All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S03E04 - Girl Trouble 1080p WEBDL h264 AAC 2.0

And then I'll close
with something like,

"And let this be
the dawning of a new era

of good feeling between
the police department

and the gay community." And then
applause, applause, applause,

and then I guess
there'll be a Q and A.

Okay, I've got a "Q."
Why am I bored off my "A"?

I don't know, but why are
you being such a "B"?

Sweetie, it's too dry.

Why don't you do
a skit or something?

A skit?

Grace, this is a gay
sensitivity seminar. I'm not
gonna do some stupid skit

in front of a room full
of cops. What is this,
The Electric Company?

-You can call it
a dramatization.
-Ooh, I like the dramatization.

Yeah, it could be, like,
four gay guys

are in a car,
and a cop pulls them over.

Ooh, ooh. And then
he strip searches them and
takes them all... downtown.

What?!

Ok, clean up your area.
My, uh... my intern's
starting today.

Oh, no. No! Grace, you do not
want an intern. Believe me.

We had this guy at our office,
Brad, totally useless.

Always hanging around,
just being annoying.

So he said no
when you asked him out?

Oh, did I tell you
this story already?

Besides, Gillian is nothing
like that. We had such
a great phone conversation.

She's just this cool, smart,
enthusiastic design student.

She reminds me of a young me.

Why, because she has
a wide nose and brown hair?

I did not have a nose job!

I'm kidding.

[in British accent]
Darling, don't you know

when I'm engaging
in a bit of levity?

Don't do British.

-You told me you liked it.
-You seemed needy that day.

I was just trying
to make you feel good.

Anyway, I-I'm just so excited
about having her here.

I don't know what
it is about her,

but she just has this quality
I really respond to.

Oh, my God. You're Grace Adler.

-Hi. I'm Gillian.
-Hi.

Ok. Let me just get this dorky
stuff out of the way, OK?

I love you. I love your work.
I love you and your work.

Okay, now I can be
my regular hip self.

I love you. I love your work.
I love you and your work.

[in British accent] No, I
can't imagine why you like her.

I'm sorry. I don't know you,
but you should never do British.

W-what I'm trying to do
is dramatize the problems
faced by the gay community

when they're dealing
with the police. And I
worked very hard on this, Jack,

-so please, when
you pass judgment--
-I can't do this crap!

It's garbage!
Do you hear me? Garbage!

Put it in a cinch sack,
throw it on a barge. Garbage!

Capital-G Arbage!

Well, coming from trash,
I consider that
high praise indeed.

Will, there's no character,
there's no heart.

The part is unplayable,
Will! Unplayable!

All right, I'll just have
to get somebody else

to parade around in front
of 50 of New York's finest.

Look, I'm not saying
I can't make it work.

Well, I guess I can put aside
my problems with the material.

After all, if we can help
even one person be more
sensitive to gay issues--

Billie Jean King!
There are lezzies in this!

Martina Navratilova,
yes, there are.

Oh, I beg of you, Will.
Please let them be
played by men.

No one will ever
know the difference.

That's what Shakespeare did when
he had lesbos in his scripts.

Yes. Who could forget
the coven of high school
gym teachers in Macbeth.

Since when did you become
so narrow-minded?

Hey, there's not a single part
of me that is anti-lesbian.

Well, maybe one.

But trust me, this is something
I really want to do.

Who's playing the parts?

Our friends from the kite shop,
Terry and Annie.

Starsky and Butch?!

They hate me!

Really? Even after you gave them
such affectionate pet names?

[knock on door]

That's them. Be nice.

When am I not nice? Why are you
wearing a blouse? Let them in.

-Hi.
-Hey.

We didn't know
the appropriate gift

for a gay sensitivity
seminar training rehearsal.

-So we brought a cactus.
-Ah!

I believe that is
the traditional gift.

-Just don't sit on it.
-Hah!

Even as a game.

This is really good.
What is this?

You know, just some
sketches I did for
my ex-boyfriend's place.

It's really good.
Your ex is gonna love it.

Ok, but why all the mirrors?

I want him to see his chubby
cheating ass from all angles.

Why don't you take another pass
at it before you turn it in?

Okay, I will.

Hey, uh, do you mind if I just
hang around and watch
you work? I mean,

I'd love to get a sense
of what your process is.

Oh. Sure. OK.

Oh.

Hello, is Mr. Sanderson
there, please?

-You sure you don't
want to be alone?
-No, it's OK, you can listen.

Mr. Sanderson, Grace Adler. Hi.
Tell me, what's your soup today?

Manhattan or New England?
Eww.

-It was Manhattan.
-Eww.

I know.

Okay, I'm going to grab
the fabric board

for the Flebotte house.
You wanna help me with it?

Well, sure. But, I mean, you
know I'm just gonna tell you

that you're brilliant
and shouldn't change a thing.

Well, that's the help
I'm looking for.

Grace, I thought we talked
about the beret.

Patty Hearst couldn't even
pull one off, and she
had money and a gun.

Oh, my God! What's going on?
Now there are four of you!

Um, hi. Hi, I'm Gillian.
It's nice to meet you.
Are you a designer too?

What's going on?
What's happening?
Why is it talking to me?

Karen, this is...
this is Gillian.

Remember? Our intern
from Cooper Union,
first in her class?

She's gonna be here
for two weeks.

Uhh... not ringing a bell.
Could you give me a hint?

I don't need to give you a hint.
She's standing right here.

Hello?

OK. Rule number one:

Unless you're served in
a frosted glass, never come
within four feet of my lips.

[mouthing words]

-Should we be scared?
-Oh, no. Ha-ha.

But, uh, let me move
you over here in the
unlikely event she unhinges

her jaw and swallows you whole.

So, officer,
I hope you understand

we just want to be treated
the same as anybody.

-No better, no worse.
-I understand.

I've learned
a valuable lesson today.

Everyone deserves to be treated
with a little respect.

-Even mean lesbian kite sellers.
-Oh, that's...

You are this close to losing
your post-rehearsal yogurt.

That's the line,
that's what's written here.

Yeah, that's because
you wrote it. In lip liner!

At least one of us brought some.

I don't think that's funny.

Why? 'Cause Ellen DeGeneres
didn't say it?

All right! We're going!

Will, we're sorry,
but this guy is an idiot.

Smart enough to sleep with men!

Please, please,
don't go anywhere yet.

Let me talk to him, please?
I beg you.

I don't... I don't
know where to start.

Neither do I. The wide one
is giving me nothing.

You are, as of now,
the most offensive person
in this building.

And I'm including
Mr. Open Robe with his itchy
bits on the tenth floor.

-Name one thing I did wrong.
-Wha...? One thing?

Okay, let's see. You haven't
once called them by their names,

preferring instead to address
them as "mister" or "señor."

You've mooed, you've sung
the "Lumberjack Song."

And then you told some
joke about the Indigo Girls
in a Mexican restaurant

that I still don't understand.

I could try to appeal to you
as a thoughtful gay man, but...

ironically, that would
be fruitless.

Let me take a different tack.
I'm going to challenge you

as an actor.

Jean Valjean?

You're taking my art seriously?

I want you to try and
play a man who is not
offensive to lesbians.

It will be my greatest
acting challenge to date.

But I believe I can do it.

Let me try. What's my backstory?

Maybe...
maybe I'm a lesbian-loving
international financier

with a scar on the left
side of my face.

Maybe... maybe I drive a Hummer
that's always in the shop.

Maybe... maybe I dress
entirely to the left.

Maybe you've had a stroke.

Maybe I have.

I can do this. Ladies,
shall we take it from the top?

OK, but just so you know,
one more remark, and we walk.

I understand. Please forgive me
for my rudeness earlier.
But you see,

I recently got a bad Hummer.

OK, now put your sketchbook away
'cause I've got a little
surprise for you.

Today is the day we learn
about upholstered walls.

"What's that?" you say.
"Upholstered walls?

That's madness!
It can't be done!"

Oh, but it can.

Cool, cool. So hey,
when's Karen getting in?

Oh, we've learned not
to ask that question.

It just sets you up for
disappointment, especially
when she does come in.

What's her deal?
Like, where is she from?

Ahh... I think she just
appeared fully formed
under a moist stone.

I mean, She's a real trip,
isn't she?

Well, she's usually on one.

She sends me to the
coolest places, right?

I mean, like yesterday,
she sent me to Tiffany's
and Barneys.

She even sent me to
the dog groomer to get
the gray out of her poodle.

They couldn't because,
well, it's a gray poodle.

I'm sorry. She shouldn't
have you running errands.

No, no. It was great. I mean,

the moment I mentioned
her name at Barneys,

people just started
kissing my ass.

I got a glass of champagne,
a personal shopper,

and a Percocet. It was awesome!

You should see what
happens when you mention
my name at the Rug Barn.

You get a glass of cold
mint tea and a rough kiss
from a guy named Misha.

Hi, honey. Sorry I'm late.
I've been runnin'
all over town, but...

I promise you it
was work-related.

You were shopping.
How is that work-related?

Honey, I was avoiding work.
I mean, really, sometimes
I just... You're not...

Hey, Karen, so what'd you get?

Oh, I got this coat.
Oh, I'm over it.

Hey, Gillian, I wasn't going
to show you this just yet,

but my
idea for a bathroom...

Moroccan meets rubber.

"What?! Okay, now you've
gone too far, missy!"

-Honey, you want this?
-What? Oh, my God, could I?

Wow. That is so soft.

I know. It's made out
of kittens. [laughs]

-That's so fabulous.
Thank you so much.
-Mm-hm.

[phone ringing]

[both] Honey,
could you get that?

I'm so sorry my intern didn't
show up yet. I'm sure she'll
be there any second.

Anyway, I'm so glad that
you loved the cork floors.
I knew you would.

They're so versatile.
They're so durable.
Just a few things:

Don't walk on them,
no heavy furniture,

don't let sun get on them,
and as far as having kids,

I'd hold off
for at least five years.

Enjoy.

Honey, that was the best lunch
I've had in years.

-Oh, honey, me too.
-Honey, you didn't eat a thing.

Honey, I was talking
about the olives.

Gillian, nice of you
to put in an appearance.

I was just filling out
your evaluation.

What do you think I should
put down for punctuality?

I was going to put down a check,
but now I think I'm going
to have to change that

to a check-minus.

Okay, I have a good excuse.
Karen and I drank a long
lunch at the Four Seasons.

Gillian, just get...
just get to work.

Oh, honey, no. I have
an appointment at Yolanda's
for a spirulina mask.

Oh, and by the way,
that color doesn't even
look good an orange, OK?

Kisses all around!

I like her spunk.
Very professional.

Karen, I'm really not interested
in talking to you right now.

I have a lot of work to do.

-Okay.
-So could you stop talking?

Wait...

Wait... where's
my Croissan'wich?

Karen? Karen!

Honey, you told me not to--

Where is my ham and cheese
Croissan'wich?!

That thing in the bag?

Honey, I thought that was
trash. I threw it away.

-You threw it away?!
-It was starting
to crawl for the door.

Oh! Great! Great!

Why don't you just throw
everything in my life away?!

"Hi. I'm Karen Walker.
I'm throwing everything away.

I don't know what it is.
It doesn't fit into my life.
I'm throwing it away."

Honey, you want another Crois--

They only serve them
till 11:00!

This whole day is ruined.
This whole week is ruined.

Now my business is
probably going to go under,
and it's all your fault.

-What?
-And you have a pore
on your nose

you could serve dip out of.

Hey. I just wanna tell you.
I think you've been great
with Terry and Annie.

[in British accent] I do
what I do, for I am what I am.

What's with the voice?

[in affected voice[ I was
trying to find my character,

and I came up with this voice.

Well, Angela Lansbury
wants it back.

You're playing a cop.
Talk normal.

You might as well just ask me
to throw out my whole character.

Yeah, good. Throw it out.

All right, let's get started.
Everybody take your seats.

Okay, welcome to the Caribbean
sensitivity seminar.

-Uh, actually,
officer, we're, uh...
-Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.

Today we're doin' the gays.

Let's, uh, give 'em
a warm welcome.

-[clapping]
-[Will] Thank you...

[clears throat]
...very much. Uh...

We'd like to start
with a dramatization based
on an actual complaint

lodged against
the police department.

I think this will illustrate
the kind of insensitivity

that our community's
concerned about.

Before we begin,
I would ask that you refrain

from the taking
of flash photography...

as the lesbians may attack you.

-Oh, that's it!
-We're outta here!

Oh, Annie! Terry!

-Jack!
-What?

-How could you?!
-What?

You're the one who told me
to abandon my character,

the lesbian-loving
gay financier with
a Hummer in the shop.

I just asked you to abandon
that queer voice.

"Queer"?

Who you callin' queer,
you blouse-wearin' fairy?

Ooh! Oh! Oh!

This from the homo
who minces around the gym
in a Lycra onesie.

-Grace wears one.
-She's a woman, you girl!

-Don't call me a girl!
Eyebrow-plucker!
-Leg-waxer!

-Lady!
-Tramp!

-Hey! Hey!
-Come on!

-[Gillian] Hi, honey!
-Hi, honey.
Honey, sit down.

What's going on?
What's happening?
What's this all about?

I've got something
tough to tell you.

Uh, I'm fabulous, OK?

I'm an incredible dresser,
I've got buckets of money,

I'm a hoot and a half,
and I got a killer rack.
Do you get what I'm saying?

Uh, not really.

Honey, you're not me,
and you never will be.

Is it the rack?

Oh... It's a big part of it.

Now, you're never going
to be me, but you've got
a good chance to be Grace,

and that's nothing
to sneeze at, honey.

You shouldn't have thrown
it away so quickly.

But, Grace, she's
just not... us.

Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
Watch your mouth,

or I'll wash it out
with cheap vodka.

That's my little girl
you're talkin' about.

Now, Grace is
a damn good role model.
She's bright, she's successful,

she's the worst dresser
in the whole, wide world.

She's talented,
and I look up to her.

Honey, why else would I be here?

You told me it's 'cause
you hate being home with Stan
and the kids.

[chuckling]
That's a big part of it.

But there's tons of places
I could be away from them,

and I choose to be
away from them here.

Now, you came here to learn.
Let Grace teach you.

Well, I do wanna be
a designer someday.

And so does she.
It's a perfect match.

Listen, get your ass
over to Bergdorf's and buy
her an "I'm sorry" gift,

something she'd like.
But nothing red. Or orange.

Or yellow or green
or stripes or plaids
or zippers or epaulets.

Or fur or feathers or sequins
or pleats. You get the idea.

Yeah, I get the idea.

Hey, can I still
use the word "honey"?

Wha...? Aww... No.

Hi, Karen.

I just wanted...
I wanted you to know
that I heard what you said,

and I just wanted
to say thank you.

Oh. Oh, honey.

Or polka dots!

Sorry I called you
a tight-ass cyber-sissy.

Oh, that's okay.

Sorry I called you
a shallow, youth-obsessed,
prancing cabaret queen.

-You didn't call me that.
-Well, I meant to.

We really blew it.

You know, we had the perfect
opportunity to educate people,

maybe open up some minds,

and instead we behaved
like a couple of gay buffoons.

We let down
our entire community.

And the cold cuts
are gone. Nice.

Well, that was, uh,
quite a production.

Yeah. Sorry about that.

What are you talking about?
I mean, it was riveting.

I mean, the way you depicted
how words can wound people.

You know, I'm ashamed
to say it, but...

I recognized a lot of
my colleagues and myself
in what you portrayed.

That's exactly what
I imagined when I wrote it.

That's exactly what
I imagined when I acted it.

It took people of great courage
and maturity to do what you did.

Thank you very much, Officer...?

Cox. Officer Cox.

Hey, that was
a great presentation.

I really got something
out of it.

Oh, thanks.
Glad we could be of help.

Hey, let me ask you something.

I know this guy.
I think he might be a gay...

but I don't know for sure.

"A gay"? What makes you think
he might be a gay, officer?

Well, he wears shorts.
He's always working out.
He's got really defined biceps.

Tight abs. Rock-hard thighs.

-How's the ass?
-Good. Nice... and high.

Yeah... I'd say someone's gay.