All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S03E08 - Lows in the Mid-Eighties (1) 1080p WEBDL h264 AAC 2.0

All right, bad news.
Hostess says it’ll be at
least 45 minutes for a table.

Did you tell ’em you were
with the star of Jack 2000,
soon to be Jack 2001?

Yes, I did.

And she gave me a similar
hand gesture, but with
a different finger.

- Maybe we should do
this another night.
- Nooooo.

Sweetie, we talked
about that sound.

I knoooowww.

But we’re all leaving tomorrow.

I want us to have dinner
together before Thanksgiving.

You mean tonight
isn’t Thanksgiving?

Oh, crap.

Now I have to spend
all day tomorrow

watching Stan gorge himself
on thighs and breasts...

and turkey.

Well, if we have to wait, um,

why don’t I get
a bottle of champagne?

That’s a nice idea.

What would you guys like?

Can I have another one
of those, only bigger?

Oh, tears, booze...
I love the holidays, too.

Do you think that
men can’t be trusted?

Honey, I’ve always said,

if your genitals
are on the outside,

you’re hiding
something on the inside.

I should warn you.

Further conversation with her
will only lead to more tears.

- Are you OK?
- I’m fine.

Grace, leave her alone.
She obviously doesn’t
want to talk.

It’s my boyfriend, Tom. I mean,
I don’t know what happened.

You know, just when things
started to get kinda serious,

he starts to pull away.

[both] Aw.

Which is so weird because
we have so much in common, like,

we’re both dance majors...

[both] Uh-oh.

We both know all the songs
from "The Wiz"--

And we both collect
Victorian dolls.

[all groan]

What’s your name, dear?

- Pam.
- Pam.

Hi, I’m Jack
McFarland, of course.

Come, join our little circle
of love and dysfunction.

This is Karen Walker.

This is Will Truman right here.

And this is
your sorry ass future,

if you don’t dump
that boyfriend of yours.

Jack! I-- Will, defend me.

Come on, man.

Yeah, guys,
our little Pammy’s in pickle.

And, uh, shouldn’t we help
her find her way back to
a place called hope?

Honey, she’s wearing
synthetic plaid.

It’s a 4-day drive
and a boat trip to
a place called hope.

What are you talking about?

Well, I think
you need to hear

a little story about
when these two were dating.

Or as I like to call it,
"When Mary Met Sally."

[theme music playing]

- Jack...
- No. No. We’re not
telling that story.

It was an incredibly difficult
time in my life, and this is
not the time or the place.

The year was 1985.

So, uh, this is
the big weekend, huh?

- You going to her house
for Thanksgiving?
- Oh, yeah.

It is a scientific fact

that college girls love getting
it on in their folks’ house.

You have nailed her,
haven’t you?

Oh, please! Huh.

I’ve not only nailed her,

I--I’ve sanded, buffed,
stained and spackled her.

OK, what do you mean you
and Will have never done it?

Well, he wants to take it slow,
and I see his point.

I mean, we’re soul mates,
so there’s no rush.

Yeah, I taught her a few things.
Let me tell you, my friend,

she’s an excellent student.

Like he taught me how to scrunch
my hair to keep the curl.

You know me, nothing I love more
than sex. Wi-wi-with a woman.

And he’s so handsome.

He reminds me of those
old Hollywood movie stars,

like Rock Hudson
or Montgomery Clift.

OK, fine.

Do what you want.

Just afraid you’re gonna
miss your window.

Oh, please. [snorts]
Don’t be insane.

What window?

OK, you know my psych
professor, Dr. Bonami,

he says if you don’t do it
with a guy right away,

you just end up as friends.

- Did he really say that?
- Yeah.

Do you-- Do you really think
if you’re-- Friends?

I would die if that
happened. I mean,

- who wants a guy as a friend?
- Uh, thank you.

If I want to take this
relationship to the next level,

we have to make love soon.

Like this weekend.

Don’t say, "make love".
It sounds, like, totally gay.

Yo, beer’s gone.

Bye, sweetie. I’m gonna pack.

Bye.

That’s OK, I'll clean up.

Hi.

What are you doing
in the closet?

I could ask the same of you.

What?! Who are you?

Oh, how quickly they forget.

We met at Matt Stokes’
party. My card.

"Jack McFarland. Since 1969."

What are you even doing here?
Aren’t you in high school?

Well, I prefer
the college parties,

’cause the fellas tend
to be less uptight

about their homosesuality.

Oh, yeah, now I remember you.

You were the one going
around telling everybody
you were in Duran Duran.

Yeah, that’s right.
That’s right. Yeah.

Oh, a-and you think
everybody’s gay.

No, not everybody, just me...

And you and a dog named Boo.

Hey, hey. Heh. I’m not gay.

Well, this well-worn
copy of the "Dreamgirls"
soundtrack begs to differ.

Anyway, what does this
have to do with Tom and me?

Let me shorthand
it for you, honey.

[pop music playing
over speakers]

The Sultan of Boran?

- What does that have to do w--
- Your story was boring.

Anyway, after my little talk
with Ellen,

I decided that it had
to be that weekend.

So, we took a train up to my
parent’s house in Schenectady,

where Will learned the answer
to that age-old question,

"What ever did happen
to Baby Jane?"

- [playing piano]
- Gloria, Gloria.

I think they got
your number, Gloria.

I think I got your alias,
Gloria

And you been living
under, ahaaaaa--

Mom! Mom!

- Hi, Mom. Hi, Julius.
- Honey, you’re home.

Grace, I always forget
how beautiful you are.

Mom giveth.

Why do you have to cock
it up with that hair?

And Mom taketh away.

You must be Will.
Lovely to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Mrs. Adler.
You have a beautiful home.

Your interior decorator
did a great job.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
I did it myself.

No!

It looks so professional.

Oh, aren’t you a darling?

Your mom’s good.

No, you’re good.

Say hello to
Julius, my arranger.

- Hi.
- Hell-ooo.

So, Julius, what do
we think about Will?

I think where there’s
a Will, there’s a way.

Isn’t he clever?

Why some woman has never
snatched him up is beyond me.

- Where’s Daddy?
- Uh, he’s in Connecticut.

Grandma Rose threatened to die.

Joyce, your sister’s here!

[Joyce] Big whup!

You get down here or I’ll
knock you till Tuesday!

- Would you like a little juice?
- I’m fine, thanks.

Hi, Joyce.

Don’t you be all nice just
’cause your boyfriend's here.

I know that you stole
my poncho, you skank.

Uh, Joyce, hi. I-I’m Will.

Grace showed me that drawing
of a unicorn you did at, uh,

Camp Yes-I-Can. Yeah,
it was beautiful. I wish
I could draw like that.

It’s no big deal. Heh.

- You’ve an older sister
don’t you? Janet?
- No.

Why don’t you two go on upstairs
and put your things down.

Joyce, you’ll stay down here.
Will, you’ll stay
in Joyce’s room.

Grace, you’ll stay in your room.

What? No, Will’s gonna sleep
in my bedroom with me.

- No, no, no, he isn’t.
- Grace, it--it’s fine.

Nooooo! Nooooo!

Mom, you can’t do that.
This is so unfair.

Well, so’s my cottage
cheese ass, but...

Why is that always
your answer for everything?

Will and I are adults.

We’ve been going out for
nearly three months now,

- and I think that
we should have--
- Grace!

We only have two rules
in this house. Number one:

Boys and girls don’t sleep
in the same bedroom,
unless they’re married.

And Will, always light
matches in the bathroom
after poopie-doos.

So, then, we have dinner,

and we look
at a zillion pictures

of a nude 2-year-old Grace
riding the family dog.

Oh, you like that, do ya?
Yeah?

Well, maybe you’d like
a little of this, huh?

Yeah, you do, don’t ya?
Huh, huh?

Karen, what are you do--
Are you-- Are you
flashing that woman?!

She started it.

She’s nursing.

Hmm. That explains
the little bald man.

Anyway,

later that night,

I’m getting ready for bed,
I figure, now I’m safe.

Aahh! What--what...

Shh. Shh. Relax.

- What are you doing here?
- Nothing.

Wha--you shouldn’t
be here, you know.
We’re gonna get in trouble.

Not if we’re quiet.

But if you play your cards
right, I might not be.

What are you suggesting?

Well, you, me, a bed...

I thought that we might...

Don’t make me say it.

Grace, I don’t know.

Mmm. Come on.
What are we waiting for?

Well, I’m just--
I’m kind of tired.

All that turkey...
Made me sleepy.

Really? ’Cause it made me horny.

[knocking]

J-J-Just a sec.

[Grace]
But I said I was horny.

Just a minute, I--I think

those new potatoes
weren’t so new.

[Grace]
Oh, poor baby.

The matches are under
the macramé turtle.

Thank you.

[pop music playing
over speakers]

[phone ringing]

Mom, phone!

Mom!

Su-su-sussudio.

Hi, Jack, it’s--
It’s Will Truman.

Oh, right, from Queens College?

No, I go to Columbia.

Missy, anywhere you go
is Queens College.

Yeah, oh-- You know what?
That-- That’s why I called.

You know, what you said really
bugged me. I am not gay.

Mom! There’s chicken on the rug!

I was saying...
That you know nothing about me,

because if you did know me,
you would know that I’m not gay.

Oh, yeah. Now I get it.

Ahem. You’re in stage 3--
You’ve bought the short shorts,

but you’re afraid to put 'em on.

Yeah, put ’em on, Will.
Come on. Put ’em on.

Stop saying that. OK? I am not--

You’re gay, Will! OK?

You’re gayer than
the day is long.

You’re Marvin Gaye.

And let me tell you somethin’--

Ain’t no closet big enough.

This is ludicrous.
We spent all of four
minutes together.

Yeah, and in
the first four seconds,

I could tell that you were
carrying the weight of the
world on your shoulders.

And about 20 extra pounds
on your hips.

And why wouldn’t you?

It’s a drag pretending
to be something you’re not.

Yeah, if I’m pretending,
then how come I can’t wait

to get back in there and
have sex with my girlfriend?

Well, if you can’t wait to
get back in there and make
muskrat love to your girlfriend,

then why are you
on the phone with me?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.
You’re my new best friend.
Call me every five minutes.

Crap. Why today?

[door opens]

[Grace gasps]
Hi, I was starting

to get worried about--

What-- What-- What’s with you?

Let’s have some sex.

Feel the heat.
Pushing you to decide--

- Enough already!
- Shut up!

You were losin’ her.
I had to do somethin’.

But you know, for a sultan,
dude knew how to party.

Later we did Jell-O
shots with one of the guys
from Hall and Oates.

Hall?

- Oates.
- Oh.

As much as I would love
to be Mrs. Habibi Shoshani
Padush Al-Kabir,

I’m afraid I can't marry you.

I’m just not in love with you.
I’m in love with another man.

Sure, he hasn’t got your money,
but I really think

that with my help,
we can make it work.

Just come back
to my house in Fort Lee

and make love with me
one more time.

Sorry, sultan. Honey, I’m
a little emotionally drained.

I think I’m just gonna go home
and cry myself to sleep.

Karen, where have you been?

I’ve been lookin'
all over for you, baby.

Oh, Clayton,
I got some bad news.

I can’t marry you.
I’m in love with another man.

But does he have my moxie?

Can he make love to
you all night long?

Well, the way he does it,
he makes it feel like
it’s all night long.

But I really think with my help,
we can make it work.

Karen, I don’t know what to say.

I’ll never meet
another woman like you.

Oh... That’s so true.

Listen, honey.
I’m emotionally drained.

I think I’m just gonna
go home and cry myself to sleep.

Oh, Martina.

Karen, where have you been?
I’ve missed you.

Oh, honey, listen.
I’ve got some bad news.

I can’t marry you.
I’m in love with
someone else.

But, Karen, I was
straight before I met you.

Well, that’s the way
the cookie crumbles, Marti.

Well, then who? And can
she give you what I give you?

You mean companionship,
vitality, a sneaky drop shot?

No. No, he’s a doughy thing
with squat little legs

and a bad case of
recurring psoriasis, but...

I love him, and with my help...

Oh! Who am I kidding?
I just love him.

Who knows why?
I love Stanley Walker!

Burning you up!

Ready or not!

Now that’s a story! Ha ha!

So Will comes back
from the bathroom...

Right. So, Will comes
out of the bathroom.

We start getting into it.

I take the lead,
because you know,
I’ve done it 3 1/2 times.

[Will and Grace moaning]

- [Grace] Ow! You’re on my hair.
- [Will] Oh, sorry.

[Grace]
Mmm, you feel so--

- [Will] Ow! You’re on my hair.
- [Grace] Sorry. Sorry.

- [Grace] Ow!
- [Will] Oh! Shh! Shh!

You just elbowed me in the eye.

I’m sorry. Sorry.

- OK.
- Just let me... Let me...

- [Grace] OK.
- [both] Ow!

Oh! OK, that’s it. We're done
with foreplay. Come here.

Oh...

[Grace] Oh!

Yeah. Aah! Stop! Stop!

What? Are you OK?

Yeah. I-I-- I think
we should wait.

Noooo!

Why?

Are we ready?

This is a really big step,
and I just--

I don’t want to-- I want it
to be right. I don’t
want to rush into it.

Oh, my God. Are you--? You are.

What?

I mean, I sort of suspected it.
I mean, it certainly
would explain a lot of--

- Oh, no, no! Oh, no!
- Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no. It’s OK.

You don’t have to feel bad.
My dad was one all
through the army.

He-- What?

You’re a virgin.

Virgin, yes. No! Oh, no!
No, no, no, no.

I’m definitely not a virgin.
In fact, uh...

I’ve been known to be something
of a lady man--ladies man!

Ladies man. Ha. A man!
You know. Yeah.

- Well...well, then
why are we waiting?
- Because.

But why?

Because I love you.

Oh, my God.

You are so sweet.

That’s so like you
to say it first.

I love you, too.

OK, I have
to have you right now.

Whoa! No! Wait,
wait, wait, wait!
Hold--hold--hold!

Didn’t you hear me?
I--I--I love you.

Yeah, yeah.
Love you, too. Let’s go.

- Grace, Grace!
- What? Just-- God!

[Grace] God!

- I think...
- What?

...we really,
really should wait.

Oh, but why?
I mean, what are we doing?

- Are we waiting
till we’re married?
- Yes!

- Let’s get married!
- What?

Let’s get married and
let’s wait till we get married.

You want to get married?

[Grace gasping]

Oh, my God!

Will!

Yes, I will marry you,
Will Truman.

Well, great!