All language subtitles for House of Stassi - 01x04 - Staycation From Hell_track3_[eng]

Well, we are almost halfway
through filming,

and everyone keeps acting up

but, like, not
in a good-for-TV way.

Well, Beau keeps sweeping
all of his feelings with Rob

just, like, under the rug.

I miss you.
I miss you, too, a lot.

I know you don't hug,
but give me a hug.

I love you, buddy.

Taylor and Kristina
are upset with Katie,

and they're not addressing it.

Katie basically said,
you don't hang out

with anyone who's not
on your payroll...

To Stassi.

Good to [bleep] know.

Georgi and Georgia
are bickering.

I feel like
something is not matching.

Oh, my gosh,
I just want to strangle her.

And on top of it all,
my sister is driving me insane.

Get the [bleep] out of here
as soon as possible.

I want to.
Trust me.

I'm gonna do what any good
reality-TV producer would do,

and I'm gonna lock them
in a house all weekend,

which, legally,
I feel like is okay

as long as there's rosé.

All right, Hartford,
Messer, din-din.

Candy?
Candy, Papa!

No one's getting candy.

Did you have
a good day at school?

What?

People at the park?

Seagull.

I'm like,
what is he talking about?

I'm planning this staycation

so Beau and I are getting in
our quality kid time.

I feel like me and Beau
have been doing great

since our date last week.

Do you remember at Coachella,

we were just, like, huddled
in the corner just being like,

I love you so much.
I can't wait to marry you.

We're gonna be the best
[bleep] husband and wife.

Since we've been filming,
like, I feel closer to Beau.

I truly believe
that reality TV solves

more problems than it creates.

[bleep] your therapists.

I will say something.

I'm very impressed with
the food that you guys cooked.

Is this, like,
authentic Italian pasta?

Yeah.
- Yeah?

See?
- It looks fantastic.

Then when I saw
the receipt, $684.

I got the fraud alert.
- I'm sorry.

But it was very good.

Is Georgi still here?

No, she is at lesbian night.

Gigi's gonna go
find a girlfriend.

Today?
- Today.

Why didn't you go
to lesbian night?

Taylor Strecker used
to think that way, too.

Look what happened to her.
- Yeah.

Lez Night. You ready?
Lez night. Lez night.

I feel like I'm,
like, a teenager again.

I do.
- Fresh lesbian love.

I love it.

There's really
nothing better.

So I'm not new to being bi,
but I am new to LA.

And there's nobody I trust
more than Taylor and Teddy

to take me out on the town.

Get in there, girl.
I'm gonna.

The girl, the tall girl
with the septum piercing--

hot as [bleep].

And meet girls that are
not judgmental, not mean,

and, also,
they're not my sister.

What are you gonna say?
I'm gonna say...

Ah!
Ah!

I don't think
that's gonna work.

I know, don't listen to me.

Bottom line--
there's no drama

when I hang out
with the lesbians.

There will be tonight 'cause
I'm gonna confront Katie.

What a good lesbian night.

I hope so.

Did Teddy fill you in?
No.

So Kristina Kelly told me
Katie talked shit.

Wait, wait,
whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

Katie was saying
that all of Stassi's friends

were all on her payroll
or whatever.

How [bleep] dare you say

that we're all on her payroll

like she isn't?

"I don't need you financially."

Yes, you [bleep] do, bitch.
You're back here.

Katie is a complete
[bleep] bitch.

Listen, when I get mad,
I fly off the handle.

Honestly, give her
the benefit of the doubt,

because, like, you haven't
even heard her side yet.

It'll be fine,
I really feel like.

I hope.

So we're almost halfway
through this season,

and, surprisingly,
I'm feeling really positive.

No drama has happened.
No one's come for me.

I don't know if that's
a good sign or a bad sign.

Like, are we boring?
I don't know.

I'm having a good time,
so whatever.

Hi.

Why am I such a [bleep]?
What am I doing?

She's just, like, so smiley,

and she has
those puppy-dog eyes.

And it's, like,
Georgi's night.

I don't want to ruin it,
you know?

Do you think I sent her
the wrong message?

How do you feel?

It's like, so crazy
'cause it's like, I'm 30 now.

I just got out of a marriage.

And now I'm openly trying
to maybe date women.

I'm just seeing
what's out there, you know?

Dayna.
Let's get out there.

Get the liquor.

[bleep] her, hardly know her.

Hey.

There isn't any specific goals
tonight.

I think it's just to get
Georgi's feet wet.

Georgi, this is Emma.
- Hi. Emma.

So great to meet you.
- So nice to meet you.

I love your hair color.
- Yeah?

If Georgi wants
to live in LA,

she needs to foster
her own relationships.

That way, she can have
someone else besides Stassi.

Take a little pressure
off her sister right now

and spread her wings...

and her legs maybe--
we'll see.

You just moved here?
- Yes, just moved here, fresh.

I moved here
a year and a half ago.

From where?
- From Brooklyn.

New York?
- New York.

Tonight I'm looking
for, you know, love,

sex, free drinks.

You're gorgeous.
- Oh, thank you.

Whatever you want to throw
at me, like, I'm ready for it.

Our little girl
is growing up.

I think so, too.

I'm excited for her
to be smothered in breasts,

getting just, like, absolutely
[bleep]-bounced,

like, on the head, you know?

I really want Georgi
to have a good night,

but, like, I got shit to do.

Hey, how's it going?

'Cause I'm gonna
confront Katie.

I just really hope
those two things

stay far away from each other.

I don't want to ruin
Georgi's night,

but I'm pissed at Katie.

I have to talk with you
about something.

What's up?

I want to be nosy.

I heard what was said

about all of us being
on Stassi's payroll.

I didn't say all your friends
are on your payroll.

Yeah, you did.

And it's just not sitting well
with me.

I don't translate it
that way.

- That's [bleep] bullshit.
- Oh, God.

I mean, is this really what
we're gonna do tonight?

Or does someone just need their
five minutes in the spotlight?

Do you feel like
I'm on her payroll?

No, this is, like,
kind of surprising to me

that this has come up.

Like, how did this come up?
- I do not know.

But I know
that Kristina told me.

Okay, well,
Kristina wasn't there.

And, also, I wasn't talking
about you.

Who were you talking about?

I was just talking about
Stassi and I's friendship.

I said, I feel like
if you didn't give birth to me

or I, like,
am not married to you

or I'm not working for you,
you have no time for me.

Like, I feel like I don't fit
into one of those categories.

It just felt--
I felt very discarded.

I feel like this is being taken
a little bit more seriously

than it was, like, intended--

But when you said that--

Don't cut me off.

Like, I was being
kind of sarcastic

and, like, a little extreme
in what I was saying.

It was not meant to be
a dig at anyone else.

It was about me.

Okay, let me just say this.

It's been a nice dynamic.

And now all of a sudden,
you're back,

and I feel like
you're just, like, trying

to, like, push me out
and oust me and take my spot.

This feels
very left field for me.

I did not expect this reception
from Stassi's friends.

I don't know
if they genuinely don't like me

or if they feel like
their position on the show

is threatened.

I have no interest
in icing anyone out.

I mean, you can question

my intentions
of being here all day,

but I can question
your intentions

of why you're bringing this
up to me.

And also, like, nervous about
me coming into the fold, like--

Kristina interpreted it, too.

Okay, like, I didn't know
you didn't want me around.

Like, it's [bleep] hurtful.

Like, everyone's assuming
the worst of me.

Don't make me out
to be this monster of a person.

I have no ulterior motive.

I'm not here
to [bleep] shit up.

I'm not here
to fight with people.

I'm not here to hurt
anyone's feelings.

I want to believe it.
You know what I mean?

Clearly, Stassi's friends
have some kind of feeling

about me being here,
and I want to just...

disappear into mist.

I don't want to be here.
Like, this is [bleep] awkward.

Maybe just, like,
from here on out, keep it 100,

and we're good.

I'm feeling like
I could quit.

Hello. Hi.

What the [bleep]?

I know, this is
a gorgeous house.

You know how they say,
if you want to bury a body,

like, your bestie will show up
with a shovel?

Well, if you want
to rent the best house,

Chrishell will show up
with a key.

Well, no.

But, yes, it's me.

Hello?

Me and my husband need
to be away from our kids

for a little while.
I get it.

- Like, we need to just--
- I get it. No judgment.

Staycation, just,
like, two nights.

Okay.

Get away, and just, like,
be able to enjoy each other.

Beau and I just had
a great date,

so I just want to keep
that train moving.

Taylor and Teddy,
they're living in LA,

so, obviously, a babymoon.

And when you're renting
a sick house,

like, the rule
on reality TV is,

you have to invite everyone.

It's like, these things
go hand in hand, okay?

It's like late night
and Taco Bell,

shit-talking and my sister.

Thank you so much.
Of course.

The owner,
she's gonna be so happy.

She likes when it's somebody
that she knows from reality TV.

That's so [bleep] crazy.

My friends are
so [bleep] lucky.

No one's renting
mansions for me.

I'm trying
to resolve our issues

and be hashtag-Kris Jenner
at the same time.

Do you know
how expensive that is?

I mean, I was
out of Vanderpump Rules

for five years,
and I'm grateful for it.

But it follows me everywhere...
- Yeah.

Like Selling Sunset for you.

I'm like, this might be
something that is just, like--

it's on my tombstone.

And that's why
it's better to just embrace it,

because my experience
with Selling Sunset

was a whole big chapter
of my life.

But it just got really toxic.

I don't want to be that person

that begrudges the memory
and, like, is angry about it.

It's like, yeah,
we can--whatever.

Well, before I was
fired from Vanderpump Rules,

I loved the experience of it,
but it was...

- Hell.
- Yes, hell.

Being on reality TV
is not for everyone.

It's like a tornado.

They look so beautiful
and majestic,

but the wind
is out of control.

Twister is actually
one of my favorite movies.

Like, if Helen Hunt can do it,
I can do it.

I didn't have other
opportunities to fall back on.

Yeah.

I fought for my show
for three years.

So I'm in a little bit
of a panic.

Is it stressful, though,
on your relationship?

That is what kind of is,
like, taking a toll on me.

I've been on reality TV
a very long time,

so, like, I know
all of the ups and downs.

But then on the other hand,
doing it with my family

is, like, actually, like, way--

much more pressure

for shit not to fail.

And, wow, I'm exposing
a lot of my life.

I never want to exploit
the people I trust

and love the most.

That is my worst fear.

Beau and I are in a good place.

So we will not be fighting
this weekend.

This staycation
is for everyone else

to figure out their shit.

I'm so thankful...
- Yay.

That you showed me
this house.

It's perfect.
Everyone is gonna love this.

Ah, perfect.

Making limoncino
is fun and all,

but I would obviously rather
be casting a commercial

or doing something.

But I'm here making
limoncino with my sister.

So if you would just

wash these right here...
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

And just use a little soap.

If you just want
to go over there.

You want me to wash it
with the soap?

Just, like, a little bit
of soap, you know,

'cause they spray shit
on there.

I've never--
Here, go on this side.

It's easier to wash.
Okay.

You've never washed fruit
with soap?

No, it's fine.

No, like,
now you're in my head.

I mean...

All right, just rinse it
without the soap.

Then we'll just--
we'll grate it.

So what's going on
with Stassi?

Is she good?

Stas and I did have
a date night the other day.

She took me out
to where I proposed to her

in the graveyard.
- Oh. Nice.

"Who do you think sacrifices
more in our relationship?"

- Mm.
- You do.

And I feel great about it.

After our date night,
I feel like we are connected.

I really just want
to keep this going.

But with my experience of
other, you know, "cast trips"--

I feel like this conversation
is reigniting.

And then we're gonna get
into another fight

when we go back.
- We're not.

This is [bleep].

I'm just, you know, hoping
that going into the staycation,

things don't, you know,
go to shit.

I will be very happy

to watch the kids for you again

like, if you want
to go with Stassi

to another
romantic appointment.

Romant--

What now?

No, I would love
to have a romantic appointment

with my wife.
- Okay.

I just don't know
when we'd be able to do that.

She's just getting
more and more busy.

Everything's positive
right now.

But, you know,
when the show airs,

I think Stassi will be working
more and doing more things.

I'm just not ready
for that yet.

Have you and Georgi talked
since the party?

Nope. In my face,
she is kind of a bad bitch.

And then when she talks
to Stas, she lies.

It's just funny to hear you
say "bad bitch."

- Oh, okay.
- That's all.

The thing about my sister is,

she's just
very straightforward.

She says it how it is.

I think it's just
a cultural thing.

I just like the fact that
my sister is very up-front,

doesn't take any bullshit,
and doesn't need to sit there

and sugarcoat
everything she says

and talk behind people's backs,

'cause she'll say it
in their face.

I want to give Georgi
the choice to say,

I want to talk now.

Let's just get this over with,

'cause once I had
a talk with Rob,

it was good for, you know,
my mental health.

So rip the Band-Aid off.
Do you have that saying?

Yeah.
On the boo-boo, take it off.

Yeah, yeah,
take off the boo-boo.

And how was it with Rob?

Did you get anywhere?

Things are better with
Rob, but it's gonna take time.

So it's just, like, gradual.

I feel like the more
we hang out, the more...

You will get--
yeah, I understand that.

We'll get feelings back
again.

The reality is,
one talk with Rob

is not gonna fix
our relationship.

Here's the fun part.

It's a start.

And there are some things
that I want to say,

but for now, I'm just--I'm just
gonna keep the peace.

Oh, my God.

This one is too strong.

No, it's not too strong.
You don't think so?

No, it's perfect.

Oh, hi.

Long time no see.

The fact that I'm
out of the house after 8:00

and I'm in Silver Lake,
which means

I'm the only person here
who isn't in a band

or, like, processing
something artistically.

So this should show you
how much Katie means to me.

Back in the day,
do you remember

choosing between putting gas in
my car and buying, like, wine?

- Yeah, those were the days.
- Wine always won.

I know. We had the best time.

It was the best time.
- We did!

What's up with Beau?
How's Beau doing?

He still isn't the happiest.

He's like, my love language
is physical touch,

but weeks have gone by.

I'm like,
oh, we should have sex.

Yeah, I know.

I feel like such a dick.

Maybe just while
he's making breakfast,

like, hug him from behind

and kiss him
on the back of the neck.

Like, I'm not saying
you got to spend 20 minutes

giving him a [bleep],
but grab his [bleep].

That probably would send him
into orbit for a whole day.

I know.

I'm so happy that Stassi
and I are finally hanging out,

just the two of us,
like old times.

But now I'm annoyed
that I have to fill her in

on Taylor's [bleep] TED Talk
from lesbian night.

So what's the deal with this
staycation that you want to do?

Oh, my God.

Okay, so, like, we're gonna do
a staycation,

like, a [bleep] nice one,
for two days in Bel-Air,

in a big house,

do my thing, drink what I want,

eat what I want,
say what I want.

I know filming has been tough
on everybody,

and I need a break
from my kids.

You know what?
[bleep] those kids.

[bleep] those kids.
[bleep] my kids.

That's, like, haunting me that
I said, [bleep] those kids.

And I think about it at least,
like, once or twice a day.

I [bleep] love those kids.
God, I feel guilty about that.

Anyway, how was lez night?

Am I allowed
to call it "lesbo"?

All the lesbians I know
say "lesbo" all the time.

Can lesbians
only say "lesbo"?

I don't know.

Hey.

Hi, this is important.

I need to know something
real fast.

Are straight girls
allowed to say "lesbo"?

Great, thank you.
Yeah.

How was Georgi?

- Dude, she did so good.
- That's great.

My part of it
didn't go so well.

Taylor got really upset with me

for talking
about the payroll thing.

Are you [bleep]
with me right now?

That just made my heart
fall into my butt.

When I told Kristina this,

I had no idea
that she'd get upset

and then go tell Taylor.

Then Taylor would get upset
and go to Katie,

and then it would
come back to me.

I really didn't think
it was that big of a deal,

'cause there were no lies told.

I didn't say, yeah, you only
hang out with Taylor

because you work with her.

That's not what came
out of my mouth.

Yeah.

And then she goes,
you're like, coming in,

pushing me out,
and I'm, like...

You aren't
coming back around.

Like, you didn't seek me out.

I feel like I seeked you out.

Why is this
being talked about?

Like, why did Kristina
bring this up to her?

Kristina and I, as far as I'm
concerned, always got along.

Kristina has
always been someone

I have, like, loved so much.

We go back over a decade.

There's obviously been times

where we've been closer
versus other times,

but I've never had
any issues with her.

We always got along.

Kristina has never been
a pot stirrer in the past,

but it's never too late.

I think there is, like,
some protectiveness

from Taylor and Kristina,
even though it's--

it's valid, and it's not valid.

That would really suck.

That would put me in a really
uncomfortable position,

a very uncomfortable position.

I'm feeling, like,
buyer's remorse

from, like,
being a part of this,

because I'm not wanted here.

I wasn't wanted
on Vanderpump Rules.

This is exactly
the kind of shit

I was trying to get away from.

And I'm just like,
that just sucks to hear.

Don't you dare do this.
You are wanted here.

But I think you got
to work on Kristina.

I'm not sure this staycation
is probably the best thing

for Katie right now,

but if I can be ambushed
by all these bitches,

she can handle
a little staycation.

Just worry about Kristina.
I worry about Taylor.

It feels like
it's not really my problem.

Katie, I'm telling you
to clear the air with Kristina.

I'm telling you that.

Oh, this is perfect.

Okay, I've seen reality TV.

I know it's like,
shit goes down on trips,

but, like, it also
gets solved on trips.

So I feel like
Beau and I get to socialize

and have fun with each other.

Everyone's gonna, like,
fight it out,

work out their problems,

and then we're just gonna have
a really good time.

Look at this.

My God,
this place is awesome.

Listen, I set everything up.

So now all I need people to do
is show up,

drop their bags,
and hash all their shit out.

Oh, look at that wine.

This place is
a full party house.

Yeah, it's a party house.

The whole point
of staycation is to enjoy.

I'm trying to manifest
happiness.

I'm putting it out there.

What was that thing
that Oprah did?

She put it out-- The Secret.

You know, you say it out loud,
and it happens.

But I don't think
it's gonna happen.

This should be interesting.

When people stay
in the same house together

over a certain amount of time,
things can get a little rocky,

or things can go really well.

Knock, knock.

Hi.
- Hi.

I'm hoping that Beau
and I can continue

what we've had going on,

and we keep moving in the most
positive direction we can.

But I'm interested to see
how everything else goes.

We'll be right down.

I'm ready for sexy time.

All right, well,
I'm gonna get more wine.

I'm perfectly fine
seeing Taylor.

Hopefully she's cooled off,

maybe had a conversation with
Stassi, and everything's good.

I don't like
two-faced bitches.

You have way bigger
muscles than me.

You can do it.

Oh, [bleep].

I'm a little nervous
going into this

because Georgia and I
haven't gotten along

for the past few weeks.

But I'm ready
to just have my own space.

So pretty.

I'm thinking this is
the house for me.

Like, can I live here forever?

I'm looking for a place.

Hello, beautiful.
Hey.

Gorge, as always.
- This place is--

Hi.
- Hot stuff.

I think
there's about an 80% chance

that they have hooked up.

Small margin for doubt,
but, like, whatever.

Honey, stop.

At the very least--
honey, stop it.

I'm using my legs.
- You can't lift.

It's really too heavy for you.
Such a gentlelady.

Girl, I am too cute
for this, okay?

My ankles are delicate.

They roll easily.
I have on fabulous shoes.

The sprinklers are coming.

- No!
- Is this on purpose?

What time did you guys
plan for, like, dinner?

7:30.
Okay.

Where are the boys?

Help me.

Like, I'm still a lady.
Lesbians can be ladies, too.

Do I still look pretty?

Yeah,
you look gorgeous, honey.

Now you may.
Thank you, angel.

Thank you.

I have never carried so much
shit like a [bleep] Sherpa

in my entire life.

This is hell.
I hate it here.

Come on, you can do it.

God.

Oh, my God.

It's unbelievable.

Never mind, I love it here.

Hi, guys.

Hey!
Hey.

Ah! You really with the
balloon pants, I'm loving it.

Thank you.

Since you guys are all here...

Yeah.

Everyone can go
pick their rooms.

Oh, wait. What?
- Go, go, go, pick your room.

Ah!
I'm gonna die while I do it.

I'm pretty sure you're
sharing with Georgia, Georgi,

so don't get, like,
too excited.

Are you serious?

We're at this
lovely staycation.

But, yeah, Georgi, you're stuck
with her again still.

Let's make you go insane.

It's working.

Georgia, I claimed it.

This is a spa.
Rob, what'd you find?

It's one big apartment
with a bedroom attached.

What? You have
a bachelor pad down there?

Like, there's a whole
nother house right there.

Georgi, look,
this is my apartment

that I get all to myself.

Georgi and Rob--
a huge part of me thinks

that they have hooked up.

I have no [bleep] idea.

Kristina Kelly,
Katie, and Taylor

have all made comments
about Rob and Georgi.

Are they [bleep]?

I don't know.

Ew.

Body language
is body language-ing

between her and Rob--
keep an eye out.

Do you think Georgi
and Rob ever hooked up?

Yes.

I feel like
they hooked up once or twice.

I'm thinking Rob took
that outside room

trying to cover
for them banging it out.

Then, also, I don't really
want to hear your sister moan.

No.

It would just be so insane

if Georgi and Rob
actually crossed that line.

Like, that's my sister.

That's Beau's best--or ex--
whatever they are.

But they literally used
to be like brothers.

That's weird and uncomfy.

Wouldn't you want to know?

No.

I just want to enjoy
this tonight,

and I don't want
to fight with anyone,

which is why I'm going to,
like, have a very fun time.

I am away from the kids.

I am enjoying my time.

This is like
a nice vacation for me.

So I really don't want to know
about Georgi and Rob.

It's like, I just--I don't even
want to poke that bear.

You know, it's like,
I'd rather poke my wife.

But if you feel so inclined,
I'll watch.

I'm just gonna talk
to them at dinner,

while we're all having dinner.

I did want to have
a nice dinner,

but, like, dinner's a good
place to confront people,

so...

Spooky.

Oh, you savage.

Walking into the staycation,
like, I'm excited to be out.

Mama's got an outfit on.
I want a glass of wine.

Look who's here.

Oh.

Hey.

It's like, oh, shit.
Katie's here.

I'm gonna have
to address this.

Honestly,
until producers tell me

I need to have
this conversation with Katie,

like, I don't think
I'm gonna be ready.

I'm just gonna need you
to have that conversation

with Katie sometime
before the end of the season.

Does this feel
like a horror movie,

where we're just, like,
initiating you into something?

My issue is that Kristina

took this payroll comment

that really wasn't targeted
towards her

and has now spun it
into this whole thing

of, like, questioning
my friendships

and my integrity
and my character,

and, like, Stassi's the one
that asked me to be here.

So if they have a problem
with that,

they can take it up
with their boss.

Should I hug everybody,
or can I just--

Nope. Nope.

Just go grab yourself a drink.

She has
a very tiresome attitude.

It's just sort of, like...

I want to give Kristina
the opportunity

to bring it up to me

'cause she was the one
that brought this up.

You might not like
that I'm here,

but you better
[bleep] get used to it,

because I have as much
purpose and reason

to be here as you do.

All right, everybody,
dinner is about to be served,

so grab your drinks.
- Amazing.

And it's gonna be
a Italian feast tonight.

Ooh!
- Yes.

Thank you.

Does anyone need a refill?
Georgia?

I'm going to, actually.

Georgi, look, be careful.

This literally is the pool
right here.

Especially
after I drink, absolutely.

Yeah.

I know
there's something going on

between Rob and my sister--
I can just feel it.

I bet $200

that you're gonna
accidentally fall in here.

I probably--you would win.
I'm not gonna bet you that.

Cheers.
Cheers. You've been good?

Honestly, really good.
Good.

Yeah.

I don't know why they're
insulting my intelligence.

Like--

If they were to admit it,
that's huge,

and they would have
to, like, face what that means

and then have all of us dissect
it and make fun of them.

He's, like, 89 years old.
She's, like, 12.

There's a lot to judge there.

Do you and Rob like each other?
- No.

Are you sure?
- I swear.

Why you guys touch
on each other?

We're just flirty.
There's no sexual anything.

Okay.

Stassi needs
to confront them about it,

because she's not gonna
get off of it

until she does confront them,
so this is now her journey.

The hot tub is half
the size of the pool.

We can go in there.

It's definitely heated.
It's heated.

Now it's in the back
of your brain.

It's in the back of my brain.

At least you'll give me
hot-tub time.

I'll give you hot-tub time.
Okay, fine.

The vibe is great.
We're in this beautiful house.

You know what?

I am ready to get
everything out on the table,

like, literally.

So we're gonna start

with the famous
goat-cheese balls.

Grazie mille.
Thank you.

Delicious.

I heard that they
changed a bit at SUR.

They did.

They changed everything at SUR.

Ooh.

The goat-cheese balls
at SUR really did go downhill,

and I get so embarrassed
because people tag me

in TikToks all the time.

And they're like,
girl, what the eff?

These are
what you were raving about?

And I'm like,
that was 15 years ago.

They were so different
back then.

They're crap now.

I just wanted to go over
the sched for tomorrow.

The sched is to celebrate
Teddy and Taylor tomorrow

with this, like,
babymoon experience.

This is all about you, [bleep].

We're gonna have a caviar
and chicken nugget bar.

Oh, my God.

They're gonna have
a manservant.

What?

I love Stassi.
I think this manservant idea--

sorry, I have spit in my mouth.

But, like, girl, where were you
when I was carrying

all of the bags up the stairs?

Like, never in my life
did I need a manservant more.

Oh, my God, now I'm mad
at the manservant.

I'm also gonna make
an Ouija board,

because I am gonna find out
your baby name.

Oh.

That's literally the start
of a horror movie.

You can leave the room.

Stassi can be really hard

on people she's close to,
especially Beau.

That's sort of, like,
her thing.

Okay.

Kristina, it sounds like
the manservant of The Birdcage.

I haven't--
Birdcage. Don't know.

Are you kidding me?
You've never seen The Birdcage?

Do you know what the worst
thing is in the world?

When people do that to people

when they haven't seen
a [bleep] movie.

"Are you joking?"

That's just stupid.

I couldn't even go around her

with my nails not painted

because she would
say something.

She probably thought
about it.

She probably noticed it.

Whoo!

Max is putting River
to bed tonight.

He was like, where are
the melatonin gummies?

Oh, I love kids.

When are you having kids?

Hopefully soon.

I thought I was having them
two months ago.

Two months ago with who?

I had a girlfriend
for a little while.

Not long enough
to have kids with.

Well, it wasn't,
like, a planned thing.

Wait a second.
You were dating for--

Six months.

I don't...
remember you saying that--

Did you word it like that?

Beau didn't know you were
dating anyone for six months.

He did--well, after--

Six months is
a really long time to--

We didn't talk for nine.

What? This is the first
I'm hearing about this.

That was something
I wanted to talk to him about.

I wish I could have
reached out to him about that.

I'm just
in a little bit of shock.

I mean, I really don't know
what to say.

I mean, it's incredibly
personal, you know,

and especially to just,
like, talk about it

with 10 other people.

It's just very strange.

So she got pregnant?

Well, like, all the pregnancy
symptoms were there.

Oh, so you had a moment
where you were like,

I could be--I might--

Like, I bought a book
about being a dad.

- Are you joking?
- Rob.

No.

Her parents were excited
about it.

Okay,
that's a wild thing to say,

that you guys were
serious enough

that you were excited
and her parents were excited.

So you told her parents?

Before she even told you
that she might be pregnant?

Yeah, her family had
a history of things.

Why wouldn't
she have taken a test?

She did. No, she did.

But, like, her family had
a history

of having negative tests
and then going to the doctor

and being like,
oh, no, you are.

- That's a thing?
- I don't know that's--

I've never heard of that
being a thing ever.

It feels like he's lying.

But what's the point
in telling a lie?

I wouldn't say he made it up,

but I think
it's maybe sensationalized.

I feel like the general vibe
of this table is,

we're not believing Rob,
which is interesting to me,

because he's never been a liar
in my eyes.

I thought I was the alleged
liar in this situation.

I'm just trying to stick up for
my guy, you know what I mean?

Do you realize
how batshit [bleep] crazy

this sounds right now?

Don't look at me.

What part?

The symptoms were there,
and I got excited about it.

The point was that you were
in a [bleep] relationship

that was serious enough
to get pregnant

and buy
a "what to expect" book?

Yeah.

That's all news
to everybody at this table.

It's news to you.
- What?

I'm sorry.
Wait a second.

Does everybody
at this table know

that he got a girl pregnant?

What?
Oh, you knew about this?

Yes, but it's not my business
to tell you guys.

See, I do keep secrets.

I don't like keeping secrets.

Secrets only hurt people,

and I've only been hurt
by secrets.

Georgi is blabbing about me
every chance she gets,

but she can keep Rob's secrets.

Cool, cool, cool.

Well, let's get
all the secrets out, then.

Have you guys ever hooked up?

Oh, shit, that's coyotes.

Have you guys
ever hooked up, ever?

- Never.
- Never, never.

- What?
- Don't laugh.

Never made out?
- Never.

No. That's so random.
Is it?

It's just, like, weird flirting
that everyone picks up on.

I flirt with Georgia.

Georgia, does Georgi
flirt with you?

Uh, no.

Exactly.

No, but, like,
why are you asking?

Like, why is it your business?

Because it seems like
you like to flirt with him.

You welcome it.
- Yeah.

Thank you for seeing me
for who I am.

I love you.

I'm always gonna
take care of you.

I know that, I think.
I love you.

[bleep].

Even if I wanted to go [bleep]
right now, who cares?

I'm a flirt.
So what?

You just sitting here
nonchalantly being like,

why does it matter?
Nothing matters--

No, because who cares?

I care.
A lot of shit matters.

Things that you don't think
matter actually do.

'Cause I feel like I'm always
cleaning up Georgi's messes.

I paid for her wedding.

I also paid for her
to get divorced.

And I don't feel like
I have the bandwidth

or the time anymore.

I'm just, like--
I'm fed up, you know?

We've never hooked up.

There's never been anything
where we ever have been

even close to hooking up.

Oh, give me a [bleep] break.

No, we've never kissed.

The way you guys act
to each other,

I don't even act like that
towards my husband.

The way that you guys act,
like, literally,

it's so [bleep] creepy.
- Guys!

If I gave you a [bleep] room,

they'd talk shit
and [bleep] at the same time.

Talk shit and [bleep]?
Let's do it.

Oh, my God.

From the beginning,
y'all have both been like,

don't hit on Rob.

Do not go to Rob.

You are not allowed
to get with Rob.

Probably because
you were married.

No, I wasn't married.

Can I go under here now?

You were "married" but still
taking a separation.

That was literally years ago.

I was only married
for three years, bitch!

Everyone shut the [bleep] up.
[bleep] you.

No, actually--
no, you're an asshole.

I'm never [bleep] wrong.

This was not the plan.

Like, people are supposed
to be hashing out their issues,

not arguing with me.

Fine, think we [bleep].
Who cares?

The fact that you
don't believe me is crazy.

No.
That's an insult.

Why do I have to defend myself
to you about my friendship?

I love Rob.

Rob, in the last year,
he has been there for me

like nobody else has.

That's [bleep] bullshit.

No, I stand by that.

Stassi doesn't care
if I hooked up with Rob.

She cares that she's not
the one in control.

And so now she's freaking out.

But in her words, I'm sorry,
girl, that's a "you problem."

I'm not embarrassed
if I hooked up with Georgi.

You shouldn't be.
That's a win.

That's a [bleep] win.

Are we getting pasta?

We have the spicy rigatoni.

Perfect.
Thank you.

Thank you.
Absolutely.

I feel like you guys
are never gonna be able

to escape these allegations,
so you may as well just have--

If we want to just swipe
the table right now,

me and you, Rob,
we'll do it for all of 'em.

- Do it.
- You guys are diabolical.

Yeah, we are.

I mean, Rob, you are,
like, a good-looking guy,

and you have
a good personality.

But how old are you?
- Almost 50.

So what's going on?

I just make bad decisions
in people I date.

I have a broken-bird syndrome.

No, I think you just,
like, date young people.

And it sounds like you're
making yourself the victim.

Like, give me a break.

What is the narra--what are
you trying to say to me?

Beau, this isn't fair.
This is not fair.

Like, why am I being brought
into something right now?

I told Stassi
that I wasn't planning

on talking to Rob this trip.

I just wanted
to have a good time.

I just want to enjoy
this tonight,

and I don't want to fight
with anyone,

which is why I'm going to,
like, have a very fun time.

Probably.

And now she's getting
a good show,

because I'm actually pissed
and we're actually fighting.

This is not fair.

This is
a [bleep] stupid conversation.

Beau, this isn't fair.
This is not fair.

Like, why am I being brought
into something right now?

I don't care.
This is not fair.

This is
a [bleep] stupid conversation.

Hold on, I just got roped
into this.

I mean, like, hold on.

I know Stas wants me to have
conversations with Rob,

and there are a lot of things

that I still need
to say to him,

but I need to do it on my time,

and she wants me to do it
on production's time.

I'm gonna say, any of your
girlfriends that I've met,

no one ever needed help.

You just always have dated
younger girls.

It's the repetitive stuff
that I've always heard

of you of dating
since I've known you.

Guys, I am changing my ways.

I hope you create
a whole new persona.

So I need to start
a new persona?

Your persona here is always
dating the 20-year-olds,

always doing
the same psycho shit.

Whatever, [bleep].

If that's my reputation,
then [bleep] you--I'm sorry.

Dude, you were doing
the same stuff

since I've known you 15 years.

The maturity level
of where you're at right now

is still the same as it was
before I met Stassi.

And then I changed.
- "Maturity level"?

Yes, maturity level--

What do you consider
maturity?

This is the same childish,
stupid shit

that you were talking about
when we were--

You keep saying
[bleep] childish.

Because it is.

I don't know what you think
makes you

a [bleep]--a mature adult.

Having kids?
No, because I have

a great relationship
and I'm able to prove it!

I just don't really feel happy
with myself.

Feel kind of worthless.
- Do you feel like she knows?

I don't think
anybody really knows.

Okay, okay.

So because you're married
makes you a more mature person?

Yes, it is,
because I'm able to sit there

and work out [bleep] problems
with the woman!

You don't think I try
to work out problems

with [bleep] people?
No, you don't,

which is why you don't have
a [bleep] girlfriend.

You have this impression
of me from 2016.

Because it's the same
[bleep] impression, Rob!

Okay, now we're getting
somewhere.

Like, this is
what needs to happen

for them to move forward.

You think I'm the same person

that when you started dating
Stassi, that I just stayed

because I didn't go get
a [bleep] girlfriend.

I'm trying to find that person.
- But it's the same story.

Who cares?
It's not your problem.

I'm [bleep] older
than both of you.

It's not your [bleep] problem.

Meeting somebody sucks.
You know why?

'Cause everybody in my age
range is [bleep] married.

I tell you guys every day

how [bleep] jealous I am
of you guys,

that I love Hartford,
I love Messer.

I want that.

So you think I'm purposely
[bleep] sabotaging myself?

I'm not.

But you guys look down on me
so [bleep] much.

Rob just wants to go out
and drink

and [bleep] 22-year-olds.

It's not true.

I might be taking
little baby steps,

and you might [bleep] leap
really, really, really fast,

but they're still steps.

Like, everything that you
said, I [bleep] felt that.

I hear you.

And I also don't want
to speak for Beau,

but I feel like I could maybe
word it a little differently.

I'm saying this with love,

and I'm trying to, like,
not be angry right now.

All this is coming out,
and I [bleep] hate this.

And I can't believe
that you [bleep] started this.

Are you joking?

I didn't want
to [bleep] sit there

and talk to him about that.

I wanted to have
a good [bleep] weekend.

And I didn't want
to have to sit there

and have
this goddamn conversation,

because now
you've decided to explode

and make yourself look dumb.

I said that?

I don't think
I would have said that.

That's why I'm confused.

Because now
you've decided to explode

and make yourself look dumb.

Prove it.

No, you--

You're [bleep] yourself

in every [bleep] asshole
right now.

I am gonna take
what I said back.

No.

Are you [bleep] kidding me?

Like, I would never [bleep]
pitch a reality show

about my [bleep]
marriage problems.

This wasn't the plan.
This was not the plan.

Maybe we don't do
a Ouija board tomorrow?