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- [static] - Man: Breaking news.
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Actor Jason Biggs of American Pie fame was found dead
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- in his Wind River home. - [static]
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- Woman: The event brings this year's celebrity death toll
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to 27 after Pope Francis's heart explosion last week.
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- [static] - Man: His estate wants
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to remind the world that Jason Biggs was a good guy
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and we should all be very,
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- very sad. - [static]
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- Woman: Authorities aren't ruling out foul play.
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[vehicle driving by]
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[grunting]
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- Ah.
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[tires screeching]
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Get fucked, Biggs!
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- [tires screeching] - [thumping]
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♪ I heard I heard the old man say ♪
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♪ John Kanaka-naka too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ Today, today's a holiday ♪
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♪ John Kanaka-naka too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ Too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ Whoa oh ♪
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♪ Too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ John Kanaka-naka too-rye-ay ♪
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[♪ shanty plays ♪]
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♪ We'll work tomorrow but not today ♪
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♪ John Kanaka-naka too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ We'll work tomorrow but not today ♪
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♪ John Kanaka-naka too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ Too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ Whoa oh ♪
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♪ Too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ John Kanaka-naka too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ We're bound away for Frisco Bay ♪
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♪ John Kanaka-naka too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ We're bound away at the break of day ♪
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♪ John Kanaka-naka too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ Too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ Whoa oh ♪
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♪ Too-rye-ay ♪
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♪ John Kanaka-naka too-rye-ay ♪
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[thudding]
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[♪ upbeat folk plays ♪]
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- Man: So, 35? Do we have a deal?
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Okay. You got me.
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Twenty-five.
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You drive a hard bargain.
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- Luke, how much for this?
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- Oh. For you, Jake,
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absolutely free.
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Take it. It's yours.
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- No kidding? - No kidding.
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- You know, a toaster like this would probably get you $27.
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- I doubt that.
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- It's a very nice thing. Uh...
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I think I'll put it on my desk next to my computer.
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[chuckles]
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I came by to-- to give you a little going away advice.
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You need to change the password on your Wi-Fi
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and the majority of your streaming accounts.
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- What do you mean? - Type in some extra numbers
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or some big letters. Those go a long way.
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- Jake, are you saying you've been using my Wi-Fi?
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Is that why Google keeps recommending
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- different ketamine clinics? - I'm just saying
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I don't want people in your new building
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to take advantage of you the way...
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some people might have been taking advantage of you here.
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- Thanks, Jake.
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- You're a good guy, Luke.
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You deserve better.
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- Okay.
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- Oh, hey, Janet.
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- Respectfully, Janet, I really think
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that we should just try it my way.
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- We're really going miss you around here, Luke,
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and not just your Wi-Fi and your streaming services.
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You're like family.
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- Were my passwords that easy to figure out?
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- Uh, where you headed now?
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- Ottawa, Canada. Watch your finger.
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- Ottawa. Uh, you got family up there or something?
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- No. No. The only family I have left is an older brother,
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but I haven't heard from him in years.
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In fact, I actually don't even know if he's dead or alive.
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- Oh, well, that's dreadful,
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because, uh, family is the most important thing there is.
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Family sticks together, no matter what.
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- Uh. What was that?
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- What was what?
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- The random family sentiment you just read out loud,
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what was that about?
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- Uh, I gotta go.
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[grunts]
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- Clinton...
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- Jake: How much you want for this?
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It's beautiful.
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- What the hell? This isn't mine.
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- Who put this here? - You did.
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- No. Why would I have a painting
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of the pope eating tacos with Big Foot?
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I mean, I'm basically Jewish, for Christ's sake.
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- Man: That's a lie.
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I've seen his penis.
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The man you know as Luke is not circumcised.
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Quite the opposite. He possesses a generous amount of foreskin,
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making his dick look like the head of a baby elephant.
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- What? Who-- Who are you? What is happening?
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[clicking]
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[clicking]
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- Geez Louise.
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Ow!
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- Danny!
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- Bring it in. - Danny!
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- Huh? Ow! Ow! Ow! - Oh, oh God, God, God!
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I'm sorry! I'm sorry! What happened? Are you okay?
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- Yeah, it's nothing, really.
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You should've seen the other guy.
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- Yeah? - Oh, yeah.
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He was driving the sickest Mercedes when he plowed into me.
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- Okay. That looks really bad.
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- Oh, and that painting is from me. Hmm?
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- Oh! - You like it?
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- Yeah, man.
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- One more hug? Soft?
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- [laughs] Wow, man.
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- [Danny groaning]
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[♪ upbeat folk continues ♪]
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Mmm.
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Mm.
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- So, how's life living off-grid all this time?
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- It's fine, until the grid got bigger.
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After a while, it became like
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one of Todd Simmons's famous nosebleeds.
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- [chuckles] Yeah.
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Wait. Who's--
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- So, what's with the moving sale?
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You moving somewhere?
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- Ah, very perceptive of you.
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Yeah. Yeah. No.
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I'm, uh, heading up to Ottawa, Canada.
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- Ottawa? What do you got a girlfriend up there
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- or something? - Luke: No.
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- Yeah, you do. - [laughs] No.
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- [singsong] You have a girlfriend in Canada. Eh-eh.
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- I wish. No. - Yeah. You gotta go all
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the way up there to get laid, because you can't get laid here.
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- Danny, Danny, no. - Sorry.
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- No. I-- I am driving up today
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to start at the new paleontology research center.
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- What, today, today?
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- Luke: Yeah.
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- You can't leave today. - Why not?
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- Well, because I'm here now. I want to hang out.
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- Yeah, but I-- I start on Monday.
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- Ah, fuck muffin. [groans]
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[chair creaking]
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I was really hoping to spend some time together
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before I start my new job in Tucson next week.
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[sighs]
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[Danny groaning]
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[Danny sighing]
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- Hey, man. Why don't you come with me?
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- Really? - Yeah.
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- You wouldn't mind? - No. I-- I--
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I've wanted to spend time with you, too.
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- Wow. I'm impressed, Luke.
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You really do have faith in your fellow man.
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[grunts] It's like Todd Simmons said,
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"Faith is all about taking that initial step
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without first checking for scorpions."
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- Yeah.
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Who is this Todd Simmons guy?
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- [exhaling]
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[grunting]
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So, tell me about the job in Ottawa, huh?
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- You happy with it? - Oh, beyond happy, man.
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It's like, for the first time in my life,
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everything's finally making sense, you know?
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- And that's a good thing?
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- [laughs] Yeah, of course it is.
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I get to go on real digs with real paleontologists,
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and you know what we're doing on my very first day?
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- How would I know that? - We're gonna go to a dig site
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where they've already found a brand-new species
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of cretaceous-era theropod,
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and they've already given her a name, too: Snommisddot.
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- Snommisddot. - Yeah.
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Apparently, she's massive.
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And her femur bone
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is exactly five foot, 10 and a half inches long,
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which is my precise height,
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which is weird and neat, right?
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- Yeah. I'm just happy you're happy.
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- Yeah. - Just don't freak out
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when you learn what actually killed the dinosaurs.
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- [grunts] - What do you mean?
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- No. Uh, it's too soon.
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I'm sorry. I'm just going to shut up now, okay?
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- No. No.
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What do you think killed the dinosaurs, Danny?
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- Well, it wasn't a fucking meteor.
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I'll tell you that.
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What?
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- Just so you know,
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I-- I don't actually care that-- that you believe
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in all this conspiracy theory stuff.
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It honestly doesn't even bother me.
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- Conspiracy theory stuff?
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Just so you know, all science is theory until proven otherwise.
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Did you know that Galileo was once considered
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- a conspiracy theorist? - Okay, but just so you know,
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even if, somehow, one of your crazy conspiracy theories
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just happened to be proven true, nobody would believe you,
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because you think everything is part
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of some massive conspiracy theory.
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So you'd basically just be the boy who cried wolf.
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- Oh, just so you know, the boy who cried wolf
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- is a personal hero of mine. - Of course he is.
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- No. Think about it. He tricked his entire town
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into thinking that a wolf was coming,
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so by the end, when the wolf actually came,
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he had him all to himself, and who doesn't want a little wolf?
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[♪ upbeat salsa plays ♪]
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Woman: This just in.
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Jason Biggs's death has been officially ruled a homicide.
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- The suspect is said to-- - [static]
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- Woman:...bloody, grisly murder scene.
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- [static] - Man: We should all be
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very sad, according to his estate.
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[static]
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- So, tell me about this job in Tucson.
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- Oh, yeah. I'm-- I'm really excited about it.
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- Is it, like, a-- an office job or...
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- The day I set foot in an office is the day I die.
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- [laughs] Yeah. So, what is it?
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- Oh, I can't say. I-- I signed an NDA.
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- Oh, with who?
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- Can't say that, either.
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- Well, can you tell me anything about it?
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- [sighs] Let me think. No.
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- Well, come on. You're not being chased
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by a bounty hunter or something, are you?
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- [banging table] - Jesus, Luke!
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[grunts]
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I'm not that guy anymore.
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- Alright. Sorry. - Sure, at one point,
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I was a little off my rocker. Sure, at one point,
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I ran for sheriff of Daytona
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under the name Deacon Shrimp.
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Sure, at one point, I scammed the Portuguese mafia
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out of 1,000 fluid ounces of Taiwanese ketamine.
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- What? - But I also know
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I haven't been the best big brother to you.
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I left you all alone in that hell hole,
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took out multiple houseboat loans in your name.
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- That was you? - But I'm a changed man now
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who's trying to get his life back on track,
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and... I need you to believe that.
260
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:23,180
- Uh... yeah. Alright.
261
00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:24,480
- Thank you. [chuckles]
262
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:25,890
I have no reason to lie to you, man.
263
00:11:25,890 --> 00:11:28,480
Literally not one. Knock on wood.
264
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,520
[knocking]
265
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:30,560
- Sheriff's Department!
266
00:11:30,570 --> 00:11:33,070
[knocking] Sheriff's Department!
267
00:11:33,070 --> 00:11:36,030
[♪ spaghetti western music plays ♪]
268
00:11:48,210 --> 00:11:49,960
[phone beeping]
269
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,790
Hey. Oh, yeah. He's been here.
270
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,920
Looks like his brother's helping him after all.
271
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,300
- [beeping] - We're going to need
272
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,550
an additional 277 on Luke Davenport,
273
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,010
accomplice to wanted felon Daniel Davenport.
274
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,350
[beeping, static hissing]
275
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,390
[alarm beeping]
276
00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:09,730
♪ Tri martolod so young ♪
277
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:13,900
♪ Tra-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
278
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,280
♪ Tri martolod so young ♪
279
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:21,740
♪ They sailed away to sea ♪
280
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:24,950
♪ Tri martolod so young ♪
281
00:12:24,950 --> 00:12:29,170
♪ Tra-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
282
00:12:29,170 --> 00:12:32,840
♪ Tri martolod so young ♪
283
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:37,840
♪ They set sail from Brittany ♪
284
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,930
♪ Tri martolod so young ♪
285
00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:41,890
♪ Tra-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
286
00:12:41,890 --> 00:12:44,220
♪ Tri martolod so young ♪
287
00:12:44,220 --> 00:12:46,020
♪ They sailed away to sea ♪
288
00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:48,310
♪ Tri martolod so young ♪
289
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,140
♪ Tra-la-la la-la-la-la ♪
290
00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:52,350
♪ Tri martolod so young ♪
291
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,770
♪ They set sail from Brittany ♪
292
00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:56,860
♪ A storm began as they set sail ♪
293
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,030
♪ The waves swelled high around them ♪
294
00:12:59,030 --> 00:13:00,950
♪ The winds were strong, the journey long ♪
295
00:13:00,950 --> 00:13:02,490
♪ They landed in Newfoundland ♪
296
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,160
- [pump clanking] - Danny:...coincidence
297
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,450
that it was around the same time
298
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:07,450
Bill Gates had Princess Di assassinated,
299
00:13:07,450 --> 00:13:08,870
and that's the fourth reason why
300
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:10,620
one should never trust the Portuguese.
301
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:14,500
- What? - Luke: Nothing.
302
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,090
- No. Seriously, man, what?
303
00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:18,340
- Luke: No. It's... It's nothing. Never mind.
304
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,340
- I know that look.
305
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,800
You're contemplating whether or not I'm back on my meds, huh?
306
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:22,890
- What? How is that a look?
307
00:13:22,890 --> 00:13:24,930
- Well, I am, okay?
308
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:27,350
I mean, do I look like Todd Simmons on a Spanish holiday?
309
00:13:27,350 --> 00:13:29,350
- Who the fuck is Todd Simmons?
310
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,350
- I swear you have nothing to worry...
311
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:37,980
- What? What is it? - Nothing. It's nothing.
312
00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:40,280
Uh, I'm just going to go see if Old Man Waters
313
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,950
still lives over there. I'll be right back.
314
00:13:41,950 --> 00:13:44,030
- Old Man Waters? It's clearly made up!
315
00:13:44,030 --> 00:13:45,660
- And it's my turn to drive!
316
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:46,660
- [sighs]
317
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,670
[♪ suspenseful music plays ♪]
318
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,140
- What the...
319
00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:10,270
- Hands on the steering wheel, now.
320
00:14:10,270 --> 00:14:11,930
- Oh, dear.
321
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,640
- I gotta hand it to you.
322
00:14:13,650 --> 00:14:16,110
I thought I lost you back in Wind River.
323
00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:18,520
You banged me up good.
324
00:14:18,530 --> 00:14:19,860
I don't want your fucking money!
325
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,110
Hands on the wheel! Do it now!
326
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,280
- Oh, dear.
327
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,740
- Does this mean anything to you? Huh?
328
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:27,160
It's a Taco Gary's taco,
329
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,370
as in the TG truce of '21?
330
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:31,540
- Who's Taco Jerry?
331
00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:32,960
- It's Taco Gary!
332
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,790
This is a Mercedes, right?
333
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:37,540
- I don't know. I don't know!
334
00:14:37,540 --> 00:14:39,210
It's my husband's car!
335
00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:42,220
He was using the restroom.
336
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:44,760
- Oh.
337
00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:49,970
- [sighing]
338
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,190
God damn it!
339
00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:03,990
- I'm truly sorry for mistaking you
340
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,490
for a member of the Coalition.
341
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:07,280
It was an honest mistake.
342
00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:11,200
I'm assuming you have the child lock on.
343
00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:14,120
Thank you, ma'am.
344
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,580
You have a lovely day.
345
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,670
[engine starting]
346
00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:23,720
[tires screeching]
347
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,350
Shit! Shit! Shit!
348
00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:32,350
[Danny groaning]
349
00:15:32,350 --> 00:15:33,350
Fuck!
350
00:15:37,850 --> 00:15:39,310
You okay?
351
00:15:39,310 --> 00:15:42,440
- Not really, man. I saw it.
352
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,070
- Fuck. Okay. Yeah.
353
00:15:44,070 --> 00:15:45,610
Putting a hunting knife to a grandmother's throat
354
00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:46,820
looks really bad on paper,
355
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,280
but technically that was in self-defense.
356
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,950
- What? No. I'm talking about these.
357
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,870
Fucking M&M's, man.
358
00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:54,540
- Oh, yeah. Me, too.
359
00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:56,710
- [sighs] You're lying to me, Danny, again.
360
00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:59,290
- Relax, Luke! They're just anti-psychotics.
361
00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:01,380
- Nothing bad's gonna happen-- - Not yet,
362
00:16:01,380 --> 00:16:03,880
but I refuse to be the idiot in the horror movie
363
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,970
who sees all the dead animals and the ghost children,
364
00:16:06,970 --> 00:16:08,300
yet doesn't get out.
365
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,340
I-- I feel like I'm being set up for disaster.
366
00:16:10,350 --> 00:16:12,890
- If you would like me to take the regular pills that work,
367
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:15,140
I will, okay? Pinky swear.
368
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:16,520
- I love you, Danny. I do,
369
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,140
but I am in a new chapter in my life,
370
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:20,270
and I don't have time to accommodate you and your...
371
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,230
Wait. What did you do to some grandma?
372
00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:23,650
- Nothing. It's a metaphor.
373
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:26,990
- Where's my phone?
374
00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:29,910
- You promise you won't get angry?
375
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,450
- Oh, God. - Look.
376
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,990
For your own safety and for reasons I can't disclose yet,
377
00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:37,040
I had to dispose of your phone
378
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,790
via toilet at the gas station.
379
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,710
- Pull over. - Why? We just stopped.
380
00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:42,170
- Pull over!
381
00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:44,500
- Danny: Christ! Calm down!
382
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,050
What is happening right now?
383
00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:49,720
Where you going?
384
00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:53,640
- Get-- - Damn it! What the fuck?
385
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,930
[engine starting]
386
00:16:55,930 --> 00:16:58,640
- Shit. Just wait! Just wait!
387
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,020
- No! It's over!
388
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,400
You're not going to talk me out of it!
389
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,520
- I know! I know.
390
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:04,610
I understand.
391
00:17:04,610 --> 00:17:06,230
Look. I'm sorry!
392
00:17:06,230 --> 00:17:08,570
You know I hate taking that shit!
393
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:11,450
It makes me feel too... not me!
394
00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:13,910
- Things make too much sense! - That's a bad thing?
395
00:17:13,910 --> 00:17:15,330
- Can you just get out of the car
396
00:17:15,330 --> 00:17:17,040
so I can give you a proper hug goodbye?
397
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,910
- No! - I'll leave. I promise.
398
00:17:19,910 --> 00:17:22,460
It just might be a really long time before I see you again.
399
00:17:22,460 --> 00:17:24,630
Just come out and give me one last hug,
400
00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:25,800
and then I'm gone, okay?
401
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:28,210
Please?
402
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:30,970
[engine shutting off]
403
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:33,930
Thank you.
404
00:17:37,850 --> 00:17:38,930
I love you, man.
405
00:17:38,930 --> 00:17:40,600
- Love you, too. What-- - [beeping, hissing]
406
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,230
Ah! What the fuck was that?
407
00:17:42,230 --> 00:17:45,060
- I-- I know. I'm sorry. It's for your own good.
408
00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:46,190
- Trust me. - Don't!
409
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,440
- Trust me! You're okay.
410
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:49,440
- [Luke grunting]
411
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,070
- Alright. That's it.
412
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,360
- [Luke grunting]
413
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:54,200
- You're okay.
414
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,370
Goodnight, sweet prince.
415
00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:03,250
Ah. They never show this part in the movies.
416
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,420
How hard could it be?
417
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,880
[♪ spaghetti western music plays ♪]
418
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,690
[splashing]
419
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:34,660
[crickets chirping]
420
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,370
There's Mr. Sleepy Head.
421
00:18:43,370 --> 00:18:45,710
- Wha... [groans]
422
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:46,960
What happened? Where are we?
423
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,500
- What? You don't remember?
424
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,590
Makes sense. You were pretty damn drunk.
425
00:18:50,590 --> 00:18:52,130
- [groaning]
426
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:54,970
No. I-- I remember I--
427
00:18:54,970 --> 00:18:57,390
I couldn't find my phone, and--
428
00:18:57,390 --> 00:19:00,720
and then we-- we got in an argument and...
429
00:19:04,940 --> 00:19:07,690
Holy shit. You... You...
430
00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:09,730
- Okay. Fine. I injected you with some ketamine,
431
00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:11,280
but you were having a temper tantrum.
432
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,860
- Oh, you're out of your mind.
433
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,320
You're-- You're-- Oh, God.
434
00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:20,030
[beeping, hissing, thudding]
435
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,160
- Danny: There's Mr. Sleepy Head.
436
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,160
- God damn it! - I know.
437
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,210
This hurts me just as much as it hurts you.
438
00:19:27,210 --> 00:19:28,960
- Why are you doing this to me?
439
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,670
- I haven't been completely honest with you.
440
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:34,260
I kind of stumbled into some trouble,
441
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,300
and I sort of need to-- How do I say this?
442
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,840
Flee the country, so when I found out
443
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,760
you were going to Canada, I thought it was meant to be,
444
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,470
- you know, like fate. - What did you do?
445
00:19:41,470 --> 00:19:42,640
- Nothing.
446
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,180
I simply took something from someone deemed important.
447
00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:46,390
- Give it back!
448
00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:48,650
- No! The world needs to see this,
449
00:19:48,650 --> 00:19:50,560
- and I need your help. - No!
450
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:52,900
- Come on, Luke. You're family!
451
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,610
And you know family is the most important thing of all.
452
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:59,320
Family sticks together, no matter what.
453
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,450
- You paid my neighbor to say that, didn't you?
454
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,040
- Look. It's not my fault your neighbor didn't take
455
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,870
the extra five minutes to memorize his fucking lines!
456
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,290
Look. Whatever, it doesn't matter. The fact is,
457
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,880
I love you, and you're the only one that I can truly trust.
458
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,080
And you have a valid passport,
459
00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:12,500
and we kinda look like each other.
460
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,210
- Oh, I can't believe I fell for this.
461
00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:17,970
No! No! No, no, no! Help!
462
00:20:17,970 --> 00:20:19,220
- Come here, you little rascal.
463
00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:20,890
- Luke: Help me! Help! - [beeping, hissing]
464
00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:22,930
[groans] Stop doing that!
465
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,720
- Look. I'm begging you, man. I need your help,
466
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:27,680
and I need to borrow your identity one last time.
467
00:20:27,690 --> 00:20:29,560
Just try to see the forest through the trees.
468
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,610
- It's "for the trees," you idiot,
469
00:20:31,610 --> 00:20:33,860
and the answer is no!
470
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:36,900
I am not gonna risk my chance at happiness for you.
471
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,820
- The thing is, Luke,
472
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:41,490
I don't think you have any other options.
473
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,910
- Of course I do. I'll-- I'll just suck it up and fly there.
474
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,080
Truck's worthless anyway, and all my important stuff
475
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:47,160
is already at my new place.
476
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,410
- Yeah, but you can't book a flight
477
00:20:48,410 --> 00:20:50,250
without your phone and your wallet.
478
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,040
- God damn it! Where is my wallet, Danny?
479
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,710
- It's in safe hands. You'll get it once we cross the border.
480
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:58,760
I know that look.
481
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,180
You wanna cause me physical harm,
482
00:21:00,180 --> 00:21:02,140
but right now, I'm your best and only option.
483
00:21:02,140 --> 00:21:04,510
You'll still get there on time. I promise.
484
00:21:04,510 --> 00:21:05,560
Any questions?
485
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:06,970
- Can I at least have my shirt back?
486
00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:09,310
- No. Oh, and there's something else I need to give you.
487
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,100
Now, you're probably not ready to hear this,
488
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:13,480
but that right there is a highly advanced homing beacon.
489
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,610
- This is a Rubik's Cube covered with black Sharpie ink.
490
00:21:15,610 --> 00:21:17,480
- Oh, trust me. That's the highest of high tech.
491
00:21:17,490 --> 00:21:19,700
- I do not trust you. - And don't ask me how I got it.
492
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:21,950
I'll just say it involved a full-figured Big Foot suit,
493
00:21:21,950 --> 00:21:24,280
a live chicken, and a shit-ton of ketamine.
494
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,160
Now, on the off chance that we get separated,
495
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,700
you press this part down right here,
496
00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:29,200
and I'll know exactly where you are.
497
00:21:29,210 --> 00:21:31,000
- [walkie beeping] - Oh, shit! Get down!
498
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,210
- What? - Get down!
499
00:21:32,210 --> 00:21:33,540
- Luke: No. - At least take a knee!
500
00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:34,750
- Luke: No. - Oh, shit.
501
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:36,630
The truck's been made.
502
00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:38,590
- Oh, thank God.
503
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:39,760
- Let go! - If you tattletale,
504
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,220
I swear you'll never make it to your job.
505
00:21:41,220 --> 00:21:43,140
I'll tell 'em you're the mastermind behind all this.
506
00:21:43,140 --> 00:21:44,890
- How you gonna do that? - You really should rethink
507
00:21:44,890 --> 00:21:47,430
your password. Just add a few numbers or big letters.
508
00:21:47,430 --> 00:21:49,810
- Those go a long way. - What have you been doing?
509
00:21:49,810 --> 00:21:51,690
Enough to make it seem like you and I have been accomplices
510
00:21:51,690 --> 00:21:53,900
all along, but if you stick with me, I'll clear your name.
511
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:55,440
- Pinky swear. - Luke: God damn it.
512
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,030
- Danny: It's okay, brother. I intended for plan A to fail.
513
00:21:58,030 --> 00:21:59,530
This is all part of the plan.
514
00:21:59,530 --> 00:22:01,530
We're just going to skip ahead to step 17.
515
00:22:01,530 --> 00:22:05,070
WWTSD. What would Todd Simmons do?
516
00:22:05,070 --> 00:22:06,660
How many hand grenades do you have on your person?
517
00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:07,990
- Luke: Danny. - Danny: On second thought,
518
00:22:07,990 --> 00:22:09,700
- we don't need a truck. - My passport is in there.
519
00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:11,370
- God damn it, Luke. What were you thinking?
520
00:22:11,370 --> 00:22:13,120
- I was unconscious! - You can say that again.
521
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:15,580
- That's them! - Shit. Plan C. Run!
522
00:22:15,590 --> 00:22:16,840
You'll never catch us!
523
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,960
We're very armed and extremely deranged!
524
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,130
- Why would you say that? No, no, no, we're-- we're not.
525
00:22:21,130 --> 00:22:23,220
I'm-- I'm not! Fuck!
526
00:22:25,930 --> 00:22:28,430
- Danny: This way! Through the trees!
527
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:29,470
- Wait!
528
00:22:29,470 --> 00:22:31,480
[♪ cheerful folk plays ♪]
529
00:22:40,780 --> 00:22:42,650
[grunting]
530
00:22:42,650 --> 00:22:44,740
- [cracking] - [shouting in slow motion]
531
00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:46,950
[♪ cheerful folk continues ♪]
532
00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:54,920
- [cracking] - [shouting in slow motion]
533
00:22:57,210 --> 00:22:58,500
- Shit.
534
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,470
- [cracking] - [shouting in slow motion]
535
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,390
- [cracking] - [shouting in slow motion]
536
00:23:09,390 --> 00:23:10,970
[Luke grunting]
537
00:23:14,190 --> 00:23:15,390
[grunting]
538
00:23:15,390 --> 00:23:17,110
- [cracking] - [shouting in slow motion]
539
00:23:18,610 --> 00:23:20,110
- [cracking] - [shouting]
540
00:23:24,530 --> 00:23:25,900
[grunting]
541
00:23:25,910 --> 00:23:27,660
- [cracking] - [shouting in slow motion]
542
00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:34,790
- Man down! - [walkie beeping]
543
00:23:41,050 --> 00:23:42,550
- Luke: Jesus Christ.
544
00:23:42,550 --> 00:23:43,590
[grunts]
545
00:23:45,260 --> 00:23:46,340
- Needs salt.
546
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,260
- [Luke groaning] - Come on!
547
00:23:49,260 --> 00:23:51,180
- Fuck! I'm so fucked!
548
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:52,810
Why did you say that?
549
00:23:52,810 --> 00:23:55,180
- Oh, that is nothing compared to what I told the authorities
550
00:23:55,180 --> 00:23:56,890
we've been doing for the last two weeks.
551
00:23:56,890 --> 00:23:58,060
- No. You, not we. You!
552
00:23:58,060 --> 00:23:59,940
- Shut up! This is all happening
553
00:23:59,940 --> 00:24:01,940
according to the new plan that I just thought of.
554
00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:03,440
All we need is a ride
555
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,650
so I can connect with an associate I have in the area,
556
00:24:05,650 --> 00:24:07,610
- and that guy's perfect. - Too rare.
557
00:24:07,610 --> 00:24:09,280
- Danny: Okay. Here's what we're gonna do.
558
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,320
I'm going to tell him that my fiancée's dog,
559
00:24:11,330 --> 00:24:13,910
Stanley McRuffRuff, was stolen by a one-eyed Portuguese man
560
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:16,450
and we're on a desperate and inspiring rescue mission.
561
00:24:16,460 --> 00:24:18,120
- Why would anyone believe that?
562
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:20,380
- Because no one wants to believe the truth anymore, man,
563
00:24:20,380 --> 00:24:22,170
and people don't let strangers with no pants
564
00:24:22,170 --> 00:24:23,340
ride in their car willy-nilly.
565
00:24:23,340 --> 00:24:26,260
- Why is there no pants? - Bingo bongo.
566
00:24:26,260 --> 00:24:27,470
- What?
567
00:24:29,140 --> 00:24:30,680
What the fuck?
568
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,390
- You know, if something happened to my little ruff-ruff,
569
00:24:33,390 --> 00:24:35,350
I'd do the same thing.
570
00:24:35,350 --> 00:24:36,730
Damn Portuguese.
571
00:24:36,730 --> 00:24:38,350
- Amen, brother.
572
00:24:38,350 --> 00:24:40,480
Oh, right. Uh, for your information,
573
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:41,860
I've kidnapped my brother
574
00:24:41,860 --> 00:24:44,230
and am forcing him to come along against his will.
575
00:24:44,230 --> 00:24:46,480
He wants to let you know in case you're a witness
576
00:24:46,490 --> 00:24:48,700
in a trial that'll never happen.
577
00:24:48,700 --> 00:24:50,160
- Brothers, huh?
578
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,780
I guess y'all do smell pretty similar.
579
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:55,740
[cow mooing, whip cracking]
580
00:24:55,750 --> 00:24:57,290
- Luke: Danny, what the fuck are you doing?
581
00:24:57,290 --> 00:24:59,790
- These are the exact coordinates. I triple-checked.
582
00:24:59,790 --> 00:25:02,000
- Oh, uh, excuse me, sir. Do you mind driving me to the hospital?
583
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,590
I-- I've been kidnapped!
584
00:25:03,590 --> 00:25:04,880
- Nice try, Luke,
585
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:06,500
but no one wants to believe the truth anymore.
586
00:25:06,510 --> 00:25:07,800
Just let me work.
587
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,590
Now that neither of us have a passport
588
00:25:09,590 --> 00:25:11,010
because you're irresponsible,
589
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:13,550
we're going to require the services of a badger.
590
00:25:13,550 --> 00:25:14,970
It's like a Canadian coyote.
591
00:25:14,970 --> 00:25:16,890
She'll help us cross the border.
592
00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:18,020
[whistle blowing]
593
00:25:20,650 --> 00:25:24,520
[♪ romantic western music swells ♪]
594
00:25:27,030 --> 00:25:28,530
- Let's talk.
595
00:25:28,530 --> 00:25:31,160
[blowing whistle] No running, Eric!
596
00:25:33,450 --> 00:25:35,330
- Danny: It's nice to see you again, Allison.
597
00:25:35,330 --> 00:25:36,330
- It's been a while.
598
00:25:36,330 --> 00:25:38,950
- This is my little brother, Luke.
599
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,040
Ah, I know that look.
600
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,790
You're sexually attracted to her, aren't you?
601
00:25:43,790 --> 00:25:45,040
- So, where you two heading?
602
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,800
- I'm trying to get to Ottawa before Monday,
603
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,760
and he's a wanted felon.
604
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,050
- Ottawa.
605
00:25:50,050 --> 00:25:52,550
What, you guys got family up there or something?
606
00:25:53,890 --> 00:25:55,600
- Man: Eric, slow the fuck down!
607
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:56,930
- You're a good brother, you know,
608
00:25:56,930 --> 00:25:58,310
helping Danny out like this.
609
00:25:58,310 --> 00:26:00,480
That man has opened my eyes to a lot of truths.
610
00:26:02,230 --> 00:26:04,480
Did you know that there's a metropolis of squid people
611
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,820
living directly beneath Santa Fe, New Mexico?
612
00:26:06,820 --> 00:26:08,020
- [sighs]
613
00:26:08,030 --> 00:26:09,860
- [laughs]
614
00:26:09,860 --> 00:26:11,950
I'm just playing, I don't believe in that kind of stuff.
615
00:26:11,950 --> 00:26:13,910
- Push it, Eric.
616
00:26:13,910 --> 00:26:15,570
- God damn it, Eric.
617
00:26:15,570 --> 00:26:17,280
- I don't get it. You seem so...
618
00:26:17,290 --> 00:26:19,700
- Look. When Danny called me up asking if I knew a badger,
619
00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:21,830
I just went, "Screw it. I'll be your badger."
620
00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:23,830
I've got nothing else to do right now, and Danny always
621
00:26:23,830 --> 00:26:26,040
knows how to spin nothing into something crazy and fun.
622
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,130
- This is not fun, okay?
623
00:26:28,130 --> 00:26:29,750
Before Danny came back,
624
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,380
things in my life were just finally starting to make sense.
625
00:26:32,380 --> 00:26:35,220
- And that's a good thing? Danny will clear your name.
626
00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:36,850
He's gotten me out of much tighter jams than this.
627
00:26:36,850 --> 00:26:39,350
Trust me. And who knows? Maybe by the end,
628
00:26:39,350 --> 00:26:41,310
you'll no longer see this cup as half empty, like me.
629
00:26:41,310 --> 00:26:42,350
- Oh, yeah? Why's that?
630
00:26:42,350 --> 00:26:44,890
- 'Cause I stopped wearing contacts. Can't see shit now.
631
00:26:44,900 --> 00:26:46,690
- I just made contact with an associate of mine.
632
00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:48,940
He's gonna provide us with a new vehicle and weaponry.
633
00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:50,650
- Can he be trusted? - Oh, yeah.
634
00:26:50,650 --> 00:26:52,740
We ran a lot of jobs together back in Pismo.
635
00:26:52,740 --> 00:26:54,820
- No, no, no, no. Danny, please tell me
636
00:26:54,820 --> 00:26:56,530
you're not talking about Klyle.
637
00:26:56,530 --> 00:26:58,660
- I don't know what you'd like me to say, then.
638
00:26:58,660 --> 00:27:00,660
- Oh, Danny, come on. Isn't he, like, the president
639
00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:01,830
of the Flat Earth Society?
640
00:27:01,830 --> 00:27:03,330
- No, not anymore. He knows the world
641
00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:06,330
is a three-dimensional isosceles triangle. Don't worry.
642
00:27:06,330 --> 00:27:08,500
He said to meet him at these coordinates.
643
00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:10,750
- [beeping] - Jesus Christ!
644
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,170
- Relax, baby! You're in a sauna!
645
00:27:13,170 --> 00:27:14,420
This is definitely the spot.
646
00:27:14,430 --> 00:27:16,090
I quadruple-checked the coordinates.
647
00:27:16,090 --> 00:27:17,470
- You said his name was Klyle?
648
00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:19,470
- Yeah. He purposely misspells his name
649
00:27:19,470 --> 00:27:21,810
to make himself harder to track. It's very smart.
650
00:27:21,810 --> 00:27:22,810
[whistle blowing]
651
00:27:24,230 --> 00:27:26,230
- Come with me.
652
00:27:28,150 --> 00:27:29,270
[exhaling]
653
00:27:29,270 --> 00:27:30,400
Were you followed?
654
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:31,650
- Uh, I don't think so.
655
00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:33,280
- What about that guy?
656
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,860
- Danny: Nope. He's not one of them.
657
00:27:35,860 --> 00:27:37,280
- Well, who's the sheep?
658
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,070
- That's my little brother, Luke.
659
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:40,240
- Can he be trusted?
660
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,700
- Yeah, 100 percent. He's my brother.
661
00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:44,450
- I see you found yourself a badger.
662
00:27:44,460 --> 00:27:45,830
- Best in the business.
663
00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:47,330
- Only the best for Danny.
664
00:27:47,330 --> 00:27:49,380
- Okay, guys. Can we please just hurry this up?
665
00:27:49,380 --> 00:27:50,460
- How can I help?
666
00:27:50,460 --> 00:27:51,960
- Allison: They need to get to Ottawa.
667
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,880
- Ottawa...
668
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,470
- And no, we don't have any family there.
669
00:27:57,470 --> 00:27:58,550
- Wait.
670
00:27:59,550 --> 00:28:00,890
You're going to Ottawa?
671
00:28:00,890 --> 00:28:03,220
There's no way you stole what I think you stole.
672
00:28:03,220 --> 00:28:05,020
- Maybe I did.
673
00:28:05,020 --> 00:28:06,940
- Oh, you really got it, huh?
674
00:28:06,940 --> 00:28:08,940
Then whip it out and show it to me.
675
00:28:11,860 --> 00:28:14,690
[scoffing, muttering indistinctly]
676
00:28:17,860 --> 00:28:19,320
You do realize that is worth
677
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:22,990
upwards of 27.7 million USD?
678
00:28:22,990 --> 00:28:25,330
- He's exaggerating. Besides, it's not for sale.
679
00:28:25,330 --> 00:28:27,790
Now, can you help us with a vehicle and weaponry or not?
680
00:28:27,790 --> 00:28:30,790
- You... [laughing, stammering]
681
00:28:30,790 --> 00:28:33,750
Yeah. Yes. Yes, I can.
682
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,630
Take your pick.
683
00:28:37,630 --> 00:28:39,840
- Is this your entire inventory?
684
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,260
- Yeah. My mom isn't CEO of Gucci Vuitton,
685
00:28:42,260 --> 00:28:43,260
I'm sorry to say.
686
00:28:43,260 --> 00:28:44,520
- Ah. [sniffs]
687
00:28:46,730 --> 00:28:48,890
This one doesn't have any side mirrors.
688
00:28:48,890 --> 00:28:52,150
- Yeah. Well, I had to kick them off to decrease wind resistance.
689
00:28:52,150 --> 00:28:53,520
[grunting]
690
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:54,650
- Smart.
691
00:28:58,450 --> 00:29:01,160
Ooh, impressive.
692
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,830
- If you want anything, all this stuff is 30 percent off.
693
00:29:03,830 --> 00:29:05,830
[♪ flute plays ♪]
694
00:29:13,090 --> 00:29:15,130
Hey, sheep.
695
00:29:15,130 --> 00:29:16,750
Hey, baa-baa sheep.
696
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:19,010
Hey. Hey!
697
00:29:19,010 --> 00:29:21,680
- You gonna answer me or not? - What was the question again?
698
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,760
- If Grover Cleveland showed up right here, right now,
699
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,680
right next to you and you got to ask him one question,
700
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:29,060
- what would it be? - I-- I don't know.
701
00:29:29,060 --> 00:29:31,270
I guess I'd ask him what he thought
702
00:29:31,270 --> 00:29:33,020
about current events and stuff.
703
00:29:33,020 --> 00:29:34,110
- [imitating buzzer]
704
00:29:34,110 --> 00:29:35,610
Wrong. Uh-uh.
705
00:29:35,610 --> 00:29:36,900
- Okay, Klyle.
706
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,400
What would you ask him?
707
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,900
- [whispering] How he did it. - How he did what?
708
00:29:40,910 --> 00:29:43,450
- Time travel! How did a man that size
709
00:29:43,450 --> 00:29:45,990
show up right here, right now, right next to you?
710
00:29:45,990 --> 00:29:47,620
That didn't weird you out or anything?
711
00:29:47,620 --> 00:29:50,040
That didn't spring up a bunch of questions in your mind?
712
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,120
- Danny, we already got the car, man! Can we just go?
713
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,290
- [imitating explosions] - Jesus! Be careful, man.
714
00:29:54,290 --> 00:29:55,840
- Relax. It's not even loaded.
715
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:57,000
- [clicking] - Whoa, Danny!
716
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,880
- The fuck are you doing? - What?
717
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:00,720
There's nothing to worry about. See?
718
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,510
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
719
00:30:05,510 --> 00:30:08,350
Klyle, you son a bitch, you were trying to rip me off!
720
00:30:08,350 --> 00:30:10,100
- Bullshit! You probably had the safety on!
721
00:30:10,100 --> 00:30:11,640
- It's off! Look!
722
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,560
- [clicking] - That is not how you test it!
723
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:16,980
- What? - Let me see.
724
00:30:16,980 --> 00:30:18,190
- Luke: What? No. Jesus.
725
00:30:18,190 --> 00:30:20,570
What is the matter with you guys? God!
726
00:30:20,570 --> 00:30:22,240
- Klyle: I don't understand it.
727
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,280
It randomly discharged this morning.
728
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:25,280
It should work.
729
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:26,370
- Huh.
730
00:30:29,410 --> 00:30:31,830
Wouldn't it be funny if it just randomly went off right now?
731
00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:33,870
- [laughing]
732
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,210
- I mean, a little. [chuckles]
733
00:30:41,550 --> 00:30:43,880
- Mama, you want a taco?
734
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:45,260
Okay. Your loss.
735
00:30:53,940 --> 00:30:57,310
Mm. Hey. Hey, baa-baa. Next question.
736
00:30:57,310 --> 00:30:59,570
If you could have brunch with one person,
737
00:30:59,570 --> 00:31:02,190
living, dead, or ghost, who would it be?
738
00:31:02,190 --> 00:31:06,110
- My former self, to remind me to never, ever trust my brother.
739
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:07,570
Seriously, if I miss out on this dig,
740
00:31:07,580 --> 00:31:09,240
I will literally shoot you.
741
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,910
- Wrong answer, pal. - Okay, Klyle!
742
00:31:11,910 --> 00:31:13,160
What's the right one, then?
743
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:14,160
- Both: Todd Simmons.
744
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:15,540
- Okay. Will someone please
745
00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:17,670
just tell me who the fuck this Todd Simmons guy is?
746
00:31:17,670 --> 00:31:19,130
- [gun firing] - Allison: Oh!
747
00:31:19,130 --> 00:31:20,750
- Klyle: Shit! - Danny: Oh, my God!
748
00:31:20,750 --> 00:31:22,590
- I told you it worked!
749
00:31:22,590 --> 00:31:26,510
- Oh, fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I've been fucking shot!
750
00:31:26,510 --> 00:31:28,090
- Sure that wasn't there the whole time?
751
00:31:28,100 --> 00:31:29,430
- God! No! Call 911!
752
00:31:29,430 --> 00:31:30,600
- You're fine. It's just a BB.
753
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:31,810
- Fuck you, Danny! It hurts!
754
00:31:31,810 --> 00:31:35,060
- Check for an exit wound. - What? [yelps]
755
00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:36,890
Somebody help me! Somebody help me, please!
756
00:31:36,900 --> 00:31:38,060
- Restrain him!
757
00:31:38,060 --> 00:31:40,320
- Luke: [yelps] Somebody!
758
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:41,610
[grunting]
759
00:31:41,610 --> 00:31:43,490
- Not like that, you idiot!
760
00:31:44,570 --> 00:31:46,950
- Ah! Ah!
761
00:31:46,950 --> 00:31:48,620
- Badger, go upstairs to my room
762
00:31:48,620 --> 00:31:50,620
and get the Band-Aids from my grenade drawer.
763
00:31:50,620 --> 00:31:51,780
- On it. - Alright.
764
00:31:51,790 --> 00:31:53,240
We gotta restrain him,
765
00:31:53,250 --> 00:31:54,750
'cause I'm gonna suck the bullet out.
766
00:31:54,750 --> 00:31:56,620
- What the fuck? That's what you do with snake venom!
767
00:31:56,620 --> 00:31:58,000
- Yeah. That doesn't sound right.
768
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,540
- Trust me. I'm a doctor. - Oh, really?
769
00:31:59,540 --> 00:32:01,460
If you're a doctor, let's see your badge.
770
00:32:03,050 --> 00:32:04,760
- Checks out. Proceed, Klyle. - Okay.
771
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:06,970
- What the fuck? Ah!
772
00:32:06,970 --> 00:32:09,090
- Oh, gross! He's vaccinated! Ugh!
773
00:32:09,090 --> 00:32:10,180
- [firing] - [smashing]
774
00:32:10,180 --> 00:32:14,100
- Oh, shit! - Somebody call 911! Ah!
775
00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:16,270
- I got him. It's okay, Luke.
776
00:32:16,270 --> 00:32:17,980
I'll take care of you, alright?
777
00:32:17,980 --> 00:32:19,020
[Luke groaning]
778
00:32:19,020 --> 00:32:20,310
- [beeping, hissing] - No!
779
00:32:20,310 --> 00:32:22,150
- It's okay! It's just enough to ease the pain!
780
00:32:22,150 --> 00:32:24,400
- How about we make our own exit wound?
781
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:26,280
I'm gonna push the bullet all the way through.
782
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,150
- Luke: Ah! - Allison: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
783
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:29,530
Wait! What is happening?
784
00:32:29,530 --> 00:32:31,820
- What does it look like? We're making an exit wound.
785
00:32:31,830 --> 00:32:33,030
- Oh, let me try.
786
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:34,790
- Whoa! - Wrong arm! Wrong arm!
787
00:32:34,790 --> 00:32:36,660
- Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I'm blind as a bat here!
788
00:32:36,660 --> 00:32:38,210
- Ah!
789
00:32:38,210 --> 00:32:40,380
- Oh! - Luke: Ah!
790
00:32:40,380 --> 00:32:42,540
- Danny: Okay. Alright. Okay. Okay.
791
00:32:42,540 --> 00:32:43,880
- Ah! - [metal clattering]
792
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,050
- Oh, wow. That was satisfying.
793
00:32:46,050 --> 00:32:47,340
- Danny: Okay. Okay. - Ah!
794
00:32:47,340 --> 00:32:50,340
- Everything's gonna be fine, brother. Whew!
795
00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:54,850
Oh, fuck muffin.
796
00:32:54,850 --> 00:32:55,970
Klyle. Klyle.
797
00:32:56,980 --> 00:32:58,980
[♪ tense music plays ♪]
798
00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:05,110
- She must have just bought it. I swear I didn't know!
799
00:33:05,110 --> 00:33:06,400
- Well, now, they know!
800
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,110
- Oh, easy, easy. He's pretty dazed.
801
00:33:08,110 --> 00:33:10,200
- Shh. Shh. - [beeping outside]
802
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,280
- Run. Run! - Allison: Shit, shit.
803
00:33:14,450 --> 00:33:15,450
- Danny: Shotgun!
804
00:33:15,450 --> 00:33:18,210
- [Luke groaning]
805
00:33:19,460 --> 00:33:20,460
Ah!
806
00:33:20,460 --> 00:33:22,460
[♪ propulsive music plays ♪]
807
00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,260
- Danny: Go, go, go, go, go!
808
00:33:29,260 --> 00:33:30,260
[tires screeching]
809
00:33:30,260 --> 00:33:31,550
- [thudding] - [grunting]
810
00:33:31,550 --> 00:33:33,050
Oh, fuck muffin.
811
00:33:34,220 --> 00:33:36,010
- [groans] I think I just pissed my pants.
812
00:33:36,010 --> 00:33:37,640
- Are we being followed? - I don't know.
813
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,060
I can't tell without any side-view mirrors!
814
00:33:41,150 --> 00:33:43,020
Shit! Is that them?
815
00:33:43,020 --> 00:33:44,440
- I think so.
816
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,020
Good thing I called shotgun.
817
00:33:46,020 --> 00:33:48,480
- Whoa! What the fuck are you doing, Danny? Calm down.
818
00:33:48,490 --> 00:33:49,780
- It's okay, alright?
819
00:33:49,780 --> 00:33:51,650
I'm just gonna shoot out the tires.
820
00:33:51,660 --> 00:33:54,030
No blood shall be spilled this day.
821
00:33:54,030 --> 00:33:55,870
I mean, no additional blood.
822
00:33:57,540 --> 00:33:59,950
God damn it, Klyle! This one's busted, too!
823
00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:02,170
- No doy. Why do you think it was in the bargain bin?
824
00:34:02,170 --> 00:34:03,790
- Danny: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
825
00:34:03,790 --> 00:34:05,960
- Klyle: What do we do, man? - The only thing we can do.
826
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,630
- We gotta get to a-- - Both: Taco Gary's.
827
00:34:07,630 --> 00:34:08,760
- It's neutral territory.
828
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:10,470
No member of the Coalition can do business
829
00:34:10,470 --> 00:34:11,970
inside of a Taco Gary's restaurant.
830
00:34:11,970 --> 00:34:13,800
- Can you please let me out of the car.
831
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:15,260
- It's the truth, nonbeliever.
832
00:34:15,260 --> 00:34:16,600
When the Coalition was founded,
833
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,390
fights broke out for tickets off world.
834
00:34:18,390 --> 00:34:20,600
The head elders declared their favorite restaurant,
835
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:22,600
Taco Gary's, as a safe zone.
836
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,650
Violators of the safe zone had their eyes melted
837
00:34:25,650 --> 00:34:28,690
and their souls sold on the galactic slave market.
838
00:34:28,690 --> 00:34:30,690
- It's not that bad. He's exaggerating.
839
00:34:30,690 --> 00:34:33,200
The galactic slave market closed about seven years ago.
840
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:34,570
Okay. Just keep going straight.
841
00:34:34,570 --> 00:34:36,490
I think there's one just over Jeremonte Ridge.
842
00:34:36,490 --> 00:34:37,490
- Copy that.
843
00:34:37,490 --> 00:34:38,540
[tires screeching]
844
00:34:47,170 --> 00:34:48,710
[tires screeching]
845
00:34:57,930 --> 00:34:58,930
Get in.
846
00:35:00,850 --> 00:35:02,730
- Voice on speaker: Welcome to Taco Gary's.
847
00:35:02,730 --> 00:35:04,440
Try the new single buffalo blast...
848
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:05,560
- Sit, sit, sit, sit.
849
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,440
- ...available for a limited time...
850
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:11,190
- [Luke grunting] - Allison: It's okay.
851
00:35:11,190 --> 00:35:12,240
- Danny.
852
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:13,950
- It's okay. Stop staring.
853
00:35:13,950 --> 00:35:15,910
We're safe for now.
854
00:35:15,910 --> 00:35:17,530
- Safe for now, but how the heck
855
00:35:17,530 --> 00:35:20,580
are we gonna get out of here alive?
856
00:35:20,580 --> 00:35:23,000
- Voice on speaker:...try Taco Gary's chaos-adilla.
857
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:24,960
- I don't know. You guys sure she want to kill us?
858
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,580
- Mm-hmm. What she wants is what I stole,
859
00:35:27,580 --> 00:35:30,130
and she'll happily string us up by our testicles to get it.
860
00:35:30,130 --> 00:35:31,500
- Oof. - And your vagina. Sorry.
861
00:35:31,510 --> 00:35:32,760
- Thank you. - You should go
862
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:34,420
before you're implicated any further.
863
00:35:34,420 --> 00:35:37,220
- [scoffs] You can shove that idea,
864
00:35:37,220 --> 00:35:39,930
because I'm going with you guys all the way to Ottawa.
865
00:35:39,930 --> 00:35:41,470
I gotta see this thing through, buddy.
866
00:35:41,470 --> 00:35:44,560
- No. I can't be responsible for another soul, Klyle.
867
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,140
- Oh, but this guy gets to go?
868
00:35:46,140 --> 00:35:49,150
This useless piece of this guy? No way.
869
00:35:49,150 --> 00:35:51,190
Probably couldn't shoot a pheasant out of the sky
870
00:35:51,190 --> 00:35:52,610
with a sightless crossbow,
871
00:35:52,610 --> 00:35:54,240
but you know who can?
872
00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:55,990
Cash Israel. Yeah.
873
00:35:55,990 --> 00:35:57,360
- You're not friends with him again.
874
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:58,950
- Yes, I am. - You guys are talking?
875
00:35:58,950 --> 00:36:00,870
- Klyle: Yeah. We're talking, and we're tight.
876
00:36:00,870 --> 00:36:02,330
And he told me one thing. He said,
877
00:36:02,330 --> 00:36:04,580
"I'm gonna teach you everything I know, pal."
878
00:36:04,580 --> 00:36:06,540
And then he gave me a kiss on the cheek.
879
00:36:06,540 --> 00:36:11,040
- Danny: Look. What I have here is worth 27.7 million USD.
880
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:12,670
I can--
881
00:36:12,670 --> 00:36:14,630
I cannot be responsible for another soul, Klyle.
882
00:36:16,260 --> 00:36:17,720
- Fine. - Thank you.
883
00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:22,350
- I'll leave, but I'm not going out without doing this!
884
00:36:22,350 --> 00:36:23,350
[grunting]
885
00:36:23,350 --> 00:36:24,930
[groaning]
886
00:36:24,930 --> 00:36:26,230
What is this thing?
887
00:36:26,230 --> 00:36:28,560
It's frigging heavy.
888
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:30,110
What the... It's bolted.
889
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:38,570
Fine.
890
00:36:40,620 --> 00:36:41,780
God damn it.
891
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:44,660
Okay. Okay.
892
00:36:44,660 --> 00:36:46,580
- [sighs] Klyle's a lot.
893
00:36:46,580 --> 00:36:48,210
Wha-- What are you doing?
894
00:36:48,210 --> 00:36:49,830
- Jesus. Are you that unaware?
895
00:36:49,830 --> 00:36:51,750
I am done with all of this.
896
00:36:51,750 --> 00:36:54,460
I'm taking whatever you stole, and I'm calling the police.
897
00:36:54,460 --> 00:36:56,920
- You can't do that. What about getting to Ottawa on time, huh?
898
00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:59,130
- If I stay with you, I'll probably never make it up there.
899
00:36:59,130 --> 00:37:00,130
- Let go of my fucking bag!
900
00:37:00,140 --> 00:37:01,220
- Let go! - Hey!
901
00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:04,680
- Did you take something out of here? Huh?
902
00:37:05,770 --> 00:37:06,850
Hell.
903
00:37:08,350 --> 00:37:09,390
What the fuck?
904
00:37:13,650 --> 00:37:16,320
Ah! You truce-breaking fuck!
905
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,610
What happened to the Taco Gary's peace?
906
00:37:18,610 --> 00:37:20,610
- I beg your pardon? - Don't play dumb with me.
907
00:37:20,610 --> 00:37:22,320
I know you're a member of the Coalition.
908
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:23,830
- Danny. Danny!
909
00:37:25,620 --> 00:37:27,290
[tire hissing]
910
00:37:28,330 --> 00:37:29,620
[tire hissing]
911
00:37:29,620 --> 00:37:32,790
- No, no, Klyle! No! No, no, no, no! Fuck! Fuck!
912
00:37:32,790 --> 00:37:34,710
- woman: Hey! Watch where you're going!
913
00:37:34,710 --> 00:37:37,170
- Fuck. God damn it!
914
00:37:37,170 --> 00:37:39,720
I swear to God, I'm going to rip off his fucking head,
915
00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:41,260
shove it up his ass, and fuck--
916
00:37:41,260 --> 00:37:42,300
- Shut up!
917
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:48,060
Listen to me very closely.
918
00:37:48,060 --> 00:37:49,180
You're fucking insane.
919
00:37:51,190 --> 00:37:53,400
- But-- - There is no "but", asshole.
920
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:54,980
- Wow. I can't believe
921
00:37:54,980 --> 00:37:56,820
my own brother's turning against me, too.
922
00:37:56,820 --> 00:37:59,190
- Of course you can't believe it, because it's the truth.
923
00:37:59,190 --> 00:38:01,820
Look at me. I have been shot and stabbed and-- and drugged
924
00:38:01,820 --> 00:38:04,160
and fucking kidnapped, all in the last 16 hours.
925
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:05,370
- I know this sounds crazy,
926
00:38:05,370 --> 00:38:07,620
but it's still all part of the plan, okay?
927
00:38:07,620 --> 00:38:09,620
I don't like seeing you like this! You know how hard it is--
928
00:38:09,620 --> 00:38:11,410
- Oh, my God! Are you actually trying to play the victim
929
00:38:11,420 --> 00:38:13,870
right now, seriously? You have got to be
930
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,670
the most selfishly psychotic fuck-up
931
00:38:16,670 --> 00:38:18,210
on the entire planet,
932
00:38:18,210 --> 00:38:21,010
and I am not gonna let you ruin my life anymore.
933
00:38:21,010 --> 00:38:22,510
- Wait. No. You can't go.
934
00:38:22,510 --> 00:38:23,720
- [grunting]
935
00:38:23,720 --> 00:38:25,220
- This whole trip is about you.
936
00:38:26,970 --> 00:38:30,350
- Mom and Dad were right to cut you out of their lives,
937
00:38:30,350 --> 00:38:34,810
and my only regret... is that I didn't do the same.
938
00:38:34,810 --> 00:38:37,820
You are what's wrong with this world, Danny.
939
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:40,570
Never contact me again.
940
00:38:45,030 --> 00:38:46,030
You coming?
941
00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:52,580
Come on, Allison. You are clearly a smart person.
942
00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:55,040
If you want some excitement in your life, just buy a Vespa.
943
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,250
It's a lot safer than all this!
944
00:38:57,250 --> 00:39:00,920
- [whispering indistinctly]
945
00:39:05,220 --> 00:39:06,510
- I'm going to stay with Danny.
946
00:39:06,510 --> 00:39:08,550
- Ah!
947
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:11,930
Okay! Okay!
948
00:39:11,930 --> 00:39:16,400
Am I the last sane person left in this entire country?
949
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:18,230
Okay! Okay!
950
00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:20,650
- It's okay. Just let him cool off a little bit.
951
00:39:20,650 --> 00:39:21,780
He ain't going far.
952
00:39:21,780 --> 00:39:24,400
You want a burrito? I'm starving.
953
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:26,410
[♪ spaghetti western music plays ♪]
954
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:38,040
- Okay.
955
00:39:42,260 --> 00:39:44,470
Uh, excuse me.
956
00:39:44,470 --> 00:39:46,840
Hey, uh, can I use your phone?
957
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,010
- I'm not allowed to let customers use the phone.
958
00:39:49,010 --> 00:39:50,220
Use your own damn phone.
959
00:39:50,220 --> 00:39:51,930
- Right. Well, that is a very good idea,
960
00:39:51,930 --> 00:39:53,810
except it has been stolen.
961
00:39:53,810 --> 00:39:55,810
Hence why I'm asking to borrow yours.
962
00:39:55,810 --> 00:39:57,270
- Customers aren't allowed.
963
00:39:57,270 --> 00:39:59,400
- It's an emergency. - What kind of emergency?
964
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,770
- Well, I have been kidnapped and shot, for one.
965
00:40:01,780 --> 00:40:03,570
- You been shot?
966
00:40:03,570 --> 00:40:05,150
You think I'm dumb.
967
00:40:05,150 --> 00:40:07,110
This motherfucker.
968
00:40:07,110 --> 00:40:09,070
- Would it help if I told you that my fiancée's dog
969
00:40:09,070 --> 00:40:11,330
has been kidnapped by a one-eyed Portuguese man
970
00:40:11,330 --> 00:40:13,330
and I need to tell the police about it?
971
00:40:13,330 --> 00:40:14,620
- Bartender: Of course.
972
00:40:15,620 --> 00:40:16,750
Here. Take it.
973
00:40:19,420 --> 00:40:20,960
[dialing]
974
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,000
[phone line ringing]
975
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:27,680
- Operator: 911. What's your emergency?
976
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,550
- Yes. Hello. Hi. My name is Luke Davenport,
977
00:40:29,550 --> 00:40:31,970
and I have been kidnapped by my brother, Danny Davenport.
978
00:40:31,970 --> 00:40:34,680
I-- I believe he is wanted, or maybe we both are,
979
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:36,350
but I-- I am the victim here.
980
00:40:36,350 --> 00:40:38,890
I was the one who was kidnapped, and I have been drugged.
981
00:40:38,900 --> 00:40:40,520
And I have been shot, and-- and you--
982
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,190
- Operator: One moment, please.
983
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,110
- So... what brings you out here?
984
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:49,530
- Were you not listening?
985
00:40:49,530 --> 00:40:52,450
- Oh. Dog guy, right?
986
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:54,290
- Operator: Is your brother currently with you?
987
00:40:54,290 --> 00:40:55,700
- No, he is not.
988
00:40:55,700 --> 00:40:57,120
- Operator: What's your location?
989
00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:58,710
- Hey, what's the name of this place?
990
00:40:58,710 --> 00:41:00,670
- Huh? What's that?
991
00:41:00,670 --> 00:41:02,090
- Where are we?
992
00:41:04,460 --> 00:41:07,090
- You know, if anything happened to my little ruff-ruff,
993
00:41:07,090 --> 00:41:08,470
- I'd do the same. - I don't...
994
00:41:10,220 --> 00:41:11,840
[tires screeching, siren wailing]
995
00:41:11,850 --> 00:41:13,300
Whoa!
996
00:41:13,310 --> 00:41:14,930
- Hands on your fucking head.
997
00:41:14,930 --> 00:41:16,140
Hands on your fucking head!
998
00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:18,060
- Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait, wait, wait, wait!
999
00:41:18,060 --> 00:41:20,350
- I'm on your side! - [mocking] I'm on your side.
1000
00:41:20,350 --> 00:41:21,980
I don't really sound like that. Come on.
1001
00:41:21,980 --> 00:41:23,480
Oh. What the fuck is that?
1002
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:24,730
- Sir, that's my penis!
1003
00:41:24,730 --> 00:41:26,280
- Wow. Very nice.
1004
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:27,740
It's very nice, but a lot of skin.
1005
00:41:27,740 --> 00:41:29,490
What's wrong with that? What's happening there?
1006
00:41:29,490 --> 00:41:30,910
- What? No! You don't understand!
1007
00:41:30,910 --> 00:41:34,030
- I was taken against my will-- - Shut the fuck up!
1008
00:41:34,030 --> 00:41:36,490
- No. It's-- It's Danny that you want,
1009
00:41:36,490 --> 00:41:38,750
and I-- I can tell you where he's going!
1010
00:41:38,750 --> 00:41:40,790
- You think I'm dumb? Huh?
1011
00:41:40,790 --> 00:41:43,000
He's going to Ottawa, him and your other accomplice,
1012
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,630
the kooky guy with the beautiful hair.
1013
00:41:44,630 --> 00:41:46,670
- No. They are not my accomplices.
1014
00:41:46,670 --> 00:41:48,300
- Heh! So you do think I'm dumb.
1015
00:41:48,300 --> 00:41:49,760
Okay. That's how we're going to play it?
1016
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,550
- No. No. Listen. I just-- I just-- I need to talk
1017
00:41:51,550 --> 00:41:53,720
to a lawyer, okay? I do get one phone call?
1018
00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:55,760
- Oh, my friend, that is where you're wrong.
1019
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:57,510
You see, I'm not the police,
1020
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:00,350
and you don't get to call nobody.
1021
00:42:00,350 --> 00:42:03,810
- What? - [tires screeching]
1022
00:42:03,810 --> 00:42:05,820
[♪ spaghetti western music plays ♪]
1023
00:42:10,780 --> 00:42:12,160
- Come on.
1024
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,030
[indistinct conversation]
1025
00:42:20,540 --> 00:42:21,670
[bell dinging]
1026
00:42:22,670 --> 00:42:23,670
[bell dinging]
1027
00:42:24,790 --> 00:42:26,540
[bell dinging]
1028
00:42:26,540 --> 00:42:28,920
- [bell dinging] - [♪ classical music plays ♪]
1029
00:42:33,930 --> 00:42:35,840
- [grunts]
1030
00:42:35,850 --> 00:42:37,180
What is this place?
1031
00:42:37,180 --> 00:42:40,180
- My summer bomb shelter, of course.
1032
00:42:40,180 --> 00:42:41,560
- Luke: Jason Biggs?
1033
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,190
- What? Were you expecting Todd Simmons or something?
1034
00:42:44,190 --> 00:42:47,690
- Uh-oh! That was good. Oh, my goodness.
1035
00:42:47,690 --> 00:42:49,280
That was funny. [laughs]
1036
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:50,480
Oh, yeah.
1037
00:42:50,490 --> 00:42:52,190
- You're supposed to be dead.
1038
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:53,820
- God. You look terrible, buddy.
1039
00:42:53,820 --> 00:42:55,200
Tiago, did you offer him a drink?
1040
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:56,700
- I did not. - What about some mango?
1041
00:42:56,700 --> 00:42:58,240
I could slice one up for you.
1042
00:42:58,240 --> 00:42:59,660
- I'm okay.
1043
00:42:59,660 --> 00:43:01,500
- What do you think, Tiago? Should we, like,
1044
00:43:01,500 --> 00:43:03,210
tie him up or something? Is that a good idea?
1045
00:43:03,210 --> 00:43:05,370
- Tiago: You know, it's really whatever you feel, Jason.
1046
00:43:05,380 --> 00:43:08,040
- I don't know, Tiago. That's why I was asking you.
1047
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:10,000
- Do we even have rope? - Oh, we have rope. Come on.
1048
00:43:10,010 --> 00:43:12,090
- Okay. Great. Then we might as well use it, right?
1049
00:43:12,090 --> 00:43:13,130
- Tiago: Mm-hmm.
1050
00:43:13,130 --> 00:43:15,380
- Maybe some duct tape for his mouth?
1051
00:43:15,390 --> 00:43:17,050
- Huh? How's that look?
1052
00:43:17,050 --> 00:43:18,300
- Perfect. - Great.
1053
00:43:18,310 --> 00:43:19,600
- Well done, Tiago. - Thank you.
1054
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:20,890
- Go have yourself some mango.
1055
00:43:20,890 --> 00:43:22,310
- Hey, I don't want to be rude,
1056
00:43:22,310 --> 00:43:23,730
but I'm kind of, like, ugh,
1057
00:43:23,730 --> 00:43:26,270
up to here with mangos for today, so...
1058
00:43:31,780 --> 00:43:33,440
- Suit yourself. Heh.
1059
00:43:33,450 --> 00:43:35,610
Lots of good mangos not being taken advantage of.
1060
00:43:35,610 --> 00:43:36,950
- [chuckles] - Tiago: True.
1061
00:43:36,950 --> 00:43:39,330
- Jason: So... ahem, you are probably wondering
1062
00:43:39,330 --> 00:43:41,330
why haven't we shot you in the face yet?
1063
00:43:41,330 --> 00:43:43,160
- Luke: Unh-unh. - It's because we need
1064
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,210
your brother, the criminal formerly known
1065
00:43:46,210 --> 00:43:49,460
as Sheriff Deacon Shrimp.
1066
00:43:49,460 --> 00:43:53,340
You see, I... am the victim here, okay?
1067
00:43:53,340 --> 00:43:56,300
Sure, myself and thousands of others
1068
00:43:56,300 --> 00:43:59,050
may be faking our death in order to...
1069
00:43:59,050 --> 00:44:01,640
Well, I'm sure you know all that.
1070
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,810
- [Tiago, Jason laughing] - [Luke trying to speak]
1071
00:44:03,810 --> 00:44:05,020
- What's that?
1072
00:44:05,020 --> 00:44:08,980
- [trying to speak]
1073
00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:10,110
- Is...
1074
00:44:10,110 --> 00:44:11,520
- Do you get-- What? One more time.
1075
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:14,030
- [trying to speak]
1076
00:44:14,030 --> 00:44:16,070
- This is-- This is making me so uncomfortable.
1077
00:44:16,070 --> 00:44:18,660
This whole, like, you know, tied-up interrogation vibe,
1078
00:44:18,660 --> 00:44:20,160
it makes me feel like the bad guy.
1079
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:21,740
- And you're not the bad guy. - Exactly.
1080
00:44:21,740 --> 00:44:23,080
- You are the victim. - Thank you.
1081
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:24,910
- Let's scale it back. - Let's scale it back.
1082
00:44:24,910 --> 00:44:27,870
- Yeah. Little bit. - Scaling it back. Okay.
1083
00:44:27,870 --> 00:44:29,250
Uh...
1084
00:44:31,290 --> 00:44:33,460
- Nope. Uh, okay.
1085
00:44:35,050 --> 00:44:36,470
How does this look, Tiago?
1086
00:44:36,470 --> 00:44:38,010
- Yeah. You know, it looks like two guys
1087
00:44:38,010 --> 00:44:39,930
just casually enjoying mangos.
1088
00:44:39,930 --> 00:44:42,470
- Perfect! [chuckles] Perfect. Okay. Great.
1089
00:44:42,470 --> 00:44:44,100
Great. Now, uh, where was I?
1090
00:44:44,100 --> 00:44:45,890
Ah, yes. [clearing throat]
1091
00:44:45,890 --> 00:44:49,690
The point is, I am not hurting anyone,
1092
00:44:49,690 --> 00:44:51,440
but if I don't have my ticket,
1093
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:54,530
this whole charade would be for naught, right?
1094
00:44:54,530 --> 00:44:55,610
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right.
1095
00:44:55,610 --> 00:44:58,400
So I need you to contact your brother
1096
00:44:58,410 --> 00:44:59,910
and explain the situation.
1097
00:44:59,910 --> 00:45:01,570
- What is the situation?
1098
00:45:01,570 --> 00:45:04,240
That I'm being held hostage?
1099
00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:05,580
- Hold up! - Whoa!
1100
00:45:05,580 --> 00:45:07,410
- [Jason, Tiago laughing] - Wait a minute.
1101
00:45:07,410 --> 00:45:09,120
- Stop that. - Yikes.
1102
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:10,620
- Whew! Big word. - No. That's, uh--
1103
00:45:10,630 --> 00:45:13,290
Ooh, that word. And-- and again,
1104
00:45:13,290 --> 00:45:16,130
I am not the bad guy, okay?
1105
00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:17,340
- You know what? - Yep?
1106
00:45:17,340 --> 00:45:18,590
- Jason: Tiago? - Yep?
1107
00:45:18,590 --> 00:45:20,050
Bring the ropes back.
1108
00:45:20,050 --> 00:45:23,180
Okay. Much better. Much better.
1109
00:45:23,180 --> 00:45:26,430
Now, you need to inform your brother
1110
00:45:26,430 --> 00:45:29,770
that he has 24 hours to find that Kyle friend of his.
1111
00:45:29,770 --> 00:45:31,560
- Uh, it's-- it's Klyle.
1112
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:33,020
- What?
1113
00:45:33,020 --> 00:45:34,230
- His name is Klyle.
1114
00:45:34,230 --> 00:45:35,820
- Are you, like, stuttering, or is...
1115
00:45:35,820 --> 00:45:36,980
- No, it's Klyle.
1116
00:45:36,990 --> 00:45:38,940
- Klyle? - With, like, an L-sound?
1117
00:45:38,950 --> 00:45:40,030
- Yeah. - Huh.
1118
00:45:40,030 --> 00:45:42,280
- K-L? - Y-L-E.
1119
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:43,280
- Uh... - Oh.
1120
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:44,830
- Stupid name. - Yeah.
1121
00:45:44,830 --> 00:45:47,450
- That does explain, though, why he's been so difficult to track.
1122
00:45:47,450 --> 00:45:49,290
- He got you. - Yeah. Very clever.
1123
00:45:49,290 --> 00:45:51,210
Very clever. Regardless...
1124
00:45:51,210 --> 00:45:54,380
You need to facilitate returning what is rightfully mine,
1125
00:45:54,380 --> 00:45:56,550
or...
1126
00:45:56,550 --> 00:45:57,590
[cocking gun]
1127
00:45:57,590 --> 00:45:59,090
- This dog gets it.
1128
00:45:59,090 --> 00:46:01,260
- [whining] - Who-- Whose dog is that?
1129
00:46:01,260 --> 00:46:03,590
- Lives are on the line here!
1130
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:05,800
Don't make Tiago become the bad guy.
1131
00:46:05,810 --> 00:46:07,100
- I'll do it, but I don't want to.
1132
00:46:07,100 --> 00:46:08,640
- Danny doesn't even have a cell phone!
1133
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:10,310
There's literally no way to contact him.
1134
00:46:10,310 --> 00:46:11,850
- Oh well, in that case, Tiago?
1135
00:46:11,850 --> 00:46:13,980
- Bye-bye, puppy. - No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait.
1136
00:46:13,980 --> 00:46:16,270
Wait. I just remembered. He gave me this.
1137
00:46:16,270 --> 00:46:19,530
- [sighs] Damn it.
1138
00:46:19,530 --> 00:46:21,200
- Oopsie. - Tiago?
1139
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,400
- Yeah.
1140
00:46:22,410 --> 00:46:24,820
- Did we not frisk him? - I did!
1141
00:46:24,820 --> 00:46:26,070
I did, Jason, I swear.
1142
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:27,830
It's just, I got super distracted
1143
00:46:27,830 --> 00:46:30,080
by his massive amount of foreskin, man.
1144
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:31,790
It was like tickling a Shar Pei, man.
1145
00:46:31,790 --> 00:46:33,960
- You could feel all that? - Dude, you can see it!
1146
00:46:35,170 --> 00:46:38,460
- Oh my God. Wow. You can see it.
1147
00:46:38,460 --> 00:46:40,050
- Yeah. - Very nice.
1148
00:46:40,050 --> 00:46:42,050
- What is it? - I don't know.
1149
00:46:42,050 --> 00:46:44,430
He told me it's like, a locating beacon
1150
00:46:44,430 --> 00:46:47,010
for if we ever get separated.
1151
00:46:47,010 --> 00:46:49,810
- This is obviously just a black Rubik's cube.
1152
00:46:49,810 --> 00:46:52,100
Oh, I see what's happening. You think we're dumb.
1153
00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:53,810
- No, no, no. No, no, no.
1154
00:46:53,810 --> 00:46:56,020
No, not at all.
1155
00:46:56,020 --> 00:46:58,150
I know my tech, and that is definitely
1156
00:46:58,150 --> 00:47:00,530
some Elder high tech right there.
1157
00:47:00,530 --> 00:47:01,860
- Okay, fine.
1158
00:47:01,860 --> 00:47:03,320
How does it work, smart guy?
1159
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,700
- I-- I don't know.
1160
00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:08,450
- Um...
1161
00:47:08,450 --> 00:47:10,040
What if I just, like, twist it?
1162
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:11,580
- Good thinking. - Great.
1163
00:47:11,580 --> 00:47:14,250
- [whirring] - [screaming]
1164
00:47:14,250 --> 00:47:15,460
[screams echoing]
1165
00:47:21,550 --> 00:47:26,300
[♪ soft piano music ♪]
1166
00:47:36,270 --> 00:47:38,650
♪ Born a worm ♪
1167
00:47:38,650 --> 00:47:41,020
♪ Spins a cocoon ♪
1168
00:47:41,030 --> 00:47:43,280
♪ Goes to sleep ♪
1169
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,490
♪ Wakes up a butterfly ♪
1170
00:47:45,490 --> 00:47:49,990
♪ Oh, what the fuck is that about? ♪
1171
00:47:50,990 --> 00:47:55,330
♪ What the fuck is that about? ♪
1172
00:47:55,330 --> 00:47:59,920
♪ Oooh-ooh ♪
1173
00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:04,760
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
1174
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,970
♪ Oooh ♪
1175
00:48:06,970 --> 00:48:08,390
[♪ music stops abruptly ♪]
1176
00:48:08,390 --> 00:48:10,350
[fire crackling]
1177
00:48:10,350 --> 00:48:12,720
- Danny: There's Mr. Sleepy Head!
1178
00:48:12,720 --> 00:48:14,730
- What happened? - I don't know.
1179
00:48:14,730 --> 00:48:17,270
You were just having one crazy ass nightmare or something.
1180
00:48:17,270 --> 00:48:20,020
I'm just kidding. Jason Biggs really did kidnap you.
1181
00:48:20,020 --> 00:48:22,690
I figured you'd wander off at some point and get snagged
1182
00:48:22,690 --> 00:48:25,110
by one of his minions, so the beacon I gave you
1183
00:48:25,110 --> 00:48:26,780
was actually an Elder stun grenade.
1184
00:48:26,780 --> 00:48:29,410
- [moaning]
1185
00:48:29,410 --> 00:48:32,580
What the fuck is going on?!
1186
00:48:34,660 --> 00:48:36,460
- I haven't been completely honest with you.
1187
00:48:36,460 --> 00:48:37,710
- No shit!
1188
00:48:37,710 --> 00:48:39,790
- The police aren't the only ones that are after me.
1189
00:48:39,790 --> 00:48:42,540
I had in my possession extremely classified information.
1190
00:48:42,550 --> 00:48:44,460
Proof that aliens not only exist
1191
00:48:44,460 --> 00:48:45,840
but have been living amongst us
1192
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,180
since the 1996 Summer Olympics.
1193
00:48:51,390 --> 00:48:54,220
You just had your first run-in with a member of the Coalition.
1194
00:48:54,220 --> 00:48:57,600
They're a group of tech giants and celebrities and politicians
1195
00:48:57,600 --> 00:48:59,310
who have been secretly dealing with
1196
00:48:59,310 --> 00:49:01,940
said extra-terrestrial beings, we call them "Elders,"
1197
00:49:01,940 --> 00:49:04,940
selling Earth's natural resources for decades.
1198
00:49:09,860 --> 00:49:12,780
The Coalition agreed to let the Elders suck the Earth dry
1199
00:49:12,780 --> 00:49:14,200
under two conditions.
1200
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:15,990
One, that they would provide space shuttles
1201
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:17,250
to go to a new habitable world,
1202
00:49:17,250 --> 00:49:20,580
and two, that they'd get 10% of the back end.
1203
00:49:24,050 --> 00:49:26,090
Why do you think so many rich and famous people
1204
00:49:26,090 --> 00:49:28,420
have been dying at such a rapid pace these last few years?
1205
00:49:28,420 --> 00:49:30,130
Take Jason Biggs, for instance.
1206
00:49:30,130 --> 00:49:31,590
It's because they're not dying!
1207
00:49:31,590 --> 00:49:33,800
They're covering up for the fact that they are leaving
1208
00:49:33,810 --> 00:49:35,720
this God-forsaken rock for greener pastures.
1209
00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:36,970
- I didn't believe it either
1210
00:49:36,970 --> 00:49:38,810
until I saw Jason Biggs face down in a mango.
1211
00:49:38,810 --> 00:49:41,230
It might be the most insane conspiracy theory on the planet,
1212
00:49:41,230 --> 00:49:42,980
but if everything Danny is saying is true,
1213
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:45,400
then we've gotta do something about it.
1214
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,820
- I don't care!
1215
00:49:47,820 --> 00:49:50,240
Stop involving me in this!
1216
00:49:50,240 --> 00:49:52,530
- We want to let the world know that the planet
1217
00:49:52,530 --> 00:49:54,410
is being sold off by the Coalition.
1218
00:49:54,410 --> 00:49:55,740
- I don't care!
1219
00:49:55,740 --> 00:49:57,870
I just want to go to Ottawa! That's it!
1220
00:49:57,870 --> 00:49:59,120
- We're gonna make it to Ottawa,
1221
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:00,500
and you're gonna get there on time.
1222
00:50:00,500 --> 00:50:02,500
And once the whistle is blown, no one can touch us.
1223
00:50:02,500 --> 00:50:04,130
Like Snowden and other tattletales,
1224
00:50:04,130 --> 00:50:06,290
we'll be protected and our names will be cleared.
1225
00:50:06,300 --> 00:50:08,630
But you're gonna have to stick with us.
1226
00:50:08,630 --> 00:50:10,090
Okay, buddy?
1227
00:50:10,090 --> 00:50:11,680
How do you feel about that?
1228
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:14,640
[♪ Muzak plays ♪]
1229
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:21,350
God damn Coalition.
1230
00:50:21,350 --> 00:50:23,400
We don't have time for this.
1231
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:24,900
Ooh.
1232
00:50:35,070 --> 00:50:36,700
- You all right?
1233
00:50:36,700 --> 00:50:38,410
- I just wanted a better life.
1234
00:50:38,410 --> 00:50:41,040
A fresh start in a new place.
1235
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:44,330
- You'll get it... one way or another.
1236
00:50:44,330 --> 00:50:48,040
- Look at what he has done to me.
1237
00:50:48,050 --> 00:50:50,210
Oh, wait, you can't,
1238
00:50:50,210 --> 00:50:54,130
because you prefer to be blind!
1239
00:50:54,140 --> 00:50:55,510
This isn't normal!
1240
00:50:55,510 --> 00:50:57,140
- There's no such thing as normal, Luke.
1241
00:50:57,140 --> 00:50:58,600
- [man shouting] - Look, I used to have
1242
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:00,220
a strong narrative that I believed in.
1243
00:51:00,220 --> 00:51:01,850
- Stay back! - But after my mom's death,
1244
00:51:01,850 --> 00:51:03,690
and losing everything to a houseboat fire,
1245
00:51:03,690 --> 00:51:05,480
I realized the only way I was going to survive
1246
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:08,360
this chaotic world is if I just kept admitting to myself
1247
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:09,820
that I don't get it.
1248
00:51:09,820 --> 00:51:12,440
I had to accept the absurdity, accept the chaos.
1249
00:51:12,450 --> 00:51:14,490
Accept the Todd Simmons of it all.
1250
00:51:14,490 --> 00:51:16,780
- Okay, we've gotta go. Right now.
1251
00:51:24,210 --> 00:51:27,460
- Hey, boss, can... I just have, like, a couple of notes
1252
00:51:27,460 --> 00:51:31,130
but like, I don't want you to take this the wrong way. Okay?
1253
00:51:31,130 --> 00:51:32,840
- Yeah. Sure, sure, sure. - Okay,
1254
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,010
sometimes I feel like we can, um, like,
1255
00:51:35,010 --> 00:51:38,970
shorten the time between, like, talking to the people
1256
00:51:38,970 --> 00:51:41,010
- and, like, killing them. - That's a good note.
1257
00:51:41,020 --> 00:51:42,640
Good note. Thank you.
1258
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:44,640
- You know, the power that you exude
1259
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:46,850
when you, like, say less, is, wow.
1260
00:51:46,850 --> 00:51:49,110
- I understand what you're saying. I get it. I get it.
1261
00:51:49,110 --> 00:51:51,110
- Thank you, Tiago. - But, like, do you, though?
1262
00:51:51,110 --> 00:51:52,900
- Yes, Tiago! I said I get it.
1263
00:51:52,900 --> 00:51:54,200
God.
1264
00:51:55,570 --> 00:51:59,830
[cellphone buzzing]
1265
00:51:59,830 --> 00:52:02,410
- I have what you seek. If you'd like to end this race,
1266
00:52:02,410 --> 00:52:04,160
come to the following coordinates
1267
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:06,410
with $27.7 million dollars
1268
00:52:06,420 --> 00:52:09,580
in a large Gucci Vuitton briefcase.
1269
00:52:09,590 --> 00:52:11,500
This is Klyle, by the way.
1270
00:52:11,500 --> 00:52:14,970
You know I don't mess around.
1271
00:52:14,970 --> 00:52:18,720
[toilet flushing on video]
1272
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:20,140
How do I turn this off?
1273
00:52:20,140 --> 00:52:22,640
I was not shitting.
1274
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,930
- [laughs]
1275
00:52:25,940 --> 00:52:27,440
Did you hear that?
1276
00:52:28,980 --> 00:52:30,360
- Tiago: No, I'm pretty far away.
1277
00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:31,940
- What? - No.
1278
00:52:31,940 --> 00:52:34,900
- 'Cause I'm pretty far away. - Okay.
1279
00:52:34,900 --> 00:52:38,660
- Hey, Tiago, what rhymes with "12:30 am"?
1280
00:52:38,660 --> 00:52:40,620
- Phlegm. - Phlegm! Okay, yeah.
1281
00:52:40,620 --> 00:52:42,200
I can make that work.
1282
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:45,290
- Oh. Looks like Klyle just crossed the border.
1283
00:52:45,290 --> 00:52:46,620
- How do you know?
1284
00:52:46,620 --> 00:52:49,170
- Same reason I knew where Luke was... microchips.
1285
00:52:49,170 --> 00:52:51,330
You see, your soccer mom conspiracy theorist
1286
00:52:51,340 --> 00:52:53,800
thinks that the government tracks us through vaccines.
1287
00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:56,380
Not true. In fact, not even the Elders have that kind of tech.
1288
00:52:56,380 --> 00:52:58,260
No, it's any time you go get your teeth cleaned
1289
00:52:58,260 --> 00:53:00,930
or a cavity filled, the dentist injects you with microchips.
1290
00:53:00,930 --> 00:53:03,220
- So, you're saying all dentists are actually undercover
1291
00:53:03,220 --> 00:53:04,970
- government agents? - Contractors, yes.
1292
00:53:04,970 --> 00:53:06,980
Think about it. I mean, have you ever met a dentist
1293
00:53:06,980 --> 00:53:09,640
that doesn't seem like they're hiding some horrible secret?
1294
00:53:09,650 --> 00:53:10,980
The answer is no.
1295
00:53:10,980 --> 00:53:13,400
So, what's our plan for crossing, badger?
1296
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,980
- Oh, hah!
1297
00:53:15,990 --> 00:53:18,610
[laughs]
1298
00:53:18,610 --> 00:53:20,820
Now it's time for you to get a taste of your own bullshit!
1299
00:53:20,820 --> 00:53:22,070
Go on, tell him, Allison.
1300
00:53:22,070 --> 00:53:23,950
Tell him that you-- you're not really a badger
1301
00:53:23,950 --> 00:53:25,870
or whatever the fuck. Or no, no, better yet,
1302
00:53:25,870 --> 00:53:28,370
why don't you say...
1303
00:53:28,370 --> 00:53:30,790
"I haven't been completely honest with you, Danny."
1304
00:53:30,790 --> 00:53:32,380
- Luke, I don't think you--
1305
00:53:32,380 --> 00:53:35,090
- No, no! Just, tell him the truth.
1306
00:53:37,130 --> 00:53:39,880
- I haven't been completely honest with you, Danny.
1307
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:42,300
- Ha-ha!
1308
00:53:42,300 --> 00:53:44,050
- What do you mean?
1309
00:53:44,060 --> 00:53:45,640
- [sighs]
1310
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:52,600
I mean... the subterranean bobsled track that was
1311
00:53:52,610 --> 00:53:54,440
big enough to smuggle cars collapsed last fall.
1312
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:56,230
We're gonna have to pass through cross point 11
1313
00:53:56,230 --> 00:53:58,110
using a basic diversion tactic. From 3pm to 5pm there are
1314
00:53:58,110 --> 00:53:59,820
only two agents stopping us from getting across.
1315
00:53:59,820 --> 00:54:01,530
From there, it's a straight shot to highway 34.
1316
00:54:01,530 --> 00:54:03,490
- God damn it!
1317
00:54:03,490 --> 00:54:05,780
- So, your subterranean bobsled track, that's like,
1318
00:54:05,790 --> 00:54:07,790
a Canadian version of an Underground Railroad.
1319
00:54:07,790 --> 00:54:09,330
- Shut up! - Would've been perfect.
1320
00:54:09,330 --> 00:54:12,120
No matter. So, what's your diversion plan?
1321
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:14,290
- I'll leave that up to you, but it's gotta be big.
1322
00:54:14,290 --> 00:54:16,500
Afterwards, meet up at these coordinates just north
1323
00:54:16,500 --> 00:54:18,380
- of the border. - Copy that. Roger.
1324
00:54:18,380 --> 00:54:20,050
Over and out.
1325
00:54:20,050 --> 00:54:21,970
These days, its hard to hold anyone's attention,
1326
00:54:21,970 --> 00:54:24,180
so it's gotta make as little sense as possible.
1327
00:54:24,180 --> 00:54:25,810
We need to make a few stops.
1328
00:54:29,810 --> 00:54:32,770
[chicken clucking]
1329
00:54:37,650 --> 00:54:40,690
Phew! Well, that went smoothly.
1330
00:54:40,700 --> 00:54:42,320
Okay. According to Klyle's teeth,
1331
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:44,320
he's just off the main road by Big Mountain Crest.
1332
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,320
Aren't you even gonna ask me how I made it look like
1333
00:54:46,330 --> 00:54:48,200
I sucked the blood out of that live chicken
1334
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:52,080
- without actually having-- - [laugh]
1335
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:55,130
- [forced laugh]
1336
00:54:55,130 --> 00:54:59,920
- [laughing hysterically]
1337
00:55:01,550 --> 00:55:04,510
[laughing continues]
1338
00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:10,180
[♪ downbeat spaghetti western music plays ♪]
1339
00:55:13,060 --> 00:55:15,560
[clucking]
1340
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:17,810
Bawk-bawk. Bawk...
1341
00:55:17,820 --> 00:55:19,440
- Allison: What happened?
1342
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:21,860
- Is that rhetorical, or can you actually not see?
1343
00:55:21,860 --> 00:55:23,200
- Both.
1344
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:31,000
- Whoa.
1345
00:55:32,330 --> 00:55:35,080
I can tell by Klyle's teeth he's still alive.
1346
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,170
We just have to follow his tracks.
1347
00:55:37,170 --> 00:55:40,170
You can see here, he was dragged off by several people
1348
00:55:40,170 --> 00:55:42,920
or one person who was really good at break dancing.
1349
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:45,090
We'll go with the former.
1350
00:55:45,090 --> 00:55:47,220
- [laughing, muttering]
1351
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:50,640
- You okay, bud?
1352
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:52,350
- Oh, yeah. I'm totally cool, man.
1353
00:55:52,350 --> 00:55:54,020
- I know that look.
1354
00:55:54,020 --> 00:55:56,480
You look like you're about to have as psychotic break.
1355
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:58,690
- Right again, Danny!
1356
00:55:58,690 --> 00:56:00,610
You've actually been right about a lot lately.
1357
00:56:00,610 --> 00:56:02,610
- But? - No, there's no "but," man.
1358
00:56:02,610 --> 00:56:04,860
You're fucking Galileo. You're-- You're--
1359
00:56:04,860 --> 00:56:06,360
You're the boy with the wolf.
1360
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:08,200
In fact, I can't believe I'm about to say this
1361
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,660
after everything you've put me through, but...
1362
00:56:10,660 --> 00:56:12,990
I am sorry for ever doubting you.
1363
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:16,120
You clearly know more about how the world works than I do.
1364
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:18,500
In fact, I would give you a hug right now,
1365
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:19,670
if I could, but you know.
1366
00:56:19,670 --> 00:56:21,840
- Well, that's so sweet.
1367
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:24,670
I'm glad you finally came around.
1368
00:56:24,670 --> 00:56:26,220
- Yeah.
1369
00:56:27,550 --> 00:56:29,050
- Aww. Love you, man.
1370
00:56:29,050 --> 00:56:30,680
- Love you too.
1371
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:32,760
- [screaming] - [beeping, hissing]
1372
00:56:32,770 --> 00:56:34,470
- Fuck! - No! No! Back off!
1373
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:36,020
- Back off! - Calm down!
1374
00:56:36,020 --> 00:56:39,020
- I am calm. I am being calm. I am the only one whose calm.
1375
00:56:39,020 --> 00:56:40,270
- No, no, no, no! - [shouting]
1376
00:56:40,270 --> 00:56:41,820
- [snorting] That's better. Ow!
1377
00:56:41,820 --> 00:56:43,860
- [beeping, hissing] - What are you doing?
1378
00:56:43,860 --> 00:56:46,900
[shouting]
1379
00:56:46,900 --> 00:56:48,530
- [snorting] Ooh!
1380
00:56:48,530 --> 00:56:50,740
- [beeping, hissing] - Fuck! Stop! Jesus Christ!
1381
00:56:50,740 --> 00:56:52,410
- Focus on the eyes, look me in the eyes.
1382
00:56:52,410 --> 00:56:53,660
- You look at me! - Calm down.
1383
00:56:53,660 --> 00:56:55,450
- You can't even see! You can't see any of this!
1384
00:56:55,450 --> 00:56:57,250
- Get some fucking glasses! - [snorting]
1385
00:56:57,250 --> 00:56:59,420
- [beeping, hissing] - What? No! Stop. Okay, enough!
1386
00:56:59,420 --> 00:57:01,040
Fuck. Ah. [snorting]
1387
00:57:01,040 --> 00:57:02,790
Ow, fuck! I did too much. Gimme one more.
1388
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:05,420
- [beeping, hissing] - Ah! Now we're even. Okay.
1389
00:57:05,420 --> 00:57:06,720
[shouting indistinctly]
1390
00:57:08,180 --> 00:57:10,050
- No, no, wait! Wait! What about our deal?
1391
00:57:10,050 --> 00:57:12,010
- I'm dealing with this. - Hey, a deal is a deal.
1392
00:57:12,010 --> 00:57:14,560
We signed the contract in Taco Gary's guacamole picante.
1393
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:16,430
- I did my part. - Okay.
1394
00:57:16,430 --> 00:57:18,940
Take your damn ticket.
1395
00:57:18,940 --> 00:57:20,100
Wait up!
1396
00:57:21,150 --> 00:57:22,690
- Good luck. - [clucking]
1397
00:57:24,690 --> 00:57:26,110
Got the golden ticket.
1398
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:28,780
- Danny: Not bad, bro!
1399
00:57:28,780 --> 00:57:30,610
I'm proud of you for taking the initiative.
1400
00:57:30,610 --> 00:57:32,450
- Luke: You don't need me anymore. Let me go.
1401
00:57:32,450 --> 00:57:34,280
- There's no point in leaving, Luke.
1402
00:57:34,290 --> 00:57:37,120
I haven't been completely honest with you.
1403
00:57:38,790 --> 00:57:40,540
There is no job in Ottawa.
1404
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:41,960
- Nice try. Go fuck yourself!
1405
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:44,130
- There's not. I made the whole thing up.
1406
00:57:44,130 --> 00:57:45,590
- It's not gonna work!
1407
00:57:45,590 --> 00:57:47,260
- All right, if you don't believe me,
1408
00:57:47,260 --> 00:57:49,090
take the name of that new dinosaur,
1409
00:57:49,090 --> 00:57:51,930
"Snommisddot," and spell it backwards.
1410
00:57:51,930 --> 00:57:53,600
- [scoffs] As if!
1411
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,140
That's-- That's just the stupidest thing I ever...
1412
00:57:56,140 --> 00:57:58,060
[stammering]
1413
00:58:02,100 --> 00:58:04,360
No. No...
1414
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:06,650
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1415
00:58:06,650 --> 00:58:08,860
It spells "Todd Simmons," doesn't it.
1416
00:58:08,860 --> 00:58:10,490
- [sighs]
1417
00:58:10,490 --> 00:58:12,860
- I'm sorry, brother, but the ends justify the beans, okay?
1418
00:58:12,870 --> 00:58:14,870
This is for your own good.
1419
00:58:16,540 --> 00:58:18,950
- Luke: It was you?
1420
00:58:18,950 --> 00:58:23,880
This whole time, the months of emails.
1421
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:26,750
And the calls.
1422
00:58:26,750 --> 00:58:29,050
The fucking femur bone?
1423
00:58:29,050 --> 00:58:31,970
- Yeah, it was a lot of work,
1424
00:58:31,970 --> 00:58:34,850
but I knew it was the only way to safely get you to Ottawa.
1425
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:38,310
- Why do you hate me so much?
1426
00:58:38,310 --> 00:58:40,850
- Danny: I don't hate you. I love you!
1427
00:58:40,850 --> 00:58:42,810
And it doesn't change anything.
1428
00:58:42,810 --> 00:58:44,600
Whether you like it or not,
1429
00:58:44,610 --> 00:58:46,110
I'm the one that got you into this mess
1430
00:58:46,110 --> 00:58:47,650
and I'm the only one who can get you out,
1431
00:58:47,650 --> 00:58:49,110
so, we have to stick together.
1432
00:58:49,110 --> 00:58:50,780
Alright, look, feel free to punch me.
1433
00:58:50,780 --> 00:58:52,200
I deserve it. Come on. Let me have it.
1434
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:53,950
I can't feel my face anyways.
1435
00:58:55,740 --> 00:59:00,080
[♪ spaghetti western music plays ♪]
1436
00:59:10,300 --> 00:59:12,420
Come on, bro, I'm sorry!
1437
00:59:12,420 --> 00:59:15,090
Just let me explain everything, all right?
1438
00:59:20,180 --> 00:59:23,730
Klyle, you dirty piece of shit.
1439
00:59:23,730 --> 00:59:25,560
I know exactly what happened here.
1440
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:27,690
He's trying to give the prize back to the Coalition
1441
00:59:27,690 --> 00:59:29,690
but got taken instead!
1442
00:59:29,690 --> 00:59:32,820
The backstabber becomes the back stabbed, stabbee,
1443
00:59:32,820 --> 00:59:35,570
got-stabbed-in-the-back guy.
1444
00:59:35,570 --> 00:59:37,870
If he only knew that money would be completely worthless
1445
00:59:37,870 --> 00:59:39,490
in two weeks, anyways.
1446
00:59:39,490 --> 00:59:42,040
[speaking indistinctly]
1447
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:43,580
Who is that?
1448
00:59:43,580 --> 00:59:45,830
- That's... it's Jason Biggs.
1449
00:59:45,830 --> 00:59:48,960
He's trying to... Never mind.
1450
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:51,250
- Watch your knees. There we go. There we go.
1451
00:59:51,260 --> 00:59:52,710
- Jason: Okay, do the rope.
1452
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:53,970
- Rope, rope, rope, rope.
1453
00:59:53,970 --> 00:59:55,130
Huh? Huh?
1454
00:59:55,130 --> 00:59:57,390
Yeah, there we go. Okay. Very "hostage."
1455
00:59:57,390 --> 00:59:59,180
- Jason: Hey, hey, look at me. No, look at me.
1456
00:59:59,180 --> 01:00:01,220
I'm not the bad guy, okay?
1457
01:00:01,220 --> 01:00:03,060
I'm as much as a victim as you are.
1458
01:00:03,060 --> 01:00:05,390
You think I want to be here? I don't wanna be doing this.
1459
01:00:05,390 --> 01:00:07,520
- Klyle: Neither do I! That's why I'm out of here.
1460
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:09,270
[grunting]
1461
01:00:09,270 --> 01:00:10,610
- Danny: Oh, shit.
1462
01:00:10,610 --> 01:00:12,820
- Tiago: I believe he's trying to kick us.
1463
01:00:12,820 --> 01:00:13,990
- Klyle: Sweep!
1464
01:00:13,990 --> 01:00:16,280
- And that's why you never take martial arts lessons
1465
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:18,360
from Cash Israel. It's all leg sweeps.
1466
01:00:18,370 --> 01:00:19,950
- Klyle: Sweep! Marco. - Tiago: Polo.
1467
01:00:19,950 --> 01:00:21,620
- Okay. - No, oh, the sweep.
1468
01:00:21,620 --> 01:00:23,620
- Jason: Go over there.
1469
01:00:23,620 --> 01:00:25,540
- Marco. - Polo.
1470
01:00:25,540 --> 01:00:27,040
- Now go over there. - Klyle: Sweep!
1471
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:28,210
- Tiago: Polo!
1472
01:00:28,210 --> 01:00:30,420
- Klyle: Take the two of you at once!
1473
01:00:30,420 --> 01:00:31,790
- What in the world is he doing?
1474
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:34,260
- Klyle: Axe kick! I need a break. Hey, hey.
1475
01:00:34,260 --> 01:00:36,090
- Klyle: Let me catch my... - Hey come...
1476
01:00:36,090 --> 01:00:37,880
- Klyle: Okay. - Let's lay down over here, man.
1477
01:00:37,890 --> 01:00:39,840
- Is this a rest area? - Tiago: Yeah, rest area.
1478
01:00:39,850 --> 01:00:41,510
Just watch your knees, watch the knees.
1479
01:00:41,510 --> 01:00:43,350
- [cross-talking] - Klyle:...some electrolytes.
1480
01:00:43,350 --> 01:00:44,470
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you.
1481
01:00:44,480 --> 01:00:46,390
- [gunshot firing] - Holy shit!
1482
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:50,940
- Jason: Oh God! No, no, no! This was supposed to...
1483
01:00:50,940 --> 01:00:52,480
- Tiago: Go check the minivan.
1484
01:00:52,480 --> 01:00:53,860
It's gotta be in there somewhere.
1485
01:00:53,860 --> 01:00:55,490
- Yes, they don't have it yet!
1486
01:00:55,490 --> 01:00:56,900
- Hold my waist! - Okay, I got you.
1487
01:00:56,900 --> 01:00:59,160
- Wait a minute. Do you remember when Klyle was talking
1488
01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:01,030
about a secret smuggling compartment under
1489
01:01:01,030 --> 01:01:03,530
- the minivan passenger seat? - Holy shit. They killed him.
1490
01:01:03,540 --> 01:01:04,870
- Yes, it has to be there!
1491
01:01:04,870 --> 01:01:06,200
Come on.
1492
01:01:06,210 --> 01:01:07,830
- [Luke whimpering]
1493
01:01:07,830 --> 01:01:10,580
- Come on, bro!
1494
01:01:10,580 --> 01:01:12,210
Ah!
1495
01:01:12,210 --> 01:01:15,130
She stranded us here! I should have known better.
1496
01:01:15,130 --> 01:01:16,920
It's like Todd Simmons always said--
1497
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:19,930
- Danny! - Hang on. Hang on.
1498
01:01:21,300 --> 01:01:22,350
I think it's in here.
1499
01:01:22,350 --> 01:01:24,560
I got it! I got it!
1500
01:01:24,560 --> 01:01:25,770
I found it! I got it!
1501
01:01:25,770 --> 01:01:27,730
- I don't care. - Well, you should care.
1502
01:01:27,730 --> 01:01:29,480
This is probably the most important thing
1503
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:30,900
- that you'll ever-- - [gunshots]
1504
01:01:30,900 --> 01:01:31,900
Ah! Shit!
1505
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:36,690
- Sir!
1506
01:01:36,690 --> 01:01:38,110
Can I have a hug?
1507
01:01:38,110 --> 01:01:40,780
Sir! Can I just please have one hug?
1508
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:45,240
- [beeping, hissing] - Sorry, man.
1509
01:01:46,700 --> 01:01:49,040
[panting] Oh, let's do this.
1510
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:51,000
Wait, how many times did you tranq me again?
1511
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:52,170
- I don't know, like, five.
1512
01:01:52,170 --> 01:01:56,210
- I... need a bump... of coke... Oh, dear.
1513
01:01:56,210 --> 01:01:58,090
- [thudding] - You gotta be kidding me!
1514
01:01:58,090 --> 01:01:59,170
[gunshots ricocheting]
1515
01:01:59,170 --> 01:02:01,510
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Ah!
1516
01:02:03,550 --> 01:02:06,430
- Come on. - [gunshots ricocheting]
1517
01:02:08,980 --> 01:02:10,890
[groaning]
1518
01:02:15,320 --> 01:02:18,780
Oh! Okay! Uh...
1519
01:02:18,780 --> 01:02:20,150
Whoa!
1520
01:02:20,150 --> 01:02:22,410
Sorry, Danny. Okay.
1521
01:02:22,410 --> 01:02:25,030
- [gears clunking] - What the fuck? No.
1522
01:02:25,030 --> 01:02:27,540
Oh, God. [panting]
1523
01:02:27,540 --> 01:02:28,790
Too many fucking pedals!
1524
01:02:28,790 --> 01:02:30,500
[gears grinding]
1525
01:02:30,500 --> 01:02:32,500
Ah! How does this work? Fuck!
1526
01:02:37,840 --> 01:02:40,380
No, leave me alone!
1527
01:02:41,380 --> 01:02:42,430
Fuck!
1528
01:02:43,680 --> 01:02:46,600
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
1529
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,430
Hang on, Danny!
1530
01:02:48,430 --> 01:02:50,430
[♪ heroic spaghetti western music plays ♪]
1531
01:03:14,670 --> 01:03:17,380
[♪ Muzak plays ♪]
1532
01:03:17,380 --> 01:03:19,250
- Welcome back to Taco Gary's.
1533
01:03:20,800 --> 01:03:23,300
Check your weapons in with me, sir.
1534
01:03:27,970 --> 01:03:29,470
- Okay. [panting]
1535
01:03:29,470 --> 01:03:31,310
- Voice on speaker: ...siesta at Taco Gary's,
1536
01:03:31,310 --> 01:03:34,190
so eat up like there's not tomorrow.
1537
01:03:34,190 --> 01:03:36,230
- Okay.
1538
01:03:36,230 --> 01:03:37,360
Okay, buddy. Wakey-wakey.
1539
01:03:37,360 --> 01:03:39,440
- [snorting]
1540
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:42,030
Ah! Whoo! Mmm. Mmm.
1541
01:03:42,030 --> 01:03:43,570
- It's okay, it's okay. You're safe now.
1542
01:03:43,570 --> 01:03:45,740
- What happened? Where are we? Are we on the shuttle?
1543
01:03:45,740 --> 01:03:48,030
- No, we're at Taco Gary's. You passed out.
1544
01:03:48,030 --> 01:03:49,280
- Really? - Yeah.
1545
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:50,740
- That doesn't sound like me.
1546
01:03:50,740 --> 01:03:53,200
I must've been trying to teach you a valuable life lesson
1547
01:03:53,210 --> 01:03:54,500
- or something. - Hey, guys.
1548
01:03:54,500 --> 01:03:57,580
I've gotta say, this has been a blast. Really.
1549
01:03:57,580 --> 01:04:00,920
All the chasing and the shooting, wow! How fun.
1550
01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:02,880
- Okay, it has had its moments. - Come on, right?
1551
01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:03,970
- Yeah, it has.
1552
01:04:03,970 --> 01:04:05,470
- Jason: We've been having a great time.
1553
01:04:05,470 --> 01:04:07,090
- What was your favorite, like...
1554
01:04:07,090 --> 01:04:08,930
- Marco Polo was funny. That was really funny,
1555
01:04:08,930 --> 01:04:10,510
watching him run around, he was like...
1556
01:04:10,510 --> 01:04:12,520
- Like, kicking... - He thought there were like,
1557
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:14,230
six of you. It was great.
1558
01:04:14,230 --> 01:04:17,060
- Anyways, please hand it over. - Oh, you want it?
1559
01:04:17,060 --> 01:04:18,650
- Okay, listen. - This motherfucker.
1560
01:04:18,650 --> 01:04:20,190
- We are aware-- - [grunting angrily]
1561
01:04:20,190 --> 01:04:21,270
- Okay. [shushing]
1562
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:23,230
We are aware of the Taco Gary's truce,
1563
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:25,320
but you're gonna have to leave eventually
1564
01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:26,610
if you want to catch that shuttle.
1565
01:04:26,610 --> 01:04:28,110
- Oh, really, so you can kill us too?
1566
01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:29,990
- If you just hand over the ticket,
1567
01:04:29,990 --> 01:04:32,160
we will let bygones be bygones.
1568
01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:34,160
- You blew my best friend's head off.
1569
01:04:34,160 --> 01:04:36,460
- Mmm, he said you were just associates.
1570
01:04:36,460 --> 01:04:39,330
- No! We were best--
1571
01:04:39,330 --> 01:04:41,250
actually, you know what, I never really liked the guy.
1572
01:04:41,250 --> 01:04:42,880
- Hey, guys, look me in the eyeball.
1573
01:04:42,880 --> 01:04:45,590
Right here, okay. Last chance to save your skins.
1574
01:04:45,590 --> 01:04:46,970
Please just fucking hand it over.
1575
01:04:46,970 --> 01:04:48,510
- Yeah, just give it back to 'em, Danny.
1576
01:04:48,510 --> 01:04:50,390
- No. Fuck you, Jason Biggs,
1577
01:04:50,390 --> 01:04:52,510
- and your Portuguese Popeye. - Super rude.
1578
01:04:52,510 --> 01:04:53,760
- People need to know about this.
1579
01:04:53,770 --> 01:04:56,100
- Why? So they can pretend they know what's best for humanity?
1580
01:04:56,100 --> 01:04:59,600
Please. Leave that to us celebrities.
1581
01:04:59,610 --> 01:05:01,520
- Tiago: Yeah, and celebrity-adjacent people.
1582
01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:03,270
- No. - You talked about this to me.
1583
01:05:03,280 --> 01:05:05,070
- Just celebrities. - Sorry I did it again.
1584
01:05:05,070 --> 01:05:06,900
- Voice: That is enough.
1585
01:05:06,900 --> 01:05:08,160
- Tiago: Oh my goodness.
1586
01:05:10,910 --> 01:05:12,910
- Luke: What's this now? - Danny: It's a piss-eyed Elder.
1587
01:05:12,910 --> 01:05:14,580
- A what? - A fucking alien, dude.
1588
01:05:27,130 --> 01:05:29,090
- You two. Stand up.
1589
01:05:29,090 --> 01:05:31,390
- Your majesty, these are the ones that have--
1590
01:05:31,390 --> 01:05:34,350
- Silence. Unless you would like to ejaculate guacamole picante.
1591
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:37,020
- What?
1592
01:05:37,020 --> 01:05:39,020
- I can make any human secrete guacamole picante
1593
01:05:39,020 --> 01:05:40,980
from any orifice. Behold.
1594
01:05:44,440 --> 01:05:47,280
- [groaning] - [squelching]
1595
01:05:48,450 --> 01:05:49,740
- See?
1596
01:05:49,740 --> 01:05:52,780
- What do you want, you cunt-quistador?
1597
01:05:52,780 --> 01:05:55,950
- Clever. Follow me.
1598
01:05:55,950 --> 01:05:58,370
Daniel, Lucas.
1599
01:05:59,370 --> 01:06:01,500
We travel by silver Sonic.
1600
01:06:02,960 --> 01:06:05,040
No one would suspect the master race of the galaxy
1601
01:06:05,050 --> 01:06:07,510
to drive a spacious yet affordable compact sedan.
1602
01:06:07,510 --> 01:06:09,970
A great cover with a great turning radius.
1603
01:06:09,970 --> 01:06:11,430
- Just get to the point.
1604
01:06:11,430 --> 01:06:14,050
- Ah, yes. I have been following you two for some time now.
1605
01:06:14,050 --> 01:06:15,180
- Creepy.
1606
01:06:15,180 --> 01:06:16,970
- You want to expose us.
1607
01:06:16,970 --> 01:06:18,220
- Hell yeah, we do!
1608
01:06:18,230 --> 01:06:21,390
- This can't be. How? Why is...
1609
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:23,440
- Elder: A galactic super race interested in Earth?
1610
01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:24,650
I will soon show you.
1611
01:06:24,650 --> 01:06:26,690
- Trust me, Luke, you don't want to know.
1612
01:06:26,690 --> 01:06:29,110
- No, no, no. He should know the whole truth.
1613
01:06:29,110 --> 01:06:30,240
[taco crunching]
1614
01:06:30,240 --> 01:06:32,820
We are here for the same reason why your people invade,
1615
01:06:32,820 --> 01:06:34,870
well, anywhere.
1616
01:06:34,870 --> 01:06:37,120
- Oil. - Luke: For fuck's sakes!
1617
01:06:37,120 --> 01:06:38,990
- Elder: Yes, it is true.
1618
01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:41,370
Every planet in the galaxy runs on oil.
1619
01:06:41,370 --> 01:06:43,710
- Told you, Luke. It's fucking bonkers.
1620
01:06:43,710 --> 01:06:45,290
- We are currently collecting the last
1621
01:06:45,290 --> 01:06:46,750
of your earthly reserves.
1622
01:06:46,750 --> 01:06:48,750
Once our extraction is complete,
1623
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:51,550
we plan on exterminating all life on this planet.
1624
01:06:51,550 --> 01:06:52,590
- Why?!
1625
01:06:52,590 --> 01:06:54,340
- Elder: Dead organic material
1626
01:06:54,340 --> 01:06:56,510
mixes with other sediment when buried.
1627
01:06:56,510 --> 01:06:58,010
Over millions of years,
1628
01:06:58,010 --> 01:06:59,850
under high pressure and high temperature,
1629
01:06:59,850 --> 01:07:02,640
the remains of these organisms transform into
1630
01:07:02,640 --> 01:07:05,560
what we know as fossil fuels.
1631
01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:07,310
By exterminating all life,
1632
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:09,230
we are simply creating a new oil reserve
1633
01:07:09,230 --> 01:07:11,690
to be harvested in 16 million years,
1634
01:07:11,700 --> 01:07:14,360
which, to an Elder, is not long at all.
1635
01:07:14,360 --> 01:07:15,950
We did the same process
1636
01:07:15,950 --> 01:07:18,370
with the organisms you call "dinosaurs".
1637
01:07:18,370 --> 01:07:20,410
- You killed the dinosaurs?
1638
01:07:20,410 --> 01:07:23,040
Literally my one and only interest?
1639
01:07:23,040 --> 01:07:25,080
- Told ya you weren't ready. - No. No. No, no, no.
1640
01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:27,670
This doesn't make any sense, because if you can fly
1641
01:07:27,670 --> 01:07:29,500
through space and live for millions of years,
1642
01:07:29,500 --> 01:07:31,800
then why don't you just synthesize your own fucking oil?
1643
01:07:31,800 --> 01:07:33,970
- Well, it is very political.
1644
01:07:33,970 --> 01:07:36,220
Too many jobs would be lost
1645
01:07:36,220 --> 01:07:38,100
by transitioning to greener hyper coils.
1646
01:07:38,100 --> 01:07:39,640
- Fucking unions.
1647
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:41,970
- However, we are not barbarian invaders.
1648
01:07:41,980 --> 01:07:44,810
Therefore, we have made a deal with your chieftains.
1649
01:07:44,810 --> 01:07:48,060
In exchange for the oil and destruction of all life,
1650
01:07:48,060 --> 01:07:51,360
we have allowed for passage to a brand-new planet development
1651
01:07:51,360 --> 01:07:54,320
in the midwestern Milky Way.
1652
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:56,240
- I think I'm going to throw up.
1653
01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:00,080
- Was it something I said?
1654
01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:02,330
- Uh, yeah! It's everything you said.
1655
01:08:02,330 --> 01:08:05,210
- [projector clicking off] - Listen, human.
1656
01:08:05,210 --> 01:08:08,080
We Elders are not without our empathy.
1657
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:12,550
I feel your plight, and your anguish.
1658
01:08:12,550 --> 01:08:14,170
- Cool.
1659
01:08:14,170 --> 01:08:15,930
- You'll be glad to know that I will asking
1660
01:08:15,930 --> 01:08:18,180
our board of directors for a 100 year delay
1661
01:08:18,180 --> 01:08:20,100
in humanity's destruction.
1662
01:08:20,100 --> 01:08:22,390
- A hundred years? - Yes.
1663
01:08:22,390 --> 01:08:26,940
All you must do is continue to keep our existence a secret.
1664
01:08:26,940 --> 01:08:28,560
- Why? I wasn't sworn to anything.
1665
01:08:28,560 --> 01:08:30,270
I'm not part of the Coalition.
1666
01:08:30,270 --> 01:08:32,980
- [card chiming] - You are now.
1667
01:08:37,490 --> 01:08:39,320
[water running]
1668
01:08:45,960 --> 01:08:48,210
- Fuck it.
1669
01:08:48,210 --> 01:08:50,670
- And I will transfer the $27.7 million
1670
01:08:50,670 --> 01:08:53,380
into your bank account immediately.
1671
01:08:53,380 --> 01:08:55,260
- Was that all? - You're forgetting one thing.
1672
01:08:56,420 --> 01:08:59,550
- Ah, yes. I will also free the squid people
1673
01:08:59,550 --> 01:09:01,260
underneath Santa Fe, New Mexico.
1674
01:09:01,260 --> 01:09:03,430
- Great. I've gotta hand it to you.
1675
01:09:03,430 --> 01:09:05,270
I was not expecting this
1676
01:09:05,270 --> 01:09:07,140
from a smug alien fuck like yourself,
1677
01:09:07,140 --> 01:09:09,270
but you've got yourself a deal.
1678
01:09:09,270 --> 01:09:11,900
- Fantastic. Now we seal the agreement
1679
01:09:11,900 --> 01:09:13,270
with a simple genital cupping.
1680
01:09:13,280 --> 01:09:17,150
- Of course we do. Fucking weirdos.
1681
01:09:17,150 --> 01:09:19,740
- A little higher.
1682
01:09:19,740 --> 01:09:21,240
- Oh, Jesus.
1683
01:09:23,490 --> 01:09:25,410
- Elder: Come now.
1684
01:09:25,410 --> 01:09:29,710
[♪ ethereal music plays ♪]
1685
01:09:29,710 --> 01:09:31,330
- [shouting] - [beeping, hissing]
1686
01:09:31,330 --> 01:09:33,000
- Ow.
1687
01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:36,050
- Oh, Dearlock... - [thudding]
1688
01:09:36,050 --> 01:09:37,840
- There! Happy now?
1689
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:39,340
We've got all the proof that you need,
1690
01:09:39,340 --> 01:09:41,430
and then we can just return the whatever-the-fuck
1691
01:09:41,430 --> 01:09:43,350
- to Jason, and-- - What the fuck are you doing,
1692
01:09:43,350 --> 01:09:45,850
you idiot?! We were just about to--
1693
01:09:45,850 --> 01:09:47,680
Actually, you know what? Fuck it, it's better this way.
1694
01:09:47,680 --> 01:09:51,100
- Come on. Let's go. - What about the alien?!
1695
01:09:51,100 --> 01:09:54,020
- Oh, yeah. Uh... [sighs]
1696
01:09:54,020 --> 01:09:55,980
I haven't been completely honest with you.
1697
01:09:55,980 --> 01:09:57,990
- God damn it!
1698
01:09:57,990 --> 01:09:59,780
- The plan was never to reveal them to the world
1699
01:09:59,780 --> 01:10:01,110
or blow any whistles, okay?
1700
01:10:01,110 --> 01:10:03,490
- Then why are you doing all of this?
1701
01:10:03,490 --> 01:10:07,370
What is the point? Why did I just assault a freakin' alien?
1702
01:10:07,370 --> 01:10:09,200
- I didn't tell you to do that! Look, whatever,
1703
01:10:09,210 --> 01:10:11,540
the world's about to end and the shuttle's leaving today,
1704
01:10:11,540 --> 01:10:14,920
so forget this thing and its two-headed dick. Come on!
1705
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:16,920
[♪ spaghetti western music plays ♪]
1706
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:27,260
- Please answer the question!
1707
01:10:27,270 --> 01:10:29,350
Why-- Why are you trying to fuck me over so hard?
1708
01:10:29,350 --> 01:10:30,770
Why am I here?
1709
01:10:30,770 --> 01:10:32,480
- I told you! The shuttle is here.
1710
01:10:32,480 --> 01:10:35,110
- What shuttle?
1711
01:10:35,110 --> 01:10:36,520
- Fuck!
1712
01:10:36,520 --> 01:10:37,820
- Oh! Bingo bongo. - [beeping]
1713
01:10:37,820 --> 01:10:39,780
- Computerized voice: Coalition ID confirmed.
1714
01:10:39,780 --> 01:10:40,900
Welcome!
1715
01:10:40,900 --> 01:10:43,660
- The entrance to the space port is around here somewhere.
1716
01:10:43,660 --> 01:10:46,410
I'm 99.7% sure this is where the Elders first made contact.
1717
01:10:46,410 --> 01:10:48,450
This is where they had their first Taco Gary's taco.
1718
01:10:48,450 --> 01:10:50,370
It has to be here. It could look like anything.
1719
01:10:50,370 --> 01:10:52,000
It could be tiny, it could be invisible,
1720
01:10:52,000 --> 01:10:53,880
it definitely won't look like a door.
1721
01:11:09,270 --> 01:11:11,270
Fuck!
1722
01:11:15,110 --> 01:11:18,110
[ethereal humming]
1723
01:11:20,360 --> 01:11:21,400
- Is this it?
1724
01:11:21,400 --> 01:11:23,410
[ethereal humming]
1725
01:11:26,030 --> 01:11:28,280
- Yes! Yes!
1726
01:11:28,280 --> 01:11:30,620
Good eye. Yes!
1727
01:11:30,620 --> 01:11:32,160
Come on.
1728
01:11:38,210 --> 01:11:40,170
- Danny. Danny. Danny.
1729
01:11:43,470 --> 01:11:44,720
No!
1730
01:11:47,550 --> 01:11:49,560
- Voice on speaker: ...Welcome to the Taco Gary's
1731
01:11:49,560 --> 01:11:52,350
Interstellar Space Port...
1732
01:11:52,350 --> 01:11:54,180
- Holy shit.
1733
01:11:54,190 --> 01:11:55,310
- Hmm?
1734
01:12:00,480 --> 01:12:02,570
- Voice on speaker: Welcome to the Taco Gary's
1735
01:12:02,570 --> 01:12:07,070
Interstellar Space Port, located in beautiful Ottawa,
1736
01:12:07,070 --> 01:12:10,910
birthplace of the Bingo Bongo Burrito...
1737
01:12:21,420 --> 01:12:24,260
...So, eat up, like there's no tomorrow!
1738
01:12:24,260 --> 01:12:25,970
- Luke.
1739
01:12:25,970 --> 01:12:28,760
I haven't been completely honest with you.
1740
01:12:28,760 --> 01:12:30,970
- Yeah, I know that-- - But you don't know why.
1741
01:12:30,970 --> 01:12:34,180
The reason I haven't been completely honest with you
1742
01:12:34,180 --> 01:12:35,480
until this exact moment
1743
01:12:35,480 --> 01:12:37,810
is because you'd never believe it all at once.
1744
01:12:37,810 --> 01:12:39,020
- Fair.
1745
01:12:39,020 --> 01:12:41,150
- When I found out that we only had a couple weeks left,
1746
01:12:41,150 --> 01:12:43,530
I knew I had to get you on the last shuttle out of here.
1747
01:12:43,530 --> 01:12:45,780
And I know I've done nothing but lie to you,
1748
01:12:45,780 --> 01:12:49,200
but if there was ever a time for you to trust me,
1749
01:12:49,200 --> 01:12:51,410
- it's right now. - [beeping]
1750
01:12:51,410 --> 01:12:53,660
So, you're gonna take this ticket.
1751
01:12:53,660 --> 01:12:56,080
And you're gonna get on that shuttle.
1752
01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:57,370
You know why?
1753
01:12:57,370 --> 01:12:59,790
'Cause your life depends on it.
1754
01:12:59,790 --> 01:13:01,250
Take it.
1755
01:13:01,250 --> 01:13:04,050
- Jason: But it's my ticket! It was meant for me.
1756
01:13:04,050 --> 01:13:06,670
You are not seeming to grasp the complaint here.
1757
01:13:06,670 --> 01:13:08,220
- Alien: Present it, and you may board.
1758
01:13:08,220 --> 01:13:10,510
- It was stolen! - Oh, that's too bad.
1759
01:13:10,510 --> 01:13:12,970
Possession may be nine tenths of the law for humans.
1760
01:13:12,970 --> 01:13:14,770
It is 100% for Elders.
1761
01:13:14,770 --> 01:13:16,390
We do not have laws against stealing.
1762
01:13:16,390 --> 01:13:17,520
- What? Why not?
1763
01:13:17,520 --> 01:13:19,520
- Because we do not steal. Duh. [laughs]
1764
01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:22,520
Every Elders has what he, slash she, slash Gliborb needs.
1765
01:13:22,520 --> 01:13:23,610
- Minus affordable gasoline.
1766
01:13:23,610 --> 01:13:24,900
- What was that? - What was that?
1767
01:13:24,900 --> 01:13:26,240
- Hmm? - What?
1768
01:13:26,240 --> 01:13:28,400
- Two dicks says what? - I missed that. What?
1769
01:13:28,400 --> 01:13:30,780
- Look, this isn't fair. Okay? I faked my own death already!
1770
01:13:30,780 --> 01:13:33,490
- I'm sorry, but no ticket, no boarding.
1771
01:13:33,490 --> 01:13:34,540
- Jason, look!
1772
01:13:36,910 --> 01:13:39,410
- Go! Go, go, go!
1773
01:13:39,420 --> 01:13:40,420
- Next.
1774
01:13:40,420 --> 01:13:42,420
- Voice on speaker: Attention, all passengers.
1775
01:13:42,420 --> 01:13:44,340
The shuttle will be boarding in seven minutes.
1776
01:13:44,340 --> 01:13:46,090
- But what about you? - Don't worry about me,
1777
01:13:46,090 --> 01:13:47,970
you've done enough of that in your life. Okay?
1778
01:13:47,970 --> 01:13:49,300
This is me returning the favor.
1779
01:13:49,300 --> 01:13:52,220
- No, no, because if all that were true, then--
1780
01:13:52,220 --> 01:13:54,430
then why me, man?
1781
01:13:54,430 --> 01:13:58,310
And why not like, a doctor or even a competent swimmer?
1782
01:13:58,310 --> 01:14:00,140
- Because you offer something that most of
1783
01:14:00,150 --> 01:14:02,770
these self-entitled "important" people here don't.
1784
01:14:02,770 --> 01:14:06,280
You are a good person.
1785
01:14:06,280 --> 01:14:08,650
You care about your neighbors, your family.
1786
01:14:08,650 --> 01:14:10,740
You make people feel good about themselves.
1787
01:14:10,740 --> 01:14:13,820
Yeah, sure, the new world will need innovators
1788
01:14:13,830 --> 01:14:17,160
and goal-driven risk takers to keep humanity moving forward,
1789
01:14:17,160 --> 01:14:19,960
but kind, delicate good neighbors like yourself
1790
01:14:19,960 --> 01:14:21,960
are the foundation.
1791
01:14:21,960 --> 01:14:23,830
So, knowing that there will be good people like you
1792
01:14:23,840 --> 01:14:26,960
on Earth 2.0 gives me hope.
1793
01:14:26,960 --> 01:14:28,840
And that's more than enough for me.
1794
01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:32,760
- This is absolutely insane.
1795
01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:34,640
- I know it is!
1796
01:14:34,640 --> 01:14:37,220
It's fucking insane, but I need you to embrace the chaos.
1797
01:14:37,220 --> 01:14:40,640
I need you to accept the Todd Simmons of it all.
1798
01:14:40,640 --> 01:14:43,560
Look, I am asking you, do you trust me?
1799
01:14:50,650 --> 01:14:53,530
- I can't believe I'm about to say this, but...
1800
01:14:53,530 --> 01:14:55,570
yeah.
1801
01:14:55,580 --> 01:14:57,200
- Thanks, dude.
1802
01:14:57,200 --> 01:14:58,580
- Jason: Cough, cough.
1803
01:14:58,580 --> 01:15:00,620
I can't believe my good luck. Makes me wonder
1804
01:15:00,620 --> 01:15:02,290
why I didn't just wait for you guys here.
1805
01:15:02,290 --> 01:15:03,830
But alas, can't change the past.
1806
01:15:03,830 --> 01:15:05,540
Anyway, this is the part of the story--
1807
01:15:05,540 --> 01:15:07,590
- Hey, hey, Jason, please. Hello.
1808
01:15:07,590 --> 01:15:09,050
- What? - You're doing it again, man.
1809
01:15:09,050 --> 01:15:10,840
- Doing what again? - The fucking monologue.
1810
01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:12,340
- We talked about this. - Sorry.
1811
01:15:12,340 --> 01:15:14,090
- Can I please just shoot them? - You're right. Okay.
1812
01:15:14,090 --> 01:15:15,390
- Much simpler. - No more monologues.
1813
01:15:15,390 --> 01:15:16,970
- Thank you very much. - Thank you.
1814
01:15:16,970 --> 01:15:19,350
- [beeping] - Danny: See ya!
1815
01:15:19,350 --> 01:15:21,020
- Tiago? - Yep?
1816
01:15:21,020 --> 01:15:22,560
That was on me. So sorry.
1817
01:15:22,560 --> 01:15:23,810
What the fuck, man?
1818
01:15:30,150 --> 01:15:31,780
- This way.
1819
01:15:31,780 --> 01:15:33,780
[♪ propulsive music plays ♪]
1820
01:15:41,750 --> 01:15:43,710
[panting]
1821
01:15:43,710 --> 01:15:46,380
- What do we do now? - Shh.
1822
01:15:50,800 --> 01:15:52,010
- Tiago: Whoopsie!
1823
01:15:53,010 --> 01:15:54,800
Looks like it's over, huh?
1824
01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:58,220
You see, we are covering the only exit.
1825
01:15:59,680 --> 01:16:01,600
I'll tell you what. You come on out,
1826
01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:03,350
and there will be no more bloodshed.
1827
01:16:03,350 --> 01:16:05,480
Promessa Portuguesa.
1828
01:16:05,480 --> 01:16:08,270
Now that is a Portuguese promise.
1829
01:16:11,360 --> 01:16:13,240
- I knew it would end one day in an office.
1830
01:16:13,240 --> 01:16:14,240
- What? - Nothing.
1831
01:16:14,240 --> 01:16:15,990
I have a plan.
1832
01:16:15,990 --> 01:16:17,240
When I give you the signal,
1833
01:16:17,240 --> 01:16:19,370
you run back to the space door. Got it?
1834
01:16:19,370 --> 01:16:20,620
- What about it you?
1835
01:16:20,620 --> 01:16:23,120
- Didn't I tell you to stop worrying about me?
1836
01:16:26,620 --> 01:16:28,420
- What the fuck?
1837
01:16:33,090 --> 01:16:34,720
- [in a New York accent] Bingo bongo!
1838
01:16:34,720 --> 01:16:37,590
Get yer tickets to outer space here!
1839
01:16:37,590 --> 01:16:38,590
- There!
1840
01:16:39,600 --> 01:16:42,220
- Hey, assholes! I have your prize!
1841
01:16:42,220 --> 01:16:43,600
Come and get it!
1842
01:16:43,600 --> 01:16:46,020
- Jesus, what the fuck are you doing, you idiot?
1843
01:16:46,020 --> 01:16:49,150
- Come and get it, you mango-eating motherfuckers.
1844
01:16:50,400 --> 01:16:52,480
Hey, Luke! This is the signal!
1845
01:16:52,480 --> 01:16:55,070
Go, go, go! Luke, go, run!
1846
01:16:55,070 --> 01:16:57,530
- Thank you. Well, well, well.
1847
01:16:57,530 --> 01:16:59,070
Seems to me--
1848
01:16:59,070 --> 01:17:01,120
- Please, not another fucking monologue. Please.
1849
01:17:01,120 --> 01:17:02,530
- You're right. - Let me just do it.
1850
01:17:02,540 --> 01:17:04,290
- Go ahead, go ahead. - Thank you so much.
1851
01:17:04,290 --> 01:17:05,620
- Run, Luke!
1852
01:17:05,620 --> 01:17:08,330
[♪ "Steadfast Love" by Floating Action plays ♪]
1853
01:17:10,130 --> 01:17:14,630
♪ So many years, got a face that's old ♪
1854
01:17:14,630 --> 01:17:16,470
♪ Saw the world unfold ♪
1855
01:17:16,470 --> 01:17:17,840
[in slow motion] Run, Luke!
1856
01:17:17,840 --> 01:17:22,430
♪ And the truth be told in a steadfast love ♪
1857
01:17:22,430 --> 01:17:25,100
♪ In a steadfast love ♪
1858
01:17:36,320 --> 01:17:38,110
♪ It's a steadfast love ♪
1859
01:17:38,110 --> 01:17:39,860
- Tiago: Oh my God, that felt so satisfying.
1860
01:17:39,860 --> 01:17:41,070
- It looked great. - Thank you.
1861
01:17:41,070 --> 01:17:42,450
- You looked so good. - Thank you.
1862
01:17:42,450 --> 01:17:44,240
- Yeah, it looked really good. - [beeping]
1863
01:17:44,240 --> 01:17:46,450
Why is-- What's going on? Is this empty?
1864
01:17:46,450 --> 01:17:48,210
- Son of a bitch! - It's empty!
1865
01:17:48,210 --> 01:17:51,120
- Look, that motherfucker is right there!
1866
01:17:51,130 --> 01:17:52,250
Come on!
1867
01:18:03,180 --> 01:18:06,560
♪ Nah-nah-nah ♪
1868
01:18:06,560 --> 01:18:09,270
♪ Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah ♪
1869
01:18:09,270 --> 01:18:11,690
♪ Nah-nah-nah ♪
1870
01:18:13,480 --> 01:18:15,150
[♪ song fades ♪]
1871
01:18:16,440 --> 01:18:17,440
- Ah...
1872
01:18:19,700 --> 01:18:21,280
The boarding pass, please.
1873
01:18:22,780 --> 01:18:24,120
I know what you're thinking.
1874
01:18:24,120 --> 01:18:25,950
"Why don't you just go ahead and shoot me already?
1875
01:18:25,950 --> 01:18:28,500
"Doesn't even matter as the world will end in two weeks."
1876
01:18:28,500 --> 01:18:29,910
But this isn't easy for us.
1877
01:18:29,910 --> 01:18:31,250
- Jesus Christ, man, can you literally
1878
01:18:31,250 --> 01:18:33,630
not help yourself with the monologue shit?
1879
01:18:33,630 --> 01:18:35,130
Sorry, did... What do you mean,
1880
01:18:35,130 --> 01:18:36,800
the world is gonna end in two weeks?
1881
01:18:36,800 --> 01:18:38,380
- Oh, come on.
1882
01:18:38,380 --> 01:18:40,260
I told you, this is the last shuttle.
1883
01:18:40,260 --> 01:18:41,720
I thought you figured it out already.
1884
01:18:41,720 --> 01:18:42,880
- No, I didn't figure it out!
1885
01:18:42,890 --> 01:18:44,800
Wait, are the Elders destroying the Earth?
1886
01:18:44,800 --> 01:18:47,010
- No, no, no. Not at all. - Oh, thank goodness.
1887
01:18:47,010 --> 01:18:48,640
- Just all life on Earth. - What?
1888
01:18:48,640 --> 01:18:50,350
Why didn't you just tell me the truth, man?
1889
01:18:50,350 --> 01:18:52,140
- No one wants to believe the truth anymore.
1890
01:18:52,150 --> 01:18:53,730
- You said I would inherit your fortune!
1891
01:18:53,730 --> 01:18:55,190
- Jason: You still do. - And I have like
1892
01:18:55,190 --> 01:18:57,320
- two weeks to spend it? - Twelve days, technically.
1893
01:18:57,320 --> 01:18:59,480
- Oh, you liar. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1894
01:18:59,490 --> 01:19:02,860
Tiago, what are you doing, buddy?
1895
01:19:02,860 --> 01:19:05,320
Come on, it's me. Jason.
1896
01:19:05,320 --> 01:19:07,280
So I wasn't completely honest with you,
1897
01:19:07,290 --> 01:19:09,290
but it was for your own good, buddy.
1898
01:19:09,290 --> 01:19:11,750
I wanted your last precious moments
1899
01:19:11,750 --> 01:19:13,790
to be lived in blissful ignorance.
1900
01:19:13,790 --> 01:19:15,920
Again, I am the good guy, here.
1901
01:19:15,920 --> 01:19:18,250
- Actually, no, Jason. You are not the good guy.
1902
01:19:18,250 --> 01:19:20,090
You are the bad guy.
1903
01:19:20,090 --> 01:19:22,010
You have always been the bad guy.
1904
01:19:22,010 --> 01:19:24,340
- [gasps] You take that back.
1905
01:19:24,340 --> 01:19:27,930
I am the hero! [laughs]
1906
01:19:27,930 --> 01:19:29,560
Leonardo, come on, help me out here?
1907
01:19:29,560 --> 01:19:31,480
- Tiago: Thank you.
1908
01:19:31,480 --> 01:19:33,390
- This is why you should never trust the Portuguese.
1909
01:19:33,390 --> 01:19:34,690
- What'd you say? - What was that?
1910
01:19:34,690 --> 01:19:35,900
- You said something about the Portuguese?
1911
01:19:35,900 --> 01:19:37,860
- No, nothing. - No, fuck you, man!
1912
01:19:37,860 --> 01:19:40,320
You know, I changed for you! And fuck this eye patch.
1913
01:19:40,320 --> 01:19:42,070
You know he told me to wear it because it would make
1914
01:19:42,070 --> 01:19:43,780
me more intimidating? Well, guess what?
1915
01:19:43,780 --> 01:19:45,490
It doesn't, this gun does!
1916
01:19:45,490 --> 01:19:46,780
New plan.
1917
01:19:46,780 --> 01:19:48,330
I'm taking the fucking ticket.
1918
01:19:48,330 --> 01:19:49,910
[chicken clucking]
1919
01:19:49,910 --> 01:19:51,950
What the hell?
1920
01:19:51,950 --> 01:19:54,120
What is that, like, supposed to be?
1921
01:19:54,120 --> 01:19:57,500
- Jason: Is it supposed to be, um, give me a sec.
1922
01:19:57,500 --> 01:19:59,710
- Tiago: Can't take my eyes off it. Look at it.
1923
01:19:59,710 --> 01:20:01,300
- Give me a second. Gimme a sec. Ah!
1924
01:20:01,300 --> 01:20:03,340
But what's the significance of the boobs, though?
1925
01:20:03,340 --> 01:20:04,800
- Tiago: It's like, super hypnotic,
1926
01:20:04,800 --> 01:20:06,050
but it makes no sense, though.
1927
01:20:06,050 --> 01:20:07,550
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
1928
01:20:07,550 --> 01:20:11,180
It's not supposed to make any sense.
1929
01:20:11,180 --> 01:20:14,100
- Because... - Both: It's a ruse!
1930
01:20:16,900 --> 01:20:18,560
Fuck muffin!
1931
01:20:21,150 --> 01:20:22,230
- They shot Danny!
1932
01:20:22,240 --> 01:20:23,570
- I know! Just keep running!
1933
01:20:23,570 --> 01:20:25,820
- [tone beeping] - This is the final
1934
01:20:25,820 --> 01:20:27,860
boarding call for the last shuttle to New Earth.
1935
01:20:27,870 --> 01:20:29,820
Doors will be closing momentarily.
1936
01:20:29,830 --> 01:20:31,370
If you do not wish to be incinerated
1937
01:20:31,370 --> 01:20:32,740
and repurposed as fossil fuel,
1938
01:20:32,750 --> 01:20:34,580
please proceed to the gate immediately.
1939
01:20:40,840 --> 01:20:43,840
- Okay. I got it! I got it!
1940
01:20:43,840 --> 01:20:46,380
- I got it! - [gasps]
1941
01:20:46,380 --> 01:20:48,090
[bullet ricocheting]
1942
01:20:48,090 --> 01:20:50,050
[♪ Musak plays ♪]
1943
01:20:54,140 --> 01:20:55,980
- Excuse me, sirs.
1944
01:20:55,980 --> 01:20:58,270
But murder is not allowed in a Taco Gary's.
1945
01:20:58,270 --> 01:20:59,600
[bullet clattering]
1946
01:20:59,610 --> 01:21:02,520
And this port is technically on Taco Gary's property.
1947
01:21:02,530 --> 01:21:04,400
So you know the penalty.
1948
01:21:04,400 --> 01:21:06,070
- You see why I kept you in the dark.
1949
01:21:06,070 --> 01:21:07,990
- I see it now. I'm sorry.
1950
01:21:07,990 --> 01:21:10,410
- Oh! - Oh, wow.
1951
01:21:10,410 --> 01:21:12,950
- This is all your fault. - I know, I'm sorry!
1952
01:21:12,950 --> 01:21:15,040
- [screaming] - [sizzling]
1953
01:21:15,040 --> 01:21:16,910
- What's that smell? - I don't know, dude.
1954
01:21:16,910 --> 01:21:18,460
- Mangos? - Fuck, yes.
1955
01:21:18,460 --> 01:21:20,210
- Both: Mangos!
1956
01:21:22,590 --> 01:21:25,460
- Oh dear. - [beeping]
1957
01:21:25,460 --> 01:21:27,260
- Welcome aboard.
1958
01:21:31,010 --> 01:21:32,930
- Oh dear.
1959
01:21:32,930 --> 01:21:36,600
[♪ "Weeds Or Wildflowers" by Parsonfield plays ♪]
1960
01:21:46,570 --> 01:21:50,700
♪ Well, I came along to find a little peace of mind ♪
1961
01:21:50,700 --> 01:21:52,370
♪ Neglected all my duties ♪
1962
01:21:52,370 --> 01:21:54,450
♪ Stepping off that straightened line ♪
1963
01:21:54,450 --> 01:21:56,450
♪ Now I just sit by my front door ♪
1964
01:21:56,450 --> 01:21:58,790
♪ Filled with indolence and sound ♪
1965
01:21:58,790 --> 01:22:00,250
- [exhaling]
1966
01:22:00,250 --> 01:22:03,130
♪ It's like I'm watching the weeds grow on the ground ♪
1967
01:22:03,130 --> 01:22:04,250
Look, Luke.
1968
01:22:04,250 --> 01:22:05,750
This is going to be hard to hear,
1969
01:22:05,760 --> 01:22:09,630
but it's what Danny expected to happen all along.
1970
01:22:09,630 --> 01:22:11,640
He never planned on leaving,
1971
01:22:11,640 --> 01:22:13,970
but he didn't want you to be alone.
1972
01:22:13,970 --> 01:22:15,350
- I still don't get it.
1973
01:22:15,350 --> 01:22:17,970
- Embrace it. Look, this is the norm, Luke.
1974
01:22:17,980 --> 01:22:19,680
The world is always ending.
1975
01:22:19,690 --> 01:22:21,600
Things never make total sense,
1976
01:22:21,600 --> 01:22:24,770
and sometimes our only option is to just go with the flow.
1977
01:22:24,770 --> 01:22:26,780
It's the one thing we can control.
1978
01:22:28,740 --> 01:22:30,610
Do you know who said that?
1979
01:22:32,570 --> 01:22:35,490
Do you know who said that?
1980
01:22:36,580 --> 01:22:38,540
- [sighs]
1981
01:22:42,330 --> 01:22:44,000
Todd Simmons.
1982
01:22:50,300 --> 01:22:52,720
- And now you get it.
1983
01:22:52,720 --> 01:22:54,340
♪ You pass something down ♪
1984
01:22:54,350 --> 01:22:56,010
♪ No matter where or how ♪
1985
01:22:56,010 --> 01:22:58,010
♪ Well, there'll be weeds or wildflowers ♪
1986
01:22:58,020 --> 01:22:59,720
♪ Affixed upon your bows ♪
1987
01:22:59,730 --> 01:23:01,850
♪ And there's a crooked burning cigarette ♪
1988
01:23:01,850 --> 01:23:03,190
♪ Rolling on your tongue ♪
1989
01:23:03,190 --> 01:23:05,190
♪ Well, there'll be weeds or wildflowers ♪
1990
01:23:05,190 --> 01:23:07,520
♪ When you're done ♪
1991
01:23:07,530 --> 01:23:11,190
♪ Da-da, da-da ♪
1992
01:23:11,200 --> 01:23:15,030
♪ Da-da-da ♪
1993
01:23:15,030 --> 01:23:18,830
♪ Da-da, da-da ♪
1994
01:23:18,830 --> 01:23:22,500
♪ Da-da-da ♪
1995
01:23:22,500 --> 01:23:26,080
♪ Da-da, da-da ♪
1996
01:23:26,090 --> 01:23:30,300
♪ Da-da-da ♪
1997
01:23:30,300 --> 01:23:34,010
♪ Da-da, da-da ♪
1998
01:23:34,010 --> 01:23:37,760
♪ Da ♪
1999
01:23:38,760 --> 01:23:41,310
♪ Blown about by the wind ♪
2000
01:23:41,310 --> 01:23:42,890
♪ And the worthless little thing ♪
2001
01:23:42,890 --> 01:23:44,600
♪ But the world can feel the changes ♪
2002
01:23:44,600 --> 01:23:46,350
♪ Of a butterfly's wings ♪
2003
01:23:46,360 --> 01:23:48,110
♪ And so that crooked burning cigarette ♪
2004
01:23:48,110 --> 01:23:49,770
♪ Rolling on your tongue ♪
2005
01:23:49,780 --> 01:23:53,150
♪ Will leave its weeds before your flowers yet have sprung ♪
2006
01:23:53,150 --> 01:23:56,570
♪ Will there be weeds or wildflowers when you're done? ♪
2007
01:23:56,570 --> 01:23:58,830
[♪ song ends ♪]
2008
01:23:58,830 --> 01:24:01,700
[♪ tense spaghetti western music plays ♪]
2009
01:24:04,710 --> 01:24:07,790
[♪ song ends ♪]
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