All language subtitles for Breaking Bear s01e07 A Serious Quality Control Problem

Previously on Breaking Bear.

Blair is dead!

If you follow that beam of light, all of
Daniel Boone's state forest will be

destroyed. Because you, and you alone,
have been chosen to save it.

The word on the street is that your
magical honey nut meth is a real game

changer. I want that recipe.

Aye. I won't give it up.

Wolves? What do we call bear to step
into our territory after being warned

never to do that again? We call them
dinner.

I option the rights for us to do the
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Junior High School production of
Straight Out of Compton.

I'd need one and a half kilos for that.

Where are your furry partners?

I want the fancy flavored shit.

Are you sure this is the same shit? Of
course it is.

All right, let's load this new batch up,
get it out on the streets, and make

the junior high school theater community
proud.

I can't wait to smoke, snort, and booty
bump a bunch of this shit.

You know, in the name of quality
control, of course. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What is the first damn rule of running a
biker drug empire?

Uh, teamwork makes the dream work. Okay,
fine.

The second rule. Helmets are for
pussies?

That's more of a philosophy than a rule.

Oh, wait, I know.

Don't get high on your own supply.

That's the one.

Now get out there and be the change you
wish to see in the world.

Holy shit! I love getting high on my own
supply.

On your bikes, fellas.

Customers are waiting.

Um,

you guys?

I think we may have a serious quality
control problem here.

I command you. Wolves, heal, heal.

What the heck?

Someone remove his mask.

The Wolf King is back.

All hail the Wolf King. The Queen's
royal consort has returned.

Hail his majesty, Jesse Eisenberg.

Jesse Eisenberg?

Oh, my leash.

I've missed your touch.

Okay, not now, Queen.

You guys must... I have a lot of
questions.

Maybe this will help. See the full moon.

Nope,

that didn't help at all. If anything, I
have more questions.

My story began in 2003.

Hold on.

I could do this all day.

Anywho, my first big role was in the
werewolf movie, Cursed.

It was produced by Harvey Weinstein.

When I arrived for my audition, Harvey
had quite the surprise for me.

No, not that surprise.

For some reason, Harvey never made a
move on me. I always found that to be a

bittersweet blessing, you know? I mean,
I'm glad I wasn't taken advantage of,

but by the same token, I was all like,
hey, what am I, chapped liver?

Please just get to the point.

Harvey had me run lines with a real
werewolf who attacked and infected me at

the end of the scene.

You're telling us you became a werewolf
to play a werewolf in a movie. It's

called Commitment to the Craft. And
sure, the movie bombed. And yeah, now I

go on a killing spree every time there's
a full moon. But, you know, no regrets.

That still doesn't really explain how
you ended up as Army Hammer's gimp. You

may remember I played plucky underdog
Mark Zuckerberg in the film The Social

Network, for which I was nominated for
an Academy Award.

Well, this time I was guaranteed to win
one for the sequel, The Social Network

2. Nobody does it meta.

Because we'd be doing it without Armie
Hammer stealing my spotlight by playing

both Winklevoss twins. Can you just stop
showing your phone? I'd rather see a

flashback.

So there it was, finishing up the last
words of the screenplay.

The end.

Wow. Killing baby seals is way more fun
in real life than in the metaverse. I

should have tried this years ago.

Go for Zuck.

As you can probably guess, Mark
Zuckerberg did not want the social

network 2 to see the light of day.

Ah. Excellent work, fellow human.

Commencing operation Hammer Time.

Go for Hammer. Check your front porch.

Whoa, I told you the word canceled
triggers me.

Sorry. It's cool. We all make mistakes.

I can't tell you how many times I've
gotten the pronouns of my victims wrong

right before I killed and ate them.

Anywho, I'm looking forward to having
you over for foie gras when I'm done

fattening Jesse up in my cannibal sex
dungeon.

I would have been eaten by wealthy
psychopaths if these bears hadn't saved

me. I owe them my life.

Pablo Escobar commanded me to make an
alliance between the bears and the

wolves. He said it was the only way to
save the forest.

Pablo Escobar died in 1993.

Don't ask.

We think that Blair might have sustained
a slight head injury.

Bears and wolves need to be allies.

I was just about to say the exact same
thing, but in a Cockney accent, just for

fun. And to show my versatility as an
actor.

These ass- Souls were dealing meth, and
you're not my real dad.

We're only selling meth to save the
forest. It's our home, just like it's

your home. And we're in a war right now
with Park Rangers, an oil company that

wants to frack us to kingdom come, the
local chapter of the Aryan Brotherhood,

and Nazi furries.

Nazis? Oh, hell no.

Wait, that speech actually worked. I've
never inspired anyone before.

I'll explain.

Show them, boys.

Uh... And why exactly am I looking at
all these wolf wieners? Wow!

Talk about an embarrassment of riches.

I mean, I don't even know where to look.
You know, because they're all so gross.

Right? Oh, my God.

They're all circumcised.

Yes, we are.

When Jesse became our king, we converted
to Judaism.

Okay.

You could have just told us, or, you
know, just thrown in a random oy vey,

and we just could have done the math.

Hang on. How do you even circumcise a
wolf wiener?

Very carefully.

Seriously, though, they kept killing the
moil, so I had to do it.

It really hurts.

But it looks nicer, and you don't smell
like smeg anymore.

You're embarrassing me, Mom. If you're
dealing meth to save the forest and

defeat Nazis, the pack will support you.
As a renowned actor, I have access to

some of the most talented drug dealers
in Hollywood. They can help us

distribute your meth to get more cash
rolling in.

How much meth can you get me? How much
do you need?

Where did the rest of the hydrochloric
acid go? And where did this high

fructose corn syrup come from?

Sorghum peanuts?

Yeah, wow.

Who knows where that could have come
from? Hey, Jesse Eisenberg, you like

junior high school musical theater,
right?

What red-blooded heterosexual American
male doesn't? Then I will save you the

best seat on opening night for the show
I am writing, producing, and directing.

It's Straight Outta Compton, a musical
version of the N.W.A. story, but with

none of the annoying rap music or
offensive R-rated language.

That sounds good.

Enough yapping. Let's start cooking.

Right. Let's cook!

I'm off to a place where miserable rich
people will pay top dollar for this

deadly crap.

Hollywood!

Damn, we cooked a lot of mess today.

I am beat.

Actually, I need you two somewhere else.
Tawny's coming over to watch that sexy

rom-com, Silence of the Lambs, and then
we plan to get really freaky deaky, and

I do mean a deaky.

You think you can kick us out of our own
home? Well, yeah, but Pawnee did say

that she's cool with Alistair staying if
you want to sit in the corner and watch.

No. No!

I refuse to be a part of this, this
beastiality.

Wait, wait. We are beasts, so what
should we bears call interspecies sex

with humans?

Let's just call it disgusting.

Jared, this is no time to get distracted
by some local news skank. We can't get

sloppy right now.

Oh, yeah.

Tawny and I are planning to get very
sloppy.

That reminds me, I gotta put a tarp
down. How am I the only one still

worried about all the missing
hydrochloric acid?

I'm going to the RV to figure out our
inventory issues while you do what you

always do.

Nothing.

Nothing? Didn't you hear me? Wait, I'm
coming too.

I'm about to have some very kinky, very
vigorous sex.

Jeez.

We found the bear's hideout.

Kids, Jesse Eisenberg will be coming to
opening night. And, oh, my God, if he

likes it, he could help us get the show
to Broadway.

He could come on as a producer or join
the cast.

Oh, he'd be great as Ice Cube.

But I'm Ice Cube. If we go to Broadway,
you can be Tupac.

You'd be a great Tupac. Everyone at my
dad's country club says I'm very thug

life. Mm-hmm. And I've been thinking
about it. We need a happy ending for the

show. Everyone dying of AIDS is
depressing.

So instead, Easy E is going to get
cured. And guess who cures him?

Dr. Dre!

You can't go in there. Mr. Wyatt is in a
meeting.

A meeting, eh?

Yeah, with my gun here. Look, I've got a
problem with some wildlife near your job

site, but I think there's a solution
that'll help both of us make lots of

money. Make lots of money is what I
affectionately call verbal Viagra.

Here's your afternoon coffee.

Oops. I could have sworn that it wasn't
loaded. My bad.

Tell me more, son.

Oh, Jesus, the wolf!

Ooh, you're kind of cute.

Like in a guy you'd mess around with in
a parking lot after last call at

Applebee's kind of way. What I have to
show you is going to be hard to see. Do

you have, like, a misshapen penis
because that Applebee's guy?

Ew!

Is this some... kind of weird sex thing.
If it is, I am disgusted.

But after a couple of tequila shots, I
could probably be into it.

You see this, Goldtooth? This is all
that's left of your brother Wink. The

bear named Jer killed him, ate him, and
then tried to pin his murder on the wolf

pack.

So many questions race through my head.

Why did you come to see me? The bears
are joining forces with my stepfather,

who, after seducing my mother, I'm
pretty sure was responsible for my

father's mysterious death.

Oh, it's all so Shakespearean. Yes.

And as such, I have decided to kill my
stepfather to avenge my father.

And you must kill this chair to avenge
your brother.

But you must admit it would give your
news story an amazing finale that you

could then turn into a popular true
crime podcast or a shitty low-budget

Netflix documentary series.

Oh.

Where is he? I'll kill the bastard.

Something just doesn't add up. You go
ahead and start looking. I just need a

minute to clear my head.

Why is everybody so upset, human and
animal? Sex, sex, sex. Everything is

about sex.

What? New bears in the woods?

Oh, come on!

Happy week and a half anniversary!

I kind of wish I was dead, but I'm sure
it'll pass.

You seem a little jumpy. I'm just having
a hard time with something.

Are you sure you've never met my brother
Wink? You already know the wolves ate

him. I mean, they were the ones with his
phone and his gold tooth.

Who said anything about a phone or a
gold tooth?

What? Oh, oh, you know, I like how drug
dealers often have phones and gold

teeth, at least according to the
mariachi songs about how romantic being

a narco is.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah. I just... Have you ever had
one of those realizations that change

everything? Totally.

I used to think I hated asparagus, but
then I realized it's worth the yucky

taste for the surprise pea smell later.

I've got a sudden urge to do something
really crazy.

Do you have any rope?

Okay, so the anhydrous ammonia seems to
all be here. But where is the rest of

the hydrochloric acid?

And we're short on hypophosphorus acid
and phenylpropanolamine, but we have

more circus peanuts.

Now what's going on?

Nice try, but this is our jurisdiction,
Smokey. Wrong. This happened in Boone

County. And by God, I'm a Boone County
sheriff.

What the fuck?

Call you if there's any animals that
need arresting. Humans are animals,

dumbass. You arrest animals, too. Oh,
you want to come at me with semantics?

That's it. I'm turning off my body
camera.

There's honey nut.

Tastes like circus peanut.

I feel like you've been pointing those
guns at me without saying anything for a

really long time.

Oh, we were waiting. for you to say
something. Yeah, I mean, we're shy.

Oh, Jesus, what did I say?

This wasn't our idea.

It wasn't. Look, AWOLF Hitler ordered us
to kill you.

You're furries?

We're Nazi furries. But we swear, we are
not the gross racist kind of Nazis.

We don't hate Jews or black people. We
just liked wearing Hugo Boss and then

found out he was not only a Nazi, but
also made the original Nazi uniform.

You got to admit, that's pretty tight.

When you join the Nazi furries, you get
a genuine Hugo Boss Nazi uniform for

free. We're not fascist Nazis.

We're fashion Nazis.

We love fashion. Yes. For us, wearing
Nazi uniforms is heritage.

Not hate.

Plus, it's Coco Chanel.

And VW bugs are really, really cute.

I'm sorry.

It's just a lot of emotions.

You know, guys, everybody gets down on
themselves sometimes. We're not killers.

We're lovers.

Come on. Let's bring it in.

Wait, this is wrong.

I'm not gay.

We're not gay either.

Ew.

Oh.

Wait, wait, no. I'm not in interspecies
sex.

Uh, either.

And now we're all bears again.

Very heterosexual bears.

Why don't you come back to our cave?

What the hell is this?

There's no fridge, no TV or air
purifier. How can you guys live like

this? The bear life, you mean?

Wait, this is what you think the bear
life is, leaving half-eaten salmon

carcasses all over the place?

Oh, yeah. We're 24-7 full immersion
furries, like you.

We live our personas, and then we fuck
our fur out.

Oh.

Oh, you guys think I'm a...

They think you're a furry like them,
Alistair.

It would be completely unethical to have
sex with them under false pretenses.

Oh, for the love of God, would you
please just shut the fuck up? You

frigid, holier-than-thou party pooper
prude.

Jeez, let the poor guy have a little
fun.

Hey, don't get testy with me. You want
to take this inside?

Sure. I have no problem fighting for
what's right. Let's do this.

Let's go.

Fuck you.

Ow. Ow. Stop it. That's not fair. You're
bleeding.

Ow.

Oh, fine.

You win. You can get off me. You hear
that? Go for it, big guy.

Yes. I'm a furry just like you guys.

A heterosexual not in an interspecies
sex 24-7 furry. That's me.

Yay! Okay, I'll fetch the cock rings and
nipple clamps. All right.

And I'll grab the non-dairy whipped
topping.

I have to admit, I was really
disappointed when you said you forgot to

pick up our fast food uniforms.

But this is fun, too!

Right?

Yeah!

I've been wanting to try some of this
sicko Japanese rope torture ever since

we hung out with Army Hammer.

So this friggin' rules, he may have
wanted to murder and eat me, but he also

had his good side.

You sure you're in there tight?

Can't get free at all?

I am completely helpless. You could do
anything you want to me, and I couldn't

fight back.

Great. I'll be right back with the
knife.

Oh, hell yeah. That sounded super
threatening, but it's all just kinky

make-believe. So this is okay, right?

Tauntaun?

Tawny?

Tawny?

Okay, I'm just going to say it. I've
never been hornier. Oh, holy shit. Me

either, actually. Wow.

What happens when I do this?

Whoops.

I just nutted. Oh, seriously?

This is a kink I didn't even know I had.

Oh, hey, look!

I'm hard again!

Probably because of the guns and how
wrong all of this is. Let's just do it.

Oh, hey,

you showed up at the perfect time. We
always take a cake break right about

now. Tiramisu?

What the hell is this?

And why did I find it on your guide?

Oh, that's why you're here. Check the
label. That's your shit that killed half

my guys, lady bear.

Uh, it isn't, because my shit doesn't
kill the customers. That's kind of

business 101.

Well, either way, you owe me a fucking
helicopter.

The fuck, helicopter?

To replace the one your buddy Dwight
hustled us out of the other day in

exchange for this shit.

Of course it was Dwight.

My brothers and I had nothing to do with
making this shitty mess.

This is what my mess looks like. And I
don't do fucking circus flavor.

Hey, listen, let's just all breathe,
okay?

Take like 15 minutes to brainstorm.

Blue sky, no bad ideas.

Run stuff up the flagpole, see if anyone
salutes.

See what sticks to the wall.

You might be globs of your little bare
brains sticking to the wall by the time

we're through with you.

I want the honey nut meth recipe. No
way.

Way. Very fucking way.