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1
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,648
(door bangs in distance)
2
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:00,592
(Ryan whistles)
3
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,294
Here, boy.
4
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:11,136
(Wilfred moaning)
5
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,309
(Wilfred panting, grunting)
6
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,318
(grunting continues)
7
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:32,791
(screaming)
8
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,760
Ryan! Ryan, help me!
9
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:37,262
Water! Water!
10
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,831
(screaming continues)
11
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,472
Oh!
12
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,340
Oh...!
13
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,376
Oh...
14
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,046
Oh.
15
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:59,952
Oh, man, my penis is in
bad shape right now.
16
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,454
I can barely stand up straight.
17
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:06,458
That glory hole
shit out there...
18
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:10,062
that... was... beautiful.
19
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,968
Pussy without a name
or face or personality
20
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:18,470
is the perfect kind of pussy.
21
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,173
I think Anne wants to move out.
22
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:22,508
Really?
23
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:25,811
Well, I have managed
to lick off every morsel
24
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,514
of biological detritus
her body has to offer.
25
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,149
So maybe it's time.
26
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,683
No, it sucks.
27
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,185
We get along great.
28
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:35,187
She hasn't threatened
my relationship with you,
29
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,823
plus her rent has given me
the time to figure out
30
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,858
what I actually want
to do with my life.
31
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,660
Now I'm gonna feel
all this pressure
32
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,162
to get a job right away.
33
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,998
You know, sometimes
pressure's a good thing.
34
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,167
I've been pressured into
every job I've ever had.
35
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:50,335
I'm just gonna end up
doing something I hate.
36
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:53,705
Okay, so we already know
you don't want to be
37
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,340
an evil-type lawyer again.
38
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,875
So let's start from there.
39
00:02:56,877 --> 00:03:00,045
Wait-- I thought you hated
the idea of me getting a job.
40
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,713
Under normal
circumstances, sure.
41
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,348
But you're stuck in a rut.
42
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,716
And I'm worried about you.
43
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,185
True or false?
44
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,854
Last Wednesday, you went online
and purchased a Lego
45
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,190
do-it-yourself medieval
market village.
46
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:14,526
So what?
Legos are not for adults!
47
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,195
I canceled the order.
48
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,864
All you do is sit around
and sleep and eat.
49
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:22,201
Yeah, and I also roll around
in goose shit.
50
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:23,902
Look, I'm already in touch
with a recruiter.
51
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,704
I'm gonna set up a meeting
right now.
52
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,906
If you're on
the Legos Web site,
53
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:30,275
you are a creepy
man-child.
54
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:32,911
(Ryan laughing)
55
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,379
Oh, you're
burning down!
56
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,547
That was awesome!
57
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,416
Oh, my God.
You were right.
58
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,551
Those fitness games I was
playing are boring as shit
59
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,221
compared to "The Haunted
Catacombs of Gjorganthaal."
60
00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:43,589
See?!
What?
61
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,057
Wait-- why are you pausing it?
62
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,558
Didn't you have
to be somewhere at 2:00?
63
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,894
Yeah, I was supposed to meet
with this recruiter,
64
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,429
but I rescheduled it.
65
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,064
My résumé needs some tweaking
66
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:53,565
I hope you didn't reschedule it
for Monday,
67
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,566
because I have a surprise.
68
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,068
I'm treating us to massages.
69
00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,237
It's just a thank you
for being my date
70
00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,738
to Erica's dinner party
last week.
71
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,240
It would have been super
depressing being
72
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:02,941
the only single person there.
73
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,910
Yeah, I'm-I'm
not sure I can...
Now don't worry!
74
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,278
I'm still working the
Internet dating sites.
75
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,113
And as soon as I find
a guy who's not making
76
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:09,781
that annoying
squinty sex face
77
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,450
in his profile picture,
you're off the hook.
78
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:12,918
No, no, no, it's not that.
79
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,419
I just don't think
I can make the massage.
80
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,588
I should probably stick
with this job hunt for a while
81
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,589
until I get something.
82
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,258
Really? Bummer.
83
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:22,594
Kind of enjoyed being
"funemployed" together.
84
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,097
Yeah, well, I found out
Anne's looking for a new place.
85
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,799
And there's no way I can pay
the bills without her rent.
86
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,301
Why is she leaving?
87
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,436
You haven't asked her?
88
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,606
If I were you, I'd do whatever
it takes to keep her there.
89
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,308
You're right.
90
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:39,044
I'll talk to her.
91
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,781
Oh. Good morning.
92
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,284
Hey.
93
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,819
So, um...
94
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:52,291
I-I-I don't know how to
ask this without asking.
95
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,826
Are-Are you thinking
of moving out?
96
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:58,797
(sighs) Okay, I was gonna
tell you eventually.
97
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,966
You know how
my boyfriend's
98
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,135
in jail for head butting
his aunt?
99
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:05,304
I-I didn't know those details.
100
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,005
Well, before
he got sentenced,
101
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:10,008
he made this, like, investment
for when he got out.
102
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,843
He bought this purebred
English bulldog
103
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,478
to start a breeding business.
104
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,149
His mom's watching Phil,
that's the dog's name,
105
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:20,686
but she's moving to Boston,
so offered to take the dog.
106
00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,321
And I just figured
with Wilfred around,
107
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:26,024
two dogs in the house
would just make your life crazy.
108
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,193
No! No, no, no!
Not at all.
109
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,695
Really?
110
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,330
Seriously, it's not a problem.
111
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,865
Phil is totally welcome
to come live here.
112
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:37,502
(laughs) Oh, my God,
that is so awesome!
113
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,870
If I didn't have
a boyfriend,
114
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,872
I would totally suck
your nuts right now.
115
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:43,342
(chuckles weakly)
116
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,377
So, just when I finally
neutralized
117
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:46,878
the Jelly Beans threat,
118
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,181
you invite this bulldog
to come and live with us?!
119
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,350
There's only so much dog poon
to go around!
120
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:53,852
And you know this Phil guy's
gonna be creeping up
121
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,187
on the neighborhood glory hole!
122
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:56,855
That shit is locals only!
123
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,358
It's, like, go back
to the Val, kook!
124
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,360
Wilfred, you don't even live
here-- you're my guest.
125
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,295
Anne has a right
to have guests, too.
126
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,701
What the hell
are you doing?!
127
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,203
Drawing a line
in the sand.
128
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:14,039
Phil can stay on his side,
I'll stay on my side.
129
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,407
Wilfred, stop!
130
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:18,710
Fine. Then I suppose
I'll have to resort
131
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,312
to more drastic measures.
132
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,216
Wait-- what are you gonna do?
133
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:25,884
I'm gonna get my squeaky ball
134
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,753
and leave it on
the living room floor
135
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,721
where Phil can see it.
136
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,424
Then, when our little friend
goes to play with it,
137
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:33,725
I'll simply...
138
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:37,329
snatch... it... back.
139
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,432
Guess I can't stop you.
140
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:44,403
(sing-songy):
Welcome to your new home!
141
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:45,570
Hey.
142
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:48,073
So this must be Phil.
143
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,741
Why is he wearing a diaper?
144
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,343
Phil's short for "Phyllis."
145
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,445
So...
146
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:54,780
She's in heat right now.
147
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,248
Sorry. I didn't know
till I picked her up.
148
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,418
So we should keep her
and Wilfred apart.
149
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,086
You know how crazy
male dogs get
150
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,921
when they smell
a bitch in heat. (scoffs)
151
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,923
Is this still
cool with you?
152
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,459
'Cause if not,
I can totally...
153
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:08,760
What? No, no, no, no!
154
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,096
Of course, it's totally cool.
155
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:14,132
Thanks. I really appreciate
this, Ryan.
156
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,600
Don't worry about it.
157
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:18,170
Like I said, it won't be
a problem at all.
158
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:22,774
Oh, my God...
159
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,443
she's beautiful, Ryan.
160
00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:27,279
Sculpted by
the hands of angels.
161
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,147
You didn't even see her.
162
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,116
I didn't have to.
163
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:34,319
(inhales deeply)
164
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,620
I'm in love.
165
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,189
(laughs)
166
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:47,299
(playing gentle melody)
167
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:50,469
¶ I know
it might sound foolish ¶
168
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:54,806
¶ When I write
to you this song ¶
169
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:58,477
¶ But the rings of love
from heaven ¶
170
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:02,514
¶ Washed away all
that was wrong ¶
171
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:07,152
¶ Because looking at you
is like drinking a moonbeam ¶
172
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:10,655
¶ In the darkness
of my lonely night ¶
173
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:14,993
¶ And the sun from your heart
is shining down on me, baby ¶
174
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,995
¶ All right?
175
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:20,732
¶ And I'm dreaming of you
tonight. ¶
176
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:26,071
(plays flourish, song ends)
177
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:32,010
Sorry; the music just kind
of poured out of me.
178
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,345
I guess that's what happens
179
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,514
when love slaps you around
like a little ho.
180
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,682
I can't wait
for Phyllis to hear it.
181
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,351
It's not gonna
happen, Wilfred.
182
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:43,188
Look, I know you're worried,
'cause now I'm in love,
183
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,856
we're not gonna hang out
as much.
184
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,025
But you've always been
my best friend.
185
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:51,863
Which is why I'd like
you to have this.
186
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,365
It's my little
black book.
187
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:56,101
I won't be needing it anymore.
188
00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,371
Are these urine stains?
189
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,707
Contact information
from my former slut stable.
190
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,876
I was a different dog then.
191
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,711
Which reminds me.
192
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,714
I no longer have any use...
193
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,551
for my vampire dick sucker.
194
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:16,321
Oh, Fangsy, we really had
ourselves quite a time.
195
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,562
(sniffs)
Where is Phyllis?
196
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,231
Locked up in Anne's room,
where you can't get to her.
197
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,235
Ryan, no door can stand
in the way of love.
198
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,904
Unless it's, like, a door-door.
199
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,606
Does it have a doorknob?
200
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,241
Dude!
201
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,909
Wilfred, you're
not in love.
202
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,911
You're just responding
to her pheromones.
203
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,580
And you're just
tearing us apart,
204
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,748
so you can keep Anne
as a cash cow.
205
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,251
Phyllis is in heat, and you're
an unneutered male dog.
206
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,752
You could get her pregnant.
207
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,921
And the only litter
that she's supposed to have
208
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,289
is with another
purebred bulldog.
209
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:55,093
Are you saying that my moonbeam
and the darkness
210
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,929
of my lonely night
is promised to another?
211
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,965
Sort of.
Anne's boyfriend's a breeder.
212
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,600
But that's insane!
213
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:04,102
If it's another bulldog,
then he could be her brother
214
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,771
or her cousin
or a distant uncle at best!
215
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,273
How would you feel
216
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,108
if that's how humans
were forced to procreate?!
217
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,612
It's different.
We're human.
218
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,614
Okay, may-maybe... maybe
that came out wrong.
219
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,648
You're a Nazi!
220
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,283
You're a goddamn Nazi!
221
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,952
Don't you even try
to get between us, Ryan.
222
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,455
You can't stop love!
223
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:25,957
¶ Love is a freight train
comin' down the track ¶
224
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,293
¶ You can't stop it
'cause you can't ¶
225
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,996
¶ Turn your back on love
226
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:34,366
¶ Love is a wrecking ball!
227
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,141
Oh, Phyllis,
228
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,976
your kisses taste so sweet
229
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:48,213
and your pores smell
like corn chips.
230
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,326
Oh, my deep tissue is thanking
231
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,827
the shit out of you right now.
232
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,663
Glad you found
it relaxing.
233
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,499
By the way, you two make
a really cute couple.
234
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:08,933
Oh.
235
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,504
Why did you tell the
masseuse we're a couple?
236
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:13,838
'Cause the couple's massage came
237
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,574
with a free bottle of wine.
238
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,247
(sniffing)
239
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,386
So, how'd it go with Anne?
240
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,387
Great.
241
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,022
I talked to her like you said
242
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,190
and we worked everything out.
243
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,359
To "funemployment."
244
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,027
So what do you want
to do tonight?
245
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,195
Korean barbeque or we...
246
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,863
Oh, shit.
Is it Monday?
247
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,366
(groans) I'm supposed to go
with Jessica to a party tonight
248
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,369
at some rich
ophthalmologist's house.
249
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,204
I guess it's remotely possible
I could meet someone.
250
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,406
No worries.
We'll hang out later.
251
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,609
I'm gonna get dressed and
head home for a long nap.
252
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:59,718
So, how are you
feeling today?
253
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,386
It's weird.
254
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:04,389
I woke up and I don't
know how to explain it,
255
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,559
but something deep in
my heart had changed.
256
00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,061
It's like all the love
I felt for Phyllis
257
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,062
is now suddenly gone.
258
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,064
That does happen sometimes.
259
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,067
You can fall out of love just
as quickly as you fell into it.
260
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,103
Huh, you know,
I don't even care
261
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:20,739
if she ends up with
another bulldog.
262
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,407
Hell, maybe they'd be
better off together.
263
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,241
Well...
264
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,442
breeding is done
for a reason.
265
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,778
Mating a purebred
with another purebred
266
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,080
keeps things... pure.
267
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,782
Yeah.
268
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:33,585
I got to admit, now that
my mind is no longer lost
269
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,920
in the fog of love,
it's starting to make sense.
270
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,923
I mean, you mix up the breeds,
who knows what you're gonna get?
271
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:39,958
Exactly.
272
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,093
Like, take Joffrey here.
273
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,428
(laughs)
Wait...
274
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,764
What?
WILFRED:
Well, he-he's the product
275
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,133
of a white mother
and a Mexican father.
276
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,634
He's a mutt, just like me.
277
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,803
It's different
with people, Wilfred.
278
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,104
Joffrey's fine.
279
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,105
Joffrey and I
are both mongrels.
280
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,273
We're mistakes.
281
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,608
Now, I-I wouldn't say you're...
282
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,276
No, no, no, you're
totally right.
283
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,145
Just imagine a world
284
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,614
where all of the bloodlines
were kept pure--
285
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,949
a perfect world where
there were no mistakes.
286
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,018
(phone vibrating)
287
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,622
That's that job recruiter.
288
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:13,625
You going to that meeting
with her tomorrow, right?
289
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,826
I don't know.
290
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,961
I mean, now that Anne's staying,
what's the rush?
291
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,965
Ryan, if this whole Phyllis
ordeal has taught me anything,
292
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:24,669
it's that it feels good
to move on with your life.
293
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,504
On to bigger and better things.
294
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,139
Hmm.
295
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,308
Hendler-Greer specializes
in green energy
296
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,976
and they're looking
for a junior partner.
297
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:35,814
Well, actually I'm sort of
leaning towards nonprofit.
298
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,016
Okay.
299
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,651
Well, have you heard
of New Horizons?
300
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:42,153
They're a nonprofit
that provides legal counsel
301
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,655
for victims
of domestic abuse.
302
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:46,324
Yeah, that-that sounds great.
303
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,159
But I worry that it's
a little too outside
304
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,061
of my area of expertise.
305
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,664
(sighs)
306
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:53,665
Sorry, I...
307
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,667
I guess I'm kind
of a challenge.
308
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,001
It's okay.
309
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,503
I like a challenge.
310
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,206
I'm sure, if we work together
long enough,
311
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,174
I'll find something
that'll pique your interest.
312
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,877
Uh...
313
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,847
I-I don't understand.
314
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:11,583
Are you ready to get
your dick sucked, Ryan?
315
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:27,365
Oh!
316
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,201
(gasping)
317
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,703
Wh-What's going on?
318
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,205
I've been doing a little
pure-breeding of my own, mate.
319
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,942
I think I'll name
your baby Rysten.
320
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,446
(door closes)
321
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:48,753
Wilfred!
322
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,288
Get back here!
323
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:58,296
Shit.
324
00:14:59,431 --> 00:15:00,899
(phone line ringing)
325
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,233
It's Kristen, leave a message.
326
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,234
(voicemail beeps)
327
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,069
Hey, uh, I-I don't know
328
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,405
if you're still taking your nap,
but I'm gonna be
329
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,073
in your neighborhood,
so I thought I'd drop by.
330
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,309
See you soon.
331
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,846
Kristen.
332
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,081
Kristen!
333
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,316
(phone ringing)
334
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,919
Kristen, where are you?
335
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,587
I'm at your place.
My place?
336
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,922
When I couldn't find my phone,
I realized
337
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,123
I must've left it here
earlier today.
338
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,591
WILFRED:
Or perhaps someone stole it.
339
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,792
Wilfred's there?
340
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,093
Yeah, he was here
when I came in.
341
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,762
WILFRED: Breeding a brother
with his sister
342
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,764
can only result in perfect...
343
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,599
Get away from him, Kristen.
344
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,200
I'll be right there.
345
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:39,804
Hey, Ryan.
Wilfred, get out of there.
346
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:41,839
(Wilfred and Kristen laughing)
347
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,609
Ow!
What are you doing?
348
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,344
Uh, I have
to take him out.
349
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,948
Please, tell me
you didn't do it.
350
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,116
You mean extract your semen
and inseminate your sister
351
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,519
so she can give birth
to a purebred Newman?
352
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,489
Of course I didn't.
I'm not that sick and twisted.
353
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,291
I just wanted you
to think I would,
354
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,294
so you can see what it's
like to almost get bred.
355
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,963
What?! Why?
356
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,297
All that fear and
disgust you just felt?
357
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,132
That's exactly what
Phyllis is feeling.
358
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,801
Instead of being
with the one dog
359
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,469
she actually cares about-- me.
360
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,305
We should be making tender,
passionate love right now,
361
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,975
stuck ass-to-ass with
my dick bent backwards
362
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,810
between my legs in
excruciating pain
363
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,478
under the stars.
364
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,814
What? I thought
you were over Phyllis.
365
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,383
What? Because of this?
366
00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:28,987
You knew? How?
367
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,989
I went on your iPad to change
my relationship status
368
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,156
to "It's complicated,"
369
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,826
and I saw the Web site
on your browser.
370
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,327
So you knowingly tortured me
'cause you still
371
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,662
think you're in love?
372
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,330
For the last time,
I am in love.
373
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,665
With someone who's destined
374
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,500
to boned by her
own family member.
375
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,203
So, what? Dogs don't care if
they have sex with a relative.
376
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:47,171
Not if we don't get
a say in the matter.
377
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,507
I chose to have sex
with my sister
378
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,175
and my aunt and my grandfather.
379
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,011
Making me think
I've impregnated my sister
380
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,013
isn't even in the same ballpark
as dog breeding.
381
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,515
How did you come up
with this insane plan?
382
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,683
It's obvious.
383
00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,884
I got it from Kristen.
384
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,519
Well, she's basically
385
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,021
been playing house
with you lately.
386
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,856
Treating her brother
like her husband.
387
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,190
What are you talking about?
388
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,525
She keeps using you as a crutch
389
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,260
the same way you keep
using Anne.
390
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,397
Phyllis!
391
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,233
We will be together one day.
392
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,869
I promise!
393
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,438
(boom box playing dogs howling)
394
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,210
Hey.
395
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,046
I was thinking
396
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,715
since I'm already here,
we might as well order in;
397
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,383
watch a movie.
398
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,052
Still haven't seen
Django Unchained.
399
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,586
What? I-I thought
400
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,555
you were going to that party
with your girlfriends tonight.
401
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,058
I'll just cancel-- honestly
I'm just not really in the mood
402
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,627
to get dressed up
and deal with that whole scene.
403
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,065
Yeah, I think you
should go to that party.
404
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:50,401
Look, I know it must be hard.
405
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,904
After your divorce,
getting back out there.
406
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,406
It's daunting, but...
407
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,076
I don't, I don't think
it's good to, you know,
408
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:01,646
become so dependent on this
comfortable thing we've got.
409
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,616
I know.
410
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,418
You're right.
411
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,953
For what it's worth,
412
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,756
I'm doing the exact same
thing with this job search.
413
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,759
It's like... what
if I get rejected?
414
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,095
What if I fail?
415
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,098
But I guess, at a certain point,
it's more dangerous
416
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,366
to not move forward
with your life.
417
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,370
(sighs)
418
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,381
Uh, is that a fanged
blow job giver?
419
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,320
Um...
420
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:45,623
So, I asked Anne
to move out this morning.
421
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,126
I've been putting off
getting a job for too long.
422
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,795
It's a good thing,
mate-- trust me.
423
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,997
Although, as you know,
if Phyllis leaves,
424
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,465
then I'll have to
leave with her,
425
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,968
because I will follow her
to the ends of the earth
426
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,302
until the end of time.
427
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,638
Yeah, and...
I've been thinking.
428
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,307
Maybe some of what you said
about breeding is true.
429
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,310
Thank you, Ryan;
I appreciate that.
430
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,179
In good time,
you, too, will see
431
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:10,982
that Phyllis and I
truly are soul mates,
432
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:14,352
and that our love will
one day transcend...
433
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,820
Oh, my God!
434
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,156
Who is that disgusting
pig-like creature?
435
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,658
That's Phyllis.
No way.
436
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,660
That's a butter everything.
437
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,829
She's basically the
dog version of Natalie
438
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,030
from The Facts of Life. Yeah.
439
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,832
I'm telling you,
Wilfred, that's her.
440
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,167
WILFRED:
Really?
Yeah.
441
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:30,835
And, look, she's no longer
wearing a diaper
442
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,171
because she's probably
no longer in heat...
443
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:36,340
which is why you're probably
no longer in love.
444
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:41,546
No... I just think she looks
different in the daylight.
445
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:44,115
Right.
446
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:51,189
Again, I'm really sorry
that it didn't work out
with the dogs.
447
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,691
It just got a little
too crazy with Wilfred.
448
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,227
Oh, I totally understand, Ryan.
It's for the best.
449
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,196
And Northern California
will be nice,
450
00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,064
and I'll be closer
to my boyfriend.
451
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:01,699
Well, his prison.
452
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,868
Take care.
453
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,771
You, too. It's been fun.
454
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:11,042
Sorry. There was a line
at the glory hole.
455
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,710
And then this Chihuahua
got stuck,
456
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,379
and his whole body was just,
like, dangling there.
457
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,548
Oh. Did I miss the good-byes?
458
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,050
Yeah.
459
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,552
Well, I'm sure
I'll see Anne again one day.
460
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,422
I look forward to meeting
her future son, Andrew.
461
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:25,723
Andrew?
462
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,726
Why would she name
her son An...
(engine starts)
463
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,127
...drew?
464
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:38,469
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