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1
00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:11,539
Well, hello,
Miss Crept-In-At-Three-A.M.
-Slept-In-Her-Dress.
2
00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:14,066
Somebody obviously
ended the evening with a bang.
3
00:00:14,110 --> 00:00:17,640
No, just a little
French kissing.
4
00:00:17,683 --> 00:00:19,949
Oh, what?
With that guy who kept
going around the party
5
00:00:19,993 --> 00:00:22,346
saying, "It's all good."
6
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,525
No. He bugged
the crap out of me.
7
00:00:24,569 --> 00:00:26,617
He kept asking me
why I wouldn't smile.
8
00:00:26,661 --> 00:00:29,972
I finally had to tell him
it was because I was born
without smiling muscles
9
00:00:30,016 --> 00:00:31,367
like that kid in Wisconsin.
10
00:00:31,411 --> 00:00:33,023
Ha. That's good.
11
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,548
I once told someone I couldn't
have sex with them because...
12
00:00:34,592 --> 00:00:36,814
cause Jupiter was
in my rising house.
13
00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:41,826
I know... It was me.
14
00:00:41,870 --> 00:00:46,707
Oh!
15
00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:48,319
You lie a lot, you know that?
16
00:00:48,364 --> 00:00:50,542
You are a very big liar,
Grace Adler.
17
00:00:50,585 --> 00:00:52,721
I am not. I never lie.
18
00:00:52,764 --> 00:00:56,033
Could you sign my doctor's
name on this? I'm trying
to get out of jury duty.
19
00:00:57,472 --> 00:00:59,476
Come on. Come on, sign it.
20
00:00:59,519 --> 00:01:02,658
He gave me some stationery
and told me I could write
whatever I want on it.
21
00:01:02,701 --> 00:01:05,708
"Borderline personality
disorder"?
22
00:01:07,321 --> 00:01:11,460
"High-risk for psychotic break,
particularly in
a stressful situation."
23
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:14,903
You left out your tendency
to not flush if it's just pee.
24
00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:21,658
You are a disgrace,
Margaret Truman! A disgrace.
25
00:01:21,702 --> 00:01:23,924
Don't think that we didn't see
you and your big forehead
26
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:25,841
sneaking out of that
party last night.
27
00:01:25,885 --> 00:01:27,759
Please.
28
00:01:27,803 --> 00:01:31,290
It was boring, and then
some three-foot-tall guy...
29
00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:33,469
kept following me around
begging me to come back
to his apartment...
30
00:01:33,512 --> 00:01:35,909
to show me his
Lion King memorabilia.
31
00:01:37,478 --> 00:01:41,574
Hey.
When's the last time some guy
offered to show you his Pumbaa?
32
00:01:45,365 --> 00:01:48,504
You can't exactly
afford to be choosy.
33
00:01:48,547 --> 00:01:52,643
Even Grace was smooching
that loser all night who kept
saying, "It's all good."
34
00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:56,304
-I thought you said--
-I lied.
35
00:01:56,348 --> 00:01:58,177
I am telling you,
you're gonna blink...
36
00:01:58,221 --> 00:02:01,184
and you'll be 80 and alone
in a caftan with a lap
full of catnip...
37
00:02:01,228 --> 00:02:02,928
saying "Here, kitty,
kitty, kitty."
38
00:02:05,630 --> 00:02:08,942
It's time to put the "sex"
back in "homosexual," Will!
39
00:02:12,647 --> 00:02:16,263
So get a freakin' boyfriend!
P.S., I ruined your new shirt,
let's see a movie later!
40
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,670
-Don't listen to him.
-Why not? He's right.
41
00:02:22,713 --> 00:02:26,418
I have no one in my life,
and why? Because there's
no one I'm interested in.
42
00:02:26,461 --> 00:02:30,209
Oh, now, that's a lie.
You're the liar, Will, not me.
43
00:02:30,252 --> 00:02:32,301
Oh, God, that's what hurts.
44
00:02:39,623 --> 00:02:43,326
What about that cutie that
you met at Banana Republic?
45
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:46,289
The guy whose card you've been
dating for the last two months?
46
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,556
What are you... What card?
47
00:02:48,599 --> 00:02:50,865
Oh, Matt's card.
48
00:02:52,347 --> 00:02:55,136
No, I don't think it's gonna
work out, anyway.
He's kinda square.
49
00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:56,488
Ha!
50
00:02:56,531 --> 00:02:59,102
You get it? He's kinda...
No wonder I'm alone.
51
00:03:00,497 --> 00:03:02,197
-Call him.
-I can't.
52
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,420
-Give me one good reason.
-Because he's a sportswriter.
53
00:03:04,463 --> 00:03:07,121
He writes about sports.
54
00:03:07,164 --> 00:03:09,867
-Oh. That is a good reason.
-Thank you.
55
00:03:09,910 --> 00:03:11,566
Wait a minute.
What are you...
56
00:03:11,610 --> 00:03:13,352
What are you saying?
That I couldn't go out
with a sports guy?
57
00:03:13,396 --> 00:03:15,314
God, no.
58
00:03:15,357 --> 00:03:17,624
Better you stick to
dating his card.
59
00:03:17,667 --> 00:03:20,674
In fact,
I just got a new Texaco card.
Maybe we could double.
60
00:03:22,984 --> 00:03:25,380
-I'm gonna call him.
-I think it's a bad idea.
61
00:03:25,424 --> 00:03:27,647
-Well, I'm doing it.
-I wouldn't.
62
00:03:27,690 --> 00:03:30,088
You just totally manipulated
me into that, didn't you?
63
00:03:30,131 --> 00:03:31,744
It's all good.
64
00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:36,058
[theme music playing]
65
00:03:45,602 --> 00:03:47,476
[Karen] Grace,
we have a favor to ask you.
66
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,786
As you know,
I recently acquired...
67
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:52,793
a prime piece of real estate
in the greater Manhattan area.
68
00:03:52,836 --> 00:03:56,017
-I gave you my apartment.
-Whatever.
69
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:59,024
Anyway, my fair-bosom
friend here...
70
00:03:59,765 --> 00:04:01,421
has generously offered
71
00:04:01,464 --> 00:04:05,038
to foot the bill to redecorate
my little pomme de terre.
72
00:04:06,694 --> 00:04:08,743
Oh, I see where this is going.
73
00:04:08,786 --> 00:04:10,748
We were hoping you would.
74
00:04:10,791 --> 00:04:12,273
[Karen] And, uh...
75
00:04:12,316 --> 00:04:15,628
since this is your
area of expertise.
76
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:19,376
And we really need
a good designer.
77
00:04:20,117 --> 00:04:22,122
We were hoping...
78
00:04:22,165 --> 00:04:25,085
God, this is kind
of hard to ask.
79
00:04:25,129 --> 00:04:26,349
Um...
80
00:04:26,393 --> 00:04:27,962
Do you know any?
81
00:04:33,104 --> 00:04:35,195
Why isn't she speaking?
82
00:04:35,239 --> 00:04:37,244
She's thinking.
Quick, grab a pencil.
83
00:04:37,287 --> 00:04:39,466
Be ready to write
down whatever she says.
84
00:04:48,008 --> 00:04:49,489
She's not saying nothing.
85
00:04:49,533 --> 00:04:52,409
That's because she's hypnotized
by her own dress.
86
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:58,162
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Why don't we ask Grace to do it?
87
00:04:58,206 --> 00:04:59,426
Is she any good?
88
00:04:59,470 --> 00:05:02,302
Hey, Boris, Natasha,
I'm right here.
89
00:05:05,178 --> 00:05:08,752
Excuse me. We're having
a private conversation.
90
00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:15,202
Nosy Parker.
91
00:05:15,246 --> 00:05:18,427
Speaking of which,
I'd love to park my nosey
in that scarf of yours.
92
00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:19,690
Do it quick.
93
00:05:19,735 --> 00:05:21,608
Agh!
94
00:05:28,756 --> 00:05:30,149
So, will you do it?
95
00:05:30,193 --> 00:05:32,721
I wouldn't do it if
you paid me twice my fee.
96
00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:35,422
-How about if I pay
you twice your fee?
-I'll do it.
97
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:41,873
So, what took you so
long to call me?
98
00:05:41,916 --> 00:05:44,531
That's sort of my style.
I like to wait, you know...
99
00:05:44,575 --> 00:05:48,017
until the guy has lost
all interest in or memory
of me, and then I strike.
100
00:05:48,061 --> 00:05:49,848
Oh.
101
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:51,330
Well, it worked for me.
102
00:05:51,373 --> 00:05:53,814
Oh, look, they're showing
last year's all-star game.
103
00:05:53,857 --> 00:05:56,995
Pedro Martinez is
the best pitcher in baseball,
don't you think?
104
00:05:57,038 --> 00:05:58,694
[clears throat]
105
00:05:58,737 --> 00:06:00,612
Don't tell me you're
a Johnson fan?
106
00:06:00,655 --> 00:06:03,314
Oh, I-I'm a big Johnson fan.
107
00:06:08,543 --> 00:06:10,287
-Uh, you want another beer?
-Mm.
108
00:06:10,330 --> 00:06:12,335
Yeah, two more, please. Sorry.
109
00:06:13,685 --> 00:06:15,342
-I love sports.
-Mm-hm.
110
00:06:15,386 --> 00:06:17,652
I always wanted
to be a sportscaster.
111
00:06:17,695 --> 00:06:20,920
When I was a kid I used to
hold my mother's curling iron
and pretend I was Howard Cosell.
112
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,273
That's funny. You know,
when I was a kid I used to hold
my mother's curling iron...
113
00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:24,798
and pretend I was Eartha Kitt.
114
00:06:31,030 --> 00:06:33,776
But, you know, you should
pursue it. You'd be great.
115
00:06:33,819 --> 00:06:37,306
Well, actually, I've got
a meeting next week for an
on-air position at Channel 9.
116
00:06:37,350 --> 00:06:39,398
That's great.
117
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,926
Yeah. I just love that you're
into this. The last guy
I dated hated sports.
118
00:06:42,666 --> 00:06:44,627
Huh.
119
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:47,809
You know, since you're
a baseball fan, you should
join my buddies and me.
120
00:06:47,852 --> 00:06:51,077
We get a game going
every Saturday in the park.
You interested?
121
00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:53,692
Absolutely. I-I-I--
You know, I miss playing.
122
00:06:53,736 --> 00:06:55,915
-What's your position?
-I'm for it.
123
00:06:55,959 --> 00:06:57,091
Uh-huh.
124
00:06:59,183 --> 00:07:02,364
Now, since we're dealing
with limited space...
125
00:07:02,408 --> 00:07:05,938
I thought we would play off that
and go big, overstuff it...
126
00:07:05,982 --> 00:07:07,550
but not excessively, smartly.
127
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,253
Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm.
128
00:07:13,782 --> 00:07:15,917
Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm.
129
00:07:15,961 --> 00:07:18,358
I like it.
Let's go exactly the opposite.
130
00:07:19,448 --> 00:07:22,368
So you want to understuff
it stupidly?
131
00:07:22,411 --> 00:07:23,980
[gasps softly]
132
00:07:25,462 --> 00:07:27,466
See God in everyone.
133
00:07:28,947 --> 00:07:32,130
I've taken the liberty to pull
some pictures from magazines...
134
00:07:32,173 --> 00:07:34,396
to give you an idea
of what I'm looking for.
135
00:07:34,439 --> 00:07:36,139
[clears throat]
136
00:07:36,182 --> 00:07:37,925
Okay. Yep, okay.
137
00:07:37,968 --> 00:07:40,845
These are pictures from
an Abercrombie and Fitch
catalog of men...
138
00:07:40,888 --> 00:07:43,808
lying around with
their underwear half
off their asses.
139
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:46,989
Yeah.
140
00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:50,172
Can you do that?
141
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:55,662
Jack, do I have to explain
the difference between
a decorator and a pimp again?
142
00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,020
There you are.
143
00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:03,289
I just got the estimate
for the job, and let
me tell you something.
144
00:08:03,332 --> 00:08:05,685
No one takes advantage
of Karen Walker.
145
00:08:05,729 --> 00:08:08,867
Except Stan Walker,
and at least he has
the courtesy to kiss me
146
00:08:08,911 --> 00:08:11,786
and buy me jewelry before
he gives me the low, soft one.
147
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:18,150
You said that money
was no object.
148
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:21,854
Honey, that's just
a saying, like,
"Ooh, that sounds like fun,"
149
00:08:21,897 --> 00:08:23,510
or, "I love you."
150
00:08:25,863 --> 00:08:27,868
Listen...
151
00:08:27,911 --> 00:08:30,657
Stan got wind of this,
and he's taking the money
out of my shoe allowance.
152
00:08:30,701 --> 00:08:35,320
So I was hoping you could
do the whole thing for,
say, under $300.
153
00:08:35,364 --> 00:08:37,586
Are you insane?
154
00:08:37,630 --> 00:08:39,242
Jack's got expensive taste.
155
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:42,554
I mean, the musical bidet
alone is over $400.
156
00:08:45,038 --> 00:08:47,348
Well, that's your problem,
not mine.
157
00:08:47,392 --> 00:08:49,352
Just strip it down to
the bare essentials.
158
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:52,578
Rubber walls, a baby-oil
dispenser and a coat rack.
159
00:08:56,326 --> 00:08:58,679
Paprika! I've got it!
160
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,162
A skylight!
161
00:09:01,206 --> 00:09:03,516
Jack, we have already
gone over this.
162
00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:04,997
You cannot put a skylight,
163
00:09:05,041 --> 00:09:07,917
on the ninth floor of
a 12-story building.
164
00:09:09,051 --> 00:09:11,098
Karen, I can't work like this!
165
00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:15,021
You can't work like this?
You know, I'm the one...
166
00:09:15,065 --> 00:09:17,112
[both yelling]
167
00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:18,987
Oh! God!
168
00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:24,391
Honey, look.
She left her datebook.
169
00:09:24,434 --> 00:09:26,700
-Let's look through it.
-And change things.
170
00:09:29,446 --> 00:09:31,625
Oh, oh, oops.
171
00:09:31,669 --> 00:09:33,020
What is this?
172
00:09:33,063 --> 00:09:36,332
Oh, it's a letter from
her therapist.
173
00:09:37,072 --> 00:09:38,946
I feel bad reading it.
174
00:09:38,989 --> 00:09:41,909
I know. It's terrible.
Move your hand. I can't see.
175
00:09:43,304 --> 00:09:44,873
"Personality disorder."
176
00:09:44,916 --> 00:09:47,401
"Job-related stress."
177
00:09:47,445 --> 00:09:49,754
"Prone to aggressive outbursts."
178
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:50,756
[both gasp]
179
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,848
[both]
She's a psycho!
180
00:09:56,596 --> 00:10:00,344
-What are you doing?
-Watching the Knicks game.
181
00:10:00,388 --> 00:10:02,958
Why? Did they get
new cute boy cheerleaders?
182
00:10:03,656 --> 00:10:05,094
Hey...
183
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,793
I'm allowed to watch sports,
okay? Cause I'm a guy.
184
00:10:06,838 --> 00:10:09,059
That's what guys do.
Now get me a beer.
185
00:10:10,498 --> 00:10:13,767
Who am I kidding?
I want a spritzer.
I'll never pull this off.
186
00:10:18,821 --> 00:10:20,522
What is happening to you?
187
00:10:20,565 --> 00:10:23,223
I told Matt that
I'm a sports nut...
188
00:10:23,266 --> 00:10:26,579
that I love watching sports,
that I particularly love
playing baseball
189
00:10:26,623 --> 00:10:27,712
and that I'm really good at it.
190
00:10:27,755 --> 00:10:30,283
How quick can
you get out of town?
191
00:10:30,327 --> 00:10:33,944
What should I do?
I mean, do you think
I can fake my way through this?
192
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,238
I'd say no.
193
00:10:58,305 --> 00:11:00,397
Where is my paper?
194
00:11:01,442 --> 00:11:03,055
Mr. Zamir.
195
00:11:03,098 --> 00:11:04,580
Mr. Zamir!
196
00:11:04,624 --> 00:11:07,762
I didn't take your paper.
197
00:11:07,806 --> 00:11:10,072
How did you know
that's what I was gonna
ask you about?
198
00:11:10,115 --> 00:11:13,470
Every day, I tell you
I didn't take your paper.
199
00:11:13,514 --> 00:11:16,216
And every day, you take it.
200
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,785
You got me there.
201
00:11:23,145 --> 00:11:24,975
I want my paper!
202
00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:26,589
Now throw that garbage away.
203
00:11:26,632 --> 00:11:28,070
God, the flies
are just everywhere.
204
00:11:28,114 --> 00:11:30,031
Those are not my flies.
205
00:11:32,036 --> 00:11:34,650
Yeah, I always knew Grace
was a little [whistles]
206
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,740
But I never knew she was...
207
00:11:35,784 --> 00:11:37,701
[screeching noise]
208
00:11:40,926 --> 00:11:43,017
My mother's crazy.
209
00:11:43,062 --> 00:11:44,935
That's why I had her committed.
210
00:11:47,594 --> 00:11:48,944
Well...
211
00:11:48,988 --> 00:11:52,038
She's not crazy so much
as she just bugged me.
212
00:11:54,217 --> 00:11:56,048
She's a bitch.
213
00:11:58,925 --> 00:12:01,670
I'm telling you,
Karen, I'm worried.
214
00:12:01,713 --> 00:12:04,241
I was watching
"Justice Files" last night...
215
00:12:04,285 --> 00:12:09,122
And they said that 90%
of assaults are committed
by someone you know.
216
00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:16,748
Would you?
217
00:12:18,099 --> 00:12:20,191
-Maybe.
-Me, too.
218
00:12:20,235 --> 00:12:21,760
[both laugh]
219
00:12:22,719 --> 00:12:24,854
But Grace? I mean, come on.
220
00:12:24,898 --> 00:12:28,733
She doesn't even
have one personality,
let alone six or seven.
221
00:12:30,868 --> 00:12:34,006
[Grace knocking on door]
Give me my frickin' paper,
you hairy little thief!
222
00:12:35,313 --> 00:12:36,708
You think you're gonna get away
with this, but you're not.
223
00:12:36,752 --> 00:12:39,802
I'm onto you!
You're history! It's over!
224
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:42,461
Oh, God! Get away from me!
225
00:12:49,957 --> 00:12:51,176
Guys?
226
00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:52,876
[both screaming]
227
00:12:54,053 --> 00:12:56,667
What is wrong with you?
228
00:13:01,505 --> 00:13:02,943
All right, let me ask you.
229
00:13:02,987 --> 00:13:07,083
You said that you
wanted mirrored floors.
230
00:13:08,564 --> 00:13:10,831
I'm not sure
I can make that work.
231
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:13,620
But when I'm doing
jumping jacks,
I like to look at my--
232
00:13:13,663 --> 00:13:15,581
[makes stop noise]
233
00:13:18,239 --> 00:13:20,942
Yeah, mirrors--
Mirrors are bad. Bad.
234
00:13:20,985 --> 00:13:23,643
I'll just look at my reflection
in a steak knife.
235
00:13:23,686 --> 00:13:26,869
If I had one, which I don't.
There are no knives in here.
236
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,529
What's going on?
237
00:13:30,573 --> 00:13:33,187
Gee, honey,
you look real pretty today.
238
00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:41,772
Maybe sometime I could
borrow your little kitty shirt?
239
00:13:49,356 --> 00:13:54,019
Okay, you guys are creeping
me out, so I'm just gonna...
240
00:13:54,062 --> 00:13:56,154
Damn it! Get! Quit!
241
00:14:00,643 --> 00:14:04,869
All right, I'm just gonna go
and work on my sketches,
and then I'm gonna--
242
00:14:04,913 --> 00:14:07,136
Oh, there's my datebook.
243
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:10,186
I thought that Will took
it to work with him.
I was gonna kill him.
244
00:14:11,407 --> 00:14:14,981
But you have it now,
so no one has to die, right?
245
00:14:19,077 --> 00:14:20,645
Okay.
246
00:14:49,147 --> 00:14:50,411
[scoffs]
247
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,262
Oh.
248
00:15:07,712 --> 00:15:09,150
I love it. That's perfect.
249
00:15:09,194 --> 00:15:12,811
Act crazy, they'll let you
decorate any way you want.
250
00:15:12,854 --> 00:15:15,818
You know, it's so diabolical,
you know, which makes
everything better.
251
00:15:16,994 --> 00:15:18,302
You know...
252
00:15:18,345 --> 00:15:20,088
the question is what kind
of crazy should you be?
253
00:15:20,132 --> 00:15:23,444
You know, you could--
You could be like
Barbra Streisand in Nuts.
254
00:15:23,488 --> 00:15:24,969
But... No...
255
00:15:25,013 --> 00:15:28,151
Crazy people never have
French tips or 600 highlights.
256
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:31,506
Or Sybil was very effective.
257
00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:33,728
You know, "The people.
The people. The people."
258
00:15:33,772 --> 00:15:36,257
But I think you want
to be more like Francis.
259
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,653
Hit the freakin' ball,
you damn sissy!
260
00:15:41,704 --> 00:15:44,144
Excuse me, Grace,
that's not exactly helpful.
261
00:15:44,188 --> 00:15:46,410
You know, in fact,
I think I've improved
quite a bit today.
262
00:15:46,454 --> 00:15:48,415
No, you haven't. You suck!
263
00:15:48,459 --> 00:15:50,812
Your bat hasn't even connected
with the ball once!
264
00:15:50,855 --> 00:15:55,431
Yeah, but since you told me
not to stand on the plate,
the ball hasn't hit me once.
265
00:15:55,475 --> 00:15:58,613
If you want to make Matt
think you're some kind
of ball player...
266
00:15:58,657 --> 00:16:01,315
you gotta focus, be tough,
attack the ball.
267
00:16:01,358 --> 00:16:03,101
Here, let me show you. Come on.
268
00:16:07,111 --> 00:16:08,723
Okay.
269
00:16:09,638 --> 00:16:11,469
Weight on the back leg.
270
00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:14,520
Feet shoulder-width apart.
Elbow up...
271
00:16:14,563 --> 00:16:16,437
Eye on the ball...
272
00:16:17,657 --> 00:16:19,618
Okay, I think I got it.
Let me try now.
273
00:16:19,662 --> 00:16:21,666
No, trust me.
You don't have it yet.
274
00:16:24,019 --> 00:16:25,894
Grace, I can't--
275
00:16:25,937 --> 00:16:28,291
Why don't you run off
and get me a little
corn dog and some nachos.
276
00:16:33,390 --> 00:16:35,350
See that?
277
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:38,096
A blister from the batting cage.
You're looking at my
very first sports injury.
278
00:16:38,139 --> 00:16:40,362
Not counting the time
that I got a groin
pull reaching
279
00:16:40,406 --> 00:16:42,541
for a pair of sneaker
clogs at Foot Locker.
280
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:43,892
[laughs]
281
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:46,420
-I am so proud of you.
-Right there.
282
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:49,383
I know you were embarrassed
when we had to move
to the kiddie area
283
00:16:49,427 --> 00:16:53,524
but you felt like a man
when the ball hit the clown,
didn't you?
284
00:16:53,567 --> 00:16:55,397
Yeah.
285
00:16:55,441 --> 00:16:57,402
He went down.
286
00:16:58,491 --> 00:17:00,670
I've got to get to Jack's.
287
00:17:00,714 --> 00:17:03,938
I've got this bit where
I kiss the wall and hum.
288
00:17:06,597 --> 00:17:09,299
It freaks them out,
and I love it.
289
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:13,570
-Oh, hey Matt.
-Hi Grace.
290
00:17:13,613 --> 00:17:15,575
Do you ever not look gorgeous?
291
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:20,020
God. Ten years ago,
I would have wasted
so much time liking you.
292
00:17:25,772 --> 00:17:27,253
Guess what?
293
00:17:27,298 --> 00:17:29,608
-You got the Channel 9 job.
-I got it! I got the job!
294
00:17:29,651 --> 00:17:32,615
-I'm so happy for you!
-I'm a sportscaster, Will.
295
00:17:32,658 --> 00:17:35,622
Oh, next week, I'm gonna
start doing sideline reporting.
I'll be like a...
296
00:17:35,665 --> 00:17:38,018
Jeremy Schaap or
a Sal Palantonio.
297
00:17:38,062 --> 00:17:41,025
You know what I like to do
when something good
happens to me?
298
00:17:41,069 --> 00:17:42,812
Something athletic. Like, uh...
299
00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:45,819
Hey, why don't we go
to the batting cages, hit a few?
300
00:17:45,862 --> 00:17:48,215
Oh, better idea.
Let's play some basketball.
301
00:17:52,661 --> 00:17:54,186
[knocks on door]
302
00:17:56,365 --> 00:17:59,546
Here it is.
What do you think?
303
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:02,553
Oh, my God!
304
00:18:02,597 --> 00:18:07,217
I've changed my mind.
My dream home is no longer
Jeannie's bottle. It's this.
305
00:18:11,531 --> 00:18:15,061
Here's the check for what
I owe you, and just F.Y.I...
306
00:18:15,104 --> 00:18:18,635
Uh, from now on at work,
I'm gonna bring a nurse
with enough Thorazine...
307
00:18:18,678 --> 00:18:20,901
to stop a charging elephant,
okay?
308
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,210
[laughs]
309
00:18:27,350 --> 00:18:29,442
Do you know why I'm laughing?
310
00:18:29,485 --> 00:18:32,449
Someone in your head
said something funny?
311
00:18:34,715 --> 00:18:36,590
'Cause I tricked you.
312
00:18:36,633 --> 00:18:38,856
That letter from my shrink...
313
00:18:38,899 --> 00:18:40,381
I wrote it.
314
00:18:40,424 --> 00:18:42,211
To get out of jury duty.
315
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:44,608
And once I knew that you knew.
316
00:18:44,651 --> 00:18:47,702
I knew that I could use
it to get what I wanted.
317
00:18:47,746 --> 00:18:50,578
-Oh, aren't you something?
-A smarty...
318
00:18:51,712 --> 00:18:54,326
So you see,
I'm not really crazy.
319
00:18:54,369 --> 00:18:56,505
Actually, I'm...
320
00:18:56,548 --> 00:18:58,466
kinda brilliant.
321
00:18:58,510 --> 00:19:01,124
Yeah, anything you say, honey.
322
00:19:01,168 --> 00:19:04,437
Damn it! Why did I waste
all that mace on Rosario?
323
00:19:07,357 --> 00:19:09,710
Didn't you hear what I said?
I'm not crazy.
324
00:19:09,754 --> 00:19:12,717
-It was just an act.
-Oh, my God! She's got an ax!
325
00:19:12,761 --> 00:19:14,329
[shouting]
326
00:19:14,373 --> 00:19:16,595
Act! It was an act!
327
00:19:17,597 --> 00:19:20,561
I am not crazy. I'm not crazy!
328
00:19:20,604 --> 00:19:21,912
God! How many--
329
00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:23,699
[screaming]
330
00:19:27,403 --> 00:19:29,582
That was pretty good.
331
00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:31,413
Oh, yeah.
I was a little rusty at first...
332
00:19:31,456 --> 00:19:33,679
But then you warmed up
and you just plain sucked.
333
00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:36,817
Hey! That's not fair.
I beat that one guy.
334
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:41,131
-He was four.
-He was seven if he was a day.
335
00:19:41,175 --> 00:19:43,963
Why are you doing this?
You hated every minute of it.
336
00:19:44,007 --> 00:19:46,840
Are you kidding me?
I mean, the...
337
00:19:46,883 --> 00:19:50,805
the balls and
the dribbling and the...
338
00:19:50,849 --> 00:19:53,159
the beautiful hardwood floors.
339
00:19:54,509 --> 00:19:56,776
Okay, basketball's not my game.
340
00:19:56,819 --> 00:20:01,221
Yeah, I kind of suspected that
when I suggested a game of Horse
and you got down on all fours.
341
00:20:04,141 --> 00:20:06,930
I knew that sounded
too good to be true.
342
00:20:08,412 --> 00:20:11,158
Look, you don't have to
pretend to like sports for me.
343
00:20:11,201 --> 00:20:14,687
Yes, I do. It's why you
broke up with your last
boyfriend, isn't it?
344
00:20:14,730 --> 00:20:17,127
Do you really think
I'm that shallow?
345
00:20:17,172 --> 00:20:20,614
I broke up with him
because he was poor.
346
00:20:20,657 --> 00:20:24,492
I'm kidding! I'm kidding.
We were just different.
347
00:20:24,536 --> 00:20:27,064
I like foreign movies.
He liked foreign men.
348
00:20:27,108 --> 00:20:29,200
Ah.
349
00:20:29,243 --> 00:20:32,685
God, I wish you'd told me
that sooner. I spent eight
hours in the batting cage
350
00:20:32,729 --> 00:20:35,388
when I could have been home
watching the All-American
Cheerleader finals.
351
00:20:35,431 --> 00:20:37,174
Penn State won.
352
00:20:37,218 --> 00:20:39,136
Of course they did.
They have Gigi Vandekor
and Cammy Sewell.
353
00:20:40,225 --> 00:20:41,663
So, no more lies?
354
00:20:41,706 --> 00:20:44,365
-We'll be honest
with each other?
-Deal.
355
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:47,590
Head's up.
Here comes the kid you beat.
Try not to rub it in.
356
00:20:51,948 --> 00:20:54,301
Thanks for letting me win.
357
00:20:59,357 --> 00:21:01,840
You know,
I might have won on my own.
358
00:21:01,884 --> 00:21:03,933
Yeah, in your dreams.
27954
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