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1
00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:09,321
Look at this.
"Suzanne Stillwell, 21,
to wed David Mills, 46."
2
00:00:09,365 --> 00:00:12,459
Now, why would a guy
his age want to marry
a 21-year-old child?
3
00:00:12,502 --> 00:00:15,858
'Cause at that age,
they're still tender like veal.
4
00:00:18,517 --> 00:00:19,999
What are you looking at?
5
00:00:20,043 --> 00:00:21,917
Just checking out some
of these open houses.
6
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:26,797
Listen to this.
"A 1970's pre-war apartment."
7
00:00:26,842 --> 00:00:30,633
What war are they talking about?
"The Battle of
the Network Stars"?
8
00:00:30,677 --> 00:00:32,376
Oh, my God. I know
this apartment.
9
00:00:32,420 --> 00:00:34,730
You'll never guess
whose it is.
You're gonna die.
10
00:00:34,774 --> 00:00:37,824
We're all gonna die, Grace.
The important thing is what
you do while you're here.
11
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:41,659
Right.
12
00:00:41,704 --> 00:00:43,316
Okay. I'm gonna
give you a hint.
13
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,628
You love her music,
you've seen her cabaret
100 times--
14
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,111
Jack?
15
00:00:51,292 --> 00:00:53,297
Sandra Bernhard.
16
00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:57,262
Oh, my God. I love her music.
I've seen her cabaret,
like, 100 times.
17
00:00:57,307 --> 00:01:01,229
-We are so going
to see this house.
-I know. Definitely.
18
00:01:01,272 --> 00:01:03,974
I'm excited. I might even
wear a jazzy hair clip.
19
00:01:04,889 --> 00:01:07,287
I might even wear
a jazzy hair clip.
20
00:01:08,420 --> 00:01:11,122
Okay. So, we'll give the
realtor our usual story
21
00:01:11,166 --> 00:01:13,345
that we're wealthy dot-commers
who don't have kids.
22
00:01:13,388 --> 00:01:16,221
Fine, but only this time,
don't tell them it's
'cause I'm barren.
23
00:01:18,487 --> 00:01:22,193
Fine, long as you don't tell
them it's because I have
an undescended testicle.
24
00:01:23,587 --> 00:01:24,676
Deal.
25
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,464
[bell dings]
26
00:01:29,601 --> 00:01:31,345
Toot toot! Heyyy!
27
00:01:31,389 --> 00:01:33,088
[clown car horn sounds]
28
00:01:34,439 --> 00:01:36,357
Guess what I just
got off of eBay?
29
00:01:36,401 --> 00:01:37,665
I don't know what you got,
30
00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:39,582
but I know a scooter that
just won a homosexual.
31
00:01:39,625 --> 00:01:40,715
[laughs]
32
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:44,028
Oh, my God.
You are so blah!
33
00:01:45,423 --> 00:01:50,085
I got this scooter,
which happens to be
autographed by Ricky Martin.
34
00:01:52,352 --> 00:01:55,316
The openly Latino pop
singing sensation?
35
00:01:58,061 --> 00:01:59,499
But the best part is,
36
00:01:59,543 --> 00:02:02,725
I outbid my arch-rival,
Dr. Dangerous, to get it.
37
00:02:02,768 --> 00:02:04,206
Dr. Dangerous?
38
00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:07,345
Do Mr. Thumb
and Shrinkface know about this?
39
00:02:07,389 --> 00:02:09,436
Dr. Dangerous is
his online screen name,
40
00:02:09,481 --> 00:02:13,054
and he and I always bid
against the same things
online, and he always wins.
41
00:02:13,098 --> 00:02:15,582
But that's about to change.
42
00:02:15,625 --> 00:02:17,500
Do you know why?
43
00:02:18,807 --> 00:02:20,594
Because we don't care?
44
00:02:22,381 --> 00:02:25,781
No. Because I have this
special online beeper.
45
00:02:25,824 --> 00:02:29,005
It lets me know immediately
when someone outbids me.
46
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,447
That's how I got this
Ricky Martin scooter,
47
00:02:31,490 --> 00:02:33,059
and let me tell you something--
48
00:02:33,102 --> 00:02:35,064
Let me guess.
It bangs, it bangs.
49
00:02:36,546 --> 00:02:38,681
[theme music playing]
50
00:02:50,580 --> 00:02:54,764
Look at this. Sandra Bernhard
is friends with the Dalai Lama.
51
00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:56,550
I bet she doesn't make
a big deal out of it, either,
52
00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:58,119
you know,
like Richard Gere or...
53
00:02:58,162 --> 00:03:00,167
or the Tibetan people.
54
00:03:00,821 --> 00:03:02,826
-Okay. Smile.
-What are you doing?
55
00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:04,395
Here. Squeeze in next
to that picture of Sandra.
56
00:03:04,439 --> 00:03:05,703
I want to get a picture
of the two of you.
57
00:03:05,746 --> 00:03:06,967
No, no!
You're being ridiculous.
58
00:03:07,010 --> 00:03:08,536
I hate when you--
Cheese!
59
00:03:09,713 --> 00:03:10,889
Let me see. Let me see.
60
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,417
She seems comfortable around me.
61
00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:15,116
Okay. Now me.
62
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:20,260
Okay. I'm blushing at what
I assume is sexual
tension between us.
63
00:03:22,918 --> 00:03:25,010
-How are you guys doing?
-Oh, good. Fine.
64
00:03:25,053 --> 00:03:27,058
-We didn't touch anything.
-Okay.
65
00:03:27,102 --> 00:03:28,759
I'm going to be a couple more
minutes with these folks.
66
00:03:28,802 --> 00:03:30,240
Check out the second bedroom.
67
00:03:30,284 --> 00:03:32,157
It's perfect if you
plan to have kids.
68
00:03:32,201 --> 00:03:33,988
Oh, we can't. She's barren.
69
00:03:37,736 --> 00:03:39,741
He has an undescended testicle.
70
00:03:41,746 --> 00:03:43,358
You want to check
out the bedroom?
71
00:03:43,402 --> 00:03:45,800
You kidding?
When her medicine cabinet's
calling my name?
72
00:03:52,380 --> 00:03:54,342
Grace, don't.
73
00:03:54,385 --> 00:03:57,567
What are you--
That is her personal stuff.
74
00:03:59,223 --> 00:04:01,620
Oh, mm-mm-mm.
75
00:04:01,664 --> 00:04:04,584
Okay. Girlfriend
loves her Claritin.
76
00:04:06,284 --> 00:04:08,419
Okay. I'm taking four.
77
00:04:10,336 --> 00:04:12,124
Look at this.
78
00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:15,785
I-I-I'll bet Courtney Love
has probably peed in
this very toilet.
79
00:04:15,828 --> 00:04:18,181
Or, at the very least,
around it.
80
00:04:20,753 --> 00:04:22,148
Lift.
81
00:04:24,763 --> 00:04:27,247
♪ Like a circle in a spiral
82
00:04:27,290 --> 00:04:28,947
♪ Like a wheel
83
00:04:28,991 --> 00:04:30,080
♪ Within a wheel
84
00:04:30,123 --> 00:04:32,302
♪ Never ending or beginning
85
00:04:32,346 --> 00:04:34,090
-Hey.
-Hi.
86
00:04:34,133 --> 00:04:36,923
-Hello there.
-Don't mind me. I'm not here.
87
00:04:36,966 --> 00:04:40,714
Well, if you were here,
I'd probably introduce myself.
I'm Will. This is Grace.
88
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,545
-Hi. How you doing?
-Fine.
89
00:04:42,588 --> 00:04:44,942
So, hey,
you know the Dalai Lama?
90
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,990
Oh, he's amazing.
He's gorgeous.
91
00:04:47,034 --> 00:04:49,039
His body is his temple,
92
00:04:49,082 --> 00:04:52,046
and his temple smells
like old man stew.
93
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:57,712
Oh, Sandra, the Giombos
are back. Third time.
94
00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,847
I think they're serious.
95
00:04:59,891 --> 00:05:01,504
Cool...
96
00:05:01,547 --> 00:05:02,986
but I'd much rather sell
the place to the
97
00:05:03,029 --> 00:05:05,600
happening gay guy
and the vivacious redhead.
98
00:05:07,126 --> 00:05:08,651
Excuse me.
99
00:05:08,695 --> 00:05:10,612
Oh, my God.
It's like she knows me.
100
00:05:10,656 --> 00:05:12,923
She said I was vivacious.
101
00:05:12,966 --> 00:05:15,668
She doesn't know you that well.
She thinks you're
an actual redhead.
102
00:05:18,196 --> 00:05:20,505
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Not ovals.
103
00:05:20,549 --> 00:05:22,816
I want them pointy,
like claws.
104
00:05:24,079 --> 00:05:25,780
[bell rings]
105
00:05:25,823 --> 00:05:29,179
-Hey, poodle.
Love your scooter.
-Thanks, love your hooters.
106
00:05:32,709 --> 00:05:34,365
We have a very serious problem.
107
00:05:34,409 --> 00:05:36,981
Serious enough to bother
me while I'm working?
108
00:05:38,113 --> 00:05:40,859
It's time to take a break,
Rummy Dearest.
109
00:05:42,471 --> 00:05:44,172
Yeah.
Why don't you take a break?
110
00:05:44,215 --> 00:05:45,479
Connie here brought
her belt-sander.
111
00:05:45,523 --> 00:05:47,266
Maybe she can do your hooves.
112
00:05:49,445 --> 00:05:53,062
Karen, we just got back
from your stepkid's
parent-teacher conference,
113
00:05:53,106 --> 00:05:56,114
and I've got some bad news.
114
00:05:56,157 --> 00:05:58,380
It looks like Mason
made the swim team.
115
00:06:00,689 --> 00:06:02,302
Damn it.
116
00:06:02,346 --> 00:06:04,743
He's gonna have
swim meets twice a week,
and I can't be there.
117
00:06:04,786 --> 00:06:07,053
What?
Well, what about you, Mary?
118
00:06:07,096 --> 00:06:08,927
Why can't you raise my stepkids?
119
00:06:10,060 --> 00:06:11,978
Well, let me s--
120
00:06:12,021 --> 00:06:13,896
Because they're your stepkids!
121
00:06:15,028 --> 00:06:17,339
I need to be focused on
my online bidding war with
122
00:06:17,382 --> 00:06:20,563
Dr. Dangerous for
Britney Spears'
platform sneakers.
123
00:06:20,607 --> 00:06:22,918
God. What the hell
are we gonna do?
124
00:06:22,961 --> 00:06:24,573
Well, in my country,
we have this thing where
125
00:06:24,617 --> 00:06:27,667
the parents are involved
in their kids' lives.
126
00:06:29,368 --> 00:06:31,808
Well, in your country,
they hunt in packs
and bury their food.
127
00:06:31,851 --> 00:06:34,380
What the hell has that
got to do with me?
128
00:06:39,479 --> 00:06:41,964
Good-bye. Thanks for nothing.
129
00:06:44,143 --> 00:06:46,932
Wouldn't you know it?
Another couple of looky-losers,
130
00:06:46,976 --> 00:06:50,767
checking out the celeb
in her natural habitat.
I hate that.
131
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:53,513
-So sad.
-So sad.
132
00:06:53,556 --> 00:06:56,172
I mean, I understand
their fascination.
133
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:59,614
I am an international superstar,
134
00:06:59,658 --> 00:07:03,537
and now I have to smudge
the whole place to get
rid of their bad chi.
135
00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:07,634
[chanting]
136
00:07:18,442 --> 00:07:20,621
Your apartment is fantastic,
137
00:07:20,665 --> 00:07:25,110
and I say that as a decorator
who was recently profiled
138
00:07:25,155 --> 00:07:26,984
in the Jewish Daily Forward.
139
00:07:27,812 --> 00:07:29,600
I love that paper.
140
00:07:29,643 --> 00:07:31,518
It's genius.
141
00:07:31,561 --> 00:07:35,309
Do you know that I was
last year's cover Jewess?
142
00:07:35,353 --> 00:07:36,704
[gasps]
143
00:07:38,055 --> 00:07:40,975
Me in a bikini on
Fyvush Finkel's lap.
144
00:07:43,198 --> 00:07:46,335
Hot.
145
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:50,651
The place is great, you know,
and it's so hard to find
anything decent under 2 million.
146
00:07:50,694 --> 00:07:54,006
You know,
you should see it at night.
It's all about the view.
147
00:07:54,049 --> 00:07:56,665
Oh, I'd love
to see it at night.
148
00:07:56,708 --> 00:07:59,106
Well, you know,
I'm-I'm busy tonight,
149
00:07:59,150 --> 00:08:00,979
but if you guys wanted
to come by tomorrow,
150
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:02,374
I'm having a little
get-together.
151
00:08:02,418 --> 00:08:04,859
You know, very cash,
very Dewar's-on-the-rocks,
152
00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,341
so if you want to stop by.
153
00:08:07,822 --> 00:08:09,391
-That would be lovely.
-Okay.
154
00:08:09,435 --> 00:08:11,266
-We'd like that.
-Fantastic.
155
00:08:11,309 --> 00:08:14,142
Um, do you need us
to bring anything?
156
00:08:14,186 --> 00:08:17,193
Um, Maybe a couple of rotisserie
chickens and some dip.
157
00:08:20,723 --> 00:08:22,945
-I'm just kidding.
-Oh!
158
00:08:28,917 --> 00:08:32,621
Good lord. I can't believe
I'm at a public pool.
159
00:08:32,665 --> 00:08:35,237
Why doesn't somebody
just pee directly on me?
160
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,817
Well, well, well.
161
00:08:41,861 --> 00:08:44,998
Nice of you to show.
The race ended a half hour ago.
162
00:08:45,042 --> 00:08:48,485
-Mason paged me 'cause
you weren't here.
-Mrs. Walker?
163
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:52,408
Cheryl Bricker-Fossberg,
Taylor and Hayden's mom.
164
00:08:52,452 --> 00:08:54,892
I have no idea
what you just said.
165
00:08:58,248 --> 00:09:00,994
I just want you to know
I think you're awful.
166
00:09:01,037 --> 00:09:05,265
Your son Mason swam
his heart out today,
and all he wanted to do was
167
00:09:05,309 --> 00:09:07,052
share that joy with his family,
168
00:09:07,096 --> 00:09:10,844
but when he looked up
in the bleachers for
a familiar face,
169
00:09:10,887 --> 00:09:12,369
nothing.
170
00:09:12,413 --> 00:09:14,025
Not even a housekeeper.
171
00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:17,163
I find that appalling.
172
00:09:17,207 --> 00:09:19,081
Oh, yeah? Well, I find
stretch pants appalling,
173
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,914
but I'm too much of a lady
to mention it, fat ass.
174
00:09:27,798 --> 00:09:32,069
Could you believe that?
Some people, so tactless.
175
00:09:34,335 --> 00:09:36,950
-Yes, I can.
-What?
176
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:39,434
Mason was crushed that
you weren't here today.
177
00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:42,964
What are you talking about?
He couldn't care less.
178
00:09:48,674 --> 00:09:51,028
Really? Then how come
after the meet,
179
00:09:51,071 --> 00:09:53,076
while I was coming up with
excuses why you weren't here,
180
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,778
Mason looked at me and said,
"I know why she's not here.
181
00:09:55,821 --> 00:09:58,001
She doesn't like me."
182
00:09:58,045 --> 00:09:59,570
What?
183
00:10:00,442 --> 00:10:02,272
Honey, did he really say that?
184
00:10:02,316 --> 00:10:03,841
Yes, he did.
185
00:10:04,669 --> 00:10:06,151
[beeper beeps]
186
00:10:06,194 --> 00:10:08,636
Dr. Dangerous just
put in a higher bid.
187
00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:12,688
He thinks he's gonna get
Britney's platform sneaks.
188
00:10:12,732 --> 00:10:15,390
Yeah. Over my drop-dead
gorgeous body!
189
00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:23,322
[laughing]
Okay, so I'm just gonna say it.
190
00:10:23,366 --> 00:10:26,635
Life is so much better
when you're hanging out
with a celebrity.
191
00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:29,642
Did you notice how many times
Sandra Bernhard came
over to talk to me?
192
00:10:29,686 --> 00:10:33,085
Did you notice that you only
refer to her as Sandra Bernhard?
193
00:10:33,129 --> 00:10:35,831
Yeah. I know. It's a thing
between me and Sandra Bernhard.
194
00:10:35,875 --> 00:10:39,798
So, you two looked pretty
chummy out on the balcony.
What were you talking about?
195
00:10:39,841 --> 00:10:42,020
Things you talk
to your friends about.
196
00:10:42,631 --> 00:10:44,373
Pooping?
197
00:10:46,116 --> 00:10:47,467
My other friend.
198
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:50,693
[answering machine beeps]
199
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,262
Hey, kids. It's Sandra.
200
00:10:52,305 --> 00:10:54,223
That's Sandra Bernhard
to you, Will.
201
00:10:54,267 --> 00:10:56,141
Guess what?
202
00:10:56,185 --> 00:10:59,628
Doodle-lee-dee.
I'm accepting your offer.
Congratulations, kids.
203
00:10:59,672 --> 00:11:02,373
You just bought
yourselves an apartment.
204
00:11:05,424 --> 00:11:08,214
You made an offer
on her apartment?
205
00:11:08,257 --> 00:11:10,219
I jus-- I didn't want it
to be over, you know?
206
00:11:10,262 --> 00:11:13,618
I wanted to stay
friends with her, so I made
a ridiculous lowball offer.
207
00:11:13,661 --> 00:11:15,753
-How low?
-A million dollars,
208
00:11:15,797 --> 00:11:18,455
-but I never thought
she'd accept it.
-Well, she did,
209
00:11:18,499 --> 00:11:20,897
and now we're in escrow for
a million dollar apartment.
210
00:11:20,940 --> 00:11:22,989
Now, what do you have to
say to that, Mr. Lowball?
211
00:11:23,032 --> 00:11:24,862
Oh. Oh. Oh. First I have
an undescended testicle,
212
00:11:24,906 --> 00:11:26,911
and now I'm Mr. Lowball!
Make up your mind!
213
00:11:34,712 --> 00:11:37,153
Okay. Okay.
You didn't sign anything, right?
214
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,896
I may have.
215
00:11:39,986 --> 00:11:41,729
You didn't put
my name on it, right?
216
00:11:41,773 --> 00:11:44,693
-May have.
-Agh! [gasps]
217
00:11:44,736 --> 00:11:47,308
Will! I have $100
in my bank account,
218
00:11:47,351 --> 00:11:51,927
and $75 of that is earmarked
for a Belgian wax tomorrow!
219
00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:54,107
-What's a Belgian wax?
-Just a plain old wax,
220
00:11:54,151 --> 00:11:57,332
but it hurts so much,
I treat myself to
a waffle afterwards.
221
00:12:01,385 --> 00:12:04,829
-Okay. You are gonna
tell her tomorrow.
-Oh, no, no, no. No.
222
00:12:04,872 --> 00:12:06,746
Tomorrow's the Kabbalah brunch.
223
00:12:07,182 --> 00:12:08,969
She's making kugel.
224
00:12:10,581 --> 00:12:12,717
Have you been eating my makeup?
225
00:12:14,373 --> 00:12:19,167
Will, this lie is so big,
it involves paperwork
and a notary.
226
00:12:20,213 --> 00:12:22,480
We get to be friends
with a celebrity!
227
00:12:22,523 --> 00:12:24,615
What?
228
00:12:24,659 --> 00:12:27,622
Will, you are no longer
Billy Truman, the chubby,
shiny kid on the playground
229
00:12:27,666 --> 00:12:29,627
that none of the cool kids
want to play with.
230
00:12:29,671 --> 00:12:32,024
Hey. Hey.
I was not chubby, Okay?
231
00:12:32,068 --> 00:12:34,160
Tuffskins are just very boxy.
232
00:12:36,034 --> 00:12:40,262
You do not need to buy
an apartment to get
someone to like you.
233
00:12:41,569 --> 00:12:43,443
I think I do.
234
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:47,976
[Sandra Bernhard]
♪ Aaaaah
235
00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:50,590
Thank you. Applause, applause.
236
00:12:50,634 --> 00:12:52,858
Some queens throw me
some tacky roses,
237
00:12:52,901 --> 00:12:56,169
and then we segue seamlessly
into "Midnight Train."
238
00:12:56,213 --> 00:12:58,915
-[knock on door]
-Come in.
239
00:13:00,005 --> 00:13:03,317
-Hi, kids.
-Hi, Sandra Bernhard.
240
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,979
Sandra, Will has something
really important to tell you.
241
00:13:07,022 --> 00:13:08,372
That's right. I do.
242
00:13:08,417 --> 00:13:09,899
Do you want to just hang out
for a minute?
243
00:13:09,942 --> 00:13:11,728
'Cause I'm just wrapping
things up with Mitchie,
244
00:13:11,772 --> 00:13:13,995
and I'm paying him by the hour,
you know?
245
00:13:14,038 --> 00:13:16,566
Um, honey, why don't
we take it from the top?
246
00:13:17,787 --> 00:13:23,844
♪ L.A. grew too much
for the man ♪
247
00:13:23,888 --> 00:13:26,634
♪ Too much for the man
248
00:13:26,677 --> 00:13:30,600
♪ He couldn't take it,
so he's leaving the life ♪
249
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:35,263
♪ He's come to know
250
00:13:35,308 --> 00:13:38,402
♪ He said he's leaving--
251
00:13:38,445 --> 00:13:40,014
Leaving...
252
00:13:40,058 --> 00:13:43,109
♪ On that midnight
train to Georgia ♪
253
00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:46,203
♪ Leaving on
the midnight train ♪
254
00:13:46,247 --> 00:13:48,687
That's right, y'all.
Uh-huh.
255
00:13:48,731 --> 00:13:51,302
♪ Said he's going
back to find--♪
256
00:13:51,346 --> 00:13:53,917
♪ Going back to find
257
00:13:53,961 --> 00:13:56,140
♪ A simpler place and time
258
00:13:56,184 --> 00:14:00,150
♪ Whenever he takes that ride,
guess who's gonna be
right by her side? ♪
259
00:14:00,194 --> 00:14:04,246
-♪ I'll be with him-
-♪ I know you will
260
00:14:04,290 --> 00:14:07,951
♪ On that midnight
train to Georgia ♪
261
00:14:07,995 --> 00:14:11,438
♪ Leaving on the
midnight train, oh ♪
262
00:14:11,482 --> 00:14:13,486
Whoo-hoo!
263
00:14:13,530 --> 00:14:16,755
-♪ I'd rather
live in his world ♪
-♪ Live in his world
264
00:14:16,798 --> 00:14:19,937
♪ Than live
without him in mine ♪
265
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:24,165
♪ My world is his
266
00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:26,125
♪ His and hers alone
267
00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:29,045
♪ All aboard, all aboard
268
00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:32,271
♪ All aboard
the midnight train ♪
269
00:14:32,314 --> 00:14:34,276
♪ I've got to go!
270
00:14:34,319 --> 00:14:37,021
♪ I've got to go!
I've got to go!
271
00:14:37,065 --> 00:14:39,157
♪ I've got to go...
272
00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:45,390
Honey, you're really good.
273
00:14:45,433 --> 00:14:48,178
You know what?
I want you to come by
the Bottom Line tonight.
274
00:14:48,223 --> 00:14:49,835
I'm gonna drag you
up on stage with me.
275
00:14:49,878 --> 00:14:51,927
No. No way!
No I couldn't do that.
276
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:53,713
What time do you want me there?
277
00:14:54,541 --> 00:14:55,718
7:00 will be good.
278
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,767
[exclaiming]
279
00:14:57,810 --> 00:15:01,994
Now, you guys had something
really important you wanted
to talk to me about?
280
00:15:02,038 --> 00:15:03,607
Yeah, uh...
281
00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:05,829
We really can't--
282
00:15:05,873 --> 00:15:08,662
Live without this marble
phallus, so I hope it
comes with it.
283
00:15:11,583 --> 00:15:14,895
Excuse me. Pardon me.
You're looking good.
I'm looking better.
284
00:15:15,854 --> 00:15:18,033
Karen, you're here.
285
00:15:18,077 --> 00:15:20,823
Of course I'm here.
Mason's swimming.
286
00:15:20,866 --> 00:15:23,481
Don't make a whole gay
parade out of it.
287
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:27,360
Well, I'm glad you're here.
The auction's about to end,
288
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:31,979
and you get to see me
squash Dr. Dangerous
like a wormy apple.
289
00:15:33,549 --> 00:15:35,379
[beeping]
290
00:15:35,423 --> 00:15:37,820
What? Damn it.
291
00:15:37,864 --> 00:15:39,259
[beeping]
292
00:15:39,302 --> 00:15:41,351
What? Damn it!
293
00:15:55,820 --> 00:15:57,345
Dr. Dangerous?
294
00:15:57,389 --> 00:15:59,524
Hotsy-totsy?
295
00:16:02,314 --> 00:16:04,144
We're taking this outside.
296
00:16:05,974 --> 00:16:09,680
[screams] Go! Go, honey! Swim!
Swim! I know you can do it!
297
00:16:09,723 --> 00:16:13,341
Hey. Hey. If you win tonight,
I'll let you watch
the Spice Channel.
298
00:16:15,346 --> 00:16:18,744
That lit a fire under
the horny little monkey,
didn't it?
299
00:16:18,789 --> 00:16:21,970
Whoo! Come on, honey!
You can do it! Swim!
300
00:16:22,013 --> 00:16:24,803
-[ whistle blows ]
-What? What? What happened?
What happened?
301
00:16:24,846 --> 00:16:29,291
-Well, the boy on the end won.
-What? Well, what happened
to my Mason?
302
00:16:29,335 --> 00:16:32,474
Well, he started off strong,
but he faded.
303
00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:37,486
Yeah? Well, the bloom's
off your rose, too, honey.
304
00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:40,493
Mason, honey, I'm coming.
Mommy's coming. It's just
gonna take me a minute.
305
00:16:40,536 --> 00:16:43,151
I got my $700
custom-made shoes on.
306
00:16:43,195 --> 00:16:46,595
Don't you think it's a little
inappropriate to be holding
a cup full of liquor
307
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:48,600
at your child's swim meet?
308
00:16:49,994 --> 00:16:53,219
Well, honey,
when you're right,
you're right.
309
00:16:55,834 --> 00:16:58,361
It's not full anymore,
is it, honey? Ha ha ha!
310
00:16:58,405 --> 00:17:00,890
Mason! Mason!
311
00:17:00,933 --> 00:17:02,895
Oh. Oh, honey.
312
00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:06,556
I was here the whole time.
I saw the whole thing,
and you did great.
313
00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:08,474
Um, listen.
314
00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:11,481
I'm, uh, I'm not very good at
this kind of thing--
315
00:17:11,524 --> 00:17:13,267
Sit down. Sit down.
316
00:17:13,311 --> 00:17:15,795
But I am so very proud of you.
317
00:17:15,839 --> 00:17:19,892
I probably don't tell
you often enough,
but I do care about you.
318
00:17:19,936 --> 00:17:24,555
As a matter of fact,
you're the best little
boy any mom could have,
319
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,344
and if you think
that I don't like you,
you're wrong.
320
00:17:28,696 --> 00:17:30,788
I love you.
321
00:17:30,831 --> 00:17:32,793
Come on.
Give me a little hug.
322
00:17:32,836 --> 00:17:36,236
Oh, there you go.
That's a good boy.
323
00:17:36,279 --> 00:17:40,027
Yeah?! I don't want those
stupid sneakers anyway!
324
00:17:44,952 --> 00:17:46,347
Honey, what happened to you?
325
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:49,136
This online auction thing
can get pretty ugly.
326
00:17:51,315 --> 00:17:53,146
What's going on?
327
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:55,805
Well, you didn't think
I'd miss a chance to give
my little tadpole
328
00:17:55,849 --> 00:17:58,506
the love and encouragement
he deserves. Hell, no.
329
00:17:58,550 --> 00:18:00,294
Right, honey? Hmm?
330
00:18:00,337 --> 00:18:03,344
Oh, that's beautiful.
Who's that?
331
00:18:05,393 --> 00:18:07,921
Honey, it's Mason! Geez!
332
00:18:08,443 --> 00:18:10,928
No, it's not.
333
00:18:10,972 --> 00:18:13,325
That's Mason.
334
00:18:13,368 --> 00:18:15,199
What?
335
00:18:15,243 --> 00:18:17,509
Well, how the hell am
I supposed to know what
they look like wet?
336
00:18:17,552 --> 00:18:19,253
This was silk!
337
00:18:21,955 --> 00:18:27,098
Mason, talk to that kid.
He's got some lovely words
for you. Okay. Good night.
338
00:18:30,105 --> 00:18:33,417
Oh, I feel like I should call
people and let them
know I'm performing.
339
00:18:33,461 --> 00:18:36,294
I feel that you should
call people to let them
know you're crazy.
340
00:18:36,337 --> 00:18:38,647
We came here to tell her
we're not taking the apartment.
341
00:18:38,691 --> 00:18:41,088
It was your idea.
You forced me to come
here to do this.
342
00:18:41,132 --> 00:18:44,226
Um, that was before
I was singing.
343
00:18:45,446 --> 00:18:46,885
Grace.
344
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:48,977
Okay.
345
00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:51,330
-Mitchie?
-What?
346
00:18:51,373 --> 00:18:53,117
Honey, I'm in a festive mood.
Why don't you
347
00:18:53,161 --> 00:18:55,644
throw together
a batch of your
world-famous smoothies?
348
00:18:55,688 --> 00:18:57,562
-Coming up.
-Okay.
349
00:18:57,606 --> 00:19:00,613
Kids, can I just talk to
you for a minute? I mean,
350
00:19:00,656 --> 00:19:03,969
I don't want to get
all sentimental on your asses,
but, you know,
351
00:19:04,013 --> 00:19:06,802
I just want to thank you
for keeping it real with me.
352
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:10,943
I just feel such
an amazing spiritual
connection with you.
353
00:19:12,511 --> 00:19:15,737
Sandra Bernhard, I know you're
gonna understand this. Uh...
354
00:19:15,781 --> 00:19:21,054
-Ha! We're not gonna
take the apartment.
-We got a little carried away.
355
00:19:21,097 --> 00:19:22,885
Actually, we weren't
even looking.
356
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,802
Yeah. I mean, we just wanted
to be friends with you,
357
00:19:24,845 --> 00:19:27,417
and now we are, so, great.
Let's just--I'll go
meet you at the show.
358
00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:29,248
You what?
359
00:19:29,291 --> 00:19:30,554
You mother--
360
00:19:30,599 --> 00:19:33,432
[blender grinding]
361
00:19:33,475 --> 00:19:37,180
Who the... do you think
you're dealing with?
362
00:19:37,223 --> 00:19:40,100
Wasting my time like this.
363
00:19:40,143 --> 00:19:42,279
I'm a... damn movie star.
364
00:19:42,322 --> 00:19:44,981
Look, I know this looks bad,
365
00:19:45,025 --> 00:19:47,858
but we have a
spiritual connection.
I mean, remember?
366
00:19:47,901 --> 00:19:49,252
You even said it yourself.
367
00:19:49,296 --> 00:19:53,523
Spiritual connection?
...the spiritual connection.
368
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,528
I don't even know you two.
369
00:19:55,572 --> 00:19:58,972
You think I would hang
out with you Dharma
and Greg-looking mother--
370
00:19:59,015 --> 00:20:04,158
if I didn't have to unload
this piece of... apartment?
371
00:20:04,201 --> 00:20:07,339
I just got back from
Morocco with Julianne Moore
and Deepak...
372
00:20:07,382 --> 00:20:09,213
[blender grinds] Chopra.
373
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,961
Okay, I'm sorry.
I only did this--
374
00:20:13,005 --> 00:20:16,317
Oh, honey!
Lady, look, save it!
375
00:20:18,018 --> 00:20:22,593
I know why you did it.
'Cause you were the pimply,
skinny kid on the playground
376
00:20:22,637 --> 00:20:24,555
that no other kids
would play with.
377
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,080
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
378
00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:29,567
That is not true!
He was fat and shiny,
379
00:20:31,005 --> 00:20:35,059
and he had plenty of friends--
a janitor and a girl
with a small leg.
380
00:20:37,412 --> 00:20:39,504
So, why don't you
think twice before
you start throwing...
381
00:20:39,547 --> 00:20:41,290
-[blender grinds]
-names around?
382
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:46,738
Now, am I gonna sing
at the Bottom Line
tonight or not?
383
00:20:46,782 --> 00:20:49,048
Because I should be
[whispers] saving my voice.
384
00:20:50,705 --> 00:20:54,757
Sweetie, if I wanted your
sound in the show,
I'd strangle a couple of cats.
385
00:21:06,177 --> 00:21:08,748
That was totally humiliating.
386
00:21:08,791 --> 00:21:11,799
Chasing celebrities around?
Who are we?
387
00:21:11,843 --> 00:21:15,024
-We're shallow.
That's who we are.
-Never again.
388
00:21:16,158 --> 00:21:19,469
Hi. I'm from Duffy Realty.
389
00:21:19,513 --> 00:21:21,997
Are you here to see
Uma and Ethan's place?
390
00:21:24,177 --> 00:21:26,051
[Both] Yes. Yes, we are.
30919
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