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1
00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:08,445
Will, what do you
think? Too gay?
2
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,716
Yeah, definitely.
But the shirt's good.
3
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,816
[chuckles] Hold on,
I got a cramp from not laughing.
4
00:00:22,166 --> 00:00:23,865
It's for my show.
5
00:00:23,952 --> 00:00:26,087
What sho--Oh.
6
00:00:26,174 --> 00:00:27,698
Just when you thought it was
safe to go back to the theater,
7
00:00:27,785 --> 00:00:29,920
the tragic return of...
Just Jack!
8
00:00:30,007 --> 00:00:31,793
[gibbering]
9
00:00:33,623 --> 00:00:36,280
Just Jack is dead to me.
10
00:00:36,367 --> 00:00:38,894
I'm sick of people coming up
to me on the street going,
"nyeek nyeek".
11
00:00:45,167 --> 00:00:46,779
That's... just your mom.
12
00:00:49,131 --> 00:00:51,396
And Rory.
13
00:00:51,483 --> 00:00:53,879
Anyway. I'm going
a whole new way.
14
00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:57,626
My new show is called Jack 2000.
15
00:01:01,459 --> 00:01:04,204
God, you're a chameleon.
16
00:01:04,291 --> 00:01:07,993
You're like Madonna....
without the corsets
and the talent.
17
00:01:09,692 --> 00:01:12,349
Give me some fliers.
I'll pass them out at work.
18
00:01:12,436 --> 00:01:17,316
What's this?
Unsolicited generosity?
Jack confused.
19
00:01:19,275 --> 00:01:24,590
Well, I'm in a good mood,
'cause, um, something happened.
20
00:01:24,677 --> 00:01:27,596
And I am telling you this,
Jack McFarland, in confidence.
21
00:01:27,683 --> 00:01:30,732
Oh, my God. This must be
really good. Miss Hathaway,
hold my calls.
22
00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:37,223
You know the souvlaki vendor
at the corner of 72nd
and Central Park West?
23
00:01:37,310 --> 00:01:38,834
Really cute?
24
00:01:38,921 --> 00:01:41,143
Yeah. He is kind of...
No, you didn't?
25
00:01:41,230 --> 00:01:43,060
I did.
26
00:01:43,147 --> 00:01:44,846
-But he doesn't speak
a word of English.
-I know.
27
00:01:47,460 --> 00:01:49,290
That is so hot.
28
00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:50,988
Tell me what happened, quickly.
Where did you go?
29
00:01:51,075 --> 00:01:53,646
Well, first we
returned his cart.
30
00:01:53,733 --> 00:01:58,132
Then we went for a long walk
and ended up making out
in the doorway
31
00:01:58,220 --> 00:02:00,136
of the Republican
Party headquarters.
32
00:02:04,841 --> 00:02:08,500
You're my new hero.
If you didn't smell like
shaved lamb, I'd hug ya.
33
00:02:10,634 --> 00:02:12,856
Hey. [chuckles]
34
00:02:12,943 --> 00:02:15,252
Man, do you look queer.
35
00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:18,781
I wouldn't joke, Grace.
It's your shirt.
36
00:02:20,959 --> 00:02:24,139
-So how was your date with Ben?
-Amazing.
37
00:02:24,226 --> 00:02:26,361
We had this fantastic
dinner at B.J.,
38
00:02:26,448 --> 00:02:29,409
then we took one of those hansom
cab rides around Central Park.
39
00:02:29,496 --> 00:02:31,370
It was so romantic,
it didn't even bother me
40
00:02:31,457 --> 00:02:33,678
that the horse's tail kept
hitting me in the mouth.
41
00:02:35,465 --> 00:02:38,427
Then he walked me home.
It started to rain.
42
00:02:38,514 --> 00:02:41,258
It was like a movie.
It was a perfect evening.
43
00:02:41,345 --> 00:02:44,612
-And now you're
breaking up with him.
-Now I'm breaking up with him.
44
00:02:44,699 --> 00:02:46,964
What happened? You know,
yesterday you were adding milk
45
00:02:47,051 --> 00:02:50,450
to your mochaccino to show
me what pretty colors
your kids would be.
46
00:02:55,546 --> 00:03:00,076
I'm not in love with him.
Sure, he's perfect on paper.
He's mature.
47
00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:02,778
He's romantic.
All the smells work.
48
00:03:03,780 --> 00:03:05,784
He's not prettier than me.
49
00:03:07,962 --> 00:03:11,316
But the relationship just
isn't going anywhere.
50
00:03:11,403 --> 00:03:14,321
Grace, I really--I think you
should give this another week.
51
00:03:14,408 --> 00:03:16,107
Well, why? I mean, what happens
if during that week,
52
00:03:16,194 --> 00:03:17,763
I miss out on the chance
of finding the person
53
00:03:17,850 --> 00:03:19,462
I'm going to spend the rest
of my life with?
54
00:03:19,549 --> 00:03:23,948
Even so, one more week?
[chuckles] ...ahem.
55
00:03:26,650 --> 00:03:28,741
-What're you getting
out of this?
-Nothing.
56
00:03:28,828 --> 00:03:32,704
[stammering] Ben promised me
a Herman Miller chair
for my office.
57
00:03:32,791 --> 00:03:35,928
You're selling my ass so that
yours can be comfortable?
58
00:03:40,589 --> 00:03:42,985
And my back.
59
00:03:43,072 --> 00:03:45,773
It's--it's really quite
a chair, Grace.
60
00:03:45,860 --> 00:03:47,340
-No.
-It's a Herman Miller.
61
00:03:47,429 --> 00:03:48,953
-No.
-It's very expensive.
62
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,783
-No.
-It's got 198 positions.
63
00:03:50,870 --> 00:03:53,831
So did Ben and I, but I'm still
breaking up with him.
64
00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:15,133
Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
65
00:04:16,658 --> 00:04:19,228
[high voice]
I object! You're out of order!
66
00:04:23,933 --> 00:04:25,937
No, you're out of order.
67
00:04:27,069 --> 00:04:30,336
This whole court
is out of order.
68
00:04:30,423 --> 00:04:33,473
I assume in this case, you
represent the Lollipop Guild?
69
00:04:35,695 --> 00:04:37,524
Huh?
70
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:40,094
It arrived a day early.
71
00:04:40,181 --> 00:04:44,058
So you can break up with
Ben now. You have my
full lumbar support.
72
00:04:44,145 --> 00:04:46,541
Don't worry.
I'm going to do it today.
73
00:04:46,629 --> 00:04:48,937
I even practiced on the
cabdriver on the way over.
74
00:04:49,024 --> 00:04:52,944
There was some tears,
but Furuz Mahkbhubi and
I agreed to stay friends.
75
00:04:54,557 --> 00:04:58,433
Uh-huh. Look what
the arms do. Huh?
76
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,395
There she is. My gorgeous girl.
77
00:05:01,482 --> 00:05:04,096
Come on, Ben, not
in front of Grace.
78
00:05:05,185 --> 00:05:06,710
Hey, baby.
79
00:05:08,671 --> 00:05:11,197
Obviously you two have things
to talk about. It's OK.
80
00:05:11,284 --> 00:05:13,201
I've got some
serious work to do.
81
00:05:13,288 --> 00:05:14,856
Meep, meep. Meep, meep.
82
00:05:17,339 --> 00:05:18,733
We got to get him a guy.
83
00:05:21,826 --> 00:05:23,786
Ben, I need to talk to you
about something.
84
00:05:26,661 --> 00:05:30,887
Look... I've given this a lot
of thought, and, well,
85
00:05:30,974 --> 00:05:35,852
we both know that this has
sort of played itself out,
and I care about you so much,
86
00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:39,904
but I really think it would
be best if we stop
seeing each other.
87
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:40,906
No.
88
00:05:42,386 --> 00:05:43,562
Excuse me?
89
00:05:43,651 --> 00:05:45,654
No. I don't accept that.
90
00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:50,315
Well, I don't know if it's
a matter of you
accepting it or not.
91
00:05:50,402 --> 00:05:51,578
I mean, I do want to
explain my feelings--
92
00:05:51,666 --> 00:05:52,580
No need.
93
00:05:52,668 --> 00:05:53,670
We're fine.
94
00:05:57,024 --> 00:06:00,291
No we're not. I'm here
to break up with you,
and my mind is made up.
95
00:06:00,378 --> 00:06:01,554
-No, it isn't.
-Yes, it is.
96
00:06:01,641 --> 00:06:02,817
-No, it isn't.
-Yes, it is.
97
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,082
-No, it isn't.
-Yes, it is!
98
00:06:06,695 --> 00:06:10,832
Ben, I--I really, really want
to break up with you.
99
00:06:10,919 --> 00:06:13,446
-That's not what you want.
-Oh, but it is.
100
00:06:13,533 --> 00:06:15,886
-No, it's not.
-Stop saying that!
101
00:06:15,973 --> 00:06:18,064
Just saying the opposite
of what I'm saying is not
a legitimate argument.
102
00:06:18,151 --> 00:06:19,807
Yes, it is.
103
00:06:21,026 --> 00:06:22,507
I'll pick you up at 8:00.
104
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,515
-No, you won't.
-Yes, I will!
105
00:06:29,607 --> 00:06:32,265
God, this went so much better
with Furuz Mahkbhubi.
106
00:06:36,795 --> 00:06:40,323
♪ I feel the earth, ouch, move,
wow, under my feet ♪
107
00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:45,594
♪ I feel the sky tumblin' down,
tumblin' down, tumblin'...♪
108
00:06:45,681 --> 00:06:46,596
Hi.
109
00:06:47,598 --> 00:06:49,907
Welcome to Jack, 2000.
110
00:06:50,735 --> 00:06:55,265
And now in the tradition
of Natalie and Nat King Cole,
111
00:06:55,352 --> 00:06:59,404
I'd like to sing a duet
with a beautiful young man
112
00:06:59,491 --> 00:07:02,845
who's been such a huge
inspiration to me.
113
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,989
-♪ Mock ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪
114
00:07:10,076 --> 00:07:11,644
-♪ Ing! ♪
-Yeah.
115
00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,432
-♪ Bird! ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪
116
00:07:14,519 --> 00:07:16,262
-♪ Yeah! ♪
-♪ Yeah! ♪
117
00:07:16,349 --> 00:07:18,614
♪ Mockingbird now... ♪
118
00:07:18,701 --> 00:07:22,229
-♪ Everybody, have you heard? ♪
-♪ Have you heard? ♪
119
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:26,630
-♪ He's going to
buy me a mockingbird ♪
-♪ Mockingbird ♪
120
00:07:26,717 --> 00:07:30,898
-♪ And if that
mockingbird don't sing ♪
-♪ It doesn't sing ♪
121
00:07:30,985 --> 00:07:35,385
-♪ He's going to buy me
a diamond ring ♪
-♪ Diamond ring ♪
122
00:07:36,997 --> 00:07:40,264
There isn't a drink maximum,
is there?
123
00:07:40,351 --> 00:07:44,097
-♪ Now everybody
have you heard? ♪
-♪ Have you heard? ♪
124
00:07:44,185 --> 00:07:50,240
♪ Litt...l-l-l-le lamb ♪
125
00:07:55,031 --> 00:07:56,252
Thank you.
126
00:08:00,433 --> 00:08:04,745
Now comes the part of the show
I like to call,
"And how are you doing?"
127
00:08:05,660 --> 00:08:08,187
[plays fanfare]
128
00:08:10,452 --> 00:08:12,586
So, how are you all doing?
129
00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:16,116
Ooh, quiet crowd.
130
00:08:16,203 --> 00:08:18,337
No, we're just bored.
131
00:08:19,339 --> 00:08:21,342
Been there. Done that.
Got the T-shirt.
132
00:08:24,435 --> 00:08:27,006
-So where are you from, sir?
-Um, New Hampshire.
133
00:08:27,093 --> 00:08:29,184
Ah, the Windy City.
134
00:08:32,059 --> 00:08:35,456
-And what do you do there?
-Well, I live here now.
135
00:08:35,543 --> 00:08:37,984
So. So. What?
You live here in the club?
136
00:08:39,421 --> 00:08:41,294
You stink!
137
00:08:41,381 --> 00:08:43,951
[chuckles] Takes one
to know one.
138
00:08:44,038 --> 00:08:46,086
Takes one. Takes one.
Takes one.
139
00:08:46,173 --> 00:08:49,396
Jack, do another song
or something.
140
00:08:49,483 --> 00:08:51,357
-Shh, this is going to work.
-No, it isn't.
141
00:08:51,444 --> 00:08:52,489
Yes, it is.
142
00:08:52,576 --> 00:08:54,057
You're dying out here.
143
00:08:54,144 --> 00:08:55,756
Would you just stick
to what you do best,
144
00:08:55,843 --> 00:08:57,585
trolling the park for greasy
souvlaki vendors?
145
00:08:57,673 --> 00:08:59,807
[laughter]
146
00:09:03,815 --> 00:09:05,165
He did, you know.
147
00:09:06,864 --> 00:09:09,827
Yeah, the guy didn't speak
a word of English,
148
00:09:09,914 --> 00:09:11,395
but fortunately,
Will's fluent in skank.
149
00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:13,399
[laughter]
150
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:14,488
Yeah, skank.
151
00:09:14,575 --> 00:09:16,840
Jack? Stop.
152
00:09:16,927 --> 00:09:19,628
But hey, let's talk about
Will's last significant
relationship, huh?
153
00:09:19,715 --> 00:09:22,677
Which took place about--
oh, it's 10:00--3 years ago!
154
00:09:22,764 --> 00:09:24,942
[laughter]
155
00:09:25,029 --> 00:09:27,120
Yeah, you want to know
how little Willie tried
to win him back?
156
00:09:27,207 --> 00:09:30,780
-Yeah, I want to know!
-Jack, don't. Don't do this.
157
00:09:30,867 --> 00:09:32,827
By standing outside
his bedroom window
158
00:09:32,914 --> 00:09:36,791
singing a medley of
Peter, Paul, and Mary songs.
159
00:09:36,878 --> 00:09:41,060
Too bad Michael rowed his boat
ashore to another guy.
160
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,454
[laughter, applause]
161
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:45,416
2000, 2000. 2000.
162
00:09:45,503 --> 00:09:48,029
He's pretty funny, isn't he?
163
00:09:58,006 --> 00:10:03,102
The reviews are in
and the critics agree,
the show's a smash.
164
00:10:03,189 --> 00:10:05,411
Listen to this e-mail
Rory just gave me.
165
00:10:07,284 --> 00:10:09,288
"The show's a smash.
166
00:10:11,336 --> 00:10:16,214
I'm really into Asians now."
But, uh, listen,
167
00:10:16,301 --> 00:10:19,917
it's really taking off for me,
Will. Listen, do me a favor.
168
00:10:20,004 --> 00:10:23,141
If you see me acting like a big
star, just keep me real.
169
00:10:30,589 --> 00:10:34,118
I don't believe you.
I told you that story
in confidence.
170
00:10:34,206 --> 00:10:36,601
-Well, how was I
supposed to know that?
-Because I used the words:
171
00:10:36,688 --> 00:10:38,736
"I'm telling you this
in confidence."
172
00:10:38,823 --> 00:10:41,044
Well, let's not split hairs.
173
00:10:41,131 --> 00:10:44,355
Especially yours,
since you're thinning on top.
Ooh, that's good.
174
00:10:44,442 --> 00:10:46,272
Open with the
"thinning on top" bit.
175
00:10:46,359 --> 00:10:48,494
Jack! You are not allowed
176
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:51,542
to take my personal life
and put it on stage
just for a few laughs.
177
00:10:51,629 --> 00:10:57,031
A few laughs? Were you there?
178
00:10:57,118 --> 00:11:01,474
When I did the look on your face
when Michael told you he
was moving out...
179
00:11:01,562 --> 00:11:04,263
I got a rolling laugh
that went on for like--
180
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,356
A minute and a half.
181
00:11:08,445 --> 00:11:09,577
Jack!
182
00:11:12,452 --> 00:11:15,501
You hurt my feelings.
183
00:11:17,418 --> 00:11:21,600
Get over yourself.
I am an artist.
184
00:11:21,687 --> 00:11:25,520
It is my responsibility
to draw from my life
and the lives of others
185
00:11:25,607 --> 00:11:29,093
to get laughs
and to sell cocktails.
186
00:11:31,793 --> 00:11:34,058
Just like Picasso.
187
00:11:34,145 --> 00:11:36,934
Right, but the key
difference between you
and Picasso is that he is
188
00:11:37,021 --> 00:11:38,807
one of the greatest artists
of the 20th century,
189
00:11:38,894 --> 00:11:41,203
and you are a raging pinhead.
190
00:11:42,466 --> 00:11:44,427
I am never telling
you anything again.
191
00:11:44,514 --> 00:11:47,345
Fine! I don't need you.
192
00:11:47,432 --> 00:11:50,176
You...enemy of art!
193
00:11:54,359 --> 00:11:57,102
Hey... You guys
have fun tonight?
194
00:11:57,189 --> 00:11:59,368
Oh, you missed a great show.
195
00:11:59,455 --> 00:12:01,763
Yeah, Jack decided
to entertain the crowd
196
00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:03,985
with a few embarrassing tidbits
from my personal life.
197
00:12:04,073 --> 00:12:06,469
Oh, sweetie, that's horrible.
198
00:12:06,556 --> 00:12:09,082
He didn't tell them
about that time you
stood up at model U.N.
199
00:12:09,169 --> 00:12:10,999
with the pee-pee track
in your khakis, did he?
200
00:12:13,307 --> 00:12:15,268
It was Sprite.
201
00:12:16,923 --> 00:12:19,057
Maybe going in.
202
00:12:23,675 --> 00:12:27,204
Just let it die!
I--I'm never telling
Jack anything again.
203
00:12:27,291 --> 00:12:29,948
Good! You shouldn't.
That's the only way he'll learn.
You stick to your guns.
204
00:12:30,035 --> 00:12:31,778
-How'd your
breakup with Ben go?
-I slept with him.
205
00:12:31,865 --> 00:12:33,128
What?!
206
00:12:33,215 --> 00:12:35,524
I know, I know, I know.
207
00:12:35,611 --> 00:12:37,528
I went over there to make sure
he really knew that
we were broken up.
208
00:12:37,615 --> 00:12:40,447
One thing led to another,
and we ended having breakup sex.
209
00:12:42,451 --> 00:12:43,540
Twice.
210
00:12:44,977 --> 00:12:46,545
OK, three times.
211
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:53,559
Let's see. Once,
twice, three times... I don't
think that makes you a lady.
212
00:13:24,835 --> 00:13:27,885
You just doubled your pleasure!
Now you double my fun!
Sing out, Louise!
213
00:13:31,587 --> 00:13:37,730
Jack, this is the most
amazing story, and you are
never going to believe it...
214
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,864
Mainly because you're
never going to hear it.
215
00:13:44,525 --> 00:13:46,660
What?
216
00:13:46,747 --> 00:13:49,274
Remember, Jack, we
don't do that anymore,
'cause you can't be trusted.
217
00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:51,583
Pffft!
218
00:13:51,670 --> 00:13:56,417
Now. It's a documented
scientific fact that
one twin is always gay.
219
00:13:56,504 --> 00:13:58,596
Which one is it?
The cute one or the cute one?
220
00:13:59,598 --> 00:14:02,429
I ca--Oh, no.
221
00:14:02,516 --> 00:14:05,827
Look. Luis forgot his javelin.
222
00:14:09,225 --> 00:14:11,229
They came with props?!
223
00:14:13,755 --> 00:14:15,585
Speak!
224
00:14:15,672 --> 00:14:17,937
I'm sorry, Jack,
that's the price you
pay for being an artist.
225
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:21,640
Or as the twins say--
oh, I can't tell you.
226
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,648
You, are no friend of mine!
227
00:14:33,619 --> 00:14:37,017
♪ I feel the earth, yawn, move,
pfft, under my feet ♪
228
00:14:37,104 --> 00:14:41,590
♪ I feel the sky tumblin' down,
tumblin' down, tumblin'--♪
229
00:14:41,678 --> 00:14:42,462
Back in an hour.
230
00:14:48,386 --> 00:14:50,433
I hope you don't mind
that I'm going to Jack's
show tonight.
231
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,481
I just figure if I break up
with Ben in a public place
232
00:14:52,568 --> 00:14:54,398
there's a better chance I won't
end up sleeping with him.
233
00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:57,926
Grace, you gotta be
tough about this.
234
00:14:58,013 --> 00:14:59,800
You got to tell him what
you really want.
235
00:15:00,061 --> 00:15:01,760
Oh, I will.
236
00:15:01,847 --> 00:15:03,851
See, that's good. Now you sure
you want to do this?
237
00:15:03,938 --> 00:15:05,811
-Why? You think
I'm making a mistake?
-See. That's bad.
238
00:15:05,898 --> 00:15:06,943
[knock on door]
239
00:15:07,030 --> 00:15:08,294
Who is it?
240
00:15:08,381 --> 00:15:09,906
[knocking]
241
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:11,343
Who is it?
242
00:15:11,430 --> 00:15:12,345
[knocking continues]
243
00:15:12,432 --> 00:15:13,521
Who is it?
244
00:15:16,222 --> 00:15:17,616
Honey, I don't yell.
245
00:15:21,493 --> 00:15:23,409
Where the hell am I?
Is this student housing,
246
00:15:23,496 --> 00:15:24,542
and are bowling shoes back?
247
00:15:24,629 --> 00:15:26,939
OK. I'm changing.
248
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,682
Hey. Hey, Wilma.
Come on. You got to come with
me down to Jack's club.
249
00:15:29,770 --> 00:15:32,471
He's bombing. Come on.
Beep, beep, beep, let's go.
250
00:15:32,558 --> 00:15:35,694
Of course he's bombing,
because he doesn't have me
to make fun of.
251
00:15:35,782 --> 00:15:39,397
Forget get it. I'm not going
to put myself into a position
to be laughed at again.
252
00:15:39,484 --> 00:15:42,838
It's the same reason I don't
throw a ball in
front of people.
253
00:15:44,058 --> 00:15:46,062
Lord, you're sick.
254
00:15:46,149 --> 00:15:48,850
He's bombing because
he's miserable.
255
00:15:49,111 --> 00:15:50,985
And he's miserable because
you're still mad at him.
256
00:15:51,072 --> 00:15:55,341
Yeah, he's sullen. He's morose.
He's humorless. He's--
257
00:15:55,428 --> 00:15:56,691
Oh, my God. He's you.
258
00:16:00,045 --> 00:16:03,965
Ahem. You know, if Hell ever
needs an ambassador--
259
00:16:07,058 --> 00:16:09,890
God! Why do I always
have to be the adult?
260
00:16:09,977 --> 00:16:12,940
Because you are the adult, Will.
261
00:16:13,027 --> 00:16:16,381
Come on. Let him off the hook.
Show a little kindness.
262
00:16:17,296 --> 00:16:18,733
Honey, not those.
263
00:16:29,144 --> 00:16:32,019
Oh, God. I can't
stand it any longer.
264
00:16:32,106 --> 00:16:34,328
You're chewing like a big cow.
Hand it over!
265
00:16:36,332 --> 00:16:38,336
Oh...
266
00:16:38,423 --> 00:16:41,254
I'm sorry. I'm just a little
nervous. I'm breaking
up with Ben tonight.
267
00:16:41,341 --> 00:16:44,870
What's the problem, Grace?
He's not gay?
268
00:16:44,957 --> 00:16:48,181
No, he's--great.
He's just not right.
269
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:53,974
Of course he's not white.
Sheesh...
270
00:16:54,061 --> 00:16:56,849
-Right. He's not right.
-Listen, Ben is a catch.
271
00:16:56,937 --> 00:17:01,728
And for some reason,
he's crazy about you.
What is your problem?
272
00:17:01,815 --> 00:17:06,607
Amazing how one little
cardboard tree can make
so little difference.
273
00:17:10,266 --> 00:17:14,143
Look, Karen, the bottom line is
I'm just not in love with him.
274
00:17:14,230 --> 00:17:16,234
Yeah, well, all I know is ever
since you two got together,
275
00:17:16,321 --> 00:17:18,412
I've never seen you happier.
276
00:17:18,499 --> 00:17:20,416
How do you know that's not love?
277
00:17:31,263 --> 00:17:33,571
You flash in the pan.
278
00:17:33,658 --> 00:17:35,923
You one-hit wonder.
279
00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:38,973
You Vanilla Ice.
280
00:17:41,456 --> 00:17:43,286
You know what? You're right.
281
00:17:43,373 --> 00:17:45,681
He is better than any guy
I've ever gone out with.
282
00:17:45,768 --> 00:17:49,428
Am I sabotaging what could
be the best thing that's
ever happened to me?
283
00:17:49,515 --> 00:17:53,044
That is my M.O. I mean,
this is a man who refused
to break up with me.
284
00:17:53,131 --> 00:17:55,265
That's love. He loves me.
285
00:17:55,352 --> 00:17:58,924
If I weren't so picky,
maybe I would love him, too.
Maybe I do.
286
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,189
Maybe this is what
love feels like.
287
00:18:01,276 --> 00:18:04,674
I should just say it.
I love him.
288
00:18:04,762 --> 00:18:09,684
I said it. That wasn't so hard.
I love him.
289
00:18:09,771 --> 00:18:11,340
-I love him!
-Hey, baby.
290
00:18:11,601 --> 00:18:12,080
Hey, you!
291
00:18:14,868 --> 00:18:17,002
[knock on door]
292
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:19,616
-Hey.
-Hey. What are you doing here?
293
00:18:19,703 --> 00:18:21,707
Supporting the arts.
294
00:18:21,794 --> 00:18:24,756
I mean, after all,
I spent years supporting
the artist.
295
00:18:26,281 --> 00:18:27,500
So what are you saying?
296
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:32,206
I'm saying...
297
00:18:32,293 --> 00:18:34,340
use it all.
298
00:18:34,427 --> 00:18:36,736
The souvlaki guy,
Michael leaving,
299
00:18:36,823 --> 00:18:39,697
the Sprite on my khakis
in front of the
Security Council.
300
00:18:39,784 --> 00:18:40,961
Ooh, the pee-pee story?
301
00:18:43,227 --> 00:18:45,666
Hey, hey.
What about those twins?
302
00:18:45,753 --> 00:18:49,281
Oh, well, you know.
We met in the park.
Tossed the javelin.
303
00:18:49,368 --> 00:18:52,244
I got a groin pull.
They carried me home.
It was humiliating.
304
00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:55,902
But ask me out there.
The crowd'll eat it up.
305
00:18:55,989 --> 00:19:00,433
-My gosh, Will.
Thank you so much.
-You're welcome, artist...
306
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,611
formerly known as Princess.
307
00:19:06,488 --> 00:19:09,276
Hey, I just want
to say something.
308
00:19:09,363 --> 00:19:13,197
-Yeah?
-I am so glad we
are back together.
309
00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:17,640
Oh, yeah. About that.
I've been giving
it some thought.
310
00:19:17,727 --> 00:19:21,124
I think it would be best for me
if we stopped seeing each other.
311
00:19:21,212 --> 00:19:22,911
Wait. What are you
talking about?
312
00:19:22,998 --> 00:19:25,045
Aw, come on, Grace. I mean,
we're not in love, so
313
00:19:25,132 --> 00:19:26,962
I'm ending this.
314
00:19:27,049 --> 00:19:28,574
No, but you--
315
00:19:31,274 --> 00:19:34,062
Oh! All right. I get it.
316
00:19:34,149 --> 00:19:37,417
I see what's going
on here. OK. OK.
317
00:19:37,504 --> 00:19:40,858
Well, guess what?
I don't accept it.
318
00:19:42,644 --> 00:19:45,083
[laughs]
319
00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:48,133
Well, that's immaterial,
because I am breaking
up with you.
320
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:49,440
-No, you're not.
-Yes, I am.
321
00:19:49,527 --> 00:19:50,572
-No, you're not.
-Yes, I am.
322
00:19:50,659 --> 00:19:52,533
-No, you're not.
-Yes, I am.
323
00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:55,015
No, you're not!
324
00:19:55,102 --> 00:19:57,281
Look! I've been pushed around
enough about this.
325
00:19:57,368 --> 00:19:59,023
I know what I want,
and I want you, and
we're staying together.
326
00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:00,287
There's nothing you could say
to change my mind.
327
00:20:00,374 --> 00:20:02,116
-Grace?
-Oh, you're right.
328
00:20:04,425 --> 00:20:05,645
Grace.
329
00:20:08,432 --> 00:20:09,652
Just for the record,
I broke up with you.
330
00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:11,264
-No, you didn't.
-Yes, I did.
331
00:20:11,351 --> 00:20:12,397
-No, you didn't.
-Yes, I did.
332
00:20:12,484 --> 00:20:14,008
-No, you didn't.
-Yes, I did.
333
00:20:16,361 --> 00:20:17,972
Hey, everybody! Welcome back.
Now comes the part of the show
that I like to call,
334
00:20:18,059 --> 00:20:20,107
"And how are you all doing?"
335
00:20:21,109 --> 00:20:22,677
Let's look out into
the audience, shall we?
336
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,422
Ooh! I see somebody I know.
Mr. Will Truman.
337
00:20:25,509 --> 00:20:27,382
Want to hear a little
something about Will?
338
00:20:27,469 --> 00:20:28,819
Yeah!
339
00:20:28,906 --> 00:20:31,171
He's--
340
00:20:33,873 --> 00:20:35,179
There's a, um--
341
00:20:37,967 --> 00:20:39,186
He's a friend of mine.
342
00:20:40,886 --> 00:20:42,149
Hey, where you from?
343
00:20:42,236 --> 00:20:43,761
Montana.
344
00:20:43,848 --> 00:20:45,285
Only two things I know
come from Montana--
345
00:20:45,373 --> 00:20:47,899
Steers and queers.
Everybody, welcome.
346
00:20:57,962 --> 00:21:01,360
What is wrong with me?
It's like I can be
talked into anything.
347
00:21:01,447 --> 00:21:03,973
Ooh. Don't say that when
you're giving me a back rub.
348
00:21:04,060 --> 00:21:06,456
Yeah, you do look tight.
349
00:21:06,543 --> 00:21:08,591
Any requests?
350
00:21:08,678 --> 00:21:12,555
Just play something that'll
make me feel better.
351
00:21:12,642 --> 00:21:15,168
♪ Ben, the two of us
need look no more... ♪
352
00:21:15,255 --> 00:21:16,955
Nice.
353
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:19,874
♪ We both found what we
were looking for... ♪
354
00:21:19,961 --> 00:21:25,798
♪ With a friend to call my own.
You'll never be alone--♪
355
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,932
You know what?
I forget the rest.
28076
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