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1
00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:06,882
Well, this is it. Thanks for
walking me home. It was fun.
2
00:00:06,926 --> 00:00:08,931
I especially liked the part
where the waiter asked me
3
00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:10,501
how he could get involved
with the Big Brothers
of America.
4
00:00:12,811 --> 00:00:14,773
He just said that
because you’re older than me.
5
00:00:14,817 --> 00:00:16,648
Yeah, I got that part.
6
00:00:16,691 --> 00:00:18,784
[elevator bell dings]
7
00:00:18,828 --> 00:00:20,223
Can I come up?
8
00:00:20,266 --> 00:00:22,577
I don’t know, Scott.
My roommate might be home.
9
00:00:22,620 --> 00:00:24,103
She’s not good with new people.
10
00:00:24,147 --> 00:00:26,588
You know, she grew up
without... people.
11
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,775
Did you ever see Nell?
There is...
12
00:00:34,174 --> 00:00:37,966
- Are you embarrassed of me?
- Heh. No.
13
00:00:38,009 --> 00:00:39,056
Yes.
14
00:00:40,451 --> 00:00:41,890
Look, I have a really
good time with you,
15
00:00:41,933 --> 00:00:43,721
but you are 23.
16
00:00:43,764 --> 00:00:45,246
And three-quarters.
17
00:00:45,290 --> 00:00:48,341
See. Just the fact that
your age has fractions in it.
18
00:00:51,568 --> 00:00:55,055
Look, just... give me
a little time to adjust, OK?
19
00:00:55,099 --> 00:00:58,107
OK. Oh, I brought
you some movies from work.
20
00:00:58,151 --> 00:00:59,894
They’re due back on Thursday.
21
00:00:59,938 --> 00:01:02,205
Although, if you brought
them in on Friday,
22
00:01:02,249 --> 00:01:04,777
I’d waive that late fee.
23
00:01:04,820 --> 00:01:07,698
Yeah, it helps to know
people in high places.
24
00:01:10,052 --> 00:01:11,142
Dinner tomorrow.
25
00:01:11,186 --> 00:01:13,234
Dinner tomorrow.
And just think,
26
00:01:13,279 --> 00:01:14,717
I’ll be one day older.
27
00:01:18,509 --> 00:01:21,692
I want to thank you
for a very nice evening.
28
00:01:21,736 --> 00:01:23,436
Yeah. So, listen...
29
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,924
I’m not really sure how
to say what I wanna say here,
30
00:01:26,967 --> 00:01:29,190
but I wanna be
a gentleman about it
31
00:01:29,234 --> 00:01:32,286
so since I paid for dinner,
I think it’d be great
32
00:01:32,330 --> 00:01:34,509
if we went to your place
and you took off your shirt
33
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,209
and we got to at least,
like, second.
34
00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:41,964
First of all, you’re a pig...
35
00:01:43,925 --> 00:01:47,283
- And second, you’re a child.
- Who...
36
00:01:47,326 --> 00:01:49,070
You’re a child.
You are totally inappropriate.
37
00:01:49,113 --> 00:01:50,552
You have no self-control.
38
00:01:53,604 --> 00:01:55,348
What are you talking about?
39
00:01:55,392 --> 00:01:58,356
At dinner, you went "ptttb",
and turned to the
table next to us
40
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,535
and said, "Can you believe
that came out of her?"
41
00:02:02,846 --> 00:02:05,113
Hey, so, do you have
those Breathe-Right strips?
42
00:02:05,156 --> 00:02:06,987
’Cause you look like
a snorer to me.
43
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,135
Look, you don’t have
to worry about that,
44
00:02:13,178 --> 00:02:14,879
because you’re not
coming in, ever.
45
00:02:14,922 --> 00:02:17,538
Besides, my roommate
might be home.
46
00:02:17,581 --> 00:02:19,281
So, are you embarrassed of me?
47
00:02:20,589 --> 00:02:22,115
Of course I am.
48
00:02:25,777 --> 00:02:29,745
So, good-bye. Don’t call me.
Have a nice life.
49
00:02:29,788 --> 00:02:31,663
- So, tomorrow night?
- I’ll be ready at 7:00.
50
00:02:31,706 --> 00:02:34,801
- I’ll be here at 8:00.
- [scoffs]
51
00:02:34,845 --> 00:02:35,935
Oh, damn you.
52
00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:38,769
- Hey.
- Hey. Hi.
53
00:02:38,812 --> 00:02:39,902
- What have you been up to?
- Where you been?
54
00:02:39,946 --> 00:02:41,428
- Me?
- Me?
55
00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:43,390
- Had the craziest night...
- I was gonna go to a movie...
56
00:02:43,434 --> 00:02:46,136
- I was on my way
home from work...
- We talked...
57
00:02:46,179 --> 00:02:48,447
and then this cab
came out of nowhere and...
58
00:02:48,490 --> 00:02:49,929
- just crashed into this woman
- talked about yoga...
59
00:02:49,973 --> 00:02:52,152
She was fine. And so I decided,
I was so hungry, I went
60
00:02:52,196 --> 00:02:55,291
- to the Museum of Modern Art...
- I talked so much, I didn’t...
61
00:02:55,335 --> 00:02:57,383
- so I went to a long movie.
- get a chance to see my movie.
62
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,779
[both]
Good night.
63
00:03:01,002 --> 00:03:03,488
[theme music playing]
64
00:03:13,950 --> 00:03:15,040
- Hi, Jack.
- Hi, Val.
65
00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:16,566
You look pretty today, Jack.
66
00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:18,222
Thank you. I was thinking
the same thing myself.
67
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,318
What’s up?
68
00:03:21,361 --> 00:03:23,192
Well, I’m soliciting
donations for a food drive
69
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:26,026
so if you have any spare canned
goods, that would be great.
70
00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:28,555
Sure, come on in. I think
I have some soup and tuna.
71
00:03:28,598 --> 00:03:29,601
Oh, fantastic!
72
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:34,221
- Here.
- Just put it in here.
73
00:03:34,266 --> 00:03:36,227
Hey, would you like to come over
for dinner later?
74
00:03:36,271 --> 00:03:37,797
Oh. What you making?
75
00:03:37,841 --> 00:03:39,453
Soup and tuna.
76
00:03:40,979 --> 00:03:43,595
Ooh. Yeah, rain check.
77
00:03:45,949 --> 00:03:47,955
I’m on my way to the theater.
78
00:03:47,998 --> 00:03:49,262
Oh, yeah? What
are you seeing?
79
00:03:50,876 --> 00:03:53,404
No. I don’t see. I am seen.
80
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:58,112
Perhaps you’ve heard
of my one-man show, Jack 2001.
81
00:03:58,156 --> 00:04:00,641
- No.
- Formerly Jack 2000.
82
00:04:00,684 --> 00:04:02,254
- No.
- Soon to be Jack 2002.
83
00:04:02,297 --> 00:04:04,128
- No.
- A variation on
the acclaimed Just Jack.
84
00:04:04,172 --> 00:04:07,703
Oh, Just Jack. Yeah.
You know what? I meant
to see that one
85
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,621
but I was living
in my storage space
86
00:04:09,665 --> 00:04:12,716
because of the whole
Y2K thing, so...
87
00:04:12,761 --> 00:04:15,202
But I’d love to see
the new one. Are there
any tickets available?
88
00:04:16,379 --> 00:04:19,125
[Jack cackles]
89
00:04:19,168 --> 00:04:20,345
Yes.
90
00:04:26,449 --> 00:04:30,765
Lobby level... Handbags,
cosmetics, women’s naughties.
91
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,343
Second floor... Men’s naughties,
things that begin with "K"...
92
00:04:37,828 --> 00:04:39,963
Teeth.
93
00:04:40,008 --> 00:04:41,446
- Third floor...
- Are you gonna keep
doing that?
94
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,407
- No.
- Good. Thanks.
95
00:04:45,064 --> 00:04:47,114
We could wrassle?
96
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,557
I got a better game.
97
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:51,996
Let’s see who could
be quiet the longest.
98
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,871
The one who wins gets a cookie.
99
00:04:53,914 --> 00:04:57,445
OK. Ready? Go.
100
00:04:57,489 --> 00:04:59,800
Wait. No, ready? Go.
101
00:04:59,843 --> 00:05:03,069
Wait. OK. Seriously, ready? Go.
102
00:05:05,859 --> 00:05:06,819
[sneezes]
103
00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:14,665
- Oh, God!
- Ha ha ha, you talked. I win.
104
00:05:20,768 --> 00:05:22,643
Hey, Leather Tuscadero.
105
00:05:29,531 --> 00:05:31,275
You look nice. Hot date?
106
00:05:31,319 --> 00:05:35,024
Hot? Uh... Listen...
107
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,640
I’ve been meaning to tell
you about something,
108
00:05:37,684 --> 00:05:39,864
and I don’t know why
I’ve waited so long, but...
109
00:05:39,908 --> 00:05:44,006
Oh, God, my collar is wet!
That jerk sneezed on me!
110
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:46,926
Which jerk?
111
00:05:49,455 --> 00:05:51,983
That loser you got
into it with last week,
from the laundry room.
112
00:05:52,027 --> 00:05:54,207
The one that wears the t-shirt
that says, "Your mom’s hot."
113
00:05:58,871 --> 00:06:00,789
Oh, yeah. That guy. Heh.
114
00:06:03,884 --> 00:06:08,332
He’s not so bad. You don't
think he’s kind of charming?
115
00:06:08,375 --> 00:06:11,078
Yeah, he’s real charming,
you know, like finding
a Band-Aid
116
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,473
in your burrito is charming.
117
00:06:15,306 --> 00:06:16,963
I’m sorry. You were
saying something?
118
00:06:17,007 --> 00:06:20,146
Oh. lost it. So, you going out?
119
00:06:20,190 --> 00:06:22,064
Yeah, later...
120
00:06:22,108 --> 00:06:23,589
In fact,
I wanted to tell you some...
121
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,029
Did you return the videos?
122
00:06:25,072 --> 00:06:27,296
- Yeah, this morning.
- You know the guy...
123
00:06:27,339 --> 00:06:29,867
Of course, I had to deal
with that little snot
behind the counter.
124
00:06:31,785 --> 00:06:34,227
Assistant manager Scotty Sender.
125
00:06:35,491 --> 00:06:36,756
That little twerp charges me
126
00:06:36,799 --> 00:06:39,022
that bogus rewind fee
every time I go in there.
127
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,984
God, I hate 12-year-olds
with power.
128
00:06:41,028 --> 00:06:43,164
I’m sure he's not 12, Grace.
129
00:06:43,207 --> 00:06:46,085
He’s gotta be at least...
23 and 3/4.
130
00:06:49,791 --> 00:06:52,624
Well, he’s a punk.
He should respect his elders.
131
00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:56,765
- So, who you going out with?
- Nobody. You?
132
00:06:56,809 --> 00:06:57,855
Nobody.
133
00:06:57,899 --> 00:06:59,295
- Oh.
- Oh.
134
00:06:59,338 --> 00:07:00,559
- Well, have fun.
- Well, have fun.
135
00:07:04,613 --> 00:07:09,452
When you caught between
the moon and New York City...
136
00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:11,021
I’m stuck. I can't get out!
137
00:07:11,065 --> 00:07:13,855
The best that you can do...
138
00:07:13,898 --> 00:07:16,296
The best that you can do
139
00:07:16,340 --> 00:07:17,692
Is fall in love!
140
00:07:17,735 --> 00:07:19,610
Two, three, four, off.
141
00:07:21,048 --> 00:07:23,010
[Jack]
Thank you so much. Thank you.
142
00:07:24,841 --> 00:07:28,808
- Karen, I just totally killed.
- Well, something died tonight.
143
00:07:32,165 --> 00:07:35,086
I’m glad you liked it. You know,
I think the difference was...
144
00:07:35,129 --> 00:07:37,484
adding a dramatic reading.
145
00:07:37,527 --> 00:07:39,577
Did you enjoy
the penis monologues?
146
00:07:43,151 --> 00:07:44,677
I don’t know, honey, I'm...
147
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,250
I’m not a big fan
of ventriloquism.
148
00:07:51,172 --> 00:07:53,789
Constructive criticism.
OK, it’s in.
149
00:07:53,832 --> 00:07:56,491
I’m assessing it.
I’m not hearing it. It's gone.
150
00:07:56,535 --> 00:07:58,932
So, you sticking around
for the next show?
151
00:07:58,976 --> 00:08:01,984
Oh, honey, I would,
but I don’t want to.
152
00:08:06,082 --> 00:08:08,436
Oh, you’re gonna love this.
I’ve seen every show tonight:
153
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,183
the 7:00, the 7:15,
and the 7:30.
154
00:08:11,226 --> 00:08:13,930
Look. Jack even signed my chest.
155
00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:21,994
- Can I see it again?
- Sure.
156
00:08:22,038 --> 00:08:24,349
- Can I see it again?
- OK.
157
00:08:26,485 --> 00:08:28,360
Can I see it again?
158
00:08:57,743 --> 00:08:58,876
Can I see it again?
159
00:09:02,363 --> 00:09:04,761
Shh. The show’s starting.
The show’s starting.
160
00:09:06,941 --> 00:09:08,772
Ladies and gentlemen,
161
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:12,478
welcome to
Jack 2001: A Space Odyssey.
162
00:09:17,928 --> 00:09:20,761
Reaching to Uranus and beyond.
163
00:09:24,685 --> 00:09:28,042
The best that you can do,
cha cha cha
164
00:09:28,085 --> 00:09:30,963
The best that you can do,
Chaka Khan
165
00:09:31,006 --> 00:09:33,752
Is fall in love.
166
00:09:33,796 --> 00:09:36,281
Two, three, four, off.
167
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:38,636
Thank you. Thanks
for sticking round.
168
00:09:39,725 --> 00:09:43,474
Whoo! Yay!
169
00:09:43,518 --> 00:09:47,834
Oh, my God, Jack.
That was the best show ever.
170
00:09:47,877 --> 00:09:50,798
It felt like you were
singing only to me.
171
00:09:52,673 --> 00:09:54,853
Well, for the last
seven shows, I was.
172
00:09:57,033 --> 00:09:58,427
Look, I don’t know what to say.
173
00:09:58,471 --> 00:10:02,743
I just... I really just wanna...
officially thank you
174
00:10:02,787 --> 00:10:04,793
for coming into my life.
175
00:10:04,836 --> 00:10:07,888
It’s just that, well,
you’re my world now.
176
00:10:12,727 --> 00:10:15,778
Yeah, about that. Um, see...
177
00:10:15,822 --> 00:10:19,353
the problem is, I live here...
178
00:10:19,396 --> 00:10:22,841
and I’m thinking
you live way up here.
179
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:35,309
Are you sure, honey? ’Cause
I thought I had a stalker once.
180
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,500
It turns out it was just Rosario
running alongside of the limo,
181
00:10:41,543 --> 00:10:43,811
banging on it because she got
her coat caught in the door.
182
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,829
Yes, Val is totally stalking me.
183
00:10:50,873 --> 00:10:53,750
She followed me to the Banana,
she followed me to the gym,
184
00:10:53,793 --> 00:10:56,104
and last night,
I am sitting in the bushes
185
00:10:56,147 --> 00:10:58,676
outside Kevin Bacon’s apartment
and I see Val watching me
186
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,158
through the other
bushes across the street!
187
00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:03,515
- [elevator bell dings]
- Fun date, huh?
188
00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:06,174
Yeah, nothing spells romance
189
00:11:06,218 --> 00:11:09,357
like free soft-drink night
at the Pig and Whistle.
190
00:11:11,232 --> 00:11:13,455
Did you have onions
in your veggie weggie sub?
191
00:11:14,937 --> 00:11:16,245
Uh, no.
192
00:11:16,288 --> 00:11:17,902
Good. ’cause I'm
going to kiss you
193
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,951
like you’ve never
been kissed before.
194
00:11:21,913 --> 00:11:24,354
Oh! Ha ha ha.
195
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,588
Uh, first of all,
I have been kissed like that...
196
00:11:30,632 --> 00:11:31,853
by my Aunt Honey...
197
00:11:33,421 --> 00:11:36,474
And, second of all,
you don’t tell someone
198
00:11:36,517 --> 00:11:37,912
that you’re about to kiss them.
199
00:11:37,956 --> 00:11:40,049
You sneak up on
them when they...
200
00:11:45,715 --> 00:11:46,893
Yeah, like that.
201
00:11:48,986 --> 00:11:51,340
OK. You’re going to go now,
202
00:11:51,383 --> 00:11:54,304
and that was absolutely
our last date.
203
00:11:54,348 --> 00:11:56,832
I hear you,
and I respect your wishes.
204
00:11:58,533 --> 00:12:01,061
I think it’d be great
if I came in and took a bath.
205
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:06,859
What? No! No.
206
00:12:06,903 --> 00:12:08,908
Go home.
My roommate...
207
00:12:08,952 --> 00:12:12,091
I’m getting the feeling that
you don’t want me to
meet your friends.
208
00:12:12,135 --> 00:12:14,968
It’s not just that.
209
00:12:17,453 --> 00:12:20,853
It’s, you know, I...
210
00:12:20,897 --> 00:12:22,466
I’m feeling like...
211
00:12:22,510 --> 00:12:25,780
And you’re like...
And I’m like...
212
00:12:25,823 --> 00:12:30,183
And, you know, it’s just...
You know what I’m saying?
213
00:12:30,226 --> 00:12:32,842
Oh, yeah, I know what
you’re saying. You want my sex.
214
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,150
[elevator bell dings]
215
00:12:36,897 --> 00:12:39,295
OK. Good night.
216
00:12:39,338 --> 00:12:44,003
- Oh, hold the door.
- No, no, no, no! Oh, no!
217
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:48,319
Going down?
218
00:12:49,887 --> 00:12:52,024
Wow, you cut right
to the chase, don’t you?
219
00:13:03,838 --> 00:13:05,495
I like you.
220
00:13:08,503 --> 00:13:10,639
I like you.
221
00:13:10,683 --> 00:13:12,383
But I’m off the market.
222
00:13:12,426 --> 00:13:15,870
I got this redhead
on the ninth floor,
who’s crazy about me.
223
00:13:17,527 --> 00:13:20,144
Redhead? Crazy?
224
00:13:34,834 --> 00:13:36,055
Surprise!
225
00:13:36,098 --> 00:13:37,145
[Jack screams]
226
00:13:38,932 --> 00:13:40,589
What the hell are
you doing here?
227
00:13:40,633 --> 00:13:42,726
- I live here.
- No, you don’t!
228
00:13:42,769 --> 00:13:45,864
- I’m carrying your baby.
- No, you’re not!
229
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,480
- You’re a musical genius.
- Ok, I’ll give you that one.
230
00:13:50,355 --> 00:13:53,494
- But, Val, you don’t...
- Jack, don’t you understand?
231
00:13:53,537 --> 00:13:57,983
When you sing to me,
you make me feel special.
232
00:13:58,027 --> 00:14:01,341
It’s like I'm no longer
that sad, angry little girl
233
00:14:01,384 --> 00:14:02,648
running around the schoolyard
234
00:14:02,692 --> 00:14:04,174
stabbing kids with pencils.
235
00:14:06,355 --> 00:14:08,883
Okay, someone put
a little extra crazy powder
236
00:14:08,926 --> 00:14:11,672
in the protein shake.
237
00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:14,855
OK, come on. We’re going
to sit down and have
a little talk, all right?
238
00:14:14,899 --> 00:14:16,250
Man to whack-job.
239
00:14:20,217 --> 00:14:22,876
Now, I thought
that it was very flattering
240
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,493
when you first started
coming to the show...
241
00:14:25,536 --> 00:14:28,151
I’m wearing your dirty bath
water in a vial around my neck.
242
00:14:29,939 --> 00:14:32,337
Ew, that’s enough!
243
00:14:32,380 --> 00:14:34,604
Okay, I’ve had it! All right?
244
00:14:34,647 --> 00:14:37,088
So I’m going to tell you
what Justin Timberlake
245
00:14:37,132 --> 00:14:38,964
Matt Lauer and Moesha
said to me.
246
00:14:40,576 --> 00:14:42,887
"Stay away,
or I’ll call the police!"
247
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:46,985
I pretended that your jockstrap
248
00:14:47,028 --> 00:14:48,859
was an oxygen mask
all day today.
249
00:14:52,216 --> 00:14:53,786
And time to go, psycho!
250
00:14:55,704 --> 00:14:58,669
- But, Jack, I love you!
- No, I need you to go, Val.
251
00:14:58,712 --> 00:15:01,066
- No! I love you!
- Get out!
252
00:15:01,110 --> 00:15:02,243
Crazy lady!
253
00:15:02,287 --> 00:15:03,769
- No! I love you!
- Get out!
254
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,780
No, I love you!
255
00:15:10,527 --> 00:15:11,660
Jack...
256
00:15:11,704 --> 00:15:15,278
- I love you.
- Get out! You’re crazy!
257
00:15:20,510 --> 00:15:25,654
[modem connection noises]
258
00:15:36,989 --> 00:15:40,695
Forget it. I might as well
just buy a dirty magazine.
259
00:15:44,313 --> 00:15:45,883
Hey.
260
00:15:45,926 --> 00:15:47,495
Don’t you find it
unbelievably frustrating
261
00:15:47,539 --> 00:15:48,891
when it takes forever
to get online?
262
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:50,285
Will, just buy
a dirty magazine.
263
00:15:52,944 --> 00:15:55,865
You don’t know me.
264
00:15:55,909 --> 00:15:57,391
Oh, Karen called.
265
00:15:58,089 --> 00:16:00,138
What? Karen called?
266
00:16:00,182 --> 00:16:01,489
Did she say anything?
What’d she say?
267
00:16:01,533 --> 00:16:03,103
Did she say anything?
What’d she say?
268
00:16:04,323 --> 00:16:06,459
She said she’s on her way over.
269
00:16:06,502 --> 00:16:09,554
She apparently has
some great big surprise
she wants to share.
270
00:16:09,599 --> 00:16:12,301
Maybe she’s found
a way to freeze-dry evil
271
00:16:12,344 --> 00:16:14,350
so that we can drink it
when she’s not here.
272
00:16:18,623 --> 00:16:21,238
So, Karen’s
coming over now, huh?
273
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,851
Shouldn’t you leave?
Don’t you have something to do?
274
00:16:22,895 --> 00:16:24,202
- Like what?
- Gym?
275
00:16:24,246 --> 00:16:24,769
- Went.
- Eat?
276
00:16:24,813 --> 00:16:25,379
Am.
277
00:16:25,423 --> 00:16:26,208
- Poop?
- Twice.
278
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:27,342
Lucky.
279
00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:31,439
Grace...
280
00:16:31,482 --> 00:16:32,485
What’s the matter?
281
00:16:33,750 --> 00:16:36,540
[groans, laughs]
282
00:16:36,583 --> 00:16:38,851
OK. All right. Listen.
283
00:16:38,894 --> 00:16:42,730
You’re going to find out
anyway as soon as Karen
gets here, so...
284
00:16:44,256 --> 00:16:49,270
[laughing]
285
00:16:49,314 --> 00:16:50,970
You know the guy
from the laundry room
286
00:16:51,013 --> 00:16:52,496
that you were talking
about-- Nathan?
287
00:16:52,539 --> 00:16:55,286
Oh, what the jerk
that sneezed on my neck?
288
00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:57,771
Yeah, what’s the latest?
Is he still throwing lizards...
289
00:16:57,815 --> 00:16:59,995
down the mail chute,
then racing them to the lobby?
290
00:17:04,136 --> 00:17:04,921
He is.
291
00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:08,713
- And I’m dating him.
- [coughs] What?
292
00:17:08,757 --> 00:17:10,719
All right. Look,
before you say anything,
293
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:14,337
I know that there are
parts of him that are
disgusting and childish
294
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:19,612
and weird, but he can
also be really sweet
and charming and romantic.
295
00:17:19,656 --> 00:17:21,356
And I know this makes
absolutely no sense,
296
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,490
and it’s probably going nowhere,
297
00:17:22,533 --> 00:17:25,192
but there it is.
I’m dating sneezy.
298
00:17:28,331 --> 00:17:32,472
Well, since we’re sharing,
299
00:17:32,517 --> 00:17:34,173
I guess there’s something
I should tell you.
300
00:17:34,216 --> 00:17:35,306
What?
301
00:17:35,350 --> 00:17:37,312
I’m...
302
00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:39,317
I’m hurt you
would lie to me.
303
00:17:42,892 --> 00:17:44,592
I’m sorry. I guess...
I don’t know.
304
00:17:44,636 --> 00:17:46,380
I guess I just
felt little embarrassed.
305
00:17:46,423 --> 00:17:49,039
Well, excuses. It’s just
that it hurts, that’s all.
306
00:17:51,001 --> 00:17:53,922
Will, come on. What could
I do to make it up to you?
307
00:17:53,966 --> 00:17:58,151
Oh, it’s not a big deal.
You know, what am
I supposed to say,
308
00:17:58,194 --> 00:17:59,938
"Take out the garbage,
do the dishes,
309
00:17:59,982 --> 00:18:02,074
and pick up
the dry cleaning for a month"?
310
00:18:02,117 --> 00:18:03,817
Would it make you feel
better if I did all that?
311
00:18:03,861 --> 00:18:05,736
[scoffs]
It’s a place to start.
312
00:18:08,482 --> 00:18:09,834
Hello, kiddies.
313
00:18:12,144 --> 00:18:13,932
Are you ready for
your big surprise?
314
00:18:17,202 --> 00:18:19,992
It’s too late.
Will already knows.
315
00:18:21,779 --> 00:18:24,134
- About the ring?
- What ring?
316
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,536
Honey, do you
remember that afternoon
317
00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:31,327
that you and I were
walking down Fifth Avenue
318
00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:34,639
and we saw that beautiful ring
in the window of Tiffany’s
319
00:18:34,683 --> 00:18:37,169
and you said to me,
320
00:18:37,212 --> 00:18:42,182
"If only, one day, I could
own a ring like that"?
321
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,146
Yeah...
322
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,803
I bought it for myself!
323
00:18:48,154 --> 00:18:49,201
[Karen]
Isn’t that great?
324
00:18:49,244 --> 00:18:50,682
Whoo!
325
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,312
That’s your surprise?
326
00:18:59,794 --> 00:19:02,497
Yeah. What the hell’d
you think it was?
327
00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:05,505
I thought you were
going to tell Will
that I was dating Nathan.
328
00:19:05,549 --> 00:19:07,772
The hottie who smells like rope?
329
00:19:10,955 --> 00:19:13,876
You know what?
Shame on you, Grace.
330
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:16,404
I would think that
by now you would know me
well enough to know
331
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,192
that I am not the kind
of person who trades in gossip
332
00:19:18,235 --> 00:19:19,848
and I’m hurt that
you think I do.
333
00:19:20,982 --> 00:19:23,336
- I’m sorry.
- Your business
is your business,
334
00:19:23,380 --> 00:19:25,211
just the same way it’s Will's
business that he’s dating
335
00:19:25,254 --> 00:19:27,129
that mouseketeer
from the video store.
336
00:19:30,747 --> 00:19:32,404
Whoa.
337
00:19:37,373 --> 00:19:38,594
That what?
338
00:19:38,637 --> 00:19:41,341
You know, I can pick up
the dry cleaning.
339
00:19:41,384 --> 00:19:44,872
And I can take out the garbage.
The dishes are mine...
340
00:19:44,915 --> 00:19:46,746
and you know what?
Starting next month...
341
00:19:46,790 --> 00:19:48,534
I’m going to pay you
to live here.
342
00:19:54,114 --> 00:19:56,424
Something’s very wrong if...
343
00:19:56,469 --> 00:19:58,604
if we’re this embarrassed
about our boyfriends,
don’t you think?
344
00:19:58,648 --> 00:20:00,043
I do.
345
00:20:00,087 --> 00:20:02,702
We shouldn’t be seeing
these guys, should we?
346
00:20:02,746 --> 00:20:05,449
- Probably not.
- [Will sighs]
347
00:20:05,493 --> 00:20:07,890
I guess I’ll go down
to the video store
348
00:20:07,934 --> 00:20:10,201
and see if can catch
Scott at recess.
349
00:20:12,729 --> 00:20:15,650
- Lucky you. Yours has a job.
- Mm-hmm.
350
00:20:17,699 --> 00:20:20,620
I think it’s better if we don't
see each other anymore.
351
00:20:22,146 --> 00:20:23,061
If that’s what you think.
352
00:20:24,238 --> 00:20:25,677
If that’s what you think.
353
00:20:25,721 --> 00:20:27,378
I’m sure I'll see you around.
354
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:35,268
Damn you.
355
00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:42,461
[knocking on door]
356
00:20:44,074 --> 00:20:46,516
This has gotta stop, OK?
I mean, for the love of pizza,
357
00:20:46,559 --> 00:20:48,696
you left me 15 messages already.
358
00:20:50,701 --> 00:20:52,095
Please, please, come in.
359
00:20:53,839 --> 00:20:56,543
Hey, I really missed you
at the show tonight, Val.
360
00:20:56,586 --> 00:20:59,333
- It just felt empty.
- Oh, really? Well, too bad,
361
00:20:59,377 --> 00:21:02,166
because you made your bed,
and now I’m not going
to lie in it.
362
00:21:04,433 --> 00:21:08,313
OK, all right. Well,
I’m not going to beg.
363
00:21:09,011 --> 00:21:11,714
- OK. Bye.
- Please, come back.
Please, Val!
364
00:21:11,758 --> 00:21:13,457
Oh, Jack, forget it!
You’re insane!
365
00:21:13,502 --> 00:21:14,896
Please. I need you
to come back!
366
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,817
- Oh, Jack.
- Please, stalk me!
Stalk me, Val.
367
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:21,479
- You’re embarrassing yourself.
- Jack 2001. Jack 2001.
Please, come on.
368
00:21:21,523 --> 00:21:24,574
Jack, you’re embarrassing
yourself! Jack!
369
00:21:26,928 --> 00:21:28,192
[knocking]
370
00:21:29,762 --> 00:21:32,466
Oh, sorry.
28199
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