All language subtitles for Wilfred_(US)_S04E07_1080p_WEB-DL_DD__5.1_x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

I didn't know you were
looking for work again.

Yeah, I have offers
from a few hospitals.

But if I'm gonna go back
to yanking out little miracles,

it's got to be a perfect fit.

And I know what you're gonna ask
about next: my dating life,

which you always do,
even though

it's a little Luke-and-Leia-ish.
So...

you're dating someone?

I'm dating lots of someones.

Oh.
It's fun.

I never
played the field before.

Although it can get
a little weird sometimes.

Like, on a first date, have
you ever showed a girl your...?

(phone vibrates)

Speaking of nuts.

Hey, Mom.

Uh, okay.

No, no. No, I don't think
that's a good idea.

Because there are trained
professionals there.

No, I'm not calling you crazy.

Mom, Mom, listen...
Uh, Kristen,

maybe I should...

Let me in!
Let me in!

Ryan, come on!
It's an emergency!

What?

Oh!

Oh, my God.

That was close.

I almost shook myself
off outside your door.

(Jenna groans)

Sorry. He rolled in a puddle
on the way over here.

I don't know why
he always does that inside.

Eh, he's a dog. You could tell
him to stop doing something

a thousand times.
KRISTEN:
What if you forget

to turn off your stove
and then you end up blowing
up your whole building?

Okay, well, let
me remind you...

I'm sorry. Family business.

I get it. I have
to get to work.

Oh, wait.

Spare key. I have to go
into the office tonight,

so you can just pick
him up whenever.
Thanks.

Sorry.

KRISTEN:
No, you are not driving
through a parking garage.

Because there are
no parking garages there, Mom.

And you don't even have a car.

You know what, this is
why you and every...

Hello?

(groans)

What's going on?

Mom thinks she's ready

to leave the sanitarium.

I said no, obviously. Thank God

I'm her legal guardian.
Imagine if these decisions
were left up to her

and not me. She'd be walking
the street with no clothes on,

rooting through garbage, just
pissing and shitting in public.

And?
Where
are you going?

To Clouds. Nobody hangs up on me

in the middle
of me yelling at them.

Well, I was already planning
on visiting her today.

I-I can talk to her for you.

I think I'd rather
do that myself.

I can be a lot meaner
than you can.

Yeah, but that's gonna put you
in a bad mood.

Besides,
I can be pretty mean, too.

Bitch.
Hoo, hoo, hoo.

You're gonna have to do
a lot better than that,

you dickless,
syphilitic runt.

She's good.

Real good.

"You're as crazy
as your mother."

That's what
he said, right?

The weird thing is I never
mentioned your mom to Bruce.

Or whoever that
old guy was.

H-How do you think
I should bring up the idea

of my mom leaving Clouds?

I just don't want her
to get all worked up about it.

I thought we were
going out there to ask
Catherine about Bruce.

We are. I just figured,
while we're there,

I might as well smooth things
over between Kristen and her.

Why?

You heard my sister
on the phone.

They're always at each other's
throats like that.

It's up to me to keep the peace.

Or maybe they keep bickering
because you stop the fights

before they get
to the late rounds,

when the real heavy
punches start landing

and the weaknesses and
vulnerabilities get exposed

and Bald Bull starts
doing the Bull Charge
and, before you know it,

Mario's just like...
(video game sound)

You don't know my family.
I have to stop things

from blowing up
before it gets out of control.

Look, I know your parents'
divorce must have been...

a slight bummer.

You mean the worst experience
of my childhood?

But this isn't that.

I know. You're the one
who made the comparison.

Fine, whatever.

As long as we're going
out to visit Catherine,

that's all
that matters.

Ever since her cat died,
the burden of responsibility

has fallen on me to cheer her
up when she's feeling blue,

to lick her face when it's
covered in Funyun dust.

Yeah, right.
You love the attention.

Doesn't make it
any less of a burden.

Aw.

(chuckles)
WILFRED:
Really?

What?
Three-legged dogs

are the scourge
of the dog community.

While the rest of us
are out there

working our asses off
to get some attention,

these lazy pieces of
shit just rock up

and get treated
like royalty.

Drop it, boy.
Drop it.

Good boy! Good
boy, Ralston.

RYAN:
I didn't know
you had a dog,

Dr. Cahill.
He doesn't.

He has three-fourths of one.

Oh, I got Ralston
years ago

after I suffered
a traumatic incident.

I don't know if I ever
told you this, but I... I was...

Raped?
Gang-raped.

Let me give you
some advice, young man.

Think before you blare
your horn at a van.

Thanks to Ralston,
it's getting easier

for me to talk
about the, uh...

incident, and he seems

to inspire a lot
of the patients here, as well,

so I bring him in
a few times a month.

Please. The only thing a
three-legged dog inspires

is overcoming
your worst fears

and doing the impossible
and achieving your dreams.

It's like, eat
a dick, dude.

Hey, your mom looks different.

So healthy. Did
she do a cleanse?

There he is!
Oh, come here, boy!

Excuse me, Ryan.
Duty calls.

Oh.
Watch out, Catherine.

There's my little snuggle-butt.

Hi.

Oh, you come here.
Hey, Mom.

Oh. Hi, Ryan.

Sweetie.

(laughs)
Dr. Cahill.

Morning,
Catherine.

Well, I'll leave you two
to catch up.

Mom, do you know
a guy named Bruce?

Mom?

I knew this day would come.

(sighs)

I should have told you
about him a long time ago.

I don't know how I ever let him
suck me into those stupid games.

Games?

Every Wednesday night, we'd
sneak down into the boiler room.

Wait. What?

(whispers):
Poker.

Gambling is
against the rules.

We're talking
about Bruce Chang, right?

Down-down the hall
in room 204?

And you're sure you don't
know any other Bruces?

It's not like I get a chance

to meet a lot
of new people here.

I'm gonna get some lemon.

My name's Wilfred.

Nice to meet you.

Ah, I forgot.

You can't do that, can you?

Oh, hey, want to see
what a human vagina looks like?

Check it out. I put my paws
like this, and you put your...

Oh, shit. You can't really
do anything, can you?

(sighs)

Listen, Kristen told me you're
thinking about leaving Clouds.

Oh, I get it.

Kristen sent you here to be
her happiness assassin.

No, I'd...

We'd love to see you
back out in the world,

but we tried it once,
and it didn't work.

I'm on new medication,

and Dr. Cahill says
I'm doing better than ever.

I've given this a lot
of thought, Ryan, and...

I don't want to die in here.

Well, I guess if you
think you're ready.

Oh, honey, thank you.

(sighs)

I know it's legally
Kristen's decision,

but it'll help
that you're on my side.

Yeah.

Why don't you let
me talk to Kristen?

I'll catch her when
she's in a good mood.

Look...

I know I'm a little kooky,

but... in some ways,
sanity is like my fourth leg,

and if Ralston can get by
without his,

so can I.

(laughs)

I can't believe
I let this happen.

Remind me to never agree
to anything

while I'm listening to R. Kelly
on muscle relaxants.

Mom will be fine,
and if she's not,

I'm only a few blocks
away, like we agreed.

Well, I, for one, am
thrilled for Catherine.

Oh, what? You think
I'm only glad

'cause she's away from that
three-legged freak show?

The idea that I might be
even a little jealous

of Ralston is just...

It's-it's just...

Hello?

What the hell?!

That's my
head-laying lap!

Why-why are you here so early?

You told us to
come over at 11:00.

I'm pretty sure I said 1:00.

Mom, you definitely
said 11:00.

Hey, Cathy-cakes,
have you seen my...?

Whoa.

Looks like

Ralston isn't the only
three-legged dog in Mom's life.

Kristen? Kristen?!
(sighs)

This is why
you wanted to move out?

So you could carry on a secret
affair with your therapist?

It's not an affair.

Elliott and I
are in love!
Okay.

Even if you think
you're in love,

which I find very hard
to believe,

it's completely unethical--
not to mention illegal--

for a doctor to have
a relationship with his patient.

You are going back to Clouds

where you'll never
see Elliott again,

because his ass
is getting fired.

No!

I'm never going back!
Yes, you are!

Mom, go inside. Please.

That's nice, Mom. Yeah.

Real mature!

Is it so horrible

that she'd find someone
after all these years?

She's obviously not well,
and Dr. Cahill knows that.

So either he's criminally
taking advantage of her,

or he's just as insane
as she is.

So, you're prepared
to throw away

your whole relationship
with Mom?

She's the one
throwing it away!

At least take a day
to think about it, for me.

After you've calmed down, if
you still feel the same way...

...I'll support your decision.

(scoffs)

WILFRED:
Do it.

Just do it!

Cut it off!

Come on!
We had a pact!

What do you mean,

this is the first you're
hearing about a pact,

and I cut off your arm with a
chainsaw after drugging you?

What are you doing?

I thought you hated
three-legged dogs.

As long as Ralston is still
in Catherine's life,

I don't stand a chance
of reclaiming her affections.

Well, you don't have
to chop off your arm... or leg.

Kristen is gonna end up
sending Mom back to Clouds,

so Ralston's out of the picture.

We both know
that's not gonna happen.

You'll find a way
to keep the peace

between Catherine and Kristen.

You always do.

Seriously, Bear, if you
don't cut this leg off,

I'm breaking up with you.

Oh, what do you mean,
"That's a brilliant idea"?

What do you mean, the solution
to both of our problems is

for Ryan to break up
Catherine and Dr. Cahill?

What do you mean,
I always say

"What do you mean,"

then repeat everything
you just said, word for word?

We often spoke
about our feelings,

but we were celibate
at Clouds.

It was only after
your mother left that I, uh--

well, how should I put this
delicately?--

um... knocked the dust off it?

Well... uh, either way,

Kristen still thinks
she can get you fired.

Then let them fire me.

Ryan, do you know
the day I realized

that your mother wasn't just
another run-of-the-mill,

delusional, bipolar,
manic-depressive?

We were in group,
and she was reading a poem

that she had written

about a dwarf
stuck in a laundry machine.

Since that day,
we have brought each other

nothing but happiness.

If I end this relationship,
clinically speaking,

then I'm going to be making her
the opposite of happy.

Sad.
Sad. Sad.

Right.

But-but if you don't
break up with her,

Kristen will use
your relationship

to send her
back to Clouds.

Not only that. You saw the
way they were fighting.

This would tear
them apart.

Maybe irreparably.

(sighs)

I'd hate to be the cause
of familial strife.

If you truly love her,
let her go.

I guess we're all just...

(voice breaking):
dwarves stuck
in laundry machines.

Oh, goddamn.

I'm sorry.
(sobbing)

I'm not a monster, Ryan.
I agreed not to tell Clouds

about that quack
boning our mother, didn't I?

I'm just saying,
she had her heart broken.

She needs our support
right now more than ever.

Loud and clear, Ryan,
and with Ralston

finally out of her life,
Mom's going to need a lot

of showering me with love

to get her through
this horrible depression.

(knocking)
I'll get it!

I'll get it!
I'll get it!

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Ryan, hurry up.
Open this door.

I'll get it!
I'll get it!

What the hell is he doing here?!
Hi, Mom.

Don't you dare step one
non-foot in this house!

Settle down, Wilfred.

I thought Ralston belonged
to Dr. Cahill.

He did, but
when we broke up,

Elliott said he knew how much
Ralston meant to me,

so he said I could keep him.

Don't worry.

I left him with something
to remember me by, too.

And I hope it burns.

Ew, Mom.
What?

I-I gave him
some of my old incense.

He said he felt like
we were moving too fast,

and he wasn't sure if he was
ready to give up his career.

KRISTEN:
I'm sorry, Mom.
Well, maybe you were right.

Maybe he was taking advantage
of his position.

Also, he dropped
the rape card way too much.

You don't get out
of doing the dishes

just because
you got gang-raped.

I'm just glad you
got away from him.

Look at him,
getting my lap, my treats.

CAHILL:
Catherine!

Catherine!

Catherine!

Catherine!

Dr. Cahill, what-what
are you doing here?

I was at the bar
trying to forget

how much my life totally sucks

when I got
your Facebook message.

My Facebook message?

Yeah, I left as soon
as I read it.

Actually, it's not true.

First I accepted
your friend request,

then I checked out
all your photos,

and I read everything
on your wall.

Oh, my God, I didn't know
you were friends

with the Squishy Tits chick.

We should totally
hang out sometime.

Catherine!
What exactly did I say
in my message

that got you so... excited?

Well, that Kristen
changed her mind,

and I should come right away.

Oh, and to please sign
your petition

making fake-throwing gestures
a felony.

I'm all about that.
Catherine!

Okay, we should
go. Right now.
What?

I signed your
weird petition!
CATHERINE:
Elliott?

Catherine!

(crying):
Oh, my God, Catherine.

Ryan, what is
he doing here?!

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Please forgive me.

I did not mean
what I said.

Being apart
from you this past...

uh, day has made me realize

what life was like
without you, and it... blew.

I don't ever want
to lose you again.

In fact... Cat...

Yeah. Whoa. Hold that.

Catherine Elizabeth

Culpepper-Newman,
will you marry me?

Yes!
(laughs)

KRISTEN:
That is it!

I am calling
Clouds!

(Cahill laughs happily,
Catherine gasps)

Aah! Oh, my God.

Ryan, I'm
getting married!

What are you doing here?

I'm sorry. Do I detect a
note of anger in your voice?

You're joking, right?

Where are we going?
I'm going to my mom's.

Kristen's there waiting for the
Clouds people to come get her.

I can't let that happen.

(phone vibrates)

"Weird pic. SMH."

Why are people commenting
on a Facebook photo?

I didn't post
anything today.

Jesus Christ!

You're posting dick pics
on my Facebook?

Dick pics? I had my tail between
my legs because I was nervous.

Even after
I changed the password?

Stop going on my Facebook!

And that message
that you sent last night?

Thanks to you,
my mom and Kristen

are gonna tear
each other's heads off!

So what? Let them.
It's easy for you to say

when it's not on you to stop
the family from falling apart.

Why is it on you, Ryan?
I get how hard it must have been

to see your parents fighting
when you were kids,

even harder to watch
them split up,

but it wasn't your fault.

There's nothing
you could have done.

What does that have
to do with this?

Just because

conflict tore your parents apart
doesn't mean

it'll do the same
with your mom and your sister.

Stop trying to analyze me.
You're not a psychiatrist.

I'm just saying,
letting them slug it out now

will be healthy for them
in the long run.

Any psychiatrist would
tell you exactly the same thing.

Yeah. You look really nervous.

Let's go.

I thought I
wasn't going.
You are now.

KRISTEN:
She's down the hall

in the bedroom.

Craig, Shawn, this whole thing's
a big misunderstanding.

Sorry, Dr. C, we've got orders.

Wait. Please, don't
do this. I'm her son.

And I'm her
legal guardian. Go!

Kristen, please.

I'm doing it for her, Ryan.

CATHERINE:
Don't touch me!
Get your hands off me!

You're not my daughter.

No daughter of mine
would purposefully try

to destroy my happiness!

You know, I didn't ask
to be in this situation.

Maybe if I had a normal mother,

I wouldn't be!

Don't interfere, Ryan.

Letting them slug it out now
is gonna be healthy for them

in the long run.
Trust me, I'm a psychiatrist.

CATHERINE:
You make me go back there,

and that is the last
you'll hear from me.

Don't bother visiting.

Don't even call!
Fine with me.

I'm sure it'll be easier
to spend all my time

managing your craziness
from a distance!

Oh, because
you're such a martyr!

Why don't you want me
to be happy?!

Because it's not fair!
What do you mean,
it's not fair?!

Because I'm not happy!

It's not fair

that everybody else
gets to be happy except me!

I ruined my marriage.

Nobody wants me now.

I don't have any job offers.

And playing the field?

I had one date in the
last three months,

and it was with a kiln
operator from Color Me Mine,

and he just, like,
hit it and quit it!

(crying)

Oh, honey.

Oh, come here.

(crying)

Anything you want to say?

No. I'm good.

No, I mean to me, like,
"You were right."

Shut up, Wilfred.

I assume you're gonna get back
to focusing on the cult?

I don't think so.
What?

We've come so far.

Maybe if my mom knew something
about Bruce, but I don't know.

We're at a dead
end for now.

Are you still pissed
off at Ralston?

Ah, no.

I've accepted I'll never be
as loved as a three-legged dog.

They're just so
damn inspirational.

Hmm. That's
big of you.

Yeah, it was tough
moving on from that,

but I was inspired
by Ralston to do so.

It was also tough telling him
that I was inspired by him,

but I was inspired by him
to do that, too.

(sighs)

And just then, telling you
that I was inspired by him

to tell him
I was inspired by him,

that was probably the hardest
thing of all for me to say.

But I was inspired
by Ralston to do that, also.

And when I admitted
to you just now that...

Oh, there you are.
Come here, Wilfred!

At least I'll always
be someone's favorite.

Ryan, I keep forgetting.
Here's your spare key back.

I'll get it!

(tires screeching)

Wilfred!
(screams)

I'm okay. I'm okay.

(groans)

Holy... shit!

I'm a three-legged dog, dude!

(whoops)

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