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It seems so real, I can feel it.
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And it seems so real, I can taste
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it.
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And it seems so real, I can hear
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it.
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So why can't I trust it?
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So why can't I trust it?
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His name was Pondo.
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Pondo Sinatra.
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You know he came to the college on
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the back of a turnip truck?
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That's the truth.
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The problem was, he had only one thing
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on his mind.
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He had a heart on him.
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I was a janitor at that college for
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23 years, and I never seen a boy
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try harder than he did to get himself
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a woman.
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But he was jinxed.
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Even for a white boy, he was awful.
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Old Pondo had an almost supernatural ability to
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get on the wrong side of a woman.
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Who would have ever thought it would turn
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out the way it did?
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Strangely enough, I was his best friend through
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the whole ordeal.
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I remember the first time I saw him
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driving up in the back of that turnip
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truck.
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I thought to myself, now there's a geek.
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But basically, he was just a very nice
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guy.
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He just had a one-track mind.
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He was obsessed.
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I went out with Pondo once, and one
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time only.
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Never again.
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I'd heard about him, and everything I heard
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about him was true.
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And now he's famous.
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I don't believe it.
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There was something about him.
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I think he made me want to throw
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up.
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He was what you call in America a
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nerd.
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All this talk is like Pondo was turned
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into this big myth or something.
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He was just an ordinary guy.
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He was very horny, yes, but he was
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an ordinary guy.
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I heard he was raised on a pig
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farm.
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I believe it.
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He wasn't that bad.
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I was the first one.
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It all started with me.
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I think I'm the one that should be
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famous, not him, creep.
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I tried to introduce him to campus life.
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There were some amazing-looking girls at this
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school.
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I tried to teach him about sports.
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I tried to teach him to walk like
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a step.
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It was hopeless.
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I mean, everyone agreed.
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Pondo Sinatra was going to die a virgin.
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I never dreamed that it would turn out
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the way it did.
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Women hate me.
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It's ridiculous.
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I'd sell my soul for a piece of
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ass.
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Don't say that.
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It's true.
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I know it might be true, but don't
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say it out loud.
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I'd sell my soul for a piece of
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ass!
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I'm sorry.
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I'm not that kind of a girl.
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Yes, you are.
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Pondo, stop it.
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Why?
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I don't know you well enough.
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Please.
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No.
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I'm a virgin.
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Get used to it.
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Please, I gotta know what it's like.
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I'm going blind.
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Pondo, don't beg.
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Why not?
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Drive me home.
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Bend over and I'll drive you home.
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That's disgusting.
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Don't go.
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I'm sorry.
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Please.
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Pondo Sinatra, everything I've heard about you is
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true.
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You're an animal, and you're disgusting, and you're
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gross.
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Can I call you tomorrow?
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Seduction is an art.
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You make love, you create art.
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You, Pondo, you wage war, you understand?
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Buddy, it is a war.
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It's hell.
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Old Pondo was 26 years old when he
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started to college.
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Now, you've heard of a second-year senior.
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Well, old Pondo, he was a fifth-year
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senior.
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They finally held an election and booted the
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boy out.
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Hey!
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You have to learn to set...
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set the mood.
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The mood.
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Romance.
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Romance.
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War.
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War.
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Charmer.
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Charmer.
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Atmosphere.
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Pondo, set the stage.
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Oh, it's lovely, Eric.
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Oh, it's lovely, Eric.
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Here we go!
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Welcome to the ladybug!
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OK, Natasha, here it is.
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This is so lovely!
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Look at the berries and the sky.
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Oh, Pando!
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This is beautiful.
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It is round there like snow!
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Oh, Pando, this is so romantic.
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Just set in the stage.
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The stage?
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I love the theatre.
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Oh, indeed.
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Your blocks, your stones, your worst and senseless
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things, your creaks where dead man's fingers grow.
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Brilliant, bravo!
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Fantastic.
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Fantastic.
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One, two, three.
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Thank you.
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Of course you know I'm theatre major, yes?
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I am a thespian.
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You're a lesbian?
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No!
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I am an actress.
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Oh, fun.
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I like to show off.
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You see?
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Yeah.
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Curtain.
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We got a live one, Pando.
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Big blue.
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Oh, God, I love nature.
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I love the sun and its hydrogen licking
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my burning skin.
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I love grass growing up out of the
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ground.
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Protoplasm come to get me.
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I love the wind whirling.
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What's that?
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Um, a hearing aid.
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Oh.
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I talk louder.
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That's OK.
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That's fine.
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It's fine.
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Don't panic.
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Give her the champagne.
190
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Do you want some champagne?
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I can do without the champagne.
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Just give me the pen.
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Don't whine.
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Don't whine.
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Oh, it's fun, yes?
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Are you a poet?
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Are you a wit?
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I'm a nitwit.
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I'm a nitwit.
200
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I'm a halfwit.
201
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I'm a halfwit.
202
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I'm a moron.
203
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I'm a moron.
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Really?
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Goddamn you, Stanley.
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Will you just trust me on this, OK?
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Before you...
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Before you...
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I am wordless and brainless.
210
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I am wordless and brainless.
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Struck dumb.
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Struck dumb.
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And left mindless.
214
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And left mindless.
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Before the ferocious intelligence of your beauty.
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Before the ferocious intelligence of your beauty.
217
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You silver-tongued little devil.
218
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No devil.
219
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No devil.
220
00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:54,070
You are certainly no saint.
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I am a pilgrim.
222
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I am a pilgrim.
223
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Come to worship.
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00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:02,570
Come to worship.
225
00:12:03,410 --> 00:12:05,610
Worship what, pilgrim?
226
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,610
My headphones are out!
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That's OK.
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I can hear you.
229
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:20,710
Worship what, pilgrim?
230
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Uh, no.
231
00:12:21,350 --> 00:12:22,170
Worship what?
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Tell me and I'm yours.
233
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:25,570
You tell me.
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Make up something.
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Uh, the holy spot.
236
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No!
237
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The fertile delta.
238
00:12:32,230 --> 00:12:32,770
No!
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The bearded clam.
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Fondo!
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00:12:35,690 --> 00:12:37,070
I thought you were a boy.
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I am.
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I am.
244
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,470
Well, then make love to me in verse.
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Go.
246
00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:42,950
Do it.
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Do it.
248
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:46,190
But I'm leaving.
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Roses are red.
250
00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:50,470
Violets are blue.
251
00:12:51,130 --> 00:12:52,150
You got big tits.
252
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I want to suck on them, too.
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I'm leaving.
254
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Wait!
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00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:56,210
Natasha!
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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
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I can get down.
258
00:13:02,650 --> 00:13:03,850
Oh, yeah.
259
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I'm a party animal.
260
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I can get down.
261
00:13:06,850 --> 00:13:09,250
How do you expect me to party with
262
00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:10,270
no tools?
263
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Basically, it was a free, super-mighty majesty
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kept to my mouth.
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I kept getting put down.
266
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Never knew.
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No, no, no, no.
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I never knew.
269
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Now, what am I?
270
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All I do is get down.
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I'm a party animal, I'm a party animal.
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I'm a party animal, you suck, so I
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go out.
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I never do.
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Solution, love is a dream.
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Ponder, you have got to learn to knock.
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You got enough knockers in here.
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What you want?
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I'm going to kill myself.
280
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I don't, I don't give up.
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All right, all right, I'll help you.
282
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You will?
283
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Sure.
284
00:14:33,260 --> 00:14:35,100
You ever seen the school nurse?
285
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:36,480
She's beautiful.
286
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She's yours.
287
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:39,360
What?
288
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:40,340
What are you asking?
289
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,720
What do I say to her?
290
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,520
You get her to examine you.
291
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What do I say?
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00:14:45,620 --> 00:14:47,000
Tell her you got a problem with your
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pecker.
294
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,660
I got a problem with my pecker.
295
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:51,660
Your what?
296
00:14:52,540 --> 00:14:53,300
My hooter.
297
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,580
How long have you had it?
298
00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:01,260
Well, I had my hooter all my life.
299
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,400
What's the problem with your member?
300
00:15:06,540 --> 00:15:07,320
My what?
301
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,040
Your member.
302
00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:11,540
Well, I never thought of him as a
303
00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:11,800
member.
304
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,180
I kind of always thought of him as
305
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:14,820
a loner.
306
00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:17,480
Take off your pants.
307
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:20,900
Underwear, too?
308
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,780
I'll take off mine if you take off
309
00:15:28,780 --> 00:15:29,280
yours.
310
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:30,980
Get up on the table.
311
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:35,880
No, no, no.
312
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:36,040
Hey!
313
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:36,580
Ow!
314
00:15:43,070 --> 00:15:45,370
She came at you with a face like
315
00:15:45,370 --> 00:15:46,110
a flower.
316
00:15:46,450 --> 00:15:49,590
Her miniskirt, short boots, and whiskey sour.
317
00:15:49,750 --> 00:15:51,290
Don't know why they want to grow up
318
00:15:51,290 --> 00:15:53,190
so fast and lose precious hours.
319
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:54,730
She's just a girl.
320
00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:55,970
Just a girl.
321
00:15:56,670 --> 00:15:58,990
You make them up and set them up
322
00:15:58,990 --> 00:16:00,410
and give them some lines.
323
00:16:00,790 --> 00:16:03,610
That 14-year-old's acting like she's 29.
324
00:16:04,010 --> 00:16:06,710
She thinks she's got it made, but loses
325
00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:07,490
every time.
326
00:16:07,710 --> 00:16:09,210
She's just a girl.
327
00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:10,330
Just a girl.
328
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:12,930
She's just a girl.
329
00:16:13,810 --> 00:16:16,110
And you welcome her with open arms.
330
00:16:16,370 --> 00:16:18,150
You could be her father.
331
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:19,810
She's just a girl.
332
00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:20,610
Just a girl.
333
00:16:20,810 --> 00:16:23,430
Say that she wants, and I'll give it
334
00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:23,890
to her.
335
00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:24,850
Don't you see?
336
00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:26,610
She's just a girl.
337
00:16:26,630 --> 00:16:27,430
Just a girl.
338
00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:28,390
She's just a girl.
339
00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:30,150
She's only a girl.
340
00:16:30,450 --> 00:16:30,930
Oh.
341
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:33,410
She's just a girl.
342
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,050
Just a girl.
343
00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:35,230
She's just a girl.
344
00:16:35,350 --> 00:16:37,010
She's only a girl.
345
00:16:37,470 --> 00:16:38,530
Don't you see?
346
00:16:39,190 --> 00:16:40,230
She's just a girl.
347
00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:41,150
Just a girl.
348
00:16:42,470 --> 00:16:43,610
She's just a girl.
349
00:16:43,690 --> 00:16:44,430
Just a girl.
350
00:16:45,810 --> 00:16:46,950
She's just a girl.
351
00:16:47,030 --> 00:16:47,770
Just a girl.
352
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:50,350
She's just a girl.
353
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:51,250
Just a girl.
354
00:16:54,210 --> 00:16:56,230
Pondo, you've got to quit giving up.
355
00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:59,490
You just need some training.
356
00:17:00,090 --> 00:17:00,510
Training?
357
00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:02,130
What do you mean, training?
358
00:17:02,530 --> 00:17:04,190
You need to know what to do.
359
00:17:05,069 --> 00:17:06,329
I don't know what to do.
360
00:17:06,450 --> 00:17:07,970
But you don't know how to do it.
361
00:17:08,430 --> 00:17:09,589
You need a teacher.
362
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,950
You said you were my teacher.
363
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:12,630
What?
364
00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:16,470
You said you were my teacher.
365
00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:19,329
I want to take you to see my
366
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:20,810
teacher, Elba.
367
00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:21,970
Oh?
368
00:17:22,710 --> 00:17:23,230
Elba.
369
00:17:26,050 --> 00:17:26,569
Okay.
370
00:17:31,030 --> 00:17:32,350
Oh, shit, Studley.
371
00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:32,870
I'm sorry.
372
00:17:33,790 --> 00:17:35,110
Hey, it's all right, man.
373
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:48,860
So you come to old Elba for some
374
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:49,540
advice, huh?
375
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:50,860
Yes, sir.
376
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,300
You ain't getting no pussy, is you?
377
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:58,340
No, sir.
378
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,560
Why do you think we call pussy pussy?
379
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:06,620
Well, I don't know, sir.
380
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,140
Because it's furry?
381
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:09,480
No.
382
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,460
Because it's warm?
383
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:13,560
Uh-uh.
384
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,960
Because it scratches when it gets angry?
385
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:18,540
No.
386
00:18:18,540 --> 00:18:20,020
Well, what then?
387
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,260
No, it don't purr.
388
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,380
And it don't meow.
389
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:30,120
Then why do we call it pussy?
390
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:34,140
I don't know, sir.
391
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,780
Because that old hound dog want to eat
392
00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:37,080
it up.
393
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,060
You've got to be the hound dog.
394
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,320
You've got to let that pussy know you
395
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,240
the hound dog.
396
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:45,120
Put it in your mind.
397
00:18:46,020 --> 00:18:47,040
Be it in your body.
398
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:51,260
Hound dog's gonna eat that pussy!
399
00:18:52,020 --> 00:18:53,100
Hear you say that, boy.
400
00:18:54,060 --> 00:18:57,840
Hound dog is gonna eat that pussy.
401
00:18:57,900 --> 00:18:58,580
No, no, no.
402
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,940
Hound dog's gonna eat that pussy.
403
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:06,260
Hound dog is going to eat that pussy.
404
00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:07,860
Hound dog!
405
00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:09,410
Hound dog.
406
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:10,360
One more time.
407
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:15,460
Hound dog's gonna eat that pussy!
408
00:19:15,460 --> 00:19:19,500
Hound Dog is gonna eat that pussy!
409
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:29,360
♪ ♪ I can't live without you, you
410
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:39,990
know ♪
411
00:19:39,990 --> 00:19:43,590
I can't live without you, me oh, me
412
00:19:43,590 --> 00:19:46,970
oh ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ Hound Dog
413
00:19:46,970 --> 00:19:50,990
is gonna eat that pussy ♪ Hound Dog
414
00:19:50,990 --> 00:20:01,090
is gonna eat that pussy ♪ Yeah, what's
415
00:20:01,090 --> 00:20:01,990
going on, nigger?
416
00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:07,200
Get down.
417
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,920
All right.
418
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,200
Hey, brothers.
419
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,520
We'll be the deans tonight.
420
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,220
Don't wanna go home on three legs.
421
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,060
Hey, now that's what I'm talking about.
422
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,320
Hey, you ain't a man till you made
423
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:24,940
it with a ten.
424
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,220
Hey, Barry, what's rackin'?
425
00:20:28,820 --> 00:20:31,060
Hey, excuse me, sucker.
426
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,120
Hound Dog's not running with the pack tonight.
427
00:20:36,540 --> 00:20:37,500
Evening, darling.
428
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:41,120
Hound Dog's come to make love.
429
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:42,460
Hey, brothers.
430
00:20:43,780 --> 00:20:44,380
Listen.
431
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,400
Take note and look.
432
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,380
Cause the Hound Dog, he done written the
433
00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:49,640
book.
434
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,300
I'm a man.
435
00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:53,140
I'm a brother.
436
00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:55,320
I'm a soul brother.
437
00:20:55,780 --> 00:20:57,540
I'm a...
438
00:21:02,370 --> 00:21:03,030
honky.
439
00:21:12,250 --> 00:21:19,570
♪
440
00:21:21,610 --> 00:21:30,970
♪
441
00:21:33,750 --> 00:22:03,730
♪
442
00:22:03,730 --> 00:22:19,730
♪ ♪
443
00:22:19,730 --> 00:22:20,610
Hi, girls.
444
00:22:21,410 --> 00:22:22,810
My name's Lulabelle.
445
00:22:23,610 --> 00:22:24,650
Would you like to play some cards?
446
00:22:25,230 --> 00:22:26,690
What kind of cards do you want to
447
00:22:26,690 --> 00:22:27,010
play?
448
00:22:27,510 --> 00:22:28,130
Strip poker?
449
00:22:29,710 --> 00:22:30,190
Fine.
450
00:22:30,190 --> 00:22:33,150
All right, now, does everybody understand how to
451
00:22:33,150 --> 00:22:33,350
play?
452
00:22:33,530 --> 00:22:34,530
I don't understand.
453
00:22:35,330 --> 00:22:37,610
You mean, if I lose, I lose my
454
00:22:37,610 --> 00:22:38,050
clothes?
455
00:22:38,590 --> 00:22:39,150
Absolutely.
456
00:22:39,730 --> 00:22:41,070
Littlest card loses.
457
00:22:41,630 --> 00:22:42,490
Oh, so.
458
00:22:42,990 --> 00:22:44,990
If I lose, I lose big, no?
459
00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:46,350
Take one.
460
00:22:46,570 --> 00:22:46,750
Let's see.
461
00:22:46,850 --> 00:22:48,170
There you go.
462
00:22:48,410 --> 00:22:49,530
One for you.
463
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:52,530
Okay, show your cards.
464
00:22:52,930 --> 00:22:53,230
Seven.
465
00:22:53,990 --> 00:22:54,550
Nine.
466
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:55,090
Nine?
467
00:22:55,390 --> 00:22:57,290
What did you get?
468
00:22:58,010 --> 00:22:59,230
I got a two.
469
00:22:59,230 --> 00:23:00,250
Oh!
470
00:23:01,590 --> 00:23:03,930
Well, you got to play by the rules.
471
00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:04,690
Off it comes.
472
00:23:04,890 --> 00:23:05,650
I'm embarrassed.
473
00:23:06,270 --> 00:23:08,270
Don't be, just dance.
474
00:23:08,270 --> 00:23:09,030
Come on.
475
00:23:09,730 --> 00:23:10,590
Show the boobie.
476
00:23:10,930 --> 00:23:12,950
Take off your goddamn shirt.
477
00:23:14,250 --> 00:23:15,130
Hey!
478
00:23:15,550 --> 00:23:16,370
Ta-da!
479
00:23:18,490 --> 00:23:19,230
Wow!
480
00:23:21,870 --> 00:23:22,750
Beautiful!
481
00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:24,370
A little more.
482
00:23:24,930 --> 00:23:25,650
Sorry, everybody.
483
00:23:28,690 --> 00:23:29,910
I win.
484
00:23:30,270 --> 00:23:30,710
Bye.
485
00:23:32,610 --> 00:23:33,570
I lose.
486
00:23:34,330 --> 00:23:35,250
Take your shirt off.
487
00:23:39,330 --> 00:23:41,390
Oh, I lose one.
488
00:23:41,390 --> 00:23:42,330
Now walk.
489
00:23:45,910 --> 00:23:48,690
Easy card, easy card.
490
00:23:50,790 --> 00:23:52,610
Quickly, quickly.
491
00:23:55,110 --> 00:23:56,350
Two.
492
00:23:59,130 --> 00:23:59,950
Okay, baby.
493
00:24:04,790 --> 00:24:05,410
Oh!
494
00:24:06,290 --> 00:24:07,290
Oh!
495
00:24:12,190 --> 00:24:13,370
Hello, Abel.
496
00:24:13,630 --> 00:24:15,110
How come you always win?
497
00:24:15,930 --> 00:24:16,670
Shut up.
498
00:24:17,170 --> 00:24:18,150
All right, go ahead.
499
00:24:27,490 --> 00:24:41,850
Eyes are
500
00:24:41,850 --> 00:24:46,970
open wide As he cried Even the boys
501
00:24:46,970 --> 00:24:51,890
they stopped and cried He could tell Skin,
502
00:24:52,110 --> 00:24:57,330
watch and uniform To this day How many
503
00:24:57,330 --> 00:25:01,650
times to die a door Who can say
504
00:25:01,650 --> 00:25:07,430
No peace through chemistry When a warrior cries
505
00:25:07,430 --> 00:25:12,850
This sorrow's sad reply What's that?
506
00:25:13,610 --> 00:25:15,590
She's a little lady, perhaps.
507
00:25:16,690 --> 00:25:18,410
That's no lady.
508
00:25:19,630 --> 00:25:21,290
Women hate me.
509
00:25:22,050 --> 00:25:22,910
It's because I'm ugly.
510
00:25:23,830 --> 00:25:24,470
You're not ugly.
511
00:25:25,050 --> 00:25:26,030
I'm short.
512
00:25:26,610 --> 00:25:27,670
Napoleon was short.
513
00:25:28,190 --> 00:25:29,190
Did he ever get laid?
514
00:25:29,670 --> 00:25:30,930
All the time.
515
00:25:31,270 --> 00:25:32,070
I'm from Alabama!
516
00:25:33,030 --> 00:25:35,610
I'm sure that southern people get laid.
517
00:25:37,450 --> 00:25:39,450
Studley, we lost the war.
518
00:25:41,590 --> 00:25:43,610
Yeah, I know, but, I mean, that was
519
00:25:43,610 --> 00:25:44,330
years ago.
520
00:25:45,390 --> 00:25:48,790
A defeat like that Kills all the romance
521
00:25:48,790 --> 00:25:49,710
in a woman's heart.
522
00:25:50,430 --> 00:25:52,410
I really find that hard to believe.
523
00:25:53,690 --> 00:25:55,310
I'd sell my soul for a piece of
524
00:25:55,310 --> 00:25:55,690
ass.
525
00:25:56,430 --> 00:25:57,430
Don't say that.
526
00:25:58,490 --> 00:25:59,230
It's true.
527
00:25:59,670 --> 00:26:01,090
I know it might be true, but don't
528
00:26:01,090 --> 00:26:01,790
say it out loud.
529
00:26:01,970 --> 00:26:03,990
I'd sell my soul for a piece of
530
00:26:03,990 --> 00:26:04,410
ass!
531
00:26:04,830 --> 00:26:10,210
I think you need some new clothes.
532
00:26:10,630 --> 00:26:11,770
Clothes make the man.
533
00:26:11,770 --> 00:26:14,650
Now, I want you to go to Willinger's.
534
00:26:15,090 --> 00:26:15,730
You got that?
535
00:26:16,050 --> 00:26:16,530
Willinger's.
536
00:26:16,730 --> 00:26:17,690
It's a clothing store.
537
00:26:18,230 --> 00:26:19,810
You tell them to give you the works.
538
00:26:20,710 --> 00:26:21,190
Willinger's.
539
00:26:34,950 --> 00:26:36,490
Studley said to give me the works.
540
00:26:41,550 --> 00:26:42,030
Help!
541
00:26:45,650 --> 00:26:46,610
Goddamn fuckwackers!
542
00:26:46,610 --> 00:26:48,470
Damn you, Studley!
543
00:26:53,990 --> 00:27:18,730
Hi, Studley.
544
00:27:21,310 --> 00:27:23,250
Oh, no, no!
545
00:27:37,130 --> 00:27:37,770
Ah!
546
00:28:03,750 --> 00:28:07,070
I am not an animal.
547
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:13,880
Bullshit!
548
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:14,680
That's an animal!
549
00:28:16,060 --> 00:28:16,700
Whoa!
550
00:28:21,540 --> 00:28:23,380
Hondo, don't worry about it, because I got
551
00:28:23,380 --> 00:28:24,160
it all figured out.
552
00:28:25,180 --> 00:28:29,040
This is absolutely guaranteed to get you laid.
553
00:28:29,980 --> 00:28:31,700
I have never seen this fail.
554
00:28:33,020 --> 00:28:33,420
Fine.
555
00:28:45,790 --> 00:29:00,130
Whistle One
556
00:29:00,130 --> 00:29:08,730
blowjob, $22.50. One handjob, $11.50. One
557
00:29:08,730 --> 00:29:14,630
hemorrhoid massage, $12.95. Hi, girls.
558
00:29:16,010 --> 00:29:16,410
Pop it.
559
00:29:16,890 --> 00:29:17,270
Come on.
560
00:29:18,170 --> 00:29:19,090
No, don't go away.
561
00:29:19,570 --> 00:29:20,090
Come on.
562
00:29:20,210 --> 00:29:21,130
Don't be embarrassed.
563
00:29:22,230 --> 00:29:22,910
Attaboy.
564
00:29:28,110 --> 00:29:29,210
Hi, girls.
565
00:29:29,850 --> 00:29:30,990
What the hell?
566
00:29:31,630 --> 00:29:32,670
Oh, no.
567
00:29:33,110 --> 00:29:35,910
At least only a cockroach would love it.
568
00:29:36,610 --> 00:29:37,390
I got money.
569
00:29:38,730 --> 00:29:40,910
How you dare to fuck my father?
570
00:29:41,190 --> 00:29:42,270
Okay, wait for me!
571
00:29:44,630 --> 00:29:45,310
Studley?
572
00:29:46,330 --> 00:29:46,830
Studley?
573
00:29:49,430 --> 00:29:50,110
Damn.
574
00:29:51,070 --> 00:29:53,110
All dressed up and no place to go.
575
00:29:54,590 --> 00:30:20,410
And it's
576
00:30:20,410 --> 00:30:20,870
fine.
577
00:30:21,170 --> 00:30:24,070
Now I'm always here for having a good
578
00:30:24,070 --> 00:30:24,490
time.
579
00:30:24,830 --> 00:30:28,050
Never wondering why I didn't fly.
580
00:30:28,430 --> 00:30:30,250
Now I'm on the right side of the
581
00:30:30,250 --> 00:30:30,750
stage.
582
00:30:33,430 --> 00:30:36,790
I've been waiting so long for something like
583
00:30:36,790 --> 00:30:37,150
this.
584
00:30:37,950 --> 00:30:39,830
Elbow, you gotta help me with Piner.
585
00:30:40,830 --> 00:30:41,670
Can't do it.
586
00:30:41,810 --> 00:30:42,690
Talk to him.
587
00:30:43,230 --> 00:30:44,150
I talked to him.
588
00:30:44,250 --> 00:30:44,930
It didn't help.
589
00:30:45,290 --> 00:30:46,610
He keeps trying to kill himself.
590
00:30:46,610 --> 00:30:49,150
That's because he can't get no tail, Studley.
591
00:30:49,770 --> 00:30:50,750
But I tell you something.
592
00:30:51,390 --> 00:30:54,430
The more tail you get, the more tail
593
00:30:54,430 --> 00:30:55,010
you get.
594
00:30:55,430 --> 00:30:56,890
Now you ought to know that, Studley.
595
00:30:57,490 --> 00:30:57,970
Yes, sir.
596
00:30:58,270 --> 00:31:01,450
Well, the less tail you get, the less
597
00:31:01,450 --> 00:31:01,890
you get.
598
00:31:02,130 --> 00:31:02,950
Now that's true, too.
599
00:31:03,170 --> 00:31:03,470
Amen.
600
00:31:03,910 --> 00:31:05,610
Now Ponder is going downhill.
601
00:31:05,950 --> 00:31:07,790
And he's picking up speed by the minute.
602
00:31:08,350 --> 00:31:09,870
The best just to get out of the
603
00:31:09,870 --> 00:31:10,110
way.
604
00:31:10,430 --> 00:31:11,250
I can't do that.
605
00:31:11,270 --> 00:31:12,110
He's my best friend.
606
00:31:12,630 --> 00:31:13,950
This is bigger than friendship.
607
00:31:13,950 --> 00:31:16,870
This is what you call cosmic.
608
00:31:17,370 --> 00:31:17,670
Really?
609
00:31:18,190 --> 00:31:18,550
Yeah.
610
00:31:19,030 --> 00:31:23,190
The Buddhists call it, let me see, reincarnation.
611
00:31:24,350 --> 00:31:26,410
I thought you were a Baptist.
612
00:31:27,090 --> 00:31:29,510
I figure Ponder was paying for some past
613
00:31:29,510 --> 00:31:30,190
lifetime.
614
00:31:31,550 --> 00:31:32,910
He'd be bad back there.
615
00:31:33,910 --> 00:31:35,770
Maybe a pharaoh.
616
00:31:36,970 --> 00:31:39,510
Maybe he had a harem of a thousand
617
00:31:39,510 --> 00:31:40,110
wives.
618
00:31:40,370 --> 00:31:41,610
A thousand wives?
619
00:31:42,630 --> 00:31:44,710
You know, maybe he was a jackrabbit.
620
00:31:45,330 --> 00:31:46,070
A jackrabbit?
621
00:31:46,230 --> 00:31:46,630
Yeah.
622
00:31:46,990 --> 00:31:48,210
Now that explains it.
623
00:31:48,690 --> 00:31:51,430
In past life, Ponder was a horny little
624
00:31:51,430 --> 00:31:51,710
jackrabbit.
625
00:31:52,370 --> 00:31:54,110
And he got so much rabbit pussy, the
626
00:31:54,110 --> 00:31:55,910
good Lord said, you can't have no more.
627
00:31:56,850 --> 00:31:58,410
That explains it all.
628
00:31:58,870 --> 00:31:59,770
I don't know.
629
00:31:59,890 --> 00:32:02,650
I have never seen anybody try so hard.
630
00:32:03,050 --> 00:32:03,670
Me neither.
631
00:32:04,610 --> 00:32:05,370
But you know what?
632
00:32:05,850 --> 00:32:06,450
That's nature.
633
00:32:07,350 --> 00:32:09,310
And Mother Nature is a beautiful woman.
634
00:32:09,310 --> 00:32:11,490
You know, she'd be the final piece of
635
00:32:11,490 --> 00:32:11,790
ass.
636
00:32:12,370 --> 00:32:12,910
Understand?
637
00:32:13,970 --> 00:32:14,510
Yes, sir.
638
00:32:15,770 --> 00:32:16,270
Leave it be.
639
00:32:17,050 --> 00:32:18,770
That's what you call karma.
640
00:32:19,570 --> 00:32:20,050
Karma?
641
00:32:20,910 --> 00:32:21,430
Karma.
642
00:32:22,330 --> 00:32:32,630
¶¶ ¶¶
643
00:32:46,760 --> 00:33:00,580
¶¶ ¶¶
644
00:33:00,580 --> 00:33:08,380
¶¶ ¶¶
645
00:33:08,380 --> 00:33:12,160
¶¶ ¶¶ So close in time?
646
00:33:14,110 --> 00:33:17,240
What am I doing...
647
00:33:17,750 --> 00:33:19,640
Everything you ever did.
648
00:33:19,780 --> 00:33:21,000
Tell me what to do!
649
00:33:22,860 --> 00:33:34,000
¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶
650
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:42,090
¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ No, no, no, no,
651
00:33:42,090 --> 00:33:42,440
no!
652
00:33:42,810 --> 00:33:45,310
No, no, no, no!
653
00:34:18,199 --> 00:34:22,739
Who was that?
654
00:34:24,159 --> 00:34:24,860
Trouble.
655
00:34:26,020 --> 00:34:28,020
She's a girl everywhere I go.
656
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:29,860
I even started dreaming about her.
657
00:34:30,940 --> 00:34:32,500
Hey, forget her.
658
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:33,719
Forget hell.
659
00:34:33,820 --> 00:34:34,739
Now, that's a woman.
660
00:34:46,310 --> 00:34:49,449
Darling, how the hell am I gonna get
661
00:34:49,449 --> 00:34:49,810
laid?
662
00:34:50,670 --> 00:34:51,270
Drugs.
663
00:34:52,210 --> 00:34:53,130
Women love drugs.
664
00:35:17,540 --> 00:35:19,220
It's like they're nothing.
665
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:22,840
Don't wanna live.
666
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:26,520
One of a kind nation.
667
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,060
Money making nation.
668
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:31,480
Drugs in here.
669
00:35:31,980 --> 00:35:34,340
I've got drugs, I get off drugs.
670
00:35:34,620 --> 00:35:35,920
Hey ladies, drugs.
671
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,040
Women love drugs.
672
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:41,720
Life's unreal.
673
00:35:41,980 --> 00:35:43,140
Cast of people with thousands.
674
00:35:43,500 --> 00:35:45,800
Something wrong, so I know what I'm doing.
675
00:35:47,220 --> 00:35:49,040
Don't wanna live.
676
00:35:51,300 --> 00:35:53,400
Hope for a day when justice for God
677
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:53,700
falls.
678
00:35:53,940 --> 00:35:55,720
Chance would be a fine thing now.
679
00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:59,420
Don't wanna live.
680
00:36:00,580 --> 00:36:01,540
So, where am I gonna get a lighter?
681
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:03,140
One of a kind nation.
682
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:05,480
Money making nation.
683
00:36:06,660 --> 00:36:07,680
Drugs in here.
684
00:36:19,250 --> 00:36:20,850
It's going right now.
685
00:36:20,930 --> 00:36:21,990
Cool shit.
686
00:36:23,370 --> 00:36:25,070
Don't wanna live.
687
00:36:25,470 --> 00:36:27,230
Why don't we do some pills?
688
00:36:27,630 --> 00:36:30,770
It's not about taking until nothing hurts like
689
00:36:30,770 --> 00:36:31,090
that.
690
00:36:31,350 --> 00:36:32,370
Know what I mean again?
691
00:36:33,770 --> 00:36:35,430
Don't wanna live.
692
00:36:37,550 --> 00:36:38,910
One of a kind nation.
693
00:36:40,150 --> 00:36:41,250
Money making nation.
694
00:36:41,790 --> 00:36:42,810
I need a coke.
695
00:36:43,350 --> 00:36:45,290
Drugs in here.
696
00:36:45,990 --> 00:36:46,710
Money making nation.
697
00:36:46,710 --> 00:36:46,910
Don't wanna live.
698
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,060
Acid.
699
00:37:42,820 --> 00:37:43,920
I got a problem.
700
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:53,240
Mirror.
701
00:37:58,180 --> 00:37:59,220
Fuck.
702
00:37:59,780 --> 00:38:01,600
I'm out of here with this.
703
00:38:02,220 --> 00:38:03,440
Ladies, up.
704
00:38:04,220 --> 00:38:10,460
It's a hollow day in my head It's
705
00:38:10,460 --> 00:38:16,180
a hollow day in my head Gonna do
706
00:38:16,180 --> 00:38:58,690
a lot in two years Who
707
00:38:58,690 --> 00:39:06,870
are you?
708
00:39:43,210 --> 00:39:43,770
Hondo!
709
00:39:44,710 --> 00:39:45,150
Hondo!
710
00:39:45,930 --> 00:39:46,490
Hondo!
711
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:20,920
Who's he?
712
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:22,040
You don't want to know.
713
00:40:26,460 --> 00:40:26,940
Ahhhh!
714
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:42,380
Love is an illusion, love is a dream.
715
00:40:42,620 --> 00:40:44,580
Life is an illusion, love is the dream.
716
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:46,700
Life is an illusion, love is a dream.
717
00:40:47,020 --> 00:40:48,880
Life is an illusion, love is the dream.
718
00:40:51,020 --> 00:40:53,280
Everybody's going to be alright.
719
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:47,860
Alright, what's this for?
720
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:49,640
Twins.
721
00:42:00,740 --> 00:42:03,240
Do you know how unhappy this one paragraph
722
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:03,820
makes me?
723
00:42:06,860 --> 00:42:08,400
You know what this is about?
724
00:42:09,820 --> 00:42:11,540
This is about the SALT talks.
725
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:13,420
You know what the SALT talks are?
726
00:42:13,700 --> 00:42:14,620
Yeah, sure, boss.
727
00:42:14,820 --> 00:42:16,720
Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty.
728
00:42:16,940 --> 00:42:17,400
That's right.
729
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:18,080
That's very good.
730
00:42:18,460 --> 00:42:20,200
So what they do, they say, well, listen,
731
00:42:20,260 --> 00:42:21,160
we'll get some more missiles.
732
00:42:21,620 --> 00:42:22,520
Moscow has more missiles.
733
00:42:22,720 --> 00:42:23,680
We need more missiles.
734
00:42:24,740 --> 00:42:26,200
So they come up with a new program.
735
00:42:26,860 --> 00:42:27,720
They call it STARD.
736
00:42:28,020 --> 00:42:28,920
You know what STARD is?
737
00:42:30,660 --> 00:42:33,860
Strategic Arms Reduction Talks.
738
00:42:34,700 --> 00:42:35,860
That's very good, too.
739
00:42:35,940 --> 00:42:38,100
But you see, what it really means is,
740
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,500
it's the start of the end.
741
00:42:40,980 --> 00:42:43,620
It's the start of nuclear destruction in this
742
00:42:43,620 --> 00:42:44,660
world as we know it today.
743
00:42:46,100 --> 00:42:46,780
Wait a minute.
744
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:48,280
I can give you a little audio-visual
745
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:48,900
aids here.
746
00:42:49,820 --> 00:42:50,400
Now, let's see.
747
00:42:50,940 --> 00:42:52,720
You take this missile here, okay?
748
00:42:53,180 --> 00:42:55,340
This will represent a missile in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
749
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:56,680
Okay?
750
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:58,560
This will be the DEFCON 4 in Colorado.
751
00:42:58,560 --> 00:42:59,820
All right?
752
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:00,740
Those are yours.
753
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:03,680
And we'll set up some missiles in Moscow.
754
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:05,320
I got this one and this one over
755
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:05,980
here, okay?
756
00:43:05,980 --> 00:43:07,100
Red square right there.
757
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:11,260
Now, let's say this is the president, okay?
758
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:15,360
So one day, he comes in the office
759
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:16,680
after having a bad night.
760
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:18,360
Hasn't been so good for him, right?
761
00:43:19,020 --> 00:43:21,420
So this prick comes into his office, scratches
762
00:43:21,420 --> 00:43:24,620
his head, and says, I think I'll blow
763
00:43:24,620 --> 00:43:25,320
up the world today.
764
00:43:25,860 --> 00:43:27,360
Leans over, presses the button.
765
00:43:28,260 --> 00:43:28,540
What's that mean?
766
00:43:28,540 --> 00:43:28,880
What does that do?
767
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,260
That launches your missile from Pittsburgh, right?
768
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:33,400
Go ahead.
769
00:43:33,500 --> 00:43:33,920
Launch it.
770
00:43:34,860 --> 00:43:35,160
Go.
771
00:43:37,020 --> 00:43:39,220
So Moscow sees it coming and says, oh,
772
00:43:39,460 --> 00:43:40,800
Matakonsky's sending a missile.
773
00:43:40,900 --> 00:43:41,860
We got to take care of this.
774
00:43:47,100 --> 00:43:48,700
Russia's really pissed off now, right?
775
00:43:49,180 --> 00:43:50,540
So what they do is they decide to
776
00:43:50,540 --> 00:43:51,720
send a missile of their own, right?
777
00:43:57,640 --> 00:43:58,520
So what they do is they decide to
778
00:43:58,520 --> 00:43:58,620
send a missile of their own, right?
779
00:43:58,620 --> 00:44:00,760
No, okay, we've got a mess here, a
780
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:01,320
total mess.
781
00:44:02,020 --> 00:44:02,980
But one more thing.
782
00:44:03,820 --> 00:44:05,460
Russia's got a missile they've been keeping up
783
00:44:05,460 --> 00:44:06,000
their sleeve.
784
00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:07,660
They roll it into position.
785
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:11,100
They launch it, and...
786
00:44:12,460 --> 00:44:13,400
We're fucked.
787
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,240
Scary shit, boss.
788
00:44:18,340 --> 00:44:21,680
Yeah, it's a shame because, you know, I
789
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:22,320
love America.
790
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:24,880
America could have been somebody.
791
00:44:25,740 --> 00:44:27,120
America could have been a contender.
792
00:44:30,940 --> 00:44:32,920
I need something to help me with women.
793
00:44:33,180 --> 00:44:34,580
You came to the right place.
794
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:35,580
Well, sell me something.
795
00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:38,500
I got just the thing here for beginners.
796
00:44:39,540 --> 00:44:41,500
Got a little starter model right here.
797
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:43,780
What is it?
798
00:44:44,380 --> 00:44:45,080
It's a Vybrid.
799
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:51,260
I'll take it.
800
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:52,680
What size do you want?
801
00:44:52,780 --> 00:44:54,160
I want the biggest one you got.
802
00:44:54,460 --> 00:44:55,400
The M5, boss?
803
00:44:55,500 --> 00:44:56,200
The M5.
804
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:56,480
Yeah.
805
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:57,720
You don't want that one.
806
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:58,520
He wants it.
807
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:01,480
You don't want that one, kid.
808
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:03,300
I want it.
809
00:45:03,460 --> 00:45:04,820
The M5 sexual device?
810
00:45:05,060 --> 00:45:06,280
You don't want that one, kid.
811
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:07,120
Yes, he does.
812
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,040
He wants the M5.
813
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,860
The M5's the greatest sexual device ever devised.
814
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:12,460
I want the M5!
815
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:18,900
Oh, no, come on.
816
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:19,820
It's cold out here.
817
00:45:39,620 --> 00:45:40,380
Donora?
818
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:41,960
Don't go away.
819
00:45:42,020 --> 00:45:43,000
I'll be right back.
820
00:45:45,020 --> 00:45:46,500
This'll be worth it.
821
00:45:49,700 --> 00:45:50,460
No!
822
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:52,980
Let her rip.
823
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:26,820
Let her
824
00:46:26,820 --> 00:46:30,480
rip.
825
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:17,660
May I help you?
826
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:18,920
I'm here to see the dean.
827
00:47:19,460 --> 00:47:19,920
Really?
828
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:28,200
Name?
829
00:47:29,820 --> 00:47:30,860
Pandu Sinatra.
830
00:47:33,820 --> 00:47:35,840
Mr. Sinatra is here to see you.
831
00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:38,800
Yes, ma'am.
832
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:41,640
You can go right in.
833
00:47:42,740 --> 00:47:43,600
Thanks, ma'am.
834
00:47:50,430 --> 00:47:53,770
This thing blocked out the entire campus last
835
00:47:53,770 --> 00:47:54,650
night, Mr. Sinatra.
836
00:47:56,660 --> 00:47:58,970
We have rules at this college, Mr. Libido,
837
00:47:59,490 --> 00:48:01,190
and if you do not abide by those
838
00:48:01,190 --> 00:48:03,290
rules, you'll be out on your ass.
839
00:48:03,690 --> 00:48:04,430
Is that clear?
840
00:48:04,790 --> 00:48:05,490
Yes, ma'am.
841
00:48:06,490 --> 00:48:07,350
You may go.
842
00:48:09,210 --> 00:48:11,490
Absolutely anything is possible.
843
00:48:11,490 --> 00:48:21,310
So, from interstellar communications to the development of
844
00:48:21,310 --> 00:48:24,810
a functioning aphrodisiac.
845
00:48:25,750 --> 00:48:30,630
Now, let us first look...
846
00:48:30,630 --> 00:48:31,830
Uh, Professor Schmidt?
847
00:48:33,090 --> 00:48:34,910
Ja, Herr Sinatra?
848
00:48:35,330 --> 00:48:37,650
What is an aphrodisiac?
849
00:48:37,650 --> 00:48:44,890
The word aphrodisiac comes from the African root,
850
00:48:46,070 --> 00:48:55,010
afro, meaning large penis, and
851
00:48:55,010 --> 00:49:03,750
the Greek, aphrodisiac, which means
852
00:49:03,750 --> 00:49:07,190
want it bad.
853
00:49:07,810 --> 00:49:16,570
Now, class, please repeat after me, aphrodisiac, large
854
00:49:16,570 --> 00:49:19,130
penis, want it bad.
855
00:49:19,510 --> 00:49:20,650
You got it.
856
00:49:21,810 --> 00:49:22,330
Professor?
857
00:49:23,310 --> 00:49:24,230
Ja, ja.
858
00:49:24,230 --> 00:49:26,690
Now, if one wanted to make an aphrodisiac,
859
00:49:26,970 --> 00:49:28,050
what would one do?
860
00:49:28,730 --> 00:49:34,390
One would have to find, you see, that
861
00:49:34,390 --> 00:49:42,730
element which most stimulates the female libido.
862
00:50:12,380 --> 00:50:16,180
Please, Louise.
863
00:50:16,180 --> 00:50:17,360
No, I want to go home.
864
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:19,300
I've got something for you.
865
00:50:19,380 --> 00:50:20,200
I'll bet you do.
866
00:50:20,300 --> 00:50:21,920
No, it's not what you think.
867
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:23,020
What is it?
868
00:50:23,380 --> 00:50:24,960
You will never guess.
869
00:50:25,300 --> 00:50:26,580
A hot beef injection?
870
00:50:27,380 --> 00:50:27,920
No.
871
00:50:28,700 --> 00:50:29,580
A trouser worm?
872
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:30,260
Uh-uh.
873
00:50:30,540 --> 00:50:31,300
What is it?
874
00:50:33,420 --> 00:50:34,120
What's that?
875
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:39,220
Well, this is, uh, it's, uh, no.
876
00:50:39,220 --> 00:50:39,780
Ah!
877
00:51:19,350 --> 00:51:20,770
Hey!
878
00:51:38,620 --> 00:51:39,040
Ah!
879
00:51:39,500 --> 00:51:39,640
Ah!
880
00:51:42,900 --> 00:51:45,760
Help me!
881
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:15,000
Do you know
882
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:15,780
what these are?
883
00:52:16,060 --> 00:52:16,380
No.
884
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:17,780
Gas pills.
885
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:18,480
What?
886
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:20,080
They make you fart.
887
00:52:20,620 --> 00:52:21,380
Make you fart?
888
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:21,740
Shh.
889
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:31,940
Now they've done it.
890
00:52:32,340 --> 00:52:34,940
22 years of blue balls and now it's
891
00:52:34,940 --> 00:52:35,240
over.
892
00:52:38,220 --> 00:52:39,340
Santa Lucia.
893
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:42,560
Santa Lucia.
894
00:52:43,140 --> 00:52:43,540
Sophie.
895
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:45,320
Stoodley, mamma mia.
896
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:46,720
Just go out with him.
897
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:47,920
He's my best friend.
898
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:50,180
I can't get anyone else on campus to
899
00:52:50,180 --> 00:52:50,920
go out with him.
900
00:52:51,020 --> 00:52:52,080
Yes, Stoodley.
901
00:52:52,900 --> 00:52:54,680
Now, he does not speak Italian.
902
00:52:57,060 --> 00:52:58,060
No, no, no, no.
903
00:52:58,640 --> 00:52:59,940
No Italiano.
904
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,960
He's going to be here at 6 o
905
00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:07,220
'clock.
906
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:11,100
Yeah, bye.
907
00:53:38,620 --> 00:53:39,640
Swallow.
908
00:53:40,720 --> 00:53:41,820
Just swallow.
909
00:53:43,180 --> 00:53:43,960
Swallow.
910
00:53:46,100 --> 00:53:48,080
That's good.
911
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:49,680
Amore mio.
912
00:53:50,580 --> 00:53:51,840
Let's take your car.
913
00:55:00,180 --> 00:55:00,960
Scusi.
914
00:55:05,610 --> 00:55:06,930
Ho.
915
00:55:13,630 --> 00:55:15,410
Oh, mamma mia.
916
00:55:20,340 --> 00:55:30,930
Ho Oh mamma mia,
917
00:55:30,970 --> 00:55:31,550
mamma mia.
918
00:55:33,730 --> 00:55:35,150
Oh no.
919
00:55:36,130 --> 00:55:36,450
Vo.
920
00:55:37,250 --> 00:55:37,690
Vo.
921
00:55:45,630 --> 00:55:47,810
Oh, my
922
00:55:47,810 --> 00:56:02,330
God.
923
00:56:03,530 --> 00:56:05,650
Spaghetti Americano.
924
00:56:06,610 --> 00:56:08,010
Oh, my God.
925
00:56:09,790 --> 00:56:11,010
Don't light a match!
926
00:56:11,730 --> 00:56:12,090
Huh?
927
00:56:12,930 --> 00:56:15,090
Don't light a match!
928
00:56:15,610 --> 00:56:15,890
Huh?
929
00:56:37,810 --> 00:56:39,890
Mr. Sinatra, you leave me no choice.
930
00:56:40,510 --> 00:56:42,410
Your presence at this university can no longer
931
00:56:42,410 --> 00:56:43,130
be tolerated.
932
00:56:45,910 --> 00:56:47,630
God knows what I'm going to tell the
933
00:56:47,630 --> 00:56:48,970
parents of these poor children.
934
00:57:09,620 --> 00:57:10,540
Oh, shit.
935
00:57:11,980 --> 00:57:13,720
Not a pretty sight, is it, Pondo?
936
00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:16,980
Are you pleased with yourself?
937
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:22,720
Pack your things and get out.
938
00:57:25,420 --> 00:57:26,180
Hey, Pondo.
939
00:57:27,100 --> 00:57:28,800
I heard you got thrown out of school.
940
00:57:29,460 --> 00:57:30,000
Yes, sir.
941
00:57:30,600 --> 00:57:31,940
Well, you don't have to clean up that
942
00:57:31,940 --> 00:57:32,200
mess.
943
00:57:32,260 --> 00:57:32,940
I'll clean it up.
944
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:34,020
Don't worry about it.
945
00:57:34,020 --> 00:57:34,800
I make a mess.
946
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:35,800
I'll clean it up.
947
00:57:36,580 --> 00:57:37,360
You got it.
948
00:57:41,090 --> 00:57:41,790
Hi, Holly.
949
00:58:22,860 --> 00:58:23,620
Hi.
950
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:23,920
Hi, Alex.
951
00:58:24,020 --> 00:58:24,380
What?
952
00:58:26,500 --> 00:58:28,240
Shut up and kiss me.
953
00:58:30,540 --> 00:58:31,300
Ow!
954
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:34,140
Oh, Holly.
955
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:47,460
That was wonderful.
956
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:48,560
I know.
957
00:59:01,200 --> 00:59:02,820
Shit's eating me alive.
958
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:04,820
Don't bother.
959
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:05,800
Easy, baby.
960
00:59:14,590 --> 00:59:16,730
Now I'm going to show you the eighth
961
00:59:16,730 --> 00:59:17,930
wonder of the world.
962
00:59:19,550 --> 00:59:21,230
Don't you touch me.
963
00:59:23,990 --> 00:59:24,310
Holly.
964
00:59:39,890 --> 00:59:41,450
What is this shit?
965
00:59:49,590 --> 00:59:49,910
Elbow.
966
00:59:53,750 --> 00:59:54,070
Elbow!
967
00:59:55,830 --> 00:59:56,150
Elbow.
968
00:59:56,370 --> 00:59:56,610
Elbow.
969
00:59:56,710 --> 00:59:56,850
Wait.
970
00:59:56,970 --> 00:59:57,090
Wait.
971
00:59:57,230 --> 00:59:57,330
Wait.
972
00:59:57,370 --> 00:59:57,870
I'll clean it up.
973
00:59:57,970 --> 00:59:58,410
I'll clean it up.
974
00:59:58,510 --> 00:59:58,810
I'll do it.
975
00:59:58,890 --> 00:59:59,310
I'll do it.
976
00:59:59,550 --> 01:00:01,010
It ain't that much fun, Pondo.
977
01:00:01,230 --> 01:00:01,990
No, go on, Elbow.
978
01:00:02,150 --> 01:00:02,630
I'll do it.
979
01:00:02,650 --> 01:00:03,190
I'll clean it up.
980
01:00:03,330 --> 01:00:04,830
Go have a bourbon in the boiling room.
981
01:00:05,250 --> 01:00:05,870
Bye, Elbow.
982
01:00:06,190 --> 01:00:06,590
Go on.
983
01:00:06,590 --> 01:00:06,710
Go on.
984
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:17,640
You hit.
985
01:00:30,740 --> 01:00:37,690
I got it.
986
01:00:37,990 --> 01:00:39,050
I got it!
987
01:01:49,300 --> 01:01:55,080
I
988
01:01:55,080 --> 01:02:00,860
got it.
989
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:17,030
Nothing more Things I've
990
01:02:17,030 --> 01:02:27,590
tried To say Tried this many times Rain
991
01:02:28,210 --> 01:02:34,570
Falling from my eyes These kind of days
992
01:02:35,090 --> 01:02:40,430
I really miss you now Seasons will change
993
01:02:40,430 --> 01:02:46,190
again I really miss you now I said
994
01:02:46,190 --> 01:02:52,470
your name I wonder where you are Watching
995
01:02:52,470 --> 01:02:58,150
the rain And it makes me remember Things
996
01:02:58,150 --> 01:03:01,510
I've tried to say No!
997
01:03:01,690 --> 01:03:02,810
Not the whipped cream!
998
01:03:02,930 --> 01:03:04,110
Not the whipped cream!
999
01:03:32,260 --> 01:03:33,620
What happened?
1000
01:03:34,240 --> 01:03:35,240
I found it.
1001
01:03:35,500 --> 01:03:36,440
You found what?
1002
01:03:36,660 --> 01:03:37,920
I'm a party animal.
1003
01:03:38,540 --> 01:03:39,600
Yeah, I can see that.
1004
01:03:55,380 --> 01:04:00,280
I fell first I couldn't lie Standing straight
1005
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:02,580
And giving double tries To get up high
1006
01:04:02,580 --> 01:04:04,140
To get up there To get up high
1007
01:04:04,140 --> 01:04:05,580
To get up there To get up high
1008
01:04:05,580 --> 01:04:07,080
To get up there To get up high
1009
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:10,300
Up there Up there Now it is And
1010
01:04:10,300 --> 01:04:12,900
you get it right Today's the first time
1011
01:04:12,900 --> 01:04:15,460
You're gonna learn how to fight Forget about
1012
01:04:15,460 --> 01:04:18,240
the sentiments You always feel From now on
1013
01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:20,320
all you think about Is kick, kick, kick
1014
01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:21,340
I know!
1015
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:25,840
Now I mean what I say Because I'm
1016
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:28,840
your general Say all you know Because I'm
1017
01:04:28,840 --> 01:04:31,540
your general I'm the one in charge Because
1018
01:04:31,540 --> 01:04:34,360
I'm your general I must be a bizarre
1019
01:04:34,360 --> 01:04:36,780
Six weights, I'm a woman killer.
1020
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:37,440
Six weights?
1021
01:04:37,560 --> 01:04:38,400
Yeah, females.
1022
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:39,240
Women.
1023
01:04:39,340 --> 01:04:39,780
Girls.
1024
01:04:39,940 --> 01:04:40,180
Girls.
1025
01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:41,060
Girls are the girls.
1026
01:04:45,360 --> 01:04:50,400
The girl is a half a mile away.
1027
01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:52,060
Oh, pretty.
1028
01:04:53,620 --> 01:04:54,140
Hey!
1029
01:04:55,360 --> 01:04:55,840
Girlie!
1030
01:04:58,100 --> 01:04:59,000
Over here.
1031
01:05:29,400 --> 01:05:32,060
This is the Mount Everest of womanhood.
1032
01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:32,820
No sweat.
1033
01:05:32,960 --> 01:05:35,240
These girls live behind steel doors.
1034
01:05:35,320 --> 01:05:36,180
No sweat!
1035
01:05:36,300 --> 01:05:38,660
No man has ever made it to the
1036
01:05:38,660 --> 01:05:39,780
third floor of this building.
1037
01:05:39,900 --> 01:05:41,160
Suddenly, no sweat!
1038
01:05:41,360 --> 01:05:41,860
All right.
1039
01:06:02,300 --> 01:06:04,180
I'm gonna get you.
1040
01:06:17,870 --> 01:06:19,950
Girlie, I did it.
1041
01:06:21,390 --> 01:06:22,850
Au contraire, Pando.
1042
01:06:23,890 --> 01:06:24,530
Look.
1043
01:06:25,850 --> 01:06:26,490
Pando!
1044
01:06:26,570 --> 01:06:27,130
Pando!
1045
01:06:27,670 --> 01:06:27,770
Pando!
1046
01:06:28,270 --> 01:06:28,810
Go.
1047
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:41,180
Reality's a dream I gave it, which I
1048
01:06:41,180 --> 01:06:44,040
seem to never find out Just what I
1049
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:46,640
am, I don't know if I'm an actor,
1050
01:06:46,860 --> 01:06:49,320
a hero, a shaman, a sham But if
1051
01:06:49,320 --> 01:06:55,600
you don't mind If you don't mind I'm
1052
01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:59,580
lost without a clue So how can I
1053
01:06:59,580 --> 01:07:02,080
undo The tangle of these waves?
1054
01:07:02,100 --> 01:07:04,480
I keep grieving I don't know if I
1055
01:07:04,480 --> 01:07:07,140
should I keep believing This emptiness is endless
1056
01:07:07,140 --> 01:07:10,820
But if you don't mind If you don't
1057
01:07:10,820 --> 01:07:15,620
mind I used to bet that you didn't
1058
01:07:15,620 --> 01:07:19,160
care But girl, they never got me anywhere
1059
01:07:19,940 --> 01:07:22,860
Each time I used to feel so sure
1060
01:07:22,860 --> 01:07:25,460
Something about you made me doubt you more
1061
01:07:25,460 --> 01:07:29,700
Can you convince me What everything I see
1062
01:07:29,700 --> 01:07:32,940
just makes me feel That's my Pando!
1063
01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:34,440
Oh!
1064
01:07:42,630 --> 01:07:43,830
And stop!
1065
01:07:45,900 --> 01:07:48,940
Pando, I am so proud of you.
1066
01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:51,460
We gotta get you back in school.
1067
01:07:52,160 --> 01:07:53,300
I gotta see Nadine.
1068
01:07:53,780 --> 01:07:54,540
She's busy.
1069
01:07:58,680 --> 01:08:04,160
New in town, sailor.
1070
01:08:05,120 --> 01:08:06,380
I've got a headache.
1071
01:08:08,180 --> 01:08:09,700
You need to relax.
1072
01:08:09,700 --> 01:08:11,220
No, you need to relax.
1073
01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:14,280
Be calm.
1074
01:08:15,340 --> 01:08:16,240
Take a deep breath.
1075
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:17,740
See these fingers?
1076
01:08:18,540 --> 01:08:19,819
They work wonders.
1077
01:08:20,939 --> 01:08:21,939
This won't hurt a bit.
1078
01:08:23,800 --> 01:08:24,840
I promise.
1079
01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:26,720
Oh, no, no, no, you don't.
1080
01:08:26,939 --> 01:08:28,000
No, wait!
1081
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:31,040
Oh, my God, I think I'm in love!
1082
01:08:32,080 --> 01:08:32,859
Dean Fox?
1083
01:08:37,729 --> 01:08:39,529
You are not Dean Fox.
1084
01:08:39,529 --> 01:08:41,729
No, honey, I'm the new Dean.
1085
01:08:42,930 --> 01:08:43,970
Ooh-wee!
1086
01:08:44,470 --> 01:08:46,890
Look what the gods done sent me!
1087
01:08:47,410 --> 01:08:47,689
Aah!
1088
01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:53,560
1925.
1089
01:08:54,340 --> 01:08:58,800
Dr. Bob Stern discovered this.
1090
01:09:00,200 --> 01:09:01,920
He believed that this was some sort of
1091
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:04,920
symbol For, oh, people who would go into
1092
01:09:04,920 --> 01:09:06,540
the cave And tell them how to get
1093
01:09:06,540 --> 01:09:08,779
out Because he himself had gotten lost At
1094
01:09:08,779 --> 01:09:12,060
this point in time Telling people to travel
1095
01:09:12,060 --> 01:09:14,779
northward Would you knock it off?
1096
01:09:15,859 --> 01:09:18,939
There was a map of some sort, the
1097
01:09:18,939 --> 01:09:19,479
Stern map.
1098
01:09:19,540 --> 01:09:21,620
We call this the Stern map.
1099
01:09:22,399 --> 01:09:24,180
They used this at NASA To get the
1100
01:09:24,180 --> 01:09:27,680
spaceships from Earth to the moon and back
1101
01:09:27,680 --> 01:09:29,060
Without this, uh...
1102
01:09:29,060 --> 01:09:30,380
Pando, take me!
1103
01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:31,540
Aah!
1104
01:09:33,420 --> 01:09:34,020
Aah!
1105
01:09:35,279 --> 01:09:35,880
Aah!
1106
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:36,020
Aah!
1107
01:09:49,020 --> 01:09:50,899
Studley, I don't know if I like this
1108
01:09:50,899 --> 01:09:51,340
anymore.
1109
01:09:51,939 --> 01:09:54,080
Pando, this is every man's dream.
1110
01:09:54,260 --> 01:09:55,820
I'm scared and I'm tired.
1111
01:09:55,980 --> 01:09:56,820
Go away!
1112
01:09:57,760 --> 01:09:58,660
Scared of what?
1113
01:09:58,760 --> 01:10:00,820
Every woman I see wants me.
1114
01:10:00,980 --> 01:10:01,680
That's wonderful.
1115
01:10:01,820 --> 01:10:03,680
No, it's terrible, Studley.
1116
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:05,560
I have been greedy.
1117
01:10:06,340 --> 01:10:07,480
I'm like king Midas.
1118
01:10:07,980 --> 01:10:10,460
Everything I touch turns to poontang.
1119
01:10:20,760 --> 01:10:21,360
What?
1120
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:22,800
What is this?
1121
01:10:22,820 --> 01:10:25,040
All this fuss, this commotion?
1122
01:10:25,420 --> 01:10:26,240
Over who?
1123
01:10:26,580 --> 01:10:27,320
Over Pando?
1124
01:10:27,980 --> 01:10:29,880
Of course, in the total scope of things,
1125
01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:31,560
He wasn't asking for very much.
1126
01:10:32,400 --> 01:10:34,480
He just wanted to get himself a little,
1127
01:10:34,700 --> 01:10:35,000
that's all.
1128
01:12:00,230 --> 01:12:00,870
Aah!
1129
01:12:07,810 --> 01:12:08,430
No!
1130
01:12:15,260 --> 01:12:16,400
Oh, Pando.
1131
01:12:18,740 --> 01:12:20,940
For a white boy, he did all right.
1132
01:12:34,380 --> 01:12:38,760
Pando?
1133
01:13:05,380 --> 01:13:13,740
So why Can't I touch this?
1134
01:13:17,340 --> 01:13:24,780
So why Can't I touch this?
1135
01:13:32,700 --> 01:13:37,620
And it looks so real I can see
1136
01:13:37,620 --> 01:13:42,960
it And it feels so real I can
1137
01:13:42,960 --> 01:13:48,280
feel it And it tastes so real I
1138
01:13:48,280 --> 01:13:53,120
can taste it And it sounds so real
1139
01:13:53,120 --> 01:14:02,500
I can hear it So why Can't I
1140
01:14:02,500 --> 01:14:04,120
touch this?
1141
01:14:07,720 --> 01:14:15,080
So why Can't I touch this?
1142
01:14:36,130 --> 01:14:39,430
And it looks so real I can feel
1143
01:14:39,430 --> 01:14:44,730
it And it feels so real I can
1144
01:14:44,730 --> 01:14:50,130
taste it And it tastes so real I
1145
01:14:50,130 --> 01:14:54,870
can hear it And it sounds so real
1146
01:14:54,870 --> 01:15:00,410
I can see it So why So why
1147
01:15:00,410 --> 01:15:05,790
Can't I touch this?
1148
01:15:08,870 --> 01:15:16,770
So why Can't I touch this?
1149
01:15:56,280 --> 01:16:06,210
And it looks so
1150
01:16:06,210 --> 01:16:08,450
real I can feel it I can't see
1151
01:16:08,450 --> 01:16:13,670
it And it feels so real I can
1152
01:16:13,670 --> 01:16:17,580
feel it
64707
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