All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S03E10 - Threes a Crowd, Six is a Freak Show 1080p WEBDL h264 AAC 2.0

Hey, how was
your date last night?

- I don’t wanna
talk about it.
- That bad?

That good.

Ah ha ha.
I don’t get that.

I’m not jinxing it
this time.

Every time I have
a good first date,

the second one sucks,
and there is no third.

So the only logical
thing to do

is not talk about it.

Very logical, Mr. Spock.
Date well and prosper.

You’re crazy.

Fine. Call me superstitious.

Let’s talk about your date.

And jinx it?
No, thank you.

- We can mention
their names, right?
- Absolutely not.

- Mark.
- Paul, but that’s it.

Fine. We give
any more details,
we’re doomed.

Mm-hmm.

But if you guessed...

But how could I possibly?

- Minty...
- Fresh breath?

Ding.

Huge.

- You said first date.
- Right.

- Vocabulary.
- Ding.

- Broad...
- Way?

No, not Broadway,
you homo.

- Broad shoulders.
- Oh.

Met mine at that party
with Jack last week.

Ditto on the shoulders,

and my larynx didn’t
shut down from his cologne,

which is all I care about.

So, we didn’t
jinx anything, right?

Of course not.

Oh, boy.
Okay, gotta hurry.

Got a dermatology
appointment.

Gonna get
a little Botox?

A little collagen?

No.

Just going for
my regular mole patrol.

You think I need that?

[ laughs ]

No.

Morning, biscuits.

No time for host chat.
I got a hot date tonight.

[ purrs ]

I told him I was
an ombudsman.

I only have 12 hours
to figure out

what the hell that is.

Grace, I came by to return
your electric toothbrush.

You used my toothbrush?

Relax. I didn’t use it
on my teeth.

[ theme music playing ]

[ kids yelling ]

This video game
makes a nice birthday gift.

You think your stepson
would like that?

I don’t know, honey.

Can he eat it
or rub up against it?

Let’s come at this
a different way.

What are his interests?

Ham.

Why don’t I just
let you browse a while?

Yeah, thanks.
Oh, and, uh...

do you think there’s
anything you can do

about all these kids
in here?

Ma’am, it's a toy store.

Yeah. See what you can do.

Move it, shorty.

Hey, Karen, I can’t help
you shop today.
I gotta go.

What’s going on?
What’s happening?

What’s with
the geisha hand?

Nothing. I just had
something zapped
at the dermatologist,

and it looks
kind of funky,

and I just don’t want
anyone to see it right now.

Grace, I’m sure it's not
nearly as bad as
you think it is.

It’s probably nothing.
A little dot.

Come on,
show Mama.

[ shrieks ]

Sh! Calm down!

How do you expect me
to calm down

when I can see
its heart beating
right in front of me?

All right, all right,
I’m sorry.

How long have you
had the herpes?

It’s not herpes.

It’s not even
herpes adjacent.

Oh, yeah?

Well, it’s close enough
to be invited

to the herpes
family picnic.

It was a weird freckle.

The doctor wanted
to freeze it,

and then he told me
it was gonna take
ten days to heal.

What made him assume
I could look awful
for ten days?

Respond to that,
and I will rub it
all over your Prada.

What are you
looking at, preggo?

Haven’t you ever
seen herpes before?

Geez.

Fat people
are so insensitive.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God,
would you look at it

in this little
toy mirror?

It’s gotten bigger.

It’s like
Barbie’s dream zit.

Thank God I canceled
my date with Mark.

Yeah, ’cause that thing
looks like it needs

orange cones
and police tape around it.

Come on,
let’s get out of here.

And there’s Mark!

I can’t believe it!

One cheeseburger
at Yom Kippur.

You’d think
you could let it go already.

He’s looking at
baseball gloves.

What do you know, Grace.
You bagged a straight one.

Karen, just
don’t move.
Don’t move.

Grace...

I told you, I only did this
once in college,

and it was just so I could
borrow her Halston skirt.

Paul?

- Hi.
- Will, hi.

What are you
doing here?

I live here.

What do you mean,
what am I...

Aren’t you here to see...

No, I was here
to see...

You forgot your...

- Oh.
- Oh.

Oh.

ALL: Oh!

Look, uh, this
is kind of awkward,

but, uh, at that party,
I asked for both
your phone numbers.

I hope that’s
not a problem.

It’s not a problem for me.

BOTH: No.

Okay. Will, I’ll see you
Monday at the Plaza,

and Jack, I’ll see you
Tuesday at Shakey’s.

All you can eat.

Don’t shake
your head at me.

I called dibs on him
at that party.

Jack, how am I
supposed to keep track?

You call dibs on
every guy you see.

Last week, you called
dibs on Kevin Bacon.

La Bacon and I
had a moment.

Some say moment.

Some say
security incident.

Anyway, Paul
is into me.

Oh, please, he is
so much more into me.

We had
an eight-hour date,

which I know is hard
for you to understand,

seeing as how you have
eight dates an hour.

Date, shmate.
We have a song.

What song?

You wouldn’t know it.

Sing it.

♪ Be bop de bop bop

♪ I love you

♪ Paul loves me
and not you ♪

Catchy little ditty.
Who does that song?

The lady who pushes her shopping
cart around the airport?

Actually,
it’s a new band

called Will Is Fat.

From their new album
"Will Is Losing His Hair."

I have it in my...

Jack.

Do you think
when you insult me,

you could try to be
a little more artful?

Hm? You buck-toothed fairy.

[ screeching ]
You know what?
I don’t need this from you!

Jack, Jack, Jack.

Let’s not do this.

Okay? I mean,
we’re both adults.

You’re the adult.

Look, for the sake
of our friendship,

can we both
just back off,

and not see Paul again?

But I love him.

You do not.

Maybe I’m just
in love with love.

Maybe you’re just
an idiot.

Maybe.

Can we agree
we’re not gonna
see him again?

Oh, all right.

This is not gonna
be easy for me, Will.

I mean, Paul is my world,

and I can’t stop
thinking about him.

Seen the latest
Men’s Health?

Hello, Mrs. McFarland.

Grace?

Grace, where are you?

Is he gone?

Is he gone?

Honey, no.
Children have been in there.

You’re in a pit
full of pink eye.

This is ridiculous.

What’s the worst
that could happen?

He’ll break up with me?

If that’s the kind
of superficial guy
that he is,

then I don’t wanna
be with him anyway, right?

Oh.

Well, I’m gonna go.
He’s right over there.

You know, I’m just
gonna get the kid

the same thing
I got him last year.

A diamond tennis bracelet.
It’s pretty, isn't it?

Mark?

Hey.

Hey, Grace.

Uh, I was just
picking up a Nerf
for my nephew.

And by nephew,
I mean me.

I thought you were
out of town.

I lied to you.

I’m not taking
a dozen underprivileged kids

on a canoe trip.

I canceled because
I was afraid to see you,

because I had this freckle
frozen, and it looks awful,

and I was afraid
that if you saw it,

you wouldn’t
like me anymore.

Well, that would
make me pretty shallow,
wouldn’t it?

Grace, I had
a great time with you.

I really like you.

Really? ’Cause
I really like you.

Besides, we all have
little things on
our bodies, right?

Right.

I mean, you
probably have, what,

a patch of dry skin
somewhere.

A rogue belly hair.

I have six toes.

Beg your pardon?

You’re breaking up
with Mark already?

What are you
talking about?

A few days ago,
you were ga-ga over him.

You know how it is.

Sometimes, you get
bowled over by somebody.

Don’t say ga-ga.

And then,
you get to know them,

and you realize that maybe
you don’t like them so much.

Hey, Wilma.

Grace tell you
she’s dating a circus freak?

- What?
- Karen.

Yeah, he’s got six toes.

[ humming circus music ]

WILL: Wait. Wait a minute.

Wait, wait.

What, like total?
Like three and three?

No. Five on one,
half a dozen the other.

Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

Cut it out.

That’s what he should do!

I’m sorry. I can't...
I can’t help it.

I’m totally
creeped out by it,

the same way that
I’m creeped out

by anything that ends in
mini teeth or mini hair.

Here comes
the tumor thing.

On the Discovery Channel,

they found a tumor
in this guy,

and it had mini-teeth
and mini-hair,

and when they poked it,

the tumor went "Ow."

It did not say "Ow."

If it had mini lips,
it would’ve.

It moved.

That thing had emotions.

It had emotions, Will,

and this... this toe thing
is in that same category.

Aren’t you being
a little shallow?

I mean,
you like this guy.

Look, when you first got
that barnacle on your face,

you wanted Mark
to accept you, right?

Now, shouldn’t you
do the same thing,

now that the shoe’s on the other
hideously deformed foot?

I’m serious.
You should go out
with him again.

He is sweet.

Anyway, it could be worse.

You could be going out
with the same guy as Jack.

Paul with the huge...
vocabulary?

But it’s over already.

We both decided
to back off.

Which is very frustrating,

because he called me,
like, ten times.

Then what are you doing?

- Backing off.
- Why?

Because I owe it to Jack.

All you owe Jack
is the truth.

He’s your friend--
he wants you to be happy.

He’ll totally
understand.

[ screeching ]
You know what?!

You’re a real piece
of work, mister!

I didn’t wanna
lie to you.

[ screeching ] Why not?

I would’ve done
the same thing to you.

Time and time again...

Jack, please,
I know you’re angry,

but I beg of you,
take it out of
the head voice.

You’re waking up
every dog in the neighborhood.

[ normal voice ]
How could you
betray me like this?

We had a deal,
and you stabbed
me in the back.

[ gasps ]
Judas!

You’re Judas!

This is exactly what he did.

Don’t know that
the big problem there

was a gay love triangle.

Don’t change
the subject.

I can’t believe
you called him

after we agreed
to back off.

Actually, Jack, he...

He called me.

- [ screeching ]
I can’t believe you!
- Jack!

Think of the dogs.

You know what?
You’re a real
piece of work, mister.

I can only imagine
what kind of tricks

you had to pull out of
your man-purse

to convince Paul to date you.

What? What?
What’d you tell him?
You were a lawyer?

I am a lawyer.

Hey, I’m not
attracted to you,

so that line’s
not gonna work on me.

You so don’t care
about my feelings ever.

Jack, he called, he said
he’d rather go out with me,

I said yes.
I’m sorry.

You know, it doesn’t
make any sense, Will.

It’s nonsense.

Why would he settle for

a big bland piece
of government cheese

when he could take a bite
out of a tasty smoked Gouda

with a trick jaw?

Maybe because
I read novels

rather than Tiger Beat.

Maybe because
I can finish a sentence

without the use
of jazz hands.

Maybe because
my frame of reference

extends beyond
boy bands and butt-robics.

Or maybe, just perhaps,

because he sees a good,
long-term prospect with me,

rather than a good
hour and a half with you.

[ silence ]

[ dogs howling ]

So what would you
like to drink?

- Well, what have you got?
- Everything.

- Surprise me.
- My dad’s the pope.
Surprised?

GRACE:
Okay, I’m charming.

Finally got to use
that pope joke.

This is going well.

I’m not so shallow.

Grace, would it be okay
if I caught

the last few minutes
of the Knicks-Celtics game?

You kidding?
I love basketball.

I read all of
Dennis Rodman’s books.

What are you doing?

Do you mind
if I take off my shoes?

The right one
always gets a little tight.

Not at all.

Make yourself comfortable.

And there’s the toe.

There’s now just
a thin layer of argyle

between it and me.

Ow, ow!
My foot is cramping.

If you have to go home,
I understand.

Actually,
I was wondering

if you would
just rub it.

Rub your tumor?

Sure.

What?! That is not
a three-pointer.

His toe was
clearly over the line.

One toe over the line,
sweet Jesus.

So for the whole flight,
this annoying guy

has been like,

"When are we gonna
get the muffins, hmm?
Where’s my muffin?"

So the stewardess
finally brings the muffins,

and the guy is so excited,
he starts doing
the Snoopy dance.

So he gets up
to wash his hands,

and I don’t know
what made me do it,

but I stole his muffin.

I thought his...
I thought his head
was gonna explode.

A muffin!

Great story.

I can’t see you anymore.

Ow, ow, ow!
Cramp’s still there.

I’m gonna take
my sock off.

Okay, brace yourself.
Here it comes.

Just stay calm.

You like this guy,
you’re not shallow.

A little thing like this
doesn’t matter.

It’s just an extra toe.

[ shrieking ]

Whatcha thinking?

That we need
more drinks.
Excuse me.

Okay, you did it, you saw it,
you lived through it.

Everything’s fine.

Oh, then why do I feel
so cold and clammy?

Oh, right,
the fridge is still open.

See?

It’s sitting there
in your lap, and you’re fine.

You’re not superficial.

You’re not a hypocrite.

Good for you, Grace.
Good for you.

Yes! Yes.
The Celtics win.

What? You’re
a Celtics fan?

- Huge.
- Get out.

What?

Look, I can put up with
a lot of things from people,

but not that.

What? Grace,
are you kidding me?

No, I will not have
a six-toed Celtics fan
in my house.

A what?

You heard me.

I will not have
a Celtics fan in my house.

Please leave.

Oh, Grace,
this isn’t about
the basketball game.

We know what
this is about.

How shallow can you be?

Okay, fine.

I’m shallow.

But if you knew
how much I liked you,

you would know how much
it is killing me

to throw you out of here

just because you have a toe
where no toe should ever be.

How about a little
sympathy for me?

Are you kidding me?

You want me
to feel sorry for you?

No, I want you to put
your sock back on.

Okay, fine.

Oh, and by the way,

here’s your freckle.

I almost tripped over it
on my way to the elevator.
Good night.

Oh, yay, I can wear
lipstick again.

[ knocking on door ]

- Hey. I’ve been calling
you for two hours.
- Hi.

Why didn’t you pick up?

I know, I know,
you’re still mad at me.

Well, you’ll be
happy to know

that Paul and I are
no longer seeing
each other.

Wow.

I mean, the thing is,
you know, I’m on this date,

and he’s funny, and he's
charming, and I’m miserable,

because I can’t stand
that I hurt you.

So, you see, I... I do
care about how you feel.

That’s sweet.

Thank you.

You know, I’m sorry
we fought, too.

Hey, let’s make a deal
never to fight
over a guy again.

- Deal.
- Okay?

WILL: All right.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Oh, hey, Will,

uh, you know,

I was bad, too.

And, um...

This is really hard
for me to say.

I’ll just...

I borrowed
your stock pot.

- Who’s out there?
- Nobody, Paul.

And I think
I broke it.

Is that Paul in there?

- Yeah.
- PAUL: Jack?

One sec, sugar.
Anyway...

I mean, you’re probably
better off without it.

You only used it to make
cream-based soups, right?

Good night.

[ screeching ]
You know what?!

You’re a piece of crap
in there!

You know why this
happened, don’t you?

We jinxed it.

You’re right.

We can never again
talk about guys we like.

Never.

I saw a cute guy
taking out the trash.

There were some
hotties at the restaurant.

We’re not
talking about it.

No, we’re not.