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1
00:00:02,872 --> 00:00:05,359
And the guy that I'm supposed to
have a meeting with is in 2-I,
2
00:00:05,402 --> 00:00:07,453
so I say to the doorman,
"Excuse me, is there
a 2-I in this building?
3
00:00:07,496 --> 00:00:09,372
I'm looking for 2-I.
I need to find 2-I."
4
00:00:09,415 --> 00:00:13,386
He's ignoring me. I must have
said "2-I" like 15 times.
5
00:00:13,429 --> 00:00:17,181
The guy finally puts down his
newspaper, looks right at me,
6
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:18,839
and he only has one eye.
7
00:00:20,758 --> 00:00:22,721
You lie. That did not happen.
8
00:00:22,765 --> 00:00:26,560
Swear to God he only had
one functioning eye,
9
00:00:26,604 --> 00:00:30,617
and the other one was like
a mini glazed doughnut with...
10
00:00:30,660 --> 00:00:32,754
a sort of congealed...
11
00:00:32,798 --> 00:00:37,161
Paging new subject. New subject
to the white courtesy telephone!
12
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:40,128
So how's the island? Do you
just run around naked all day
13
00:00:40,171 --> 00:00:42,352
in war paint chasing things
with a pointy stick?
14
00:00:42,396 --> 00:00:43,791
Grace...
15
00:00:45,275 --> 00:00:49,811
It's the Virgin Islands.
It's not Fire Island.
16
00:00:49,855 --> 00:00:51,513
But yes.
17
00:00:51,556 --> 00:00:56,573
Sweetie? I'm still holding
the elevator. Are you coming?
18
00:00:56,617 --> 00:00:58,318
Oh, I'm-I'm talking to Will.
19
00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,151
I'll meet you there. Just
order me what you're having.
20
00:01:00,195 --> 00:01:02,157
Tofu scramble
on a bed of spinach?
21
00:01:02,201 --> 00:01:04,993
Yeah. Oh! But, um, uh,
instead of the spinach,
22
00:01:05,036 --> 00:01:07,130
I'll have
chocolate chip pancakes.
23
00:01:07,174 --> 00:01:10,882
Oh, hey, oh, oh! Oh!
And eighty-six
the tofu scramble.
24
00:01:10,926 --> 00:01:13,587
Thanks, sweetie.
You're the best.
25
00:01:13,630 --> 00:01:17,208
OK, this thing with Josh
is getting very messy.
26
00:01:17,252 --> 00:01:21,003
What's the problem?
Last time we talked, you
and Josh were clicking along.
27
00:01:21,047 --> 00:01:23,053
Yeah, but Ben and I are
clicking along, too,
28
00:01:23,096 --> 00:01:26,892
and it's getting harder
and harder to click two
guys at the same time.
29
00:01:26,935 --> 00:01:28,506
I thought this was the new you.
30
00:01:28,550 --> 00:01:32,039
I thought you were making up
for the "head gear years."
31
00:01:32,084 --> 00:01:35,399
This whole thing has just
gotten way too complicated.
32
00:01:35,442 --> 00:01:39,194
I mean, the other night in bed,
I called Josh "Ben."
33
00:01:39,237 --> 00:01:41,724
and to cover it,
I stretched it out into
34
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:46,436
bennnd over... and...
35
00:01:48,268 --> 00:01:50,013
I ended up doing something
36
00:01:50,057 --> 00:01:52,281
I really never wanna do again.
37
00:01:55,291 --> 00:01:58,084
Good thing Ben's
name isn't Pee-wee.
38
00:01:58,127 --> 00:02:01,661
Wilma! Get your ass in
the steam room ASAP.
Stan has some legal questions.
39
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:04,017
Oh, and he's wearing
the shorty robe,
40
00:02:04,060 --> 00:02:07,420
so if I were you,
I'd pick a point on the
wall and focus on it.
41
00:02:11,083 --> 00:02:15,664
[sighs] Grace, I'm sorry.
I'm wanted in yet another
nude business meeting.
42
00:02:15,708 --> 00:02:18,500
No! You do this to me
every time we talk.
43
00:02:18,544 --> 00:02:20,332
Grace, I would much
rather talk to you
44
00:02:20,375 --> 00:02:23,123
than avert my eyes
while Stan re-adjusts his...
45
00:02:23,168 --> 00:02:24,388
soft currency,
46
00:02:24,432 --> 00:02:26,090
but I gotta go!
47
00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:29,536
-Wilma, shift it!
-Honey, I'm sorry.
48
00:02:29,581 --> 00:02:32,808
Damn it! Ohh.
49
00:02:32,852 --> 00:02:34,815
Thanks. You can just
put it on my tab.
50
00:02:34,859 --> 00:02:37,607
And you know what?
Go ahead and give yourself
a big, fat tip.
51
00:02:37,651 --> 00:02:39,264
Thank you, Mr., Uh...
52
00:02:39,308 --> 00:02:43,016
Truman. Will Truman.
53
00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:45,809
That's my name... Will Truman
54
00:02:45,852 --> 00:02:47,422
Hey, Jack.
55
00:02:47,466 --> 00:02:50,084
But you can call me Jack.
56
00:02:51,043 --> 00:02:53,268
My friends call me Jack.
57
00:02:53,311 --> 00:02:55,362
You wanna be my friend?
58
00:02:58,154 --> 00:03:00,641
Thanks a lot, Grace.
Thank you very much!
59
00:03:00,685 --> 00:03:03,389
That was the man I was gonna
spend the rest of my life with.
60
00:03:03,432 --> 00:03:06,705
We were gonna get
married in Vermont and
adopt Himalayan whistle kids.
61
00:03:08,711 --> 00:03:10,325
But thanks to you,
I'll be alone until--
62
00:03:10,368 --> 00:03:12,419
Until the pizza boy delivers.
63
00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:16,214
And, boy, does he ever!
64
00:03:17,349 --> 00:03:19,573
Thanks for the remind.
65
00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:22,147
-See you later.
-Wait a minute, wait a minute.
66
00:03:22,191 --> 00:03:26,466
What's going on with you?
I haven't seen you around
the old spa lately.
67
00:03:26,509 --> 00:03:29,738
Jack, just because you
lie around there naked
doesn't make it a spa.
68
00:03:29,782 --> 00:03:31,745
It's a laundry room.
69
00:03:35,103 --> 00:03:38,158
What's with the mood
and the 'tude?
70
00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:40,556
Nothing. It's just...
71
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,479
It's-it's-it's really
not your area.
72
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:46,402
Whaddaya talk?
Everything's my area.
73
00:03:46,446 --> 00:03:50,067
Unless it's about
your lady parts,
'cause that's more Will's area.
74
00:03:50,983 --> 00:03:52,509
Come on...
75
00:03:53,993 --> 00:03:57,090
Well, have... have you ever
dated two guys at the same time?
76
00:03:57,876 --> 00:03:59,446
Forgive me.
77
00:04:01,584 --> 00:04:03,939
It's just that
I've been juggling Ben and Josh
for a couple of months now,
78
00:04:03,983 --> 00:04:05,816
and I think I need
to make a decision.
79
00:04:05,859 --> 00:04:10,221
Boy trouble?
Now you're talkin' Jackanese!
80
00:04:10,265 --> 00:04:13,667
Come on. We'll have a steak.
You'll pour your heart out.
81
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,849
And to top it off,
we'll rent a movie.
82
00:04:15,892 --> 00:04:17,463
You're into gay porn, right?
83
00:04:17,506 --> 00:04:19,470
Who isn't?
84
00:04:29,939 --> 00:04:31,510
I don't understand
what's taking so long
85
00:04:31,553 --> 00:04:33,778
to set up one lousy offshore
multinational holding company.
86
00:04:33,821 --> 00:04:36,744
My husband and I want off
this damn island already.
87
00:04:36,788 --> 00:04:38,097
It's hot, it's muggy.
88
00:04:38,141 --> 00:04:40,322
There's nature
everywhere you look.
89
00:04:40,366 --> 00:04:42,328
It's hot.
90
00:04:42,372 --> 00:04:44,684
So stop stringing
those puka shells
and get us up and running.
91
00:04:44,728 --> 00:04:47,651
You know, there are thousands
of children in the third world
92
00:04:47,694 --> 00:04:50,835
who rely on the 11 cents an hour
my husband pays them.
93
00:04:53,148 --> 00:04:55,852
Do you really want that on your
conscience? Huh? Do you?
94
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,165
Damn it, Stanley!
Not in front of the help!
95
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,050
I want this whole thing squared
away within the next week.
96
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,798
Is that understood?
Oh, and, uh...
97
00:05:05,842 --> 00:05:07,674
Get rid of those
ridiculous strappy sandals
98
00:05:07,718 --> 00:05:09,070
you've been running around in.
99
00:05:09,114 --> 00:05:11,339
You're not Jennifer Lopez,
for God's sake!
100
00:05:14,697 --> 00:05:16,487
-And another thing, I--
-Oh, shut up.
101
00:05:16,530 --> 00:05:19,453
-What?
-Shut up!
102
00:05:19,497 --> 00:05:22,463
For three months, I've been
putting up with your yelling,
103
00:05:22,507 --> 00:05:25,124
your ranting, your barking
drink orders at me--
104
00:05:25,168 --> 00:05:26,476
I'm not gonna do it
anymore!
105
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,876
I'm sick of this island.
106
00:05:28,919 --> 00:05:31,667
I'm sick of having more sand
in my ass than Libya.
107
00:05:33,412 --> 00:05:35,376
But mostly, I am sick of you.
108
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:38,865
Bu... Cl... Wha...!
109
00:05:38,909 --> 00:05:42,181
I must have been out
of my mind to take this
gig in the first place.
110
00:05:42,225 --> 00:05:45,322
Karen, I will see you back home
where I'm actually needed.
111
00:05:45,365 --> 00:05:48,027
Hey, you walk outta here,
and you can say goodbye
to makin' partner!
112
00:05:48,070 --> 00:05:50,514
Stanley, I'm sorry this
didn't work out, but...
113
00:05:50,557 --> 00:05:52,520
good luck and...
114
00:05:52,563 --> 00:05:54,919
Damn, man! Pull down that robe!
115
00:05:58,409 --> 00:06:02,946
Okay, now, remember,
let each gesture tell
a little story the way she does,
116
00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:04,865
-OK?
-I'll never be like her.
117
00:06:04,909 --> 00:06:08,355
Well, of course not.
She's one of the great
artists of all time.
118
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,232
But we're not gonna honor
her by quitting, OK?
119
00:06:10,275 --> 00:06:11,453
Now, come on, let's go again.
120
00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,895
-Okay.
-Five, six, seven, eight...
121
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:20,090
♪ Oops! I did it again
I played with your heart ♪
122
00:06:20,134 --> 00:06:24,016
♪ Got lost in the game
oh, baby, baby ♪
123
00:06:24,060 --> 00:06:26,634
Yes, that's totally it!
124
00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:28,379
Yeah! Yeah!
125
00:06:28,423 --> 00:06:30,909
I actually feel the spirit
of Britney in the room.
126
00:06:30,952 --> 00:06:35,053
And you...
are not... that... innocent.
127
00:06:37,366 --> 00:06:41,073
Oh, gosh. OK. I gotta go.
I gotta go see Ben.
128
00:06:41,117 --> 00:06:44,695
And by the way, thank
you so much for that advice.
You were so right.
129
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,134
Ben is the one for me.
130
00:06:48,970 --> 00:06:49,755
-Will!
-Hey!
131
00:06:49,799 --> 00:06:51,020
Hi!
132
00:06:51,064 --> 00:06:52,197
What are you doing here?
133
00:06:52,241 --> 00:06:54,117
I came home. I'm here.
134
00:06:54,161 --> 00:06:57,390
Where's the love? I just
flew coach! I need some love!
135
00:06:57,433 --> 00:07:01,926
Oh, my God! Look who's
back! Yay! You look
so tan and gorgeous!
136
00:07:01,969 --> 00:07:04,282
Missed you. Hey, lady!
137
00:07:06,899 --> 00:07:08,470
You're back?
138
00:07:08,514 --> 00:07:11,611
Don't worry. You can still
stay in the guest room, Kato.
139
00:07:11,654 --> 00:07:15,057
Yay! You're back! Yay!
You're so tan and gorgeous!
140
00:07:16,104 --> 00:07:18,896
Thank you.
141
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,557
-Oh, my God! You're thin!
-Huh?
142
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,865
You've had something done.
143
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:26,443
Ho! You've been
sucked and tucked!
144
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:29,234
No, seriously,
where did all your fat go?
145
00:07:29,278 --> 00:07:31,198
Oh, there it is.
146
00:07:33,902 --> 00:07:37,567
Well, listen, kids,
I'm gonna skedooch so
you two can make love.
147
00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:39,922
FYI, I missed you.
Don't make a big deal out of it.
148
00:07:39,967 --> 00:07:42,191
Just be happy a celebrity
is talking to you.
149
00:07:43,544 --> 00:07:45,158
I'll call you later, OK?
150
00:07:45,201 --> 00:07:47,688
Kiss it. Kiss it. Spank it.
151
00:07:52,879 --> 00:07:54,798
Peace out.
152
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,114
What-- What was that?
153
00:07:58,157 --> 00:08:00,950
Oh, oh, that's just a--
just a thing that we do.
154
00:08:00,993 --> 00:08:02,389
-Hi! Hi!
-Hi!
155
00:08:02,432 --> 00:08:04,090
Come, come, come! Sit!
156
00:08:04,134 --> 00:08:06,446
Tell me, tell me!
What are you doing back here?
157
00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:08,671
Oh, that island, it was awful.
158
00:08:08,715 --> 00:08:11,332
And by awful, I mean Karen.
159
00:08:11,375 --> 00:08:13,688
I just... I... And I missed you.
160
00:08:13,732 --> 00:08:16,436
I just felt like every time we
talked, I wasn't there for you.
161
00:08:16,479 --> 00:08:19,097
But I've had plenty of time
to consider your latest problem,
162
00:08:19,141 --> 00:08:20,624
and I think I have the fix.
163
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,631
What problem?
164
00:08:22,675 --> 00:08:25,466
You know, your
"torn between two lovers,
feeling like a fool" thing.
165
00:08:26,688 --> 00:08:28,128
Oh! Oh, right.
166
00:08:28,171 --> 00:08:29,741
Now, you know I love Ben,
167
00:08:29,786 --> 00:08:31,835
but I think, in this case,
you should go with Josh.
168
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,845
I mean, yes, he's a little
crunchy and groovy.
169
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,939
But he adores you, and...
170
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:39,994
-that's what counts, right?
-Huh.
171
00:08:40,037 --> 00:08:43,308
Right. So there's the verdict.
Josh is the one you
should be with.
172
00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:46,493
I am so glad you're back!
173
00:08:47,759 --> 00:08:49,809
And I hate to do this,
but I have to go.
174
00:08:49,853 --> 00:08:53,124
I've got a brunch, and
175
00:08:53,168 --> 00:08:58,359
I... I'd move it till later,
but then it would be... lunch.
176
00:08:58,403 --> 00:09:01,194
Yeah. Well... we'll talk
about it later. And, uh...
177
00:09:01,238 --> 00:09:02,503
Peace out.
178
00:09:03,594 --> 00:09:05,339
Yeah.
179
00:09:10,705 --> 00:09:12,930
I always feel nervous
at customs lines.
180
00:09:12,973 --> 00:09:16,114
Even if I haven't done anything
wrong, I still feel guilty.
I don't know why.
181
00:09:16,158 --> 00:09:19,342
Don't worry, honey.
Wayne there's my friend.
We go way back.
182
00:09:20,651 --> 00:09:23,791
Friend Wayne! Where you going?
183
00:09:23,836 --> 00:09:26,846
Uh...Wayne!
Wayne! Don't go away!
184
00:09:30,117 --> 00:09:32,560
Where'd my Waynie just go?
185
00:09:32,604 --> 00:09:34,611
Um, I shouldn't be telling
you this, but he's being fired
186
00:09:34,654 --> 00:09:36,007
for accepting bribes.
187
00:09:36,050 --> 00:09:37,447
Apparently he was letting people
188
00:09:37,490 --> 00:09:38,886
smuggle all kinds of stuff
in the country:
189
00:09:38,930 --> 00:09:41,286
Emeralds, ivory,
illegal prescription drugs.
190
00:09:41,329 --> 00:09:43,031
[nervous laughter]
191
00:09:43,074 --> 00:09:45,080
Oh, what people will do!
192
00:09:47,174 --> 00:09:51,494
Honey. Uh... say,
is this your 100?
193
00:09:51,537 --> 00:09:52,846
No.
194
00:09:54,155 --> 00:09:56,030
Must be mine.
195
00:09:56,074 --> 00:09:57,208
Why don't you go ahead of me?
196
00:09:57,252 --> 00:09:58,430
You look like you've
had a hard life.
197
00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,392
Oh, thanks!
198
00:10:00,437 --> 00:10:01,963
I've got to tell you,
199
00:10:02,007 --> 00:10:05,104
I find these toilets that flush
themselves very threatening.
200
00:10:05,148 --> 00:10:06,631
That's nice, honey.
201
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,332
Listen, I've gotta pop over
to the duty free
202
00:10:08,376 --> 00:10:09,859
and pick up a carton
of cigs for the kids.
203
00:10:09,903 --> 00:10:11,299
Would you be a peach
and carry my bag?
204
00:10:11,342 --> 00:10:12,913
-Oh, sure.
-Oh, OK, OK.
205
00:10:19,456 --> 00:10:21,986
I mean, Josh is really--
206
00:10:22,030 --> 00:10:23,950
Grace, we've been
through this already.
207
00:10:23,993 --> 00:10:26,873
I'm telling you, Ben is
the one you should be with.
208
00:10:26,916 --> 00:10:29,098
Right, right. Of course.
209
00:10:29,141 --> 00:10:32,325
Besides, there's something
about Josh...
210
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:34,899
I don't...
I can't put my finger on it.
211
00:10:34,943 --> 00:10:37,474
But Will thinks
I should dump Ben.
212
00:10:37,517 --> 00:10:39,436
Why are you even
listening to him?
213
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,795
I mean, Will's not thinking
straight. Ha-ha.
214
00:10:44,671 --> 00:10:48,990
You cannot have that
much fat sucked out
and function normally.
215
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,661
I'm telling you,
Ben is the way to go.
216
00:10:54,705 --> 00:10:58,674
You know what? I think you're
right. It feels right.
217
00:10:58,718 --> 00:11:01,336
-You are so good at this.
-Yeah.
218
00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:04,564
Who's my good boy?
Who's my good boy?!
219
00:11:04,607 --> 00:11:07,574
[hysterically laughing]
220
00:11:13,463 --> 00:11:15,819
So, what are we reading?
221
00:11:20,181 --> 00:11:22,450
Ooh, he's cute.
222
00:11:22,493 --> 00:11:25,503
"Texas to execute
another inmate."
223
00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:29,430
I do love them bad boys.
224
00:11:31,175 --> 00:11:34,708
Well, you can read it later
when I line your cage with it.
225
00:11:36,104 --> 00:11:40,336
Ooh. Barracuda. What
crawled up your culottes?
226
00:11:41,427 --> 00:11:44,044
Nothing crawled up my culottes.
227
00:11:44,087 --> 00:11:45,919
It's just that you're two inches
from my ear
228
00:11:45,963 --> 00:11:48,057
polluting my brain
with your inane ramblings
229
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:51,198
and buzzing through those chips
like some queer gopher.
230
00:11:53,423 --> 00:11:55,168
All right, I get it, I get it.
231
00:11:55,211 --> 00:11:57,087
It's the surgery.
232
00:11:57,131 --> 00:11:58,308
You know, Grace told me her mom
233
00:11:58,352 --> 00:12:00,141
was a little testy, too,
after her first...
234
00:12:00,185 --> 00:12:02,889
No, no, no. I'm not testy.
235
00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:06,118
What are you talking about?
Bobbi Adler never
had a face-lift.
236
00:12:06,161 --> 00:12:09,695
Uh, yes, she did. Grace told me.
237
00:12:09,738 --> 00:12:11,134
She told you her mom
had a face-lift?
238
00:12:11,178 --> 00:12:12,531
Yeah.
239
00:12:13,447 --> 00:12:15,497
You didn't know that?
240
00:12:15,541 --> 00:12:17,503
Of course I knew that.
241
00:12:17,548 --> 00:12:21,778
I just didn't think it was
something that she
would tell you.
242
00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:27,581
If you knew that, then why did
you just say you didn't?
243
00:12:28,933 --> 00:12:30,591
You know what? Forget it.
244
00:12:30,634 --> 00:12:33,514
Just take your crayons
and go practice
your lower-case letters.
245
00:12:36,261 --> 00:12:38,661
Hey, don't go ridin' around
on your Huffy bike
246
00:12:38,705 --> 00:12:40,886
just because Grace tells me
things she doesn't tell you.
247
00:12:40,929 --> 00:12:42,456
Grace doesn't tell you anything.
248
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,554
Ah... Sure, she does. Yeah.
249
00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:48,040
We spent a lot of time together
while you were away, mister!
250
00:12:48,084 --> 00:12:50,221
I bet you I know more
about Grace than you do.
251
00:12:50,265 --> 00:12:53,363
I am not gonna play
that game with you.
252
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:55,325
What's her middle name?
253
00:12:55,369 --> 00:12:57,682
That's easy. It's...[mumbles]
254
00:12:58,598 --> 00:12:59,644
I'm sorry. It's what?
255
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:01,608
It's J... sa...
256
00:13:03,439 --> 00:13:04,530
Did you say Julia?
257
00:13:04,574 --> 00:13:05,970
Ah, yes, I did.
258
00:13:06,013 --> 00:13:07,803
Well, it's not. It's Elizabeth.
259
00:13:09,416 --> 00:13:12,121
Because her mother loves
Elizabeth Taylor.
260
00:13:12,165 --> 00:13:14,302
Well, whoop-de-damn-doo!
261
00:13:14,346 --> 00:13:16,221
Doesn't say anything
about who she is.
262
00:13:16,265 --> 00:13:18,795
Okay. What was
her saddest childhood moment?
263
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,675
-I don't know.
-When she discovered
that hamsters can't fly.
264
00:13:24,816 --> 00:13:26,168
What was her nickname
in junior high?
265
00:13:26,212 --> 00:13:28,306
-I don't know.
-Gross Adler.
266
00:13:29,789 --> 00:13:31,665
What was her first method
of birth control?
267
00:13:31,709 --> 00:13:33,627
-I don't know.
-Prayer.
268
00:13:37,030 --> 00:13:38,557
What does she want name
her first daughter?
269
00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:39,997
Ha! That's...
270
00:13:41,044 --> 00:13:42,221
I don't know.
271
00:13:42,266 --> 00:13:44,795
Lilly! Ha-ha!
272
00:13:47,762 --> 00:13:50,641
Spelled with two L's
but still pronounced "lily."
273
00:13:50,684 --> 00:13:52,212
-Lilly.
-Yes!
274
00:13:52,255 --> 00:13:54,044
It's her great-grandmother's
name, it's her favorite flower,
275
00:13:54,087 --> 00:13:56,268
and we planted a whole box
of them outside
her bedroom window
276
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:58,842
while you were away having
three of your chins sucked out!
277
00:13:58,887 --> 00:14:00,369
But you didn't know that,
did you?!
278
00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:03,118
Ahhh! Pfft!
279
00:14:07,567 --> 00:14:09,443
This is stupid.
Get away from me!
280
00:14:09,486 --> 00:14:11,843
Aww! So sad! So pathétique.
281
00:14:13,238 --> 00:14:15,419
Poor Will just found himself
a pied-à-terre
282
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,296
on la rue du la pathétique.
283
00:14:19,739 --> 00:14:23,403
Your mother took the straps
off your bed about
20 years too early.
284
00:14:26,675 --> 00:14:28,114
How was it?
285
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:30,295
Oh, it was OK.
It was mostly business.
286
00:14:30,339 --> 00:14:33,350
Stan gave me a monkey, though.
[chuckles] Sweet little thing.
287
00:14:33,393 --> 00:14:35,443
Bit of a biter.
288
00:14:35,487 --> 00:14:37,973
Gave Rosario a nasty
little ass hickey!
289
00:14:38,017 --> 00:14:41,768
[laughing] Oh! Ooh! Oh!
290
00:14:41,812 --> 00:14:44,168
-You OK?
-Uh... yeah.
291
00:14:44,212 --> 00:14:45,477
Ever since I've been back,
292
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,788
I've been getting
these shooting pains.
293
00:14:47,833 --> 00:14:50,711
Well, have you done
anything unusual since
you've gotten home?
294
00:14:50,755 --> 00:14:52,937
Eaten? Loved? Worked?
295
00:14:53,984 --> 00:14:55,598
Well, let me see.
296
00:14:55,641 --> 00:14:57,517
We landed. We got our bags.
297
00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:01,923
Rosario took the fall
for some black pearls
I was smuggling.
298
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:05,370
I went home, greeted the kids
warmly over the intercom.
299
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,084
No. Nothing out of the ordinary.
300
00:15:11,128 --> 00:15:12,960
Rosario was arrested?
301
00:15:13,004 --> 00:15:16,711
Yeah. She's in a holding cell
in Queens! [laughing]
302
00:15:16,755 --> 00:15:19,504
Oh-oh-oh! Ooh! Ooh!
303
00:15:19,547 --> 00:15:20,986
Wait! Wait, wait.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
304
00:15:21,030 --> 00:15:24,389
Because of something you did,
Rosario was arrested?
305
00:15:24,433 --> 00:15:28,403
Oh! Honey, who gives a crap
about my maid? My tummy hurts!
306
00:15:28,447 --> 00:15:30,802
Have you noticed that,
every time I mention her name,
307
00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:31,806
you grab your stomach?
308
00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:32,896
What? Whose name?
309
00:15:32,939 --> 00:15:34,161
-Rosario.
-Ooh.
310
00:15:34,205 --> 00:15:35,077
-Rosario!
-Ooh.
311
00:15:35,122 --> 00:15:36,648
-Rosario!
-Ooh!
312
00:15:39,178 --> 00:15:41,882
Knock it off!
313
00:15:41,927 --> 00:15:44,893
What you're feeling are
pangs of guilt.
314
00:15:44,937 --> 00:15:46,638
What?!
315
00:15:46,682 --> 00:15:51,480
Guilt. Oh, boy. OK.
How am I gonna explain this one?
316
00:15:51,524 --> 00:15:55,363
Uh... guilt is
an emotion that...
317
00:15:55,406 --> 00:15:59,856
Okay. Jumping ahead.
An emotion is something that I--
318
00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:03,171
Come on!
I know what guilt is.
319
00:16:03,216 --> 00:16:05,309
It's one of those touchy-feely
words that people throw around
320
00:16:05,353 --> 00:16:06,966
that don't really
mean anything.
321
00:16:07,010 --> 00:16:09,497
You know, like "maternal"
or "addiction."
322
00:16:12,899 --> 00:16:15,212
-Rosario.
-Ooh!
323
00:16:15,256 --> 00:16:17,044
Go get her out of jail!
324
00:16:17,087 --> 00:16:18,353
I'm not going to Queens!
325
00:16:18,396 --> 00:16:20,447
There are people living
in cabs down there!
326
00:16:22,541 --> 00:16:24,460
Let her tunnel her way out!
327
00:16:25,987 --> 00:16:28,299
OK. Fine. Don't get her.
328
00:16:28,343 --> 00:16:31,397
I'm sure you'll find someone
else who'll clean
your house and
329
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:36,108
love your kids and cream
Stan's liver spots and...
330
00:16:36,151 --> 00:16:38,333
Like a puppet on a string.
331
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:43,960
Hey, what are you doing?
332
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,748
All my plants died.
333
00:16:45,793 --> 00:16:48,367
I told Jack to water them
while I was away.
334
00:16:48,410 --> 00:16:50,111
But I can see how he
might hear that as,
335
00:16:50,155 --> 00:16:52,510
"Fill up my hard drive
with Internet porn."
336
00:16:55,826 --> 00:16:57,833
What's the matter?
Why are you pouting?
337
00:16:57,876 --> 00:17:00,407
-I'm not pouting.
-Hey, I watch Ally McBeal.
338
00:17:00,450 --> 00:17:02,980
I know what pouting looks like.
339
00:17:03,024 --> 00:17:04,944
You're pouting.
340
00:17:04,987 --> 00:17:07,779
I heard you and Jack
in your apartment last night.
341
00:17:07,822 --> 00:17:09,567
What?
342
00:17:11,356 --> 00:17:14,366
Ohh.
343
00:17:14,410 --> 00:17:17,027
So now you're worried
that Jack's my new you?
344
00:17:17,071 --> 00:17:18,991
Ha! I don't...
345
00:17:19,034 --> 00:17:20,474
Maybe...
346
00:17:22,305 --> 00:17:25,708
Oh, my God.
Could you be any cuter?
347
00:17:25,752 --> 00:17:27,453
-Grace!
-Oh, I'm sorry.
348
00:17:27,498 --> 00:17:29,722
I just love not being
the insecure wreck for once.
349
00:17:29,766 --> 00:17:31,641
My feelings aren't cute, okay?
350
00:17:31,685 --> 00:17:34,303
I'm not the youngest brother
on Eight Is Enough.
351
00:17:35,829 --> 00:17:37,443
How can you like Jack
better than me?
352
00:17:37,487 --> 00:17:41,020
[laughs] Are kidding me
with this?
353
00:17:41,064 --> 00:17:43,813
We've been best friends
for 15 years.
354
00:17:43,856 --> 00:17:47,128
Do you really need me
to tell you how much
you mean to me?
355
00:17:47,172 --> 00:17:49,659
I do it for you
like every five minutes.
356
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,144
-No, you don't!
-Grace, I have to talk
you off a ledge
357
00:17:52,189 --> 00:17:55,416
every time the Starbucks
lady gives me extra foam!
358
00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:58,689
Well, clearly there's
something going on there.
359
00:17:58,732 --> 00:18:00,520
I mean, the two of you
have your own language.
360
00:18:00,564 --> 00:18:04,097
Grace, it's called a macchiato.
361
00:18:06,672 --> 00:18:08,111
All right. What do you
want me to say?
362
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,162
I don't know!
How about something like...
363
00:18:10,205 --> 00:18:13,302
Like you need me more
than anybody else...
364
00:18:13,346 --> 00:18:15,702
There's no one that
could ever take my place...
365
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:17,708
And then that, you know,
366
00:18:17,753 --> 00:18:20,631
you promise, when your
last breath escapes you
in this earthly life,
367
00:18:20,675 --> 00:18:22,725
it will whisper my name.
368
00:18:25,212 --> 00:18:27,044
"Will."
369
00:18:27,087 --> 00:18:30,927
But, you know,
in your own words.
370
00:18:30,971 --> 00:18:32,672
What does this say to you?
371
00:18:32,716 --> 00:18:35,376
That you're out of Skin So Soft?
372
00:18:36,685 --> 00:18:39,302
The scar, Will. Remember?
373
00:18:39,346 --> 00:18:41,571
Oh, right. That's from when
your sister was sleepwalking
374
00:18:41,615 --> 00:18:43,577
and thought you were a salami.
375
00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:47,460
-That's on my thigh.
-Right.
376
00:18:47,503 --> 00:18:51,823
No. This scar is
from junior year
when Scott Kelly dumped you.
377
00:18:51,867 --> 00:18:55,443
Remember? I jumped on my moped,
ran over to your dorm,
378
00:18:55,487 --> 00:18:59,152
hit a patch of ice,
and flew into that stupid
men's singing group.
379
00:18:59,195 --> 00:19:01,595
Right. The A Cappellicans.
380
00:19:04,081 --> 00:19:05,521
God, they sucked.
381
00:19:06,917 --> 00:19:10,712
The point is... my love for you
is like this scar.
382
00:19:11,671 --> 00:19:14,594
Ugly but permanent.
383
00:19:17,910 --> 00:19:20,135
So as long as this
is on my elbow,
384
00:19:20,178 --> 00:19:21,749
you've got nothing
to worry about.
385
00:19:22,971 --> 00:19:26,286
Okay. Thank you. Mwah.
386
00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:27,856
-And you know what else?
-What?
387
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,907
Ow! What?! What'd
you do that for?!
388
00:19:29,950 --> 00:19:32,654
Don't you ever leave for
three months without telling me.
389
00:19:33,745 --> 00:19:35,316
Sorry.
390
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:38,544
Can I say one last
thing about Josh?
391
00:19:38,587 --> 00:19:40,158
I think you should reconsider.
392
00:19:40,202 --> 00:19:43,561
I know he's not as exciting
as Ben, but the man loves you.
393
00:19:43,604 --> 00:19:45,961
Grace, I have to tell you
something right away.
394
00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:48,840
Hold on. We're talking.
I mean, Josh is kind,
he's compassionate,
395
00:19:48,883 --> 00:19:50,192
all the things you've ever
said were important to you.
396
00:19:50,236 --> 00:19:51,588
No, no, no. You should
break it off with Josh.
397
00:19:51,631 --> 00:19:53,420
Jack, you know,
Will has a point,
398
00:19:53,463 --> 00:19:56,386
so maybe I should just think
about Josh a little more.
399
00:19:56,430 --> 00:19:58,044
He doesn't. You don't. Dump him.
400
00:19:58,088 --> 00:20:00,182
Jack, just because I say
one thing doesn't mean you
401
00:20:00,225 --> 00:20:01,970
automatically have to
take the contrary position.
402
00:20:02,014 --> 00:20:04,064
This is about what's best
for Grace, and I think--
403
00:20:04,108 --> 00:20:07,162
-I screwed around with Josh.
-You should probably
go with Ben.
404
00:20:08,994 --> 00:20:10,565
What?
405
00:20:10,608 --> 00:20:12,571
Yeah, well. remember how I said
there was something about Josh
406
00:20:12,614 --> 00:20:14,142
I couldn't put my finger on?
407
00:20:14,185 --> 00:20:15,494
Well...
408
00:20:19,944 --> 00:20:22,430
I... put my finger on it.
409
00:20:24,655 --> 00:20:26,138
Sorry.
410
00:20:28,232 --> 00:20:30,500
-Oof.
-[gasps]
411
00:20:34,252 --> 00:20:36,346
We had a saying on the island.
412
00:20:37,873 --> 00:20:39,487
Maka maka lana...
413
00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:42,453
lana makalui.
414
00:20:43,763 --> 00:20:44,983
What does that mean?
415
00:20:45,027 --> 00:20:46,292
I don't know.
I just can't believe
416
00:20:46,337 --> 00:20:48,822
you ended up
with another gay guy!
417
00:20:53,622 --> 00:20:55,933
Oh, honey, what an ordeal.
418
00:20:55,977 --> 00:20:57,765
You should be down on
your knees giving thanks
419
00:20:57,809 --> 00:20:59,336
to Saint Hootchy-Kootchy
420
00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:02,303
or whatever coconut shell
your people pray to
421
00:21:02,346 --> 00:21:04,397
that you didn't have
to go through that! Wow.
422
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,192
And while you were busy
yapping it up
423
00:21:08,236 --> 00:21:09,806
with the she-man
of cell block H,
424
00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:13,209
I was doing double-time
at the manse.
425
00:21:13,253 --> 00:21:16,000
You know, I actually had to read
to the kids last night?
426
00:21:16,044 --> 00:21:17,309
I didn't know what
in hell to do,
427
00:21:17,353 --> 00:21:20,101
so I read 'em the warning
label on my Dalmane!
428
00:21:22,675 --> 00:21:25,380
Oh, God... Oh, but listen
to me goin' on like this.
429
00:21:25,423 --> 00:21:27,997
It's terrible! I haven't
even given you a chance
430
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,225
to thank me
for springing you outta Oz!
431
00:21:31,269 --> 00:21:32,228
Oh, honey, watch it!
432
00:21:32,272 --> 00:21:33,320
My drink! My drink! My drink!
433
00:21:33,363 --> 00:21:34,672
Honey, honey...
33475
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