All language subtitles for Benidorm Is Murder (2026) S01E01.en

# What's on my mind

# It only takes a minute, girl

# It only takes a minute, girl

# Only takes a minute, girl

# To fall in love
To fall in love

# To fall in love
To fall in love

# It only takes a minute, girl

# It only takes a minute, girl

# Just one minute for you

# To fall in love, fall in love
To fall in love... #

# To fall in love, fall in love
To fall in love... #

# To fall in love, fall in love
To fall in love... #

WHISTLING

WHISTLING

Papa.

IN SPANISH:

# It only takes a minute, girl
Please

# It only takes a minute, girl
Please

# To fall in love
Just one minute

# To fall in love
Just one minute

# To fall in love
Just one minute

# It only takes a minute, girl
It only takes a minute, girl

# It only takes a minute, girl
It only takes a minute, girl

# To fall in love
To fall in love

# To fall in love
To fall in love

# It only takes a minute, girl... #

# It only takes a minute, girl... #

Oi, oi!
GROUP:Oi!

Oi, oi!
GROUP:Oi!

# Fall in love. #

# Fall in love. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's still early season.
So, why's everyone else selling out?

It's still early season.
So, why's everyone else selling out?

Last Tuesday at Waikiki's,

they were queueing round the block
for Jeff Leppard.

they were queueing round the block
for Jeff Leppard.

I'm done, mate.

STEVE SIGHS
What's going on?

STEVE SIGHS
What's going on?

Darren's leaving the band.

Oh, bloody hell!

Benidorm's Best Tribute Act 2019,
and you're just walking away?

Benidorm's Best Tribute Act 2019,
and you're just walking away?

Benidorm's Best Tribute Act 2019,
and you're just walking away?

Mate, if he wants to go, just...
Oh, well, of course, you don't care.

Mate, if he wants to go, just...
Oh, well, of course, you don't care.

You've always thought
you'd make a better Robbie.

What?!
Well, you have, though, haven't you?

What?!
Well, you have, though, haven't you?

Yeah.
Well, it's all yours, mate,

Yeah.
Well, it's all yours, mate,

cos I'm gonna do
my own Robbie Williams night.

In Benidorm?
No.

I've got a gig
at Caesars Carvery in Faliraki,

I've got a gig
at Caesars Carvery in Faliraki,

and I'm leaving tomorrow.

If you're going, I'm gonna need
that grand you owe me.

If you're going, I'm gonna need
that grand you owe me.

Oh, give it up, mate.
You're never seeing that again.

Oh, give it up, mate.
You're never seeing that again.

Dicks like Darren
are only out for themselves.

Dicks like Darren
are only out for themselves.

You know
he's been shagging Isabella.

Oh...

You what?

In fact, you can't quit

cos I guess now it's time
that you are sacked for good.

cos I guess now it's time
that you are sacked for good.

I'm sacking you. You're sacked.

We only got that award cos I started
singing Angels in the encore.

We only got that award cos I started
singing Angels in the encore.

We only got that award cos I started
singing Angels in the encore.

In fact, that is mine.

You touch that award,
and I'll kill you!

Shh, shh! What's going on?

Shh, shh! What's going on?

Boys... Boys,
enough with the argy-bargy.

Boys... Boys,
enough with the argy-bargy.

I'm doing you a favour, lads, cos
you're wasting your life out here.

I'm doing you a favour, lads, cos
you're wasting your life out here.

Go home, do something else
before you wake up in ten years

Go home, do something else
before you wake up in ten years

Go home, do something else
before you wake up in ten years

and realise
what's obvious to everyone else -

and realise
what's obvious to everyone else -

you're just three knobheads
from Yorkshire who can't sing.

you're just three knobheads
from Yorkshire who can't sing.

I'm actually from Runcorn.

WHISPERING:Oh, my God.

SIGHS

Darren, it's me. Open up.

Darren, it's me. Open up.

Darren, I want that award back.
I'm not leaving without it.

Darren, I want that award back.
I'm not leaving without it.

You know I've got a key, dickhead.

Shell?

What we gonna do?

Suppose we'll have to go
to the beach.Oh!

Suppose we'll have to go
to the beach.Oh!

Morning, Dennis.

Archie... What you doing there?

You didn't kick me out last night.

You weren't in here last night.
I checked.

You weren't in here last night.
I checked.

Not under the table.

SIGHS

SIGHS

DOOR OPENS

You need help.

Ah. You worked in a pub before?

Ah. You worked in a pub before?

Have I?! I grew up in a pub.

Have I?! I grew up in a pub.

I've been pouring pints
since I was three years old.

I've been pouring pints
since I was three years old.

Obviously, that was a lie.

Ten euros an hour, cash in hand.

Ten euros an hour, cash in hand.

Ten? No, no, no. Let's negotiate.
OK, seven.

Ten? No, no, no. Let's negotiate.
OK, seven.

I am a fast learner
with a diploma... in acting.

I am a fast learner
with a diploma... in acting.

I am a fast learner
with a diploma... in acting.

Also a proven liar
with no experience.

Let's say 12.
Nine.

Eleven?
Ten.

Perfect! But I need time off
for auditions.

Perfect! But I need time off
for auditions.

Deal.

So, anyway, I'm waiting there.

There's a queue of beautiful women
wanting to talk to me.

There's a queue of beautiful women
wanting to talk to me.

There's a queue of beautiful women
wanting to talk to me.

Archie, I'm not coming
to some over-50s singles night.

Archie, I'm not coming
to some over-50s singles night.

Ah, nah, reserve judgment
until you've seen the photos.

Ah, nah, reserve judgment
until you've seen the photos.

Ah, nah, reserve judgment
until you've seen the photos.

Sorry, first day. What was it?

A coke.
A coke. I can do that.

A coke.
A coke. I can do that.

Er, excuse me, is your kitchen open?

Er, excuse me, is your kitchen open?

Kitchen?

Erm, I'm not sure. Dennis?

Erm, I'm not sure. Dennis?

Is the kitchen open?

Yep.
Yes.

Yep.
Yes.

HE SIGHS IN RELIEF

Here.

Margarita was Miss Costa Rica 1996.

Margarita was Miss Costa Rica 1996.

I'm done with relationships, mate.

Who said anything
about relationships?

Everyone's only there
for one thing -

couple of hours of mutually
beneficial physical intimacy.

couple of hours of mutually
beneficial physical intimacy.

couple of hours of mutually
beneficial physical intimacy.

Longer for me... cos I'm tantric.

Longer for me... cos I'm tantric.

SIGHS

Sorry.
SHE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY

You look familiar.
Did you work at the Vegas Lounge?

You look familiar.
Did you work at the Vegas Lounge?

Yeah, I play piano for Non-Jovi.

Yeah, I play piano for Non-Jovi.

Rita?
Rosa. I was a dancer.

Rita?
Rosa. I was a dancer.

You remember the sexy horses?

Didn't recognise you
without your stirrups.

Didn't recognise you
without your stirrups.

How are you? You don't look great.

How are you? You don't look great.

Me and a mate had a falling-out.

But you don't want me to bore you
with my problems.

But you don't want me to bore you
with my problems.

OK.

He always thought
he was the talented one.

He always thought
he was the talented one.

Maybe he was.

Maybe I was jealous.

But this morning, they found
his body floating in the pool.

But this morning, they found
his body floating in the pool.

Holy shit!

Sorry. What happened?

Sorry. What happened?

Well, I don't know.

There must've been
some kind of accident.

Steven Evans?

I'm arresting you
for the murder of Darren Small.

I'm arresting you
for the murder of Darren Small.

What?
Holy shit.

What?
Holy shit.

I swear, the last time I saw him
was backstage after the gig.

I swear, the last time I saw him
was backstage after the gig.

Yeah, where we know
you had a big fight.

CCTV shows you go into his room
last night at 1:46am.

CCTV shows you go into his room
last night at 1:46am.

CCTV shows you go into his room
last night at 1:46am.

I was drunk.
I just went to get something.

I was drunk.
I just went to get something.

What?
This award.

What?
This award.

It's a stupid lump of glass,
but it weren't in his room,

It's a stupid lump of glass,
but it weren't in his room,

and neither was Darren, I swear.

and neither was Darren, I swear.

I was in there
no longer than a minute.

I was in there
no longer than a minute.

Long enough to throw someone
off a balcony.

Long enough to throw someone
off a balcony.

Yeah, it only takes a minute.

What? Why was that weird?

What? Why was that weird?

This way.
Ah.

This is wrong. I know him.
He's actually really nice.

This is wrong. I know him.
He's actually really nice.

It's OK, lady.
We know what we're doing.

HE SCOFFS

You can go back inside now, Dennis.
Is it "bring your kid to work" day?

You can go back inside now, Dennis.
Is it "bring your kid to work" day?

I'm 23.
Got any ID?

I'm 23.
Got any ID?

Jesus Ballesteros.
You know her?

Jesus Ballesteros.
You know her?

Inspector Hernandez and I have a
long-running difference of opinion.

Inspector Hernandez and I have a
long-running difference of opinion.

She thinks
my alcohol license is dodgy.

She thinks
my alcohol license is dodgy.

I think she's a complete waste
of tax payers' money.

Ha! As if you pay tax.

Ha! As if you pay tax.

We may need to take a statement.

Let me give you my personal number.
Jesus!

Let me give you my personal number.
Jesus!

HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY

Is Craig With The Monkey
a real person?

Is Craig With The Monkey
a real person?

Yes and no.

Yes and no.

Not his real name?
Not a real monkey.

Not his real name?
Not a real monkey.

You were in the police?

HE SIGHS
35 years.

HE SIGHS
35 years.

So you should come to the hotel
where the man died and investigate.

So you should come to the hotel
where the man died and investigate.

SCOFFS

SCOFFS

And why would I wanna do that?

Moral obligation.

Moral obligation.

If we do nothing,
an innocent man will go to jail.

If we do nothing,
an innocent man will go to jail.

How can you be sure he's innocent?

How can you be sure he's innocent?

I have a gift.

I know when people are telling
the truth.

I know when people are telling
the truth.

OK.

I don't wanna investigate

because I can't be bothered
and I don't care.

because I can't be bothered
and I don't care.

Was that true?

Hm.

That detective woman,
you don't like her, right?

That detective woman,
you don't like her, right?

Not really.
So prove she's got the wrong man.

Not really.
So prove she's got the wrong man.

Make her look really dumb.
Hello?

Make her look really dumb.
Hello?

Serve that fella, would you?

What the hell you doing?

One hour,
or I will throw this in the sea.

One hour,
or I will throw this in the sea.

You throw that in the sea,
I'll sack you.

You don't help,
I quit AND throw this in the sea.

You don't help,
I quit AND throw this in the sea.

SIGHS DEEPLY

Half an hour.
Estupendo! Vamos.

Half an hour.
Estupendo! Vamos.

What, you're coming, too?

What do you know
about investigating murders?

Everything!

When I was 12, I broke my leg,

so my parents bought me
a DVD player.

You know one of those little
portable ones with the screen?

You know one of those little
portable ones with the screen?

They bought it second-hand
from some old English woman.

They bought it second-hand
from some old English woman.

I think she died.

Anyway, when I tried to use it,
I saw there was a disc inside,

Anyway, when I tried to use it,
I saw there was a disc inside,

and that disc was the first-ever
episode of Midsomer Murders.

and that disc was the first-ever
episode of Midsomer Murders.

Do you know that show?

I played it, and I was thinking,
"This is SO old-fashioned,"

I played it, and I was thinking,
"This is SO old-fashioned,"

and I was going to turn it off,

but then Gerald Hadleigh
is found beaten to death,

but then Gerald Hadleigh
is found beaten to death,

and I'm like,
"I have to know who did this."

and I'm like,
"I have to know who did this."

By the time my cast came off,

I had already watched
all 142 episodes.

I had already watched
all 142 episodes.

And after that, I took a super-deep
dive into Murder, She Wrote,

And after that, I took a super-deep
dive into Murder, She Wrote,

Diagnosis Murder,
Touch Of Frost, Bergerac...

Diagnosis Murder,
Touch Of Frost, Bergerac...

This is not like on telly.

This is not like on telly.

Real police work takes hundreds
of hours of gathering information.

Real police work takes hundreds
of hours of gathering information.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're the boss!

I am only here to observe.

I am only here to observe.

Look, I'll go on my own
and ask some questions in the bar.

Look, I'll go on my own
and ask some questions in the bar.

You stay here
and don't talk to anyone, OK?

You stay here
and don't talk to anyone, OK?

Stay here, don't talk to anyone,
million percent.

Stay here, don't talk to anyone,
million percent.

Excuse me,
can I ask you a few questions?

Excuse me,
can I ask you a few questions?

OK, this is big. I've got something.

OK, this is big. I've got something.

This is Shell and Tony.
Call me Big Tone.

This is Shell and Tony.
Call me Big Tone.

No.
Tony and Shell arrived last night.

No.
Tony and Shell arrived last night.

Tell him what you told me.
Well, we were delayed getting in.

Tell him what you told me.
Well, we were delayed getting in.

Three hours on the tarmac
at Stansted.

When we got to reception,
there was no-one there.

When we got to reception,
there was no-one there.

'Then all of a sudden...'
WATER SPLASHES

'Then all of a sudden...'
WATER SPLASHES

What was that splash?
It was probably a seagull.

What was that splash?
It was probably a seagull.

A seagull?
Yeah, one of them big ones.

A seagull?
Yeah, one of them big ones.

A seagull?
Yeah. One of them big ones.

A seagull?
Yeah. One of them big ones.

I said,
"What's a seagull doing in the pool?

I said,
"What's a seagull doing in the pool?

"Should be in the sea."
SHE CHUCKLES

And now I'm thinking
it's more likely that bloke.

And what time was this?

Quarter to one.
I'd just checked my watch.

Quarter to one.
I'd just checked my watch.

The police said Steve went
into Darren's room at 1:46,

The police said Steve went
into Darren's room at 1:46,

a whole hour later.

Darren was already dead.

OK, not bad.

Thank you.

The killer is still out there.
We can solve this case.

The killer is still out there.
We can solve this case.

If you were still in the police,
what would you do now?

If you were still in the police,
what would you do now?

We'd go to the pub.
After the pub.

We'd go to the pub.
After the pub.

Probably a curry.
In the investigation.

Probably a curry.
In the investigation.

Er, probably question the band.

Er, probably question the band.

Yes! Let's do that.

SIGHS

Say that again.

I'm Jason,
but in the band, I play Mark.

I'm Jason,
but in the band, I play Mark.

He's Mark,
but in the band, he plays Jason.

He's Mark,
but in the band, he plays Jason.

Ah.

And Howard.
Joward.

And Howard.
Joward.

People could never tell the
difference between Howard and Jason,

People could never tell the
difference between Howard and Jason,

so we just combined the two.

so we just combined the two.

Saves money.

So, what did you guys do
after the gig last night?

I was with Isabella.
She's my girlfriend.

I was with Isabella.
She's my girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend.

And you?
I was in my room all night.

And you?
I was in my room all night.

And what was Darren like?

Well, he was, er... a good singer.

Well, he was, er... a good singer.

And he knew it. He was arrogant.

And tight. He never got a round in.
Still owes me a grand.

And tight. He never got a round in.
Still owes me a grand.

Yeah, you couldn't trust him.
He stole his bird.

Yeah, you couldn't trust him.
He stole his bird.

Still, he was a good singer, though?

Still, he was a good singer, though?

CARLOS:Hi.

And, er, who are you?

I'm Sergeant Rosa Ortega.

I'm Sergeant Rosa Ortega.

Inspector... Dennis.
You all right?

Inspector... Dennis.
You all right?

Inspector Dennis has just flown in

Inspector Dennis has just flown in

from the UK
to assist with our investigation.

from the UK
to assist with our investigation.

Did the airline lose your bags?

Did the airline lose your bags?

No.
Yes.

Ah... Yeah.

Ah... Yeah.

Please be discrete
with your inquiries.

Please be discrete
with your inquiries.

I like everything to be perfect,
perfect, perfect for our guests.

I like everything to be perfect,
perfect, perfect for our guests.

I like everything to be perfect,
perfect, perfect for our guests.

This your place, is it, Carlos?

Yes, my wife and I took over
eight years ago.

Yes, my wife and I took over
eight years ago.

Yes, my wife and I took over
eight years ago.

She's young enough
to be his daughter.

She's young enough
to be his daughter.

Well, she is my daughter.

My wife died two years ago.

Ah, sorry for your loss.

Ah, sorry for your loss.

She's like my Puig Campana,
you know?

She's like my Puig Campana,
you know?

The mountain
that looks over Benidorm.

The mountain
that looks over Benidorm.

She's my rock.

If you'll excuse me.

Isabella, see that the detectives
have everything they need.

Isabella, see that the detectives
have everything they need.

How can I help you?

Ah, it's all right.
We were just leaving.

We need a copy of the CCTV
from last night

and a key to the crime scene.

Sure.

So sad to think this is the last
thing someone saw before they died.

So sad to think this is the last
thing someone saw before they died.

So, what are we looking for?
CAMERA CLICKS

So, what are we looking for?
CAMERA CLICKS

I'll know when I find it.

Of course, the anomaly.

The little thing in the room
that only the detective notices.

The little thing in the room
that only the detective notices.

The missing chess piece,
the two left shoes.

The missing chess piece,
the two left shoes.

In Murder, She Wrote,
series five, episode 13,

In Murder, She Wrote,
series five, episode 13,

Jessica finds a feather duster.

Everyone thinks, "Whatever,"
but Jessica knows it's important.

Everyone thinks, "Whatever,"
but Jessica knows it's important.

Everyone thinks, "Whatever,"
but Jessica knows it's important.

In the end,
it turned out the murderer used it

to clean the crime scene.

There you go - the anomaly.

TRAFFIC DRONES

TRAFFIC DRONES

Dennis, come out here.

Do you think
someone can climb around that?

HE SCOFFS
Yeah, Spider-Man.

HE SCOFFS
Yeah, Spider-Man.

You know, I can't decide
if you're more like Morse,

You know, I can't decide
if you're more like Morse,

because you drink too much,

or Columbo,
because of your bad clothes.

or Columbo,
because of your bad clothes.

I always thought Columbo would have
a bad smell.

Not a super-bad smell
but kind of funky.

Not a super-bad smell
but kind of funky.

You know? Like when you cook
a potato in a microwave.

You know? Like when you cook
a potato in a microwave.

You know, a bit funky.

Would you like to explain?

Your whole investigation is a joke.

I mean,
why haven't forensics been here yet?

I mean,
why haven't forensics been here yet?

We're over-stretched.
We don't have the...

We're over-stretched.
We don't have the...

I don't need to explain myself
to you.

What were you doing in his room?
You've got the wrong bloke.

What were you doing in his room?
You've got the wrong bloke.

Did you notice the missing gin
from the mini bar?

Yes. Actually, no, but so what?

Yes. Actually, no, but so what?

Well, he had an all-inclusive
wrist band. Why use the mini bar?

Well, he had an all-inclusive
wrist band. Why use the mini bar?

And there was a light bulb missing
from the balcony,

And there was a light bulb missing
from the balcony,

and the trouser press
wasn't in the wardrobe.

So he was using the trouser press.

Oh, look alive, Jesus.
Nobody uses a trouser press.

Oh, look alive, Jesus.
Nobody uses a trouser press.

This is why he didn't kill Darren?

Because someone moved
the trouser press?

No, these are what I call anomalies.

No, these are what I call anomalies.

Hey! I told you that.

Steve didn't kill Darren

Steve didn't kill Darren

because by the time
he went to his room last night,

Darren was already dead.

Darren was already dead.

Let me introduce you to Big Tone.

A seagull?
Yeah, one of them big ones.

A seagull?
Yeah, one of them big ones.

What time was this?

Quarter to one. I checked my watch.
Can I see the watch?

Quarter to one. I checked my watch.
Can I see the watch?

Shell.
Oh.

Shell.
Oh.

He don't like a tan line.

This is an hour slow.

Oh, you dozy twonk.

You forgot to wind it forward
when we landed.

You forgot to wind it forward
when we landed.

This means that the sound
of the body hitting the water

This means that the sound
of the body hitting the water

This means that the sound
of the body hitting the water

coincides exactly with when
we know Steve was in Darren's room.

coincides exactly with when
we know Steve was in Darren's room.

coincides exactly with when
we know Steve was in Darren's room.

And being a detective
was your actual job, yes?

And being a detective
was your actual job, yes?

HE EXHALES DEEPLY
Why did I ever listen to you?

HE EXHALES DEEPLY
Why did I ever listen to you?

You've wasted everyone's time.
Leave it, Michelle.

You've wasted everyone's time.
Leave it, Michelle.

DISTANT RADIO PLAYS

DISTANT RADIO PLAYS

I thought
you were re-stocking the crisps.

I thought
you were re-stocking the crisps.

Crisps can wait. Look at this.

Crisps can wait. Look at this.

Half an hour before
Darren comes back to his room,

Half an hour before
Darren comes back to his room,

this guy walks into the room
next door, 514.

this guy walks into the room
next door, 514.

Then at 1:46, here comes Steve.

Then at 1:46, here comes Steve.

Then at 1:46, here comes Steve.

He goes in.

One minute later,
he comes out again.

One minute later,
he comes out again.

Fast forward ten minutes,

Fast forward ten minutes,

Sombrero guy comes back out
of room 514.

Sombrero guy comes back out
of room 514.

I checked with the hotel,
and that room was empty.

I checked with the hotel,
and that room was empty.

Suspicious, yes? Yes!

And now looks like
his arm is missing.

And now looks like
his arm is missing.

Perhaps he was mauled by a bear.

Is that a roast?
Where'd you get a roast?

Is that a roast?
Where'd you get a roast?

I had it delivered.

HE SIGHS DEEPLY

Rosa, take your medicine.

The guy's guilty,
and if he's not guilty,

The guy's guilty,
and if he's not guilty,

he's gonna need more
than a knackered old copper

and a failed actress
to help him out.

You think I'm a failed actress?

You know what my father said to me

when I told him
I wanted to be an actor?

He said, "I would rather you told me
you were a bank robber.

He said, "I would rather you told me
you were a bank robber.

"At least then
maybe you'd earn some money."

"At least then
maybe you'd earn some money."

HE SIGHS
Jeez.

HE SIGHS
Jeez.

I'm... I'm sorry. I...

HE STUTTERS
I didn't mean... you know...

HE STUTTERS
I didn't mean... you know...

Ha! Failed actress? I had you.

Ha! Failed actress? I had you.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did,
because I am a brilliant actress.

Yes, I did,
because I am a brilliant actress.

But more importantly,
I am a good person.

But more importantly,
I am a good person.

And bad things happen
when good people do nothing.

And bad things happen
when good people do nothing.

Nothing's all you've done
since you've worked here.

Nothing's all you've done
since you've worked here.

Do them crisps.

Why did you come
to Benidorm, Dennis?

To sit in your boring pub
and do nothing until you die?

To sit in your boring pub
and do nothing until you die?

Give or take.
But you can solve this case.

Give or take.
But you can solve this case.

No, I can't. My brain's gone.

No, I can't. My brain's gone.

I mean, imagine not even checking
the watch. Schoolboy error.

I mean, imagine not even checking
the watch. Schoolboy error.

Do the crisps.

Do the crisps.

Do it yourself. I quit.

Do it yourself. I quit.

HE SIGHS

Seriously, what's wrong
with my toasties?

Seriously, what's wrong
with my toasties?

Hm-hm-hm. Mmm!

Hm-hm-hm. Mmm!

SIGHS

Did you put on weight?

Hi, Jackie.

You want a funny hat?

I'm OK, thanks.
You're sad.

I'm OK, thanks.
You're sad.

Did you do badly
in an audition again?

No, I'm just feeling
a bit out of my depth.

No, I'm just feeling
a bit out of my depth.

I understand.

I saw your showreel, Rosa.
It's not very good, eh?

I saw your showreel, Rosa.
It's not very good, eh?

Can you help me?

I'm not talking about acting.

I know this person
who got arrested for murder.

I know this person
who got arrested for murder.

Ah, the Gary Barlow man.
You know about that?

Ah, the Gary Barlow man.
You know about that?

I know everyone.

He pushed Robbie Williams
from the fifth floor.

He pushed Robbie Williams
from the fifth floor.

But I know he didn't.

The police aren't even looking
at the other bandmates.

The police aren't even looking
at the other bandmates.

One was jealous of his new job,

then there's this weird
love triangle with Isabella.

then there's this weird
love triangle with Isabella.

No, not a triangle.

She only loved one of them.
Who? Who was Isabella in love with?

She only loved one of them.
Who? Who was Isabella in love with?

She only loved one of them.
Who? Who was Isabella in love with?

I'm afraid that is gonna cost you.

I'm afraid that is gonna cost you.

I thought we were friends.

No.

Hola.
No, thank you.

Hola.
No, thank you.

PHONE RINGING

PHONE RINGING

SIGHS

Isabella and Darren
were totally in love.

Isabella and Darren
were totally in love.

So she chucked him off the balcony
because he was leaving?

So she chucked him off the balcony
because he was leaving?

No, no, no, that's the thing.
He was not leaving.

Well, he was leaving,
but he was not leaving her.

She was going with him to Greece.
'Interesting.'

She was going with him to Greece.
'Interesting.'

Well, all the best with that.

No, stop pretending you don't care.
I'm coming to the pub.

No, stop pretending you don't care.
I'm coming to the pub.

'I'm not at the pub.'

The pub's closed tonight.
'Where are you?'

The pub's closed tonight.
'Where are you?'

SIGHS
None of your business.

OK. Weird. I'll see you tomorrow.

OK. Weird. I'll see you tomorrow.

I thought you quit?

OK, fine. Goodbye forever.

OK, fine. Goodbye forever.

SIGHS

Shall we just pretend
we didn't see each other?

Shall we just pretend
we didn't see each other?

I was here on police business.
Oh, really... Maria?

I was here on police business.
Oh, really... Maria?

I was here on police business.
Oh, really... Maria?

Look, I'm not judging.

I'm just surprised you qualified
for an over-50s thing.

I'm just surprised you qualified
for an over-50s thing.

I had to persuade them to let me in.

I had to persuade them to let me in.

You'll be fine.

How was it?

One of the worst ten minutes
of my life.

One of the worst ten minutes
of my life.

Enjoy.

I don't suppose
you fancy going for a drink?

I don't suppose
you fancy going for a drink?

I was working 12-, 14-hour days.

I was working 12-, 14-hour days.

Tiff ended up having an affair.
Tiff?

Tiff ended up having an affair.
Tiff?

Tiffany.
Your wife was called Tiffany?

Tiffany.
Your wife was called Tiffany?

No, Tiffany was the cat.
We just drifted.

No, Tiffany was the cat.
We just drifted.

Yes, my wife was called Tiffany.

I can't picture you
with a woman called Tiffany.

I can't picture you
with a woman called Tiffany.

When I think of a Tiffany,
I think of someone,

When I think of a Tiffany,
I think of someone,

I... I don't know, attractive.

I... I don't know, attractive.

She was.

That was the problem.

That what happened to you?
Pressures of the job?

That what happened to you?
Pressures of the job?

I don't wanna talk to you
about this.

Divorce?

Personal things. Feelings.

Personal things. Feelings.

Mm. You surprise me.

Mm. You surprise me.

That I don't wanna open up to a man
I barely know and don't respect?

That I don't wanna open up to a man
I barely know and don't respect?

No, that you have feelings.

No, that you have feelings.

I'm not bad at my job.

I'm not bad at my job.

What did I say?
I didn't say anything.

You said I was a complete waste
of taxpayers' money.

You said I was a complete waste
of taxpayers' money.

Well, apart from that.

I am a good detective, OK?
The whole force has been cut back.

I am a good detective, OK?
The whole force has been cut back.

Well, you've always got Jesus.
Jesus?

Well, you've always got Jesus.
Jesus?

Yesterday,
he accidentally called me "Mum".

Yesterday,
he accidentally called me "Mum".

HE CHUCKLES

Do you want another drink?
Hm.

Do you want another drink?
Hm.

I've got work tomorrow.
So do I.

I've got work tomorrow.
So do I.

If you call "sitting around
drinking beer" work.

If you call "sitting around
drinking beer" work.

Well, that's not fair.
I often have to stand up.

Well, that's not fair.
I often have to stand up.

Good night.

Why are you still here?

'Si, ahora mismo.'

No, no lo sabia.

De acuerdo.

Si, pues dile...
dile que me llame. Si.

Si, pues dile...
dile que me llame. Si.

Esta manana. Adios.

Esta manana. Adios.

Seriously, why are you still here?
I was just getting my shoes.

Seriously, why are you still here?
I was just getting my shoes.

So, you've got
the postmortem results back, then.

So, you've got
the postmortem results back, then.

How do you know that?

Two injuries,
one on either side of his head?

Two injuries,
one on either side of his head?

That didn't happen on the fall.

Must have been attacked in his room.
SHE SIGHS

I'm so glad you're here
to explain this to me (!)

But that doesn't make sense,
cos why would you kill someone

But that doesn't make sense,
cos why would you kill someone

and then throw their body
over the balcony?

and then throw their body
over the balcony?

Either way, you're now looking
for a murder weapon.

Either way, you're now looking
for a murder weapon.

But Steve was empty-handed
when he left the room.

I saw the tape.
How have you seen the tape?

I saw the tape.
How have you seen the tape?

You need to stop interfering
with this investigation right now,

You need to stop interfering
with this investigation right now,

or I will arrest you for perverting
the course of justice.

or I will arrest you for perverting
the course of justice.

There's only one pervert in here,
things you got up to last night.

There's only one pervert in here,
things you got up to last night.

That was a mistake.
Nah, come on. It was fun.

That was a mistake.
Nah, come on. It was fun.

No, I mean the whole thing.

I don't know how it happened.
Please just leave.

I don't know how it happened.
Please just leave.

Fair enough.

But if I were you, I'd have
another look at that crime scene.

But if I were you, I'd have
another look at that crime scene.

The murder weapon has to be
in there.

I don't need advice
from detectives like you.

I googled you last night
while you were snoring in my bed.

I googled you last night
while you were snoring in my bed.

Sorry about that.

You didn't retire.

You were fired
for planting evidence.

SIGHS SOFTLY

I was set up.
Of course.

I was set up.
Of course.

I was set up by my boss.

I was set up by my boss.

That's who Tiff was having
the affair with.

I was a good copper.
Well, now you're a barman.

I was a good copper.
Well, now you're a barman.

So go back to your miserable pub
and leave the police work to me.

So go back to your miserable pub
and leave the police work to me.

HE SIGHS

DOOR OPENS

DOOR CLOSES

You gonna eat that sausage?
Yes.

You gonna eat that sausage?
Yes.

What about those beans?

What about those beans?

Bella, you've not touched the beans.

Bella, you've not touched the beans.

Does "quit" mean something different
in Spanish?

Does "quit" mean something different
in Spanish?

My father says
if I don't have a job,

I have to go and live back at home.

I thought you wanted nothing to do
with the case.

I thought you wanted nothing to do
with the case.

I don't.
Just keeps coming back, like you.

I don't.
Just keeps coming back, like you.

Is it maybe a little to do
with Inspector Maria?

Is it maybe a little to do
with Inspector Maria?

I feel like there's something
you're not telling me.

I feel like there's something
you're not telling me.

Mm. There's really not.

Mm. There's really not.

Darren was hit on the head twice
before he went over the balcony.

Darren was hit on the head twice
before he went over the balcony.

How do you know this?

The Spanish cops think that the CCTV
of Steve coming to Darren's room

The Spanish cops think that the CCTV
of Steve coming to Darren's room

The Spanish cops think that the CCTV
of Steve coming to Darren's room

is what incriminates him,

but I think
it's what proves he didn't do it.

but I think
it's what proves he didn't do it.

He's empty-handed when he leaves,
and there's nothing in the room

He's empty-handed when he leaves,
and there's nothing in the room

that you could use
as a murder weapon.

that you could use
as a murder weapon.

I went back in and had a look
at the crime scene this morning.

I went back in and had a look
at the crime scene this morning.

Without me?

There was a smell of gin
on the balcony.

There was a smell of gin
on the balcony.

The mini bar.

Darren was killed
with the missing gin bottle.

Darren was killed
with the missing gin bottle.

What? No!

How's a miniature gin bottle
gonna be heavy enough

How's a miniature gin bottle
gonna be heavy enough

to do that kind of damage?

What kind of damage?
Where are you getting this from?

What kind of damage?
Where are you getting this from?

Whoever killed Darren
is under that sombrero.

Whoever killed Darren
is under that sombrero.

Which is literally
what I said yesterday.

Which is literally
what I said yesterday.

Yeah, but now I know who it is.

Yeah, but now I know who it is.

Look what happens
after he leaves the room.

What killer cares
about a wonky picture?

One that likes everything to be
perfect, perfect, perfect.

One that likes everything to be
perfect, perfect, perfect.

One that likes everything to be
perfect, perfect, perfect.

I have called the police.

The real police.

The real police.

Well, I guess one of us
are getting arrested, then.

Well, I guess one of us
are getting arrested, then.

Isabella,
when did you tell your father

you were leaving for good
with Darren?

The night before
we were meant to leave.

The night before
we were meant to leave.

Papa.
Que?

Papa.
Que?

IN SPANISH:

# Fall in love... #

# Fall in love... #

I was too afraid to tell him sooner.

I was too afraid to tell him sooner.

You come into my hotel,
and you say such disgusting things?

You come into my hotel,
and you say such disgusting things?

How did I kill Darren?

Gotta be honest,
I'm not a hundred percent.

Gotta be honest,
I'm not a hundred percent.

Well, good luck.

You have two minutes until
the police arrive to figure it out.

You have two minutes until
the police arrive to figure it out.

Isabella, come now.

Vamos.

You should probably go.

Your father's not gonna be
best pleased if you get arrested.

Your father's not gonna be
best pleased if you get arrested.

I think that's why I want to stay.
HE SIGHS DEEPLY

I think that's why I want to stay.
HE SIGHS DEEPLY

You know what they call this?
This is the brick wall.

You know what they call this?
This is the brick wall.

The cops are sure
they have their man,

The cops are sure
they have their man,

but the crime seems impossible
to solve

and it looks like
he's going to get away with it.

But it's OK
because you know what comes next?

The eureka moment.

The eureka moment.

In Miss Marple,
series one, episode five,

In Miss Marple,
series one, episode five,

Colonel Lucius Protheroe
is found dead in the vicarage.

Colonel Lucius Protheroe
is found dead in the vicarage.

And it turns out the second gunshot
was fake.

And it turns out the second gunshot
was fake.

What is it? What are you staring at?

What is it? What are you staring at?

It's happening?
You're having the eureka moment?

It's happening?
You're having the eureka moment?

Not with you banging on, I'm not.

I warned you.

I told you what would happen.
You going down.

I told you what would happen.
You going down.

Shut up, Jesus.
Dennis is about to solve the case.

Shut up, Jesus.
Dennis is about to solve the case.

Right?
Mm, I'd say I'm 50-50.

Right?
Mm, I'd say I'm 50-50.

Jesus...
Wait, wait, wait!

Jesus...
Wait, wait, wait!

Look...

Carlos called Isabella his rock.

Carlos called Isabella his rock.

She's like my Puig Campana,
you know?

She's like my Puig Campana,
you know?

The mountain that looks
over Benidorm.

The mountain that looks
over Benidorm.

She's my rock.

He couldn't let her go, especially
not with a bloke like Darren.

He couldn't let her go, especially
not with a bloke like Darren.

Lucky for him, he finds Steve
and Darren arguing earlier,

Lucky for him, he finds Steve
and Darren arguing earlier,

which presents him
with both a suspect and a weapon.

which presents him
with both a suspect and a weapon.

You touch that award,
and I'll kill you!

You touch that award,
and I'll kill you!

This is pure speculation.

You think this is flimsy?
I'm just getting started.

You think this is flimsy?
I'm just getting started.

Keep going.

Carlos goes up to fifth floor.

He can't switch the CCTV off
because it would look suspicious,

He can't switch the CCTV off
because it would look suspicious,

but earlier, he finds a disguise.

but earlier, he finds a disguise.

but earlier, he finds a disguise.

That's who was on the CCTV.

This man goes
into the room next door.

It's a misdirect. Right?

It's a misdirect. Right?

So how does he get between rooms?
I'll show you.

So how does he get between rooms?
I'll show you.

What is happening?
I think this is the denouement.

What is happening?
I think this is the denouement.

Look at the skirting here.

The whole room is made out of evenly
cut pieces, apart from this bit.

The whole room is made out of evenly
cut pieces, apart from this bit.

The whole room is made out of evenly
cut pieces, apart from this bit.

Why cut it like that?

Why don't you just save
everyone's time and tell us?

Why don't you just save
everyone's time and tell us?

Cos the hotel's
just been refurbished,

and the wardrobe used to be here.

and the wardrobe used to be here.

OK. Where are you going with this?

Next door. Give me your master key.

Next door. Give me your master key.

Right.

I was thinking about the magician,

I was thinking about the magician,

the Amazing Keith
and His Secret Door.

the Amazing Keith
and His Secret Door.

DOOR CLOSES

There's always some compartment
or a panel or something.

There's always some compartment
or a panel or something.

NEIGHBOURING DOOR
OPENS

And after the hotel was refurbished,
it was adults only.

And after the hotel was refurbished,
it was adults only.

There's no families staying.

There's no families staying.

No families
means you don't need any...

Ta-da!

EXHALES DEEPLY
..interconnecting rooms.

That's good. That's really good.

That's good. That's really good.

They don't even bother
to brick it up.

They just move the wardrobe
from here and put it in front of it.

They just move the wardrobe
from here and put it in front of it.

But this would mean Carlos
was in the room when Steve came in.

But this would mean Carlos
was in the room when Steve came in.

Almost.

Almost? This is total bullshit.

Almost? This is total bullshit.

You let yourself
into room 514 next door,

You let yourself
into room 514 next door,

took off your poncho
and got into the wardrobe,

took off your poncho
and got into the wardrobe,

where you then popped out
the wee plugs

that hold the back panel in place,

taking you through
into Darren's room.

You think he just jumped him
and killed him?

You think he just jumped him
and killed him?

Darren was a big, muscly guy,
and Carlos is kind of puny.

Darren was a big, muscly guy,
and Carlos is kind of puny.

Good point well made, Jesus.

There was no light bulb
on the balcony

There was no light bulb
on the balcony

because Carlos took it out.

When Darren got back,
he went outside

and was distracted by the light...

..allowing him to use
the element of surprise.

..allowing him to use
the element of surprise.

You hit him once to knock him out...

THUD,
DARREN GROANS

..and a second time to kill him.
THUD

..and a second time to kill him.
THUD

Anyone could have been on their
balcony and been none the wiser.

Anyone could have been on their
balcony and been none the wiser.

The whole thing was done
in near silence.

The whole thing was done
in near silence.

Silent but deadly.

Silent but deadly.

Course you didn't bank on Steve
arriving at exactly that moment.

Course you didn't bank on Steve
arriving at exactly that moment.

Darren, it's me. Open up.

Darren, I want that award back.
I'm not leaving without it.

Darren, I want that award back.
I'm not leaving without it.

Darren, I want that award back.
I'm not leaving without it.

'You were about to be found
next to a dead body.'

'You were about to be found
next to a dead body.'

You know I've got a key, dickhead.

You know I've got a key, dickhead.

You did the only thing
you could think of.

You threw Darren's body
over the balcony.

WATER SPLASHING

What was that splash?
It was probably a seagull.

What was that splash?
It was probably a seagull.

So when Steve comes out,
he looks around,

So when Steve comes out,
he looks around,

sees nothing and leaves.

sees nothing and leaves.

You clean your finger prints
from the murder scene

You clean your finger prints
from the murder scene

using the gin from the mini-bar,
go back through the wardrobe...

using the gin from the mini-bar,
go back through the wardrobe...

Like Aslan the Lion.

Yeah, like Aslan the Lion.

Yeah, like Aslan the Lion.

..forgetting to replace
the trouser press.

..forgetting to replace
the trouser press.

You then put your disguise back on
and left the way you came,

You then put your disguise back on
and left the way you came,

clutching the award,
the murder weapon,

clutching the award,
the murder weapon,

under your poncho.

I'm guessing
by the look on your face

I've pretty much nailed that, eh?

Papa?

IN SPANISH:

ISABELLA
BREATHES HEAVILY

ISABELLA
BREATHES HEAVILY

ISABELLA SNIFFLES,
SOBS

ISABELLA SNIFFLES,
SOBS

That was by far the luckiest piece
of police work I have ever seen.

That was by far the luckiest piece
of police work I have ever seen.

And all done without planting
a single piece of evidence.

And all done without planting
a single piece of evidence.

I meant what I said.
I was a good detective.

I am a good detective.

So don't ever interfere
in police business again.

So don't ever interfere
in police business again.

Not gonna.

Or tell anyone about what happened
last night.

Or tell anyone about what happened
last night.

I won't make that mistake
ever again.

I won't make that mistake
ever again.

Me neither.

I mean it. You tell anyone, and...

I mean it. You tell anyone, and...

Yeah, yeah, you'll arrest me and
shut down my miserable little pub.

Yeah, yeah, you'll arrest me and
shut down my miserable little pub.

I was going to say
"depressing little pub".

I was going to say
"depressing little pub".

Hm, well,
can't be right every time.

Hm, well,
can't be right every time.

Wow!
JESUS CLEARS THROAT

Maybe after, you and me could go get
a little drink somewhere?

Maybe after, you and me could go get
a little drink somewhere?

After what, puberty?

CLEARS THROAT

HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY

HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY

That was perfect -
the anomaly, the brick wall,

That was perfect -
the anomaly, the brick wall,

classic eureka moment,
and all solved in under two days.

classic eureka moment,
and all solved in under two days.

Yeah. That's never happened before.

You've never had me
as a partner before.

We're not partners.
OK, partner.

We're not partners.
OK, partner.

You're not my partner.
OK, partner.

You're not my partner.
OK, partner.

HE SIGHS

We have a celebrity
in the Laughter Lounge tonight,

We have a celebrity
in the Laughter Lounge tonight,

Vince Starky.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

What you doing here?

Five sell-out nights
at The Benidorm Palace apparently.

Five sell-out nights
at The Benidorm Palace apparently.

Hey-hey!

There's a lot of pressure
on this case,

and I have no detectives.

We've got a new case?
That is hilarious.

We've got a new case?
That is hilarious.

So, this guy is a comedian?

It was meant to be
the start of his comeback.

We should speak to Jackie.
JACKIE SIGHS

We should speak to Jackie.
JACKIE SIGHS

Apparently, you know the word
on the street.What?

Apparently, you know the word
on the street.What?

What is it? What's going on?

I just found the murder weapon.

I just found the murder weapon.

What a bloody mess.

There's something else going on.