19:54,625
Have you told 'em yet? - Which part?
422
00:19:55,791 --> 00:20:00,290
Us getting divorced or,
uh, me losing my job?
423
00:20:00,291 --> 00:20:02,040
Lisa, I know how hard this must be-
424
00:20:02,041 --> 00:20:04,082
No, you have no idea.
425
00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:07,873
I cannot drown them in my river
of shit right now. My mom is sick.
426
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:09,248
She sounded fine just now.
427
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:11,415
Well, half an hour ago,
I thought she was dead.
428
00:20:11,416 --> 00:20:12,582
What? - Yeah, I walked
429
00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:17,540
into the bedroom, she was
laying there, and I thought...
430
00:20:17,541 --> 00:20:20,332
Lisa, God, I'm so sorry.
431
00:20:20,333 --> 00:20:22,873
I know. Thank you.
432
00:20:22,874 --> 00:20:24,123
But that doesn't have any bearing
433
00:20:24,124 --> 00:20:25,623
on what we're doing...
Yeah, it has bearing.
434
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:27,332
It has tons of bearing.
435
00:20:27,333 --> 00:20:31,248
You know, my mom is - is old
enough to die of natural causes,
436
00:20:31,249 --> 00:20:34,582
and my life is still a fucking train wreck.
437
00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:37,498
I mean, it wasn't - it wasn’t
supposed to be like this, you know?
438
00:20:37,499 --> 00:20:40,998
You and I, we were supposed
to be settled, and happy-
439
00:20:40,999 --> 00:20:41,832
I know. - And here it is,
440
00:20:41,833 --> 00:20:44,498
Christmas Eve, and I'm with my mom and dad,
441
00:20:44,499 --> 00:20:46,748
and we're in the middle of fucking nowhere.
442
00:20:46,749 --> 00:20:49,416
And I'm in the middle
of our apartment, alone,
443
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:51,832
trying to separate you from me,
444
00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:56,540
and... I don't know if any
of this shit's even mine.
445
00:20:57,791 --> 00:20:59,416
Okay, um...
446
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:01,540
Really? Okay.
447
00:21:01,541 --> 00:21:04,832
All right, the desk in the bedroom,
448
00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:07,082
the gray chair in the living room,
449
00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:10,748
the TV, the stereo, the “Blue Boy”...
450
00:21:10,749 --> 00:21:14,040
Oh wait, and the first
edition "Da Vinci Code."
451
00:21:14,041 --> 00:21:15,415
Wait, I thought you said that-
452
00:21:15,416 --> 00:21:17,582
Yeah, I bought that for you
453
00:21:17,583 --> 00:21:20,123
on our anniversary at The Strand,
454
00:21:20,124 --> 00:21:23,915
and afterwards, we went
to Union Square Cafe.
455
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,166
And you said...
456
00:21:26,583 --> 00:21:28,915
That when we had a kid,
we'd have to name it Leonardo.
457
00:21:28,916 --> 00:21:29,791
Yeah.
458
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:32,208
Yeah, remember?
459
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:34,625
Even if it was a girl.
460
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,625
I can't believe I forgot that.
461
00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:41,790
Yeah, maybe that's what I'm for, huh?
462
00:21:41,791 --> 00:21:43,373
Remembering what you forget.
463
00:21:43,374 --> 00:21:45,082
I think you're right.
464
00:21:45,083 --> 00:21:47,458
We should try therapy.
465
00:21:48,791 --> 00:21:50,915
No fucking way.
466
00:21:50,916 --> 00:21:52,707
What? - I gotta go.
467
00:21:52,708 --> 00:21:53,583
Lisa!
468
00:21:56,958 --> 00:21:58,373
Get in. - Get out.
469
00:21:58,374 --> 00:21:59,873
Get in the goddamn car.
470
00:21:59,874 --> 00:22:02,123
No. I came here to drive you.
471
00:22:02,124 --> 00:22:03,290
Who told you to do that?
472
00:22:03,291 --> 00:22:06,082
Marco told me, Tano told me,
473
00:22:06,083 --> 00:22:08,707
and if Dino cared about
you, he would've told me.
474
00:22:08,708 --> 00:22:11,165
Dad, you drove your
car off the road last week.
475
00:22:11,166 --> 00:22:13,373
At night. I can't see in the dark.
476
00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:15,333
It's day. Get the goddamn car.
477
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:16,125
No.
478
00:22:16,875 --> 00:22:18,207
Then get a ride to the airport.
479
00:22:18,208 --> 00:22:19,915
- What are you doing? Stop it!
- Asshole!
480
00:22:19,916 --> 00:22:21,415
Dad! Hey!
481
00:22:21,416 --> 00:22:22,707
Stop! Stop!
482
00:22:22,708 --> 00:22:25,040
Hey, stop! My purse is in there!
483
00:22:25,041 --> 00:22:26,832
I'm gonna call the cops!
484
00:22:26,833 --> 00:22:28,248
Stop!
485
00:22:28,249 --> 00:22:31,916
Ugh!
486
00:22:34,958 --> 00:22:36,082
Jesus H. Christ.
487
00:22:36,083 --> 00:22:37,748
My hat. Don't crush my hat.
488
00:22:37,749 --> 00:22:40,748
Oh, I will crush your
hat. I will rip it to shreds.
489
00:22:40,749 --> 00:22:42,998
You are mentally unstable.
490
00:22:42,999 --> 00:22:45,916
Yeah, it must be hereditary.
491
00:22:46,458 --> 00:22:50,498
Honey, stop worrying.
Your dad is a very good driver.
492
00:22:51,958 --> 00:22:54,165
Oh, no, no, no. No Fox News.
493
00:22:54,166 --> 00:22:57,373
I- I swear, I will jump
out the fucking window!
494
00:22:59,374 --> 00:23:01,333
Dean Martin again?
495
00:23:01,583 --> 00:23:03,708
I love Dean Martin.
496
00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:05,665
I know you love Dean Martin.
497
00:23:05,666 --> 00:23:09,998
I saw him live at The Sands, 1967.
498
00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:15,998
♪ Magic that you do ♪
499
00:23:18,166 --> 00:23:23,083
'67. When I went to the
first car show. Remember, El?
500
00:23:23,458 --> 00:23:25,665
I wasn't there. I was home with Tano.
501
00:23:25,666 --> 00:23:26,957
He was a toddler, remember?
502
00:23:26,958 --> 00:23:29,458
And I was out in the
world, making things happen.
503
00:23:30,041 --> 00:23:33,708
"Making things happen." As always.
504
00:23:34,250 --> 00:23:35,998
What the hell does that-?
505
00:23:35,999 --> 00:23:39,291
You know. You know.
506
00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:49,540
Anyone want some apple?
I have some very nice apple.
507
00:23:49,541 --> 00:23:51,375
for you children.
508
00:23:51,958 --> 00:23:55,165
Remember that trip we
took to Florida that Easter?
509
00:23:55,166 --> 00:23:58,000
I'm so sorry I didn't get
a chance to talk to Bill.
510
00:23:58,291 --> 00:23:59,415
How is he?
511
00:23:59,416 --> 00:24:00,290
Okay.
512
00:24:00,291 --> 00:24:02,082
How is his sister doing
513
00:24:02,083 --> 00:24:04,665
with that Oriental girl she adopted?
514
00:24:04,666 --> 00:24:05,875
Her daughter?
515
00:24:06,208 --> 00:24:07,748
They're fine. They're doing fine.
516
00:24:07,749 --> 00:24:10,457
Well, she's not really her daughter.
517
00:24:10,458 --> 00:24:13,040
Yes, she is, Mom. That's
what adoption means.
518
00:24:13,041 --> 00:24:16,498
And she's not, she's not
Oriental. She's not a rug.
519
00:24:16,499 --> 00:24:18,457
She's Asian. - Asian, I know.
520
00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:20,665
That’s - they want us to say that now.
521
00:24:20,666 --> 00:24:25,457
And African American, and
Latinx. Whatever that means.
522
00:24:25,458 --> 00:24:26,415
Goddamn liberals.
523
00:24:26,416 --> 00:24:28,582
I've been saying Oriental my whole life.
524
00:24:28,583 --> 00:24:29,623
Damn right.
525
00:24:29,624 --> 00:24:31,207
People have been saying kraut
526
00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,707
all their lives, Mom, and Nazi.
527
00:24:33,708 --> 00:24:35,957
What about dago, Dad? Or WOP?
528
00:24:35,958 --> 00:24:37,540
Knock it off! - Stop! Stop!
529
00:24:37,541 --> 00:24:39,457
Oh
my god, we're gonna die.
530
00:24:39,458 --> 00:24:41,498
Stop talking nonsense.
531
00:24:41,499 --> 00:24:43,125
Aldo, be careful.
532
00:24:43,958 --> 00:24:47,040
♪ There go the raindrops ♪
533
00:24:47,041 --> 00:24:48,875
Who wants some apple?
534
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:52,998
I cut up a very nice apple.
535
00:24:57,416 --> 00:25:01,082
🎵 🎵
536
00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:06,040
♪ Air outside is starting
to feel like it might collide ♪
537
00:25:06,041 --> 00:25:10,748
♪ With everything I know as true ♪
538
00:25:10,749 --> 00:25:15,707
♪ But that's yesterday news ♪
539
00:25:15,708 --> 00:25:19,040
♪ I used to think I knew my surroundings ♪
540
00:25:19,041 --> 00:25:22,498
♪ That the road was flat,
but the earth was round ♪
541
00:25:22,499 --> 00:25:25,957
♪ The sky was blue ♪
542
00:25:25,958 --> 00:25:29,873
♪ I trusted you ♪
543
00:25:29,874 --> 00:25:34,916
♪ And then the level tipped to the right ♪
544
00:25:35,291 --> 00:25:37,290
♪ Ah ♪
545
00:25:37,291 --> 00:25:42,333
♪ And I was left all alone in the fight ♪
546
00:25:42,625 --> 00:25:45,582
♪ Ah ♪
547
00:25:45,583 --> 00:25:52,957
♪ Stuck in the middle,
stuck in the middle ♪
548
00:25:52,958 --> 00:26:00,082
♪ Stuck in the middle of a
sea of righteous indignation ♪
549
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:11,165
♪ The water rises each and every day ♪
550
00:26:11,166 --> 00:26:14,832
♪ Washing all our critical thoughts away ♪
551
00:26:14,833 --> 00:26:16,791
♪ Alas ♪
38175
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