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1
00:00:11,857 --> 00:00:14,563
[? upbeat music plays]
2
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,670
Is this mine or yours?
3
00:00:18,671 --> 00:00:20,406
That�s actually yours,
but I steal it a lot.
4
00:00:20,407 --> 00:00:21,744
- [chuckles]
- Okay.
5
00:00:21,745 --> 00:00:23,478
Have you guys seen my phone?
6
00:00:23,479 --> 00:00:24,917
- Of course not.
- Always no.
7
00:00:24,918 --> 00:00:27,522
Issa, I got you a phone lanyard
for exactly this reason.
8
00:00:27,523 --> 00:00:30,127
Oh. Well, then has anyone seen
my phone lanyard?
9
00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:32,063
- [both scoff]
- Again, no.
10
00:00:32,064 --> 00:00:33,934
[groans]
I�m just gonna do the thing.
11
00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:37,040
[phone ringing]
12
00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:42,384
Yeah. [hums]
13
00:00:43,588 --> 00:00:47,060
- [hums] Okay.
- [Anton] Mmm.
14
00:00:49,566 --> 00:00:52,204
- [vocalizing]
- [beatboxing]
15
00:00:52,205 --> 00:00:53,840
- [grunting]
- [Anton] Whoo!
16
00:00:53,841 --> 00:00:56,244
Look at that, look at this,
look at this, watch this.
17
00:00:56,245 --> 00:00:57,625
[phone continues ringing]
18
00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:00,220
Yeah! I found it!
19
00:01:00,221 --> 00:01:02,357
[Anton, singsongy]
Okay, okay. Right there.
20
00:01:02,358 --> 00:01:04,108
- Don�t stop.
- [Samir beatboxing]
21
00:01:04,109 --> 00:01:05,229
My grandpa had a heart attack.
22
00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:06,498
- [gasps] What?
- [Anton] What?
23
00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:08,336
- Oh, God. Oh, shit.
- [Billie] What?
24
00:01:09,405 --> 00:01:12,545
Oh. Wait, this isn�t
my phone. [chuckling]
25
00:01:18,189 --> 00:01:19,325
Billie...
26
00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:21,963
I found your phone.
27
00:01:21,964 --> 00:01:26,472
[Samir inhales sharply]
Issa, Jesus Christ. [grunts]
28
00:01:26,473 --> 00:01:29,111
- Oh, Bills.
- [Anton] It�s gonna be okay.
29
00:01:29,112 --> 00:01:31,048
- Billie, it�s gonna be
okay, okay? - [Samir] Yeah.
30
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:34,789
- [taps]
- [phone ringing]
31
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,392
[? "Bad Advice" playing]
32
00:01:53,928 --> 00:01:56,265
[? funky music plays]
33
00:01:56,266 --> 00:02:01,141
[reporter] More than 50,000
runners from around the world
34
00:02:01,142 --> 00:02:03,278
are taking on 26.2 miles...
35
00:02:03,279 --> 00:02:05,182
- [groans] Where�s the drama?
- I know.
36
00:02:05,183 --> 00:02:07,387
At a certain point, give us
an obstacle. Set a bear free.
37
00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:08,598
- Oh!
- See what happens.
38
00:02:08,858 --> 00:02:10,962
- [Issa] Great idea.
- Okay, be honest.
39
00:02:11,162 --> 00:02:12,664
Does this blazer work,
40
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:14,267
or do I look like a divorc�e
fighting for full custody?
41
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,670
Full custody,
no visitation rights.
42
00:02:15,671 --> 00:02:17,507
- Fuck, I knew it.
- Billie, it�s a Sunday.
43
00:02:17,508 --> 00:02:18,943
They can�t make you go
into the newsroom on a Sunday.
44
00:02:18,944 --> 00:02:21,916
Make me? Sundays are
when PAs get ahead.
45
00:02:21,917 --> 00:02:24,589
I�m about to make
the supply closet my bitch.
46
00:02:24,590 --> 00:02:26,892
Hey, when you leave, can you
please head out the back?
47
00:02:26,893 --> 00:02:28,897
You see that caution tape
I put up?
48
00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:31,167
It was way too close a call
with that Postmate the other night.
49
00:02:31,168 --> 00:02:33,238
My dad got a Ring cam notification
that said "motion detected."
50
00:02:33,239 --> 00:02:35,710
Or you could just, hear me out,
tell your parents that we�re living here.
51
00:02:35,711 --> 00:02:37,214
Mmm, that�s a great idea.
52
00:02:37,314 --> 00:02:39,518
Or you could just hear me out
while I say no.
53
00:02:39,519 --> 00:02:41,188
Okay, respectfully,
54
00:02:41,189 --> 00:02:43,526
you are hiding
three 24-year-olds from a doorbell camera.
55
00:02:43,527 --> 00:02:46,565
Okay, my parents don�t even
like it when the guests use the good towels.
56
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,402
Trust me, honesty is not
the best policy here.
57
00:02:48,403 --> 00:02:51,042
Honesty is always
the best policy.
58
00:02:51,275 --> 00:02:52,325
[Issa] Mmm.
59
00:02:52,377 --> 00:02:54,380
- [whispering] Tell them.
- Okay.
60
00:02:54,381 --> 00:02:57,153
Billie won the Anne Frank
Student of Integrity Award in the eighth grade.
61
00:02:57,154 --> 00:02:58,623
Oh, wow.
62
00:02:58,624 --> 00:03:00,426
Yeah, I told the principal
which kids drank.
63
00:03:00,427 --> 00:03:02,497
- Mmm, just like Anne would.
- Okay, I�m with Samir.
64
00:03:02,498 --> 00:03:04,968
So what if the man lies
to his sweet, retired parents
65
00:03:04,969 --> 00:03:05,002
So what if the man lies to his sweet,
retired parents while they travel the country?
66
00:03:05,003 --> 00:03:06,973
while they travel the country?
67
00:03:06,974 --> 00:03:08,776
Right? Okay, please be careful
with the dumplings on the couch.
68
00:03:08,777 --> 00:03:10,479
- Oh.
- I�m being careful.
69
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,118
Lying is only a problem
if you�re bad at it, right?
70
00:03:13,119 --> 00:03:15,222
If you�re good at it,
you�re basically an author.
71
00:03:15,223 --> 00:03:18,531
You�re telling tales,
you�re weaving fables.
72
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,399
Yeah, but I feel
like I never see you lie.
73
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,038
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
74
00:03:22,039 --> 00:03:24,240
- I�ve lied to you
like three times today. - What? About what?
75
00:03:24,241 --> 00:03:25,878
Hmm. I can�t recall.
76
00:03:25,879 --> 00:03:27,815
- Ugh, I love that sweater.
- [gasps]
77
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:30,386
- [chuckling] Thanks. Me too.
- Mm-hmm. [mouthing words]
78
00:03:30,387 --> 00:03:32,691
- [Samir] Anton?
- [presenter speaking on TV]
79
00:03:32,692 --> 00:03:34,595
- What?
- [Samir] Look.
80
00:03:34,596 --> 00:03:35,864
Nearly two million spectators
have lined the course today...
81
00:03:35,865 --> 00:03:37,601
- [Anton] What?
- [Issa] Oh, my God!
82
00:03:37,602 --> 00:03:39,003
- [Billie] Wait, what is that?
- [objects clatter]
83
00:03:39,004 --> 00:03:41,141
- Shit. [sighs]
- [Billie] Is that you?
84
00:03:41,142 --> 00:03:44,247
- [Anton] No, no, no.
- [Billie] "We love you, Anton"? What-
85
00:03:44,248 --> 00:03:46,685
- Enhance. Samir, enhance.
- Th-Th-That�s not a thing.
86
00:03:46,686 --> 00:03:50,360
[Issa] "Our coworker is faster
than your coworker"? What...
87
00:03:50,695 --> 00:03:53,045
- [Anton breathing heavily]
- [Billie] Anton.
88
00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:57,775
So, I, um... I may have gotten
caught in a lie.
89
00:04:00,246 --> 00:04:01,650
[gasps]
90
00:04:01,651 --> 00:04:04,454
It�s like the wettest dumpling
of all time.
91
00:04:04,455 --> 00:04:06,392
So, how exactly
did this happen?
92
00:04:06,393 --> 00:04:08,328
[grunts] It�s just
a huge misunderstanding.
93
00:04:08,329 --> 00:04:11,602
- [Billie] Hmm. Mmm.
- Mainly due to my behaviors and actions.
94
00:04:11,603 --> 00:04:13,840
- That�s the worst.
- [Anton] Okay, so last year,
95
00:04:13,841 --> 00:04:15,910
we did this icebreaker at work,
where everyone had to go around
96
00:04:15,911 --> 00:04:17,881
and say their name,
their hometown and their hobby.
97
00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:20,554
[gasps] But you have
no hobbies. Nor passions nor pastimes.
98
00:04:20,555 --> 00:04:23,292
- I know.
- [Issa] So, what�d you say?
99
00:04:23,293 --> 00:04:25,063
So I panicked
and I said running.
100
00:04:25,064 --> 00:04:26,298
Wait, you run?
101
00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:28,971
- I have ran.
- You have run.
102
00:04:28,972 --> 00:04:30,573
He�s not even familiar
with the verb.
103
00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:32,042
It was supposed to be
a one-off lie,
104
00:04:32,043 --> 00:04:34,214
but you know
how coworkers are, right?
105
00:04:34,215 --> 00:04:36,652
You give them one fun fact,
and then they just, like, latch onto it.
106
00:04:36,653 --> 00:04:38,591
I know, they�re vampires.
107
00:04:38,592 --> 00:04:41,361
So, I-I told them I was running
a 5K, and then I told them I was running a 10K,
108
00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:45,538
and then I, um... I may have mentioned
that I was running the marathon this year.
109
00:04:45,539 --> 00:04:48,275
- [Samir] Oh, my...
- For breast cancer awareness. Don�t gasp.
110
00:04:48,276 --> 00:04:49,745
- Don�t do it.
- [gasps, coughs]
111
00:04:49,746 --> 00:04:51,950
What? I-I didn�t know
they�d show up.
112
00:04:51,951 --> 00:04:53,787
[scoffs] It�s
a hybrid remote job.
113
00:04:53,788 --> 00:04:55,657
Oh, God, you made
a web of lies.
114
00:04:55,658 --> 00:04:57,862
I get it. It�s like when I told
everyone I was born deaf.
115
00:04:57,863 --> 00:04:59,965
- You weren�t? What?
- [gasps]
116
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,871
- What... Okay.
- Anyway, you just have to come clean.
117
00:05:02,872 --> 00:05:04,007
[Anton scoffs]
118
00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,145
Or...
119
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:09,818
Or... Or... I like "or."
Let�s explore "or."
120
00:05:09,819 --> 00:05:14,862
Or you could just weave
more web.
121
00:05:14,863 --> 00:05:16,165
[Issa gasps]
122
00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:17,701
- Okay, okay, let�s do it.
- [Billie] Mm-hmm.
123
00:05:17,702 --> 00:05:19,070
How would that work?
124
00:05:19,071 --> 00:05:22,846
So, we know where
your coworkers are waiting.
125
00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:24,715
- Right, right, right.
- Right?
126
00:05:24,716 --> 00:05:26,484
So you don�t actually
have to run the marathon.
127
00:05:26,485 --> 00:05:28,923
You just have to run
one singular block past them,
128
00:05:28,924 --> 00:05:30,694
and the web
of lies stays intact.
129
00:05:30,695 --> 00:05:32,731
What happened to the Anne
Frank Student of Integrity?
130
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,536
I am honest
in my own life, okay?
131
00:05:34,537 --> 00:05:37,473
But we have a responsibility
to help our friend Anton out of this.
132
00:05:37,474 --> 00:05:39,010
- Yeah.
- Okay, but after this, no more lying.
133
00:05:39,011 --> 00:05:39,044
- Yeah.
- Okay, but after this, no more lying.
134
00:05:39,045 --> 00:05:40,580
[Anton] No more lying, promise.
135
00:05:40,581 --> 00:05:42,049
Okay, let�s do this.
Should we go now?
136
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,653
Okay, wait, we should wait,
like, three hours
137
00:05:43,654 --> 00:05:45,584
- so it�s a more realistic pace.
- Got it.
138
00:05:45,891 --> 00:05:47,360
Let�s call it two.
139
00:05:47,361 --> 00:05:49,598
- I�ve been fake training
a lot this year. - [scoffs]
140
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:52,002
- You guys...
- Okay. Um, I�m gonna go color-code this.
141
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:54,743
- [Issa] Ooh!
- [sighs] Look at her go, our anal queen.
142
00:05:54,909 --> 00:05:56,647
And you just named our boat.
143
00:05:58,421 --> 00:06:03,726
- [patrons chattering]
- [blows ra I can�t think of a pun for my sign.
144
00:06:03,727 --> 00:06:06,264
Pun? Mine just says,
"Run, slut."
145
00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:07,468
It does.
146
00:06:07,602 --> 00:06:10,139
- [phone beeps]
- [groans] Steve.
147
00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:11,542
[Samir] What?
148
00:06:11,543 --> 00:06:13,478
[sighs] Steve sent me
an apology Cameo.
149
00:06:13,479 --> 00:06:15,650
Issa, you�ve been seeing this
guy for, like, three weeks.
150
00:06:15,651 --> 00:06:17,554
He�s already
on his second apology Cameo.
151
00:06:17,555 --> 00:06:19,825
It�s not his fault that
he forgot my birthday, Sammy.
152
00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:21,228
He has ADHD.
153
00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:23,567
Buying a card is like
scaling a mountain for him.
154
00:06:23,568 --> 00:06:25,538
Okay, whatever.
155
00:06:25,738 --> 00:06:27,575
[groans, inhales deeply]
156
00:06:28,175 --> 00:06:31,817
Do I just attract shitty guys?
Like, is it me?
157
00:06:31,818 --> 00:06:33,552
I mean,
obviously it�s not me, but-
158
00:06:33,553 --> 00:06:34,888
- No, it�s you.
- What the hell?
159
00:06:34,889 --> 00:06:36,559
- Sammy?
- Yeah. Sorry.
160
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,228
If you wanted a pep talk,
you could go to Billie,
161
00:06:38,229 --> 00:06:39,798
but you come to me,
162
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,903
you�re gonna get the truth
and pocket Sour Straws.
163
00:06:41,904 --> 00:06:43,707
Okay, fine. What is the truth?
164
00:06:43,907 --> 00:06:45,443
- The truth is...
- [sighs]
165
00:06:45,444 --> 00:06:47,914
...you take in these, like,
strays, and then you�re shocked
166
00:06:47,915 --> 00:06:50,520
every time they turn around
and piss all over your leg.
167
00:06:50,521 --> 00:06:52,824
Remember Andy,
the street magician?
168
00:06:52,825 --> 00:06:55,330
- He was
an unhoused magician, actually. - Okay.
169
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,001
What about that guy who went
to NYU for freestyle rap?
170
00:06:58,002 --> 00:07:01,007
Oh, God. He tried to rhyme
everything with "bitch."
171
00:07:01,008 --> 00:07:03,145
Itch, ditch, rich.
172
00:07:03,146 --> 00:07:05,496
He�s always just
working his way up to "bitch."
173
00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:06,820
Straw?
174
00:07:08,456 --> 00:07:09,758
You know what?
175
00:07:09,759 --> 00:07:12,029
- You�re right. Fine. I�m done.
- Mm-hmm.
176
00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:16,205
I�m done fixing these lost,
broken men.
177
00:07:16,206 --> 00:07:18,710
- Thank you.
- It�s charity. I�m not doing it anymore.
178
00:07:18,711 --> 00:07:20,680
I should get to be
the lost and broken one.
179
00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:22,116
- I�d be so good at it.
- Sorry. Excuse me.
180
00:07:22,117 --> 00:07:24,220
Can I borrow your bathroom?
Can I just...
181
00:07:24,221 --> 00:07:26,892
I�d like a glass
of water, please. I feel like I need some water.
182
00:07:26,893 --> 00:07:29,665
[screams] Nobody touch him!
I can save him!
183
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,636
- Issa.
- [Issa grunts, panting]
184
00:07:31,637 --> 00:07:32,738
Are you a doctor?
185
00:07:32,739 --> 00:07:33,807
Uh, dance teacher.
186
00:07:33,808 --> 00:07:35,108
Why? Do you not feel well?
187
00:07:35,109 --> 00:07:37,046
Can I just get
some water, please?
188
00:07:37,047 --> 00:07:39,719
Yes, um, could we please get
a water and a Diet Coke?
189
00:07:39,886 --> 00:07:40,936
- Oh. Okay.
- Thank you.
190
00:07:41,055 --> 00:07:43,894
- Hi. [panting]
- Hi.
191
00:07:45,263 --> 00:07:47,869
- You�re pretty.
- You too.
192
00:07:48,236 --> 00:07:49,840
[both chuckle]
193
00:07:49,939 --> 00:07:52,343
I just wanted
to check on my chicken fingers.
194
00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:53,412
[waiter] Sorry.
195
00:07:53,413 --> 00:07:54,883
[? upbeat music plays]
196
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,787
[clerk] If you need it
by Monday,
197
00:07:56,886 --> 00:07:59,124
- there�s a Monday surcharge.
- [door opens]
198
00:07:59,692 --> 00:08:00,761
- Hi.
- Hey.
199
00:08:00,894 --> 00:08:02,464
Look, Billie made me
a fake bib.
200
00:08:02,497 --> 00:08:04,133
[Samir] Wow.
201
00:08:04,134 --> 00:08:07,144
Yeah, just don�t embarrass me,
okay? Kind of a big deal here.
202
00:08:07,307 --> 00:08:08,643
- [clerk] Hey!
- Okay.
203
00:08:08,644 --> 00:08:10,646
- [Billie] Hi, guys.
- Billie. Billie, Billie.
204
00:08:10,647 --> 00:08:12,182
- Customer of the century.
- [chuckles]
205
00:08:12,183 --> 00:08:14,254
? The karaoke queen ?
206
00:08:14,255 --> 00:08:16,959
How much time does she spend
at this print shop?
207
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,330
Yo, Billie�s here.
Billie�s here. Look.
208
00:08:19,331 --> 00:08:20,466
[clerks] ? Oh, home ?
209
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,002
Rob, it�s your day off.
210
00:08:22,003 --> 00:08:24,141
- ? Let me go home ?
- ? Home ?
211
00:08:24,274 --> 00:08:26,312
[all] ? Home is wherever... ?
212
00:08:26,313 --> 00:08:28,248
- I think we have to kill her.
- Yeah, I think it�d be a mercy kill.
213
00:08:28,249 --> 00:08:29,851
- ? Oh, home ?
- [vocalizing]
214
00:08:29,852 --> 00:08:32,891
? Let me go home ?
215
00:08:32,892 --> 00:08:36,232
? Home is
Wherever I�m with you ?
216
00:08:36,533 --> 00:08:39,572
[singsongy] Billie, when are we
doing karaoke again?
217
00:08:39,573 --> 00:08:42,276
- [Billie] Name a day.
- Yeah, anything you want printed.
218
00:08:42,277 --> 00:08:42,310
- [Billie] Name a day.
- Yeah, anything you want printed.
219
00:08:42,311 --> 00:08:44,616
Hannah, you are a lifesaver.
220
00:08:44,617 --> 00:08:48,355
And you need to tell us when your
next NewsNight piece is gonna air, girl.
221
00:08:48,356 --> 00:08:49,992
- We�ve been tuning in.
- [Billie laughs]
222
00:08:49,993 --> 00:08:52,799
No one believes us
that we are friends
223
00:08:52,998 --> 00:08:55,337
with a whole-ass news reporter.
224
00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:58,208
- She does the news, y�all.
You knew that? - What?
225
00:08:58,209 --> 00:09:00,646
- Y�all know Billie?
Y�all know Big Bill? - [Anton] We know her.
226
00:09:00,647 --> 00:09:03,084
We�re with the reporter.
The whole-ass news-
227
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:05,556
Who is the news reporter
that they�re speaking of?
228
00:09:05,557 --> 00:09:08,428
�Cause I know the very truthful PA
would never lie about something like that.
229
00:09:08,429 --> 00:09:10,800
Yeah, what would Anne Frank
think of something like that?
230
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,937
- [Anton] Huh.
- Okay, after this, no more lying.
231
00:09:12,938 --> 00:09:14,274
- Okay.
- Okay.
232
00:09:14,275 --> 00:09:16,479
Uh, can we do it six by eight?
High contrast.
233
00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:19,518
? Home is
Wherever I�m with you ?
234
00:09:19,519 --> 00:09:21,354
[? uplifting music plays]
235
00:09:21,355 --> 00:09:22,624
[spectators cheering]
236
00:09:22,625 --> 00:09:23,760
Excuse me.
237
00:09:23,761 --> 00:09:25,129
- Hi.
- What?
238
00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:26,732
Where were you?
It�s about to happen.
239
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,637
- She found a stray.
- No, no, I did not.
240
00:09:28,804 --> 00:09:31,934
I put a handsome, sweaty man
in an Uber and I sent him on his way,
241
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:33,914
because I am an evolved woman.
242
00:09:33,915 --> 00:09:36,184
Sorry, I�m here now,
and I�m ready to support your tiny marathon.
243
00:09:36,185 --> 00:09:38,835
Okay, Anton, your coworkers
are 30 yards up that way.
244
00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,760
Thirty yards? That is far.
245
00:09:40,761 --> 00:09:42,665
- Anton!
- Sorry, sorry.
246
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,968
Okay, and in case they ask any
questions, here are our contingencies.
247
00:09:44,969 --> 00:09:47,874
For instance, if they ask you
why you don�t have running shoes,
248
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,878
it�s because Issa was supposed
to bring them for you,
249
00:09:49,879 --> 00:09:52,015
but she forgot because
her fake aunt is in town.
250
00:09:52,016 --> 00:09:53,786
I love that. Her name�s Bonnie
and she�s a klepto.
251
00:09:53,787 --> 00:09:56,023
Great. Okay, and now you two
are fake fighting,
252
00:09:56,024 --> 00:09:58,762
but she still showed up to support
you because her fake therapist told her to,
253
00:09:58,763 --> 00:10:00,365
and Samir is
that fake therapist.
254
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:01,969
No, I don�t like that one.
Can I have a different one?
255
00:10:01,970 --> 00:10:03,271
- No. Okay, review that.
- [sighing] Okay.
256
00:10:03,272 --> 00:10:04,809
- Okay.
- Okay.
257
00:10:04,810 --> 00:10:06,745
- [Issa gasps]
- Breast cancer awareness.
258
00:10:06,746 --> 00:10:07,948
- Oh, nice!
- Oh, my God.
259
00:10:07,949 --> 00:10:09,685
- Sweat.
- Okay, got it.
260
00:10:10,119 --> 00:10:11,890
Okay. Face.
261
00:10:13,359 --> 00:10:14,962
You guys, here I go.
262
00:10:15,129 --> 00:10:17,433
[? uplifting music playing]
263
00:10:17,434 --> 00:10:18,902
[breathes deeply]
264
00:10:18,903 --> 00:10:23,847
- [echoing] Go, Anton!
- [echoing] Yeah, Anton!
265
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,520
[groans]
266
00:10:27,521 --> 00:10:28,571
[? music stops]
267
00:10:28,757 --> 00:10:30,092
[all] Oh.
268
00:10:30,093 --> 00:10:32,196
- [groaning]
- [Samir] And he�s got a cramp.
269
00:10:32,197 --> 00:10:33,566
[Billie] And he�s fine.
270
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,201
Someone get him a banana.
271
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:37,708
- Oh, my God. There he is! Yes!
- [cheering]
272
00:10:38,075 --> 00:10:39,143
What?
273
00:10:39,144 --> 00:10:41,850
You guys! No, no!
274
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,588
Oh, my God, I�m emotional.
275
00:10:44,589 --> 00:10:45,991
I�m doing this for you.
276
00:10:45,992 --> 00:10:47,392
And breast cancer, okay?
We�re gonna fix it.
277
00:10:47,393 --> 00:10:49,296
- We gotta fix it.
- Yes, we can.
278
00:10:49,297 --> 00:10:50,567
- We love you.
We love you, buddy. - Mwah, mwah and mwah.
279
00:10:50,568 --> 00:10:51,670
What is he...
280
00:10:51,671 --> 00:10:52,937
Anton?
281
00:10:52,938 --> 00:10:54,018
[coworker] Oh, my God.
282
00:10:54,174 --> 00:10:55,711
[coworkers cheering]
283
00:10:55,911 --> 00:10:57,013
[? music resumes]
284
00:10:57,146 --> 00:10:58,984
- You�re our hero!
- Yes, he is!
285
00:11:00,721 --> 00:11:01,771
[? music stops]
286
00:11:01,956 --> 00:11:03,006
[chattering]
287
00:11:03,092 --> 00:11:04,494
Okay, now he�s milking it.
288
00:11:04,795 --> 00:11:07,834
[coworkers] Go, Anton!
Go, Anton! Go, Anton!
289
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,237
Oh, I love it!
290
00:11:09,337 --> 00:11:11,710
- Okay, here we go.
- [coworker 2] You got this. Oh.
291
00:11:11,711 --> 00:11:14,446
- Is he gonna do it?
- He�s gonna end up running a marathon.
292
00:11:14,447 --> 00:11:16,351
Okay, bye!
293
00:11:17,287 --> 00:11:18,354
He�s a riot.
294
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:20,694
[? music resumes]
295
00:11:24,936 --> 00:11:27,306
Now, help, please.
Help, please.
296
00:11:27,307 --> 00:11:29,009
[groans] Thanks.
297
00:11:29,010 --> 00:11:31,720
- God, I�m fake proud of him.
- I know. I�m fake proud of us.
298
00:11:32,014 --> 00:11:37,661
To Billie! She pulled
the whole thin -Cheers. All right. - It worked.
299
00:11:37,662 --> 00:11:39,197
[Anton] Can I be honest?
300
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:40,566
I now know what they mean
by runner�s high.
301
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,069
- [Samir] Do you?
- You know what?
302
00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:43,706
- Your skin looks amazing.
- Right?
303
00:11:43,707 --> 00:11:45,108
Endorphins.
304
00:11:45,109 --> 00:11:46,979
Even as I sit here, the
endorphins are still with me.
305
00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:49,216
Mmm. Oh, will you get me
another one when you�re inside?
306
00:11:49,217 --> 00:11:51,590
Yep. Anything
for my favorite reporter.
307
00:11:51,591 --> 00:11:52,824
Okay.
308
00:11:52,825 --> 00:11:54,762
- Me too, please.
- Okay.
309
00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:57,767
Okay, wait, wait. So what actually
happened with that fainting runner guy?
310
00:11:57,768 --> 00:11:59,878
I told you, I left him alone.
No more strays.
311
00:11:59,972 --> 00:12:01,407
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
312
00:12:01,408 --> 00:12:03,881
I�m tired of getting hurt.
I want a guy with a job
313
00:12:03,882 --> 00:12:05,115
and his own place.
314
00:12:05,116 --> 00:12:06,653
- Okay.
- No offense.
315
00:12:06,886 --> 00:12:07,989
Some taken.
316
00:12:08,122 --> 00:12:11,864
- Hello! Hi. Hello.
- [Issa] Oh. Hi!
317
00:12:12,063 --> 00:12:13,298
- Oh. Uh...
- Hi.
318
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,901
- I hope we�re not intruding.
- No.
319
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:16,237
- We�re Anton�s coworkers.
- Yes.
320
00:12:16,238 --> 00:12:17,438
Yes, you are. [chuckles]
321
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:18,950
- Yes.
- Yes, the coworkers. Yes.
322
00:12:18,977 --> 00:12:20,613
We wanted to see Anton again,
323
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,450
but we couldn�t track his
little number for some reason.
324
00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:25,188
- For some reason.
Yeah, us too. Yeah. - Yeah.
325
00:12:25,189 --> 00:12:27,326
- For a reason we don�t know.
- [Issa] Yeah. At all.
326
00:12:27,327 --> 00:12:30,231
We tried texting him,
but figured he�s still out there running.
327
00:12:30,232 --> 00:12:31,770
Yes, yes, he is still running,
328
00:12:31,771 --> 00:12:34,007
because it would be way too
fast for him to have finished.
329
00:12:34,008 --> 00:12:35,442
- [Issa] Yes, yes.
- [Samir] Yes.
330
00:12:35,443 --> 00:12:37,748
Wow, I cannot believe
you guys are here.
331
00:12:37,749 --> 00:12:39,316
- [chuckles] We are!
- [Issa] Yeah!
332
00:12:39,317 --> 00:12:41,956
You�re Anton�s coworkers
and you�re here!
333
00:12:42,423 --> 00:12:44,228
Now! Wow!
334
00:12:44,896 --> 00:12:46,566
- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
335
00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:48,837
[all scream]
336
00:12:49,037 --> 00:12:51,173
[chattering, laughing]
337
00:12:51,174 --> 00:12:54,113
- [coworker 3] Can we use
your bathroom? - [Anton] Oh, my God.
338
00:12:54,114 --> 00:12:55,148
- Yes.
- Yeah.
339
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,087
What else do they want from me?
340
00:12:57,253 --> 00:12:58,790
[? tense music playing]
341
00:12:58,791 --> 00:13:01,596
- [Billie] So the bathroom is
this way... - Shit.
342
00:13:01,597 --> 00:13:06,303
...and, um, Anton should probably
be back from the marathon soon.
343
00:13:06,304 --> 00:13:07,841
Yeah.
344
00:13:09,244 --> 00:13:11,883
[coworker] Wow, great kitchen.
345
00:13:12,016 --> 00:13:13,886
- [Billie] Yes!
- [Samir] Yes, yes.
346
00:13:13,887 --> 00:13:15,956
- Whose, uh...
Whose house is this? - [Billie] Samir�s parents.
347
00:13:15,957 --> 00:13:18,095
They�re actually on an RV trip
all over the country
348
00:13:18,096 --> 00:13:20,265
- to the national parks.
- [Samir] Yes, yes.
349
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,570
They just got
to Yellowstone today,
350
00:13:22,571 --> 00:13:24,742
and it�s, yeah... When
a 60-year-old sees Yellowstone,
351
00:13:24,743 --> 00:13:28,015
it just, like... [blows raspberry] .
..changes their life, you know?
352
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,953
We can�t tell how amazing
it was to watch Anton today,
353
00:13:30,954 --> 00:13:33,058
and all of it because his
housekeeper was sick. I mean...
354
00:13:33,059 --> 00:13:34,529
Y-Yes, you-you should go.
355
00:13:34,530 --> 00:13:36,464
You should go
to the bathroom, girl.
356
00:13:36,465 --> 00:13:38,067
[coworker 3] Uh, sure.
357
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:41,809
Yes, Prosecco. Everyone want
a glass of Prosecco?
358
00:13:41,976 --> 00:13:44,881
- No way! No way!
- [cheering]
359
00:13:44,882 --> 00:13:46,084
No!
360
00:13:46,085 --> 00:13:47,835
- "No" what? What?
- [Billie] Yes!
361
00:13:47,836 --> 00:13:49,992
- [whispering] Ring.
Ring camera. - I knew you would.
362
00:13:49,993 --> 00:13:51,763
- I knew you would.
- [groans]
363
00:13:51,929 --> 00:13:53,532
[whispering] I have to. Please.
364
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,603
- [whispering] No. No. No.
- California pinot grigio.
365
00:13:55,604 --> 00:13:58,275
- [groans]
- [Billie] I think it could be good.
366
00:13:58,844 --> 00:14:01,983
- [screaming]
- Way. No way.
367
00:14:05,857 --> 00:14:07,594
[? music continues]
368
00:14:21,455 --> 00:14:22,859
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
369
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,095
Stop, man. What are you-
Stop, dude. What are you-
370
00:14:25,096 --> 00:14:27,433
- [shushing]
- [muffled grunting]
371
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,804
Okay, okay, okay.
372
00:14:28,805 --> 00:14:30,539
[whispering] Who are you?
373
00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,443
Who am I? Who are you?
374
00:14:32,444 --> 00:14:34,480
Some girl said I could
sleep here, and then she gave me her sweatpants,
375
00:14:34,481 --> 00:14:36,585
and we made out
for a little bit.
376
00:14:36,586 --> 00:14:37,855
Ugh. Issa.
377
00:14:37,856 --> 00:14:41,227
- Were you trying
to steal my thing? - No. No, I was borrowing it.
378
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:42,497
Oh.
379
00:14:42,498 --> 00:14:44,166
- Why?
- Because my coworkers are downstairs,
380
00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:46,003
and I told them
I was running the marathon,
381
00:14:46,004 --> 00:14:47,641
so if I could just borrow this,
it would mean a lot to me.
382
00:14:47,642 --> 00:14:49,309
You lied to your coworkers
about running the marathon?
383
00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:50,714
Yes, yes, exactly. So...
384
00:14:50,914 --> 00:14:51,964
That�s bad, man.
385
00:14:52,416 --> 00:14:53,753
- Ow!
- Don�t do that.
386
00:14:54,053 --> 00:14:56,458
- That�s messed up. [screams]
- [shushing]
387
00:14:56,459 --> 00:14:58,509
- Fuck! [groans]
- Shut up. What is wrong?
388
00:14:58,510 --> 00:15:00,065
- Cramp, cramp, cramp.
- Okay, okay.
389
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,334
- Okay, I�ll-
- My hammy, my hammy,
390
00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:02,570
- my hammy, my hammy.
- Your hammy.
391
00:15:02,571 --> 00:15:04,140
- Use your thumb.
- Use my thumb?
392
00:15:04,141 --> 00:15:05,408
Don�t make it weird.
393
00:15:05,409 --> 00:15:06,779
Okay.
394
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,916
Ow, fuck! Sorry for swearing,
sorry for swearing.
395
00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:11,147
Sorry for swearing?
Literally who are you?
396
00:15:11,188 --> 00:15:13,458
[groaning, breathing heavily]
397
00:15:13,459 --> 00:15:17,265
Okay, Paul Baker. Well, if you
could just please help me out.
398
00:15:17,266 --> 00:15:20,606
A lot of people are invested
in this lie. My roommates spent all day on this.
399
00:15:20,607 --> 00:15:22,778
Okay, I�m okay. I�m okay.
Thank you.
400
00:15:22,945 --> 00:15:24,380
- Thank you so much.
- Yeah.
401
00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:26,651
[panting] So, wait, you made
your roommates lie too?
402
00:15:26,652 --> 00:15:29,692
No! They lied for me, okay?
Like friends do.
403
00:15:29,693 --> 00:15:31,983
Don�t you have friends
who would lie for you?
404
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:34,735
- No.
- Uh, you should probably find some.
405
00:15:34,736 --> 00:15:37,566
It�s like a group project.
It�s actually quite creative.
406
00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:41,582
So, what, you guys all just
live in this house, pay rent
407
00:15:41,583 --> 00:15:44,019
and just make shit up
for each other?
408
00:15:44,020 --> 00:15:46,157
No, we don�t pay rent.
409
00:15:46,158 --> 00:15:48,529
- Huh. Nice.
- Oh. Okay.
410
00:15:48,630 --> 00:15:50,801
This is gonna work. Um...
So nice to meet you.
411
00:15:50,802 --> 00:15:53,371
Congrats on the marathon,
and sorry about your leg.
412
00:15:53,372 --> 00:15:54,575
Thank you.
413
00:15:59,518 --> 00:16:01,054
[dog barking]
414
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:03,425
Fucking supportive coworkers.
415
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:05,830
- [screams]
- [glass clinking]
416
00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:08,636
So, essentially,
Samir and I grew up together.
417
00:16:08,637 --> 00:16:10,371
And I went to college
with him, so...
418
00:16:10,372 --> 00:16:12,743
Yes, and that�s
where we met Anton. So...
419
00:16:12,744 --> 00:16:12,810
Yes, and that�s
where we met Anton. So... - [door opens]
420
00:16:12,811 --> 00:16:14,681
- [door opens]
- [Issa] Yeah.
421
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,451
And another interesting thing
that actually happened in college
422
00:16:16,452 --> 00:16:18,354
is that we, you know,
we went to a dance party-
423
00:16:18,355 --> 00:16:20,961
No way! No way!
424
00:16:21,228 --> 00:16:23,458
- [cheering]
- [Anton] Oh, my... Oh, I�m a mess!
425
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,502
- I�m a mess. Or am I glowing?
- No.
426
00:16:25,503 --> 00:16:27,507
No, I�m probably a mess.
Or am I glowing?
427
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,078
You�re a messy glow. [laughs]
I don�t know what that means.
428
00:16:30,079 --> 00:16:31,514
[coworker 3] Anton, you did it!
429
00:16:31,515 --> 00:16:33,050
I did it!
430
00:16:33,051 --> 00:16:36,892
As per my... my foil blanket
and my- a lot of sweat and...
431
00:16:36,893 --> 00:16:39,196
- [coworker 2] Oh, yeah.
- ...and et cetera and so forth.
432
00:16:39,197 --> 00:16:41,536
- Wait, show us your medal.
- Oh, yes.
433
00:16:41,937 --> 00:16:43,172
Hmm?
434
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,811
- [clicks tongue]
- [Anton] Medal?
435
00:16:46,278 --> 00:16:47,658
[clears throat] Well, I, um...
436
00:16:47,659 --> 00:16:49,751
[chuckling] I didn�t finish
first, guys.
437
00:16:49,752 --> 00:16:51,923
I mean, I was close.
I was really close.
438
00:16:51,924 --> 00:16:53,559
I saw the finish line,
and then...
439
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,064
and then someone else got
there first.
440
00:16:56,699 --> 00:16:59,889
- Wait, doesn�t everyone get
a medal? - Yeah, everyone gets one.
441
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:01,909
- I don�t...
- [Billie stammers]
442
00:17:01,910 --> 00:17:04,247
- Oh, uh, you said you lost it.
- Oh, he donated it.
443
00:17:04,248 --> 00:17:05,884
[coworker 3] What?
444
00:17:06,451 --> 00:17:09,124
Wait, you-you lost it
or you donated it?
445
00:17:09,357 --> 00:17:12,831
Um... [stammers] Well, uh,
it�s-it�s such a funny story.
446
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,667
Don�t laugh yet.
So, let me start. So-
447
00:17:14,668 --> 00:17:17,078
- So, my Aunt Bonnie is
a klepto. - [Anton] Mm-hmm.
448
00:17:17,139 --> 00:17:20,345
Yes, and Issa was actually
supposed to look after the medal,
449
00:17:20,346 --> 00:17:21,815
even though
they�re having a fight.
450
00:17:21,816 --> 00:17:23,754
- Yes, so...
- Yes, and I�m a therapist.
451
00:17:23,755 --> 00:17:27,025
[Issa] So, essentially, um,
Bonnie was diagnosed when she was 14.
452
00:17:27,026 --> 00:17:30,600
Okay, okay, okay.
You guys, please, it�s fine.
453
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:33,941
Thanks. Um...
454
00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:38,883
[smacks lips] My friends are trying
to protect me, because that�s what they do,
455
00:17:38,884 --> 00:17:40,753
but I�m gonna be honest.
456
00:17:40,754 --> 00:17:43,892
I, uh... I should probably just
tell you I didn�t actually-
457
00:17:43,893 --> 00:17:46,498
Yo! [grunts]
Dude, hey. Dude, there you are.
458
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,735
Hi. Sorry, I couldn�t find you.
459
00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:50,773
Thanks for letting me borrow
that for the picture, man.
460
00:17:50,774 --> 00:17:53,078
My mom�s gonna love it.
461
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:58,155
My mom, who is the president
462
00:17:58,756 --> 00:18:02,363
of Latvia.
463
00:18:03,365 --> 00:18:04,734
[Anton] Of course.
464
00:18:04,735 --> 00:18:06,906
No problem, Paul Baker.
465
00:18:07,106 --> 00:18:08,309
No problem at all.
466
00:18:09,243 --> 00:18:12,282
- [whispering] Hi.
- So, who wants to hold it first?
467
00:18:12,283 --> 00:18:15,255
- [all gasp, cheer]
- Who�s the lucky first?
468
00:18:15,256 --> 00:18:17,393
- Hey, no more strays?
- [stammers] Mmm?
469
00:18:17,394 --> 00:18:18,963
This is the last one.
This is the last one.
470
00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:21,602
- Oh, wow, that was amazing.
- You liked that?
471
00:18:21,603 --> 00:18:24,274
- [cheering, laughing]
- Oh.
472
00:18:28,954 --> 00:18:34,527
[? suspenseful m -No, no. It�s not...
It�s not happening. - Sammy!
473
00:18:34,528 --> 00:18:36,497
Sammy, don�t you want to use
the front door?
474
00:18:36,498 --> 00:18:37,600
Won�t the front door feel good?
475
00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:39,041
[Anton] Yeah, Samir, come on.
476
00:18:39,137 --> 00:18:40,773
- Lying is stressful.
- Mm-hmm.
477
00:18:40,774 --> 00:18:42,475
Take it from someone who�s now
leading an office fun run.
478
00:18:42,476 --> 00:18:44,682
- [Billie] Wait, what?
- Type 1 diabetes.
479
00:18:44,782 --> 00:18:46,686
I, uh...
I actually can�t get into it.
480
00:18:46,687 --> 00:18:48,622
Wait, what do you mean
you don�t like running?
481
00:18:48,623 --> 00:18:50,660
That is boring as hell, man.
482
00:18:50,661 --> 00:18:54,834
I just moved to New York a little bit
ago, so I just ran the marathon to meet people.
483
00:18:54,835 --> 00:18:56,705
You ran 26 miles
to meet people?
484
00:18:56,706 --> 00:18:58,442
Uh-huh. Yeah.
485
00:19:00,346 --> 00:19:01,481
And did you?
486
00:19:03,218 --> 00:19:04,286
Yeah, I did.
487
00:19:04,287 --> 00:19:06,223
- [both chuckle]
- [Billie] Come on.
488
00:19:06,224 --> 00:19:07,827
Come on, Samir,
it�s now or never, right? Let�s do it now, then.
489
00:19:07,828 --> 00:19:09,162
- [Billie] Come on.
- Okay.
490
00:19:09,163 --> 00:19:10,666
- Come on.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
491
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,971
- You ready?
- [Samir] Uh, sure.
492
00:19:12,972 --> 00:19:14,841
Okay. [smacks lips] All right.
493
00:19:14,842 --> 00:19:16,277
[? lively music plays]
494
00:19:16,278 --> 00:19:18,688
- [Billie chuckles]
- [Samir whimpers, sighs]
495
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:21,487
[all cheering]
496
00:19:21,488 --> 00:19:22,658
[Billie] Good job!
497
00:19:22,824 --> 00:19:24,727
- Yes. Yes.
- [phone buzzing]
498
00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:25,930
[Issa] Yay!
499
00:19:26,632 --> 00:19:27,968
Fuck.
500
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:31,007
Yes. Yes, Mom, I know. I know.
501
00:19:31,008 --> 00:19:34,848
?? Alabama, Arkansas
I do love my Ma and Pa ?
502
00:19:34,849 --> 00:19:38,189
?? Not the way
That I do love you ?
503
00:19:38,388 --> 00:19:42,495
? Well, holy moly, me-oh-my
You�re the apple of my eye ?
504
00:19:42,496 --> 00:19:45,637
? Girl, I never loved one
Like you ?
505
00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:47,934
?? Man, oh, man
You�re my best friend ?
506
00:19:48,208 --> 00:19:50,044
? I scream it
To the nothingness ?
507
00:19:50,045 --> 00:19:52,952
?? There ain�t nothing
That I need ?
508
00:19:53,586 --> 00:19:55,657
? Well, hot
And heavy pumpkin pie ?
509
00:19:55,757 --> 00:19:57,526
? Chocolate candy
Jesus Christ ?
510
00:19:57,527 --> 00:20:00,399
?? Ain�t nothing pleasing
More than you ?
511
00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:04,908
?? Oh, home, let me come home ?
512
00:20:04,909 --> 00:20:08,516
?? Home is
Wherever I�m with you ?
513
00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:13,926
[? song ends]
514
00:20:13,976 --> 00:20:18,526
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