All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S02E13 - Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Hes Kept Me in the Closet and Im So Sad 1080p WEBDL h264 AAC 2.0

[theme music]

Will: Oh, my dad's here.

My dad's here. He's just parking
his rental car.

Got a spot on 78th.
Very impressive.

Look at him. He's such a cute
little parallel parker.

Oh, there's the door.

Oh, he's getting out of the car.

Oh, he's Asian.
Okay, that's not my dad.

Look at you,
Mr. Happy-Boots.

I wish I got this excited
when my dad came to visit me.

Come on, your dad's great.

Yeah, in a parallel universe

where my hair is straight
and so are you.

How about that-- that time
that you told him

you got into Columbia, and-- and
he threw you that big party?

That was your dad.

When I told my dad I got into
Columbia, he said,

"Yeah, well, we're broke,
now move,

you're blocking 'Beretta.'"

Ah, fathers. Yeah.

Mine withheld affection from me
for 30 years.

Then I find out
he's not really my father.

My whole life
has been a big lie.

I'm sorry,
did I bring everybody down?

Jack, I-- I-- I don't know
what to say except...

[knock on door]
My dad's here! Yeah!

- Will.
- Pop!

[chuckling]

- Gimme that coat, come on.
- Look at you. You look great.

- Hey, thank you.
- Is that my sweater?

No. No, uh, Grandma sent
this to me last Christmas.

She took it from me.
The woman's gettin' old, Will.

I mean, she's gettin' old.

- Hello, beautiful
- Hello, George.

Hey, you workin' out?

Oh, you know,
when I can fit it in.

Twice a day, six days a week.

And who looks more like
Rita Hayworth everyday, huh?

Oh, George,
you're gonna spoil me.

- The other Rita Hayworth.
- Come here.

Uh, my father is so bad.

Good to see you, sweetheart.

I'm never
giving my father

another Father's Day present
ever again, ever.

Grace, don't bogart the dad,
huh?

You-- you want somethin' to eat?

No, no, no, don't bother.
I'm not hungry.

Unless, uh, unless you got, uh,
maybe like a sandwich.

- Make that two.
- Uh, you know, don't bother.

- I'll nibble.
- I'll still have mine.

Sure, Jack. How about a, uh,
fat chance on rye?

I-- I almost forgot.
Uh, here.

- Oh, dad...
- George: It's n-- It's nothin'.

It's a little somethin'. It's
nothin', absolutely nothin'.

I saw it,
it, uh, seemed like you.

Oh.

Only smaller
and flatter and fuzzier.

[chuckling]

I love it. Thank you.
Mwah.

The only thing my dad
ever gave me

was feet the size of canoes.

Hey, don't get
too attached to that.

I have a coat of yours
that would go perfect with it.

- Well, I must away.
- Got a hot date, Jackie?

No, but the guy
who's dating me does.

See, I keep telling you,
learn from this man.

Follow him around,
do what he does.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure
you'd be very happy to see me

dancing on a box,
in a sequined tube top.

George, if you ever get
tired of him...

you'll be exactly like me.

Chow Mein.

So, George,
why are you in town?

Well, the company's giving me
an award for, uh...

I don't know,
workin' there and not dyin'.

What? An award? You said it was
just a-- a business dinner.

- I want to come.
- No, no, no. No, don't come.

Don't come, nobody's comin'.
Your brothers are busy.

Your mom's takin' care
of grandma. Nobody's comin'.

- Well, are the Burtons coming?
- Yeah.

- B.J. and Chuck?
- Yeah.

Buzz and Rhea, and Sherman,
and Nancy--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
nobody's comin'.

Well, I want to come.

Don't be silly. See,
it's already becoming a thing,

and I don't want it
to blow up into a situation.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got to go to the John.

[chuckles]

See that?
It's classic George Truman.

He says he doesn't want me to
come, but what he really

means is,
"I want you to come,"

"I just
don't want to put you out."

Well, my father's
never invited me anywhere.

Except the time
he had that lower GI series.

[sighs]
Don't think

Norman Rockwell's gonna be
paintin' that one.

No.

Hey... we should go.

You know,
and-- and surprise him.

Yes! Yes! We can go.

And we can
hide under the table...

and when they say his name,

we can jump up and we go,
"Surprise!"

Yeah, yeah, and then
Harpo and Zeppo could bring in

the dean's wife,
and we'll sail to Fredonia!

Hey, don't knock it,
it was very funny when we did it

at my dad's GI series.

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

- Hi, poodle.
- Who's your daddy?

You are.

[sighs]

Who's my daddy?

Oh, that's right,
some stranger

in a Nixon mask
who boinked my mother

at a pool party in '68.

God, that is awful.

Who in the world
would have a pool party?

[belches]

I don't know. It's just...
seeing Will with his dad.

It's... feels like

there's something missing
in my life, you know,

like... my soul is on empty.

You can go a lotta years
on empty, honey.

Trust me.

Come on.

Charge yourself a little happy.

No, Karen,
buying something's

not gonna make me feel
any better.

Although the new Prada slip-on

wouldn't make me feel
any worse.

Hey, Jack. How you doin'?

Sad. Lonely. Fatherless.

Seconds away from recording
a country album.

[laughing]

Karen, why are you laughing?
He's in pain.

Oh, I know. He's miserable.

He doesn't know who his
real father is. It's terrible.

[laughing]

- Oh! Oh!
- Oh.

Oh! Oh, wait a minute!
I get the joke.

Jack's all alone in the world!
Ha-ha-ha! Funny!

You-- you...
Honey, you don't understand.

I found him.
I found Jack's daddy.

- I did.
- What?

Yeah, yeah,
I had Private Detective

do a little snooping around.

He was getting bored
following Stan

back and forth
to Krispy Kreme anyway, so...

- And it paid off!
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You found Jack's father?
Why didn't you tell him?

Well, honey,
I'm working on a set-up here.

Tonight, Jack is gonna
meet his real daddy.

Again,
why didn't you tell him?

I know this may be
an alien concept to you,

but, but it might have made
another person happy.

Lord, you are just as simple
as that blouse you're wearing.

[mouthing]
What?

I am trying to create
a moment here.

Right, so tell him
that his father--

- I'm still talking.
- All I'm saying--

- Quit interrupting me!
- Don't yell at me!

- I'm not yelling!
- Yes, you are!

God, honey, I was just trying
to tell you a little story.

Go.

Right now,
they're both in the dark.

However, I am going to
call them both

and have them meet tonight
at Jack's favorite coffee shop.

It's gonna be very mysterious,
very, "Who am I meeting?" Okay.

And then,
and then I am gonna arrive

to make the big announcement,

"Jack, there's a daddy
in this room..."

"and I'm not talkin' Puff."
Okay, it's so hip.

Oh, so basically
you made me feel like an idiot

because you're making
a father-son reunion

all about you?

Honey, I think maybe
it's those pink go-go boots

that are makin' you feel
like an idiot.

[instrumental music]

Father's gonna be
so surprised.

I know.

- You look great.
- Thanks. Where is he?

- Um, Will?
- Huh?

You jumped into a tux,
popped a Tic-Tac in your mouth.

Took all of five seconds.
This took all afternoon.

It was like building a boat.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You look great.

And if I had
a bottle of champagne,

I'd smash it over your head.

You're so sweet.

My God,
what-- what are you doing here?

- Hi! Surprise!
- Yeah.

- We're here.
- I-- I know.

I-- I got that, Grace,
but I told you not to come.

I know. It's your big night,
we should be here.

No, no, no. No, no,
you shouldn't be here.

No, no, no,
go do something fun.

Go, go, go put on
a sequined tube top.

Dance on a box.

Dad... we're staying.

And why are you acting so weird?

It's like
you're hiding something.

No, no, of course
I'm not hiding anything.

It's just, it's, it's a little
complicated, that's all--

- Will, Ted Farmer.
- Oh, hi.

And this must be
your lovely wife, Grace.

It's, it's not that complicated.

[instrumental music]

Please, I beg you, can we not
get into this right now?

- You haven't--
- Hey, how are you?

Good to see you, man.

You haven't
told these people I'm gay?

What, you walk around telling

all your colleagues
that I'm straight?

- I think it's implied.
- But I begged you not to come.

- Uh, dad, I--
- Okay, okay, guys.

Come on, come on,
I'm sure this is nothing

that can't be
solved by... me leaving.

I can't believe
this is happening...

Sh, sh, sh, please
don't, don't make a scene.

I don't make scenes.
Mom makes scenes.

I don't make scenes.
Oh, my God!

I'm two highballs and a tight
dress away from being mom.

Listen, you've gotta
understand something--

Hey, I don't have to understand
anything. I came here--

Hey, Mr. Truman,
Mr. Truman.

Will, you must be so proud
of your father.

Oh, well, proud doesn't begin
to describe what I'm feeling.

So, could we borrow him
for a minute?

- Please, be my guest.
- I...

- I gotta...
- Yeah.

Here. I got you this.

You probably just
want to get outta here right?

No, no, no.
No, we're not goin' anywhere.

Oh, you saw the rack of lamb?

No, Binge-o.

I want to talk to my father.

- Really, here?
- Yeah!

We are gonna
deal with this tonight.

Wow.

[sighs]
Okay.

So he told them we're married.

I guess that explains
why you haven't

touched me in 15 years.

[instrumental music]

Hi, are you John Marshall?

Yeah, are you Jack McFarland?

Last time I checked.
[laughs]

- Well, nice to meet you.
- Yes, nice to meet you as well.

Any idea why we're here?
[chuckles]

Well, no. I got a call
from this woman, Karen Walker,

and she said to be here
at eight o'clock,

'cause I was gonna meet someone
who would change my life.

Wow, I got the same phone call.

John: Yeah.

And I have
a feeling she's right.

We have three kids...

Hannah, Rachel and Liam.

Hannah played Queen Esther
in a Purim play.

Woman: Aw.

Not a dry eye in Shul.

- Sweetie, let's dance.
- I don't feel like dancing.

- They're playing our song.
- Oh, they have a song.

You two are so sweet together.

- What's your secret?
- I'm gay.

[laughing]

That's what our son says.
He's funny, too.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

What are you doing?

Waiting for you
to talk to your father.

And by the way,
Dave in Accounting

has been giving me
the eye all night.

I'm not above cheating on you.

Will, come on.

Everyone has that moment
when they realize

that their parents
are less than perfect.

And I hate to break it to you...

but this is yours.

Look, I know my father, okay?

And trust me,
he-- he wouldn't do this

unless he had
a very good reason.

Which is?

I don't know.
But I intend to find out.

And we are not raising
the kids Jewish.

[instrumental music]

Well, it's steady work,
but, you know,

I wouldn't be adverse
to a change

if the right opportunity
came along.

Yeah,
interesting, interesting.

You got good arms, John.
You work out?

Yeah, I try to. Like I always
say, nobody likes a fatty.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
only my personal mantra.

[laughing]

Do you live alone?

Yeah, uh, look,
can you excuse me for a minute?

- I got a quick phone call.
- Okay, sure.

- I'll be right here.
- Thanks.

Okay.

Hurry back, though.
You don't want me to get cold.

[laughing]

Oh. Oh, honey. Honey, honey,
I'm so sorry I'm late.

Is John here?

Yes. We met, we talked,
he's fabulous.

Oh.

Thank you so much, Karen.
I love him.

Oh, Jack. It warms my heart
to hear you say that.

Or maybe it's the Gin Ricky
I just had in the limo.

[laughing]

God, even on skid row,
I'm funny.

I have a really good feeling
about this, Karen.

He's playing it cool, but, um,

I think I might
be gettin' some tonight.

Aha, ah, ooh-- What?

What in the hell
are you talking about?

That man is your daddy!

- Not yet.
- Oh!

No! I mean he's your father!

- What?
- Yes!

Yes, I had Private Detective
talk to your mom

and he tracked down
the guy in the Nixon mask.

John Marshall is your father.

- Oh, my God, you found my dad.
- Yeah.

Oh, my God,
I hit on my dad.

- Ew! Ew! Ew!
- Ew! Ew! Ew!

- I need soap. I need...
- God.

I need a Handi-Wipe
for my brain.

Oh!

Oh, I hit on my father.
I'm Soon-Yi.

So, Jack, why don't we go
someplace where we can be alone?

- Ew!
- Ew!

- Ew!
- Ew!

No. You don't understand.
You're my daddy.

- Not yet.
- Ew!

- Ew!
- Ew!

No. In 1968,
you went to a pool party.

You had a Nixon mask on.
You had sex with my mother.

Wait a minute. 1968?

Uh, if we're talking about
the same party,

there were a lot
of guys in Nixon masks.

Well, Dick was big that year.

And anyway, I'm gay.

Me, too.
That must be where I get it.

No, no, I mean,
I can't be your father,

because I don't have sex
with women.

- Oh.
- Are you sure?

- Yeah.
- Not even once?

Could you?

- Ew. Ew.
- Ew. Ew.

Thank you for coming.

Well, you know, since we, um,
cleared the air...

do you want
to go get a drink at Boy Bar?

Hey, I'll get us a cab.

Oh, wait- wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Don't you find this
just a little bit eepy-cray?

She is kinda right.
It is weird, John. You know...

I have tickets
to the Backstreet Boys.

I'll call you later, Karen.

[instrumental music]

This damn thing. I-- I'm
supposed to go on in a minute.

So, four people have asked me

where the newlyweds
are registered.

I told them
International Male.

I have the feeling we're gonna
be getting a lot of mesh thongs.

Will, I'm sorry.
It's just...

[sighs]

What happened?
I mean, wa-- was it just

a misunderstanding
that got out of control?

No.

Well, is it that
you-- you like Grace so much

you wish we were married?

God, no, I mean, I mean,

I-- I-- I-- I like her
and all that, but no.

Then tell me, because I-- I know
that you would never do

something like this, unless you
had a very good reason.

What do you want me to tell you?

You want me to tell you
that this company

is run by a homophobic,
right-wing maniac?

Is that what you want to know?

I mean, here I am,
comin' up on my pension.

Your grandmother insists
on living year after

year after year,
and that's not cheap.

If I lose this job, who's
gonna hire a guy my age, Will?

Who?

Dad, I had-- I had no idea.

Is that--
is that really true?

God, I wish it was.

Yeah, me, too.
What is this?

Look, i-- it-- it's not me,
Will.

There-- there's a lot of
small-minded people out there.

I just can't stand the thought
of somebody judging you.

People making judgments
all the time--

Alright, dad, dad, dad. Dad.

Stop. I got it.

It's the Captain Lenny thing,
all over again.

George: What?

Don't remember Captain Lenny,
he used to introduce

the cartoons on Channel 4?

I was ten, you took me on that
business trip to New York,

and there in the hotel bar
was Captain Lenny.

Drinking a beer
and hitting on a waitress.

I was very upset
and you said to me,

"Willy, he's not really
a captain."

"He's just a guy."

Oh, you're killin' me here, man.

You're my dad.

I love you.

You did what you thought
you needed to do.

You're just a guy.

George, you're on.

[whispers]
Go on.

Finally.

What?

What? Don't look at me like
that. The girls take too long.

You're gonna wash your hands?

So here he is, George Truman.

[applause]

- You okay?
- Yeah, I guess.

Thank you. Wow.
[chuckles]

Um, Lifetime Achievement Award.
[chuckles]

That's really an honor.

My son's gay.

Will, where are you?

- He's here.
- Grace?

Hi, son.

I-- I, you know,
I-- I told you all that, uh...

I told you all that Will an--
and Grace were-- were married,

and, uh, they're not.

Will is... Will is gay.

He's a-- he's a--
he's a proud gay man.

And I'm... a proud father...

of a proud gay man.

Thank God that's over.

No, no, no, I-- I got,
I got a lot more to say.

Oh, my God.

So he comes into the living
room, and he looks us both

right in the eye, and he says,

"Mom, dad, I'm gay."

"And-- and I want to bring my
boyfriend home for Christmas."

And I said,
"You couldn't give me"

"just a regular necktie
like any other father?"

God, even when he's bad,
he's good.

And then, you know,
oh, no, I'm not even gonna

tell you about the time
he did "Ben-Hur"

as a musical
in the living room.

Changed the title
to "Ben-Him."

Will? Will, stand up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, stand up.
Hey, sh-sh.

I want everyone to see you.
Come on, stand up.

Come on, Will, come on.

[applause]

Will, you're-- you're here...

you're queer...

and I-- I love you, dear.

I love my gay son, everybody.

[applause]

Thank you. Thanks,
t-- thanks, Pop. Mm.

The wife is always
the last to know.

Oh.